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Friday, April 10, 2009

# 1 Reason to date out, mate out, and GET OUT of the BC!!!


More and more bw are running away from the bc, and finding love and happiness in the arms of 'other men'

I left my family the other day and told them I was going to see one of my sisters. She lives in a predominantly black area of the city, and was scheduled to undergo light surgery for a common female problem. As I left the hospital and made my way to Walmart to pick up a few things for her, I encountered a group of young bm. There were about 4-5 of them. I averted my eyes so as not to attract their attention, but it didn't work. The apparent leader of them flashed me a wicked smile and said: "You is one fione b*tch! Then he turned to the others and said "Thems the kinda B*tches I likes to F***! He then went on to spew the most despicable stream of profanity, and sexual descriptions you've ever heard. I shot him a 'You are truly disgusting look, and practically ran away from them, while he and his friends fell over themselves laughing.

"She thinks she's too good for you!" one of his crew told him, laughing through a haze of cigarette smoke. "Ah she's just another b*tch!" He shot back. "None of them mean a damn thing!" I thought about that as I walked away. BW DON'T SEEM TO MEAN ANYTHING TO BM!!! It's like they see us, but we're not worthy of being thought of as humans, only as sexual toilets!!! A young girl who was standing near the bank had overheard everything. She smiled sadly at me, looking as if she wanted to cry. " I thought they only did that to teenagers like me" she said softly. "I had no idea they disrespected grown women too!"

She looked so sad I wanted to put my arms around her and comfort her. I could almost feel her pain. She probably went through this mess everyday because she lived here.

I thought about how grateful I was that I didn't live near these animals but it saddens me to no end that so many bw do. I don't understand why they don't leave! The young girl has no choice her family probably decided to live here, but what about all the women who stay voluntarily? I can't understand why they stay! Do you think it's a good idea to bring your child up around these subhumans? This particular sister, I don't visit often because I cannot stand being anywhere near these misogynistic city-dwelling terrorists. The lives of bw are hell in these places and everyone knows it! Now I am NOT suggesting that wm cannot be misogynistic, because they certainly can! But nowhere is this behavior more prevalent, more accepted, more encouraged and enforced than the black community! It almost seems to become a right of passage into manhood in some areas! These broken down, nothing- going-for- themselves, pieces of filth are allowed to prey on women and children with complete impunity in the BC! And the level of open hostility, venom and outright hatred directed toward anything female, often cannot be described, it has to be experienced to be believed. But that brings me back to my original question: Why do bw stay? Anyone with eyes can see these places are breeding grounds for misogynistic predators, yet so many bw seem to think they are going to save the race, and make bm change. Ladies, let me give you the sad facts. You cannot make a man change, and two, black men DO NOT WANT to change! They are so addicted to having ppl make excuses for their shortcomings and failures, that they've grown weaker and weaker as men. Filled with self contempt, and loathing. They attempt to push bw in the mud and step on them, so they will considered higher. What you are seeing from these men is self hatred being directed out toward the women who remind them of themselves! You cannot change these men so please don't endanger yourselves trying. Get the hell away as fast as you can, and never let these predators anywhere near your children!
I remember a few years ago, my cousin (we'll call her Lena), and her best friend (we'll call her Stef) had gone into a chicken place in the wee hours of the morning (they had been out clubbing) Both my cousin Lena, and her friend Stef were young beautiful light skinned girls. As they entered the establishment, they attracted the attention of many bm standing in line. One particular sleazeball slimed his way over to my cousin and her friend and said: " I loves myself som light skinneded womem!"

My cousin knew better than to say anything, but her friend was from a different place, and unfamiliar with the dark, twisted minds of these men. So Stef turned to the man, and before my cousin could stop her, said, "So what!- who cares what you like!" The man immediately turned into the animal he was, and began to call them b*tches and h*es. He was screaming at the top of his lungs that these b*tches had, had the nerve to insult him. My cousin tried to pull her friend away, but Stef was so shocked by this behavior that she turned to the man behind the counter, and asked him to call the police. The man just looked back at her blankly and went on serving food while this fool screamed obscenities at them. At this point my cousin was begging Stef to leave. She knew exactly how dangerous it is for bw in the hood. Stef turned to the man's friends and said. "Why is he doing this to us? -please tell him to leave us alone!" His friends looked at her like she was a cockroach, and one snarled. "Shut the f*ck up b*tch before we cut yo stupid azz!" With that my cousin was thrown away from Stef, and Stef was punched by the man and one of his friends! People were yelling, and my cousin saw Stef screaming, and holding her face. Blood was streaming between her fingers! That was when she discovered the men had, had razor blades between their fingers when they punched her! The men ran outside like the cowards they were and took off in a car driven by a female (who later claimed she did not know them, but had given them a ride at 3:00 in the morning because they asked her to!!!) Now of course she KNEW them, no female in her right mind would give a ride to strangers at 3 in the morning! The chances of being raped are too high! Neverless, they were never found, and Stef's formerly beautiful face, now bears long ugly scars that will never go away! She is just a shell of her former self. She seems broken, and her vitality and zest for life both seem long gone. Ladies, I am begging you. These places are no place for women with any hope of love and happiness to EVER be. Get out of the hood with it's misogynistic, hate filled, criminally inclined predators! Run as far away as you can, and encourage other bw to do the same! This can become a matter of life or death for you and your children. These places have become cauldrons of pain, despair and hopelessness. Your children will learn what they live! Think about that for a moment, is this the life you want for them-or for yourself?

105 comments:

Saturn said...

I'm glad I don't have to go through this on a regular, these men are terrible. I try to stay far away from these monsters as much as possible. I'm glad my mother moved us away from boys, not men, like that.

Anonymous said...

lol, that situation doen't seem real. I may be young and maybe I haven't experienced that before, but I have never had a black guy say that to me, or heard stories of that. Why is this blog mostly about black men anyway? I thought this was an interracially dating blog.

jazine said...

Your story of what happened to you, and the poor fate of your cousin's friend is all too familiar. I have witnessed it, have been a victim of it too many times to count. I got out of the hood recently. I left the East Coast for the Pacific Northwest-beautiful Seattle! I think a lot of bw are terrified to leave what they have always known. It's scary to move to a new neighborhood, it's even worse if you move out of state or out of the country, especially when you're doing it on your own. I can attest that once the dust settles you will be so happy that you did. I can't begin to describe how refreshing it is to be in an area where people are young professionals such as myself. I don't have to worry about being called foul names when going to the store or taking a walk. I'm happy to come home to my apartment. It's finally what a home should be, a sanctuary-not a nightmare.

One last thing, bw need to clean up their credit rating and start saving so they can relocate. Good neighborhoods require good credit and sound income. This will take months to maybe a year, but that's hardly a lifetime. It's well worth the sacrifice. Start doing it now!

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. first of all. It is all TOO real! And if you have not experienced it, it simply means you have not spent any length of time in pred. blk areas. Second, I do NOT post a great deal on bm! I try to vary my topics but if you have a problem with what I post, go and find a blog that is more appealing to you! I've learned a long time ago, no matter what you do, some ppl are going to b*tch. So once again, if you are unhappy with what you find here, on my sidebar, you may find something more to your liking-happy trails....

Taylor-Sara said...

Those are great tips Jazine.
Thanks so much. Also ladies, a good way to begin credit clean up is to request a credit report from all 3 Agtcy's and dispute any erroneous information. The company's will have to verify it, before putting it back on your CR. If anyone has more helpful tips-please share....

Saturn said...

I never told anyone this story before, but my mom's prom date tried to rape her. Hee was driving her home and he wanted go have sex, but she refused so he tried to take it. He beat her so bad, her face was messed up, just days before her graduation. Till this day she still has a scar on her face. So Anon, it is real and it happens.

lisablisa said...

The truth hurts, but Sara is on point. I haven't lived in the hood since my mom moved us away just before middle school (thank you, Mom). However, I have been back to the small southern city many times and have traveled to similar areas and sadly nothing has changed if anything it's worse. I'm 44 years old but age doesn't matter there's a complete lack of respect for age/profession/education/etc. actually I think the more professional and educated you appear to these losers the more they will taunt and disrespect you.

