Total Pageviews

Friday, January 14, 2011

Ugh! How can you love a white man?

Princess Angela with hubby (the Prince) and son.
Handsome Hispanic man and his lovely bride...

I was showing family pictures to a total stranger when I got "the question"
I just stared at her because we were standing outside a mutual friends house, and she and I barely knew each other!" Excuse me!" I finally managed to stammer angrily. I shot her a look that shut her up fast. How dare a total stranger question me on MY LIFE!

Have any of you ladies ever gotten this question from friend and family? I love I have, and it's one I really despise. First of all it's asinine, and second it's ridiculous. A better question to me is:

Why would you worry about his color instead of his heart? That's a question many bw need to ask themselves. Far, far too many good men are going to waste looking for women who are tying themselves to losers and settling for nothing.

But I've noticed that many people will try many tactics to keep a bw in her place. And I'm sure you've all noticed that sometimes those ppl share a color or even gender with you. I remember being at the library staring at the computer (which featured the gorgeous David Beckham) A bw nearby made a gagging sound in her throat and then murmured angrily in my direction, that I should be looking at Denzel. I replied calmly that although I like Denzel very much -he's not really my cup of tea. You would have thought I committed a crime! She turned pale and practically ran away with a horrified look on her face ( like she was about to faint) I just calmly kept looking at what I was looking at....

Ladies NEVER let anyone tell you who you are ALLOWED to be attracted to or in love with. That's ridiculous. If any of you caught that Oprah show a few years back where a ww declared to an audience of predominantly ww "We sure love the brothers don't we?" The audience clapped and cheered. They really didn't give a damn if the bw there took issue with their comments. They were not about to let bw or anyone else dictate who they were allowed to be attracted to. Oprah just shook her head, and smiled. She was used to ww declaring themselves open and unashamedly.

If only bw would do the same. I know something many of you ladies don't know. I know that where ever you are right now, there's a wm near you with his eye on you. He's just waiting for some kind of go sign from you. So many times I've instructed women on ways to let a man know she was interested and watched their love bloom, so I do know what I'm talking about. Many of my post have referred to this time and again. As I've told bw many times, because of the sordid history wm have had to live down, as well as the mistrust that has been spoon fed to bw about wm since baby-hood, many wm are very weary about trying to date bw.

This is why you MUST let him know that there is an interest there. He won't move in if he feels for a second that you're going to start screaming " White boy please!" and laughing your ignorant head off. This I've actually seen happen! The man turned red, and walked away, and I'm sure it was a long time (if ever) before he asked another bw out....

So when I get that stupid question, I don't answer. It's just too stupid to require a reply. I always look at the person calmly and wait for them to feel as stupid as they sound. It almost always works. The truth is I've been attracted to wm since my teen years, and I just don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. I'm sure you ladies have noticed on Evia's site the numerous wm who loving and snatching up the darker bw, that bm often leave behind. It's really exciting to see these women looking so happy, and realizing they finally found someone who thinks their ebony hued skin is beautiful (which it is) and finally feeling loved, desired and appreciated....

If you haven't been there in a while go check it out. Those wm are snatching up those dark women like gold nuggets out of the ground! I love it!

So how can you love a wm? I can't figure out how you can't!!! I love the looks, the sense of sefl and the intelligence that many wm seem to emit effortlessly. And their talk goes so much deeper than "Hey shortie, can I gecha number?" So tell me ladies -what do you love about them, and how do you respond to that silly question???


Flaming_star said...

Well, I've gotten the question once or twice from a bm, to which I replied 'if I wasn't with him, I wouldn't be with you'. They're usually surprised I say something but I'm smart aleck. So you say something stupid, you'll be immediately put in your place with by my sarcastic mouth. I've had bw look at me but I just smile b/c usually they are alone and I have a good-looking man on my arm, loving on me. Never from family, I'm blessed that way, my family loves me and loves whoever I love. But I say to the beautiful black women, open up your options or you may die alone and really there is not reason for that. Really enjoyed the post.

Erica said...

Glad to see that you're back. I look forward to your posts.

formavitae said...

What I appreciate about wm is their belief in more traditional family arrangements (men work, women take care of kids). I'm an educated and working woman, and I intend to be so after I get married. However, I would like the comfort and confidence of knowing that when I have children, should I desire to take some time off to care for them at home, I will be able to because he will provide for the family and won't have a problem with it. (I know not ALL wm are that way, but I don't feel like having to constantly insert qualifying statements into my posts.)

If anyone asked me that question, I would just tell them that I have found someone who loves, supports, and appreciates me for who I am unconditionally--and that is EXACTLY what I want for my life.

ak said...

Puh-lease girl.

Who, and I mean who out there regardless of color or gender will look at a picture of a white woman and a black, Latino, or Asian man together and say 'Ugh! How can you love a white girl?'

Or which black man especially but also any other non-white men would harass another black/non-white man looking at a picture or Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, or whichever new Playboy playmate and say 'Ugh He should be looking at Beyonce, Naomi Campbell' ?

People show such worship for WW especially and show such hatred for WM and I'm like 'How?' or 'Why?' when they both come from the same place: whiteness and European backgrounds. The women never saved anyone from a back breaking day of work out in the cotton fields and they never saved anybody from a lynching, and in cases such as the Scottsboro Boys, they damn well wanted your lynching.

