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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

When the NBABM sect try to take your man!!






















How do you deal with the (Nothin but a bm,) type bw, who are often in so much pain, they cannot stand to see you so happy?

A friend of mine recently gave birth to her 3rd child. This is also her first biracial child. Both of her other children are by a bm who walked away, and could not be bothered paying CS, or helping to bring these little bundles of joy up. She had been alone, and struggling for years before meeting, and marrying Larry (DH). I remember it well. About 3 years ago, after much nagging from me, she agreed to go out with a wm who had been asking her out for awhile. They hit it off and one year later were wed. She was very happy, and I was really happy for her. When she told me she was pregnant I was almost as excited as her. But then during the latter part of her pregnancy she began to exhibit stress systems (sudden upset, crying, head aches and extreme fatigue etc. I attributed it to her pregnancy, but did advise her to get checked out. The doctor could not find anything physically wrong with her and agreed that it was indeed stress. Soon afterwards, she came over and confessed to me exactly what was causing it. It seems that she had begun to attend a new group of bw who got together weekly to talk about and resolve the problems in their lives. She had been too free and candid in her talks with them. She had told told them all about how wonderful her new marriage was. How generous her husband was, and the wonderful new lifestyle he had provided for her and her children. She now deeply regretted telling the women at the WO C (Women of Color ) meeting about her life. She said they spent a great deal of meeting time consoling each other and talking about how they could not find good men.They were predominantly (Nothin but a black man type-or claimed to be) She said after she told them about how wonderful her husband was, they all had strange looks on their faces, and almost NONE of them looked very happy for her. Then they began to make snide remarks about sistas who desert bm, and jungle fever. Some claimed they would never 'go there' and how could she do that to brothas. Yet, as soon as DH came to pick her up, some of them got right in his face and began to openly smile and flirt! (Even some of the ones who were saying they would not be caught dead with a wm! ) She said her husband had been baffled and then amused. He did not see it as a big deal. ( She secretly thinks he was flattered.) Anyway, soon after, they began to grow more and more hostile to her, all the while being more and more friendly to her husband. Then the situation escalated and these women began to drop by her beautiful new home and pretend they just wanted to see it (Since she had bragged about the great new house hubby had bought) She said she could feel the animosity and jealousy even through their fake smiles, and she was sensing deep resentment. Soon after they began to come 'only' when dh was home, and once again flirt with him right in front of her. (As well as attempting to monopolize his time, and talk about things designed to cause problems in her family) They were growing more and more bold, and she was getting sick from the stress. Now keep in mind, she's a very sweet person, but unlike the stereotype of bw, she is almost shy, reserved, quiet, and unable to confront ppl. I explained to her these women were only doing what she allowed them to do. I told her I would stand guard at my door and ask in a less-than-kind voice "Can I help you?" And I would make it clear by my face and tone, that they had BETTER NOT step an unwanted foot in my house! Upon my advice she began to cry. "Sara, I just can't!" She wailed. "First of all bw are supposed to stick together, and second, I think I'd rather be miserable for the hours they're here rather than have to throw them out!"
"C_____ "I said patiently. "These women are not about sisterhood-don't you see that? They have decided to either snag your husband-because they don't have one, or if they can't manage that, than to break up your marriage! You have got to get rid of them!"
After some more tears, I finally picked up the phone and called Larry (her hubby). He immediately put and end to the impromptu visits, and she was able to have a stress free delivery, and go home in peace.....

But the point of this is that some sistas are so dejected, sad, angry, and alone that they will try to cause you all manner of problems. This is usually due to the fact that many are so hardened by life and miserable. Your happiness, staring them in the face, may be a little more than some of them can take. In the case of my friend, she should have never ran her mouth about her great new house, and hubby. (Many of these women are struggling under the yoke of bills and babies-all alone) and this can definitely make one resentful. Also she likes to wear very high-end clothing and lots of jewelry, and make public displays with her dh. (Her man loves to spoil her) You can imagine how this might feel like a slap in the face to someone who has not had a 'real date' in eons. Now I am not blaming her, but what I am saying is she should have toned it down, and learned to keep -ha bisness ta 'ha -sef! (as my Grandma used to say) But anyway, I wanted to ask you ladies how do you handle it when sistas suddenly decide they ARE down with the swirl, and your man is the perfect place to start??? Or they seem hell bound on starting some mess in your life because of pain, jealousy, etc....

And lastly, I want to say to sistas out there who refuse to date out, mate out, and expand your horizons. Don't get angry because other bw are branching out, and getting the love you desperately want. If you refuse to work in your own best interests, and look for a good loving mate, regardless of color, then you are pretty much getting what you deserve....

69 comments:

Anonymous said...

It makes sense that single, lonely, 'nothing but a bm', toxic, black women would be jealous of a black woman who was happily married, especially to a white man.

What the black woman in your scenario needs to do is remove herself from those black women and find women (they can be of ANY race) who are happily married to be friends with. Leave the single, unhappy, 'nothing but a bm', black women ALONE.

Aphrodite said...

I think it is good as a general rule not to tell anyone any of your business good or bad - as people can be crappy and dysfunctional. Unless you have super vetted them and you know that you know that you know they are on the up and up.

I am not married, but I no longer share anything about myself and have started telling people to jump off the closest bridge or I outright lie when they are being invasive and have no problem telling multiple lies when someone is being invasive/inappropriate.


This sounds like an awful situation. I think that those BW were more about destroying C's happiness more so than they were about actually being with her man. They were not infatuated with this guy- they were trying to use him to destroy her. Then they would have been able to brag- "see this situation [with a WM] in the end, was no better than ours [with BM]." It was there way of trying to take her low and bring her down to their level of misery.


I have heard of this being done within intra-racial relationships by both men and women. It is like a game. When a a friend/aquaintance/colleague/classmate/cohort etc finds out that you are in a relationship and they think that the other person is a good person or they hear you talking about how good this person is to you and they conclude that this person is too good for you to have or better than you deserve - the goal is to take you down a peg or two and put you in your place by "testing" that person to see if they can destroy your relationship or marriage.



Trying to seduce the other partner is a method, setting you or the other partner up for a variety of misfortune is another method, gossip, rumors, backbiting and injecting malice into other important relationships that can cause misfortune are other methods.


If I were C I would have caught a case by now. :)

Traci said...

I was friends with a toxic BW and I had to cut her loose. She swore she wanted to date interracially but everytime we went out she would give the WM that wanted to approach dirty looks.