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Great post Sara, this is so true. I don't like to go to those places either there is just to much harassment. I get pissed when these so called educated bm bring the hood to college. It's like you can't escape these beasts. I like to call the ones that are in school or pretending to be on their studies "educated thugs". They disgust me too. The University I go to there aren't that many and the ones that are there they pretty much stick to their fraternity crew and deal with the black chicks or other females that will deal with them. I had a few stopping me in the halls passing a rose and trying to get me to come out to a fraternity function. But, when I go up to the community college and see friends there are a number of these educated thugs trying to get at every chick they see and the losers that come and pick them up do the same. SO ANNOYING! I'm planning on transferring to another University in a different city and I discussed this with my cousin, who I realize now maybe a mammy (it is so sad because she is smart in other ways) she mentioned that I should transfer into a all black school, because she got her Bachelors at one and she feels it is an experience like no other. Of course I declined I wouldn't be able to stand dealing with these educated thugs, not to mention I don't want to be in any social setting that doesn't have the potential for me to attract the men I'm into. She was not happy about this and thinks I'm insulting HBCU's. My thing is she is married to a bm with a degree, who is totally damaged and she continues to make excuses for it, such as he is very smart and that bm deal with so much in society. So this is her excuse for being humble and dealing with a man who does nothing for her , but make sure the bills are paid, which she has to still come up with half many times. And, she continuously feels he doesn't like her. SO SAD! I feel that some sista's in these predator polluted areas are trying to get out. I have met bw that needed the subsidized emergency assistance, while trying to finish school. I know for a fact that they still do get harassed by these predators and mammies. One girl I knew had to move to the projects with her child, while attending community college and waiting to move into a subsidized house in a better area, had her windows busted out by some females who was upset that their boyfriends were trying to talk to her. She was so mad and still kept to herself after getting her windows fixed. She eventually got the hell out of there and moved to a house, but this just goes to show that some of the bw in these places are one in the same as these bm predators. Others I think just like living in areas with people that look just like them, not realizing that there are all black suburbs out here.

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Anonymous @ 9:39, this does happen I have been called really bad names by bm while visiting friends in these areas, due to me being honest and letting them know I'm not interested and if my son is present they will say " oh you like those white boys or crackers huh" Many bm just feel so insulted by the fact a few of us sista's don't feel obligated to date or talk to them.

MrsRony said...

Wow, what a horrible story. You say "predominantly black area of the city" was this like a public housing ghetto type area? I live in an all black neighborhood and like anon I have never seen or heard such a thing happening even on the news. The things you are describing would happen in a welfare ridden public housing type area I would imagine and agree BW need to do whatever they can to get out of that environment. Get educated, get a skill that can get them a good enough job with benefits that they can move to a safer area and take care of their children. If you can get welfare you can get free education. Education is vital to a better life.

BabyBrown said...

I lived in New York most of my life, and eventually moved to the Midwest for graduate school... I met my fiance here, he's White and although we have our little issues (all relationships do), it's nothing compared to the disrespect, attempted rape and emotional abuse that I had to fight against at the hands of Black Men... and trust me, I'm a fighter, so I don't put up with crap, nor should I have to...

The reality is that most of what you said is the hard truth... I think that a lot of Black men exhibit self hatred, as do Blacks in general you see this with women chemically altering their hair and skin just to look White... so BM's disrespect is just ANOTHER way to exhibit self hatred... so sad

And Anon, you do seem young... but trust me, ignorance is NOT bliss, you better recognize and protect yourself... listen to the advice of those - older and younger who have experienced life more than you...

TC said...

Anon, when I was 14 I had creepy BM proposition me right in front of my mother! My college roommate said the same thing happened to her. They're still out there offending people. Why? BECAUSE NO ONE DOES ANYTHING MEANINGFUL ABOUT IT. When you're in the middle of a situation is not the time to confront people. You need to leave, THEN make a complaint to someone who will do something.

Getting cat-calls outside of local establishments? E-mail the manager, the BBB AND the city council. Tell them they need better security or you'll boycott. People making trouble around the neighborhood? Call the non-emergency number for the cops. You don't have to leave your name. Do you have young BM in your family? Make sure they know their pants had better be up, their hair cut, and their grades up or else. Make people get standards and stick to them.

And here is the important thing---you have to have other people complain, too. We were in a bad situation, I'm busy calling to complain, I tell my friend to call, too, and she's just sitting there! How will anything change if I'm the only one saying anything? You can't want the benefit without taking some responsibility.

BTW, there are doctors willing to perform plastic surgery on attack victims for free. For those who are still dealing with scars because of price, ask around.

Taylor-Sara said...

No Ms Rony.
I was not in a ghetto part of the city. I was downtown out in the ordinary, everyday part of the city....

212542 said...

"...as do Blacks in general you see this with women chemically altering their hair and skin just to look White"


This is not the case with every BW that relaxes her hair.
Also white people aren't the only ones with straight hair.
I don't know about anyone else but I have yet to know a black person that attempts to alter their skin shade using creams or whatever.
This is likely prevalent in other countries but as far as African-Americans are concerned don't know anyone that does this.

Taylor-Sara said...

I would agree with that 212542.
I see no correlation between self hate and straightening one's hair! Sometimes blk hair is very hard to manage, and straightening it enables one to quickly fix it and leave for one's job in the morning. And this we all know can mean the difference between being on time and being late. And besides M. Jackson I don't know anyone who 'lightens' either....

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

I agree Sara and 212542. I only met one bf that lightened her skin, by sitting in bleach and she was already very light skinned so I didn't get it. Other than that I don't know anyone straightening there hair or lightening their skin to look white. That's dumb! Some people like to form their own illusions.

aom said...

that is so sad! @anon - this may have been one of the more extreme instances of street harassment, but please believe that it's out there. women, keep yourselves in the know about this! Here is a link to a site about street harassment:

http://www.stopstreetharassment.com/index.htm

Also, with the credit info, do NOT use things like freecreditreport.com, it's unnecessary. You can call the credit companies and get that information for free. One last thing!

@Sara - I don't know if you noticed, but you got the girls anonymous names kinda mixed up towards the end.

Pamela said...

I'm glad my parents had the presence of mind to try and live in the best neighborhoods they could afford. I grew up in the Washington DC area. I had problems when I was a young gal because of wanting to better myself. My parents were able to put me in a college prep school when I was in the eighth grade. That was the best decision for me. I have been able to stay away from the bc cesspools out there because of getting a good education. I shudder to think what I would be like had I continued in public schools. This madness happened to me in the early 70s. It was not as physically violent in those days as it is today but it was just as painful. It took a while to heal from the pain of those days but it did happen. Changing my environment was critical to my recovery.

I currently live in the midwest. I have lived here since 1977 when I started attending college. They are becoming more open to IR relationships which is really nice. It is real easy to avoid the places that are not healthy for bw and enjoy life.

Chris said...

This is one of the saddest stories i've ever read. I never realized BM were like this. Coming from a WM, I'm shocked.

Velvet Queen said...

Oh my goodness.....oh my goodness.....oh my goodness. I am speechless and angered. This is EXACTLY the behavior that angers me the most. Sara, you are right on point. Many black males do NOT see black women as people but simply as toys. I'm beginning to wonder if they see ANY woman regardless of their ethnic background as a person. Sometimes I wonder if they even see themselves as people because they behave like such wild animals. I don't understand how it can even be allowed. I can't even begin to ...oh my gosh...even understand their thought process!

Sooner or later, black people as a whole have GOT to wake up. What is this? It's pure evil. Black women need to run away from it..stay away from it...and help get others out of it. Shoots, not just black women...ALL black people need to get a revelation.

I really don't know what to say...this is just......Oh God help us. How low can this get?!

Anonymous said...

Sara,I didn't mean to offend you. I'm the anon that posted. I just have not experienced that before, and yes, I do not live in any predominantely black areas. And, yes, I'm glad you posted this to warn other BW. It's just every other post I read on here seems to be ABOUT Bm when it should be about US. The type of behavior depicted in the post disgusts me and I hope my sister (who lives in Philly, in the ghetto) moves soon. It gives me the creeps to think of what she and other BW might be experiencing.

K

Kaitlyn said...

@ aom

Thank you for the link

K

Taylor-Sara said...

K. Hon, I see your point but I hope you can see mine.
The truth is BM ARE the biggest reason in the world for BW TO MOVE ON!!! The damage level amongst so many bm is through the roof! Even ww are starting to see it! I hate to hear dumbar village stories, or the kidnapped college girl tortured and paraded around naked before many men (none of which bothered to call the police or try to offer her any help) Many bm are so women hating (esp. bw hating) that sometimes merely being in their presence, can quickly turn dangerous. What I am trying to do is show bw (who may be feeling guilty about dating out,) that they really have no choice. Most of the bm that they encounter will be unsuitable ESP.those they encounter in the BC....

sistrunkqueen said...

