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Friday, August 14, 2009

Why bw *MUST* use the gift of fear, and instincts for protection against predators....






















One potent weapon I think we women must always use, is our instincts. I really can't count the number of times, my instincts have saved me. But I will recount 3 for you. Not all were life saving. Sometimes they were simply soul-saving. But I was saved nevertheless....


I remember years ago living on Kaneohe bay in Hawaii years ago. I was 12 yrs old when we moved there, and almost 16 when we left. My dad was in the Corps. and he got orders to report there. I had to be physically forced onto the plane because I did not want to leave the most important person in my young life _my grandmother. She was my rock, and I loved her very deeply. As soon as we got there, my mom made it her mission to find a black church so that she would feel at home. It was quite difficult, as there were many bp, but few blk churches there at the time. `

Anyway, the church my mom picked advocated this bm are kings nonsense. They constantly had celebrations in which the bm were called to the front of the church and adorned with fake crowns and applauded (for doing nothing) and they would tell the church if their wives had been good wives or not! The women were strongly encouraged to do ANYTHING their husbands wanted and to not speak unless spoken too! I remember even as a young girl being floored by this chauvinism. I could not wrap my mind around the fact, that the women went along with this. Even at that time, many of these women had jobs and worked very hard. Then to come home only to be expected to cook, do ALL the chores,including caring for their children, but to not be allowed to be an equal partner in the marriage! I knew I could never settle for that. Also I hated the way every man in the church was brother this and brother that, and we, (my friends and I) even as young bgs were expected to listen to what they said. My mother told me to forget that rule, but she kept going to this church, and dragging us along with her. (Probably because blk churches were rare out there ) Anyway, my mother constantly warned me to follow my own mind and not to simply believe what someone tells me. She taught me to listen to my gut. She always said -your inner self will tell you if you will only listen. She said you will feel the alarm bells in your midsection, and to always listen, because it knew more than you ever would. That advice has truly saved me many times. In fact too many times to count.
For instance. One summer in Hawaii, our church decided to have a retreat at a local hotel. The young people were strongly encouraged to go. My 3 best friends were going, so I immediately wanted to go too. I begged until my mom gave in. But she was not happy. She told me later, she knew something was amiss. When we got to the retreat, Brother Duwalt, Brother Stegich, and Brother Owens were there already. They were all grown, 24-28) Now, my friend Kim had a crush on Bro. Owens. Even though he was 28 and we were 13. I even called myself having a crush on Bro. Duwalt. I thought he was cute, and I flirted with him a little. But I knew he was way too old for me, and that it could never progress beyond a crush. I just enjoyed whispering about how cute he was, and the like. Well the first night we got there, he asked me to go in the back garden with him. Kim, Yolanda, and Carrie (my friends) immediately began to giggle and told me to go. But suddenly my stomach began to feel weird and crazy. I told him I would go to the back porch only. We went to the back porch (which was too dark for my taste) and he began to tell me how lovely he thought I was. He said Kim had told him, I had a crush on him, and that he wanted to "show me love" I stared at him in disbelief. I was sure he wanted to tell me that I was just a child and that I should save my crushes for someone my own age, and instead this damaged man was trying to grind his disgusting self into my body, and seduce me! I jerked away and looked up at him. I said: "You do realize I'm 13 right? " He smiled a snake smile and leered. " Age is just a number baby-the lord told me to pluck the fruit of the young-and so here I am" With that he grabbed my breast, and kissed me roughly, not caring that I was hysterical, and trying to pull away. I balled my fist and punched him between the legs. He let out a strangled cry and sunk to the floor, I ran back into the hotel crying, and called my mom. My mom yanked us from that church, and was immediately black balled by all the ppl in the church. They said that her hell- raising daughter had attacked a good and faithful brother of the church, and that she had refused to discipline me. Her best friend told her that she should be ashamed of herself and that brother duwalt, was a 'good man' ......She also allowed Brother Owens to come see Kim (Her daughter) anytime day or night. Because he was a man of the church, so he was 'a good man' She called my mom horrible names and said that she had a b*tch for a daughter. She and my mom never spoke again until 2 yrs later when her husband beat her to a pulp for burning his dinner, and no one at the church would let her hide from him at their houses. They said she must have deserved it, and she should be woman enough to deal with her 'punishment'. Meantime, her daughter, (my friend Kim) also became pregnant by 'good man'- Brother Owens, who was 30. Kim was 15!
Kim told me later, both she and her mother were paraded through the church as sinning whores, and everyone took up a sympathy offering for her FATHER- for having a disobedient wife and a whore for a daughter! Brother Owens was never called out on his abysmal behavior. When he found out Kim was pregnant, he promptly married his white girlfriend, and disappeared from the Island.. Brother Duwalt was later sentenced for several crimes including contributing to the delinquency of a minor (he was messing with several young girls) But I was saved from being used and tossed away by him because I had followed my gut.....


I'll give you another example of this power saving me. A while ago. I went to a mac (inside the bank) late at night. You know the kind you put your card in, to get in. Most ppl will wait outside if there's only one person inside at night. (So as not to spook that person) Anyway, I usually try to go during the day, but I got caught up, and had to go a bit late. I had about 800.00 in my purse, and I was debating how much to put in the bank, and how much to keep for the weekend. Anyway, I was the only one in there so I was taking my time and counting it out. I decided to keep half and put the other half in the bank. As I filled out the envelope, I heard the door clink open. I lifted my hand to close the envelope containing the 400.00, but as I started to seal it, my stomach began to physically roll back and forth like ocean waves. At the same time, the hair on the back of my neck stood up, and I could feel evil coming at me in droves. Before I had time to think my hands took a life of their own, and shoved ALL the money into the envelope, and without bothering to adjust the amount shoved it into the bank machine. I was shocked at myself because I had planned to keep half. But as I turned around, there was an enormous black woman standing very closely behind me. She was glaring at me with small hate-filled eyes. She quickly scanned my hands for the money I had just deposited. I could feel the hatred and evil rolling off of her. Her lips pulled back in an cold sneer.
"Ya gots sum muny to help a sista out?" She demanded, in a voice that reminded me of death.
" Sorry," I told her, as I fled out the door. "The bank has it" With that, I was gone. As I got in my car, I had to take several deep breaths. I don't have any proof, but I 'KNOW' that if I had turned with any money in my hands, that woman would have attacked me to get it, and who knows what kind of weapons she had. It was one of those things you can't *prove*-but you just KNOW....

The final example I'll give is one from a few years ago. One of my Aunts had gone down South and married some man she'd met in college. I tried to be supportive of her marriage because my family was not. When she brought Steve home however, he proved to be a charmer, and soon had everyone eating out of his hands. She seemed happy enough, but something about her husband rubbed me the wrong way. I could not put my finger on it, so I chalked it up to an over active imagination, until something happened. They had been here for almost a year when we found out what was really going on...


