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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Why they try so hard to convince everyone-we don't want other races...




Black woman looking with obvious interest at handsome wm....
Very attractive, and well endowed Asian man poses for camera.....
Why do people feel that they have the right to speak for bw? Why do they feel that they have the right to tell us what we feel and think? Or for that matter, what we want? It's incredible to me the number of people trying to mold and manipulate bw. I'm not only speaking in regards to Chris Rock, saying that bw were not attracted to wm, and would only "sleep with pretty white boys, but did not really want them". How would CR know, is he a black woman? No, he is not, and yet he proposes to TELL us what we want, and what we DESIRE! It's outrageous to me that men like him continue to try to control and cajole us into submission....
But more to the point, I'm speaking of a recent "committee" that was formed to decide if it was ok for bw to date out! Since when do we need anyone's permission to do as we please! Every time you turn around it seems that people are trying to tell bw what we can and cannot do, almost as if we don't have minds of our own. Case in point.... My sisters and I were at the mall the other day, and we watched a blk couple get into a disagreement because the woman told her (bf?) that she didn't like to kiss in public. After trying to no avail to change her mind, he simply grabbed the back of her permed head, leaned her backwards, and forced a rough, sloppy, wet kiss on her mouth. When he let her back up, it was obvious that she was angry and embarrassed. She angrily adjusted her clothing, and swiped roughly at her mouth. She seemed visibly upset but he smiled smugly at her, and smirked: "Now you like that sh*t -didn't you" She stalked angrily off, and when she failed to return in response to his calls, he began to curse at her. Security threw him out, and he continued to call to her. He simply could not believe that she was really angry. In his mind, he simply had the right to do what he wanted, and she was overreacting....
So many people just don't seem to understand that bw are real live human beings with thoughts and feelings of our own. It just seems that many people have created a whole industry on our backs, while trying to convince us this is what we want. From TV shows that feature the oldest and most unattractive bw they can find all the way to commercials where bw are shown clucking like chickens and rolling their necks -lord have mercy! (that's one of the most hated images for me) I remember talking with a bm in college a few years back. We were all discussing sociological influences of different types of music. When I was asked by him what type of music I liked. I answered honestly that I loved country music, and that Alan Jackson, Tim Mcgraw, and Trace Atkins were my favs. He immediately became enraged, and began to furiously tell me that it was not possible for me to like that type of music since "Black people don't like country music!" I held my ground and told him that I could like any type of music I damn well pleased, and that I did not give a damn what "other bp liked!" The only other bm in the class joined in, and they tried to intimidate me into "liking C-rap-" music. When I saw that they had no intentions of listening to me, I began to ignore them. They immediately turned to a girl wearing a rock shirt and asked her. She said that Kiss was her absolute favorite, and that she had a crush on the lead singer. All hell broke loose, and our teacher had to have them removed from the class. It was almost as if we were not "ALLOWED" to have minds, and opinions of our own.
I see this being done to bw on a constant basis. When that committee went on the radio, they did not convene to decide if BM had the right to date out. Or if WW had the right to date out, or even WM. They were ONLY concerned about BW dating out, and IF we had the right to do so. They threw the issue back and forth as if they were the owners of bw. Their speech was filled with worn out platitudes, and tired stereotypes, and in the end they (of course) decided that bw should stay in our place, and not try to escape anywhere....
I have a friend who loves to surf. She goes all over to find the best waves, and she's really good at her craft. Wm are always pleasantly surprised to see her riding the waves, and this is where she met the love of her life. However, she has had to stop telling bm about her love of the sport because they often want to argue her down about how: "bw don't surf!" The truth of the matter is that no matter what occupation you mention, there is a bw there, doing exactly what she wants to do, and we should all follow these leads.....
We are not all born of the same cloth, nor are we a homogenized unit. We are individuals -much like everyone else. It's beyond irritating to hear people trying to tell us what we're about and what we're "allowed " to like, and be like. A reader wrote me and told me that she and her family were leaving Great Adventures when a group of bp approached her and asked her who was the Chinese man she was with. She immediately replied: "Why, he's my husband, and these are my 3 children" "Then you're a sell out! One bm sneered at her. "Because bw ain't allowed to be with no Chinese!" Not wanting to raise their ire, she simply got in the car, and left, but she said the comment about not being "ALLOWED" burned her. But this is common. The community, the church, and even Hollywood is so used to manipulating bw, that they have lost the inherent ability to see her as a separate entity.........
But ladies, make no mistake about it, you do not need anyone's permission to do, be, or have anything you want in this life. The only one you owe your allegiance and loyalties to-is you...
I guess the real question here is why? Why are these people trying to control and manipulate bw? What's in it for them.
The truth of the matter is that bw are the glue that bonds several industries. Without bw the blk church would collapse in record time. Hollywood would have to find a new low-class scape goat. Hollywood would have to find a new sexually deviant scapegoat. They would also need a new non-sexual un-appealing, colorful, -willing to throw her mammyfied self to the wolves-for the ww-best friend scapegoat. Bm would go crazy because their sisters, mothers, ex, and current gfs, daughters and cousins would stop running to save them from their constant messes. They would have to bail themselves out. They would have to pay their own tickets. They would have to protest their own problems with the police, and get ww to give them emergency money. They would have to do their own laundry, and cook for themselves. There would be no women there to boost their tired, overinflated egos by fighting over them. They would actually have to drive their own raggedy cars, and buy their own sagging pants. And there is no way they could stand on the corners all days inhaling those 40s because they'd have to pay their own rent, so this would necessitate them actually working! (heaven forbid!) They'd have to pay their OWN child support!, and pick up their own checks!
No, there is no way bm intend to give bw up. We are far to valuable as a commodity. And this is why they will try to convince bw that she is not attracted to other races, or that other races don't want her. This is why CR told that lie, because he and most other bm want desperately for it to be true-but it's not. The truth is ... Wm are some of the hottest, sexiest men on this earth, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why every bw does not snatch one up-but don't tell them I said so, because as a bw, I'm not allowed to think that........

