The Wares and their new baby daughter.Ok, I need someone to explain the problem here to me because I just do not get it. These blk ppl have suffered several miscarriages, and a son who was stillborn. Still they managed to put their grief aside and adopt a precious little girl. I am completely shocked that bp are angry because the little girl appears white. What exactly is the problem? White ppl adopt black children everyday. It's bewildering to me why the bc is upset about the ethnicity of this little girl.
And while you are explaining the problem to me, make me understand why it is anyone's business but the Wares, who they adopt. Is it not their money, their resources, their time and their child????
Why would anyone think they have a right to tell this couple who they can and cannot adopt?
To me this is just small minds thinking in their typical fashion-small! This little girl needed a home and love, this couple had love and a home to offer her-sounds like a wonderful story to me. Instead the Wares are having to deal with angry blk ppl who have NO intention of offering a home to ANY child-telling them who they should have adopted! It's gulling to think that ppl seem to think if they share your skin color, they should have a say in YOUR LIFE! That's preposterous. Many of the comments geared toward the Wares ranged from irritated to downright hostile. Read the following article and give your thoughts on this. Do you feel the host has a right to question the Wares on their choice of child? And if you do, think about how you would feel if the BC were to try to tell you who you could or could not adopt. A friend of my mother's recently (well 2 yrs ago) adopted a Chinese baby. (she's always been extremely attracted to Chinese ppl, customs, traditions etc.) She told us that bp have walked up to her and cursed her out, wanting to know why she did not adopt a black baby. She is not one to take mess, so she has gotten into a few altercations with ppl. Last year, she married a Chinese man. Now bw simply think the baby is theirs, and looks more Chinese than black. This immediately seem to diffuse their anger. Now they ask a million questions, and especially about where they can meet a handsome Chinese man like Yoshi (sp?). This however, has done nothing to quell the anger of bm. Who are more angry than ever *but that's another story* The point is, no one had the right to approach her in the first place. She did not owe total strangers an explanation about HER life! And neither do the Wares......
Read the following article.....
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Alright I am going to be a little messy with this post. But hey, I wouldn't be me if I didn't keep it real with you. Now you see the picture I have up with this post right? That is DeMarcus Ware (a very fine football player with some serious skills) and his lovely wife Taniqua, with their newly adopted baby, Marley ( I love the name for obvious reasons). But...okay, let's keep it 100%. Do you mean to tell me that the Wares couldn't have found a little black baby to adopt?
I mean honestly, like WTF? And please don't tell me that the baby in the picture could be black, or Mexican, or whatever. I know that. But....come on now.
Still, there is a serious side to this post. Honestly, Mrs. Field and I are considering adopting down the line, so when I see stories about adoptions, I pay attention. And apparently the Wares had three failed pregnancies and a young son who was stillborn. So I really do feel their pain, and I sympathize with what they had to go through. But come on now; there are thousands and thousands of black children in the foster care system who need good solid homes and loving couples who will take care of them. Couples like the Wares. Unfortunately, not enough professional black folks who can afford to adopt, go that route, and it's a shame. That is an option we should always consider. In the previous post we damn near all agreed that there is a crisis in our communities with many black families. Many of them being held down by single parents. But what about the scenarios where none of the parents are around, and the poor children are forced to bounce around in state agencies? Shouldn't we be trying to help those kids as well? And to be fair to the Wares, they have said that they will probably adopt foster kids in the future, and that they will do charity work with similar agencies, so we will see.
I have a white colleague who tried to adopt a little African American boy and he was discouraged from doing it. He is still pissed about that shit. Apparently black social workers and psychiatrists don't think that's such a cool thing for white folks to go adopting little black kids. Something about f**king up their minds culturally. I won't get into that right now, but there is a post in there down the road.