I was at my other Aunt's house one night when the door bell rang. I was babysitting my 5 yr old cousin, and before I could stop him, he opened the door. There stood Steve, my Aunt L's husband. He was smiling, but as soon as I saw him, for some unknown reason, my stomach began to act crazy. I greeted him, and asked him what he was doing there. He just smiled and came inside without an invite. My stomach began to do flips, and I kept hearing the word 'danger' in my ear.
"Hey Sara, you think you could give me a ride to my family's house on the other side of town?" He asked. His mouth was smiling but something was not right-I could feel it. I was trying to think of a lie, when my little cousin began to run his mouth.
"Oh sure she can, her car is right out back! " my big mouth baby cousin, informed him. Steve began to smile more broadly and moved toward me.
" Oh great you brought your car, I really gotta get home" I shook my head. The closer he got, the more fearful I became but it seemed irrational because he had never done anything to me. Nevertheless, the feeling of danger was growing stronger and stronger. "Uh... I can't Steve, " I lied. " My mom's coming to pick up B___ , (my little cousin) and I have to be here. My cousin tried to open his mouth again, But I quickly grabbed him and placed my hand roughly across his mouth, quietly letting him know to stay quiet. My heart was pounding like crazy, and I didn't know why. I only 'knew' I was not going anywhere with him! Now his eyes narrowed into to strange slits.
"I r-e-a-l-l-y need to get across town" He said in a deadly new voice. He was moving toward me in a menacing manner, and I quickly backed away, with my cousin behind me. "Oh, well let me call my mom and tell her" I faked quickly. I turned and pushed my cousin into the den, and locked the door behind us. Steve reached the door, and jingled the knob hard, calling for me to open it. I ignored him and grabbed the phone, wondering who to call. I knew I couldn't call 911 and tell them my Aunt's husband scared me, and I had a bad 'feeling' about him. Just then, I decided to call my other Aunt L. (His wife) and tell her he was here, and I was scared. But as I touched the phone, it rang. My Aunt B___ who lived in the house was on the phone screaming and crying at the same time.
"Sara!," she screamed. lock the doors! If Steve shows up-call the police! He just robbed a store, and when L____ confronted him, he beat her mercilessly! She's in the hospital!" I screamed that he was here. Moments later, I heard him running out the door, but I didn't come out until my family came to me. I was shaken, and so was my little cousin, but not hurt. At the same time I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn't listened to my instincts and given him a ride.......
The way to hone your instincts is to simply -Pay Attention!- People miss so much of life because they are not paying attention. The next step is to allow yourself to 'feel whatever you feel' don't rationalize it away- really feel it, and then ask yourself what is it trying to tell you. In cases of real danger, ppl usually 'know' There have been times, when I could almost smell the danger, and I knew I had to get away. Keep a journal, and note in it where you experience the gut level instinct. It's not always the same for different ppl. For instance. When something is not right, I'll get a light feeling in my stomach that corresponds to the situation. But if I'm in imminent danger, my stomach turns, my palms sweat, the hair stands on end, and many times I actually hear the word 'Danger!' in my right ear. As you keep a journal, and note what you felt and what happened, you will know the feelings that urge you into action, and you will be much safer because of it.....

108 comments:

ak said...

Thank you for this post Sara it makes a lot sense.

Pamela said...

I have had five times in my life where acquaintances of mine were dating men that cared the living daylights out of me. They were not close enough to me to say something but I would never have been in a room alone with them. None of them really looked threatening to me but I just could not see being in a room alone with them. Unfortunately all of those men were beaters. Thank God none of them stayed with them and are still alive today.

I remember a very quick relationship with a man, not long enough to really count thank God. He was absolutely gorgeous and kind. One of my friends that was not as naive as I was spoke to me that she was concerned about him after just one look. Not long afterwards he displayed a temper that concerned me greatly. He had done nothing to me to indicate that he would do anything. However his temper was enough to let me know that if I did not get away I would probably be in trouble. I guess without saying anything he knew that I was not happy and asked me if I wanted to end the relationship. I told him I did and promptly moved to another location in the apartment complex I lived in at the time.

Your instincts are probably right. If not what does it hurt to go by them????? If you are wrong it should be able to be resolved with the person. If they are offended at you trying to protect yourself maybe your instincts were right after all.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sara,
I don't beleive bw need to use instincts as much as they just need to use common sense. The reason many women are victimized today is simply a lack of common sense. You should have named this post 'Why black women won't use common sense'! I just feel that most bw deserve what they get. They knew bm were turning on them years ago, and yet they kept trying to be there for bm. That's stupid. How many times do you let me spit in your eye before you walk away form me for good?

Tam said...

Oprah did a show on this very topic of ppl using their instincts. There's also a book on the subject, Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.

All three stories you provided were great examples of using your instincts or wit. The last one, however, was absolutely horrifying. I can not imagine being in your predicament. I am glad you came out of it unscathed.

energize said...

Sara congrats on your new baby boy!He is a cutie. I've been reading your blog for awhile. I dont ever recall you shutting down your blog to rest. Were you blogging and birthing the same time? lol!

Instincts are a God given gift to women. I can recall several instances when I ignored mine and paid dearly.

cool_splash1 said...

Hi Sara,
I don't beleive bw need to use instincts as much as they just need to use common sense. The reason many women are victimized today is simply a lack of common sense. You should have named this post 'Why black women won't use common sense'! I just feel that most bw deserve what they get. They knew bm were turning on them years ago, and yet they kept trying to be there for bm. That's stupid. How many times do you let me spit in your eye before you walk away form me for good?

What? What does common sense ((now that is part of it) have to do with this and with BM (this could go for anyone? BW deserve what they get? What kind of ish is that? Common Sense is good and all (for things like leaving the BC), but most women and men included don't listen to instincts or intuition. Did Gabriel Union deserve to be raped? Gavin de Becker the Gift of Fear is a good book to read.

There was was one part where he talks about the idea of charm. Whenever someone is charming we should ask ourselves is this person trying to charm me. He says mostly that most of it is harmless, but there are the ones that are more sinister. I've learned to start doing this myself.

Also when Sarah mentions her quickly doing actions means that she was energized. The book even mentions what real fear will do to someone. No one is paralized by real fear your adreniline starts pumping and you become excited and want to get out of the situation.

Using your instincts doesn't always have to do with fear etc., but in how you are being treated by someone. If you have a feeling that someone is patonizing you etc., but you can't really tell.

Velvet Queen said...

Oh my goodness! Congratulations Sara!!!! Such a wonderful blessing!!!!!! I am so happy for you!!!!!! He is such a darling!!! You are soo blessed!

rainebeaux said...

@energize:

Instincts are a God given gift to women. I can recall several instances when I ignored mine and paid dearly.

^same here. Wish me luck starting over with an oow child for one...

**more required reading**

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. If you can see the "ghettocalypse" up close, THIS BOOK IS A MUST!

