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Sunday, July 26, 2009

How bw are urged to carry the load, and play the part.....


Couples like the 1st one are almost never shown in the Hw spin machine.
Yet couples like Tiger and the nanny (aka fake model) are shown constantly. This serves 2 purposes. a. convince ww they are still the most beautiful and sought after.
b. To convince bw that they are not!



Lovely Sanaa plays the part of a young woman who falls for and stays with an abysmal loser (Westley) in Disappearing acts..... (parts like these are designed to show bw this is all you deserve-be grateful....)

I was watching a few days ago at the supermarket as a young blk couple approached their car in the parking lot of our local market. (next to us) As they reached the car, the male took the child from the shopping basket, and got into the car. At first I thought he was simply going to place the child into her car seat and then get the groceries. But instead after he had placed the child into the car seat, he got in himself, and proceeded to smoke a cigarette. Me and a friend starred in surprise as the woman was forced to load, what must have been about 300.00 worth of groceries by herself-with a man sitting in the car smoking! She then turned and went to put the cart back. As she came back, she noticed us watching, and her worn young face filled with embarrassment. She knew the situation was unnatural, yet she allowed it to happen. Their car was very old and looked like it had long ago seen better days. As the woman started the car, it creaked, coughed, and groaned to life. The man in the car began to laugh and told her she needed to get rid of this piece of sh*t. The woman sighed, and snappily asked him where she would get the money since she had all the household bills to pay. At this point, he got an uncomfortable look on his face and shrugged. He had lost interest in the conversation. My friend shook her head as we drove away.
"What good is a man, if he can't do anything for you?" she murmured. "I don't know " I answered.
"But I do know I'd slam the door if he ever darkened my doorstep"
My friend was quiet a moment. Then she said sadly:
"Why do we bw always seem to carry all the damn burdens?-he didn't even put the groceries in the car, and now he expects her to find a way to get herself another car all by herself!-what the hell does she need him for???" I shrugged. she's a people watcher who always asks intense questions, but I knew there really was no answer. That woman obviously felt that was the best she could do. She was wrong, of course, but as long as she believes it, -that will be her reality. I thought about it again as I dropped my friend off, and passed another young mother struggling up a hill with 3 sacks of groceries, and no car. Obviously someone was sexing her as she had 3 small children with her. I wondered as I passed, why she would allow a man to leave her with 3 children, who did not have the initiative to even provide her with the most basic of cars..... Basically bw have been sold a false bill of goods that they must take on the man's role, in addition to their own. This is why so many bw will work 2-3 jobs, and still try to take care of numerous children, and play the part of the mule to for many people.....

Disappearing Acts.........
I was further reminded of the whole situation later that night, as I sat down with my family and watched a lifetime movie called Disappearing acts. It starred Westley Snipes and Sanaa Latham.
Basically, the main character, (Sanaa ) falls in love with Westley's character. They date and eventually have a baby. Unfortunately for her, he is a loser who cannot seem to get his act together. (Although it was patently clear that he was expected to get sympathy points for trying.) He had all these dreams, but nothing seemed to pan out. Probably because he puts a very minuscule amount of effort into all his endeavors. Anyway, when she gives birth to the baby, he's once again out of work, so she has to immediately go back to work as a teacher, and is forced to take a very abbreviated maternity leave. She's still suffering the effects of child birth, yet she cannot even stay home to make a full recovery! This causes immense tension between them, as she is very resentful, and unhealed. He pretends not to notice, as he flounders around making very brief efforts to find work. (often claiming it's too cold) He then leaves her to struggle paying all the bills while he lays around her apartment on the couch. She grows more and more frustrated, and angry as he 'forgets' to pick up their son, leaves the house filthy-even though he's there all day, and waits for her to do everything for the baby-in addition to her paying ALL the bills. She cries herself to sleep and basically worries all the time. I believe the final catalyst was her getting another bill she could not pay. They began to argue, and he asks her what she needs him for. She replies that she doesn't know. They stare at each other in shock. Then she goes into the bedroom and lays down quietly. A little while later, he comes in, and looks at her laying there looking beautiful. He immediately whips off his shirt and tries to make love to her. At first she responds and they begin to take off their clothing. But soon it seems as if the resentments overwhelm her, and she pushes him away, and tells him to be gone the next day. The following day, he seems to feel that she's wrong to ask him to leave and begins to bust up all her furniture with a hammer! Now keep in mind, that she has to take care of HIS child all by herself, as well as pay ALL the bills, and now replace all the things he has broken! She comes homes and cries over the damage. Despite this, she misses him (for some reason) and they soon get back together. I guess this is their version of a black woman's Cinderella. In my estimation this movie came much closer to a nightmare, than a fairy tale.

I resented this movie on several counts. First of all, lifetime NEVER makes movies in which ww are expected to settle for broke, down and out, unambitious, go nowhere men. Never is this 'choice' marketed to ww. They are almost always paired to men who have 'something' to offer them and their offspring. Almost never have I seen the ww encouraged to date, mate and marry the loser. And I certainly have never seen on ANY movie, a ww have to go back to work unhealed because a man can't provide-AND HAVE HER KEEP HIM! See they don't want ww to even consider doing anything so stupid-that's why you will never see it in a movie. As far as Sanaa's character goes: Now she gets to carry the baby AND THE MAN! This is no dream relationship, this is a nightmare. Along with bm who try hard to normalize this nightmare, I often notice the media, joining the coalition of bw subjugation at the executive level. They are ginormous culprits in the -use-a-sista-brigade. They seem hell bent on convincing bw that they have 3 functions in this world:

1. The Sapphire. (New York is an exp.) when you see a loud, vulgar, often ghetto acting, Ebonics speaking, flailing, neck twisting caricature on television, this is their version of the Sapphire.
She is there to make ALL bw look like gutter trash, who cannot carry on a civil conversation without resorting to an animistic scream: "Don't make me CUT you!!!"
She is quick to fight, or start arguments especially with precious ww who are innocent and in the wrong place at the wrong time. She is unfit for marriage or any societal union, as she is wild, untamed, and lacking the sense to talk out her issues without resorting to: "cuttin a hoe!"

2. The Jezebel. This bw is the ready slut that movies often use in the background. She has no moral compass, and no human qualities, or any qualities that would endear an average movie goer to her. She is there merely to satisfy the lascivious needs of the men, as well as provide a ready target for white female aggression. She is almost never attractive, and is so pathetic, and un-enticing, only the most scabby abnormal men of any race would find her appealing. This does not mean however, that she is not used by numerous men as a sexual toilet and defiled, and dehumanized on a regular basis. After all, she is barely human-what difference could it possibly make....

3. last but not least is the MAMMY. This is a cinema favorite, and the only role in which a bw is usually given accolades. She is asexual, unattractive, and usually very overweight. But she is also very helpful, knows her place, and 'Yesm's" with a knee jerk response. Like a professionally trained monkey. She loves the family or friend she adores with all her over- sized heart, and fails to realize that she is never really loved in return as much as she is depended upon and needed. She is quite happy go lucky, as her undersized cranium does not allow her to see the stage of derision and inequality upon which, she plays her part. She gets her sense of self worth and kudos from 'pleasin the white folks' and rarely ever thinks of her own needs. After all even she knows she does not count, and is simply there to provide a service. Although she is allowed to pretend she matters which the other two players are not. (Think the fat black maid in Gone with the wind. ) she was a perfect mammy.....

These are the 3 roles, Hollywood is most comfortable with a bw playing. All 3 are soul destroying paradies, and all 3 are extremely unappealing, and do considerable harm to a bw's self image, as well as our collective public image. You see, Hollywood has to do this: Too many wm would express open interest in bw if not for the negative publicity, and open malignment rained down on bw. There is a method to the madness. And that is the keep the bw as unappealing as possible in order to keep the number of IR romances/marriages down, while simultaneously keeping white male dollars in the pockets of deserving ww. And make no mistake about it. If Hw. were not afraid of IR, and the resulting collapse of the ww's pedestal, then they would not need to corroborate these images, and caricatures again and again. This is why so many semi-attractive, older bw are used constantly. While the younger, and far more beautiful bw are held in obscurity (always in the back ground, and given dismissive parts) Notice how ww who are semi- to -very unattractive, are held up as somewhat pretty (Sarah Jessica Parker) (Melissa Gilbert) (Jaime Curtis) etc This is because they get a certain amount of beauty points -bps just for being white, and of course a wg should ALWAYS get to play the princess regardless of looks.... Harry was always the expert at breaking down this type of conditioning. But we'll delve further into that later.. Thanks for tuning in....

205 comments:

1 – 200 of 205   Newer›   Newest»
Mariah said...

Hi. New to the site. Don't forget this category that Tyler Perry is addicted to using:

The successful yet evil, manipulative, lying, b**ch that crushes the oh-so-good brother's souls. Some of his movies that play this disgusting game include The Family That Preys (Sanna Lathan's character) and Why Did I Get Married (two of the four women in marriages were wrong to black men). My head hurts. This garbage is too much to think about. How do you do it and keep your sanity?

Taylor-Sara said...

You're right Mariah, I completely forgot about that one. He does love to fall back on that character -doesen't he. It's quite disturbing to me how he constantly tries to undermine the woman's education and convince bw to settle for any PEICE of man. He's always putting high end women with criminals and the like. What's in it for any woman, to be involved with a criminal? Being a criminal usually means a person has a very lackluster moral/concience code. And will do whatever he feels he has to do to get whateve he feels he needs, and damned is the person who stands in his way....

Anonymous said...

You fail to mention that white men have propagandized the images of the Sapphire, Mammy, and Jezebel in cinema since the beginning of time, and still profit off of spinning that ideology of the 'unappealing black woman.' In addition, it's white women who create the invisibility of black women in the American fashion print media.

rainebeaux said...

Hi, Sara.

Never thought of it this way, actually...maybe because I'm reliving Disappearing Acts as we speak.*

*I didn't see the movie, but the book was cringe-worthy on its own. Terry McMillan should've cut me a check and sent Michael Moore to my house, thereby making the film a documentary deemed required viewing for sistas who entertain an eighth of a thought about "giving a brotha a chance."

As for TP, I'm starting to think he hates bw (successful or otherwise)--thus, he's giving the world at large a taste of who I shall now dub Sapphire 2.5.

*le sigh in HD* I'm getting a headache just thinking about this and my long, winding road towards self-improvement to counteract all this madness. Sheesh.

bellydancer said...

I have to share a story with ya'll. I have a friend whom years ago had a baby and had to have a C-section and was off work 8-10 weeks instead of the usual 6 weeks. At the time she was not married to her baby's father but was living with him. This negro acted a fool when she told him she could not return to work at the normal time and he would have to carry the rent and bills another month until she went back to work. He acted out by not helping with the baby, not carrying the trash to the dumpster until he was good and ready, refusing to buy what foods she told him to get at the store, buying beer and junk food, would not put gas in her car for doctors appointments, refused to work extra hours at his job even though management gave him first pick since he had a new baby and just generally whined and complained while looking at her and saying "why you doing this to me" and "why didn't you put enough money back" I told her silly ass "you should have put his ass back"

s said...

WW constantly spew out this image of semi attractive to plain old ugly or average at best WW like sarah jessica parker to ease their little hearts...make no misstake, if you are average looking, like most people are, then the last thing you want to see is Angelina Jolie sexin' brad pitt...nooo, they want to see a jennifer aniston so they can relate.

So what on earth makes you think they want to see a beautiful black woman on screen!? they are already trying hard to replace the 'angelina jolies of white women" to a more average plain old jane ala jennifer maniston and pumping out images of plain WW so that WM and men i general can be brainwashed to think sarah jessica parker actually IS beautiful....only, the men seem not to be buying it...latest i've heard is them comparing sarah jesssica parker to a foot in some mens magazine...i know, harsh.

Why do you think most women hate on angelina jolie? because she is painfully beautiful to some and that is like darts being thrown at some average looking womans face, it's a reminder of how unattractive they are, that's why most plain women love jennifer aniston.

I say Halle berry got a lucky break...although i do think she is being stereotyped as a jezebel, in all of her movies she never gets a happy ending with a man, something always screws up and she ends up alone.
I think all we can do is go against the stereotypes and be the exact opposit of the stereotypes.
What i have noticed though is that some BW, especially young BW or girls seem to embrace the 'hoochie' stereotype and go along with it which is so sad.
On a saturday night, going out witht heir friends they are dressed up like prostitutes thinking it's cute!

I always make sure that my dresses are classy and slighlty above knee lenght, NO shorter than that! as a BW , sadly, we can't pull that outfit no matter how classy we try to make it, if you are wearing anything above knee lenght, you will be looked at as a whore.
I have seen it happening time and time again...
certain things are just a no go unless you want to be viewed a certain way.

Pamela said...

I do not watch much TV these days. When I did it seemed like Oprah's productions were presenting bw as the never-ending burden bearer. Not sure if that continues these days.

I have watched anything produced by Tyler Perry. I could not get past the Madae (sp) character. I hated the stereotype and have grown tired of bm dressing in drag. Looks like he is a hater of bw if he can never present a normal intelligent bw accurately.

For many years I have never knowingly supported any type of media that presented bw in a bad light. Looks like Lifetime has joined the ranks. I never cared for the Lifetime channel because I got tired of the woman in distress themes that were presented back in the day. It looks like if I ever get cable back I will boycott this channel as well. I doubt if I will ever get it back as long as BET is a part of our basic cable service.

The only hope for bw are blogs that tell the other side of the experiences of bw.

I Want a Jon Hamm said...

Hi Sara, first I must say that I love your blog and have read pretty much every entry (I think =])
I'm glad you brought this topic up because I recently thought of Tyler Perry's movie "Daddy's little girls". When I first saw it, I thought it was the sweetest movie ever (I had to be in jr high or at least a freshman in high school) but know I kind of hope that I won't be in that situation (I'm now a freshie in college).

My mom would pretty much disown me if I ever get serious with a man that is not on the same level as me, no matter how great the personality is (I think she would honestly ask me how come I couldn't find a nice white guy lol)

I don't know if you or your bloggers have seen it, but I would like your take (and others) on it since it is a trend for some of his movies.

Don't get me wrong, I know of the numerous situations of the girl down on her luck gets with Prince Charming, that is not what I am trying to push. I am just saying that why does BLACK women in particular have to USUALLY settle for guys that is not on her level. Everyone make their own decisions, but why does HW have to make it a norm almost?

Lena said...

I notice that black women are not only unmercifully stereotyped in hollywood. Bitter and Damaged Beyond Repair Losers are throwing in their two cents worth in the undermining of Black women's selfworth.

So we black women are unworthy of love according to racist hollywood. I believe without a reasonable doubt that hollywood is more racist than most of the general U.S. population!

Even Black men who are in hollywood still put white women on pedestals and still stereotype us like there's no tomorrow. Sorry if I appear unconcerned with the plight of white women the most privileged group of women on earth! I feel no compulsory desire to help women who have pretty much everything! I feel no compulsory desire to help men who degrade and devalue black women.

I'm so angry I just wanna explode!
Glad Sara keeps this blog afloat. It's one of the few things that is keeping me sane!

Sarah said...

Sara,
To be honest, I could never watch that movie all the way through. Looking back now, I think I just didn't want to see that negativity placed on a bw.
The book was very popular, but I tend to steer clear of books written by AAs that perpetuate settling for same ol' same ol', or talking on and on about bm. I' tired of talking about them.

I have experienced ww who are appalled when a wm shows interest in you other than professional. They'll turn their nose up as if you are the most unattractive person; but I know what that's all about. I won't buy into it.

We bw are so beautiful in all different shades, smart and intelligent and are so much more that what is portrayed in the media.

bellydancer said...

To add insult to injury my friend actually married the loser I was talking about in an earlier post.
First things first right after she had the baby she attempted to put the father's name on the baby's birth certificate, he declined apparently she had received food stamps while on maternity leave and he did not want the county coming after him to collect for child support.
Finally she returned to work and thought everything would go back to normal, nope they were down to 1car so guess who got dropped off at work and could not get her car after work and on weekends, yep my friend was marooned with a new baby with no way to get around because her boyfriend figures that since he paid her car payment once he was entitled to drive her car around instead of trying to get his car fixed. This was of course an excuse to keep her from going anywhere with the baby or leaving the baby with him to do any errands.
Anyway fast forward 15 years later. They are separated but he refuses to give her a divorce because he feels like she needs to give him another chance although they have not been together for over 5 years now.
Will not give her a decent address because one time she did serve him with some legal papers and he got real mad so he dodges her. Oh he did tell her the one reason why he would not sign papers is because he wants to put his son's name right although he could have did this for free 15 years ago. Even though you marry it is not done automatically.
I have so many stories to tell about this negro I might have write a book. (lol)
My friend has gone through a lot trying to raise a boychild on her own with a man who refuses to own up to his part. Marriage did not help in their case and she would have been better of as a babymama for all the legal problems this has cost her.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

Well I think we can look at all of McMillan's books for the typical pathologies exhibited by African American women holding up the "black community". I remember reading Disappearing Acts and just thought she would've been better off had she never met the guy. I also remember thinking Wesley Snipes must have needed work or been drawn to the loser character because he never stars opposite a black woman. These images are there but NOW we can actually do something to change this. WE can write, produce and distribute OUR OWN projects. So let's get to it!!

