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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Is he looking for true love, or a chocolate fantasy? -ways to tell.....

Vilayna Lasalle, considered to be one of the most beautiful black women in the world........

Does he want YOU, or just a good time??.....
How do you know if a particular wm wants you, or sees you as a stereotypical fetish? Many of you ladies worry about this so much, you are unable to relax, around ordinary men, and often find yourself second guessing everything they do.

The truth is that men are just not smart enough, to obscure their true motives for long. Some aren't smart enough to hide it from the introduction. All the average woman has to do, is to ask questions, and really listen. He will reveal everything you need to know. Use dates -not to get a good meal,-but as interviews. Start slowly, and from the first date, really begin to probe his psyche. Ask about his family, his job, his hobbies, then let the conversation evolve to past relationships, and really listen to how he refers to other women. If he is calling other women b*tches or hoes, I guarantee you, YOU will be the next b*tch or hoe he refers to! Men are like leopards, they don't change their spots. If he has so little respect, that he can use those vile and filthy terms to describe other women, know that he will also utilize them in his descriptions of you. He will also treat you as he has notoriously treated other women in his past. I see women all the time, who make the mistake of thinking that although a man mistreated a woman from his past, he'll be good to them. That's not the way it works. In fact one of the best ways to really find out what kind of man he is, is to talk to his ex. Now if she is vindictive, or shady, skip her, and talk to someone more objective. But do vet him carefully, and never allow him to move the relationship faster than you feel comfortable with. I've seen bw turn down good wm because they believed he had a bw fetish, yet, I've also seen a few wm try to fulfill their stereotypical expectations of bw, by getting her into bed. So yes, it does happen, yet it's pretty rare because most bw have an automatic shield up anyways when it comes to wm. It's often a monumental effort for some wm, because many bw will look for any excuse to kick him to the curb.... The same way many bw will look for innumerable reasons to keep a bm.

The trick is to judge all men by high standards, and not allow anyone to slip through the cracks because of skin color. I always encourage bw to date 3 men at once. What will happen time and again is that one of the 3 will begin to far outpace the other 2. When their trying to take you to see a fight, he'll be the one who asks where you want to go. When they talk over your head, or forget their manners, he'll be the gentleman, who gives you his undivided attention. After you have vetted them, and 2 have fallen short. Dump them, (and if nec.) vet the winner against 2 more just to be sure. But I certainly don't want you ladies to worry about wm using you for sex. Accept the fact that ALL men want sex! But it's up to you -who will get it. So he can want indefinitely. It really does not mean much, unless you decide it's time. But the best rule with sex really is to put it off as long as possible. You really want to get to know this man, and second, it's a very bad idea to give your body to someone because you like them! So you like them -so what! You probably like the person who does you hair, and the person who serves you in a restaurant, and your mailman etc. You should NEVER be in bed with someone based on liking them. If you cannot wait for marriage (and I know-waiting is often difficult for women too) then wait for love, and a committed relationship. Never allow anyone to pressure you into bed. I can't stress enough how much you will resent- not only yourself-but him. At this point the relationship is often doomed....

Don't sabotage yourself........
It's very important that bw stop repeating the garbage that their is a shortage of men! Their is NOT a shortage of men! There may be a shortage of bm, but so what? There are plenty of other kinds all over. They are ubiquitous. You will have a hard time attracting something you have convinced yourself is scarce. This is why the news orgs are touting this crap every time you turn around. They don't want bw in loving, happy unions, and especially not with top of the line wm. As more and more wm cross the line, notice the verbal attacks against bw grow in frequency, and viciousness. First of all they have a vested interest in bw being tired, beaten, angry, and dejected. And second, they want good wm reserved for ww! That is why it is imperative that you disregard what these purveyors of malice tell you. Remember that there are enough wm in this world that ANY and EVERY bw who wants one, can have one. The marines may be looking or a few good men, but you're only looking for one! The best way to find him is to frequent the places of YOUR interest. If he's there, it's likely he shares your interest. And you can build from there. When you catch him looking, smile softly, and turn away. When you turn back, he should be looking with new interest (based on your smile) If you are with a group, move by yourself to make it easier for him to approach you. (men hate to approach women in a group) You have to give him the green light in order to bring him to you.

Green light

Smiling genuinely, /with happiness

being friendly and open

Cocking head to side, while watching him

Air of happiness and or confidence

Open body language-facing him, head up, biting lip-while taking quick glances, etc.

Red light (Y'all should know these by heart-so many of you use them!)

Set/angry chins

Rolling eyes

Never looking up at him/no eye contact

Turning away from him

Using a blocking item (book, head sets, other ppl etc.

Arms folded (as in -get the hell away from me!) He will know right away which light you have on, and he'll act accordingly....

What if it's a date from hell, and he really is looking for a chocolate fantasy.....
When it comes to DFH, we've all been there at least once. When it happens, laugh it off, and vow to vet more carefully next time. I will tell you how I saw one young woman handle a DFH, and I thought she did a splendid job............As for the chocolate fantasy part. I told you don't worry about it, because he's not going to get anything you have not consented to anyway. So discard the concern of what he might want.....check out how this young lady handled her DFH.......