In spite of that, white folks adopt little black kids all the time. (See Angelina and Brad) Primarily because there is such a shortage of little white ones. So much so that the biggest import to this country from places like Russia and China for awhile were those beautiful little bundles of joy. But black folks adopting little white babies? Come on now. Ya think Taniqua played with white dolls when she was a little girl? Oh stop it field you are such an asshole. Yeah, I know, but the guy is a stinking Cowboy. (Digression alert)Let me stop, I don't want to be mean to DeMarcus and Taniqua. Besides DeMarcus is a big boy, I don't feel like going even one round with his big ass.
Alright I am going to be a little messy with this post. But hey, I wouldn't be me if I didn't keep it real with you. Now you see the picture I have up with this post right? That is DeMarcus Ware (a very fine football player with some serious skills) and his lovely wife Taniqua, with their newly adopted baby, Marley ( I love the name for obvious reasons). But...okay, let's keep it 100%. Do you mean to tell me that the Wares couldn't have found a little black baby to adopt?
I mean honestly, like WTF? And please don't tell me that the baby in the picture could be black, or Mexican, or whatever. I know that. But....come on now.
Still, there is a serious side to this post. Honestly, Mrs. Field and I are considering adopting down the line, so when I see stories about adoptions, I pay attention. And apparently the Wares had three failed pregnancies and a young son who was stillborn. So I really do feel their pain, and I sympathize with what they had to go through. But come on now; there are thousands and thousands of black children in the foster care system who need good solid homes and loving couples who will take care of them. Couples like the Wares. Unfortunately, not enough professional black folks who can afford to adopt, go that route, and it's a shame. That is an option we should always consider. In the previous post we damn near all agreed that there is a crisis in our communities with many black families. Many of them being held down by single parents. But what about the scenarios where none of the parents are around, and the poor children are forced to bounce around in state agencies? Shouldn't we be trying to help those kids as well? And to be fair to the Wares, they have said that they will probably adopt foster kids in the future, and that they will do charity work with similar agencies, so we will see.
I have a white colleague who tried to adopt a little African American boy and he was discouraged from doing it. He is still pissed about that shit. Apparently black social workers and psychiatrists don't think that's such a cool thing for white folks to go adopting little black kids. Something about f**king up their minds culturally. I won't get into that right now, but there is a post in there down the road.
In spite of that, white folks adopt little black kids all the time. (See Angelina and Brad) Primarily because there is such a shortage of little white ones. So much so that the biggest import to this country from places like Russia and China for awhile were those beautiful little bundles of joy. But black folks adopting little white babies? Come on now. Ya think Taniqua played with white dolls when she was a little girl? Oh stop it field you are such an asshole. Yeah, I know, but the guy is a stinking Cowboy. (Digression alert)Let me stop, I don't want to be mean to DeMarcus and Taniqua. Besides DeMarcus is a big boy, I don't feel like going even one round with his big ass.
33 comments:
also bp have been caring for white children for centuries, even white children who weren't ours to care for anyway.
I'm a bw and I've always wanted to adopt a Japanese or Korean baby (love both cultures and am working on learning the languages).
I always find it funny that most articles concern white parents adopting black children, but rarely anything about black parents adopting white children (maybe b/c it's considered a taboo?). More power to the Wares, and as someone said...a child is a child and s/he should get a loving home. If there are willing parents, I don't see the problem. More power to them.
BP are mad b/c the Wares chose to use their considerable resources to help someone that isn't black. That's why bp don't like Oprah - she isn't using her billionaire status to benefit 'them'. Never mind that she's improving the lives of numerous people, or numerous people of African descent. Its all about black Americans, and black Americans enjoy being up in someone else's business. You're supposed to 'keep it real', and that doesn't include somoene who isn't black.
