Total Pageviews

Saturday, December 13, 2008

(For men) -- How to find a good black woman......














I always direct my site to the ladies, but every once in a while I like to speak directly to the men since I know many secretly read this site, without commenting. Many of you have emailed me with questions about bw.

I can give you a GENERAL OVERVIEW but please be mindful that bw are all different. We look different, we think different and we live different. We are no more alike than Britney Spears and Jackie Kennedy. Think about that. These two women were/are both white, both rich, and both famous. Yet they could not be more different. Jackie was known for her class and decorum. Millions of women wanted to be like her. She truly epitomized grace. Britney on the other hand is known for her charisma and stage presence. Grace and class are not exactly high on her character list. The point is both of these women had strength and weaknesses like ALL women. That is the main thing to keep in mind. So the point there is that although they both came to this world in 'female form' they were still quite different.

When it comes to meeting a nice bw, please keep in mind that even when ppl are not saying a word, their personality is usually screaming! What does that mean? It means that even when they are trying to hide their personality, (perhaps because they themselves don't like it) it is still patently obvious to pretty much everyone around them. I know we women are usually alot more intuitive about picking up subtle clues, but rest assured. You guys can get it if you really want to. The main thing to keep in mind with 99% of bw is to be respectful. Now for some women that means simply reframing from any sexualized questions, but for most of us, it means far more. Many bw are raised to hear that wm only want them for sex, and unfortunately many will have their guards up. You must expect this and in most cases take it very slow. Now if she wants to go faster, you will know because she will be be leaning 'into you' and looking into your eyes and smiling boldly etc. Just trust that you will know if she wants to move faster, but when it comes to wm, most of us (Not all ) have been trained to be guarded. Use her racial words when talking to her about race. If she says black, AA or whatever, that means she is most comfortable with those words, so just go ahead and use whatever she is using. If you think she's beautiful, tell her so, but don't ever add "for a black girl!" I can almost guarantee that will be your last date. Remember the name of the game is simply respect. That's all. So relax, you are not meeting someone from another planet, this is simply two ppl who have come to this earth in different 'suits'. Yours was white and hers was black, that's all. When you think of it like that, it will be a lot easier to find things in common and open up to each other. Keep in mind the first few dates are the most vulnerable. PPl are judging each other and nervous, and not knowing if they can 'trust' this person. We women esp. go through this since so many bm have proven themselves to be completely 'untrustworthy'. So have patience and really listen to her. She will tell you exactly what she is looking for if you will only listen. I will give you an example.

A few years ago, a friend we will call barb, went on a date with a very nice wm she had met at work. She was very excited and kept calling me asking me the same questions over and over. She was really liking this guy and he thought she was lovely too. He proceeded to tell her this over dinner again and again. She was smiling so much she could hardly eat, and they got along great. The first date was perfect, But on the second one, he made one fatal mistake. They were in a restaurant and he was admiring the dress she was almost wearing, (it was rather low cut). Well, when the waitress brought their food, he slipped and said:

"I'd much rather have you for desert, I just wanna slam you over this table, and ravish you till you beg for mercy! "
Her fork hit the plate with a clang! And she informed him, through clenched teeth, that she was not his slave-whore to do with as he preferred and that this evening was OVER!
He called me out of desperation, but no amount of talking could persuade her to go out with him again. As far as she was concerned he had cheapened their time together to cheap sex, and she had immediately lost her attraction to him....

This is the danger of not listening. If he had listened he would have 'heard' her telling him that she was looking for someone with a lot more substance, and that she was terrified of being used for sex! When it comes to sex, I would advise anyone male or female to put it on a back burner, and really get to know the person. Alot of things get tossed aside, and forgotten when sexual intercourse enters into the equation. Things that can rear their heads later, and cause problems...Also, since most bw (I think) are on the conservative side, it would behove you to really make that last on the list just for the sake of not scaring her off...

You will find on the first couple of dates both of you may be nervous and quiet but just take it slow and ask about whatever she mentions (this is usually what she wants to talk about) and let the conversation develop naturally. As you go along, you will feel more and more comfortable with each other, and you will find the conversations getting deeper. This is the time to go more deeply into race if you feel you need to-or she wants to....