She later confessed that she was really pro-black a long time ago and wouldn't/couldn't even THINK about letting a WM touch her. I wonder what changed her mind?

I don't think she was truly honest with herself about her dating situation. She would keep asking me why BM couldn't get their act together. I would just say to her that I could care less about why a BM can't get his own act together...I'm not his momma. I'm looking out for me!

She would look suprised when I would say that but I told her BM been thinking in that "me only" mindset for YEARS...and if she wanted to waste her time wondering and asking WHY WHY WHY, then feel free...but don't get upset at me for not doing the same.

Eventually we parted ways because her low self esteem got the best at her and she tried to act out on me and I had enough...had to cut her loose.

Listen it's important to vet EVERYONE that comes into your life. I would have missed out on great friends and experiences if I would have held on to that "friendship"...

Alot of these BW are so miserable, they don't want to see you prospering. She lived in the BC and I kept asking why didn't she move...she had no viable excuse. But then was upset with me because I lived in a racially diverse neighborhood. Please.

At some point you have to let people be and live your life.

Taylor-Sara said...

Exactly Traci, sounds like she wanted you to be as miserable as her. You know misery really does love Co. That saying is true, I've seen it many times. Glad you had the sense to move on without her....

Traci said...

@Sara
The "friendship" was really testing my limits. She would constantly get into these arguments with me about the BC and why do people think it's "so bad". I was like um, cuz where you leave, it is...please don't act like it isn't. Or when we would go out and she would see a BM/WW couple she would get offended, mad and upset - to the point where she would stare them down and we would have to leave the area. Later I would ask her, did you want him or did you have him? Her reply would always be "No but still...I just can't stand seeing that." I should have asked her how can she think an interracial relationship is going to work for her if she can't support other interracial relationships? She was just so weird. I never met another woman so weird or off like in my life.

Just a warning, alot of these women will pretend to like everything you do, have the same interests (like she did) just to be near you and watch you.

Again, just vet everyone that comes into your life. Guard your life like your money...you wouldn't let someone take your money right? Especially in these times...so do the same with whomever enters your life.

Alot of people don't have alot going on for themselves and if they see someone that has it together or at least trying to get it together they are going to try to tear you down, because of the self imposed jail they built and not trying to get out of.

I'm going to leave on a positive note: I'm just so glad I found blogs like yours, Evia, CW and the host of other ones...keep up the great work!

sky said...

I haven't had that done too me, but I've seen it happen. It doesn't matter the race of the man. If they see that your happy and got everything good w/ your man, they try to be involved in it.

Mimi-Louise-Love said...

Its sad but true: nowadays you have to be careful when you talk about your business with people especially women. Its sad that she cant openly talk about her happiness without stubborn bw shooting her down. sounds like
they need to do some soul searching
themselves.

I hope all is well.

Lavette said...

Sara, lady you are on point with these essays and I am loving them all.

You know my Mom taught my brother, sisters and I early on in life to keep your business to yourself and don't let everybody run in and out of your house. She would always say "Don't give the devil a stick to crack you over the head with."

I see this same stuff among church women especially and I can imagine those who are un-churched must be the same way so no difference really, its really sad that as black women we get it from uncaring black men and now we begrudge another sister's happiness with wm or other race male.

To me this is a SIN AND A SHAME personally I wouldn't join groups like this and I'm single its just too much negativity for me and I don't want this into my personal space I've got so much going for me to allow other joy robbers to take my peace as if they could.

@Traci
I can relate to letting toxic friends go years ago when I clubbed with this one female she and I got into a real stupid fight over a wm showing me attention than her he wanted to talk to her but she wouldn't respond so when he saw that I did he asked me to dance and the moment we stepped on the dance floor she was dancing with some black guy she was staring daggers at us the next day she called me to pick a stupid fight over nothing and that's when her jealousy was revealed. So I cut her off haven't been hanging with since I understand though she is a babymama not a wife.

zoopath said...

General rule, if you make friends with someone who then seems more interested in being "friends" with your husband then you have to kick that heifer to the curb immediately. I have a zero tolerance for home wreckers.

sistrunkqueen said...

This is so sad but so true
Also let us not forget the church mothers in black churches who give bad marital advise. They gave my married, abused friend bad advise. They were in shitty marriages and when she confessed at bible study that her husband was beating her they told her to pray and lean on the Lord!! Anyway the pastor notice she was not happy lately and she confessed to him that she was being abused. He immediately called her parents. He made sure she got some professional help. Now why didn;t these Church mothers do the same??

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow Sistrunkqueen, I can't believe they told her to pray instead of run! That's crazy....

Aphrodite said...

"when she confessed at bible study that her husband was beating her they told her to pray and lean on the Lord!!"



This should not be this way, but it is. That is why I say people have to be careful what they share whether good or bad.

When things are bad they may tell you horrible advice to maintain the status quo, make it worse, or they may have intentions on keeping you vulnerable to exploit you themselves.

When things are good they may want to do similar.


Those elders were wrong. They may have genuinely believed that that was the best way (which was still harmful to her) or they could have been of the mind that even though this is wrong - it was good enough for me and thus good enough for her.

Plus you know the suffering indoctrination that goes on in some Black churches - especially with regards to women and bearing burdens and enduring.

Sandz said...

Amen!!!
I have known about the 'so-called-sisterhood'
But while I haven't been in it for years, I received the b**ch end of thhings because of the things I like and don't like.

"They aren't what black people like and do"

Even at work, I am in a group that now has four (4) black women to include myself.
Some of the guys tease me saying they notic I am eft out when they go to their lunches and places.

I said 'yes I don't sit there and tell all my business to them and oooo chile this and oooo chile that'

Matter of fact I went to HR about a file my supervisor - who is VERY weak - keeps in a public folder.

Wanted my address, phone number, email and more.

I only gave my po box, cell phone, and email. I knew they would be the type to try to google my house, possibly make the impromptu visits and more. I wouldn't let them in, so the matriarch decided to be very mean to me.

I still go in with a smile everyday, mind my business, and come on home. I have a small handful of people in whom confide.

This battle is so sad.
I'm glad Larry put an end to the visits.

GoldenAh said...

Unfortunately, sometimes it is other [black] women that keep their girlfriends single. The crude phrase, c**kblocking, describes what men do to each other over women.

Larry sounds like a real mensch.

Anonymous said...

