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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Reading the signs to know if he's a keeper....

Some of this is a no-brainer ladies. And some of it is less obvious. For instance, if a man is hanging on the corner with his pants hanging off his butt, and drinking out of a paper bag, obviously this man is NOT husband material. Some of you bemoan the fact that you attract one loser after another but refuse to open your eyes and see the signs. Hopefully the man I just mentioned is young, and with time will pull up his pants and get his act together. But so many times I see women expecting a pauper to turn into a prince.

It simply will not happen. Psychologists say that by the age of 2 a boy's personality is already set. So obviously by the time he's old enough to date, he is what he is. Stop thinking that you can change him, you cannot. The only time men change is when they want to. By the time boys reach adolescence, they stop listening to the females in their environment, and begin to emulate the males around them. However misguided and damaged those males may be. This is why it is so imperative to live in good areas where your sons will have a minimal amount of exposure to the most vile and damaged men. This is also why a good strong father in that child's life is almost the very best gift you can give that child.

But back to the signs.... Many women feel that the ex-wife or gf of their man is instantly their enemy, or opponent. This is usually not the case. Unless she is catty, or malicious, an ex can be a font of great info and content regarding your intended. She can tell you what makes him tick, if he's commitment phobic, or has other issues, don't take her word as law, keep your eyes open and take everything into consideration. Here are some qualities you definitely want to look for if you are in the market for a husband
. Responsible, Amiable, Kind, considerate, honest, sincere, loving, romantic, common sense, gentle, well off, financially solvent, ambitious, generous, clean, sexy, Intelligent, attractive etc.

It's important to know what's most important to YOU. Write down the qualities that you know you must have and make your your man has them. Some women want a man who looks like Brad Pitt or Morris chestnut. For my taste, they're both beautiful, but that would be at the bottom of my list. I would be far more interested in his intelligence, and relatability. Before I married, I knew exactly what I wanted. You have to do the same thing. KNOW what you want. It's very hard to obtain a vague or undefined goal.

It's really easy to know exactly what's going on with a man. All you have to do is listen and watch. Men will give themselves away every time. They just don't have the sophistication to obscure their true intentions for long. Have a getting to know you period with any man you think would qualify as a potential mate. And for God's sake, do NOT sleep with him during this period. Men will pretend to be anyone they think you want to see, in order to bed a woman! Also, sex blurs a woman's defenses, as well as her vision. The man will start to immediately look alot better to her if she has slept with him. This is natures attempt to protect procreation. This is why the old timers used to say," you lay on your back, you lose your head." Be sweet as a Georgia peach, but keep that strong inner core, and watch him....

GETTING TO KNOW THE REAL 'HIM'
In order to really get to know the man you're interested in, you need to observe him in a variety of settings. How does he interact with his family, his friends, what is his stance on politics and other controversial subjects. Is he truly a 'good person' or just faking it to reel you in? Listening to his family is another great way to truly see the inner him. How is his temper? Is he ready to curse someone out for cutting him off, or is he more laid back and mellow. If a tempermental man is a turn off for you, then don't bother to continue dating a man who angers readily. Btw, that's a bad characteristic anyway, given a world in which ppl often antagonize each other on a daily basis. You really should seek a more even tempered man. A man who is NOT a slave to his emotions. A well rounded adult is always slow to anger, and even slower to rage. These are not sexy qualities and many misguided women claim. These are warning signs of trouble!

DO YOU SHARE HIS VALUES
This is probably the MOST important characteristic of a good relationship. Couples who achieve longevity inevitably share common values. They may be different races, and backgrounds, but inevitably they have common values and this serves to bind them into a meaningful and long lasting union. For example, she comes from a small family who has struggled strenuously against poverty. He comes from a large well off Jewish family who has never known lack. On the surface it would seem they have little in common. People are actually amazed that they stay together. But what they don't see behind the outer veneer is that they both strongly believe in family, togetherness, and have a strong commitment to unity....Trust and believe that ppl who have opposing values have very little chance of remaining together for long....

HIS SEXUALITY...
It is very important for a man to control his sexuality. This is something that real men automatically do. He may desire a women tremendously, but he will wait until he is permitted into her inner lair before anything happens. And even then he will take pains to protect them both. He will never allow his loins to 'lead' him. Not being able to control one's loins is the hallmark of children or brutes. Think about the poor defenseless women of many African countries being routinely raped and brutalized by the animals they call 'men' Real men ALWAYS control their sexuality and would NEVER take what a lady refuses to give him...

