Why are bw so far ahead of bm? -and are blk mother's to blame?.....

I have a question. When black children are reared in the same home, (1 male, 1 Female child) and the female goes to college while the male goes to jail. Why is the mother so often blamed for the son's failure? Now we all know, that most likely the father did not stick around, so why is the parent who remained responsible for the shortcomings of the son?

Read the following report and see if you cannot see how the black woman is indirectly blamed for the son's lack of ambition, and subsequent failures. Keep in mind this report was from 2000, the CURRENT college ratio for bw/bm is an alarming, 7/1 in many major Universities! BW also start and run far more businesses, and account for an estimated 850 BILLION dollars of goods and services every year! Never doubt your power ladies, - But back to the report. Notice how the mother is NEVER given ANY credit for the daughter's achievement, yet is given all the blame for the son's lack of it.......

A 2000 study was done which revealed that black men between the ages of 18 and 24 are about two and a half times more likely than black women to go to jail as opposed to college. This is based on figures which disclosed by the Census Bureau, reveal that during this time, 747,000 African American women in this age group were in college while only 9,000 were in jail/prison. However, the numbers for their male counterparts claimed that only 480,000 young men were in college, while 180,000 were in jail or prison. There are quite a few assumptions that can be made regarding these particular statistics. But even almost a decade later, studies still show that black men fall behind black women where it regards attending college and obtaining degrees. Understanding why this trend plagues the black community however, is something more of a mystery. Many people attribute the demise of the nuclear African American family to the lack of focus on higher education. Since many single-parent households are upheld by women, it's only feasible to take a closer look at how boys and girls are raised in these environments. As a result, some fairly rudimentary conclusions might just be drawn...Single black mothers tend to prepare their daughters for life differently than sons.
It would be unfair to say that all black women are incapable of rearing educated, family-oriented young black men. However, it is very common (and perhaps understandable) that single mothers are better at guiding their little girls onto the path that leads them to becoming productive young women.
Maybe it is because they too, were little girls, perhaps themselves raised with only a mother's help. Helping a young lady deal with distractions or issues at school is sometimes easier to do than with males. Without a male in the household after which to model a son, the challenge to raise young men may be that much more difficult. This isn't to say that single black mothers don't advise (and encourage) their sons to attend college or do well in school. However, in their approach they may be failing to emphasize how doing well in school will afford them a vast number of opportunities once they've grow up. Single black mothers sometimes "spoil" their sons more than their daughters.Single mothers raising boys are sometimes more lenient on their sons than their daughters. This may be because some mothers claim that raising girls is more difficult than raising boys. Because they find that training girls in grooming, dressing, and other life lessons is a bit tedious, they may assume that boys need less "attending to." As a result, their growing boys may have more freedom (and subsequently less structure) than the little girls they're raising. Less structure frequently means less discipline. And discipline is a necessity where it regards higher education. In single parent households maintained by the mother, there may also be a direct correlation between marriage, and how it is viewed by African American boys and girls. In a recent interview, Sean "Diddy" Combs stated that because he didn't grow up in a household with married parents, he has no idea how married people interact. With this statement, he alluded to the potential reason why despite his numerous children, he has yet to marry any of their mothers. The same sentiment holds true regarding education. Single mothers raising girls are often vigilant about providing "survival skills" for them. But without a male present in the household, teaching a young boy how to cope as a man can present certain obstacles.

Notice how the Author conveniently neglects to mention the fact the ABSENCE of the father may be a salient contributing factor to the lack of ambition, as well as the social malefactions being committed by of his son!

Notice how the mother is blamed again and again in regards to the son's actions, yet no one criticizes the sperm donor who made these children as he was passing through. Not once is it addressed that this woman has taken on the herculean task of raising children ALONE, paying bills ALONE, taking ALL of the monumental responsibilities that come from parenthood alone, and still managed to get even one of her children into college!