Not to get off subject...

I am starting a new job at a local casino and today was my 2nd day at orientation.

Yesterday, the bm HR guy for some odd reason seemed to have changed his attitude towards me. He wasn't as friendly. There was an Asian man he had grown found of since they had been correspondening via the telephone and the bm HR guy praised the ground this guy worked on and there was an asian/white female who he said he chose to "playfully" pick on.

No, big deal. But, for some reason when he used my name as an example he chose to say something in reference to,"Oh,(insert my name) maybe defensive...blah, blah". Now, when he used the two asians as an negative example he also said positive things about them and everyone laughed.
Then he used one of the wm in the class as an negative example; but, he did not follow-up with a positive example.
I thought to myself maybe I am making too much of his behavior maybe it is me. But, at first I felt good going to the classroom. Then I began to feel a negative vibe coming from him. By the end of class I began to feel like crap.
There were 9 people in orientation: 1 ww who was with her wm(finance), 1 a/ww, 1 bw(me), 1 am and the rest were wm.

So, I tried to ignore the vibes.

Later, we toured the ship and we ran into the casino's General Manager and some other exectives. The GM appeared to be easy to talk to and approachable.
The GM shook everyones hands and I had told him that we had met before(in Human Resources). He began to think about it. Then suddenly the bm HR guy said something similiar to, "Oh, if you want an employee than the am(his favorite) is the guy for you and then he began to praise the ground the am walked on. So, when the bm was through with his worship service to the am.
The GM once again shook everyone's hands and when he came to me he shook my hand and with his free hand patted the top of my hand and he said, "Oh, it will be Ok" and I thanked him and turned to the bm HR guy who was not looking to happy. Then we all continued with our tour.
LOL...that bm HR guy made himself look like a fool in front of the casino's top guy. And, lol I was at home when I realized that the bm was trying to diss me; but, the GM who was standing across from me caught on to the fact the bm was trying to up stage me or maybe make me appear to be less than.
I really do not know what that was all about. I am in my 40's and the bm is 35. Maybe he thinks I am too old or too fat. All of the females that he hugged were in their 20's and thin. Who knows.

Anyways, I will not see him too much since I will work the swing shift.

Ann

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

I like this post, and I have noticed this same behavior with "nothing but a bm' bw. Even with me being single and expressing my desire to only date wm I get the who do she think she is look and tude too, but I don't even care I will continue to stay true to myself. I'm coming to a point where when I meet other bw, who act as if they want to be friends I feel the need, at some point, to put them to the test via instigating a conversation about dating and expressing how I prefer only wm to observe their reaction. If it's toward the negative I keep them at a distance. It's hurtful for me to have to be like this, because I feel sista's should stick together also. Added with that I prefer to only hang with sista's for the most part, but it's becoming depressing. I'm always so excited when I meet other bw offline who date out, it's like a breath of fresh air. As it stands now out of all the bf friends + associates I have only one prefer to only date wm like me
:) and another doesn't really have a specific preference. As for the rest (deep breath) it's the nothing but a brother attitude, and everything that goes along with it. I'm tired!

Sara that last paragraph is so on point. If they want to continue to play the game with the majority of bm using and abusing them emotionally and physically, don't hate the rest of us that choose to not play the vicious game.

Taylor-Sara said...

whatever troll, (you know who you are) why don't you slither back where you came from....

tasha212 said...

I think this was a classic case of misery loves company. First of all, women must learn to keep their personal business to themselves. Especially when you first meet people. The best thing to do is sit back and watch and listen. Speak enough to seem friendly but only in general terms. Also, learn to distinguish between friendly get-to-know you questions and trying to get in your business- so I can come back and mess you over questions.

Just my thoughts,

Tasha

Taylor-Sara said...

Yes, sophistocated,
and some of them are so very vicious, jealous, pathetic and angry. Like the troll who keeps trying to post here (UNDER ANON-MIND YOU!) She sounds like she needs a good psychiatrist. But sa lavee-I'll just keep deleting her pathetic behind until she gets tired. It must be hard to have no accomplishments to fall back on, and to be so pathetic, all you can do is tear down what someone else is trying to build. Poor sad loser....

Ann. The head guy must have been very perceptive to look at the situation and size it up so quickly. It's so funny how that guy made himself look so stupid, trying to be so smart! I was laughing just imagining his face. Why do you think he suddenly started to get so cold?

Lorraine said...

Ann,

Good for you handling the business. Just be yourself and effortlessly, you will outshine the fool who felt it was his duty to degrade you. I know a lady who was temping at a company where the boss was a bm. His assistants were two not one but two hateful wws. They conspired to get her out of there (thus ruining her chances to get hired permenantly) and he went right along with them like a monkey doing what the trainer told him. I can imagine him hugging on the Beckys. He is probably upset that you know his game and can't put anything over on you.

These are the kinds of brothers who end up being paying to some ww big time (house, alimony, child support, emotional distress etc.,) and they know how to get their money once they have no more use for the bm. (Just ask a pro bm football, basketball or baseball player). He will get his, just do your thing and let him fail on his own merit. The big boss is watching.

Aphrodite said...

Ann,

I am so sorry to hear about that. He sounds like such a loser. I think the GM sounds like he may have ally potential. I wish I have a sound strategy to lay out before you, but he seems smart and he remembers you.
Just saying.

SMH said...

Excellent post Sara.

Ann - clearly the BM was unsettled and threatened by you. Based on your posts here you appear to be a calm, capable, competent woman. That is a threat to an insecure BM - especially since unlike the others in the group you are not impressed by him. Quiet confidence draws attention.

In this age of oversharing via facebook and twitter, you tube and girls gone wild - people are often less than judicious in sharing personal information and details of their lives. Many times it is to gain approval and feel 'loved and accepted' because their own approval is not enough and/or they are insecure or have low self esteem.

As for sharing details of your private live or your personal business - ask yourself why are you sharing the information? Are you trying to fit in? gain approval? Impress someone? Who is asking? Is there a legitimate reason for them asking or a justification and/or a need to know the information they are asking. A person who keeps their own counsel is rare and that makes some people insecure - but that is their problem to solve.

Information is power - the person may be your friend today but may be your enemy or even just a rival with interests different from or counter to your best interests tomorrow and that information shared could come back to hurt you. People cannot use what they do not know against you. Men understand this and as such selectively reveal information - women could learn from that.