But my point is if that can be all overlooked, then how are you gonna question any BW or whoever looking at WM who may be fine and desireable?

I grew up watching on TV many a handsome young white man acting in something, or singing. There are some good looking WM out there. Deal with it.

Mimi-Louise-Love said...

ughhh i love this post i get tired of explaing myself but now, I DONT HAVE TOO, they can all kiss our happy white men lovin asses. I never did understand why another person cared what i did, just cause its out of their norm. hmmm what do i like about wm???? i dunno ever since i was little i just new thats what i liked. I love diversity, ive always been unique (to others wierd) but now the "unconventional" thing is the cool thing to do!! AHH how times change ehhh????

Anonymous said...

So you are saying that you believe that white men look better than black men?

TLynn said...

I love what you just said: Their sense of self and their intelligence. A man with a brain and knows how to use it gets me every time. This is a another question though. What's a good way of letting a white man know you are intersted but still allow him to chase you? I believe I have one interested, but I'm not quite sure how to get it across that I'm interested as well. Help??

TLynn said...

Hi Sara! I like everything you just mentioned and I agree that there are white men looking at us black women. But how can you let a white man know you are interested yet still allow him to chase you? I've experienced the forwardness of white women and I'm not sure if I can do that. Not only that but to mee it seems very manish. The aggressiveness is just too much for me and I know I could never be that way. Can you give me some pointers?

trish said...

I love that many white men are family oriented and I love dark hair and light eyes. LOl
No one has ever asked me that question so I don't know how I would respond.

Betty Boo said...

What I love about white men? Whats not to like? It is my preference. How do I answer those stupid questions? I don't I just look at them smile and bat my eyes. If they greatly annoy me, I will cut them a look. but one thing I will not is dignify their stupidity with any answer. The bible says do not answer a fool according to his folly lest you become like him.

Anonymous said...

So you are saying that you believe that white men look better than black men?

To me they do. What of it???

Anonymous said...

My German professor(former)is married to a bw and he has no problem professing to the class how much he loved his wife, at the time I did not know he was married to a bw. When she was ill he was miserable. Lucky woman.


Flaming_star said...

I think Anonymous was asking me a question, no I'm not saying white men are better looking than black men. I'm saying MY white man is better looking than all men, at least to me. Isn't that what you should think about your mate? Or am I living in bizzaro world LOL.

Lorraine said...

Loved this short, sweet and to the point post Sara, but I always expect excellence from you anyways. Great advice here. Just one thing. I think some bm will say: "Shawty, what cho number is? Always good to hear from you.

Jamdown said...


You hit the nail on the head about Evia's blog -- I just love the numerous pictures of BW with non-BM. Makes a lie of only nerdy WM go for BW or other such foolishness that I've heard from BM.

Betty Boo said...

@Anonymous, I cannot speak for anyone on this thread but me, but IMHO I do not think anyone is saying white men are better looking than black men. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are some white men that I find attractive that someone else may think huh? I think Simon Baker (Something New) is a cutie but I also think that Adrien Brody is hot (though some think he is gawky). There were 25 women black and white fighting over flava flav(the man looks like a cockroach, lol). I have sista friends who love Denzel, I think he is ok, he is a great actor, but if he walked in a room I would not get the hots or an overwhelming desire to sleep with him. There are some brothas I think are hot Tyson Beckford, Djimon Hissou, Shemar Moore. Besides if there are women who think wm are better looking than bm SO WHAT?? it is their opinion and they have a right to it. BM certainly do not apologize for openly expressing their preference for white, latina,asian, or light skinned BW. They make their preferences known and go after what they want! My husband to be is white and to me is the sexiest man alive and hotter than any man on the planet as far as I am concerned!

Anonymous said...

To Sara,

In reference to that Oprah show- Can you imagine if bw would have been the ones clapping in approval of wm?


Lisa-just-Lisa said...

Fortunately, I have never had anyone say anything like this to me; I'm pretty guarded around strangers, and friends and family would never be so judgmental. If this ever happens to me I hope to respond this way... "yep, that's my man! He's the love of my life... I hope you find someone equally wonderful."

I almost hate to admit this because I don't want to jinx it, but my guy and I get so much love from the sisters! It's simply amazing. Wherever we go when we encounter a sister we always feel so well treated. Twice in the past year we've been upgraded to first class on Delta flights when the gate agents were black women. But it's just not flights it really happens in a variety of settings. When we're traveling or in a tough spot we always look for the sisters. Perhaps it's because we're an older couple, or because we live in the midwest and IR couples aren't all that unique here, maybe it's because we are always having a good time and give off a happy positive vibe, I don't know but so far so good :-) The other thing I hear from a lot of BW when they discover I'm with a WM is "girl I need to get myself a WM." LOL! Cracks me up! I just hope whatever man she gets that it will be the "right" man

bered said...

I've definitely gotten the "how can you find white/asian men attractive" question. Its such an absurd question that its often hard to make a sufficient response. I dont think you need to get side track into defending your relationship or your preferences as if its wrong or aberrant. But I think the best response is living well with your partner of choice. When other people (BW/BM) are scoffing at your choices, having a partner that truly loves and respects you, takes care of you and makes you feel good about yourself is the best revenge. When naysayers see that they know it too, but their jealously prevents them from keeping their inappropriate comments to themselves. Happiness is the best revenge.

