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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

When the guards, protectionists, and saboteurs are black women!!!........


Some bw are set up to be gatekeepers at the exits of the BC. Many are angry that bm don't want them, and hell bent to make everyone pay!
Some become enraged at other bw for having the nerve to be attracted to wm, and for acting on that attraction. And some are even angry at wm for being so attractive, and appealing!!!

Did you ladies know that many of the protectionists, and guards at the gates of many black enclave hellholes, are female? You see men are smart enough to realize the women often listen to women. Women often emulate other women, and women will often try to please other women, especially if she is an alpha female. The problem is, if we listen to women who do not have our best interests at heart then we'll often be lead blindly right into the pits of hell. Did you know that many of Jim Jone's favorite, and highest ranking associates, were women? Why do you think he did that? Because he knew he needed WOMEN to lead other women into the pit of torment, he called the family...


It's true, that many of us are more apt to trust women than men, but what do you do about women who are mean spirited, jealous, or just plain evil? How do you handle it? Would you try to love this person into changing, or would you leave them to their own devises? First of all, sistas, I want to say I have always told y'all to follow your instincts. And that applies to male as well as female persons. The truth is some women in these blk enclaves are just as deadly, vile, and morally bankrupt as many of the men. They're like the living dead. They've been infected by the virus of hatred, It peruses their system like a fast moving venom, and soon is projected outward. It would be wonderful if we could embrace all bw as sistas and show each other love and compassion in an ongoing open manner. But many of you know all too well, sometimes the only thing you do with some sistas, is to get away from them as quickly as possible.

You see, some women are so bm identified that they will even sabotage and try to hurt other bw if they see us escaping the confines of the black hole ( ghetto, inner cities, blk male dominated domains) Some bw have had their minds so warped by the severe indoctrination that takes place in the bc, that they become brain washed and an accomplice, like Patty Hurst with her kidnappers. Many often feel that they are saving the black race by keeping the women away from anything non-black. However, it's very telling that very few bw, are engaged in openly keeping bm away from white/non black women. Some lost and indoctrinated sistas will even fight tooth and nail for white women, yet throw bw under the bus every chance they get. You see they know this behavior is pleasing to bm. This is also something you see in bm everyday. Day in and out, we see bm who hate with religious fervor all white men yet cannot get enough white women to satisfy their eternal crave for white flesh. They claim to hate all things white but totally identify with white so badly, they try to become pseudo white men, and will hold in very high esteem any and all ww regardless of looks, education, age etc. They have turned the racism and subjugation that they've experienced into an internal animosity. Consequently all things black strike them as lower, less than, and valueless. Yet when they look in the mirror and see the black faces, and kinky hair, the rage comes to the surface, and must be released- usually onto the most vulnerable victims.....

The pathology of female hatred is similar. Many bw are grotesquely angry over the lack of real men in the bc. Many bw see all the hatred directed toward bw coming from bm and blame other bw for that anger/hatred. They don't see that what is in gravitates toward the outside, and that these sick twisted men are responsible for their own feelings and beliefs. Instead these women who have become so bm-identified will often try to 'get back at other women' for 'driving bm away' They will not admit to themselves or anyone else that bm leaving, is a blessing from God, and that no woman should try to keep a man who does not want to be kept. No, they lack the critical neurons ( due to constant programming) to make these distinctions. In their minds, if 'other ' bw would behave and be what bm want, then 'THEY' would have a good bm. Due to this mind set, many bw regard other bw as nothing more than competition, and never with a sense of sisterhood and high regard. These women are often insidious, and quite damaged. They will often turn on other females who have desirable bm (white women) or who defiantly disregard bm (evolved black women) They get their sense of self worth from the pat on the head that bm give them, and pretend that is all the sustenance that is required to maintain life. They are often secretly miserable, lonely, covetous, maligning, mean spirited, and jealous.

Many times these women will consider any woman who has a desirable element to be a target. This includes looks, man, hair, skin tone, education, personality, career, children, (or lack of children-depending on how they see it) etc. This can even go so far to include tangible things such as cars, or houses. Their jealousy prevents them from being happy for anyone else, and to blindly go into a semi-rage at the thought of another woman having more, or better than them. This is why Usher's wife was so hated on. The fact that she was dark and large boned, in their opinion already categorized her as unappealing. (this is how many of them see themselves- due to programming) the fact that she managed to land one of the top recording stars in the world without looking like Beyonce, made them instantly hate her. They've ripped her to shreds because in their diseased minds, bw *should * be on the bottom and their lives have paid tribute to this belief. To see other women breaking the mold frightens, and confuses them. But more than that, it throws their glaring failures in their own face. *If she can attract a high quality man as a dark divorcee with multiple children and no celebrity status of her own- why do they have baby daddies who only pay nocturnal, solicitous, and carnal visits?.....

The depravity of this mindset can even extend to their own children, and other people they *should love*. Some bw will even engage in sexual liaisons with white men (although they may hate them on behalf of bm), and then will mistreat the offspring from these encounters, because she/he has some of that *hated white blood* Yes, some women are really THAT confused, and messed up! Below is a video of a so-called mother supposedly grooming her beautiful biracial daughter's hair. Look closely as she happily tortures the child for having thick beautiful hair and being mixed. Watch her evil grin as she deliberately tangles the child's hair again and again while under the pretense of *combing it*. Then she holds the poor child down while wildly brushing her thick tangled hair, all the while cursing repeatedly at the little girl and gleefully telling her she had no f%$#*& father!!! (like it was the child's fault) and to shut the f*&% up! The malicious pleasure on this mother's face was quite telling, as was her making fun of her son for being biracial (this sick woman obviously thinks biraciallity is an affliction) Her friend laughs and giggles with appalling glee in the background as the little girls cries and screams and begs her to stop. Watching this video, made my stomach turn. There is no love for her own child displayed in this woman's demeanor. Only evil glee. It almost seemed like the little girl represented all the hatred she had for wm, and she was transferring that hatred to her. At the same time I honestly felt immense jealousy radiating from this woman in regard to her child, possibly because of her ad-mixture. (we all know, when this child is older, she will have the kind of looks bm crave-ie, long hair, fair smooth skin, European features, etc) If anyone knows what actions are being taken against this horrible woman, please let us know-here is the link.



Basically, I truly believe the only way to deal with damaged females is to do exactly what you would do in the case of damaged males-get away from them. They will poison everything they touch, and they almost never have good intentions. I know you ladies have noticed that some women will go out of their way to discourage sistas from stepping out of the box in ANY way, be it, marriage, career, hobbies, pursuits, education etc. I'm sure you've even had friends to this to you from time to time. The truth is some bw recognize that sistas MUST step out of the box, but their innate gatekeeper training, and the fact that they could never see themselves being so bold, guide them to keep that other woman in at all costs.


Do you know why there is no lid on the crab barrel in sea food restaurants? Its because if a crab tries to escape the other crabs will latch on to it, and pull it back down- They will never let a crab escape since they are in bondage. They never see that if they helped each other, they could all be free. Instead, they are focused on keeping each other down, and this is why none of them are able to escape! This is also why there is no need for a lid. The fellow crabs become the guards at the gates. This is essentially what some bw have become. They may be old, too set in their ways, or have considerable clout in the community, or some other reason that makes escape for them a less than viable option. Therefore, since they know there is no hope for them to lead a better life, they will stalk, bully, and prevent other women from getting out with every available resource they possess. These include friendship, gossip, love, hate reputation, guilt, need for approval etc. The kudos they receive from bm are the icing on the cake, the other entreatment is the sense of reprisal against life by preventing another woman from having betterment in the face of their glaring shortcomings. Wherever you go, and whatever you do in life-be on the look out for these surreptitious, dangerous malefactors. They'll be the ones wearing invisible tattoos reading: "Born to Sabotage!"

183 comments:

Liz said...

Sara that video was terrible! That mother was deliberately knotting the child's hair so she could torture her! I was horrified, and so was my husband. Our beautiful daughter amanda is also biracial and looks alot like that lovely little girl, and it broke our hearts to see her crying and begging. I can't beleive her sadistic mother! Some people should not be allowed to have children.
As for your post-it's on target as usual. I had a friend before I got married who was the baby momma of a total loser. He cheated on her, lied constantly, and used her for money, sex and a hot meal on a regular. Well, when I started to date my handsome white hubby, she flipped out and kept trying to get me to date her baby daddy's brother -who acted just like him! I told her no thank you and she spread malicious rumors all around the town because of my husband's color. She even tried to get people to boycott our wedding! We had a wonderful marriage anyway, and it gets better and better. She stopped speaking to me after DH bought me a new house-and i could care less! Yes, she was definitely a gatekeeper, trying to keep me from escaping because she knew SHE was stuck....

Anonymous said...

Hey Sara! I enjoy reading your blog and check for updates everyday. I agree with everything you said about DBR damaged black women. They can be just as bad as damaged black men. I have had experiences with black women like this. They seem to be very angry, resentful and full of envy. I feel that it's very sad that those women will hate other women for trying to do better in life. It's like they think that black women do not deserve anything good. I do wish that black women would be more supportive of each other.

Clarice said...

The message is simple - don't announce just bounce. Let - get every negative person, place or situation regardless of gender or race out of your life - situation or circumstance. Completely divest from the negative. Heed the words of wisdom provided here - DBR folks are real they exist in all shapes, sizes and genders and can be anywhere and everywhere. Therefore be aware, be warned and prepared - invest only in that which is good - life enhancing and affirming. Sara this is so on point as per usual.

Clarice

bellydancer said...

Misery Loves Company and some of these MLC beoyotches need to wake up. I have female haters in my own family and I just ignore them and keep my mind focused on what I want out of life which may not be what they want or need but I don't judge people if they want something different from me.
Growing up I was not popular because I did not have the latest fashions or hair styles but my clothes were cleaned and hair neat.
My mother was strict so I did not go out a lot but when I see the girls from my old hood I am glad that other values came into play as I was growing up. I do not have any children, I am not married but I have a decent job with benefits so I feel blessed. I have never abused drugs or alchohol, I don't hang out in clubs nor do I engage in unhealthy hook ups with men. I think women need to develop a sense of self before they just get with some random guy. That would clear up some of the drama before dating the wrong person.

Felicia said...

There is much truth in this post.

Thank you for shining the light on these disturbed and seriously damaged beyond repair black females.

I've encountered them in the past and I"m sure we all have or will at some point. They are LOST and will have to suffer the consequences of their serious issues.

These "gatekeepers" are sick and must be avoided at all cost.

Normal people in general - and especially us - must stay away from them and we ALSO must keep our innocent children away from them because they are dangerous as one can clearly see from that horrible video.

I feel so sorry for that little girl...SMH

Alienation said...

"The truth is some women in these blk enclaves are just as deadly, vile, and morally bankrupt as many of the men. They're like the living dead."

:-( true. THIS is self-hatred.

I've also been just dumbfounded at the number of black women who criticize other black women who are revolting against black male behavior by proclaiming that they are "self haters" when THEY themselves are engaging in the truest form of self-hatred. Self hatred is only when the same gender, race, class and sexual orientation apply. Anything else is about maintaining privilege for one group, and despising that privilege for the other group. When straight black men hate gay/trans black men is it "self hatred"? What about when ww hate bw, is that "self hatred" against other women? It's NOT in my opinion. IMHO white women hate black women to preserve privilege, this is RACISM that effects black women, but is chucked up to the "catty nature of women" and that vicious oppression is not taken seriously. Black men hating black women is no different.

BW hating other BW makes BM feel good about themselves, and serves as an ego boost to BM. So long as we're competing over the mere crumbs of manhood in the average black male, we're distracted. This is also why I think BM are always trying to stir up beef and confusion to make us hate all whites. BM have successfully co-opted the classic definition of "self hate" to mean that THEY hate us because they are "victims". No, they hate us because they maintain privilege by doing so, and we hate them because of their PRIVILEGE and behavior. This is the case across the spectrum, with ALL groups in my opinion. Otherwise, the civil rights movement would've been about white Americans "self hatred of Americans" when it came to black folks. lol. BW being miserable with other BW for no reason other than trying to elevate themselves are as self-hating as the fellow slaves who discouraged other slaves from escaping the plantation simply because they were too cowardly to do so themselves. BW don't get privilege from us staying in BM infested terrorist cells, neither did other slaves on the plantation. However master lost privilege when slaves escaped as do black men. We need to be clear what self hatred "is" and "isn't" in my opinion.

What BM have also done is the same thing slave masters are said to have done in a sense by using words like "WE" to force the psychologically broken slave to be convinced that they are ONE and the SAME (the "Hey boss, WE sick" line from Malcolm X comes to mind. LOL

We couldn't change racist whites from having a foot over our neck by "bleeding" and "begging" for our humanity. When bus drivers stop going to work, when people stop buying products, THAT'S when things changed because 1. Profits were lost, and we live in a consumer culture and 2. The privileged got to see just how much they needed the underprivileged. When black women stand together and BOYCOTT black men and form solidarity on this issue, we will see things change...And really quickly. We have ample notes from history--from Slave rebellions to the Labor Movement to Civil Rights as proof.

bellydancer said...

Another thing bw have to do in order to avoid these DBR black people is to travel out the hood sometimes, get on the bus,el train or subway train whatever.. just get out on the weekends and start exploring other areas of town. Don't worry if they happen to be mostly white areas just go. Usually if it is just you by yourself you won't get looks but if you travel in packs like most blacks feel they have to yeah people are thinking you might start something, so go by yourself or take a likeminded friend.

Go sit at the library and just browse through books on travel just looking at pictures of other places can make you feel like visiting.
Center yourself so that you are acting and not reacting to what is going on around you.
So what if people think you are different.

I got into an argument one time with a lady who told me meditation was the work of the devil, she told me that prayer was the only thing that black people should be doing and that yoga and all that stuff was demonic. I promptly told her that the demons was right inside her church and that she did not have to look no further for that influence. I have used some meditative techniques to help with my diabetes and hypertension. I also use yoga and bellydance for weight control.
People like her are so small minded and all that silliness is killing us.

People used to look at me funny for eating sushi but now I do notice a lot of black men eating it but not too many sisters are trying the benefits of it.
We need to examine why we are so threatened by differences especially by things that can helpful to us as women.

Lena said...

I've read this post and a certain black female youtube user comes to mind Melosidad. She is the very black woman who identifies with black men so much it's sickening and destructive. Her crappy video called Black women dropped the ball is a perfect example of hatred for black women who dare to have minds of their own instead of being lead like sheep to the slaughter.