I was watching some dating show a few yrs ago. It took place on a cruise ship. (some of you may remember it) Anyway, there was a blind date between a wm, and a beautiful ebony-hued bw. (Girl-really, she looked about 24) So anyway, I remember thinking how lovely she was. She was very dark with light eyes, and the effect was quite stunning. She had long brown hair, and was fairly slim. When she met him, he seemed decent enough at first. He told her that she was gorgeous, and that he was happy to meet her. She smiled, said thank you, and gave him a brief hug. But I began to get a 'funny feeling' about him as they entered the dining hall. It was a formal setting, (the whole cruise was very upscale) and she was dressed formally, in a long mauve colored gown. Now keep in mind that she looked right at home, because she was a very classy, and elegant looking/speaking woman. Several men turned and gave her approving smiles, but he seemed disturbed about something. As they sat down, he turned to her and said:
"I'm surprised you wore that dress " She looks up surprised and says: "Why?" (He) "Well, I would have expected you to wear something more..... alluring!" (She, blinking, and confused) "To a formal dinner-what exactly do you mean by alluring" (He, shakes his head-changes discussion) They talked about other things, and the date seemed to be going ok, but it was obvious she was still bothered by his earlier comment (probably because it made no sense) Then I noticed that he kept looking at the bodice of her dress. He can hardly tear himself away to answer her question. He's just staring like a dog in heat. Since the dress was not revealing in anyway, his behavior borders on lascivious. She grows tired of trying to converse with him, while he stares at her dress, and grows angrily quiet. He finally notices that she's quiet and rather annoyed, and he gives a brief apology. He says something about the dress reminding him of something-she does not believe him, but lets it drop. Later when they don their swimsuits, he gets upset because she has not chosen a bikini. (she'd brought a one-piece) He begins to question her on how this is not typical attire for a black girl!!! She gets very offended, and informs him that bgs come in different sizes, shapes and personalities! He offers a weak apology, and they go swimming.... (This is a 3-day date)
The next day they meet for breakfast, and the tension they've experienced earlier seems to have dissipated somewhat. She's bright and cheerful, and obviously trying to make the best of a bad situation. They are joking around, when she laughingly asks him how tall he is. (He's short-about 5.6), at this point he goes ballistic! and starts yelling that she's trying to embarrass him. She tells him that she was only asking because she's 5.5 and wanted to know if he was taller. He mentions that he's rather sensitive about his height, and without bothering to apologize for his ridiculous behavior, he falls silent. She tries to put his rude behavior aside and see the date through. A little while later, she is talking to the camera, and she is saying that although she agreed to this date, she could not wait for it to be over, and that she suspected that he thought she would be a hoochie type woman because she was black.
At dinner that night, her suspicions and mine, were confirmed. She wore an off-white gown, had her hair up, and her make up perfect. She was stunning. When she walked into the dining area, all the men turned to stare, and several men got up from their seats, as if it might entice her to join them for dinner. Her date not only refused to get up when she came to the table, but he looked up at her and scowled. She looked uncomfortable, and surprised, but she took her seat. He then turned to her and said:
"Why the hell are you wearing a LONG dress-is this sh*t supposed to turn me on?" She gazed at him a moment, and said,
"I was not trying to turn you on, I was trying to get to know you"
At this point he threw down his napkin, and stood up.
"I've had it" He shrieked, "You don't even act like a black girl!-you act like a princess for God's sake!-and this date is OVER!!!"
With that he stood back like he was hoping she would 'go off' but she remained calm, and collected. She shrugged her shoulders casually.
"Well, it was nice meeting you" she lied. "Have a safe trip home...."
He turned and stormed out, while several white men nearby rushed to take his place........
Ladies, never tolerate disrespect from ANY man. He obviously thought because this young woman was black, that she would be a shenehneh, (loud, ghetto, vulgar, and/or easy) when he saw that she was the epitome of class and grace, he was livid. I guess he thought he was in for easy sex for the whole week end. etc. She handled it wonderfully though, and I was very proud of her. You don't have to act like a jerk because he does. A lady knows that actions speak louder than words every time. If he shows that he has no home training and wants to disrespect you on a date, make a flimsy excuse (that he'll see right through, ) and LEAVE. The only thing I would have changed about the girl on the show, is that I would have told her not to waste another night on this jerk. I would have told her to leave on day 1. This man was extremely rude, arrogant, insensitive and abrasive. But notice there was a roomful of other men who could not wait to take his place. When you are quality woman, there are ALWAYS other men waiting to take the present man's place-remember that....
As for discerning whether he's there for you, or just wants to fulfill a fetish-use the following clues, and keep in mind that men are just not smart enough to fool anyone for long. Their real selves always emerge, and give them away. All you have to do is listen, wait, and observe.........

Here are some signs that he's looking for something more serious -possibly marriage....

1. He's respectful

2. He wants to spend more time with you

3. He talks to you about the good, bad, and insignificant things in his life.4. He introduces you to his family

5. He looks at you 'proudly

'6. He treats you like you are something special

7. He is extremely interested in pleasing you

8. He has extremely good manners and behaves like a gentleman9. He refuses to let others speak ill of you10. He thinks you're beautiful even when you look like whoopi (no offense whoopi) and takes you everywhere.

Here are some signs that he just has a fetish for bw (RUN!)

1. He calls only at night

2. He wants to come over late, (no date just a late call) -don't let him!

3. You have never met his best friend or his family

4. You only seem to go out to strange, far away places

5. He looks embarrassed when ww look at you two together.

6. He seems to be uncomfortable with you in public

7. He lets him family and friends say nasty things about you- or ignore you.

8. He makes a lot of sexual references to your body and barely notices your face

9. He's always groping you, even when you ask him to stop.10 He seems to be rushing the relationship toward the bedroom even after you tell him -you want to take it slow... /He does not seem genuinely interested in the 'real' you. 11. Instead of looking at you with pride, and respect- he constantly 'leers' 12. He does not give a damn about the things you think, because he 'knows' you won't be around long enough for it to matter...-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who keep emailing me asking for wealth tips -here are a few

.... 1. Car flea Market Riches!Here is a very easy way to make thousands of dollars per month. Many men will take to this idea but there is no reason why a woman cannot do it, provided she takes measures to protect herself from strangers....You see in the paper every day people selling cars and people buying cars. A great number of those ads are really from car dealers who take over the newspaper much to the frustration of people who want to buy from the seller to avoid the high dealer costs/add ons. You can help the buyers and the sellers, as well as make a fortune each month by simply creating a car flea market....Many ideas to make a fortune are easy to come up with. An idea does not have to require a PHD to think up or facilitate. Unfortunately many people cannot grasp the simply realization that simple things can often make more money than the complicated. Look at the paper clip for example... To implement this simple plan go out and find a decent sized lot. Abandoned drive ins are great but there are any number of spaces that can be made usable for this simple purpose. When you find a decent spot negotiate with the owner on a lease fee. That done, advertise in the paper that you have car lot where people can display their cars for 25.00 per vehicle. Try to get some publicity from the radio stations or advertise heavily in the newspaper or use bandit signs etc. Any number of ways will get you customers, and this type of business will grow by word of mouth bigger each month. It's fairly easy to be pulling in 10,000 per month in this easy business within a few months with some work. You can let vendors come for free and take a small percentage of their profit or make them pay up front. All negotiations are between buyers and sellers you have nothing to do with problems with any cars or anything like that. You are merely the 'place' where the transactions occurred. This businesses can be operated for most of the year and many people are getting quite wealthy in ventures of this kind. Simply write up an agreement stating your terms (25.00 per vehicle, you are not liable for any transactions etc.) Get a signed agreement from each vendor and put it in a file (you can use a folder in an ordinary drawer-but don't lose it) You can have a mechanic there who charges for vehicle inspections and you can take a percentage of his profit! Use your imagination wealth is for the taking not for the dreamers.....

