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Friday, September 4, 2009

BEWARE! - The man who cannot control himself, is a mentally Impotent, and dangerous fool!!!


Travis Henry with some of his children............

Ladies sorry this post is so late, but whew! My son is taking alot out of me!
It's been a long time between babies, and I had forgotten how much work, and time they take. But on to business.....

I'd like to use the following man as a demonstration of a benevolent fool. Now Travis Henry SEEMS like a nice man. He's smiling, and cordial, but he is an absolute FOOL!. At the time this article was written in March of 09, He had 9 children by nine different women. Well as of now, he now has 11 children-because another woman recently had twins for him! Read the following article, and then we'll talk.......
" Only God can judge me." says Travis Henry.
Travis Henry, who apparently is giving Shawn Kemp a run for his money as the newest punchline when it comes to fathering kids out of wedlock. As you read in the headline, Henry has fathered nine kids to nine different women in four different states. Luckily for Henry, he was signed to a five-year deal with $12 million guaranteed, meaning he should have no problem paying the child support. Or so you would think.
[Judge Clarence] Seeliger wrote that the football player displayed “bad judgment in his spending habits,” dropping $100,000 for a car and $146,000 for jewelry. Meanwhile, Henry fell behind on support payments for his child with [Jameshia] Beacham that were mandated by a previous order. Threatened with jail, he borrowed $9,800 from his former team, the Tennessee Titans, to pay the bill, according to court records.…[Henry's lawyer Shiel] Edlin, though, said Henry collected much less than $1 million after taxes, and he said much of it went to debts. “He doesn’t have any money,” Edlin said. “The guy has significant financial issues.”

Super Bowl XLIII Scoreboard Travis Henry owes $170,000 annually in support of his children, his lawyer estimated.
I know what you all are thinking — you’d love to have the type of financial issues that come from signing a multi-million dollar contract, right? Yeah, me too. But just goes to show — don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. OK?
This was no simple task. Henry, 30, a former N.F.L. running back who played for three teams from 2001 to 2007, All nine children have been sired by 9 different mothers...
Reports of Henry’s prolific procreating, generated by child-support disputes, have highlighted

how futile the N.F.L.’s attempts can be at educating its players about making wise choices. The disputes have even eclipsed the attention he received after he was indicted on charges of cocaine trafficking.
“They’ve got my blood; I’ve got to deal with it,” Henry said of fiscal responsibilities to his children. He spoke by telephone from his Denver residence, where he was under house arrest until recently for the drug matter.
Henry had just returned from Atlanta, where a judge showed little sympathy for his predicament during a hearing and declined to lower monthly payments from $3,000 for a 4-year-old son.
Three days after the telephone interview, he was jailed for falling $16,600 behind on support for a youngster in Frostproof, Fla., his hometown.
“I love all my kids,” he said in the interview, but asserted he could not afford the designated amounts, estimated at $170,000 a year by Randy Kessler, his Atlanta lawyer. Kessler said Henry was virtually broke.
“I’ve lost everything in this mess I’ve gotten myself into,” Henry said.
His eldest child was conceived while Henry was in high school, before he was named Mr. Florida Football and a Parade All-American. The child was unplanned as were all but one of his offspring, he said.
“I’m like, ‘Whoa, I’m going to be a dad,’ ” Henry recalled.
He was wed, at 19, to another of the nine mothers, who was six years older. Henry’s mother, who picked oranges for a living, disapproved.
“She was going crazy over it,” Henry said. He added that he filed for annulment within a year “for her.”
Two relationships while he attended the University of Tennessee produced two more children. Attending the annual N.F.L. rookie symposium as a 2001 draft pick of the Buffalo Bills, Henry watched a skit that dramatized the repercussions of imprudent sexual activity. It might as well have been geared toward him.
Henry laughed through the sketch. “I thought, ‘That ain’t ever going to happen to me,’ ” he said.
But it had, and it was just beginning.
Henry maintained that he was involved long-term with many of the mothers. Some, he said, told him they were using birth control, and he professed surprise at discovering they became pregnant by him.
“I did use protection at first,” he said. “Then they’d be saying they’d be on the pill. I was an idiot to trust them. Second or third time with them, I didn’t use it. Then, boom!”
In four instances, he attested, “I was trapped.” If not for his football cachet and accompanying wealth, “I guarantee you that wouldn’t have happened.”
“My counselor asks me, ‘How can you do the same thing over and over?’ ” he said, unable to provide an answer.
“Knock on wood, or something, I’m blessed not to have AIDS. That never crossed my mind.”
Henry declined to discuss aspects of his drug case. He was arrested last fall in Colorado with another man and has pleaded not guilty to charges that could net him 10 years to life in prison if convicted. The arraignment is scheduled for next month.
At the latest child-support hearing in Atlanta, Henry testified vaguely that sizable cash withdrawals were connected to his criminal matter, not to any conspicuous consumption for himself.
In an interview, Robert Wellon, the lawyer who represents the mother in Atlanta, Jameshia Beacham, characterized Henry as spending “like there was no tomorrow,” thus depriving the children of money.
The Denver Broncos gave Henry a five-year, $25 million contract in 2007. Cut last year by the team, which cited injuries and off-the-field commotion, he received only $6.7 million.
Piling on to the child-support issues, Henry failed an N.F.L. drug test. He successfully appealed, avoiding suspension, but faced another penalty from the league for what he said was missing subsequent test dates. Though Henry insisted his body has three more seasons in it, his quandary all but dooms any chance of his suiting up again.
Henry is seeking to modify child-support obligations. Some mothers and their lawyers will have none of that, saying he has squandered a small fortune on luxuries like cars and jewelry.
“I feel sorry for the guy, trust me,” Wellon said. “On the other hand, when you take those kind of actions, there are consequences. He could have taken care of the money.”
Update Henry now has 11 children. A new woman has just given birth to twins! So now this fool has 11 children by 10 women, and is under federal indictment for cocaine charges! When will the idiocy end????
Ladies, the difference between an evil malicious, using man, and one who just happens to be a fool is only a difference of intent. Now, the evil, malicious man may intentionally use you, and cause you to cry buckets of tears, but the Benevolent fool causes his own brand of pain. ANY of these women could have caught numerous diseases from this man who was too stupid and irresponsible to use condoms. NONE of these children have a father of their own, they must share him with 9 other households!! This man can brag about dropping 250 thousand dollars on jewelry, yet can not afford 170 thousand per YEAR in child support!!! To be honest, I almost feel sorry for this him. He's so lacking in self control, yet I honestly feel like he wants to be a good father to his children and do the right thing, yet he cannot seem control his actions. And therein lies the crux of the problem. It does not matter how much someone may WANT to do the right thing, if they cannot get themselves to DO the right thing! Ladies when you see men who are financially, or sexually irresponsible -RUN! There is nothing you can do to help him, and he will only bring you down-regardless of intent. Because in the long run, he will follow the path of least resistance and show that he is morally, mentally, and willfully lacking. And a man like this is of no use to any woman who has her head on straight. This man looks very physically strong, but it does not matter because mentally, he's as weak as a kitten. Look at his track record:

