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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The myth that white men only want black women for SEX!!!


Choose your man carefully. Prince Albert (L) is a man who is very attracted to bw, but obviously would not marry one.
On the other hand, MANY wm, are more than happy to marry bw-tune out those who say differently, they are misguided... (or lying)


























Let's face it-
Many bw believe wm only want them for sex because they are told this on a continuous basis. Usually by bm (who want to use them first, and the bc-who need mules to carry the burdens) Bw are constantly told this is All wm could ever want them for. Even the media, seems to have a vested interest in corroborating this misconception. Usually, because they do not want bw to take the choicest white men. (Remember what I've told y'all. Never trust someone to tell you how to get out of a ditch, if he has a vested interest in you staying in it.....
Today, I'm going to answer this question for you once and for all.
The truth is: ----------SOME DO! ----And SOME DON'T-------------

The simple truth is, (regardless of race-) SOME men are jerks and will always try to use women. But for many men, sex simply becomes an unplanned opportunity that they could not refuse-when offered. Ladies, let me explain something. Sex to a man (this applies to most men) is like a good cup of coffee. It's hot, it's delicious, and it's over.... They'll wash themselves off, and go on their way. Many men will even have sex with women they don't like! As women, you have to stop mixing sex with love, they are NOT the same. Now I don't' think it makes a man a bad guy if he sleeps with a woman he is not in love with, or barely knows. I def. think it makes him stupid in this day and age, but that's another story... Bottom line, women need to be VERY slow to sleep with a man. like I've said many times before, men are just not smart enough to hide their *real* selves for long. All you have to do to vet him is keep your legs closed and your ears open. He will tell you EXACTLY who he is.....
As for the question, do wm just want bw for sex---- Let me tell you ladies something ----

ALL men want you for sex!!! He won't approach if he thinks he is NEVER going to be able to sleep with you, but that does not mean, that's ALL he wants....
It's interesting to me that so many bw write and tell me that they want to date out, but are afraid wm will try to use them for sex! Yet many of these same women will relate to me that they are unwed mothers or have been used, and hurt repeatedly by bm. My question is:
WHY AREN'T BLACK WOMEN WORRIED ABOUT BM USING THEM FOR SEX???

Because the majority of them, (BM) most definitely do use bw for sex, (and money, housing, laundry, etc) and yet many of you are so busy worrying about what wm are 'going' to use you for, you can't see that bm have been using some of you for years!!

Should you vet white men?? --Girl YES!-vet ALL MEN!!!--- but then close your legs, smile, and listen to what he's really saying/doing. Many women do not seem to realize that they are setting the tone, when they first meet a man. This is why your momma always told you to make a good impression, because you can never go back and re meet that person for the first time. In other words, if you come off as a tramp when he first meets you, then what exactly do you expect him to believe-except that you are a tramp? It' s so very important to set the tone in the beginning and establish in his mind that you are a lady, and that you expect to be treated like one. This is especially important because the jerks who have no intentions of treating you well, will begin to fade away, and the quality men will still be there. Always know that you are setting the tone when you first meet....Now back to men...
What many women do not know is that men will often put a women in 4 distinct categories when he meets a woman.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a. friend/companion/confidante

b. sidepiece, week end fling-other woman

c. mother-like, maternal -relatives

d. WIFE-wife material!

He will NEVER tell you he is doing this, he will simply do it. You must NEVER allow him to put you in Cat B. Let me tell you a few things about sex that most younger women do not know...
Sex is NOT a bonding agent! You cannot use it to pull him to you. LOVE is the bond, Sex is just the expression of the love! Never pass yourself around like a box of chocolate! Even if no one else knows (say you move to a new state) In your heart you will still know, and your soul will ache. You are much too precious to be used as a sexual toilet!
Remember in the Color Purple when Shug says to Cilly (sp?) "You act like he just goin to the bathroom on you Ms cilly! "
And Cilly shrugs sadly, and replies:
"That's what it feel like. He don't ever ask me nothin bout myself or nuthin! He just climb on top of me an-do his bizness" .......

That's a perfect example of sex without love and intimacy. Her soul was aching because she KNEW she was being used, and sexed by someone who didn't give a damn about her. I see no reason for any women to WILLINGLY subject themselves to this self esteem killing behavior or have to live with the regret of indulging in this type of behavior. Save yourself for the one that matters!
Never should it be easy for a man to get you into bed (unless he's your hubby!) HONEY-when it comes to playing hard to get-you should NOT be playing!
... But back to topic. Vet all men because some wm simply love black booty, and will most def. indulge at every whim if given the opportunity. But MANY wm, are looking for someone to LOVE, someone to mother his children, someone to marry, and he is not concerned with color, if you're not....

