Black beauty through the eyes of white and black men....

These are typical choices for BM, but look what WM are choosing.....

All happily married (dark) sistas, whom we KNOW bm would NEVER have considered 'wife material'.....

Count Ferdinand and wife Mary...

I think the pictures speak for themselves. Lets talk about what black beauty means to bm, then we will talk about what it means to wm.

You can turn on any show, or go anywhere and see bw being discriminated against by bm. Many women have written me crying, and bemoaning this issue, and asking me why bm only seem to find light skinned/mixed/white women attractive. I will tell you, but it is going to piss some of you off, so be forewarned. When it comes to bm the majority are puppets who refuse to think for themselves. They are coonified, and will celebrate, glorify, and uphold anything resembling white. For decades women who looked like Vanessa Williams and Jane Kennedy were put on a pedestal because they looked like a darker version of a ww. Now don't get me wrong, I love these women, they are not the issue at all. Please understand that. The issue is that bm are openly discriminating against dark bw, and more often than not ANY bw nowadays. BM will deny this of course. They will claim it's just a preference or that dark skinned women are unattractive or have attitudes. Or that bw are imagining things, and we cannot beleive our lying eyes (lol) But I'm sure you all have seen the evidence and know that we are not dreaming. Of course bw were blamed for them wanting any-and everything non-black. Y'all know if they don't prefer bw-it's OUR FAULT (LOL). Our hair was too short and nappy, our skin too dark or the black was showing if we were light. Our African-like features made them want to gag! The point is dark women have been made to feel unattractive and 2nd best by bm on an ongoing basis for years. This is why the collective self esteem of your average bw is tetering on low.
But my feeling on this is that one man's cast off is another man's dream girl. Stop crying about bm making derisive remarks about dark women/blk women and simply MOVE ON! Don't waste time on men who would disrespect, demean or waste your life. Life is just too precious and short to waste. (IOWs), if bm don't find you attractive -find men who do. It's not rocket science. If you listen to a man, and watch his actions-he will let you know who he is.

The truth is many bm are jealous of wm and their success and power in this country. They want nothing more than to PRETEND that they are the ideal man in America and play the part. You see this with bm who insist that their women have long hair, and skin as light as they can possible get it. This not only demonstrates a deep seated hostility and disdain for one's own self, it also does not bode well for how he sees the woman. (She usually ends up being treated like an accessory-he wears for special occasions.) He can be as black as tar but if she's darker than summer tan, she's not suitable for anything but a booty call. I see bw still allowing themselves to be used for booty calls by bm everyday. While crying and wondering why he won't treat them with love and respect. I will tell you why. Because you are not respecting yourself! You must love yourself enough to get the hell away from ppl who will use up your time, your body, and your life, and then marry a bright/non blk/white woman!

I want you to take a look at the upper pictures. All of these dark sistas are being loved and cherished by wm. What do you think their chances for marriage would have been, had they waited for a bm???

When is the last time you saw a bm marry a sista who looks like ANY of these dark sistas above, unless she was came with a trust fund, or some other high incentive for him to use? One of these wm is a very wealthy Count! He married his wife Mary and made her a Countess! They have 3 children, a great life and she says he constantly tells her she is beautiful. How many bm do you think have told her that?

The truth is that many bm are discriminating against women who do not fit the phenotype of light/bright and white women. If a woman has to be a certain shade for him to consider even asking her out, then he has shown himself to be shallow, superficial, and oftentimes self denigrating. Black women PLEASE stop trying to fit into the narrow parameters of beauty these pieces -of -men have set up! You will only end up hurt! REAL men want REAL women- not a collection of European Body parts! For many dark women the only time they are told they are beautiful is oftentimes by wp! How pathetic is that. I remember high school and college. I was considered very attractive but I often felt that it was more because I made no apologies for my color. I'm dark, and love my chocolate skin. I never felt less than anyone, or wished to be any other color. When I made Mayday queen of my school, many girls were shocked, and some even had tears in their eyes. This was surprising to me until I really thought it over. It wasn't about the stupid plastic sector, they gave me or the fake silver crown. It wasn't about those things at all. It was because I was dark. See they were so used to being in 2nd-3rd and 4th place, they could not fathom a dark Mayday queen. But because I won, they felt a little higher....

