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Monday, October 19, 2009

The art of Covert Nefarious Delusion, and how it's used on bw.....


"Psss... "White men don't want you-so you might as well stay!"

"You need bm, you know it..."

"Give a brotha a chance, he'll get it together one day...."

"Oh, so you gonna sleep with the slave master!-the ones who raped your grandmother!"

Covert Nefarious Delusion- in action.....
I remember watching a real life-type program on TV a while ago (true story type) . There was a handsome white father who had divorced his wife, (also white) and was living alone. The wife took their young teen aged child, and moved to start a new life. The father was reduced to seeing his child a few times a year. When the child was 16 she decided she would like to live with her father. He was estastic. He had a business, and nice home, and new girl friend, but they happily set up a room for her, and went to the airport to meet her. The girl came off the plane, and flung herself into his arms. She was dark haired and quite pretty. She in fact, looked alot like him. He and his gf made her feel at home, and welcomed her happily into their lives. He enrolled her in school, and she settled in-seemingly happy. A year later, the teacher in chemistry was giving a lesson on a very dangerous substance, and was telling the class how if ingested, this particular substance would be fatal-and very difficult to identify in the body, as it mimicked a heart attack. The girl listened with rapt attention. Later, for seemingly no reason, she grabbed a paper towel and stole some of the substance.....

About a week later she made a Mexican dish for her father and his gf. The family was happily eating, and talking, when the father became violently ill. The gf panicked and called 911, but by the time they arrived the father had what looked like a heart attack, and was DOA. The gf was inconsolable with the daughter seen crying next to her except when they panned in on her face, it was obvious there were no tears! Simply a blank, dead look. Shortly after wards she went to with her grandparents (her mother had remarried, and refused to take her) she bragged to her friend, that she had killed her father because she wanted to go live with her mother! Her friend soon told on her. The body was excavated, re-autopsied, and she was subsequently arrested. But the most important thing is; when the judge asked her how she could murder the man who loved, take care of, and raised her most of her life. She just gave him a cold, insidious smile, and shrugged! Killing her father meant absolutely nothing to her!-it was like he didn't even matter. The psychiatrist told the police (who also wanted to know) she was a sociopath. she had no empathy for others. Her only role in life is to get what she wanted, and that she saw ppl as objects for her use, and enjoyment. However, the minute the 'object' got in the way, she would simply eliminate it...

I remember being shocked and horrified at the actions of this girl. Her father was so kind and good to her, I could not understand how she could treat him this way. How she could take his life when all she had to do was leave! And the mother, she was murdering him- to get to, did not even want her! She was a cold blooded murderer, but on the outside, she was a young pretty dark haired teenager. This is what made her all the more deadly. Her looks helped her mask a very dark and evil core. Her father had been deceived by her very covert, nefarious delusion. She pretended to love him, and the moment his back was turned she had poisoned him to death, -and felt absolutely NO REMORSE....

And this is exactly what happening to many bw in America right now. So many of you are looking into the faces of men you see everyday, and thinking they care about you while you are being slowly poisoned! And it's every bit as deadly as the substance the evil girl used on her unsuspecting father. It just works more slowly, and methodically. Every day, bw are made to feel low, unloved, useless, hated, and unattractive. Then they are blamed for feeling this way, and made to feel as if they are imagining it, or brought it on themselves...

For instance, if any of you have ever checked out the things said about Whoppi, let me enlighten you. They are saying things like this:

"She's so black and ugly -why doesn't she kill herself?"
"Who would want that ugly-black thing?"
"Man, she looks like a monster!"
"Ugly ass B**** she should slit her own wrists, to save our eyes!"
Then they have a nerve to turn around and become enraged because she only dates wm! Saying that she should bring that money back to the blk community! (Can you blame Whoopi for running?....They've all got their arms extended, offering flasks of poison, and are livid because she won't sit still, and drink!


Let me give you some examples of this poison being used against ordinary bw everyday:
Young Berg: " I don't do dark butts!"

Neyo: " All the prettiest kids are mixed!"
Westley Snipes " "Black women got too much attitude, that's why I don't date them..
Ice Tea: "I don't give a damn what bw think-they're just jealous of my wife!"
DL Hugley " They was some ugly ass women!" (referring to Rutgers girl's team)
Clarence Thomas " I would never touch her, (hill) She's too damn dark!" (he's darker than her) Wilt Chamberlain: "I can't date black women-they don't even know which fork to use!"
Damon Wayons: " Imus was right-I have no issue with him calling them nappy headed hos!"
DJ Barnes: Originator of the light skin party......

Yet bm insist that bw are lying when bw call them color-struck and accuse them of being intra-racists.... And this can go on and on and on...
Bw wake up! You are being systematically poisoned by degrees in covert fashion, everyday. The longer you engage in magical thinking the more viable and immediate, the danger becomes. The most significant reason you have not reconciled the danger, is because the ones administering the poisoning, ARE CALLED BROTHERS! This is no accident. This is systematic mind programming. (Covert Nefarious Delusion) These ppl have designed this pernicious program to capture a bw's mind, and turn her into a slave for the bc, in whatever purpose is deemed most necessary, at any given time. The trick is to make her feel so lowly and undesired, that she is quite vulnerable, and hungry for ANY type of attention. When this task is completed, she won't dare utter the word marriage, she will bet too afraid of offending her mind captors. Besides, by that time she will know that she is garbage, and they will no longer have to remind her on a daily basis. She will happily comply with fatherless children, being used for money, sex, her home, her laundry skills, her cooking skills, her connections etc. This begins with causing her to think all bm are her brothers. They are NOT your brothers, so stop using that expression. That in and of itself lowers your defenses, and leaves you open to attack. What you are experiencing at the hands of these men is nothing short of spiritual - homicide. And any fool knows that once the spirit dies, the body follows suit!! This is warfare for your sanity. This is not just a few innocent remarks. These 'remarks' are leading to all sorts of malfeasance being committed against bw.

The remarks are ONLY the beginning! Black women are not being allowed to walk the streets in peace, or live in peace. They are being bombarded all the time, with disparaging remarks, insults, that grow more deadly, and acts of violence that grow more malicious all the time. Bw are living and dying (sometimes by suicide) because of these 'innocent remarks, and the accompanying actions of 'brothers' everyday! Yet many bw cannot for the life of them, figure out why they are constantly depressed, on edge, or eating to the point of oblivion. They are being told that a few innocent words mean nothing. they are over-reacting. They are acting 'white'. (expecting bm to treat them in a decent manner.)This is why bw are constantly told they are imagining things COVERT NEFARIOUS DELUSION- this causes her to question her own mind, and her own sanity. She begins to think: 'But if everyone thinks nothings wrong-then I must be complaining about nothing!" Even though her heart (and often her body-via- pain) is telling her everything is NOT all right. She sips minute amounts of the poison daily and dies by degrees. Learn to recognize poison for what it is, and remove yourself from it's source. The reason so many bw are walking zombies of pain now is because half the folks in the black enclaves are screaming: "Black women are fat, loud, ugly, no good, baby mommas etc....

Bw are constantly attacked emotionally, spiritually and even physically. Yet she is the least likely to be protected and aided, should she fall. Now ask yourself- what do other blacks say when bw are attacked? Listen to how her feelings are disregarded, and brushed away...


"Just ignore it" "It don't mean nuthin"
"You're too sensitive""We just need to show that brother some love that's all"
"If the white man wasn't hurtin him so bad-he wouldn't hurt you"
"You tryin to claim he raped you! -Oh, so you tryin to lock another brother up-right!"
"So he squeezed your butt!-You shouldn't been wearin those tight pants!"
"He threw that rock at you cause you thought you was too good to speak!"
"You a sista-you should understand what a brotha goes through!" etc etc etc.....

The whole black construct seems predicated on using bw, and convincing them that they are not seeing and hearing what they think they are seeing and hearing. You are hearing them right! You are seeing them right!
When you walk by, and you see the evil glare in their eyes, you are NOT imagining it. When you see their lips curl, and their eyes squint with malice, you are not imagining it!

I remember someone talking about being on a bus, and pulling up to a stop. She said she watched as a bm attacked a bw in full view of everyone at the stop and on the bus. He was punching and calling her B**** as he beat her senseless in front of her two screaming, crying children. The little girls were screaming in fear, while a dozen bm stood by, some of them laughing!!! This woman was being beaten to death in front of these animals, and not one of them intervened, and some of them laughed!!! Bw-you MUST GET OUT!!

As I remember it, the bus driver (a wm) had to leave the bus and scare this fool away. While her so-called 'brothers' stood there! That's why I say those words are designed to confuse, and dis empower you. These men are NOT your brothers-they never have been, and they never will be! And even though they are trying to pull a CND on you, (Covert Nefarious Delusion) you can get away if you move fast.

I will give you another example of what I'm talking about. In one of the mixed schools I went to, I was accosted one day by several black guys because they didn't like the fact, that I was dating a wb. (although many of them had w-gfs) When they asked me why I was messing with a 'white devil' I responded 'None of your damn business! " They didn't like my answer. "Well since you like white d--k," one snarled. "You'll like the real thing alot better!" They grabbed me (we were on the outside of the school,) and pretended to be 'playing' as they tried to 'feel me up' while I kicked, punched, and screamed. An officer who was nearby, ran over, and immediately, they released me. The whole thing lasted about 5 minutes, but I was hysterical and crying. He knelt down, and gently pulled me back up- asking me what happened. They immediately began to chuckle, saying "Girl, you know we was just playin wit you" and "Don't make a big deal, and get a brotha in trouble over nuthin now" The officer told them to shut up, and I went inside with him to make a report. Ms Getty, A bw in the main office convinced me to drop the charges saying a good bg would never send young brothers to jail or get them suspended. She made them apologize the next day, and they snickered as they did so....

Several years later, two of these same 4 boys (men) are in jail for raping and murdering several black women! Recognize CND for what it is. Don't let the wool be pulled over your eyes-it's too dangerous to be blind in this world. These jerks who had attacked me actually tried to 'pretend' it was a game, even though I was crying hysterically! I see this everyday. Bw being hurt in the worst ways, while everyone tries to tell her she's imagining things. Bw wake up to the fact that some ppl have NO CONSCIOUS. Stop thinking because YOU could not knowingly hurt someone, that they could not knowingly hurt you. One has nothing to do with the other. While bw are being hurt, insulted, used, maltreated, abused, and sometimes killed, other bp will still be insisting that you that you are over-reacting! You provoked it. They didn't mean to kill you blah, blah, blah....

Refuse to be misled, and guided down the path of spiritual suicide, or acquiescence. They are attempting to engage in Covert Nefarious Delusion, and you are the pigeon. It does not matter if they are male of female, black or white. Anyone who tells you the blk enclaves are not death traps, and that most bm are not trying to harm you emotionally or physically, is either lying to themselves or knowingly lying to you. Ether way-get away from them. Some bw have been treated so badly, that their critical analyzing faculties, are short circuiting from the numerous lies and distortions they've swallowed. Some to the degree, that they can no longer trust their own reasoning skills anymore, because they've become so mangled by misuse and distortions. These women are likely to be horribly confused and vulnerable. Some of these vulnerable weaker souls, will be turned into sycophantic minions and be used to go out and gather more fools to come into the bc. The new fools will be groomed and readied for sacrifice...... This is why you have some bw who will actively go out and bring other bw into the hellholes to be harmed. This is usually done by friendship (false) intimidation, lies, pressure, or even fear if necessary. Whatever it takes, these bm-identified pathetic souls-will bring in new victims...

Here are some of the primary ways ppl will try to brainwash bw into thinking they are imaging things, and that everything is honky-Dory in the bc.....
Do any of the following sound/feel familiar?

1. Get a bunch of ppl around you, and keep repeating that you are wrong.
2. Tell you how crazy it sounds, and try to force you to explain how it makes sense
3. Quote well known damaged men, and pretend their words mean something
4. Call up ppl in your family or theirs who will back them up
5. Tell others so they can all laugh at your ridiculous assertions
6. Tell other bm/bw so they can look at you like you've lost it
7. Talk about black love, and how we need to support each other
8. Send you articles, and emails that supposedly ' prove' bw are back stabbing bm
9. Talk non-stop about how bw don't support bm anymore
10. Talk about how horribly bad bm have it, and how bw are now turning their backs and running off with wm
11. How 'good' bw would NEVER do to bm what today's bw are doing.
12. How only 'whorish' bw would ever consider dating white....
13. "Bw should raise bb better, then they wouldn't be filling the jails!"
14. "Bw ain't standing behind bm, that's why bm is leaving them for white girls"
15. "If bw had they sh-- together, they wouldn't be all alone"
16. "If bw would stop thinking they better than bm, they wouldn't have a 70% single rate!"
17. "Bw won't let bm be fathers, that's why bm don't take care of their kids"
18. If bw didn't wear so many hair weaves, and act so fake-bm wouldn't have left .....
19. If bw weren't so fat,mean, uppity,etc... then bm wouldn't have left them....
20. We just need to come together and love our brothers-then they'll change/come back etc...

And on and on ad nauseum. The point is, that this is Covert Nefarious Delusion at it's finest. These words and many others are used to convince, persuade, and corrupt bw's minds to think that everything in the bc is their faults, and their responsibility to fix. These ppl and their enablers know that once you control the mind, the body will surely follow. This is why they are in such a rush to convince bw that they're bad, mean, lazy, ugly, fat, too ambitious, uppity, heartless and most of all UNWANTED BY ANYONE ELSE! Because once the mind is sufficiently demeaned, and dulled by pain, and repetition. These women will become like living zombies. Malleable, and easily controlled (used) for their whims. Never doubt for a moment that there is a war for your mind. It is up to you to exercise and use your critical thinking abilities along with your intuition. These are inherent weapons given to you by nature to aid in your survival. But if you abrogate these precious gifts, then the effect is the same as not having them....