2. Car Service Reminders.....
Many people are so very busy that they cannot remember to have their car serviced. Then they have problems at the worst times (ie bad neighborhoods, late at night, all alone etc.) You can approach any number of dealers, and have too much business to handle in no time. You would be taking over service reminders (which many dealers are too busy to undertake) you would send postcards to the people who are due for service and take a percentage of everyone who comes in to have the service done. You would negotiate with the dealer on how much of a percentage, but a good rule of thumb is 20%. With just 3-4 dealers you could easily make double what most people are making working 40 hours per week! This is a bit detailed as there is a lot of record keeping. This type of biz would be best for someone who is detailed oriented and loves numbers. If that sounds like you-give it a try. You can print up business cards and presto! You are in business honey. The dealers will be so happy to have this tedious task off their hands they will practically overwhelm you! Just keep your day job and let it grow-and it will try it and you'll see......

3. Details for rich kids!
If you have kids who want to make extra money and you have a good amount of drive way or lawn space, try this: Place this ad in paper or around town.Best Car Detail in town! done by young professions-working their way to college! People love to help young people get to college and as long as your children are responsible (not too young now) they will let them clean and detail their cars especially if the work is superior and the prices are a little less. Always supervise your children and teach them to very, very carefully detail the cars (you can easily get a library book on this) 3 kids can do a very good job in about 45 minutes and by charging 25 % less than a typical detailer for your area you WILL get jobs. USE the paper, or bandit signs or word of mouth if you want to build slow and steady. What most people do not realize is that almost anything can become a business. I was reading recently about a young kid who started taking back the neighbors trash cans as a courtesy in an area where they receive heavy fines for leaving cans out. (125.00) Many people had to leave work to go take their garbage cans back to the house from the street! As a result he soon had numerous people who begged him to do the same for them. He began to charge 5.00 per house and made so much money he quit his job and hired his 2 sisters. One as a secretary and the other to help him recruit more kids so he could expand. Within months he was making more than his parents who have worked for years by adding 2 more neighborhoods! You must learn to think outside the box. You have million dollar ideas EVERYDAY -its time to dust off a few and put them to work......thanks for tuning in see you next time -S


Nita said...

Hello Sara,

I just discovered your blog and I think I read all of your entries and many of the comments. Good job on helping BW finding love and happiness. Many of the women here are very intelligent and share similar beliefs and ideas to mine.

Well based on your latest submission the only two White guys I've dated have only been there for sexual purposes. I am attracted to all races of men and have been open to IR since high school. I only started IR dating in college.

I have pretty much avoided dating and all social affairs for the last 2 years. I'm getting back into the dating game and I'm glad I found your blog to help me through the transition from hermit to a social butterfly. Wish me luck!

Thank you

DiosaNegra said...


The "gentleman" you described from that dating show sounds like he was created in a laboratory....'cos he's defninitely a MONSTER!

From the description of the gowns that beautiful BW wore...I was entranced myself!

He didn't DESERVE her at ALL!

As always, you speak words of wisdom for those with ears to hear Madame Taylor!

Keep 'em coming....Peace..

Anonymous said...

Hey Sara,

This is a wonderful post and vital to bw just embarking upon IR relationships. They need to know the signs. About 20 years ago, some of these same signs were in my face and I just chose to ignore them because this one particular wm was so fine. He got what he wanted and I was history. Yes, he was done with me and I got a very valuable lesson. Pay attention to those clues ladies, this is not theory here. These are tried and true facts. Be watchful and pay attention to your instincts. God gave them to you for a reason. Thanks again for this very timely post.

Zabeth said...

I can't believe the things the WM said on the dating show... simply can't believe it! But, in reference to your previous discussion about the media, I'm sure this couple was set up together on purpose by the producers.

KM said...

Cosign.... and to add with men who just want to screw their fantasy, many times this day, they won't even try to get you over their place. They'll try their best to get you to take them home so they can screw you and then go. They see BW from the rap video lenses and they cannot fathom a BW that doesn't fit that construct. However, unfortunately, there are plenty of BW who after the WM gets past the initial resistance who'll fit the role for that kind of WM.

Also btw, Holly Robinson is still very married to Rodney Peete.

Shurl said...

This reminds me of my husband. I've known him for 9 years. When we first started dating, I caught a nasty cold. He came over to my place to watch movies. I was a mess. At one point, he looked at me and whispered, "You're so pretty." This is when I knew he was the one for me!!!

Karen said...

Thank you for your wisdom and insight!!!

MilesPerHour said...

Yoiu are really dea-on with this post. Men need women to hold them accountable for their actions as men. When you let guys get away with their "stuff" they will continue to do it. Real men are few and far between but are out there. A woman's actions and responses will dictate what kind of man they attract.

ak said...

Hi Sara

I have no time for a man who's looking for a bedwarmer. BW need to screen out and toss out all men, regardless of color, who act like they're a booty call.

The thing that I can't fathom is when BW screen out and toss out the WM and other non-black men who act like they're a booty call-- which is fine, but they don't screen out and toss out the BM who treat them like a booty call and then they end up with the OOW kids all over the place because of it.

It's like lady are you CRAZY?! No it is NOT OK when it's only just the BM treating you like that! IT IS STILL BAD!

And to any young BW going to colleges and universities, I don't care if you're going to a predominantly white one or a historically black one, you can and should date without being sexually involved or overly sexually involved. Hey Planned Parenthood does give out condoms and you can talk to them about getting contraception as well.

They say that most people meet their future spouses in college, so why would you cheat yourself out of that opportunity to meet a future husband (if you're straight) as a BW, when nobody else is giving up that opportunity for themselves?

Balance out a healthy and safe social life with your studying, and please stay away from all of the staff members also. The professors are usually tied down with their own fammilies and that would attract a bit of unneeded scandal.

I read on, I think it was Evia's blog, that someone sent her a letter about black female students at Boston University being approached by the staff of cafeteria workers there for dates! And these cafeteria servers/cleaners usually try attach themselves to the black girls that get no dates or are not dating at the time. They wouldn't dare try that with the white or Asian girls now would they?

I can see unwanted pregnancies afoot!

Queen said...

I love that the sistah continued to carry herself with style and class despite his immature and selfish behavior and there was nothing lost. As you mentioned, several wm rushed to take his place which also tells me one thing, that a man that behaves badly can easily be replaced with a good one or a better one as long as we respectfully hold our own and do not lower our standards.