She stereotypes black women as all being ghetto and materialistic while painting black men as angels.
Women like her remind me of why I value individuality over so called black unity!

Damaged women like her put black men on a pedestal and belittle and denigrate black women to please black men. That damaged mammy can have them!

Moorena said...

It's plain ole jealousy. If they are miserable, they want company to complain about BM with.

When they see a BW happy with her non-bm they are JEALOUS beyond belief and want you with a broke down negro. OH they know the wm is treating you well and they are with a dbr-bm, they see it alright. But they want to persuade you from your good life and return to misery.

MilesPerHour said...

As a man I will leave the "real" comments to the ladies.

I do like your analogy with the crabs, it can apply to so many subjects.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Taylor-Sara said...

Last Anon. I don't need time to sort my thoughts on your comments out-they have absolutely nothing to do with my post! If you don't have anything relevant to say-go somewhere else to speak.

Anonymous said...

that woman is abusing her child because she's jealous of the child's "biracialness" (more specifically, her hair), not because of some hatred for whites. i think you should actually take that down.

as for these DBR negro women, as i usually say, they can drop dead for all i care.

Taylor-Sara said...

Why would I take it down Anon. So we can bury our heads in the sand and pretend it didn't/doesn't happen? That's not the way I work... thank you for your comments, but I will NOT be taking it down. People need to see this behavior in real life....

Lynn said...

Hi Sara
I posted this on Acts of Faith's blog awhile back. She asked me how did I escape the BC. I think this may be of interest to a few of you.
I kinda touch on the DBR Black Women in Step Three. I hope this helps someone out there who's struggling.


My steps were:
Step One: Trust in the Lord.

Step Two: Make the MENTAL DECISION that YOU ARE LEAVING...and no matter what your momma say, your daddy say, sisters, cousins, aunt and uncles...you are already gone because you are mentally free from the black community. So again, you have to prepare yourself mentally to leave.

Step Three: DO NOT tell people of your plans unless you know they have your best interests at heart. We all know that some women (and men) can be extremely jealous, they may say “who do you think you are” or “you’ll be back” (I had one woman say that to my face! Followed by a cruel laugh.)..and then you might have some doubts and then your whole plan will be foiled. Don’t do it. If you have naysayers in your family, tell them NOTHING of your plans. You know who I’m talking about. Those people that are always negative when you have good news to share. Cut them out of your plans immediately. Don’t even associate with them because it might slip out. Keep your plans to yourself. (I am so serious about this…because this is where a lot of women start doubting themselves. They might try to bounce an idea off their girlfriends or male friends and be shut down, laughed at, etc.

Step Four: Realize and ACCEPT that the black community is going no where fast. But if you are doing Step Two and Three then you are already there. You don’t care what grocery store Tay Tay and dem robbed, who got stabbed in the foot by Bae Bae, YOU. DON’T. CARE. ….because you are LEAVING, remember?

Step Five: Find a diversified area. My rule of thumb is that I don’t mind being the only black woman as long as I’m not the only minority. I was fortunate to have a good male friend breakdown all the demographic areas in the city for me. So that really helped.
If you don’t know anyone then drive through areas - morning and night. Check it out. Also make sure it's not next to an all black community. Here’s a tip: try to find an area that’s next to a university. Generally those areas are pretty safe. Again, NOT next to an all black community. I know of an Ivy League school that is surrounded by an all black community and there’s a lot of crime very near campus.

Step Four: I found my area, great! However…what building would I live in? More research. For me I needed to know:
How close is public transportation? Where was the nearest hospital, grocery store, health club facility? How would I get to work, church, etc.? How far are the cultural events, museums, beaches, etc.
I went online and researched apartments in the area I was looking into and read MANY reviews. If you can talk to people in the actual building that’s my biggest recommendation. I was able to and that’s how I chose where I am now.
If you can’t talk to anyone I think there may be some sites where you can just ask a basic question of: does anyone know about the apartment building on so and so street. The internet is SO powerful…this is one of your greatest resources, use it!
I cannot stress enough that you need to do your research on the area and building. Believe me when I say it is possible for you to live in a diversified area but be in an all black apartment building – and what would be the point? Again, RESEARCH.

Step five: Move. That’s it. If you have good friends to help you, great. If not, you can move on your own. Rent a truck – I rented from Uhaul – and got a friend to drive it for me. The rest was a piece of cake.
I am so happy that I moved. My area is very diverse, my building is as well. I purposely have surrounded myself with people from many different backgrounds and cultures. I am volunteering, going to cultural events at least 3 times a week, and have lost 50 pounds this year. The change is AMAZING. I only wish I had done this sooner.
Always remember: this is YOUR life. YOURS.

bellydancer said...

Yeah Lena I agree melosidad is mammyish in her potrayal of bw.
This young girl has a lot of growing up to do before she can talk to us old heads especially about men. Some lil young nicca has been turning her head and all those men agreeing with her are only doing so because she makes us look bad they seem to applaud those bw that hold bm up and dog out bw.
She had the nerve to get mad about bw dating wm.
I was smh at this silly girl who does not have a clue about the games bm play. Almost all the post were saying how the bw can change the black community if bw get their act together and we should listen to her I almost laughed the comments were so funny.

Lynn said...

Bellydancer said:
People used to look at me funny for eating sushi but now I do notice a lot of black men eating it but not too many sisters are trying the benefits of it.
We need to examine why we are so threatened by differences especially by things that can helpful to us as women.

@Bellydancer: you are so right... the time has come that BW need to break out of that! But I think we have been so conditioned to think otherwise, that may be the problem.

I've purposely surrounded myself with people of different backgrounds and ethnicities. I've learned so much from them. My best friend is Mexican, my other good friend is Asian, my workout buddy is from Jordan. I have another workout buddy who is a white male. If you surround yourself with likeminded people - forget what color they are - that's the key! And LEARN from them. I've learned so much about food, geography, fitness, religions, dialects...and they have learned from me as well. There's not a day that goes by that I feel like it's wasted. I know I use to feel like that when I was in the BC and hanging around DBR BW and BM. But now...I really feel with the life I've made for MYSELF, and no one else that I'm LIVING...

I Want A Jon Hamm said...

First, I just want to say that the first picture practically screams sex! WOW o_o (I want to either be her or the Haagen-Daz lol)

Secondly, I must say that I'm grateful not to have those kind of people constantly (or even a little) surrounding me. Life itself is at times difficult, so I don’t need to associate myself with that kind of negativity. It is so sad to see that kind of black women live that way and make it a priority to bring down BW that does not agree with their way of thinking. And to be frank, I could not bring myself to see that video… your description alone was upsetting so to actually see it would be too much. I found this part of your essay glaringly true:

“Many times these women will consider any woman who has a desirable element to be a target. This includes looks, man, hair, skin tone, education, personality, career, children, (or lack of children-depending on how they see it) etc. This can even go so far to include tangible things such as cars, or houses. Their jealousy prevents them from being happy for anyone else, and to blindly go into a semi-rage at the thought of another woman having more, or better than them.”

For me- I say let them hate, it means that I’m doing something right.

Later!

Taylor-Sara said...

Ladies, thank you so much! Those are great tips! And for those of you who don't know, the free your mind Seminar was a raging success! Yay!!! Standing room only, and completely full! Bw are definitely waking up, and ready to move on-so happy.

Also, miles per hour. You can comment as much as you want, you don't have to wait for an invite. And that goes for all our non-bm guests...

Anonymous said...

It's very obvious that the mother in the video is not actually trying to style or detangle the child's hair, as the child's hair is sticking up all over the place, and all the mother's doing is wildly yanking the brush and comb through whichever section of hair is closest to her.

The women, clearly intent on torturing her child, quickly snatches her back and holds her down after each time the girl manages to wriggle out of her grasp.

It really is sick to envy your own offspring. I've heard of it before, though. Some BW envied and hated the light-skinned girls who got all the attention when they were growing up, and so they end up later taking their resentment out on a vulnerable child -- their own light-skinned daughter.

Anonymous said...

I have been lurking on your posts for quite some time but never posted until now but I must say wow this is a great discussion. First I must say that I'm married to a wonderful bm who loves me dearly. However before meeting my husband I did date several damage bm and if my husband hadn't come along, I too would have moved on. He is very sick over the behavior of some bm and think bw should open up their options. I can't tell you how many complaints I hear coming from bw who cry over not being married when they're 35+ but still don't want to date out. This is crazy.

The jealous is out of hand for some bw. For starters, I think we as bw are beautiful, however, I'm so sick and tired of seeing the unattractive different color weave and wigs of many bw. In addition, so many bw have just let their weight get out of hand. Now I'm not saying that we as bw should be the size of ww but many of us need to exercise, watch what we eat and just do better. Being a person who is very friendly, enjoy working out and staying in shape, I can't tell you how many bw will walk passed me with a chip on their shoulder. I can't tell you how many times my son has been told he acts white because he speaks correct English and is well mannered. This is the same thing I used to go through in school. Someone said it best when they mentioned to leave negative people alone.

Sasha said...

Long time reader, first time comment-poster: I say this as a heterosexual, first generation Nigerian American 22 yr old female who's only dated interracially (this is going somewhere haha): I love you!! I love reading the comments and your blogs. Never have I seen blogs that contained so much wisdom and just raw truth that people have been denying for so long. All the women and men alike who comment have something intelligent to say and those who leave negative comments are the DBR BW&BM you discuss so much. Please keep them coming!

Peaches&Cream said...

Hi!
About the video, i was just wondering how could she hurt deliberately her child this way? And if she hates so much white people, why did she had a child by a white man?
Back to the topic... I knew some black women who made me ashamed of liking white men. And sometimes I have to hide the fact that I would like to marry a handsome dark haired green eyed man.... It's like they're so bitter of being alone or mistreated by so called "brothers" that fellow black women who open their options or prefer white guys are traitors, alienated, enslaved...
So I've decided long ago to stay away from every person that has a negative way of thinking, speaking and behaving.
I'm focusing on finding a quality man :)

Greetings from Paris!

Anonymous said...

wow i love this article!!! and its very sad that its so true...its mostly psychological, since they feel crappy they absolutely cannot be happy for someone else...and its not just the black community..i would venture to say its insidious in every community, hispanic also. im dominican so i have a lot of black in me and this is the story of my family, church...you name it! theyre all hopelessly miserable!
as a child and teenager i thought it was my duty to love them and make them see the error of their ways but...its almost impossible! im about to take sara's advice and leave them alone and save myself...its my last resort..

oh and i love the crab reference its so true and i never thought of it

Anonymous said...

@Taylor-Sara,

"Ladies, thank you so much! Those are great tips! And for those of you who don't know, the free your mind Seminar was a raging success! Yay!!! Standing room only, and completely full! Bw are definitely waking up, and ready to move on-so happy."

So the empowered, independent enlightened, professional and sophisticated black women are now standing in line to get a white man? LOL. Wow, I've never seen anything like it. And this is a cause for wild celebration in the streets? What a bunch of jokers! I doubt even a scumbag of a down low black man would stand in line for someone to 'teach' him how to get a non-black woman. Every man knows how to get a woman on his own, but a 'strong black woman' needs somebody to tell them to free their minds? So what was all this feminism about if you aint free yet? DWL.

rainebeaux said...

I don't understand it; that woman (I'm using the term very loosely) is just evil, man. I mean, my daughter's hair is coarse like mine was at her age; I try to get it combed as quickly, efficiently and gently as humanly possible! *shew* I'm glad I can't see that video on my phone; otherwise I would've gone into "Hulk smash" mode!

Honestly, I wish these DBRs would get over themselves and reevaluate their lives! (oh wait, too much like right, huh?)

Lynn, I greatly appreciate the tips...this dread of going to work and coming home is wearing me down, man. I keep saying to myself, Jesus be a lumber yard, cause I need to float out of the hood.

Yeah, looking forward to getting baby girl a new (quality, rich) daddy; not her fault I was stupid and am struggling. *sigh* not much longer...

Sara, another splendid post. :)

sky said...

anon @ 5:39 said...

"So the empowered, independent enlightened, professional and sophisticated black women are now standing in line to get a white man? LOL."

We use to stand in line for ya'll (bm), hell we even marched, but quickly gave up that dream,lol.

"Wow, I've never seen anything like it. And this is a cause for wild celebration in the streets? What a bunch of jokers!"

Keep laughing buddy, by next year you won't be laughing, instead you'll be complaining how these dudes are "taking our women" *eye roll*. infact I've already seen this discussion on YT and there's more where that came from...

http://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=lKd0H9
WJCuU


"I doubt even a scumbag of a down low black man would stand in line for someone to 'teach' him how to get a non-black woman."

I hope to god not! he better keep his DL self to himself.

"Every man knows how to get a woman on his own, but a 'strong black woman' needs somebody to tell them to free their minds?"

Apparently a lot of people (espeically bm) have been telling bw that other races of men, have no desire to marry them, only want them for sex, and are simply not interested in them. Someone had to free the minds of bw, apparently that scares you.

"So what was all this feminism about if you aint free yet? DWL."

When you answer the question "how come bm still see wm as threat and still talk about slavery and have the slavery mentality even though slavery is over, why are they not free yet?" is the day we'll answer your question.

Taylor-Sara said...

So the empowered, independent enlightened, professional and sophisticated black women are now standing in line to get a white man? LOL. Wow, I've never seen anything like it. And this is a cause for wild celebration in the streets? What a bunch of jokers! I doubt even a scumbag of a down low black man would stand in line for someone to 'teach' him how to get a non-black woman. Every man knows how to get a woman on his own, but a 'strong black woman' needs somebody to tell them to free their minds? So what was all this feminism about if you aint free yet? DWL


Now ladies, I know you are wondering why I left this fool up. I just needed to prove a point. Every time bw show an interest in wm or non-bm these fools come out of the woodwork and try to use guilt, embarrassment, false solidarity etc. to pull bw back to the pits of hell (bc) to be used some more. I hear bm raving about non bw all day long, but as soon as we say anything positive about wm, immediately they come out of the woodwork to whine... boo hoo-I could care less what you think, I just wanted to show my readers how yall try to manipulate bw into remaining quiet about their attraction to white men. I for one am VERY attracted to wm, and always have been. I actually think they're the most gorgeous men on the planet, and I don't care who has a problem with it! Get it, I'm a grown woman, and you cannot manipulate me. So take that nonsense elsewhere...

Gab said...