I live in Atlanta and it is suppose to be the black mecca. I am planning on leaving next fall. I have paid off some debt and by next Aug I will pay off about 70 percent. I am also planning to get my Phd in my field. I am looking at Canada. Black women need to look at all of our options. Please stay away from the South too. Alot DBR Bm educated thugs here too. No etiquette or common sense. Atlanta is not the place to be if you are a sbf.
Check out Black Women In Europe and the yahoo group Black Women who date interracially too. Great online support groups. The commenter from Seattle I just went out there last month to visit a friend. Nice but too cold and rainy for me. I am glad you are content though. My gf is not happy because bm won't date her and I told her that she needs to date ir. She is not feeling it.

sky said...

Velvet Queen said..."I'm beginning to wonder if they see ANY woman regardless of their ethnic background as a person."

They don't they look at women as toys as you said. That's why whenever some of these Abel Turners say "well im gonna get me a white girl" they're really saying they're going to them a new toy.

"Sometimes I wonder if they even see themselves as people because they behave like such wild animals."

I don't think they view themselves as people either until one of their homeboys is shot by the cops. That's when they realize they're not immortal. and according to them the only thing that got going for themselves is the size of their d*ck and even that's usless.


I'm so happy I don't deal with this behavior nor do I see it. I make an effort not to have to deal with them. I use to shop in the evening but now I shop in morning at the mall so I don't ever have to deal with them.

Mayday said...

The majority of black men have failed and will continue to fail. They have no choice but to accept defeat as it is too late for them- the american black man anyway. Most say that they are men when actually they are overgrown boys.

Sarah Brooke said...

I can totally relate to this story. Often it happens! I don't live in the hood or anything, the town I live in is predominately Hispanic and white. But we have a good number of blacks and believe its happened before. Or just last week I was in Sacramento and basically gave this ignorant thug my number out of fear because it was 20 dudes with him and just me. I'm not stupid to even deny when I'm by myself, I already know something would happen to me... He called like 10 times within the two days, I never picked up his calls.

Lorraine said...

Sara,

What a horrible story! The young girl who you wanted to hug ---- I would have. I have started talking to young girls at the risk of being called a nut to admonish them about young dbrbm and encourage them to want better in their lives. Even if they do tell me "Well, I don't like white boys" or "I never thought about it", I still encourage them to try it and not immediately dismiss it. So many have already been indoctrinated with "how the White man keeps us down." it is amazing to hear that kind of talk from young girls who simply are repeating what has been ingrained to their inexperienced and immature minds. They may resist, but I bet they will at least think about it as food for thought later.

We have to do something like those "Interventions" ladies. We can't save them all, but we can try for as many as we can. I have one now that I am on a mission to attempt to save. This girl is so smart on her way to a career in veterinary medicine. She, due to the influence of a lost cause girlfriend, hooked up with a bm who works part time in retail at a store in the mall. To his credit, he is in some vocational program which I guess is better than nothing, but academically, and professionally, they are not even on the same level now. She drives over an hour and a half to see him (he doesn't have a car). Her studies are beginning to suffer (threatening her scholarships). My little friend is now considering a new career because she doesn't want to buckle down and focus as she knows she needs to do in order to succeed. She doesn't realize that if this guy cared anything about her truly succeeding, that he would be encouraging her to study and isolate herself as she needs to do. He would tell her that he will be there when she is finished with her studies, but no! He is only interested in spending every minute with her including her precious study hours (thus insuring that she fails so she won't be over or ahead of him).

Her parents are beside themselves and will be making some hard decisions, but also know that their daughter is determined to see her boyfriend. I feel so bad for them but I'm going to try an intervention with 3 Christian (that's important in this case) professional, women one who just completed her last exam and will be a full fledged MD next month when she graduates. She is still very young, but will show the knucklehead that she had to study hard and will now look for a man worthy of her. He will most likely not be bm, but she will prove that she can find someone on her level who encourages and not threatened because she is a doctor. He will most likely be a doctor too. The bottom line is that we need to show this girl that she needs to give up boyfriend right now and remember how hard she worked to get where she is. It is really hard for me to swallow that she is almost willing to give this all up for someone who will leave her as soon as she becomes pregnant, or marry her out of resentment and put her on the path of a lifetime of struggling and Wal-mart type cashier jobs. She is not learning from her older sister's example. Or maybe she is.

By the way, as a junior highschool student, I did try to bleach my skin. That was only because the black boys made me feel so bad about my dark skin. I thought that was my problem. Boy do we live and learn. I used Ambi which was more about evening the skin tone or lightening up dark spots as black people to tend to scar. It wasn't a bleaching cream, but I thought it was. Silly, young, immature, low self esteemed me. Those days are long gone.

I hope Stef recovers physically and mentaliy. I hope the degenerates get everything they have coming and many years behind bars. I can think of many felonies to charge them with (former Magistrate here)and because they were in a gang (a group of them) maybe there is a charge associated with gang activity. This includes the get away driver who in some jurisdictions may be just as guilty.

And to Sarah B, Sweetheart don't feel you have to give your number to anyone. If you are listed, the thug can find your home address. Even if you are not, you didn't have to give him your real number. Find out the non-emergency police number in your area and be ready to give that one to potential thug suitors if you must give something. Be smart and be safe.

Anonymous said...

sara, do you make these stories up? alot of these sound far-fetched.

Taylor-Sara said...

anon. I absolutely do NOT make this stuff up! You will know when stuff is made up (like the illustration stories that I always Tell from the -get go- are made up.) But these are true life stories, and they will ONLY sound far fetched to someone who has NOT experienced them! If you have dealt with street harrassment, you will know very well you can't make up the horror of experiencing it! Esp. if you live in these places and experience it on a daily basis. I talked about what happened to my cousin over 2 years ago on Evia's blog It was also in the NJ papers. There is nothing to make up-this horror is REAL!!! Go to any bw street harrassment site, and you will see for yourself-they happen everyday! I'm sure you've heard of the young lady shot for not giving her phone number to some damaged animals, or the young girl (think 12 shot with her mother for not giving some fool a bite of her hamburger! Come on now, you may want to beleive it's made up-but it's all too REAL!!!

sky said...

Mayday said..."Most say that they are men when actually they are overgrown boys."

Even President Obama called them out on their sh*t not once...twice!


anon said.."sara, do you make these stories up? alot of these sound far-fetched"

See this question right here? everytime something happens to a black woman, the story seems "far-fetch" or lie to people. I guess black women can never be victims we all are so strong! *eye roll*. I bet if this story was about becky it wouldn't be so "far-fetched".

that's why everytime i go out I ask God to protect from hidden danger, cause this day in age people will shot you without thinking twice.

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow Loraine.
I sure hope you are able to change her mind! My God I hope this young girl comes to her senses before it's too late! Imagine giving up the chance to be a doctor to end up working at walmart -or some other struggle all your life job!!! That's just horrible to think about. He knows he's going nowhere, and wants desparately to drag her along with him. Please let us know how it goes.....

Lorraine said...

Thanks, Sara,

I'll let you know how it goes. I felt bad about telling her business, but this is serious and her life that we are talking about here.

For Anon who thinks this is far fetched. I guess you haven't heard about the tragic Pietrzak story. Go on over and check it out. Then you will have a clue. http://justice4thepietrzakfamily.blogspot.com/

For those who say we are black men haters/bashers, what have you... We did not declare war on black men, black men declared war on us. And no this is nothing new, as Solomon says that there is nothing new under the sun. According to famed researcher JA Rogers, even the famed Denmark Vesey whilst organizing a slave insurrection, wanted to take "the choicest white women" kill the men and other white women and escape. What about the enslaved women? I'm not sure which JA Rogers book I found that in but I was shocked when I read it. I believe it was "Sex and Race Vol. 1 or 2. You can read online about the New York Slave Insurrection of 1741. A co-conspirator confessed (turned states evidence in modern terms) that the plan was for slave men and poor whites "to kill the white men, take the white women for themselves and elect a new king." You can imagine the horror the conspirators faced when this plan was found out. If you care, you can look this up for yourselves on various Internet sources. One is here: http://www.footnote.com/page/1437_slave_rebellion/

So again, this is not new, just technilogically advanced. The Internet and blogging have made it easier for these types to come out from under their rocks, and speak and verbally/mentally try to terrorize those like Evia, Sara, Khadija, Pinky, CW, Gina, and all the others who dare speak the truth.

Golden Silence said...

Street harassment against Black women is horrible. It's scary to know you can't leave your house without dealing with some boorish (and possibly violent) buffoon.

