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Saturday, June 6, 2009

How the self Image of a bw becomes lascerated.....

What do you feel when you look at images like these? Did the thought run through your mind that bw are played out?
Did you feel a tinge of sadness? Did you look at these powerful men embracing non-blk women and wonder why there is never a bw near these men who CAME from a bw???
The truth is: This is how you were supposed to feel, so if these thoughts ran through your head, the ads were successful. Image and words are extremely powerful. Never downplay the images and words you hear. Unfortunately these images will ALWAYS be part of American culture as long as bm are around. What we must do as women is discount them.
Ladies, please realize BM are NOT COMING BACK-Thank God!!!! No, I don't hate them. but I just think the average bw deserves so much better than the average bm will ever give her. Notice how diddy went out of his way to put the non-bw on a pedestal (in all his ads, videos, ) while he continuously sexed and made bw unwed mothers left and right. He puts images like these out on purpose. Like most bm, he has a vested interest in having a pool of self esteem deficient, morose bw at his disposal.
Most bw do not realize how extremely damaging the images and words they hear are. Especially in regards to themselves. The fact is repeated often enough, almost anything becomes part of the SELF IMAGE!!
This is why you must guard your self-esteem and self image!!!

The self image is how we view ourselves, and once it is programmed, it is extremely difficult to deviate from it's form. In other words if you see yourself as a loser, you will act in accordance with this belief until the belief is changed!

Think about the average bw's SELF IMAGE!!

Many ppl wonder why bw have attitudes. Well think about it for a minute. If the men of your race constantly belittled you, called you fat, ugly, masculine, gold digger, hood rat, bitch, hoe, and many other denigrating names, just for having the audacity to have the same features, noses, hair and skin color that they do-how would you feel?
If you had to live under the cloak of perpetual humiliation, and ongoing verbal assault that many bw live under on a daily basis, do you think you would walk around smiling happily? Oh, but it gets so much better. Now picture those same men throwing everything non-blk in your face as the epitome of beauty, while simultaneously sexing (using) you, and tossing you aside. Now picture yourself being told that if you complain, you are a traitor to your race because bm have been though so much (like we haven't !)that any unappealing behavior on their part must be excused. For instance, when they refuse to take care of their children or pay a dime in CS, you are supposed to be a good little mammy and keep your mouth shut. Heaven forbid you send a Good brotha to jail!!! When they glorify ww,and put you down, you should ignore it,and keep on being there for a brotha. Picture yourself being afraid to walk the streets of your neighborhood for fear of someone asking for your number, that you don't want to give. (See it can lead to death to refuse to give your number to a damaged bm) At the very least you will often be cursed out, possibly spit on, have a variety of things thrown at you, and threatened with physical violence that you pray does not come to fruition.
But if it does come to violence it is most certainly your fault after all why were you wearing THOSE jeans? Why did you walk down THAT street! Why did you refuse to give that wino your phone number? After all he's a good black man! Because according to the bc contract. ANY bm is a GOOD BM! even if he's a pedophile, (R. Kelly) A total loser (insert any random bm) A woman beater (Chris Brown, The bishop, Ike etc) You have no right to think you are too good for the wino, you should be on your knees apologizing. And if he happens to bust you upside the head while you're down there-well he's just giving you what you deserve for being an uppity bitch! Oh, but we are not done. Now picture the church in the black community. You go here to get some respite from the pain of everyday life. Here they sing and worship, and it lifts your spirits temporarily, but then you are asked for money and more money. Pastors, day, choir day, building fund, Ladies axillary etc, etc, etc, You are also asked to clean up at all the events and cook as well. You are not to sit down or partake in the real discussions, as that is for the deacons and Pastor, and other important officials (read men) of the church. You are expected to simply cook, clean, contribute continuously, and keep quiet. If you are single and you go to church and pray for a man, the pastor will tell you to WAIT ON GOD to send you one! You wait quietly and realize the years are flying by, and no man appeareth! If you mention looking for a man outside the bc, you are immediately labeled traitor by all the men of the church and their non-blk wives! How dare you think you are entitled to a husband ALL YOUR OWN! And wonder of wonder's Pastor is driving a brand new Bentley while you are trying to keep your Toyota from collapsing. When you turn on the television all you see are pretty ww being whined and dined while bw are in the back ground looking like old maids. The wgs do the Victoria Secret commercials and hair commercials, and skin commercials while the bgs do the pine sol, liquid plumber, and oo oo good finger licken chicken chicken commercials! After all, everybody knows big-ass bw love fried chicken! Lets not even mention how you are made to feel repulsive because of your Africanized features and non-light skin! Do you really need to wonder why many bw are often in a state of sadness, overwhelm and dismay???

Recently little black girls were asked to take the good doll/bad doll test, and in an overwhelming majority the little black girls chose the white doll as the good doll and the black doll as the bad doll. What could have given them this impression? What made them think of black as bad, and white as good? All of the above gave them this impression. It's the ever present image machine better known as the media.
This is the same mechanism that has ww sitting on a pedestal, and being called ladies, (no matter how skanky they act) while a bw is afraid to smile at a man for fear of being thought of as a hoe.

It's so important to remember and understand that for a large segment of the population, perception =reality. In other words what ppl think you are like is how they will relate to, and treat you. For years the collective self image of the bw has been the one who stands by the side of bm no matter what, regardless of how battle scared and maltreated she was. The scary thing about self image is that once you believe it, you will act in accordance with it even to your detriment! There was a study done a few years back by the Cancer Society. Random ppl were called, and asked if they thought a good person would donate bone marrow to help save someone's life. Of course almost everyone said yes. Then they were asked if they WERE A GOOD PERSON ( watch the manipulation as it ties in to the self image of the person) Of course everyone then said that they thought they were a good person. Then they were told that if they really were a good person, they would come down to the hospital and agree to donate bone marrow. (Now keep in mind bone marrow transplants are extremely painful-and they were told this!) Would you believe over 80% still SHOWED UP! That's like agreeing to voluntary torture, yet ppl came because they had tied the act in with their self perception (image) of themselves. You will always go out of your way to be consistent with your self image, and this is why it is extremely important to guard it...

