One potent weapon I think we women must always use, is our instincts. I really can't count the number of times, my instincts have saved me. But I will recount 3 for you. Not all were life saving. Sometimes they were simply soul-saving. But I was saved nevertheless....
I remember years ago living on Kaneohe bay in Hawaii years ago. I was 12 yrs old when we moved there, and almost 16 when we left. My dad was in the Corps. and he got orders to report there. I had to be physically forced onto the plane because I did not want to leave the most important person in my young life _my grandmother. She was my rock, and I loved her very deeply. As soon as we got there, my mom made it her mission to find a black church so that she would feel at home. It was quite difficult, as there were many bp, but few blk churches there at the time. `
Anyway, the church my mom picked advocated this bm are kings nonsense. They constantly had celebrations in which the bm were called to the front of the church and adorned with fake crowns and applauded (for doing nothing) and they would tell the church if their wives had been good wives or not! The women were strongly encouraged to do ANYTHING their husbands wanted and to not speak unless spoken too! I remember even as a young girl being floored by this chauvinism. I could not wrap my mind around the fact, that the women went along with this. Even at that time, many of these women had jobs and worked very hard. Then to come home only to be expected to cook, do ALL the chores,including caring for their children, but to not be allowed to be an equal partner in the marriage! I knew I could never settle for that. Also I hated the way every man in the church was brother this and brother that, and we, (my friends and I) even as young bgs were expected to listen to what they said. My mother told me to forget that rule, but she kept going to this church, and dragging us along with her. (Probably because blk churches were rare out there ) Anyway, my mother constantly warned me to follow my own mind and not to simply believe what someone tells me. She taught me to listen to my gut. She always said -your inner self will tell you if you will only listen. She said you will feel the alarm bells in your midsection, and to always listen, because it knew more than you ever would. That advice has truly saved me many times. In fact too many times to count.
For instance. One summer in Hawaii, our church decided to have a retreat at a local hotel. The young people were strongly encouraged to go. My 3 best friends were going, so I immediately wanted to go too. I begged until my mom gave in. But she was not happy. She told me later, she knew something was amiss. When we got to the retreat, Brother Duwalt, Brother Stegich, and Brother Owens were there already. They were all grown, 24-28) Now, my friend Kim had a crush on Bro. Owens. Even though he was 28 and we were 13. I even called myself having a crush on Bro. Duwalt. I thought he was cute, and I flirted with him a little. But I knew he was way too old for me, and that it could never progress beyond a crush. I just enjoyed whispering about how cute he was, and the like. Well the first night we got there, he asked me to go in the back garden with him. Kim, Yolanda, and Carrie (my friends) immediately began to giggle and told me to go. But suddenly my stomach began to feel weird and crazy. I told him I would go to the back porch only. We went to the back porch (which was too dark for my taste) and he began to tell me how lovely he thought I was. He said Kim had told him, I had a crush on him, and that he wanted to "show me love" I stared at him in disbelief. I was sure he wanted to tell me that I was just a child and that I should save my crushes for someone my own age, and instead this damaged man was trying to grind his disgusting self into my body, and seduce me! I jerked away and looked up at him. I said: "You do realize I'm 13 right? " He smiled a snake smile and leered. " Age is just a number baby-the lord told me to pluck the fruit of the young-and so here I am" With that he grabbed my breast, and kissed me roughly, not caring that I was hysterical, and trying to pull away. I balled my fist and punched him between the legs. He let out a strangled cry and sunk to the floor, I ran back into the hotel crying, and called my mom. My mom yanked us from that church, and was immediately black balled by all the ppl in the church. They said that her hell- raising daughter had attacked a good and faithful brother of the church, and that she had refused to discipline me. Her best friend told her that she should be ashamed of herself and that brother duwalt, was a 'good man' ......She also allowed Brother Owens to come see Kim (Her daughter) anytime day or night. Because he was a man of the church, so he was 'a good man' She called my mom horrible names and said that she had a b*tch for a daughter. She and my mom never spoke again until 2 yrs later when her husband beat her to a pulp for burning his dinner, and no one at the church would let her hide from him at their houses. They said she must have deserved it, and she should be woman enough to deal with her 'punishment'. Meantime, her daughter, (my friend Kim) also became pregnant by 'good man'- Brother Owens, who was 30. Kim was 15!
Kim told me later, both she and her mother were paraded through the church as sinning whores, and everyone took up a sympathy offering for her FATHER- for having a disobedient wife and a whore for a daughter! Brother Owens was never called out on his abysmal behavior. When he found out Kim was pregnant, he promptly married his white girlfriend, and disappeared from the Island.. Brother Duwalt was later sentenced for several crimes including contributing to the delinquency of a minor (he was messing with several young girls) But I was saved from being used and tossed away by him because I had followed my gut.....
