Evia has already done a wonderful piece on Whitney so I will just add a few comments... I cried when I found out about her death. Talk about a beautiful woman wasting herself on a ghetto crumb... It's soooo sad but I hope and pray you young women take a lesson from this musical icon. That no matter how much beauty fame, talent, money or anything else you have -a damaged man can tear it all away. I'm well aware that she made her own choices. And yes I know that she is ultimately responsible for those choices, but as with soooo many lovely -have it all black women, she was trying desperately to "keep it real" I wish she had been true to herself instead of worrying about what the bc felt or said. Notice the minute she married this man her life spiraled out of control and plummeted into an abyss from which she never really recovered. Time and again I saw her defend this man while he went to prison, ran afoul of the law, and demonstrated time and again that he was not "gentleman or husband material". In my eyes she wasted a great life. I could see the toll this horrendous marriage choice was taking on her every time I looked at her. But black people seemed to love that she has married so far beneath herself. Yet did anyone notice the moment it became palpably clear that she was suffering from substance abuse, how quickly the bc turned on her and began to call her "crackhead " and such? The pressure must have been horrible for her, always trying to keep up this sham of a marriage, always trying to smile though the pain, knowing that the minute they smell vulnerability -they will attack. And they did, they ripped her to shreds time and again. Yet notice how A. W always received sympathy and support-while being one of the biggest junkies in Hollywood!
If this sad sad tale does not move you young ladies to make better choices, I don't know what more I can say. Whitney was so talented, and so beautiful, and so loved. She had EVERYTHING
going for her! Yet it only took one very damaged man to tear down a career she has spent years building, and turn turn a once vibrant lovely woman into a cracked out shell. Take a lesson from the dead, get away from these damaged men as fast as your legs can take you. Don't listen to bc they are doomed and want to take you down with them (misery really does love company). Whitney, who was brought up in a good home with class and manners was practically coerced into dating and marrying a man had multiple OOW children, numerous drug arrests, and many other offenses. Bobby was someone she should have not given the time of day to. And yet she allowed him into her life because she desperately wanted bp to 'approve' of her! They were never going to approve of her- many of them were mired in jealousy over her money, talent and fame! They rejoiced when she married him because subconsciously they knew she, and her red hot career were terminally doomed from that point on, and that is exactly what happened. Her demise began long before that unconscious fall to the floor. It began the moment she smiled back at Bobby.......
I know sometimes I seem over blunt but the time for subtlety has passed. Bw you must save yourselves! No one is coming to rescue us because they see us as the fools who fight to drink the kool aide and then wonder why we're slipping away. You must leave these damaged men on the corners where you find them. Stop dragging them home trying to make "real men' of them. It's not going to happen they are too far gone and they will only drag you into their own personal hell holes. We were watching a movie the other night, and a young girl was possessed by a demon. and the social worker (who had not believed it at first) was now scared of her -as the girl had murdered her friend. She asked the father, "what does she want?"
He responded, "To know what your version of hell is-and force you to live there!"
It seems to me that is exactly what a damaged man wants. To destroy everything you've worked hard for all your life. to bring you down and prove to you that "You are not all that!" To make you feel so low and lifeless that you are just another corpse without the sense to just 'lay down' Run ladies, don't walk run from the places and these people. Run for all the women who felt they could not get away despite numerous resources, like the late Ms Houston. And run for all the little children who if we don't get them out, will be slowly slaughtered. So as I cry sad tears for Whitney I will still call the women I love stuck in these places and beg them to leave....Rest in peace Whitney- and may the lord wrap you in the love and tranquility denied you on this earth...
18 comments:
Sara, I'm so glad you're posting again. Evia provided the argument and yours just helps to flesh it out. It's clear as day to me - there's NOTHING to be gained or salvaged from "relationships" formed with DBR men and women of any race. The black community is especially harmful to us bw because it programmed us and knows what buttons to push ... so let's stop trying to out-smart or please anyone rooting for us to fail and just RUN!
But black people seemed to love that she has married so far beneath herself.
No black people I know. We all scratched our heads when we found out that she was dating Brown. We wondered what happened to Randall Cunningham, who is a sound Christian guy. Heck, a marriage to former love, Eddie Murphy, would not have had such an influence since he doesn't even drink.
For some reason, Bobby Brown excited her and that is what she went with. Classic case of loving the bad boy. It is really sad that this happened to someone of her quality. Their marriage lasted a good while so apparently, he is what was in her soul.
I was reading the open letter sent by Sheryl Lee Ralph where she indicated that Whitney's drug use began with a drug addicted makeup artist both of them shared, before Bobby Brown came into the picture. Seems that Bobby was more of a drug using companion for her rather than someone who influenced her to do drugs.
Then entire thing is so sad. She had so much life and I will miss her.
I grew up looking up to Whitney and admiring her voice, beauty, and top model poise like many but I felt she really let me down by the mid to late 90s when she acted like Bobby Brown's conjoined twin! That was so sad but I'll remember her the way she was in the 80s, preferrably.