Just remember she could be fat, thin, happy, sad, morose, scintillating, a good conversationalist or moody and snappish. We run the gamut just like everyone else so just relax, date lots of ppl, cross out the ones you don't like, and KNOW what qualities you are looking for in a woman. Then compare that to what you think she may be looking for in a man. Keep narrowing it down, and you are almost guaranteed to find the lovely lady whose just for you..........

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just read the caption and thought
...YES, YES, and YES.


ann

Meena said...

Great post. On the exterior I personally think I seem conservative to some, especially with the way I talk (according to what I have been told, I sound like a news anchor when I speak). But, if they only knew that deep down, I'm an adventurous spirit at heart and love to do things out of the ordinary. The risk taker is definitely a trait of mine, but one only gets to know this side of me if I feel I can trust them with my friendship and my heart. Also, if any of you reading this are a non-black male currently attending college, please believe that many young black women on college campuses are very much interested and probably feel just as nervous as you do. Great Post!

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi, IR, Have been very busy, but I will email you today and we can discuss it.....

Anonymous said...

"Chris Rock: My Girls Want a Playdate with Obama's Daughters." this was a caption on People's magazine. I can say is, "Please do not disease the Obama girls mind about what bw should or should not be."

a.f.

Anonymous said...

This topic is soo timely. The name of the game is respect. I have met more than a few wm online (Myspace)who profess love, respect and admiration for bw and you go to their page and they have nothing but pornstars and naked bw as friends. This is not the type of man I would consider date and/or marriage material. We as bw need to stop being afraid of demanding quality.

CW said...

A.F.

Only under HEAVY supervison!

Jess said...

Sara, can you please make videos of your messages on Youtube so more black women and girls can get this needed message?
It's almost as if this blog is a hidden treasure.Thanks!

Taylor-Sara said...

Jess, thank you very much, but I have NO idea how to do that! However, if any of you ladies do, I would be more than happy to work with you......

Phantom Mare said...

Sara my computer right now is too slow to do YouTube at the moment. But if you have Microsoft Windows, the program should be listed under--*Windows Movie Maker*. Just go to start and check it out. You make your project then you save it in .avi format, then upload it to YouTube.

Shadowmaster007 said...

I think some guys will listen with the wrong head sometimes.

jess said...

sara, CW has a channel on Youtube. I would love to make videos too, but my computer isn't able to.:(

calibudafly said...

Sara, can you please make videos of your messages on Youtube so more black women and girls can get this needed message?
It's almost as if this blog is a hidden treasure.Thanks!



I totally agree!! :-)

Anonymous said...

Just a thought...Sara, may not want the world to know who you are...less problems.
Think safety.
Then again you can wear a disguise.

ann

CW said...

Indeed anonymous/ann ...People are nutty...Maybe I'm just as crazy because I don't care all that much...Let them try ; )

Anonymous said...

Kim Whitley and Gary Owen is on the Tom Joyner show talking about ir dating. And, they can be heard on the internet- show repeats.

a.f.

Anonymous said...

Alright, CW.

ann

Taylor-Sara said...

chris I didn't bother to read past the opening line of 'dribble' but if this site is so offensive to you, -heres a thought- get the hell off of it!.....

Shadowmaster007 said...

Here is a new online magazine for black women.I was wondering if the fine ladies of Sara's blog take a look at it.She does talk about ir relationships between wm/bw.Here is the link http://dawnali.com/lovinmysistas/

calibudafly said...

Thanks Shadowmaster. Great site!

Annieoops said...

Thanks Shadowmaster for the site. I just joined!!

Patricio said...

I am one of those white men secretly reading your blog who want to chirp in about YouTube. I don't know how to do this (as I just uploaded my first vid myself), but it is possible for you to put up your own image of anything instead of your face with your audio. For example, this one - who does cuss a lot I must warn you - does this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8gAx9UKd_E

I picked that one though because you can get into a ton of drama, in this case with a white man in an IR marriage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7BesXKiLro

So even if you do this to keep your identity private, you just might get into these sort of arguments and counter-arguments from people of all sorts. Oh, and I uploaded in MPEG, not AVI, and it worked fine. Uploading and processing does take a long time though.

sky said...

did anyone get the chance to read about anderson cooper professed love for a tv reality star...check it out here.

http://defamer.com/5113422/maybe-nene-didnt-get-the-memo-about-anderson-cooper-after-all


i also remember reading in a tabloid magazine of Prince William of quote from him that he had a crush on beyonce.

these guys are starting to come out and we're all ears!