I get so tired of the peanut gallery trying to blame bw for everything! The truth is it is extremely difficult to raise children without any financial, moral, or structural support from the other parent. It is even harder for a woman to raise a young boy to be productive, because she often lacks the capacity to really relate to a young boy (she never was one). In hindsight, many women blame themselves for sons that end of in prison,or commit acts of moral disregard, without realizing that as young boys age, their principal form of influence become the young men he encounters in his daily interactions. (IOWs ) He, most likely, WILL begin to model himself after the men in his environment-regardless of their level of moral decay! His mother's influence on him often becomes secondary, and inconsequential as he grows into manhood. This is why she can be the best mother she can be, but if he is surrounded by damaged men, he himself will often become damaged as a result!To me environment puts you 70% percent of the way there! (just my theory, and experience) Ladies, if you are concerned about your young men, the best thing you can do, is to get them into the best environment you can find. Encourage their friendships with high achieving, morally-inclined men within your community, and if none are available-MOVE! Keep reminding them (your sons) that THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS!!!-and that regardless of how the BC coddles them-the world will be far less accommodating, and WILL HOLD THEM RESPONSIBLE!!!

Take for example (diddy). He claims that because his parents were not married, that he never saw how a husband interacted with his wife, he therefore, had no basis on which to predicate his own behavior. Yet, keep in mind that Diddy grew up in abject poverty, and is now jaw-droppingly rich! He had no basis for his business acumen either, yet he has become phenomenally successful. Yet how could this be? He readily admits he did not know anyone personally as rich, and successful as he has now become. I would simply say that HE SIMPLY DECIDED TO BE THE BEST RECORD MOGUL HE COULD.

He studied the principals,of effective business, worked extremely hard, and never gave up. Over time, he learned from experience how to become a fantastic business mogul, because being a music mogul,with the accompanying wealth and power, was extremely important to him. My point is, he could have just as easily learned to be a good husband, and bring his children into the world IN wedlock. He simply chose not to. ***IOWS*** it was NOT IMPORTANT TO HIM!!!. My point is, We ALWAYS LEARN THAT WHICH MATTERS TO US, and that, ((Men--just like women)) are responsible for their OWN actions!!!

Thank y'all for tuning in, see you next post......

HAPPY NEW YEAR!


Hey ladies!
Sorry you all have not heard from me. My stupid computer is being replaced, and they sent the wrong one! I will post as soon as I am able (few more days at most)
Happy New Year Everyone-will see you all soon---- Sara

(For men) -- How to find a good black woman......

I always direct my site to the ladies, but every once in a while I like to speak directly to the men since I know many secretly read this site, without commenting. Many of you have emailed me with questions about bw.

I can give you a GENERAL OVERVIEW but please be mindful that bw are all different. We look different, we think different and we live different. We are no more alike than Britney Spears and Jackie Kennedy. Think about that. These two women were/are both white, both rich, and both famous. Yet they could not be more different. Jackie was known for her class and decorum. Millions of women wanted to be like her. She truly epitomized grace. Britney on the other hand is known for her charisma and stage presence. Grace and class are not exactly high on her character list. The point is both of these women had strength and weaknesses like ALL women. That is the main thing to keep in mind. So the point there is that although they both came to this world in 'female form' they were still quite different.

When it comes to meeting a nice bw, please keep in mind that even when ppl are not saying a word, their personality is usually screaming! What does that mean? It means that even when they are trying to hide their personality, (perhaps because they themselves don't like it) it is still patently obvious to pretty much everyone around them. I know we women are usually alot more intuitive about picking up subtle clues, but rest assured. You guys can get it if you really want to. The main thing to keep in mind with 99% of bw is to be respectful. Now for some women that means simply reframing from any sexualized questions, but for most of us, it means far more. Many bw are raised to hear that wm only want them for sex, and unfortunately many will have their guards up. You must expect this and in most cases take it very slow. Now if she wants to go faster, you will know because she will be be leaning 'into you' and looking into your eyes and smiling boldly etc. Just trust that you will know if she wants to move faster, but when it comes to wm, most of us (Not all ) have been trained to be guarded. Use her racial words when talking to her about race. If she says black, AA or whatever, that means she is most comfortable with those words, so just go ahead and use whatever she is using. If you think she's beautiful, tell her so, but don't ever add "for a black girl!" I can almost guarantee that will be your last date. Remember the name of the game is simply respect. That's all. So relax, you are not meeting someone from another planet, this is simply two ppl who have come to this earth in different 'suits'. Yours was white and hers was black, that's all. When you think of it like that, it will be a lot easier to find things in common and open up to each other. Keep in mind the first few dates are the most vulnerable. PPl are judging each other and nervous, and not knowing if they can 'trust' this person. We women esp. go through this since so many bm have proven themselves to be completely 'untrustworthy'. So have patience and really listen to her. She will tell you exactly what she is looking for if you will only listen. I will give you an example.

