(For men) -- How to find a good black woman......

I always direct my site to the ladies, but every once in a while I like to speak directly to the men since I know many secretly read this site, without commenting. Many of you have emailed me with questions about bw.

I can give you a GENERAL OVERVIEW but please be mindful that bw are all different. We look different, we think different and we live different. We are no more alike than Britney Spears and Jackie Kennedy. Think about that. These two women were/are both white, both rich, and both famous. Yet they could not be more different. Jackie was known for her class and decorum. Millions of women wanted to be like her. She truly epitomized grace. Britney on the other hand is known for her charisma and stage presence. Grace and class are not exactly high on her character list. The point is both of these women had strength and weaknesses like ALL women. That is the main thing to keep in mind. So the point there is that although they both came to this world in 'female form' they were still quite different.

When it comes to meeting a nice bw, please keep in mind that even when ppl are not saying a word, their personality is usually screaming! What does that mean? It means that even when they are trying to hide their personality, (perhaps because they themselves don't like it) it is still patently obvious to pretty much everyone around them. I know we women are usually alot more intuitive about picking up subtle clues, but rest assured. You guys can get it if you really want to. The main thing to keep in mind with 99% of bw is to be respectful. Now for some women that means simply reframing from any sexualized questions, but for most of us, it means far more. Many bw are raised to hear that wm only want them for sex, and unfortunately many will have their guards up. You must expect this and in most cases take it very slow. Now if she wants to go faster, you will know because she will be be leaning 'into you' and looking into your eyes and smiling boldly etc. Just trust that you will know if she wants to move faster, but when it comes to wm, most of us (Not all ) have been trained to be guarded. Use her racial words when talking to her about race. If she says black, AA or whatever, that means she is most comfortable with those words, so just go ahead and use whatever she is using. If you think she's beautiful, tell her so, but don't ever add "for a black girl!" I can almost guarantee that will be your last date. Remember the name of the game is simply respect. That's all. So relax, you are not meeting someone from another planet, this is simply two ppl who have come to this earth in different 'suits'. Yours was white and hers was black, that's all. When you think of it like that, it will be a lot easier to find things in common and open up to each other. Keep in mind the first few dates are the most vulnerable. PPl are judging each other and nervous, and not knowing if they can 'trust' this person. We women esp. go through this since so many bm have proven themselves to be completely 'untrustworthy'. So have patience and really listen to her. She will tell you exactly what she is looking for if you will only listen. I will give you an example.

A few years ago, a friend we will call barb, went on a date with a very nice wm she had met at work. She was very excited and kept calling me asking me the same questions over and over. She was really liking this guy and he thought she was lovely too. He proceeded to tell her this over dinner again and again. She was smiling so much she could hardly eat, and they got along great. The first date was perfect, But on the second one, he made one fatal mistake. They were in a restaurant and he was admiring the dress she was almost wearing, (it was rather low cut). Well, when the waitress brought their food, he slipped and said:

"I'd much rather have you for desert, I just wanna slam you over this table, and ravish you till you beg for mercy! "

Her fork hit the plate with a clang! And she informed him, through clenched teeth, that she was not his slave-whore to do with as he preferred and that this evening was OVER!

He called me out of desperation, but no amount of talking could persuade her to go out with him again. As far as she was concerned he had cheapened their time together to cheap sex, and she had immediately lost her attraction to him....

This is the danger of not listening. If he had listened he would have 'heard' her telling him that she was looking for someone with a lot more substance, and that she was terrified of being used for sex! When it comes to sex, I would advise anyone male or female to put it on a back burner, and really get to know the person. Alot of things get tossed aside, and forgotten when sexual intercourse enters into the equation. Things that can rear their heads later, and cause problems...Also, since most bw (I think) are on the conservative side, it would behove you to really make that last on the list just for the sake of not scaring her off...

You will find on the first couple of dates both of you may be nervous and quiet but just take it slow and ask about whatever she mentions (this is usually what she wants to talk about) and let the conversation develop naturally. As you go along, you will feel more and more comfortable with each other, and you will find the conversations getting deeper. This is the time to go more deeply into race if you feel you need to-or she wants to....

Just remember she could be fat, thin, happy, sad, morose, scintillating, a good conversationalist or moody and snappish. We run the gamut just like everyone else so just relax, date lots of ppl, cross out the ones you don't like, and KNOW what qualities you are looking for in a woman. Then compare that to what you think she may be looking for in a man. Keep narrowing it down, and you are almost guaranteed to find the lovely lady whose just for you..........

Black beauty through the eyes of white and black men....

These are typical choices for BM, but look what WM are choosing.....

All happily married (dark) sistas, whom we KNOW bm would NEVER have considered 'wife material'.....

Count Ferdinand and wife Mary...

I think the pictures speak for themselves. Lets talk about what black beauty means to bm, then we will talk about what it means to wm.

You can turn on any show, or go anywhere and see bw being discriminated against by bm. Many women have written me crying, and bemoaning this issue, and asking me why bm only seem to find light skinned/mixed/white women attractive. I will tell you, but it is going to piss some of you off, so be forewarned. When it comes to bm the majority are puppets who refuse to think for themselves. They are coonified, and will celebrate, glorify, and uphold anything resembling white. For decades women who looked like Vanessa Williams and Jane Kennedy were put on a pedestal because they looked like a darker version of a ww. Now don't get me wrong, I love these women, they are not the issue at all. Please understand that. The issue is that bm are openly discriminating against dark bw, and more often than not ANY bw nowadays. BM will deny this of course. They will claim it's just a preference or that dark skinned women are unattractive or have attitudes. Or that bw are imagining things, and we cannot beleive our lying eyes (lol) But I'm sure you all have seen the evidence and know that we are not dreaming. Of course bw were blamed for them wanting any-and everything non-black. Y'all know if they don't prefer bw-it's OUR FAULT (LOL). Our hair was too short and nappy, our skin too dark or the black was showing if we were light. Our African-like features made them want to gag! The point is dark women have been made to feel unattractive and 2nd best by bm on an ongoing basis for years. This is why the collective self esteem of your average bw is tetering on low.
But my feeling on this is that one man's cast off is another man's dream girl. Stop crying about bm making derisive remarks about dark women/blk women and simply MOVE ON! Don't waste time on men who would disrespect, demean or waste your life. Life is just too precious and short to waste. (IOWs), if bm don't find you attractive -find men who do. It's not rocket science. If you listen to a man, and watch his actions-he will let you know who he is.