Along with aom's link upthread, Stop Street Harassment has a corresponding blog: Stop Street Harassment Blog

Also, there are the HollaBack sites:

NYC
DC

(Other cities covered are on those sites.)

There are videos about it:

Back Off! Concrete Diaries
Black Woman Walking

Do your research. There were articles about street harassment in the Washington Post in the 90's, and some opinion pieces written specifically about Black women and harassment. And Hawley Fogg-Davis wrote this thesis on it: A Black Feminist Critique of Same-Race Street Harassment

Before you question the veracity of these harassment incidents, why don't you walk in someone else's shoes first.

Velvet Queen said...

Sky, I completely agree with you.

"I don't think they view themselves as people either until one of their homeboys is shot by the cops. That's when they realize they're not immortal. and according to them the only thing that got going for themselves is the size of their d*ck and even that's usless."

I COMPLETELY agree!

Gloryus said...

I dont live in the hood or anything like that... I live in the suburbs where it's quiet and nice. However, you will get some people from the inner cities coming into the suburbs... which brings me to my story:

Two days ago, I'd gone to the lake in my area for my run. As soon as I got out of the car, there were 4 thuggish looking GHETTO black men (looked to be in their mid 2o's) with their pants sagging and what not. Two of them asked 'ay shawty, can ah walk witchu'? I responded POLITELY and with a smile, 'no, thanks'. The next thing I know, I was told that I should be left alone because I seem 'fucked up' and that I've 'got an attitude'.

I laughed to myself and told them 'FUCK YOU' before I continued with my run. I mean, how disgusting is that? Black women in this country are stereotypically labelled as having an 'attitude' so I found that very offensive, especially when I'm NOT a stereotype. These kind of people have NO class, NO manners, NO reasoning abilities obviously. They just show up and flood the place with their ignorance and I feel sorry for the women who live amongst morons like these. SMH

Carib.girl said...

Sara, Bravo...Great post!

I've also had to deal with the cat-calls, and I'm still dealing with it (only when my boyfriend isn't around), but I pay those vile men no attention.
You know, it seems to me, that bm love being the center of attention. Since I was 17, I've noticed, that bm seem to show-off, when they see a woman or a group of women close by. Am I the only one, who's had some bm bellow out verses w/ profanity (I guess to seduce me) from a rap song, while tugging on their crotch, just to show-off?! Who finds that appealing?! Well, whenever I notice ill-mannered men wanting attention; I turn my head the other way, which causes them to get irritated...I find that truly odd.

"These kind of people have NO class, NO manners, NO reasoning abilities obviously. They just show up and flood the place with their ignorance and I feel sorry for the women who live amongst morons like these."

I think the women on here make very good points, and Gloryus, very well said. I'm sorry to hear that that has happened to you. I'm glad those monsters didn't hurt you.

I will never understand, why, when a bw does not seek nor desire the attention of rude, horrid, disgusting men; she is a B***h, has an attitude or must be F**ked up somehow, but when a ww does the same exact thing; she is playing hard to get. I'm sorry ladies, but that is just a warped mentality, those ignorant men are unreliable, uneducated, and unreasonable. I thank God for my wonderful boyfriend.

Pamela said...

I rarely go to the mall but decided to today. As I was leaving I happened to hear an amazing vulgar rampage way across the mall parking lot. It appeared that some security guards had tried to deal with this fellow. He was screaming so loud and dancing around like an absolute fool. I had not heard or seen anything like that in many years. I did not see his rant directed toward anyone. It may have been but by the time I got to my car it was just this nut and I believe a security guard trying to calm him down. The person left and left the nut screaming and acting like a raving maniac. It brought back memories of when I have gone into places where a group of undisciplined young men would do stuff like that. I quickly got in my car and left. As I was driving away the nut was still screaming and dancing around. I had my windows up so I do not know if he was still cursing up a storm.

I'm glad that I am able to avoid that madness. Even woman should in order to remain safe. The Bible says that bad company corrupts good morals. If you observe life you really do not need that verse in the Bible. It is just common sense. Anyone that suggests otherwise is your enemy, not your friend.

Anonymous said...

I don't think Black men do this because they hate themselves. Why should they hate themselves? They sadly have the unwavering support of far too many Black women ( I don't blame Black women for this btw, they are just doing it to be loyal and help the Black community), plus women of other races (Particulalry White & Hispanic) love them too. They are practically worsipped as Gods as atheletes and rappers, so why shoudl they hate themselves? I think Black men do this to BW simply because they hate BW and consider us as lower than them.

Saying Black men hate themselves also makes it far too easy to make them the victims, which far too many people do as it is.

Anonymous said...

No, Black men do not see women of other races as human beings, but I don't care! You know why? Because instead of these women of other races showing female solidarity with us, the FIRST AND ORGINAL victims of the Black male's misogyny, and refusing to play his little trophy wife/girlfriend one-up-manship game, they WILLINGLY submit to it and then get swollen heads and egos thinking they are better than us Black women.

So FORGET THEM say I!

Also, these non-Black women can ALWAYS run back to their communities for love and support once their precious Black boyfriends smack them up the head a couple of times or otherwise do wrong by them. Who can WE as sistas run too when it happens to US?

Lorraine said...

Sorry, I meant "Technologically" above.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe you Sarah. Honestly, I think that you make these stories up. Can you prove that this happened to you?

Taylor-Sara said...

Frankly Anon. I don't give a damn what you believe! I'm not here to prove anything to you-who the hell are YOU? Simply discard what I say if you don't believe it. I'll be damned if I reveal my cousin's name and incident so YOU will believe me! You've got some kind of nerve! I'll tell you what I BELIEVE- I believe you're a troll here to derail the conversation and take us off course. So at this point I will simply delete any further comments from you, and continue on. This is about aiding and admonishing bw before they fall victim to predators-not about proving a damn thing to you!

Taylor-Sara said...

Ladies, I'm so sorry. I was trying to delete some brain dead troll called MN and I accidently deleted all 5 of the last posts. My apologies.....Please repost when you have a chance

As for the trolls - post away- I will simply delete you in que MN -get therapy fool-you don't know what the hell you are talking about I read about 2 seconds of your drivel and hit delete....

lormarie said...

Sara,

You speak the truth. I avoid "urban areas" for this very reason. In fairness, some women stay because they don't have the finances to leave the killing fields.

If I could give black women advice, I suggest that we STOP believing the lies oft told to us about groups like the NRA and such. Take up legal firearms training and legally purchase a gun. We have a right to protect ourselves. Know that your life has value and deserves to be protected.

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

"Or just last week I was in Sacramento and basically gave this ignorant thug my number out of fear because it was 20 dudes with him and just me."

Sarah Brooke, I know the feeling I was forced into giving my number out, two different times, out of fear of something bad happening to me if I didn't. The crazy thing is they are now taking it to another level I tried giving a fake phone number out to one guy and his trifling behind called right there looking at me and smiling, to make sure I gave him the right number. I was very fearful and trembling, because his friends were there too. I just knew I was about to get a beat down through his words or physically. But, apparently and fortunately for me it just kept ringing. I told him it was a home number and I feel god was with me that day, because it was a random made up number. So be careful ladies their getting slick and calling while your standing in front of them to make sure the number is valid.

lormarie said...

Re the anons,

It's simply more evidence of the sickness that goes on in the minds of too many black people. That is, black men can do no wrong and when they do, it's someone elses fault. No one knows if any story on the internet is 100% true simply because we weren't witnesses. But all one has to do is watch the news to find that there is a crime epidemic among black males. Put two and two together and it is much more likely that a story involving a black male criminal IS true. Now watch some desperate black male apologist (male or female) come back with the cry "Black women do it too" using stats they clearly do not understand. It's laughable I tell you.

Sandra77 said...

Sara, I recall recently reading a similar story to your cousin's - about a black man who shot a black woman (a complete stranger to him) on the front porch of her house because she refused to make him a hamburger! The young woman and her mother were sitting on the front porch eating hamburgers that her mother had made. The man walked by and asked the young woman to make him a hamburger - a request which the young woman of course refused. The man became beligerent with the young woman and her mother, and then left. He then returned some minutes later with a gun and shot the young woman who was still sitting outside on the front porch (her mother was inside the house - which likely saved her life). The man said he shot the woman because she refused to make him a hamburger (presumably this was part of his pick up line, so he interpreted this as a refusal of his "charms") and disrespected him. So for this he committed murder.