Congrats, Sara...awwwww, he's so cute. ^_^

Halima said...

God bless you and the new little one sara. fantastic news!


Supposing I wanted to Date a White Guy...?

Clarice said...

God Bless you Sara and congratulations!

This post is right on time. Your instincts work below the conscious level and pick up on things that happens while your conscious mind and cognitive processes are going on and occupied. Men frequently go with their gut - why because it works. Seldom will your instincts steer you wrong. Unlike conscious thought and directed action - instincts usually prompt for small but effective actions i.e. leaving a situation - changing directions or simply looking more closely at a situation to make a decision that is in your best interests. It is not meant to replace common sense and actually may be 'common sense' by another name.

In life following my gut has saved me countless times. Largely because my father encouraged and supported me to follow my own mind and follow my own path mindful to weigh the consequences both positive and negative of the choices made. This also speaks to the importance of women choosing good, quality men to be active, involved with their children. Fathers do matter and can have an impact on daughters for years to come.

Excellent post.

Sandra77 said...

Sara, congratulations on your new baby! I had no idea you were expecting - it certainly didn't slow you down one bit. You are one amazing woman. We need more pictures, please.

Aphrodite said...

Congratulations Sara!

I wish I had emoticons!



A new baby is like the beginning of all things, hope, a dream of possibilities. ~ Anonymous

Selena said...

Congrats Sara he's beautiful :-P

Pamela said...

Great blessing you have with the new little one:)

CW said...

Fantastic Article...

NEVER discount the little voice in the back your mind, or that gut feeling...

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BABY...SIMPLY GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!

Gloryus said...

Great blog Sara! I always try to follow my instincts.... when something just doesnt feel right, there's no use sticking around to find out why.

Congrats on the baby. I had no idea you'd been pregnant.

Steph said...

To the smart aleck anon:

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and think that you didn't come to this blog with malicious intent. With that being said, how exactly do BW DESERVE what they get? Do you also hold that sentiment to battered women? If so, you really need to read up on abusive relationships, which it IS for BW deep in the BC whether they want to admit it or not.

Having seen abusive relationships as closely as I could without actually being in one, I can attest that abusers BREAK DOWN their victims until there is a nothing but the husk left. How else can it be explained that BW, from a very young age, are told that there is something wrong with them. My cousin - who is very dark- was tormented for her skin tone and even called a monkey by OTHER BLACK KIDS. Thank God she is confident in her own skin now and openly admits her attraction to WM. Other dark girls that I know allow themselves to have their confidence chiseled away until they believe that attracting ANY man is an achievement even if his only purpose is to drive their car, raise up their electricity bills, and sex them up (most likely not exclusively).

How else would you explain why other races of men, when asked why they don't consider dating black women, say, "Well, not even black men want them, so why should I?" Hmm...maybe because there has been a laundry list written up by BM on what is wrong with us in order to break down BW's psyche and her mental well-being.

And, to complete the cycle of abuse, BW are lured into the dream of the ever-evasive "good black man" who are looking for a "soul sista" or a "black queen." This is used to allure BW into complacency in order to keep them from actively doing something or noticing that they are deep in the Matrix and need to swallow the red pill. Then they are broken down more for having high standards, having low standards, anything.

Am I saying that BW should curl up into a ball and weep themselves to sleep?? Hell, no. That is not what I'm doing. I'm a happy BW with great friends and family who is just aware of BS when I see it.

Am I saying that BW should hate BM and completely disregard them? No again. As I said before, my best friend is a BM who I love more then anything. The reason I want to date interracially is because I am not romantically attracted to BM. What I am saying is that we should call a spade a spade and stop ignoring the ENORMOUS elephant in the room.

I just find it ridiculous that BW should DESERVE any negative reaction they get but other women should be PITIED and protected. Just ridiculous.

Rebecca said...

Sarah, congrats on the baby! I actually just got back home from dinner with a friend---there was this adorable BW/WM couple with a brand new baby boy. I couldn't stop staring he was so cute!

Aphrodite said...

Hello Steph,


"Having seen abusive relationships as closely as I could without actually being in one, I can attest that abusers BREAK DOWN their victims until there is a nothing but the husk left."

I believe Halima had a post on broken instincts, but I want to co-sign and add to what you said.

I do feel that instincts alert you to the threat and common sense empowers you to take effective action.

But the thing is that as Steph mentioned and as Halima mentioned in her post some moons ago many BW have had their natural instincts broken/hobbled via the psychological warfare waged on them.


I can look back and see how this was done to me personally. I am a feelings person. That is my natural orientation. It doesn't mean that I am a ticking time bomb- it is just that I process information differently.


The times when I was being abused or being groomed to be taken advantage of I was repeatedly told:

1. I was too sensitive

2. I take things too personally

3. I need to let it go - its not a big deal

4. That is not what happened/was happening or what was/is intended

5. I need to be logical


And so forth and so on depending on the situation until I got to the point where I was so dead inside that I:


1. Didn't recognize when I was in danger


2. When I did get messages that I was in danger they were fuzzy and I couldn't interpret them accurately


3. When I did get clear messages I wouldn't act on them bc I was always second guessing myself bc I was trained not to trust what I was feeling/experiencing


And so I went about trying to hack off my arms and legs so I can fit in the box - with extremely horrible results.


It has been a lot of work to try and recover those parts of myself and hone them- whereas this aspect of myself was much sharper and stronger when I was much younger.


I am not discounting logic or common sense at at all. I just think both are valuable and are designed to/can work in concert.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi Everyone,
Thank you so much for your warm wishes. The baby is healthy and beautiful and we all feel very blessed. Thank you all....

Felicia said...

Taylor-Sara,

A big CONGRATULATIONS! Your new bundle of joy is just precious. What a handsome little man...

Thank you for sharing the lovely pic. Take it easy, get rest, and take time out for you and your lovely family.

You deserve it and BRAVO on this excellent (and needed) blog of yours.

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Sara your son is too precious! Congratulations on the healthy baby boy.

cool_splash1 said...

You know there is a movie with Paula Abdul and Adrian Pasadar where he rapes her tells her he will come back etc.(has a mask on)and then a couple of days later she meets this nice guy in the laundry room at her apartment. They start dating, but she keeps having these weird feelings around him. He reminds her of the man who raped her. Turns out he was the man who raped her.

Gavin de Becker mentions this already freaky real life story by making it freakier when you think about she had warning signs and didn't listen to them.

cool_splash1 said...

He is so adorable. Congradulations

Anonymous said...

How else would you explain why other races of men, when asked why they don't consider dating black women, say, "Well, not even black men want them, so why should I?"

A lot of DBR's only want the kind of women that white men chase after -- white women (particularly blondes) and, now, Asian women. I'm no kid don't recall BM ever expressing much, if any, attraction for Asian women. Now-a-days, what with so many WM/AW couples in view, it seems that quite a few BM are also feeling the need to get themselves an AW.

