(For men) -- How to find a good black woman......

I always direct my site to the ladies, but every once in a while I like to speak directly to the men since I know many secretly read this site, without commenting. Many of you have emailed me with questions about bw.

I can give you a GENERAL OVERVIEW but please be mindful that bw are all different. We look different, we think different and we live different. We are no more alike than Britney Spears and Jackie Kennedy. Think about that. These two women were/are both white, both rich, and both famous. Yet they could not be more different. Jackie was known for her class and decorum. Millions of women wanted to be like her. She truly epitomized grace. Britney on the other hand is known for her charisma and stage presence. Grace and class are not exactly high on her character list. The point is both of these women had strength and weaknesses like ALL women. That is the main thing to keep in mind. So the point there is that although they both came to this world in 'female form' they were still quite different.

When it comes to meeting a nice bw, please keep in mind that even when ppl are not saying a word, their personality is usually screaming! What does that mean? It means that even when they are trying to hide their personality, (perhaps because they themselves don't like it) it is still patently obvious to pretty much everyone around them. I know we women are usually alot more intuitive about picking up subtle clues, but rest assured. You guys can get it if you really want to. The main thing to keep in mind with 99% of bw is to be respectful. Now for some women that means simply reframing from any sexualized questions, but for most of us, it means far more. Many bw are raised to hear that wm only want them for sex, and unfortunately many will have their guards up. You must expect this and in most cases take it very slow. Now if she wants to go faster, you will know because she will be be leaning 'into you' and looking into your eyes and smiling boldly etc. Just trust that you will know if she wants to move faster, but when it comes to wm, most of us (Not all ) have been trained to be guarded. Use her racial words when talking to her about race. If she says black, AA or whatever, that means she is most comfortable with those words, so just go ahead and use whatever she is using. If you think she's beautiful, tell her so, but don't ever add "for a black girl!" I can almost guarantee that will be your last date. Remember the name of the game is simply respect. That's all. So relax, you are not meeting someone from another planet, this is simply two ppl who have come to this earth in different 'suits'. Yours was white and hers was black, that's all. When you think of it like that, it will be a lot easier to find things in common and open up to each other. Keep in mind the first few dates are the most vulnerable. PPl are judging each other and nervous, and not knowing if they can 'trust' this person. We women esp. go through this since so many bm have proven themselves to be completely 'untrustworthy'. So have patience and really listen to her. She will tell you exactly what she is looking for if you will only listen. I will give you an example.

A few years ago, a friend we will call barb, went on a date with a very nice wm she had met at work. She was very excited and kept calling me asking me the same questions over and over. She was really liking this guy and he thought she was lovely too. He proceeded to tell her this over dinner again and again. She was smiling so much she could hardly eat, and they got along great. The first date was perfect, But on the second one, he made one fatal mistake. They were in a restaurant and he was admiring the dress she was almost wearing, (it was rather low cut). Well, when the waitress brought their food, he slipped and said:

"I'd much rather have you for desert, I just wanna slam you over this table, and ravish you till you beg for mercy! "

Her fork hit the plate with a clang! And she informed him, through clenched teeth, that she was not his slave-whore to do with as he preferred and that this evening was OVER!

He called me out of desperation, but no amount of talking could persuade her to go out with him again. As far as she was concerned he had cheapened their time together to cheap sex, and she had immediately lost her attraction to him....

This is the danger of not listening. If he had listened he would have 'heard' her telling him that she was looking for someone with a lot more substance, and that she was terrified of being used for sex! When it comes to sex, I would advise anyone male or female to put it on a back burner, and really get to know the person. Alot of things get tossed aside, and forgotten when sexual intercourse enters into the equation. Things that can rear their heads later, and cause problems...Also, since most bw (I think) are on the conservative side, it would behove you to really make that last on the list just for the sake of not scaring her off...

You will find on the first couple of dates both of you may be nervous and quiet but just take it slow and ask about whatever she mentions (this is usually what she wants to talk about) and let the conversation develop naturally. As you go along, you will feel more and more comfortable with each other, and you will find the conversations getting deeper. This is the time to go more deeply into race if you feel you need to-or she wants to....

Just remember she could be fat, thin, happy, sad, morose, scintillating, a good conversationalist or moody and snappish. We run the gamut just like everyone else so just relax, date lots of ppl, cross out the ones you don't like, and KNOW what qualities you are looking for in a woman. Then compare that to what you think she may be looking for in a man. Keep narrowing it down, and you are almost guaranteed to find the lovely lady whose just for you..........