Lastly, I think I told you ladies, to LISTEN and he would tell you... I want to give an example of what I was talking about. A few years ago, I was a consultant at a particular office in town. There were a few wm there who would *seem* to follow me around. One was always asking me out. He still wore his deceased wife's ring on his finger, and always spoke of things that meant a great deal to him. I noticed whenever he mentioned his wife, he would cock his head to the side, and look up to the left. Then a sweet smile would come over his face and he would tell me how much I reminded him of his late wife. I knew he was picturing her in the past and I could tell by the look on his face, how much she meant to him. But soon, he began to *chase* me in earnest, and when he spoke to me, I began to see him look up with that same dreamy look -to the right. I knew he was picturing me in his future, and I also knew he was falling hard.... The point is: by simply paying attention to the myriad of clues he was leaving, I could guess what was going on long before he confessed it.... Now the other guy always seemed to be talking to my chest instead of me. Even when he leaned over me, and whispered how pretty he thought I was, his eyes were on the top of my dress. I knew right away what *type* he was, and I avoided him. But he was very persistent, and always managed to be where I was. He also was annoyingly touchy-feely, and leering. One day he actually had the nerve to send me an email saying something to the effect of -he was going to throw me across my desk- and ravage me! This is how I handled it.
When he came to my office to ask me if I had gotten his email, I looked up, and blinked several times like I was an airhead. Then I turned and looked him right in the eye, and said. "Oh, I figured you had confused my email, with someone else, because I was sure you 'knew' better than to disrespect me like that!" I then finished it off with a blank look. He was suddenly embarrassed, and stuttered an apology to me.... Weeks later, he got involved with a bw officer, and sexed her until his wife found out, and got her fired! (Yes, the jerk was married!) When it hit the fan, he never came forward in her defense.... See, she was just a side piece to him......
Anyway ladies, that's what I want to make clear to you. Most men will use you as a side piece if you let them. Nice guys, jerks, even religious men (IF you let them) They all have sexual urges, and they will use you to alleviate those urges IF you let them....

So trust your own instincts, you will come to know which wm is sincere and which one is just after a good time, and all you have to do is LISTEN!!

144 comments:

Nessa said...

Hi. I usually just read, and don't comment but I secretly think wm do want bw for sex. My sister has a bm baby daddy, a Hispanic baby daddy, and now a wm baby daddy. The white guy is the only one who pays child sup. but he does not want my sister. I think it's clear he used her for sex sara, so I think you are deluding women here

Taylor-Sara said...

Nessa hon, no offense, but I think you should be more concerned with what it says about your sister (3 different baby daddies) than what it says about wm. I think I've said a time or two. VET all men....

Steph said...

Hey, Nessa:

That is exactly why Sara posted up this post...she's telling women not to let men use them sexually no matter what race. I quote: "The simple truth is, (regardless of race-) SOME men are jerks and will always try to use women." I'm sure she's putting this message out so that the people who accuse her of putting WM on a pedestal will be silenced once and for all.

No offense meant at all but your sister didn't seem to have any scruples sleeping with the men so why blame the men for taking what was offered? I believe neither your sister nor the men shoulder the blame: their intercourse led to children and the men didn't want to stay. I'm just glad that she is getting financial support from one of the men. What I DO find despicable is how the other men aren't paying for the life they helped bring into this world. I seriously didn't mean any offense but that is the way men work: if they think they can get sex from you, they will get it whether they see a future with you or not.

Watching this scenario happen much too often with my own extended family members from both sides of the issue -girls in my family left alone pregnant and guys in my family leaving their pregnant girl in the dust - I decided when I was 14 to be chaste and I firmly stand by that. With all that said, though, I really wish your sister the best because it isn't going to be easy but I know that with the right support she can come through.

Anonymous said...

So the black man and the Hispanic man didn't use her for sex??? There are really some stupid people in this world. God help us!

Anonymous said...

Anon,the fact that you said that your sister has had a black,hispanic AND white baby daddy just proves sara's point even more.Most men want women for sex regardles of the man's race.Why buy the cow if you can get milk for free?I dont think the issue here is the guy's but rather your sister who lets them do this to her. I'm sure if she looked for a descent WM she would get one.

Anonymous said...

The fact that the WM is the ONLY one paying for the child speaks volumes to me.

Nessa, wake up.

I can't believe the only one you are faulting is the WM in this case. Unbelievable. Some people will never see what these blogs are trying to say.

Selena said...