This is only one of many similar stories I have read in the news. For those who doubt Sara's story about what happened to her cousin, I suggest you check on the internet, and get better informed of the news. I can recall all too many stories of black men killing or attempting to kill, injuring or attempting to injure not just women who are strangers to them, but also wives, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends and even women who are family members, all because the men felt disrepected and/or rejected by them.

Taylor-Sara said...

thank you Sandra, that's the hamburger story I was referring to, but I thought it was a little girl, about 12 years old.....

sky said...

after reading all this these guys wonder why bw have a mean-mug on their face. it's a way of protecting ourselves from these dudes.

and ladies never feel as though you HAVE TO GIVE YOUR NUMBER. I never do. i say no thank you/ i'm not looking for anyone and i keep walking. I don't make conversation cause i refuse to entertain them. I don't even answer to "hey shawty" i keep moving.

would you hand over your purse or social security number to them? no. so don't give them what is personal to you...your number.

cool_splash1 said...

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/03/27/2009-03-27_van_crashes_in_midtown_kills_pregnant_wo.html

This is too sad.

Golden Silence said...

"Sara, I recall recently reading a similar story to your cousin's - about a black man who shot a black woman (a complete stranger to him) on the front porch of her house because she refused to make him a hamburger!"

Here's that story in WaPo:

Woman Slain After Refusal to Cook Hamburger, Police Say

Living in DC, I can speak for experience that these street harassers are pretty damn bold and insane in their actions. The women who run the Stop Street Harassment! and HollaBack DC blogs that I posted upthread are determined to make people more aware of street harassment in DC and are ready to take action to make changes. Street harassment is a crime and is no laughing matter.

Anonymous said...

Mayday said...
he majority of black men have failed and will continue to fail. They have no choice but to accept defeat as it is too late for them- the american black man anyway. Most say that they are men when actually they are overgrown boys.

In response to MayDay's Comment-
Very valid point noted above. I have had this conversation with my brother an intelligent 30 y/o professional male who even shakes his head in disgust and dispair over the "Peter Pan" syndrome (as in they don't want to grow up) a number of BM possess. I live in NY (currently the Bronx), and I can't tell the difference between a 15 year old and a 30 year old? Why is that? What's even more disturbing are the number of BW (who are educated professionals), who find this "attractive." SMH on that....

Rebecca said...

Umm...

To any individual who feels even in the slightest that this story rings untrue, I can tell you that it is VERY TRUE.

I have been harrassed, followed, and even grabbed (he was my dance partner for my gf's quincenera, I slapped him in front of 30 of our friends, and he proceeded to apologize profusely.)

As a mater of fact, I was in super liberal Westwood last weekend (near UCLA) eating dinner with a white male friend of mine when I got three---count it now---THREE---dirty looks in the 40 minutes it took us to get out of the car, eat, and leave. I suppose the said black men thought I was out on a date given that my friend always opens the door (even the car door!) and behaves the way a man should when he is in the company of a woman.

After we finished eating, I asked my friend if he noticed the looks we got. He did not, but then continued to tell me that he used to get harassed whenever he would take out his black ex-girlfriend. (He's from Pennsylvania.) He used to defend himself, but his ex was terrified that he would get jumped or somehow physically hurt.

Sara, this post just made me realize that I am 20 years old, soon to be a college graduate with two degrees, and I have NEVER in my life dated a black man. My mother once told me a story that some black lady she used to work with asked her why I was dating a Mexican guy (back when I was in high school.) My mother told her that she "didn't raise me like that" and that I was to date any man I liked that respected and took care of me.

Can you believe that this black woman would rather see me used and abused by a black man than be happy with a man who just so happens to be another color? Such a sick thought.

But in all honesty, I learned that IR dating was the way to go very early on in my life. Of all of my mother's girlfriends, the ones who are married with children and seemingly content with their lives, are all married to non-black men. The ones who grumble and poke fun at my mother for having a daughter that "dates white boys" are all single with children. My mom is single and has been since I was young, but she has caught the eye of a number of non-bm as well. Im hoping once I graduate from college next May she'll consider getting herself a husband.

I hardly ever comment, but I love your blog Sara!

CarmellesFabulosity said...

It is a plight in the Black community- the black man has fallen so far behind the black woman (some self inflicted and other society inflicted) that now they look to put us down no matter how traumatic and predatory and with no shame and it seems with no comprehensible reason to justify any of it all. I think that as Black women the best way to combat this growing issue within our community is to continue to progress and set a higher standard of what we will accept and if that standard cant be met by the Black man- then oh well, we cant spend the rest of our days waiting for them to get their shit together! We have our own dreams we strive for-and when we reach for our dreams we will find that color is such a small aspect in the grand scheme of things and that it should not be the deciding factor of finding love and happiness!

-CarmellesFabulosity

Aphrodite said...

Sara, I am so sorry to hear what happened to your cousin.



What does it say when a woman can be murdered or maimed when she refuses a man's advances?

And yet they say that the BC is a matriarchy?

That all resources are given to men and their issues, that the men hold all the leadership and power and yet this is a matriarchy?



The more I think about it BW are extremely oppressed almost on par with if not worse than many groups of women outside the western world.


1. You pay with your life or get maimed if you reject a man sexually- and lets be real BM aren't trying to romance BW - its about sex.


2. Rape, incest and molestation are common and the victims are always blamed.


3. The man can beat you senseless and people will blame you.


4.You must be educated, you must work, improve yourself so that all your resources are given freely to the men you have realationships with, institutions that support men, & have men as leaders and benefactors.

5. If you personally need help good luck- it will be better next life time.



The more I think on this the more this sounds like straight up slavery.




Sophisticated, good for you changing schools. I hate when triffling BW or BP in general say you need this experience. What is so needful about being in a soul draining and psychologically damaging environment where you can be raped or murdered and nothing will be done about it? Does she think you need PTSD also?


I once said that if I ever had children I would never send them to an all black public one and I was told I would be sheltering my children. Since when is protecting my children so that they can have some quality of life and be safe sheltering them? How does a mind come to see violence, out of control sexual behavior, and other pathologies etc- et al as a necessary life experience?


Lorraine, I am tripping on that. So the negros were plotting back then. Tsk tsk.



Anon, I don't care about other women. They are out for theirs and we need to be out for ours. If we can meet up sometime in the future and be allies for some purpose - fine. Until then BW need to look out for our needs 1st and foremost.

Taylor-Sara said...

thank you (last 2) for your comments. I'm so happy to see the younger bw are waking up and getting it. Many older bw are either going to have to wake up and smell the coffee or shrivel up and die alone. All while denying the deep, unresolved issues in the BC. Rebbecca I'm so glad your mom raised you that way, now as you graduate perhaps you can gently remind her to follow her own advise....
The bottom line is that bw must wake up and abandon the Titantic-this ship is sinking fast, and in order to save us and our children we must LEAVE NOW!!!
As for ppl giving their numbers out of fear, does anyone have any suggestions. I used to give the number to my church-since they NEVER answer the phone....

Mimi-Louise-Love said...

what is up with people? thats very disgusting behavior.

LorMarie said...

As for ppl giving their numbers out of fear, does anyone have any suggestions. I used to give the number to my church-since they NEVER answer the phone....--Sara

Normally I'd say just don't give out your number but I realize these ladies are dealing with a tough situation. I simply don't give out my number to anyone I don't want to have it...period. But, I would suggest giving the number to a police station. Even if they answer the phone, that might scare the thugs away sending a message loud and clear.

I think someone here mentioned walking around with a mean look on your face...that might work. In fact, don't make eye contact with them even if you can see them looking at you out of the corner of your eye. Better yet, don't shop in the hood (if you can avoid it).

Or, I hate to say it but if it will save black women's lives so be it. Shop in the stores that aren't black thug friendly, those that will call the cops in a New York minute. They often call the cops as soon as black males start crowding around their stores. I'm sorry to say that black women will even have to use racism and stereotyping (of black men) to our advantage. Shop in stores owned by Asians. THEY WILL CALL THE COPS IN THE SECOND. Even if they follow you around in their stores, so what. It's better to be followed around by a suspicious store clerk than get harrassed, beaten, or killed by some black thug.

smh said...

Either a disposable phone i.e. one from Target or one of the following maybe an option.

http://lifehacker.com/software/telephone/get-a-free-anonymous-disposable-phone-number-at-craigsnumber-222921.php

http://www.tossabledigits.com/

V/r

SMH

cool_splash1 said...

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/secret/famous/

Wow this is interesting to find out who have black ancestry

As for the phone # thing my cousin and I used to just ask for the guys # and say that we would call them. Guess what never did.lol

I also used to tell guys that I was 16 etc. and believe me they high tailed out of there real fast.lol

Aphrodite said...