79 comments:

vonnie said...

the black think police are the worst things ever in my opinion. If I never hear the phrase "black people don't..." it'd be entirely too soon, because that is the most worn out crazy crap ever and it's black people who are always saying it to other black folks. Just lame to stay in some stupid box your WHOLE life for absolutely no reason! I am so over these knee-grows trying to say what BLACK PEOPLE don't do, say what YOU don't do. They never represent me! And I could be here all day talking about how they try to police black women's behavior. how do you know what I like? UGH UGH

http://socialitedreams.wordpress.com

Shan said...

Years ago when I wised up, I stopped sending my drug addict brother money, so after a while he quit asking. He's in and out of jail and uses people. Bm will say that white men have always wanted black women, and with the same tongue turn around and say that wm will only use bw for sex and etc. It's a mind game they play. Generally speaking, they know that wm will jump on it (I don't mean that vulgarly) if bw gave them the green light, that's why they try to manipulate us with that wm will only use you for sex and so forth.

Bm are deathly afraid of bw finding wm attractive.

Anonymous said...

I love country music: Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, and the more modern sounds of Brad Paisley...I love his music; its a breath of fresh air because his lyrics are usually about life, marriage, family, etc. I feel bad about the drowning of these black kids, because it could have been avoided if they had swimming lessons, but as usual these women believe that 'black people cant swim' (agreeing with these racist whites) ....sigh.....

Anonymous said...

another thing: i think if black women stop rescuing these guys, they'll have better self esteem and being a real man---real men dont need women to rescue them!! They are also givers

stephanie said...

sara!!!!!

omg, it's been forever since i commented here, but this piece is so brilliant and timely (for me) i have to give my kudos...

not even two weeks ago (while shopping) i had a bm WHO WAS A TOTAL STRANGER inform me that the wm i was with only wanted me for one thing and that i'd "come back home" after he "got it and left." please note: he only knew i was with a wm b/c he saw the wm kiss me on his way out of the store.

well, not only did this dummy neglect to notice the ENGAGEMENT RING on my finger (likely b/c he's never seen one) but he was unpleasantly surprised when the ww next to me chimed in with an obviously sarcastic "yup. and they'll never take you home to their mothers. come on, steph."

he got schooled. by my 58 yo almost mother-in-law. i damn near died.

oh, and the "come back home" bit? really? y'all are STILL tossing that one around?! i've never been interested in black men, they are not my "home."

ugh... so glad these BWIR blogs exist. reminds me daily that i'm not the one hopped up on crazy.

Daughter of the First said...

Excellent post!

Daughter of the First said...

"Bm are deathly afraid of bw finding wm attractive."



They are also afraid of WM finding BW attractive. They are acting some real fools now. Because if it weren't true either way--they would have no reason to be fools. It would just be.

But they know the truth they are simply in denial. And behave as mental patients.

Mimi-Louise-Love said...

OMG i had to look over my shoulder cause.. you must be psychic!! this is exactly how ive felt for a LONG TIME. people act as if the color on skin has a mind of its own!!!! Black women have their OWN LIFE..you dont have to abide by any stereotype just becuase your skin is the same as theirs! i love this post!! =) =)

Shan said...

Stephanie,

You should have said, "Well, it seems as if black men are the same way especially, since there are so many BLACK children with no fathers. YOU all seem to be doing a much better job of "hitting it and leaving." OMG, Stephanie, you should have said that. I bet that would have shut him up and gave him something to think about. I think too many bw let bm get away with such remarks because when I respond the bm always look surprised.

Nysee said...

Hi Sara,

My name is Nysee and I enjoy your blog.
Yea, I heard the B.S. CR said in one of his skits. More DBR showing their true colors. Also, you are right WM are some your most sexiest men out their and they take care of home. Also I was reading a magazine article and Suzy Orman said to Black Women on we think we need to support our parents, children and men. She said save yourself first. I may be paraphrasing but I like that . I see in my city Chicago many IR BW/WM are being noticed. I like it.
BW, first and foremost and as we pay ourselves first with spa tereatments, the WM will jump because they already notice, they are just waiting for the green light and I am definitely displayng it.
Thank you for insightful blog and whenever you have a book cominig out please let us know. LOL

Clarice said...

Welcome back Sara. LTNT. It is so good to see a timely message. It is tiresome to see so many women fall for this but unfortunately so many people accept what they are told without question. Critical thinking and a healthy selfish sense of what is right for them and fits their truth would benefit so many women. Personally I stopped paying attention to the itty bitty thought committee a long time ago. Preach on!

arthur said...

My 13-year old grandaughter is staying with me for the Summer, in San Diego (courtesy of my lovely black DIL); Her mother really liked the pictures I sent of her daughter up on a surf board :)

Anonymous said...