I'm glad that you mentioned a lack of children as something that makes these damaged bw target you. I have been happily childfree for a long time and plan to live that way. I can't count the number of times I've been thrown onto the fire by both bm and bw for being a young, successful black woman who DOES NOT WANT children.

Khadija said...

Sara said, "Now ladies, I know you are wondering why I left this fool up. I just needed to prove a point. Every time bw show an interest in wm or non-bm these fools come out of the woodwork and try to use guilt, embarrassment, false solidarity etc. to pull bw back to the pits of hell (bc) to be used some more."

I can confirm Sara's observation from my own experience as a blog host. It's not just discussing non-BM that brings legions of Internet Ike Turners (IITs) out of the woodwork. It's ANY conversation among BW that is focused on practical, doable, ACTIONS that can be taken to save/enhance our own lives! ANY discussion about solutions drives the IITs frantic.

In fact, I use the number of attempted IIT/troll intrusions into the conversations as one way of measuring how solution-oriented the conversation is.

It's interesting. If the things being discussed on Sara's blog and other blogs were soooo ridiculous, useless, and hopeless, why are these males soooo frantic to disrupt these particular conversations? A failing idea will fail on its own. It doesn't need any sabotage or ridicule in order to fail.

The real deal is that these Negroes know that they (and males like them) are leeches. Leeches that will drop to the ground and perish as more of the host bodies (AA women) wake up and detach them from their jugular veins.

THIS is what makes these IITs hysterical, and so frantic to intrude upon our various conversations.

So, ladies, carry on! Continue "bouncing" right out of the reach of these various types of leeches. Onward and forward into the promised land of abundant life!

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Taylor-Sara said...

Thanks khadija.
For any of you who don't know, she's an amazing writer, and has a fantastic blog. You can find her on the sidebar. If you want to see the pathologies of the bc broken down with amazing accuracy- go visit her blog.....


Some ppl are emailing me, informing me that they are having a hard time in this bad economy, and want desparately to augment their income. I've been asked if I would start putting up wealth tips/sm. biz ideas again. So I'll tell you all what I'll do. I put up a poll and if enough ppl request them (by poll) then I'll do it. If not, I don't want to waste my time. I'm extremely busy. So if this is something you need, make sure you put your vote in...

Anonymous said...

"So the empowered, independent enlightened, professional and sophisticated black women are now standing in line to get a white man? LOL."

The jokes on YOU boy!LOL These strong, empowered, independent enlightened, professional and sophisticated black women won't be giving birth to any damaged and threatened losers such as yourself.

Instead their future children will have FATHERS instead of damaged black sperm donors.

And NOTHING puts a smile on my face more than THAT.


"Wow, I've never seen anything like it. And this is a cause for wild celebration in the streets?"

You betcha.

What a bunch of jokers! I doubt even a scumbag of a down low black man would stand in line for someone to 'teach' him how to get a non-black woman.

That's because the non-black women you jokers (down low and non) screw are easy. And no man needs to be taught how to get a whore.

"Every man knows how to get a woman on his own, but a 'strong black woman' needs somebody to tell them to free their minds? "

Black women have been SOCIALIZED by the so-called black community AGAINST attracting REAL men (marriage minded and family oriented) in favor of sticking with BM. MOST of whom these days are damaged beyond repair boys.

"So YES by golly these BW need to be taught how to free their minds and attract husband material instead of scum."


"So what was all this feminism about if you aint free yet? DWL."

BW WILL be free just as soon as they leave you damaged beyond repair black boys alone.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Good read Sara! And I wanted to comment on one of your pictures in the sidebar, the bw in the picture titled "Love from the Orient" is super gorgeous!

Taylor-Sara said...

To the bm, I've just deleted, let me say right now, that I am not here to engage bm in a debate regarding anything you might read here. This blog is not for you, and there is no reason for you to be reading a bw's IR blog anyway. You will not come here and disrupt our conversations or harrass my readers. If I find wm to be extremely appealing, that is MY business, and I will NOT apologize for it! If you do not like it-get over it-I am not beholden to you, nor are my readers. Your fear is truly showing....

cool_splash1 said...

Do you believe that Caucasian features and complexion are more attractive than Negro features and complexion?

Does she really or anyone for that matter have to explain what they like to you?

liz said...

Hi Sara.
I knew they were going to go crazy when you said what you said. You know the rules of the black community. It's blaspemy for a bw to admit an attraction to white men!!! They're shaking with anger right now....(giggling softly)

Alta said...

That video just got worse and worse. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. And what the hell was that idiot behind the camera laughing at? It's amazing how unbelievably ignorant some people can be.

Taylor-Sara said...

Alta, I agree.
She was not even attempting to style this poor little girl's hair! She was flat out tormenting and hurting her on purpose. She never made a part, she never tried to gently comb, she didn't even have a direction. The brush was everywhere! She was simply enjoying hurting that child under the pretense of doing her hair. If anyone knows of any updates regarding this evil mother -please share...

Gloryus said...

Sarah, a Youtube friend of mine sent me that video and it made me SICK! I feel so sad that that little girl has to grow up under the wings of such an EVIL 'mother'. I hope the Child Protective Services figure out who she is from that video and take some necessary action against her. SMH


@ Sasha:

"heterosexual, first generation Nigerian American 22 yr old female who's only dated interracially "

Geez, this sounds JUST like me, except I'm 2 years older :-) Welcome.

Khadija said...

Sara,

Thank you for your kind words about the blog; I truly appreciate it.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

bellydancer said...

Gab said...
I'm glad that you mentioned a lack of children as something that makes these damaged bw target you. I have been happily childfree for a long time and plan to live that way. I can't count the number of times I've been thrown onto the fire by both bm and bw for being a young, successful black woman who DOES NOT WANT children.

Gab I agree sometimes women can be your worse enemy if they see you are not tied down with children.
I have had people tell me "oh you really don't have a life so you can read books all day, oh you don't know what it means to struggle that's why you can shop at Macy's or I guess you like the fact that you can sleep in on weekends since you don't have a family to tend to, it must be nice to go to the hair salon and not have to be interrupted".
It is so obvious these bw are haters either most of them aren't married or their husbands won't watch the kids while they do errands.
I know that raising kids is hard I watched my mother struggle to raise 6 kids by herself and it is not pretty or romantic at all.
Sometimes if a bw is successful, bm will try to swoop in and become a baby substitute so you have to watch for them as well. They figure since you don't have kids you should spend your money on them.

Gab said...

Sara I think you should leave their comments up. I think it's important for intelligent bw who are finding their freedom to know what these losers really feel about them and how jealous and angry they truly are.

Lena said...

I agree Sara that sick mother belongs in jail. That little girl deserves a loving home if that means in the care of a white couple.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes if a bw is successful, bm will try to swoop in and become a baby substitute so you have to watch for them as well. They figure since you don't have kids you should spend your money on them.
------

That's true. It's also true that if you don't have children to spend your money on, some women will try to make you into a makeshift godmother by getting you to spend it on their kids. And try to make you feel obligated, because, after all, you're helping out the kids! My sister is successful, single & childfree, and a lot of her female acquaintances used to always come straight to her when their children were selling expensive crap for a school program, or needed a financial sponsor for something, and they were also quick to remind my sister of their kids birthdays, graduations, etc. After a while, she caught on to that mess and put a stop to being their personal ATM.

Anonymous said...

I knew they were going to go crazy when you said what you said. You know the rules of the black community. It's blaspemy for a bw to admit an attraction to white men!!! They're shaking with anger right now....(giggling softly)


I think they'd rather believe and promote the myth that all BW are gold-diggers and could only possibly want a WM for his money, rather than to believe that any BW could be sincere in their attraction to WM. It goes to show that BW (and WW) are nothing but pawns and rooks to them in their eternal (and failing) struggle against WM.

bellydance said...

Girls on youtube they are hating us for figuring out that we don't have to put up with the bs. Bm over there are blaming bw for feminism, careers, education even having to pay child support etc... for destroying the so called black community. Anything except for the fact that they left it a long time ago.
They are running scared becasue they know the ride is over. All these young black girls and ww who have yet to experience a seriously DBR bm will be left in the wake of the educated divested sisters who have gotten tired of the scams and out right disrespect perpetuated on bw for decades, leaving. You got silly lil bm on youtube who get pissy with you for sharing an opinion and often threaten violence. I wish more people would report them to the moderators over there before we have any more violence done to women.

Anonymous said...

@bellydance...Maybe you should stop reading those types of sites?

Lynn

Gwen said...

Thanks for this post Sara, it was an enlightening read. I wanted to share in turn knowledge about a very natural-haired character in the Inheritance Cycle books by author Christopher Paolini.

For whatever reason, this black female character has no noticable fans. I presume it’s because the average black female does not read fantasy fiction –because most fantasy fiction does not include healthy black female characters.
The books are Eragon, Eldest, and Brisingr. The fourth and final book in the series hasn’t been published yet.

The character’s name is Nasuada and this is her physical description in the books:
“Her face was striking, with almond-shaped eyes, wide lips, and round cheekbones.”
“Her dense, mosslike hair she had piled high on her head in an intricate mass of knots
and braids. A single white ribbon held the arrangement in place.”
“Nasuada was garbed in a green silk dress that shimmered in the sun, like the feathers on the breast of a hummingbird, in bright contrast to the sable shade of her skin.”


This is a fan video I was sent in the mail, if you need a motion picture reference:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kz43IqQaasQ

The comment section for the video may be helpful as well about the strong black female character. I am guilty of only recently learning about these books, and this is an attempt to show this rare distinguishably ethnic character some support.

S said...

"I think they'd rather believe and promote the myth that all BW are gold-diggers and could only possibly want a WM for his money, rather than to believe that any BW could be sincere in their attraction to WM. It goes to show that BW (and WW) are nothing but pawns and rooks to them in their eternal (and failing) struggle against WM."

I can't even believe BM still tell that myth of a lie, that is so 90's.
"BW are goldiggers blah blah" yeah it might have worked back then but it won't work now because we all know with the rate of BW going to college and uni and getting their degree and earning their well deserved $$....heck that ol' lie didn't even work back in the 90's! if BW are so called "gold diggers" then why is the BW with the two or even three jobs taking care of some broke negro, buying him things,food,letting him use her car while she is working and he is at home watching TV and smoking pot.
If a WM believe in this myth (and trust me most don't!) then he isn't the man for you anyways.

Anyone with a brain knows the REAL truth.
these negroes are running out of bad things to say about us lol

Anonymous said...

You know, they say that rats are the first to know when a ship is sinking and are the first to leave the sinking ship. BW should have caught on that that the "Black Community" was coming to an end when so many Negro Males were making a quick exit without even a look back to see if their families were making it out safely. The every man (woman and child) for himself attitude that Negro males have displayed for ages now should have been a dead giveaway that BW needed to lookout for her and her children's own best interests. And that she also needs to stop trailing behind Negro males in hopes that they will pull a miracle out of their butts and be men instead of rats....

Lynn said...

Rainbeaux said
Lynn, I greatly appreciate the tips...this dread of going to work and coming home is wearing me down, man. I keep saying to myself, Jesus be a lumber yard, cause I need to float out of the hood.

@Rainbeaux
Girl I know what you're going through. I been there and finally decided enough was enough! Hang in there...

ActsofFaithBlog said...

This was great. Can that tape be sent to Child Protective Services so a social worker can step in? We don't know where the abuse has begun or where it will end. We do need to identify the toxic black women - and all women who want to tear us down. It's not just black men.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi Faith.
They are looking for the mother now, several (maybe hundreds ) of ppl have turned her in. and They are trying to locate the mother as we speak...

sky said...

omg thank goodness for that news sara, that mother needs to be found! not only her but also the person video taping it.

Anonymous said...

"Sara I think you should leave their comments up. I think it's important for intelligent bw who are finding their freedom to know what these losers really feel about them and how jealous and angry they truly are."

---------
if somebody's recovering from food poisoning, do you go and feed them more?

Anonymous said...

Contrast that witch in the video abusing her daughter with these pictures of a white man learning and taking beautiful care of his black daughter's hair.

http://projects.ajc.com/gallery/view/living/braids/

I Want A Jon Hamm said...

Anon @ 7:25pm-

I've seen that gallery before but I forgot the site, so major thanks for putting it up. I love those pictures sooooooo much. And yes, that is quite of a contrast.

Anonymous said...

"if somebody's recovering from food poisoning, do you go and feed them more?"

------

If you had food poisoning, wouldn't you want to know what you ate and what was wrong with it so that you could know the signs and avoid eating it again?

Anonymous said...

Lynn,

Thanks for posting the tips. Sounds like you have a new outlook on life. All the best and sister love!

Anonymous said...

There is no legal action that can really be taken against the mother. No court is going to equate a poor and insensitive attempt at hair brushing with physical abuse.

Alta said...

Anon at 7:25, those pictures are so cute! I've seen the second picture before, and I always wondered where it came from. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

"If you had food poisoning, wouldn't you want to know what you ate and what was wrong with it so that you could know the signs and avoid eating it again?"


So which one are you? One of the irate BM who haunt this blog or one of their devoted mammy followers?

Anonymous said...

"So which one are you? One of the irate BM who haunt this blog or one of their devoted mammy followers?"

Because someone disagrees with you, you make such assumptions? I'd think that the women on this site would be stronger than that.
I'm a successful, self-sufficient bw who has never and will never be taken advantage of by any dbm, thank you very much. At least I'm willing to know my enemy. I don't fear his comments the way you do. :)

Gab said...

"Gab I agree sometimes women can be your worse enemy if they see you are not tied down with children.
I have had people tell me "oh you really don't have a life so you can read books all day, oh you don't know what it means to struggle that's why you can shop at Macy's or I guess you like the fact that you can sleep in on weekends since you don't have a family to tend to, it must be nice to go to the hair salon and not have to be interrupted".
It is so obvious these bw are haters either most of them aren't married or their husbands won't watch the kids while they do errands.
I know that raising kids is hard I watched my mother struggle to raise 6 kids by herself and it is not pretty or romantic at all.
Sometimes if a bw is successful, bm will try to swoop in and become a baby substitute so you have to watch for them as well. They figure since you don't have kids you should spend your money on them."

Those are exactly the type of comments I receive when most other women learn of my choice, along with the "breeding for the race" comments. The women who say those types of things usually aren't the ones who wanted kids in the first place, though they claim to be.
Trust me, no one will become my "baby substitute" or tie me down with babies. Not a chance!

bellydancer said...