A few years ago, a friend we will call barb, went on a date with a very nice wm she had met at work. She was very excited and kept calling me asking me the same questions over and over. She was really liking this guy and he thought she was lovely too. He proceeded to tell her this over dinner again and again. She was smiling so much she could hardly eat, and they got along great. The first date was perfect, But on the second one, he made one fatal mistake. They were in a restaurant and he was admiring the dress she was almost wearing, (it was rather low cut). Well, when the waitress brought their food, he slipped and said:

"I'd much rather have you for desert, I just wanna slam you over this table, and ravish you till you beg for mercy! "

Her fork hit the plate with a clang! And she informed him, through clenched teeth, that she was not his slave-whore to do with as he preferred and that this evening was OVER!

He called me out of desperation, but no amount of talking could persuade her to go out with him again. As far as she was concerned he had cheapened their time together to cheap sex, and she had immediately lost her attraction to him....

This is the danger of not listening. If he had listened he would have 'heard' her telling him that she was looking for someone with a lot more substance, and that she was terrified of being used for sex! When it comes to sex, I would advise anyone male or female to put it on a back burner, and really get to know the person. Alot of things get tossed aside, and forgotten when sexual intercourse enters into the equation. Things that can rear their heads later, and cause problems...Also, since most bw (I think) are on the conservative side, it would behove you to really make that last on the list just for the sake of not scaring her off...

You will find on the first couple of dates both of you may be nervous and quiet but just take it slow and ask about whatever she mentions (this is usually what she wants to talk about) and let the conversation develop naturally. As you go along, you will feel more and more comfortable with each other, and you will find the conversations getting deeper. This is the time to go more deeply into race if you feel you need to-or she wants to....

Just remember she could be fat, thin, happy, sad, morose, scintillating, a good conversationalist or moody and snappish. We run the gamut just like everyone else so just relax, date lots of ppl, cross out the ones you don't like, and KNOW what qualities you are looking for in a woman. Then compare that to what you think she may be looking for in a man. Keep narrowing it down, and you are almost guaranteed to find the lovely lady whose just for you..........

Black beauty through the eyes of white and black men....

These are typical choices for BM, but look what WM are choosing.....

All happily married (dark) sistas, whom we KNOW bm would NEVER have considered 'wife material'.....

Count Ferdinand and wife Mary...

I think the pictures speak for themselves. Lets talk about what black beauty means to bm, then we will talk about what it means to wm.

You can turn on any show, or go anywhere and see bw being discriminated against by bm. Many women have written me crying, and bemoaning this issue, and asking me why bm only seem to find light skinned/mixed/white women attractive. I will tell you, but it is going to piss some of you off, so be forewarned. When it comes to bm the majority are puppets who refuse to think for themselves. They are coonified, and will celebrate, glorify, and uphold anything resembling white. For decades women who looked like Vanessa Williams and Jane Kennedy were put on a pedestal because they looked like a darker version of a ww. Now don't get me wrong, I love these women, they are not the issue at all. Please understand that. The issue is that bm are openly discriminating against dark bw, and more often than not ANY bw nowadays. BM will deny this of course. They will claim it's just a preference or that dark skinned women are unattractive or have attitudes. Or that bw are imagining things, and we cannot beleive our lying eyes (lol) But I'm sure you all have seen the evidence and know that we are not dreaming. Of course bw were blamed for them wanting any-and everything non-black. Y'all know if they don't prefer bw-it's OUR FAULT (LOL). Our hair was too short and nappy, our skin too dark or the black was showing if we were light. Our African-like features made them want to gag! The point is dark women have been made to feel unattractive and 2nd best by bm on an ongoing basis for years. This is why the collective self esteem of your average bw is tetering on low.
But my feeling on this is that one man's cast off is another man's dream girl. Stop crying about bm making derisive remarks about dark women/blk women and simply MOVE ON! Don't waste time on men who would disrespect, demean or waste your life. Life is just too precious and short to waste. (IOWs), if bm don't find you attractive -find men who do. It's not rocket science. If you listen to a man, and watch his actions-he will let you know who he is.