I love love love this post. It is so dead on right. I just got married to my white husband and O how his mom would make comments about how she wouldn't do this and that. I know who I am and her life and my life are way too different to even try to compare. Needless to say they weren't too happy when there 6 ft 3, blue eyed handsome son married a black women. I am done letting people especially blk people dictate what I should do and how. I am an independent thinker. My husband listens mostly to country and I listen with him and sometimes we listen to R&B or smooth jazz. We share in this relationship so we both come out happy. There was a blk women and black man at a restaurant talking about what we were wearing and judging us and to top it off they weren't married, and were just complaining about their miserable lives. Black women will soon figure out the game being played on them in society. They are being left out relationship wise. Black ladies and I repeat, do not wait for permission to date out of your race. If the man you are with loves you go for it.

Skypurple15 said...

This post is perfect, especially for bw who are interested in meeting quality white men. You will not find them in an all black setting and I most certainly don't expect them too. You have to be where they are to show that you are opened to change and new experiences. If that is one thing you can count w/ wm is that they are always changing for the better.

Now fortunetly I have never been caught up in the "blacks don't do this..." category. There are a tons of things I've always wanted to do, and I plan on doing. But I do remember one situation where I was dating a bm (the last bm acually) and he asked me where I would like to visit, I told him I wanted to visit Europe anywhere like London, Amsterdam, Rome, Madrid. I was so hyped and then he killed with "there ain't no black people in europe". I remember saying "how on earth would you know? have you ever been there? and even if so, is that suppose to stop me from visiting where ever I want to visit?". He just shut his mouth. Mind you this guy wanted to go to Brazil, of course I didn't know the going-ons of Brazil at that time, but I'm already an island girl so Brazil doesn't phase me.

What's even more hyprocrital of these men is that these are the same guys who will be found at the exact place you're not allowed to be and then act shocked when they see you there. You would think after all the shed blood and tears they fought to do away w/ Jim Crow it looks like they carry the Law on their hearts.

Anonymous said...

Good blog, Sara.

My bw cousin called me tonight and she was telling me what she wanted to renovate part of her grandmother's house. She has four Uncles and one owns a construction company. I told her to ask her Uncle to do the construction work. She told me that he was not very good at construction work and he was the type who would leave a job not well put together. Then I said, "you would think he would make an effort to do well by his 81 y. o. mother." She said she would rather pay one of those Mexican workers.

Of course, I had to chimed in and remind her that is exactly what I am talking about...most w/guys or other race men would have gotten together a few weekends to do the construction work for their mother.

LOL, as usual she was not too happy with me praising w/men and quickly made up an excuse and got off the telephone. But, the truth is the truth. Yes, cousin I know the truth hurts.

My cousin's bf/finance does not want to get married and she is foolish trying to make him marry her. To his credit the guy tries to tell her that he loves her but, he does not want to re-marry. They have been together over three years. They host parties and go on vacations as if they were married. They both have kids. The guy is getting the best part of the deal and her grandmother has told her to move on. She is head harded and and she is making herself miserable.

She is attractive, educated and loves to go out on the town. But, she is wasting her time on this guy. She is too book smart to be so dumb.

a.

Anonymous said...

Correction...

"She is harded head...


a.

Shan said...

Skypurple15 said:
What's even more hyprocrital of these men is that these are the same guys who will be found at the exact place you're not allowed to be and then act shocked when they see you there.


This is so much the truth. It's a game being played. I used to wonder why black men used to feel like they were getting back at black women when they dated white and how they used to look pleased when black women got angry. I used to witness white women looking satisfied also. I used to wonder why are they looking for black women and white men to care. Now I noticed that when white men and black women dated, they never looked at white women and black men to get angry. To me, the relationships of bm/ww seemed immature compared to the relationships of bw/wm.

I believe part of that reason today is because during slavery bw and wm had easy access to each other and bm and ww didn't, so bm and ww are angry about that. In the book, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Hurston said that the white man and black woman are freest in society. Back then I didn't understand the statement, now I do.

UKsis said...

What a great post!

Ladies as a sister across the pond I have been blessed to not have to deal with as much of this negativity as you guys appear to have done.

I would to say this from the heart to you all to illustrate how making better choices can affect your dating/love destinies in this life. My first boyfriend at 18 (i'm now 42) so that was back in the day! was a wm I dated a brother after that and was cheated on and mistreated cos he thought he was the bomb, I then happily dated for 5yrs another wm then another for 6yrs only losing my mind in 2001 when i felt this would be a good time to find partner in life and to have a family with so i decided that needed to be a bm ( THAT WAS 9YRS ago!!!!) i have been single for the last 7 and most of the time that including not even a date - although a bm was always available if i so desired for a bcall!!! and nothing else!!!

I am the same women given a few more life experiences but I have not successfully been able to forge a meaningful committed relationship with a bm in all that time that could even last past 3mths!! (and thats long trust me) without me having to end the drama for my own sanity. Yet i happily was in honest, loving, respectful relationships with wm for years before that. Ladies wake up and smell the coffee make choices that are positive for you and you alone not anyone else - i don't want any of my sisters to have missed out because they cut themselves off from all possibilites you wouldn't do it in your careers so why in love!- Don't worry i have made my peace with it and things i yet to have but finding these blogs is the wake up call i need to end this wishing and a hoping on bm to fix up and come in my direction. So pray for me as i once again get back out their embrace dating in the global village bw/wm/non black relationship once again.

Linda said...

I loved the comments on here ladies, so true.I would love to meet a quality wm, but I live in the south so its harder for bw to date wm. I cant wait to move for grad school. Anyways, Im also tired of all the negativity towards bw. Im also so tired of black men and their b.s. People need to get over themselves and stop worrying about whats going on in black womens lives. Anonymous your cousin needs to get a clue fast that bm is never going to marry her. Its sad how so many bw are single because they are too scared to date a non-bm. I tell bw all the time to get the courage to date non-bm. Some bw say they dont know if they would ever date a wm. WHY not? There is no law saying that you have to date/marry within your own ethnicity. I never care if I see a bm and ww together. I would love to see a lot more wm/bw couples where I live.