LaShelle said...

Disappearing Acts was originally a HBO movie. I remember because Terry McMillan caught hell from bm from it. I believe the movie is a reflection of what she and other bw were going through in their lives(like myself at that time in my life).

Anyway, Sara good work. Too many bw still believe they are suppose to accept less. I loved reading you and other bw bloggers who are giving us an alternative voice.

laromana said...

Sara,
Thanks for clarifying the LIES, MYTHS, and STEREOTYPES that are being promoted by the HW/media world to TRASH the HUMANITY, DIGNITY, and FEMININITY of BW.

It's imperative that BW in the HW/media world band together to form production companies (like Tyler Perry and Oprah have) to DESTROY HATEFUL, DEGRADING, DEFAMATORY, ANTI-BW RACIST images in the HW/media world and American culture.

EVERYONE needs to be shown POSITIVE, ACCURATE images of the beauty, femininity, dignity, intelligence, and success of BW.

Anonymous said...

Hello all,

I am so angry over how we are viewed and used in this negative manner. What can we do about it? What grassroots action can we take to stop this abuse by Hollywood? Right now, the only thing I can think to do is to wrote/voice my opinion to the HW studios. It must end! I don't watch movies & TV ( to me it's a waste of my time) Perhaps if we put our beautiful heads together, we can do something to end this slandering of the black womman! Hopefully those bw who's lives reflect the negativity portraited (sp?) in movies lie Disappearing act will find their self esteem one day.
D.B.

bellydancer said...

I remember in the movie DA when sanaa's character was talkin about all the things she had in her life with school, work and music and wesley's character responds by saying "and there's me" like he was upset that he came last in her life. I was like damn are you really mad at her because she had a life before you showed up.

sky said...

bellydance said..."I remember in the movie DA when sanaa's character was talkin about all the things she had in her life with school, work and music and wesley's character responds by saying "and there's me" like he was upset that he came last in her life. I was like damn are you really mad at her because she had a life before you showed up."

You'd be surprised how many men think that you can't live w/out them. When I mentioned all the goals in my life and my interest, they seemed almost upset that was what i wanted. Once i noticed their reaction, i'd immediately would leave. You don't want a man who thinks that your life and happiness depends on him and that you can't find anything better. Many made a sad mistake w/ me. They always came crawling back and I always kicked them right out.

I'm sick of all these films w/ bw having to go through hardship first and then possibly, if there's a slight chance, that they MIGHT fall in love.

I know many of us have a problem with Tyler Perry, but i give him props for setting himself up a new studio and not depending on hollywood for backup. Black Women in the hollywood business need to think like him and set up their own studio and start promoting their movies from their point of view and start giving us a happy ending!


Another thing that irks me (& please correct me if im wrong) is that talk i hear from several bw in hollywood.that there is "no roles for black women". Do they mean that the character is not black? or they are not giving roles to black women? The thing I like about Whoopi Goldberg is that she never settled for just any role as long as it was black. She has a list of films that are remerable and I'm sure weren't meant for her to begin with. She fought tooth and nail for them. The same goes for Halle Berry & Zoe Salanda and that's pretty much all I can think of.
Those women need to take a lesson from Will Smith and Denzel Washington. Please believe that most of the roles they went for were never intended for them. BW in hollywood need to start going after roles that SJP is going for or Katie Holmes or Jennifer Aniston.
If they are sitting down waiting for the perfect black role, they'll never find it. I hope that the next generation of bw actresses like Keke Palmer won't just go for black roles but a role that that feel comfortable with and that they like.

Excellent Post!

GoldenAh said...

I apologize for the following dissertation. I'm not in the media business, so these are just my thoughts.

C. Anderson (editor of Wired) described the very interesting nature of the movie business.

My numbers are not exact:
1) There's a limit of 120+/- movies each year, because of the max number of theater outlets.

2) HW's "big hits" are a result of clever manipulation, due to a limited amount of movies people can see. Specific demo-targeted hits are guaranteed.

3) There are over 8,000+ films released each year (via indy film festivals), but few get big theater distribution deals.

My own observations:
1) Blockbuster has plenty of indy, including black, straight-to-DVD films. Netflix has them also.

2) There are web sites that offer entertainment, but reaching a mass audience is still via TV, cable, and theaters.

3) T Perry beat the odds, by working the stage circuit, then putting those plays on DVD.

I first heard of him through a friend who showed me his work. His themes of "black women loves / worships her broke-less-educated brotha" is what they like. That is also why T McMillian sold so many books.

What's interesting to me:
1) How is money made, if one goes outside the HW/media distribution method? I mean, is there a decent return on the straight to DVDs? Does anyone makes money with their entertainment web sites? I keep looking for proof of profits.

2) Anyone who figures that out wins a cookie, and the future of new media domination.

Long story short, we get over the hurdles I mentioned above. We could make our own decent dents in the HW / media stereotyping of black women.

Sorry for the novel.

Alta said...

What Hw? Is it Hollywood?

I wish the black women who buy into these hollywood and media stereotypes would do what my mother always tells us when it comes to interacting with other people. Take the good, and throw out the bad. Simple! If you're gonna watch a movie or music video and it has something you don't agree with, just throw it out! Don't try to emulate it and make it true to your life. And if it really offends your sensibilities, just make a promise to never watch it, or anything like it, again. These days, movies have summaries. You can have them online. Read the synopsis and see if it's a movie worth seeing.

Or does the actor or actress have a history of acting in these movies with bad messages? Then don't go see it. For example:

I'm not sure I'm gonna see the new Transformers movie because Megan Fox's character is unbearably useless. We're supposed to take her as a tough girl, and I don't buy it. She's useless, so I'm just not gonna see it.

It's that simple.

Taylor-Sara said...

You ladies made some amazing points. And faith is right. We desparately need our own movies and outlet etc. As long as they are owned by others we are at the mercy of whatever they decide to put out. We don't have to watch but others will, and the images will still neg. affect us-with nothing to counterbalance it. This is exactly why Asian women are seen as sweet and docile, that's the way they are portrayed in most movies. And although I don't agree with the theme of most TP movies, he did have the sense to get his own company so that he could do what he wanted. No matter how you look at it, that's smart.
The truth is, WE MUST seize control! I want y'all to think about something. Picture Essense mag. now it's supposed to be for bw, yet all they ever do is endorse bw settling for garbage, being the burden carrier, picking men from the trash and dusting them off... This mag was started by 2 black men who are both married to non-black women! (I think white) Yet when have you ever seen Essense put a fine white man on the cover??? When have they ever told bw, if you are attracted to wm -go get one? When have they ever told bw, Did you know that with the ratio of wm in this country that if only 10% were willing to date bw (and I beleive it's much higher) than there would be more than enough for any and every bw who wants one! See they will never say these things. They make their money on the bw's pain. On her being scared, alone, desparate, and needy. This draws her back to their sorry magazine, and enables them to put those ww in furs and diamonds! THINK!!! Use that incredible mind God has given you. Remember 2 things in life.

Evia said: If you want to find out why-follow the MONEY!

Sara said: Never trust someone to help you get out of a ditch if they benefit from you staying in it!!!

Think black women. Too many ppl are riding our backs from the time we breathe our first breath till we leave this world. We need to take back our power....

Gab said...

This blog is so inspiring. I keep checking back for new posts!!
What CAN be done about our image in the media? Even if we were to start up some type of campaign, would anyone listen? Would anyone care? Racist wm, misogynist bm, self-hating bw, and selfish ww DEPEND on those images. Without them, those groups would lose a source of comfort and self-esteem. If like-minded bw who are tired of these unrealistic and poisonous images were to mobilize against them, we'd have to consider the backlash. (Of course, this is NO reason not to get going!)

Sandz said...

wow - I didn't see your post until getting home.

I was talking to someone today saying that in corporate america (engineering companies especially) there are very few African Americans. So who decides to push up on me - the facilities workers and the old married geezers.

I will not settle....

Yes in a rebound situation I met my daughter's father. But upon realizing a few too many things ( a bit late) I thought it better to raise her alone than with his madness. He has the 'intelligence' but I believe he truly hates smart, bw.

And Yes Mariah - that role like the others anger me too.

Anonymous said...

LOL...I like the real model vs the fake model comparison. And, it is so true the media hardly said one word about this fake Model. However, the media did over hype how lucky Tiger was to have such a beautiful woman and that is all the media could say about her. What accomplishments did this woman achieve? The world knows about Tiger; but, who is she really? The real model has a body of work.

Taylor-Sara said...

Thank you Anon.
She is NOT a real model. She had a few pics in a bikini and all the sudden they start pretending she is a top model-what bull! She marries a man worth over 100 million dollars and they are screaming how lucky HE IS TO GET HER!!! What utter and complete nonsense. He met her on the gold course, she was the nanny of a golf buddy, and had NO MONEY OF HER OWN! And they think HE was lucky to get HER! (Lord have mercy!) And yes, she is a pretty woman, but pretty women are a dime a dozen, especially for men who are super-rich!...

FifiBella said...

This was an excellent post. It reminds me of a friend of mine who has the most horrible patterns with men. When I first transferred to my school and met my friends she was with a controlling guy who checked up on her, demanded she call him after every class, had his friends spy on her for him. She put up with it until he became physically abusive. Only then did she break up with him. Even though she has had contact with him since then. She moved on to another guy who we thought was a nice guy at first but turns out to be worst than the first one. Now that she's graduated I don't know what the deal is, but while we were in school he was 27 years old and still in undergrad (I believe he was a jr or sr when she was a freshman). We suspect that he remained in school to keep and eye on her. He got fired from his on campus job because he didn't go because he spent all his time up under her. Even though he had his own place he spent all his time in her dorm room. He'd take her keys so he could have access to her room while she was in class, so if he wasn't there she'd be locked out of her room. He didn't like her going out with us to parties or even hanging out and talking with us. One year all my friends lived on the same floor (I lived on the floor above) so there was always drama caused by him. They broke up during the past school year but got back together. As far as she's said, when they have sex it's unprotected because "he can't feel anything with condoms". She doesn't have any kids and has never been pregnant but if that keeps up its only a matter of time. Even when they break up she still goes back to him. I'm scared for her because I can see the bad road this could take her life down. She's such a beautiful woman and a beautiful person and she deserves so much better.

FifiBella said...

And honestly, I've been in this position before but I've gotten lucky that things never went too far. Either I walked away or the guy was scared off by the fact that I'm only interested in a meaningful relationship not a impersonal romp in the sack. The last guy I was interested in, I thought it was really cool that he's studying to be a nurse, but now that I see he's actually pretty much a goober I see the underlining inadequacy. That he doesn't want to be a nurse to help people and save lives, but so he can make money to buy clothes, and cars and get bitches, I added the last little tidbit, but it makes sense doesn't it. I realized how uninspired and unambitious he was and now it's a complete turn off. I'm glad to know that if I ever spot another man like this I will show him the door before I would even think of getting involved.

We black women deserve so much better. There is no one on our side putting a spin on our imperfections to make us seem loveable. I think it's interesting you mention Lifetime. There's this show called Drop Dead Diva, where this shallow woman dies and gets reincarnated into an overweight woman. The shallow woman had this perfect lawywer boyfriend who adored her even though she had as much substance as a potato chip. Had she been black I shudder to think of how she would have been portrayed.

I'm a writer, and it is my biggest ambition to write a ground breaking book or screenplay that shows black women in positive light. We cannot let our role as the worlds best kept secret be the status quo any longer.

Taylor-Sara said...

Everyone, thank you for your comments, but lets have the conversation WITHOUT the cursing. Let's leave that kind of talk where we found it. We are all smart enough to make our points without it...

Anonymous said...

Black women have to trust in God. He can truly help us win this battle against the media distortions of our image.

L said...

@Anon 8:47: God wants more than trust. He wants us to get off of our rear ends and claim the respect we deserve. God wants us to stop waiting for others (BM, WM, WW, other groups and even God Himself) to uplift us. He wants us to recognize our own worth and uplift ourselves, for heaven's sake! Just my humble opinion.

Khadija said...

Lord have mercy. I had to de-lurk for this. That's a truly pitiful image--a BW struggling with 17 shopping bags wrapped around her neck, while a Negro sits smoking a cigarette. In her car. That's beyond crazy.

As others here have said so eloquently, this situation is not going to turn around until we turn it around for ourselves. We CAN seize better lives for ourselves and our children.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Clarice said...

"L said... @Anon 8:47: God wants more than trust"

AMEN L! Trust or faith without self respect and actions is useless - empty and meaningless - hmm much like the DBR, Kookaid drinking folks. Trust means believing in God enough to step out on fact accept your true worth and value as a women of quality integrity and dignity and refusing to settle for less, refusing to lie down with dogs, refusing to be anyone's slave. Trust means knowing and acting in your own best interests, despite all the Hollyweird Hype and the lies and denials DBR people who would seek to use, abuse and misuse try to perpetrate and the nonesense. Trust is about trusting the value and beauty within despite negative resistance to the contrary and refusing to surrender to the resistance that will come and the pressure to be used and abused. If you are getting resistance it means you are trusting yourself and not others who do not have anything other than their own selfish interests in mind and those DBR folks are fighting back. Resistance only comes from forward progress - if you are meeting resistance consider the source and if that source does not have your best interest at heart - push forward even harder. Trust that resistance will not succeed if you refuse to accept delivery on the bad news, abuse, misuse and negativity.

Excellent post Sara.

cool_splash1 said...

Oohh you had to mention Disappearing Acts. I think this movie was made by HBO. The first time I saw this I was around 18-19 and had a feeling something just wasn't right about the relationship even at the end. I couldn't put my hand on it, because I was so young, but It sure turned me off of black romantic movies, because I saw this type of thing in so many of them.

The first thing I thought hearing that this was on lifetime was that a ww would have found another man (who is the good one)after the douchbag left.

cool_splash1 said...

"So what on earth makes you think they want to see a beautiful black woman on screen!? they are already trying hard to replace the 'angelina jolies of white women" to a more average plain old jane ala jennifer maniston and pumping out images of plain WW so that WM and men i general can be brainwashed to think sarah jessica parker actually IS beautiful....only, the men seem not to be buying it...latest i've heard is them comparing sarah jesssica parker to a foot in some mens magazine...i know, harsh."

That's because men find women beautiful that other men find beautiful or say is beautiful. That's the reason that no matter how hard black women try to teach black boys that black women are beautiful if bm men are saying something else that's what they are going to listen to.

"I never cared for the Lifetime channel because I got tired of the woman in distress themes that were presented back in the day."

That hasn't really changed. They do have cute rom coms every once in a while, but most are those we are victims etc.

"Everyone make their own decisions, but why does HW have to make it a norm almost?"

The biggest supporters of these crap fests black women. There are lower budget versions of these movies like A Good Man is Hard to Find as well as some movies by maverick becuase it sells. We have to say no to these movies. The only thing I thought was cool about A Good Man was Hard to Find is that the movie was made for around 3mill proving that black people could make movies for low budget and straight to dvd and make some money.

I will stay with movies like Pillow Talk, It Happened One Night, Most Pride and Prejudice or Jane Austen adaptations, Jane Eyre adaptations and any movie that isn't Tyler Perry. Now I might watch to see what was done on a low-budget (mostly though I don't watch his movies anymore)that's about the only reaosn I will watch.

cool_splash1 said...

"The book was very popular, but I tend to steer clear of books written by AAs that perpetuate settling for same ol' same ol', or talking on and on about bm. I' tired of talking about them."

I am the same way. I even made this comment to other black people I thought were as open minded on the issue as I was, but I was proven otherwise. The hate I got was beyond ridiculous. Yeah a friend wanted me to read urban romances and I respectfuly declined. I told her those books have so much unnecessary drama and she told me that's just real life. Ladies I kid you not. One of our supervisors who is a bw even said that we should not be reading those books like G-spot, because they are a jacked up view of the world and poisons your mind. Of course the other girls were like they just tellin it like it is.

"These images are there but NOW we can actually do something to change this. WE can write, produce and distribute OUR OWN projects. So let's get to it!!"

This is what I am working on now, because seriously something has to be done. I'm all for creating an industry from scratch that is totally outside of Hollywood. If filmmakers have to use on location filmmaking to make their movies so be it.

"It's imperative that BW in the HW/media world band together to form production companies (like Tyler Perry and Oprah have) to DESTROY HATEFUL, DEGRADING, DEFAMATORY, ANTI-BW RACIST images in the HW/media world and American culture."

Forget Hollywood band together and make a seperate industry all together. Like I said in one of my posts I can't believe that Hollywood doesn't have rival movie industries in the U. S.

"I know many of us have a problem with Tyler Perry, but i give him props for setting himself up a new studio and not depending on hollywood for backup. Black Women in the hollywood business need to think like him and set up their own studio and start promoting their movies from their point of view and start giving us a happy ending!"

Definately agree with this. Might not like his movies, but what he has done shows that we can do this as well. My thing is I don't want an industry that is an extention of Hollywood I want it to be it's own industry. This is why I started Black Women Making Movies, because I want black women to get together and find a way to create an industry. It would be great to get black women who want to or are directors, writers, producers, actresses etc.

