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Friday, February 5, 2010

BW-you will NEVER get permission to leave-so just leave!!!


I feel so sorry for many young bw. So many of you are waiting for the bc to give you permission to look for the love you deserve from men who would love to love you.
I don't understand why so many bw don't seem to notice that while many bm will move heaven and earth to stop you from having relationships with wm (regardless of character)-those very same bm are busy chasing any white girl they can get their hands on.
Do bw really think it's a coincidence that every time you turn on a tv, there's a bm smiling happily beside a wg? Now don't get me wrong. I am NOT suggesting you go get a wm to get even with bm, I am suggesting you go for the men WHO WANT YOU! It's just so silly to go for men who do not have the capacity to see how special you are. How does that benefit you? It really doesn't. You young bw MUST learn to look out for #1. And that's you. I see young bw everyday who have a GLs, and GM- garbage lives and garbage men, because they did not KNOW what they wanted. If you do not know what you want in life-how in the world do you ever expect to get it?
It all starts with Goals. What do you want in life? What kind of home do you want?
Do you want children? A career? A business? I cannot stress enough how important it is to know what you want. But it's also extremely imperative that you know what you DO NOT want!
I have a young cousin I've mentioned before, who is now barely 21, and pregnant with baby number 3 by a third bm who has refused to take care of his child (Nor will the other 2) She lives with her mother, and works a dead end job downtown. Her children have almost no creature comforts and she would not have even had baby clothes, had we not bought them for her. Yet, she still cannot get it through her simple head that she needs to change her ways, and leave these sorry men alone. She constantly chases one bm after another. They use her and go on about their business. I never know whether to feel sorry for her, or just write her off. She just makes such ridiculous choices, that I cannot fathom why anyone would behave so stupidly.
The truth is that bw have got to wake up and smell the coffee. So many of you are still engaged in make believe nonsense-that you cannot discern reality anymore! For your own sake-LISTEN to what these men are saying-for God's sake! If a man is primarily concerned with getting you into bed, then that is where his intentions toward you lie. If he has children that he does not take care of, then any children you are stupid enough to have by him, will also go without care! If he has ex-girl friends who are terrified of him, or have been beaten and abused by him, who do you think his next victim will be? Stop being stuck on stupid-open up your eyes, and run from men who are clearly out to use and abuse you! I don't understand how so many women will run from wm because the bc will tell that wm only use bw, and will never marry them. Look up the stats of bm marrying bw these days and you'll be shocked. Over 80% of black children are now being born out of wedlock!!!! Does it look like bm are marrying their baby-mothers to you?
We are at a crisis point, and we need to stop lying to young women. And you young ladies need to stop listening to the garbage the bc would have you digest, and trust your own eyes. Here are some of the most prominent lies being told to young bw.
1. There are plenty of good bm, you just need to look harder!
This is bull. There are almost 2 million more bw in this country than bm! Even if bm were not color struck, were upstanding citizens, and were interested in marrying the numerous bw, they impregnate every year. There still would NOT be enough of these men to marry the many many bw looking for husbands.
2. If bw would just act right bm would not leave them for ww!
The truth is that YOU ARE ENOUGH! And if you are not enough for a man then you are simply NOT what that man is looking for! It's ridiculous to turn yourself inside out trying to be what you cannot be. You can only be you, but that's always good enough....
3. If bw didn't have such attitudes, they wouldn't be alone.
No, if bw would simply stop chasing men who don't want them, and ALLOWED themselves to be caught by men who DO want them, they would not be alone!
4. Black women are not attracted to white men!
That's a lie! There are many, many bw who are very attracted to wm, yet they are secretly waiting for the bc to give them permission to be with one. This is NEVER going to happen! I DON'T THINK MOST BM WANT BW, BUT THEY SURE AS HELL DON'T WANT WM TO HAVE THEM!!!
The lies go on and on, I'm sure you can think of many more, but the bottom line is that bw must wake up and move on! You don't owe anyone your loyalty except yourself! You have nothing to prove to the bc, and you must live your own life, and do what 's best for yourself......
But to elaborate on one last point. remember in the 'something new' movie. She was self-conscious and uncomfortable upon finding out that her date was white. She began to move through the crowd, giving compliments to strangers, and trying to mitigate the wrath she obviously felt was coming her way. He sensed her discomfort and grew uneasy. He knew she was worrying about how the bp around them would react. This is a classic example of a bw who is trying to look for approval from the bc before she pursues a relationship that would definitely be in her best interest.
No bw is going to get this permission! BW are too needed in the bc. They will NEVER voluntarily let us go. The trick is to make it clear that you are working in YOUR OWN best interest, and no one's elses. You deserve the best in life, and don't ever let anyone tell you different. There are plenty of men who would love to be with you, but you must lift your heads up into the light to see them......

88 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amen! Amen! Amen!

ValeriesWorld said...

Very interesting post. Totally agree with you, black women have to love themselves and stop making black men Gods, because they are not. Black women have to have goals, with out goals or vision, you simply fail. Again good post!

Andrew said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nita said...

Sara what you have written looks harsh but the fact of the matter is that Black American women are in a state of emergency. If I didn't see this mess with my own eyes I would think this site was a bit dramatic. Words can't describe how bad it is. It's not just a relationship issue, we have an epidemic of uneducated and ignorant people in our communites. These people will make choices based on their upbringing and environment. It's rare but it does happen when you see someone untouched by that upbringing go on to achieve something better. Those are the ladies when should focus on. Not the lost causes.

I just started a new job, there are 50 of us training. Mainly black group and 5 young women barely out of their teens are knocked up and this is their 3rd or 4th CHILD!!! It's so sad to see how unsupported our women are. Each week we find out someone else is preggers. And these women don't think anything of it. All I keep thinking was how sorry I felt for these ladies and many of our Black women. Until they open their mouth then I understand their predicament. They are uneducated and ignorant. No wonder they are in the situation they are in. And what is up with these women claiming the baby daddies as their husbands but they don't have a ring on their finger???? Looks kinda dumb. "That my husband." No dummy that's your baby daddy who knocked you up just like he knocked someone else up too.

Oh, and we also have the drama of one of these pregnant ladies boyfriend who was seeing 2 other girls. One of her babby daddy's girl friends knows someone in our group. So now one of the girlfriends follow her home. Drama!

But to be honest Sara you can't change these women, many of them are gutter and hopeless. Better to focus on the treasures that were smart enough to see the situation for what it is. I'm a single Black woman who's been looking for love. I've always been attracted to men of other races. It's not easy finding a good man in any race. I'm glad I came across this article because it's been so difficult finding the type of man I want I was considering giving this Black guy I know a chance this weekend. He's been after me for a while. He's a good man but I'm not really attracted to him. My sister has been campaigning for him for a while (she full well knows what kind of men I like but really wants me to stick with Black) and my niece just wants me to sex him for the fun of it (she's been knocked up and aborted so many times I lost count.) I'm against this and have resisted for some time now. He has done some things that show he lacks the manhood that I need and admire. I'm signed on to several interracial dating sites but there has been no success as of yet. I'm trying to accumulate enough money to move out of state and eventually out of this country. What encouragement do you have for an educated, 30 something looking for a good man? Wish me luck and any advice you have would be appreciated.

MissASP said...

Hello Sara! I'm a young bw (16 almost 17) and I've been lurking on your site daily for a few months now. Recently I've been looking into studying abroad in the UK for college. I've never had a bf and I've decided to safe myself for marriage. I have been told by other black kids (especially the guys) that I "act white" all my life. I'm
told this just because I speak proper English, don't like in a black neighboorhood, and care about my education. I feel that the best thing for me would be to get out of the USA (or at least out of the south) and move on with my life. I'm very interested in the idea of dating European wm but that's definatly not why I want to live there. I hear that Europeans in general are much more open minded. If they hate u for where you come from it's usually because of nationality, not race. Anyway, I hope that I get into a great college regardless of location and befriend, date, and marry a good man. I completely realize that he probably won't be black. Have you seen the craziness among bm on YouTube?? They bash bw like a sport. After discovering this over the summer, I was pushed 10 ft closer to the door! Lol. My dreams of a black family are over. I've never had many good examples of bm in my life anyway. I can only name 2 or less! Those men on YouTube are crazy and like you said, they bash and put down bw in favor of nbw but they constantly say that NO ONE wants us for anything but sex. I even saw some saying that the only thing bw were good for are their big butts.....I'm only 16 and I hope that younger bg's than me are not reading! But they probably are :-( . I check your blog multiple times a day, thanks for all your words of wisdom! :-D

Just Some Black Guy said...

(I'm a Black man. I say this because I don't want my comments to be misunderstood.)

You know, I gotta tell you... I'm not really feeling the "love" from this post. This must be the spice?

*Sighs before plunging in.*

I'm 23. But, I hope that Black women who have non-Black significant others don't think like this. It's JUST LIKE what many BM say on their blogs when they date IR... and I get chewed out for speaking against it.

Pfft! I'm out of here. This is all just wrong.

TheVoiceOfReason said...

Wow, I really loved this article. This was much needed. Black women do not need permission. We are not children.

http://interracialbookclub.ning.com/

123 said...