Start NOW! 60-day action plan to escape!
Start stashing money now. Every chance you get, put those dollars away. Don't tell anyone. the bible says "Go, and tell no man" this is reference to a get away. Act like you believe all the bs the bc is putting down.

Nod your head with the other cartoon characters and say: "um... hmm girl, you are right-sistas need to stop stabbing good brothers in the back!"

Make a power fist to the bm walking by with the white girl on his arm, like you believe his bull. Pretend you don't notice that he's giving his name, his money, his time, his progeny, his home, vehicles, and possessions to the wg. while handing out 'black literature' about how terrible the 'man' is, and how he's keeping the bm down...

Then, instead of going to church 5 days a week, cut back and go spend some time in a much nicer, and culturally diverse area. Really soak up the feel of fresh air and clean streets. Come back as often as you can. When you are not there-picture it. What you are doing is creating the scene in your mind so that you can draw it into your life. Along with picturing, you must ACT. Get a membership to a health club in this area, or library card (if you can use someone else's address) spend as much time here as you can, so it becomes a very 'real' part of your life. Then look for employment here, or see if you can transfer on your job. When you land employment in this area, rent a U-haul for a few hundred dollars, and get the hell out of the hellhole known as the bc. Don't even let your children come back to visit-they don't need to see these evil places again...

144 comments:

Tracy said...

Your post broke my heart - for this was the same reason (the physical attack) that I turned my back on the bc when I stepped out of high school more than twenty years ago!

Even now, the looks (or non-looks, because most of them cannot look into your eyes) are the same. I remember being at an outdoor function where a band was playing. Lots of good looking bw dancing with each other, and the men just standing and mean mugging or (of course) dancing with WW. If you dared look into their faces, they turned away as to say "Whatchu looking at - I don't want you!"

Buuut....when I approached a wm who was jamming by himself on the sidelines about dancing with me - and he accepted - you could have cut the air with a knife. All of a sudden all eyes were on us - I guess freedom looks funny up close!!

And you are spot on about leaving, but add one more thing! Travel - go overseas and find out just how much bw are loved and honored.

Most of my cousins joined the armed forces and when they came back, the first thing they told the girls was "oh you don't want to go to Germany, London, Italy etc - they are prejudiced there!" Never mind that they all came back with German or Japanese wives!!

Soo, on one of my Cousin's SATO discount, I toured Paris, London and Berlin.

In London, I was called Sweetheart treated like a little princess; In Berlin, more than one young man commented on my "big brown eyes" and except for the hole in the floor toilets, Paris was a dream.

So, yes, get out!! Have an adventure , and open your mind and body to new ideas and cultures. Learn a new language (or two)! There is nothing for you here with the BC but misery.

I agree with you Sara - tip on out, keep your plans and your dreams to yourself.

Clarice said...

This is so on point! Sorry for the long post but this struck a cord and I flashed back to articles and information that I have read working with abuse survivors. The propaganda machine real and deadly. These DBR folks are sociopaths and psychopaths. Readers here need to know the traits of these types of individuals and integrate that information into the vetting process for anyone that they meet be they dates or acquaintances. Here is a link that provides interesting and informative information that could save a great deal of heartache and maybe even a life.

http://www.xomba.com/are_you_dating_a_sociopath

Some women have been so worn down mentally, spiritually, psychologically and emotionally by these mind games that they might not recognize the signs, moreover these sociopaths/psychopaths are skilled at appearing 'normal' and are hard to detect. They depend on knowing and being able to use social norms to their own ends.

Another resource is the book the Sociopath Next Door - this trait crosses all races, classes and but for the purposes of this blog it is clear that DBR folks exhibit most or all of these traits.

http://www.cix.co.uk/~klockstone/spath.htm

"Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us", Robert D. Hare, Guilford Press, 1999, ISBN 1572304510. Professor Hare is one of the leading authorities on psychopaths.

"Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work", Paul Babiak & Robert D. Hare, Regan Books, 2006, ISBN-10: 0060837721, ISBN-13: 978-0060837723. The authors explore the infiltration into today's corporations by psychopaths, or those with destructive personality characteristics that are invisible to many with whom they interact.

"Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry", Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D., McGraw-Hill, 2001, ISBN 0-07-138167-8. Dr. Bernstein cleverly uses the vampire analogy to examine the condition.

"In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People", George K Simon, Ph.D., A. J. Christopher & Co., 1996, ISBN: 096516960X. Dr. Simon uses the term 'Covert Aggression' in his analysis.

Questions to consider in your mind when you meet anyone but especially DBR folks are:

# Do they have problems sustaining stable relationships, personally and in business?

# Do they frequently manipulate others to achieve selfish goals, with no consideration of the effects on those manipulated?

# Are they cavalier about the truth, and capable of telling lies to your face?

# Do they have an air of self-importance, regardless of their true standing in society?

# Have they no apparent sense of remorse, shame or guilt?

# Is their charm superficial, and capable of being switched on to suit immediate ends?

http://www.cix.co.uk/~klockstone/teleg.htm

If the answer to even one of these questions is yes - it is a red flag and needs to be taken seriously.

Thank you Sara for the wonderful, insightful article.

V/r

Clarice

Enlightened said...

Hey Sara!

Great blog!

I never knew Ice-T said that about black women! But you know what's so ironic about that? His white wife STAYS on the cover of black men's magazines. This chick's body is plastic from head to toe, but you would be hard pressed to find a black men's magazine that either doesn't have her on the cover or doesn't have her featured in a spread inside. I know quite a few black men who think she is the finest thing on two legs, but bring up a black woman who is as plastic as she is (i.e. Angel Lola Luv or Tracy Bingham) and their noses are turned up so fast it's unreal!

For the record, Ice-T is not a catch and being on the cover of a black men's magazine is absolutely NOT what black women should be aspiring to. But I just find that to be super ironic about him and his "wife".

Again, great blog!

Jamdown said...

Good post - I can see why you are so strong in your position. Although I do not share your experiences, I can say that there are Black men who despise Black women, and this obviously explains why so many Black girls are victimized by adult Black men.

Reading "What About Our Daughters" sends chills down my spine when the blogger reveals heart-wrenching stories about Black girls being raped and victimized by multiple Black men.

Unfortunately, often Black women support these Black men and don't hold them accountable for their actions.

Aphrodite said...

This is another good one Sara. I have referred several teens to your blog and I hope they read and take heed. You know I am such an evangelical these days. :)

At any rate some of them are dealing with this with their FAMILIES! It is heartbreaking bc I keep stressing to these young women that this is abnormal. It tears them down and it tears me up bc I can't make it stop for them.


Your mother/father/ siblings should not be calling you "nappy headed" or other such in a derogatory way.


I hope they stop by bc maybe what I say will have more weight if they hear it from a cross section of women - as well as women who are bit more seasoned than I am.


Thank you and keep up the good work.


PS. My small clothes are getting bigger and I had another good flirting experience with a WM at company today. I am starting to like this flirting in person stuff.

CW said...

I love this one Sara:


"Oh, so you gonna sleep with the slave master!-the ones who raped your grandmother!"


I would simply tell them if the 'Mr.White Mann In Question' did in fact rape my grandmother, then he is too old for me to date!

Amarie said...

Talk about black love, and how we need to support each other.

I just got off the phone with a friend who just told me she bought an $85 subscription for a white fashion magazine from a "brotha" who was hustling to make money to pay for school. I told her that was way too much money for a subscription. She said it was for 3 years and I don't believe her. When I asked if she knew the man personally, she said "no, but we got to support our brothas".

KM said...

Personally, I'm digging out of a financial hole so I can move. at the same time, I'm applying to graduate school because using that, I can move away faster as well.

My old job used to be all like this: BW, mostly unmarried, gossiping and clucking around the few BM who worked there, giving them favors. As soon as someone came in who wasn't playing according to the BM's tone, the CND would come into affect (Girl, who you think you better than, You need to change your attitude because no brother will want you like that, Do you think you're white?)

Another girl and I were both not falling for the okey doke but they ground the other girl down and she got caught up with one of the BM at work (married, with kids, but plenty of work girlfriends). After reading the BWE blogs, I left. I'm making less but it's another step out of the DBR BC matrix.

And where I work now, it's mainly WW but it's placed on a university campus where there are PLENTY of available QUALITY men of every race, mostly WM and AM. I've been definitely getting some feelers and I'm going out this weekend with a WM I met at work.

Taylor-Sara said...

Go head Km!
Now isn't that better than sharing some loser who thinks he's God's gift, while he whores his way around the office? If those women want to throw their lives away on men that aren't worth salt, that's their business, but always remember ladies, you don't have to participate. Leave-and get away from damaged ppl as fast as your legs can carry you. Km, that's what happened to your friend. She stuck around too long, and ended up caught up in the fog of CND...

rainebeaux said...

Sara, this post is critical. I don't know how I'm standing upright (much less reading this blog), given how much poison I've ingested for almost five years now...I can't disown/move away from moms and the babydaddy fast enough!

Ladies who are lurking: there's a reason you're feeling sluggish and want to take a life or two (maybe not even your own, but your head's so dang foggy these days you'll do almost anything for some relief at this point).

Yeah, this post struck my one nerve that isn't comatose. My plans to move is already in place (unfortunately, it involves working two jobs for a while, perhaps indefinitely. A small price to pay for my freedom as well as my daughter's.)

KM said...

Thanks Taylor-Sara,

I took a big hit to my pockets and I had to move home but my emotional and mental health has really improved! Sometimes you have to take what people consider a step back to take 3 steps forward...

Lovebug said...

Great post, Sara !!! I don't have anything to add, you said it all.
Thank you once again for all that you do.

Steph said...

I loved this post. People would like to downplay the emotional abuse dished out to BW, but no one could deny that it is there. In high school, I would have never believed that some BM could be so racist and hateful but boy was I wrong! Just four years after I graduated I could floor people with the stories I have.

I generally stay away from the gender war going on in Youtube but once I left a comment on a video stating the top 5 successful interracial marriage of which BW were in relationships that came in #2 and #3 most successful and BM didn't appear in the top 5 at all. I wrote a comment talking about my surprise that BM did not breach the top 5 and stated that this might prove the point that some black men (I made sure not to say all or even most) were in interracial relationships for the wrong reason...and my inbox was flooded with emails from angry BM. One even told me to "know my place" because WM were marrying women who identified themselves racially as "other" more than they were marrying black women. Another even posted up statistics to prove that BM were marrying WW much more than BW were marrying WM (even though that wasn't even the point of the video). The really creepy thing is that that same DBR wrote me SIX MONTHS later and posted the same statistics, stating "in case you forgot." This is coming from a guy whose page was flooded with Biblical memorabilia and Bible quotes.

Trust me, these people absolutely do NOT have your best interest in heart. Why would they feel the need to prove how much WM were not marrying BW if they truly cared about you? And these men were not doling out "touch love," they were using scare tactics and stalking to try and put me in a box. I could write about real life examples but I already wrote a novel, LOL. Ladies, DO NOT let them into your head. We can't control their wild and damaged behavior but we CAN control who we lend our ears to.

Anonymous said...

Get out of here! I scrolled down just a little and saw Travis Tritt married to who? Wow, that is all I have to say.

A.

sky said...

Sara! If you had to retire and this was your last post, it was on point! My goodness, I feel so sorry for bw who are still drinking this kool-aid! I wanna grab them and help them escape. I understand how Harriet Tubman felt, "I freed thousands of slaves. I could have freed thousands more, if they had known they were slaves".

My goodness, this is what is happening w/ bw, and THE MAIN REASON why these keepers of blackness don't want bw to escape or find love elsewhere. They don't want other men to look @ bw as beautiful souls or beautiful women, they want them to see this ugly picture painted of bw! it's why so many bw including myself are working hard on YT to kill these sterotypes and the majority of bw who have written to me and others who finally see the light and finally want to date men they've always been attracted to!

And believe me bw when i saw other races of men ARE NOT BUYING INTO WHAT BLACK MEN SAY/THINK OF BLACK WOMEN. Many of them are defending us on YT, some have written to me and to other channels.

You blew me away w/ this post! I have no other words to say *whew!*

Anonymous said...

"Damon Wayons: " Imus was right-I have no issue with him calling them nappy headed hos!"

If Damon said that then he must really hate his sister, Kim. Who by the way is married to a wm.
She was fortunate to wake up.


LOL...Ice-T and his "wifey" are just plain TRASH. Who in their right minds would be jealous of an ex-prostitute? Actually, the way she spread eagles her legs she still is a prostitute and Ice-T is the one allowing his "wifey" to show her big, fake rear end to men for money. These two have no shame or consideration for their children. After all we are being trashy for the money.

I previously read that statement about Wilt Chamberlin and I suppose all the other race of women know exactly which utensil to use properly. I supposed he grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth. He is a big oaf.

A.

Anonymous said...

You are probably right about not allowing your children to visit those areas and why should they? Your kids do not need to pick up on more bad behavior.

A.

Anonymous said...

I've been cussed out on at least three separate occasions by miscreants who approached me (mostly in shopping center parking lots) selling a variety of unwanted junk. I've watched to see if they ever curse out white people who turn them down or just outright ignore them -- the answer is: of course they don't.

I've also been approached by black girls but they have ALWAYS been polite when I declined to buy anything.

A lot of Negro males have a strong and unwavering sense of entitlement when it come to BW's pocketbooks. They especially think that if they're making even a weak attempt at earning a living for themselves (as opposed to robbery, dealing drugs or being some woman's full-time parasite), and they ask a black woman -- any black woman -- to buy their wares, then (if she has any money at all) she is morally obligated to purchase something whether she wants it, needs it or even whether she can afford it doesn't matter.