As the old folks used to say - a fish would stay out of trouble i.e. the frying pan if he kept his mouth shut :)

V/r

Clarice

cool_splash1 said...

Lavette said
To me this is a SIN AND A SHAME personally I wouldn't join groups like this and I'm single its just too much negativity for me and I don't want this into my personal space I've got so much going for me to allow other joy robbers to take my peace as if they could.

GoldenAh said
Unfortunately, sometimes it is other [black] women that keep their girlfriends single.

That's because many of these groups are pity parties. They seem inviting to be able to tell how you had the same experiences, but are now happy, but are not they will be hostile towards you. Hell just telling other black be my age that I didn't have children because I wanted to finish school first. They got mad because they did. I mean seriously acted like they didn't want to talk no much as look at me. The only ones who told me that was a good plan were the older ones who were either married with kids or the older women who were single with kids.

Anonymous said...

@ Sara...Why the HR guy went cold?

Hmmm, maybe he thought that I was not young enough for his taste, or maybe not thin enough, I am 40ish and he is 35, or maybe he thought that I was not approachable. I do smile; however, I do not have a big toothy smile. The aw had a big toothy smile and why not her teeth were larger than mine. Another ex. of a person who has a toothy smile is Julia Roberts.
Before the training session my contact it the HR guy was limited; however, he appeared friendly towards me and based on that I like the guy.
Actually, I was just happy knowing that the interviewing and qualifying part was over. The State police wants to know your entire life history going back at least ten years. Ex. original bankruptcy discharge papers, divorce papers, etc.
Therefore, I was relieved, satisfied and relaxed going into the training session.

ann

Anonymous said...

Thanks Sara for the good comments.

@ Lorraine, You are so correct about letting the HR guy fail on his own merit.

Truthfully, I was not trying to outshine anyone when I told the GM that we had met previously.
He appears to be a people person. I thought that was nice of him to bring both the State police examiner and myself a couple of bottled waters. His kindness was remembered. Glancing at the HR guy he was not smiling. IMO, he made himself appear unprofessional.

I must admit that I was sadden by the difference I saw between the am and the bm. The Asian man(late 30s maybe) immediately took to the two other Asians in the room and the bm HR guy seemed to be indifferent. Interestingly, the HR guy didn't show as much favoritism toward the wm and the one ww. However, the younger am(20ish) was very friendly towards me. He had told me that I do not say much; but, I smile alot. LOL...later I thought maybe the younger AM was surprised that I wasn't the sterotypical bw we all know and love.

@ Aphrodite, Thank you for your kind comments.

LOL...ally potential?
Now, wouldn't that be GREAT!
For those who do not know the General Manager runs the entire casino.
Still, that was so very nice of him to take the time to make me feel better and he is an attractive looking guy(40ish).

ann

energize said...

Sara, here is a great blog for those of us dealing with employer related issues.

http://theblackfactor.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

@ SMH, Excellent.

I think your first paragraph surmise the HR guy perfectly. Earlier I had said the younger AM told me that I did not say much; but, I did smile. So, maybe the HR guy was trying to figure me out.

Ann

Aphrodite said...

"Hmmm, maybe he thought that I was not young enough for his taste, or maybe not thin enough, I am 40ish and he is 35, or maybe he thought that I was not approachable. I do smile; however, I do not have a big toothy smile."


But Ann, this is a job- not speed dating. :) If the BM was looking at you like that I think that is wrong/inappropriate. And sometimes people take this approachable thing too far. I have noticed that approachable on some jobs translates to highly unprofessional.


I know there are studies about lookism and jobs, but do you think the BM really matters? I know you are concerned and like Clarice said he is clearly threatened by you. I am sure that he knows you could probably be his boss already. :)



The GM touched your hand when he shook it- that is a warm gesture IMO- and he made a supportive comment to you. So you were noticed in a positive way by someone who really matters.

Traci said...

@ Sophisticatedblkwoman
I know that you prefer to only hang with sisters, but have you tired hanging with different women of color? I have and I tell you alot of what we as BW go through, they have experienced some of the same. Currently I hang with Latinas, Pakistans and Asians. (Now the key is, these women KNOW they are women of color...sometimes these women think they are white...so you have to make sure that the women you choose to hang with has a good grasp on their nationality and embrace it...not those wanting to be something they could never be, i.e. blue eyes, blond eyes)

Anyway I think if you maybe seek those women out you may have a better time with expressing your preferences. I have to say that all the women of color I know...every last one of them is married or has dated outside of their race. It's not a big issue to them at all. That may help you out some. Just my 2 cents.

Lavette said...

cool_splash1 said...
That's because many of these groups are pity parties. They seem inviting to be able to tell how you had the same experiences, but are now happy, but are not they will be hostile towards you. Hell just telling other black be my age that I didn't have children because I wanted to finish school first. They got mad because they did. I mean seriously acted like they didn't want to talk no much as look at me. The only ones who told me that was a good plan were the older ones who were either married with kids or the older women who were single with kids.

April 23, 2009 10:57 AM

This is so true I don't have any kids either because I wanted to finish school and persue other opportunities so when I mentioned this to the sisters I used to hang or the ones that have not seen me since high school they would ask me what's wrong with me?

I would look at them in bemusement, so something is wrong with me because I don't have kids out of wedlock?......LOL! Unbelievable sometimes I tell ya then when I'd tell them that I want to be married first before having any children they gave me the hardest looks as if I stole something....again LOL!

Anonymous said...

@ Aphrodite, Thank you for the comments. However,I was answering Sara's question in reference to the HR guy being cold. I realize the GM was only being nice.

Honestly, I could careless what the HR guy thinks.
LOL...I realize his ego is bigger than his bank account.

I got to the point that I looked passed him when he was speaking.



a.
a.

Anonymous said...

@ Traci - 1:06 p.m. That was good advice given to Sophisticatedblkwoman.

a.