Black women like the ones you note in you post need to gain some self respect and some self love, IMO. Without it, they'll continue to choose deadbeat men.

MissASP: "My dreams of a black family are over. "

I've had a similar dream. I've always wanted beautiful, chubby (lol), black sons and daughters. However, I more I hear Black men
(not all, but enough to shocked) speak negatively/indifferently about Black women, the more that dream dies.

I'm having my Black children though, whether it be thru adoption (most likely) or a surrogate mother and donor sperm.

Anonymous said...

@ Just another Guy...What alot of bm did not or do not value is the support they received from many AA women. Many bm want to play the field and they depend on AA women sitting in the corner just waiting for them, those days are over.

Why continue to show support for any man who does not show support for you?

One of Jay Leno's interviewers asked Reggie Bush what he was going to do after the Super Bowl? Reggie says that he and Kim as if she was his wife was going on vacation. I believe Drew Brees is a much better example for young men. Drew is married and he is there for his child(ren) and he and Coach Payton are very humble. They believe in giving the glory to fans.

A.

rainebeaux said...

Oh snap, Sara: you did it again! I must reread...heck, I'll just email it to myself *lol*! Seriously, though, it's sink or swim for BW at this point. They won't let a sista leave quietly, no way! Too much booty, home cooking, money and too many connections going away--uh uh, the bc can't have that! Yeaaah...just go, ladies.


As for Just Some Black Guy: c'mon, son. this isn't you, mmkay? Not feeling the love-ha! Reread the tagline next time, please and thank you. *eyeroll*

rainebeaux said...

Oh, almost forgot:


@Nita: keep doing what you're doing, he'll show up. Keep a healthy distance to avoid the "baby daddy" shrapnel, because that young lady's story just won't end well.


@MissASP: great to see you're taking steps to do you and do it well...never mind the haters and the "neo-Mammies". You've left them in the dust already...oh, and stay away from that mess on YT for future reference.


This is the part where we give OURSELVES permission: again, sink or swim, sports fans!


**with that, I bid you adieu...following my own advice (working with an oow scarlet letter and all)...**

Anonymous said...

God bless u MissASp! ure a very rare girl living in this world...dont ever change

ETHEREAL LADY said...

My dreams of a black family are over. I've never had many good examples of bm in my life anyway. I can only name 2 or less! Those men on YouTube are crazy and like you said, they bash and put down bw in favor of nbw but they constantly say that NO ONE wants us for anything but sex. I even saw some saying that the only thing bw were good for are their big butts.....
This young lady indicated she was 16 years old. She is so young to have this ugliness thrown at her. It’s really sad. I’m 50 years old and I have to tell you that I feel the same way. Black men, I’m DONE. I don’t want to hear anymore of the lies and BS online or anywhere else. The “black woman hate speak” these guys practice has made even the so called “good black man” invisible to me. All I see now are a bunch of screaming little boys who want everything their way or they’ll bash you mentally, verbally, or sometimes even physically if you get close to them. Some of these guys have murdered people. I cannot and will not give my resources, attention, love and affection and support to men who do not want me. Just please black man, do not even try to tell me what another man (any non black man) would want. I am not drinking that Kool Aid!
Get OUT young lady, get your education, find love with whoever loves you and live the life you want.

Anonymous said...

Hey SARA,Great post .I appreciate what you are doing here at your blog.The truth defitnetly needs to be told so that black women can save themselves.I just think it's time for many black women to MOVE ON.There ARE men out there of other races for black women.I think even if some black women didn't find a man of another race as a husband and remained single they'd be better of than being with most black men.You'd be surprised how many black people,male and female,talk down about single bw w/no children.I say you are better off ALONE if you have to deal with some man and SEVERAL baby mommas and his babies.I say some bw would be better off ALONE than to have to take care of a grown *arse* man and his offspring and deal with drama.I say some bw are better off ALONE than to have to deal with somebody who uses them and treats them like they are expendable and cheats with everybody even endangering their health.
Only a woman with low self esteem would think it's better to have an abusive and neglectful man than to be single.I'm just sayin'.

This is where I think some black women are in life when I read their comments on BWIR sites.It seems as if some of them think they don't have options and that it's better to have oow children by a neglectful non supportive verbally and physically abusive black man than to be alone.I say BULLOGNEY!It's either a QUALITY MAN OR NO MAN.The women and children of no good black men live MISERABLE lives and then many of these women and children end up **DYING!** waaaaay ahead of their time.Don't risk it!

respectfully,
H.A.

MissASP said...

Thanks for all the deedback, I told you I read several times a day! Lol. Sara, i'd appreciate your feedback as well whenever you get a chance. I tried to stay away from YouTube but I think I keep trying to subconciously look for bm on there defending but all I see are bm agreeing with them and BW! agreeing with them!!!! Bw saying that wm!? are making these videos and commenting trying to start things between bp!?!? Bw saying that ww planned! to steal bm from "us" and destroy the black race....there are some bw like us on there telling them where to shove it but like I said, if you speak out they'll attack you. They've even said to me because I'm a teen that I must love thugs, sleep around, and hate nice guys. They're crazy and stereotype us more than racist nbp! I could never see myself with a bm after seeing this and the 15% of bm married to nbw! Am I gonna wait until it's 50% like in the UK!? Psh, no. I want a happy, loving, fun, prosperous lifestyle. I probably can't get that with a bm unless I'm a light bw or nbw. I'm a medium-brown bw who "acts white" so I have no chance and I really don't care anymore!!

Anonymous said...

I am sitting here watching an NFL broadcaster interview a few residents of New Orleans who are from the ninth ward area of the city. The ninth ward area is predominately blk. and they were the hardest it by the flood. Almost, five years later and people are still having issues re-building their homes. I have edlerly cousins in that particular position. No, early retirement for her and her husband is on dialysis and he is a retired longshoreman.

Wake Up New Orleans, just because someone is of the same ethnic race as you does not mean they have your best interest at heart. Just take a look around your neighborhoods as compared to other neighborhoods. There are too many people who are homeless because they cannot re-build their homes for various reasons. The rents are 2 1/2 times what they were pre-Katrina.

We have more than enough churches, orgainizations, businesses and every day citizens who can help re-build their fellow citizens homes and the City and credit lenders continue to send bills out to people who no longer have a house to walk into, just a slab foundation.

Most of these politicians have no shame, Mayor Nagin is a JOKE and an awful leader and no, I did not vote for him. For some people New Orleans is just a place to do business. I totally agree with the other bw bloggers who say, "Time is running out for you, bw to live well." Choose people who will help you to live well, other wise what good are they to you?

Anonymous said...

Nita
Your post was heartbreaking. It's sad that a bw can't even rely on advice from her own female relatives. That just goes to show how deep bw self-hatred is. Either that, or they see you as some kind of rival who's trying to be better than the rest of the family. So go ahead, and be better.

MissASP
Whenever someone accuses you of "acting white", being a prude, or being paranoid, just smile and know that you must be doing something right. You must be hypervigilant to keep yourself out of harms way.

And what is it with this "giving a guy a chance" stuff? Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER owe anybody a chance. If a man can't just walk away and move on to another girl like a real man when he's rejected the first time, then more likely than not he's looking at you as his potential victim. Stay away from any man who keeps asking for these "chances". That's how women end up in trouble. They're made to feel selfish, so they give in.

Anonymous said...

Off subject...
The Saints are the new NFL champions! Who Dat!!!!

A.

Queen said...

@ Just another black guy, you say you are not feeling the love? WELCOME TO OUR WORLD!!! You mentioned you did not like the flavor of this blog but I did not see you go out of your way to recognize or celebrate good black women but many of you brothas want the love but you don't give love in return! and I heard someone mention that many times the sistahs waste their time and energy supporting you and giving you that love and many of you either do not improve or when you do you dump them and go find a white girl. Case in point,Lamar Odom of the LA Lakers was with the mother of his 3 children fo 10 years,never married her. Married KloeKardashian just 2 months after meeting her willingly agreeing to her very demanding pre-nup which included laker tickets for he entire family FOR LIFE!!! I doubt he would have given his baby mama such allowanced and if she had asked for such things, she would have been labeled a gold digger!!!

Oshun said...

Thank you Sara for another awesome post. I hope you and your family are well.

@Nita
I have similar concerns as well. I think about the quality of people who are populating the bulk of AAs and it is not looking good. I don't understand how things went this far downhill.

I think you should follow your heart with dating. Do not let your family unduly influence you. You have to live with your choices - good and bad, not them. Choose well and choose wisely.



@MissASP
You are headed on the right track. Stay on path and don't deviate. Trust me it is a real blessing to be "rejected" by these legions of DBRBM.

Any man/boy that says this: "I even saw some saying that the only thing bw were good for are their big butts.....I'm only 16 and I hope that younger bg's than me are not reading!" is trash plain and simple. Don't take it inside you, internalize it, or take it seriously.


I despise and don't circulate at Black boards/sites, you tube, all black gatherings for that reason. It seems as if BM (and some BW/bgs) have lost their minds with the low/coarse language and denigration.

Taylor-Sara said...