Karen said...

Sara,

This post is timely in more ways than one. I salute you!

Bellydancer said...

A woman I know said she used to live in Seattle where bw are constantly ignored by bm.
When she took salsa lesson the bm would come with their non black partners and would not be a gentlemen and dance with the extra bw standing there so the instructor had to rotate and do the dances more than once to demonstrate.
One day a pro dancer stopped by, a wm who had danced and won many competitions. Well he started to dance with some of the extra bw that were standing around, the bm started to get these funny looks on their faces because the bw were starting to get into it and have a little fun.
Now up until then the bw were being ignored and some women had quit.
The few wm that were there had seen what was happening and they had been dancing with some of the bw but the looks on the bm's faces made some of them hesitant.
On that day though the wm jumped in and started to get brave and after that some of the bm came around especially when they saw that they could no longer intimidate anybody.

(You don't miss momma until she's gone.)

That never rang so true until now.

Aphrodite said...

"She said she watched as a bm attacked a bw in full view of everyone at the stop and on the bus. He was punching and calling her B**** as he beat her senseless in front of her two screaming, crying children. The little girls were screaming in fear, while a dozen bm stood by, some of them laughing!!! This woman was being beaten to death in front of these animals, and not one of them intervened, and some of them laughed!!!"


I can believe this. I had a job in the hood and they always thought that arguing, fights etc were "entertaining".



@KM Congratulations!!! :)


@ Steph

"The really creepy thing is that that same DBR wrote me SIX MONTHS later and posted the same statistics, stating "in case you forgot." This is coming from a guy whose page was flooded with Biblical memorabilia and Bible quotes."


That is creepy. The fact that this negro was thinking of you SIX months later! That has to be grounds for a mental disorder.

I don't trust BM at all. I totally avoid -if I can help it.



@ Anon

"A lot of Negro males have a strong and unwavering sense of entitlement when it come to BW's pocketbooks. .....they're making even a weak attempt at earning a living for themselves (as opposed to robbery, dealing drugs or being some woman's full-time parasite), and they ask a black woman -- any black woman -- to buy their wares, then (if she has any money at all) she is morally obligated to purchase something whether she wants it, needs it or even whether she can afford it doesn't matter."


I keep running into the beggars who think they are entitled to your spare change or for you to buy them food. But I noticed that like you said they never bother the Whites and others that are around. It look like they don't even approach the non black that are around.


@rainebeaux

Hang in there!

Aphrodite said...

TT and his wife look good together.

sky said...

Bellydancer you ain't said nothing but a word.I've had several instances like that.

A friend of mine and I went to the club(mostly black) and most the guys were not dancing except w/ the few ww/hw that were there. No sweat off my back but when almost the entire group of men aren't dancing w/ you because they want to wait their turn to dance w/ them, that's a problem. So me and my friend were like screw it, so we started dancing w/ these hispanic men, can you believe on after the other was standing in line to wait for us to finish? One even tried to pull me away from him and said something like "come on sista you don't need to be dancing w/ him". I didn't say anything i pulled myself from him and went back to dancing w/ him and he walked of pissed. From that point they started to dance w/ the other black girls in the club.

another incident happened...i went to a soccer game at my school and because the otherside was already filled me and my friend had no choice but to sit on the other side, mostly wm(hell they were cute so i wasn't mad). So we sat there and watched the game. smh...one after another came up to asking us "aren't ya'll sitting on the wrong side?". I didn't say jack because I wasn't about to make a fool of myself by responding to them, mind you some of them were guys i know. but yet on the other side they were sitting next to the becky's and maria's of the school, but wanted me to sit there w/ them? hmm no.

and don't think it's just them some ww have a problem w/ it to. i have a class w/ a hispanic guy that ive known for quite awhile, so we sit together in class, all of a sudden this white chick starts sitting w/ us. This girl up until this day has YET to introduce herself to me,i have no intentions of getting to know her either, since she uninvitedly started to sit w/ us. This chick has no idea that i could careless that she likes this hm, cuz my crush is elsewhere.

Anonymous said...

I bet Wilt Chamberlain came to regret making that asinine statement over the years. Talking about how he wouldn't date someone based on forks made him seem not only extremely shallow but also really, really DUMB!

sherocks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zabeth said...

@Sky I've had similar experiences with WW so I'm not surprised. I remember attending an event at a museum in my city and this good looking WM started talking to as opposed to my white girlfriend who had invited me. He was a nice guy and we had an interesting conversation. My girlfriend didn't care that he was talking to me because she was talking to another guy but, it did seem to irk the other woman she had brought with us to the event. The other woman (whom no one was talking to) just stared awkwardly. When we left this other woman kept insisting that the gentleman I was talking to was truly interested in my friend when it was pretty obvious who the fellow had be talking to. I just ignored it and chuckled to myself recognizing the situation for what it truly was.

I also have a co-worker who refers to her BW friend as someone who "thinks she's white" because she unapologetically dates WM. Now this co-worker almost exclusively dates BM, and I'm yet to hear her describe herself as "thinking she's black." LOL! That's why I don't believe for a second that WW are unphased by IR dating and still need to believe that their on some kind of pedestal.

XaiXai said...

Hi Taylor-Sara. This is a landmark post. As I was reading it the image from the matrix where Neo is in his pod and all his sensory feeding tubes pop off and he's jettisoned from the matrix came to mind. Kudos to you. You are a freedom guru. I wanted to give a tip to ladies wanting to escape from the bc. I couldn't afford an apartment or rental of a house. I could afford a house share or the rental of a room. So I put on the best jogging outfit I owned and jogged through the ritziest neighborhoods. I used my iphone and took photos of for rent signs, I went to their lovely supermarkets and corner stores and coffee shops and copied/took photos of all posted rentals on the bulletin boards. I also picked up the neighborhood newspapers. From these actions I was able to first rent a room in a lovely home for minimal price (I put my belongings in storage). I saved money. When a rental opened up in the neighborhood I was first in line. Since I cultivated friendships with my neighbors they new me and I now rent a lovely home in walking distance to Lake Washington in Seattle. Start small, save and when the opportunity presents itself, pounce on it with all four!!

@ Bellydancer
I live in Seattle and what you say is so true. If you ever want to see bm come out of the woodwork like roaches, just show up with a good looking Nordic male on your arm. Black men can dish it out but sure can't take it. Gradually white men will become bolder.

Xai

Gab said...

Fantastic post, as usual!!!
I've never lived in the low-class bc until now. I've always lived in diverse, affluent areas. I moved here because in this city it's all I can afford. But thankfully, I'm wise to the bs. And trust me, the local bm have noticed that I'm new and that I'm not one of the bw who have allied with them. They hang out on the corners for hours on end. They see me coming home from work every day and see me walking quickly up the hill, ignoring their comments about my body. They ask out loud why I smile and say hi to little kids and old women but not to them. And they don't like it; I hope I can withstand their evil. I'm going to keep my head up until I have enough money from my new job to move back where I belong.
I really wish that you could publish your blog in a newsletter or something. You have so many readers but when I walk around and see bm refusing to shape up and bw catering to their crap, it's clear that not everyone is getting the message.

L said...

This is a wonderful post Sara. I don't know how you keep outdoing yourself, but all your messages are truth to be told. Keep them coming.

Clarice, thanks for the abundant information you provided.

I have sent so many people here today. I fully expect the comments to be filled with commentary on this excellent post -- as usual.

Steph said...

@Aphrodite: Yeah, it was beyond creepy that he was still thinking about me after so long. It just proves that those guys who keep saying "Why do you have these channels for IR? No one cares" are just lying because why would they stalk us so much??

Oh, and I was having a conversation with a friend of an acquaintance (I will dub him Simpleton) in my study group. One of the BW in the group was complaining that there were more BW than BM in college because she hasn't been on a date for awhile. Simpleton, as if waiting for the opportunity, went off on a tangent about how white supremacists support BW going to college in order to show that blacks are getting an education but do not want BM to be given the same opportunity because they are afraid of a powerful BM.

While he was talking, all the girls did in the group was roll our eyes and nod our heads as if we knew what the heck he was talking about. So,I guess I was chosen to be in my college in order to keep the BM down instead of my being part of the National Honor Society, Vice President of my class junior year, secretary of my drama club, and in three sports. It had absolutely NOTHING to do with that! Seriously some BM can be sooooo paranoid. No wonder some of them are still trapped with their slave mentality in which they don't strive for better and feel they have to sex up a lot of white wimmins in order to feel masculine and take it to "the man." I like WM because I am ATTRACTED to them, not to prove a point.

Lisa-just-Lisa said...

The next time someone tries to break your spirit remember this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yetHqWODp0

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow, it's great the way you ladies are sharing ideas and helpful info with each other. I love that! And congrats to all you sistas doing your thing... The newsletter idea, I actually like because then I could include tips, ways to leave, ways to make the money to leave etc. I'll have to check out how to do one. -thanks xai, I hadn't really thought of that. For all you ladies who just cannot afford the rents on an apt/house though, stay tuned. Next post I'll include a few ways to get houses dirt cheap. Until then -Good night everyone-I'm exhausted....

Anonymous said...

Take care Sara.

A.

Kay said...

Just curious Sarah. Why do you think that every study on the subject indicates that black women have the highest self-esteem of any group of women and the most positive body image?

Also, did Snipes made that exact quote? I recall an interview/ discussion on the topic of relationships and who he is dating and I don't recall him saying this. Can you also reference the Clarence Thomas quote?

I have also heard Hugley compliment black women and his wife is black. I think that he was specifically referring to those basketball players. Several black comedians defended Imus because they don't want comedian censorship and I think that Ice-T lashed out against the black women who routinely criticized his wife.

Married and Broke! said...

Hi Sara, as always, you have some good points/tips/interesting topics, but they have come 20 yrs. too late for me!
I am happily married to a BM, and broke {due to technological umemployment that is sweeping the U.S.} and the financial situation is a burden for us. We {Both of Us!} want to leave the BC, even do as another person suggested, leave the U.S. and live abroad, but are sooo broke that even buying Passports is too expensive! *SIGH*
I am now at a point in my life where I feel like I wasted too much time listening to DBR's telling me to hold on, we got to keep the BC together, we gonna have our own and rule someday! I should have left my home state after high school, {and my DH feels the same way} instead of listening to family members and others!

I do agree with you. I will have to secretly put 10.00 away every month. {wow! that is all I can afford?!, on that little money, I'll be 60 yrs. old by the time I have enough stash to travel, but I think I'll try this anyway!}

Sorry, this is so long!

Taylor-Sara said...

kay, I'm just curious as to when I said bw had the highest self esteem and body image? Because I know for a fact I was NOT the one who said that. As for specific quotes. You can look them up yourself, you are capable of finding them just as I did. Snipes is known for making derogatory remarks about bw. And DL being married to a bw (all the more reason he should have never said what he said)
has nothing to do with him agreeing with Imus calling bw nappy headed hos! NOW DOES IT? And you can stop making these ridiculous excuses, I don't give a damn why these athletes were agreeing with Imus. The bottom line is that they were agreeing with the most racist, vile, and uncalled for insults against women who look just like them! If you cannot see how wrong that is, then there is really nothing left for you and I to talk about. I don't believe in beating around the bush, and all that garbage, when ppl are wrong you call them on it. It really as simple as that. DL. could have just as easily said:

"Well, they were'nt beyonces, but all bw are beautiful in their own way"
Or: Well, I have a problem when anyone talking about bw that way, my wife is a bw!"
As a bw's husband and the father of blk daughter(s), how is he going to let those disgusting words come from his mouth, and agree with that blatant racism? If you want to coddle these pathetic men (boys), you go right ahead, but don't try to use my forum to justify this nonsense.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi, Married and broke, sorry you and hubby are having such a hard time, but hang on, and stay tuned. I'm going to be posting info soon on ways to get out, and find dirt cheap places, as well as make more money than most of these jobs pay. Stay tuned ok. And just so you know I'm not against GOOD bm, just the sorry ones- so I'm not talking about your husband in some of the things I address. Good luck, hold on, stay tuned....

Zabeth said...

@Kay you're at a good starting place. If $10 a month is all you can save right now, so be it, there's nothing wrong with that. Start there and as your situation improves save more. Also, check out Sara's tips about running side businesses.

Zabeth said...

I meant Married and Broke! not Kay. Sorry.

Lena said...

I find the black community's misogyny to be very soul destroying for vulnerable black girls and women.

Glad I grew up in a family that doesn't embrace that damaged mindset.

Even my dad thinks black men who put white women on a pedestal are retarded!

I find this magical thinking your article is talking about to be very alarming. I wish more women would remove the shackles of the BC and start thinking about how their own happiness is just as important as anyone elses.

I respect Good black men too. The Sad ones need to be put Blast! Thank you Sara you are doing much good for black women.

ak said...

Yes Sara you are too right at the poisonous delusions black women and girls are being force-fed. But the sad thing about being around a mostly black community or black function is that you don't know who's gonna poison or stab you first: a black man or a confused, self-hating black woman who still has to 'do it all for the brothas'.

She will make you look bad in front of everybody and very loudly too! The unity of any blackness has long since been dead.

This is another reason why white women come up ahead of us in the 'womanhood stakes' besides just the pedestal they've received. Because even in the late 20th century, some of them decided to wake up and unify in the name of sisterhood amongst themselves and against their own men in order to get ahead and be respected anywhere that they go.

But a black woman?? NOOOOOOO. Blak women will never wise up to that except for the few BWE blogs that we have which are still, and intelligently so, private.

Lena said...

I'm horrified that there are some black women who will defend and excuse violence against other black women.