Anonymous said...

Congratulatons. Yes, who knew you continued to blog almost every day?

lois

lormarie said...

Warm congrats!!!

Anonymous said...

Just a question why did you feel the need to point out that your baby was bi-racial? He is great and that is that.

Anonymous said...

anonymous @3 pm you are not telling the truth.

Steph said...

Oh, I thought I wrote this in my other post but CONGRATS on the cutie. I didn't even know you were pregnant. Guess I was late, LOL. But seriously, I'm glad to see that you and your DH have been blessed.

Also, sorry to hear what happened to you, Aphrodite. Those head games are played WAY too many times with girls. I'm just glad that you now trust your instincts.

Gab said...

Hey everyone,
I went to see 500 Days of Summer today and I saw this trailer for a movie about an African American woman:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/precious/

The first thing that came to mind was wondering what you all felt and whether or not you plan to see it!

Excellent post as usual Sara :)

Taylor-Sara said...

To the person who asked why I mentioned the baby was biracial. It's because if I hadn't, I would have been asked over and over....


Good points about the dbr men....

GoldenAh said...

Congratulations!

Wow, you have a lot of energy. And your son is beautiful.

Some folks have a rather scary resentment of biracial children, like they are frightened of them. I don't get why, but it's not right. They are what they are: innocent babies. What counts is that their parents love them, and they are accorded the same respect everyone else deserves.

Sweet Island Girl said...

Congrats Sara! I had no idea you were pregnant.I am so addicted to your blog because you speak about things that are true that very few BW will ever admit in the BC. I'm in a IR relationship with a IM and you inspired me to create my own blog and talk about my relationship and the day to day things that happen in my life.

Thanks for this blog and congrats once again on your beautiful baby boy!! You must blog about your birthing experience or at least share a small paragraph about it in the future.

Lots of love!!

Anonymous said...

@GoldenAh...I have no resentment toward biracial children. My son is biracail. To each his or her own. I simply would have said this is my beautiful baby boy.
Sara is always teaching.
No offense intended.

sky said...

Congrats on the baby Sara!

And another powerful post. I had so many warning and danger signs thrown at me. Thank God I listened to them, because who knows what the story would have been today.

Pamela said...

Gab, I will not be going to see it. I did not view the trailer. I just refuse to watch anything made by Oprah or Tyler Perry. Decades ago when I saw the negative bent of Oprah's projects I stopped watching them altogether, probably in the late 80s or early 90s. There may be a bm that presents bw in a positive light. However in decades of living I have yet to see it other than on The Cosby Show and A Different World. I have not had the opportunity to watch most black oriented sitcoms because of not having cable. Years ago when a friend of mine told me about Diary of A Mad Black Woman I decided to check it out. When I saw the Madea character and realized that it was I believe TP in drag I was so disgusted that I vowed never to watch a movie of his. There is better entertainment to spend my money on IMHO.

A brotha who can... said...

Sara, who are you kidding? The only reason you mentioned your son was mixed is because you wanted everyone to know you would never let a bm touch you. You are so predictable. You think anything touched by white is better, yet you call bm color struck, and damaged! We already knew your husband was white, no black man would put up with you. You need to be deprogramed ma. You need it bad

-a brotha who can see right thru you.

Fii said...

It is so true about listening to your instincts. It's something my mother has hammered into my brain and continues to do so. My instincts tend to be not only a feeling, but also claircognizant. That I think it or say it out loud to myself and I know what I need do or not do. It has come in handy many times.

Fii said...

And in response to that comment about black women not having common sense, I would like to point out how in America other races of women get into precarious situations, go missing and the like, on an almost daily basis because they use neither instincts or common sense. They make the news. People continue the search for them years, even decades afterward. But no one says they "deserved what they got". No one discredits their sex/race demographic as a whole because of it. They continuously are allowed to use the damsel in distress card to justify their actions or lack there of, how ever black women are exempt from that. Why is that? We have just as much capacity to be damsels. We have just as much capacity to get caught up in a situation that we probably should have known better than to get in. Yet there are no rescue teams for us. There are no pleas for our safe return. That is why such blog topics are necessary. We need to know how to protect ourselves. Black women need to have every weapon in our arsenal at the ready because there's no one out there protecting us.

If Natalee Halloway has been Natalee Jenkins, there would lifetime movie. There would be no effort for awareness. She would have simply "deserved what she got". Sad.

Selena said...

Although this essay is not about Sara's blessing(s)I wanted to say this real quick:

Anon I think it was for very necessary for Sara to mention that her son is bi-racial in a setting like this. You see... there are thousands upon thousands and perhaps millions of people who STILL believe that bw do not deserve better and that non-black men do not want ot marry us, don't want to have our babies and don't want to be stepfather's to our children. Then there are those who know that this is nothing more than blatant lies however those folks continue to spread those lies anyway.

Many DBR men and women probably just assumed Sara was all talk just as they did when Evia first started. Many of them probably said things like "Oh, they probably single and bitter, no white man don't want them", and yada yada yada. Yet when they find the truth they tend to pick and find ways to make negative comments about their happiness.

Sisters:

When you see a bw in an IRR relationship or hear about her happiness period be encouraged. People are going to stare at anything in their mind that's not the norm. However don't become a shrinking violet. Let the world know you're happy. Start living for you and not everyone else!!

nikki7 said...

Awwww! He is yummy! Enjoy these precious, fleeting days. They fly by so fast. I am helping my 16-year old get ready for her jr. year in high school, and wondering where my little baby has gone. Children are a blessing and a gift. I am praying God's blessing on your family.

ps. more pictures please!!! LOL

cool_splash1 said...

A lot of DBR's only want the kind of women that white men chase after -- white women (particularly blondes) and, now, Asian women. I'm no kid don't recall BM ever expressing much, if any, attraction for Asian women. Now-a-days, what with so many WM/AW couples in view, it seems that quite a few BM are also feeling the need to get themselves an AW.

Actually I remember someone posting something on this about how bm didn't go after Asian women until they started seeing white men do the same.

Anonymous said...

I can see right through YOU brotha who can't.

EVERYBODY and their mama knows that it is the minority of WW having children by BM who created the term biracial to begin with. So if you have issues with the term biracial/mixed take your beef to the WW color-struck DBRBM chase.

Plus, Sara mentioned her handsome baby boy's background because it happens to be a fact. He has a white father and a black mother which means he comes from two heritages and has nothing to hide.

YOU (and your homies) pa are the one that needs to be deprogramed. Everyone knows that most color-struck DBRBM would do a sheep as long as its fleece is white as snow.

No sensible BW (or WW for that matter) would put up with you dear.

So run along now ya hear.

Sista's who can see, hear, and think are tired of all you lame DBR trolls.

Get a fricken life for a change and go somewhere where your thoughts and opinions are appreciated.

