How to save your daughters from the boys in the hood....

lovely college student killed for her refusal to date a damaged man

We've all seen it. The young girls dragging strollers as they trudge along in the hood. Looking scared,and desperate, or sometimes trying to put on the mean face to discourage would be combatants. We've all seen the desperation on the faces of young women trying to hold on financially or spiritually as these predators get their fill and move on to more promising targets. It's horrible but it's a sad fact of life. The truth is palpable, but ppl who are NOT going anywhere are out to drag you and yours down with them.

So how do you protect your children?

To me this is pretty obvious. You should not be there! Don't let your children hang in the hood. Severely limit their time even passing through, and definitely discourage their friendships with ppl who would be described as hood- identified.

Now first I need to put in a disclaimer because I do not wish to be mis-quoted.

There are a lot of good ppl in the hood without question, I am in no way disputing this obvious fact. But I feel it is an equally obvious fact that the worst place in the world for any young woman to look for a husband is in the hood or other black enclaves. The men in these places (MOST) are low skilled, deviant, angry over forces beyond their control. Most have been conditioned to hang on the streets, indulge in activities which exceed the bounds of legality in order to get funds, or use women in multiple ways in order to augment their paltry incomes or satisfy Their sexual and non sexual needs...Most of these men are very detrimental to the naive women they become involved with, and sometimes the results are even deadly as many of these men are involved with illegal activities and dangerous characters which are then visited upon the women involved.

I strongly believe one of the worst things people can do is to allow their daughters COMPLETE freedom as a young girl to date indiscriminately anyone she chooses. I know this will be a very controversial subject and I certainly empathise with the passion this line of belief will undoubtedly raise. But young girls are quite vulnerable, and naive. And they must be encouraged, educated, protect ed, and steered to a better class of men! They cannot be allowed to simply bring home the first fool who winks at them. They must be guided and made to see that dating and marrying the wrong man can influence and negatively affect them and their offspring for the rest of their lives. I'm sorry some of you are pulling out your hair right now in anger, but someone has to say it. Most of the boys in the hood are NOT husband material and most never will be. I just want to post a few scenarios to explain why I know this to be true, and then we can discuss it en mass....

I know someone who has young teens whom she fought arduously to remove from the hood, but problems had already surfaced before she could get out.....

She had fought hard to get herself and her children out of the hood, but her daughter had fallen for some gang member before they left. She immediately had to contend with her daughter sneaking back at (16) to see this 20-something year old thug. He encouraged her daughter to lie to her, and to sneak off as often as she could. I advised her to take her daughter deep into the old neighborhood. Show her how those women and girls really lived. Rip off the veneer of glamour and reveal the real ugly truth behind ghetto life. Show her the baby daddies who run off and leave those women struggling alone. Show her the little children trying to get themselves off to school because mom is already at a job she's struggling to keep, and cannot take them. Show them the loss of hope, and utter despair that permeates these type of environments.

I told her to show the despair and pain behind gang-affiliated life styles and the wake of bodies left behind. Sometimes scaring a child straight can be a very effective deterent.

I remember being a child in Hawaii. We were in class one day and our teacher showed us a film on drug use. I remember being totally horrified by the lifestyle portrayed by the film. People were shooting up, having bleeped out sex scenes with strangers throwing up in the streets and more... I immediately associated drug use with losers and lower forms of life in my young mind. This one film kept me from ever even smoking a joint all these years. I could not conceive of being addicted to any substance, and therefore was unwilling to even try any of them. To this day, I have never tried any drug, not even cigarettes. This is the power of scaring a child straight. So many girls do not know where they are headed as they travel full speed toward a cliff! You must let them know. My associate did not take my advice. She thought I was overreacting and that her daughter would come to her senses. Her daughter is now pregnant by a loser who is the father of 3 other children and is now incarcerated. Her daughter has dropped out of HS, and thrown away all of her youthful dreams, as her baby-daddy told her they were silly and for white girls. She also is being hunted by one of his other baby mamas as he told baby mama #2 she had seduced him to get pregnant...

She has tried to talk to her daughter about leaving him alone but she is a now a fool in love, and will not listen. This is what happens when you allow the bc to get into your child. Ladies you must do EVERYTHING within your power to keep this scenario from happening. These girls are throwing their lives away! You all know about my young cousin and how she was kicked out of one man's bed because he had another young girl coming to the same UNCHANGED bed with the SAME condom and SAME sheets. Well that same cousin is now the mother of 3 children by 3 different men. She just gave birth again last week. None of the fathers will step up, she is mired in poverty and desperation, and is one of the saddest young women you have ever seen. I tried to talk to her for years but she always told me to mind my business, and could do as she pleased. Well I guess she certainly has done as she pleased. The saddest thing is her story is SOOOOO common in the hood. She has two friends who both have babies by the same guy. They constantly fight each other for his crumbs of attention. He does not take care of theirs or his other children and encourages them to fight over him.... sad but common...