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Hey Traci,

Thanks for the input. I have tried to hang out with other "colored women" I guess I'll say. But, the ones I have hung around I ended the friendships due to jealousy, falseness and condescending behavior. One example was with a Latina girl one time I hung out with, liked me and I liked her, thought it was ok to talk about how she doesn't see what bm see in big butts and how it looks so disgusting. Now this wasn't really the deal breaker, we all have our likes and dislikes, it was the constant trying to compete with me. With the Asian females I noticed the same type of behavior always trying to compete and condescending type of behavior. I prefer complete friendships and not compete friendships. Don't get me wrong though it's a big world and my experiences do not mean everyone is the same. I still have a lot of living to do. There is a Mexican female at my University, who I invited into my study group( every semester I scope out my class and form study groups) and she is a cool female, we have a class next semester together and plan to study together. However, I'm very cautious with the Latina (non afro) and Asian females, due to my experiences and observations with them. I've never hung out with Indian females so I can't comment on them, but the ones around the campus I conversed with seem cool and I've always loved Indian females cocoa to dark cocoa skin tones. I have no problem with them, I'm not feeling the ones that spit when they talk though. Overall I love my sista's and wish more would open up to more things. I really don't mind hanging out with other types of females, I just know I will always have more bw friends. It's just something about hanging around the sistas, especially the open ones.

Lena said...

I find it to be sad how Those women were trying to destroy that other woman's happiness. That is why I agree with the other ladies here to choose your friends and associates carefully.

Lena said...

Black Men are on a pedestal thanks to these type of black women you are talking about. I believe the pedestal is the reason black men are basically excused for their terrible behavior towards black women. That pedestal upon which black men perch must be demolished pronto!

I agree that black women shouldn't be to available to men and to vet them carefully.

TC said...

Women in general aren't as happy as we could be because we worry more about hurting someone's feelings than we do our safety and happiness, i.e., getting on elevators with men who freak us out. (I take the stairs.) But BW have been trained to put up with more crap than others. The thing that got me about this story is that she no longer liked these people BUT SHE LET THEM IN ANYWAY! And she continued attending their meetings. WTH? Stop being "nice" and start being smart. Don't spend your valuable time on invaluable people. Change your number. Change your e-mail. If they find a way to call don't answer. If they stop by and your car is in the garage, be "not at home." If your car is visible, tell them through the door you were just about to leave/take a nap/sprout wings and fly and you can't talk with them. As a person who has changed her number, the first few days it's a pain, and you do miss good calls, but after week 2 it's so blissful you'll wish you'd done it sooner.

Pamela said...

In general I leave people alone that do not have the same mindset and attitude about living life the best you can. People that are extremely needy but refuse to change their behavior cannot be helped. More than likely they will try and destroy anyone whose lives are a rebuke to their current condition.

You best believe I have kept quiet about my relationship except for three long time friends, two of them that live out of state. All three are genuinely happy for me. One has been married for almost 20 years to a wonderful bm. She told me that she would definitely fly in if we decide to marry. It looks like one of them may be beginning a relationship with a wm herself for the first time. Since it has been quite a while since I dated the last thing I need is to have dream killers around. They have not been in my view for decades.

cool_splash1 said...

This is so true I don't have any kids either because I wanted to finish school and persue other opportunities so when I mentioned this to the sisters I used to hang or the ones that have not seen me since high school they would ask me what's wrong with me?

I would look at them in bemusement, so something is wrong with me because I don't have kids out of wedlock?......LOL! Unbelievable sometimes I tell ya then when I'd tell them that I want to be married first before having any children they gave me the hardest looks as if I stole something....again LOL!


What gets me is when these women tell their daughters that they are raising them to do better than them. Not to have kids before you finish school etc. That has always confused me.

cool_splash1 said...

http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/gwinnett/stories/2008/10/07/thomas_weeks.html?imw=Y

Okay I know I know. First why the hell any woman would want to marry this man after what he did to his wife. Reading the commments were a trip though. Women telling him to wait, fast etc. The thing is they don't realize that he's not going to find love the way he has told them to do. These women are not getting that.

And another thing there is no way I can be that desperate to try to marry an abusive man when I have a child. Why the hell would you want to marry a man like that and bring your child into that type of family knowingly?

Anonymous said...

Yes, I agree with what many of you have already stated: black women need to watch their backs and be careful who they let into their lives. And not just with other black women! One thing that's ALWAYS irritated me about black females is how they can sometimes be so, how do I say this?..."overly eager" to befriend non-black women, especially white women. So much so that they don't notice how these women condescend them, subtly belittle them, and just generally look down on them. For example, from personal experience I've noticed that some white women just want you to play "Christie" while they're "Barbie." You know?--they just want you to be their compulsary black friend, their perinnial sidekick so they'll always have someone to look at and say "Well, at least I'm better than she is," when they're feeling down. At least that's what I've noticed...I really think some black women bow down to white women just as much as DBR bm. Maybe they do it because, again, so many black men do it, so they just take their cues from these bm (sad). Or maybe, some just want to be white (even sadder). Whatever the reason, I think the solution is simply this: women, especially black women must learn to think for themselves. We gotta learn to do our own thing, ladies. Even if we must do it by ourselves...

By the way, sorry to post anon., but I haven't thought of a cool enough user name yet:/...:)

cool_splash1 said...

?..."overly eager" to befriend non-black women, especially white women.

I have friends from all cultures, races so that I don't get that one, because the bw I have been around aren't that eager to be friend non bw. Some are downright disrespectful when said women talk to them. Not all, but some.

Or maybe, some just want to be white (even sadder). Whatever the reason, I think the solution is simply this: women, especially black women must learn to think for themselves. We gotta learn to do our own thing, ladies. Even if we must do it by ourselves...

I don't know how to take this part. Something about this just rubs me the wrong way for some reason. Because someone hangs out with ww, aw etc. then they want to be that culture?

I do know ww women usually girls who act like this and I know even more bw, girls who act like this. Frankly I think it's a human thing. My thing is I can be too damn nice so I get it from all sides when I should nip it in the bud when it starts. People do to you only what you let them.

I also have to ask if you have that problem with ww then what are you going to do dating, marrying a wm. Seriously we hate it when ww other non-bw who who are dating, marrying bm hate bw knowing full well they are going to get bw in laws and other parts of the family.

I don't think it has anything to do with the race, but the fact that bw as well as this generation want to tell everyone their damn business. Keep your business in your house and off the street. My great grandmother, grandmother, and mother taught me that.

It's human nature for people to be nosy ask questions etc. But that doesn't mean we have to tell anyone and everyone what makes us like we are doing a dating profile.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon - April 24, 2009 8:14 PM

"One thing that's ALWAYS irritated me about black females is how they can sometimes be so, how do I say this?..."overly eager" to befriend non-black women, especially white women. So much so that they don't notice how these women condescend them, subtly belittle them, and just generally look down on them."

Are bw also "overly eager" to befriend non-black men, especially white men?

Anonymous said...