Queen,
I'm so glad you addressed mess like this. It happens everyday! This is exactly the type of mess I'm talking about! Now all he did was waste that 1st woman's time, her body, her spirit, her energy, and her youth! But broke his neck to marry that little Kardashian tramp. This is exactly what I mean when I say black women MUST wake up! He NEVER had her best interest at heart and was using her the whole time! But the minute a little off-white tramp shows him the time of day- he was gone! And yet so many bw still think bm are misguided brothers who deserve help and sympathy. Please! They deserve for us to walk out on their asses, and never look back!

Anonymous said...

After the Super Bowl, a tv reported said that he was interviewing Reggie and Kimmy came running up to RB in the middle of the interview and began kissing Reggie and then she pulled him away from the interviewer and towards her mother. The interviewer was clearly annonyed. The publicy whore was looking to steal herself some tv time; however, the reporter and his crew did not follow behind them.

IMO, Reggie you are a fool, you never allow any of your tramps to get between you and your job/money.

But, Kimmy is smart because the media will tie her name in with Reggie and that helps her show. I am watching the Saints parade and our local media is mentioning her and RB as I type. I perfer Drew Bree what a difference between the two men.

a.

Daniemae said...

I agree so much with this post! I'm a 19 year old college student, and I learned early that there is a vested interest in me "staying in my place". I am going to live my life the way I want and date who I want to.
On a similar topic, it sickens me how so many black women praise bm but think so low of themselves. At the student center where I work, I overhead a bw speaking to a wm, and I overhead him say that he is only attracted to black women. But this woman was just grilling him over it. She kept asking him why he didn't like ww, and even had the nerve to say "You know they are nicer than we are." Needless to say, I was so embarrassed. All I can do is separate myself from these types of women, they are making it harder for women like me who don't live for the "black community".

shimmy said...

I agree with everything thing that was written. I had no idea the out of wedlock percentage had crept up to 80%? I know it was somewhere around 70%. I think a lot of these kind of black women have low self esteem and they tend to be less educated. But some of these men will also target young college students too. They will target any woman that would give them a chance to ruin their lives.

I think such a thing as the black community and unity is dead. I'm sorry to say this but a lot of black people are like crabs in the barrel. If they see you getting an education or doing anything positive , you're acting white or you are uppity. It's like they believe all the negative stereotypes about their race. I know a lot of the times with the acting black crew, if you don't act like them they will pick at you and make fun of you.

I also think it's sad the way a lot of black men degrade us. No reason a lot of non black women feel superior to us because they see the black men putting us down.
I do support interracial dating because there are some good white men that like black women. I've also heard that white men from Europe tend to be more open minded. I know other black women bloggers have made posts about this.

S said...

the BM on youtube bashing BW are a blessing for those BW who would not dare see the light a long time ago, now they see with their own two eyes and hear with their own two ears what these BM really think of them.
I hope this can wake and shake some BW up!
in the UK you see BW and they're in a daze! i swear to god some of them look like walking zombies!
meanwhile i see BM with anything BUT a BW in their arms.
it's really sad...
and the few BW i DO see look miserable.
I swear it's more than 50% of the Bm in the UK are in an irr.
it has GOT to be by now.
BW need to stop entertaining these dbr's. enough is enough.
I would advice young black girls such as MIssASP to start socializing with non black people, don't JUST be friends with black girls, also include, white,aisan, any other minorities in your friend circle, that way you also meet potential bf's, it's through your friends....and if your friends aredbr's or gate keepers then you won't find those good guys.
I hope young black girls learn from seeing the older black women and the mistakes they've made in the past by having multiple babies by these dbr men.

ToughCookie said...

Hi,Sarah i really love your blog, and the fact that all my beautiful sistah are aware of whats going on. I am married to a well educated brother that work hard to get me because i was totally done with brothers.Me and my husband agree on these blog. He also know black men are brainwashed and has totally lost their mind.My niece who is in college came home for christmas said something that shock us , remember she is only 18 years old , she said to me and my mother she rather die then marry a black men because they are disrepectful and she knows her future husband will be nonblack, Sarah me and my mother mouth just drop.I sit back and watch these white women use the shit out of black men and you know how i feel happy because thats what they get. Even my mother realized black men are gone, not all , i think i got 1 of the 2% that is loyal. But i want to see my sistas stand strong through all this BullShit.Black men dont belong to us let them go, stop getting mad when they date out of their race, anyway who wants a brainwashed , disrespectful, no job,complex problem man , because you can not fix him . Another example sarah my best friend which is a beautiful dark skin sistah was dating a black man and you know what this bastard told her , he dont want to date anymore because he wants a mixed baby, so they broke up she call me upset about it , i was totally angry, i told her kim stop blaming yourself he has a problem that no black women can fix. She is now getting married to a italian guy who adores her , my best friend was torn down by black men comments.

Anonymous said...

@ S...My foreign born bw co-worker would rather for her daughter to marry someone from her culture, although she let it slip out that her daughter is having a bit of trouble getting one of those men to marry her. We live in the U.S.

As time passing I believe my co-worker will have to give in to her daughter who has a desire to date ir.

l.

shimmy said...

I will also say that some of these black men know exactly what they're doing. It's like they take pleasure in putting us down and hurting us.

I have noticed that even other races notice it. I read a lot of comments from non blacks on the Internet at different websites. You should hear how the racist ones degrade us and say all the time that the black men don't want us. When some of the black men put us down, they're also giving greater permission for non blacks to do it too. They do NOT defend us at all. Even some black women will put other black women down in favor of black men.

To that one poster, I'm glad that your friend did find happiness. It seem like there are a lot of Italian men in particular that like black women. I think it's a good thing

Anonymous said...

"...I overhead a bw speaking to a wm, and I overhead him say that he is only attracted to black women. But this woman was just grilling him over it. She kept asking him why he didn't like ww, and even had the nerve to say "You know they are nicer than we are."

I bet she couldn't wait to get back to bm and tell them how she saved a sista from the clutches of a wm, how she helped prevent the bc from losing another sista to the white slavemaster. I hope she enjoyed that little bone and pat on the head she got in exchange for her "rescue" efforts.

It would have been funny if a bw walked up to the wm in the middle of their conversation and handed him a card with her name and number.

I think lot of wm are being deliberately misinformed by both bm and bw in order to discourage them from approaching bw. If a wm is interested in a particular bw, unfortunately he makes the mistake of asking one of these saboteurs for advice on how to approach a bw or her relationship status. It makes me cringe to think how many potential bw/wm relationships have been lost because a wm relied on a wretched, hateful, deceitful, resentful bw or bm. All they promote is loneliness, unhappiness, and bitterness for both bw and wm --as well as 80% of black children born out of wedlock and raised without fathers.

Childhood obesity is a problem, but our First Lady's first priority should be re-directed to stopping and preventing all these kids from being raised without loving, responsible fathers by encouraging young bw to choose their partners wisely, teaching them how to look for and appreciate quality over superficiality, how to avoid pitfalls and peer pressure, delaying gratification, RACIALLY WIDENING THEIR DATING POOL, de-stigmatizing bw IR dating and marriage, and getting educated and married first! Children raised in good in-tact homes are less likely to become obese anyway because their parents tend to be more actively involved in their children's lives, encourage extracurricular activities and sports, and tend to prepare better, more nutritious meals for their children than harried, struggling, poor, never-married single moms.

80% fatherlessness -- THIS is just sick! The 70% figure was a tragedy. THIS is a state of emergency! New, bold, in-your-face approaches are needed, not the same old, same old pc nonsense.

sTep_INside_mY_miNd said...

I have been following this blog since last year and I just want to thank you for posting things like this to let black women know that they can find love and that they shouldn't feel ashamed because their potential love may not be black. I am single right now but I have always been taught that real love has no boundaries. So keep up the good work and the positive and honest truth so that it can be spread to as many of us black women as possible :)

Oshun said...

@ Anon

80% is sick. Its a death knoll. It is shameful and an embarrassment. I don't think that can be changed. I mean its 80%! It would take generations of sustained effort to change that.

If information is given it must be given to very very young girls at this point, but even that will be limited as parents hold far more sway over children than outside forces - even if those forces are positive.

I have come across some of these types of people and it is nothing nice. They will defend their choices to the death and attack others who may present an opposing view.

I am shell shocked thinking that almost 100% of AA children are born out of wedlock. That is almost the whole race. It is like living in the twilight zone. No other group on earth is doing this. I can' believe how outside human norms this is.

cool_splash1 said...

IMO, Reggie you are a fool, you never allow any of your tramps to get between you and your job/money.

Yeah I forgot what show I was watching and they mentioned this as well as they were all laughs and sweet on camera, but when the cameras went off he was cold to her etc.

It makes me cringe to think how many potential bw/wm relationships have been lost because a wm relied on a wretched, hateful, deceitful, resentful bw or bm.

That's a sad and scary thought. But watch when it gets worse and all of a sudden these women want help to bring back the black community from the brink of extinction.

cool_splash1 said...

Or maybe the wm will see other wm with bw and ask them. And wouldn't that be funny if she had said this and a bw/wm couple walked passed.lol

shimmy said...