The truth is many bm are jealous of wm and their success and power in this country. They want nothing more than to PRETEND that they are the ideal man in America and play the part. You see this with bm who insist that their women have long hair, and skin as light as they can possible get it. This not only demonstrates a deep seated hostility and disdain for one's own self, it also does not bode well for how he sees the woman. (She usually ends up being treated like an accessory-he wears for special occasions.) He can be as black as tar but if she's darker than summer tan, she's not suitable for anything but a booty call. I see bw still allowing themselves to be used for booty calls by bm everyday. While crying and wondering why he won't treat them with love and respect. I will tell you why. Because you are not respecting yourself! You must love yourself enough to get the hell away from ppl who will use up your time, your body, and your life, and then marry a bright/non blk/white woman!

I want you to take a look at the upper pictures. All of these dark sistas are being loved and cherished by wm. What do you think their chances for marriage would have been, had they waited for a bm???

When is the last time you saw a bm marry a sista who looks like ANY of these dark sistas above, unless she was came with a trust fund, or some other high incentive for him to use? One of these wm is a very wealthy Count! He married his wife Mary and made her a Countess! They have 3 children, a great life and she says he constantly tells her she is beautiful. How many bm do you think have told her that?

The truth is that many bm are discriminating against women who do not fit the phenotype of light/bright and white women. If a woman has to be a certain shade for him to consider even asking her out, then he has shown himself to be shallow, superficial, and oftentimes self denigrating. Black women PLEASE stop trying to fit into the narrow parameters of beauty these pieces -of -men have set up! You will only end up hurt! REAL men want REAL women- not a collection of European Body parts! For many dark women the only time they are told they are beautiful is oftentimes by wp! How pathetic is that. I remember high school and college. I was considered very attractive but I often felt that it was more because I made no apologies for my color. I'm dark, and love my chocolate skin. I never felt less than anyone, or wished to be any other color. When I made Mayday queen of my school, many girls were shocked, and some even had tears in their eyes. This was surprising to me until I really thought it over. It wasn't about the stupid plastic sector, they gave me or the fake silver crown. It wasn't about those things at all. It was because I was dark. See they were so used to being in 2nd-3rd and 4th place, they could not fathom a dark Mayday queen. But because I won, they felt a little higher....

When bm tried the "you're so pretty to be so dark crap"-I always walked away.I always let them know I was not going to put up with that crap. In fact, what I loved about the wm, is that I never heard the "to be dark" part with them. They would simply say "You're so pretty...." I think many sistas can relate to that. It was like a breath of fresh air! I didn't have to hear about why was I wearing my long hair up, instead of down? Why did I sometimes wear a weave? Why did I wear lip gloss? (lip gloss makes big lips look bigger-and my lips are big) I think the best thing about wm is simply that they have an appreciation for black beauty, that bm have long ago lost! *if they ever had it*

Many women have written and told me that since they have been dating/engaged/married to wm, this is the first time they feel beautiful! That he appreciates their afro-centric features and loves their hair, skin, nose etc. They are shocked because they have been told for years that wm only want bw for sex and do NOT find them attractive. Ladies this is pure programming. Liken it to the matrix, where reality is not what it seems but most bw are unaware... Many sistas think they must stay with a bm out of loyalty or necessity. Lets address that. When it comes to loyalty, it must be a two way street! It's really as simple as that! Let me tell you ladies a little secret. Relationships are like scales. They MUST balance.

Case in point: I knew someone who was dating a fairly wealthy man. He was loving and kind, and quite generous. He would go out of his way for her, and often bought her very expensive items, pretty much anything she wanted. The problem was he loved home cooked meals, and she hated to cook. She would often complain viciously about him begging for home cooked meals. Yet she quit her job, and had no problem living off of him yet refusing to cook the meals. I told her she should keep working and cook a few meals because the relationship was becoming way too one-sided. She told me I did not know what I was talking about and Jay, (whom she had now moved in with) was fine with the way things were. One day he came in and she was laying in the living room watching a soap opera. The house was dirty, and he had to prepare his own dinner. He stormed around angry for awhile until she asked what his problem was. He then turned and began to berate her laziness, how he was footing ALL of the bills and yet he could not even have a decent looking home (since she moved in ) or get a hot meal. He then began yelling about her 50-60 pair of expensive shoes (bought on his cc) and other expenses. It ended with him asking her to move out! She was shocked and devastated. She could not understand why he wasn't crazy about her like he had been before. I tried to explain to her that even when there are no outward signs of it. People are ALWAYS keeping score. She should have kept her job so she would not look like a free loader, and if she was having him buy all these expensive things for her, she should have cooked those meals once in a while. Nobody likes to feel used...
But I'm way off track. Bottom about that is that there has to be balance....