He lacks the strength to insist on condoms when he's in heat.

He repeatedly (not once or twice) but continuously engages in unprotected sex with random women.

Some of his children are MONTHS apart!!! He's been cited repeatedly for engaging in drug use by his team, then was shocked when he was finally dismissed for repeated violations..

He ended his first marriage because his -orange picking mother objected to it!
He's under federal indictment now due to his ongoing drug charges, as well as being under the constant threat of jail regarding child support issues, and what does he do? He finds another woman and has more babies that he cannot afford!
You can see by his example that some men are their own worst enemy. But the reason I use him as an example is because when you see ppl who cannot control themselves in such serious matters -steer clear! Whatever issues they have will surely be visited upon you.

A man who cannot control his sexually is a very dangerous being. Even if he does not mean to be. He will engage in all manner of sexually dangerous liaisons, and then fall back on the excuse that the women threw themselves at him. (as if that matters!) Always remember ladies, a man should be in control of 3 things:


1. His mind. He should continually learning, reading, striving to know and understand his world, and the people in it whom he has to interact with...Never give too much time to a man who shows no interest in further learning and growing because he'll be left behind the times, and so will his bank account!


2. His body. He should take the best care of his body he can. Including food, exercise, and careful scrutiny of any substance he might ingest. Alcohol and smoking (are a definite no no in my book-but if it does not bother you then... ) Illegal drugs should get him thrown out of your life, without even a good bye! I would NEVER have people in my life who indulged in illegal drugs, and I strongly suggest you ladies adopt the same policy.

Forget trying to save a brotha. If he's on drugs, (and even if he's not) let him save himself -or perish!

3. His life. Now of course, life is not always controllable, but we certainly have alot more control than most people think. Most people do not get what they want out of life, because they are not working for anything. You can easily see what people will become in life by watching what they are doing in their 'off' time. Your man should have SOME type of dream-he is working toward, even if it's just a promotion. He should be looking for ways to make life better for your family. That's what a man does....

But a man like T.H. is very common in the bc. Here is a man who is very talented, and in his case, even well meaning. Yet he does not have the mental fortitude to control his own actions-and is a slave to his impulses, both physical and sexual. He will probably end up broken, bitter, alone, and financially destitute. I hope I'm wrong because I really believe he loves his kids, and wants to change. But I don't think he has the patience to do the work required to bring the changes about. ... But the point is: That men must be held accountable for their actions, and they must have control of themselves, lest they mess up their own lives and YOURS......