I can only tell you ladies what we did. When my very young teen was trying to date a ne'er to do well boy from the hood(where much of my family still lives) We made life very hard for her. We forbid almost every date on some technical reason. We imposed unreasonable time limits. We made it clear he was not welcome anywhere near the house and we increased her chores so she would not be able to go. Was that fair? I don't know. I was fighting for my daughter and did not really give a damn about fair. We just did not want him anywhere near her, and we made it very clear. It was not long before she got tired of fighting us and began dating someone far more suitable....

So I would love to hear your stories ladies and your take on this situation for all the mothers who do not want their daughters to be left behind baby mommas and sexual toilets to the damaged predators out there....

BW-stop deferring to bm's egos, and simply say what you mean!

Regina king caused a stir recently when she wisely advised bw to stop waiting for their black knight in shining armor (who is probably out chasing Ming lee, Chelsea, or Maria) and simply date out. Some sites tore her apart, but some seemed more open minded, and fair.

One site in particular, I felt gave a fair and accurate perception of IR dating, but I still found it rather disturbing on another unfortunate level.

I noticed that many of the bw who responded to the article, prefaced their comments with soothing words like, "Well I love my brothers but...." or "I prefer a bm but...."

This seemed to be a common theme, or tag line.

Now I truly care about and want the best for bw, but I swear sometimes their (collective) obtuseness confounds me!

First of all, I simply am not, and never will be crazy about anyone who has made it painfully clear that me, and women who look like me are not even on their list! That just plain silliness, and utter stupidity. That's like someone screaming in your face;

"You're ugly, stupid, lazy, and fat!" While you respond "Baby please don't say that! -I love you soooo much!!!" Wake up and get a clue! If bm are out there upholding the beauty, femininity, character, and attractiveness of WW, while throwing you under the bus, why in God's name would you be walking on eggshells, and doing everything but a tap dance to protect his pathetic ego!!! Let me ask the question in another way, because I don't want to be accused of inciting bm-hatred. That's not what this is about. I don't hate bm, and I hope you don't either because that's a lot of wasted time and emotion.

What I am saying is that if someone does not give a damn about your feelings and your ego, stop being so damned concerned about his! It's really that simple. I believe very much in treating people in like manner to how they treat me. Now I believe very much in having class, and fighting with your wits as much as possible (instead of your fists) but I also believe in calling a spade a spade.

All this equivocation is dangerous ladies. It derails the real conversations we need to be having, and it forces people to cover up, and privatise their true feelings. When is the last time you heard bm put in all these qualifiers when engaged in conversation about bw? Think about Ice T's comments when he was asked about how he felt about the fact that many bw were angry about his marriage to a ww.

"I don't give a damn what bw think about my white wife" He quickly retorted. The truth is this is an honest response. Why do bw hem and haw, and become sickeningly servile when asked similar questions. Think about Halle being asked (in an annoyed voice) by a reporter.

"So why did you decide to date a WM? " Her body language became almost apologetic, as she nervously laughed and said. " Well, I tried black men over and over -I really tried!...." She seemed almost to be begging for understanding. With nervous laughter, gestures, and near pleading eyes...

Ladies, you have a right to love ANYONE YOU CHOOSE! Stop posturing, and wallowing in servility. Hold your love up proudly, the same way you would demand he hold you up!

It is dangerous and detrimental to your relationships for many reasons to preface your comments with qualifiers, apologies, and false compliments to bm. The most salient problem being; YOUR WM CAN FEEL THE APOLOGY OOZING OUT OF YOU!!!

He's not stupid. If you become unsure, nervous, and penitent about your relationship with him, it's only going to cause problems between the two of you. (DUH) Think about how you would feel if a ww were in the vicinity and be began to walk away from you, pretended he didn't know you, or worse yet, when asked if you were his wife/gf, turned red, and began to hem and haw!

I think we all know there would be hell to pay. Well I would like to ask you how do you think wm/non- bm feel when you do it to them? And if you were a non/bm trying to ask a bw out, and you heard her saying things like "I loves me a beautiful bm!" -" I really wanted a brotha but..." or the worse one of all (AND A TOTAL LIE) "You know no man can satisfy you like a brotha!"

Ask yourself. Would you still ask this woman out, or would you cross her off the list?

So I would hopefully ask all the Bw on the fence, and all the totally off limits to anything but a bm, bw (you poor fools) that you keep your silly and inane comments to yourself.

You've probably already destroyed your chances with all the wm who know you. Let the women who have enough sense to be open, get their man. Stop discouraging their prospects and chances with your silly comments.....