Maybe as BW begin to see how much better lives they can live when they open themselves to picking from a wider pool of more appropriate men, the question wont be an issue anymore.

Jessica said...

Aside from the physical attributes -- I love all the different eye and hair colors, the thing I love most about White men is that they know how to handle a woman's flirting and rejection, BOTH, like gentlemen. No swearing and screaming "you ain't all that anyway!" or publicly molesting you because you showed them the smallest bit of positive attention.
It proves beyond doubt that they are REAL men.

Tyece said...

I have a wonderful girlfriend that i love very much but she says to me " i will NEVA be with a white man" meanwhile there are NO black men knocking at her door. She is waiting for someone that very well may not show, yet she waits and waits....and waits. My response, been there done that and there's nothing there for me. It took me many many years to realize it. besides why should i limit myself. sorry but "the brothas" are no longer of my list of desirable men. You can have them honey, more for you. LOL

Anonymous said...

To me they do. What of it???

Well, black men and black women look alike, save for gender related differences.

Anonymous said...

BM certainly do not apologize for openly expressing their preference for white, latina,asian, or light skinned BW.

The very very few who express this are strongly criticized for it by such IR circles and BWE blogers. And I'm not sure why "light skinned" black women are placed in the equation since they are black women.

Anonymous said...

I think Anonymous was asking me a question, no I'm not saying white men are better looking than black men.

No, there were no comments posted when I asked the question. The question was posed to Sarah.

Clarice said...

LOL this question has been asked of me - Like Flaming Star - my standard reply is - how can I not when I look at the content of a man's character and his mind and heart based on actions and not skin color - especially since if I was not with him I certainly would not be with you or someone that asks such a question.

Needless to say it rarely gets asked twice.




ValeriesWorld said...

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, it was such an uplifting thread! It made me smile, as long as the man loves you, honour you and wants you to be his wife and he is protective of you, that is so wonderful. What anyone cares, should not matter and it is important for ladies under any circumstances, not let people talk you out of your wonderful man.

Anonymous said...

I love what you just said: Their sense of self and their intelligence. A man with a brain and knows how to use it gets me every time. This is a another question though. What's a good way of letting a white man know you are intersted but still allow him to chase you? I believe I have one interested, but I'm not quite sure how to get it across that I'm interested as well. Help??
TLynn I know what you mean, i too have a bit of a problem of letting white men know I am interested. Some look, but say nothing. I am very shy so it is even worse!I followed some great advice and started frequenting places with a lot more white men, but still its hard to show them that I am interested. If anyone has any advise, please you are more than welcome to share =), PS: I love this blog!

Bobbi said...

Hi Tlynn and anonymous et all,

I understand what you mean when you say it is difficult to let a wm know that you are interested. This is probably b/c you are not used to forming relationships with wm (friendship,mentorships). I have the same issue. It is easier for me to feel comfortable or at ease with men that I don't feel attracted to or view as potential mates. This is probably why
I feel quite comfortable around bm (who are NOT ghetto) b/c for the most part I'm not attracted to them or view them as potential partners. However, I am attracted to wm,hm,am..etc and so I can get a bit flustered around one that I think is cute b/c most of the time I would like to date them or I am attracted to them.

I realized that if I'm ever going to be in a relationship with a non black man, I have to get used to being more comfortable and confident around them. So I "practice" so to speak with married wm or wm in serious relationships. I know that they are not potential partners for me but trying to form platonic relationships with them ie being more comfortable and confident around them will be good practice for when i do find that man that I am attracted to.

So when I'm with wm friends/collegues that are taken, I've started practicing looking directly in their eyes more. Because of this I feel like when I see a wm/non black male that I'm interested in, it might be easier for me to give them more eye contact instead of just turning away from them immediately hoping they didn't see me looking at them. I think the more you do something, the more you will be able to do it, in any context.

This could be also extend to learning how to talk about "guy stuff" (sports, cars,etc.). If you've been talking about these kinds of things with your wm friends, when you meet the wm that you have your eyes on, it will come much more naturally to talk to them about guy stuff b/c you've been doing it for a while now.

These are just a few examples but could include many other things. This is not a quick process. Becoming more comfortable around the man you like will not happen overnight probably but with some practice it could become a lot easier.

Oh, also ladies, I know that I have a lot easier time being confident talking to men when i know i look good. If I feel like my lips are crusty or my breath stinks or my hair is jacked, I am not in the mood to flirt. But when my hair is doing its thing, my lips are juicy lol and I'm smelling like flowers or fruit, I strut though the store (or whatever) like I own it.

I hope some of these tips helped ya'll a little. I'm still learning myself but they are working to make me feel more comfortable around all kinds of men.


Betty Boo said...

@Annonymous you said

The very very few who express this are strongly criticized for it by such IR circles and BWE blogers. And I'm not sure why "light skinned" black women are placed in the equation since they are black women.