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I learn this the hardway don't sleep with a guy the first night makes u look easy make him work for its its nothing wrong waiting before sex if he's meant to be yours he will be eventually. Just dont settle go out and meet peope and date!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't like this blog. I have sat here and read several posts and it has struck a nerve with me. Its one thing to have a preference to wm, its another thing to constantly bash bm and make them seem like animals. Last time I checked we have a black president. People like you are the reason our country is the way it is. When your own kinds looks at you like this, then what hope is it to ever grow from the position you are in. All bm aren't animals, rapists and idiots like you depict them to be. There are plenty of ignorant, country, animalistic, racist and cruel wm out there, so stop with this constant bashing of bm. Its stupid and ignorant just like the bm you constantly talk about.

Anonymous said...

I was speaking with my 37 y o who is a nurse about dating. She was saying she was not seeing anyone special. So, I told her that I kind of haste to tell her to date out. To my surprise she says her friends have been telling her the same thing, date out. I gave her a few irr sites to view but, I believe she may come around, especially since her friends are already on board.

ann

Southland Diva said...

Long-time lurker here. Great post! I love the 'slow to anger...slower to rage' quote. What's sexy in a man has changed for me over the years (indicating growth and maturity I hope) consequently characteristics such as compassion, even-temper, respectful, financially secure (including retirement), and patience are paramount. Physical traits mean less than character traits.

Peace

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. you don't have to like this blog. I don't get paid to write so I really don't give a damn whether someone (too cowardly to even leave a name) likes my blog. And where does this post specifically target bm. I was talking about ALL men who fit that description. And of course I know that ANY man can be an animal. Does it excuse the animalistic behavior of so many bm because other men can also be animals? It's funny to me that the women/children in the county I mentioned are suffering so badly, and yet what you've chosen to focus on is not the suffering of these innocent and defenseless ppl, but once again on the poor misunderstood bm animals who are victimizing them. Stay off my blog, I don't need any more idiotic bm defenders. I've got enough!

Anonymous said...

anononymous, If this blog struck a nerve with you then STOP UCKING READING IT, it is just that simple, stupid.

It's strange every time Sara tries to blog some idiot has to chime in.
Everyone understands you are doing your best to stop her from blogging.

a.

Jessica said...

@2nd Anonymous

If you have even a shred of compassion, instead of criticizing this blog's hostess for raising an issue you don't want to deal with, try something people like you almost never do: be part of the solution.
You can start here: http://my.care.org/site/Ecard?ecard_id=1881&s_source=mojo

Violence against women and young girls is a HUGE world wide problem. Instead of passing the buck in a pathetic attempt to protect violent BM from their own choice of actions (by saying WM do it too). Whether you realize it or not, you have the power to help other women! Or do you consider that too much to ask of you, because you'll have to use your real name?

Mia said...

You girls ripped it LOL .Wow

By By troll !!!!!!

Betty Boo said...

@Annon who does not like this blog, do us a favor, go play in traffic or go find a "I love black men" blog and find your utopia there and leave us alone. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

India said...

@Anon
Bashing bm?? Really? I guess you don't live in the world we live in where bw have been humiliated, condemned, murdered, harassed, assaulted and misused constantly by the men of their ethnic background. You must not have heard quotes from rappers stating they dislike dark-skin women or bw in general. You must not have heard of parties held by (b)basketball players, where bw were not to be invited.
You must not have realized that most in the bc could careless about bw; judging by the constant protection of bm by the NAACP, even when they themselves are the culprit in crimes against bw and their children.
Are you really that oblivious as to what’s going on around you? You can’t be that stupid. Tell me when have bw done any of the above in the media for countless years. Please spew that nonsense on a "I prefer bm blogs" or better yet head to Youtube and let the bm themselves tell you how they feel about bw. Sara tells the truth that so many do not want to hear. Bm have been bashing bw for years to justify their obsession for white skin or non-bw. bw will and should not be used as a cowards scapegoat.
Now do us all a favour and crawl back under your rock.

MaidenOfSerenity said...

I just want to say that I really like your blogs about interracial couples/ love. Although I probably should be commenting on the blogs strictly about that, I decided to comment here. I dont' see a lot of white men with black women in my area. Matter of fact it just seems down right rare. I like your passion for IRC and all the pictures too. I mean, just beautiful. I don't really know when I became so passionate about irc but I am now. Its so nice to know that there is someone else out there who feels the same way. I may not agree with everything you said but I most definately agree about the IRC/love part :) Share more Irc pictures! yay!

Lauren said...

I find this post in particular to be very helpful.