I am in an interracial marriage (bw/wm) and when my husband and I were thinking about adopting a baby we were told that we could by some agencies that we could not sign up to adopt a bi-racial baby unless we were willing to adopt a black baby. We would have to take either. I wanted to adopt a bi-racial baby because I wanted our family to look like we belonged together. I didn't want all the questions. So I am impressed that the family in the article was willing to deal with the stares and the questions etc. Love is more important. Since the time I was looking into adoption I have had 2 kids and now understand that if you love a child it doesn't matter if people stare and question you. I get that with the kids I actually gave birth to. It doesn't matter what they look like. My kids look bi-racial, but the could have just as easily looked like just my husband or just like myself and we would have had people asking foolish questions (like it is any of their business.) But I decided that if I ever were to adopt it would be a Chinese/Korean/Japanese child as I really like the Asian cultures. The BC is always in somebody's business when it isn't called for but the important matters (no marriage, illegit kids, criminality) the BC has nothing to say that will address or solve the problems. I think that there is more for the BC to worry about than who these people adopted.
Ahh my people.....lol! Sometimes we behave just like the white folks we complain about talking about your being made like your oppressor sort of...anyway I agree no one has the right to tell this couple what race of child they should adopt.
After all none of us were in Taniqua shoes when she miscarried/stillborn so I don't blame her and DeMarcus one bit for taking a different route to starting a family.
When you get down to its what anyone would want if they so desired.
The heart of the issue is the low adoption rates for black children. I agree that this is a problem, however, that does not give the author of the article the right to question the Wares' decision. Especially if he does not plan on going out to adopt some black children himself.
I am a strong advocate for the adoption of black and latino children. I would love to adopt one of each when I get married, even if I am able to have my own children. The amount of resistance black men I have dated have had to this idea is extremely disheartening, and yet, they are the same type of folks who would have been complaining about the Wares.
Most of what the author said was the typical type of response I would think the Wares would unfortunately receive. He really pushed me over the edge with the comment about Taniqua playing with white dolls as a child though. WHAT IS THAT!? So now Taniqua hates herself and idolizes white babies? This couple has been through a series of traumas! That last swipe is sooo utterly disgusting! When you want to offer love and a home to child who needs it, that's it! Why does it have to become about fetishization?
I really don't understand what the problems is. According to this articlehttp://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/football/cowboys/stories/082408dnspocowlede.4316aa2.html
their friend father's told them about a pregnant women looking for a good home for her child. What were they supposed to do? Say no thank you.
And what wrong with some social workers with the race matching adoptions? Isn't the point is to find a child in foster care a home no matter what race. And the said thing is that 40% of them are black, but most of them stay in foster care because they won't let a home of another race adopt them.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_adoption
[edit] Pro race matching
On the other hand, David Watts, a biracial social worker in New York who was raised by an adoptive white family. "It's a bad idea to put a black child in a white home.... I think it's impossible for someone of one culture to teach another culture," he says. "You have to live it in order to absorb it." The influential National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) has taken this stance, suggesting that interracial adoption is a form of "genocide" and that "black children in white homes are cut off from the healthy development of themselves as black people." "Same race makes sense because it is what the child is accustomed to, what causes the least disruption in the child's life," says Toni Oliver, a chairman of the organization. "Often when people are looking at 'love is all it takes,' they seem to overlook the impact race has on our society. Somehow when it's a case of adoption, race suddenly doesn't seem to matter anymore. [5]."
the whole article of the Wikipedia excerpt below
http://library.adoption.com/articles/the-colors-of-adoption-black-vs.-white.html
Children in the foster care system need to be adopted and have families. Children need healthy loving parents, perferably two - but stable loving homes come in all shapes and sizes and configurations. As long as the child is loved, cared for and their needs for food clothes and shelter as well as their emotional, mental, psychological and spiritual needs - which are universal are met - this sounds like a solution looking for a problem. Yes there are cultural differences and nuances but that means that the parents and the child together can grow and learn - it is a global world and the unifying fact is we are all human. If the Wares have the resources and the love - problem solved. As for those folks with more mouth than muscle to actually walk the talk and care for a child any child - do not count. If they are not part of the solution they are part of the problem.
