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pic 1. She could not get a BM (she's too dark)
pic 2. She's a gold digger (he's rich)
pic 3. She's beautiful, and wants to piss bm off.
pic 4. She wanted white-looking children...
For some strange reason, some ppl just cannot seem to wrap their minds around the fact that a bw can simply love a wm because of WHO he is and not because she could not find a bm who was suitable or because she is a gold digger, or because she wants to take the easy way out, etc. This is all amazingly crazy to me because as a blk woman, I think we know there is no easy way out. Just like we know that there are very few gold digging bw! Most bw will work for years to bring their dreams to fruition and never think about trying to marry their way out of destitution. As far as the belief that many bw marry wm because they could not find a suitable bm, Well, I guess in some cases that's true. I'm an optimist, but also a realist. And we can all see that many bm are in trouble and are becoming less suitable mates all the time. But I would venture to say that most sistas who marry wm, are marrying him because they have long since realized that a good man can come in ANY color. That is the whole point of this blog, to get bw to open their options. To realize that whatever color he comes in is ok, as long as he is a good man. Don't ever ever short change yourself.
The following conversation took place between a wm (uncle) and a bm (commenter)
Notice how the bm can not seem to believe that the bw in the story really ever wanted a wm....
TB (wm)
My nephew is a lifer in the Navy. His wife is a lifer in the Navy, and when he married her, she already had a daughter. He is white, his wife is black, and his daughter is probably the most attractive and charming lady that I have ever met. She is killer cute.My nephew is a chief and has been voted "Sailor of the year" for his ship, his group, etc, over and over again. He gets to choose assignments in the Navy, but if he opted out, he would have to fight to come back to rural America and live with his family.....
IV: (bm)
Sure, but this is not about intolerance, it is about black women literally giving up on finding an acceptable black husband; of a similar social status. I don't think I have heard of anything quite like this before. At the root of this are the questions: What's happening to black men. And next, why are black women seemingly doing better? And of course one has to wonder about the long term implications.
TB
I don't know if she "gave up" on finding a suitable mate who is black, but she got a loving mate who is serious about raising a smart, well-adjusted daughter who isn't afraid to work for what she wants. I'm not sure that there is a whole lot of social import in the "dating out" idea anyway. If you find a person that you click with, their race is not real important to that relationship, though it may have implications with family, friends, etc.I'm just concerned about the longer-term implications of their eventual retirement. Their pensions would go a lot farther in rural Maine than in San Diego, but interracial couples are rare here, and they would face challenges socially. My wife and I had a house in a fairly nice development, and when an interracial couple bought a house a couple of blocks away, the previous owner (retired state trooper) went around the neighborhood apologizing to people. What an idiot! The new owners are a nice couple. He manages a chain store and his wife operates a day-care center out of their home.I dated a young black woman in college for a bit. That earned me a lot of grief from a couple of black guys who were interested in her, including one HUGE fellow who wasn't shy about spouting racist crap in the dining hall and other public places...
I.V.:
That was the entire point of the story: That black women are starting to date white men due to a lack of acceptable black men.
TB (wm)
My nephew is a lifer in the Navy. His wife is a lifer in the Navy, and when he married her, she already had a daughter. He is white, his wife is black, and his daughter is probably the most attractive and charming lady that I have ever met. She is killer cute.My nephew is a chief and has been voted "Sailor of the year" for his ship, his group, etc, over and over again. He gets to choose assignments in the Navy, but if he opted out, he would have to fight to come back to rural America and live with his family.....
IV: (bm)
Sure, but this is not about intolerance, it is about black women literally giving up on finding an acceptable black husband; of a similar social status. I don't think I have heard of anything quite like this before. At the root of this are the questions: What's happening to black men. And next, why are black women seemingly doing better? And of course one has to wonder about the long term implications.
TB
I don't know if she "gave up" on finding a suitable mate who is black, but she got a loving mate who is serious about raising a smart, well-adjusted daughter who isn't afraid to work for what she wants. I'm not sure that there is a whole lot of social import in the "dating out" idea anyway. If you find a person that you click with, their race is not real important to that relationship, though it may have implications with family, friends, etc.I'm just concerned about the longer-term implications of their eventual retirement. Their pensions would go a lot farther in rural Maine than in San Diego, but interracial couples are rare here, and they would face challenges socially. My wife and I had a house in a fairly nice development, and when an interracial couple bought a house a couple of blocks away, the previous owner (retired state trooper) went around the neighborhood apologizing to people. What an idiot! The new owners are a nice couple. He manages a chain store and his wife operates a day-care center out of their home.I dated a young black woman in college for a bit. That earned me a lot of grief from a couple of black guys who were interested in her, including one HUGE fellow who wasn't shy about spouting racist crap in the dining hall and other public places...
I.V.:
That was the entire point of the story: That black women are starting to date white men due to a lack of acceptable black men.
T.B.
The fact is that there are a lot of black male sailors based out of San Diego, and the fact that they're making it in the Navy with the discipline, training requirements, deployments, etc, implies that there might be a lot of decent, eligible black guys there. She ended up with my nephew, though, and they are perfect for each other, and he is a perfect dad for their daughter.
The fact is that there are a lot of black male sailors based out of San Diego, and the fact that they're making it in the Navy with the discipline, training requirements, deployments, etc, implies that there might be a lot of decent, eligible black guys there. She ended up with my nephew, though, and they are perfect for each other, and he is a perfect dad for their daughter.
You see IV could not fathom in his mind that this couple married for love, companionship, and other commonalities. In his mind, this woman was with her w-hubby because she could not find a suitable bm. This type of thinking is dangerous to us as blk women because it keeps bm in a pool of anger and resentment-thinking we 'belong' to them. The truth is no one belongs to anyone. WW do not belong to WM! And we do not 'belong' to BM. A very dark friend of mine met me recently at the coffee shop we frequent. It's the same one I introduced her to her husband, Steven, at. She was upset and needed to talk. She said that the ppl in her family (esp. the women) were saying that she'd only married Steve so she could have a baby like Brianna. (Brianna is her precious 2 year old, she is blond and has blue eyes) She said they were saying she hated her dark skin and wanted her baby to be as light as possible. Now, I have known her for years and I know that is not the case. She, like me, loves her dark skin, and would never marry a wm to 'lighten her pool' I told this friend not to waste time worrying about what ppl said. I asked her if Steve was good to her. She said he was the best man she had ever had, and that she had never dreamed of being a stay at home mom until he came along. Then I asked her how foolish was it to worry about what other women were saying when many of those women worked 2 jobs and struggled, with no help from their bm baby daddies. While she lives in a beautiful subdivision and is able to finish her degree and be a stay home mom. She actually looked relieved like she needed to hear this from another bw, then she started to laugh...
The point is many ppl will try to imply or state all kinds of reasons for bw dating and marrying out, as it is becoming more and more prevalent every day. Ladies it's important for you to never let ppl get you upset with their own issues. You don't have to prove you are black enough. You don't have to prove you are NOT a gold digger! You don't have to prove a damn thing to anyone. You just have to be your own special self, and give your children the best life you can give them. And I can't think of a better way to start, than with a good husband for you and a great dad for them......