The truth is many bm are jealous of wm and their success and power in this country. They want nothing more than to PRETEND that they are the ideal man in America and play the part. You see this with bm who insist that their women have long hair, and skin as light as they can possible get it. This not only demonstrates a deep seated hostility and disdain for one's own self, it also does not bode well for how he sees the woman. (She usually ends up being treated like an accessory-he wears for special occasions.) He can be as black as tar but if she's darker than summer tan, she's not suitable for anything but a booty call. I see bw still allowing themselves to be used for booty calls by bm everyday. While crying and wondering why he won't treat them with love and respect. I will tell you why. Because you are not respecting yourself! You must love yourself enough to get the hell away from ppl who will use up your time, your body, and your life, and then marry a bright/non blk/white woman!

I want you to take a look at the upper pictures. All of these dark sistas are being loved and cherished by wm. What do you think their chances for marriage would have been, had they waited for a bm???

When is the last time you saw a bm marry a sista who looks like ANY of these dark sistas above, unless she was came with a trust fund, or some other high incentive for him to use? One of these wm is a very wealthy Count! He married his wife Mary and made her a Countess! They have 3 children, a great life and she says he constantly tells her she is beautiful. How many bm do you think have told her that?

The truth is that many bm are discriminating against women who do not fit the phenotype of light/bright and white women. If a woman has to be a certain shade for him to consider even asking her out, then he has shown himself to be shallow, superficial, and oftentimes self denigrating. Black women PLEASE stop trying to fit into the narrow parameters of beauty these pieces -of -men have set up! You will only end up hurt! REAL men want REAL women- not a collection of European Body parts! For many dark women the only time they are told they are beautiful is oftentimes by wp! How pathetic is that. I remember high school and college. I was considered very attractive but I often felt that it was more because I made no apologies for my color. I'm dark, and love my chocolate skin. I never felt less than anyone, or wished to be any other color. When I made Mayday queen of my school, many girls were shocked, and some even had tears in their eyes. This was surprising to me until I really thought it over. It wasn't about the stupid plastic sector, they gave me or the fake silver crown. It wasn't about those things at all. It was because I was dark. See they were so used to being in 2nd-3rd and 4th place, they could not fathom a dark Mayday queen. But because I won, they felt a little higher....

When bm tried the "you're so pretty to be so dark crap"-I always walked away.I always let them know I was not going to put up with that crap. In fact, what I loved about the wm, is that I never heard the "to be dark" part with them. They would simply say "You're so pretty...." I think many sistas can relate to that. It was like a breath of fresh air! I didn't have to hear about why was I wearing my long hair up, instead of down? Why did I sometimes wear a weave? Why did I wear lip gloss? (lip gloss makes big lips look bigger-and my lips are big) I think the best thing about wm is simply that they have an appreciation for black beauty, that bm have long ago lost! *if they ever had it*

Many women have written and told me that since they have been dating/engaged/married to wm, this is the first time they feel beautiful! That he appreciates their afro-centric features and loves their hair, skin, nose etc. They are shocked because they have been told for years that wm only want bw for sex and do NOT find them attractive. Ladies this is pure programming. Liken it to the matrix, where reality is not what it seems but most bw are unaware... Many sistas think they must stay with a bm out of loyalty or necessity. Lets address that. When it comes to loyalty, it must be a two way street! It's really as simple as that! Let me tell you ladies a little secret. Relationships are like scales. They MUST balance.