I think these women are thoroughly brainwashed and at times more dangerous than Damaged Beyond Repair black men.

I notice when people ask "A Brotha ain't good enough for ya?"

I'm like eww I don't do incest!

Anonymous said...

We all must do our part to get the message out to other bw/bg. I have told quite a few bw/bg about this and other BWE blogs.

A.

CW said...

Ok seriously...This is one outstanding post Sara...If Black women who are asleep read this and STILL don't wake up, then most likely there is no hope!

Growing up I had incidents of skirt-lifting and butt-grabbing that was just dismissed as "Boys being boys"...All it takes is for a few people in authority to take a hard stance on this deviant behavior to bring about change...


Predators know if they can keep BW feeling downtrodden and otherwise unworthy, our resources will continue to be available...

Ladies, Don't listen to the "Black PD" (police dept)...Continue reading these blogs and applying positive changes to your life...Do not even visit "homes" which disparage us!

Anonymous said...

@ Tracy...speaking of the military.

A bw friend of mines was in the Army and she was stationed in Germany. To my surprised she loved Germany. LOL...she never told me about how A/AA women were appreciated by the local men.

Anyway, she became involved with her sargent/bm. She told me that she vetted or had him "checked out" and supposely he was single and sent money home to good ol' mom. After, my friend became pregnant for him she soon learned that good ol' mom was his wife and then he had the nerve to try to deny the child was his.
Yes, my friend eventually got child support thanks to the Army. She left after her term of enlistment was completed. Who knows how far she could have gone if she would have stayed in the military. My friend wasted all of her time in Germany with a married man, who was only playing games with her. He never took the time to see his daughter, who is now 26 years old. My friend probably could have married a quality local man since she loved being in Germany.

I had another friend who sang and she too loved Germany. She said the only reason she returned to the U.S. was because her daughter was terminally ill. She said the local men in Germany was very kind to her.

A.

Stella said...

Great Post as usual. I've read on another blog that you're great at giving beauty tips as well. Hint Hint :)

@Kay
Defending black male hatred for black women is really tacky.
@Steph
I laughed out loud at your post. If I was in your study group I don't think I would have held it together. LOL

cottoncandy said...

As a young black teenager this is one the greatest things I've ever read. I'm only 14 years old and I see young black boys acting this way! In middle school it was ok to touch a girl's behind or breasts and if she was upset about it, it was her fault. Now that I'm in highschool, it's more often. These black boys NEVER treat white girls the way they treat black girls. Just because I'm black, black boys think it's give them the right to say or do anything to me. I've had a guy ask me if in gym class if I wanted to go in the equipment room and have sex! He's even offered to show me his genitals. He's even called me dark once, and I'm not dark skinned, he's darker than me! I've had black males sit behind me and debate whether or not they wanted to "hit that" me being the person they're talking about! At school the only popular black girls are the girls who are light skinned or bi-racial. These black boys think it's ok to just have sex with a girl and tell the whole school! I wear my hair natural and last year(I had an afro I had black people (mostly men) young and old telling me I needed to perm my hair! There is no BC, as soon as I become 18, I'm getting out of here. I've already set up a goal of that I want to move to Japan or maybe somewhere in Europe as soon as possible. I've already decided I'm going to an Ivy League College or University. I'm getting out of here and not looking back

Taylor-Sara said...

Good for you young lady! It's so fortunate that you are smart enough to recognize the need to escape ASAP. So many girls like you justify, and procrasitinate until it's too late to get away(they're stuck with some loser's baby, or have been indoctrinated etc.) I'm so glad they won't get you hon. Good luck, and we're here to help in any way we can....

Kay said...

I'm sorry for not being clearer Sarah. I was saying that there are several studies that conclude that black women have higher self-esteem and a more positive body image than any other group of women. I was asking you, a person who apparently believes that the opposite is true, why these studies come to such a conclusion.

Also, I have looked for the quotes. Berg, Neyo, Hugley were easy to verify. Ice-T and Wayans seem paraphrased, but were basically correct. The rest I couldn't find. Wilt Chamberlain made an arrogant statement, but one different from what people make out. In Wilt Chamberlain's book, he wrote that he dated all colors including black, but that his education, "sophistication" and experiences with travel and culture were things most blacks, male and female, were unfamiliar with (this was 40 years ago). Thus, when dating, the women who most shared his interests tended to be white and the majority of women within the circle of people he socialized with were white. He was clear that he would date a black woman who shared his interests and "sophistication".

Oshun said...

@ Kay

Nobody cares whether he "also dated" BW. How lucky those BW were to get a piece of Wilt the man slut stilt. I am sure that those BW have valid valtrex scripts to this day.


Do you really believe that wilt was honest or seriously has the ability to asses what BW are or aren't? Wilt is an athlete- hardly a paragon of intelligence and grace.


Do you think that 40 years ago that there were absolutely no cultured/refined/educated/sophisticated/internationally traveled Black people? Do you honestly believe that the talented 10th or the Black Elite just suddenly sprung up in the last 40 years?


If 4th generation, Ivy educated, internationally traveled Gabby of the eastern seaboard Cartwrights were to have a fit of insanity and look his way - as if - undeserving Wilt would probably reject her, bc she is black.


That is the bottom line. That is what the deal is. These men hate BW. But they want access to the resources.

Lisa-just-Lisa said...

Cottoncandy I am so proud of you! You’re only 14 yet you have a plan and not just any plan the best possible plan… higher education! Your plan is the fool proof escape hatch ticket out plan!!! Sadly, reading your post made me realize how little has changed in all the years since I was in middle school when young black boys would call me hateful names, make derogatory comments about my skin tone and lewd sexual advances. I’ve also watched my boyfriend’s daughter endure similar mistreatment but she has an inner strength few her age possess. The good news for you both is that most people grow up and the teasing will cease and any person worthy of your attention will see your inner and outer beauty, so keep your head up and stick to your plan.

S said...

Kay - sorry hon, but you make me sick.
you're so transparent and sad and you know why, we all know why because we can read between the lines.
Chamberlain can date whoever the hell he wants but don't put down BW while you're doing it because it makes you look pathetic.

What are you trying to say anyways?
because it sounds like a bunch of excuses to me.
BW are being degraded,talked down too, harrassed, every.single.day. Where have you been? And why are you trying so hard to prove that these particular individuals didn't "exactly say that and the quote wasn't 100% accurate because they said SOME not ALL". sigh. I can give you other quotes, accurate quotes, quotes you can't deny or fail to see and for all the denzel washingtons there are a a million more "yung bergs" and "DL hugley and you can try all you want to google and find something nice they have said about BW or some compliment they have given a BW or the fact that they are married to a BW. Frankly, i don't give a damn. The minute you talk badly about BW and call them all kinds of nasty names, is the minute i could care less about how much you've said you love women in the past.
MOst likely in the beginning of your career when you needed BW to support you. So gtho with that crap because we all know that BM, not some but MOST have a nasty view of BW and treat them accordingly.

I'm sick of this passive aggressive,delusional,brainwashed type of BW that will run to an IR site for BW and make some damned excuses for BM like they are programed or something to defend all the "brothas" when they themselves couldn't give a damn about you.
Why can't these type of BW get it? MOST BM don't want you! it's not some myth or lie (clearly not since the "Brothas" are giving it to you everyday in words!).
Do you know how you are making BW look?
PATHETIC.

And i'm sick and tired of it.
If you loooove BM so much then keep it to yourself! because god knows not all of us do.
Next time you see a BW walking alone, instead of thinking about that 70% statistic and how no BM wants her - give this a thought: Maybe just maybe she is sick of BM and wants nothing to do with them and rather be alone than with them! and maybe just maybe she is attracted to NON BM (SHOCKER!) and would rather shoke on her fist than be seen with a BM.
I know, i know, the thought is "so out there" but i know i am one of those BW and i know there are plenty more of those BW out there.

Zabeth said...

@cottoncandy
I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through that type of situation in your school- you are certainly not alone. My high school experience was somewhat similar, but definitely not as brazen. I have to say that I am very impressed with your level of sophistication, awareness, and forethought at such a young age! You’ll do just fine in this world.

Bellydancer said...

Please read the book called:
Getting Played: African American Girls, Urban Inequality, and Gendered Violence by Jody Miller.
It deals with the escalation of violence directed towards bw and bg's by bm and how the bc continues to make excuses and look the other way while bw and bg's are hunted and stalked in their own neighborhoods, schools, churches and homes.

Anonymous said...

S said: Maybe just maybe she is sick of BM and wants nothing to do with them and rather be alone than with them! and maybe just maybe she is attracted to NON BM (SHOCKER!) and would rather shoke on her fist than be seen with a BM.


*CLAP CLAP CLAP* Right there with you girl! Couldn't have said it better!!!1

Kay said...

Nobody cares whether he "also dated" BW. How lucky those BW were to get a piece of Wilt the man slut stilt. I am sure that those BW have valid valtrex scripts to this day.

If nobody cares, why was he mentioned? If he was so nasty, then should not his greater tendency toward white women be something to celebrate as opposed to being portrayed as something angering?

Chamberlain can date whoever the hell he wants but don't put down BW while you're doing it because it makes you look pathetic.

Does the irony of your statement fly completely over your head? What is the common theme of this blog?

And I'm never talked down to or harrassed nor do I know anyone who constantly is. As far as who I love, my love or non-love is for individuals not groups. The latter I consider to be bigotry.

Your reponse was guite irrational and meaningless to any point I was making. I simply look for accuracy and the verification of the truth. That is all. If one is confident about their position, one should be able to defend their position with with concrete evidence as opposed to emotion filled rhetoric.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sky said...

I don't mean to deter the topic but someone posted on one of the last topice that Robin thick and Paula lost their baby. I don't think it's true. They are announcing that they are expecting.here's the link...

http://theybf.com/index.php/2009/10/22/paula-patton-robin-thicke-expecting/#comments

cottoncandy said...

Taylor-Sara: Everyone has already helped me enough. I've been reading this blog ever since I was 13, so I've really learned a lot from everyone.

Lisa-just-Lisa- Thank you. Nothing much has changed in schools. People have to nerve to tell me boys just treat me like this because they like me! If a boy likes me enough if he will treat me with respect.

Zabeth- Thank you. There's so much sexual harassment that goes in schools today. Someone needs to stop it. It's a shame that girls think it's their fault they're being treated that way.

Bellydancer- I've read that book before and I must say it is a good read. Every black female should have it.

Anonymous@2:05pm- How does my post sound cliche? Yes, I'm in the 9th grade. Usually I'm not surfing the internet early in the morning but my school happened to have no school today.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, reading your post made me realize how little has changed in all the years since I was in middle school when young black boys would call me hateful names, make derogatory comments about my skin tone and lewd sexual advances.

Yeah, like the ones who would get up close to one of the girls and make a show of hunching up and down like dog on somebody's leg. Disgusting little creatures.

Lovebug said...

@ Kay, what is your point? I think that you are getting negative responses because your motives appear to be unclear.

This blog is for Black women and putting their interests first including how they are treated, if that is not your priority, fine. However, why would you come to this blog and try to turn the focus of conversation on black men and whether or not they made particular statements? Why were you not more concerned about the fact that black women are being mistreated? The focus of this blog is not D. L. Hughley, Wilt or any other black man, the focus is black women.

If you can't relate to being harassed as a black woman or do not believe such claims, maybe this is not the blog for you.
The fact is, if you want to come here discussing black men and their perspective instead of the perspective of black women, I can guarantee that you will get a lot of negative responses.

I think it is great that you love all people, but that is not the focus of this blog. Once again, I repeat, the focus of this blog is black women and their interests, concerns, fears, dreams, aspirations, etc. People come here to validate and support each other in addressing these issues, not debate or question them. If you are looking to debate these issues, this is not the blog for you.

Taylor-Sara said...

Kay,
How dare you call my post emotion-filled rhetoric! First of all like the previous reader just informed you, this blog is about BW not some tiny deviation in a bm's insult. I deliberately did not answer your question because I wanted to see exactly where you were going with this. And as usual, the troll came out of you pretty quickly. It's interesting that you would spend so much time going over every minute detail of paraphased statements, when the substance of that particular paragragh, was the 'essence, ideology, and feeling behind the statements, and not the exact wordings to start with! You're obviously far more concerned with a bunch of mysogynisticly, demeaning men, than you are with the safety, happiness and betterment of bw. So I'll tell you what- leave and go to THEIR boards. Analyze every word they say, and ask them why they say all the horrible things they say about bw. That should keep you busy the rest of your life, since they don't even know why they're so damaged, so they'll have a very hard time articulating it for you. In the meantime, don't come back here. This blog is not for everyone, and we don't want everyone. Especially, when they come laden with insults, and accusations. Good bye Kay.

Oshun said...

@ Kay


"If nobody cares, why was he mentioned? If he was so nasty, then should not his greater tendency toward white women be something to celebrate as opposed to being portrayed as something angering?"


Kay you are too funny. LOL


I want you to know you are engaging in at least 2 of the items from Sara's list:

"2. Tell you how crazy it sounds, and try to force you to explain how it makes sense
3. Quote well known damaged men, and pretend their words mean something"


LOL I just thought I'd point that out.


I am sure nobody indeed cares about Wilt screwing legions of nonblack women. You made it a point to stress that in his book he says he also dated BW. I am not going to even comment on why you would want to read such trash. You presented it in such a way as if to suggest that this nullifies his outright racism and wannabe classim against BW.


Like see- he threw a few crumbs to the sistas despite his disdain for them. That makes it ok.




Then you followed that up with well it was 40 years ago see ...and black people didn't know what fork to use 'cause you see the black Emily Post or B Smith wasn't around then see...