This is primarily what is killing bw today. Our self image in the BC has been tied to being saviors, fixers, and ride or die chicks! We cannot afford to be this foolhardy any longer. It is time we gave ourselves an image overhaul and made our primary chant RECIPROCITY!!!
Let me give you an example of how this old outdated image is being used against bw everyday. I was coming out of a store one day when I saw a middle aged bm talking angrily to a much younger bw. She was trying to tell him that she could not lend him 200.00 because she had to pay her rent. He was furious, and began to curse at her telling her that she was his cousin, and she was supposed to help him out, and that she was already stabbing bm in the back, and now she was f--------- over her own family. He then reminded her that a real sistah would help a brother out. I almost gagged at the blatant manipulation being displayed before me. The girl was biting her lip and looking like she was about to cry. She seemed so torn. But I knew, and I think she did as well, that he had no intentions of paying her back. Moments later her bf emerged from the store (young wm) He took in the scene and immediately pulled his gf to the car. "She ain't givin your sorry ass nothin! " He yelled over his shoulder. "I just lent her that money and I'll be damned if she gives it to you! " I looked in the girl's face and it was flooded with relief. She looked at her boyfriend gratefully and hopped into the car. Now I don't believe for one minute he lent her the money, I think the money was hers. But I think he just said that so that she would not have to feel guilty about not giving it to her loser cousin. The cousin just stood there fuming, but I notice he did not jump in the bf's face like he had done his cousin.

I've also seen bm use this type of SI manipulation against ww. I was at the mall one day with my family. And as they chatted away in the background, I watched a portly bm approach a young pretty brown haired wg. The wg was happily eating a slice of pizza and seemed very content to dine alone. The man was middle aged and far too old for her. He was wearing dirty jeans and a ripped shirt exposing some of his immense belly. As he neared her, the girl looked mortified, and began looking around for help. He eased into the empty seat on the other side of her and proceeded to ask her out. (keep in mind he was probably 30 years older than her!) The girl was shaking her head and trying to tell him that she was too young for him, but he would hear none of it. He kept badgering her all the while getting closer and closer to her face. "C'mon now" He told her "Is you a racist? -You hate black peoples?" The poor girl was vehemently shaking her head but had seemingly lost all interest in her delicious pizza. She looked positively on the verge of tears. He actually ignored her frightened face and kept plunging forward. "After all the things you ppl have done to us, and now you think you too good to go out wit a brotha?" The girl was protesting that she was not a racist, but that she could not go out with him. "If you ain't a racist -then you will go out with me" He smirked. backing the poor girl into a corner. Against my family's wishes, I summoned the security guard and sent him his way. He was immediately ejected from the food court, and the teenager shot me a wobbly smile. But the point is: Did you notice how he tried to tie her not being racist in with going out with him. One has nothing to do with the other! He was just a good manipulator who knew that she did not want to seem rude, bitchy, or racist. Some of these ppl have been studying women so long they can watch you for two minutes and know exactly what buttons to push.

But like I said. When it comes to bw, we need a new Image in the media and in the bc. We need a new positive, carefree, happy, loving, self loving image in the media. And we need a go for self, refusing to take anymore sh*t.
RECIPROCITY above all else needs to be our new image in the bc. It's important to strike down old images down and bury them. They are doing us an immense amount of harm. The greatest harm being that ppl believe what they continuously hear/see. On television all bw seem to be loud, angry, ghetto, and baby mamas. Never mind that I know plenty of non-black women who fit this bill. The only ones who suffer from these images are us. On Maury the same theme is played out almost everyday. The bm is cheating on the screaming bw. He is accusing her of being a whore and saying the baby is not his. She retaliates, and screams herself hoarse trying to defend herself. Most times the child is his, but it really does not matter because he (for whatever reason) no longer wants the mother and will then promise to pay for the child (he rarely does-as subsequent shows prove) Sometimes he will bring another female with him to irritate the poor stupid girl who is in love with his trifling self. The other female will begin calling the mother names and often Maury will gleefully intervene (as his rating go through the roof)

No, I don't watch this trash, but a good friend of mine does, and every time I pick her up to hit the track -it's on. The point is, shows like this bring down our collective self image. It's extremely difficult to be seen as productive, competent, socially ascending and a go getter with images like this constantly playing before the world. It's imperative for us to make some serious changes, starting with how we allow ourselves to be portrayed......

These are some starting action we can take:

1. Make our new Motto: Only a good man! -disregard Only a black man

2. Stop accepting crumbs from anyone-always demand RECIPROCITY!

3. Fight the powers that be by refusing to give out money to stations, shows, movies, and the like that demean and disparage bw!

4. Demand that the image makers respect us- or make them pay (with their wallets)

5. Never allow ANY MAN to use you for ANYTHING incl. sex, money, influence, recreation etc.

6. When you hear bw being smeared, do something about it, get the contact info, and post it. As long as we do nothing, it will continue forever.

7. When bw are attacked, MAKE A FUSS -IN ANY WAY YOU CAN! Al Sharpton is NOT coming to our rescue, but someone has to!

8. When there is a campaign or a movie that shows bw in a positive light -acknowledge it, and endorse it- so that there will be others

Well this is just a beginner's list, I'm sure you ladies can add to it. But I hope my points came through about self image, and what a vital part it plays in our lives....