Now, as I was saying, many sistas are finding that wm appreciate ALL shades of black beauty, and are even more likely to be with darker bw. Now my theory on this is because I think darker bw are often so mistreated in the bc, they are more likely to think "Well, what have I got to lose-they can't treat me worse than I've suffered over here!" This line of thinking leaves them open to 'other men' stepping up to the plate. Also, many wm have noticed that bm disrespect and demean bw with every breath. They have seen bw suffer at the hands of bm at every turn, and they are more and more inclined to take advantage of this situation. Recently, I went to a ball game at my young cousin's school (she goes to a predominantly blk school) I was not surprised to see the young bbs hugged up with white/Latino/Asian girls. What was shocking to me was that the young blk girls were doing the same! It seemed every other bg was with a white/Latino/Asian boy! My cousin's boyfriend (blk boy) was angry and flabbergasted. "When did y'all start stabbing us in the back? " he demanded. I held my breath and waited for her answer. "We're not stabbing anybody in the back" She snapped. "We're just loving the ones who love us back!".....

The Myths about why bw are increasingly marrying wm...

These are some of the myths, about why bw are increasingly marrying wm:

pic 1. She could not get a BM (she's too dark)

pic 2. She's a gold digger (he's rich)

pic 3. She's beautiful, and wants to piss bm off.

pic 4. She wanted white-looking children...

For some strange reason, some ppl just cannot seem to wrap their minds around the fact that a bw can simply love a wm because of WHO he is and not because she could not find a bm who was suitable or because she is a gold digger, or because she wants to take the easy way out, etc. This is all amazingly crazy to me because as a blk woman, I think we know there is no easy way out. Just like we know that there are very few gold digging bw! Most bw will work for years to bring their dreams to fruition and never think about trying to marry their way out of destitution. As far as the belief that many bw marry wm because they could not find a suitable bm, Well, I guess in some cases that's true. I'm an optimist, but also a realist. And we can all see that many bm are in trouble and are becoming less suitable mates all the time. But I would venture to say that most sistas who marry wm, are marrying him because they have long since realized that a good man can come in ANY color. That is the whole point of this blog, to get bw to open their options. To realize that whatever color he comes in is ok, as long as he is a good man. Don't ever ever short change yourself.

The following conversation took place between a wm (uncle) and a bm (commenter)

Notice how the bm can not seem to believe that the bw in the story really ever wanted a wm....

TB (wm)
My nephew is a lifer in the Navy. His wife is a lifer in the Navy, and when he married her, she already had a daughter. He is white, his wife is black, and his daughter is probably the most attractive and charming lady that I have ever met. She is killer cute.My nephew is a chief and has been voted "Sailor of the year" for his ship, his group, etc, over and over again. He gets to choose assignments in the Navy, but if he opted out, he would have to fight to come back to rural America and live with his family.....

IV: (bm)
Sure, but this is not about intolerance, it is about black women literally giving up on finding an acceptable black husband; of a similar social status. I don't think I have heard of anything quite like this before. At the root of this are the questions: What's happening to black men. And next, why are black women seemingly doing better? And of course one has to wonder about the long term implications.

TB
I don't know if she "gave up" on finding a suitable mate who is black, but she got a loving mate who is serious about raising a smart, well-adjusted daughter who isn't afraid to work for what she wants. I'm not sure that there is a whole lot of social import in the "dating out" idea anyway. If you find a person that you click with, their race is not real important to that relationship, though it may have implications with family, friends, etc.I'm just concerned about the longer-term implications of their eventual retirement. Their pensions would go a lot farther in rural Maine than in San Diego, but interracial couples are rare here, and they would face challenges socially. My wife and I had a house in a fairly nice development, and when an interracial couple bought a house a couple of blocks away, the previous owner (retired state trooper) went around the neighborhood apologizing to people. What an idiot! The new owners are a nice couple. He manages a chain store and his wife operates a day-care center out of their home.I dated a young black woman in college for a bit. That earned me a lot of grief from a couple of black guys who were interested in her, including one HUGE fellow who wasn't shy about spouting racist crap in the dining hall and other public places...

I.V.:
That was the entire point of the story: That black women are starting to date white men due to a lack of acceptable black men.

T.B.
The fact is that there are a lot of black male sailors based out of San Diego, and the fact that they're making it in the Navy with the discipline, training requirements, deployments, etc, implies that there might be a lot of decent, eligible black guys there. She ended up with my nephew, though, and they are perfect for each other, and he is a perfect dad for their daughter.

You see IV could not fathom in his mind that this couple married for love, companionship, and other commonalities. In his mind, this woman was with her w-hubby because she could not find a suitable bm. This type of thinking is dangerous to us as blk women because it keeps bm in a pool of anger and resentment-thinking we 'belong' to them. The truth is no one belongs to anyone. WW do not belong to WM! And we do not 'belong' to BM. A very dark friend of mine met me recently at the coffee shop we frequent. It's the same one I introduced her to her husband, Steven, at. She was upset and needed to talk. She said that the ppl in her family (esp. the women) were saying that she'd only married Steve so she could have a baby like Brianna. (Brianna is her precious 2 year old, she is blond and has blue eyes) She said they were saying she hated her dark skin and wanted her baby to be as light as possible. Now, I have known her for years and I know that is not the case. She, like me, loves her dark skin, and would never marry a wm to 'lighten her pool' I told this friend not to waste time worrying about what ppl said. I asked her if Steve was good to her. She said he was the best man she had ever had, and that she had never dreamed of being a stay at home mom until he came along. Then I asked her how foolish was it to worry about what other women were saying when many of those women worked 2 jobs and struggled, with no help from their bm baby daddies. While she lives in a beautiful subdivision and is able to finish her degree and be a stay home mom. She actually looked relieved like she needed to hear this from another bw, then she started to laugh...

The point is many ppl will try to imply or state all kinds of reasons for bw dating and marrying out, as it is becoming more and more prevalent every day. Ladies it's important for you to never let ppl get you upset with their own issues. You don't have to prove you are black enough. You don't have to prove you are NOT a gold digger! You don't have to prove a damn thing to anyone. You just have to be your own special self, and give your children the best life you can give them. And I can't think of a better way to start, than with a good husband for you and a great dad for them......

Does the media play up some couples-and hide others?

Top: A ROYAL WEDDING barely cov. by the news!Prince Max and Princess Angela Brown...