Another thing with all these men behaving badly and disrespectfuly is that too many women have "spoiled" them by allowing them to treat them any old kind of way, making themselves a "booty call". So when a woman like the one on the reality show holds them accountable and has a standard of how they will allow themselves to be treated, they act like jerks because they are not getting their way. I have seen men call women like this sistah stuck-up b****s because they wont allow them to treat them like a tramp.

We as BW's have been exploited enough, we are seen as sexual, but not sensual, a sex obeject rather than sexy and basicly a female and not feminine. Some of it is by foolish actions, but alot of it is becasue of media stereotyping; that man was expecting "lil kim" and he got "Diann Carroll" and was not to happy about it. His loss.

Karen said...

AK said,

"..I have no time for a man who's looking for a bedwarmer. BW need to screen out and toss out all men, regardless of color, who act like they're a booty call.

The thing that I can't fathom is when BW screen out and toss out the WM and other non-black men who act like they're a booty call-- which is fine, but they don't screen out and toss out the BM who treat them like a booty call and then they end up with the OOW kids all over the place because of it.

It's like lady are you CRAZY?! No it is NOT OK when it's only just the BM treating you like that! IT IS STILL BAD! "

My sentiments...EXACTLY!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you, KM

Mouth hit the floor, Holly's new love????? They were just on Oprah I believe it was in October.
They are such a wonderful couple.


Anonymous said...

What about this wm I know who only wants to communicate via the internet. No phone calls. Just internet on screen viewing. This is easy because he lives in Canada and she lives in Texas.
I think this guy was serious at first but, then realized that he was not that compatible with her. So, now it is only an internet friendship. Thing is she by past some guys for him.
As I told her that she was wasting her valuable time.


Lena said...

I prefer non-black men as a given.
I'll give White and Asian men a chance if they seem like decent fellows.
I'm not silly enough to judge men based on their race. I hate it when people judge me based on my race so I believe it's only fair to judge men on an individual basis.

I'm trying e-harmony as a means of meeting men of all races. Man I can't wait to meet some very handsome guys(attraction is different for every woman).

I prefer Beefcakes *giggles like a silly school girl*

I don't get out much and I want to know where I can meet single men. I'm trying to avoid men who are attached.

Some men do lie about their martial status on dating websites.

I want to use both Avenues because the net will enable me to meet a larger number of interesting candidates. However offline will give me better insight on a man's intentions.

Sowelu said...

its so true that guys show their true colors early on.

Thank you for the wealth tips. Im going to try the car flea market one.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hey ladies, have a great weekend. We're going away (for the wk-end) so if the comments are not updated, it's means I'm not back yet. Thanks everyone for all your comments, however; let me state up front. That we are NOT going to turn this post into a (what's going on in Holly R.s life ok) So please, no more comments about her. Lets keep it on topic....

Rosette said...

Sara, while you don't want this to be turned into a "what's going on in Holly Robinson Pete's life", I think it's crucial that you at least supply us with links to your recent pics. I'm saying this from a woman who reads TONS celebrity magazines, celebrity blogs, and entertainment columns. I know reliable sources/pics when I see one....NOT SURE about what you've posted with Holly Robinson Pete. I've googled and searched for any information concerning Holly Robinson Pete/divorce and came up with absolutely nothing. I've search for possible images with Holly and new beau....absoultely nothing. But guess what I found: TONS of pics of Holly and her husband of 10+ years Rodney Pete. Where did you find this pic and please list your sources?

Sara, I'm engaged to a non-bm. I'm in my early 20s, and have a completely different view of IRR than you and many of the BWE bloggers. But hey, it's your opinion and I have no problem with agreeing to disagree. I have no problem with bm, bc I've had great ones around me while growing up. I mainly come to your blogs to see the beautiful pics of regular IR couples. Love is a beautiful thing and I enjoy seeing pics of black women in love regardless of the color of her DH's skin.

I've also come here with respectful intentions; but I'm extremely offended of what you've posted with Holly. I say this as a person who agree with two posters who commented on your Oct. 29 posts: WE SHOULD NOT SUPPORT BLACK WOMEN just because they choose to date/marry non-bm men. DBR man come in all colors! I've heard, read, and seen nothing that confirms HRP is divorced/separated. What if this guy is the "other man"? What if he's just a friend? What about her children, her family relatives and close friends? Like I said earlier, because of the pic you've posted I've done my research and called "insiders". If this is breaking newsworthy, you might have just opened pandora's box.

I support ALL loving relationships. Holly and Rodney "appear" to be a great couple. As a woman in a IRR, I support sistahs who choose to broaden their dating pool. What I don't respect is people who post pics of IR couples (primarily celebs) just for the sake of a "bw dating a non-bm" or a "bw being pictured with a non-bm". You're intentions may be "pure", but that's how it comes off at times. I stay stick with pics of regular couples. JMO

Woman of Valor said...

Good article. I know some women are paralyzed with fear that non-Black men will only see them as sex objects. These types of tips will help them to feel more confident that they're armed with the knowledge on how to men with the potential for long term relationships from the rest.

These rules are universally applicable, too. I've noticed that, in the U.S., it's common for men the same color as us to have a "big booty" fetish or fixation - but it's just that no one ever recognizes it as this when it's someone of the same color.

I can usually tell a guy who's just out for sex by the way he looks at me (lascivious) or talks to me, so I've never gone on a date with one. Not that I worry much, because I don't have sex with men I'm not married to. If anything, a man like this slipping through the cracks would just mean we've wasted some of each other's time.

Fii said...

I think the woman in the story handled herself perfectly. There is no way to sugar coat that asshole man, but you know if she would have acted in any way other than the way she did, the show itself probably would have portrayed her as a black bitch.

I will never in my life understand why so many men, regardless of race really so are scared and intimated by women of worth. They claim this is the type of woman they ultimately want, but when they meet her, they have no idea what to do with her. They never realize that this sex that they want so badly, they can get in multitude in the confines of a serious relationship with a good woman, who will not only give them sex - but take care of them in the fashion they desire as well.

Fii said...

They say it's women who are not selective and choosing the right men, but men too go around chasing these fast skirts thinking that there's a wife and mother underneath and then they are gravely disappointed.

This is why it's so fabulous when wm and bw get together, because most of the time they would have weeded all that immature bull out of their lives and their midset and are both looking for real love and serious relationships.

Because more times out of none, the beginning of a relationship sets the standard for the entire relationship. If it's built on struggle and strife, that will never be escaped. If it's built on genuine caring and interest, there's a far greater chance that relationship will last.

cool_splash1 said...

I know this is old, but too bad this woman made these comments. I hope many girls didn't listen to this. I also hope that African women don't fall into the nothing, but a bm crap that has hurt us.