Case in point: I knew someone who was dating a fairly wealthy man. He was loving and kind, and quite generous. He would go out of his way for her, and often bought her very expensive items, pretty much anything she wanted. The problem was he loved home cooked meals, and she hated to cook. She would often complain viciously about him begging for home cooked meals. Yet she quit her job, and had no problem living off of him yet refusing to cook the meals. I told her she should keep working and cook a few meals because the relationship was becoming way too one-sided. She told me I did not know what I was talking about and Jay, (whom she had now moved in with) was fine with the way things were. One day he came in and she was laying in the living room watching a soap opera. The house was dirty, and he had to prepare his own dinner. He stormed around angry for awhile until she asked what his problem was. He then turned and began to berate her laziness, how he was footing ALL of the bills and yet he could not even have a decent looking home (since she moved in ) or get a hot meal. He then began yelling about her 50-60 pair of expensive shoes (bought on his cc) and other expenses. It ended with him asking her to move out! She was shocked and devastated. She could not understand why he wasn't crazy about her like he had been before. I tried to explain to her that even when there are no outward signs of it. People are ALWAYS keeping score. She should have kept her job so she would not look like a free loader, and if she was having him buy all these expensive things for her, she should have cooked those meals once in a while. Nobody likes to feel used...
But I'm way off track. Bottom about that is that there has to be balance....

Now, as I was saying, many sistas are finding that wm appreciate ALL shades of black beauty, and are even more likely to be with darker bw. Now my theory on this is because I think darker bw are often so mistreated in the bc, they are more likely to think "Well, what have I got to lose-they can't treat me worse than I've suffered over here!" This line of thinking leaves them open to 'other men' stepping up to the plate. Also, many wm have noticed that bm disrespect and demean bw with every breath. They have seen bw suffer at the hands of bm at every turn, and they are more and more inclined to take advantage of this situation. Recently, I went to a ball game at my young cousin's school (she goes to a predominantly blk school) I was not surprised to see the young bbs hugged up with white/Latino/Asian girls. What was shocking to me was that the young blk girls were doing the same! It seemed every other bg was with a white/Latino/Asian boy! My cousin's boyfriend (blk boy) was angry and flabbergasted. "When did y'all start stabbing us in the back? " he demanded. I held my breath and waited for her answer. "We're not stabbing anybody in the back" She snapped. "We're just loving the ones who love us back!".....

The Myths about why bw are increasingly marrying wm...

These are some of the myths, about why bw are increasingly marrying wm:

pic 1. She could not get a BM (she's too dark)

pic 2. She's a gold digger (he's rich)

pic 3. She's beautiful, and wants to piss bm off.

pic 4. She wanted white-looking children...

For some strange reason, some ppl just cannot seem to wrap their minds around the fact that a bw can simply love a wm because of WHO he is and not because she could not find a bm who was suitable or because she is a gold digger, or because she wants to take the easy way out, etc. This is all amazingly crazy to me because as a blk woman, I think we know there is no easy way out. Just like we know that there are very few gold digging bw! Most bw will work for years to bring their dreams to fruition and never think about trying to marry their way out of destitution. As far as the belief that many bw marry wm because they could not find a suitable bm, Well, I guess in some cases that's true. I'm an optimist, but also a realist. And we can all see that many bm are in trouble and are becoming less suitable mates all the time. But I would venture to say that most sistas who marry wm, are marrying him because they have long since realized that a good man can come in ANY color. That is the whole point of this blog, to get bw to open their options. To realize that whatever color he comes in is ok, as long as he is a good man. Don't ever ever short change yourself.

The following conversation took place between a wm (uncle) and a bm (commenter)

Notice how the bm can not seem to believe that the bw in the story really ever wanted a wm....

TB (wm)
My nephew is a lifer in the Navy. His wife is a lifer in the Navy, and when he married her, she already had a daughter. He is white, his wife is black, and his daughter is probably the most attractive and charming lady that I have ever met. She is killer cute.My nephew is a chief and has been voted "Sailor of the year" for his ship, his group, etc, over and over again. He gets to choose assignments in the Navy, but if he opted out, he would have to fight to come back to rural America and live with his family.....