Pictures of couples like Heidi and Seal, are often prevalently displayed, yet pictures of bw/wm couples are quite often ignored, and downplayed in the media...

This is a letter I was sent from a wm who feels that bw/wm marriages are being downplayed in the media.....

Hi Sara, I am a white male who has been reading your blog since I found it a few months ago. BTW -great blog! I just wanted to ask why does the media try so hard to downplay bw/wm marriages? I have been married to my beautiful black wife for over 5 years, and in that time we have watched bw/wm marriages explode here in Cali. And we were both wondering why the media tries so hard to obscure this type of relationship, while showing couples like tiger and the nanny, or Seal and Heidi ad nauseum. I read a lady's blog (don't remember name) and she said that the number of bw/wm couples was at 141.000 in 2003!!!! Yet if you read some of the articles circulating on the Internet now, they claim it's only 117.000 NOW!!! Basically, everybody just copied the same article, and nobody has done any current research to verify anything! I googled the stat. 141.000 black women married to white men, and sure enough the census bureau confirms that the number really was 141.000 in 2003 so there is no way in hell it could only be 117.000 now. Plus I read that black women/white men marriages have increased 171%! So whats going on? Also, my wife loves to see bw/wm couples so when I hear of a new one or find out someone is married to a bw, I try to find the pic for her. Well, its like trying to find a needle in a haystack! I mean I look, and look, and look! It's absolutely crazy!! do you have this problem? The weird thing is the other way around, the pictures are easily accessible. I mean you can see the bm with their homely white wives all day. (sorry, I just don't find ww very attractive) When I do come across the pictures, I notice that the black women are always either very attractive, educated, classy etc. In other words, they always have something going for them. Yet when it's the other way around, it seems most black men will take a woman most white men would not be caught dead with, as long as she's white! Not racist or anything, me and my wife noticed this. In fact, she's the one who clued me in. I see white men strolling these streets with beautiful black women all day, basically ignoring the angry looks from the 'brothers'. So I keep wondering why they are misrepresenting the stats, and why it's so hard to find the pics! When I go out with my lovely wife, we have to deal with black men getting raging mad, staring, casting 'you ain't shit' looks at my wife etc. We don't care, we revel in each other and are quite happy, so we pay them no mind, but why do they get so angry and defensive? Many times they are with a blond themselves sitting across the room glaring at us! And why are the pics so hard to find, and last question why are they so being so covert about the number? thanks for listening-love your blog, - Kenny

Dear Kenny, I know what you mean, yes I have noticed it is much more difficult to find the bw/wm pics and quite a bit easier to find the opposite. It became such a difficult process for me, I stopped bothering and simply used what my readers sent me. Many times (in the past) I had to find the couple separate, and put them side by side. As far as the stat goes, I think the reason everyone thinks the stat is 117.000 bw/wm marriages is because the article came out and said that, and everyone just took the article, and as you said copied it. I have seen it quoted numerous times. I knew the number was wrong, but I was not sure of the right number. I did not want to misquote, so I left it alone. As for bm, they are simply being hypocrites. They worship at the alter of white flesh all day and then catch a serious attitude if we happen to even glance a wm's way. We have been out to restaurants. and had them glare at us, flick us off, and act in many inappropriate ways, all while they 'cheesed' in a ww's face. We ignore them because we just don't give a damn. I suggest you and your wife do the same. Unless you are in physical danger, ignore them. As for the media, I believe that they don't want black women to know just how powerful, and in demand they truly are, and just how many men would love to have them. This I believe is the reason the couplings are downplayed and many times obscured. But things are changing. And as more and more wm let it be known that they are attracted to bw, more and more other wm are beginning to admit it as well, and act on the knowledge. Black women are poised to truly go places! they are graduating from college and 3 x the rate of bm. They are buying houses, and taking over industries, and becoming the female movers and shakers of this world. With a white man (who is seen as all Powerful in America) they could easily become an unstoppable force! This is why I think it is downplayed, and outright lied about. ... I thank you for reading, and give your wife my best....Sara

What have you told your child about being biracial?

Garcelle, hubby and the precious 'boys'

Rae dawn, and her daughter:

twin sisters with mixed-race parents in 2 different colors!

Happy IR family frolics together....

How do people react to you when you are with your white husband and/or biracial children? Many bw have written me and asked me to post on this topic. I was reluctant because the last thing I was to do is give misinformation on this subject. I have therefore compromised and agreed to give basic common sense, and then let you ladies talk, and advise each other

I know in my case whether I was with Any mixed-looking child in my family (be it immediate-or not) people have always turned to stare, and ask questions. I remember having my little brother as a baby, and it always seemed Spanish people would turn, look at him, and then stop me to ask about him. -lots and lots of questions. He looks very Spanish with long wavy hair, fair skin and Latino features. He is also bilingual and used to possess a much heavier Spanish accent, than he has now. Latino women actually seemed to get irritated when me and my sister told them that we were his sisters. They always seemed to feel that we were lying since he does not 'look' black at all. It was the same with several other kids in the family, including cousins who were mixed with Chinese, Latino, white etc. But it was always more prevalent with my brother Pedro, and one other particular cousin. Pedro because he looked completely Spanish, and B--- because he looked completely white. He (B) has red hair and blue eyes. His skin is alabaster white and he can pass anywhere. One of my sister's friend's who was at our family reunion, asked me 'who the white boy' was. I told her he was my little cousin, and she had the nerve to say: "You don't have to try to claim white people-it's obvious he's NOT from this family!" Well when everybody was finished telling her off, she backed down and looked around. I guess it was then that she realized we had EVERYTHING in our family, and plenty of mixed people, (although B--- is the only one who can really 'pass'. We have had wp have the nerve to ask us 'where we got him from!' Like we just picked up some random white child and ran off with him! (lol) Genetics is a funny thing. I myself have Indian and white (slave owner's daughter ran off with my Indian-slave grandfather) yet I am quite dark. So for all you ladies out there wondering what to tell your children. I would say, tell them the truth. That most Americans are mixed with 'something', and that light or dark they are beautiful and special just the way they are. Statistics say that 90% of AA have at least 2 other races in their blood, and 70% have 3 or more. Make them understand that when ppl are scared they are liable to act in ugly ways. Make sure they understand that when they find themselves mistreated for not looking 'black enough' by bp, or being accused of being too different by others. Don't believe the media-induced hype that tries to imply you cannot raise healthy, happy, emotionally stable mixed children. You most certainly can. Pedro, my brother, was always very happy and carefree. He knew how much we loved him and that was all that really mattered to him. Even when ppl tried to tell him that we were his half-sisters (WE DO NOT BELIEVE IN HALVES-HE IS OUR BROTHER-END OF STORY!) He always brushed it off because he had a very strong sense of self and a good foundation. He still does, and I think that's one of the most important qualities to instill in mixed children. A strong sense of self that will enable them to brush off other people's opinions, attitudes, and prejudices. What I really hate is when ppl get nosey and feel they have a right to ask you all about your child, almost like an interrogation. Have you all ever experienced this?