64 comments:

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, there were 10 women more than willing to be impregnated by this fool. These fools are populating the black community while those blacks who are actually in stable marriages are barely willing to have one child.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

Oh boy where do I begin. This is a MESS, but a rather typical one. I was having a conversation about Chris Brown where the other party thinks he shouldn't be "written-off" at 20. I think someone who's uneducated and unapologetic who has shown no remorse and is complaining about being held accountable is NOT someone who's actually LEARNED anything and he will attack another woman again. So was this guy telling women he was in the NFL? He had sex with different women and stopped using condoms the 2nd time? Let's be blunt here that could've all been the same night! Someone thought they were getting a meal ticket. I'm just done....black people have lost their minds.

CW said...

This guy is a real genius...Unfortunately this will end badly (even moreso) Mark my words~!


...He was wed, at 19, to another of the nine mothers, who was six years older. Henry’s mother, who picked oranges for a living, disapproved.
“She was going crazy over it,” Henry said. He added that he filed for annulment within a year “for her.”


Oh yeah...They both sounds like real winners...Discourage your DBR son from manning-up and taking responsibility when this FIRST HAPPENED...How's that working for ya mom?

rainebeaux said...

Sara, take as much time as you need. :)

As for this post...I have zero sympathy for this man. Travis can't be more unstable in my eyes. Bought mad cars and jewelry, but no vasectomy much less condoms, huh? Pfft.

I'm avoiding his ilk for future reference, but it's still too late--I had a child with a useless individual just like him, minus the luxury of collecting child support. Anyway, he'll be replaced by a real man who WILL protect/provide for me and my daughter (ya know, like the NORMAL men I've been hearing/reading about).

Ladies, you've been warned...I'm a living witness to this sign of the ghettocalypse. RUN LIKE HECK.

I Want A Jon Hamm said...

Hey Sara!

I'm very grateful that you had some time for a new entry- thank you so much!

Now on to the subject- I'm a huge football fan. I love the sport and I watch my fav team every Sunday. As a fan of this sport (esp. a black female) these are the type of stories I have to face pretty much every season. I knew of Travis Henry when he went to the Broncos and all hell seemed to break loose there. T.H. is actually pretty talented, but no amount of talent can compensate the numerous bad decisions that man (or boy for that matter) has made.

"This man can brag about dropping 250 thousand dollars on jewelry, yet can not afford 170 thousand per YEAR in child support!!!"

-Yep, that pretty much sums up the situation with with not only T.H, but of other players in the league (maybe even the culture of it all). His off the field issues have gotten so bad that not one team will make the risk to sign him (compared to Vick) so now he is broke and without a job.

In regards to the NFL, there is only so much that they can do. At the end of the day, these are grown men and the league does not need to babysit them on everything. To be honest, I don't think that there's anything that the NFL can do when it comes to characters like T.H. It is so embarrassing! I read football blogs from time to time and there are some borderline racist stuff being said about the Travis Henrys, the Chad Johnsons, and T.Os of the sport. But when these guys put these type of behaviors on blast, what do you expect ppl to think.

Of course not all football players are like that- but hell would freeze over if Peyton Manning or Matt Ryan or Drew Brees was in that kind of situation.

But to emphasize Sara's point- ladies, beware of these kind of men. They are EVERYWHERE. Doesn't matter how much money they make, degrees they have or what title they hold, JUST STAY AWAY! Please, PLEASE don't play the role of Superwoman- its not worth the burden. I have not been in this situation and I definitely don't plan to be in the future, but its just common sense!

Sincerely,

I Want A Jon Hamm<3

Taylor-Sara said...

Don't worry Rainbeaux about that fool, you're going to find a great guy who'll be a wonderful husband/father... I just know it....

lormarie said...

The pic scared me a bit. I thought, there's no way this guy made the cover of Playgirl.

Pamela said...

I have never heard of this man. I am speechless seeing just how out of control someone can get. Maybe some sense will be knocked into him since he has lost his livelihood. Hard knocks can be a good teacher even though lessons can be learned in a more gentle fashion.

Have mercy, especially on those 11 children that did not ask to be born in this madness that they will suffer with the rest of their lives.

Anonymous said...

Pamela--

your & your beau are so cute together :)

Good luck in the future!!

E. N. said...

Not to start anything, but...

I feel like this case is somewhat comparable to Maia Campbell's downward spiral taking place right now. Does anyone remember her? She was the beautiful chocolate-skinned sister who starred on shows like Moesha, In The House, and others in the 90s, and appeared in a whole bunch of silly films geared towards AA youth. Run a Google search on her life now, and you might cry. Apparently she's had bipolar disorder her whole life, and her mother kept it under control by helping Maia take her medication when she was at the height of her fame. But when her mother died recently, Maia lost control and has since been working on the streets of Compton as a prostitute, dazed and confused, supporting a drug habit and her defenseless young daughter, without a clue of what's happening to her. Real talk, she has a serious mental affliction that was kept secret for most of her career. But you know what some sick BM did? After solicting her for sex, they taped her stoned out of her mind and making a fool out of herself, and posted that mess on Youtube. Google it. Poor Maia Campbell is a laughing stock now among some really sick BM, all because of a mental health issue she's not equipped to control on her own.