Selena said...

Thanks Shadowmaster for the site. I just joined!!

So did I Annie!

Selena said...

I am one of those white men secretly reading your blog who want to chirp in about YouTube. I don't know how to do this (as I just uploaded my first vid myself), but it is possible for you to put up your own image of anything instead of your face with your audio. For example, this one - who does cuss a lot I must warn you - does this...

Whew, I tell you what, I think wm are about to lap everyone with these videos!

BohemianRogue is NOT playing LOL.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Phantom Mare said...

Hey Sky!
Anderson Cooper is still HOT in my book!!!! I love that BEAUTIFUL grey hair, those blueberry eyes and that boyish smile he carries. Cute cupid lips too.

Not fair he's gay---I could have SNATCHED HIM!!! LOL.

Phantom Mare said...

Selena said...
BohemianRogue is NOT playing LOL
* * *

No he ain't!

But yes I have noticed the WM coming out of the woodwork, the steel frames, and the asphalt to say what they like.

cool_splash1 said...

I watched Disney the regular Disney from noon to Camp Rock (really to see all of the versions of Camp Rock songs from around the world). I came out thinking if I was a young black girl today I would have some major depression. I mean damn. Not a black girl in site unless she was background or light. The songs from around the world even in countries were people are mostly darkskinned you saw the same thing. (Now I'm not what is called dark skinned more of a caramel color, ain't what's considered light either, but what naturals. I only saw maybe one natural and again she was a lightskinned girl. I've rarely seen what's considered 4a/4b hair type on there either.

No wonder many bw and young black girls find it hard to believe that non-bm find them attractive. With Disney and Nickelodeon being the big channels for kids they are going to have major influences.

What I wonder is why so many haven't made at least straight to video/dvd movies for black youth being that the straight to video/dvd market is successful in the black community as well as others?

cool_splash1 said...

i also remember reading in a tabloid magazine of Prince William of quote from him that he had a crush on beyonce.

That was also stated on a docu on monarchies around the world on PBS

Anonymous said...

Yeah I'm loving dawnali forum.

sky said...

cool_splash1 said..."No wonder many bw and young black girls find it hard to believe that non-bm find them attractive. With Disney and Nickelodeon being the big channels for kids they are going to have major influences"

actually there is a show starring keke palmer on Nick called "True Jackson"

http://www.nick.com/shows/truejacksonvp/index.jhtml

her love interest i believe is white. i haven't kept up w/ the show but if you know of any young black girl who wants to relate to a show this is it! keke is a beautiful dark skin woman who's going places. so lets help support her!

Anonymous said...

Totally off topic but..I've been to the new dawnali site and the chickheads are clucking. In the IR section one person is consistently talking about "black love" and removing all white people from the board. She is a complete idiot!!

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYLq9v7JaqY

All I have to say ladies is don't be like this woman. I'm sorry, but I had to post this. When I saw part of it about there mostly being bm/ww non-bw in movies I was like yeah, but what about bw-wm non-bm, but then she started going on against bw/wm non-bm too. Now it should have been a clue with all the bm/ww couples she was seeing left and right that apparently these men didn't and some won't choose bw. And why the hell worry and nearly to the point of crying all over youtube, make that hysterical rant?

Hell you have forums and men on youtube and other mediums/ hell on the street what's wrong with us and they don't want us and why. and even in church telling us how we need to change to be their ideal and then when we do they still dog us. But we have a post like How to find a good black woman for wm and non-bm.

Doesn't this woman realize that doesn't make men respect her crying all over youtube about bm and black love? This is like those old talk shows where the bw are crying on national tv telling the bm to come, stop leaving us, black love etc. All the men did was still leave and loose even more respect (like they already had any anyway)for bw.

Seriously don't be like this woman everyone, and please tell young girls this too. Cause that was just plain sad.

cool_splash1 said...

her love interest i believe is white. i haven't kept up w/ the show but if you know of any young black girl who wants to relate to a show this is it! keke is a beautiful dark skin woman who's going places. so lets help support her!