SweetSoulSister said...

Congrats on the bundle of joy Sara! So glad mommy and baby are healthy.


As for the DBR who said you would never let a black man touch you and you think everything white is right.......come the heck on. What woman in her right mind would allow a black male to touch her? Look at black male stats across the board-particularly on education, prison, STDs, illegitimacy, etc. and you will know why any sane woman would never allow herself to be touched by one. As for "white is right"? Again, place white men and black males next to each other statistically and white certainly DOES look right. Not only does it LOOK right, white IS right.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon 10:39
Just because that's how YOU would have framed it, it does not mean I have to follow suit. Sara walks to the beat of her OWN drum-I've said that time and again. And if I am always teaching, and you find it offensive, or irritating -leave, don't stay somewhere that irritates or bothers you. -Simply leave, and the problem is solved.....

As for the brotha, I guess you're right- I wouldn't let a bm touch me. Too many of them have too many issues. Incl. drugs, jail, drive bys, STDs, color struck, mysogyny, lack of manners, lack of class, lack of common sense etc, etc, etc. Once you have a real man, it's simply too difficult to go back to petulant little boys......

Anonymous said...

Once you have a real man, it's simply too difficult to go back to petulant little boys......


Amen to THAT! Sistas are TIRED of Y'ALL (DBRBM) TIRED. Anyone with sense would move on with the quickness. And I must say I have seen SEVERAL BW/WM non BM couples this weekend. So it's not a myth...not at all. Be encouraged, good things are going to be happening for us! Be encouraged!

CW said...

You know...There are times where we need to cease being politically correct and speak on the real...A strong indicator of the future is based on past behavior...Would you visit Chernobyl under the premise that "Not ALL who live there are toxic & radio-active"...I mean c'mon...Don't blame these women for leaving the cemetery...Rational folks can see what's before their very eyes...And on the same note, rational folks don't want any part of it!




"...As for the DBR who said you would never let a black man touch you and you think everything white is right.......come the heck on. What woman in her right mind would allow a black male to touch her? Look at black male stats across the board-particularly on education, prison, STDs, illegitimacy, etc. and you will know why any sane woman would never allow herself to be touched by one"


..."As for the brotha, I guess you're right- I wouldn't let a bm touch me. Too many of them have too many issues. Incl. drugs, jail, drive bys, STDs, color struck, mysogyny, lack of manners, lack of class, lack of common sense etc, etc, etc. Once you have a real man, it's simply too difficult to go back to petulant little boys......"

CW said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lena said...

I'm so glad my parents are a loving couple. It's because of them I know what a healthy relationship looks like. My parents are also not black militants nor do they harbor a damaged mindset.

If I were to marry a white or asian man who loves me and treats me right my parents would be happy for me.

I consider myself to be blessed that I didn't grow up where the damaged mindset is prevalent.

Amarie said...

Now that black men are seeing black women date out more, their really starting to lose their minds. Well, what's left of it anyway. LOL

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful baby boy! Did you and DH adopt him?

Taylor-Sara said...

No Anon. In fact if you were to see us together, you would see that he bears a striking resemblance to me....

Everyone I appreciate all the well wishes concerning the baby, but please lets get back to the post....

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @ 11:26 p.m. don't be such a jack @$$.

A.

Anonymous said...

"Once you have a real man, it's simply too difficult to go back to petulant little boys......"

Now that is a good quote.

A.

TheVoiceOfReason said...

Congrats on the new baby.

Anonymous said...

What's up with the 2 pics above?

A.

Anonymous said...

Sara, your tone seems to be changing. I was a little nervous after your last topic before this one, now I am even more frantic. Please don't turn on BW!

Anonymous said...

What pics anon????????????

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, iwould NEVER turn on bw! I just want them to be safe...

Name: G. T. said...

Sara,

Congratulations on the adorable addition to your family!

SMH said...

@Anonymous said @August 18, 2009 12:06 AM... Sara, your tone seems to be changing. I was a little nervous after your last topic before this one, now I am even more frantic. Please don't turn on BW!"

Sara without presuming to speak for you - this comment just can't be ignored, this poster sounds like someone with a hidden agenda to derail women empowering themselves and trusting what they instinctively know to be true and trying to discourage exactly what your post is about paying attention to your instincts. So if I may let me say FWIW ....

Sara is not turning on BW of quality and worth. She is a sistah friend you know the one that calls you on it when you are not doing what you know you need to do and breaks it down - because she wants the best for you. She wants women to be safe and wise. In truth there is wisdom - not all truth is pleasent, though she delivers it well - but it is what it is. As it appears based on her recent posts as well as her collective posts over the years she is exposing the fact that within the ranks of BW collectively much as within the ranks of the "BC" there are those that are destructive to themselves and others. That is a fact. Skin shade alone is not enough to prove solidarity of purpose or uplifting intent. Sara and others are merely saying wake up - pay attention to what is happening around you and seek to do that which is in your own highest best interest - pay attention to what your instincts are telling you. Just because she is not sugar coating it or talking about home truths that might be hard to accept does not mean she has turned her back. Sometimes that message may mean speaking some hard truth to separate good from bad - truth from lies and taking a stand against self serving sacred cows of the skin shade brigade that are self destructive to the interests of those women seeking to uplift, be uplifted or maintain their higher self. It appears her tone has changed because the time to sugar coat and excuse has passed and it's do not announce bounce that which does not uplift or serve women's best, highest interests time. Suspect that as a new Mom she is more keenly aware of how precious life is and that time is too short to waste on "ish" and nonesense. It appears that she understands and is imparting to readers here the lesson that people hear what they see and is encouraging her readers here to walk the talk, be careful (attune, attend to, and trust and use your instincts) and proactively self protective while actively promoting their own best interests.

V/r

SMH

Anonymous said...

Beautiful baby! What's his name?

How come you don't post a picture of you and your husband? I can't see the babies picture very well but he doesn't look very Bi-Racial too me. Is the father baby Spanish??

Most Black/White Babies are born very light, like most babies and than darken.

Beautiful Baby though, Congrats on him!

Anonymous said...

How is this post and the other turning on black women? And honey if you are becoming frantic over posts you might need to see someone.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon 12:23 it's a dark pic, that's why he does not look 'light' But for that matter, I'm sure you're aware that biracial babies can go from very light to a med. shade of brown. I'm sure you've been in this world long enough to have realized that. No his father is not spanish. He is Caucasion-Chinese. As for his name, and a picture of my family- Do you think I'm crazy? With all the threats I get- You think I'd be stupid enought to post of a picture of my family!!! Are you feeling alright? His name starts with a D, and that's all anyone needs to know....

CC said...