I agree with S the whole "gold digger" thing is getting old. Now they are attacking any successful bw who made it on her own Tyra and Oprah are big targets because they are self made and can reach large audiences of women.
Although I do find Oprah a little self indulgent at times, I admire her for meeting her goals and believing in herself.
I read an interview on Don Polow (King of the white girls)a name he gave himself, and he proceeded to rip bw apart and even said the Oprah can't be real role model because she didn't have a husband. So one minute we are getting blasted for wanting to get married and then the next we are criticized for moving on and working towards our own goals without a husband.
We have surpassed some bm and continue to do so.
The ones who are successful have made it clear they do not want to take us with them once they achieve almost like we are not worthy.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...
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bellydancer said...

Gab part of the problem with these young girls is that they are too available for lil boys and even some cases men to have sexual access to them at an earlier age.
Combined with the fact that these young girls are trying to please these men and the fact of something called birth control sabotage where the male partner is trying to get the girl pregnant bu hiding her birth control, putting holes in condoms and intentionally not practising coitus interuptus.
Mothers need to control their daughters more especially since they know men are creeping around them at earlier ages.
Growing up my mother knew where I was at all times she just didn't hand me money and tell me to go to the mall.
Statuatory rapes laws are rarely enacted and grown men are messing with babies. These negroes need to go to jail.
They also need to stop making babies look cute to young girls cuz it isn't.
The black community in general is always talking about "if my daughter get pregnant she gon have it" I am like WTF are you saying, this girl is going to have it bad enough. Some of these mothers of these girls want the daughter to become pregnant cuz it means she is not getting away from the family and getting "all white acting" I am telling you the shi* I saw growing up would shock you.

Taylor-Sara said...

Ladies, they are seething about the IR seminar! I've gotten several nasty emails and had to delete numerous comments.

(They must think I had something to do with the success of the event_ I didn't-I merely advised bw to go.)
But obviously we're on to something, or they wouldn't be so upset and angry. I'm being called everything from a lesbo, to a slut. ha ha!, it's so funny that ppl who claim not to give a damn are so up in arms over my little blog! I love it! -just make sure to spell my name right. It's Sara without the H. So keep getting the message out there ladies, you're doing an amazing job!...

Lynn said...

@ Sara
Are the emails you are receiving from men AND women? Are you kidding me? See once again, this is what I mean. They have nothing going on in their lives and they don't want any other BW (who are feed up) to have anything going on either. Incredible! But I'm not surprised. Not at all. Like you said, we must be on to something if people are so so SO upset! Ha! Good!

And they think they upset now? They ain't seen nothing yet. I've seen so many BW/WM nonBM couples in the past few days. It's incredible. Young, old...I want to smile and give them the thumbs up! It's so wonderful to see!!! SOME sistas are going for theirs! Good for them...I'm right behind them!

Gab said...

Taylor-Sara,
I wanted you to leave the comments up because I don't think any of you or your readers should be afraid of these men.
BUT if people are calling you names and saying damaging things, then you SHOULD delete the comments. That's just uncalled for.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi Lynn.

No it's almost all men (only 1 woman) But don't worry that my feelings are hurt-they're not. I don't live by other ppl's rules-I live by my own, so I just don't give a damn what they think/say. I'm just very grateful to have a hand in saving numerous sistas from these savages. I know exactly what awaits bw who don't escape the clutches of these fools. Several of my family members live in the hood, and their lives are a testiment to pain and misery. (yet they won't leave) They don't even realize there's a whole other world out there. Bw must expand their minds. Someone said: "a mind expanded can never contract back to it's original size" How true that is....

CW said...

Yes indeed Sara...We're sluts and lesbos for wanting BW to stop beating their head against a brick wall and begin living quality lives...LOL

For myself...I am going to raise the price of poker and take things a step further...Hopefully more BW will find the happiness they deserve...I absolutely refuse to be held captive by the naysayers...The more they criticize, the harder I'll push!



"
(They must think I had something to do with the success of the event_ I didn't-I merely advised bw to go.)
But obviously we're on to something, or they wouldn't be so upset and angry. I'm being called everything from a lesbo, to a slut. ha ha!, it's so funny that ppl who claim not to give a damn are so up in arms over my little blog! I love it! -just make sure to spell my name right. It's Sara without the H. So keep getting the message out there ladies, you're doing an amazing job!..."

Lynn said...

Hi Sara
Do you ever ask your family members WHY they don't leave? I use to be friends with a black woman who lived in the black community and she would constantly say she was moving, she was moving, she was moving...but to this day I am sure she is still there (I am no longer friends with her because of her DBR ways). I got the feeling from her that she was scared to move. What is this fear that we as black women are so afraid of? AND whenever I would see her she would always have this mean look on her face. One day we were walking along the lake front, (THE LAKE FRONT!!! you know with water and beaches and people playing volleyball) and I asked her why do you look so mean? She said well that's the face I have when I'm walking in the hood, so nobody messes with me. I said well okay I can understand that but we are by the lake...so...nobody's gonna "mess" with you here. Her defenses were always up and she didn't even realize it. Then when I would suggest that she should move, she would agree but nothing would ever happen. Or the excuses would be "well I need to be by my mother and help out with my brother's child."

Like you said BW need to expand our minds and get out into the world and live. There's nothing to be afraid of. I know I've said this before but I have to say it again - you must LEAVE that black community...that's the first step. Once you're out of there things will look so much different to you! Nothing good is coming out of the so called "black community". Nothing!

Lena said...

I'd rather die than be a mule for a community that doesn't regard it's women with respect and love.

No way will I ever raise a grown man or allow any men to use me as a sexual toilet. I've lived a sheltered life and I don't need the drama that a damaged man can bring.

Fox said...

Lynn
I know a girl who is just like the friend you described. She's very self-sabotaging and will go as far as to use her race as an excuse. She never had anything good to say about my accomplishments. In school when I had time to work, she'd try and get me to go out and party instead. Then she'd get furious when I was rewarded and praised for my persistence and classwork. She was just as talented and smart as I am but she refused to use those skills because as a bw, she was SUPPOSED to fail.
She also stuck by her drug-dealing brother whenever he repeatedly got in trouble.
Now she's with a bm who's been hounding her for sex for months. I won't be surprised if she winds up pregnant and alone in a few months.

Steph said...

Another great post, Sara!! It is VERY true that some of the worst adversaries to BW in interracial relationships are other BW. My mother even told me when my sister told her about her attraction to Asian boys that I could date whoever I wanted as long as it wasn't a WM. When I asked her why, she said, "What if in a fight he calls you a 'f***ing n****?'" My sisters and I howled with laughter and we brushed it off but I couldn't help but wonder why my mother would assume it would be the WHITE men who would do this instead of other ethnicities? It's really ridiculous.

This poisonous behavior doesn't just pertain to interracial relationships, either. It's funny how they think that making fun of what I do will change how I am, but I am not down for being part of their cloning project. When I first started losing weight, all my friends would be like, "Why aren't you eating the chicken? Are you on a DIET?" "Why are you losing weight for? You're not even that big." "Don't you see that you're losing your curves?" I'd just roll my eyes and think that I'm not losing my "curves," I'm losing my risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes. They also see the hair products I use and notice how often I wash my hair and tell me that my hair is going to fall off any day now. Never mind the fact that my hair is longer than most of them.

Do what feels right for you. If you want to exercise, exercise. If you want to travel, travel. If you want to eat sushi like bellydancer - LOVE sushi, by the way! - dang it, eat that sushi and even use chopsticks if you want to! Be free! Whites aren't the only ones who can exercise cultural freedom.

bellydancer said...

Bw have to be aware of the educated thug as well because we already know what pookie looks like but sometimes we get fooled by the brother driving the nice car, with the nice job and living in the nice home or apt.
We let our guard down with these men and they do just as much harm as the street thugs.
I had a friend who dated a guy who worked in her building for a law firm.
Bm dressed nice, semi articulate but with a little bit of street in him, you could tell he came from a poor background but she gave him a chance.
Against her better judgement she slept with this guy within 2 months of meeting him.
He started to just act a damn fool ignoring her pages and phone calls, forgetting about dates, did not want to go to dinner, movies etc...
It was bothering her because she worked in the same building as this guy.
Well pretty soon he needed to rent a car since his was in the shop so of course he comes to her and asked to use her credit card she was reluctant to do so and said so.
Of course now he wants to sweet talk and make promises but she said no.
At this point he stopped talking to my friend and just started to ignore her when he saw her. Eventually he found another job and left the building.
Come to find out the guy lied about how many kids he had, where he really lived and with whom and come to find out he was engaged to be married to some other chick.
So watch out for these so called educated thugs because they cause just as much drama.

P.S. I told my friend she was lucky "just to be out some ass and not some cash" like so many bw end up after letting these men use their credit and co-signing for stuff.

Aphrodite said...

@Steph
"When I first started losing weight, all my friends would be like, "Why aren't you eating the chicken? Are you on a DIET?" "Why are you losing weight for? You're not even that big." "Don't you see that you're losing your curves?" I'd just roll my eyes and think that I'm not losing my "curves," I'm losing my risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes."


I can co sign this... I lost some weight around 35 pounds and I want to lose some more. My goal is micro mini bikini in 2010. I feel that the weight loss has enhanced my curves especially my waist to hip ratio.

At any rate the comments have started not from friends, but from anyone who has ever laid eyes on my in life and thinks they have a right to say something to me even if they don't know my last name and they say the craziest things.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi lynn
you asked me why they don't leave. When I ask them, I get blank looks. But I strongly believe it's simply fear. Some of them have never known anywhere else. I on the other hand, was the daughter of a Marine, and lived all over the US, and Hawaii so it's no big deal to me. Some of them are so stupid it makes me ill. One day my young cousin said "Everybody gets high" I looked at her like she was crazy. And I said, "I have never in my entire life gotten high, and I never would. She then giggled with another cousin and said. "that's because you're corny, and think you're better than everyone." Then she added "anyone who don't get high is corny!" I stared at this fool like she was an alien. Here she is with 2 children and 1 on the way by all different men. None of them pay CS,She lives with her momma, and has no education, car, real home, possessions etc. She's always broke, and has to borrow money to feed her children, but manages to find money to buy weed!!! smh. Some of these ppl are too dumb for words, even if they are family members. I don't even waste my breath, I simply don't associate. There is a reason the bible says. *Do not cast your pearls upon swine* In other words don't waste your precious resources on fools. Your time, your words, your wisdom etc....

I Want A Jon Hamm said...

@ bellydancer-

Yes! I know those professional DBRs that you're talking about. In fact Sara, you should probably do a blog post on that issue because many BW are deceived by that. Since he's educated and drive a nice car there is NO WAY he can be DBR. WORNG!! They might as well be hoodlums in my eyes. But I must say for a good chop of those type of guys are in relationships with non-BW and have this seething hate for successful BW. It is so sad but I do not care.
Let them be as long as they don't cross me.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVbeBcGzzzo

cool_splash1 said...

hey also see the hair products I use and notice how often I wash my hair and tell me that my hair is going to fall off any day now. Never mind the fact that my hair is longer than most of them.

Do what feels right for you. If you want to exercise, exercise. If you want to travel, travel. If you want to eat sushi like bellydancer - LOVE sushi, by the way! - dang it, eat that sushi and even use chopsticks if you want to! Be free! Whites aren't the only ones who can exercise cultural freedom.

I know what you mean about that. I started experimenting with hair products washing etc. and this one black woman when she found out I was washing at least 3 times a week said honey "we black, you'll dry your hair out. We don't have natural oils in our head so we have to put it in." I was like we have natural oils just not as much and I kept doing my own thing. Now I've stopped because I've gotten lazy on the hair, but I'm working on that again.

It's not just bw, but others as well. I mentioned to a friend that I might try going vegan to see if that would help with my IBS. My friend thought it was a good idea that way I wouldn't be sick as much. Another coworker that we were sitting by said "why do you need to loose weight. You are so skinny you don't need to" I was like WTH does that have to do with looseing weight. I know some do it for different reasons. I let this woman get to me with that. Lets just say I paid for it a few months later. Now I'm not vegan, but I do know now to listen to my own mind instead of toxic ass people (and this woman is negative about every damn thing) This dingy stuff is even asked if you want to exercise. The ridiculous things that comes from peoples mouths. I tell you.

cool_splash1 said...

This is actually a friend of mine
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1412974/
you don't know how shocked I was to see him at the end of the Great Debators. Nice guy and cute too, just a little to young for me.

cool_splash1 said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVbeBcGzzzo

I don't know what to think about this guy.

I Want A Jon Hamm said...

cool_splash1-

he is cute! How did you two meet?
BTW- If Demi Moore can get Ashton, then you should really have no problems when it comes to age lol

cool_splash1 said...

I took a filmmaking workshop with a director who was making the movie Jumping Off Bridges. Also got to meet the dad in the movie who is now on Lost, before he was on Lost. Don't see him all the time. Mostly every now and then when I was working as a pa.

cool_splash1 said...

There is this one white dude that I see when ever I'm riding the bus to downtown era. I just want to ask him why the hell he is modeling.lol This guy looks like he would be a model for CK or something.

cool_splash1 said...

Sorry for all the posts, but damn this girl is good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZxjGr2mMe4

Anonymous said...

Interracial Amour is a new dating service where professional and collegiate white men can purposefully search for sophisticated black women. In other words, the chase is on for beautiful black women. Visit us at www.interracialamour.com and read our campaign release statement.

Anonymous said...

Has anybody ever wondered what causes damaged black people? We have it on both sides. Walk into any ghetto or hood and you will see black men, women, and children acting a fool. I don't think fatherless homes are the problem. I believe it is part of it. I know of some very dysfunctional two parent homes. Is it the media portrayal of black people? Have black men been brainwashed by the media to believe that all things light is right? Have black women developed low self esteem because the media rarely portrays them as beautiful or desirable? Has slavery left some type of lasting pyscological effect on the black community? What is your opinion on this? If we solve this I think the black race will instantly turn around.

Anonymous said...

Slavery wasn't/isn't peculiar to AA's or Africans; if all individuals could search their ancestry far back enough into he history of Mankind, I'm sure everyone of them would come across at least one enslaved ancestor.

So, no, I don't think it's a slave legacy in and of itself that has us, as a group, saddled with issues. What I think does play a major role is a full 400 years, up to this very day, of us being treated and viewed as stupid, ugly, dirty, violent, promiscuous, stinky, criminal-minded, bestial, backwards, lazy, etc.