XaiXai said...

Great post Sara!

Lena said:
I prefer Beefcakes *giggles like a silly school girl*
I don't get out much and I want to know where I can meet single men.

Xai says:
If you want to meet non-black beefcake try mixed martial arts. There are clubs of enthusiast all over the world. I don't know your age or where you live, just know that this sport attracts fit men and women of all ages. When I travel to Europe I always try to attend a match. Ahem! You soon understand the concept of God as artist. Talk about outrageously beautiful men. So for your next trip, do your research and have at it. A plus is these men aren't one dimensional like most boxers or football players because the sport isn't truly mainstream yet. These men are often renaissance men, well educated businessmen by day and buff gladiators by night. One caution: know the sport! Get a mixed martial arts for dummies book. These men do like to discuss the intricacies of the sport with their women. If you're lucky, one might demonstrate a few of the many "holds" on you.
Good luck,

Anonymous said...

Have a good time Sara!

Taylor-Sara said...

Wait a minute Rosette.
First of all, I think I just said this post was NOT about Holly! I explicitly told you that! I never made any suggestions whatsoever as to her marital status, because I DON'T KNOW what it is-and never claimed to. Being that she is such a classy lady, I assumed she's divorced, but I do not know the status of her marriage. I received the pic the way I receive most of my pictures. It was sent to me. I have no intentions of doing any 'research' for you-that's not the point of my post or my blog. As far as you being offended by her picture being up-too damn bad! Who do you think you are coming here telling me what to put up? I think you need to take your offended self back where you came from!

As I stated before, this post is about The post, and not holly. No more comments concerning her will be posted-thank you

Frankly Rosette, I'm offended by you coming here trying to start some mess-and over nothing at that. This is my blog, and it does not HAVE to meet with your approval about anything....

Anonymous said...

LOL at Rosette..."I'm in my early 20s, and have a completely different view of IRR than you and many of the BWE bloggers."

And, I usually agree with EVERYTHING you say.

However, I must agree that if there is no other infor. about her being separated or divorce then why put that imagine up? And, I have been searching. He is probably some one she is working with.


Anonymous said...

I didn't read all the responses yet. But I am thankful for the warnings. It makes me wonder if WW do the same when it comes to BM who are fetishizing them. Evidently not. :oL

Miss Phantom

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lorna said...

No one should be offended by the pics. I have submitted pics to Sara and some of them were outdated. People do break up and get divorced. I wondered about HRP but can see that the pic is older. I know that HRP is not divorced and happy with her hubby, the the point of the pics is to show that wm and non bm can be and are attracted to bw. Nothing more, nothing less.

So many bw believe that wm are not attracted to us and these pics have changed many a sister's mind because it gave them hope. Not just to see the celeb pics, but to see pics of everyday ordinary sisters of all shapes, sizes, skin shades and ages.

If there is any question about the pics, do your own research, but the pics stay until the blogger decides to take them down. They are providing a wonderful service to sisters who doubted or are on the fence. It also shows bm who try to have bw believe that wm don't want them. So thanks for posting.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. I know you did not just come on here telling me to 'name my sources' when you didn't even use YOUR OWN NAME!!! That's too crazy for words! And second, since I made no allegations as to the celebs you mentioned, I have nothing to defend -now do I -fool? You have to first make some allegations regarding someone BEFORE you have legal repercussions (based on those allegations-idiot! Lord, some ppl are soooo stupid!! Please remove your sh-starting self from my blog....And I will def. be checking your IP address in case I need to bring charges on you for stalking. Because I have asked you several times to keep it moving...

Taylor-Sara said...

I'm sorry Y'all
But due to so many Anons coming here trying to start mess. I will no longer be accepting Anonymous comments. I apologize for the problems this may cause, but it's either this, or do as Evia has been forced to do, and stop taking comments period...

aann4950 said...

On the way to work I was radio channel surfing and I hard Steve Harvey and a guest talking about relationships and decided to stream his show via the internet.

I did not realize Steve was re-married two years ago. When he would talk about his wife, I thought he was referring to Mary.
Yes, I was confused...I thought that maybe he had been married to two different women with the same first name.

**Side note- see the site smoking gun for a copy of his divorce petition.**

Steve took Mary to the cleaners. This guy pays only $1,000. per month in child support. Mary was naive enough to use Steve's lawyer in their divorce. We cannot afford to be naive. She saw red flags but, chose to ignore them. Apparently, Steve did not ignore anything. He made sure that he covered all things financial.

Steve goes on the radio preaching about how women should choose a good man. And, then he tells his nephew about not desiring women who are to heavy. All women deserve to be loved. Steve even told Tommy not to idealize other race women on the air because their audience is mostly bw. I thought wtf on national radio you, Steve say this crap.
In my eyes that is what Steve Harvey is a piece of crap. He is basically using bw. Steve's latest light/bright wife had better watch her steps with him. If he did not have such a large bw fan base he probably would have married a ww by now. Well, Steve I will file you under the sometimes good men catagory.

Ladies make sure you have your own lawyer.


Taylor-Sara said...

good point Ann. Too many men 'pretend' to be down for bw, ie, Steve, Michael Baisen,Tyler Perry, TD Jakes, and others. When they are really out to line their pockets. TD Jakes went (I think it was SC) and told all the women (most of his congregion is bw) that he needed 17k from everyone, and that the lord told him everyone who parcipated would be tremendously blessed. Well ppl pulled money from saving, college funds, retirements funds etc. to (fulfill God's wish-yeah right)and when he left town with hundreds of thousands of dollars, forclosures went through the roof! I don't think this man or many of these men have bw's best interest at heart.....

aann4950 said...

I am so glad that you bought up TD Jakes. When I first began to hear about this preacher/rev./bishop or whatever they are calling themselves this year, I had a feeling he was going to turn out to be one of those people preaching about prosperity and giving very little in return to all of those (mostly)bw who deeply believe in him. Of course, not all ministers are out to make a quick dollar at the expense of bw.

TD Jakes I believe is Steve Harvey and Tom Joyner's minister.
Tom's female DJ will sometimes joke with Tom about him not going to church. In Steve Harvey's words(almost), "Most men do not go to church because a "player" recognizes another "player" and that is what alot of these so-called ministers are- players.

They play most of you bw for your money, time, energy, material possessions and your idiol worship.