Anonymous said...

We black women have to step up to the plate to by being more open to men of other races we have to work on how we conduct ourselves most black women are in majority black areas and the black women on college campus pledge for black sororities instead of multiracial ones and when they show up at mixed race parties they show up loud, ghetto and unprofessional. They give black men and ww and women of other races opportunity to say tack angry black women. Even on college campus “white college campuses the majority of the black women are overweight, but they are gaining and education. We black women have got to keep ourselves in better shape and learn to asimilatete and abandoned this notion that we have to compete or out compete women of other races. I am so tired of hearing black women are the farther away from the European standard of beauty. First of all we need to embrace our own African standard of beauty . How can we mimic something that was created for ww.

Anonymous said...

This post was so good!!! I really enjoy your blog and love how unabashedly honest you are!!! We are told who to be at every turn. The newest stereotypical self hating trash coming from none other than Tyler Perry. You should do a post on the effects some of his movies and shows will undoubtedly have on our image.

Anonymous said...

LOL, I really need to use my spell check.

To Linda, I agree. She claims she will not wait much longer. Three years and counting. She told me that a wm nurse had asked her out and she turned him down. That could have been the best date of her life; but, she will never know.

One of my classmates is very attractive and was married to a wm who was killed by a drunk driver. She used to tell me that he was the best man she ever had. Now she is dating an older bm who she says treats her very well. Hmmm, no commnent, I do not know him.
She puts me in mind of this actress Brenda Skyes who co-starred in a movie called "Hunky". Talk about an old movie. Brenda had a great smile and was a beautiful dark tone woman and my classmate looks like her.
I hope she is not wasting her time on the new guy.

a.

Anonymous said...

Have any of you noticed how tyler perry almost instantly becomes angry if he thinks someone is criticizing him?

His next movie should be "Diary of an Angry Movie Producer".
a.

Anonymous said...

The truth is not that BW would find WM attractive BUT WM with money ,young and have a family type lifestyle and normal would find BW attractive--especially the ones brothas wouldn't look at twice. I would imagine, dark as these women could be have kids with different hues and hair textures with the guys.. very pretty

Anonymous said...

What I meant by marrying a WM with money, a good profession, is that she doesn't have to stress when shes pregnant or just having a baby, to go back to work...I didn't mean rich...thats what I meant when WM go after BW...(she isn't a feminist and knows how to cook well)

Gab said...

I haven't read this post yet but I just wanted to bring to you all this sad news...I know that Mitrice Richardson's picture has been posted on this blog for a long time, and I just found out that the police have confirmed her death. RIP :`(

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2010/08/malibu-remains-identified-as-mitrice-richardson.html

Lisa-just-Lisa said...

@ UKsis,wishing you all the best as you venture back into dating in the global village. Thanks for sharing your story.

Anonymous said...

In the book, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Hurston said that the white man and black woman are freest in society. Back then I didn't understand the statement, now I do.
So true that's why blackmens work so hard at keeping bw away from wm's cuz they know for the most wm's are at the top of world and can have any women they choose and alot of the times wm really want to be with bw and bm's know this so this is why they toy with bw mind about wm's also ww are in the ship with bms they know their shine is fading so there doing all they could to keep them selfs at the top so bw now is the time to get your shine in this world.:)

stephanie said...

@Shan:

you speak the truth! and everyone here knows it. heck, i'm sure even that idiot knows it... but i was SO not about to engage him in conversation. anyone that rude, presumptuous, and aggressive doesn't deserve my time. he was clearly looking for a reaction and sometimes it's just not worth destroying my good energy to give one, you know?

@UKsis:

pulling for you!!!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of IR relationships did everybody hear about the Dr.Laura conterversy? The lady flipped when she found out an black woman was married to an white man.

Roland said...

How would CR know, is he a black woman? No, he is not, and yet he proposes to TELL us what we want, and what we DESIRE!

Do you not do the same with regard to black men? Do you not routinely state what black men want and how black men feel while censoring any attempt by black men to correct you?

Anonymous said...

"In the book, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Hurston said that the white man and black woman are freest in society. Back then I didn't understand the statement, now I do."

Please, explain it to me and the movie in IMO wasn't good.

a.

T said...

Roland
Black men should spend that energy on themselves. You can't correct anyone when you can't get your own act together.

GoldenAh said...

You make good points, Sara.

The choice is either: does a black woman want to carry the entire black community on her back and get nothing in return, or find a good reciprocal relationship with a quality man (or people) who doesn't treat her like a beast of burden? Sounds easy to me.

Hey, the first men to enslave black women were black males. They're just trying to bring back their version of the good ol' days.

I wont be surprised when there is more pushback from the black-women-enslavers, because where else is the valuable resources, money, and time for unfunny black comedians, untalented rappers, churches, black men, and other parasites is going to come from?

Roland said...

T

Correcting misinformation put out about you is not wasted energy. And doesn't it contradict the idea that black men should step up and take charge for you to now say that black men should worry about themselves? Such consistent mixed messages are confusing.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of IR relationships did everybody hear about the Dr.Laura conterversy? The lady flipped when she found out an black woman was married to an white man.

Actually, she flipped when the black woman complained that her husband would do or say nothing when his family and friends would use racial insults around her including using the n-word. Dr. Laura apparently feels that blacks are hypersensitive or something.

Unfortunately, even this woman's white husband would not protect and defend her. Must be a sign of the times.