Here is RK's statement below; followed by some comments which illustrate my point

Regina King says, Black Women Should Date Other Races
Regina King recently released an article on Vibe.com about Black women and our need to explore our options in mates. She believes that black women should stop limiting ourselves to Black men. According to her, dating only Black men lowers our likelihood of finding love.
King says:
Of all groups of people, Black women are the least likely group of women that will date outside of their race. When you have everyone else who is willing to explore but a Black woman is like, “I want me a brother,” well, if the brothers are out and they’re open to date everybody and the majority of Black women aren’t willing to look twice when a man outside of their race is sending them messages, then that makes our percentage rate lower and the chances of finding love, because we’re only looking in one specific place for finding love—with Black men.
She goes on to state:
Every single one of my girlfriends won’t date men that aren’t Black…I think Black women need to open up. A lot of Black women still carry a lot of pain when they see Black men with women who aren’t Black and that’s really unfortunate that that could make us so upset. It has to do with self esteem.

Comments from the readers:

I don’t know about that. I just can’t see myself with a white dude. But I do get her point. Maybe its time for us to stop complaining and just branch out.....

Up until a few weeks ago my mantra was “I only want to date, marry a black man” but I find my views changing towards that. If we only date black men we are limiting ourselves of an opportunity to find love. I would prefer a black man but...

May 8, 2010 at 11:08 am
My highschool sweetheart was white and we were together on and off for about 5 years. I would prefer to to have alittle brown family but.....

Very interesting dialogue. Has anyone every thought about the fact that there just are enough black men to go around? I mean, I love me a beautiful black man, but the reality is that we (black women) out number them and if the majority of us don’t open up our options, we will join the already 70% or more of black ....

The simple truth is-children DO need fathers-and his color is irrelevant!

So sorry ladies, We've had 2 deaths and one very catastrophic illness going on in the family, and I've know I've neglected my blog horribly. I apologize, I've been grieving and very distracted. But I've missed everyone something fierce though-and I hope all is well with all of you......

Moving on....

I think the importance of fathers is without precedent. I think it's so very important for children to have fathers in their lives. I truly believe the black race is in the horrible state that it's in right now because of the horrendous LACK of fathers. It's definitely time for most bw to move on.

I remember when Pres. Obama tried to address this in a poignant speech to thousands of ppl. Bp immediately became miffed and accused him of pandering to his 'white side'. They protested, stomped, and made such a fuss, he let the issue lapse, but his face looked tortured and concerned at the 'stupidity' of bp. Now I know I'll offend some with that statement, but lets call a spade a spade, Anyone who cannot see that innocent children need fathers (even if they seem ok with just a mother) is either disillusioned, or out of touch. Let's face it . You may be the best mother in the world, but you're children will secretly long for and NEED a father!!!

Look at this quote from:Source: Wade Horn and Andrew Bush, "Fathers, Marriage, and Welfare Reform,"Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997,

CHILDREN NEED FATHERS, STUDY SHOWS Most states have focused almost exclusively on welfare-to-work strategies in response to 1996 federal welfare reforms. But this doesn't address the greatest danger to the well-being of children in the United States, says a Hudson Institute study: the fact that nearly four out of every 10 children are being raised without their fathers.The states should restructure their programs to promote fatherhood and marriage, say researchers Wade Horn and Andrew Bush. Building strong families would improve the life chances of children and help rebuild low-income communities.*Among long-term prison inmates, 70 percent grew up without fathers, as did 60 percent of rapists and 75 percent of adolescents charged with murder.* Fatherless children are three times more likely to fail school, require psychiatric treatment and commit suicide as adolescents.*They are also up to 40 times more likely to experience child abuse compared with children growing up in two-parent families....

This is an excerpt from Pres. Obama in his speech to fathers that caused such an uproar....