@coolsplash:
As stated in my original post, I was speaking from the experiences I have had as a young (age 21) black women in this day and age. I cannot; therein, account for any variances from this and the experiences of other, perhaps older black women. My comment was based on said expeiences and I stand by them. The facts of the matter, as I have known them, are that many young black women, my peers, will jump at the oppurtunity to cozy up to non-black women for whatever reason and end up playing the sidekick. Just because I feel that many black women are too hasty to make nice with Becky doesn't mean I hate ALL white women. Honestly!In fact, most of my friends have been white or half white females or hispanic females. The problem lies in the fact many black women are starved for attention and companionship. So they 1) play nice to bm's Beckys perhaps in the vain hope of drawing the attention back to herself or 2)try to make herself feel more white, more loved and desired by simple association with ww. This is what I've seen this is what I believe. Going back to something I said earlier, bw are straved for attention and companionship and are; thus, vulnerable to DBR bm, DBR/NBABM/"mammy" bw, and Barbies looking for a chew toy. My thoughts on ways for bw to remedy our situation are simply this:"We gotta learn to do our own thing, ladies. Even if we must do it by ourselves..." I hope that cleared some things up. :)

@ the other anon.:

No, I wouldn't say that black women are overly eager to befriend non-black men. In fact, I would say that they are not eager enough, as, many bw wouldn't even consider a non-black man for romantic purposes.

Miss Pinky said...

Careful y'all...that "Anon" @ April 26, 2009 6:09 (and previous Anon comments left by this person) have TROLL written all over it.

Read between the lines and you will find the ill-will directed at bw.

Anonymous said...

@Miss Pinky:

I'm no d@mn troll! And once again, I stand by my previous statements. Ugh! I thought this was a place where black women could come and express their opinions openly. Guess I was wrong...:/

Anonymous said...

And another thing, just what am I sayin' that's so trollish?--that bw are used and abused by all different kinds of people?--that, because of that they should be careful?--or that the only way to ultimately stop this abuse & misuse is break the mold, vet, and always do what in one's best interest, even if it means that you've got no "gal pals" and "girlfriends" to do whatever that thing is with? Maybe that sounds harsh, but doesn't it beat the alternative of surrounding yourself with people who make you feel like crap? I mean, I think I make sense: if you can't find some people to support you and your decisions, then, you know what, be your own support system. What's so wrong with saying this?--I'm young help me out...d@mn!

Traci said...

@Anon
Stop trying to pull the "I'm young" card.

Yep like Miss Pinky said you are a troll.

Traci said...

From Anon April 26th "In fact, most of my friends have been white or half white females or hispanic females."

This is always said after an offensive comment is made. Usually when someone makes a racist remark: "Some of my best friends are black"...whatever.

@ Anon: So if most of your friends have been white, half white or hispanic does that make YOU overly eager to befriend them? Are you speaking about yourself in your comments? Are you the sidekick? Starved for attention? Do YOU want to be white? You sound terribly confused.

Anonymous said...

@Traci:

" So if most of your friends have been white, half white or hispanic does that make YOU overly eager to befriend them? Are you speaking about yourself in your comments? Are you the sidekick? Starved for attention? Do YOU want to be white? You sound terribly confused."
No, because I have sense and watch my back. Futhermore, I'm done trying to defend myself against those of you who scream troll because I don't agree with you! I'll have you know that I've been reading Sara's blog for months now, agreeing with EVERYTHING she has to say and I finally get the courage to join and post my opinions and this happens?!?!! Honestely, how the hell can any of you tell me I'm a troll JUST because I say something YOU don't like. NOne of you have any idea how much I love black women and want a better childhood for the millions of little black children world wide. Ugh! You people have made me so sick!

@Sara: Is this the kind of blog you like to run, where anyone with a descenting or different opinon is automatically slammed as a troll? I hope not because that might mean I have to stop visiting this blog. And I would hate to have to do that because it's my favorite: I even like it more than Evia's. Every week since, like, last November, I've been anxiously
awaiting a new post from you and reading the comments of who I thought were your loyal, levelheaded readers. Have I been horribly mistaken about what all of you stand for? Black women have been silent for too long, and it did my heart so good to see some finally speaking out...what gives? Now, I realize that this blog IS bombarded by lots of trolls and that this is made you all realy sensitive, but really, this...this is just, well, mean.

cool_splash1 said...

Anon just because it's a haven for bw doesn't mean we won't be challenged to think about things. Yes vet people, but don't think because they are white, hispanic asian that, that's why you are being mistreated. I have been mistreated by more bw/girls than other women. Like I said it's a human thing.

But seriously your post doesn't make sense if you are saying that bw need validation by ww (which most bw I know hang with mostly bw) and other groups of women do the same with their own cultures/races and then saying that some want to be white etc. and then go around and say that you have mostly white, half white hispanic friends etc makes me question the credibility of your post

And seriously how many racist white people and other groups have we heard say the I have black, asian etc. friends so I'm not racist. And it rubs the wrong way. I hear black people say this, white, asian. Like I said it's a human thing.

And I'm not going to lie I have posted negative pity party crap on here or Evias in the beginning and let me tell you people questioned the hell out of me and I'm am so thankful they did. I gratefull that Evia got on me about the YT videos (I didn't look for them in the beginning, but then after I discovered them I looked for them to flag, bitch at swp etc.) But that's the point you get so into that even when you really aren't that the next thing you know you are looking for that ish.

If you are legit then you need to seriously look inside of yourself and see if it's you looking for it and as I'm learning the people who are condescending to you, you need to school them in a nice way that you aren't going to take that. Not that I was mean about it I just used to and do somewhat still let people talk to me in a condescending way because I'm a semi quiet person and I'm not confrontational. And get this those condescending people to me have mostly been bw especially in predominately black work or other predom black environments. The vultures sweep in like crazy when they see that you aren't going to act crazy snapping your neck, rolling your eyes, smacking your lips, cussing folx out. But they also forget that people can only take so much and those nice quiet ones are more scary than the loud (Yes I've gone there. There's only so long you can mess with introverted people and get away with it) I've also learned to ignore them. This was major survival in middle school (the crap mostly came again from bg some bb, but since I hung with boys not so much and most later I found out now had a crush on me. Who new, cause seriously I didn't.lol.