Anonymous said...

Thx, Sara, for another great post! I really look forward to reading these. I saw "Dissapearing Acts" Years ago, and never understood what it was supposed to have meant...I've always felt it was one of those movies that has no point and is completely confusing. The one thing that I filed away in my memory is, "Don't seriously date a man who doesn't have it together AND also has a kid with an unwed mother---he will use you in the same way." And if my memory serves me correctly, Sanaa Lathan's character ended up leaving Snipes. I think I read the book, too, which it was based on---I guess Terry McMillian was trying to explain why so many blk women are single and unsupported by our men. I like your explanation, too, though. Thx.

Anonymous said...

I agree, Lena:

Glad Sara keeps this blog afloat. It's one of the few things that is keeping me sane!

Before I discovered this blog, I'd been making observations like these on my own (but could not, of course, discuss them with whom? My white g/fs whose black boyfriends adore them? Or asian friends with white boyfriends? Puh-leaze!) N e way, I'm glad I discovered this blog!

Taylor-Sara said...

Coolsplash when you get a chance, post that link -I think you did before but it kept coming up broken...

I didn't even know this was a book prior. I had never heard of this movie before, but as CS said, if it had been a white character, the loser would have been seen for exactly what he was, and replaced with a good man by the end of the movie. Only when it comes to us, are we expected to consider this loser some kind of prince charming. This IS a common theme with AA romance books and exactly why I never read them. He was being portrayed as a good man, and she was being portrayed almost as too demanding for expecting him to handle the bills while she recovered from having HIS Child!!! Unbelievable...

cool_splash1 said...

oh my blog is http://blackwomenmakingmovies.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Lena, you have nothing to apologize for. Forget those two groups. They don't deserve the support of you nor any other Black woman.

trish said...

"That's because men find women beautiful that other men find beautiful or say is beautiful. That's the reason that no matter how hard black women try to teach black boys that black women are beautiful if bm men are saying something else that's what they are going to listen to."

Absolutely true. I remember watching an MTV special on interracial couples where a white guy was dating a black stripper. He would go to her job and stand at her table and whoop it up and give her money. He said he did this because it always made the black guys interested in her. They would immediately come over to her table and proceed to give her money as well. He said it worked everytime.
They couldn't determine her attractiveness on their own, if the white guy thought she was attractive then obviously she was.

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow Trish,
That's soooo funny! I cracked up when you said they came to her table because a wm came-just like little trained puppies! Too funny...

bellydancer said...

Trish: I have 2 stripper stories.
#1 Remember HBO had a show called Stripper where each week they focused on a different stripper.
There was one with a black girl on it and she was very good and entertaining but she had a black boyfriend who came to her shows and basically would try to block her customers if they got too close.
A white guy liked her so much he paid for her to get $5,000 breast implants and her boyfriend got jealous of that and the fact that the white guy was always getting lapdances.
Now she had met the black guy in the club who had quit his job and moved in with the girl so he could "drive" her and help her with "getting ready" this negro quit his job so he could count this girl's money but she was too free hearted to see he was a loser and a freeloader.

#2 My mother has a friend whose daughter was invited to dance in a strip club in Atlanta which is owned by white owners.
They paid for her to come down helped her get an apartment set up and everything. M danced at night and went to school during the day, drove a sports car and lived in a nice apartment.
In the meanwhile she met a customer, a black guy and started to date him of course within months this negro proceeded to move in, drive her car alienate her bosses and then got her pregnant.
Of course now she can't dance anymore this negro disappeared after "borrowing" large amounts of money and then she had to come back home and now has a baby and no job. This chick was clearing thousands of dollars a night but wasted it on a loser.
One of the white guys who co-owned the club really liked her and actually wanted to marry her and told her she didn't have to dance no more if she didn't want to and she choose that other idiot instead.

To sum it up it seems like as soon as bw get themselves together and have too much going on a bm wants to come along and stir up stuff.

Lena said...

I can't stand black women who put black men on pedestal! These women are the reason black men can pretty much treat black women like dirt without fear of reprisals!

Hollywood puts black men on a pedestal too Grrr!
Hollywood is the friend of black men and white women. All the more reason I believe firmly in the starting of independent studios. Hollywood needs some competition and loss of revenue to set them straight!

However setting them straight will be impossible because Hollywood is racist beyond redemption and has yet to prove me otherwise!

Taylor-Sara said...

wow! bellydancer, thanks for all those great stories. And you are so right, all those women should have left those fools alone!!

Halima said...

Lol the stories up in here!

Bw will continue to be betrayed and sabotaged by their need to be kind to bm. unless they keep this under control they will forever be puppets of bm.

And to add, until the day bw have a sense of their seperate and valid identity and self interest, folk who produce wholesome works and products for black womwn will continue to suffer. At this point, i dont even know if we have a critical mass of bw willing to buy according to their interests. bw are still arguing over why we should be distinct and why we should promote ourselves apart from bm.

You have all reminded me of an incident years ago. I actually walked out on my brothers birthday party (or was it easter or new year), when he insisted on showing diary of a mad black woman.

I was that serious and my brother knows now what not to show lol!
Supposing I wanted to Date a White Guy...?

Anonymous said...

Hollywood is the friend of black men and white women.

Well, in the real world black men and white women are the majority of ir marriages. Since black men have a tendency to not get married, I'd bet money that their are many more white women and black men cohabitating as well.

Black men also talk openly of their attraction to white women and they aren't afraid to chase them either; conversely, black women are usually far more interested in a partner from their own race.

Finally, the tortured history of racism, slavery and interracial rape continues to have an impact on black women and white male relationships today. You can see evidence of it on innumerable blogs written by black females.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. Actually the majority of IR marriages are wm and Asian women. And I believe it's because Asian women make it very clear that they are not confused, unclear, or secretly waiting for Asian men to get their acts together..

The weird part is thought that bm and ww were some of the least likely of all IR relationships/marriages to STAY together! They didn't even make the list of the top 10 IR marriages that are enduring.
Whereas, bw/wm were #2!

Lena said...

Which explains why I feel physically ill whenever black men demand our loyalty!
All I wanna say is take that racial loyalty nonsense and shove it!

Any black man who constantly harps on slavery is a loser who probably mentally never left the plantation!
I find the notion of "black love" to be a form of slavery in and of itself!

It's not love if women do all the heavy lifting and all the man has to do is vote present. That is exploitation not love! Black love what a sick joke!


I don't watch so called black cinema anyway because of it is more of the same old black stereotypes with a modern make over!

I somewhat sympathize with Asian actors/actresses lack of roles other than martial artists and other assorted asian stereotypes.

However Asians are not stereotyped as viciously as black women are stereotyped.

bellydancer said...

It kills me that when black women are miserable and just getting by in a half-assed relationship, job or housing situation, people seem content to let you suffer but the minute you say nope can't take this no more and start to rise look out for all the backstabbing headed your way.
Ya'll know I am right.
My sister has a friend that grew up in foster care where she was sexaully abused by the father so her relationship with men has been messed up from the get go.
We could never understand why she chose to stay with her trifling boyfriend rather than go home to her foster family until she finally told us about the abuse.
Anyway she had a baby with the guy but he really did not want to be bothered with her so he put her out of his grandfather's house where she was staying while pregnant.
Eventually she got her own apartment and moved on. Not even 6 months later the boy's grandfather died and he got put out of the house by his own father so where does he traipse off to, yep you guessed it his babymama's apartment. She had managed to get a job at a hospital and was managing without him so he played like he really wanted her but was in and out of her place whenever they had arguments.
Pretty soon one of the guys on her job starting to like her this silly girl instead of telling her babydaddy to move on had another baby by his silly self thinking that this will make him stay while he was only c--k blocking the other guy because of course he had no real job or a place to live.
So now she has two babies with his loser and he comes and goes with no real intent on a relationship.

Black women recognize your enemies and vanquish them before you be vanquished!

Jean said...

They didn't even make the list of the top 10 IR marriages that are enduring.
Whereas, bw/wm were #2!


Sarah, can you link to this list?

Anonymous said...

"My white g/fs whose black boyfriends adore them?"

BM adoring somebody other than themselves -- I didn't think it was possible!

Anonymous said...

Hollywood is the friend of black men and white women.

Well, in the real world black men and white women are the majority of ir marriages. Since black men have a tendency to not get married, I'd bet money that their are many more white women and black men cohabitating as well.

Black men also talk openly of their attraction to white women and they aren't afraid to chase them either; conversely, black women are usually far more interested in a partner from their own race.

Finally, the tortured history of racism, slavery and interracial rape continues to have an impact on black women and white male relationships today. You can see evidence of it on innumerable blogs written by black females.

What was the point of your post, Tyrone?

rainebeaux said...

Sandz: I will not settle....Yes in a rebound situation I met my daughter's father. But upon realizing a few too many things ( a bit late) I thought it better to raise her alone than with his madness. He has the 'intelligence' but I believe he truly hates smart, bw.

Yep, same here. I can't pay mine to read any books for leisure. oh well...I myself have to vet men and whip up standards from scratch.*

*@bellydancer: I naively thought that strippers would be (slightly) ahead of the curve in detecting the BS and weeding out such individuals. Yeah, many of us (again, myself included) have a loooong way to go.

I'll be perusing the archives now.

Anonymous said...

Hollywood is the friend of black men and white women.

Well, in the real world black men and white women are the majority of ir marriages. Since black men have a tendency to not get married, [or, when they do marry, they have a huge tendency not o stay married -- and that's true no matter what the race of the wife.]

I'd bet money that their are many more white women and black men cohabitating as well. [Yeah, probably, but what's that got to do with the price of tea in China?]

Black men also talk openly of their attraction to white women and they aren't afraid to chase them either [Actually a lot are afraid to chase ww -- that is, all ww except the morbidly obese one's; they'll be on them like flies on dung. Many negro males are too fearful and so they let the white wimmins come to them. Read their message boards, many have agreed they don't do the actual chasing.]; conversely, black women are usually far more interested in a partner from their own race. [And the reason for that is mostly due to community indoctrination. It certainly isn't because BM make decent husbands...for BW or anyone else]

Finally, the tortured history of racism, slavery and interracial rape continues to have an impact on black women and white male relationships today. You can see evidence of it on innumerable blogs written by black females.[Finally, the tortured history of racism, slavery and lynchings resulting from the accusations of interracial rape haven't had an impact on negro male and white wimmin's relationships today! You can see evidence of it on innumerable white flesh worshipping websites created by negro males.

Miss Pinky said...

"Finally, the tortured history of racism, slavery and interracial rape continues to have an impact on black women and white male relationships today. You can see evidence of it on innumerable blogs written by black females."

____________________________________

The above statement and its practice / belief by bw today is utterly insane.

Has the pain of black men being lynched during slavery & segregation (sometimes by the false rape claims made by ww) prevented black men and white women from having relationships TODAY ?

Nope, didn't think so. SMH

Where is that "negative impact" TODAY in bm/ww relationships ?

:crickets:

BW better start using their minds (logic) and THINK.

Anonymous said...

Taylor-Sara, I don't see anything wrong with Asian men, they are just as good as any other men. @ Clarice and L, God wants us to trust in Him first. If you can't trust in a holy God, then ofcourse you see no value in yourself.

bellydancer said...

I don't think black men care for intelligent black women at all especially if they are trying to whoop game on them.
Men have a problem with successful women period but black men seem to have a real problem with black women having their own especially when they can't run with it like driving your car, living with you, trying to take over your tv and food and just silly little things.
When you put a stop to it you become to much like a responsible person and that bothers them.
Black men are always saying that we bw are uptight and angry.
No we are trying to be responsible and that is truly a burden while doing it by yourself.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. I am not saying there is anything wrong with Asian men. I was comparing Asian women to blk women. Many bw are still waiting for bm to get their act together, and therefore, have basically put their own lives in abeyance. This is why the single's rate for bw is so high. These women must come out of the twilight zone. Most likely by the time bm get it together, they'll be extinct...

Anonymous said...

Many bw are still waiting for bm to get their act together, and therefore, have basically put their own lives in abeyance.

This is so untrue.

Anonymous said...

Hello All,

I am a firm believer that prayer changes things, but I know that action must also occur, while praying in faith, to put an end to the negative sterotyping of us.

I am not a writer - this is not my talent. I cannot help our cause by writing screenplays (I'll leave that to the women who have this gift). I'm not powerless though - what I can do I will. When I see objectionable programming, I will let the station/studio know that I don't like it.

It may seem futile to some, but one has to start somewhere to effect change.

Phantom Mare's blog, Black Eagles are Watching, lists some of the tv studios mailing & email addresses, if any of you are interested. http://ebonywatchwomen.blogspot.com

Also, supporting our sisters who are doing anything to advance us is very important and another action to take.

D.B.

CW said...

Indeed...And BW should not be ashamed of having these feelings...They are normal...Your instincts give off warning bells when something in the milk ain't clean... (This is different than letting anger control your life)...It only becomes abnormal when people no longer feel outrage at being used, taken advantage and walked allover...


Belly dancer says..."...Black men are always saying that we bw are uptight and angry.
No we are trying to be responsible and that is truly a burden while doing it by yourself...."

cool_splash1 said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whHUcCOHo9Y talk about delusional what he really means is quality bw don't want him. Good for whoever bw don't want his ass.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, heres the info you asked for.

Per Cosmo Nov. 1999 here are the best interracial pairs. This article talked about how some Interracial marriage had higher failure rates then couples of the same race and other interracial couples had lower failure rates. This ranking was comprised of 3 categories:

1. Length of Relationship
2. Divorce rate
3. Sexual Activity
(Asia was of all cultures from Asia and the Asian Sub-Cont.)
10 - 6 were the higher Failures

10. F-White / M-Native American
09. F-Hispanic / M-Black
08. M- Black / F- Asian
07. F- White / M- Asian
06. M- Hispanic / F- Asian

5 - 1 were the lowest Failures

05 M- White / F- Hispanic
04 F- White / M- Hispanic
03 F- Black / M- Hispanic
02 M- White / F- Black
01 M- White / F- Asian

Bm/ww had such a high failure rate they did not make the list. As you can see, lowest failure-most enduring was wm/aw and number 2 was wm/bw...

Bev said...

Belly dancer says..."...Black men are always saying that we bw are uptight and angry.
No we are trying to be responsible and that is truly a burden while doing it by yourself...."


Actually, black women are socialized to have these attitudes from childhood. It has nothing to do with burden. Black women with hard working, well to do husbands still exhibit such behavior.

Joy said...

Anonymous said...

You fail to mention that white men have propagandized the images of the Sapphire, Mammy, and Jezebel in cinema since the beginning of time, and still profit off of spinning that ideology of the 'unappealing black woman.' In addition, it's white women who create the invisibility of black women in the American fashion print media.


And you failed to mention that the torch has been passed to the BC with BM leading the way to continue the propaganda.

And what are you trying to say? Because of this ALL white men are evil? [sarcasm]Yeah, with an attitude like that racism will never go away.[/sarcasm]

Anonymous said...

@ Lena...bm on pedastals...LOL funny.

@ Sara, I am surprise you have not posted anything about Dr. Henry Gates aka Mr. DNA. Of all the people to play the race card. I listed to him on my radio as he said, "How could I be racist if I am 56% w the rest AA, my kids are 1/2 w, and my wife of 25 years is w?
My question is where was the wife that time of morning when he was locked out? Seems to me he should be questioning the wife rather than the cop who was trying to answer a call.

A.

Name: G. T. said...

Sara, yes, certain elements of society are determined to subjugate bw- here and abroad. The woman most recently crowned Miss England is black (Rachel Christie) and there was all this uproar because she received only 9 votes from the public. It is the professional judges that ultimately determine who is best qualified to be Miss England, not the public. The previous winner of Miss England (a non-bw) also received only a few votes from the public, but was there this vicious outcry in the UK when she won?

Anyway guys, here is information on an upcoming seminar & workshop on interracial dating for black women
=====================================================================================
Free Your Mind: The Black Girl’s Guide to Interracial Dating – A Seminar& Workshop

Presented by BlackWeekly.com and BlackGirlTravel.com
Location: Los Angeles
Address: 11800 Jefferson, Culver City, CA 90230
Date: Sunday, Aug 2nd, 2009
Time: 2 pm

Future seminars are coming to: New York, Chicago and Atlanta

A panel of 10 non-black men and 2 interracial couples will take the stage to discuss interracial dating with an audience of only black women.

They will explore such topics as:
- Overcoming and enjoying cultural differences
- How to handle the reaction and disapproval of friends and family
- Flirting 101 – How to get his attention / know when he’s seeking yours
- How to create an online profile that will attract men of other races
- Turn-ins and turn-offs
- Best place to meet men open to interracial dating
- And much more

Host: Fleace Weaver, Founder of BlackWeekly.com, BlackGirlTravel.com and Bella Italia

If you know anyone else that would be great for the panel (there are already 10 non-black men signed up), have him email LosAngeles@FreeYourMind.me (not FreeYourMind.com). Also seeking panelists for Chicago, New York and Atlanta. Interracial couples (black female & non-black male) also welcome.