The light skinned black women I am talking about look like Paula Patton. She does not look black but she is (bi-racial) those are the preferences of alot of BM. And my point for bringing it up was to more so point out that BM do not apologize for what they want be it Paula Patton or Paula Abdul! So why should BW have to justify why they prefer WM or if they find WM more attractive than BM. BW get alot of grief if their "loyalty" wavers from the BM for one minute, but no one says anything or much of anything to BM about their "preferences". Lil Wayne (that maggot) made it clear that he had proudly gotten white, asian, and latina women pregnant (or planned to in the future)becasue he wanted to have "pretty babies with good hair". there was a dark skinned BW who met him and he made it clear that he did not like brown skinned women. One last thig anonymous, this is a interracial blog, which means the preferences that are celebrated are men of other races. If BW are doing nothing but talking about Denzel instead of say brad pitt on this blog then it is not about interacial spice is it? If you want a blog about BW who talk about BM and how they are better looking than WM then you need to find a I love black men blog.

trish said...

@Betty Boo

I agree completely with your statement. I don't know why these Anon-types that disagree with the posts even comment. If you're not attracted to white or non-black men don't read the blog. Find a black love blog and read it to your heart's content. I find white men more attractive than black men, so what. Attraction is subjective i.e. it depends on the person.

TLynn said...

@Bobi - thanks for your comments.
I may have phrased my question wrong. There is a guy I have my eyes on…we talk, I don’t have a problem talking to him…but I’m not sure if he knows if I’m interested in him as a romantic prospect. We just talk in general about sports, pop culture, etc. So I’m just wondering how to get him to KNOW I’m interested. Do I just keep talking to him and hope that he will "get it"?

Sara, I don’t want to derail the comment section but when you have time do you think you could do a post on this?

Juniper said...

My retort to that nonsense would be like ugh why do I need your approval on whom I should or shouldn't date.

Anonymous said...

Paula Patton’s picture is posted on the sidebar as an example of a celebrity black woman married to a white man. Why is she a black woman when loved by a white man, yet would be “bi-racial” when loved by a black man?

Also, black men may not apologize for getting with light skinned black women, but black women don’t apologize for getting with light skinned black men. I have yet to hear or read a complaint about Jennifer Hudson marrying bi-racial David Otunga. I have yet to see one IR blog post her as an example of an IR relationship despite him being half white.

And why pick and choose comments? Snoop Dogg declared loving dark women and his wife is brown skinned. Understand that it is quite common for blacks, both male and female, to see light skinned people with straighter hair as “prettier”. This is just a developed perception. Light skinned black men are often called “pretty” or “pretty boys”. When single black women adopt, they typically adopt the light skinned babies. Black mothers often show preference for their sons bringing home light skinned girlfriends.

The difference is that looks are lower on the chart for women than men when searching for a mate for themselves and regarding looks, “prettiness” is much lower on the chart for what women look for in a mate than men. Women tend to look for “handsomeness”. But when women judge the looks of other women, they tend to view lighter skinned women as prettiest.

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone. I am a long time reader of this wonderful blog.
A few years ago I had a friend ask me why do I date white and Asian men. She is a single black woman (30 something)who has been through so much with black men, yet she won't give anyone but black men a second glance. The very next day I was watching a VH1 show called 'What Chili Wants'. Her black girlfriend asked her 'why does she date outside her race. Why has she left the black men alone?' She went on to say 'you already have 'good hair' so you don't need a white man for that'. Chili responded the way I respond to black men and women who ask me about my choice. She and I told them that I don't limit myself to black men. I find all men attractive and will date who I want. Black men certainly do not limit themselves to black women so why should we. Chili successfully shut her friend up just as I did a few years ago Now, I am happily married to a wonderful Irish American man. I am the one who's pics grace the top of the page. BTW, my firend is still single. The last guy she dated, she suspected to be on the down-low.

Nicole Little said...

I'm so excited about this new post that I did. This is my first one for the year 2011. I hope that you enjoy reading it.

IrishCool said...

Geez, on the subject of what the beautiful nubian princess out there like about white men, it is as quiet like crickets chirping in the woods. Can't think of anything more creative about white men than what Sara listed. There must be more ladies out there who can think of something that they like about white men, for example maybe there hair, mustaches, love of Harley hogs, golf, the tea party movement (joke), and country music.

You know I will give the ladies some love. I love a black woman's hair- it is special to her. I like her smile, the glimmer of her skin, her hips (especially how it is exposed with the right pair of jeans)and most importantly her eyes- in a remarkable color of jade that seems to sparkle at just the right time, her self confidence and independence, etc, etc, and yes etc. Can now some woman give this white guy some love back- my shaky confidence needs it- peace and love...

June11 said...

True happiness with your white partner is the antidote to other people's insensitivity. What attracts me to my fiance?

Physically, it's the differences between the two of us. His fair complexion blending with my deep brown. The fact that he is a fascinated and fascinating, deep and funny conversationalist. There's his passion and compassion.

And yes, as was previously stated, his willingness to take on his traditional male roles. I've never felt so protected, provided for, and loved in my entire life.

Anonymous said...

To IrishCool,

LOL, someone really needs some attention. I do like the way some wm are forward thinking, willing to protect his family, some look really nice in a pair of tight jeans, standardize english is appreciative, confidence is attractive, be yourself and not some type of tv character.

BTW, you left out many bw are university educated and some are entrepreneurial.


Anonymous said...

"But when women judge the looks of other women, they tend to view lighter skinned women as prettiest."

January 26, 2011 9:06 AM

YOU ARE LYING NOW. I know quite a few light complexioned women who are NOT physically attractive.

Anonymous said...