Are you babysitting that child?

Is that your child?

Ah...Is she/he adopted?

He doesn't look a thing like... ah you!

Or the worst one (turning to another wp ) "she says that HER child!"

I think it's best to prepare your children as soon as they can understand for the never ending ignorance that pervades America. Explain to them that they are not freaks, they are precious children and that they are just like everybody else. Most kids want to feel normal more than anything. Stop worrying about the ignorant ppl- and just give them lots of love. They'll be fine. Kids are pretty resilient. A friend of mine recently had her 3rd child. This is the only one that is biracial by her new wm husband. She worried endlessly about the baby being too white and that she would not feel connected to her. I told her not to worry because secretly I thought there was little chance of the baby being too light because she is SOOO black. Well, I was shocked to see the baby was indeed very very white looking (Genetics is funny) but I could tell by the look of love and awe on her face in the hospital she felt extremely connected to her new daughter. That baby senses how much she's loved and takes full advantage of it, by making her parents jump like puppets! (lol) but I guess better too much love, than too little...The point is to relax and know that your children will be ok. But I know many of you want the advice of several mothers. So I would like to ask those of you who are mother's of biracial children:

What are you telling your children when adults are rude to your child?

What do you think is the most important gift to give a biracial child?

What do you tell your children when other children are rude?

What coping skills are you instilling in your kids?

What do you tell them when ppl ask them (your children) your dad is really _____ ? (insert race)

Ladies, lets talk about it, and learn how to best love, support and guide these little blessings through this great big world.......

Don't be misled, by the voices of manipulation....

The couple on the bottom will usually engender a smile from bm, but the couples above will often draw anger and derision....

I posted the following not because I believe in dwelling on the negative, but because I want you sistas to recognize a voice of manipulation when you hear it. The following was a response re: bw dating/mating out. Don't think for one minute that bm are going to give in easily. They know the value of bw, even if they will not acknowledge it publicly. Notice how this (bm) tries to use guilt, shame, and the fear of ostracism to keep bw from exercising their options. Notice how he harps on how bm feel about seeing bw with wm, yet never seems to concern himself with how bw have felt about seeing bm with ww, FOR YEARS! Notice how everything is from a bm perspective with no thought to ours. I want you all to recognize this thought process when you see it, so you will not be thrown off by it. This man had the audacity to say that bw will not considered marriage material by bm after she has been with a wm! WTH! We all know not many bm consider bw marriage material ANYWAY!!! He goes on to say that wm will use her and discard her. My question is: Is he angry because that might happen (if she does not know how to vet the men in her life) or is he angry that this prevents bm from using her first? Because too many bw have been used, and discarded by bm to ever worry about something like that. We all know usually the ONLY men a bw does vet is the wm. She (usually) won't let him get away with anything, yet will make a concession of allowances for bm. So for him to feign worry about a bw being used by wm is almost laughable. He is not worried about all the bm out there everyday using bw-so why is worried about the wm? And then to try to use this subtle blackmail... "you won't get a bm, because we don't want a wm's leftovers.." He is not slick. I see right through his message, and who gives a damn. This is almost akin to saying to the titanic survivors, "you let us down by jumping ship, and swimming off with the wm, so we're not going to bless you with our presence anymore! Just crazy! But anyway, read the following ladies, and tell me your impression of this letter......

Can you hear the manipulation....

We need an damn image overhaul very BADLY; and if it ain't possible in this racist society; black men need to demand our own so we can have it somewhere else; even if that means total secession from the United States; because we are suffering very BADLY right now.Truth be told, black men are already in trouble in this society. The bulk of us are seen as no hopers with NO VALUE, NO MONEY, and no social status; and it is going to take a miracle from God to save the bm from this exceedingly hateful backlash that has developed against us lately--from every damn body.The media is to blame for alot of what black men are going through; as well as pushing this "Something New" agenda amongst black women.It is putting black people in a messed up situation; black women included, because unless that white man marries that sister, and takes her off the market, most black men aren't going to be happy about being with a black woman who's been with a white man; causing nothing but further division amongst black men and women.I have seen what happened to many black women who have been with white men--and other non-black men--and it didn't work out--especially, if they had a child by him, which is even worse--the bulk of them become permanent jump offs; going from man to man because no black man is going to marry them EVER. They wind up with NOBODY in their later years; black or white.That is why I hope that alot of black women know what they are doing by pushing this "Something New" bullshit; there are consequences to the shit that they are doing. If they think that black men don't care about what they are doing, and don't see what they are doing, they are wrong, and many of them will find that out later on; especially the younger black women who seem to think that what they are doing isn't going to have any consequences.Many black men don't show it, but they definitely see it, and it makes them not to mess with black women at all after awhile. I have gotten so disgusted with the actions of black women out here that even when a black girl is feeling me, I just spurn them off; because I am tired of the shit that I get from other black women, and tired of the spiteful attitude from alot of these "Something New" black women that I come across lately.Honestly, I am also tired of seeing all of these non-black men able to have their way with black women out here, and then toss them to the side when it's time for marriage. Alot of black women don't really realize how they look to black men right now. We are definitely taking notes, don't think we ain't sisters.Either a black man will try go get somebody of another nationality, or they will completely taking themselves out of the race altogether; which makes for a potential husband who is no longer in the running.They think that they don't care now, but they will 10 or 15 years down the damn road. I have seen it too much for it NOT to be true. That same good black man that they had no time for when they were young, is going to become seemingly IMPOSSIBLE for them to get as they get older.Later,