I want to join the commenters who are saying that this man is a fool, because clearly his actions speak for him. But after reading some of the DBRBM in question's responses, I wondered, is it possible that he has a psychological disorder or problem of some kind, too? I'm not trying to excuse him, I just wonder, because it doesn't even read like he can put 2 and 2 together. His outlook on life is almost childish. Obviously he became a hot commodity after he struck it rich with the NFL. Obviously groupies are going to surface. Obviously some self-disrespecting women are going to try and hustle him for whatever piece of the pie he'll slice, especially if they've seen Sally, Jane, and Monica get it before them a minute ago! But he's all "tomorrow is another day"? That's not typical.

Again, I apologize if it sounds like I'm trying to start something, I swear I'm not. I just thought maybe there's more to this than meets the eye, with this particular INDIVIDUAL example - not the whole "community".


E.N.
Sticks and Stones - An Emotional Abuse Survivor's Blog
http://theemancipatedsurvivor.blogspot.com

Taylor-Sara said...

No EN, It's very much a valid question, and I don't think you are trying to start something. I think you are simply engaging in an open discussion. As for your question, the same thing actually crossed my mind. I'm wondering the same thing. Because I keep wondering how he could be this out of control unless he had mental issues. I don't know... It's really very sad. And the saddest part is I really think he loves his kids, but seems unable to take control of his life( and loins) I just hope if it is a mental issue, someone will help him, instead of trying to have another baby in hopes of another CS check.... I really believe they'd be wasting their time at this point, because I don't think his career will recover. And I don't think he'll have much money soon, esp. with all the teams scared to touch him....

Anonymous said...

@ E N...I agree.

lois

cool_splash1 said...

I'm watching a ep of Carter Can with a bw/wm family that had their dining room remodeled. A bw/wm ir family represented just has brightened my day. They look like a wonderful family.

It's sad, because the children of that man won't have their dad.

KM said...

Sad thing, he's just a high profile example of what goes on in the BC from the NFL to the NBA to the colleges to men on the street. Too many men have too many kids that they can not, do not, and will not take care of.

The only good thing Travis Henry did for me was help me win a fantasy football championship a couple years ago. All I can hope for now with his is that he gets snipped, women stop sleeping with him, and he has the guts to get a real J-O-B to support his kids.

Aphrodite said...

Hello Sara,

Thank you for the post. We understand. :)







"lormarie said...

The pic scared me a bit. I thought, there's no way this guy made the cover of Playgirl."



LOL! I was thinking the same thing! I was like daaang Sara is good with photoshop! I swear that pic looks like an altered mug shot!








But I get what she is saying with the post. I know and know of a lot of people like this- not just men, but some women - who are well intentioned and well meaning, but can't make the connection when it comes to cause and effect and behavior.

Lena said...

Travis Henry's story is sad because he had a good career and wealth I can only dream of and yet he throws it away doing foolish things. If he had a mental disorder he'd have more of my sympathy however I just feel disgusted that he would throw it away on poor spending habits and sex.

I notice the wider black community doesn't acknowledge the significance of a mental disorders.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

Sara congrats and I'm surprised you have any energy. This was probably a good little break for you though.

Perhaps the man does have a mental defect but that would be almost too simple. Otherwise he wouldn't CHOOSE when to use protection or NOT and he wouldn't be expressing relief at not getting HIV. He wouldn't have annulled a marriage either. He sounds like a very foolish man. Any woman in HER right mind would stay away from him.

Maia Campbell's situation is a little different because she has a diagnosed mental condition and has refused to take her required medication. Also in the video there's a point of awareness where she acknowledges the dysfunction. Actually..maybe there isn't much difference after all.

Gloryus said...

SMH Some of those women were probably trying to get a baby with him for the financial gains (him being a millionaire and all). I bet they weren't expecting this lol. This story should be a lesson to both men and women.

Men: have safe, RESPONSIBLE sex. Wrap it up! Use a condom! Trust me, it's MUCH easier to father children with the same woman than several.
Women: Practice safe, responsible sex as well and be careful WHO you choose to father your kids!!!! (I cant stress this enough).

The more reason why I just WONT be with a guy who's had a kid from a previous relationship (especially one in which he WASNT married). I'm just not interested, and in fact that is a HUGE turn off.

Patricia Kayden said...

Is the man the only person to blame? What about the loose women who cannot keep their legs closed? What is so irresistible about this man that 10 women had to bear his children?

My husband had one child before we were married. I know I wouldn't have a child for a man who had loads of other children with so many women.

I feel bad for the children - they have two idiots for parents.