Stop worshipping these and some women ministers. They do not have any more special connection to God then you have. Look at what the minister(s) are doing for the majority of their congregation and the community at-large and I am not just talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Here in New Orleans we have Paul Morton. Morton has moved to Houston and now his wife Debra is heading the New Orleans church.
Hmmm, the husband is in Houston and the wife is in New Orleans and what is not right about that picture? The open secret is he is gay. What does the wife care, the money is great. These people live like kings and queens and their congregation is their loyal subjects.

K. Michel said...

So, BM aren't supposed to leave comments here? I ask because I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to disrespect the blog owner and her wishes...

tertiaryanna said...


"it's a very bad idea to give your body to someone because you like them! So you like them -so what! You probably like the person who does you hair, and the person who serves you in a restaurant, and your mailman etc. You should NEVER be in bed with someone based on liking them."

This is a great way of putting it!

tertiaryanna said...

@ Lorna:

"So many bw believe that wm are not attracted to us and these pics have changed many a sister's mind because it gave them hope. Not just to see the celeb pics, but to see pics of everyday ordinary sisters of all shapes, sizes, skin shades and ages."

100% cosign on this.

tertiaryanna said...

@ Anon:

"I know who only wants to communicate via the internet. No phone calls. Just internet on screen viewing."

My guideline is that the internet is used to set a time and place for the date. I don't use it for getting to know someone before they meet. It's too easy to build feelings for someone based on how they present themselves online, without checking if their real-life self is as compatible. It takes more than appearance to build chemistry.

My rule is if a person won't or can't arrange a time to meet within the first few emails, I'm not interested.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi. K.Michael.
You are welcome to post provided you do not disrespect the women here. I hated to put that inclusion up (re: bm) but I had to because we had so many bm coming here, who only wanted to disrupt, or disrespect bw in general...

Taylor-Sara said...

To everyone emailing me about the no Anons. I'm really sorry. I tried to make this a last resort, but the trolls were getting too heavy, and it was taking a toll on my nerves. My son already has my nerves a tad-bit on edge with his constant demands,
And I just don't have the patience to keep deleting cowardly trolls over and over. I know some of you don't feel safe using non-anon names. We'll see what can be done in the future...

K. Michel said...

Oh, I see. I have no intentions on being disrespectful.

Hey Taylor-Sara, hello ladies. After reading this article, I had a question. One of the tips in this article is to talk to a white guy's ex-girlfriend if you're unsure about whether he's being sincere.

So, Taylor-Sara... have you had to talk to a man's ex, and she turned out to be a White woman? I'd imagine that would happen often.

Rocky said...

And I just don't have the patience to keep deleting cowardly trolls over and over.

I'm having the same problem on my blog.

Rocky said...

Too many men 'pretend' to be down for bw, ie, Steve, Michael Baisen,Tyler Perry, TD Jakes, and others. When they are really out to line their pockets.

Most ministers are out to line their pockets. At least their wives benefit from their wealth.

Convert to Catholicism and attend a predominantly black Catholic church. Their are several in places like New Orleans and Houston.

ak said...

I know that in this post it may sound like people are all doom and gloom about the dating situations for black women, but don't worry about it. Some black women just need to realize that it's not them, but just the clashing of personalities, and basically just the crazy, real 'arses' that there are in the world.

I remember years ago on a show that used to be on called Blind Date where the cameras follow around the two set-up people (usually around the LA area), they put a WM on with an Asian American woman. The WM was young but sounded very conservative and serious as if he wouldn't mind looking for wife material and he sounded Southern, and the AW looked normal not beautiful, not flashy, and not hideous.

The AW looked like the serious type with a big serious career, and not like a show-offy exhibitionist type, but boy was she! She was sure that this guy she was set up with would be all over her and just begging to treat her like a Playboy bunny or something! And the WM was just not having any of it. He just wanted some girl who he could talk with seriously and get to know, what a clash. And he was mouthy, he sure as hell told her what he liked from what he didn't like! LOL

I remember this because when they put on their swimwear and went into the hot tub the AW said 'Listen let's play a game, I'll take off my bottoms and you take off yours and we'll...' I can't remember the rest but right then and there on camera she took off her bikini bottoms in the water and she was sitting right by the WM.

And the WM just acted like he was disgusted and tired of her behavior and told her to put her bottoms back on, he didn't curse the AW or yell at her, but what a mouth on him. If anything I think he got out of there or cut that date short I think, but he would not be going out with her again, they just didn't gell. Thw WM wanted a wife or Little Miss Conservative and the AW was out for a good time, lots of sex, and just wanted to be treated like a 'piece of meat' porno actress!

It seems to me like the AW was sure that this WM would be up for anything she was up and she was just so sure that he would be ready to drool all over her but not so. On these reality dating shows most of the time it seems like the WM and AW that get set up together usually do get along swimmingly, but you can't win em all. I think this WM would have been better suited to the BW on the dating show where they're both put on a cruise ship that Sara spoke about.

Actually there was another time on that same show where a WM and an AW didn't get along and the WM just cut it short.

The point is that it's not you or it's not always 'just because you're a black woman'. Some people are just a bunch of jackasses.

Rosette said...

Lol, I did intend to respond to the topic. Overall, I think this was a GREAT post! Bc I'm more of a generalist, I think your post is a great take-home message for ALL women. Life would be easier for A LOT of women if they thoroughly vetted men. Also, I TRULY appreciate your take on sex! It feels great hear other women profess that there's nothing wrong with putting it off as long as possible. I'm 21 & too many young ladies my age & younger are giving it bc they "like" a guy as you said. Spot on!

Sara said:
"So yes, it does happen, yet it's pretty rare because most bw have an automatic shield up anyways when it comes to wm. It's often a monumental effort for some wm, because many bw will look for any excuse to kick him to the curb.... The same way many bw will look for innumerable reasons to keep a bm."

The only thing I respectfully disagree with. In fact, it's probably better to keep my thoughts to be on the safe side, lol :-).

Sara said:

"Frankly Rosette, I'm offended by you coming here trying to start some mess-and over nothing at that. This is my blog, and it does not HAVE to meet with your approval about anything...."
Wow, I'm actually surprised that you posted what I wrote! I've been away from my computer, but I had to respond . Sara, please don't assume I'm here to start "drama". If you read what I wrote, I said I came here with respectful intentions. I'm well aware of your blog and I as said earlier, I can agree to disagree with you bc I respect the fact that it is your blog (hence, I've only posted here once besides this response). Besides, you wrote what I needed to read: you received the pic via email.