Taylor-Sara said...

That's not a sign of the times Anon. That's a sign that she's with the wrong wm! I would kick him and his fam/friends to the curb! DH. would have 1 time to pull that mess!!

Anonymous said...

Apparently her husband agreed with his family.

The so-call Dr. has mental issues.

a.

Anonymous said...

No marriage is perfect theese issues are going to happen in ir relationships and marriages. I agree by sitting there and doing nothing is like agreeing with his racists friends and family. A real man would have stood up for his woman.

ValeriesWorld said...

Sara, good that you are back, when I read the part when the bm was thrown out from security, I laughed so hard.

It is so funny, because I was thinking about the same things, it is very easy to criticized bw, because there are many pots being cooked on the backs of bw, what would happen if bw saw the light, yes they are a few, but more bw seeing the light.

The worlds built around us will go down in flames. Bw have concentrate on God and themselves and everything will fall into place.

The biggest problem in bw lives, they have been surrounded by the bc who is selfish and self-centred. It is me, me me and the world resolves around them mindset.

When you start to listen to the Spirit of Truth, which is inside all of us. Violence is the first reaction, because bw can no longer be controlled, and told what do. Also when bw in large numbers start marrying quality men of different races, they will be taken to live in different areas, areas of more afluence. Bw are living in a different lifestyle and they are no longer available any more. If bw is busy going on holiday, or going to dinner, other social gatherings, bc who can't sort their live out, have to chances, either they die or sort their lives out.

bibssince1985 said...

if we told them the same thing they tell us, they would call us bitter and say we're jealous of the ww. but when they say it to us they are "looking out for our own godd." uh-huh. i always ask them how the heck do you know what i like or what is going to make me happy? pompous ass trifling negros. they will stop at nothing to hold on to us so we can be available when the ww tire of them.

Anonymous said...

BW are starting to go to the spas more and they are now taking classes on investing for the future. Also, many are getting this slowly because they see that no one has their back and they are postioning themselves for greatness.
Also,many are starting their own businesses and they are investing that money with themselves and their children. Even if they are
hollering nothing but a BM, pretty soon that mess will be at their doorstep ,just a matter if time.
they must position themselves for much greener pastures for their sake and the sake of their if their famliy.

Anonymous said...

That so called DR. L has mental issues AND SHOWING HER TRUE COLORS.AND YOU WELL SEE THIS COME OUT ALOT MORE FROM THESE WW CUZ PEOPLES SEEM TO-FORGET THAT ARE THE BIGGEST RACEIST OF THEM ALL SO JUST STAY TUNED FOR THE SHOW.

Shan said...

bibssince1985,

You are right. They will stop at nothing to hold onto us for their own selfish good. If they took the energy they use into trying to brainwash us and use it to better themselves, the bc would be much better off. When it comes to bw, bm are very hypocritical. A former friend, I'll call Larry has a white grandfather. His oldest daughter's mother is also white. This hypocritical jive turkey told me that I should only date black men, not white men, and that I look too much like a queen to date white men. Now he said this after he found out that I found nonblack men attractive. Now he had his dillidallies with white women and even expressed interest in Mexican women but I should only date black men. Bm are crazy. They really believe that they control bw. Now if bw spouted some mess about them not dating ww because ww are this and that then they would claim bw are jealous. I don't argue with bm who are like this because I show them better than I can tell them.

Skypurple15 said...

Shan said...

"Now if bw spouted some mess about them not dating ww because ww are this and that then they would claim bw are jealous."

Then I believe that it's high time that we tell them that they must be jealous of wm/non-bm because apparently they have their sh*t together and are on a much higher hiearchy bm are not. Oh yes they'll they give you slavery, but i'll give Obama/Oprah and the list goes on. It's time that they starting drinking their own kool-aid. And I no longer care for their feelings, infact I stopped caring years ago.

Shan said...

Skypurple15,

I agree, and you are right. They know that bw/wm couples are usually on a higher socioeconomic level. Which is why when they get money or become "successful" they "upgrade" to ww or nonbw. And have the nerve to call bw who are dating a well off wm a golddigger but these same bm wait until they get money to go after non bw. Oh, the irony.

I stopped caring about their feelings a long time ago too.

Christelyn Karazin said...

Sorry to hijack your thread! After reading your blog, I thought you might be interested in knowing that I am organizing a blog blitzkrieg on September 22 dubbed, "No Wedding, No Womb!" in which a legion of writers, authors and bloggers will call attention to the rampant out-of-wedlock problem in our community. We already have interest from the media--this is a serious call to action. I'd love to give you more information if you're interested. Find me on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/christelyn or email info AT beyondblackwhite DOT COM

Juniper said...

I do believe there are some white men who adore black women. I'll consider Asian men because some of them are hot too. If Black men think they have the monopoly on my affections they have another thing coming! They better get used to competing for me like any other man. I know I'm a catch too!

Nita said...

Just in case no one is still viewing the section I make a repost from: "Ladies, make sure your GREEN LIGHT IS ON!"

Nita said...
Ladies,

I'm going to Germany and Switzerland. The trip is back on and I'm looking forward to it. I have voiced my concerns with him and he has made me feel at ease. I have also shared his information with my family. His website, his work information/website and his home address/tele with my family and they feel better too. Although I am still very nervous, considering I have never met him in person and some family members are still upset.

I also met his 16 year old cousin and his sister on cam again. It was a very nice exchange. She took the cam around his house and garden to show me a virtual tour.