IV: (bm)
Sure, but this is not about intolerance, it is about black women literally giving up on finding an acceptable black husband; of a similar social status. I don't think I have heard of anything quite like this before. At the root of this are the questions: What's happening to black men. And next, why are black women seemingly doing better? And of course one has to wonder about the long term implications.

TB
I don't know if she "gave up" on finding a suitable mate who is black, but she got a loving mate who is serious about raising a smart, well-adjusted daughter who isn't afraid to work for what she wants. I'm not sure that there is a whole lot of social import in the "dating out" idea anyway. If you find a person that you click with, their race is not real important to that relationship, though it may have implications with family, friends, etc.I'm just concerned about the longer-term implications of their eventual retirement. Their pensions would go a lot farther in rural Maine than in San Diego, but interracial couples are rare here, and they would face challenges socially. My wife and I had a house in a fairly nice development, and when an interracial couple bought a house a couple of blocks away, the previous owner (retired state trooper) went around the neighborhood apologizing to people. What an idiot! The new owners are a nice couple. He manages a chain store and his wife operates a day-care center out of their home.I dated a young black woman in college for a bit. That earned me a lot of grief from a couple of black guys who were interested in her, including one HUGE fellow who wasn't shy about spouting racist crap in the dining hall and other public places...

I.V.:
That was the entire point of the story: That black women are starting to date white men due to a lack of acceptable black men.

T.B.
The fact is that there are a lot of black male sailors based out of San Diego, and the fact that they're making it in the Navy with the discipline, training requirements, deployments, etc, implies that there might be a lot of decent, eligible black guys there. She ended up with my nephew, though, and they are perfect for each other, and he is a perfect dad for their daughter.

You see IV could not fathom in his mind that this couple married for love, companionship, and other commonalities. In his mind, this woman was with her w-hubby because she could not find a suitable bm. This type of thinking is dangerous to us as blk women because it keeps bm in a pool of anger and resentment-thinking we 'belong' to them. The truth is no one belongs to anyone. WW do not belong to WM! And we do not 'belong' to BM. A very dark friend of mine met me recently at the coffee shop we frequent. It's the same one I introduced her to her husband, Steven, at. She was upset and needed to talk. She said that the ppl in her family (esp. the women) were saying that she'd only married Steve so she could have a baby like Brianna. (Brianna is her precious 2 year old, she is blond and has blue eyes) She said they were saying she hated her dark skin and wanted her baby to be as light as possible. Now, I have known her for years and I know that is not the case. She, like me, loves her dark skin, and would never marry a wm to 'lighten her pool' I told this friend not to waste time worrying about what ppl said. I asked her if Steve was good to her. She said he was the best man she had ever had, and that she had never dreamed of being a stay at home mom until he came along. Then I asked her how foolish was it to worry about what other women were saying when many of those women worked 2 jobs and struggled, with no help from their bm baby daddies. While she lives in a beautiful subdivision and is able to finish her degree and be a stay home mom. She actually looked relieved like she needed to hear this from another bw, then she started to laugh...

The point is many ppl will try to imply or state all kinds of reasons for bw dating and marrying out, as it is becoming more and more prevalent every day. Ladies it's important for you to never let ppl get you upset with their own issues. You don't have to prove you are black enough. You don't have to prove you are NOT a gold digger! You don't have to prove a damn thing to anyone. You just have to be your own special self, and give your children the best life you can give them. And I can't think of a better way to start, than with a good husband for you and a great dad for them......

Does the media play up some couples-and hide others?

Top: A ROYAL WEDDING barely cov. by the news!Prince Max and Princess Angela Brown...

Pictures of couples like Heidi and Seal, are often prevalently displayed, yet pictures of bw/wm couples are quite often ignored, and downplayed in the media...

This is a letter I was sent from a wm who feels that bw/wm marriages are being downplayed in the media.....