Father’s Day not just as a father grateful to be present in my daughters’ lives but also as a son who grew up without a father in my own life. My father left my family when I was 2 years old, and I knew him mainly from the letters he wrote and the stories my family told. And while I was lucky to have two wonderful grandparents who poured everything they had into helping my mother raise my sister and me, I still felt the weight of his absence throughout my childhood. As an adult, working as a community organizer and later as a legislator, I would often walk through the streets of Chicago’s South Side and see boys marked by that same absence—boys without supervision or direction or anyone to help them as they struggled to grow into men. I identified with their frustration and disengagement—with their sense of having been let down. In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence—both in my life and in the lives of others. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference. That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.
As fathers, we need to be involved in our children’s lives not just when it’s convenient or easy, and not just when they’re doing well—but when it’s difficult and thankless, and they’re struggling. That is when they need us most. And it’s not enough to just be physically present. Too often, especially during tough economic times like these, we are emotionally absent: distracted, consumed by what’s happening in our own lives, worried about keeping our jobs and paying our bills, unsure if we’ll be able to give our kids the same opportunities we had. Our children can tell. They know when we’re not fully there. And that disengagement sends a clear message—whether we mean it or not—about where among our priorities they fall. So we need to step out of our own heads and tune in. We need to turn off the television and start talking with our kids, and listening to them, and understanding what’s going on in their lives. We need to set limits and expectations. We need to replace that video game with a book and make sure that homework gets done. We need to say to our daughters, Don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for your goals. We need to tell our sons, Those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in our house, we find glory in achievement, self-respect, and hard work. We need to realize that we are our children’s first and best teachers. When we are selfish or inconsiderate, when we mistreat our wives or girlfriends, when we cut corners or fail to control our tempers, our children learn from that—and it’s no surprise when we see those behaviors in our schools or on our streets. But it also works the other way around. When we work hard, treat others with respect, spend within our means, and contribute to our communities, those are the lessons our children learn. And that is what so many fathers are doing every day—coaching soccer and Little League, going to those school assemblies and parent-teacher conferences, scrimping and saving and working that extra shift so their kids can go to college. They are fulfilling their most fundamental duty as fathers: to show their children, by example, the kind of people they want them to become. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference. That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.
As fathers, we need to be involved in our children’s lives not just when it’s convenient or easy, and not just when they’re doing well—but when it’s difficult and thankless, and they’re struggling. That is when they need us most. And it’s not enough to just be physically present. Too often, especially during tough economic times like these, we are emotionally absent: distracted, consumed by what’s happening in our own lives, worried about keeping our jobs and paying our bills, unsure if we’ll be able to give our kids the same opportunities we had. Our children can tell. They know when we’re not fully there. And that disengagement sends a clear message—whether we mean it or not—about where among our priorities they fall. So we need to step out of our own heads and tune in. We need to turn off the television and start talking with our kids, and listening to them, and understanding what’s going on in their lives. We need to set limits and expectations. We need to replace that video game with a book and make sure that homework gets done. We need to say to our daughters, Don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for your goals. We need to tell our sons, Those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in our house, we find glory in achievement, self-respect, and hard work. We need to realize that we are our children’s first and best teachers. When we are selfish or inconsiderate, when we mistreat our wives or girlfriends, when we cut corners or fail to control our tempers, our children learn from that—and it’s no surprise when we see those behaviors in our schools or on our streets. But it also works the other way around. When we work hard, treat others with respect, spend within our means, and contribute to our communities, those are the lessons our children learn. And that is what so many fathers are doing every day.....

I think he says it all. The importance of fathers is unmitigated. It's so sad to me to see so many women convincing themselves that their children do not need one. I pray that my sisters wake up because in the bc over 80% of black babies are being born OUTSIDE of wedlock! And many if not most of these babies will NOT have a father in their lives, and yet we have the audacity to wonder why our children are running wild, and reeking havoc...

Ladies please wake up. If bm will not step up, and I think we can all see that they won't. (probably because most of them are still little boys themselves) give other men the chance-for God's sake! stop waiting for bm to act like men (It will prob-never happen) move on and find men WILL be fathers to your children, who WILL love them and WILL care for them. You deserve a better man, and your babies certainly deserve-and Need- REAL fathers.....

Why they try so hard to convince everyone-we don't want other races...

Black woman looking with obvious interest at handsome wm....

Very attractive, and well endowed Asian man poses for camera.....

Why do people feel that they have the right to speak for bw? Why do they feel that they have the right to tell us what we feel and think? Or for that matter, what we want? It's incredible to me the number of people trying to mold and manipulate bw. I'm not only speaking in regards to Chris Rock, saying that bw were not attracted to wm, and would only "sleep with pretty white boys, but did not really want them". How would CR know, is he a black woman? No, he is not, and yet he proposes to TELL us what we want, and what we DESIRE! It's outrageous to me that men like him continue to try to control and cajole us into submission....

But more to the point, I'm speaking of a recent "committee" that was formed to decide if it was ok for bw to date out! Since when do we need anyone's permission to do as we please! Every time you turn around it seems that people are trying to tell bw what we can and cannot do, almost as if we don't have minds of our own. Case in point.... My sisters and I were at the mall the other day, and we watched a blk couple get into a disagreement because the woman told her (bf?) that she didn't like to kiss in public. After trying to no avail to change her mind, he simply grabbed the back of her permed head, leaned her backwards, and forced a rough, sloppy, wet kiss on her mouth. When he let her back up, it was obvious that she was angry and embarrassed. She angrily adjusted her clothing, and swiped roughly at her mouth. She seemed visibly upset but he smiled smugly at her, and smirked: "Now you like that sh*t -didn't you" She stalked angrily off, and when she failed to return in response to his calls, he began to curse at her. Security threw him out, and he continued to call to her. He simply could not believe that she was really angry. In his mind, he simply had the right to do what he wanted, and she was overreacting....