To Irish Cool,

I think Irish men have a good sense of humour about life. Although he is Scottish Jeffrey Dean Morgan has a quite, strong, fun demeanor about himself and he look as if he can really handle business. OK, I think he is sexy. Sicilian men with their olive complexion are all so sexy.


ARLYNE said...

@ IrishCool

1. Hairy arms (and legs)

2. thin lips (cute little mouths)

3. light colored eyes

4. intelligence

5. ability to take risks

6. willingness to protect and be a strong man to a woman

7. ambition

8. ability to lead

9. in general the ability to be a real man

10. The way they wear jeans and a blazer

11. generous lovers!!

12. generous lovers!!

These are just right off the top of my head.

LongTimeREader said...

Sara, I am so grateful for this site. I would like to see more black women not apologizing or being ashamed of what they like. Are our Asian friends afraid? No. Their signals are ON so white guys know they're open, available, willing. SAME HERE. I honestly feel there's a vibe (SOME) black girls give out that says, "I date interracial". You start emitting this vibe when you really stop caring about what others think. I've met and observed several sisters who gave out this vibe, and many times, my suspiscions were confirmed. Often, these sisters are friendly, unabashed, free-spirited, approachable, very pleasant women. I'd like to see you write about how to emit that vibe and turn that signal on. So many of us are interested, but we're sending the wrong signals. Thanks Sara!

INSANEgirl said...

Alright, Irish Cool. You are alright with me. ;) I was thinking the same thing as I read through the comments. What do I like about white guys? Well, this is just what I associate with the white guys I like. I like white guys who are polite and warm, who drive Jeep Cherokees and wear graphic tee-shirts. I love their hairy bodies and how excited they get listening to rock music.

Anonymous said...

did you hear this????

Anonymous said...

QueenT here:
The Media downplays the Blk.W/Wht M
unions! I went to Wikipedia for
Ron Perlman, Alfre Woodard, and Princess Angela, and they do not have a picture of their Spouse!
It is simple math really:
If you are a blk. woman over 40:
You have 6 blk. men to pick from:
1. rich (possible cheater/a$$hole)
2. middle class (good man)
3. middle class (on the DL)
4. working class (good man though)
5. working class (baby mama drama)
6. No income (enough said)
Even out of six blk. man, only TWO are GOOD, and now if you OPEN yourself to ANY color man, even using the above six examples, you will have a wider pool to choose from: up to 14 "GOOD" men
out of 42 in the "colorful basket"

Betty Boo said...

@ Annonymous, it seems to me (I stand corrected if I am wrong) you prefer black love so why are you on this post arguing about snoop dogs preference for dark skinned women?? Or the fact that Jennifer Hudson is with a lightskinned/Bi-racial black man? These are black couples regardless of skin shade. Paula Patton is biracial but her husband is WHITE. Again I repeat this is an INTERRACIAL blog so why are you arguing a point that no one here is addressing becasue it is a non-issue? it is PREFERENCE but also love that has happened. I have dated Hispanic black and white, my fiancee is white. Like you I shouted the "black love" anthem and nothing wrong with black love, but the guy who won my heart happend to be white and he treats me like a queen and I love every minute of it. And I will not let the Black community or the white community have a say in us being together and he feels the same way. The question that Sara posted was about people who give black women grief becasue they date or marry white or other non-black men and how they deal with it. That is the question and the question that should be answered.

Bella Donna said...

"How can you love a white man?" I'm attracted to lighter skinned men. I think it's cute that his tone gets red when he feels emotions strongly. Blonde hair is intriguing(sp) to me, and dark hair and light eyes is especially sexy.

On the point of their personalities, it's been MY experience that white men know how to be gentlemen without being pushovers. They are taught from birth to respect and appriciate women, education is important to get ahead in life and the one's that have money know that it's more important to buy assets than "ice" and rims. They have family values that are stronger than what BM have in this day and age. There are some exceptions but I'm not posting qualifiers because like I said this has been my experience.

So how can I love a white man? If a man has the quality values I want in a mate and I find him attractive how can I not?

PA said...

I've been dating interracially since I could date lol at 19 years old basically. I've always gotten the "what do you see in him he's white," comments. I always give them a smile and then a look of pity and continue on with my life. What strikes me as so very funny is it's always these angry black women types that can't understand it or better yet can't get any quality guy much less a quality white guy to look their way. These are the types that have been scorned/burned by black men and can't let it go. I met one woman just a couple years ago that was like this. One man cheated on her, ran trains on women and she was so miserable. She wanted a quality white guy but she had all this anger in her face even when she tried to hide it. I used to tell her T how will any man be attracted to you if you have so much anger. This also affected her size. She couldn't lose weight for anything. I felt so sorry for her. I tried to instill some happiness in her instead she was always drinking wine to obtain this. I told her just be positive and happy and then you will attract a quality man. With her attitude I don't think she'd know how to handle it if someone said to her, "but he's white." The key is to be positive and happy no matter what someone says to you about your choice in a mate and it's even better when it comes from within.

Traci said...

I say love who you want to love and do what you want to do. Make no apologies. It's your life. Live it to the best of your ability. I know I am!

Traci said...

"The key is to be positive and happy no matter what someone says to you about your choice in a mate and it's even better when it comes from within."