V/r
Clarice
I came across an online community for individual seeking interracial love. It is ++++((((---Blackwhitemeet. C O M))))++++ All singles there are seeking interracial relationships. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!
"According to this articlehttp://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/football/cowboys/stories/082408dnspocowlede.4316aa2.html
their friend father's told them about a pregnant women looking for a good home for her child. What were they supposed to do? Say no thank you."
I saw this too. It makes me feel as if race wasn't an issue. It seems like faith was. When I read that article I got the impression that they all knew one another - the minister running the home, the birth mother (introduced via the minister), and the Wares. I get the impression that the Wares were considered a good Christian family, a loving home for a child and that was that.
"It's a bad idea to put a black child in a white home.... I think it's impossible for someone of one culture to teach another culture," he says. "You have to live it in order to absorb it." The influential National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) has taken this stance, suggesting that interracial adoption is a form of "genocide" and that "black children in white homes are cut off from the healthy development of themselves as black people." "Same race makes sense because it is what the child is accustomed to, what causes the least disruption in the child's life,"
"Often when people are looking at 'love is all it takes,' they seem to overlook the impact race has on our society. Somehow when it's a case of adoption, race suddenly doesn't seem to matter anymore. [5]."
I am of the stance that this is ridiculous. I don't think there is a such thing as black culture. If there is I am missing it. I think there is a lot of pressure for "acting black" aka enacting stereotypes and dysfunction.
I also think its possible for a non black person to prepare a black child to deal with racism.
This is insane. The couple is the one that will have the responsibility for the next 20+ years. They are grown people that have the right to decide what they want to do.
Anyone that is angry about this is doing NOTHING with their lives. People that have lives are too busy to even notice this other than to say that little baby will be in a loving home.
Have mercy.
I read about this couple last year. At first I thought like many why adopt a non-AA child when there are so many AA babies who also needs a good loving family.
And, this couple seems so ideal...what a difference this couple could make with any child.
I can understand this couple jumping at the idea of adopting a child when their wm friend brought the idea(and not the race of the child) up to them.
At first they probably thought that the child was blk. and realized they could not back out simply based on the child's race.
However, this couple could have adopted a blk. child if they really wanted to and why not add an Hispanic and then an Asian child if race really does not matter.
If I were a kid I would love to be adopted by this happy looking couple. Still, I wish the entire family and that includes that cute baby well.
a.f.
I absolutely see NO problem with a black couple adopting a whit babt,as long as the love and take of them,what does it matter?As for weather a black child can be raised by white people or vice versa, there are black people raised in black homes who are still considered "white washed" and don't fit in with black people so once again I see no difference.
I feel the Wares did a good thing. Good for them to adopt a child in need and provide a stable setting for her, she is so precious too. How cute!
"And so what you Lubs de culture? What does adopting a drooling baby have to do with Kabuki, anyway?"
I hate to agree with an anonymous troll, but he/she/it has a point there. I don't get how adopting an Asian child because you love Asian culture is mutually exclusive. If you love Asian culture then study it, try the foods, take language courses, go to one of its individual countries, but don't adopt a child simply because you love Asian culture. That kid will have no ties to his/her Asian heritage unless you instill it in him/her through the above methods.
But I agree with adopting a child and looking past race. Josephine Baker had her Rainbow children and she wasn't concerned with what race they were. Why should it matter what the race of the Wares new baby is?
I once wrote a paper for school on trans-racial adoptions and most of the families I spoke with said that when they were looking to adopt, they were steered towards adopting kids who were the same race or discouraged from adopting outside of their race. One white couple I spoke with specifically wanted to adopt two black children and they said it was a real fight to adopt them. They got negative reactions from whites and blacks (whites couldn't understand why they adopted black kids and blacks were pissed off that they adopted "their" kids), but a big part of the reason they decide to specifically adopt black kids is because they knew that the adoption rate was lower.