Hi Sara, I am a white male who has been reading your blog since I found it a few months ago. BTW -great blog! I just wanted to ask why does the media try so hard to downplay bw/wm marriages? I have been married to my beautiful black wife for over 5 years, and in that time we have watched bw/wm marriages explode here in Cali. And we were both wondering why the media tries so hard to obscure this type of relationship, while showing couples like tiger and the nanny, or Seal and Heidi ad nauseum. I read a lady's blog (don't remember name) and she said that the number of bw/wm couples was at 141.000 in 2003!!!! Yet if you read some of the articles circulating on the Internet now, they claim it's only 117.000 NOW!!! Basically, everybody just copied the same article, and nobody has done any current research to verify anything! I googled the stat. 141.000 black women married to white men, and sure enough the census bureau confirms that the number really was 141.000 in 2003 so there is no way in hell it could only be 117.000 now. Plus I read that black women/white men marriages have increased 171%! So whats going on? Also, my wife loves to see bw/wm couples so when I hear of a new one or find out someone is married to a bw, I try to find the pic for her. Well, its like trying to find a needle in a haystack! I mean I look, and look, and look! It's absolutely crazy!! do you have this problem? The weird thing is the other way around, the pictures are easily accessible. I mean you can see the bm with their homely white wives all day. (sorry, I just don't find ww very attractive) When I do come across the pictures, I notice that the black women are always either very attractive, educated, classy etc. In other words, they always have something going for them. Yet when it's the other way around, it seems most black men will take a woman most white men would not be caught dead with, as long as she's white! Not racist or anything, me and my wife noticed this. In fact, she's the one who clued me in. I see white men strolling these streets with beautiful black women all day, basically ignoring the angry looks from the 'brothers'. So I keep wondering why they are misrepresenting the stats, and why it's so hard to find the pics! When I go out with my lovely wife, we have to deal with black men getting raging mad, staring, casting 'you ain't shit' looks at my wife etc. We don't care, we revel in each other and are quite happy, so we pay them no mind, but why do they get so angry and defensive? Many times they are with a blond themselves sitting across the room glaring at us! And why are the pics so hard to find, and last question why are they so being so covert about the number? thanks for listening-love your blog, - Kenny

Dear Kenny, I know what you mean, yes I have noticed it is much more difficult to find the bw/wm pics and quite a bit easier to find the opposite. It became such a difficult process for me, I stopped bothering and simply used what my readers sent me. Many times (in the past) I had to find the couple separate, and put them side by side. As far as the stat goes, I think the reason everyone thinks the stat is 117.000 bw/wm marriages is because the article came out and said that, and everyone just took the article, and as you said copied it. I have seen it quoted numerous times. I knew the number was wrong, but I was not sure of the right number. I did not want to misquote, so I left it alone. As for bm, they are simply being hypocrites. They worship at the alter of white flesh all day and then catch a serious attitude if we happen to even glance a wm's way. We have been out to restaurants. and had them glare at us, flick us off, and act in many inappropriate ways, all while they 'cheesed' in a ww's face. We ignore them because we just don't give a damn. I suggest you and your wife do the same. Unless you are in physical danger, ignore them. As for the media, I believe that they don't want black women to know just how powerful, and in demand they truly are, and just how many men would love to have them. This I believe is the reason the couplings are downplayed and many times obscured. But things are changing. And as more and more wm let it be known that they are attracted to bw, more and more other wm are beginning to admit it as well, and act on the knowledge. Black women are poised to truly go places! they are graduating from college and 3 x the rate of bm. They are buying houses, and taking over industries, and becoming the female movers and shakers of this world. With a white man (who is seen as all Powerful in America) they could easily become an unstoppable force! This is why I think it is downplayed, and outright lied about. ... I thank you for reading, and give your wife my best....Sara

What have you told your child about being biracial?

Garcelle, hubby and the precious 'boys'

Rae dawn, and her daughter:

twin sisters with mixed-race parents in 2 different colors!

Happy IR family frolics together....