If the answer doesn't come from within then it's not really a true feeling. The answer you give to that silly question has GOT to come from within. You can talk the talk for so long but at some point when that question is asked of you it has to be deeply rooted in your soul as to why you are with who you are with and to hell with what people think of it. Whatever the answer is, whatever your reaction is, it cannot be fake. It just can’t!

I knew a girl named Pam who was a big faker for interracial dating – meaning she would always say that she would date outside her race but always wanted to talk about why black men didn’t want to be with her. She dated online for 10 years (yes, TEN YEARS) but couldn’t get a decent date out of it. Now I realize that she was a damaged beyond repaired black woman and I’m sure the men realized that too, so they basically used her for what they wanted and then left her alone in misery. Thank goodness I recognized that DBR woman and left her alone!

When you answer why you are with your white male just make sure it’s a true and honest answer. Because you can only be fake for so long before you’re found out.

Pamela said...

This has been a great year for me. I've begun the year in a great relationship. I have a great condo in an area near my guy, wonderful job and a host of genuine friends of all races (that are supportive. Ladies please stay away from miserable, posers because they will only try to bring you down). I also started this year by continuing to include my family in my relationship. My family has definitely come around as they were skeptical about my choice to date interracially before. One of the ways I handled their initial dislike of my decision was to show them that I was very serious about it and to even bring my non black man around. It enabled them to do a complete turnaround. One of the things I've always prided myself on is thinking out of the box and I'm so glad I did because this enabled me to date online and love it! This is where I've met my current beau, online and I would encourage intelligent, mentally and emotionally stable, quality women to try out some of the more quality sites. One of the things that quality non black men like is a woman who is not afraid to try something new. I think some black women are unfortunatley, sheltered and engulfed in low self esteem. Luckily, I was able to utilize my confidence to try different things and I encourage others to do the same. I would also advise women to stay away from negative, "dark" women that are jealous of your decision to date how you choose. Also avoid women who are just jealous that you are approached my quality non black men while they eat themselves into a stupor. These damaged beyond repair women are to be avoided at all cost lest you end up falling over in a bottle, mean mugging successful online (and non online) couples and being ugly on the inside AND outside; a monster or tasmaniandevil alatracie-w.

Traci said...

To Sara and others:
First I want to apologize for this comment, but I’m being personally attacked on this blog post by Pamela/PA and I feel I need to address it. Sorry all. There are some deeply disturbed Damaged Black Women out here. You remember that film, Single White Female? Well, this is Single, Black Female.

To Pamela/PA…what a fool believes:
This is supposed to be me right? “a monster or tasmaniandevil ala tracie-w.”

PAMELA, This little obsession you have over me really needs to stop. I haven’t spoken to you in years (since 2008), and have not thought about you since then. For you to write about me in your comments proves to me that you think about me A LOT. Gee, thanks! All this thinking/writing about me shows I must have really made an impression on you for you to attack me like you are doing now. Do you want my autograph too?

PAMELA, In your comments you have basically taken things I have said to you when we were communicating and twisted the words and meaning around. A lot of what you say in your comments is untrue and a lot of the things you are saying that I have done, YOU are the one doing them, and you know it! People that know me, that really know the person I am, knows that the DAMAGED person you are writing about IS NOT ME. It is YOU.

PAMELA, The comments you have made actually made me laugh at how crazy you are. People that I have shared this with THAT KNOW YOU can’t believe how crazy you have become since we all last seen each other. Yes, my dear, I still speak to several of the people that were in the same Meetup group we were in. So I have credible sources that can back up everything I say now about you. ;-P

Now, that’s great that you say your life is going so well. But let me just say this, if your life is going so well, why in the world are you writing about me? Why are you focusing all this attention on me, someone whom you have not spoken to in over two years? (and by the way, I don’t believe one word of what you are saying about the condo and the man…because in the world of the internet, anyone can claim anything, without proof to back it up. Hell, I'm Halie Berry's twin sister!! Why? Well…because I said it in the Internet - so it must be true, right?!?!?!)

Traci said...

To Pamela/PA…what a fool believes (part II):

PAMELA, unlike you, I’m not going to list the things that I have or accomplished because I’m too busy actually DOING things! Take a hint, people that really have made major strides in their life don’t sit around writing about it. That just proves to me that after two years your life is truly (still) a mess.

PAMELA, You truly are a damaged beyond repair female to be thinking about someone (me) who should be a mere blip on your radar. We weren’t childhood friends. We were two people who met at a Meetup that no longer communicate. If your year is going so well, I shouldn’t be as important in your life as you are making me out to be. I haven’t spoken to you, seen you, acknowledged your presence in years! I mean really you are no one to me!

PAMELA, people that truly have high self-esteem don’t go around attacking people after thinking about them for years. You need to grow up and get a damn life!
Oh, but before you get that life, you need to check yourself into a mental institution. Something is obviously “off” with you. I was warned to stay away from you but I was trying to be nice and make another friend. The moment we parted ways was a major relief to me.

And PAMELA…just so you are clear and not confused about this, I’m a heterosexual female! HETEROSEXUAL! Like I said this little obsession you have over me really needs to stop.

Anonymous said...