Saturn I don't know how I missed that story, but I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your mom dear.

That is awful.

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy some black ladies are liking white men! black ladies in my opinion are unique and strong women. they are much more religious than most other ladies, and their facial features are just stunning. I think the soft lips are so cute, and the wide eyes against their dark skin is so captivating. as a white guy who loves real black beauty, I want to find a black wife to spend my life with, only I can't seem to get a black girl friend. is it becuase I'm a homeschooled boy with strong christians morals? I guess people think I come off as a republican (alot of white racist are republican) type person becuase of my southern heritage, sheltered life, and oldschool manners. got any tips ladies? and if you were thinking I have a fetish of balck women, be assered its not just the way you look, its your personality. I've know so many caring and really down to earth black ladies, just never see many whites like that. I alos like the bossiness some have, its cute.

Anonymous said...

I usually don't comment (just a lurker), but this is so true. Sadly, we just had an incident here in Metro Detroit where a black female college student who attended Henry Ford Community College was gunned down this past Friday by a crazed black man who had been stalking her. He came into the Fine Arts building where she was taking a class, shot her and then turned the gun on himself. He had posted his rants (all negative) about black women on YouTube. Absolutely frightening.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTzvaXWiZDE

Keep posting my love! You are doing a fantastic job on trying to help our sisters, both young and mature.

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Aphrodite, I'm not currently attending an HBCU, I wouldn't dare. My cousin suggested I should transfer to an all black school. I would decline any day of the week. I would not want to deal with bm, so absolutely not. My University is very diverse and I will be transferring into another diverse school.

Carmen D said...

Your story is very sad. However, violence towards women and minorities are not exclusive to black men. I am engaged to a white man and I have received nastiness from black and WHITE people. Male and female. I was fired from a temp job in collage when my white female boss saw my white boyfriend pick me up for lunch. She had expressed to everyone in our small office she does not have a problem with black people, however we should stick together. I guess what I am trying to say is people can do really shitty things to each other and it is not just BLACK MEN who are spreading the hate. So painting ALL black men with the same brush is kind of ridiculous.

Taylor-Sara said...

I am not painting all bm with the same brush, I believe I have said time and again, (MOST) And I am not suggesting that nastiness is exclusively a bm's territory either. Please do not put words in my mouth....

laromana said...

Carmen D said,
I guess what I am trying to say is people can do really shitty things to each other and it is not just BLACK MEN who are spreading the hate. So painting ALL black men with the same brush is kind of ridiculous.

laromana response,
Although BM aren't the ONLY ones guilty of violent, criminal behavior (and Sarah NEVER said they were), BW are being abused, attacked, terrorized and are having their HUMANITY, DIGNITY, AND FEMININITY TRASHED PRIMARILY by MOST BM. It is not RIDICULOUS to point out this OBVIOUS FACT in an attempt to save BW's lives and make sure they know that there are OTHER OPTIONS for them to live their lives.

Aphrodite said...

Sorry Sophisticated, :) I must have misread.


Anon, these stories are way too common. I hate yt bc of all the hate speech directed towards BW. This has to be proof that these nuts on certain websites: Black Israelites, Blackplanet, BMV, you tube and the like should be taken very seriously and BW should not dialogue with these demons at all. These men are not about having a conversation - they are about destroying BW and this can include murder.



Carmen D I am not sure how long ago this happened, or how long you were with the company, but it sounds like you have witnesses and while it may be a long drawn out process- SUE. Document, get your bases covered, and SUE. If this is a large company SUE BIG! If she was that hateful then she could potentially prevent you from getting another job.


On the other hand, I feel that most BM should be painted with the same brush. Doesn't matter how ridiculous you think it is. It is so funny to me that you would find time to say a word or two in defense of BM and nothing about their victims. Men are men and should fend for themselves.



"violence towards women and minorities are not exclusive to black men."


True, but the biggest murderers, rapists, and predators of BW are BM. And when these incidents happen 'good BM' say nothing, are nowhere to be found, and justice leaves much to be desired.

This is supposed to be the black community. The word community implies certain things - one of them being safety and when you aren't safe in your own community you must take action if you want to survive.



"I have received nastiness from black and WHITE people. Male and female."


It is unfortunate that you have had those experiences, but there is a huge difference between someone being nasty to you and you getting your brains blown out bc you refuse to give a BM your phone number.

Just bc that hasn't happened to you doesn't mean its not happening at all. And for so many BW across the nation to have so many similar dangerous experiences and horrors stories - something must be going on. We are not all imagining this.

Other races are not coming into black neighborhoods and doing this BM are.

Anonymous said...

And, lets not forget "some" of the women who can be just as nasty.

I have two female neighbors who try to give me a hard time. Neither one works. I work and attend classes at night. I would suggest to the younger female(late 20s or early 30s and the other is late 40s or early 50s) to return to school and try her best to improve her life.

The younger woman loves to stare at me as if she is studying me. LOL...she went and bought a car that looked similiar to mines. She took out her weave and began to wear her natural hair and her hair looks nice.

When I first moved to the neighborhoood I would clean in front of both of my neighbors' dors. Neither one of them has yet to say thank you.

It is not my problem if she does not wish to make more of her life.
LOL...one morning I was getting into my car and I looked towards her car because I knew she would be staring. Being annonyed I poked my tongue at her. Boy, did that make her mad. She told me that ever since I moved into the neighborhood her life has been total hell. Hmmm, when I was cleaning trash from in front of your mom's door was I hell then?

This woman has no idea how hard financially things are for me at this moment. Truthfully, we have more in comment than not. However, the unnecessary "hate" will continue to keep some people separate. I look forward to saving enough money to move to an even more quite and diverse neighbor.

a.f.

lormarie said...

Your story is very sad. However, violence towards women and minorities are not exclusive to black men.--Carmen D

Violence against black women and black men is committed almost exclusively by black men. We should not deny that in the name of saving the black man's image. I don't know the stats, but I will assume that whites are primarily victimized by whites. However, that's something they will have to admit themselves. I won't speak for others, but I'm not obligated to focus on nonblack criminals if they are not my primary threat.

Anonymous said...

I am so, so tired of black men living up to the stereotype. I go to a very good, predominantly white college, and there was a security report released recently that some young black men had come on campus and randomly grabbed or slapped the behinds of unsuspecting female students while running past.

Black men: Stop.

cool_splash1 said...

alot of white racist are republican

alot of white racists are democrats as well. Remember that it was Democrats who were slave holders, lynched black people etc.. Not saying I hold this against ones today, but you still have to look at history. I'm not really either party. I choose to be independent, because there are more ideas. But there are bw that are going to use excuse not to date you. Most and I'm sorry, but this is true, don't even know most of black history yet love to talk about white men raping their grandmothers etc. (now some it could be true as in recent) but most are talking about past slaves that if they are still alive is a miracle.

Aphrodite said...

A.F. they probably are studying you, but I don't see that as a bad thing necessarily.

You can choose to curb the emotional and other resources that you give to them. Stop cleaning for them, stop encouraging them. Remember - reciprocity?

But I think them studying you and even imitating you is a compliment. You living a good life is a wonderful gift to others bc many BW see all manner of evil as models.

If they take note and model likewise that is wonderful - more women move up and move on bc I am sure someone will watch them too. If they don't then - thats on them.

Aphrodite said...

You know another angle I am wondering about is how this behavior may play into the OOW birthrate?

I know there is the oversexualization/fetishization of BW-hood.

But I am thinking if adult women have difficulty dealing with this then how much more would a very young girl/child?


Many of us have stories about how BM have tried/propositioned us as children and we also know that BM have plenty female enablers.


Since many of oow pregnancies occur with the very young and poor ....

I am just wondering about the connections.

FunkyStarkitty50 said...

It's a horrible way to live-- feeling preyed upon in your own neighborhood. I know it all too well. I was tortured and assaulted on the school bus by the same young BM in middle school and HS. They would try to pull my dress or skirt up every day and the bus driver did nothing to protect me. They tried to hold me down a few times and pull my panties down, so I started wearing pants to school and I was so afraid for my life and personal safety that I had to carry a knife a few times. My parents complained to the school a few times, but not much happened. When I learned to drive and got away from the bus and those boys, then it stopped. It was horrible. I am so sorry about your cousin.

JaliliMaster said...

"I guess what I am trying to say is people can do really shitty things to each other and it is not just BLACK MEN who are spreading the hate. So painting ALL black men with the same brush is kind of ridiculous."