So many people just don't seem to understand that bw are real live human beings with thoughts and feelings of our own. It just seems that many people have created a whole industry on our backs, while trying to convince us this is what we want. From TV shows that feature the oldest and most unattractive bw they can find all the way to commercials where bw are shown clucking like chickens and rolling their necks -lord have mercy! (that's one of the most hated images for me) I remember talking with a bm in college a few years back. We were all discussing sociological influences of different types of music. When I was asked by him what type of music I liked. I answered honestly that I loved country music, and that Alan Jackson, Tim Mcgraw, and Trace Atkins were my favs. He immediately became enraged, and began to furiously tell me that it was not possible for me to like that type of music since "Black people don't like country music!" I held my ground and told him that I could like any type of music I damn well pleased, and that I did not give a damn what "other bp liked!" The only other bm in the class joined in, and they tried to intimidate me into "liking C-rap-" music. When I saw that they had no intentions of listening to me, I began to ignore them. They immediately turned to a girl wearing a rock shirt and asked her. She said that Kiss was her absolute favorite, and that she had a crush on the lead singer. All hell broke loose, and our teacher had to have them removed from the class. It was almost as if we were not "ALLOWED" to have minds, and opinions of our own.

I see this being done to bw on a constant basis. When that committee went on the radio, they did not convene to decide if BM had the right to date out. Or if WW had the right to date out, or even WM. They were ONLY concerned about BW dating out, and IF we had the right to do so. They threw the issue back and forth as if they were the owners of bw. Their speech was filled with worn out platitudes, and tired stereotypes, and in the end they (of course) decided that bw should stay in our place, and not try to escape anywhere....

I have a friend who loves to surf. She goes all over to find the best waves, and she's really good at her craft. Wm are always pleasantly surprised to see her riding the waves, and this is where she met the love of her life. However, she has had to stop telling bm about her love of the sport because they often want to argue her down about how: "bw don't surf!" The truth of the matter is that no matter what occupation you mention, there is a bw there, doing exactly what she wants to do, and we should all follow these leads.....

We are not all born of the same cloth, nor are we a homogenized unit. We are individuals -much like everyone else. It's beyond irritating to hear people trying to tell us what we're about and what we're "allowed " to like, and be like. A reader wrote me and told me that she and her family were leaving Great Adventures when a group of bp approached her and asked her who was the Chinese man she was with. She immediately replied: "Why, he's my husband, and these are my 3 children" "Then you're a sell out! One bm sneered at her. "Because bw ain't allowed to be with no Chinese!" Not wanting to raise their ire, she simply got in the car, and left, but she said the comment about not being "ALLOWED" burned her. But this is common. The community, the church, and even Hollywood is so used to manipulating bw, that they have lost the inherent ability to see her as a separate entity.........

But ladies, make no mistake about it, you do not need anyone's permission to do, be, or have anything you want in this life. The only one you owe your allegiance and loyalties to-is you...

I guess the real question here is why? Why are these people trying to control and manipulate bw? What's in it for them.

The truth of the matter is that bw are the glue that bonds several industries. Without bw the blk church would collapse in record time. Hollywood would have to find a new low-class scape goat. Hollywood would have to find a new sexually deviant scapegoat. They would also need a new non-sexual un-appealing, colorful, -willing to throw her mammyfied self to the wolves-for the ww-best friend scapegoat. Bm would go crazy because their sisters, mothers, ex, and current gfs, daughters and cousins would stop running to save them from their constant messes. They would have to bail themselves out. They would have to pay their own tickets. They would have to protest their own problems with the police, and get ww to give them emergency money. They would have to do their own laundry, and cook for themselves. There would be no women there to boost their tired, overinflated egos by fighting over them. They would actually have to drive their own raggedy cars, and buy their own sagging pants. And there is no way they could stand on the corners all days inhaling those 40s because they'd have to pay their own rent, so this would necessitate them actually working! (heaven forbid!) They'd have to pay their OWN child support!, and pick up their own checks!

No, there is no way bm intend to give bw up. We are far to valuable as a commodity. And this is why they will try to convince bw that she is not attracted to other races, or that other races don't want her. This is why CR told that lie, because he and most other bm want desperately for it to be true-but it's not. The truth is ... Wm are some of the hottest, sexiest men on this earth, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why every bw does not snatch one up-but don't tell them I said so, because as a bw, I'm not allowed to think that........

Ladies, make sure your GREEN LIGHT IS ON!

So many times I hear bw saying they don't think wm are really interested in bw. However if you watch these same women in their day to day interactions with wm, you will see them tense up, appear uncomfortable, ill at ease, and noncommunicable (many times) when they engage in conversations with wm. Let me ask you ladies a question. If a man claimed he was open to dating you, yet seemed uncomfortable, ill at ease, and even looked around( as if scared of who might be watching!) would you continue to see him, or even continue the conversation? I know I would not. I have definitely dropped wm in the past I definitely could have been interested in, because I felt they were too concerned with what other people would think. He has to be resolute in his feelings for me to feel comfortable.