I mos def am that girl is great. The thing is what happens when the season's over? I do hope though they don't make it like Raven. Love Raven, but that show was just too over the top. In fact most of the American teen sitcoms are over the top and stupid half the time. My cousin watches them and thinks they are fun, but she checked out some old teen and childrens shows from Britian, New Zeland etc. and was hooked. I got her hella hooked on Press Gang, the Tribe, Thunderstone, Mirror Mirror and Being Eve. Being Eve was crazy, not in a stupid kind of way.

cool_splash1 said...

Oh and by the way I just remembered something. The bw that used to be on Sue Thomas and the Dude Who played Marcus on Jeremiah were a couple in a teen tv series in Canada. Can't remember the name, but I remember seeing this couple and was like what?

Useless info IDK, but hey it's still great.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Sara.

Have any of you ladies heard of this site? Alphanista.com

The blog owner is a bw named Maryann and she is an author and I cannot believe the advice that she just gave a young (22 yrs.) bw with an economics degree.

The young woman wanted to know how she can get her bf back in her life. Of course, it was the usual he was cheating, she got pregnant(I think she had an abortion), he doesn't want to commit to her.

Anyways, Maryann was telling this young woman how to snear her low life ex-bf back into her life.
I wanted to scream, "Don't do it."

So, I posted my comments and suggested that she could also get reasonable advice from sara and evia. I check the site a few minutes later and Maryann had deleted all of my comments.

I am assuming Maryann is living very well and why she cannot see the damage that this young woman's ex has done to her and now she is pushing this young woman into his damage arms.
I am so sadden for the young woman. Because she is confused and she needs good sound advice.
I can only hope that she saw my comments before they were deleted.

ann

Anonymous said...

@ cool_splash..."simmer down" you are correct the woman on the video was speaking about the media.
Thank you

Selena said...

@ Ann,

*SMDH*

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lena said...

I don't care about black men! The black community is nothing more than a stupid political construct designed to enslave black women! ---------------- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYLq9v7JaqY ------------------------------------------- Author of the video has a crab in the barrel mentality! So we should be loyal to black men even when we get nothing in return. Black on Black love is deader than Elvis Presley as far as I'm concerned. I condone interracial romance movies as long as they don't devolve into cliches and ethnic stereotypes! I don't care for interracial romances with black men in movies because black male sexuality is overhyped! If white women want black men they can have them!

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year to everyone.


ann

Anonymous said...

OMG I now remember why as much as I love my aunt I can't be around her all of the time. She is too much of a bm apologist. The because of slavery bm are like this/that they can't help the way America shaped them. etc. And how it can't change etc. The last time I checked people can learn, grow and improve themselves so what's up with that crap. I wanted to say don't give bm that kind of power over you. THe we don't know who we are as a people, because we don't know our ancestors language or country, tribe. We can reinvent ourselves as many times as we want, how we want, and when we want. White people this and that and bringing up how Europeans brought disease to the Indians and talking about how they are nasty now etc. I'm thinking how do you know have you been to Europe? Love her and at times she has good points, but there are times I think she just likes to fuss. Some of the info was good info like judging people on merits and as individuals, but not as a group etc. But some of that crap left me feeling empty and negative. Now I have to detox some of that other stuff too. Good thing I don't see or talk to her that often.

Anonymous said...

anon. @ 1/4, you are lucky you do not see you Aunt that often. What thoughts she could have implanted while you were growing up. Bw need more positive role models.

a.f.

Anonymous said...

@Anon 8:47PM, "BM's sexuality is overrated"

You got that right. I don't date BM, I think WM & HM are fine. BM heads are so far up a WWs' azz, that they can't see that BW actually do find WM, etc VERY attractive.
I'm tired of BM coming up to me, and disrespectfully asking me out, just because I'm from the Caribbean, and I have so called "good"hair. There's no such thing as good hair. Anyway, WM[to me] are the only race of men, that would treat a woman 'as dark as the night sky' with the respect she deserves, and be proud to have her as a wife. How did I come up with this hypothesis?! Well, look around you, look at the pictures on this page.
Do you really think BM would marry those women?! He11 no!.....BW please WAKE UP.