Sara, I think Anon. 12:23 is the same ignorant person who asked you if the baby was adopted. I think this person is probably up to no good, and if I were you I would simply delete their posts without answering. Every bw empowerment blogger knows not to post pics of her family! Esp. Interracial bloggers. And then to ask you for the name of your son- she/he has a lot of nerve. Didn't you put D. That tells you right there, you had decided NOT to post his name for security purposes-DUH! For all you know this person could be scoping out info for a bm's group trying to shup you up-and keep bw in the box. You are right to take precautions. This person has a lot of nerve coming here, demanding to see this and that, insinuating that the child in not biracial, and making subtle accusations This is a troll in disquise Sara, I hope you see that...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
CW said...

In all fairness babies that small change very rapidly...That little handsome man would not be recognizable to us in another month

: )

But we need be aware of personal security...

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. I'm done. I knew you had a hidden agenda, and you were really just trying to start something but I wanted to give you the benefit of doubt. But now you've made your hidden motives very clear. Anyone with half an eye can see the picture is very dark. He has plenty of better pics, but I chose this one because I didn't want him to be easily recognized-not that it's your business. My son is not un-mixed, in fact he's extremely pale, and in a lighter pic, it's clearly visible that he's biracial. (He was actually white at birth) But you are welcome to believe whatever you choose. I NEVER allow passive agressive people to make me feel like I have to prove anything, and honey, I have no plans to start with you.Coming here under the guise of sweetness-talking about: "What a beautiful baby! -Is he adopted? Is he mixed with Spanish? Is he really yours? Obviously you ARE the same person who asked if my son was adopted. I thought she was wrong about that. And the reason no one here knew about him, is because I had not planned to post his picture at all. A friend asked me to. I prefer to keep my private life, for the most part private. Which IS my right. Having said that, basically, I feel that you are just here to cause problems and animosity, and I am therefore going to ask you to leave-and not return. And I will be checking your IP address....

Jerry said...

This is a WM long time reader, first time poster

First off
Congrats Mommy-Sara! (Are you a new mom, or do you have others.) I love your blog and hope you are not too busy doing mommy stuff to post from time to time.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with identifying your child as bi-racial, especially on your own blog which is all about bi-racial relationships, which hopefully lead to biracial families and children. In a perfect world no one would have to identify themselves or their children by a racial term. But this is not a perfect world. Identifying is not the same as defining and it should not be used to restrict.

As for some of the more negative comments here, such as from Fii (love the hair by the way) I must sadly agree. You might check these if you haven't already:
http://blackandmissing.blogspot.com/
www.letstalkhonestly.com/missingblackwomen.html
http://missingexploited.com/2005/07/28/latoyia-figueroa-24-is-five-months-pregnant-and-has-a-7-year-old-daughter/

Was LaToyia the one you were referring to, Fii?

Steph,
re: To the smart aleck anon
You should know wm who are more into bw tend to prefer darker skin. I like your attitude.

Cheers to all,
J

PS
Sara,
I have some things to say about military families and churches on or near bases. Because it does apply to everyone, I will send you an email. If you’re interested you can decide if you want to post or not.

Anonymous said...

Umm, no, I only asked if the baby was adopted. I'm sorry if that came off as ignorant, but I am NOT the second Anon who asked for family photos and names, etc. I could have just asked all that in one post, if that was the case.

The second Anon is simply someone who used almost the same phrase ("What a beautiful baby!") as I did in order to make you think we're the same person. Why he found that necessary, since he could and did post anonymously, I don't know.

Anonymous said...

and I am therefore going to ask you to leave-and not return. And I will be checking your IP address....

Please do, check the IP's of both Anon's. Though there's always the possibility that we might share an IP address, more than likely you will find they are not the same.

And thanks, CC for stirring the pot. I'm now wondering if you, CC, are actually the second Anon!

Anonymous said...

This is so out of topic but i found these pics of leonardo dicaprio getting cuddly with a BW.Donno if they have been posted:http://www.blackvoices.com/boards/entertainment/entertainmnt/entertainment/leonardo-dicaprio-cuddly-with-bw/272453/printDisc/1/20

I just hate the comments made by the men in the forum. It's so obvious they are trying to say "BW are ugly no man will want them"

bellydancer said...

Those same pics of Leonardo and the lovely lady of color were posted on Bossip. Now most of the posters commented on how pretty she was then the crazy people started showing up and talking about how leo was gonna smash that and then leave, how wm like him only want bw for sex etc... I was like how in the hell do you know what he was doing with the girl. It seems that bm have a problem whenever bw and wm have an romantic connection, it is easy to say oh she is with him for money or the wm is with her for sex. It can never be that maybe there is a mutual feeling of affection.
Anyway congrats Sara on lil man he is cute.

BWF said...

This is so out of topic but i found these pics of leonardo dicaprio getting cuddly with a BW.Donno if they have been posted:http://www.blackvoices.com/boards/entertainment/entertainmnt/entertainment/leonardo-dicaprio-cuddly-with-bw/272453/printDisc/1/20

I just hate the comments made by the men in the forum. It's so obvious they are trying to say "BW are ugly no man will want them"

_________________

BOOO HOOOO!!! Who cares?

Leo Dicaprio's gorgeous self is attracted to black women!!! I was diggin' him since "Growing Pains" LOL (Side note: he was also linked to Naomi Campbell). =D


Why lose sleep over that PATHETIC group of man-children who have proven over & over & over & over & over again.......... that they are useless and most importantly, DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR???

cool_splash1 said...

But at least from some of those comments it means bw are waking up and realizing that something is wrong when the men in your group call you ugly, say no man of other races want you not even them, and then turn around and get mad when a bw has the audacity to date out or proclaim her attraction/love for non-black men.

Lavette said...

Congrats Sara! on your lovely baby soooo cute! **Sending a virtual cheek pinch** LOL! Another excellent post and it's so true.

Fii said...

@ Jerry
No, the girl I'm referring to is Natalee Holloway, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natalee_Holloway, she was a teenager who just graduated from high school and went to Aruba with friends for their senior class trip. On the last night of their trip they went to a bar, got drunk and she went off with a set of men she didn't know and went missing. There was a lot of media attention about her story and many theories came up - things like she was sold into prostitution or white slavery but the most plausible story came from a confession of one of the men she was with - that she probably had a seizure and passed out. The man thought she was dead so he and his buddies rowed her out into the ocean and threw her over board even though

As I said there was a media circus about it and even a Lifetime movie. And no one said that she "deserved it" - even though she went off with strangers in a strange country. None of her friends did that, and they were all drunk too.

But if she was a black girl, she would have "deserved what she got", because she should have known better than to go off with strangers. There probably wouldn't have been as much press. There wouldn't have been police still trying to track down evidence by tricking the man she was with into a confession. There wouldn't have been any Lifetime Movie.

I mean really, how many movies about the awareness of the safety of black women do you know of? Probably, What's Love Got to Do With It, and that's it. And it's only because Tina Turner was famous.