Kel said...

I think this article is unbalanced. You rightly take Travis to task for his irresponsible, loathsome, disgusting behavior but you don't say much about the kinds of women who lay with him.
You make no mention of the irresponsible, loathsome and disgusting behavior of these women who lay with him. These women who bring illegitimate children into this world and how their actions perpetuate the stereotype of black women as loose, wanton, baby making machines.
Travis did not rape any of these nasty women. These women are just as stomach turning as he is.
I am a big fan of your posts but you missed the mark on this one.
Take these shameful women to task for laying down with this creep.
Be fair to both parties next time.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Kel. The women, whom I am assuming are all black or majority black, should have their behavior denounced as sin aswell.

Anonymous said...

@ Mr. Kel how do you know that these women are nasty?
We were not in the room when these people were together. Therefore, who knows what was said.
However, I do agree all women and men need to use some form of protection or better yet have sex only with your husband or wife and that will clear up alot of problems.
Aids have not gone anywhere.

Pamela said...

The first word of the title is BEWARE which is a warning. The entire post is a warning to NOT be like the ten women that bore his children. She did NOT have to give equal time to the horrible behavior of the women to make her point that we should not live like them. The purpose of the post (and her entire blog BTW) is very clear: LEAVE MEN LIKE THIS ALONE.

Sandz said...

WOW

Admittedly when I read the comments many of you had the same sentiments about him making the cover of PG magazine. (I did LOL) because I was floored too.

Yes I am a Broncos fan and remembered hearing about him for a hot second. But then he was gone.

@ EN - I feel ya

@ Kel - I DID think about the same thing. Yes this fool cannot control himself, but what about the women. Did they think having one of his children would make them rich? what about hearing about his others?
I remember a chick was so wrapped up in this guy when he got out of jail.
She was fighting for him with the girl that already had one or two kids by him. I told her to leave him alone. But as always 'I don't understand'
Then guess what - she got prego by him. Wanna know what's worse? Her son was born a few months before the other girls' son by the SAME guy - EE Ghats!!!

So yes Kel brings up a good point too.

Sara is reminding us to have better control of ourselves, higher self-esteem, greater thinking power (esp to overcome the BC's reasons to stay with bm) and of course warnings of the fools to avoid.
I am sure there are blogs dedicated to the skanks uh I mean women of loose morals and low self-esteem out there.

Happy Labor Day.

Anonymous said...

Not only is this post really irrelevent to black women's dating out it is a generalization of black men. Oh so white men don't make these types of lifestyle choices either? I know of white men who have multiple kids with different women. I thought the objective was vetting all men, but the only men that you showcase in a negative light on this blog are black men. The thing is this blog is turning into a hate fest for black men and boys. I understand that the whole point is getting black women to realize that we are free to choose, so why keep bringing up black men and their problems when the goal is to seperate ourselves from them and the community? I hate to burst your bubble, but just as you cannot run from your family, you cannot just all out neglect the community from which you came. Why not focus on making black girls and women the emphasis and healing us? We need to stand up and tell the community that we are going to embark on a renewal and change the whole face of the black community. Runnign away does nothing; are you not still talking about the black community every other post and putting energy into it? Why not transform that energy into positive energy and demand a change. You can run but you can't just disconnect yourself. You are your brothers keeper.

Taylor-Sara said...

Actually, Anon (too cowardly to leave a name) I try to cover all the gamut. Obviously we have more to discuss than just IRs. As I've said before suggestions are welcome, but don't tell me what to talk about!
And this post was not a hate fest. Does it sound to you like I hate this man? I actually pity him because he seems unable to control his impulses-but I don't hate him. YOu really don't know what you are talking about....And this post is relevant because women need to understand what type of behavior is absolutely intolerable....

rainebeaux said...

Anon @ 12:59:

I hate to burst your bubble, but just as you cannot run from your family, you cannot just all out neglect the community from which you came.

*ahem* oh YES one can do the above! You know why? Because the bc as we know it has ALREADY BEEN NEGLECTED. A bw shouldn't have to be afraid to stand outside the front door--much less walk around the block--without being harassed (or worse) by knuckleheads. Furthermore, one's own family might think her crazy, but it's about safety, peace of mind and happiness...or should be. Unfortunately, the community at large won't have it simply because the inmates are running the proverbial asylum! With that said, summon the brothas to fix the "community"--that's usually the MAN'S job, to protect, am I correct?--then *maybe* we could talk. Until then, it's every sista for herself; escaping the 'hood is a bare minimum for having an abundant life! Thank you and good night...*insert dial tone here*

Christine Afia Nornoo said...

Hello sara blog I am new to this website I knew about you blog since 2008 and I think blog is cool and good website I think that will need this website because the not much website for interracial relationship between white men and black women once i saw this website i throught good idea. anyway back to this topic about this black man well my advice on this man is that i don't care about him and the rest of the black men on this earth all I can is that they can all burn in hell as far am conside

Aphrodite said...