If the subhuman treatment had actually ended when slavery ended almost 150 years ago, IMO, we would have had ample time to move beyond and heal from the wretched state/existence our ancestors had unwittingly been placed in generation after generation.

But the sub-human treatment endures even to this day. It's generally more subtle and covert, but it is there. Even the strong minded among us, who can see BS for what it is, have our moments of doubt; our moments where we find it easier to simply "get with the program" and go along with the BS.

I hope to elaborate on this later, as I don't have much time right now.

I Want A Jon Hamm said...

This is completely unrelated to the topic but I found a wedding announcement on a BW/WM couple in the Washington Post

Here is the link:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/06/AR2009080604199.html

Enjoy!

I Want A Jon Hamm said...

Mistyped- its an article, not an announcement.

Anonymous said...

Aphrodite,

First I want to say good job on your weight loss and please keep up the good work. I also work out and lost much weigh,yet my biggest critics were black women many whom were severely overweight. As I've said many times black women don't have to be a size 2 but many are seriously overweight. I do realize this is an overall American problem not just black women but my focus isn't everybody else but instead only black women. Most black women have this misconception that by loosing weight, you'll loose your curves. However for the most part by loosing weight your curves will be even more sexier. As I've said before, I'm so sick and tired of seeing bad looking weave and weight on black women when they naturally beautiful but just need to take better care of themselves.

Aphrodite said...

Thank you Anon for the encouragement.

You know I wanted access to a medical scale to weight myself bc I went through a period where scales were driving me crazy! I would weigh get one number jump on again and get another. Anyway I called a facility close to me and told them I was working on getting healthier and I needed to use a medical scale to get a really accurate reading.

The woman (Indian sounding) nutritionist at the facility told me yes. That I could come in and use the scale as often as I wanted to- just tell the receptionist and I could walk on back and use the scale.

Well of course when I got there - it was not that simple. All the office workers - all BW- were obese, as were the nurses, with the exception of one and they all gave me a really hard time.

You would have thought I asked for a script for oxycontin. I ended up waiting over and hour with this back and forth: who said what, let me check, step into this office, wait a minute. Then the nutritionist I spoke to wasn't there on top of it.

To make a long story short they let me use it once, but then told me that I couldn't come back bc the scale was for their patients only.

Nevermind that I had been a patient there once as had my mother. When I went to weigh myself they had only one patient in the back in one of the rooms! And no one was in the room with the scale. It was about 30 minutes until they closed.

You know how those scale runs are. I guess they had to make room for that weigh in stampede.

Taylor-Sara said...

I'm thinking about posting on it. I know many bw have so much pain their lives, they eat to try to escape it but no matter how it gets there, it still poses a severe health risk. Many bw are just way, way too big. It causes lots of problems and shortens your life in numerous ways. And yes, I know many ppl will hate me saying this, but it's a turn off to most (not all) men-esp. white men. In fact, I'm convinced that bm only tell bw not to lose weight because they know how very unattractive it is to most other men, thereby leaving these women with very few options...

Gab said...

Please post on it, Sara, I love this blog and I know you'd have some great words.
Two years ago I noticed that while I wasn't obese yet, I was overweight and on my way there. I specifically remember the day I put my foot down and decided that NO, I will not be yet another fat black woman.
Today I'm a healthy weight and I love my body. (I'm a size 0, which some might think is too small but keep in mind that I'm very short--barely 5'2!) Being healthy isn't only for white and Asian women. Are "curves" worth your health? Are the large breasts and buttocks that men drool over worth your health? No!
This is another stereotype we can easily overcome. We don't all have to be size 0 or size 2. We don't all even have to be a single-digit size. But we can cut down on excess fat by eating better and exercising, and stop listening to the voices that deprive you of your health.

GoldenAh said...

I had purchased a digital scale. They are quite useful.

http://bettychambers.com/2007/07/weight-loss-getting-digital-scale.html

AnonyWoman said...

Proof that good black men are few and far in between: DBR BM predator threatens a BW in Arlington, VA (DC suburbs). Photo of the predator included.

This is scary. If the police won't protect us, who will?

Anonymous said...

Taylor-Sara,

I think it would be a great ideal to post information on bw and weight because bw weight is out of control. I get so sick and tired o hearing bw claiming that everyone wants them to live up to white women standards. Its not about living up to ww standards but being healthy. If you should go out your door on any given day, their are too many overweight bw and I think its terrible. We have bodies to die for one that God surely blessed us with but we just don't take care of ourselves. I do realize that many women are depressed eaters but the message must get out their that being overweight isn't healthy. Monique don't help the situation by encouraging this stupidity.

Gab said...

AnonyWoman-

WOW. What a pathetic man. I guarantee you if she were some wispy blonde screaming for help, a whole SWAT team would have been assembled and this man would have been hunted down. Who will protect black women?

Taylor-Sara said...

I know, I saw it last week. It made me so upset. This monster wanted to hurt her simply for not wanting his sorry behind! Then chases her up the street, harrasses her, gets in her face etc. And then the guy just gets in his car and ignores her! WTH! And I agree, if it had been a ww, I think they'd (the police) have done alot more...

AnonyWoman said...

Spread that link to whoever you know and whatever site you frequent. The person who submitted that story said she hopes someone who knows him comes forward with more info so a proper report can be filed against him.

That story sends chills up my spine. A black man can threaten a black woman in broad daylight and get away with it? That mess disturbs me. That man who watched it happen and ignored her pleas to call the cops is just as guilty as the predator.

Arlington is a mostly affluent and well-to-do DC suburb. This was not the ghetto and this was not the black community. To know that you can leave the ghetto but the ghetto can follow you is disheartening.

Anonymous said...

AnonyWoman,

I agree with your relatives in that you should have spoken and kept walking. You could have smiled or wave and kept moving. I say this because your life isn't worth this, suppose this guy had pulled out a gun and shot you. You then took a picture of him which put your life in more danger. I too think catcalls are very silly but you have to be very careful because some of these men will hurt you. Therefore in the future think about your life besides its not like you were going on a date with him.

Aphrodite said...

Hello Sara,

"you asked me why they don't leave. When I ask them, I get blank looks. But I strongly believe it's simply fear. Some of them have never known anywhere else."


You are right. And the fear is strong. When I first wanted to move away to go to college I had people working overtime to instill fear in me to stop me.

BW, BM, that ranged in age from my teen peers to 70 year olds. Literally, I had a 70+ year old BM neighbor who made it his mission to let me know and my mother know on the daily how much contempt he had for me and my plans for education. My mother had a retired schooltecaher in her 70's badmouth like a dog and then she said I will believe it when I see it. And the killing part is that they thought that my mother nor I would call them out for this garbage.


My only feeling at the time was excitement at living somewhere else, but after listening to them I became terrified. If it wasn't " the cost of living is so high - you need to earn at least 50k to break even - to what will you do if you get sick - to your plane may crash. My own brother told me I wouldn't make it. Mr. "I have never been an independant man away from my mama, I live off wimmins himself!"


Moving is frightening and stressful as it is and requires a lot of planning and clarity. Then if you have freaks sitting on your shoulder whispering in your ear that can make it worse.


I am glad that I kept trying and embraced the fear and moved forward. Not only did I have an apt in a gorgeous neighborhood as an undergrad, but maintained that apt for several years until my degree. I lived on considerably less than what the fearmongers told me I needed to live and was NEVER late on a bill/rent and never went hungry either. I also was able to travel frequently and after having that good experience - there is no looking back.


I think these women need to be pushed out of the nest bc once you have a good experience and feel the joy of being free and doing something you want to do - especially something that others think is impossible for you- I won't say you won't ever feel fear again, but the confidence and satisfaction will make you less vulnerable to naysayers and idiots.

I am just getting my bearings, but I will do it again.

Aphrodite said...

@ Sara

You know I think you are on to something with the BM sabotage angle. I read a comment from a poster on Khadija's blog a while back about how a BM trainer would discourage and ridicule and sabotage his BW clients and I was so disgusted that I decided to get into better shape.

@ Gab

I think that many BW fear the loss of curves bc they want to appeal to BM.

But even for a woman who finds curves appealing bc of her own aesthetic tastes - I just want to say that I think those fears are unfounded.

This will be my 2nd time losing weight in my life and neither time have I lost any major cup size. The first time I did have to go down around my back, but not in cup size.

If a woman is majorly obese like 250+ then yes she probably will lose a cup size or more. But that would be in accordance with her new body - and wouldn't that be desired?


My hips did reduce the first time, but not more than my waistline. This time around the same thing is happening and it is actually making me more curvy.


The only thing I would stress is safety along with the weight loss. BM think it is all about them ....

Aphrodite said...

Thank you GoldenAh,

I will check that link out! :)

Losing weight can be so demoralizing at times. I was weighing myself and I got 5 pounds lost and then two seconds later 7 pounds gained then 2 secs later 3 pounds down etc And then trying to calibrate and then re calibrate - it is maddening!

I know yall are going to think I am triffling, but since the economy is bad you know people are getting crazy about refunds, exchanges, and warranties so I went to Wal Mart looking for a scale after the med center fiasco and I took one of every brand scale out of the box and stepped on it in the dept trying to find the right one. LOL

You should have seen the sales associates! Oh my goodness they were so upset. I was putting them back in the box when I was finished, bit they were not happy campers.

Now I can see why and I can see the humor in the situation, but at the time I was on a mission!

And I didn't even find a scale that had a low error margin.

S. said...

Just finished reading that link about the black male harrasser...I have to say this really upsets me because it has happened to myself a few times and i have heard it happening to alot of BW, I have not yet seen a BM harrass another BW but if i did i know i would do something and try to help her.
I think this is kind of a dilemma...like a catch 22 or something: Should you ignore the harasser and risk losing your life OR should you play along, smiling, being polite and even handing out your number to this disgusting harasser and lose your dignity....OR should you call the police and risk not being taken seriously and even feel humiliated and feel as if it was YOUR fault the harasser harrassed you in the first place?....phew, i don't want to feel sorry for myself or other BW but i do, sorry but i am not a "strong black woman" i am a vulnerable,complex young woman just like every other woman out there! So yes, i do feel sorry for myself and i feel sorry for all of us BW having to go through this.

I'll admit, i have never called the police when i've been cat called but you know what, next time i WILL and i WILL have my phone ready to take that fools picture because even if i risk my life, i still risk my life with these dbr negroes EVERY SINGLE DAY, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
I'd rather risk losing my life having my dignity and doing the right thing and also risk being humiliated by the police and not be taken seriously then not doing a damn thing because these fools need to learn that there are consequences for these type of things and they are not reserved only for non BW.

Also, when you do call the police and you talk to an officer don't come off as "strong" and "angry" because trust me,it doesn't work, it only works against you...i know we have every right to be angry especially in that situation but people, especially when coming from BW, don't take you seriously which i think is very offensive and crazy (!) but that's the way it is...now, if you come off as vulnerable and confused as to "why would this person harass me and you're near tears, that's when they usually respond to you and take you more seriously....now i'm not saying that is ALWAYS the case but hey, it works for WW and it has worked for me in certain situations but i have never "Played" this vulnerable "lost girl", i've actually just been vulnerable and near tears because i am human but i know most of us BW try to be strong and would never let anyone see us cry but sometimes you just have to let go and if you feel like crying, cry,we as women are emotional more so than men, so what if we cry? i'm a woman goddamnit lol

And how disgusting is that BM that try to discourage the BW from working out and getting healthy.
Seriosuly, mind your own damn business already.

Oh, an done more thing, the black gays left the false B.C a loooooooong time ago, i would love to hear from a gay BM about his perspective but i don't know any black gays but i am curious about how they feel about the whole thing, something tells me that their views wouldn't be so different than a straight bm's but then again i could be wrong...

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pw4am5dGF78

Anonymous said...

"..Is it the media portrayal of black people? Have black men been brainwashed by the media to believe that all things light is right?"

Have black women been brainwashed by the media to believe that all things white is right? LOL.

Loudoun County is my home said...

"DBR BM predator threatens a BW in Arlington, VA (DC suburbs)."


I was born and raised in the suburbs of Washington D.C. (Loudoun County) so, this story does not surprise me. Arlington and Alexandria Virginia have always been FULL of DBR BM and BW. The affluence in these 2 cities is almost exclusively WHITE. Growing up, my parents wouldn't allow me to ever set foot in those 2 cities. At 19, while enrolled at George Mason University and working for the Department of Defense in Crystal City, I lived in Alexandria to my family's dismay. DBR-ville. Arlington and Alexandria are the garbage disposals of the area so, you are taking your life into your own hands when you go out on your own there.

AnonyWoman said...

"I agree with your relatives in that you should have spoken and kept walking."

This is not my story, I'm just spreading the word about it. So are you saying this woman should've just played along with something that made her uncomfortable?

"You could have smiled or wave and kept moving. I say this because your life isn't worth this, suppose this guy had pulled out a gun and shot you. You then took a picture of him which put your life in more danger. I too think catcalls are very silly but you have to be very careful because some of these men will hurt you. Therefore in the future think about your life besides its not like you were going on a date with him."

Blah, blah, blah. Why do I have a feeling you're either the guy who did this or related to him in some way? Why should that woman have to do something she doesn't want to do to make some pitiful loser man not get angry? You sound like you'd excuse George Sodoni (the white man who shot up a gym in Pittsburgh) for what he did. Don't blame the women, blame the men for not keeping their behavior in check.

cool_splash1 said...

I agree with your relatives in that you should have spoken and kept walking. You could have smiled or wave and kept moving. I say this because your life isn't worth this, suppose this guy had pulled out a gun and shot you. You then took a picture of him which put your life in more danger. I too think catcalls are very silly but you have to be very careful because some of these men will hurt you. Therefore in the future think about your life besides its not like you were going on a date with him.

If she would have spoken, smiled and then kept walking this man would have taken it as an invitation and just gotten pissed that she kept walking. Did she say he gave her a funny feeling. In other words the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker is a good book you should read.

cool_splash1 said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pw4am5dGF78

This is a good video. If you are showing that there are dbrs in every culture/race we all know that. If you are showing that women all over can be treated like crap we know this as well.

Anonymous said...

AnonyWoman,

No I'm not related to this man nor do I know him, furthermore I don't care to know him. My point is some of these men are crazy. Furthermore this lady put her life in more danger by taking a picture of this obviously crazy insane, illerate man. Think about it, what does he have to loose. I've had men like this hit on me but I just smile and keep it moving. I made this comment out of fear for this young lady safety and no it dosen't mean that he still wouldn't have came after her, I just dont want bw getting hurt or killed over this.