Tickets $20 in advance / $25 at the door (includes seminar & workshop, lunch and copy of the book, “The Black Girl’s Guide to Interracial Dating”)
No Advance Tickets sold after 5 pm, Sunday 7/1/09

To purchase tickets and/or for more information, email: LosAngeles@FreeYourMind.me (not FreeYourMind.com)

Please forward to others

Taylor-Sara said...

I have nothing to say about that fool. First of all, who measures down to most miniscule drop how much AA blood they have in them? Who does that? Second, a ww called the police on him, and lied in a manner that could have gotten him killed, yet he completely dismissed her involvemnent, brushed it off as her making a mistake and sent her flowers!!! Then he goes full steam after the officer who arrested him, claiming charges of racism. I have no sympathy and no time for bp(usually bm do this) who are more than willing to put aside w-female racism yet want to scream about w-male racism. Tell you what sistas, don't ever blindly throw your support behind these -I'm only black when the police grab me and jack me up-type of bm- Let these fools be on their own when the hammer comes down. Just as they've pretended not to know bw existed, until they need us, let them call the same ww they've rushed to give the good life to, come and bail them out. Let the ww march for them, and scream for them, and protest for them. Stop putting yourselves on the line for men men who would not spit on you if you were on fire! Notice how this man who has given everything he could -his money, his last name, his assets, and even the clout from his years of study and tenure to a ww. Now expects bw to come out in droves and fight the police for him! If I saw the police opening a can of whup ass on him in the middle of the street, I'd turn my head, and pretend I didn't see it! Isn't that what bm do, when bw are being attacked! Don't allow yourselves to be used anymore ladies-enough is enough. He's allowed 1 phonecall from jail-he better use it to call the woman he's put on easy street-cause if he ever called me-he'd have wasted that call!

Tami said...

It's very sad that you hate brothers so badly, you would see one beaten by police and not rush to help. That makes me very sad. If bm don't have us to count on than who can they count on-a racist society? I'll bet you'd be there for your white husband if the police beat him -wouldn't you?

sky said...

Sara said..."Let these fools be on their own when the hammer comes down. Just as they've pretended not to know bw existed, until they need us, let them call the same ww they've rushed to give the good life to, come and bail them out. Let the ww march for them, and scream for them, and protest for them. Stop putting yourselves on the line for men men who would not spit on you if you were on fire! Notice how this man who has given everything he could -his money, his last name, his assets, and even the clout from his years of study and tenure to a ww. Now expects bw to come out in droves and fight the police for him! If I saw the police opening a can of whup ass on him in the middle of the street, I'd turn my head, and pretend I didn't see it! Isn't that what bm do, when bw are being attacked! Don't allow yourselves to be used anymore ladies-enough is enough. He's allowed 1 phonecall from jail-he better use it to call the woman he's put on easy street-cause if he ever called me-he'd have wasted that call!"


You should see me clapping. I heard about the story i just switched the channel. I tell my gfs the same thing.

Tami...get real. The amount of hatred spewed on bw (the wonderful world of youtube), the abondment of children, the on going child abuse whether physical/sexual, the thug life, the living off of women, the blaming of wm and now bw, the Al Sharptons of the world who would rather bail out a group of bm after gang raping the mother and her young son while her neighbors did nothing than to march and demand that the black men should take their rightful place and protect the women and children of the neighborhood, but noooo we're suppose to put all that aside and march for these guys?

They are grown men they are suppose to stand on their own two feet. That's what men have been doing for centuries. Not once I have ever seen anyone ask their women to fight their battles and defend them.It's high time bw stop babying grown men.

Go rent movies like 300, Troy, Alexander and come back and tell us who were doing the fighting, protecting, and dying an honorable death.

CW said...

DERAILMENT ALERT!

(don't feed the trolls)

Anonymous said...

"If bm don't have us to count on than who can they count on-a racist society?"

They should start counting on themselves for once; that's what responsible adults do. And Black women need to step away, wean these overgrown whelps off the teat and allow them to become functioning adults. For women to come a running every time these man-children whimper is actually hindering them rather than helping them.

Anonymous said...

Tami said...
It's very sad that you hate brothers so badly, you would see one beaten by police and not rush to help.
----

Rush to help? Exactly what is it that you expect her to do to the cops that the "brother" getting his azz beat can't do?! I guess we should start cracking open the policemen's heads with our iron fists until they let he DBRbm go, huh? Sheeesh, you didn't realize just how much you made BM seem like cross-eyed imbeciles.

Taylor-Sara said...

I guess we should start cracking open the policemen's heads with our iron fists until they let he DBRbm go, huh?

Oh my goodness- Just picturing that made me laugh so hard!

Like I'm going to play the fool and run out there screaming "let that poor little brother go!!! (Laughing hysterically)

And Anon in answer to your question, yes. I would absolutely be there for my w-husband. But I wouldn't run out and try to pull cops off of him either. I'm a woman-not Arnold Swartszenegar! (sp)

Oh-NAH!! said...

Finally, the tortured history of racism, slavery and interracial rape continues to have an impact on black women and white male relationships today. You can see evidence of it on innumerable blogs written by black females.



NO EXCUSE!!!
Towns have been burned and people died because ww have blamed bm for rape. But bm forget that. They are still on the 6 oclock news, yet it is all brushed aside and bm still see themselves as the best and deluded ww do too.

But yet silly bw want to be "concerned" about rape from wm of 200 years ago. Are they raping bw in big numbers now? The mentality is crazy. But you will find BLACK MEN probably more likely to rape BLACK WOMEN ----AND---WHITE WOMEN AND EVERYTHANG ELSE!!

And black women are worried about dead white men from 200 years ago?

White Womens can have them--- black male stock is dropping even more as we speak. lol.

Oh-NAH! said...

@ Lena...bm on pedastals...LOL funny.



In DRAG because they have become feminized, which is why they try to act bad.

Anonymous said...

Where are the comments from the NON black men. there are too few of you talking, black women cannot support interracial dating by our selves.

I believe interracial dating of black women is on the uprise because if it wasnt there wouldnt be so many poeple suddenly talking about it. but if you want black women to believe you're really interested we need to hear from you because there's alot of negative information out there trying very hard to convince us youre not. We are approached these websites for the same reasons you do, to initually find out is it true, are you interested in us?

sara, IF it wasnt for your pictures i'd be believing he negative websites. but still it would be nice to hear from the men. also I havent read all of your articles so if there's an abundance of NON black men talking on some i appologise.

bellydancer said...

Bev said...
Belly dancer says..."...Black men are always saying that we bw are uptight and angry.
No we are trying to be responsible and that is truly a burden while doing it by yourself...."
Bev said....
Actually, black women are socialized to have these attitudes from childhood. It has nothing to do with burden. Black women with hard working, well to do husbands still exhibit such behavior.


Yes women exhibit this behavior because even in marriage women still carry the burden of day to day managing of the house and kids.
Remember bw are raised while bm are loved no matter what. That's why there is anger bm need to grow the hell up. Other men do not act like this at least not publically.
I have a friend who works as a traffic controller her schedule varies from day to day.
When she gave birth to her first child her husband just started clowning for no reason.
When my friend had to be at work super early her husband was supposed to watch the baby during the night if he awoke.
On these nights instead of going to the baby's room and sleeping in the regular size bed next to the baby's crib, he would bring the baby into their room thus waking my friend up from her sleep.
Mind you now she is an air traffic controller who needed her sleep. However if she did this he would complain about the baby being in bed with them. Her husband also did silly things when it was his turn to pick the baby up from the daycare forgetting or just plain out saying you get off in an hour you go get him, knowing she had a hair appointment or was going to the grocery after work.
His ass had gotten spoiled and just could not figure out why he was not the baby anymore.

Lena said...

I agree why help men who hate us. I would never help black men because too many of them don't care about us.
The only black men I care about are my male relatives other black men I could care less about! The same men who are indifferent the suffering of black women. The same men who say nothing when we are collectively slandered.

Sorry I suggest black men stand on their own two feet since they hold us in much contempt!

Earth-Red said...

Zoe {of Star Trek} no longer dates Chris Pine, but she is in a new IR relationship with an actor named Keith Britton. {Wikipedia - Source}

Yeah, I know this has nothing to do with the current post, but I thought you should know.
BTW- Star Trek movie is awesome!
and I'm not a Trekkie, but I'd see it again, yeah, it is A+ in my book!

Take Care~

P.S. {off topic again} Why are Blk. Men that are Anti-WM/BW Relations coming into this blog posting hate messages? If they are soooo righteous and zealous about Black women, then why aren't they making their lives "BETTER" for all the "Single, Lonely, Black women out there who are NOT interested in IR relations???? Get-A-Freakin'-Life!

sorry, just had to add my .02

Earth-Red said...

Hi again Sara, a suggestion:
I've read that you said time and again, that this blog is not just about Blk. W/Wht. M, but ANY Good Man regardless of ethnicity(sp) loving/dating Blk. W, and I see a few pics of Blk. women with either Asian/Latino/Indian/Arab/Multiracial guys.... How about a Post showing them as well, {maybe even an interview of said couple}...

Just a thought... ;)

Anonymous said...

I feel like this post was just for me. I found this site over the weekend and read most of the post. I was in a relationship w/ a bm who treated me just like that woman unloading the shopping cart in the parking lot. I was used for money, lied to and I remember all the times that broken down loser told me, do you know how many women are single and looking for a man. Mind you, this man has no education, no money, no furniture in his apartment and the little that he does have he lied and got with other people money, i.e. mine. He does cable installation. He told me he wants to go back to school and ultimately get into politics but with each passing year, it was the same ish. Before, I thought I would settle down with a bm but after reading sites like these I am open to anything. I am a beautiful bw planning to go back to school to get her masters, I'm working on my independence. I don't cheat or sex it up in clubs so why should I have to settle for someone who does not know how to be man.
Thank you for this site.

bellydancer said...

I found this to be so funny.
When white men talk about how they like black women it seems like fetishing but if black men compliment the same things on a white woman it is seen as a symbol of her beauty and that we are jealous of the white woman for supposedly trying to obtain the same features.
They then get all quiet when you tell them that white men like certain features then of course they hit you with the slavery days speech and white men only want one thing etc...
It's obvious that the same features they reject some other man actually likes.

Taylor-Sara said...

Yes, that's true Bellydancer.
This is why many very dark women have ONLY been told they are beautiful by wm, and almost never by bm. Or women with Africanized features that bm despise-same thing


Last Anon. You're welcome hon, and thanks for joining us. We're delighted you got rid of the loser, and are looking for a real man..


For everyone looking for more info. on that IR seminar for bw, Zabeth has up the whole ad, and you can even get the list of speakers, and so on. check her out-she's on the sidebar. I hope many of you who are looking to find love outside the box will go, and get the motivation you need to go out and find him....

Delishmish said...

Hey Sara T (sending a quick shout out AND a fist bump)

What is UP with people who tell you what to write and who to show pictures of on YOUR blog..just an observation...lol

okay..just a brief comment about the topic at hand. I honestly CANNOT relate to the motivation of women in these kinds of relationships...to have some man sit up in a car while I am unloading groceries....I don't think so...it really IS about the kind of man you attract by the thoughts and feelings you have in your own head. Men tend to be very gentlemanly around me. I expect it, and I wait for it, and I thank them graciously. AM I capable of putting 17 bags of groceries in a car? YES..Will I do it if my guy is there? NO...but I will help a little, pick up the super light ones...The problem is (partially) that SOME men have forgotten (or never knew??) what it is like to be a MAN...luckily, there are many who are well aware of those "manly responsibilities"...
but what it boils down to is respect for YOU as a woman. This creature sitting in the car had no respect for this woman. The only cause he had to sit in the car was if he was paralyzed, which I suspect he was not..I don't completely feel sorry for her. She allows this behaviour.

As for Disappearing Acts...I have always thought it was one of the BEST books ever written to show a BW how to spot and never be around such UTTER DBR'ness...Terry McMillan was doing us all a huge favor when she shared that pitiful story of her relationship with "Franklin."...why on earth she would go for the lowest common denominator is beyond me. Anyone with a brain in their head could sense this guy was no good. This is a true story. I wish I could say that Ms McMillan learned her lesson, but then she followed it up with a relationship/marriage with an obviously er, "zesty" man...who then took a whole bunch of her in all likelihood "beaten for it at some point" $$$$"...and then she showed the world her "crazy" on "Ofrey." This still remains a must read in my opinion, but Terry caused all her problems BECAUSE her low self esteem lead her to men who were less than, and clearly DBR..I wish she would write a book about THAT.

here's the title Terry..because
I know you are reading this..(they all do you know..(changes voice..becomes more high pitched)Hey Oprah..wassup chica??? (tone lowers) Listen, er, I got a business proposition for you. Call me, okay Ofrey??)

So here is the title of Terry's NEW book..or it SHOULD be!!!!

"How TERRY got her ACT back"

We can only hope......

Ladies (as well as any lurking Gents)....good day

Anonymous said...

Has the pain of black men being lynched during slavery & segregation (sometimes by the false rape claims made by ww) prevented black men and white women from having relationships TODAY ?

Hell and what gets me is this still goes on today. Now instead of rape it's when ww or others kill children the first ones blamed are bm. Of course then bm go out in protests talking about how bm are treated and bw go out there with them, but will turn on them after all the heat is off.

cool_splash1 said...

Indeed...And BW should not be ashamed of having these feelings...They are normal...Your instincts give off warning bells when something in the milk ain't clean... (This is different than letting anger control your life)...It only becomes abnormal when people no longer feel outrage at being used, taken advantage and walked allover...

I am so glad that I read and listened to the audio book of The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. He mentioned to listen to your instincts for everything. If it's not something fear based but your instincts are telling you that something doesn't feel or sound right or what you are reading is giving off bad vibes/rubbing you the wrong way. You should listen to those instincts.

S. said...

"If bm don't have us to count on than who can they count on-a racist society?"

OMG, lol! do you know how hard i just laughed reading that!?
How about they count on themselves and be MEN for once? oh, i'm sorry, is that thought so "Out there" that you didn't even think of that? no worries, BM have never acted like MEN so i don't blame you.
I mean, they can barely take care of their partner so how can they take care of themselves, right?
I find it so funny that BM have it so bad yet BW have racism AND sexism to deal with yet you don't hear any BM sympathize with us now do you?
Do you realize how pathetic you just made BM seem?
Goodness sake, they are MEN and if i see a BM being handcuffed and or treated badly by the police i'm going to assume he did something to deserve that just like any other person i see in handcuffs,what am i suppose to think? that every BM in the backseat of a police car is an innocent victim of police bruatlity? maybe if we were still back in the 60s and even then i would be suspicious!

I believe in the law and i support the police not some stranger who happens to share the same skin colour as me.
Why should BW be some kind of heroin and save all black men from the police anyhow? if we see a BM being harrassed by the police are we suppose to call al sharpton? or do you expect us to fight the police as well!?

the nerve of some people...

bellydancer said...

You would think that older black women would know better and share some of their experiences with younger black women but no, usually they are still in the streets and club trying to meet men and doing whatever to please them to set an example.

A lady works down the hall from me J has a friend O that she went out with for drinks a couple of months ago. While they were in the lounge a guy O was dating came up to her and threatened her. J got scared because the guy made a gun motion with his fingers and said "I'll shoot you in the head" Now he had only been dating this woman for 2 weeks and got mad because she went out with my friend instead of going out with this crazy mofo.
All of their older male friends wanted to kick this guy's butt for coming up in a grown folk's club and acting out.
J even wrote a letter of complaint so the guy could be barred from the club which is semi private.
Within a week of this incident O started dodgin J and making excuses as to why she couldn't hang out.
As recently as two weeks ago this man was spreading rumours about O giving him VD and all kinds of other mess. So J calls up O and tells her about all of this and she asked her have you heard from or seen C ? O hesitates and then says "yes I had to take him back I needed help with my property taxes" J was speechless and told her "oh O I am so sorry" and cut the convo short. A few days later shes see O and C at a black event wearing matching outfits. O saw her and did not speak to J. Now O and J had been friends for over 30 years and she let this trifling ass negro come between them.
J even got O a cell phone on her plan which she took back after all this mess and O's boyfriend has been telling people that J is hating on them which is why she took the cell phone back. This negro barely keeps a job and there is no way he helped her pay any taxes on nothing but J is hating on them?.
This is the trap that black women fall into when their defenses are low. Settling for a whole lot of nothing. So now two friends from way back are no longer speaking.

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow B-dancer.
It's so sad how some women are just stuck on stupid. He threatened to kill her, and she's worried about prop. taxes!!!
She kicks her best friend to the curb over some trifling fool who has absolutely nothing to offer? Now you ladies can see why some women consistently get the short end of the stick, because they allow it to happen....

Lynn said...

I think it all boils down to knowing and believing your worth.

Do not waste your time on these fools...they are nothing but time wasters because they don't have much, if anything, going on themselves. They are just trying to scheme and figure out what they can get you to give them and what you can do for them. Most of them (not all but most) are like that. That's how they operate. No good can come from that, so just leave it alone.

A friend of mine told me once "Don't waste your youth on him" and she was right...now I'm 39years old (look 29 because y'all know black don't crack) and I am truly enjoying my life. I know my worth and I WILL NOT let ANY trifling person (be he white, black, poka dot, striped, cat or dog) mess up what I have fought so hard to perserve...which is my sanity.