It is not about him going to the white wimmins and it needs to be mentioned loudly and repeatedly because all BM who state such are engaging in psychological warfare against BW and Black girls and it is BW and black girls such as yourself who keep drinking the Kool Aid.


Did you not read the other portions of the post? Have you not read and understood what the other BW posters are sharing about what BM and black boys are doing/have done to them? Do you not see the pain that some BW have shared? How can that go over your head?


Kay you can go ahead and gather all the evidence, weigh the pros and cons, strive to be fair and balanced with men who are hell bent on destroying you, but I think you are going to be by yourself on that one.


Please refer to Lovebug's post.

Sandra said...

Sara, please forgive me, but I just had to alert you to this real life story. There's a blog by a Haitian-American woman named Stacy who was living in Paris (she's just moved to Italy), and she posts about being protected by a young French guy who lives in Rome (she calls him RomeBen to distinguish him from her friend in Paris who is also named Ben) that she has only just met (RomeBen is a friend of her friend ParisBen). It's so on point regarding the behavior of a quality male, and the way she relates her feelings about being protected and defended by this young man, RomeBen, is so natural and heartwarming. I was in love with RomeBen by the time I finished reading her story!

Stacy's blog is called:

www.bisousfromparis.blogspot.com

and the post in question is dated Friday, September 4, 2009 and it's called "Unexpected chivalry". It is a must read. I hope you don't mind my giving this information here, Sara. Thanks.

Lena said...

What I hate more than anything is foolish black women who tell us we shouldn't give up on Brothas.
I'm like excuse me they've already given up on us.

There are stupid women on youtube begging black women to stay with these misogynistic miscreants.

So why should we care if they are indignant about us refusing to tolerate their abuse and misogyny!

I may not have grown up in areas where damaged black men are the norm but that doesn't mean I don't see it in the wider culture.

Being loyal to men who don't value you is a mental illness. I'd rather be single than be in an abusive relationship.

Taylor-Sara said...

No of course I don't mind Sandra.
I want bw to have all the good info/help they can get-thanks for posting it...

Mary said...

if we all know what happens to young black girls in schools, how come nothing can be done about it. the fact that for years i've been having anxiety about the school my sister will one day go to is not normal or natural.

by the way cottoncandy, since you were born here, what would you say opened your eyes to how things really are, and how old were you. and at what age did you read that book. i have so anxiety that my sister might one day be one of the brainwashed bw fools that sometimes post and troll around here.

Kay said...

Sarah. I was referring to S's post, not yours.

I just wanted a reference to the quote you attributed to Clarence Thomas and Wesley Snipes. That's all.

Anonymous said...
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Lovebug said...

@Kay, I beg of you, please stop.
Like I stated earlier, the focus of this blog is black women. If you want to know what Clarence Thomas or Wesley Snipes said, google them, look them up on wikipedia or go to their websites, etc. Whatever you do, please do not come here and try to take the focus off black women and their interests.

Steph said...

Cottoncandy, I'm proud of you, sis! I was around your age when I decided the same thing 7 years ago...and I haven't looked back since. And to whoever said your post sounded cliche and fake, they obviously live in a world where they stick their head in the sand with their butts sticking out for the world to see. That smartypants probably thinks it's a cliche for boys to paw my chest in front of their friends just because they were D cups, huh? Or a guy who asked me to flash him behind the school when I was a freshman was all in my head and I should have listened to him since he had a Y chromosome.

If I were a weaker girl, I would have basked in their attention and become used to be passed between them like some of my classmates. But I decided to keep my head together, kept my grades up, and had HEALTHY dating relationship and didn't care that they were with white guys. Don't let anyone derail you and you'll make it for sure! (My sis is living in China for a year and I'm planning on visiting her this summer because she loves it so much...so get your butt over to Japan because we need more sistas in Asia, LOL).

Oh, and Kay (or Jay) darling, normally I would be angry at the obviously robotic defense that is incredibly spotty: if there were black women who said the EXACT SAME words found in those quotes about black men, would you feel the same need to google and question the authenticity of the words displayed? Deny it all you want, but in your heart you know this most likely wouldn't be the case. But, like I said, comments like these don't make me angry anymore. I think it's kind of cute. The world wouldn't function the way it does if everyone were shepherds...some of us need to be the sheep. Take care, Kay...or should I say "baaaah."

Monica SaintLouis said...

S said:
Next time you see a BW walking alone, instead of thinking about that 70% statistic and how no BM wants her - give this a thought: Maybe just maybe she is sick of BM and wants nothing to do with them and rather be alone than with them! and maybe just maybe she is attracted to NON BM (SHOCKER!) and would rather shoke on her fist than be seen with a BM.
I know, i know, the thought is "so out there" but i know i am one of those BW and i know there are plenty more of those BW out there.


This! This is the absolute truth!

Taylor-Sara said...

You ARE taking the focus off of our topic Kay! And you very well know it. And as for accusing someone of spreading FALSE RUMORS-and seeking truth-That's fine. but take your disrespectful, nit picking, bm-protecting, dialogue-destoying self, -and SEEK IT ELSEWHERE! Get off of my blog-and don't come back.

Karen said...

I highly recommend BW (regardless of age) to take the opportunity to travel overseas. The world is of course not perfect but it is a breath of fresh air to be able to see other cultures and witness/experience normal human relationships.

Chivalry is not dead by any means...

I have traveled much in Europe (have not yet made it to Asia), but can highly recommend it to broaden ones horizons...

Anonymous said...
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ValeriesWorld said...

Very good post! Well Done and this has inspired me to move away from certain family members! Keep preaching the word! You are perfectly right Sara, BM have absolutely no interest in you but themselves.

An elderly lady came to visit and she said the same thing. 'BM, may the Lord have no mercy on them, have no interest in black women and their families, they put very little into them, but they expect so much for us'. These mind rules, ruin and waste your life.
There are lots of good BM, but we seem have an increasing number of soul destroying BM, the selfishness, I have witnessed is unbelievable and what I cannot abide with is the lies, the mind games and the begging, BM need help.

It is very important now for bw to have a plan for their lives and do not have anytime for wasters.
As usual good post and blessings

Valerie

cool_splash1 said...

Then you followed that up with well it was 40 years ago see ...and black people didn't know what fork to use 'cause you see the black Emily Post or B Smith wasn't around then see...

And I don't understand that one either being how black people in my grandparents (my grandfather is 90)Grandmother (70) was all about manners and etiquette (or etiquette of the upper classes (mostly white). Some new because of upbrining while some new because of being maids, butlers or doing some other type of service job and teaching it to their kids. What's funny is how he can say this, but I want to know what old money women he married? There are many levels of class. One group may not see another group as having class even if they are rich, well travelled etc.

Taylor-Sara said...

Cool Splash, (waving happily)
Hey girl. What's interesting to note is that Wilt C. NEVER got married! He bragged about sexing 20.000 women, but never got married. He used to brag about having a woman for every night of the weekl(I'll see if I can find the article-anyone who finds it before me is welcome to post it) But this man-whore used women like paper plates. Disposing of them when he was finished. I, personally think he did bw a big favor, since very few of his 'disposable' women were black....

Oshun said...

@ Valerie

"Done and this has inspired me to move away from certain family members!"

This is something I keep trying to stress to some BG's. When they tell me the stuff that their fathers, uncles, even mothers say to them - I am sick. Some things that happened in my past were bad, but I can't imagine being emotionally abused like that on the daily from people who claim they love you.

The sad part is that some of the women/girls will backtrack and say "well maybe I am too sensitive and need to toughen my shell".


And the "preference" word needs to die bc a lot of the BG/BW I am talking to keep reverting back to it even when I am screaming this is racism.



@ Coolsplash

"And I don't understand that one either being how black people in my grandparents (my grandfather is 90)Grandmother (70) was all about manners and etiquette (or etiquette of the upper classes (mostly white)."


True. For example: I know at a minimum many families had at least the "good china, glasses and silver" that you either stared at or carefully packed away for 362 days of the year and only brought out for Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It goes without saying if you are putting together a formal table with family and guests you will have formal manners.




@ Karen


Hello!

I am almost finished working on my list/vision board. This was harder than I thought. I was wondering if it would be ok if I put up my email in a few days and we contact that way? I don't want to hijack a thread.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I actually found an old article regarding what Wilt said. He never referenced etiquette, but did reference "sophistication" as something blacks in general lacked. I never EVER got any impression that he was "sophisticated". I think that he was hypocritical and delusional in that regard.

40 years ago, blacks had far more etiquette and character than today (and that goes for non-blacks also), yet I would agree that fewer were exposed to various culture, art, foods, music, etc. as blacks today. The link is long, so I hope that it works.

http://books.google.com/books?id=kUMDAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA75&lpg=PA75&dq=%22wilt+chamberlain%22+%22black+women%22+%22ebony%22&source=bl&ots=oHu12W6b_t&sig=dOYt_tT4ckms1AGNz8cnGAQZq_o&hl=en&ei=9OrhSrHYC9Td8Qbf-8n0AQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CB0Q6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=%22wilt%20chamberlain%22%20%22black%20women%22%20%22ebony%22&f=false

Anonymous said...

I don't know where to post this, but Paula Patton and Robin Thicke are expecting! I'm so glad for them!

Anonymous said...

I recall reading Chamberlain's statement and how layers were added to it by the rumor mill (such as the alleged "utensils" statement). In truth, nothing needed to be added to it. His statement was pathetic as said. He in essence was saying that black folks are less sophisticated than him and that he was above dating most black women. This he said this during a time when black women were treated better than they are today. He was not representative of that time. He was more of a precursor to today.

rainebeaux said...

@Oshun (replying to Valerie):

The sad part is that some of the women/girls will backtrack and say "well maybe I am too sensitive and need to toughen my shell".

Holy crud! I'm struggling with this EVEN NOW. If I as much as shed a tear, one of them (see my previous comment) will give me the "calm down/get over it/it'll be alright" BS. I can't show (much less verbalize) that I'm tired or remotely stressed out because they'll give me that bull€#!* spiel all over again! I don't wanna go to jail...:(

cottoncandy said...

Mary- Well at first when I started going to schools, I want to mostly white schools. My mother made sure that I had friends from all cultures and backgrounds.My mom is older than a lot of parents of kids my age(50's) when most parents are in their 20's,30's and sometimes 40's. As I grew up I've had to go to mostly black schools and just coming into the situation I knew this was not the way a man or boy was supposed to behave. At first I went through an identity crisis thinking something most be wrong with me but I realized something is wrong with them (people who choose to call this mess a bc). I promised myself a long time ago from my own personal experience that I'll never let someone take advantage of me like. I was I think about 12/13 when I read the book. I have a sister that"s older than me that has been caught in that trap. She got pregnant by a loser who doesn't take care of his already 3 kids he had before my niece came. It angers me that people can plant their seed everywhere and not take care of it.

Steph- Thanks. I don't get why a girl would want a guy that treats her like dirt. I'm actually learning Chinese at school right now. It's a fun but hard language.

Woman of Valor said...

Yes, indeed...calling Black men "brothers" simply because their skin color is similar to our own isn't smart. Affection should be earned - on an INDIVIDUAL basis. So should trust. Just because someone's skin color is similar to your own, it doesn't mean they have the best intentions for you. Some of us have the illusion that skin color creates an alliance - but not everyone feels that way. Many want what's best for Black men but simultaneously hate and desire to oppress Black women.

I had a similar experience with a sexual attack by a African-American guy (that didn't end in rape - but not for lack of trying on his part). I didn't press charges because other two other Black people around my age felt I was overacting. Black women should learn not to put the feelings of individuals who obviously don't value us (if they did they wouldn't do such things) ahead of our own.

Taylor-Sara said...

You're right WOV. I regret not pressing charges on those miscreants to this day. Maybe it would have prevented them from hurting/killing those (think it was 3-4 bw) in the future. I've often thought about it, and felt deep regret and guilt for what happened to those young women. Ever since that time, I promised myself I would warn bw everywhere. And I do, sometimes I may go overboard, but I just don't want bw to be vulnerable and charmed by someone just because they share a skin color. But I definitely think there ARE good bm, but a good man who stays quiet in bad times -does not do alot of good -does he...

Karen said...

@Oshun,

Sure. As a recommendation, create a "trash" e-mail account that you post here, once I write to it with my e-mail address, you can give me another one and delete the "trash" e-mail account. This will prevent you from getting e-mail from undesirables who may come across this thread and want to spew hatred.

@Sara,

Your comment, "...But I definitely think there ARE good bm, but a good man who stays quiet in bad times -does not do alot of good -does he..." That pretty much sums it up.

Also, please do not be hard on yourself, you were young and the person that failed was the woman that talked you out of it. It is on her head that the lives of future women were harmed due to her actions, not yours.

Anonymous said...

Sara said...
But I definitely think there ARE good bm, but a good man who stays quiet in bad times -does not do alot of good -does he...


Phantomare says..

Sara I had a really firey "Discussion" with my brother the other weekend. And they claim the reason why other BM don't stand up is because of the BS reason that anytime a "black man" stands up, they get killed by the man. So that is why there aren't any black "leaders". I let him know that there is something called---> SELF!! They also claim that most young people ain't gonna listen, or some young thug might shoot them. I basically said..well let the BM take care of BM and the BW take care of BW. And he also went of on this whole the-government-is-the-one-bringing-in-the-guns. In other words, there is always some sort of blame and they-won't-let-me/us stupidity (child-like thinking) they feel causes them to sit back and do nothing.
I don't mean to belabor the point on BM but I am just bringing up something that occurred last weekend that could shed light on why more BM don't speak out. They are too focused on the negative of can'ts and what happened in the past,instead of looking for loopholes and operating on what one CAN do!! Most other ethnicites operate in this fashion. If there is a mountain, find a way around it, dig a hole through it or set some charges and blast it..lol. They don't just stand and cry there's a big mountain in the way with their arms folded and stomping. Their thinking is so screwed up thye want US BW to do the job.