How do people react to you when you are with your white husband and/or biracial children? Many bw have written me and asked me to post on this topic. I was reluctant because the last thing I was to do is give misinformation on this subject. I have therefore compromised and agreed to give basic common sense, and then let you ladies talk, and advise each other

I know in my case whether I was with Any mixed-looking child in my family (be it immediate-or not) people have always turned to stare, and ask questions. I remember having my little brother as a baby, and it always seemed Spanish people would turn, look at him, and then stop me to ask about him. -lots and lots of questions. He looks very Spanish with long wavy hair, fair skin and Latino features. He is also bilingual and used to possess a much heavier Spanish accent, than he has now. Latino women actually seemed to get irritated when me and my sister told them that we were his sisters. They always seemed to feel that we were lying since he does not 'look' black at all. It was the same with several other kids in the family, including cousins who were mixed with Chinese, Latino, white etc. But it was always more prevalent with my brother Pedro, and one other particular cousin. Pedro because he looked completely Spanish, and B--- because he looked completely white. He (B) has red hair and blue eyes. His skin is alabaster white and he can pass anywhere. One of my sister's friend's who was at our family reunion, asked me 'who the white boy' was. I told her he was my little cousin, and she had the nerve to say: "You don't have to try to claim white people-it's obvious he's NOT from this family!" Well when everybody was finished telling her off, she backed down and looked around. I guess it was then that she realized we had EVERYTHING in our family, and plenty of mixed people, (although B--- is the only one who can really 'pass'. We have had wp have the nerve to ask us 'where we got him from!' Like we just picked up some random white child and ran off with him! (lol) Genetics is a funny thing. I myself have Indian and white (slave owner's daughter ran off with my Indian-slave grandfather) yet I am quite dark. So for all you ladies out there wondering what to tell your children. I would say, tell them the truth. That most Americans are mixed with 'something', and that light or dark they are beautiful and special just the way they are. Statistics say that 90% of AA have at least 2 other races in their blood, and 70% have 3 or more. Make them understand that when ppl are scared they are liable to act in ugly ways. Make sure they understand that when they find themselves mistreated for not looking 'black enough' by bp, or being accused of being too different by others. Don't believe the media-induced hype that tries to imply you cannot raise healthy, happy, emotionally stable mixed children. You most certainly can. Pedro, my brother, was always very happy and carefree. He knew how much we loved him and that was all that really mattered to him. Even when ppl tried to tell him that we were his half-sisters (WE DO NOT BELIEVE IN HALVES-HE IS OUR BROTHER-END OF STORY!) He always brushed it off because he had a very strong sense of self and a good foundation. He still does, and I think that's one of the most important qualities to instill in mixed children. A strong sense of self that will enable them to brush off other people's opinions, attitudes, and prejudices. What I really hate is when ppl get nosey and feel they have a right to ask you all about your child, almost like an interrogation. Have you all ever experienced this?

Are you babysitting that child?

Is that your child?

Ah...Is she/he adopted?

He doesn't look a thing like... ah you!

Or the worst one (turning to another wp ) "she says that HER child!"

I think it's best to prepare your children as soon as they can understand for the never ending ignorance that pervades America. Explain to them that they are not freaks, they are precious children and that they are just like everybody else. Most kids want to feel normal more than anything. Stop worrying about the ignorant ppl- and just give them lots of love. They'll be fine. Kids are pretty resilient. A friend of mine recently had her 3rd child. This is the only one that is biracial by her new wm husband. She worried endlessly about the baby being too white and that she would not feel connected to her. I told her not to worry because secretly I thought there was little chance of the baby being too light because she is SOOO black. Well, I was shocked to see the baby was indeed very very white looking (Genetics is funny) but I could tell by the look of love and awe on her face in the hospital she felt extremely connected to her new daughter. That baby senses how much she's loved and takes full advantage of it, by making her parents jump like puppets! (lol) but I guess better too much love, than too little...The point is to relax and know that your children will be ok. But I know many of you want the advice of several mothers. So I would like to ask those of you who are mother's of biracial children:

What are you telling your children when adults are rude to your child?

What do you think is the most important gift to give a biracial child?

What do you tell your children when other children are rude?

What coping skills are you instilling in your kids?

What do you tell them when ppl ask them (your children) your dad is really _____ ? (insert race)

Ladies, lets talk about it, and learn how to best love, support and guide these little blessings through this great big world.......