I never heard Sara say that. Frankly, you only read and interpreted whatever it is you wanted to.

Just so everyone knows, 42% of ALL female victims of intimate partner homicide are black women. We know who most black women are 'intimate' with. That includes boyfriends, husbands, ex-partners, and those who were trying to chat the woman up. The remaining 58% of women are are killed by a man they are friendy with includes asian women, hispanic women, white women, native american women, etc. That means that almost half of ALL WOMEN who are killed by a present or past male partner are black women.

I just shake my head whenevr black women say that 'atleast black men don't kill their wives'. Black men are more likely to kill their partners than any other race of man. No longer am I going to sugar coat! Especially when it is Black women's lives at risk!

Taylor-Sara said...

thank you so much jailmaster for that stat, although it's horrifying and sickening, it needs to be known.BYW, It was NOT my cousin who was punched/slashed. It was her best friend. My cousin only suffered a twisted ankle and bruises from being thrown across the room(when she was pulled from her friend) Her BF has been undergoing therapy and had 2 operations since.....

As for the idiot who keeps accusing me of being Harry Potter, I thought I was Evia (who writes much better than me) Now I'm Harry where in the world do I find the time to write so many blogs? Have you ever asked your silly self that?

Pamela said...

I'm with cool_spalsh. Not all people use politics as their filter. Right now I am checking out a wm that politically we do not have a lot in common. Believe me when I say that will NOT be a problem with me and for him from what I can tell. We absolutely love each others company. I guess I will see how things progress from here. This is the first time in many years I have been around a man that I would seriously consider entering into a serious relationship with.

What she says about using an excuse to avoid is absolutely correct. If a person likes you and wants to be with you they will come up with ways to be with you. If they do not want to be around you they will find reasons to avoid you. Politics is an easy excuse to use these days.

I have found over the years that the best approach in dealing with people is to give yourself time to determine another person's point of reference. This is critical when a person is considering dating IR. This is a lot of the hindrance for many to consider dating out. You have different aspects where the issue of race comes up. The one cool_splash responded to dealt with the political aspect of things. For me I will spend time with him, ask questions when appropriate in a way that will help me paint a picture of who I am dealing with. It is dangerous to assume anything when you are considering dating a person from another race. The assumptions may not be true and you may miss the person of your dreams.

For me it has been a long time since I have met someone that I feel would be a good fit for me. It probably would not have happened MANY MANY years ago because I was stuck thinking that my husband would be a bm. I am really glad I wised up back in those days. More bw need to do the same. For me I was not in risk of my life but nowadays things have become a lot less safer for many bw. The quicker that their minds are renewed to the fact that there are men of other races that will love and adore them the better. I am really having a grand time these days. It may not take as long for many bw to find someone compatible but to me waiting is better than being in an unsafe situation because of believing a lie, the lie being that all bm love and care about bw. bw can change this mindset and I hope many will.

Taylor-Sara said...

Pam, I'm so happy for you because I remember you were looking for someone. Can you tell the ladies where you two met? Congrats girl!!!

CW said...

More backup:

http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/2009/04/youtube-facebook-murder-black-woman-slaughtered-by-crazed-fellow-youtuber-and-facebook-stalker-detroit-police-ignored-warnings-by-youtubers/

http://dawnali.com/lovinmysistas/index.php?topic=969.0

http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com/2009/04/14/personal-security-im-gonna-need-everyone-to-wake-up/

Pamela said...

Sara, mine is a unique situation. I have known him for several years. We attend the same church, a predominantly white church. When I first met him he was married. Unfortunately his wife died of an illness a little bit ago. The past month of so we have been seeing each other quite a bit along with sitting together in services. I am still checking him out but what I have seen is really promising. I have often thought that I wonder how many women that are dating or married are being treated and cherished like I have been here lately. I feel that if I was in danger he would do anything to protect me. That is a first for me with men in general no matter the race.

My faith is very important to me. This would be a show-stopper for me when it comes to a romantic relationship. One of the best decisions I made was to quit attending black churches. It is one of the worst places for bw of faith in the vast majority of cases. It will be a cold day in hell if most of them will ever marry if they stay and adhere to what they are told about 'helping a brotha out' or implying that the only romantic options for them are bm in general or only the men in the congregation (yes I heard that one growing up). I made the decision to quit attending over a decade ago when I began to realize the hostile onslaught again bw was almost across the board in the churches I and others I knew had experiences in. I would strongly encourage bw of faith to consider attending churches that are not predominantly black if they are open to expanding their dating options. I have had more dates and interactions with men when I made that choice.

Don't let anyone tell you that it is too late when you reach a certain age. I am living proof of this. Don't let anyone tell you that you cannot find anyone because you are a bw outside of dealing with bm. Many bw have proved this to be wrong. I may be included in that list really soon. I will keep you posted.

Anonymous said...

@ Aphrodite, I would agree with you if the stares especially from the younger one wasn't so, "If looks could kill." However, I know how to ignore a person.

a.f.

Anonymous said...

BTW, there is a new program on called "In the Mommy" or something similiar anyways one of the ww characters has a AA husband. That is all fine and good.
My only compliant is why wasn't one of the mommies a bw with another race husband? Now, that would have been a show stopper.

a.f.

Sandra77 said...

Anonymous who posted on April 13 at 1:10: If you're having difficulties meeting black women in your every day life, you might want to try a matchmaking service like eharmony or match.com, or other personal ads.

Sandra77 said...

I also remember a recent news story about the attempted murder of a black woman by her black ex-boyfriend (and I believe father of her child). The boyfriend attempted to kill her by shooting her in the head while she was seated in her car, however her hair weave stopped the bullet and saved her life. What truly irked me was the way this story was reported - as a "funny" or "cute" story because of the hair weave saving her life. THe clip shown on tv was of the victim talking/laughing about what happened. I was watching this and thinking "why is this funny"? Her ex-boyfriend just tried to murder her by shooting her in her head and this fact was almost completely ignored for the sake of a laugh about a hair weave. The attempted murder was not even taken seriously (perhaps even by the victim to a certain extent). The story of attempted murder of a black woman by a black man was treated as so "commonplace" by the news media that it was the story of the hairweave that made it newsworthy, not the attempted murder itself.

Anonymous said...

Hi, its my first time posting here & this topic really hits home with me as i also lived in an area where i would walk on the streets and BM would make nasty comments about my body, catcalls were the order of the day.

I Honestly prayed and cried alot about it and with proper saving and planning i finally moved. Right now i live in a small town in Canada and my experience here has been amazing!!!!, the most forward a guy has ever been here is stopping me to say how beautiful i was. Other than that guys usually stare and smile, it's so refreshing to walk peacefully and minding my own business.

The first time i saw a group of white men talking on the street i was a bit scared but i just walked on without being assaulted. I have walked past so many groups of white men and haven't had any nasty incident. Making this move i believe is one of the best decisions i have made in my life.

Julie

Taylor-Sara said...

That's wonderful to hear Julie. Amazing what a difference a change of venue can make -is'nt it?

Anonymous said...

Hi Sara, am the happiest I’ve ever been as far as I can remember, its nice seeing guys genuinely smile at you and not having a lewd smirk on their faces. I can’t tell how many times I’ve been held for the door by strangers and having people move out of the way for me. I carry a huge smile on my face everyday and even noticed I laugh alot too. I couldn’t smile where I previously lived as that would draw unwanted attention my way. I do things like taking a stroll around the neighborhood to relax, something I would have never dreamed of earlier. My anxiety levels have gone down and am focusing on bettering myself in my professional and personal life.

BW should move away from negative environments in order to achieve their potential, there are a lot of positive environments out there ready to welcome you. Plus, I’ve made a lot of friends from different cultures (I’ve already been invited to visit Japan, Scotland, Denmark) which just adds to the awesomeness of the situation. Ok, enough about me! :)

Julie

Tunde said...

This is also my first time posting here. I'm a 26 year old black chick from London, born and raised. I have experienced some of what Sara spoke about with the way BM speak to me. I've just noticed that they think they have some sort of right to talk to me in the street...something I don't like any guy doing in particular..and when I say I don't have time they get very aggressive. They talk about how I think I'm better than them (I speak with the English accent you're probably all familiar with) and how I'm ugly and stupid anyway and they wouldn't be caught dead with me. This would be all right if I approached them but they approached me in the first place...why the hostility? They need to learn how to speak to people in a decent way. I've had a few incidents where WM did similar things and they were dealt with in the same manner, however 9.5/10, it's a black guy who does it. I simply don't like being spoken to in that way.