Woman of Valor said...

I agree, Sara. Any of them who stays silent while other BM attack BW doesn't do BW much good. I wouldn't consider him a good person either. Some have little or nothing to say and are rarely seen when psychological warfare is being waged against BW, yet suddenly find a voice when they see BW talking about interracial relationships. That means they're not shy...just only have a voice for their own interests. Whether they want to or not, they benefit from the brainwashing of AA women. They'll always have access to the best as long as the best are convinced that they have no value...

Mary said...

"Black people around my age felt I was overacting. Black women should learn not to put the feelings of individuals who obviously don't value us"


it sometimes amazes how similar african women and african-american women are to each other when it comes to masochism. cause if a bm attacks you, cheats on you or anything, they're the ones that silence you, 'put you in check' and vitimize you even more. sometimes it makes me think maybe we really are not that smart cause it shouldn't be so hard to convince human beings to protect themselves, their offspring and their gender, especially in the face of something so damaging.it baffles me. i don't know how we became this way but a lot of us have a very low level of thinking, intelligence and plain ole common sense.

Taylor-Sara said...

It's called emotionalized thinking mary. Many of us women are especially vulnerable to it. But that certainly does not excuse us from not doing what we need to do for our own betterment, and protection. So you are right. This is why Evia is always telling women to think with their heads and not their hearts....

Oshun said...

Hello Karen!

I created the email. :)



I also found this cool site I want to pass along to everyone.

It is called the Higley 1000

http://higley1000.com/


It has a breakdown of the wealthiest communities across the US.

Woman of Valor said...

In the past, I was passive, shy and felt sorry for even those who didn't deserve it - so it wasn't difficult for them to persuade me that it was somehow my responsibility to make sure "another BM" didn't get a jail record. One of the two people who discouraged me from taking action was my friend even before she became his girlfriend. The other was a young guy on duty. She failed me as a friend and that guy failed in his duties. The guy on duty didn't know the attacker. He asked me if the attacker was White and I told him he was Black. He was more concerned with protecting a man just because he was brown and male - instead of me, the person who was attacked. I had him removed from the premises, and my friend was angry at me for that little I did instead of at her boyfriend for sexually attacking another woman, her friend. We never spoke again, but she had as much to do with the end of the friendship as I did. I shouldn't have made friends with someone who couldn't understand why I had a White boyfriend (now my fiance), made subtle jabs about it, and didn't hesitate to constantly remind me while wearing a look of disappointment that she pictured me with a "tall, handsome Black guy." The mentality should've been clear.

I'm actually Caribbean-American, and my mother did hint warnings to me as I was growing up about the rhetoric and constant failure to take personal responsibility by some AA men. The excuse is always that it's White men's fault due to slavery and "the system." They're seen/see themselves as not being responsible for their actions. They are...they know right from wrong and know when they're hurting someone, and they won't stop doing it until their bad behavior is punished.

Anyway, I learned the hard way and no longer have a doormat personality in general. I knew I couldn't survive that way, as I was getting harassed a lot from mainly AA men who refused to take no as an answer...maybe because I didn't say no with enough attitude they decided to believe I wasn't serious. I sought out advice from a lot of people. I'm still soft-spoken, but no longer shy or afraid to stand up for myself and for others when necessary. I guess you can say I've become empowered.

Yeah, and I still pay...that happened about 5 years ago and I still have flashbacks every now and then of what he did to me. I always wish it wasn't too late. I sometimes have revenge fantasies about him. We all make mistakes, and we learn and grow from them. Because of his personality and the way he went about things with me (he didn't attack outright; he came to me in the guise of a sheep, acting as if he just wanted a friend, tried to seduce me, then tried to make me have sex with him after I refused), I think he's most likely to go down the path of abusive relationships than street rapist/murderer. He wears a mask and women have to be careful of men like him. He was jealous, possessive and verbally abusive to my ex-friend, but she couldn't see it. She was so insecure that she was flattered by his jealous obsession with her and mistook it for love.

AlmondEyes said...

I want to send this to my friend who is Indian and White (she wont acknowledge either side because she identifies with the jamaican culture) but swears by the black community and insists on standing beside her no good bm. He has choked her out, beaten her, broken up with her while driving her car and living under her roof and seeing other ppl. Its a mess. She is 24 and he is 30. She works 2 jobs to maintain her apt and bills while he hustles all day. I want her to wake up so badly.

We have talked to her and at this point I dont know what else to do. I feel like I am at a loss for words but I am watching her throw her life away for this guy who wont even hold her hand or kiss her. She is sooooo beautiful yet he treats her like she is disposable. I dont know what else to do :(

Karen said...

@Oshun,

Just sent you an e-mail!

sky said...

I think all this stems from preparing ourselves for protection. This coming weekend I may go to a self-defense class just to know a little something-something..

but i remember my 2nd day in high school, I was outside w/ my friends during lunch break. This guy comes up to me (he had to be a higher grade than me, im not sure) and said, "you see that guy right there, he wants to talk to you". I said "about what?", "well you know he wants to know if you can come to his house and do some thangs", "like what?" (i was pretending i didn't know, but i knew, i wanted him to spell it out and feel uncomfortable), "you know", me "no i don't know, so just say it". him "do you want to talk to him or not", me "no", and i went back to my conversation w/ my girls. I never saw him again. After he left a friend of mine asked me, why didn't you just talk to him, i said to her "what could possibly want to talk to me about at his house, that he couldn't do here at this school?". End of discussion.

My mother always taught me "your mouth is your power" and not to let anyone touch you. so when that unexpected day came, i was ready. the nerve of him and his friend.

We need to start teaching our young girls to say No, walk away, and report it!


There was another time during my high school career, that i was running late for class, i was ready to run into class b4 the bell rang and this boy slammed the door in my face before i could get in. The teacher ordered me to go to the principle's office/ some office to get a late pass. I told her no, I would have made it on time had he not slammed the door in my face. So she reported him. Everyone was mad at me, that I let him get reported, too bad they didn't know me all too well, because i didn't care what they thought. This was about me and him, not them. Needless to say he apologized and he NEVER did that ish to me again,infact no one did that to me ever! We eventually became friends, but he knew not to mess w/ me otherwise there would be consequences.

Anonymous said...
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cinquetta said...

AMEN Sara you have open my mind some stuff I did not know it was going on...In my own experience one black man told me I was cute but damn baby if you wasn't so dark I ask you out. Most of my life especially when i was teenage I was every ugly name in the book. Just because I am dark skin. If a woman skin is darker than brown paper bag she has it hard. For example if you sitting with friends one is light skin complex second honey brown skin and other has dark skin all of you enjoy each other company. Couple of men come to the table they would ignore her and continue to speak to other ladies. Keep reminder yourself God will send someone to love respect honor and care for you. Until then you must love honor respect and care for yourself.

S said...

"In my own experience one black man told me I was cute but damn baby if you wasn't so dark I ask you out. "

- let me guess, he was dark skinned as well?
why is it always the dark skinned black guys who has this superior "aura" over all black girls and think their black ass is some how above that of a dark skinned black girls!?....seriously, it's embarrassing. I would tell that guy to take a hard look in the mirror and start loving himself.

"I want to send this to my friend who is Indian and White (she wont acknowledge either side because she identifies with the jamaican culture) but swears by the black community and insists on standing beside her no good bm. He has choked her out, beaten her, broken up with her while driving her car and living under her roof and seeing other ppl. Its a mess. She is 24 and he is 30. She works 2 jobs to maintain her apt and bills while he hustles all day."

I have no patience for women like this. I'm sorry but i get frustrated and angry and i want to rip my hair off because i know i will never ever understand those type of women who just let themselves be abused.
I know i sound harsh and cold but if i were you, i wouldn't even try. If she wants help she knows where to get it and will ask for it but be clearly she doesn't want anything to change and yeah so maybe she isn't strong enough and need a good push in the right direction but again, she will let you know when she will need that.
All you can do right now is step back and stay out of it for your own sanity.
I've seen it before. A young indian girl with her black boyfriend who publicly humiliated her at the train station and even threatened to beat her up when they got home.
The look on her face i will never forget but i knew that it wasn't my place to tell her anything. I myself was just shocked and couldn't stop staring at her with disbelief that she would let that guy talk to her like that and she looked ashamed and sad.

and true that about "good BM" who keep quiet when BW are being abused and harrassed everywhere...are they really that good or are they just plain selfish and/or could care less?
I look out for BW's interest because men should be able to look out for themselves. I'm not some "shemale" ,"manwoman" or captain save-a-boy. - I'm a woman. End of. If you lot want to take on the mans role as well (and i know some of you have been since they day you were born) than feel free but don't try to brainwash other BW or young BG's in to doing the same.

I'm just sick of this "black love" talk and "give a brotha a chance" and the "but there really ARE good BM out there!" - yeah , REALLY!? so where are they when BW are being walked all over and KILLED by other BM, HUH!? they're nowhere to be seen then are they?!
I've never heard denzel washington or any of the "supposedly good black men" out there say jack squat when a BW have been humiliated on national television by OTHER black men.

I've seen white males defend and protect "their women" when they've been done wrong by other males (latest incident being that of taylor swift and numerous white males supported her and came to her defence) but never Black males. Wonder why...
I have actually seen more black males come to white females defence and other non-black womens defence, again, wonder why.

Taylor-Sara said...

I know S. I was shocked and astouded by how quickly and vociferously wm rallied to Taylor's side as well. It really speaks volumes about 'real men' act when a woman is being mistreated V how little boys act (giggling, agreeing, adding their own insults to the post etc.) ...

Park Avenue said...

Hi, Sara!

This is a little off topic, but I was so excited I just HAD to share: Can you believe that Essence online actually did a Top 20 Mutlti-Cultural Crush Countdown????!!! Adam Rodriguez, Channing Tatum, Shia LaBeouf!

Things are changing!

*Thanks for your hard work & opening my mind & eyes!*

Bellydancer said...

Some cultures do not like their women to date black men because of the way they act. Instead of nurturing their children and wives some bm choose to do everything else other than be a parent or spouse. I read an interview where a south east asian woman wanted to marry a black man and her family was against it. The bm thought it was because of his skin color. Some asians can be color struck. The asian girl's father said no, american black men do not stick with their families and I don't want my daughter abandoned. The bm had to sit down and assure the father of the girl that he had come from a stable home and his parents were still married before the girl's father would give consent. So other cultures are aware of this perception that some bm do not take care of their families.

Lorna said...

Actually, it was predominantly white women who vociferously came to Taylor's defense. White men generally gave tame opinions. They didn't attack Kanye the way that he deserved to be attacked like Pink, Perez Hilton, Kelly Clarkson and Katy Perry did.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/09/14/kanye.west.reaction/index.html

Clarice said...

"I want to send this to my friend who is Indian and White (she wont acknowledge either side because she identifies with the jamaican culture) but swears by the black community and insists on standing beside her no good bm. He has choked her out, beaten her, broken up with her while driving her car and living under her roof and seeing other ppl. Its a mess. She is 24 and he is 30. She works 2 jobs to maintain her apt and bills while he hustles all day."

Tell her by showing her by your example. In other words email her the column and then live your life to your own standards and highest good. All you can do is provide the information the rest is up to her. Stop thinking w/ your heart think with your head and get as far away from her influence as possible. Her life problems are not yours to solve.

Clarice

Mary said...

at least in a situation like Taylor/kanye thing, ww had the common sense to say something in the defense of their fellow ww. bw on the other hand would have given her some more abuse!!!!

KM said...

Piggybacking on the Taylor/Kanye thing... WW make sure everyone know that they WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTED as whole. That's why even when BM get involved with them, BM treat them better than BW (well, one of the reasons). WW know this and they know that BW let BM walk all over them as a group and they laugh at BW and use it to their advantage. Women of other races benefit just as much as BM from CND because it means that they will not only not be on the bottom, they don't have to do the dirty work to keep BW at the bottom.

I saw this a lot at my old job and somewhat at my new job (lead teacher in an after school program that is part of a very ritzy childcare/pre-k program. Most of the childcare workers are BW while most of the teachers are WW/WM with degrees. I'm the only BW lead teacher with my degree so even as a newbie, I'm still higher on the totem poll and it kills the other BW and they've tried to let me know "yous still a *****" to try to put me in my place. And I can tell from the body language of the WW childcare workers that they feel similar but they don't have to do anything, the BW workers will try to enforce the so-called status quo to pull me down to where they think I belong even though I out-rank them.)


ON another note, I went out with the WM on Saturday and we had fun. I don't think we'll seriously date but he'll be a nice guy to be friends with. Plus, for once, I have more dating options open to me so its okay.

Mary said...

"the BW workers will try to enforce the so-called status quo to pull me down to where they think I belong even though I out-rank them""


exactly!!! and you would think it's common sense to favor people who are like you. that is like 1 +1 on the human scale, that's something that no one should have to tell or teach you. you should favor those like you cause they are like you. it's beyond common sense but literally most bw don't know it.

and you know for a fact, those bw at your job would never EVER act crazy with the ww like they do with you. and of course,which undermines you alot in the eyes of whites. that's why even though i realize a lot of bm are mentally defective, a lot of bw are as well. this is so common sense that literally everybody naturally knows the stuff sara talks about on here, everybody BUT bw. the fact that some of this basic stuff has to be outlined is beyond ridiculous. but it might be that we've been at the bottom for so long (centuries) maybe that's why a majority of us, our mentality is questionable.

Anonymous said...