You can't put a price tag on your peace of mind. And all these stories I hear...situations that could be avoided if you know your worth and believe it! Which means, you don't need anyone to tell you you're beautiful, smart, funny, sexy, deserve a quality man...you know this!

BW need to start KNOWING and BELIEVING this. That would make a world of difference I believe.

I look at these WW...they think they are "the bomb" just by they way they look but usually they have no personality, not up on current affairs, can't hold a job...freak out if they need to do some ACTUAL work. But yet in still they know they deserve "the best". So I don't understand why we as BW don't adopt that same attitude. With the many accomplishments that we have made...and we still don't think we deserve more than what the average BM can "offer"?

WAKE UP!!!

Anonymous said...

Lena, you are my hero!

Anonymous said...

It's so true that hollywood is the best freind of black men and white women. That's non-bms/wws (Especially black women and white men) should leave hwood alone!

Selena said...

Anon 7:12 said:

My question is where was the wife that time of morning when he was locked out? Seems to me he should be questioning the wife rather than the cop who was trying to answer a call.

She was probably the "neighbor" that made the call LOL.

Anonymous said...

bw go out there with them, but will turn on them after all the heat is off.

The same black women who join protests rallies to help black men will turn on bm when the heat is off? When has this happened? Examples, please.

Anonymous said...

Selena said...
Anon 7:12 said:

My question is where was the wife that time of morning when he was locked out? Seems to me he should be questioning the wife rather than the cop who was trying to answer a call.

She was probably the "neighbor" that made the call LOL.

---

ROTFLMAO! "Please send the po-leese! Some decrepit, old Negro is trying to break into my house!"

Anonymous said...

NO EXCUSE!!!
Towns have been burned and people died because ww have blamed bm for rape. But bm forget that. They are still on the 6 oclock news, yet it is all brushed aside and bm still see themselves as the best and deluded ww do too.

The DBR's probably think that because of all the lynchings, burnings, and black lives lost (including those of BW & children) due to white female finger-pointing, that bm have paid their dues and EARNED the right to openly drool over and make wives of de white wimmins.

TeaSoleil said...

I've lost count of how many times I've read a post by some ignorant bm
spouting off about how I shouldn't date WM because during slavery the white man raped my grandma. Number One: Leave my grandma out of your mouth. Number Two: My grandma wasn't born until many decades (not just years, but decades) AFTER slavery ended. The dummies would need to add at least 3 or 4 "greats" in front of grandma to even place an ancestor of mine at the tail end of the Slavery Era.

The tiresome morons simply repeat something they heard or read and still can't manage to get it right!

Anonymous said...

bw go out there with them, but will turn on them after all the heat is off.

The same black women who join protests rallies to help black men will turn on bm when the heat is off? When has this happened? Examples, please.

Please you really can't be that much of a dingbat can you? Duh the bm turn on the bw when the heat is off. Damn duuuuhhhh!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Mammy Tami,

YOU have me ROFLMAO!

YOU are the only one sad Hun.

Nobody hates the "brothas" more than the "brothas" hate themselves.

And most of these "brothas" hate you too Mammy Tami so buy a clue.

Women don't run to a mans rescue dear. Men rescue themselves or don't.

Let BM "count on" the non BW they prefer.

Now THERE'S a novel idea.

NOBODY is more racist in this society than damaged beyond repair black men.

Towards BW and the black children that they abandon every damn day.

Because even white men who are racist at least direct it OUTWARDS. Not inwards harming white women and white children.

BUY A FRICKEN CLUE MAMMY TAMI.

You need one.

ak said...

I can't stand black people's supporting Tyler Perry's 'hate on a successful well off black woman' foolishness as he assumes that these types of black women are all bitchy and frustrated and have to be mule-ish in order to be 'good'.

Look at Louis Gates predicament. A white woman professor called the cops on him as he tried to get into his own house and yet they've botjh been living on the same street together for years?! And after he found out she called the police on him, he bought her flowers?

He's confused and deserves his lot! It sounds like a fishy set-up to me too.

If a man can't help you physically lift a heavy load of a bunch of anything, why are you even there with him?

Why do black women like being 'She-Man and The Masters Of The Universe'? Isn't that character a blond man? I'm revealing my age here!

Black women need to stand back and let a man grab the door, grab the heavy things, pull out her chair and make her feel like she should be seen to and taken care of. Why can't we do this? I can't see how being with a DBR guy can make you feel worthy.

S. said...

I think most of us that read blogs like this can't understand how these types of BW are thinking and literally rip our hair out with frustration.
I wish i could understand this type of BW but i can't.

I can't relate and i can't understand how a BW can keep popping out babies with dbr men and then taking care of the load.
I can't understand what is going on in a BW's mind when she is dressed like a prostitute and behaving like a "she-male".

I just can't.

I think what WE enlightened BW can do is distance ourseleves from them.
I know we can't turn a blind eye but most of these BW wont listen to us! Believe you me i have tried to reason with these types and they are so brainwashed and so clueless it's a waste of time 99,9% of the time.
They wont hear us and they wont listen to us but rest assured that they will SEE us and WATCH us and what we do...
Usually you only learn something by watching.
Let them see us do our thing and you'll see some changes.

Save your breaths and try to live your life the best way you can and be as happy as you can be.
People will notice.

Lavette said...

"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whHUcCOHo9Y talk about delusional what he really means is quality bw don't want him. Good for whoever bw don't want his ass."

As been said before on this blog and others if black men are so called over us then why keep broadcasting the same ole message of "F bw". Just go on and move on in other words DON'T ANNOUNCE JUST BOUNCE!......lol!

Lumenalacer said...

Hello everyone, thought I'd put some of my thoughts into the conversation, since I'm a gentleman and don't want to just post randomly. I was essentially asked, however.

@ Anon 29-8:22: I'm a non-black man (white, actually) who's dating a black woman, which should answer the question of if I'm interested. :)

My two-cents on the matter is that WM/BW stay together so well for a very important reason: They're the mature givers in their respective racial relationships. BW, I'm sure, none of you would disagree are expected to be mature and support family (and often their man) in everything. For myself, anyway (not all WM, there's bad apples on every tree), I was raised to be mature and support my future wife so she can stay home to raise the kids (and not have the government be their parents). Some WW and, from this site, I assume the vast majority of BM want to be takers and controllers. This is why you put BW/WM together and the relationship is stellar because we're not doing stupid stuff and we're each supporting the other. At the same time, BM/WW and you have both of the ones that try to control the other, etc...

PS- My simple question is this: If someone thinks you're good enough to be their mom and not their lover (and marry), why should that be put up with? Parents often struggle with getting their kids out of the house, why take another one in? Support is one thing. Enabling is quite another. A man cannot be made if he is comfortable.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this blog. It is so refreshing to hear other sisters voice their opinions on these matters in such a confident and positive manner!

Lavette said...

Anon 8:45am....ROTFLMBO! @ your post to Tami.

Lynn said...

DON'T ANNOUNCE JUST BOUNCE!......lol!

Okay, I LIKE that!!! That's really good. Might steal it! ;-)

CW said...

Sounds like the Master-Plan to me ; )

"Let BM "count on" the non BW they prefer."

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Sara said:
"I have nothing to say about that fool. First of all, who measures down to most miniscule drop how much AA blood they have in them? Who does that? Second, a ww called the police on him, and lied in a manner that could have gotten him killed, yet he completely dismissed her involvemnent, brushed it off as her making a mistake and sent her flowers!!! Then he goes full steam after the officer who arrested him, claiming charges of racism. I have no sympathy and no time for bp(usually bm do this) who are more than willing to put aside w-female racism yet want to scream about w-male racism. Tell you what sistas, don't ever blindly throw your support behind these -I'm only black when the police grab me and jack me up-type of bm- Let these fools be on their own when the hammer comes down. Just as they've pretended not to know bw existed, until they need us, let them call the same ww they've rushed to give the good life to, come and bail them out. Let the ww march for them, and scream for them, and protest for them. Stop putting yourselves on the line for men men who would not spit on you if you were on fire! Notice how this man who has given everything he could -his money, his last name, his assets, and even the clout from his years of study and tenure to a ww. Now expects bw to come out in droves and fight the police for him! If I saw the police opening a can of whup ass on him in the middle of the street, I'd turn my head, and pretend I didn't see it! Isn't that what bm do, when bw are being attacked! Don't allow yourselves to be used anymore ladies-enough is enough. He's allowed 1 phonecall from jail-he better use it to call the woman he's put on easy street-cause if he ever called me-he'd have wasted that call!"


Co-sign, I feel the same way I could careless about that man.

Anonymous said...

Some black men just aren't right. I know this girl that is in college to become a medical specialist. There was this situation at her training camp where this black male student expected her to come show him how to use this equipment. It wasn't broken equipment. It was just something that you would have to take the time to figure out. He used the equipment on someone and later the girl I know walked him on him making numerous mistakes. She offered her advice on how to use equipment. Later on he asked to talk to her and instead of him being greatful for her help, he was angry and blamed her for not coming earlier to help. My opinion is that he didn't want to admit that he didn't know how to use the equipment and he expected the girl to come and assist him. He got a real attitude about it. Get this a non black male student came to her eariler in the day to state that he didn't know how to use equipment and she helped him. Not long after the black male was talking to a non black male about her hair. She wears weave sometimes. I thought it was sick that the black male would try to get a non black male to hate on this girl. What ended up happening is the non black male felt sorry for her and he gave her a pat on the shoulder as if to say it is ok. Don't worry.

SMH said...

S. said... I think most of us that read blogs like this can't understand how these types of BW are thinking and literally rip our hair out with frustration. I wish i could understand this type of BW but i can't.

YES! High Five on that one S. - that is why this blog is so vital. It is a voice of reason as an antidote to the insanity that abounds. Somedays it just makes you shake your head when you see some of the ish BW/WOC will and do put up with and seem to accept and these same folks aka MammI Tami are saying we are the ones with a wrong out look on life.

Even though most of the women who read and post here have moved beyond the madness - the madness is everywhere - in the news in daily life as you are moving through the world and it can sneak up on you in places where folks should know better and certainly could do better don't. You are so on point our energy is best served focusing on the young children and girls coming up who are seeking guidance. There are some folks that cannot be helped because they are not willing to help themselves. The do not meet the standards and never will. Ladies - keep your standards up - keep your spirits up reading encouraging blogs like this and keep your eyes on the prize a healthy loving nurturing relationship with your equal a healthy loving caring protective man who cherishes and nurtures you. As has been said DON'T ANNOUNCE JUST BOUNCE - I like the way that sounds

Bounce DBR folks their supporters don't give them an OUNCE of attention. Your actions will ANNOUNCE the message they are not welcome better than words

V/r

SMH

Lumenalacer said...

Hello everyone, second post- I noticed that Lavette made a comment about BMV's video and I noticed that he put up another one @

"Say no to Single Moms"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpSmxcW19Xc&feature=related

Basically, he says that BM should neither date nor marry single women because it's not right and "we are worth far more than that". He even explicitly says that "race preservation" should not be part of the equation. Since that's the case, let us generalize to say that BW shouldn't be willing to have sex (before marriage) with anyone who will give them the children in the first place. Be they black men or otherwise. Afterall, it's not about race preservation because it's about personal choice and not about "preservation of the race" at the expense of enabling boys who think they're men.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tai said...

This post has been especially interesting, mostly because of the comments and the stories that were shared...you just can't make this stuff up..

And I was thinking, after reading the post by the woman that went something like "Its very sad that you don't kiss bm's butt...if we don't, who will?"

And i was thinking, why in the world should we, bw, be OBLIGATED, to be there for bm to count on, when we know (and see it even more blatantly everyday) that we can't count on them? Excuse me, but if you cant see that that is stupid, then you need to get out of MY way, and stop trying to hold everyone here to that mantra of protecting bm.

And also, if i may point out, there's quite a bit of difference between helping your HUSBAND and helping some random 'BROTHA' for no reason besides 'that's what bw do..."


And Lumenalacer, you make a good point about bm/ww relationships... (speaking in general terms of course)their both used to being protected and taken care of by the other gender of their group, and by having power over the other members of their group because they (bw and wm) grow up with the idea that they need to take care of ww and bm....theres nothing wrong with that except that the other half is not taught the same thing...thus, they end up unequally yoked...hopefully that makes sense and is what your trying to say lol...i'm tired and when im tired i tend to ramble lol

I'll leave you guys with this quote by Marianne Williamson (inspired by S. thoughtful post)

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Marianne Williamson

All we have to do is be ourselves and LIVE, we don't have to understand them or save them...people will see and learn or they wont...simple as that.

The nerve of some people said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sequin said...

Lumenalacer said...
Hello everyone, second post- I noticed that Lavette made a comment about BMV's video and I noticed that he put up another one @

"Say no to Single Moms"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpSmxcW19Xc&feature=related

Basically, he says that BM should neither date nor marry single women because it's not right and "we are worth far more than that".


He said BM, and men in general, should not date or marry single MOTHERS. Personally, I have no problem with that, since I am not a single mother. If stable, educated and child-free men started avoiding getting involved with single mothers, maybe the OOW fad among girls and young women will come to a halt...or, at the very least, slow down a teensy bit.

Taylor-Sara said...

UH ... Sequin, I have a big problem with that because most of the women who are single mother's in this world are the baby mammas of black men!!! They are the ones who made disproportunately them single mother's in the first place! So who are they to judge? Many of them are single parents themselves, but they have abandoned their children-so it's just like they're not.

And were you aware that this same man (that you don't have a problem with) is from the group (black men vent) that is advocating that bw be attacked, raped, beaten and even worse for resisting a bm's sexual advances, or denying them financial allotments. (Basically if bw refuse to be used as walking ATMs or sexual toilets any longer) I really found your comment to be rather disturbing, and I'll tell you why. If I am to understand this correctly, the parent who stays and loves and supports the child-often to the detriment of all her dreams -is to be labeled *not good enough* and discarded. But the coward who ran off, and pretended he never had a child-should be rewarded with freedom, adventure, and the choicest women? There is something seriously wrong with that picture. Lastly, I have never seen a woman get HERSELF pregnant-have you?? And I certainly hope you realize in your perpetual smugness, that the good lord could call your spouse home at anytime, and then you WOULD BE the single mother you are denigrating...

Aphrodite said...

"They are the ones who made disproportunately them single mother's in the first place! So who are they to judge?"


So true. These same "good black mens" are the main ones impregnating and rolling out.


I wish BW would stop having children with these demons. And if they have one - do not have more!


"And were you aware that this same man (that you don't have a problem with) is from the group (black men vent) that is advocating that bw be attacked, raped, beaten and even worse for resisting a bm's sexual advances, or denying them financial allotments."


Ok so it has moved from AA women are ugly, fat, loud, and have attitudes to - lets rape, rob, beat, and outright murder them?? If that is not hate speech- why aren't these sad excuses for men being investigated by the FBI?

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

""Say no to Single Moms"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpSmxcW19Xc&feature=related

Basically, he says that BM should neither date nor marry single women because it's not right and "we are worth far more than that".


"He said BM, and men in general, should not date or marry single MOTHERS. Personally, I have no problem with that, since I am not a single mother. If stable, educated and child-free men started avoiding getting involved with single mothers, maybe the OOW fad among girls and young women will come to a halt...or, at the very least, slow down a teensy bit."


Seems to me your very insecure!

bellydancer said...

Yes bm forget 99% of those babies come from them. I can understand you not wanting to try to raise someone's child because I don't want to raise another woman's child or be in some babymama drama but I know to either not see that person or move on.
It is not necessary to make 50 videos lambasting bw for having children cuz all those men want to do is come lay up with these women and having kids around spoils that.
You can't take a woman's last when she has to give it to her kids.
You are not getting gas money when her kids need lunch money.
A woman is not going to spoil her food budget for the week cuz you want her to cook you porkchops cuz you don't want the pot of chili that she made to stretch her food budget.
These negroes thank they are slick, calling and creeping by after 10pm asking you if the kids are sleep yet.
Hell yeah woman is supposed to put her kids first, if she can't then please don't have them.

Cinn said...

Hi Sara,
yes I heard about that as well. They (BM) are saying on you tube, bm vent etc, that bw should be raped if they won't have sex with you, and killed if they insult you!!! They are honoring the monster who killed that beautiful college kid (Aisha Mcgovern (sp) a hero! They are saying bw don't deserve to live because they are not white too fat etc!! It's horrible. Other women have racial counterparts who protect them (for the most part) We have men who are monsters who want us dead for having the nerve to be black women. How crazy is that? Ladies please be so careful, they are telling other bm to kill us if we even look at them wrong. And you all know how weak minded and lacking common sense many of these fools are.... We are really in danger-and so are our kids! Has anyone else heard about this, and is the FBI going to get involved? check out the link below, and see for yourself...

http://nerdsevolving.blogspot.com/2009/04/alert-for-black-women-and-our-allies.html

Lynn said...

I just read this: http://nerdsevolving.blogspot.com/2009/04/alert-for-black-women-and-our-allies.html

and this is EXACTLY why I moved. Exactly. These fools will go to great lengths to keep you in their clutches. I was stalked for 2 years, police did NOTHING...I was in a all black community so maybe that's why nothing was done.