It's sad really that when we go after things simply because it's in our best interest, safety, piece of mind or happiness we're selling out. But any other race of women as have as many sexual fetishes toward race as she wants and it's considered sexy.

Thanks, glad you like the hair :)

Fii said...

cont form the middle - that she probably had a seizure and passed out. The man thought she was dead so he and his buddies rowed her out into the ocean and threw her over board even though he may have saw her hand twitch indicating there was a chance she was still alive.

sorry about that.

Clara said...

Insticts saved me a lots of time too. I always try to be connectec with my inner self, for everything in my life. Insticts have the power to guide us. We don´t need words. Words are deceiving. Sometimes i just need one look to see if the person in front of me is decent or not!
Congratulations for the baby!!!
Shalom

S said...

BM keep forgetting that BM/WW = lust and WM/BW = Love 99.9 % of the time, i don't care if it's not politically correct to say but it needs to be said, bluntly.
Now, if they get a kick out of pumping out the same old tired myth that BW are goldiggers etc and only good for sex etc, then let them.
it's not like anyone believes those myths anyways.
They can talk all the crap they want about us to their white male co workers and say we are useless and we are this and that and even say the most vile things about our private parts - listen, i have heard it all! and my white male friends have all told me what these dbr negros are up too and they tell me they can't believe that they would say these things and they know they only want the WM to leave us alone, they know they have an agenda because it's so obvious.
So don't be scared that non BM will believe this crap the BM try to feed them and if they do, you wouldn't want them anyways, right!
Yeah, i know it's love sometimes too when it comes to BM/WW but heidi klum didn't exactly make that very clear when she was on oprah and told the whole world that the first things she notices about seal was his "package" and that was what attracted her to him.
ugh, whatever, let the BM keep spewing their hate, they are so transparent and i love leo dicaprio! i've had a crush on him ever since titanic lol

Anonymous said...

BM keep forgetting that BM/WW = lust and WM/BW = Love 99.9 % of the time, i don't care if it's not politically correct to say but it needs to be said, bluntly

It also needs to be proven to be proven.

sky said...

Leo DiCaprio Really!!! But let's be honest as long as there is a man present and you're looking beautiful, he's going to find you attractive, no matter what race he may be. So all this bw are ugly/unwanted is really just a reflection of what some of these dbrbm feel about themselves. Isn't that the pshycology of bullies anyway? they hate you cause you have something they don't.

ak said...

Congrats on your baby Sara. I was just thinking how are black men and other black women gonna argue with black women dating and marrying IR when there are all these kinds of pictures on this website. Are they gonna argue with the pictures of Robert De Niro & Grace Hightower or Jon Voight and Diana Ross? Please.

No one is ashamed anymore and if they were, no black woman has to put up with that, and they usually won't.

ak said...

Fii:

And in response to that comment about black women not having common sense, I would like to point out how in America other races of women get into precarious situations, go missing and the like, on an almost daily basis because they use neither instincts or common sense. They make the news. People continue the search for them years, even decades afterward. But no one says they "deserved what they got". No one discredits their sex/race demographic as a whole because of it. They continuously are allowed to use the damsel in distress card to justify their actions or lack there of, how ever black women are exempt from that. Why is that? We have just as much capacity to be damsels. We have just as much capacity to get caught up in a situation that we probably should have known better than to get in. Yet there are no rescue teams for us. There are no pleas for our safe return. That is why such blog topics are necessary. We need to know how to protect ourselves. Black women need to have every weapon in our arsenal at the ready because there's no one out there protecting us.

If Natalee Halloway has been Natalee Jenkins, there would lifetime movie. There would be no effort for awareness. She would have simply "deserved what she got". Sad.




Exactly Fii my dear exactly! White people will police their own kind for the safety of their women and children. No ones saying that whites don't commit horrible crimes against their own, they do but the healthier ones will seek justice for the ones that slipped by and seek to protect the rest. And no one, black or white, ever calls white girl or women victims 'stupid', 'lacking common sense', or blames her for her whereabouts, they just want them found alive.

Blacks are so stupidly self hating that they'd look at Elizabeth Smart and say 'Oh the poor little thing', but look at Tamika Smith and say 'she should have known better than to go out there at her age, she wasn't raised right'!

ak said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
calibudafly said...

"Yeah, i know it's love sometimes too when it comes to BM/WW but heidi klum didn't exactly make that very clear when she was on oprah and told the whole world that the first things she notices about seal was his "package" and that was what attracted her to him."


Yeah I saw that episode too. And the audience (mostly ww) were hooting and hollering SMH. If a wm would have said about a bw he would have been called everything in the book...mostly by other bw!

Anonymous said...

Wow, Heidi basically admitted she's a whore. Since apparently her only concern is the "package" which has been scientifically proven to not correlate with "race".

I guess that's why men from all races say certain WW are skanks and will do a horse or dog for "package" size.

Maybe it's true. Whether it is or isn't, black women don't need to adopt the same attitude.

Because BW don't need that kind of negative reputation.

I do see now why WM have the highest IR marriage rates (mostly to Asian women but increasingly to Hispanic and Black women as well) and these marriages last longer than WW involved IR.

Because fetishes which are based on illegitimate stereotypes lose their "thrill" after a while.

Love, as opposed to a fetish, lasts the long haul.

Black women need to be concentrating on the long haul.

Lorraine said...

Congrats on the beautiful bundle Sara. You never missed a beat. I bounced right back after my 2nd one and was up and about in 20 minutes. Congrats again, I know you are enjoying every minute of having a little one in the house.

Your post is right on time. We have to take all threats seriously and listen to the God given instinct that we all have. Whenever I have ignored, it I paid a price. Whenever I adhered to it, I may have saved my own life and that of my children so I don't discount anything. That extra thought to go and check the door, or carseat, or watch the guy across the store all get equal attention.

I once took a guy off guard in an alley when he appeared out of nowhere (actually from behind the corner of a garage). I was headed to work in the rain holding an umbrella. When I saw his blue crossed eyes (one was looking at me and one was looking Eastward) within 1 second I had my umbrella down in attack position and asked him what he was doing there. Catching him off guard, he told me he was looking for his kitty kat.

I hightailed it to work -- running getting wet, never having put my umbrella back up. I was scared and knew something was not right with that guy. Yeah he was looking for his kitty kat alright. I knew what that really meant and was not going to be a victim that day. I never second guessed myself because my instinct told me to react (or proact) quickly and saved my life.

Note: Nothing against people with crossed-eyes. This guy's were pure evil, being crossed was just an added element to this man's description, and I am alive to share this story.

S said...

"Yeah I saw that episode too. And the audience (mostly ww) were hooting and hollering SMH. If a wm would have said about a bw he would have been called everything in the book...mostly by other bw!"

