Garcelle, hubby and the precious 'boys'
Rae dawn, and her daughter:
twin sisters with mixed-race parents in 2 different colors!
How do people react to you when you are with your white husband and/or biracial children? Many bw have written me and asked me to post on this topic. I was reluctant because the last thing I was to do is give misinformation on this subject. I have therefore compromised and agreed to give basic common sense, and then let you ladies talk, and advise each other
I know in my case whether I was with Any mixed-looking child in my family (be it immediate-or not) people have always turned to stare, and ask questions. I remember having my little brother as a baby, and it always seemed Spanish people would turn, look at him, and then stop me to ask about him. -lots and lots of questions. He looks very Spanish with long wavy hair, fair skin and Latino features. He is also bilingual and used to possess a much heavier Spanish accent, than he has now. Latino women actually seemed to get irritated when me and my sister told them that we were his sisters. They always seemed to feel that we were lying since he does not 'look' black at all. It was the same with several other kids in the family, including cousins who were mixed with Chinese, Latino, white etc. But it was always more prevalent with my brother Pedro, and one other particular cousin. Pedro because he looked completely Spanish, and B--- because he looked completely white. He (B) has red hair and blue eyes. His skin is alabaster white and he can pass anywhere. One of my sister's friend's who was at our family reunion, asked me 'who the white boy' was. I told her he was my little cousin, and she had the nerve to say: "You don't have to try to claim white people-it's obvious he's NOT from this family!" Well when everybody was finished telling her off, she backed down and looked around. I guess it was then that she realized we had EVERYTHING in our family, and plenty of mixed people, (although B--- is the only one who can really 'pass'. We have had wp have the nerve to ask us 'where we got him from!' Like we just picked up some random white child and ran off with him! (lol) Genetics is a funny thing. I myself have Indian and white (slave owner's daughter ran off with my Indian-slave grandfather) yet I am quite dark. So for all you ladies out there wondering what to tell your children. I would say, tell them the truth. That most Americans are mixed with 'something', and that light or dark they are beautiful and special just the way they are. Statistics say that 90% of AA have at least 2 other races in their blood, and 70% have 3 or more. Make them understand that when ppl are scared they are liable to act in ugly ways. Make sure they understand that when they find themselves mistreated for not looking 'black enough' by bp, or being accused of being too different by others. Don't believe the media-induced hype that tries to imply you cannot raise healthy, happy, emotionally stable mixed children. You most certainly can. Pedro, my brother, was always very happy and carefree. He knew how much we loved him and that was all that really mattered to him. Even when ppl tried to tell him that we were his half-sisters (WE DO NOT BELIEVE IN HALVES-HE IS OUR BROTHER-END OF STORY!) He always brushed it off because he had a very strong sense of self and a good foundation. He still does, and I think that's one of the most important qualities to instill in mixed children. A strong sense of self that will enable them to brush off other people's opinions, attitudes, and prejudices. What I really hate is when ppl get nosey and feel they have a right to ask you all about your child, almost like an interrogation. Have you all ever experienced this?
Are you babysitting that child?
Is that your child?
Ah...Is she/he adopted?
He doesn't look a thing like... ah you!
Or the worst one (turning to another wp ) "she says that HER child!"
I think it's best to prepare your children as soon as they can understand for the never ending ignorance that pervades America. Explain to them that they are not freaks, they are precious children and that they are just like everybody else. Most kids want to feel normal more than anything. Stop worrying about the ignorant ppl- and just give them lots of love. They'll be fine. Kids are pretty resilient. A friend of mine recently had her 3rd child. This is the only one that is biracial by her new wm husband. She worried endlessly about the baby being too white and that she would not feel connected to her. I told her not to worry because secretly I thought there was little chance of the baby being too light because she is SOOO black. Well, I was shocked to see the baby was indeed very very white looking (Genetics is funny) but I could tell by the look of love and awe on her face in the hospital she felt extremely connected to her new daughter. That baby senses how much she's loved and takes full advantage of it, by making her parents jump like puppets! (lol) but I guess better too much love, than too little...The point is to relax and know that your children will be ok. But I know many of you want the advice of several mothers. So I would like to ask those of you who are mother's of biracial children:
What are you telling your children when adults are rude to your child?
What do you think is the most important gift to give a biracial child?
What do you tell your children when other children are rude?
What coping skills are you instilling in your kids?
What do you tell them when ppl ask them (your children) your dad is really _____ ? (insert race)
Ladies, lets talk about it, and learn how to best love, support and guide these little blessings through this great big world.......