Like John Wayne, he needs to have a devil may care, I'm going to be with the woman I want! type-attitude. '

Unfortunately many of you ladies are suffering from the old "But what will bm think syndrome! Get over it!! Do they EVER bother to care what any of you think? To me it's just so silly to waste time worrying about ppl you don't even know. That's insane. Those ppl have never cared what you thought, and they never will.

Many of you have no idea why wm are not approaching you, but at the same time, when he tries to engage in light conversation, many of you are giggling like silly school girls, and then running away, or snapping back an answer. I watched in the market one day, as a wm followed a bw who was scolding her small child. He finally worked up the courage to approach, and make a light remark along the lines of

" Well, don't worry- one day we'll be getting on their nerves" I could tell he was trying to make a joke to lighten the mood, but the irate mother immediately turned, and snapped.

" Excuse me, but could you mind your own business! "

The man turned red with embarrassment, and slid away. This is so common, it's almost a daily occurrence with many bw. I don't think many of them even realize they're doing it. The truth of the matter is that many of you have a bright red light on (a STOP LIGHT) blaring, and then you're wondering why no one is trying to come into your intersection. Many men are very intimidated to approach bw, not because we are the mean witches the media portrays us as but because so many bw have made self annihilating remarks such as: Nuthin but a brotha! I need a strong bm! He's too pale for me! etc etc.

I don't believe for a minute too many bw actually feel this way. I strongly suspect they've tried to ameliorate bm's flagging egos with these remarks, but they've backfired, and many bw are alone,or seen as unapproachable because of them.

Read this quote from one discouraged white man.....

I think the bottom line is that men of all colors fear rejection. Black women are the least likely of any group in this country to date outside of their race. This is something that has been proven through various studies. If you cruise through a personals site, you will see black women more often than any other race cite that they are looking for black men. I remember watching an episode of Oprah several years ago where there were several single black women sitting around talking about dating interracially where half said they would, half wouldn't and then of the half that would, a few said something along the lines of "but when I marry, I want a strong black man" as the other women nodded along. You don't really see or hear that with Latinas, Asians and white women (although some may think it admittedly). As such, many non-black men feel that they will get shot down if approaching a black women so they don't even bother to try. It's not something that is exclusive to race. It's similar to how many men would not bother approaching or asking out an Angelina Jolie clone if they were to see her in a bar, regardless of whether or not after a conversation they got along well with her, simply because they would view her as out of their league and a near certain rejection that they'd rather not hear. I remember one instance where I was in a bar and talking to a black woman, and when I more or less asked her out, she looked at me like I was crazy and then didn't even say anything but just started cackling. When she composed herself enough, she managed to say "you're a little too pale for me if you know what I'm saying." This woman was not representative of the black race and should be judged on an individual basis. She was just a beeyotch plain and simple, regardless of her race. I could have been rejected in the same manner by a Latina, Asian or a white woman, but in terms of statistics, more black women refuse to date outside of their race than those other groups, so this sort of reaction is the sort of thing that I think a lot of white men fear and makes them second-guess themselves when it comes to approaching black women. I think white men will approach an Asian or Latina woman without a second thought of "does she date white guys?", whereas the same doesn't hold true a lot of times for black women. I'm not sure if I explained that correctly but it makes sense in my head.....

When I read his comment, it reminds me of the Sherl Underwood incident. When she was on a panel, and showing off for the numerous bm there. A wm said to her, "Now if you and I were to go out-" (he was putting out a feeler to see if she was interested) She immediately snapped: "You and I ain't goin nowhere!!!" All the bm on the show began to clap and stomp gleefully, while cheering this fool on. Then after the show, they hugged up with their ww, and headed happily home!

She went home alone.......

BW, beauty really does fade, but dumb really is forever! ( a quote from one of my fav. judges) Don't be stuck on stupid. Only a fool pays homage to ppl who would spit on them. Bm are trying to get as far from anything black as they possibly can. You all can see this. So don't ever close the door on good men, to uphold the egos of men who don't give a damn about you.... WAKE UP!

When you see a nice guy smiling at you, or trying to make conversation-think green

. Open body language

. Turn TOWARD him

. Give a hint of a smile, but don't overdo

. Definitely look him in the eye even if it's brief

. Ask open questions that require more than yes or no

. Leave little doubt that you are interested, but never appear needy.

Ladies, I think you all know exactly what to do, now do it and stop complaining that wm don't want you. They def. do, but you have to let them know that you are interested-so put that green light on.....

The bw's guide to finding a better man......

This is a couple from the discov. channel. This lady married this millionaire and had a million dollar wedding-and as you can see, she's cute but no Gabby U......

This is my personal theory, but I believe the reason most bw end up with bottom of the barrel men, is because that's where they hang out.....

In the bottom of the barrel! Now don't get me wrong. I assure you all, I am not a gold digger. But I do believe in working toward betterment in all things, and that certainly includes men. The man you look for should definitely bring more to the relationship than a heartbeat and a ready penis! Bw have got to raise their standards. Stop settling for men who have nothing to show for themselves and have no paths for their lives except to latch on to you, and ride your coattails.