I don't think I was being overly dramatic. Was I mad/offended? Yes! I'm sorry that you took offense to what I wrote but I'm also a huge fan of this happily married celeb. It touched a nerve that day bc I had seen a few inaccurate celeb pics on other blogs and responded to those as well (just a pet-peeve of, I know I'm not alone). Some people deliberately do this, BUT I now see that your intentions were pure. It may not be a "big deal", but news/gossip gets around fast on blogs as much as it does on gossip magazines and mainstream news. I didn't want the rumor mill going off on two possibly innocent people. I say this bc, lately, a lot of celeb gossips have originated from blogs, not "trashy" magazines like we'd expect. I'm just saying be careful, that's all (i.e. if you were to get in trouble).

@ Lorna, I'm in an IRR (engaged). Of course I'm happy to see bw with other men besides bm! That's the primary reason I come on this site, to see pics of beautiful couples. Once again, I did my research and just didn't think it was fair to bring out an innocent's person business w/o knowing the facts. I agree with you Lorna, pics of other IR couples send a positive message to those who are/have considered dating interracially. Like you said, many pics of celebs can be outdated; but that does not mean we shouldn't be careful with those pics. JMO

Again Sara, I'm a very civil person and in no way was it my intention to be rude to you. Lol, we all get "in the heat of the moment" at times (I assume you get that way as well). I understand your frustration from your post on Nov. 18 (3:12 pm). It's most likely hard to tell who's disagreeing with you and who's being a "troll" as some call it. Don't worry about me, if I strongly disagree with any blogger or post, I just don't comment. Lol, sometimes it takes much effort to explain why one disagrees. At the end of the day, it's not worth all the back&forth. JMO.

Name: G. T. said...


Excellent post.


With all due respect to Catholics, it’s not as if the Catholic Church is without its issues. I wouldn’t say majority of all non-Catholic priests/pastors in the U.S. are out to scam their congregations--but there is certainly a significant percentage that is giving the rest a bad rep. I’ve been able to find Protestant churches where the pastors weren’t out to line their pockets. I’m an evangelical Christian, so my experiences have mostly been with evangelical churches. When my husband and I moved to a new city a while ago, we just diligently visited a lot of multi-racial churches to find one that was a good fit; we could usually tell within a few visits if the pastor’s approach to money was one that we didn’t trust. Let me just add that I’ve seen black churches where the pastor wasn’t a “money preacher”—I just prefer more diverse churches.

Lena said...

I found a video on preferences. This youtube user points out how people who prefer to date outside their race are judged unfairly.
The title is "Unacceptable" Preference.
I found the video thought provoking. Check it out. She's pointing out how people are quick to bash black women who prefer non-black men.

Lisa-just-Lisa said...

@ K. Michel... I missed the tip about talking with a man's ex in the article but I think it's an okay tip although most men will do everything under the sun to keep their ex's away from current girlfriends or prospects! I have an almost unbelievable situation to ex was a divorced wm with two young children. He had a "decent" relationship with his ex wife and they always made the children their top priority; I got to know his former wife as we would often attend the kids' activities together. I thought his former wife was a cool woman and we became pretty good pals. The wm turned out to be a crazy fool and we broke up, but my friendship with his former wife endured and I now count her among my best friends, and it is because of her that I have been able to maintained a really nice relationship with the two children.

On another note is anyone watching Tough Love on VH1 season II? Good show, good advice, check it out

Name: G. T. said...

I hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving. Here’s an article in Newsweek titled “A Frog of a Different Color” encouraging bw to be open to IR relationships:

Anonymous said...

Yes, it is good Tiger Woods wasn't hurt too badly. However, I hear that there is trouble in "Tiger land". Hmmm, now where was he going around 2:25 a.m.? Did he finally realized that he was a millioner married to a dime a dozen freaking nanny and not a real model or did Elin find out that he has another chicky on the side?


Anonymous said...

Mean while back at the ranch, Tiger has the nerve to get his hands caught in the cookie.
And to think Elfin Woods gave up being a Glamour Nanny so that she could live the life of Riley. LOL...some men just do not appreciate what we women go through.


cool_splash1 said...

I just found out that Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice were created by a black woman.

S said...

About time someone spoke up about this phenomenan! and it had to be a WW, seriously, what is wrong with BW celebs these days!? why can't they speak up against this trash, why does it always have to be someone from outside who "gets it"? incredible.

ak said...

I apologise Sara if you feel I'm gonna derail the topic here but I just wanted to give some long over due news:

About two and a half weeks ago Gerard Butler was on GMTV, a morning breakfast time show in the UK, which is the equivalent of Good Morning America on ABC in the US.

And of course the interviewer was prodding Gerard about his love life, which is typically done with all celebs, and even Gerard said that the media barely gets a picture of the women he's really going out with yet they always use the pictures of him where he's standing next to a woman that he has nothing going on with at all!

And because he's on air and on national TV in the UK, Gerard Butler of course had to remain composed, classy, and PC, which he was, but because he was very forthcoming with the way the media portrays him it made me wonder if Gerard really wanted to tell the whole truth about things!

Also even though I covered this in two very long comments in one of the past posts Sara, forgive me again, but I'm going to go, yes, back to the topic of the defaming of the women players of the Rutgers U. women's basketball team.

We all know about the well known black comedians/entertainers who stuck for Don Imus instead of the athletes, but I remember is back when I was younger and they used to make (I'm sure homophobic) jabs at women golf players on the LPGA tour. But even those so-called jokes or remarks were never taken to that embarassing level of DL Hughley & Damon Wayans backing Don Imus! The probably anti-lesbian remarks were made only once in a great while and then they stopped itand in these post-Will & Grace and Ellen show times, I'm sure people are a lot careful how or if they make those remarks today!

I remember that back in the day they made those same homophobic jabs at Martina Navratilova as well because she was openly lesbian and quite homely also, but you barely hear of those remarks about her today because again they're not PC and also she's long retired and out of the spotlight. Which brings me to another point, because Navratilova isn't the only tennis I'm gonna talk about.

From the early to mid 90s and before that the tennis world had some of the ugliest, horsey-faced women athletes that were all at the very top of their game THEREFORE THEIR LOOKS DIDN'T MATTER AS THEY SHOULDN'T! Those players were:

Steffi Graff
Martina Navratilova
Chris Evert
Monica Seles

They didn't 'beautify' themselves for any Wimbledon or US Open or whatever and yet NOBODY CARED but I stand by what I said, they were all Bleugh! Any of the women's tennis players since haven't really been that bad-looking! I mean how could Andre Agassi leave BROOKE SHIELDS for Steffi Graff?? That better be the truest of loves!