Still believe the dbrbm won't kill to keep us from getting away?

The 4 fellow marines charged with killing the young couple....

So horrible! This lovely young couple was massacred in their home by 4 savages, passing as Honorable Marines.
Do you ladies still believe the threadbare lie that bm don't care if you date/marry out?

I am so sorry to report the following story...

Court records indicate four Marines acknowledged they had roles in the robbery, sexual assault and murder of a Camp Pendleton-based Iraq veteran and his wife last month in Riverside County. Pvt. Kevin Darnell Cox, 20, of Tennessee; Pvt. Emrys John, 18, of Maryland; Lance Cpl. Tyrone Miller, 20, of North Carolina; and Pvt. Kesuan Sykes, 21, of California face murder charges in connection with the case.

Sgt. Jan and his wife, Quiana Faye Jenkins-Pietrzak. The couple, who were originally from New York, were found gagged, tied and shot in the head on Oct. 15 in the living room of their home in Winchester. Sheriff's deputies were called after the sergeant failed to show up for work. The couple's home was ransacked and jewelry and other items were taken. A fire was set, apparently in an effort to destroy evidence. The Camp Pendleton-based Marine sergeant and his wife were tortured before they were shot execution-style, according to a published report.
Investigators said they believe the motive was financial in nature. Pietrzak's mother, Henryka Pietrzak-Varga, prepared herself the possibility that her son could die in Iraq, but, in her words, "to die like this, in their own home? They were good kids. They didn't deserve to die like this."
The couple married in August and had been living off-base in Winchester in a five-bedroom home they recently purchased that had been foreclosed, according to the paper.
Read the New York Daily News story "Brooklyn Marine Sergeant & Wife Tortured" story for more details.

Reader comment:

I'm hurt and disgusted that BW are hated so much. this is not a robbery. it is a racial attack. If this was a black man a white woman they would not have done this. BW need to wake up and see that BM do not want us to be happy. they have an deep hatred and jealousy of us.this is so sad that this lovely couple has been wiped out. it really hurts me. I cannot stop crying. so now I'm supposed to keep my relationship under raps because some weak,coward wants to hurt me?

The paper claimed it was a financial motive that resulted in the death of this poor couple. Now does anyone here believe that someone would go through such extreme measures to steal a few hundred dollars? This story has hate crime written all over it! Ladies, please recognize that some of these animals have paper-thin egos, and anything that can be construed as insulting to it, (including you appearing happy with or without another type of man) is enough to cause them to snap like the monsters they are! I feel so bad for this couple. They seemed so happy and carefree. It's such a shame that these damaged animals who make it clear they do not want us, can't stand the sight of us with anyone else either! They only seem happy when we are sad, miserable and alone. To every sister within range to read these words, get as far away from these animals as you can! I think you can deduce now that they are lying when they say they don't care if bw date/mate out! ANY attempt by a bw, to have a happy life, seems to throw their insecurities in their faces, and result in them degenerating into the true beasts they are! I won't leave this post up long because it's just too sad, but I wanted you all to recognize the need to protect yourselves in any and every way you possibly can. I believe it was Evia who said that when bw try to escape it's going to truly get ugly. As you can see, once again, she was right......So sad

Congratulations to the new President of the United States!!!

Congratulations to President Obama!!!

Stop accusing us of being bougie, for wanting more!

Stacey is accused of being bougie because she's beautiful. Ms USA because she won a crown. And Mrs Hall because she married a rich white man.....

Why does it seem that if a bw excels, or succeeds on any level, she is considered a sell out or bougie? I constantly hear about sista's who have succeeded on one level or another, and are having to deal with contempt, name calling, shame, and sometimes fear for their very lives! We are supposed to excel! No one works hard to fail! Are we expected to be the losers many urban men have proven themselves to be? How come we are damned if we do and damned if we don't? If we marry white, we are sell outs. If we settle for one of the pathetic mass pieces, that pass itself off as men today, we deserve it when he turns on us like a wild animal. If we throw him out when he's no good, we are turning our backs on good BM. But if we stay and end up in a horribly tragic situation (Jennifer Hudson's fam. anyone) then we are attracted to thugs, and deserve what we got. Basically, it's completely apparent that we need to just do us, and leave the damaged alone. The sad truth is I am convinced we cannot help bm. They are going to have to help themselves. Regardless of his problems, and regardless of how bad we feel for him, he will have to make his own way in this world. BM are not babies in need of coddling. The truth of the matter is that you cannot love all a man's hurt away. He is going to have to get his own self together. All you can do is love YOU enough to steer clear when you find that he is damaged. For many men, no matter what you do, it's going to be used against you. If you try to help them, you are impeding his man hood. If you let him find his own way, you are not being a strong sista etc. Why do bm think if they have a job,they are automatically in the good man category, and every bw should be falling at his feet, like he's a king? The following excerpts illustrate my point. Notice these men are ANGRY because these sista's wanted more out of life than they had to offer. I only printed the printable ones, the others became more and more angry, profane, and erratic, so I deleted them.....