He says he is going to cook for me and give full service. He took 3 weeks off (inspite of his boss being upset-boss can only get 2 weeks LOL) and he says he has a surprise for me and wants to be fit for me. LOL We plan on going hiking. I have also made arrangements to do things outside of him too. My youngest sister will get me in touch with friends of a friend who live in Germany as well. Thank you ladies for the encouragement and support will keep you posted.

Anonymous said...

To Nita...How wonderful for the two of you. That was very sweet of his sister to give you a virtual tour. Do not be surprise if a ring is part of the "full service". You are one lucky woman, enjoy.

A.

Rocky said...

The so-call Dr. has mental issues.

Agreed. This is evident from the time she posed for nude pictures.

Juniper said...

I'm thoroughly disgusted with how black men or in the case of some youtube nut by the name of Melosidad telling me what is best for me as a black woman. I wish these idiots would shut up and speak for themselves. I love your advice Sara vet every man you meet. I've read your blog for sometime. I felt just about everything you said resonate with me. I don't agree with everybody's politics but I agree that black women should put our interests first.

I think those videos that bash black women on youtube are designed to break our spirits so that we'll be more accepting of their abuse. That doesn't work on a stubborn woman like me. That only makes my desire to be free burn more brightly.

Anonymous said...

My junior school was predominantly white because it was a greek school. Anyways, all the parties I attended didn't really play alot of "black" music and I definitely wasn't going to hear it at any school function. My exposure to RnB & rap/hip hop was through my older sister (4yrs my senior) who after a year of high school and more black friends was really into it. So when I started senior school in 2000, my 2 favourite bands were the Backstreet Boys and Westlife, and I was a big Cher fan. I started listening to some RnB and hiphop but I loved my boybands more. I was still Pop mad. The black girls in my class cracked up when I brought my discman and some cds to school. The disdain with which they handled my backstreet boys was interesting. They then proceeded to ask me how I could listen to such music and tell me that I was black and we didn't listen to pop and stuff.
I wasn't upset by their comments because I could also see something like envy in their eyes. They kept touching my cds then cackling about how ridiculous I was...Yet they kept picking up the cds, a few wanted to hear this "s**t" I was listening to. To be honest, I pitied them and their closed minds. Maybe their parents wouldn't buy them "white" music that they actually wanted to sample. Anyhoo, a year later I heard a few songs from Staind, Creed, POD, Papa Roach, Limpbizkit and my absolute favourite Linkin Park. I was hooked on Hard Rock, Nu-metal, and Heavy metal when I heard System of a Down. The "proper" black girls treated me like I was off my marbles and my 2 besties, although they couldn't understand it, just let me be. I didn't talk about my feelings often if ever but I think they understood that it was my way of almost telling them how i felt deep down... so maybe they did understand and thats why they let me be.

Since studying in london and being on a course where I was the token black person (REALLY! my best friends are 2 white girls and sort of mixed Malagasy girl (an african like me.) When we went clubbing the dj was always playing funky house and I really got into it. I love my calvin harris, basshunter, ida corr, rudenko e.t.c

My sister is now into my kind of music (which is everything to be honest. if it's good i'll listen to it) and really wants to go to a linkin park concert with me in winter.
[I'm Zimbabwean if anyone was interested (^_^)]

Oshun said...

Congrats Nita! I am sure you will have a wonderful and exciting time!



@Juniper I hope you have some safety measures/precautions you have taken/are considering taking. I hope you are not engaging this guy. In light of what has happened to some BW in the past regarding men like that on youtube and what some BW bloggers have shared about BM who stalk them and such. Be safe.

Nicole Little said...

Sara, I can relate to this because sometimes I feel like an oddball to black people. Even though I listen to black music, I listen to other types of music as well. I'm a music person, and that's what keeps me sane. I don't look at it as black and white music. I look at it as music. I just want to ask a question. Why is it that a black man can freely be an individual and listen to all kinds of music, date and marry interracially, travel to all different countries, go to non-black events and what have you, and all hell won't break lose, but when a BLACK WOMAN does the same thing, all hell will break lose and she gets disowned by the black community? Why do black women only have to listen to black music ONLY, watch black movies ONLY, date black men ONLY, go to black concerts, events, churches ONLY, but a black man can be diverse in everything? Black women are human beings just like everybody else, and we have the right to exercise human rights. WE ARE NOT ANIMALS!!!

The reason why the black community attacks individual-thinking empowered black women is because once a black woman becomes empowered and an individual thinker, she will no longer be a MAMMY and a MULE to the so-called black community. They viewed her as a threat.

Tyece said...

Loved your post Sara. Keep telling it like it is

Nita said...

Hello,

I'm back from Germany and Switzerland. And it was the most wonderful time I ever had. My German friend cooked for me every night a gourmet meal that had my toes curling. The man can throw down in the kitchen and watching him clean his kitchen was nice to watch too. LOL He is so sexy and confident. I had no idea they drank so much beer in Germany. I knew they liked beer but damn. I never drank so much beer and wine. They even put rum in my tea. We sat at so many outdoor cafe's sipping cappucino, I loved every momemt of it. He brought me my teas when I was at his place and he actually sweetened it for me. He would ask me if I were happy and if there was anything I wanted or needed. His mother was wonderful and we all cooked together. He also invited his friends over and we sat around drinking beer, talking and playing music. My German gave them a turntable lesson as he occassionally DJ's when he gets the time.

Of course with every meal we discussed politics and I really enjoyed their point of view. It's rare to meet someone who has the same views on politics.

The area is so breath takingly beautiful. It's so beautiful that some pictures couldn't capture the essence. The valley's and forests are so gorgeous and the air over there is so clean and fresh. Too bad so many Germans smoke.