If i was dating a WM and he said the first thing that attracted him to me was my vajayjay or some other sexual thing (breasts,butt, whatever) i would run faster than forrest gump! I want a man to be attracted to my "beautiful face" or "cute ears" or something else that isn't all about sex because to me that is a big turn off, i don't want to hear i'm sexy i want to hear i am beautiful...the media tells me i'm sexy and just good for sex so i have associated that word with something negative (unfortunately) and from the man i love and claims to love me i want to hear i am beautiful or pretty, not sexy and not hot lol, it would be very refreshing.
that's why i usually don't dress in a sexy way, i dress myself in a way that makes me feel beautiful and pretty and that reflects me and how i would like to be perceived.

and yeah i noticed the applauds heidi recieved from her comments lol, why on earth would she say that? doesn't she know that people think a BM/WW irr is all about sex? that's the stereotype anyways and if i were her i would try to kill that stereotype and not embrace it, maybe she tought it was funny idk, all the best to them though.

"I guess that's why men from all races say certain WW are skanks and will do a horse or dog for "package" size.

Maybe it's true. Whether it is or isn't, black women don't need to adopt the same attitude.
"

Any man that calls a woman a whore or skank regardless of her preference or anything else is a jerk and needs to be locked up, seriously. A real man doesn't hurt anyone on purpose, especially not a woman.
Black women do not need to do anything, it doesn't matter, we can be dressed in a business suit and still be called sluts.
A BW could never get away with certain things a WW could get away with...

"Black women need to be concentrating on the long haul."

I think most BW who are in ir ARE in it for the long haul.
Most irr couples between BW and non BM i've seen have been married for years.

Taylor-Sara said...

S. I have never understood why some ww want to perpetuate this stereotype, or why some bm are only too happy to help them! Do you not care if the world thinks that's all you two have between you is wild, unrestrained, animal, lust? IDK. It' weird to me, because I just don't think that mess is cute at all. I would think that even ww would want something deeper, and more substantive. I remember reading a letter written by a ww (sent in by a reader) where a ww is talking to a grp of bm/ww and she tells them that her neighbor was angry that she was dating a bm. She said that she 'told her off,' and basically ended her discourse with "Obviously, you've never had sex with a black man or you'd know why I'm with him!" The bm in the forum howled with approval, and both they and the ww told her how right she was. I was awestruck, and dumbfounded. I could not understand how these men could consider this a compliment! So you're not being respected, admired, and loved. You're being used as a MATING BUCK!!! Yet, they were crowing with misplaced pride because some ww wants to use them for a cheap screw! lol...

Anonymous said...

@ Sara these idiots actually think they are smarter than the average ww. They do not believe they can be used by these ww.

cool_splash1 said...

http://blackhaven.yuku.com/topic/756/t/African-Women-begging-for-help-against-Black-Male-BRUTALITY.html

It's crazy what you don't notice the first time around. I used to read this forum when I was younger. This is from 03 and they are talking about what we are talking about know.

Anonymous said...

I see PLENTY of BM who use WW for sex, money, use of their cars, trophy's, favors. fool's errands, etc, and these WW are only TOO happy to oblige them!

Anonymous said...

cool, is black haven a site just for bw?

Taylor-Sara said...

cool, I meant to ask you about that site. I went there, and I thought the woman was a fabulous, articulate speaker (she didn't reg. a name) but I was shocked and appalled that the more she tried to bring to light the horrible abuse the women of Africa were suffering at the hands of bm. The more the male (somemomo-or some dumb name) kept diverting the discourse back to -innocent bm being tainted by the nature of their gender. He kept reiterating that she was being harsh, and acerbic in her comments. And that she was painting all bm with the same brush. He did everything but scream 'shut up' to silence her. All under the guise that innocent bm may be thought of in the same context as the raping, torturing murdering monsters. Can you imaging! This woman is talking about bw and little girls being raped, tortured, murdered, and forgotten and this peice of feces is talking about how her language was too harsh!!! SMH! -The foolish amoung us can trick and deceive themselves into thinking bm care about them if they want, but they are in for a rude awakening....

Anonymous said...

anon. if the ww are happy to serve those bm then I am happy for them

A.

Anonymous said...

I went to that site also and she was right the same comments we are talking about in 2009 the female commenter was also trying to comment on. It is so sad. All I can say is I am doing my best to get myself together and move out of the "commuity" because it will literally eat you alive.

A.

Anonymous said...

I think some ww love the negative sterotypes because it seemingly makes them look superior to all other race of women.

A.

evette said...

I went to that site Sara, and you are right, the more she tried to talk about the atrocities being committed in various ways, against bw, young and old, the more this double talking clown tried to shame her into shutting up! It's amazing that bm can get popped upside the head by a cop, and they want to talk about it non-stop, but bw and girls can be raped, tortured, murdered and missing, and they want to change the subject!! This is why black men can kick rocks to me. I just don't emotion on anyone who does not give a good damn about me, and other women who look like me.....

kiki said...

Hi Sara,
I'm new to your blog--love it :-)

I'm confused by the pictures above the posting--was this beautiful young woman pictured mutilated? Sorry if i am late.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi kiki,
Yes, this woman was beaten and broken because she was female. No one came to her aid, and I beleive she passed away.....

bellydancer said...

Actually the picture of the first female was a result of an honor killing that occurred in Iraq. This girl was stoned for dating outside her tribe the whole thing was videotaped.

kiki said...

thanks for the clarification, sara and bellydancer.

"This is why black men can kick rocks to me. I just don't emotion on anyone who does not give a good damn about me, and other women who look like me....."

thank you, evette!!!

cool_splash1 said...

black haven was more of a black site afrocentric etc., but it wasn't ugly, but then you always got the fools that will come on and turn it into a da ebil white man site. That's one reason I stopped going to Izania. I mean I could post things like the Dresdon Dolls and people thought it was cool. You could bring up issues like if we should have listened to Booker T. and followed his ideas instead of W. E. B. and not get into a heated hated discussion.

cool_splash1 said...

What got me about the post is that I am just now really noticing it and what she was saying. Probably because back then I was more pretty young and someone not completely into afrocentrism. Black Unity/love etc But I was also into multicultralism.

I remember someone commenting about a black/Greek 3 or 4 year old girl who was orphaned. There was a debate about if she should go to live with her Greek family or the AA family and many AA's brought up the fact that the girl would probably be better off living in the Greek family. I remember a comment saying that the girl won't be taught the bitterness and self hate that many black people in the bc teach their children. I think this happened in 03 or 4 maybe earlier (this was on a black forum)

Then I recently saw a comment (might have been youtube)where the person said maybe it's the black community GASP... not white people or media images that teach black people especially bw self hate. So bw are definately waking up. Especially since so many agreed. I do remember it had something to do with wm who are dating or marrying dark skinned women or at least a certain couple.

Anonymous said...

Yes, this woman was beaten and broken because she was female. No one came to her aid, and I beleive she passed away....

What country was this in?

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dx9aex89SuQ

DO any of you women realize your biracial son will be considered black in this society?