Nothing irks me more these days than bourgie black women. You know the type: nice job in some high respect industry (doctor, lawyer, etc.), usually have more than one degree, own property, keep themselves in good shape and dressed to the hilt, well manicured, etc. Essentially, the women Tyler Perry writes about.These chicks are worse than snotty white women (who we've been conditioned to believe were off limits anyway, so don't phase us as much).My brother was on the Fox movie lot recently and ran into an old classmate from UCLA. She's a hot-shot entertainment attorney now. He was there to meet with the producers of a movie that's being made into a video game by the company he works with. When they went to UCLA together, they both worked in parking services, giving out passes and directions to people who would come to the campus.Anyway, according to him she tried to act all high level and like "what are you doing here?" Mind you, this girl originally hails from Compton! He's like "I'm here to meet the producers from (blank)" He said she acted stunned, like she couldn't believe he was actually there for something that cool.My brother is married with kids, got a nice house -- he doesn't have a lot of hang ups, so I know he wasn't reading into it.As he told me the story we were both struck by the irony of how things have changed. In the 60s, a black woman stood by her man and even supported him. But I guess one too many of us married white girls. Now when they make it they treat us with contempt.
"You can always tell someone's character by how they treat those they don't need to treat well." Owen Davian (played by Philip Seymour Hoffman)

Re: Bourgie Black Women - There is no breed more despicable
Yeah I hate that condescending tone. She forgot where she came from. That goes to show every sista ain't a sista. Offline

Re: Bourgie Black Women - There is no breed more despicable
Black women are the only women who want to be independent from their man. They aint playing no Robin to our Batman. Its ok to shine too but damn Scottie its Jordan's team.
Offline

Re: Bourgie Black Women - There is no breed more despicable
Despicable is a harsh word but I see what you mean. The types that think they know everything. If they are all so smart- why are they all single? Sure it has something to do with the men, but it also has to do with their lack of true character. Game recognizes game. They work hard to get the superficial on point and never work enough on the inside to recognize internal quality that would compliment their lives. If you're doing what you gotta do to get it together, a woman like that wouldn't help you in the long run.Why even get mad about it? All that arrogance comes from pride and pride comes from gaping insecurities.

Ladies, don't listen to this nonsense. This is nothing but anger and jealously masquerading as concern, and racial chicanery. For those sistas who are doing their thing, keep on doing it. They are going to talk about you regardless! Know this. I think their insecurity is showing because more and more of us are stepping out of the box, and living to the fullest. Don't ever dumb down to capitulate to someone else's insecurities. Their issues are theirs to deal with and not yours. Bottom line, instead of accusing bw of being wanting too much, bm need to ask themselves why don't they want more......

Thank y'all for tuning in -see you next post

New Story!!!

CLICK LINK BELOW TO READ NEW IR STORY!!!

http://wwwwhitechocolatepreferred.blogspot.com/

Use the man-plan to find him!

2 Examples of women who were looking for a certain type of man, and found exactly what they wanted-and married him...

Finding him is knowing what you are looking for!

Many women cannot seem to find their ideal man. But if you ask them what he is like, or for some kind of physical description of him, and they cannot tell you. Let me tell you ladies a secret. You get and move toward what you focus on! You do not have to take my word for this. I want you to give it a try. Pick something for the next 5 days. Anything. Lets say you pick Nissan sentra cars in a certain color. I want you to write down how many you see in the next 5 days. You are going to be amazed at how many you suddenly see. Where did they come from? The fact is they were there all along, but you had not ordered your subconscious to notice them.

Once you do this experiment, and prove to yourself we get what we focus on, I want you do it for the ideal man that you are looking for. I want you to make a man plan. What this is, is simply a list of qualities that your ideal man would possess along with a vague physical description. The reason the physical description is hazy, is because his looks are secondary. The main thing is the find the man with the qualities, you seek. Following is a brief example. This plan has worked for thousands of women. (I did not invent it-I found out it's been used for a long while)

Let's say this is Betty's plan:

Man plan (Date)

My ideal man is 5.7-5.9 and has dark hair. He is attractive, but no Gerard Butler. His most prominent feature, is his scintillating personality. He makes over 60k per year, and enjoys his work. He is a physical worker, and enjoys working hard, and playing hard. He enjoys taking me out and having family get togethers at home. He is loving, kind, devoted and a great father. He is humorous and generous, and loves children (even if they are not biologically his) The most important personality trait, I am looking for is that he is an optimist and sees the world as a happy place. I have physical disabilities, so he needs to be very patient, kind, and compassionate. etc.

This is just an example of Betty's plan. This really does work! But you must write it, and you must use it. How do you use it? You eliminate the men who don't match it. Don't eliminate him if he does not match the physical, that's not so important. Only eliminate him if he differs greatly from the fundamental qualities you are looking for. Everyday spend 15 minutes 3x per day just visualizing how happy you will be with him and how much he will add to your life. Really get into your visualization. See it, feel it, almost smell his Cologne. There is power in clarity. Knowing what you want is the absolutely easiest way in the world to find it! Know what kind of work (or type) he'll do, his fitness level, his income level, his parenting skills, his devotion levels etc. Write down what you want, VISUALIZE it, and then get out there and start meeting people. I guarantee he will not be knocking on your door. You are going to have to go out and find him! Now if you look like Beyonce or Angelina, hey-he might just come to your door. But if you are like me, Pretty, but not movie-star beautiful, you are going to have to go out and find him. Go to places you usually don't go. Like hockey games, golf places, auto shows and games. Someone told me that she went to a tennis game, and every bw there was with a wm! That sounds like an ideal place to me. Listen every town has a diner or two where the police, parole officers, and fire men go for lunch-find it!