I'll give you another example of this power saving me. A while ago. I went to a mac (inside the bank) late at night. You know the kind you put your card in, to get in. Most ppl will wait outside if there's only one person inside at night. (So as not to spook that person) Anyway, I usually try to go during the day, but I got caught up, and had to go a bit late. I had about 800.00 in my purse, and I was debating how much to put in the bank, and how much to keep for the weekend. Anyway, I was the only one in there so I was taking my time and counting it out. I decided to keep half and put the other half in the bank. As I filled out the envelope, I heard the door clink open. I lifted my hand to close the envelope containing the 400.00, but as I started to seal it, my stomach began to physically roll back and forth like ocean waves. At the same time, the hair on the back of my neck stood up, and I could feel evil coming at me in droves. Before I had time to think my hands took a life of their own, and shoved ALL the money into the envelope, and without bothering to adjust the amount shoved it into the bank machine. I was shocked at myself because I had planned to keep half. But as I turned around, there was an enormous black woman standing very closely behind me. She was glaring at me with small hate-filled eyes. She quickly scanned my hands for the money I had just deposited. I could feel the hatred and evil rolling off of her. Her lips pulled back in an cold sneer.
"Ya gots sum muny to help a sista out?" She demanded, in a voice that reminded me of death.
" Sorry," I told her, as I fled out the door. "The bank has it" With that, I was gone. As I got in my car, I had to take several deep breaths. I don't have any proof, but I 'KNOW' that if I had turned with any money in my hands, that woman would have attacked me to get it, and who knows what kind of weapons she had. It was one of those things you can't *prove*-but you just KNOW....
The final example I'll give is one from a few years ago. One of my Aunts had gone down South and married some man she'd met in college. I tried to be supportive of her marriage because my family was not. When she brought Steve home however, he proved to be a charmer, and soon had everyone eating out of his hands. She seemed happy enough, but something about her husband rubbed me the wrong way. I could not put my finger on it, so I chalked it up to an over active imagination, until something happened. They had been here for almost a year when we found out what was really going on...
I was at my other Aunt's house one night when the door bell rang. I was babysitting my 5 yr old cousin, and before I could stop him, he opened the door. There stood Steve, my Aunt L's husband. He was smiling, but as soon as I saw him, for some unknown reason, my stomach began to act crazy. I greeted him, and asked him what he was doing there. He just smiled and came inside without an invite. My stomach began to do flips, and I kept hearing the word 'danger' in my ear.
"Hey Sara, you think you could give me a ride to my family's house on the other side of town?" He asked. His mouth was smiling but something was not right-I could feel it. I was trying to think of a lie, when my little cousin began to run his mouth.
"Oh sure she can, her car is right out back! " my big mouth baby cousin, informed him. Steve began to smile more broadly and moved toward me.
" Oh great you brought your car, I really gotta get home" I shook my head. The closer he got, the more fearful I became but it seemed irrational because he had never done anything to me. Nevertheless, the feeling of danger was growing stronger and stronger. "Uh... I can't Steve, " I lied. " My mom's coming to pick up B___ , (my little cousin) and I have to be here. My cousin tried to open his mouth again, But I quickly grabbed him and placed my hand roughly across his mouth, quietly letting him know to stay quiet. My heart was pounding like crazy, and I didn't know why. I only 'knew' I was not going anywhere with him! Now his eyes narrowed into to strange slits.
"I r-e-a-l-l-y need to get across town" He said in a deadly new voice. He was moving toward me in a menacing manner, and I quickly backed away, with my cousin behind me. "Oh, well let me call my mom and tell her" I faked quickly. I turned and pushed my cousin into the den, and locked the door behind us. Steve reached the door, and jingled the knob hard, calling for me to open it. I ignored him and grabbed the phone, wondering who to call. I knew I couldn't call 911 and tell them my Aunt's husband scared me, and I had a bad 'feeling' about him. Just then, I decided to call my other Aunt L. (His wife) and tell her he was here, and I was scared. But as I touched the phone, it rang. My Aunt B___ who lived in the house was on the phone screaming and crying at the same time.
"Sara!," she screamed. lock the doors! If Steve shows up-call the police! He just robbed a store, and when L____ confronted him, he beat her mercilessly! She's in the hospital!" I screamed that he was here. Moments later, I heard him running out the door, but I didn't come out until my family came to me. I was shaken, and so was my little cousin, but not hurt. At the same time I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn't listened to my instincts and given him a ride.......
The way to hone your instincts is to simply -Pay Attention!- People miss so much of life because they are not paying attention. The next step is to allow yourself to 'feel whatever you feel' don't rationalize it away- really feel it, and then ask yourself what is it trying to tell you. In cases of real danger, ppl usually 'know' There have been times, when I could almost smell the danger, and I knew I had to get away. Keep a journal, and note in it where you experience the gut level instinct. It's not always the same for different ppl. For instance. When something is not right, I'll get a light feeling in my stomach that corresponds to the situation. But if I'm in imminent danger, my stomach turns, my palms sweat, the hair stands on end, and many times I actually hear the word 'Danger!' in my right ear. As you keep a journal, and note what you felt and what happened, you will know the feelings that urge you into action, and you will be much safer because of it.....