I'm aware I'll be accused of being a gold digger for this post, but I'm not one to let personal opinions stymie me from speaking my mind. I simply believe every woman should be looking, finding, and marrying the best man she can find. And that includes the most financially stable man she can find. It's truly just as easy to fall in love and marry a well off/rich man as it is to love a poor and struggling man. And the poor man is much less likely to marry you anyway, unless you have significant assets yourself!

So how does a woman go about meeting the really good men, and avoid the ones who would only drag her down? This is pretty much common sense, but the easiest way to meet the well off, is to live or work among them. So many women live in poor areas, work in poor areas, and socialize in poor areas, and then wonder why all they meet is poor men! You MUST be around people in order to meet, get to know them, and eventually marry them! It just doesn't work any other way. Next (And some of you will deeply resent this) You MUST get in shape! Very few well off/rich men are looking for fat, out of shape, slovenly, and unkempt women! I'm really sorry if

I'm offending anyone, but truth crushed to earth, has a way of rising again and again. You can all see that very few slovenly, out of shape, or obese women are on the arms of the most desirably men...

Another super plus for women who want the top quarry is: Education

Lower quality men are often condescending of Educated women, but higher quality/better off/intellectual men are usually intrigued, and captivated by a women who can stimulate his intellect as well as his loins. You see intellectual men desire intellectual conversations, and you are unlikely to be able to give this to him if you greatest claim to fame is that you've made it past the 10th grade. Even if you are intimidated by wealth, and only want a man with a good job, and a decent credit rating, you must always elevate, and improve yourself.

Here are some other things you need to consider to raise your stock (Yes, you do have stock)

a. Learning another language. This is always a plus. It raises your self esteem, raises your intellect, acts as a social, and prestige magnet, and is extremely useful and functional.

b. Travel. There is something about a travelled person, that although you cannot put your finger on it, they often have an easy air of sophistication that precedes them. And they always seem more confident and magnetic because of it. I've rarely travelled outside the US, but I've traveled extensively inside the US, and even with that, people often tell me I have an air of someone special about me. Imagine how much stronger yours could be with some European travel!

c. Keep learning. You should always be improving, and learning something. Knowledge is too precious to let it pass us by unnoticed, And the weird thing is, as you learn something you are interested in, you will find more and more chances to use the knowledge that you study in your private hours. I study and read 2-4 R E books per month, and I cannot tell you how much that private study helps me in my dealings. Find something that interest you, and study it until you find others coming to you whenever the subject comes up, then you'll know you're on the right track, and see if this knowledge does not offer tremendous advantages to you in your everyday life. There is a saying. What is practiced in private, is rewarded in public. See if this does not come true for you....

d. Read, read read. The biggest mistake most bp make in their lives is refusing to open books!!!

I have no idea why many people do not read because it's one of the greatest ways to open your mind and expand your life. Many people complain about the price of books but think about it for a moment. Someone takes years of experience and puts it in a book for usually less than 25.00! I think that's a fantastic bargain. And you can always buy used books on Ebay or from used books stores. I think it's ridiculous for anyone to claim books are expensive and then spend hundreds of dollars per month on alcohol, cigarettes, and junk food!

Some other things you can do is to remove or eliminate your bad habits. The best way to remove bad habits is to trade them for better habits. This is known to be far more effective than simply trying to eliminate a habit without a replacement. Exp. walk instead of smoke, read instead of overeating etc.. Please remember, if you want to meet top quarry, you must go where these men congregate. Attend high end shows, plays, sports etc.. Visit nicer upscale neighborhoods as often as you can if you cannot afford to live there yet. Absorb the atmosphere, and let it soak into your psyche. The more you spend time in these places, the more you will belong......

There really is no reason for any women to have to settle for some of the pitiful specimen of men, so many of you lovely ladies have been settling for. You can have any type of life you want, but you must be willing to work for it.......Good luck ladies, and you can always write me for add'l information. My email is at the top of the page......

Believe what he does, not what he says....

J. Hudson begging her man (through song) not to leave.....




So sorry ladies, I realize it's been a long time. I've missed you all terribly, but I've been working super hard on this R E project, as well as being a full time mom. And I was simply too tired to write after 12-14 hour days..... But I do apologize and the worst of this project is over -thank God.....

Moving on......

I saw dream girls for the 10th time last week. As I watched it, it reminded me alot of what goes on in the BC. I watched Jamie Foxx's character hide his attraction to Beyonce, and only reveal his true intentions when he no longer needed J. Hudson's character. He knew all along he did not want her, yet he allowed her to believe that he was her man, and that they were on this great path together. The minute he no longer needed her, he carefully maneuvered her out of the picture, and took up with the one he really wanted. And no amount of her crying, singing (great), or begging would change his mind. She was totally blindsided because she believed his lies and distortions, instead of opening up her eyes and facing what was happening right under her nose.