Last year, coming back from AC, my sister and I stumbled on a quiet little diner that was filled with state trooper cars. We thought they'd had some kind of emergency. We almost left but no one was coming out, so we tentatively went in. Sure enough, it was filled with happily eating, tall, handsome, white, state troopers! I went back to town( this was right outside of town) and told every single woman I knew who was looking for a man. 3 women I know so far have gone and found husbands just by having lunch at that diner everyday, until they found the man they were looking for! Every woman can do this. There are places where the men congregate and you can do a little research and find them. Use your man plan, concentrate on what you are looking for, VISUALIZE, and find HIM!........

And then write and tell us all about it..... Thank y'all for tuning in -see you next post.... Read New Story!! The girls of Hollingsworth in:

White chocolate preferred

Someone please explain John McCain to me...

John McCain with and without wife.....

Obama's convention: a few months back....



I posted the following article because it's just so funny to me that this man can get away with all the misrepresentations that he does. Even his own campaign is starting to admit he has a bit of a problem with the truth.... This is just the latest..... The following article was written by Lee Ward, and published earlier this month....

McCain Lies Again About Joe the Plumber, Blames Obama
Posted by Lee WardPublished: Oct 17, 08 06:13 PM
Not only did John McCain introduce "Joe the Plumber" to America in this week's Presidential debate, and proceed to lie to America about Obama's tax platform using "Joe the Plumber" as an example -- John McCain is now lying again, telling America that the resulting press attention paid to the guy that John McCain himself shoved into the spotlight is all Barack Obama's fault.
First, the facts...
FACT: John McCain first brought up "Joe the Plumber" during the debate, not Barack Obama.
FACT: During the debate John McCain mentioned "Joe the Plumber" 21 times, fueling a media frenzy to find out more about this guy. When discrepancies turned up, they dug deeper, exposing more information about Joe.
Obama had nothing to do with it, and yet John McCain continues to lie saying he did.
The strange tale of Joe the Plumber unfolded a bit more on the campaign trail Friday when Senator John McCain used a rally here to defend the Ohio man he made a national star of by focusing on him in Wednesday night's presidential debate.
The man, Joe Wurzelbacher, gained fame after he met Senator Barack Obama recently and expressed concerns that Mr. Obama's tax plans would hurt him if he ever became wealthy enough to buy his own plumbing business. Mr. McCain seized on the encounter at the debate to highlight the fact that Mr. Obama's tax plan -- which would cut taxes on 95 percent of Americans -- would raise the taxes on small businesses. The Obama campaign countered that Mr. Wurzelbacher in fact stood to get a bigger cut under their plan.
But under the glare of the ensuing media spotlight, reporters found that Mr. Wurzelbacher did not actually have a plumbing license, and that he actually owed some back taxes. Mr. McCain leapt to his defense here Friday in a rally at Florida International University -- and made another leap by suggesting that the Obama campaign was somehow maligning the plumber whose vote Mr. Obama has sought at a campaign stop in Ohio.
"The response from Senator Obama and his campaign yesterday was to attack Joe," Mr. McCain said. "People are digging through his personal life, and he has TV crews camped out in front of his house. He didn't ask for Senator Obama to come to his house. He wasn't recruited or prompted by our campaign. He just asked a question. And Americans ought to be able to ask Senator Obama tough questions without being smeared and targeted with political attacks."
It's the kind of lies the right wing blogsphere tells on a daily basis, but you'd expect more from someone who wants to be President -- wouldn't you?
Not if it's the desperate, erratic John McCain, who is now seeing his latest effort blowing up in his face, just as the campaign stunt "suspending his campaign" blew up in his face as well.
The press knows John McCain is just flat out lying to the American people on a regular basis (and so is Sarah Palin as a matter of fact) so naturally when John McCain uses a specific person as an example of someone who'd be hurt by Obama's tax plans, the press follows up and fact checks what McCain said.
Well, turns out ol' Joe the Plumber misrepresented himself, and John McCain misrepresented Joe and is wrong again. As a result there have been numerous press reports detailing the misinformation that was revealed by McCain's spotlight on ol' Joe the Plumber.
It must be time to blame Obama!
John McCain has turned into a pathetic figure, someone who lies, then blames others when his lies blow up on the front pages and national TV news programs.
It's bad enough that he's making bad choices, such as using Joe the Plumber as an example without checking for accuracy first, but to blame Obama for the fallout which resulted from John McCain trying to turn Joe the Plumber into an American hero is just plain disgusting.
McCain and Palin have literally thrown away their integrity, and are now lurching from one desperate, pathetic attempt to grab attention to the next.

Is it my imagination, or this the most erratic, poorly run campaign in the land?
And why is everything being blamed on Obama? Someone help me understand because I am completely stumped. This man lied about asking Obama to put off the debate. About the lipstick on the pig thing, about having won numberous awards, and honors from vets, (when a vet challenged him on national TV, he simply kept lying) He lied about Obama wanting to teach Sex Ed to little kids, about Obama being a terrorist, a communist, and now a socialist! His lies never seem to end!

But putting his misrepresentations aside, someone please tell me how a person can parade a pregnant teenager across the American stage and your chances for office not plummet? (Palin)

Please explain to me how you have have no college degree and even think about running for President of the United States (McCain)

How can you graduate at the bottom of your class 295/299 and barely make it out of HS, yet constantly sneer and roll your eyes at your opponent like you are too good to be in the same room with him? (McCain)

How can your wife get away with being addicted to pain killers, and even steal them from her own organization and have the story buried? (Cindy McCain)

And lastly how can you and your running mate lie on a constant and continual basis about any and everything and still have such a damn good shot of getting in the white house? And lastly, what the heck is this mess about REAL Americans and and patriotism. Are we not all Americans? And don't we all love this country-regardless of it's problems? I'm just wondering. and I welcome rebuttals. I think it's obvious I'm voting for Obama, but McCain supporters I welcome you to try to change my mind........

(No replies with McCain banners will be posted)