In the end this is each black women individual choice to handle as they please but safety must come first. I personally see ignorant black men and women everyday and I have learned to feed both with a long handle spoon.

Taylor-Sara said...

Well, I don't think she should have argued with him. because you can't argue with these fools. But I def. don't think she should have smiled. That would have been an open invite (in their diseased minds) and she woulld have had more trouble trying to walk away. It's so unfair that a bw can't even walk down the street without being harrassed and terrorized........

Anonymous said...

AnonyWoman


Apologies first. I briefly scaned your reply back to me thinking that you were the person whom this guy made catcalls. I replied back orginially as if you were the person instead of another person. After rereading, I realized you weren't the person, so if you see two posts from me, that would explain.
I frequent this site from time to time because it seem to be more peaceful than most other sites where black women can talk. Furthermore, Sara seem to encourage postive vibe on her blog therefore why are you trying to make my post into a confrontation. I suggested my opinion and with that being said you can either take it or leave it.

I really was thinking about your safety as well as other black women. You don't know what I think about the white guy as you accused me of thinking. Overall many of these posts have been posts where bw can get along, so let please keep it that way.

I do agree that some black men do need to change their behavior as well as some black women. However, the good black people aren't responsible for them nor can we do anything about them, we're only responsible for living a healthy, positive, safe life.

Anonymous said...

Taylor-Sara,

I'm 100% in agreement with you. No woman life is worth this especially if the women have children. YOu're right, she probably shouldn't have smiled but just walked away. She said the person just got louder with his catcalls as she walked away but I think the confrontation started when she made a comment about having heard him. I mean my heart just skipped a beat out of fear for this young lady because we could have been reading about a murder instead of what we read.

Thank God for his grace and mercy.

Clarice said...

It is clear from these postings and others that there is resistance to women doing what is in their best interest. These protectionists, mammies, saboteurs are all various forms of resistance. They are trying to keep women from achieving their full potential.

Here are several links to resources to assist in keeping the right mindset and fighting resistance. They are directed at artists and entrepreneurs - but the information is invaluable. They have been helpful in those times when despite best efforts life has become a struggle and it has been hard to press on - these resources podcasts and books have been a blessing - to overcome the resistance. This is a battle - make no mistake about it. Winner takes all so every weapon must be used to keep the mind sharp and focused and the spirit. If people can get you down and discouraged and dispirited they can undermine the goals you are striving toward.

Here is an excerpt from the very excellent book by Steve Pressfield..
"Resistance will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work. It will perjure, fabricate, falsify; seduce, bully, cajole. Resistance is protean. It will assume any form, if that's what it takes to deceive you. It will reason with you like a lawyer or jam a nine-millimeter in your face like a stickup man. Resistance has no conscience. It will pledge anything to get a deal, then double-cross you as soon as your back is turned. If you take Resistance at its word, you deserve everything you get. Resistance is always lying, and always full of shit."

Is it me or does this sound exactly like what DBR folks and others who would seek to stop women from being, and having their best lives do? Check out the resources.

http://lateralaction.com/articles/stubborn-succeed/

http://escapefromcubiclenation.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=236135

http://escapefromcubiclenation.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=226775

http://home.stevenpressfield.com/books/war_art.asp#excerpt


V/r

Clarice

sky said...

And these guys wonder why we don't have a smile on our face when we go about our day. I don't even do eye contact unless they work in the store. And even then they wanna try and talk to you.

I agree w/ sara don't argue w/ these guys. I once had a guy try to holla at me when I went to check my mother's mail box, luckly my car was right there, so he goes "hey shorty can i have your numba!" mind you he's across the street!, I quickly said No, but thank you! and jumped in my car and drove off. I'm not trying to get chased down the street. Where I live isn't that bad, but I guess it's because I drive.

If you can just walk away quickly and out of the situation, please do it! your life depends on it.

bellydancer said...

Have any of you noticed a lot of foreign men doing some of the harassing?
A few years ago a south american country had a really bad problem with this and a woman was bitten severely on the cheek by a man while riding the bus because she did not want to talk to him. Sometimes in other countries harassement is very common and accepted by women.
I think that here in the US it was not taken seriously and now men are surprised that women are fighting back.
I had an incident maybe 15 years ago with a neighbor who would cat call me as soon as he seen me get off the public bus. After about a month of this I walked up on his porch and said we need to talk. I then told him how he did not need to say things like that about me since we knew each other and all he had to do was say hi. After that we did not have any problems and he seemed shocked that it bothered me since we lived in the hood and bm had always talked this way to bw.

Alienation said...

“I read a comment from a poster on Khadija's blog a while back about how a BM trainer would discourage and ridicule and sabotage his BW clients and I was so disgusted that I decided to get into better shape”

I believe this, I used to think there was some reason why this is the case. Now I realize the easiest answer is the correct one, it's for the same reason BM exersice a "smear campaign" against BW. I think BM intentionally seek out obese women because they don’t want to compete (BM KNOW they can’t compete with normal men). Overweight black women with low self esteem, they deem, have to settle. I know there are some men who are attracted to fat because they find it beautiful, and that’s fine, but please take a look at craigslist ads where “DBR’S” are specifically looking for “BBW” expecting them not to have standards. Do many movie star type BM/professional BM/etc generally crave morbidly obese women, white or black? No, because they are societies definition of "sucessful" so competition doesnt matter. At that point, they want the objects of every male's desire. You see, NORMAL MEN like having to compete for women other men want but with DBR's it's reversed. Obviously there is a conflict of interest if every BW is confident, widely desired, and well sought after.

Keep in mind, in general successful BM are the first to publicly attack BW for having weight. But that’s after they’ve exploited enough chubby BW.
Imho, the average BM street harasser is not trying to “hit on” BW, but sexually humiliate and destroy the self-esteem of BW. They don’t think BW are whores, they are hoping that this negative affirmation daily would work to break down our spirits so we will one day view ourselves as exactly that.

This is why professional looking young bw are the ones most brutally attacked by harassers regardless of how they look. They are hoping that enough negativity will eventually convince us to "know our place" as an emotional, financial and sexual "backup plan" until they are "good enough men" to get the type of women WM want. If enough men on the corner tell a woman she's "sexual street trash" she will believe it. That's the plan. We mustn't forget that BM’s entire relationship of BW is based on exploitation, from the attraction process to the "slandering" of BW to other men, to chubby chasing, to asking BW to have babies by them that they aren't willing to support. All of makes BW "less wanted" by MEN, and therefore "more available" to them .

AnonyWoman said...

Let me apologize to you as well, Anonymous, for jumping to conclusions.

I wish more people had black women's safety and interests in mind. It really bothers me that too many black men claim ownership to black women they don't know, simply because they share the same skin color. This needs to stop!

Do the other BW blogs know about this story? I want justice for this woman. Though I don't know her, I feel for her.

Aphrodite said...

I am thinking that I saw some of this guarding today on a board I frequent. One of the posters had just gone natural and she noticed that BM had stopped talking to her altogether, but she noticed that many WM began approaching her with compliments.

At any rate all the mammies and hair flippers came out. In a nutshell they told her...


1. She must be fair to BM bc "some BM like natural hair too"

2. They have been complimented by many BM on their natural hair- the hair flippers were emphatic about this knowing full well that they have the preferred hair texture among BM.

3. One hair flipper told her that there are many white men who will say they "don't want no woman with nappy hair - its just too unattractive" and she should know as the white men in her family have said this to her and even asked her "why don't more BW have hair like hers?" [I am gagging!] LOL

4. Another flipper even stated that the preferred look across the board was loosely curled hair - not kinky and provided examples of multi racial celebrities to prove it.

5. Finally one hair flipper said that just bc a WM compliments you on your natural hair texture it doesn't mean that they are accepting of you or your race.


6. Other mammies wanted the OP to shut up and go away.



I think all of the above had nothing to do with what she said. She is getting more attention from WM - that is her experience and all these mammies and hair flippers are trying to say that her experience is null and void. On another tip - I think they are seriously trying to damage her self esteem and keep her in her place. And finally I think they were engaging in some major "blocking". I mean everyone knows that compliments are ice breakers.

Miss Pinky said...

Alienation is dropping a LOT of knowledge in this thread. I hope we are all paying attention.

Anonymous said...

After that we did not have any problems and he seemed shocked that it bothered me since we lived in the hood and bm had always talked this way to bw.

Was he from another country? Now that's sad that you can talk and reason with this guy and tell him how you don't like being treated, but can't do that with a bm. If a bm was told this he would go on about bw this and that and get ugly.

Selena said...

Ms Pinky said:

Alienation is dropping a LOT of knowledge in this thread. I hope we are all paying attention.

Real Talk!!

Eric said...

I saw this video over on you tube a few minutes ago.In her video she does mention this very same topic.check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lys1pDO2aqc

Aphrodite said...

@ Bellydancer

"Have any of you noticed a lot of foreign men doing some of the harassing?"


I have never been harassed by foreign men here or even the time I was in another country.


Once I was mildly harrassed in Mexico. I say mild bc in relation to what happens here it was tame. But even before it looked like it would get aggressive there were several other Mexican men of varying ages who stepped in and made the men back off through a variety of actions and one shopkeep even provided me with a male escort to make sure that I got to my car safely.



In my experience here they look, but nothing more. Sometimes I wish that they would say more ...

But I will say that the moments in my life lately that I have been treated well - were by foreign men or by WM.

For example being called miss and mam, having doors held open for me. Having heavy items lifted or carried for me.

I don't know what anyone else's experience is or what it is like for other BW, but my experience even with immigrants has been positive as far an general courtesy goes.

When my mom got sick again and had to be rushed to the emergency - the ER was so packed and my mom couldn't walk and both a WM and a Mexican volunteered to help me get her out of the car, into the wheelchair, and rolled her into the hospital bc I didn't have the physical strength to.

If only more men were like that.

Aphrodite said...

Wow Alienation,


And the evil plot unfolds! I am consistently sickened by all that I learn about DBRBM and their behavior.

Moorena said...

Eric I believe she is speaking AGIANST the blog mind you.

Anonymous said...

**Heavy sigh**...Speaking of bw, obesity, and "curves"...I may get blasted for this, but it might be an interesting bit of science to consider for the bw fearing she may not be as attractive to men at a lower weight. Here goes...

Now this concerns, specifically, to the sistahs fretting over their "bootyliciousness" or how ever you spell that crazy word. Short version: Women's breasts evolved the way they did to attract men toward the front of our bodies, since we, ahem, "mate" facing each other. Most other species; however, mate front (male) to back (female). This may have also been true for early humans, but, of course, is not true now. So, and here's where I get controversial (sorry), it might be that men who are overly attracted, shall we say, to women with large behinds lag behind just a bit from an evolutionary standpoint. What I am saying is that men (of any color) who prefer breasts to backs might be more a little more refined than men who like big butts.

Again, I'm just writing about the science I've heard in the course of things. And I am NOT suggesting than bw remain fat to keep their boobs.--big, slopy, flappy boobs are seen as a joke and a sign of aging, not sex appeal (at least not to normal men). This also isn't to suggest that men like flat behinds either because I think we all know that does not look good athestically on anyone. I'm just saying this stuff as something to consider when looking for a potential husband/mate. I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule. There may be perfectly intelligent, refined, beautiful men who pay extra attention to a lady's rear. But, the giant behinds shaking in those rap videos and their admirers IS what I'm talking about. How does that look to you?--primal? Animalistic? Dirty? Well, that's because that's likely what it is.

It may also be helpful for me to mention waist-to-hip ratio, which studies have shown that men find to be the single most deciding factor in determining a women's overall attractiveness. And for good reason, as, women with an ideal waist-to-hip ratio are more fertile, healthier, and live longer than women with less desirable w-t-hrs. Also, get this: a flat stomach gives off the appearence of a better w-t-hr. And floral scents/perfumes make a women seem about 10 pounds slimmer to a man! And most men like floral scents on a woman.


And just so you guys know, I stuggle with my weight, as well so I'm not trying to attact anyone, I'm just putting the info. out there, ya' know, as something to consider. Peace.

Gab said...

"No woman life is worth this especially if the women have children."

Anon- I'm sorry, could you just clear this up for me? Why is a woman who can/wants children more valuable than one who can't or doesn't want them?

bellydance said...

Alienation said:
This is why professional looking young bw are the ones most brutally attacked by harassers regardless of how they look. They are hoping that enough negativity will eventually convince us to "know our place" as an emotional, financial and sexual "backup plan" until they are "good enough men" to get the type of women WM want.


Bellydancers says:
If you notice there has been an immense posting of videos on youtube regarding black women and feminism. These videos are attacking feminism or women's rights as an excuse to say that's why the black family is in shambles. This theory is of course applied to successful black women not the women living in the housing projects.
There seems to be a system to all the videos.
Lower Class BW-welfare queen,loud, club ho, baby mama and thug lover.
Middle Class BW-Obese, mean,drama queen, baby mama and thug lover
Upper Class BW-Picky, snotty, stingy, feminist, bitch and gold digger.
Of course these traits can be interchangable but that seems to be the stereotypes that are manufactured.
As to being a sexual back up plan, I believe Khadija had addressed something similiar in regards to black muslim men preferring to marry white arab/persian women over bw muslims "Sisters, be aware: One underlying reason why most Black men aren’t concerned about your marriage prospects is because many of them want to keep Black women around as a surplus “Booty Call” population. If you are happily married, then you’re not available to be used & taken advantage of. That’s why you will generally only hear yelps of professed “concern” about the marriage situation when Black women start talking about considering non-Black men as potential husbands. Many of these same “concerned” men are silent while their brethren publicly stomp on Black women’s honor. And they’ve been silent while watching Negroes place their orders for Arab mail order brides. Ignore them."

Lena said...

When I hear other black women excuse the terrible behavior black men display towards black women I wanna vomit!

I don't feel jealous when I see black men with white,asian,hispanic,or Arab Women anymore.
All I wanna say to black men is good riddance!

All I can say for the women foolish enough to sex or even marry these damaged beyond repair misogynistic morons is good luck!

Moorena said...

So, and here's where I get controversial (sorry), it might be that men who are overly attracted, shall we say, to women with large behinds lag behind just a bit from an evolutionary standpoint. What I am saying is that men (of any color) who prefer breasts to backs might be more a little more refined than men who like big butts.


LOL! So I guess we black women are more "baboonish"? Or more primitive since many of us still do have butts to show? What of women who do not have much up top?