This is exactly what happens in the BC. I see bw everyday who refuse to see what's right in front of their eyes. For instance. I know someone who began to see someone on her job. He immediately moved into her home, allowed her to foot all the bills, and refused to have anything to do with her children. Yet, she was shocked when he got a raise, and took all the money he had saved and married a white woman from the same company! Now it seemed blatantly clear to me what his intentions were all the time. I just could not understand why she was silly enough to think this man cared about her. We could all see that this was surely not the case, but she had such a case of Pollyanna reasoning, she was unable to see what should have been evident to all. This is clearly a case of unconscious-consciousness. Where a person does not know what they don't know, only because they have not taken the time to really see it.

This reminds me of the young cousin I have, whom I've mentioned to you all before. She is now on baby number 3 by a third man who has no intentions of being any kind of father to the child (nor will the other two). Yet, she cannot see how ridiculous her actions are, and still thinks these men are worth pursuing. I keep wondering how anyone could be so silly. Her life is a wreck! And this is something many bw do to themselves because they refuse to see what's before them and engage in an illusion instead of reality.

Think back to dream girls, remember J. H. begging him through song to "stay with her" remember how he looked at her with pity, and then ran for the exit. He knew he had gotten everything he needed from her, and had no intentions of staying with her. Yet, she had not allowed herself to see him as he really was. Instead she had only seen what she wanted to see, and it was to her own detriment. It's always to a woman's detriment not to face what's really happening, and to lull herself into a false sense of complacency.

Picture a wife who's husband is spending an inordinate amount of money on partying. The bills are not being paid on time, and their credit is suffering, and she's worried. But she's been raised to believe that a good wife does not question her husband. As a result, she worries quietly, and has many restless nights because she knows all is not well, although he claims he's paying the bills. But she knows he's not because he's spending it all on parties, nights out, and having a good time. Her heart slams against her chest one day as she opens the door to someone handing her foreclosure papers............

The truth is no woman can afford to play ostrich. We cannot afford to keep our heads in the sand. It's extremely important for women to face whatever is happening in their lives, and not
play the fool. The truth of the matter is that today it's more important than ever to "know what's going on with the man in your life. Never has it been as important as it is right now. I cannot stress enough how imperative it is to see him as he is, and not as you want him to be.
Today so many bw cannot see that bm are using them in various ways, monetarily, sexually, physically, and even emotionally, and then running to other women the moment he feels he has everything he wants. Even then most bm will still string this woman along if she's obtuse enough to keep believing him. They may never know when they may need her, so if at all possible they will put her in the closet for a rainy day, while they go off with 'other women'.

Ladies, don't believe what a man says. He can tell you anything. Believe what he DOES. Whenever a man's words and actions are in conflict, believe his actions. They represent how he REALLY feels. For instance. If he tells you he's not married but has to be home by a certain time every night, whispers into the phone, and never shows you his house. It's probably because he's married! If he tells you that you're the only woman he wants yet, other women constantly call him, and he's drowning in female 'friends' then he's lying. You are not the only woman in his life. in fact, he's probably juggling you with many others. I once watched a talk show where a ww talked about how she had been married for 12 years (to a handsome wm) and never knew her husband secretly wanted a black wife. He had spoken ill of bw for years and never shown any interest in bw except her best friend whom he loved to poke at, and tease. Her friend mentioned to her that she felt uncomfortable around him. The woman felt that this was due to his dislike of bw, and laughed it off. But finally he admitted to her that he was extremely attracted to bw, and had hoped that by making snide remarks, it would alter his attraction. It had'nt, and he finally felt the need to come clean. In fact he only admitted his real feeling after he tried repeatedly, to get her to implant her lips, butt, hips, and blow dry her hair wild. She ended up getting a botched surgery trying to have butt implants, and suffered nerve damage. She now suffers severe pain at the slightest noise, and her husband left her for a black woman anyway. She cried over and over as she lamented that if she'd only let him go from the start, at least she would not be in constant pain now, and would have been able to go on with her life, without constant pain, and would have found another man....

So many bw live their lives in the very same type of delusion, and it's extremely dangerous. It's always better to face the truth than to live in the dark. The truths are so simple.

• bw need to wake up and open up ALL of their dating options.


• Bw need to stop believing that men of the same skin color are their brothers!


• Bw need to know that they have a much better chance of finding love OUTSIDE their ethnic circles.


• Bw need to realize that most bm are looking for every, and anything not blk, and MOVE ON!

It really worries me when I see bw who refuse to wake up and smell the coffee. Fortunately more and more women are waking up. More and more are tired of being baby-mommas and never wives. Being used and abused and maltreated. One of my sister bloggers was saying that some women will have to be left behind if they refuse to adapt for their own survival, and unfortunately, I think she is right. But hopefully you ladies can see the truth, and will allow it to set you free..........