Also try this. If you are seeing someone isn't into you or you find out they aren't then next them like you would a nv guy. I frequent a rules forum and one of the things some of the other women talked about as well as the book is that you should practice the rules in your regular life, not just for dating. Sometimes someone just doesn't like you or could be using you even if you are the nicest most gracious person on this entire planet.

Basically don't just give up because someone called you out on your pity party. Seriously Sarah, Evia etc. have done it to me and others numerous of times. I was so pissed I vowed not to read ever again. Know when I started reading their blogs again? The very next day. Because 1 It's just an opinion 2. The truth hurts 3 We are supposed to be challenged. These blogs are talking about something most bw either never thought of, dared to think of, dared to even do.

Like I said before if you are considering marrying a wm,am etc. they have mothers, sisters, aunts etc. and most of these cultures unlike the American bc the men will not go for women disrespecting the women in their lives, culture etc.

cool_splash1 said...

This is a post from a Rules Forum http://wc4.worldcrossing.com/webx?14@@.1deac201/24

What Women Never Hear

((boring childraising one))

*Kids see and do, questions for you*

A lady asked these questions: Why do children seem to copy weaknesses of their parents more assertively than they copy parental strengths? Kids seem to more eagerly adopt the worst, and even magnify it, while ignoring the best qualities of their parents. Why?

First, kids duplicate parents, but they don’t judge good or bad.

Second, negatives quickly trigger reminders; positives are more easily ignored. Maturity in a child is expected but not routinely acknowledged, until some immaturity rises up for comparison.

Third, mothers closely observe their children. Bad or undisciplined behavior magnifies in their eyes. The domestic mixture also vibrates from other pressures, such as:

PARENTS

· A child reflecting a parent’s strengths doesn’t get much attention except when parents brag.

· A child attracts immediate attention when he exhibits a duplicated weakness that one parent holds against the other.

· Adults call it weakness, but children instinctively duplicate without judging the examples they witness.

· Whatever parents do is okay to kids unless they see the other parent disapprove. Seeing such disapproval, kids learn to play one parent against the other.

· Father isn’t as concerned as mother about these things unless some problem commands his attention.

· Weakness passed on to a child often stirs parental finger pointing. It’s not the child. It’s a reminder of the other parent’s shortcoming.

LOW SELF-ESTEEM

· If a child dislikes himself, he doesn’t expect others to like him.

· Parents complain at his duplicating their weaknesses or worse. Negative feedback wounds the child, but he gets what he expects and continues as before.

· Positive feedback often comes across as insincere. It doesn’t match the child’s opinion of Self.

HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

· If a child likes himself, he’s more eager to please parents.

· Positive feedback confirms his high value of Self.

· He copies what he admires, and also what his role models admire.

· This doesn’t mean he won’t also duplicate weaknesses, because that’s part of copying someone he admires.

Further clarification lies with how kids choose and assimilate values in the self-development side of their life. But that’s for another article


Anyways there was a post before where the woman posting this said that her cousin married basically the bad boy type and had 5 daughters with him they divorced and now the girls are headed in the same direction. The oldest is living with a guy and "helping" him pay the rent etc.

JaliliMaster said...

To the anonymous poster....after your first post, I really didn't think you were even a Black woman, and after your second post, I thought......tRoll!

Now, I just think you are confused. We are the same age, so I'm not going to take the "I'm young" line as a remotely feasible excuse!

And frankly, I'm not sure I even get what point it is that you're trying to make. Maybe you just didn't express yourself correctly, but with what you wrote, your opinions are coming across as ratheroff-base!

Anonymous said...

Since I do not have a significant other I do not have that issue.

However, I have talked with other bw about irr and some are open and one friend in particular I believe pretends to be open and I told her one day that I do not think I will talk to her about the subject of irr anymore. She pretends to be open minded. Therefore, when I find someone who is not into irr or at least open minded about talking about the subject I do not breach subject.

a.

Anonymous said...

I think that the women you described (the jealous ones) could be women of any race. Jealousy and envy are two of the most horrible emotions that cause people to do all kinds of crazy things because of them. Sadly, these women saw a MAN who took care of a WOMAN. Most women of any race don't have good men like that, so even if all these women were White, I feel the scenario could have ended the same. I have many Black female friends in interracial marriages (my fiance is Black), and they have told me about the things White women say and do. And I've dated interracially myself, so I know the stares, the "how did you all meet?" the "what do you do for a living?" type questions that come from White and non-Black women. Likewise, the same Black women who will "laugh" and "hate" on Black women who are happily in relationships with men who aren't Black, are often the same ones in miserable relationships with Black men, or are single. Happy people are too busy being happy to be jealous and envious of others. And envy knows no color :)

cool_splash1 said...

Wow this is just messed up
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30495873&GT1=43001

Taylor-Sara said...

Whatever, Mr L. if your blog is growing so much, heres a thought. Place the comments you just made THERE! doesn't that make more sense than bothering ppl who are not bothering you?

ActsofFaithBlog said...

There was some definite class envy going on as well with these women. Also a lack of discretion and vetting. Just because you are in a social group doesn't make you friends with the participants. A little more wisdom was necessary here. The race loyalty assumption needs to be tossed out the window. People have to prove their value and whether they're trustworthy first. That's not something to be assumed.

QT19 said...

Check out this site for 411 on IR marriages:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage#Census_Bureau_statistics

Anonymous said...

To promote interracial marriages for bw is to promote the destruction of the black race and black culture. You talk of "we black people" must look out for ourselves. As been said previously black people = black men + black women. One of the vital ways in which black people are to survive and flourish is for black men and black women to inter-marry. That's how any culture/people survive. I understand the bw's plight in that statistically bm marry out more. Plus all the other social ills that exist in the AA community, makes things more difficult. But doing what you're doing does not help black people one bit.

Lynn said...

Look at the blog, Anon we trying to help BLACK WOMEN. We aren't trying to help save the black community because that's a community that doesn't have our best interests at heart. You need to tell those brothers who been dating and mating out A LONG TIME BEFORE WE STARTED about "doing what we're doing doesn't help black peopel one bit." Please.

I'ma stand back now and let these others tear your little post to shreds...hee hee hee....(getting my popcorn and about to grab a FRONT seat)

Anonymous said...

Lynn,

Well, how do you help black women? By helping black men. The black man's predicament is what causing the black women's problems and the reason for a blog like this. Do you get it? Do you see the connection between black men and black women?

Lavette said...