I just wanted to say some more about the out of wedlock women. As sad as it, some of these women think it's cute to be someone's "baby mother". They will play like this is my baby daddy when so many of these men mess around with other women.

What I also find disturbing is that many of these women are illiterate and uneducated, so they can't even help their children learn when they grow older and go to school. That's part of the reason why a lot of the children join gangs and sell drugs when they become teens. They have no strong moral foundation, no education and they grow up in poverty.

It's sad because a lot of the so called black leaders will not even address these problems in the black community. When Bill Cosby came out and talked about accountablity and responsibility, a lot of black people got upset. He was telling the truth. True, he's not perfect but he was right. These issues need to be addressed. It's like everyone wants to ignore this because they are afraid of what some of these other black people will say.

S said...

Some AA women don't seem to care at ALL about the way dbr BM talk about BW, they just brush it off and say ' i don't give a F' 'it's not me they're talking about so why should i take offense?', these BW don't even know that what affects OTHER BW WILL affect them! look at that douche john mayer, he thinks it's OK to talk about BW like that...gee wonder what made him think that was OK? oh, well just watch how BM talk to BW on a daily basis.
If a black female celeb were to say that about his jewish ass, all hell would break loose because john mayer is jewish, and jewish people do not allow that kind of talking about their people.
There are consequences for that crap believe you me.
when it comes to BW everyone can pitch in! want to call her a nappy headed hoe! go on with your white self and call her a nappy headed hoe! there will be little to no consequences.
No one would dare even utter a bad word about a jewish person, no one would even dare THINK a bad thought about a jewish person, especially if they're in the entertainment business!
but whenit comes to BW...you know the deal! after you've said what you wanted to say, you just tweet "sorry!" and you're ok, maybe have a few words with rev jackson and shaprton, take some photos, kiss some black ass and you're good to go! :)

Mijo said...

How do you feel about John Mayer's recent comments? I think he messed up. The media wil now take this and run though to further push their "nobody wants a black woman agenda." Smh John, for your stupid and racist comments. Playboy totally baited him, but he flipped the question to something irrelevent.

Binta said...

Kudos to another fantastic post Sara. It's my life and I want to make the best of it and regret nothing.

MSP: I also realized this destructive behaviour with BBs when growing up. Luckily I grew up in Europe so I never had a problem finding love with a nBM (who I find more attractive anyway). You sound like an intelligent and open minded young lady. I wish you all the best for the future. The sky is the limit, never accept less.

Anonymous said...

I try to leave a positive mark behind with every step I take in life as a BW. So everytime someone complements me on my knowledge, appearance and the way I carry myself I know this is the right way to show the whole world how amazing and versatile BW can be. A better picture than the ones being presented in the media.

Good point Queen. This just reminds me of Sidney Poitier who dumps the mother of his FOUR children, the woman who stood by his side during the racism black actors faced back then just to be left behind when he made it. I can't even find pics of his first wife and kids. I read somewhere online that he needed counseling to help overcome the pain and regret he felt for leaving his wife. HE NEEDED PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP??? I think I'm in the twilight zone. I really don't care if he fell in love with his second wife, after all nobody forced him to marry his first wife. You just don't leave the woman who fought with you for so long and bore you four children. That's the utmost disrespect I can currently think of for any married woman/mother. I'm sure a BW would have been tarred and feathered if she had done the same thing. Look at Halle being called a sellout for accepting love, comfort and happiness over thugs and kept men. She's half white and black so she as every other woman can choose who they want to be with.

It's one thing to be attracted to a non black person but it's another thing to denigrate the opposite sex of someone who looks like you ( I dislike using the word race since there is only 1 race = human). I have always preferred being with white and asian men but I have never ever spoken ill about BM (although there are plenty of damaged beyond repair black men here too) to my european friends because I think it would devalue me and my upbringing. If so many BW are single moms, what do they do when their sons bring home everything but a BW?

After searching the internet, different blogs and speaking to numerous people from different countries I sadly have to say that this sick behaviour is only being depicted mainly by BM. I don't see AM talking bad about their women who leave to marry WM. Instead I see AM improving, making movies about their women and professing love to them.

Were BM better back in the days, when did this disrespect towards BW start?

Oshun said...

@ Shimmy

Make fun of you or worse. I have friends who are teachers at the elementary level and the war stories are horrible. Assaults are not uncommon. Last week a student's mother was stabbed in the head - during a parent teacher conference in front of the principal and several teachers by another student who had been picking on her daughter for this very same reason.

One teacher told me that she was telling her class what was expected of them and they said, "but Miss so and so,we black."

So yes, ABCs are in full effect. I don't know/understand how someone can believe a negative stereotype about themselves and act that out.

shimmy said...

Oshun, that self hatred runs deep. I used to think that black people had much more pride than they actually do. This manifests in the negative behavior of many blacks. They see living a good life and achievement as something only white people can do. It's ironic because during Jim Crow and slavery, black people risked it all to become educated and learn how to read. Today, some black people think that being educated is only for white people. I really feel that the black race is going backwards in this country. A lot of it does stem from them believing the racist lies that they are inferior and that they can't achieve anything. They have internalized racism.

About the John Mayer comments, he was totally wrong for what he said. The sad thing is that he is not the only person that thinks that way. We know that there are good white men that like black women,but there are also the racist ones that degrade us like some of the black men. Some people call it racialized sexism. It's where a woman is targeted for her race and for her gender. I think black women suffer the worst from this, because no one defends us and a lot of racist non blacks including some blacks think it's normal and funny for us to be degraded and abused. I really think those of us who are like minded should speak louder and louder about this. These negative stereotypes harm us in real life and it can/does affect how people view and treat us.

Although there are still racist white men, I do not think that should stop black women that are interested in or prefer white men. There are a lot of them that are not racist also. Focus on meeting the good non racist men. Sorry for being so long and saying so much, but I just have so much to say about these issue. I really like these black women empowerment sites because it does feel like a sisterhood seeing us come together and talk about these issues.

Anonymous said...

I am very much attracted to men of other races. What i do not know is where in the NYC area is the best place to meeet these men who feel the same?

Anonymous said...

I believe the disrespect of black women came in WITH THE RAP MUSIC of the 1980's..If you are old enough, you would remember that they would use hypnosis to quit smoking--to listen to certain tapes played over and over until you would eventually quit--it would work on some people but not others--BUT we stoopid black women put up with the disrespect(whatever happened with good male singers?) We, in essence became video hoes (sigh)

Anonymous said...

I BELIEVE RAP MUSIC IS THE BIGGEST JOKE ON BLACK WOMEN IN WHICH I AM ONE 'WERE SUCKERS' we have to change our listening habits--no mo' hood rats--there the minstrel men of the 21st century--minstrel men made money too--Stephin Fetchet WAS A MILLIONARE.. what's good to listen to is old Motown--Stevie Wonder even(gasp) Nat King Cole--now THAT was music

Oshun said...

No problem Shimmy. I appreciate the comments.

"It's ironic because during Jim Crow and slavery, black people risked it all to become educated and learn how to read. Today, some black people think that being educated is only for white people."

I can't believe that AAs are weaker and dumber than our ancestors were. Its like spitting in our ancestors faces.


@ Anon

"I believe the disrespect of black women came in WITH THE RAP MUSIC of the 1980's"

I think it is deeper than that. I think that BM have always been misogynists/colorists - we will never know how deep it is because I think women were encouraged to keep quiet bc they (BM) had enough to deal with from whites during Jim Crow and earlier. I think rap just sped up the process.

leaving for good! said...

I've always been someone who has been racially open when it comes to dating. I was interested in men of my own race as well as outside of my race. But I've always been a little more interested in men outside of my race. Now some things that have happened to be recently + reading your post has just let me see once and for all that I should just remove bm from my dating choices if I am to get what I truly want in life. A serious relationship, marriage, children, stability and happiness. I'm a 23 year old senior and throughout my college career, the wm I was interested in all unfortunately were already in serious relationships which they are all still in to this day while the bm I was interested in, and not even that much so anyway in most cases, where only interested in sex and always broke it off with me or just stopped talking to me. And these are the same so called "good guys". I've come to the conclusion that with my impending graduation I am going to be making moves to distance myself from the bc and especially bm once and for all. I cannot stand it anymore. I know I deserve so much better than what I have accepted for myself for so long. But I will not live stagnant any longer.

Anonymous said...

All these Negroes that bash BW simply for being Black remind me of prison trustees (especially the Jewish ones in Nazi prison camps) and the Negroes who sometimes served as overseers during the slavery era.

For the little bit of freedom and/or food those turncoats were given by their captors, they would often gleefully go above and beyond the cruelty expected of their positions.

And, because these Negroe trustees today are given a little access to non-Black coochie, they'd readily wipe their own Black mothers and sisters off the face of the Earth as a show of gratitude to their captors.

Anonymous said...

If any young bw wants to distance themselves from the bc and bm than so be it. No apologies needed. You need to also look at professional opportunites in Europe and Asia. Many bw are relocating overseas for their new life.

trish said...

"And, because these Negroe trustees today are given a little access to non-Black coochie, they'd readily wipe their own Black mothers and sisters off the face of the Earth as a show of gratitude to their captors."