Hello Sara,

You keep doing you! I really want to choke Anon at September 7, 2009 12:59 PM. LOL



I feel the posters talking about the women who are with these types of men, making these types of decisions, but you all know it is more complex than that. Not excusing just explaining.

Anyone who has been to Halima's or Khadija's blog knows how BW were/are being shortchanged when it comes to dating, sexual politics, and marriage.

A lot of these BW probably think/feel

1. Got to have a BM - and are DBRBM identified
2. This is the best they can do, as far as getting a piece of a BM
3. If she has a certain phenotype and skin tone she already knows what time it is and has probably been so beaten down that she has no standards for herself or the men she deals with
4. Since competition is stiff for leftovers and she is outside the "preferred status skin color and phenotype" it is easy for her to make decisions that compromise her and her children's safety/quality of life
5. OOW and additional baby mamas are normal and just come with the territory

I mean there are a few generations now where AAs are/were raised by single mothers and don't forget AA women are often told to never pin your hopes on a man [husband] bc he is not going to be there - so you need to get it/do it/build it/create it yourself - and that includes some version of family.


I am around BW right now- educated, attractive - one chick in my class is working on her second masters degree and she told me one day that in her mind her commitment to her children was different and separate from her commitment to a man {husband}. Therefore she is leaning towards having children OOW - regardless.

Plus Rev Lisa and Khadija have touched on how motherhood is elevated in the BC. If I had a dime for everytime someone told me that I wouldn't be a real woman until I gave birth in the past 4 years I could retire today and send my future children to school in Europe.


And I am sure that this is just the tip of the iceberg, but you get the picture.


There are lots of women who don't see men/long term relationships or even marriage as a necessity [or possibility] for building a family. They just keep on making due and think that much of this is normal.


And another thing I know is that the people here are aware that BW's expectations are torpedoed to bits. I know that you all know that BW are the only women who are expected- raised even- to NOT have any standards when it comes to men and sex and dating and marriage etc and then when they conform - well they get their heads bashed in too and people wonder why they have no standards.


Its kind of like how BW are both prostitutes that you can't be seen in public with and at the same time we are frigid bible thumpers who drive our men to the more sexually adventurous Beckys and Ming Lees. LOL


Can a sister ever get a break? Dang.

Anonymous said...

I co-sign with the other posters who state that the women are as much to blame as Travis is.
Sadly enough, Mr. Henry's case is not the worst of them. There's Desmond Hatchett of Tennessee who currently fathers 21 children with 11 women and is only 29 years old. He four kids in one year twice. He appeared on the court dockett 11 times in one day for 15 of his kids. It's to the point that some of the children can receive only $1.69/month in child support. So now the taxpayers have to bear the brunt of this burden.

We have fostered a culture of low responsibility aided in part by the welfare culture promoted by the Democrats in the 1970s. The disparities in the education system play an even larger role. You can't expect good outcomes from people who come from crappy beginnings and who don't CHOOSE to change their course along the way out of hope for something better.

These men and women behave as such because they weren't raised any better and aren't surrounded by better, but MORE importantly: they CHOOSE not to do better.

Black women, since we have been "elected" as the moral paragons of the black community, I feel it is on us to lead the charge to wanting better and doing better. That will entail us having to educate ourselves, mentoring young black girls, and yes, even establishing families and legacies outside of the black community.

SMH said...

A man who is not at your level above will only bring you down to his level. It is up to him lift himself up. This stores is a warning about an extreme case - but make no mistake there are smaller signs that should be a red flag. This is why it is crucial to vet men and to pay attention not just to what they say but to what they do, and look at their lives and how they handle their business. The point has been made the the inability to manage their lives and impulses may be a teaching a sign of other issues. Pay attention your life and lifestyle may depend on it.

Excellent opportunity Sara - well handled.

SMH

Mary said...

i HAD to make a comment cause some people have lost it. this site (if i'm not mistaken) is geared towards women interested in MEN. why then would Sara waste her time discussing the women's behavior when the website is geared towards heterosexual women. the purpose of this website (i'm sure) is not how to vet other women. it's about men and knowing which ones to stay away from. if you think the women's actions were dishonorable...great, know that and be happy that you're not one of them. why do any of you NEED Sara to POINT OUT that the women are wrong. can't yall decipher that on your own. sheesh

rainebeaux said...

Aphrodite, you said:

I mean there are a few generations now where AAs are/were raised by single mothers and don't forget AA women are often told to never pin your hopes on a man [husband] bc he is not going to be there - so you need to get it/do it/build it/create it yourself - and that includes some version of family.