When bm tried the "you're so pretty to be so dark crap"-I always walked away.I always let them know I was not going to put up with that crap. In fact, what I loved about the wm, is that I never heard the "to be dark" part with them. They would simply say "You're so pretty...." I think many sistas can relate to that. It was like a breath of fresh air! I didn't have to hear about why was I wearing my long hair up, instead of down? Why did I sometimes wear a weave? Why did I wear lip gloss? (lip gloss makes big lips look bigger-and my lips are big) I think the best thing about wm is simply that they have an appreciation for black beauty, that bm have long ago lost! *if they ever had it*

Many women have written and told me that since they have been dating/engaged/married to wm, this is the first time they feel beautiful! That he appreciates their afro-centric features and loves their hair, skin, nose etc. They are shocked because they have been told for years that wm only want bw for sex and do NOT find them attractive. Ladies this is pure programming. Liken it to the matrix, where reality is not what it seems but most bw are unaware... Many sistas think they must stay with a bm out of loyalty or necessity. Lets address that. When it comes to loyalty, it must be a two way street! It's really as simple as that! Let me tell you ladies a little secret. Relationships are like scales. They MUST balance.

Case in point: I knew someone who was dating a fairly wealthy man. He was loving and kind, and quite generous. He would go out of his way for her, and often bought her very expensive items, pretty much anything she wanted. The problem was he loved home cooked meals, and she hated to cook. She would often complain viciously about him begging for home cooked meals. Yet she quit her job, and had no problem living off of him yet refusing to cook the meals. I told her she should keep working and cook a few meals because the relationship was becoming way too one-sided. She told me I did not know what I was talking about and Jay, (whom she had now moved in with) was fine with the way things were. One day he came in and she was laying in the living room watching a soap opera. The house was dirty, and he had to prepare his own dinner. He stormed around angry for awhile until she asked what his problem was. He then turned and began to berate her laziness, how he was footing ALL of the bills and yet he could not even have a decent looking home (since she moved in ) or get a hot meal. He then began yelling about her 50-60 pair of expensive shoes (bought on his cc) and other expenses. It ended with him asking her to move out! She was shocked and devastated. She could not understand why he wasn't crazy about her like he had been before. I tried to explain to her that even when there are no outward signs of it. People are ALWAYS keeping score. She should have kept her job so she would not look like a free loader, and if she was having him buy all these expensive things for her, she should have cooked those meals once in a while. Nobody likes to feel used...
But I'm way off track. Bottom about that is that there has to be balance....

Now, as I was saying, many sistas are finding that wm appreciate ALL shades of black beauty, and are even more likely to be with darker bw. Now my theory on this is because I think darker bw are often so mistreated in the bc, they are more likely to think "Well, what have I got to lose-they can't treat me worse than I've suffered over here!" This line of thinking leaves them open to 'other men' stepping up to the plate. Also, many wm have noticed that bm disrespect and demean bw with every breath. They have seen bw suffer at the hands of bm at every turn, and they are more and more inclined to take advantage of this situation. Recently, I went to a ball game at my young cousin's school (she goes to a predominantly blk school) I was not surprised to see the young bbs hugged up with white/Latino/Asian girls. What was shocking to me was that the young blk girls were doing the same! It seemed every other bg was with a white/Latino/Asian boy! My cousin's boyfriend (blk boy) was angry and flabbergasted. "When did y'all start stabbing us in the back? " he demanded. I held my breath and waited for her answer. "We're not stabbing anybody in the back" She snapped. "We're just loving the ones who love us back!".....

The Myths about why bw are increasingly marrying wm...

These are some of the myths, about why bw are increasingly marrying wm:

pic 1. She could not get a BM (she's too dark)

pic 2. She's a gold digger (he's rich)

pic 3. She's beautiful, and wants to piss bm off.

pic 4. She wanted white-looking children...

For some strange reason, some ppl just cannot seem to wrap their minds around the fact that a bw can simply love a wm because of WHO he is and not because she could not find a bm who was suitable or because she is a gold digger, or because she wants to take the easy way out, etc. This is all amazingly crazy to me because as a blk woman, I think we know there is no easy way out. Just like we know that there are very few gold digging bw! Most bw will work for years to bring their dreams to fruition and never think about trying to marry their way out of destitution. As far as the belief that many bw marry wm because they could not find a suitable bm, Well, I guess in some cases that's true. I'm an optimist, but also a realist. And we can all see that many bm are in trouble and are becoming less suitable mates all the time. But I would venture to say that most sistas who marry wm, are marrying him because they have long since realized that a good man can come in ANY color. That is the whole point of this blog, to get bw to open their options. To realize that whatever color he comes in is ok, as long as he is a good man. Don't ever ever short change yourself.