Cosign

"I've come to the conclusion that with my impending graduation I am going to be making moves to distance myself from the bc and especially bm once and for all. I cannot stand it anymore."

Don't let anyone stop you. Fight for your life and your future children's life.


"I can't believe that AAs are weaker and dumber than our ancestors were. Its like spitting in our ancestors faces."

I'm convinced that if they saw the future they would just have given up or begged for a trip back to Africa. Sometimes I think genocide would have been a little more dignified. When it's genocide you can blame the offender but today we have the case of African Americans wallowing in their own self-destruction and resisting ways to aid themselves. Has there ever been a time in history when the males of a society have been so collectively dim-witted and evil? Has there ever been a time in history when the males of a particular group systematically cursed their women and children? I don’t think we’ve fully realized the damage.
Black women I would urge you to save yourselves, and tie yourselves to people with cultures that appreciate life and people that would fully support you and your children. People that understand the value of education, family values and living an optimal life.

ak said...

MissASP:

I tried to stay away from YouTube but I think I keep trying to subconciously look for bm on there defending but all I see are bm agreeing with them and BW! agreeing with them!!!! Bw saying that wm!? are making these videos and commenting trying to start things between bp!?!? Bw saying that ww planned! to steal bm from "us" and destroy the black race....

There just some black women who just refuse to see the truth about the black men who are DBR, whether the DBRs are fmous and rich or unknown and broke. And that's the whole truth MissASP.

This is why black women have stuck up for Mike Tyson, Clarence Thomas, OJ Simpson, R. Kelly, and many others. This is why black women don't drop the negro-comedians that stuck up for Don Imus and his comments or the ones who protested on the behalf of the Dunbar Village rapists and not the black woman victim and her child!

Black women keep hugging up the black criminal-minded men until the day or night when the same criminal barges through their door to kill, rob, rape them, their kids, or their parents.

Eveverything EVERYTHING with black people, black men and black women actually is someone else's fault, somoeone else's big plot and strategy against black people. Nothing bad, or most really bad things would happen to a 'perfect angel' so if bad things are happening to you most of the time you have to look back on your OWN actions in a lot of cases.

Even in Africa hundreds of years ago the AFRICANS MADE BARGAINS AND DEALS WITH EUROPEANS TO SELL OFF THEIR OWN KIND. THAT DOESN'T SOUND ANGELIC AND BLAMELESS TO ME.

NijaG said...

I tried to stay away from YouTube but I think I keep trying to subconciously look for bm on there defending but all I see are bm agreeing with them and BW! agreeing with them!!!! Bw saying that wm!? are making these videos and commenting trying to start things between bp!?!? Bw saying that ww planned! to steal bm from "us" and destroy the black race....
***********************************


It wasn't until recently after discovering the BWE/IR blogs that I decided to see what these YT videos about BW were saying.

It seems there are certain segments:

Pure BW bashing: Majority theme in these seem to be that BW are the root of all evil. We're the cause of the downfall in the black community for a variety of reasons. 99% of these were done by men.

BW or BM admonishing other BW: These ones the BW either telling black women to clean up their act or trying to give advise on corrective behaviors that will improve BM/BF rlsps.

Then there are the BM and BW are at fault so we should work together. However, if you listen closely BW are still the ones who have to do most of the compromising. A good portion (60%) of these video are done by BM.

Out of all the videos I watched only may 2-3 BM YT authors (is that what they are called?) actually did videos where they called for BM to start taking ownership for the way the direction the BC was going and stop waiting for BW to take action first before they could MAN up.

Don't even get me started on the videos targeting BW in IR rlsps.

A good portion of the videos purely defending BW w/o also trying to blame her where ironically enough by white men. Most of whom were in IR rlsp themselves.

I've heard of YT vids with WW bashing BW, but didn't look into it.

MissASP said...

Ak,

I just got into an argument on a bw bashing video with a bm. This is what he said when I told him good bw were leaving:

"Regarding the good BW leaving? Well, the good ones (who are not you) have nowhere to go. ALL THE MEN have said no. You have nowhere to go."

Wow. Just wow. I'd never date or marry one of these freaks. I really do want to go to college in London. I hear it's really diverse with some great schools. I hate America.

cool_splash1 said...

One teacher told me that she was telling her class what was expected of them and they said, "but Miss so and so,we black."

I can't remember if it was an article or news story I read, but many African American teachers who were parents and worked in the public school system decided not to enroll their kids in public school. Many were willing to have to live on less, because there was no way their kids were going public. Not African American, but I do remember an article where (can't remember the gender)but someone wrote about how their father who was a superindentend homeschooled his children. He gave them a list of books to read etc. they'd discuss what they'd read, he also found other things for them to learn on their own. That's telling when a superindenent won't send their kids to public school. People complained about this, but he wasn't sending those kids to school. That there should have been the biggest clue that somethings not right with these schools.

What I also find disturbing is that many of these women are illiterate and uneducated, so they can't even help their children learn when they grow older and go to school.

And what trips me out is that many uneducated an dilliterate men and women found a way to teach their kids to do things they couldn't or were poor at like reading etc. And it's crazy to me that a country that has high rates of poverty such as Djenne can have a 100% literacy rate, and black Americans have such high illiteracy rates.

Jamdown said...

Who is keeping Black women from dating/marrying non-Black men?

Unfortunately, I believe that Black women are the most vocal anti-IR activists.

Just recently I came across a discussion where Black women were leading the "nothing but a Black man" brigade.

It's interesting that on that same website, the Black men were stating that they will date whoever pleases them.

Oh well. I guess if a few Black women move on, that will be enough until the others catch and get some sense.

Rocky said...

1. There are plenty of good bm, you just need to look harder!
This is bull. There are almost 2 million more bw in this country than bm! Even if bm were not color struck, were upstanding citizens, and were interested in marrying the numerous bw, they impregnate every year. There still would NOT be enough of these men to marry the many many bw looking for husbands.


But Sarah. Their are 4 million more white women than white men in this country and overall 6 million more women in this country than men.

So how is there enough white men for black women when there are 4 million white women along with a load of Asian women at the front of the waiting list?

Delora said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Just Some Black Guy said...

Hello ladies, I forgot that I left a comment here and I was curious to see if anyone replied... and you did!! Let's see here.

"@ Just another Guy...What alot of bm did not or do not value is the support they received from many AA women.

Why continue to show support for any man who does not show support for you?"
(Anonymous, Feb. 6th, 9:55 PM)

Hmm... I understand what you're saying. For you, how would BM SHOW that they valued your support? What would you LIKE TO SEE happen with us?

"As for Just Some Black Guy: c'mon, son. this isn't you, mmkay? Not feeling the love-ha! Reread the tagline next time, please and thank you. *eyeroll*" (rainbeaux, Feb. 6th, 9:56 PM)

I can't get a LITTLE love if I throw some your way, rainbeaux?

"You mentioned you did not like the flavor of this blog but I did not see you go out of your way to recognize or celebrate good black women. Case in point,Lamar Odom of the LA Lakers ...Married KloeKardashian just 2 months after meeting her willingly agreeing to her very demanding pre-nup which included laker tickets for he entire family FOR LIFE!!!" (Queen, Feb 8th, 2:46 AM)

You know what? I COMPLETELY forgot to thank Taylor for allowing me to post here. I'm not sure WHY I'm even allowed to, but thank you. I'd kiss your feet in gratitude if I could.

Lamar Odom reached new heights of douchebaggery with what he pulled. But he doesn't comprise all of us, not even most of us.

Daniel Gibson (Cleveland Cavs) left in the middle of a CRUCIALLY important game to visit his pregnant girlfriend (Keyshia Cole) in the hospital. Already he's exhibiting tremendous fathering qualities... qualities I see instilled in PLENTY of the Black men my age.

A lot of times you don't hear about Black wives in the media at all. Do you know ANY Black wives married to White male athletes (since this is IR love and spice)? I haven't seen any, but I'm SURE there are at least a few White athletes with Black wives. However, the amount of athletes in the NBA who have Black wives/girlfriends in general is simply staggering. I could go on and on naming them.

But that's not what we see in magazines and TV. For one reason or another, they don't show Black women with their Black athlete husbands (which irks ME because I like seeing that)... they don't show Black wives much at all.

ak said...

MissASP just tell the black people like Delora who think that black women lie when they say that their married to white men to go on to Evia's IR Ezine website or to Sara's IR Spice.

Black people think that their screamingly obvious backhanded put-downs of black women are cool and OK with everybody or they just don't care. They refuse to believe that white men find black women attractive yet no white man ever HAD to sleep with black women and make the amount of biracial and light skinned black people that come from all over the Americas. They could have left us alone.

Black people refuse to believe that any white man of prominence, wealth, whether famous or unknown would ever date AND marry a black woman yet pictures on Evia's website WHICH LEGALLY HAVE TO BE TAKEN DOWN IF THERE IS NO BASIS IN TRUTH show the contrary to black people's very insulting thought that because a man has power, prominence, runs corporate America, and money that he would never be caught dead in public with a black woman. Yet what do these black hypocrites usually come out with? 'She's only with him for the money'!