Mmhmm, you ain't lyin'. I don't know about the bw who've been stricken with "motherhood idolatry" [(c) Rev. Lisa], but uh, my days of solo parenting are numbered! I hope your friend sees the light, because as most of us here know there is nothing remotely honorable, cute or otherwise practical about single parenthood. Heck, give her links to this and other BWE blogs if you haven't done so already...I don't wish my situation (or the jive tofurkey featured in this post) on *any* woman, degreed or otherwise.

I kinda wondered what these ten women were thinking myself...who's still trying to get "popped off" by ballplayers nowadays?! Come on man, that's straight up-and-down played out...there's a honkin' recession in progress! Ugh, I'm so over black men right now. (sorry for the mini-rant, Sara...just sayin'.)

Anonymous said...

Since I cannot afford to move at the moment I have decided to simply mind my own business and not get too involve with the "community."

A wm radio newscaster stated today that he did not think that there is a blk. community. He also stated something to the fact that he knows quite a few well established blk. people who would not commit a crime because they would have too much to lose. On the other hand, there are financially poor people you could not pay them to go out and commit a crime. There is good and bad in everything.

Mario Puzo wrote, Behind every big business there is a crime.

lois

Anonymous said...

I too am tired of the nothing but a bm type of woman. They complain and when you suggest that they may want to date out then most
(not all) will say, "Oh, no I love my bm." OK, that is fine but please stop complaining about them.
I wish everyone well with their choices.

A.

lisablisa said...

I submitted comments twice but I think they got caught in a filter and lost in cyberspace. No matter, I said pretty much what other posters have said. Perhaps the story of the NFL’s most prolific father will serve as a warning to young women to avoid men with multiple children by multiple women; although I doubt any women reading this blog would fall for a guy like Travis Henry. Great blog! Keep up the good work, Sara

Ava said...

Chilli from TLC has a reality show coming up to find true love. This is a quote from her about interracial dating...

"I'm not limiting myself to Black guys. I'm open to all men and all Black women should be. You may miss out on the man of your dreams because you are trying to stick with a brother"

Ava said...

I am around BW right now- educated, attractive - one chick in my class is working on her second masters degree and she told me one day that in her mind her commitment to her children was different and separate from her commitment to a man {husband}. Therefore she is leaning towards having children OOW - regardless.

Ava says:

I was speaking to a successful doctor recently and she is pushing 40 and told me that she wants to just get pregnant by someone and get it overwith...

I thought that that was really sad...I asked if she ever thought about interracial dating...she said no...I did not push it...

cool_splash1 said...

Acts of Faith posted a site the black snob on her sight. The guy was talking about black women IR/empowerment bloggers. Anyway this one person kept asking the question if black women are supposed to vet men then who is vetting these black women etc. I thought that question had the most obvious answer. Duh men. If men don't have the smarts to vet women like we should be vetting them then, duh.

CW said...

@Ava

I hope if Chili is sending out that message to Black women, the show doesn't get killed...

Reference the Dr & accomplished BW who's given up on finding a suitable mate: It's sad...Like one of those movies where freedom is right outside...All the main character has to do is take a few steps and open the door...Yet, they're so defeated that it is not even considered as a possibility...

Anonymous said...

Yuck, why would they put such a homely man on the cover of Playgirl?

Anonymous said...

@ Ava you should have advised that Dr. to at least think about irr. Tell her to think Hispanic or Asian. She might be surprise. And, if she is very attractive I know other race men have been noticing the good Dr.

Today, I asked one of our bw directors about Evia's and Sara's sites and I was surprise to learn she does approve of irr.
However, she said that she was having trouble getting a "bite" or getting notice. I hope she would go back to those sites and read the latest advice on what she can do to get notice. Yes, she is attractive and educated.

a.

Being in the entertainment industry Chilli already knows first hand what the deal is with many bm entertainers and other race women. Therefore, she knows to get the quality man she is seeking she must expand her dating options.

cinquetta said...

I agree with your assessment about Travis Henry behavior. He is a fool. He is old enough to use protect but he chose not to that is scary. Also why did not one of these female insist or made him wear a condom. Why these women did not protect themselves. I believe low self-esteem or they did not care. It is a shame because we,black women, has repution as been strong opinionate women. But we are scare to tell a man to wear condom. I was guilty of that but I learn not hard way but I learn. I got lucky and married the man I love and been together for 25yrs. I teach and install in my daughters to make each boyfriend to wear a condom. Hopefully tomrrow Travis will open his eyes and go get a vastomy. We can only pray and hope.

Lena said...

I agree Travis Henry is not attractive at all. I find it laughable how those nothing but a black man crew preach about black love while those very same women are still single. Hmmm, I think that demonstrates insanity!

I'm not attracted to black men and I guess I never will I prefer non-black men in general!

cool_splash1 said...

@ Ava you should have advised that Dr. to at least think about irr. Tell her to think Hispanic or Asian. She might be surprise. And, if she is very attractive I know other race men have been noticing the good Dr.