The following conversation took place between a wm (uncle) and a bm (commenter)

Notice how the bm can not seem to believe that the bw in the story really ever wanted a wm....

TB (wm)
My nephew is a lifer in the Navy. His wife is a lifer in the Navy, and when he married her, she already had a daughter. He is white, his wife is black, and his daughter is probably the most attractive and charming lady that I have ever met. She is killer cute.My nephew is a chief and has been voted "Sailor of the year" for his ship, his group, etc, over and over again. He gets to choose assignments in the Navy, but if he opted out, he would have to fight to come back to rural America and live with his family.....

IV: (bm)
Sure, but this is not about intolerance, it is about black women literally giving up on finding an acceptable black husband; of a similar social status. I don't think I have heard of anything quite like this before. At the root of this are the questions: What's happening to black men. And next, why are black women seemingly doing better? And of course one has to wonder about the long term implications.

TB
I don't know if she "gave up" on finding a suitable mate who is black, but she got a loving mate who is serious about raising a smart, well-adjusted daughter who isn't afraid to work for what she wants. I'm not sure that there is a whole lot of social import in the "dating out" idea anyway. If you find a person that you click with, their race is not real important to that relationship, though it may have implications with family, friends, etc.I'm just concerned about the longer-term implications of their eventual retirement. Their pensions would go a lot farther in rural Maine than in San Diego, but interracial couples are rare here, and they would face challenges socially. My wife and I had a house in a fairly nice development, and when an interracial couple bought a house a couple of blocks away, the previous owner (retired state trooper) went around the neighborhood apologizing to people. What an idiot! The new owners are a nice couple. He manages a chain store and his wife operates a day-care center out of their home.I dated a young black woman in college for a bit. That earned me a lot of grief from a couple of black guys who were interested in her, including one HUGE fellow who wasn't shy about spouting racist crap in the dining hall and other public places...

I.V.:
That was the entire point of the story: That black women are starting to date white men due to a lack of acceptable black men.

T.B.
The fact is that there are a lot of black male sailors based out of San Diego, and the fact that they're making it in the Navy with the discipline, training requirements, deployments, etc, implies that there might be a lot of decent, eligible black guys there. She ended up with my nephew, though, and they are perfect for each other, and he is a perfect dad for their daughter.

You see IV could not fathom in his mind that this couple married for love, companionship, and other commonalities. In his mind, this woman was with her w-hubby because she could not find a suitable bm. This type of thinking is dangerous to us as blk women because it keeps bm in a pool of anger and resentment-thinking we 'belong' to them. The truth is no one belongs to anyone. WW do not belong to WM! And we do not 'belong' to BM. A very dark friend of mine met me recently at the coffee shop we frequent. It's the same one I introduced her to her husband, Steven, at. She was upset and needed to talk. She said that the ppl in her family (esp. the women) were saying that she'd only married Steve so she could have a baby like Brianna. (Brianna is her precious 2 year old, she is blond and has blue eyes) She said they were saying she hated her dark skin and wanted her baby to be as light as possible. Now, I have known her for years and I know that is not the case. She, like me, loves her dark skin, and would never marry a wm to 'lighten her pool' I told this friend not to waste time worrying about what ppl said. I asked her if Steve was good to her. She said he was the best man she had ever had, and that she had never dreamed of being a stay at home mom until he came along. Then I asked her how foolish was it to worry about what other women were saying when many of those women worked 2 jobs and struggled, with no help from their bm baby daddies. While she lives in a beautiful subdivision and is able to finish her degree and be a stay home mom. She actually looked relieved like she needed to hear this from another bw, then she started to laugh...

The point is many ppl will try to imply or state all kinds of reasons for bw dating and marrying out, as it is becoming more and more prevalent every day. Ladies it's important for you to never let ppl get you upset with their own issues. You don't have to prove you are black enough. You don't have to prove you are NOT a gold digger! You don't have to prove a damn thing to anyone. You just have to be your own special self, and give your children the best life you can give them. And I can't think of a better way to start, than with a good husband for you and a great dad for them......