@ KM...I understand what you are saying and you are correct. Don't you just want to tell each bw there that they too could do better and they should be supporting you instead of being jealous. I just bet some of them play up to the ww over you. I am not surprise. We really need to wake up. And, date the world if you like. This is your life, live it to the fullest.

To heck with the naysayers.

A.

KM said...

@ Mary and A.

The sad thing is that when it comes to the directors (all but two are WW, one is a BW, one is a BW in an IR), they know that I do my job, the kids in my room are happy and the parents are letting them know that they are happy with the job I'm doing with my kids. And with the kind of parents who send their kids there (lawyers, city judges, ivy league professors, scientists, doctors) and the donations that they give, the directors can really care less what the crabs in the barrel say.

I just ignore the BW there except for the BW director I work under. And she's fine to work with. It's just annoying to have to face this kind of fight wherever you go.

Bellydancer said...

It is a shame that you have to watch out for bw who are trying to undermine you as well as bm.
I have a friend who works for a call center and was asked to help out in a supervisory position temporarily which she did for at least 8 months but the job was very stressful.
My friend asked to be put back in her original position which she was.
A few months later an older bw and a younger bw who also held those positions were asked to step down due to unsatisfactory job performance.
The older bw has been coming to my friend saying things like "I told so and so {the younger bw} not to worry cuz you lost your position too, we black people can't win for losing" My friend told her "I stepped down because I was doing too much" This bw looked at her like she was speaking chinese and walked away.
Now, my friend stays to herself and had never talked to this woman before because she runs her mouth all the time. So this older bw was walking around talking about how she and the other black women all lost their positions due to racism when only two of them were removed.
Other people have been coming to my friend asking her was she removed, my friend has told people no only to be told "well that's not what so and so (older black woman) said about it"
I told my friend to keep her distance from all those silly women and to do her job. Get this since then my friend has been asked to step up again I told her to take it just to rub it in their faces.

Beverly said...

Sarah, those quotes you attribute to Clarence Thomas, Wilt Chamberlain and Wesley Snipes are old myths.

http://postbourgie.com/2008/01/22/irrefutable-black-truth-2-wesley-snipes-hates-black-women/

Anonymous said...

Great post.I love the 60 day action plan to escape part! Its funny but also a great plan for helping bw get out of the bc.

Anonymous said...

Ladies keep being polite and smiling. Monitor your voice level. Do not allow anyone to interfer with your job. Keep your personal business to yourselves. Generic information is ok. Example, The kids are well. You will be happy that you did not go to work telling everyone all about your home life. People love gossip.

A.

Taylor-Sara said...

Beverly all 3 of the men you mentioned have been quoted on NUMEROUS occasions saying negative things about bw, I suppose they are ALL old myths-huh!

I'll tell you what. Take whatever you feel is relevant from the post and discard the rest....

cool_splash1 said...

http://www.mother-god.com/matriarchy.html
http://matriarchy.info/index.php

This stuff is a trip. I've noticed that the main people who are all over this are white feminists. I wish most of them would come and see how it's working out for Black Women. Yes there and maybe even still some Matriarchies in the world. Usually in smaller groups. The men went to war etc. and there were groups were the women and men had equal respect. But you also have groups where the men have the women doing all the physical labor.

It's my dream that women have equal rights or at least equal respect, but to have to hold everything down. Black women already do this and look how it's turning out for us. Why they would think this is the high life I won't ever know.

AlmondEyes said...

Thanks

@ The person who said to stay away from her influence bcause her problems are not mine--I think you are dead on with this.

As much as it hurt I do realize I have been thinking waay too much with my heart and not my head. I dont want her influence to be mine. I think her DBR bm has really swayed her thinking and I dont want to get caught up in that.

I am in a relationship with a IM (Indian/spanish man) and your right I am going to distance myself.

@ annoymous who gave the advice to keep your answers generic and your business to yourself-great advice!! I try to keep my business to myself. I love this column please by all means jeep this coming!!

thanks guys!

Lady Noir said...

Beverly all 3 of the men you mentioned have been quoted on NUMEROUS occasions saying negative things about bw, I suppose they are ALL old myths-huh!

Can you reference these quotes Sarah? I can't find anything and I have searched repeatedly. There are dbrs denying the quotes and challenging me to find them.

Anonymous said...

I know this is an old conversation and I didn't know where to put this but I just wanted to bring to everyone's attention an interesting conversation going on over at the Just Jared site. It concerns Gerard Butler and his penchant for non-white woman. A ww started a fervor over there when she basically said that she wouldn't be supporting GB anymore because he was racist again ww. I am providing the link and the conversation gets real interesting around post #77 which states

"He doesn’t like women other than women of color? WTF is his problem? So he’s a racist when it comes to women and doesn’t think white women are attractive? If he hasn’t had a long term relationship with a white woman recently, then it’s got to be true. If that’s the case, then I’m no longer a fan. I’m fine with dating whoever you want, but not when you exclude an entire race. That makes you prejudiced. Hating on your own race is really bizarre. Why does he hate white people?"

To read more:

http://justjared.buzznet.com/2009/10/26/gerard-butler-undercover-biker/all-comments/#comments

Taylor-Sara said...

Interesting Anon.
They call it a preference when it's done to women of color but it's a definite no no when done to them! That's really too funny. At lease he's never made nasty remarks about ww, or outright said he would never date one because they're loud, fat, ugly, too dark etc. He's been very classy, and has never demeaned them in any way. If they want to take exception with his preference (although -they'll shout in a minute "Wm don'do it for me-I only want _______ fill the blank) He has a right to want what he wants, they're just mad because he's so smoking hot and sexy....

sky said...

O please Gerald. B ain't losing sleep over them. You know how many fans GB has around the world and she thinks her membership card is so important. *eye roll*. But you can tell her this cause I have no reason to argue w/ ignorance, men do what they want, when they want. they don't need our approval.

Lady Noir, even if you presented them with the quotes they'll still find some excuse for them. Just like there are some people on here trying to excuse the quotes as something else. How about this, why don't you quote their nasty remarks as a reference for their sexist and racist behavoir. They are no different from the ones quoted on the post. I don't see why they would need a reference anything used aganist bw is a plausible reference to them. I'm surprised they don't have these quotes haning up on a poster in their bedroom/basement.

Mary said...

wow, i previously read somewhere of hollywood male actors wanting to date darker bw but did cause it would cause a stir w/ most of your fans (mostly ww), dang, i didn't realize how true it was

Taylor-Sara said...

Thank you Sky,
I was not about to use my precious time trying to hunt down every nasty thing these negroes say about bw! That's why I told Bev, to take what she could use and discard the rest.
As Judge Milion (sp) says: There is none so blind as he will NOT SEE! You could show them a 100 quotes, and they would still find 'valid' reasons these men said what they said. Uh... no, that's not the way I use my time, I have nothing to prove. Bw can see for themselves how these men really feel. (regardless of what they say) As for proving anything to these men-I don't think that's possible, and life is way too short....

S said...

ahh,good ol' gerard butler.
love his scottish accent but not so much his attitude.
look, i know some WM/non-bm have this attitude that they think they're a wee bit above BW even if it's very subtle.
Now, i'm not saying gerard feels this way but i don't like the way he feels the need to "Hide" his preference like so many other high profile WM celebs do when and if they're into BW.
All of the sudden everyone is starting to play match maker and start rumors about him that he is dating jennifer aniston and any other plain jane WW celebrity/actress out there.

Frankly,i am sick of these guys hiding BW because that's what it looks like to me.
Seeing as they have all that power being WM and all they really don't HAVE to do that.
it's just getting old that's all and i'll admit it makes me fume.
that said, you can't beat preference, you can't stop and say "no,i refuse to date my preference and will date only WW because that's what everyone else wants!" that is, if you have a REAL genuin preference for someone and it's not just some one night stand thing.
What i'm trying to say is, if gerard has a natural preference for BW, he can't NOT date BW. I know because people told me to start giving asian men a chance because they just like me are at "the bottom of the....you know what" and i tried, i really tried to be attracted to them and even went out with a chinese guy once and i felt horrible! because although he was nice and he was genuinly attracted to ME , i wans't attracted to HIM and i couldn't go there...i have a natural attractions towards WM and no matter what, i can't fight that just like gerard can't fight his attraction towards BW.


And Lorna, even though WM didn't attack kanye they way most BM attack...anyone, really, when they see red they DID make it known that they didn't approve.
Kings of leon band member nathan,insulted kanye and said something to the effect "how dare he take away the beautiful taylor swifts moment and i haven't seen a worse haircut since '84".
I look at it this way: WM do not have to insult and behave childishly by callig him names they have enogh power to just shut him out...just look at him after that happened and how he appologized over and over again because he knew if he didn't he'd be in REAL trouble.

I agree that most BW do not have eachothers back and see eachother as competition which is really sad since no other race of women do this and if they do it's on an individual basis not a collective one that they know will affect the whole group!

sky said...

S said...Frankly,i am sick of these guys hiding BW because that's what it looks like to me.
Seeing as they have all that power being WM and all they really don't HAVE to do that.
it's just getting old that's all and i'll admit it makes me fume.



to me S i don't think they are hiding it. I believe(if we're talking about hollywood) that the MEDIA is hiding it. The media is a ww's fantasy playground, where she can imagine herself w/ any man in hollywood. Doesn't matter the color. That's why whenever women like Hedi Klum/ Kim K. gets with any of any race, they are quick to put her on the cover. Trust me if Jennifer Aniston starting dating Michael Jordan, it'll be all over the headlines. But if John Mayer started dating let's say Alicia Keys there would be silence, or they are just "friends" going out for coffee.

The media knows how to clear things up to relieve ww, and not make them worry. You see a lot of ww are like bm, they are the ones who want to be dating/marrying out, not the opposite gender because they need to know that they have some kind of support system if things don't go where they had planned. Hence why "Liz" had a thing against GB because the women GB dates don't look like her therefore, she can't imagine herself w/ him, which makes it more frustrating, and then dubs his racist against ww *eye roll*, no different from what bm do to bw.

So I don't think the men are hididng it, the media is. Look at Shia Lebouf, Sean Penn, Brad Pitt, George Clooney who are never mentioned in the media for dating a black woman. They'll name everyone but the bw. A lot of people don't know that Brad Pitt once dated Robin Givens and another black women. It wasn't until I read his biography from PEOPLE's magazine celebrity books that I found out.

Whenever they don't mention George Clooney/Shia Lebouf for a long time, I often wonder which bw are they dating that the media try to hide from us. You notice how they get excited when George starts dating a bartender? hmmm....

and trust me one day these guys are gonna go "f**k it!" and start dating and marrying bw and not care what ww think. It'll happen, trust me. Look at Matthew McConhay(sp) who saw that coming. Did anyone even know that he once dated Janet Jackson, yeah i thought so.

cool_splash1 said...

http://www.stylelist.com/blog/2009/10/29/blackface-on-americas-next-top-model

If black women don't understand why this is wrong we are in a sad state indeed.

There is a term in Cultral Anthroplogy that comes to mind
Hegemony a stratified social order in which suborinates comply with domination iternalizing their rulers' values and accepting the "naturalness" of dominion.

In other words Subordinates execpt
hiearchy as "natural"

Now I'm not saying we are lowly or something, but this term does apply to how many think. Many think it's natural and don't question why a white woman or other women are being painted black to be portrayed as black models.

cool_splash1 said...

"So you think I need a therapist because I find it offensive that he is repulsed by white women? You must not be white then if you’re not offended. If he didn’t like asian or black women, then he’d be a racist. But he doesn’t like white women and that doesn’t make him prejudiced? Isn’t that a little one-sided?"

I'm sorry until their men go on youtube, tv, magazines and bad mouth them and say things like they are unattractive, they don't do white/light butts. I can't see how he's hating. Please what does she say about bm that only date white women or other non-bw. I bet nothing, because she would be with one of these fools in heartbeat.

cool_splash1 said...

Frankly,i am sick of these guys hiding BW because that's what it looks like to me.
Seeing as they have all that power being WM and all they really don't HAVE to do that.
it's just getting old that's all and i'll admit it makes me fume.

Just because he's white doesn't mean he has power especially in Hollywood. The ones within Hollywood who have power are Studio Exec. Producers the bankrollers and the actors that do have control of their careers. Hell Denzel, Will etc. have recently gotten more power over their image and money in Hollywood. Think about how long Denzel has worked in Hollywood and been a major star. Same goes for many other actors and actresses. You need that star power and mean real star power a la Julia Roberts there are not that many male or female, black or white that have star power (at least to me on the level of Julia Roberts or hell even what Patrick Swayze had in his prime.

That's why I don't get why black actresses haven't gone after the big wigs in Hollywood instead of actors (unless they have some power over their careers or big star bankable power) or writers (who have almost no power). Heads of studios, producers have way more power over the director (who can be fired and replaced in a hot minute who has power over the actor. Just because actors and other celebs have image power doesn't mean they have power over their image. And crew (I've been crew mostly on low bud shorts and even a feature) are considered lowest on the totempole.

I guess I'm trying to somewhat connect Sara's earlier post. Seriously if you want to move up the social ladder or any ladder why would be choose to be around those with no poer.

AlmondEyes said...

I dont think its fair to say they havent "gone after big wigs" in hollywood. I think a true woman who carries herself well and has good intentions for herself and partner will go after a man but wont announce it on the roof tops that she is seeing or pursuing said individual. I am sure that white male execs have dated their fair share of all races of women including black women (be it actresses or models) because mentaltieis are changing. If you have a pretty face OR carry yourself with confidence and intelligence then the possibility of having a date is there.

I dont think its fair to say bw actresses havent.

sky said...