Delusional Delora and the black men she's licking the batty out of need to look up the two Jet magazines from 1953 on Evia's Ezine website so they can see proof of white men, some of them millionaires, marrying black women back in the 1950s AND THE PROOF WOULD BE IN THEIR PICTURES TAKEN....TOGETHER!! One of the Jet maagzines mentioned a young black woman marrying a white man from a rich well-known family back in 1925, at the height of lynching times. Look, when you don't let ANYTHING stop you, then nothing will stop you OK? One of these two Jet magazines mentioning bw/wm married couples also showed MARLON BRANDO on a date with a black woman, yes again, this was all in a picture.

The only people who don't see the desirability and beauty of black women who actually look black ARE black people themselves. Yet no one else ever felt this way, because again how do you explain so many light skinned black people with biracial backgrounds. White men put white women on pedestals because they're supposed to, black men are the only ones who have got the 'which women on which pedestal' thing twisted, not the white, Asian, Latino etc. men.

Delora take those 'compliments' from black men about how big your butt is, how gentlemanly. And when you do take the whole lot of them with you, please.

And Black Guy please, most of the black male celebs and athletes are going by the one drop rule and marrying the most green eyed, close to Vanessa Williams or Jasmine Guy-looking black women that they can find WHEN they choose to go to a black women.

Appalling? BLACK EPOPLE AND THEIR DISDAIN OF BLACK WOMEN ARE WHAT APPALL ME.

Flo said...

Uhm Delora, if you check the site you will see that Sara doesn't tell BW to ONLY date WM but every good man who respects her. May he be white, black, asian or whatever. He should make you happy and be a man. He should find you beautiful and appreciate you. This site has nothing to do with BM bashing and WM worshipping. I wouldn't have published your stupid troll comments.

Great post as usual.

Bellydancer said...

Rocky said:
But Sarah. Their are 4 million more white women than white men in this country and overall 6 million more women in this country than men.

So how is there enough white men for black women when there are 4 million white women along with a load of Asian women at the front of the waiting list?


Rocky what makes you think that we have to wait in the back of the line just because we are black.
We have just as much right to date quality men as any other woman. They do not have to all be white american either, there is Asian, Latino, Polynesian and to expand European men have to be included also such as Irish, Italian, Scottish, Mediterranean etc...
See black men think like that, you can be cream of the crop but black women are supposed to wait in the back of the line I don't think so.
Please stop with the fake ass concern for our welfare you are not slick we can see straight through it.

Anonymous said...

Hey Black woman/girl....I say leave...and leave now. Who cares what black men think. I haven't in a long time. Let them say what they wanna say and lets keep moving...to a higher ground.Putting the past behind us and reaching forward....in science, math, physics, engineering, medicine and dentistry. In the past 6 months, about 8 of my professional Black women friends have met and married non-black men. Quiet as it is kept..there is a revolution going on. Black women are breaking free of this nonsense....Black man only crap. I say lets not engage the enemy..let him keep thinking its all about him and his needs...while we slowly make our escape. And the silly women who want to stay and put up with their crap....never finding happiness or support, always made to feel less than...well, we can't take them with us. Pray for them , that one day the blinders may finally be removed. I escaped physically about 10 years ago, but mentally least than 3 years. I was married to an abusive Black man, who had every excuse in the world of why he couldn't do right. I was there, I supported his sorry azz and listen to his rehetoric about how people can't accept a strong black man and how to never trust the MAN. But it seem to me, that the only man dogging me out and treating me badly was the black man I was married to. Black women are made to feel less and burden with holding the black man up against the cruel racist world. But when will they ever reciprocate. My father is not like that....ever. My father is a black man married to my mother for 48 years and counting...never once called her out of name and cherishes her immensely. Well, I broke free and ran as fast as I could. I haven't been back in 10years and have progressed in my career. I recently opened up my options( 3 years ago)and I am currently dating a Tom Cruise look a like. Don't believe what Black men want you to believe...about white men not being attracted to black women...what a lie and it comes straight out of the pit of hell. I am not a Halle Barry type..but more of a Pam Grier..5'10 amazon. I have never had any problem attracting a man and I found out if you look white men in the eye and smile...they are so shocked that you as a black woman are interested...that they make overtures. Try this. Next time you are in the grocery store, post office line,etc....strike up a coversation with a white guy...look him fully in the face and smile. You will see a spark of interest. Its amazing.

MissASP said...

@ak

So true! It's appalling and shamful! But I'm
getting older now and I really realize that I can do whatever I want with my life! I don't even care about being rejected by bm because I'm not light and I don't have a huge ass or euro features! I only care about people who care about me and other women like me. I'm becoming a narrsiss (sp!?) on purpose! I have to look out for myself and the people who want to help me. They will get a lot of love and help from me in return!

Oshun said...

@ Ak and Flo,

Delora is pretty low IMO. What is the deal with the snide digs at Sara's son all the time? Sara's son will most definitely NOT be a DBRBM!

Delor = dolor which means "grief, intense mental pain and suffering"? Delor - derivative of delusional?

Delora said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Oshun said...

@ JSBG

"For you, how would BM SHOW that they valued your support? What would you LIKE TO SEE happen with us?"

I was going to ignore this bc I doubt your intentions.

I don't want any BW giving you answers. DBRBM already have enough techniques - BW don't need to give them ammo to produce more.


I think most human beings already know which behaviors demonstrate support and appreciation.

If this is a genuine question then you need to direct it towards functioning healthy men. Ask them how do they show that they support and value the women in their lives, families, community, and group? Ask them what would they need to see in order for BM to be comparable?


"Daniel Gibson (Cleveland Cavs) left in the middle of a CRUCIALLY important game to visit his pregnant girlfriend (Keyshia Cole) in the hospital. Already he's exhibiting tremendous fathering qualities... qualities I see instilled in PLENTY of the Black men my age."

And this is so sad. This is still subpar. It was the least he could do. I sense tele-parenting in the near future. The courthouse is open from 9am-6pm?

Jess said...

Why is it so hard for some women to IGNORE trolls?Trolls WANT you to communicate with them. Ignore them and they will go away.

Stephen said...

I feel a bit out of place here, since I'm a white guy, and almost all of the comments seem to be from black women.

But, here goes.

My fiancee is a smart, funny black woman who also happens to be a knockout in the looks department. Lucky me, I say.

I know most black women think white guys go for the light-skinned Halle Berry and Jasmine Guy types, and, hey, maybe they do - I really have no idea. But my girl has dark skin, and I think she is quite beautiful, with wonderful eyes and a dazzling smile.

I met her at a park - she has a dog, I have a dog, we were there with our dogs, we started talking, and I was very attracted to her right away. But, I was in the last stages of my previous relationship, and I didn't want to ask her out until, you know, I was unattached. It wouldn't have been right.

It seemed as if she was interested in me, but I have to admit, I had never been out with a black woman before, and I was a little nervous about getting rejected on the basis of race, and to to top it all off, she was out of my league looks-wise. I'm not ugly, but I'm not GQ material, either.

About a month after my previous relationship was officially over, I saw her at the park again, and after some awkward conversation, asked her out for that Saturday.

She said no, she was busy Saturday, but how about Friday? We went out on Friday night.

We also went out on Saturday night, after she broke her original engagement for that evening.

I've been seeing her since, we're engaged now, and my life is pretty good. I'm very much in love. We seem to be so simpatico, so in tune with each other.

It's worth saying that she is so appreciative of even the little things I do for her, sometimes it's a little embarassing. From what I know, and what I feel, I don't think she's had very good treatment from some of her fomer boyfriends. I am doing my level best to make all of that up to her.

We've been talking about children already, because she is 31, and so am I, and if we're going to do it, we need to start soon. I know she is going to be a great mother and a great wife - she is so loving and patient. We're going to try and swing it so that she can stay home with our child (ren), at least until she wants to go back to work (she has an MFA), because we are both very focused on the whole family thing.

I apologize for this being so long-winded, but I just want to say to all of you reading this, that just like me, there are other white men that find black women attractive. In fact, two of my friends have been out on several dates with black women (a first for both of them) since I started dating my fiance.

So, if interracial dating is what you want to do, then I think you should do it. There are white guys that find you alluring and charming.

I'm not advocating that you date only white, merely stating that you should date whomever you want to date, for whatever reasons you have to date them, whether that's a white guy, a black guy, an Asian guy, hispanic guy, whatever.

I stepped outside the box that some (not too many, but some) people wanted me to stay in, and I found the love of my life. I don't see any reason that the same couldn't happen to you. No can guarantee any outcome in life, but it's always better to increase the odds by not eliminating good possibilities.

Bellydancer said...

Rocky said:
But Sarah. Their are 4 million more white women than white men in this country and overall 6 million more women in this country than men.

So how is there enough white men for black women when there are 4 million white women along with a load of Asian women at the front of the waiting list?


Who in the hell said we black women were at the back of the list see that's how black men think about black women like we are lest and should always be seen as second. Nope we have the abilities to attract and compete with white and asian women for any man.

Just Some Black Guy said...