And yes, adoption rates for black kids are lower, but I have real issues with people who criticize black people who don't adopt black kids (or conversely criticize white parents who *do* adopt black kids), especially when the critics are not willing to adopt themselves. I take sort of a "put up or shut up" argument with those critics.
I'm actually a big fan of adoption and have no problems with trans-racial adoptions. At the end of the day, no one has the right to tell another person who they should or shouldn't adopt. Love is love and kids (white, black, asian, whatever) need love just like anyone else. My hat goes off to the Wares for opening their home to a child.
I can't say much about the Wares adopting a white child. If that's what they wanted to do then, fine. I don't necessarily agree, either. If Mrs Ware ever does give birth, it will certainly be black children. As long as she understands this (I imagine she does) and does not go about playing favoritism, then it's all good.
I don't really understand the whole "adopt a Korean baby because you love their culture" deal either. A baby is a small human, not a conduit for his race's culture or language. Just because you have a Japanese baby doesn't mean you will become Japanese or even understand Japanese people any more without actually going to Japan. Quite the contrary. An argument could be made that you would be placing a greater distance between your Japanese child and his parents culture, most likely to the detriment of the child from a social perspective.
Even the black people here on this blog don't get it. Saying that black people don't adopt kids and black people don't do that. You should do some research before running your lips about which you have no clue. Plenty of black parents (especially grandparents, whose children have grown up and left the nest) adopt black children at rates commensurate with white parents. Since there are fewer white children in the system than there are black, there are still more black children leftover than whites.
Check this website for stats:
http://statistics.adoption.com/information/
You ladies are engaging in the same kind of ignorant xenophobia as the people you are lambasting. It's really disgusting.
It's disgusting to see two well-off Black people chose to adopt a white child, ESPECIALLY since white children are the ones who are most WANTED in the adoption/foster care arena, and Black children are some of the least wanted children. If Black and white kids were adopted and placed on the adoption "market" at the same rates, who cares? But for a black couple with the resources to adopt to choose to seek out a white child when a Black child was probably easier to find? Its so sad to me. I'm sorry, but as someone who knows a lot about how many Black children are out there just waiting for loving homes, you can't convince me that a white baby was the first one to pop up at their doorstep.
The problem is that too many black kids are growing up in foster homes. While white orphans are rare and in demand so they get adopted quickly when they're babies. Too many black folks aren't taking care of their children and need a home. And this couple, who could have helped out a black child, decided to adopt a white child? We love helping other people, but don't want to help our own. That's sad.
OK it sorta making me sick how everyone here is talking about babies like you would talk about livestock.People have a choice in who they want to adopt and its THEIR choice no one elses.So what white people adopt black children because they don't want to wait for a white child, wouldn't that be a good thing;the black child would finally have a home.As for this couple a few people have mentioned the fact that their friend told them about this bay that needed a home;the opportunity was their and they took it despite the race of the child.This couple is obviously have no problem with black children because they tried for years to have a child of their own and they couldn't,but i hope they do succeed one day.If they do have a child of their own or for all we know ADOPT a black child I believe they wont treat both children the same,but not in a negative way.As far as social issues its sad to say but they will treat them differently because their different races will bring along different challenges.As far as love and care goes,well that should be the EXACT same.
How about asking the children,
"Do you have any problems with being adopted by another race family or would you rather stay in this group or foster home until you are 18 years old?
Think about all those children who are missing out on not being with a family or a single and self sufficient parent(s)?
a.f.
Boy the trolls came out on this one didn't they? And am I crazy or do two of the latter posts sound like the same person?
Anon(s)
If you read the article you would see that these people did not seek out a white child.
It seems to me that it was synchronicity/serendipity that things turned out this way.
The Wares are Christians and a close minister friend of theirs (whom I assume to be white) knew that they had trouble with becoming pregnant and also ran a home for pregnant women/girls.
This adoption was thru a personal connection, so it is not quite as stark a situation as it might appear. Just the same, and I hate to go against the interracially loving people at this site, but to my mind it is about where the need is.