I think a lot of the black actresses have the same mentality as do w/ their dating life. Their waiting on the perfect role for black women. I hear it every time with their interviews..."well they don't have a lot of roles for black women"...well i say make it a role! do you think most of Halle Berry's films were meant to be for a black woman (and don't give me well she's light skin so they'll give her the benefit of the doubt. no she's still black and she's said herself that often they don't giver her the role because of that, even after her oscar win).

Denzel and Will have learned the art of the game... CONNECTIONS! it's not necessarily about your talent, its who you know and going after movie roles even if they didn't ask for you. Hollywood is a business, so you have to be business oriented, or get out the game.

I hope the next generation of black actresses like Zoe Salanda understand that and get with the program.

cool_splash1 said...

I'm not saying the woman has to act in an unsavory manner. Don't know where you got that from my post. I mean bw need to get out of the black folx only club. He we need to get out the bm only club.

Secondly if you are around people who are in the same boat as you trying to get to where you want to get and they have less power than you then how are you helping each other? How are you helping yourself? You network with those that have the power to get you where you want to be. It could be producers, directors (who do have more clout and control), actors (same with as with directors). Hell make a film where you cast yourself.

Think about this the studio didn't want Whoopi Goldberg for Ghost, but Patrick Swayze as much astold them that if she wasn't going to be in the film then neither was he. Guess what? She ended up in that movie. Talk about star power. She was smart for her networking. You can't say that woman doesn't control her image. Whoopi had movies where she was the lead and had white male interests (especially when you listen to how black men talk about he looks)So now she is the woman with the star power or at least control and she has done a lot with it from movies to game shows.

Anonymous said...

goodness Sara, I am seeing a patterm White women thinkt that it is racist for a white man to love black women and not them. I mean as if they are the center of the universe, the end all be all. That is very narcissistic. But I did not expect much more from them, women who are accustomed to being fluffed up and pampered by the media. Read the comments on Sean Penn's imdb board relating to his girl Jessica White.lol. Some of them are positive but I see hints of racism.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000576/board/thread/147420941

Anonymous said...

Also, I wonder why Jessica and Sean's relationship has been given so little attention by the media. No, I don't wonder, I already know why. I just don't understand why white women can't handle rejection, they aren't babies, they need to grow up and act like grown women and stop whining about a man's preference.lol

Trutothyself said...

I have to say that as I read the comments in this blog I felt both a weight lifted and my breath taken at the same time. I am a BW madly in love with a WM. Since I feel a safety here, I too feel compelled to share my story of "My Great Exodus".

My mother was with a WM for many years. I have a mixed sister (I never refer to her as my half sister).

I was always referred to as an "Oreo", "sell-out", "wanna-be" and a host of other names due to my propensity towards proper use of grammar. Silly as it sounds. I'd never felt accepted in the BC. The BBs that I crushed on didn't date me but chased after WGs. I dated WB s who dared to defy society and vibe on commonality.

In hindsight, it was counter-intuitive that I would join a BGLO in college 10 years ago. My affiliation brought with it instant popularity and instant turmoil. I have always had a target on my back because of looks and ability. I'm not hyping myself up but I know what God gave me and favor ain't fair. Before I know it I was knee deep in a cypher of jealous snakes. I was in an IR at the time and we were talking marriage. I was so in love up until that time then at every turn forced to explain, defend and protect my relationship from jealous, ignorant and surprisingly racist people that looked just like me...my "sisters" and even my best-friend since high-school. Due to their constant interference my relationship ended badly. Since he was in a BGLO himself, the rumor-mill never ceased and our allegiances to our organizations became conflicts of interest in our relationship. We tried to reconcile but had to date in secret. It was too much for either of us to move forward from.

I have spent the better part of the last decade trying to reconcile my identity as a "BW" and my natural attraction to and from WM. Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin because I couldn't be true to myself around people who professed to care deeply for me. The need to be accepted overshadowed the constant ribbing from BW who shared the same attraction to WM but were too brainwashed by the BC to step out and do their own thing. Utter confusion to say the least. Like fire shut up in my bones, I knew I didn't belong and the more my actions rebelled against the status quo, the more my soul was grieved constantly. As I approached turning 30, I new a change needed to be made or I'd drown in a sea of regret forced to settle for marrying against the biological clock or bitter and lonely as the majority of my "sister friends".

I made the decision to move with a friend who was established out of state. I left my church but took the word with me. I truly stepped out on faith. I was free but yet again my decision to date a WM drove a bigger wedge between so-called friends. This has been a year of letting God sift away the mess and so I am accepting. I changed my number, stopped replying to every post on my social networking page and withdrew! It has been the scariest, most wonderful, freeing and introspective time of my life. I met my man on a dating site. We were matched on compatibility and attraction is just the icing. My so-called friend stays in touch with those that I left and felt compelled to discuss my relationship with them. As soon as I found out she was cut off as well. I'm convinced that my relationship is as strong as it is because I don't talk about it with them. They have all friended him on the site in an attempt to "stay in the loop". Ridiculous. They are all played with a long-handed spoon because misery loves company and people hate what they can't understand and kill what they can't control. When we marry I doubt I will invite them because there is a history of mistrust and back-biting. Deep down that hurts but I'd rather spend perpetuity in marital bliss with the man that loves me unconditionally than stuck at the hip with people who don't accept me or my choices. To thine own self be true!

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi Truth, I'm sad that you had to go through all that, but you are right. You must be true to yourself. There are many bw who are hopelessly attracted to wm, yet will hide it, and deny it for the sake of not wanting to be ostracized. I learned a long time ago that life is too short to try to live it pleasing others... So glad you made it out...

Anonymous said...

@ Truth

You are a better woman than I, because these cows would not be on my facebook or any other type of book talking to my man. Hell to the NO. No, stay your butts out of my loop. Go and find your own loop with the bm you ladies like to defend. Be careful one of your facebook friends may be trying to meet up with your man behide your back. Some of them are probably wishing they were in your place and had your nerve to live your own life.

Continue to be true to yourself and do not allow others to intimidate you.

ak said...

But S do you think celebs like Gerard Butler are really hiding their preferances in regards to women that they date? I can't just easily say something like after long-famous men such as Robert DeNiro, sorry I can't.

Robert DeNiro's been on the map since The Godfather and Taxi Driver, and he's been associating himself with bw romantic interests even before his wife Grace Hightower came along!

But can you really say that DeNiro hid all of 'his BW' away in a box or something? Or is it just that all of the paparazzi take EVERY picture that any hot celeb is in BUT THE MAGAZINES ETC. THAT THEY SELL THEM TOO JUST DECIDE TO PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT THEY'LL USE FROM WHAT. THEY. WON'T????

How come on websites like Perez Hilton or TMZ I see gerard Butler or whoever out with some known or unknown black woman clearly on a date of some sort? Media of the Internet Age will clearly keep EVERY kind of tab on these celebs but we KNOW traditional AMERICAN media especially doesn't like all of these 'tabs'.

If Americans would just travel more or at least hop into NYC every now and again (LOL) they'd be familar with HELLO! magazine, a British celeb magazine that will take ANY picture of any hot celeb or famously iconic celeb. Or even to look at the French PARIS-MATCH magazine.

ak said...

But S do you think celebs like Gerard Butler are really hiding their preferances in regards to women that they date? I can't just easily say something like after long-famous men such as Robert DeNiro, sorry I can't.

Robert DeNiro's been on the map since The Godfather and Taxi Driver, and he's been associating himself with bw romantic interests even before his wife Grace Hightower came along!

But can you really say that DeNiro hid all of 'his BW' away in a box or something? Or is it just that all of the paparazzi take EVERY picture that any hot celeb is in BUT THE MAGAZINES ETC. THAT THEY SELL THEM TOO JUST DECIDE TO PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT THEY'LL USE FROM WHAT. THEY. WON'T????

How come on websites like Perez Hilton or TMZ I see gerard Butler or whoever out with some known or unknown black woman clearly on a date of some sort? Media of the Internet Age will clearly keep EVERY kind of tab on these celebs but we KNOW traditional AMERICAN media especially doesn't like all of these 'tabs'.

If Americans would just travel more or at least hop into NYC every now and again (LOL) they'd be familar with HELLO! magazine, a British celeb magazine that will take ANY picture of any hot celeb or famously iconic celeb. Or even to look at the French PARIS-MATCH magazine.

Lisa-just-Lisa said...

@Truth annon 2:28 is speaking the truth and giving you some good advice. These so called "friends" have friended your man on Facebook WTH. If you're not even sure you want them as friends why in the world have you made it possible for them to friend your man? My advice 1. de-friend these women on FB 2. make your list of friends private 3. watch your back. One thing I've noticed about some bw is that they believe any wm who dates or has ever dated a bw is interested in any or all bw:-)) I know that sounds absurd but I've witnessed it and I've even heard bw say things like "well you know he's into the sistahs" like now every bw has a chance with this particular wm! Surround yourself with good and positive people, you don't need these women in your life.

Anonymous said...

@ Lisa-just-Lisa...You too are correct. Just because another race man will date a bw does not mean he will date all bw.

Confession time...
For two or three years I shared an apt. with my ex. bestfriend a bw who was deep into bm.
When we moved into together my ex. who was from Bangladesh/am- he was attending school out of town. My ex. bw friend used to asked me questions about my sex life with my ex. I always tried not to go into details because I felt that was personal and I was not as opened about sex as she was. She had more than her fair share of bm friends. I never met a woman who loved sex as much as she did. Her motto was, "No man comes into my apt without me seeing his #ick."
LOL, I can hear the men asking for her phone number.
Flash forward a few years- we went our own separate ways. One day I decided to reconcile our freindship because we did have some good times and she helped me out alot with my son. She was very happy to hear from me and I too was happy. She told me thanks to me she was now dating foreign men. LOL...blame me. Only, thing is this guy is married and she seemed to be OK with his marriage. The guy told her that he was not going to leave his wife.

One night we were talking on the telephone and I had this flashback of an old Jenny Jones show and without hesistation I asked my old friend what did she do with my ex. when I was not in the apt. And, she lol and said, "When did I ever have time to do anything with him?" Again, without hesistation I said, "Every time he came to visit and I went to work or took our son to the baby sitter." They had hours and hours to do whatever and I never once thought about back tracking to check on the two of them. I really thought my ex. best friend and I had an understanding...I don't touch any of your men and you do not touch my one man. I used to ask her don't you want your own man? And, she would always say, "Yes."
This woman has never been married, does not have any children and lives with her mother to help her Mom with her bills.


a.

Merrie said...

Sara I really love your blog. I've been reading for a while now and you have no idea how many times I visit this website just to hear what you have to say. I seriously, totally, and completely agree with your message. First of all, I'm a 19 year old African girl. I say african because I was born in Africa (Nigeria) and moved to the United States when I was 12. I'm currently a journalism major and in an interracial relationship. Ever since i came to this country, i've noticed that black boys/men have no respect for themselves and for black women. I hate it when i see them in baggy pants, listening to loud music, and harrassing everything in skirts. You should hear the things they say. Its so explicit. This was a culture shock for me bc in Nigeria, the boys there definitely didn't act like this. Its honestly the most embrassing thing in the world. I was part of the nonors society in my high school and took advanced placement classes. I can still remember having AA boys saying that i was acting/talking white and that i needed to know that i wasn't better than them. Soon to my surprise, some AA girls joined in making fun of me. This further drove me to hang out with the white crowd. Duriing graduation, I graduated with a scholar diploma, which is the highest honor in the school. Me and my friend, a black girl from barbados were the only blacks to graduate with this honor. I seriously wanted to see some black guys but there were none and this shames me so so much. I remember going to a doctor's office a while ago and I saw two AA male doctors. This made me so proud. I was happy about this and i can't help but to wonder why there are so few of them. All AA boys/men want to do is play basketball/football. They don't care about their education in anyway.This obviously explains your earlier post about the AA football player with 11 kids from 10 different women. Ever heard of condoms? There was once a AA boy who got in D in our history class. He started complaining about how the white male teacher gave him this grade bc he was black. This got on my nerves bc I got an A and i'm black. Besides all this guy did during class was text/complain about how it was boring. He never turned in any of his homework. Even in college, i continue to witness these same behaviors. Unlike some AA girls, my parents do not feel like i have to be loyal to AA men and i'm glad. Sorry for writing so much but i just wanted to let it all out. I'm sick of seeing iresponsible AA men all over the place. Keep giving the message Sara.
PS: I'm definitely waiting for more stories from you. I love Donnely Place. Please write more!You would make a good author. That story was outstanding. It gets an A plus from me

Oshun said...

@ A

Wow. Just wow.

"My ex. bw friend used to asked me questions about my sex life with my ex. I always tried not to go into details because I felt that was personal and I was not as opened about sex as she was."

That is um wow. I couldn't see myself going into explicit sexual details with a woman about a man I am currently dating and have feelings for. Ok I wouldn't have done it at all.

If the relationship was over and it was bad - that is one thing.


I think she was pumping you for info/grooming you the whole time. It sounds like a set up and a plan to me.

Oshun said...

@ Merrie

"Soon to my surprise, some AA girls joined in making fun of me. This further drove me to hang out with the white crowd."


Some AA women are seriously DBRBM identified. They will do anything for a head pat from the men who hate their guts.


"I seriously wanted to see some black guys but there were none and this shames me so so much."

Remember you are not responsible for the choices that others make or don't make. What they do or don't do in this regard is no reflection on you. We are separate from them.

Lena said...

I'm not really sad to see black men smile like an idiot over a white woman. I figure with the white woman distracting him he won't have to time to hound me!

I'm so glad my parents are part of the Acting Black Crew!

Lena said...

I meant to say I'm so glad my parents have rejected the ideology of the Acting Black Crew!

It's so good to have a family of sensible people and it's so good to be free too!