"And Black Guy please, most of the black male celebs and athletes are going by the one drop rule and marrying the most green eyed, close to Vanessa Williams or Jasmine Guy-looking black women that they can find WHEN they choose to go to a black women." -ak

No, that just what's shown. In fact, that's what's shown to all of us. When you think about the fact that LeBron James is a MUCH RICHER, MORE WELL-KNOWN star than Lamar Odom would ever be yet very FEW people have even seen LeBron's wife (while Lamar and Chloe have been everywhere)...

--We all have to question what the hell is going on? We HARDLY see Shaq's wife. Paul Pierce's girlfriend. Vince Carter's wife. Chauncey Billups wife. Tracy McGrady's wife. I mean, these guys are SUPERSTARS... yet we CONSTANTLY see lackluster talents like Lamar Odom. That's the point, though.

It's not ALWAYS Black men this or Black men that. Sometimes we (BM) could be in an environment where the MAJORITY of us are doing what we're SUPPOSED to be doing (like in the NBA). We have the loving Black wife, we're being great fathers and husbands but we STILL get no shine. All of the attention goes to the losers of the bunch, even if it IS negative.

So, you get phrases like, "If it don't apply, let it fly..."; something like that. But that's no good because these righteous BM are now unintentionally being seen as insignificant.

Who wants to be a nobody?

Suddenly ALL BM are treated as DBRBM. I know this the case because when we try to at least in engage in a conversation with a lot of these IR BW, we can't even say we're a Black man at all... or else we get shut down immediately. They don't WANT our side of the story.

So you get to insult me, but I don't get to speak at all?

Again, I thank Taylor for letting me post knowing that I'm a Black man. She's the ONLY BWE BLOGGER that's let me do this... so this is the ONLY BWE BLOG I'll care to post my honest perspectives as a BM on. Exclusively.

Take from that what you will. Taylor, you're beautiful, mami.


WHY would I want to try to do right as a Black man and still get s**tted on... when it's SO MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE to do wrong and reach the same result anyway?

A majority of Black NBA players are married to Black women. Not even by a little margin either.

Now, if you want to take skin color into account... I wouldn't know the stats on that (I don't think there are any but I could look). But does that matter? Most of the wives I've seen AREN'T light-skinned. But quite a few ARE.

Chris said...

Just Some Black Guy -

I sympathise with you; I really do. I'm a white guy and I have black guy friends (some of them from as far back as childhood) who are good guys, and there's more of them where those came from. Lots of good black guys around, from what I can see, but the problem is all the bad ones - not the volume of bad ones, but the amount on a per-capita basis.

And if you're a black woman and you only go out with black guys, then it is a very good percentage bet that you are going to have a bad (or really bad) experience with one of them sooner or later.

I date a black woman, and I would never tell a black woman to not go out with black guys; it just doesn't make sense. Even if it was in my best interests to do so, I'm not going to say something like that. It's crazy talk.

I don't think that what's going on here, either. I think these black women are just saying to other black women, "Increase your odds of finding a good man. Go outside your race."

I've dated just about every skin tone there is, and I'm glad I didn't cross black women off the list at any point, because my woman is a wonderful woman, and, great-looking. I thank god I was open to dating her, because if I wasn't, I would have never known the happiness I have now.

All these black woman are saying is that other black woman should get as many shots at happiness as possible - not just the ones available to them from black men.

I can hang with that - seems only fair.

NijaG said...

Just some black said.....

Again, I thank Taylor for letting me post knowing that I'm a Black man. She's the ONLY BWE BLOGGER that's let me do this... so this is the ONLY BWE BLOG I'll care to post my honest perspectives as a BM on. Exclusively.

Take from that what you will. Taylor, you're beautiful, mami.

WHY would I want to try to do right as a Black man and still get s**tted on... when it's SO MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE to do wrong and reach the same result anyway?

**********************************


The BW/IR blogs is a very small percentage of black focused blogs. If BM not being the focus in these types of blogs is enough to make you ***not do right*** then I would have to question how strong your ***do right*** values and morals were in the first place.

There are tons of blogs and YT vids that focus on black men, black love and rlsps and family. Many of them are quite positive.

Why can't you go there? Why is your focus on a very tiny percentage of BW/IR blogs. Do you go to Black Male focused Interracial blogs and admonish them? Many of them have just as damaging and ugly views of Black women as you seem to believe these blogs do?

Just Some Black Guy said...

"I don't want any BW giving you answers. DBRBM already have enough techniques - BW don't need to give them ammo to produce more." -Oshun

I'm sorry you feel that way about me. But I haven't done ANYTHING to deserve that kind of response ...at least I don't think so.

Anyway, thank you for responding. I appreciate it. If you really do think I'm a DBRBM... then I guess I'll just stay out of your way while I'm here.

Anonymous said...

So how is there enough white men for black women when there are 4 million white women along with a load of Asian women at the front of the waiting list?


Who in the hell said we black women were at the back of the list see that's how black men think about black women like we are lest and should always be seen as second. Nope we have the abilities to attract and compete with white and asian women for any man.
---

Yeah, I caught that, too.

According to him WM are like kidneys, lol. Well, If that's the case and BW are at the end of the WM waiting list, then it stands to reason there should be no WM/BW couples until all the eligible white and Asian women have their preeminent WM requirements met first.

But that isn't reality; it's simply a DBRBM's warped fantasy.

Anonymous said...

"White men put white women on pedestals because they're supposed to, black men are the only ones who have got the 'which women on which pedestal' thing twisted, not the white, Asian, Latino etc. men."

ROFLMAO! DBRBM do come off as imbecilic when they parade around their mostly morbidly obese, fug-faced and/or elderly white dreamgirls. But what they actually think they're doing is killing two birds (WM & BW) with one stone, while simultaneously earning the envy and admiration of every other Day'Quan and Jamal in the Hood.

While the notion of Negro buffoons shtupping or even marrying a few of the WM's rejects certainly isn't destroying the WM, they're are, sad to say, plenty of BW who are tearing their hair out over the "loss" of said buffoons. buffoons.

MissASP said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I do agree with you about most NBA players wives are AA, but the media does not show those couples.
Here is a link
http://nballin.com/hottest-nba-players-wives-girlfriends-poll/
The dude who posts this took it down a few years ago because folks wanted to argue and fuss about the nba wives instead of talking about the game. He said that more of the hits were for the pictures of wifey and kids than the NBA player.

Huios1 said...

What if a site by and for white women who prefer black men happened to have the occasional white male commenter come on and make arguments that, either subtly or directly, disapproved of or questioned the ww choice to be with BM? Would anyone not henceforth be skeptical of any subsequent WM posters? Sure, and for good reason. The bottom line is, not many BM, if any at all, support BF choice to be with non-black men. Specifically, white men.
Sadly, most BM come here to soothe a paper-thin ego or otherwise attempt to sway or berate BF out of this "error". There is a demonstrable precedent for this, no doubt.
If I felt distaste for a blog's subject matter, I wouldn't visit said blog. Yet, they are drawn compulsively here.

Let's say someone said, "what's your favorite color?"
I reply, "Blue."
Then they ask, "why?"
How can anyone expect an objective answer? Taste is subjective.
Then they say, accusingly, "You must hate red then, don't you!" And this how it goes. If you prefer WM, then you must hate BM. There is no middle ground.
Honestly, I doubt most BM really want to understand or gainfully discuss it, when they'd probably rather eradicate it.
This is the same doubt I'd have if a wm bigot says he really wants to understand or logically discuss with a WW why she might prefer BM.
One thinks, "yeah, right."

"...we can't even say we're a Black man at all... or else we get shut down immediately. They don't WANT our side of the story."
What is your side of the story? Huh?
Why do the preferences of BF, who are grown women, require a different "side of the story"?
Oh.
The "I don't like you with WM and I want you to stop" side of the story.............

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi everyone.

I'm so sorry, Yesterday I was on a friend's computer (since we're away from home) and I lost all 15 comments that were posted. I apologize to everyone who wondered why I deleted their comment. It was her dumb computer, not me actually. Anyway, I'm going to have to steal my laptop back from my kids because I have a really hard time posting when I'm on the road. I'll have something up super soon -promise....

Just Some Black Guy said...

"If BM not being the focus in these types of blogs is enough to make you ***not do right*** then I would have to question how strong your ***do right*** values and morals were in the first place." -NijaG

"Do you go to Black Male focused Interracial blogs and admonish them? Many of them have just as damaging and ugly views of Black women as you seem to believe these blogs do?" -NijaG

Black men are very well one of the key topics discussed on these blogs, if not THE key topic. Taylor could attest to that, I'm not saying anything groundbreaking.

But, I wasn't talking about here. It's just a human thing, you know? As human beings, it's nice to get some appreciation and it only helps to promote good behavior.

I've mentioned that I DO, in fact, express my disdain on those blogs when they go overboard. But I didn't mention that here outright because it might've sounded suspicious. I'm never disrespectful with anybody over there... and now, I'm not sure if I just put a frown on your face by saying that. Lol.