We also worked together on parts of his house that he is reneovating. That was nice and it let me know just how disciplined he is when he's working. LOL

I'm so glad I didn't let other peoples fears keep me from having this experience. I'm starting to think that my sister's BM musician friend with the German wife knew I would be treated like a queen and didn't want me to have this experience. My German pampered me and took care of me so well. It was not boring and we are much closer. He wants us to take a trip to southern Italy together. And I would love that.

Apparently Black people don't go to this region much because I got stares all the time but it was ok because the people were still polite and actually spoke to me in English once they realized I am American.

The only bad part was dealing with the airports and the whole process, the snotty Swiss customs agent was a real bitch but it was so worth it. I wish I could have stayed longer. Because of him I was able to get a really cheap rate for my hotel. And don't get me started on how wonderful that little quaint hotel was.

He says he felt empty immediately after I left to go through the doors to go to my gate. It was so difficult leaving him. I am so glad I can express my happiness here. We really like each other and he is so much fun to be with. Who knows what the future holds for us......I so deserved to have this special experience.

Take care ladies and enjoy life to the fullest. You deserve it and it's so worth it.

Gute Reisen

Tyece said...

Hi Sara. I came across this and wondered it you would give it a view. it is of a woman who is assaulted by a black man and the other goons do nothing. i know you have done posts in the past about violence against black women but when i saw this i was almost in tears.

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh6y42Q2fD646F6kvZ

Anonymous said...

I cannot say IA with the entire post, but some of the points I do agree with. Keep in mind, Chris Rock is a commedian, and not take everything he says "seriously".
I do agree with people telling sisters {BW} that nobody wants them. What a bunch of BS! However not all BW are going to be out there looking for a WM either. Some like Asian, Latino, bi-racial men. If I had to be single again, I would not mind coloring outside the pages, but that does not mean I will end up w/a wht. man. I will take other men into consideration though.

Irish Cool said...

I just like to write that I love this blog- keep on keepin' on Sara. The comment about knowing a young woman who looked like Brenda Sykes brought me into a state of deja vu. Brenda Sykes was an actress who was pretty prominent in the blakxploitation films of the 70's, and she was downright fine! She and other black woman in entertainment in that era like Dianne Carroll, Pam Grier, Donna Summer, and Melba Moore (too name just a few- there are others I can't name)brought out to me at a young age my physical attraction to black women's grace and special beauty.

As for Dr. Laura, she got was coming to her- good riddance. As a white male I was outraged by her lack of empathy and concern to a black woman who was just seeking help, and her use of that viral word (which by the way no white person should utter no matter how many black rappers and comediens use it) in such a matter fact way was just incorrigible. All I can say to her "later biatch"... Peace

Nita said...

Hmmm I wonder if the post I made actually got sent.

Anonymous said...

Have you seen this link?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz1vE9ddgzE&NR=1&feature=fvwp

It shows blk. women and wht. men.
It even shows some pics from your blog.

Anonymous said...

Have anyone seen the new Elle magazine with that very unflattering picture of
Gabourey Sidibe?

a.

Renee Moore said...

Earlier today I told a friend of mine this very same thing. BM don't want us but they don't want us to leave them. We are the only ones who put up with the lies, cheating, bad credit, no money, paying for dates, raising their babies without child support, disrespect, lack of education etc. They have us believing no other race wants us and because we are so fiercely loyal to them we stay and hope things will get better. But they never do. I have dated mostly black men but I am tired of the disrespect and being told I want too much and intimidation of my education. I want a man who understand that education is pivotal. I want a man who loves black women - no adores black women! I am no longer falling for their jedi mind tricks of thinking I am not desired by other men. They may not want me but I know others do.
Thanks for your post.

brentano917 said...

Black Woman need to follow the advice of certain of the posters in here as much as black men.

All people need respect for their rights and freedom.

Nita said...

Hello Sara,

I really enjoy your blog, if you need help keeping it updated please let me know because I'm addicted to the internet. So I'm on everyday. It would be no problem to weed out the baddies. Have a great day.

Bella Donna said...

Hi Sara!

I came across your blog last night but wasn't able to comment bc it was so late but girl you certainly strike a cord in my heart. I'm so happy to know I'm not the only BW that feels the way I feel. It's so hard to find other women that share the same ideas, desires, and attractions.

Since I was a little girl I've noticed that I've been extremely attracted to WM, HM, and AM. BM were just not on my radar for some reason and to make things worse I could never share that with my family bc they all made it seem as if something was wrong with me. Like I betrayed them for the type of men I liked.

Now I have to say that I don't believe ALL BM are bad. As I'm reading what you wrote I couldn't help cheering and feeling sad at the same time. My thoughts went to my brother (who is the sweetest, most kind hearted, and loving man I have ever known). My brother is a beautiful chocolate guy and my momma and daddy and I raised him right. He is one of the few BM I know that I can honestly say is noble. And that's a word you don't hear often anymore.

Anywho, I too am tired of hearing "BP don't this and that". And worse "you's a sellout" if they should happen to see you with your WM. I remember watching True Life on MTV once and it happened to be about IR couples. There was this BM who was an exotic dancer and she had a WM/BF (who btw became her fiance by the end of the show). Well while they were walking in the parking lot to her job a couple of BM were standing outside and asked who he was to her and she replied "He's my man". These ignorant fools reply back to her "Oh, he don't know what to do with that!" and "you serious!? You checking for the white boys now?"

Obviously he did know how to put it down for her or else I'm sure she would have moved on. This man (her WM) took great care of her, even helped her out at work. He'd pretend to be a customer, she'd go and dance for him, which made the other men want her more. They hustled that place lol.