As a white man, I would be willing to adopt across race lines to alleviate some of the need. I can excuse other whites for being unable to face such a challenge. I am not angry, but I am disappointed that a couple perfectly set to help avoided the opportunity.
Healthy white babies practically fly of the shelf. It's not even important why this is. By adopting a baby of color, or a white baby with problems, one is potentially eliminating a whole childhood of foster care.
But I do wish them love and happiness.
--- Aabaakawad
How could you not see that there is a problem with this? Why would a black couple decide to adopt and choose to adopt a white baby when everyone knows how many black children are in foster care waiting for adoption. I just can't fathom doing that. All of these people on here talking about how race doesn't matter are delusional. This is America, where race is definitely a factor and will be for a long time. Anyone who knows anything about the history of this country can't deny that.
hey ladies, We're on a mini-vacation, and having a blast! That's why the comments are being checked sporatically. We'll be back soon, and I'll update the post on here and WC-preferred. See you all soon... and have a good week end-Sara
I do think that black community is also to blame for the rate of black children in the foster care system. Black organizations fighting against transracial adoption knowing full well that there aren't many black Americans adopting. Some because of stigma, some because they don't know much about it etc. There are many reasons. I've heard many black people say why would you adopt when you can have your own etc. Then is it no wonder there are many babies and older children in foster care or being adopted transracially? If they want black families to adopt then they need to get out there and talk to the people in that community. A priest did this a while back. He encouraged his congregation and the black community as a whole to adopt at least one child. He had also adopted a young boy from a home and raised him. Adoptions rose. So that tells you that you need to talk to the people.
Another thing is stop fighting against the children going to good homes.
Just because there aren't as many white kids as black and latino doesn't mean it's not bad. The children don't really care about any of that. They just want a home.
I think that it is great that this couple has decided to adopt a foster baby. Even though the baby is white, a loving family knows no color. Even though i would of like for them to adopt a black baby, at least this foster child will know what it is to be loved, this coming from a black former foster child. I wish this family all the best.
Sara, black girls traveling in packs to Italy. This is annual. It is almost filled up for 2009 trip!!!
http://www.blackgirltravel.com/pages/tours.html
Hey Sara, hope you are having fun!
Anon, I saw that page and I wish, I wish, I wish. :)
Sorry I commented and then disappeared. I thought the thread was dead, but I hooked up the RSS feed wrong.
I'm backsliding a little on this. If this was common occurrence, I'd worry, because of unmet need, but I've been thinking about the huge symbolic pluses to this. The little girl is going to have an interesting life, and probably less identity confusion than a black child with white parents cuz there are affirming portrayals of whites everywhere.
If she has the creativity to write as an adult, that would be an intriguing book.
It would be interesting 20 years later to see who she was attracted to. Probably bm and wm and other. Maybe by then ir will be commonplace anyways.
This adoption is a radical (because it is so unusual) declaration of acceptance of whiteness by two black people. I can't guess the effect on bp, but many wp will find this reassuring.
Wishing you all progress.
Our school physcian said that one of his cousins adopted a white child, a boy. They lived in a middle class neighborhood with advantages that most blk. kids would have evied. Years later the adoptive son is now an young adult and the son and his mother had a disagreement about something and before he left the house he told her, "I am tired of being a nigger"...well, that was some thank you for raising him.
The school's physician has no idea why his cousin adopted her son in the first place. In this city there are so many AA kids who would loved to have switch placed with him.
Side note- the physician is very light complexed and I am assuming his cousin is also. Maybe that is why she wanted a non-b child.
lyn
Call me Dumb/ignorant, but I didn't know #1 Black people "COULD" adopt white children/babies, and #2 I didn't know that wht. children/babies were in demand to be adopted since all the wht. celebs keep snatching up Afrikan babies! {Madonna,
Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie-Pitt}
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