I couldn't take it anymore. I moved. I'm telling you that's the first step, move AWAY from the community! And don't talk about it! Just do it!

Taylor-Sara said...

Exactly Lynn, you cannot live in the jungle and not expect the animals to be at your front door!

Bw MUST remove themselves fromt these places. Go to places where there are lots of big strong handsome white police officers. There's nothing these fools hate more than lots of police around....

BTW, who stalked you? and how did you finally get rid of him?...

Lavette said...

Ladies I'm glad you like the "Don't Announce Just Bounce" slogan feel free to use anytime.

LOL!

Pamela said...

lavette, that slogan so describes what I did probably 25 years ago. I said NOTHING TO ANYONE. I did not feel like hearing any so-called advice from people telling me I was a traitor to the race. I am a grown woman and can decide what I want to do when. I owe no one an explanation. I quietly decided to expand my options. It took a while but it was well worth it.

Anonymous said...

This is some serious, scary stuff. I had no idea they were encouraging violence against us to this extreme! Those sick, crazy b*****ds.

For years I've heard the white racists say, "The big race war is coming". Who could have guessed the the race war would be between bm & bw ??

I'm stunned. Only God can protect us. No one else cares.

"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blaspemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, ..." 2Timothy 3:1-2 KJV
I urge all of you that believe in a Higher Power to call upon Him to stengthen us against our enemies.
DB

Lavette said...

Pamela said:

"lavette, that slogan so describes what I did probably 25 years ago. I said NOTHING TO ANYONE. I did not feel like hearing any so-called advice from people telling me I was a traitor to the race. I am a grown woman and can decide what I want to do when. I owe no one an explanation. I quietly decided to expand my options. It took a while but it was well worth it."


Hi Pamela,

God Bless you lady! You have to do what you must do in order to live and just ignore your detractors. Regardless of whatever decisions you make for your life you will always have those that will continue to tear you down. People like this I consider them irrelevant to my life especially if they are not offering anything positive to it.

You are not a traitor to your race or a traitor to anything but hey if you are going to be a traitor then be one to the same ole same ole....lol!

Anonymous said...

"I urge all of you that believe in a Higher Power to call upon Him to stengthen us against our enemies."

Not only to strenghten us, but to protect us and our children too

DB

laromana said...

Sara,
Whenever I've heard about the DBR, ANTI-BW RACIST, HATER BM who are DEMEANING, DEGRADING, and DISRESPECTING BW by constantly TRASHING their HUMANITY, DIGNITY, and FEMININITY, I've asked fellow BW Empowerment bloggers if they know any attornies who can help BW protect their rights/lives from these monsters. Have you heard back from anyone who can detail how BW can defend themselves against these HATEFUL BEASTS and their ANTI-BW criminal intentions ?

Even if BW are the LEAST PROTECTED women in the nation, there has to be a way for us to defend/protect ourselves under the law.

bellydancer said...

Oh my goodness years ago I lived in Miami after relocating there for a job.
I lived in a semi fixed up area north of downtown miami.
When I moved in, there was a black maintenance man working there who kept trying to tell me where to shop for groceries and where to go for this and that.
Girls he was trying to give me stuff he found in the trash like matresses, furniture, and a coat I kept telling him no thank you.
I guess he got an attitude and told me one day "well I am just trying to help you out" I looked at this negro like he was crazy.
I paid almost $700 a month in rent, made $35,000 a year. I had plenty of credit cards but this negro assumed that I needed his help.
Now if I had asked him for help it would have been all out over the hi rise that I was f***ing the help cuz I couldn't pay my bills. Finally this man quit and went to another building. I mean literally the first day he met me he told me not to shop at Publix but to shop at Winn-Dixie even though the food was sometimes spoiled and outdated at the nearby location. "You just wasting yo money" he told me when somebody recommended Publix to me. I just kept right on talking and went to Publix like I planned. SMH at bm's audacity to control and rule over bw. I lived in the building that negro just worked there. !! I guess it just too much for him to take.

bellydancer said...

Don't even get me started on african men because they are not that much better with their attitudes towards women.
My sister works for herself by making baskets of candles, incense, flowers, scarves, purse parties etc...
In order to get better prices she was ordering her products wholesale from New York vendors.
Just recently she requested one of her vendors to not send her something specific because she had too much of it and it was hard to move.
The african man got smart over the phone and implied if she didn't like what he sent then don't buy it.
Now my sister was paying COD for items that sometimes she was not sure of the quality but since she had met the man once in New York she assumed he was cool since it was her money.
Wrong this man had done sneaky stuff in the past with shipments for instance if my sister said ship me a box worth $250-$500 then ship me a $1000 next week, he would ship the larger money box first then act all indignant when my sister would call him up and asked how much the box was going to be and ask why he shipped the boxes out of order.
Of course his english would get all muddled like he could not speak too good and a whole bunch of bs. So this last time my sister thought he was going to send her another box or at least send her stuff she wanted he never called her back. My sister has kids so she finds it easier to work from home. I told her to pray on it because I know she does not want to put her kids in daycare, but I advised her before to try to meet some chinese people because that's where half the stuff comes from anyway.
Those africans can be real shady sometimes especially when dealing with black americans.

Taylor-Sara said...

laromana, I'm not sure I put out that call or not. But I am certainly going to put it out now. Ladies, if you are attorneys or know good lawyers, please advise us as to how to protect bw from these mysogynistic predators who would harm them (us) What measures can we take, and how do we go about using the laws on our side. Of course this question is open to wm as well. Everyhing on this blog is open to wm as well...So if you have ideas or have an association with a good Lawyer, please put us in touch. Ladies, PLEASE for your safety -get out of these hellholes as fast as you possibly can!

Anonymous said...

While I am not agreeing with the argument that men should not marry single mothers-SMH-I disagree with the assumption that most black men abandon their chidlren.

Anonymous said...

No bodody is damaged beyond repair if they seek God. Jeus Christ instills in people a love and respect for each other.

Clarice said...

"Taylor-Sara said... Exactly Lynn, you cannot live in the jungle and not expect the
animals to be at your front door! Bw MUST remove themselves from t these places. Go to places
where there are lots of big strong handsome white police officers. There's nothing these
fools hate more than lots of police around...."

Ladies this is exactly why we cannot afford to ignore our instincts. DBR people are
everywhere. Not all DBR people are dressed like 'thugs' some are nicely dressed and appear
normal. Do not trust what you see, pay attention to your instincts. This is why you must vet
people regardless as to how they appear and pay attention to what you hear, and mostly what
you feel. Any quality man that meets your standards because he has standards of his own will

understand your hesitance and caution. Do not be lulled into thinking that these fools are only in urban areas - these predators are fighting for their lives and make no mistake about it they are prepared to go into stealth mode and appear to be 'normal'. The wolves in sheep's clothing are far more dangerous than the rabid dogs that are clearly off the chain. Pardon the longish post but this has got me thinking.

If you have not read the Gift of Fear - read it. It talks about the importance of paying
attention to your instincts. If something feels off or wrong or makes you uneasy - pay
attention and get away. Trust your instincts - better to appear rude and maybe be proven in
error later than to be right ignore it and be harmed. The more you pay attention to your
instincts the better able you are to refine and fine tune them so the times your radar/instincts are off are few and far between. Your safety depends on paying attention the
danger out there is real. Take self defense classes to learn what to do in any situation to protect yourself. Knowledge is power. Live your life in order to thrive. Do not engage in activities like drinking to excess, if you are working late let someone know and ask for an escort to your car. Take excellent physical care of yourself - the better physical and mental shape you are in the better able you are to respond to any situation. Buy and keep pepper spray with you - if that is legal in your jurisdiction. Be aware of your surroundings at all times - lose the ipod while walking down the street or have the volume on low so that you are aware of what is happening around you. If that means shopping in a safer neighborhood then do it. If that means shopping in daylight hours or more heavily traveled hours. Always remember that you and your instincts are your best friend for protecting yourself. Do not try to be super woman and do it all. Always have a hand free to defend yourself if need be and do not let yourself get so tired that you are at risk from an attacker. If you are carrying in heavy packages ask a nearby male for help. Most men especially non Black non-DBr men normal men are willing to assist a woman especially when approached in a nice polite fashion.

Do not talk about what your plans are just act. In the past women like H Tubman did not
advertise her involvement or that of others involved they merely did what they needed to do
for themselves. They appeared 'normal' never gave away a hint of what was going on and just
kept moving. Be quietly effective as you move toward your goals and keep moving away from

the DBR. Support these blogs and ignore the trolls - do not engage with them in any circumstance. Face facts DBR people are crazy and beyond help - get away as far and as fast

as you can - take your children and get out! Get out now@! Do not announce just bounce!

SMH said...

Anonymous said...
No bodody is damaged beyond repair if they seek God. Jeus Christ instills in people a love and respect for each other.

Well then Anon I suggest you wait there until that happens and call someone who cares as for me and any women with sense - get out of the way and let God work! No disrespect to God and His power but quite frankly - leave the DBR to God! He has the resources and the power to fix them. It is not the job of others especially BW/WOC to fix them! The do not announce just bounce and leave the DBR to God and his mercy. It is not possible to remove the plank from anothers eye or fix DBR person until and unless you fix the plank in your eye and get and keep yourself safe. Let go! Leave the DBR to God and move as far away as fast as you can and never look back!

SMH

Lumenalacer said...

@ Anonymous 3:31 (July 31)- While it may or may not be true that the majority of bm abandon their children, at least the women on this site see something drastically wrong. Wrong enough to want to look elsewhere, despite the intense cultural pressure not to. Question for you- How many bw are married to bm?

@ Anonymous 3:39 (July 31)- I agree with you, the point is that they must first be humble enough to seek God and there are numerous places in the Bible (Sodom, the Canaanites, etc...) where the people's sins both hardened them and brought judgment.

As far as the request for lawyers, I'm two things- male and white. The first means I desire to do, to fix (hence the sites below). The two combined mean that I've no experience with any of them... just found them while searching. Vet them as you would a man.

American Bar Association site-
http://www.abanet.org/women/directory.html

http://www.blackwomenlawyersla.org/

http://www.gabwa.org/

http://www.gscbwla.org/index.htm

Anonymous said...

Anon said: "No bodody is damaged beyond repair if they seek God. Jeus Christ instills in people a love and respect for each other."

You said it - IF THEY SEEK GOD. These dbrns are not seeking anything but to destroy us! If they seek God great, but men speaking of raping & killing us clearly are not seeking Him. Do what you can for yourself and let God deal with the rest.

DB

Clarice said...

These are some resources and links to address issues such as street harassment, personal safety, stalking and legal resources, date rape and teens - it is focused on teen girls but it is solid advice to any woman especially the info on date rape drugs and safety.

http://streetharassment.wordpress.com/
http://stopstreetharassment.com/resources/index.htm
http://www.safehorizon.org/page.php?page=whatdoifstalked
http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_Safety_Plan_GuideLines333http://www.helium.com/items/518904-teen-advice-how-to-protect-yourself-from-date-rape-drugs
http://www.safetyforwomen.com/
https://www.gavindebecker.com/resources.cfm
http://www.hg.org/women.html

V/r

Clarice

Rocky said...

UH ... Sequin, I have a big problem with that because most of the women who are single mother's in this world are the baby mammas of black men!!!

I hope you simply forgot to put the word "black" in from of "women". Otherwise, this is a totally false statement.

CW said...

The 2nd ANON DB is right on target...No one is falling for "religious speak"

The Bible also says:


Luk 13:3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish

Jam 2:20 But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?

2Ch 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.



So let's not get DERAILED once again!



Anon said: "No bodody is damaged beyond repair if they seek God. Jeus Christ instills in people a love and respect for each other."

You said it - IF THEY SEEK GOD. These dbrns are not seeking anything but to destroy us! If they seek God great, but men speaking of raping & killing us clearly are not seeking Him. Do what you can for yourself and let God deal with the rest.

DB

July 31, 2009 5:23



Also it's not our job to handle the DBR's

Mat 8:22 But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.

Notice...Jesus didn't want the would be apostles to stay

Taylor-Sara said...

Actually rocky (cannot figure out why you come here) there are plenty of non-blk baby mamma's of bm also... I did not forget anything. I see non-blk women in the stores looking miserable and ALONE everyday with their bir.-blk children. Lets not play this game today, ok.
You know and I know that many bm abandon their children regardless of the mother's ethnicity. The biggest group of black children up for adoption are the children of white mothers and black fathers. Usually he abandons first, and she feels she does not have the skillset to raise a mixed blk child (or that's the excuse she uses) and she puts the child into foster care. Perhaps with the intent of retrieving the said child later, but that usually does not happen, and the child becomes a ward of the state....

jess said...

"Bm on the other hand are asked politely to respect our discourse, and allow us the space and liberty to have our own discussions, and reach our own conclusions in regards to bettering our IR "
-and bm cant even do that but they wonder why bw are looking else where?!

jess said...

can all of the bw here do me a favor? Please sign up for a youtube account and go to the pro bw/wm youtube pages and give these sisters and white men who love bw support?

Mr Laurelton Queens said...

Dear Sara

CW is talking about derailment and she seriously damaged your movement. Marrying "cookie" from Men of Honor. The black sailor that she knew for only 7 months. Now she got the nerve to mention scripture. If another black woman married a black man in 7 months she would be against it.

The only thing you could say was "well we don't all think alike". Sara you rather uphold "friendships" then your integrity.

Everything CW says is a joke now because she is currently sleeping with a black man.

Everybody is laughing at you on my blog and other blogs.

Good day.

Alta said...

Tai said: Excuse me, but if you cant see that that is stupid, then you need to get out of MY way,
----

That reminds me of a Haitian Hymn (I don't know if there's an English equivalent). It basically says if you're heading the same way I am, then let's go. If you're not, then get out of my way.

Taylor-Sara said...

Mr L.
How many times do I have to tell you I don't give a damn what goes on at your blog. Also, CW did not damage anything. She married the right man for her. The only idiots so concerned with his color is you and the fools on your blog!
And since me and CW are two DIFFERENT people, her actions have absolutely nothing to do with me!
Our movement is stronger than ever, so laugh yourself into a coma, but you won't stop this train. It's so weird, that I NEVER go to your blog, or harrass you about anything on it (since I don't go there) and yet here you are again displaying your undying obsession with me. You really look like a fool-poor thing. Anyone with half an eye can see who cannot stay away from whom. I almost feel sorry for you...almost

Lumenalacer said...

Sara, if it please the ladies of the blog, I desire to respond to Mr. Laurelton since I, too, am a man.

To Mr. Laurelton,

Derailment seems to be all you're capable of. You waste our time and you make no comments about IR relationships at all.

This site is not about necessarily encouraging BW to date outside their race but demanding that they have that choice since they have few real options for a meaningful relationship with men like you. Whether they choose to marry a good black man or a good white man is not the concern. Only that he is good in the first place. Sara still possesses both her integrity and her friendships.

From what I know about debate, there's a fallacy called the "ad hominem", which means "argument to the man (or in this case, woman)". It's when a person says something is wrong because the person supporting it is screwed up in some way. Most mature people try to avoid it since it generally reeks of grade-school haggling.

If you have anything to offer as a counter-point to the barrage of charges and stories then please feel free. If your answer is silence, then all the women here will be reminded why they're seeking Non-BM for their mates.

Andrew said...

Dear Lumen

QQ at CW's book it got a white man on the cover and the title says Black women deserve better or a white man. Yet, I am derailing their movement in what way exactly?

I hardly write to Sara. Maybe a couple times compared to other people. Then she wants to distance herself from CW. If it was really about black women finding the "right man", what's with all the pictures of white men with black women lol. Where the black men at?

LOL

There is no fallacy. It went from black women date black men because they are a "Mammy". Is CW a Mammy?

Nobody has answered that for me. I made my counter arguments about this. You will compromises your integrity and your whole movement for your friendship with CW. When CW abandoned her principles because she became so enamored with a sailor in 7 months.

CW derailed your movement for her own selfish reasons. Your movement is stronger than ever Sara. LOL Yea OK.

(Playing R Kelly You saved me) for CW. I was at the end of my rope. I was down and out. HEYYY never felt love until I got me a black man!

Hallelujah lol

CW said...

Thank you Lumenalacer...One of our few gentlemen on the board who contributes positively to the discussion!

Now...Ladies, this is why we should

"Let The Dead Bury The Dead"

Taylor-Sara said...

Andrew My God!
Please seek some psychiatric help! Are even lucid? Do you hear yourself? First of all, I never distanced myself from CW! She's on here all the time! I in fact, said, she's my sister blogger whom I love and respect! I fully stand by all my comments, and I stand behind her! I don't know what the hell you're talking about. But I suspect you suffer from 'voices' because you seem to have selective hearing. And of course she is not a mammy. Once again, where are you getting this mess. We never said bw who marry bm are mammies!!! We said bw who advocate, protect, and uphold bm to the detriment of their own lives or that of other women and children, are mammies! Once again you are putting words in my mouth. We have CONTINUOUSLY said find the BEST man regardless of his race. If he happens to be black -great, white-great, Chinese-great-GET IT? Probably not. You'll probably simply distort what I just said like you have continuously. So I'll just hit delete. There is simply no way to argue with the incompetent....