So women who have more up top are further along.


I don't know about this hun.

We are made various ways and men have their preferences. Because if it is the case that men who like butts are lagging behind. Then black women lag "behind"(punn intended) also. It goes both ways. So I guess according to this....em...theory, black women will lose butts to look more like the the higher form of woman called-------- a white woman?

I am hearing racist Darwinist thinking here.

bellydancer said...

To address the surplus Booty Call population that bw are bing shunted into, I can agree with that by an experience I had.
I worked a with a girl more than 10
years ago who was married.
I only had met her husband a few times but he seemed like a nice enough guy, he always joked with me and did not seem to mind me coming over to visit his wife for picnics in their backyard, tupperware or mary kay parties etc... All of their friends were cool as well, most of them they had met through college and or through work.
I remember a few times my friend's husband R asked my where was my boyfriend and a few personal questions about what I was looking for in a boyfriend.
Now R is a little older than me so I thought he was trying to help a sista out by introducing me to some of his frat brothers or something.
Wrong! He was trying to peep me out to see what my morals were. He once asked my how long would I wait until giving it up, I was like WTF are you asking me that but I answered him honestly and told him at least 4-6 months of solid dating. He was like that long so I asked him why, who is asking, againg thinking one of his friends was interested in me. Finally my friend Y became pregnant and that's when his true self came out.
Whenever I would call their house R would flirt outright with me and try to ask me personal stuff.
I would just sit there and yell at him to put Y on the phone.
He became so obnoxious that I stopped calling their house and I stopped answering her phone at work which was in the same office as mine.
A while later she left that job so we did not talk as much but the whole thing left me feeling like I did something wrong.
All that time he had tons of single friends but he was determined to get me into bed. They had not been married barely 2 years before he pulled that little stunt. He could not get it into his head that I wanted my own man not someone else's. He was looking for a "booty call".
I got to the point that whenever I did have to be around him I literally had on my "screw face" so he would know I meant business.
DTAMS (Don't another mf step) to me. (lol)

Lauren said...

Aphrodite: I am interested in your response to the question of foreign men and their behavior towards black women. I have not been to what I would consider "real" Mexico (i.e. I have been to Tiajuana and I agree that the harrassment there was very mild).

However, in the Dominican Republic it IS NOT! I have often wondered about this difference between mainland latino populations and Caribbean born groups (Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, and Cubans). These island-born latinos tend to be of African-descent (somewhere in there). Is this the reason the harrassment is worse in these countries? I don't know.

In the Dominican Republic I often feared walking the short walk to my language school because certain men would wait for me! They would attempt to touch me. They would call out - both in English and Spanish. They would stare in the most un-nerving manner. They would often be blatant about their desire to have sex with me. They would attempt to follow me home. Thankfully my hotel had a heavily armed security guard! Maybe it had something to do with my somewhat obvious American-ness. I am just not sure ...

The worst was actually the old white French tourist who was in the same hotel as I was in. I couldn't even eat breakfast he harrassed me so much! Asking me all types of personal questions and wanting to take me on a "trip" of the island. I was giving him all types of side-eye.

Either way I think the important thing is to not assume an automatic level of comfort around ANY group of men (people for that matter) until you have vetted them. (Not that I think that is what you were saying Aphrodite). Foreign men can be just as harrassment-prone as the African-American men we often speak about.

Ladies do NOT give out personal information readily. (In foreign countries they will have you chopped up and buried before the embassy is alerted to your absence.) I say: Observe, listen, and don't ignore your intuition. Watch a man's behaviors and listen to how he speaks of others. And if it doesn't FEEL right, trust yourself!

AnonyWoman said...

Bellydancer, I feel for you. I've read your stories and I hate that you're surrounded by so many messed up people. I hope you can one day find a place of peace with good people.

Too many of these men are atrocious. The lack of respect they have towards black women is horrific! I am tired of black men hanging out on corners referring to me in the most lewd of terms, I am tired of scrubs approaching me, I am just tired. I was never one of those women who had an interest in black men. I found myself liking non-black men more, but those men don't approach me that much anymore. I don't have the guts to approach them.

With hair...when I was relaxed I was approached more often by non-black men, but now I'm natural I get approached by nothing but thuggish black men. I don't know.

energize said...

@BellyDancer lol! Your stories are interesting, yet sad. Many women can relate to the stories you have shared, including myself. These men demonstrate on so many levels the moral decadence we are dealing with as a bw. If you allow, these morally bankrupt men will -
Sex you while they are married.
Sex you while they are married and wife is pregnant or giving birth.
Sex you while they are engaged.
Sex you while they are separated, not yet divorced. You never know they may want to go back to wife.
Sex you while they have a girlfriend.
Sex you because they think they are rescuing you from celibacy or lonliness.
Sex you because they need somewhere to lay-up or need money.
on and on....
If you do not already have solid principles and a plan to recognize the behavior it can be so shocking when you see it, you wont be sure how to respond. For ex. a married man has no business asking a single young woman how long before she has sex with anyone? just nasty.

cool_splash1 said...

Now this concerns, specifically, to the sistahs fretting over their "bootyliciousness" or how ever you spell that crazy word. Short version: Women's breasts evolved the way they did to attract men toward the front of our bodies, since we, ahem, "mate" facing each other. Most other species; however, mate front (male) to back (female). This may have also been true for early humans, but, of course, is not true now. So, and here's where I get controversial (sorry), it might be that men who are overly attracted, shall we say, to women with large behinds lag behind just a bit from an evolutionary standpoint. What I am saying is that men (of any color) who prefer breasts to backs might be more a little more refined than men who like big butts.

The main reason most men were and are attracted to breast are for child rearing reasons. Especially when you look at some tribes.

The whole unrefined men prefer big butts means that most mean who do must be unrefined, unsophisticated? Why are you comparing some fools making a music video to make money to the average man? If this is the case then those music videos of the big hair days means that any man that is interested in certain attributes are unrefned?

S said...

To the people who keep saying that BW when being harassed on the street should smile and basically "go along with it" so to not upset the dbr harasser or risk being physically hurt....my oh my, this makes me so sad....and to some other poster who said that foreign men are stepping up to BW the same way these DBR negroes are doing....why do you think that is happening? because you're smiling and going along with it!! it makes them think that it's an OK way to approach a black woman!
Do you understand what damage you are making to other BW out there? and do you understand that by not rejecting these harassers and making it known to them that their behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE, they will carry on doing it! and other men will keep doing it too because they see that it works for the BM, and if "our own" can't respect us, why should they?
it's an evil cycle, an evil cycle that these "MEN" purposely have created in order to keep BW in place and if NO ONE objects then you better not make any plans on having daughters in the near future because shame on you for letting this cycle go on in order for your future child to experience.
i WAS like you but now i know that if don't do ANYTHING then it will only get worse, you can't sweep it under the rugs.
Now, there are ways to make a harasser know you mean business and it is not by talking back to him.
Simply dial 911 or 999 if you are in the UK like i am and make the people who are PAID to protect YOU deal with the harssers.
it's THAT simple.
if you have a camera phone, hell yeah take that dbr's picture! if he has a car take his number plate and always carry mace or peppar spray but whatever you do, do not....i repeat, DO NOT ignore it! if you ignore it , it will keep happening and ore often and other men will follow these dbr negros behaviour.
it's a never ending cycle that needs to be broken! for your own sake AND for others.

please, next time you encounter a harasser let people know what is going on, yell "STOP HARASING ME!" if you are in a public place.
Make people know that it is NOT an ok behaviour.

if not for you, for me.
this affects ALL BW, young and old and it's not fair to us if you don't do something about it.

Anonymous said...

My bw friend who hasn't been separated an entire year has had two bm lovers and of course her soon to be ex in now living with someone. I suppose my point is she should not allow herself to become a booty call type of person; but, she seems to be on that road and wants me to join in that madness. I agree with those who say sometimes it is better to be alone than to be in a "booty call" type of situation or wrost.

A.

bellydancer said...

There are women who walk around sexing men they are not in a relationship with because they have "needs" or so they say.
They need to look at themselves and fulfill their other needs instead. My friend J has a daughter that just got divorced and right after she filed for divorce she started to date right away. Of course her soon to be ex got real mad cuz she filed for divorce plus she started to date right away. She is entitled to half of his 401k but she only took a third and now he is playing games with the settlement because everytime he sees her he wants her to apoligize for divorcing him. Imagine that and he was the one masterbating to internet porn, plotting affairs with other women, stole J's panties yes he stole a pair of his mother inlaw's drawers. I could not make this up if I tried ya'll, but he is mad at his ex wife cuz she has moved on.
Of course these same men that criticize a women for giving it out would get mad real quick if bw started rationing the va jay jay.
Yep that's what we need to do start rationing it.
If I knew now what I knew about men in my early twenties I could have saved myself a lot of problems and directed energy elsewhere.
So ladies get out your rationing cards and coochie coupons and be real careful who you give them out to. (lol)

Clarice said...

S said..."Do you understand what damage you are making to other BW out there? and do you understand that by not rejecting these harassers and making it known to them that their behavior is UNACCEPTABLE, they will carry on doing it!"

This point sounds fine and good - HOWEVER the most important fact is the woman in the situation remain SAFE. PERSONAL SAFETY IS NOT OPTIONAL.........this message is just a ploy again to have women put the needs of the group before her own safety. IT IS NOT the first and foremost responsibility of an individual woman to protect the group. That idiot mentality is the root of women being used and abused. First and foremost a lone woman must protect and safeguard herself, by whatever means necessary given the situation and circumstance. Now if a woman can safely take a photo or get a license plate number so she can notify the authorities fine if not - her first and only mission is personal safety.

Recommend getting out of the situation as quickly and safely as possible - and as soon as that goal is acheived contact the proper authorities - law enforcement. If the responding personnel do not help contact the District Attorney, and do not hesitate to politely escalate and or elevate - contact the captain, watch commander, precint captain even the commissioner or the city attorney, use the internet - get email addresses and contact information and contact any/all offices that are paid by tax dollars to protect and serve. Be polite, be specific, remain as calm as possible. Men tend to respond to words spoken calmly with a greater sense of urgency i.e. if a person is calm vs. hysterical, loud, yelling, unruly, and excessively emotional then the situation is serious - pay attention.

Be safe.

V/r

Clarice

S said...

it doesn't take too much 'deep thinking' to know why more and more young BW are "sexin'" BM.
Bw have been told (i know, i know, you've heard it a million times) that we are "the lowest on the damn totem pole" and yada yada and that i think has affected more BW than we think....Just turn on your television. turn on MTV, BET, VH1 and tell me the difference in music videos with black female artist and non black female artists.

Usually you will see the Black female singer in skimpy outfits, trying to look sexy and make suggestive dance moves...now, compare this with any other NON black female artist and you WILL see the difference.
it's not cool.
it's definitely NOT sexy.
it's trashy...but WHY do BW feel the NEED to do this? i don't mean to go off topic here sara but i want BW to think about this one for awhile.
Why can a WW wear lloose fitting clothes , no make up and STILL be considered "hot" while a BW has to doll herself up and wear skimpy,skimpy outfits ?? why can't we be "docile,beautiful,pure" woman? ....

i'm saying this because i am sick of this image that most BW singers have which is "sexy, raunchy.."
and other young BW following them. Heck most BW have embraced the jezebl stereotype, we have either mammy or jezebel to choose from...any other and we are deemd uppity,weird, and "white" (see: thandie newton) instead of being called shy we are reserved, instead of being alternative we are plain strange.

this annoying if nothing else.

Anonymous said...

Your butt versus breasts theory is total nonsense.

The reason why certain Africans have large butts is due to sexual selection. The reason some BM love large butts is probably at least partially cultural. For many millennia (until Christian missionaries entered the picture), Africans had sex with the man behind the woman. Many of these men might have preferred this type of sex with women with large posteriors, and so they'd more often pursue women with large posteriors. When these women reproduced, they passed along their genes for large posteriors. This went on generation after generation until it got to where most of the women (and even some of the men) of the group had large posteriors. Also, until recently in many African societies, breasts were NOT objects of sexual desire. They were often left uncovered and were viewed solely as a source of nourishment for babies.

For whites it might have been a sexual selection process that favored smaller/flatter butts. Or, maybe, white women on average never did have large butts to begin with. That migh be why most WM's focus is on large breasts, and it also might expain, in part, why whites switched to face to face sex in the first place.

One thing is for sure, that while culture plays a major role in all of this, it has NOTHING at all to do with racist beliefs in who is higher on the evolutionary ladder.

Taylor-Sara said...

Look, I understand people are trying to get their point across, but I will not say again to:

REFRAME FROM USING THE CURSE WORDS!! IF YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST ADD IT FOR EFFECT-HALF SPELL IT!! As soon as my delete mechanism starts working again-I will be deleting posts containing any curse words! This is not the hood, and I don't want that mess here- period.

Anonymous said...

@ Sara...you did not care for one of my post?

a.

Taylor-Sara said...

No, a. It was not you. But a few ppl here (I won't call anyone out) insist on cursing when I have clearly asked them not to do it here. But it was not referring to you...

Moorena said...

When these women reproduced, they passed along their genes for large posteriors. This went on generation after generation until it got to where most of the women (and even some of the men) of the group had large posteriors. Also, until recently in many African societies, breasts were NOT objects of sexual desire. They were often left uncovered and were viewed solely as a source of nourishment for babies.

For whites it might have been a sexual selection process that favored smaller/flatter butts. Or, maybe, white women on average never did have large butts to begin with. That migh be why most WM's focus is on large breasts, and it also might expain, in part, why whites switched to face to face sex in the first place.
^

Is there any information that supports the "animal from behind" sex theory? It seems to me Africans for a long time had sex face to face. It is the ENTIRE package not part by part.
I am quite unaware of the preference for "animal sex."
I mean they are human and there is something called intimacy and speaking to each other. To me it still supports RACIST monkey-like baboon notions.
Animal sex vs. human face to face intimacy sex.


The Butt sex still is considered "unrefined" and "unattached". On an animal level"impersonal".
(Not talking about the overall sexual positions but about the so-called evolutionary---mating game and reason for big butts.)


But I think we as bw need to be aware and becareful how Darwinist thinking can STILL harm us. It was born out of racism to put africans on the bottom that is ALL it served to do.

Anonymous said...

Gab,

Black women are important children or not and safety is the most important thing as I've mentioned many times. I mentioned chidren because if a black woman should loose her life out of arguing with these thugs she will leave kids behind and its not worth it.