The angry black woman superbowl commercial is generating alot of hype on the news and blogs. If you missed it.. it was aired over 107 plus million veiwers with a unattractive black woman hitting her husband and attacking a pretty "blonde white girl" when her husband oogles at the ww. Not only does it enforce every sterotype.. That black women are suspose to be ugly and BM do not have to explain their attraction to ww it is understood. They would have never shown a white man looking at a thin attractive dark skin black woman aganist a fat white woman. Shame on pepsi!! As a matter of fact pepsi was not the only culprit there were several other sublimial messages in this commercials often showing bm and ww pairings like the ferris wheel commercial. Any ways but we have to explain why we our attracted to wm. The media continues to want to feed wm and men of other culutres images like this especially of dark skin bw to say that bw are the most undesirable.

Anonymous said...

If you guys are really tired of black women being stereotyped and you want something to change. Please help us in signing this petition to have this commercial for the 2011 superbowl canceled because it's stereotypical and demeaning towards black women.

Taylor-Sara said...

First of all none of us (I imagine) even knew you and Pam were addressing each other. But to be perfectly honest when you came back saying SHE was attacking you, it seemed the other way around to me. You should not have even mentioned her. If she has nothing to do with your life, then leave it that way, and don't mention her in a perjorative way...

Having said that ladies please remember we share a common purpose here and it is NOT to argue amonst ourselves.....

the reason I did not address your silly comments is because 1st of all I make it a point NOT to address comments from ppl who don't even have the backbone to leave a name. And 2. I think my preference is obvious to anyone who can read....I don't feel the need to justify it. But I will say that I do find bm very attractive, my disputes with them have NOTHING to do with exterior attractiveness, it's their inner charater (or lack thereof) that I have issues with....

Traci said...

Thank you for posting my comments.
I will comment no further on this matter.

Jessica said...

"What strikes me as so very funny is it's always these angry black women types that can't understand it or better yet can't get any quality guy much less a quality white guy to look their way. These are the types that have been scorned/burned by black men and can't let it go."

I've noticed this too. I have, on occasion, asked such women why they cared who I was attracted to. If they really preferred BM as much as they claim, why wouldn't they be overjoyed that I wasn't into BM also? After all, there are far more Black women than Black men. Doesn't my disinterest help BW who want a BM?

They never actually answer that question. They will say something vulgar or nothing at all. I suspect they really want non-Black men themselves and are irritated and frustrated that not only do I "date-out" but quite regularly and happily. I have NEVER had a "dry spell", unlike the women who ask these stupid questions.

QueenT said...

The same goes for bw who are gay.
Why would straight bw "care" when that is one less sister to "compete" with them for a bm?
I have come to this conclusion
Somebody gotta love a BW!

Barry said...

it's their inner charater (or lack thereof) that I have issues with....

Whose inner character? There are 650 million black male individuals in the world, each possessing his own individual character.

Nicole Little said...

Here's my new post about how black women CAN grow long hair without being mixed.

Anonymous said...

What would I do? I probably wouldn't respond to the doltish comment. I've never been in that situation before (thank goodness), but I will be prepared if it does happen.
What do I find attractive about white men? Well, a lot of the wonderful ladies on here beat me to a lot of the explanations why. I've been attracted to them since I was a little girl. The Sexy dark hair and blue eyes gets me everytime, like james marsen :)
1. Love how majority of them are so family/goal oriented.
2. Love the lips
3. Intelligence
4. Their style, they don't care what anyone thinks of how they the vintage tees, and how they look in jeans.
5. As I said before, the blue it.
6. Absolutely agree, that a lot of them take rejection well. If a woman is not interested, then there will be someone else that will. There's no need to call a woman a derrogatory name, and dwell on it..."you a ulgy b**ch anyway" so rude.
7. The way they turn red when emotional (cute)
8. The way he is secure with himself.
9. Very protective.
10. Loving every natural thing about you.
11. The PDA, holds my hand, shows affection.
12. The way he looks at me so adoringly, as if I'm the only woman in the world...etc, etc...that's also how I feel about the guy I've met :)

I'm not ashamed or afraid to say WM/AM are attractive to me. I don't care what anonymous or anyone thinks, this is who I am, and no one is going to change me. If you're looking for an apology, then you will be waiting for the rest of your close-minded life. No one gets upset when a BM says he doesn't find BW with it.

Great post Sara and I love the comments :)


Anonymous said...

Congrats! Franklin fan forever, I love the pic, it's absolutely beautiful...i wish you and your husband all the happiness in this world.


Jessica said...

"The same goes for bw who are gay.
Why would straight bw "care" when that is one less sister to "compete" with them for a bm?"
~ @QueenT

I hadn't really considered that. But it makes perfect sense.

"Whose inner character? There are 650 million black male individuals in the world, each possessing his own individual character."
~ @Barry

Why don't men like you ever go to the BW bashing blogs & Youtube channels and ask those men how they know the inner character of 700+ million Black women? Would that require too much effort on your part, or do you simply expect Black women to jump through hoops to appease you? Don't bother answering. I think we all know what your lame response might be.

lormarie said...

To the anon who asked the dumb baiting question (also stating that bw and bm look alike). I find white men to be more attractive on average than black men. To me, attraction implies something sexual. So in response to your attempt to claim that bw must not be as attractive as ww, I don't find bw OR ww attractive. A bm, bw, ww, Asian man/woman, etc can be good looking but there's no sexual response out of me. Hope that helps.