"Please! All you have to do is look at YouTube to see that it is NOT just rich and famous bm marrying nbw and putting them on a pedestal!" -MissASP

"Those bm on there HATE bw and will say and do anything to put nbw (WHO DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEM UNLESS THEY'RE THE LEFTOVERS OF THEIR RACE!) above us. Serious MOMMY ISSUES!!!!" -MissASP

You know, THAT'S the kind of behavior that hurts the most. It definitely hurts me when I see BW doing the same kind of videos on YouTube (yes, it does happen). It's never been about IR dating... but just the general level of disrespect that seems to come with it.

I guess it comes with the overall territory, though. But MissASP, there are also quite a bit of videos on YouTube of Black men who uplift Black women and Black women who uplift Black men. I say this to let you know that as a Black woman, you're going to hear a LOT of negative things about you... for no other reason than for being a Black woman (it's something Black people just have to go through).

It's important to know, that there are plenty of men who find you beautiful because you're a Black woman, not just outside of your race... but within ALL races. You dig it? Lol.

I'm from the States though, so I have a reason to be optimistic... it's not too bad out here. I get the feeling you're from the UK (I THINK you've mentioned it), and that's a whole different ballgame.

Chris, I really wanted to address what you said but this isn't really a place that fosters debate between a White guy and a Black guy. So, don't take it personally if I don't reply to you.

I'm picking my spots. Maybe if I should gain more trust among the readers here... we could start a dialogue (especially Oshun, I think she wants to beat me up... but I'm not sure)? I wouldn't hold my breath, though.

"I do agree with you about most NBA players wives are AA, but the media does not show those couples." -Anonymous

Thank you!

"What is your side of the story? Huh?
Why do the preferences of BF, who are grown women, require a different 'side of the story'?" -Huios1

I wonder the same thing everytime I see posts about Black men. That's the point. I don't want a side of the story... but one was certainly written for me. Many times, what happens is "the preferences of BW" aren't even a focus. It's Black men this, Black men that.

All I'm saying is, if it's going to be "Black men this, Black men that"... am I not allowed to offer my perspective?

--And you're right, I don't want you with WM. I want you all for myself! :)

trish said...

"Chris, I really wanted to address what you said but this isn't really a place that fosters debate between a White guy and a Black guy. So, don't take it personally if I don't reply to you."

This is a blog about interracial dating between bw and non-bw. Why are you here? You're here to derail the discussion and make it about you.
If anything Chris has more of a right to be here than you. There are many reasons why black women choose to date out and they don't need or want your approval. Black women are free agents.
Frankly, the problems facing black men are so acute one would think you would be spending serious time trying to address them.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi everyone. I'm on a better computer at this hotel, so I need to get a few things off my chest while I can. We'll be home soon, but I needed to clearify a few things. First of all SBG, you've given me way too much credit. I'm not the least bit interested in what bm think or feel, as most of my readers can attest to. The purpose of this blog is the betterment and happiness of BLACK WOMEN! I agree 100% with the BWE bloggers who deleted you, simply because the purpose of their blog (and this one) is not to 'understand your plight'For most of us, the purpose is to create a forum where we can share, exchange, and engage in insights that will enhance the lives of bw everywhere.
Furthermore, the only reason for did not delete you is because everytime I tried to delete one person, my whole que was deleted on that computer. That's how the troll deloris slipped in among a few others. So please don't look on my blog as a place to voice your big bm opinion, because I can assure you IT IS NOT. This goes for you too Deloris, don't bring yourself back here....

That being said, I want to address
the 16 who had the audacity to come on here using all that disgusting gutter language. Young lady, did you not read my admonition at the top of the comment section? I could not believe my eyes when I read your post. It's nothing short of appalling to me that you did not have enough respect for your elders to watch your mouth. This is exactly the emotional, uncontrollable profane type of expression the world expects from us-and none of us can afford to conform nor confirm the negative images they already hold of us. In other words, we need to have and practice having much more class and decorum than this. Don't ever come here, and speak like that again. Young lady, I'm sure that you are intelligent enough to engage in a cogent discourse without having to resort to gutter-speak -ok....

For all readers wondering why these posts were allowed. I actually did not have a chance to read them- I had been so busy, but I apologize, and assure you that they will not be an issue in the future.......

Anonymous said...

i understand this post completely but my dilemma is less with bc and more with i'm a teenage girl in a southern city...my parents are cultured and intelligent well traveled and are very open and excepting with my association with people of other races but only as friendships. dating prom anything of that nature is absolutely out of the question. they're reasons are that they don't want any social stigmas placed on me and being in love is already complicated with out the added pressures...i have a feeling it's more than that they told me to my face they would disown me if i brought a white boy home. my whole family had a full out discussion about this and of course i silently agreed with every statement they made(who really wants to be the black sheep?) in all actuality it was killing me inside because i have feelings for all types of men and i date out of my race secretly and i plan to in the future i would love to be able to bring a guy home and not have to worry about the conversation that happens after he leaves...i just want advice before i go off to college and wind up engaged and having to tell them i'm not limiting myself then...how do i start the conversation?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mavis said...

For a funny take on dating out, take a look at "For Black Women: Why White Men Are A Better Choice" on the blog "Betty Chambers Has Spoken".

What she wrote was humorous, but true, and the replies to her post are just great.

And very interesting - one of those replies is from a WM, and the rest from sisters currently dating out. It's all good and definitely proves the point that WM who date BW are not settling.

In fact, as far as they're concerned, they seem to think that the gods have looked down on them and smiled.

cool_splash1 said...

Anon 12:20Am your family might just be talking. They could be serious. It's something you might have to talk with them about. But ultimately it's up to you. Yes you are a teenager, but soon you will be a grown woman. If you make your decision based on what your family said and are unhappy they will use it against you by reminding you it was your decision etc. the sad part of it is, that you might have to be disowned from your family if so be it.

Flora said...

Hi Anon 12:20!!!

I'm really sorry to hear this, especially since your parents are open and well traveled. The most important thing for you to know is IT IS YOUR LIFE!!! You will have to be happy with the person you marry and have children with. It's either they accept your nonBL partner or they break up with you.

Knowing myself I would definetely stick with my partner but you have to be sure he is someone you can rely and depend on because your (or even his family) might try to break you up.

I would start the conversation by bringing the boy home to meet your parents first. Let your parents know that your attraction to each other is based on love, respect, mutual interest etc... and not colour.

Don't ever give up on your individual happiness to get aknowledgement from people who wouldn't do the same for you. You might end up regretting it for the rest of your life.
Look around you everyone else is doing what's best for them.

I wish you lots of luck in the future with whoever you choose to spend it with, may he be caucasian, black, asian and so on...

Anonymous said...

@Just Some Bad Guy

You said that you don't want black women to be with other races of men and you want them all to yourself. That's the reason why you would come to this blog instead of going to the IR BM's blogs because you want black women to yourself so you can use us as a resource. The reason why you don't want black women with any other race of men because you still want black women as a booty call, etc etc etc. We know the trick. I advise you never to come back again because we know your scheme all along. You're scared that a lot of booty, home-cooking, money givers are walking out and you ain't going to have no comfort and no back-up plan, so you will constantly come here and tell us that you don't like to see black women with non-black men. You are not God and you can't control us. BLACK WOMEN, LEAVE AND NEVER TURN BACK!

DPM said...

Absolutely wonderful! Great Article!

The true issue at hand has to do with the fact that the 'burdens of the black community' have been pushed on bw. As a result your image, gender identity, and sexuality have been replaced by a socio-political "super woman" type of role. In short, too many of you feel that your happiness and health must be compromised - unfortunately, this ultimately leaves a portion of bw feeling empty.

In terms of your health: physically, psychologically, and sexually speaking, it is imperative that bw retain their individuality. Bw need love and affection... that is just the honest truth.

For the record, many men outside the black community truly enjoy having relationships with bw - and no, it does not have to do with some type of fetish or cultural superiority complex.

We all have something wonderful to bring to the table...

DPM

Anonymous said...

Hi
I'm a black woman and have come here many times and read this blog every word-thank you from the top of my heart.

I am posting anon since I do use my real name on many other blogs and Facebook, etc, trying to keep some privacy.

BM are through.
They go buck wild at the turn of a dime.
They will not stick up for you in public if anything bad happens.

And it's true-they come back to black women after the non-white women have gotten sick of them.

One of my friends is a bm who is getting divorced from his older asian wife. He is trying to get with me but I have told him-only friends, my dear. He would not be treating me better than he treated the asian lady-cheated on her more than once!

But I'm really here because of the BET BOYCOTT. If you dare disagree with most bm they will start calling you all sorts of horrible names and insults.

Thing is, their misogyny hides homosexuality. Note how horrible the insults are and how much glee that they take in using them... catty, bitchy closet homosexuals. I live in a city with a large gay population and I should know.

So I outed the bm who was cursing at me-went to his Facebook page oh my, such a closet case. I called him a homothug with jerry curls lol. He kept at it.

Then I called him a bitter black man-before he could use that word on me lol. That drove him nuts but everybody on that FB page saw clearly that I was right.

Then I blocked him.

BW should realize, that some of the hate that is directed towards us by bm is due to the fact that they are angry and bitter repressed homosexuals trolling as bullies and thugs terrorizing bw and children.

And I sure do wish my few black friends would stop telling me to go get a bm man, ugh. I don't trust them and I won't date them.


Thank you for your great public service.