In a nutshell, BLACK WOMAN LIVES ARE IMPORTANT AND SAFETY IS A MUST.

Jazine said...

Sara, the Free Your Mind seminar has reached the national media. NPR covers the story. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111781484

Alienation said...

Wow thanks ladies so so much for all the positive feedback! :-) I really really appreciate it. Bellydancer, I so agree with you about the “worry” of BW being feminists like those lesbian feminist WW. I always wondered why BM could ridicule BW for not being submissive and docile like WW allegedly are, but in the same breath, anytime BW start revolting they claim we’re becoming like WW--- the inventors of man-hating feminism. Fear is irrational in itself, so it makes sense that their own fear of BW’s liberation would cause them to be so blatantly hypocritical and not even realize it. LOL

Moorena: "The Butt sex still is considered "unrefined" and "unattached". On an animal level"impersonal".

I agree. There is still a major difference between "Love sex" and "F word sex", for many men. When men respect women, they seek to make love to them, cherishing their bodies. Think of how a man makes love to a virgin vs. how he does to a "whore" in pop culture even. I guess my point is that our butts become an excuse to sexually exploit us, and say we were “naturally made” for hardcore sex, the way folks once believed dark people were “naturally built” for labor. When one wants to find an excuse for their dehumanizing behavior, they will. Nothing a DBR prefers BW for is about value and respect.

"Usually you will see the Black female singer in skimpy outfits, trying to look sexy and make suggestive dance moves...now, compare this with any other NON black female artist and you WILL see the difference."

Really? I will have to look more closely now. I see white girls in miniskirts, and it looks "professional" and "cute", but when black girls where the same thing, it looks "raunchier" and I’ve always thought it’s because our bodies are more sexually objectified. Look at the movie Clueless. A black girl with a curvaceous body would look “skanky” to some if she wore those same outfits. Sort of how if a woman who wears a D-cup goes out with a V line shirt, she's deemed as wanting more attention or perceived more sexually. Now If a woman who was an A-cup wore THE SAME V-line shirt, it would just seem classy because it is big breasts that are objectified more than small ones. A woman with big boobs also seems to be wearing a “tighter” shirt than someone with small ones, because there’s not enough room in the way women’s clothes are made (like pants looking tighter on black girls for this same reason). I feel that if BW wore anything short of a burka, there'd be excuses for why our bodies were "begging" to be analyzed by leering males and "they can't help" that our bodies were built for sexual exploitation. I will look more closely at the singers though.

Alienation said...

“That would have been an open invite (in their diseased minds) and she woulld have had more trouble trying to walk away.”

I agree Sara. I don’t know how any woman could flame a BM who’s already showing his signs of sexual aggression by being friendly. That’d be like, I don’t know, trying to negotiate a known serial killer on the loose from attacking by asking him to come to your home for tea and a private discussion on why violence is wrong?

I used to try to be friendly with a BM neighbor who hangs out on the corner while his wife works, simply because he was my neighbor and you try not to burn bridges in case you need them to keep watch when you’re not home. But he started being even more “friendly” and aggressive in return when his wife wasn’t around, even chiming in when his buddies on the corner started up with the violent sexual comments, of what they'd do to me, with OR without my approval. His logic? “Oh you waved at me, remember baby? CLEARLY, you want to get raped”.

CW said...

Alienation said...

"Wow thanks ladies so so much for all the positive feedback! :-) I really really appreciate it....."


That is a given...I am personally inspired by young Black women who 'GET IT' early...Perhaps reaching a younger generation who may not listen to a slightly vintage (LOL) person...My satisfaction comes from young Black women not having to go thru much of the confusion, angst and hard knocks that some of us have...Keep up the great work!

bellydancer said...

Alienation said:
I used to try to be friendly with a BM neighbor who hangs out on the corner while his wife works, simply because he was my neighbor and you try not to burn bridges in case you need them to keep watch when you’re not home. But he started being even more “friendly” and aggressive in return when his wife wasn’t around, even chiming in when his buddies on the corner started up with the violent sexual comments, of what they'd do to me, with OR without my approval. His logic? “Oh you waved at me, remember baby? CLEARLY, you want to get raped”.


Bellydancer says:
Clearly this man was setting you up and had no interest in being a protector. These men today are not like the old school men who would hurt anybody that threatened their neighborhood. The enemy is truly within and already a fifth column in the bc.
(A fifth column is a group of people who clandestinely undermine a larger group, such as a nation, from within, to the aid of an external enemy.)

S said...

Clarice, maybe you should re read my comment because you clearly didn't get it.
I never said that is one womans responsibility to take care of "the group" ??
Ofcourse you should make sure you are safe from harm before you call the police and taking a photo of the harasser but doing NOTHINg is what i am concerned about and is what i am talking about.
If you simply move along and ignore it all together.
It's a vicous cycle because it will only get worse if you choose to ignore it, if every single one of us when being harassed (after making sure you are safe ofc) call the police and report these harassers we would be much safer. If enough people complain then something WILL be done about it.

Anonymous said...

@ lauren.....im dominican and i can vouch that this is exactly how dominican men are...very disrespectful, they grab u in the street...just horrible. and the reason why theyre this way is directly in relation to their mothers and how they raise them to be that way. i say this with a lot of pain, because my mom and my family is this way and she encourages this behavior. my little brother is very inconsiderate and disrespectful to my mom and me, wont help out around the house....just insensitive all around and she will not correct him! this is the status quo in my family and with a lot of dominicans and hispanic people in general...im very ashamed to say.
i know she was raised like this but i wont stand for it. i was raised here in america and im so fortunate and we all should feel this way because its very different here. im complaining about D.R. but imagine the middle east and places in africa where its horrible to be a woman. i feel lucky.

Jazine said...

Sara, on the subject of that youtube video. It was downright horrific. She cursed the child out and mocked her by saying she doesn't have a daddy. She used the f word at her child. One point the little girl said, I hate you. This woman (can't call her a mother) is a perfect example of the subject of your point-when bw are the enemy.

As others have said, she's clearly jealous of that little girl. SMH.

ak said...

Anonymous:

Don't feel guilty for wanting men to treat you wsith respect, decorum and dignity in your OWN country which happens to be the USA!

Most Westernized countries like the USA have more money and more exposure to different ways of living. This is why British society was once world-renowned for having impeccable manners and showing chivalry and civilty to women. American society came out of British society, so why non-white men can't show their own women respect, chivalry, and decorum is beyond me. The so-called third world countries have a lot of issues including lack of funds, so this will always keep them stuck in their own Dark Ages unless you're talking about their handfuls of rich elite.

But in the USA, there's no excuse. Men can easily learn how to treat women with decency and decorum. If your own men can't treat you the way you deserve, then look elsewhere.

ak said...

I don't believe that any black woman should be cowed into covering up her body if she doesn't want to. White women aren't bullied into covering up themselves and ignoring their sexuality especially not if they're younger and thinner.

BUT there is a line between looking sexy and looking whorish. Too many people are used to seeing black women that are either too covered up like they're ashamed of their forms or the black women who have the multi colored loud piled-high weaves AND the too much make up on AND the cleavage/legs/midriff out all at the same time.

Black women should balance it out, and just because you're past the age of 30, 40 or 50 doesn't mean you can't revel in femininity and sexiness either.

Low rise jeans are out of style now! So check out Paris, london and NYC, waistlines on all skirts, jeans, and pants are all high waisted. Everything is more high necked and lady like now because although the 1980s are in full swing, the 1940s and 1950s look is still in style too, so it's cool to look lady-like and more reserved.

Showing Britney Spears-low midriffs are OUT OF STYLE. And again because the 1980s are still in the style, wearing real make up and looking 'done' or 'beat' is in! The loud colors in make up now are a lot easier to wear now, than they were in the 70s and 80s when it comes to black women.

But I see nothing wrong with a healthy and fit black woman of any adult age showing some cleavage OR a lot of leg OR just a bit of midriff. There are hot cutting edge hair cuts and weaves that don't scream 'I'm hangin wit Peaches at them down at da club'.

And there are proper ways of wearing the now in style strongly colored make up, go down to MAC and ask them for advice so you don't go TOO far. Don't hide your sexiness ladies, just don't look like you're sellin it! LOL LOL

ak said...

Yeah Anonywoman, I agree with what you said about an Anonymous guy earlier who said a woman walking down the street should have just acknowledged some arse of a guy. Why didn't he say she should have phoned the police? Why didn't he tell her she should have pressed charges?

You give these DBRs an inch on those streets and then they will take and make 500 miles out of that.

cool_splash1 said...

ak check this out
http://www.ericabunker.com/2008/11/simplicity-2724-michael-kors-knockoff.html

Lorraine said...

Sara, I am nominating you for the Pullitzer for this one. So right on. When I first learned about this video, I was horrified as you know. But I clearly dismissed the possibility that this woman could be mad or jealous of her own daughter. That is not so hard to believe when we can just look and see this behavior all around us. So thanks for enlightening me to this, yet another aspect of dbrbw behavior. I also want to add that a true quality man would not really be with this type of bw. Maybe he was a dbr himself, or left her or had no intentions of marrying her or for whatever reason he is not there. She may be taking out her anger on the child as well. At any rate, she will pay for this one and maybe her daughter will be taken away and raised by loving adults who don't use that type of language at all, let along to a child.

Are you available next year to receive your Pullitzer?

ak said...

Thanks cool splash! That is yet another reason why I need to take a sewing machine class. Everybody in my family knows how to use a sewing machine except me! d'oh, d'oh, d'oh!

I'd love to use those Vogue patterns.

cool_splash1 said...

Me too. I did learn some sewing in high school, but that was Freshman year in 94.lol My mom was teaching me, but then our beagle (who was a puppy at the time)had a field day with it.

cool_splash1 said...

oh here is another one
http://www.kerry-litka.com/main/wordpress/2009/06/25/whats-black-and-white-and-lime-green-all-over/

she used a vintage 1966 pattern. I've been thinking about this for a while now. I find that I like most of the youthful to more mature vintage clothing than most of the stuff that is made today which is nothing, but a copy of the vintage clothing anyway. What shocked me is that I actually liked some men's clothes from the 60's and 70's. I know lol some of the mens clothes hell most cloths were horrible.

Anonymous said...

I finally saw that video and that woman may not be the mother; but, a baby sitter. One of the kids says something about America's home video. How awful her siblings are joining in and making fun of this child. They are probably happy it wasn't their turn for this abuse. Look at her brother he has almost the same type of hair.
The women obviously has mental issues. So, where are the social workers?

Sandra77 said...

Why would a babysitter be brushing the child's hair and telling her she has no daddy and swearing at her? Anything's possible I suppose, but that possibility seems unlikely. Anyway, the child needs protection from whoever that is - mother or babysitter - and that person needs to be found so that the abuse against this child (and possibly the other children) can be stopped and the abuser punished.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. she IS the mother. They've already established that. She actually made a second video( do not have it, in which she admits she IS the mother. The other woman is her sister. She is the one talking about AHV because she thought the whole thing was soooo funny....

Anonymous said...

That's so true when the lynch mob is composed of DBR Black women, especially MzKitty, who is a vociferous defender of damaged Black men. She demeans Black women with White men any chance she gets. It's no wonder she doesn't have a blog because a lot of Black women would take her to task and she can't handle it. She's nothing more than a bigoted Black nationalist and I mean by everything I say.

Beverly said...

This video is clearly abuse! I've called the DCFS and contacted the media because the DCFS was not responsive. I will not stop until this video is taken down off YouTube. This girl is being humiliated publiclly.

Beverly said...

I need your help to report this crime against this child! I looked this up and this video reportedly came out of Detroit. The child protective agencies number is 800 716 2234 and they are nonresponsive. Please call. Maybe if enough people call, they will treat this seriously. You may save this little girls life.

Taylor-Sara said...

Everyone, please take a minute, call, and ask that they at least speak with the mother, and make sure this precious child is alright. Also a warning against this type of behavior in the future would surely help. Please urge them to let the mother know she cannot treat a child like this regardless of whether it's hers, or someone else's....

Anonymous said...

Stan,
Wake- up: The Imlpementation of Interracial Dating is the Inherent Implement of Genocide of the Black Race; which soon will LEAD BLACK PEOPLE BEING INSTINCT LIKE THE DINOSAUR!!!

Anonymous said...

I agree with everything you have said. I am a bw early 20s I grew up in a very jewish community and traveled the world with my parents both black. My parents groomed me to be very cultured and educated.My parents and my town shielded me from racial issues and I was unaware of race being an issue in relation to dating. When I moved away from home to attend college I noticed the other states were very different.I smile alot bc i am a happy person my parents are happy people. Every time i would go into the blck neighborhood to get hair products I would get malicious looks for bw. Till this day I dont understand why it happens. I have always dated interracially not intensionally but i grew up attracted to certain characteristics in a man and those characteristic i happen to find in men other than bm. I befriended a few bm (scholarly and non scholarly) before and it just didnt work out they would end up taking advantage of my kindness, honesty and friendship. They would take these characteristic and look at me as someone they can walk all over although i would never let that happen to me. I have lots of ww that i grew up with as friends or met later in life and i know what a quality ww is and what a trashy ww is. I tend to see bm who intensionally set out to date ww, not bc they like them but bc they want to date another race, that makes a joke out of interracial relationships, and I never see these men with quality ww. I personally dont care who bm date, it just seems as thou they get rid of standards when it comes to ww. Even my bf of 2 years and his friends wm joke around and say bm will stick their penis in anything that has a whole.I don't find it funny but unfortunately that is what bm are seen as in some ethnic groups now and I think that is sad. I always make sure I keep my standards no mater what race I am dating and they must be a good catch not just to me but in general a good catch.

on another note
The media and bm do not make bw look good at all. All you see about bw are bw who have children and are on crack and are parenting wrongly, ghetto, strippers, welfare depending on their two timing men, teenage mothers. I feel like every show I watch its always the bw fighting with someone else or shaking their ass when no one else is. They make us look like we have no composure, class, etiquette. I am very proud of being a bw and I cant stand the way I am represented by the media or bm. I have lots of wm friends with bm friends who come up to me and tell me their bm friend said they will never date a bw and i just respond with okay. I have never said i wont date a bm, I will I just wont lower my standards or be used.

Anonymous said...

Good for you anonymous at 6:16 pm

I am curious what do your bf say about ww?

lois

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/user/SEBLKWOMAN5

Two wrongs...

Anonymous said...

@ anon. 5:55 that was an interesting clip.

a.