I get what you are saying, but I could have been her tone that told her not to take it further. Some people you just have to let it at that. Which can be very hard. Especially when you know they have choices.

Selena said...

@ Ava,

Chilli from TLC has a reality show coming up to find true love. This is a quote from her about interracial dating...

"I'm not limiting myself to Black guys. I'm open to all men and all Black women should be. You may miss out on the man of your dreams because you are trying to stick with a brother"



Interesting quote coming from her especially when her previous actions shows otherwise. Maybe she's finally getting the picture.

Side note: Are any of you old enough to remember when Chili was on The Sally Jesse Raphael Show when Sally located her dead-beat father? It was heartbreaking. DBR men truly come in all races because he's Middle-Eastern and Indian (and a former soldier).

Aphrodite said...

@CoolSplash

"Acts of Faith posted a site the black snob on her sight. The guy was talking about black women IR/empowerment bloggers. Anyway this one person kept asking the question if black women are supposed to vet men then who is vetting these black women etc. I thought that question had the most obvious answer. Duh men. If men don't have the smarts to vet women like we should be vetting them then, duh."



I am thinking that the person asking this question is using some type of Jedi mind control against BW to keep them in the box and hopefully for him- have them disqualify themselves as mates for higher quality men.

I read Khadija's posts concerning vetting men and some BW posters asked questions [expressed insecurities] concerning what women bring to the table as far as finances, upbringing etc... I payed attention to these posts bc I realize I got some of this indoctrination as well.


The truth that was stressed was that the duties of men and women are different, carry a different weight, and are judged differently.


I think the poster was not concerned about men and vetting women. I think he just wanted to keep insecure BW insecure about themselves and their abilities to attract a quality man by focusing on their perceived deficits.

Skypurple15 said...

@ Ava,

Chilli from TLC has a reality show coming up to find true love. This is a quote from her about interracial dating...

"I'm not limiting myself to Black guys. I'm open to all men and all Black women should be. You may miss out on the man of your dreams because you are trying to stick with a brother"

You know I wonder if a lot celebrity bw are looking up these vids on YT whether it be the IR vids/ the bw bashing vids because ever since then I've seen a lot of bw open up more to other men. I don't know who I told this to but I said to them "the bw bashing vids were the best thing to happen to bw, because now we know how they really feel and we can finally move on!"

Anonymous said...

@ Selena...I was not aware her father was Middle-Eastern and Indian. Did he want to have a relationship with his daughter or was he looking for a pay check?

a.

CW said...

@Aphrodite


"...I think the poster was not concerned about men and vetting women. I think he just wanted to keep insecure BW insecure about themselves and their abilities to attract a quality man by focusing on their perceived deficits."


Now you're getting it! When BW are sitting around doing "busywork", life will continue passing them by...They will also be at the fingertips of those who have a vested interest in keeping her compliant!

Anonymous said...

Ladies would any of you join Jack and Jill social club. Of course, one must be invited to join.

lois

Aphrodite said...

Thank you CW! Now things are becoming clearer to me. Sometimes it takes a min for some things...but I am getting there. :)

Aphrodite said...

@ Lois

Why not?

Selena said...

@ Selena...I was not aware her father was Middle-Eastern and Indian. Did he want to have a relationship with his daughter or was he looking for a pay check?"

a.



From what I remember he wasn't looking for anything nor anyone. She initiated the search. Had she not started the search she wouldn't never found him. That was the first time she had ever met him and I believe she was about 25 at the time. She cried like a baby.

Anonymous said...

@ Selena...How did he react to his daughter. Did he try to locate her?

a.

Selena said...

@ Selena...How did he react to his daughter. Did he try to locate her?


He was a little sad and I don't remember him saying that he was searching for her. I forgot what his reasons or excuses were for not being in her life, I just remember how hurt she was when she came face-to-face with him. There may be an old film clip somewhere out there though.

Anonymous said...

Off topic but Sean Penn and Jessica White are rumored to be dating http://bossip.com/153179/some-weekend-swirl-jessica-white-and-sean-penn/

Anonymous said...

@ Sara when you get a chance take a look at Billy Blanks and his wife (her surprised B-day party) pictues at:
http://www.bretkatz.com/gallery/4906323_FzFzh/2#292919134_4FM2k

a.

Anonymous said...

One would think a karate instructor would have a thinner wife.


a.

Anonymous said...

Selena...Sean Pean I think would make some lucky bw a good husband.

A.

Anonymous said...

Ladies, do you consider bi racial men who have black mothers no good black men?

Anonymous said...

Yes, some bi-racial men are no good.

Anonymous said...

lol. Well if these women vetted the men they married then why wouldn't they not be good men? You have the losers in any group.

ak said...

It just stands to reason that if black men are going to be feminized, then black women MUST become masculinized. How sad though. By the way, the man in the second pic, Bleuggh! He looks even worse than Lil Wayne, and that's really saying something!