The other thing, and this has happened to me once or twice, is that feeling of overpowering you some BM have over black girls. I work in the evenings and was one night returning to my sister's house. I was staying with her for a few days and she lives in the sticks, a white area though.I was sitting in a carriage that basically had just me, 2 white guys and 1 white woman in it. This young black guy gets on the train and even though the whole place is empty and my bag is on the seat, sits next to me. I immediately ask him to move and get off my bag. He half gets up, picks up my bag, throws it on me and sits back down and starts trying to woo me in the ever so charming way that they do...I, very politely, tell him I'm not interested and I'd like to continue reading my book and he went ballistico. He started shouting at me, getting in my face, going on about "What's wrong with you! Who do you think you are? I have 2 sisters JUST like you!" and blah blah blah. This annoyed me because he assumed that because his sisters are in the same age bracket as me and they're black that equals that we're "the same". Forget personality, traits, experiences etc, we're all the same. Anyway, he went on and on for about...2 minutes until eventually one of the white men got up and said "Okay, that's enough now. She said she'd like you to leave her alone so could you please just leave her alone" and he turned on him and started shouting even more "I'm going to effing come over there and cut your effing throat out of you head" etc etc so the white guy sits back and gives me a sympathetic look and THEN (this is my favourite part), the black dude turns to me and says "Look what you made me do!"....yes, that's right...I made him do it. He lectured me for the rest of the journey and I couldn't really escape. When my stop came, I jumped over him suddenly, ran out of the door and jumped into a taxi. I didn't look back. I just had to get away and be safe. This isn't the only time this sort of thing has happened to me....so it does happen. I'm just lucky that England isn't an overly violent place...or it wasn't at that time. It's a lot worse now and I think that situation might be different today.

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow Tunde, the nerve! I can't believe he threw your bag at you and then proceeded to try to rap to you as if ANY woman would be receptive at that point! I'm so sorry you've experienced this. Unfortunately in the urban areas, this is not too uncommon. Thank God you got away safely! Some of them are really crazy! This type of treatment to ww would never be allowed to go on. This is why I stress for bw to get the hell out of these places, they KNOW they can treat us like this with impunity...

Anonymous said...

Good for you Julie.
Now that was some saving up.
Just curious what line of work are you in? I have a wm friend who lives in Canada and he is most considerate. And, yes that is so refreshing. I think Julie will not have a problem finding herself a husband in Canada.

a.f.

Anonymous said...

@ Tunde your unwanted visitor was simply lucky he was not messing with the "right" wm.

a.

Sandra77 said...

Tunde, it's amazing to me how so many black men still buy into the myth of their physical superiority and think white men are not their physical equals and are therefore afraid of them. It was very gentlemanly of that WM on the train to come to your defense - not too many people would risk doing that anymore in this day and age out of fear that the BM might pull a gun or a knife and escalate the situation.

BM are lucky that most WM are too well-mannered to come back at them and challenge them on their foolishness, but BM mistake this for fear. But so many BM are conducting themselves so badly and doing it in public now that they are fast losing the fear quotient that may once have existed in their favor vis-a-vis WM.

A black man attacked you and a WM defended you. Now isn't that a sign of the times!

Anonymous said...

@ a.f. I work as an Admin Asst. in a local bank here, but i recently got in touch with a government contact who is looking to fill the same position and it looks promising so i might change jobs soon.

Yeah! i had to do some major saving but my mum chipped in as well and i'll pay her back.

I also dont think getting married here will be an issue, i already have some guys who've shown interest in a relationship (mostly accountants, i don't know why, lol!)but am sticking to friendship, am not feeling any urgency to be in a relationship right now.

Julie

Tunde said...

To Sandra, Sara and the anonymous A

Thanks for reading and I was shocked at the time and I think I was shaking for the rest of the evening. I just think it's indecent for one human being to be so blatantly rude to another without being provoked. This kind of lashing out when someone's not interested in you is the kind of thing little children do when they're not getting enough attention. It's absolutely repugnant and I was lucky this time. The thing is though, I don't really go to those kinds of areas. I experience these things in 'white' or tourist areas as that's where I live and work. Very strange indeed.

Anonymous said...

@ Julie,

Interesting we both are Admin. Asst. only I am at a University.
Thank goodness for moms.

Well, if you can do it why not me?
But, I am still working on my degree and I am not leaving until I complete my degree. The thought of moving sounds nice.

a.f.

Aphrodite said...

Hi A.F.


I think that you should cut ties and create distance between yourself and those women. If they are mean mugging you ... who knows what lurks in their hearts. Be safe.

Golden Silence said...

For anyone who wants to talk about their experiences dealing with street harassment, two women are still looking for people to interview for their film, "BACK UP! Concrete Diaries," which I linked upthread.

Click here for an interview with them, and scroll down to near the end of the interview for ways to contact them if you want to get involved in this film.

Taylor-Sara said...

Thanks Golden for the info. Ladies don't be afraid. If you want to participate, click the link and talk to them. IF you are afraid for your safety, see if you can remain Anon.....

Anonymous said...

@Aphrodite...thanks for the comments. Well, now that we all know how the other feels it is easier to ignore them.

a.f.

sistrunkqueen said...

Jullie

Thanks for sharing your Canadian experiences. I am looking in to Phd programs in Toronto and Montreal. I am glas there are dating anf relationship opps for sbw there.

Anonymous said...

Sara

I understand where you're coming from and that's horrible that it happened to you, but this post as well as others seems to paint a picture that ONLY blk men are capable of disgusting acts against women(bw specifically).

I mean I have had more than my fare share of horror stories where I have been antagonized, and nearly assaulted by blk men, but yt, latino, and azn do this as well. Violence against women even blk women can come from anywhere.

it's dangerous to suggest that one group of men are more prone to treating black women badly vs another.
The disrespect of black women can come from ANY man. That's all Im saying, white men are NOT our saviors they're just men, some are great and some are bad. I wouldn't trust a man to have or not have my best interest at heart solely because he is white or black or whatever.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. (God I hate when ppl make provocative stmts under Anon. I think that's so cowardly) BTW, I believe I know exactly who you are. First of all, this has nothing to do with my personal experience with bm, you are making false assumptions. Second, I don't believe nor have I ever stated that wm are saviors. In fact I have emphatically stated that they are NOT! Third, most bw ARE hurt, maimed, mistreated and even killed by bm than ANY other race of men. Google it and see for yourself! Where have you been -under a rock- Is it wm leaving black babies, making sick twisted misogynistic garbage about bw and calling it music? Whose following bw down the street and disrespecting them wm or bm? You better wake up and smell the coffee hon. Almost every time you see a bf murder victim the perpetrator is a black male. Obviously you like to sugarcoat things, but I don't. And once again, are all bm bad-absolutely not. Are all wm good-absolutely not. That is why I repeatedly tell bw (we all do) that all men must be vetted! But the majority of damaged, hateful, misogynistic, ppl in the bc are black men. And denying it will not make it less true. Do me a favor, don't take my word for it, or anyone else who posted. Simply go to the inner city and spend a few hours watching how horribly disrespectful, and hateful the bm are to the women there. Watch how little regard they have for their children. Look at the faces of all those bw struggling to raise their babies alone, and most of all see the fear on the young teen girls faces as they pass these pawing, groping, misogynistic men and then tell me that wm are the main cause of pain and problems for bw! They're certainly not saviors, but they are an option for all the women tired of dealing with mess like this. Of course for those who took the little yellow bus to school, let me repeat-All men MUST be vetted. In the meantime, don't put words in my mouth. I am not trying to make bw think wm are saviors (they are not) but I am trying to present them as a viable option for a myriad of reasons (which should be obvious by now) If you intend to stick with bm, more power to you, I'm only presenting an option and nothing more. Now that I've answered this question, I won't be answering it again, so anyone else writing along the same lines-know that it will be deleted....

Taylor-Sara said...

Hannah, I deleted your post because I don't have time for this nonsense. If you don't find anything of use to you on this blog, please feel free to find one more to your liking. But I am not going to engage in the back and forth with you. That distracts me from my mission. I didn't read past the first few lines but you seemed to have a lot to say, why don't you start a blog of your own, and then everything on it will be to your liking. Otherwise, on my sidebar you will find several other blogs that may be what you are looking for-please feel free to visit them all until you find the message you are looking for-good luck...
As for the message of this blog, it is staying the same, some will like it, some will love it, some will need it, and some will detest it.. Is'nt that the way with everything in life? Good luck on your search for whatever you are seeking. We all wish you the best.....