Anonymous said...

It is clear the point that you are getting across. The other thing I wanted to point out is some black women become jealous of black women and white men and want to protect black men even when they are in the wrong. I have seen a black man put down a black women dating interracially and the jealous black women will jump on board with it. It is bad when they do this.

SHE said...

Mr.L, Rocky and Andrew are three of the dumbest negroes, I have ever come across. They really need to get lives and stop obsessing over bw, who aren't interested in them or what they think.

Lumenalacer said...

I'm sorry to post again, Sara. I realize this is not a blog for me, per se... but I feel that Andrew had the nerve to call me out and so I desire to respond to his comments.

Andrew,

Even though Sara already responded to you adequately I feel that since you challenged me directly that I should point out a few things:

1. First paragraph. I have no idea what your point is. Perhaps you're not the 'better' they deserve and so you're wasting their time?

2. Second paragraph. A. Sara already pointed out that she wasn't distancing herself except in the sense that Mr. L tried to say (essentially) that Sara and CW were the same person. In that way she did point out that what one of them says doesn't reflect for sure on the other. (Guilt by association fallacy, if you were wondering.) B. "Where the black men at?" Apparently not where they need to be doing things that these women feel they need. The question is are black men going to do better or are they going to continue taking what they can get? (Evidently these women are willing to marry them IF the black men are worth marrying- CW's Husband)

3. Third paragraph. I have no idea what you're saying other than asking if CW is a Mammy and no, she's not. Sara already made that point. You just don't have a category for a BW who makes decisions that don't involve complete self-destroying sacrifice.

4. Fourth paragraph. There IS no compromise with CW, despite how many times you say it. (We're not pre-schoolers. Saying doesn't equal truth.) The rallying cry is "We deserve better." Not "We deserve White/Hispanic/Asian, etc...". CW married the man she wanted to marry. (And, now your comment has been answered, whether you accept it or not.)

5. Fifth paragraph. Not even worth a response it's so asinine.

6. Sixth paragraph. Final comment- you're thrilled that CW got a black man. Are you marriage material? Are you ever wanting to marry. Or are you a 'playa' because it's easier than facing that you don't have the strength for commitment yet?

Alienation said...

"http://nerdsevolving.blogspot.com/2009/04/alert-for-black-women-and-our-allies.html"

I am a long time lurker on this blog, and all of the black women empowerment blogs, so I was ecstatic to see someone above read our alert.

I agree about moving out of black communities. My stepfather (white) and mother (AA) are currently looking into options for me in Brooklyn in terms of purchasing. This is partially because of the horror stories (being followed at 11pm by black men, black men threatening to hit me with their cars if I didn't respond), etc., that I deal with at least 6 or 7 times a day (this is NOT an exaggeration).

I am super lucky to be in the situation where my stepfather has even gotten involved financially(what the black female bloggers reference often that a woman's choice in her partner translates into opportunities for her children is true, even when they are STEP children), however, so many black women and girls are not that lucky. And that hurts me almost as much as the harassment does.

Everyday I have been bombarded with sexual comments, I have been embarrassed in front of coworkers as BM have lewdly and loudly yelled out comments about my body, threatened to have my "Face cut up" for not responding to disgusting sexual comments about my body. I am shaken to the core in general to leave my house because of the constant verbal and sexual threats. And I have so many horror stories.

I've vowed to:

GET OUT OF BLACK NEIGHBORHOODS, and never come back. And let people know WHY I won't be coming back as bluntly as possible whether they are black or white. I didn't create this mess, and I shouldn't have to defend it. If I show how much I disapprove of BM's violent criminality and harassment, it is easier for me to cross over into NON-BM neighborhoods and settings as people tend to fear black men for this reason as well as other black women.

STOP DEFENDING BLACK MEN AGAINST POLICE BRUTALITY. We need a HEAVY cop presence in any neighborhood where BM make up the majority, we can no longer pretend that we don't. And get the word out about what REALLY is going on in these neighborhoods. This would greatly help our image (for example, being "feminine" is an invitation for rape in black neighborhoods, we need to let people know that the horror of our situation has created our unapproachable demeanor), etc.,


Sometimes, abusers become embarrassed and frightened when others know what's going on behind closed doors, and this forces them to correct their behavior to "save face". Black women need to make the effort to make SURE we let whites and blacks alike of the danger we are constantly in.

We cannot afford to keep silent any longer. I've gotten messages calling me a sellout (don't even know how BM found my blogs?). But being called a sellout is far better than ending up dead.

We need to stop defending BM against racism in general. Their personal resentment of white men's power is a beef between MEN. We had no business involved even in the 60s. I'm learning that we've lost a lot of our power as black women just being involved in a war between two groups of men. This is something that has never happened in history where BM weren't involved. This is one reason why it's hard even for well-meaning whites to see us as separate groups, we've shown that we are willing to go to war to fight with men. This cripples others from seeing us as women that are worthy of protection and love.

Some of these are the reasons why I created that post and spread it around the internet.Sorry if I took this post off topic and for the long reply! I was just excited to see my blog was mentioned! :-)

lormarie said...

There is no fallacy. It went from black women date black men because they are a "Mammy". Is CW a Mammy?

Nobody has answered that for me.--Andrew

No one answered it because it's a stupid question with no evidence from this blog or CW's. Provide a link to the post where CW called a black woman a mammy simply for marrying a black man. Many of the women who post on your blog are mammies.

Taylor-Sara said...

Lumenalancer,
Of course this is a blog for you! We're always happy to hear from All our readers. I don't want anyone getting the impression that we only want to talk to bw here. That's not the case at all!
Feel free to post all you want....

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi Alienation, we're delighted you're here. But I'll admit to being a little peeved that you didn't put a link to your blog long ago. I just found out about it, and loved it! So glad you are getting out of that jungle. You were so on point about bw not separating themselves from criminally minded bm long ago, and that being a basis for being grouped with them presently. So glad you have that great step dad. So many women can't see the correlation between a good father, and augmented opptys for their children, could not agree with you more. I only wish more young women had your common sense. (the ghettos would be filled with only men)

Delishmish said...

Aahhh Sundays...

as much as I adore Sundays (and weekends in general) it is clearly the day when the INSANE are let out of their cells, and allowed to inflict themselves into places (ie BLOGS) where they are NOT wanted and not cared about...

No worries...come Monday they will be "locked up again," and the nurses return with the drugs that keep them manageable for the week....

Delishmish said...

Verse 1

There was an ”Internet Ike” from Queens,

Whose writings were positively obscene,

He was in love with Sara,

Who didn’t want Ike near her,

So he screamed and he screamed and he screamed.

Verse 2

His love grew a stronger,

It was worse than a hunger,

He thought if he was loud

He could win over her crowd,

And then Sara would be his Mrs.

And cover him with kisses,

But Monday morning came,

And he was back in his crazy cell, all alone

Once again.

Taylor-Sara said...

Mr L.
I deleted you without bothering to read your drivel. Nobody here wants to hear what you have to say, so leave. There is nothing on this board that has anything at all to do with you, and you know it. You and your ilk just come here to divert and sabotage our conversations. Everyone here knows that. But the real question everyone here should be asking themselves is WHY???

Think about it ladies why would they care what WE talk about? Why would they keep coming when they have been asked politely to leave? Why are they so intent on cutting in on conversations, that do not concern them? And why badger our sister about her marriage? None of these things are any of their business, nor should they care, but they obviously do. Now don't you wonder what would drive them to act like this, IF THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT BW ESCAPING??? It's because it's killing them that more and more bw are escaping and that we don't care what they think about it! You see the proof is ALWAYS in the deed. People can say anything they want, but their actions will give them away everytime. And their actions are quite telling. They view bw as the community fools, (because too many bw have been just that) more than anything, they dont' want the fools to escape! After all, where will they find new fools to run rampant screaming "Nothin but a brotha!" Where else will they find women who'll let them lay up on their couch, while she works up to 3 jobs!. Who else will take care of them, baby them, excuse all their pathetic ways, and fight their battles-like bw have done for years? Clearly many sistas have been fools. But it's a new day. And it's never too late to wake up and change. These men have never had our best interest at heart, and that's why they don't want this information leaked. Bm have long ago abandoned bw. But when bw abandon bm-many will fall like parasites and wither away. Because they have never learned to be a fully functioning organism themselves. Instead they have used bw as the host, and latched unknowingly onto her organs-quickly converting all her bodily resources to themselves, and leaving her to slowly starve to death...

Aphrodite said...

Lumenalancer made me smile!


@ Alienation

I am so sorry that you are enduring ... I will be so happy when you are away from that environment.

"We need to stop defending BM against racism in general. Their personal resentment of white men's power is a beef between MEN. We had no business involved even in the 60s. I'm learning that we've lost a lot of our power as black women just being involved in a war between two groups of men. This is something that has never happened in history where BM weren't involved. This is one reason why it's hard even for well-meaning whites to see us as separate groups, we've shown that we are willing to go to war to fight with men. This cripples others from seeing us as women that are worthy of protection and love."


This is a very interesting point. I will have to think more about this. It is interesting that not only women were involved in the 60's, but also children.

Taylor-Sara said...

OMG! Delish, I just read your poem. You are so crazy girl! .....

bellydancer said...

Alienation I know how you feel about being harassed and it has grown out of hand lately.
Combine that with the begging for change (money), cigarettes and just outright craziness that goes on in the streets, women and children are not safe anymore.
I lived in Miami and was often approached by panhandlers and one bm in particular seemed well dressed an intelligent. I would always say "No I am sorry " when he would ask for money well one day when I said this he responded in a sarcastic tone "You look sorry" after that when he would ask me I would just walk by and not look at him or acknowledge him which seem to piss him off but we had no more conversation after that.
Now I don't say I am sorry, what do I have to be sorry for that's the bw's mentality we cannot be sorry for everything in our community or life. I was insulted by that man because I showed sympathy to him, well never again.
I have never been ran over by a car although a bm did throw a rolled up piece of paper me once for not responding to his psstttt sounds, the only reason why I did not whoop his ass was because he had 2 other guys with him.
Most of the time they need other men with them to do this type of crap, alone they some punk ass beyotches (lol).

bellydancer said...

Please visit Rev Lisa's site for today's blog entitled: The Scourge of Black male Enablement.
www.blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com/
On today's blog she is talking about everytime bw try to dialogue about bm we get accused of bm bashing oh it is deep my sisters.
Please read for yourselves.
It reminds me of a bm who posts on the Something New IMDB board. This bm (Mogolo) is constantly talking about why his relationship with his white girlfriend is better and that bw are bitter and jealous etc..Occasionally he will say that bw should date wm since they are so unhappy and alone then he will list things they need to change about themselves in order to get a man.
His lil attempts at misdirection are funny and pathetic. He also happens to be an african who holds a shi**y attitude toward black americans in general. He also tries to quote SGT Willi Pete the misogynist from youtube. All of these bm are constantly trying to disrupt bw from learning anything different to change their situations. According to them bw are at fault because we are too bitchy, argumentative, masculine and a whole host of other reasons that are not the fault of the bm of course.

Lavette said...

LOL! @ Delishes peom. I love it!

Taylor-Sara said...

Deleted Anon. I had to delete you because of the curse words in your posts. This is the last time I am going to say this. Refraim from using the profanity! If you find your post removed-in all probability this will be the reason....

Lynn said...

@Sara
There was ALOT that happened during my relationship with that man. I observed alot of things...I can discuss with you privately if you are curious. But I am glad I went through what I did. I learned quite a bit.

Anonymous said...

This bm (Mogolo) is constantly talking about why his relationship with his white girlfriend is better and that bw are bitter and jealous etc...

Actually, the fact that he has taken up residence on that particular message board for the express purpose of complaining about Black women, even though he's supposedly happy with his white gf, is something that shows he's the bitter one.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Steph said...

I can relate to this topic completely. My aunt has been living with a guy who is a bum of the highest degree. After having a daughter with him, he brought FOUR of his children he had with other women into the house. He even brought in a girl who was only two months older than my aunt's daughter, proving without a doubt that he was cheating on her. He doesn't pay the bills. He doesn't romance my aunt. He doesn't do ANYTHING. The really sad thing is that my aunt has a nursing degree and worked at a hospital before she tried to open her salon and I couldn't help but think that she was working around doctors, male nurses, EMTs, paramedics, and other men with solid jobs but she somehow ended up with the DISH WASHER?? Sometimes I'm confused about how desperate women can be for companionship.

Also, since someone mentioned the "Something New" IMBD message board, I decided to check it out and was shocked at the hate and racism I was reading. One of the DBRNs called a girl he was arguing with "nappy headed." Guess the guy forgot that his hair isn't exactly silky-smooth, the self-hating oaf.

Out of curiosity, I decided to check up the "Jungle Fever" board and it was a totally different scenario. All of a sudden these fools who were harping on the "racist devils" were talking about how much they love WW's skin tones! Check out the double-standard in action and hopefully the BW who are still in la-la land will wake the heck up!

Something New board - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102175/


Jungle Fever board - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102175/

Alienation said...

"I am so sorry that you are enduring ... I will be so happy when you are away from that environment."

Me too. Honestly, I'm from a small suburban town upstate where it was fine to walk around smiley and in my own cerebral world on the street. Now, every time I leave my house I have to put on my "stank face", and I'm constantly in a bad mood. I don't like what I'm forced to become in BM-terrorist infested neighborhoods. I find no difference between what happened to Gates being harassed in a white neighborhood because he's a black man, and the constant harassment of black women by black men because we live in a black neighborhood, because we're black women. Nor do I find a difference between BM being harassed by the NYPD and them standing around harassing BW. Harassing to show the power you have over others is the same across the board.


Another solution to this madness that I've learned from experience is based on an experience I had last summer:

I was once grotesquely sexually harassed in a Best Buy looking for an Air Conditioner by a BM who worked there. I was livid, and he continued by saying I had a "Soho attitude" (whatever that means) because I responded with disgust. I told him I wanted to speak to his manager and he of course brings out a trifling associate BM he's friends with who he knew would not care since I'm a BW, so I asked for HIS manager, and I said I wouldn't leave until he showed up.

About 20 minutes later a very handsome white man around 28 or so showed up. I explained the situation, he saw that I was on the verge of tears and I told him that he could look at store film footage for proof of what happened. The fact that I was on the verge of tears, and not angry cursing and yelling at this BM worked in my favor I think?

Anyway, not only did the white-male manager apologize profusely, and give me 30% off of my air conditioner, he also told me while trying to hail me a cab for my A/C that he was going to fire the BM that harassed me, and this was the perfect excuse and that he 100% believed me. This BM was about 50 and looked shady and apparently wasn't doing his job anyway (which is quite common with them). I couldn't believe that this WM even hailed a cab and carried my air conditioner to it for me. I didn't realize how offensively beautiful he was until I was in the cab because I was so upset. LOL that sucked.

From then on, anytime a BM construction worker, janitor, or whatever harasses me I REPORT them at their place of business. A BM concierge once did so in the lobby of a hotel (I was with my mother and stepfather even), and I promised the hotel I would call the cops if I ever saw him working there again. Then the patrons would not trust an establishment where cops were constantly outside! LOL. It feels REALLY good to do this.

I lived around whites for a huge chunk of my life, and have witnessed how WW act to get what they want in such settings. Be vulnerable. Be on the verge of tears. Be innocent. And then explain how you "simply don't understand why he would speak to me this way, I did nothing wrong". For me it's not an act, as I know I did nothing wrong, and I'm not acting when I'm on the verge of tears. But I do play it up if I have to now. I just wouldn't walk in with an attitude like I'm willing to fight because 1. I will look crazy (especially in New York) 2. If I can "fight" so well, then I'm tough enough to naturally equipped to "deal" with BM, and I'm not. Sometimes I'll just go in and speak to management or call the company, other times I will tell the BM I'm doing so (this is usually when they go "What's your problem? You mean your behind is not my public property that I can comment on? What you think you iz a white woman and deserve respect or something?) lol. Jokes on them. :-P

Lynn said...

@Sara
I think you accidently deleted me. I wrote a long detailed post about what you wanted to know. (You asked me who stalked me and how did I get away from him...)

It was my ex boyfriend that stalked me and I basically up and moved on him. Left no word as to where I was going and cut off all contact with everyone that could have possibly known him.

If you are truly serious about wanting a better life, you must leave the Black Community. I believe that's where it all starts. Don't say anything to anyone and just leave. Whoever talked about the parasites..that's exactly correct. They are parasites and it's hard to get rid of those men once they get into your lives. Me and my ex hadn't spoken to each other for 2 years, yet he still managed to find the time to come up to my job and just stare at me, call and hang up, drive by my house at all times at night, bang on my door at night, the list goes on and on.

See, those types have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOING ON in their lives (like Rocky, Mr Laurelton and Andrew), that's why they harrass us. So you have to make it harder for them to harrass you...you move...Like it has been said DON'T ANNOUNCE JUST BOUNCE!!!

Taylor-Sara said...

Sorry Lynn, that's prob. when I was trying to delete a troll.

Thanks everyone for such great stories and thoughts.