But it strikes me just now that another black woman celeb fell into the same drug trap as Whitney but WITHOUT falling into all of the other traps: Naomi Campbell.
Of course Naomi isn't perfect because of the drug use and her probably still-unresolved anger management issues, but Naomi never got herself lumbered with any useless hulk of a so-called 'man' or trap herself with his kids.
Naomi had and has kept plenty of her allies in the fashion industry and that probably also helped keep her career going without losing any steam. And Naomi was only ever seen with the most famous and/or rich men only even to this day.
I don't know what fundamental difference there was between these two women's situations but it must be something I feel.
Thank you SO much so writing down what I have been saying to everyone who will listen since she died. We seem so intent and focused on "keeping it real" that we settle for anyone. I hope Rhianna is paying close attention because this is most certainly where she is headed if she continues to associate with (if the rumors are true) the man who beat her so savagely a couple of years ago. Thank you again for this article.
A lot of us (wm) had our heads turned in the direction of bw after seeing Whitney in "the Bodyguard". The soundtrack from that film was the highest selling movie soundtrack of all time. I am sure that wm put it over the top, a group that doesn't normally buy soundtracks, or much music at all. I have my own copy, and the movie CD also.
For us, that movie was iconic, and Rachel Marin was almost a real person. She came across so clearly, I think, because Whitney was just playing herself. I don't know how other folk may have seen her, but to us she was immensely appealing. Every one of us wished that he could have been Frank Farmer.
Rachel found her bodyguard but Whitney never did. All we can do now is remember.
I am very sorry to hear of Whitney Houston's untimely death. She was a very talented woman who got involved with the wrong type of man. I believe that if she married a nice quality white man, she would still be alive and never gotten into drugs. I think that Bobby Brown ruined Ms Houston and her singing career. I hope that more Black women will avoid getting involved with the DBR Black males and work toward finding a high quality mate regardless of color.
No Andrea Bobby didn't start her on drugs he just did a whooooole bunch of other foul shit to her.like having sex with her friends spending all of her money and keeping her caught up with his dysfunctional life when she should have been dedicated to fixing her own.All of that stress weighed on her too and stress is a trigger for drug abusers to continue using.
Bobby was overkill.Bobby did not get Whitney hooked on drugs he was still an EVIL mofo.Check his record BEFORE he married Whitney.He was always a bad person.
-Truth P.
Yes this is sad, First Billie Holiday, then Dorothy Dandridge and now Whitney.It's also odd that she died on Brandys 33rd birthday. Speaking of Rihanna, I think her song S&M may say a lot; I wont listen to it and wondered if she wrote it regarding her relationship to Chris Brown
Yes, Madonna and them are still going on maybe not Amy Winehouse; for some reason they wont be the femme fatales like black women are. I didnt think it had to do with pleasing the BC before but now I find out it has to be. In the BC, BM cant study and become engineers or else that would be 'white'Asians arent white but that ok if they are engineers; Yes being a rapper is what we should be, so Whitney ended up being the 'sacrifice'
Thanks for this post Sara...One of the things which hurt me most about Whitney was KNOWING what could have been...This lady could have written her ticket anywhere, but chose to settle for a situation of LACK!
Anon take your nonsense elsewhere I don't allow that filthy profanity on my site. If if your so offended by the post -try not reading it. Easy and simple....
But Trugh P. Whitney reportedly had several lesbian affairs during her marriage. I'm not sure how drug addiction influences that.
Seems that beneath the elegant diva was a damaged woman and Bobby Brown was simply a kindred spirit. They remained married for 15 years.
To the last anon, if you were a famous person how would you address rumors about your own sexuality? I wish you “special persons” will stop posting on these forums for black women. Go to the gossip sites and eat your heart out with your nonsense. Bobby Brown was an unsuitable partner for any thinking woman. Look at his behavior at her funeral. You can contrast his behavior with the classy way Kevin Costner spoke about her and treated her. Certain elements of the black community love to drag accomplished black women down.
Hi Sara, it is NOT just the bc that called Whitney a "crack-head" you should have read some of the hateful remarks on FB, from "other" people. Whitney is dead, and they should leave her alone! Such racist jerks!
*another topic*
I have not seen this film or even "heard" of it, but I thought it was interesting... The link shows a preview:
http://www.codeblackentertainment.com/Products.aspx?productID=64
Tea Cup
Trish
Many people spoke about Whitney in a classy way during the service. No need to speak exclusively of Costner. He has his issues. A hotel masseuse complained of him demanding a "happy ending" during a massage session and successfully sued after the hotel fired her for complaining. Also, Cosnter's first wife accused him of having extramarital affairs.
What a lot of people fail to realize is that Whitney was a totally different person than what most us came to love... Her public persona was created by clive davis ... she herself has stated that numerous times....
Whitney and her family are/were like the real housewives of NJ only with a tan.
She is was what you guys call BC... so i don't know why she is getting a pass...
be blessed
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