But again white people didn't make too much of these 'Sarah Plain and Tall-Ugly Duckling' types especially seeing as they were the best tennis players in the world before they retired, and of course they always had and probably still have other people's respect in public. And that's my point.

Anonymous said...

Sara honey I hope you're okay PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ post something soon I check your site about every 3 days. I wish you posted more often!!!!!!!!!! I visited CW's blog but I prefer yours....I've read all your old posts. Plz! Post something!

Debbie said...

Also, Sara, can you plz make a post about dating European guys--if you have any experiences with them or can refer us to a good blog/site? I'd like to study abroad in Western Europe, hopefully for grad school, (if that sort of program does exist for grad sutdents, anyway, 'cuz I'm almost finished with undergrad), and it would be good to hear your perspective on it.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi ladies, sorry I haven't posted. We're away on a business trip, and I've just been really busy. I promise to get to it within the next 2-3 days

Have a great week end everyone....

K. Michel said...

@ Lisa-just-Lisa

"I missed the tip about talking with a man's ex in the article but I think it's an okay tip although most men will do everything under the sun to keep their ex's away from current girlfriends or prospects!"

Hahaha, right? I am making SURE to keep any current girlfriends away from my exes. There's way too much at stake ...not that I have anything to hide, of course.

Yeah. Of course.

However, I'm sorry to hear that your White ex turned out to be crazy... which is a scary situation. But it's cool that you had such a connection with his kids. You're a very warm person, not unlike most of the BW I know.

Anonymous said...

I am watching last Friday's The View and Portia, Ellen's "wife" is on the program and I find it amazing how even gay people are finding each other and getting married. Most American attitudes toward gay people seem to be, Oh they are what?

So, I suppose my question is and it is an old question, "What we waiting for? I include myself in that question.

Anonymous said...

I just have to say it, Erica needs learn how to be more patient. I really believe they could have won. She freaked at the jumping for the flower game. I believe she will get better.


Tiffany said...

I think this can apply to any man not just a wm, good post.

Anonymous said...

I know you have a husband & baby to care for, but I'm disappointed that there has been no new posts. Have you abandoned this blog? I removed this link from my Favorites folder. Thank you for the great posts in the past.

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi Anon.
No, I have not abandoned my blog. As I explained before, we were on a long put-off trip, and I would post as soon as I could. We just got back, and I'm actually working on a post now, but as for you removing us from your favs, that is your business-see you soon everyone, sorry it's been so long-S

Anonymous said...

Welcome Back, I hope your trip went well.

And, ignore the hungry females.

Rocky said...

It's not easy making time to post.

Lisa-just-Lisa said...

@ K. MIchel

"However, I'm sorry to hear that your White ex turned out to be crazy... which is a scary situation"

I think of it as a blessing actually! I also just think of him as an ex as opposed to a "white" ex. I've met good and bad, crazy and sane in all shades. The trick is to treasure whatever was good, learn something from the bad, and don't cling to anger and negativity beyond its expiration date.

cool_splash1 said...

Anon 4:54 PM

What Sara has no life or something?

Mijo said...

I cant wait for the new post Sara.

Anonymous said...

What kind of blog is this? LMAO!!! This movement is a failure just like the black feminist movement 40 years ago, your useless movements will only cause black women to have a lot more problems in time to come. Just you wait and see...

Karen said...

@Anon, 4:54 pm,

It is more than a bit ungracious of you to make such a statement. It comes across as having an "entitlement" attitude.

Blogging is done by choice and therefore cannot be mandated by any reader as to when or what will be blogged unless the Blogger allows it.

I would suggest that you find another blog that meets your needs, start your own or something really revolutionary --> offer to help fund Sara's blog. If it really means so much to you, then you should be prepared to reciprocate in kind. Just a thought ;-)

cool_splash1 said...

The fact that this black woman doesn't realize that bm have oppressed bw shows she is in denial

Faith at Acts of Faith Blog said...

I will comment on the post after reading but that photo of Holly Peet is with a friend. Don't know if anyone else clarified that so ignore if they have. I follow her on Twitter and she mentioned how the tabloids could so easily misconstrue an innocent situation.

Daughter of the First said...

Hello, this is my first YouTube video Introduction, more forth comming.

Anonymous said...

Another interracial couple

cool_splash1 said...

Anon 5:58 PM

Something must be a brewing or you wouldn't even be up in here worrying about what women are talking about!

Anonymous said...

Welcome Back, Sara

I am sure we all wish your God-mother and family well.

Happy New Year to all!


K. Michel said...

@ Lisa-just-Lisa

"I also just think of him as an ex as opposed to a 'white' ex."

Wow, of course... that's pretty funny looking back on that. I have to be more selective in what I say.

I really liked what you said about not clinging to anger and negativity. It sounds like common sense but a lot of people enter a new relationship without allowing time to meditate ...and let their anger and disappointment from the prior relationship subside.

It's always a good idea to just take some time out and relax after a break-up, especially if you're a woman. Only because women tend to be a lot more scrutinized in terms of baggage than men are.

Daniel said...

Hey Sara,

I'm a white male and I just had some things to say about that article.

I think that in certain circumstances it is OK for a man to call a woman a b@$ch depending on the relationship with that woman, sometimes men can be stung by women, she can act crazy, or be very hateful to him. I know that women can be very vindictive at the end of a relationship, a friend of mine had his ex-wife take custody of his son with very limited visitation rights once they divorced, one friend was chased around the kitchen with a knife, and another had his girlfriend try to hit him with a frying pan; maybe those things happened because those women felt were treated badly, but that doesn't justify that behavior. I don't think that a man calling a woman a b#%ch necessarily means that he thinks that way of all women, or that he will mistreat all women he comes across. I do agree that if he calls ALL women he talks about b@#ches or hoes, then he probably doesn't have much respect for them, or just sees them as a booty call.

Next, if you are dating 2 or 3 men to find out who you like the most, don't be surprised or mad if he is doing the same. And just because he is interested in you, don't let it go to your head, because the saying "there's many more where that came from" applies to women as well as men.

If you can find out, please let me know what show and episode that was with the woman on the boat dating the disrespectful trash.

EmoFlo2K11 said...

Even though I found this post late, I'm glad I found it. I have never dated outside my race before. Hell, I never dated inside, either. This post was the reason why. I hate when guys say that "You're not black enough," or etc. There is no such thing is being black enough. It's just a color.

I remember talking to this hispanic guy online one day. He was suprised that I was black, because of some of my interests and the way I talked.I did laugh at first, but after a while it got old. He kept buting emphasis that I dont act black.

I really hate when guys are in love with the stereotypes instead of the girl herself=/