I love me some WM, and Hispanics and Asians. I'm glad to see more and more BW stepping out of the box when it comes to love. Keep on writing!!

Bella Donna said...

Hi Sara!

I came across your blog last night but wasn't able to comment bc it was so late but girl you certainly strike a cord in my heart. I'm so happy to know I'm not the only BW that feels the way I feel. It's so hard to find other women that share the same ideas, desires, and attractions.

Since I was a little girl I've noticed that I've been extremely attracted to WM, LM (Latin Men), and AM. BM were just not on my radar for some reason and to make things worse I could never share that with my family bc they all made it seem as if something was wrong with me. Like I betrayed them for the type of men I liked.

I'm a BW that listens to rock music, I eat sushi, and I have a tendency to say "dude" every once in a while :0) I'm still in school and most of my male friends on campus are WM. The BB here seem to think it's cool to have a "ain't no love for the B*tch" attitude. And then wonder why I choose to be around the WM I do. Funny isn't it.

My heart's always been to light skinned men and since BM turn me off with their wanna be ganta attitudes I prefer to be around WM and LM (Latin Men). Them guys KNOW how to treat a woman.

I say keep doing what you are doing. So many BW out there need to know that it's ok to date out. It really ain't nobodies business but your's and your man's right? So why worry about what the world has to say? Don't. Because when it all comes down to it, the spirit has no color.

Jaincef said...

Just a heads up Phil Collen of Def Leppard and his wife Helen where on LA Ink on TLC. They recount how they meet. The episode is called Rock and Ink and it will be repeated in the next week.

Anonymous said...

@ Bella Donna

Good for you.

a.

trish said...

@ Nita
I am so happy for you!!!! I was wondering about your trip. I hope you guys go all the way. Don't let anyone discourage you. Please give us updates. :)

Nita said...

Hello Tish,

Thank you for the well wishes. I finally shared my trip with a few girlfriends of mine. One friend loved it and congratulated me and the other one gave me cold silence. Well both have had and are tangled up in drama associated with the BM in their lives. I kind of felt a little guilty when I shared my experience but then I realized this is something that I personally invested in and I deserve it!

My German and I are in the process of planning a trip to Italy together in the spring. We will drive through the Swiss Alps, And then on to Italy. He wants me to see his favorite place to vacation along the mediterranean. He's been talking about it and sending me pictures of the town since we met so I'm looking forward to it.

Just so you know, it's been a long time dream of mine to visit and live along the mediterranean, even before I met him. Interesting, can't believe how compatible we are. Just taking it one day at a time and making tough decisions along the way. Will keep you updated.

Ciao

trish said...

@Nita
Good for you! It's so great to see black women living optimal lives. I know you will have a great time with your German lol. If your girlfriend isn't happy for you then maybe you shouldn't share too much information with her. You don't want anyone to sabotage your relationship. I wish you guys well and please keep us updated. :)

Delia said...

Nita I'm so glad to hear you update - i wrote about you on my blog in my mini travel series stompingstereotypes.wordpress.com
I would love to interview you as I think it'd help a lot of women who are facing the same dilemma and I especially love that it all worked out great for you

NITA said...

Hello Delia,

I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. I would love to do an interview. I will check back every now and then to see if you got the message.

Lorrnae said...

I found the Their Eyes Were Watching God quote. Truly inspiring.

"Aw you know dem white mens wuzn’t gointuh do nothin’ tuh no woman dat look lak her." […]

"Yeah, de nigger women kin kill up all de mens dey wants tuh, but you bet’ not kill one uh dem. De white folks will sho hang yuh if yuh do."

"Well, you know whut dey say ‘uh white man and uh nigger woman is de freest thing on earth.’ Dey do as dey please."

Witchy-Boo said...

Thank you for this piece and in fact this blog space. Here is a P.O.V. that until just now I thought I was pretty much doomed to walk alone with. Now I'm finding that there are areas where educated, intelligent black women, willing to open their minds and not allow society's expectations of how we should behave, what we 'ought' to do or should gravitate to; whether it be in terms of who we date and marry, or what music we listen to etc, dictate or predetermine our destinys or get in the way of enjoying life NOW.
It's very liberating to read the essays here, and I surely hope this type of healthy discourse between black women, in all of it's paradigm changing glory continues.
(((SONIC HUGS)))
aNg

Witchy-Boo said...

Thanks for this piece and in fact this blog space. The points of view expressed here are those I was sure, until just now I was pretty much on my own in feeling. Thanks for prooving me wrong.
Here there actually is an area in the blogshpere where intelligent, black women can free themselves from societal expectations of how we should behave, what we can think, what we 'ought' to do, all the way down to what aesthetic we're 'allowed' to gravitate to, from who we choose to date, even what music we program into our mp3 players.
How liberating that there are groups of us everywhere that are open to all the possibilities, discussing these things, happily embracing them and encouraging other black women to do the same.
Thanks again for this blog. I've bookmarked in my phone's browser for easy access...I'll be coming back again.
(((SONIC HUGS )))
aNg

Loi Michelle said...

I must have really been out of the loop; I just found out about the Dr. Laura controversy. I very childishly sent her a nasty email( yeah, it get's like that sometimes,LOL!). WHAT was her problem? Her response should have been 'Your husband, like most men, is probably oblivious to the problem. Tell him everything you have told me.' etc. But NOOOO. This B!t@# acts like she got a hold of some bad dope! That had to be the worst rant yet. That 'Seinfeld' guy had nothing on her! wow..