To promote interracial marriages for bw is to promote the destruction of the black race and black culture. You talk of "we black people" must look out for ourselves. As been said previously black people = black men + black women. One of the vital ways in which black people are to survive and flourish is for black men and black women to inter-marry. That's how any culture/people survive. I understand the bw's plight in that statistically bm marry out more. Plus all the other social ills that exist in the AA community, makes things more difficult. But doing what you're doing does not help black people one bit.

May 13, 2009 12:32 PM

____________________________________
To Anon 12:32pm

Oh and you think black women pining for losers will help make it all better huh? Surely you jest with this rather dumb logic you're just trying to keep black women in the box.

Face it anon black women have lost that so called loving feeling for saving the black community, because the black community lost that same feeling for us many moons ago only thing is nobody bothered to send us the memo on it.

At this point now all bets are off!

Anonymous said...

Black men can only win if black women are supporting them. Almost the same as the Hispanic helping Sara's brother and in other ways.

I'm a black man and I'll never lose that loving feeling for black women, no matter what they write on blogs, cause I understand the bw's plight. Marry out if you want, just understand the consequences of it. Just then don't talk about "the black community" or "black people" anymore. Lastly, do you really think that however many million black women there are, are ALL gonna find white or other men? C'mon now. Unless white or other men suddenly decide to abandon their women. Check the stats, most men stick to their own. Black men included.

Anon 12.32pm
(that's me at 7:42pm too)

Lynn said...

"Lynn,

Well, how do you help black women? By helping black men. The black man's predicament is what causing the black women's problems and the reason for a blog like this. Do you get it? Do you see the connection between black men and black women?"
________________________________
@Anon
I could CARE LESS about a black man's predicament, okay? By helping these so called "men" out all BW are getting in return is used and abused. ENOUGH! Now if YOU want to help them out, by all means go ahead...there are PLENTY of them for you to help...but as for me...I'm not doing it NO MORE.

Make no mistake, Anon, I'm not telling you to stop helping BM out. Hey, if it's working for you, BY ALL MEANS continue. But for the other women here who are TIRED of the abuse, TIRED of being used...that have had ENOUGH...this blog provides us to think of other options that we didn't think we had.

So Anon you keep on focusing on helping the brothas out, working with the BC, bringing "the brothas" back up to where they need to be...I hope it works for you. You keep on keeping on girlfriend...

But that game was ran on me (and many other BW) for TOO DAMN LONG...sorry, ain't playing it no more.

@Lavette
"At this point now all bets are off!"

INDEED!!!

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, you may truly believe what you say, but you are woefully wrong! First of all, there are over a million wm married to Asian women! Does it sound to you like wm are still sticking to their own? Second, when is the last time on tv when you saw a rich, famous, or even well off bm With a BLACK WOMAN??? Every time I turn on the television all I see is bm chasing any and every thing that is NOT black! Yall have made your choice plain as day, and a blind man can see it! Now you may be hoping bw keep on believing the bs, instead of our lying eyes, but I'm sorry -it's all too late for that. Bw have GOT to wake up, or they will live and DIE ALONE!!! Bm have made their feeling/preferences abundantly clear, and no sista can afford to remain in la la land. Now you sound like a nice guy Anon, but hon reciprocity is the name of the game! And bm have NOT given it! They have consistently used bw for bed mates, food, shelter, money, connections etc. The gravy train is over, and it's time to move on! And for the record ALL men have the same body parts! What that means is that what one man can do for you, Ladies-so can another! HE DOES NOT NEED TO BE BLACK! HE ONLY NEEDS TO BE A GOOD MAN+ whatever characteristics you're looking for...But Anon. back to you, what confuses me is when I hear bm like you claim bw should not look eleswhere for men, when was the last time you told your brothers that? You don't do you? Yall have absolutely no problem with the bm trying to genetically expire blackness with as many ww as he can get, but then come here and tell us, we should stick with bm!!! Please! -when you tell them the same, perhaps we'll have something to talk about....

Lynn said...

"Lastly, do you really think that however many million black women there are, are ALL gonna find white or other men?"
_____________________________

Anon, it's not if all BW are gonna find white or other men it's the fact that BW need to be open to dating and marrying QUALITY men of ALL COLORS. Now look, there are not alot of BM that are of quality. Those are the facts. And the ones that are are chasing after white or non black women. Some BW might want to put their heads in the sand or plug their ears but the facts still remain that BW need to move on and start excercising their options of dating/marrying quality men of all races.

And Anon again that game you trying to run is SO OLD and TIRED. Not buying it okay? Keep it moving.

Lavette said...

Black men can only win if black women are supporting them. Almost the same as the Hispanic helping Sara's brother and in other ways.

I'm a black man and I'll never lose that loving feeling for black women, no matter what they write on blogs, cause I understand the bw's plight. Marry out if you want, just understand the consequences of it. Just then don't talk about "the black community" or "black people" anymore. Lastly, do you really think that however many million black women there are, are ALL gonna find white or other men? C'mon now. Unless white or other men suddenly decide to abandon their women. Check the stats, most men stick to their own. Black men included.

Anon 12.32pm
(that's me at 7:42pm too)

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


@ Anon May 15, 2009 6:18 PM
Oh here we go again with bm always needing so much assistance from bw. Is the day ever going to come when bm will learn to stand up and be real men and learn to take care of themselves without so much help from women? I've never in my life seen a group of men that couldn't do a thing without always asking for so much help from bw. Like the others have said that's over now and you all can't give back to us then whatever plight you guys get yourself into that's on yall!

When bm started dating white women and bw objected to it how many times have we heard from your fellow bm tell us to get over it? Well we have and we don't care anymore i wish i had 5.00 for each time I've heard a brother claim to love black women yet his actions didn't match his words (so typical). You all love us cause we're dating out and therefore many of you are afraid of it yet when many sisters wanted to be with black men you all didn't love us to much now did ya? Brotherman you can't have it both ways.

Here is something i'd like to see black men do call out the bad bm for their treatment towards sisters but you all won't do this instead you'd rather harass black women for exercising their options and being silent while damaged bm continue to make the decent one look bad. Until you all have this conversation sisters are not trying to hear this "sister's please don't leave bm" pleas anymore.

As for the stats check em again those numbers are climbing higher.

ak said...

For those DBR acting BW who are jealous of other BW who are married to good WM: If SHE could go out and get one you can get your own too DUH!!

Those DBR acting ABC crowd BW are just too cowardly to go up against their own relatives and so called friends but so what? They have some choices to make then!

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