Alienation, I'm so glad you stood up for yourself! It's amazing isn't it how they think they own bw because we share a skin color! That means absolutely nothing!
I grew up around whites too, for most of my life, and I too, was always astounded at how different the men in these neighborhoods acted, as opposed to the bm. It was really saw to paul...
Anyway, If I were you I would go back to that store, to thank the manager personally. As you shake his hand, really look him in the eyes and *smile*...He'll get the picture, and then who knows what will happen......

bellydancer said...

It's funny how bm act when you want to date them and go out and do normal things but when they know they hold all the cards they can act like real butts.
My aunt is in her late 50's and she has known this man for at least 20 years or so.
They never dated but he was a friend of our great uncle's. Everytime my aunt would see this man he would act like he was interested in her but he seemed to get upset when he would hint around to my aunt about cooking for him. My aunt is old school she told him no but we can go out to dinner at Red Lobster, now my aunt would choke you out for some Red Lobster but that's another story. (lol)
This negro would suck his teeth in and mutter and act like he had other things to do.
Come to find out he had a sister who lived near us who would cook every Sunday so he expected my aunt to do that for him also.
He also never wanted to go to the movies another thing my aunt likes. So finally he gave up trying to asking my aunt out and married some other older lady.
This negro was so competitive with my aunt and that's why she shied away from him.
If she would be doing some work in her yard and he drove past he would blow his horn until she looked up at him or came to the car, if she had workmen in the yard he would just lean on the horn if she did not come over.
He did this recently and she just threw her hand up and ignored him and kept walking to the backyard of her home. The wm who was doing work on her house said "Damn who is that" My aunt just laughed and kept walking.
When she bought a cadillac a few years ago, he damn near broke his neck pulling up in the driveway as she was coming down the driveway cuz he wanted to ask her about the car. A few days later he came by to show her his new car. Now mind you this negro has lived in the same studio apartment for years, draws social security, retirement money and works part time, still can't make ends meet but he gets a new cadillac every so many years just to look fly with his 60 ish ole ass.
He told my aunt when she asked him why don't you buy a house since you are married, he told her because my first wife took my house years ago and I ain't loosing another one. My aunt just shook her head cuz we know that his ex wife got the house along with the children they had.
SMH at his stingy old ass just looking for attention all the time and get this he only got married after his sister died. I guess he missed his Sunday dinners.

ak said...

Black women though, need to stop being silly with the 'nothing but a BM' and 'black kings' foolishness. The black women who really feel this way need to just be quiet and keep that to themselves and if a non-black man comes up to them, they can just say no to them, without blaring out that they hate everybody who's not black!

They need to stop defending and helping out every stray bm that comes along. Even a black man in an IR relationship will flee to black women or black people in general to complain about their problems with white people, because nobody knows how to style their kids' hair or whatever.

Nope. Black women need to stop being stupid and falling for that. They need to tell these black men to ask the white/Asian/Latina women who they're with for support, help or guidance because you have a life too! As soon as you help them with whatever, they'll go back to their own lives anyway without a consideration for you.

Black women stop hanging around for Scooby snacks from black men!

Lavette said...

Alienation...good for you I do the same thing I just report these fools to their managers. I grew up in a mostly white neighborhood and if I've learned anything is how white folks handle rude behavior from witnessing it so many times in action.

Again good for you!

sky said...

thanks alienation for sharing your story w/ us. Now we know what we can do whenever we encounter such things. Do you realize we never teach black women to report men who have harassed them? "O he just flirtin', you know how bm are, he was just hollerin' @ you", um no harassment is harassmen. If you feel that your life is threaten/your backed into a corner, report them! they know damn well not to pull that ish on anyone else, they need to know not to do it w/ you either.

Anonymous said...

Even a black man in an IR relationship will flee to black women or black people in general to complain about their problems with white people, because nobody knows how to style their kids' hair or whatever.
----

LOL, that is so true! Many of these guys are not actually all that enthralled by ww; the women are just objects to them, something to be seen with -- sort of like an foreign sports car is to some men.

One Jamaican guy I know was talking to a mutual BM acquaintance of ours about how his white girlfriend was "okay", but what he really wanted was "a big, fat black woman who can cook!"

Lauren said...

I really appreciated bellydancers' comments about her aunt's interaction with the older black male. I will not say MAN as he was not exhibiting manly behavior. It is an illuminating example.

I have been having discussions with my best friend lately about the behavior of a man when he is SINCERELY interested. I do not believe that a man who is really interested in getting to know and spend time with a woman will be able to hide this desire. He will call, email, text message, take out, meet friends and family, etc. Consistenly. This is ALL without YOU asking. Why? Because he enjoys your presence and wants to be around you.

When a male is not truly interested he will exhibit a variety of behavoirs that essentially amount to a half-effort, sometimes less than that:

(1) The occassional phone call to "check in" or "update." He wants YOU to know what he is doing and that he is doing well. He also wants to see what YOU are doing and whether any man is offering him competition.

(2) Give subtle and not so subtle hints about what it is he feels YOU need to for HIM. Cook, give money, laundry, wear X, etc. He basically wants you to woo HIM by offering up domestic and sexual services.

(3) Call you at booty call hours.

(4) Want to take you out - but only at the last minute. He will call to see if you have plans the DAY of and get an attitude or act salty if you have something else to do.

(5) Call you on a regular basis but never take you anywhere.

(6) Compliment you excessively but never take you anywhere.

(7) Pout when you do not go out of your way to make yourself known to him when the two of you happen to end up in the same setting.

Etc., etc., etc.

Men who are not really interested will not but forth effort. Ladies we must dismiss them. Regardless of age or race. If a man does not want you it will show. Why waste your time? When we do we end up looking like the "crazy chick." So I leave it alone ...

Anonymous said...

What about the comic relief? She has an air of affability and likability. She is usually overweight and is there for her ability to, not only make others laugh, but to laugh at herself, so that the audience can feel comfortable laughing at her also. She is usually uneducated, but lucky to be breathing the same air as her counterparts, for she must be from the wrong side of the tracks. She is also on the periphery of any intellectually-palatable discourse because she is only there to provide comic relief at the most dramatically apt times.

Bobbi said...

Whoever was talking about the Something New board and mogoogoo as I call him, I know all to well the hatred you are speaking of (he recently got one of my posts deleted b/c he hates me so much lol).

I was an old head on that board and was there when the movie first came out. The board was so cool back then. There were a lot of black women and we could openly express our attraction to white men. I LOVED it b/c I had never really experienced that before...and then the gatekeepers, as I like to call them, came and the huffed and they puffed and they finally blew the "house" down.

More and more black men started coming on the board and injecting themselves into the conversation (b/c we were NOT talking about them and you know how much they NEED to be the center of conversation among bw). So, of course they made it all about them. It was the same old "why do you hate black men" "there are good bm" "you worship wm" "you are sellouts" "let's talk about bm/ww couples to have balance" "it is embarrassing for bw to talk like this about wm" "wm don't feel the same about bw" "it looks so desperate" blah blah blah.

Oh and of course wherever there are bm there are their mammy bodyguards in tow ready to fight their battles harder than they were. I didn't know back then all I know now but I tried to argue with them the best I could. But being far more ignorant then of the way the black community is and the sheer force they all came at me, it got to be so exhausting. There were some great women on there then and they knew what was up but the foolishness kept on and one by one these bw went elsewhere. (We even went to a secret board that they didn't know about just to get away from them. Total internet harassment.)

Then I was really on my own trying to fight off their ignorance. And then I finally got that 1)my focus was again on BM and they had enough attention 2) it was time consuming 3)the people who were ignorant didn't want to be saved and the ones that I cared about were already on the right path so I just gave up and let them stew in stupidity. The last straw for me was when people started saying that we (I) was being too hard on Chris Brown and it was only b/c he was a black man...if he had been white I wouldn't have cared as much. That was enough for me and I've been done ever since and I'm so glad. I haven't posted on there in months and I don't plan on ever going back. The people I like I still converse with through PM and other boards. Good enough for me.

It just irks me that we had such a good thing going and it got derailed once again by the internet ike turners and their mammy guarddogs. And oh how they would try and deny the reasons why they were there in the first place on a movie board about bw/wm relationships. It so didn't bother them that all of these bw were drooling over Simon Baker and other hot wm. No,they are not getting nervous that bw want to date wm men more than they used to. Yeah, sure they're not. Your actions speak so much louder than words.

We got them quaking in their boots but as much as I love this blog, I'm waiting for the day were bw don't even need it. They will just do what is best for themselves without any forethought or hesitation. I'm giddy at the thought.

bellydancer said...

Hello Bobbi I am also a Something New board poster and I mix it up with Mogolo at least once a week so I know what you mean.
I tried to have simple conversations with him but he has an agenda most of the time so it usually leads to arguments but there are some white guys who post there regularly and keep his ass in check as well. Mogolo is such a hypocrite and there are some women on there also who will try to defend him and I have had to check them as well especially when we stray off topic into other subjects although we do try to keep it focused on interracial or biracial topics most of the time.
I am through with dealing with bm like him it is a waste of time like my mother says" I can show you better than tell you"
Don't Announce Just Bounce

Pamela said...

Lauren, a real man that is interested will also try his best to alleviate your burden and load WITHOUT YOU ASKING. This is one thing I really had to get used to since being a gal that never seriously really dated until now I was used to doing everything myself. It was not me trying to be independent or anything like that. I was being a responsible adult to take care of my business. However I noticed that when I just mentioned something to the man I am dating he would immediately tell me how he was going to take care of it AND TOOK CARE OF IT.

Oh what a relief it is when you have a real man around. Ladies, do NOT let panic set in because of your age. PLEASE WAIT for a quality man and not settle. It was a while for me but I refused to get in the mode of wondering if I would meet anyone else. That was the best decision I made. It is way better to be alone for a time then to experience a lot of relationship baggage that you have to unravel before you can fully enjoy a serious committed relationship. If you do have that baggage PLEASE take the time to unravel it. Reading blogs like this will help you analyze where you are and take productive steps to change. Anyone can change their minds at any time and change their lives.

GoldenAh said...

Good for you, Pamela. I can recall a lot of your comments from way back on these blogs. You have always been a positive, open-minded person.

I'm happy for you, and congratulations.

You are correct, when a MAN wants to do right by you, you don't even have to ask.

I've appreciated the proactive stories the ladies here are relaying. We've got bw being in the bad position of having to even beg for decent treatment. So, not anymore ladies. We all deserve respect and consideration.

I told an HR woman once, next time this guy at the job bothers me I will call the police. That cut her attitude in a heartbeat.

We are not public property: we belong to ourselves. Let's make sure everyone remembers that.

bellydancer said...

Thanks GoldenAh for pointing out that we are not public property. Check this link for an artcile that deals with a form of street harassement when bm walk up to you and tell you to smile and then get an attitude when you don't.
http://celiesrevenge.blogspot.com/2009/05/checking-sisters-attitude-sexual.html

When I was younger and men did this I would automatically smile now if a negro steps to me with that mess I look at them like they are a crackhead.
Sometimes they will do this even before speaking to you then complain and say bw are evil.
Bm are on some serious control freak issues.
One bm posted on youtube actually said that women have told him "I am running errands and don't have time to smile at everybody" he then replied "how else are ya'll gonna find a good man".
First of all wm do not act like this they usually smile at you first then come over and say hello.
Bm seem to think they have this complete access to who we are because of our skin color just like they say we don't own them then they don't own us.

Anonymous said...

I was just talking to a male student from Cameroon and he said that African women back home who date other race men are not unusual. Yes, most of us AA women are the last to know that other women of African decent have been dating out for decades.

A.

Anonymous said...

@ Pamela- 8:07

I agree with you and both of us need to relax and let "him" take the lead and know with confidence that "he" can take the lead.

A.

Anonymous said...

"Anyone can change their minds at any time and change their lives."

Nice quote Pam.

A.

ak said...

To the Anon at 5:55 PM

Hell a black man can easily find a fat bw who can cook, so why doesn't he drop his white girlfriend and go find one already?

Please some bm have a tired excuse for everything my dears.

Anonymous said...

Lauren, a real man that is interested will also try his best to alleviate your burden and load WITHOUT YOU ASKING.

When did men become women's mules? "Real men" take on manly burdens, but have never desired to slave to women.

Taylor-Sara said...

Obviously, the last Anon. is a bm. Let me say that it is not a matter of being a slave. It's simply that real men know that his role as a husband/father is to lighten the load for his woman. He should be a provider, as well as a friend, and lover. The trouble with bm is that they don't even know HOW to be real men. They've been stuck in infant stage so long, they've never passed from mental puberty into adulthood. If he does not lighten the load for her, then tell me Anon. What the hell does she need him for????

Lynn said...

@Sara
EXACTLY...what would a woman need a man for if he doesn't lighten the load. HE is supposed to be the provider. Not her. Like you said this is obviously a bm responding..."what about me, what about me"...babies!

ak said...

On another post of Sara's I had already said that Asian American women go very under represented in Hollywood and in American media at large. You see Asian women once in a while as the girlfriend in a TV show not that often and even Lucy Liu who was once popular seems to have vanished from the celebrity radar and they NEVER talk about Lucy Liu's personal life and love life, the way they'll blab about Angelina Jolie's or Jennifer Aniston's. Hollywood prefers to use half-Asian, half-white women like Jennifer Tilly or Kristen Kreuk who are so white looking, you can't tell a thing about them.


BUT.....BUT does this have any negative bearing on Asian women in America being able to date or marry white men or black men or whatever? Nope! I've heard that Asian Americans want to stop being marginalized in the media, but this doesn't stop the AW from marrying whoever they want, and it doesn't even stop Asian men from getting white women. Look at the Asian man who divorced his white wife that he has eight kids with, and he's gotten himself some younger ww now!

So black women need to stop getting down on themselves and their desireability to men as wife material. Leave this stupid American media out of it. No they may never love you or respect you in the media, but they obviously still like only white people and nobody else. But that won't keep you single, unless YOU let it! Not every white man, or even Hispanic or Asian man lets the media rule over their mind set and values.

Pamela said...

ak, It is sad that some very gullible people believe what the media says and acts on it.

No woman should want a man that uses the media OR ANYTHING ELSE to define her. A man should be willing and ready to find out for himself about a woman. I know this caught my attention to look further at the man that I am now dating. Those men that deal with a woman in generalities should be avoided like the plague because he is looking for a dream, not a real person.

Many bw have gone on with their lives with no regard to what the fools in the media say about them. I would encourage those bw that feel like the media could hinder their dating choices to really work hard to change that thinking. Any negative thinking about yourself aka chips on the shoulder at some point will show on your face. A nice warm smile really helps bring men your way. The negative media cannot change how men react to a smile and twinkling eyes full of life.

bellydancer said...

Look at Daddy's Little Girls where Gabrielle Union's character had to settle for a working class man with three little girls had that been the other way around the movie would have been 10 minutes long. That man would have ran like hell at all those kids. Of course Gabby was made to seem picky and trite with her dating habits and of course her girlfriends were made out to be shallow, materialistic and meddlesome.

Anonymous said...

I wondered why Jennifer Tilly looked a little different. So she is half Asian. I have watched her on talk shows and I never heard her talk about her parents. And, I just read her mom re-married to a hippie type of guy...LOL. However, she plays "dumb" very well in her movies.
lois

ak said...

Pamela:

Exactly hun.


Anonymous:

that's probably why Jennifer Tilly plays dumb in movies and on TV because she doesn't look Asian enough to play to the booksmart Asian person stereotype. But I don't think Tilly is her real last name you know, and her father's from China originally. I have a friend who met her through one of his best friends and they've hung out with her a couple of times.

bellydancer:

I'm tired of Tyler Perry saying that black women who are making good money and living well have to weigh down their lives with other people's kids, problems, etc. He may as well come out with a movie called Hattie McDaniels. If he really wanted to be original he would make a movie that uplifts black women showing characters that do better in life and don't weigh themsleves down and get caught up.

But that has to be up to a black woman, because no one else in Hollywood will do it.

Anonymous said...

So true. The media is obsessed with white couples. i see that maybe as a good thing. We will soon become wary of seeing them. even white people are becoming tired of the media circus sorrounding some of thesehigh profile white couples.

bellydancer said...

Ak said:

bellydancer:

I'm tired of Tyler Perry saying that black women who are making good money and living well have to weigh down their lives with other people's kids, problems, etc. He may as well come out with a movie called Hattie McDaniels. If he really wanted to be original he would make a movie that uplifts black women showing characters that do better in life and don't weigh themsleves down and get caught up.

But that has to be up to a black woman, because no one else in Hollywood will do it.



Thank you Ak for telling it.
I think it was on this board or maybe another one where somebody knew a bw that lived in a poor neighborhood in Atlanta who had an open door policy to the bm in the neighborhood because she was kind of scared of them. Girls that some bs there, that heffa should have moved her ass to Buckhead somewhere.
Why do we have to keep investing in the silly mess that is the so called black community when we do not benefit at all.
I mean seriously where do you live where you keep your doors open at all hours of the night so negroes can come and go! This is not the underground railroad we's free now.
WTF was that woman thinking.
BM have too much access to bw nowdays.
These sister don't keep anything for themselves, house, car, money and sex whenever bm want it. No wonder they don't have to marry us if they can get all that with just a few dates.

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