Anonymous said...

I have no idea how I came across this site but while it doesn't really apply to me, I appreciate what you have to say. While in the Air Force in Okinawa, Japan, I dated a wonderful black girl and she caught more flack for it. She was such a beautiful person in all ways..I'll never forget her. I ultimately ended up marrying my wife who is of Korean descent whom I met in Charleston, SC. We have been happily married for almost 28 years. We attend a intercultural church consisting of people from such far flung places as Ethipia, China, Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, India, Kenya, Russia, Philippines, Jamaica and a variety of mixed marriages. One really beautiful couple that are dating (both university students) is a young white guy from here and she hails from Ethiopia. They are seriously in love and I suspect they will end married with each other. Interracial/intercultural marriages are so rich...sometimes challenging....but from my experience the rewards far outweigh the negatives in such unions.

Juniper said...

I'm interested in white men because they're hot. Asian men are sexy too. Nothing makes me happier than a guy who not only is attractive but a gentleman as well. I'm not interested in black men. Black women who only prefer black men should rejoice in that fact. I'm one less woman for them to compete with.

IrishCool said...

Hey Franklin Fan Forever (is that you Aunjaneu Ellis- loved you in the "Men of Honor" as Cuba Gooding's wife). Keep up your Irishman lovin'. Peace

Taylor-Sara said...

Sorry everyone, Have been terribly busy but I promise to find time to post THis week.

Anonymous said...

Same here Juniper :)
I would think the black women who prefer black men only would scream 'thank goodness', because the women on here are not competing with them. Why get angry...its tons less for you to deal with. We're definitely not looking in the same direction.


LaToya said...

I have been mostly dating outside of my race for about 10yrs now. I am 29 years old right now. My very 1st white boyfriend was in high school & I definitely had to hear my mother bad mouthing my choice for a long time. Now she is use to it but she still spouts comments such as "you need to watch out for him cause you know all white people are ..." I just brush it off because it is something that might have been more true when she was growing up. I am currently single but black men do ask me all the time why am I attracted to white men. I tell them that I am attracted to men of all different races. But the majority of men, that I come into face to face contact with just happen to be white. I also tell them, there is somebody out there for everybody so don't get mad just cause I ain't attracted to you. lol. That last part doesn't usually go over too well. lol.

Anonymous said...

I really want to marry a white guy. But I'm dark skinned. I want a handsome one though. Most of the pictures have non universally good looking men. The men are funny looking or ugly, sorry. :( (Universal beauty is basically more than half of the general population thinking you're handsome examples; Gabriel Aubry, Robin Thicke) I'm
Not interested in hearing about beauty in the eye of blah blah blah. I want a white model. Has that ever been done? I've never seen it. I'm dark skinned so keep that in mind. I'm also big (Raven Symone size) and trying to lose weight.

Anonymous said...

I want a handsome white model man to marry. The men in these pictures are funny looking or ugly. Handsome meaning over half of the general population thinks so. Handsome like Robin Thicke or Gabriel Aubry. I don't want to hear about beauty being in the eye of the beholder blah blah blah! I am dark skinned. And I'm big, like Raven Symone nonetheless dark skinned like Naomi Campbell, but with a great personality and an ok face. This phenomenon had yet to occur? Can it be done? Dark skinned big + white handsome tall model = happiness forever? Does every handsome American white guy feel that the image they want to withhold wiling destroyed by marrying a black girl not equal or matching them in beauty?

OhReally? said...

LOL @ Rivly. Your comments make me think that no man worth his soup would want to date you (forget about marry you) without an attitude adjustment.

Realistically why would a "model, handsome" type guy be interested in an overweight, shallow, immature woman? This "universally handsome" man you are looking for can pick from a pool of "universally attractive" women as well as the rest of the "average" looking women. So, until you lose the weight (and change that shallow attitude of yours) you probably won't be pulling a model as your man, unless of course you are wealthy.

In case you missed it...your stank attitude would be a TURN OFF to any man.

EmoFlo2K11 said...

Most of the guys I have had crushes on were white. But I don't only like white guys, I like all guys. But in my town, there are mostly black and white, but mostly white. There is no explanation for why I like mostly white guys... I just do. For years, I have kept it admiration for white guys a secret. Not that I was ashamed of like them. It just that I didn't need another reason for people to make fun of me and tell them that I'm "acting white" or that I'm trying to be white. I didn't start feeling comfortable telling people that I like that white guys, until my 11th grade of high school. Yeah there were so people who looked down upon it. Like this Sunday school teacher at this church I attend. He told us we should be "mixing" because we're ruing our family tree. Well if that’s the case, my family tree has already been ruined.
Some people mocked and made fun of me for it. Some people, I shared a common interest with it.

But at the end of the day, I could really care less what people think. Liking/loving someone of another race doesn't make me any less of a person who dares inside their race.

* Does anyone else find it funny how some black look down of black women for dating interracial, but praise mixed people?

TSO said...

Hello, I'm a white guy with a black wife. I understand the stupidness you encounter sometimes when you deal with people. I also understand how it can make you angry.

Some of these people just don't understand because the way they were brought up. However, they honestly want to know the answer because they want to understand. What is stupid to us may not be stupid to them. It could be a great chance to educate someone stupid if it's handled write. If you bored you can read some of my view points on interracial marriage.