I think Nessa fabricated her/his comment...*side-eye*

"Hi. I usually just read, and don't comment but I secretly think wm do want bw for sex."

You want us to believe that after all this time you chose to say this?

Seriously??

MilesPerHour said...

My opinion is Sara's opinion as she wrote in this post. I agree with 100% of what she wrote here. I could have written it myself.

The flip side here is that we all have curiousity and I know that some bw will have sex with a wm because of it. I also know that some bw use wm for sex because it is their preference.

My GF told me she had "doing" a wm on her list of things to do. She had opportunity but it never panned out. When it finally came to be that she had sex with a wm it was because she loved him. She had no intention of falling in love either. Yes, that wm is me.

I won't go on, Sara said it all already.

Anonymous said...

Amen, Amen, Amen Sara. I wish more women would take more pride in loving themselves and learn that in order to attract a decent man of any race they have to set boundaries from the beginning.

Anonymous said...

@ Nessa...I mean you no offense; but, your sister is an idiot.
Apparently she has low self esteem and very little sexual control. Of course, a man or woman will take advantage if one gives him or her the chance.

While driving to work this morning I was listening to Steve Harvey and Steve had Jamie Fox as a guest on his show. Jamie said that he and Martin Lawrence was going to make a movie with the characters of "Shanana and LaWanda".
Ladies prepare yourselves for more bw sterotyping.

a.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
CW said...

THANK YOU!!!

Nessa just proved the oppositions point of view! That sister of hers needs to do some inner-work...

Earth-Red said...

*SIGH* This is a good post, real good, but for a sista like myself it is 20 years too Late!
The burden of past failed relationships/one-night-stands is becoming more of a memory, but if I could turn back the hands of time, I would do a lot of things differently...

P.S. - I am married now, so, somebody loved this cow's milk and kept it for himself.
I hope that "YOUNG" Teen-Girls/College-aged women are reading this however, before regrets set in with them too!

Anonymous said...

30/wm/Los Angeles here....Nessa, you're an idiot. Of course we want women for sex, but Sara's post is true in reference to the fact that women are placed in categories, regardless of race.

The idea that bw are hesitant to date wm for fear of being used is due to the number of times they heard this message coming from the "black community". It has NOTHING to do with reality. The reality is that ANY man will use ANY women for sex IF YOU allow them to. In some cases, you may not mind being used as you may be using him too, but keep in mind these actions will rarely lead to a relationship.

If you are looking for a relationship, keep reading:

Men generally don't want women for relationships who are too "easy". If it was easy to sleep with you, he probably doesn't "value" you as much as he would someone who was harder to get.

It's not fair, I know, and can seem counter intuitive (as you are only reciprocating his advances), but unfortunately that's the way it works alot of the time.

However, you must maintain your sensuality while withholding sex. It can be a fine line, but one that can work wonders on us. I have found that women who use this technique is very effective on me. They don't hide how much they love affection and express themselves sensually, while at the same time not letting things move too fast. As your attraction grows, take it step by step. At the risk of getting obscene here, there are alot of way to satisfy a man's urges that don't involve intercourse. Use them during this time.

My point is, you have to be careful not to be too "chaste" or conservative as this will also make the man grow bored quickly or think that the "chase" may not be worth the "catch". This info applies regardless of race, though that should go without saying.

Good luck to those of you still searching. I hope this can help. =)

sky said...

Nessa said.."Hi. I usually just read, and don't comment but I secretly think wm do want bw for sex. My sister has a bm baby daddy, a Hispanic baby daddy, and now a wm baby daddy. The white guy is the only one who pays child sup. but he does not want my sister. I think it's clear he used her for sex sara, so I think you are deluding women here"

You can't be serious w/ that comment right? I suggest you keep reading, espeically this post over and over again till you get it. So what the hell were the bm and hm doing to her besides doing her? And the fact that neither of them are paying CS but the white guy is???

Nessa you should question your sister before you question the men.

Tai said...

You make an excellent point. One of my favorite quotes is Maya Angelo's...I heard it when I was 14 and its had a tremendous impact not only in my dating life but also in my life in general as far as choosing friends and such...She says: "If, someone shows you who they are, Believe them"....I think most people, and more specifically black women, would be a whole lot better off if they started taking people at face value instead of blaming it on a bad day, or just stating that that's how all men behave, etc, etc...

In regard to the first poster, Nessa....seriously? No disrespect, honestly,but there are several area's where that logic is lacking...First how is it that only the white man didn't want your sister when she had two previous children with men who obviously didn't want her because they didn't commit to her in any type of way, and I can assume that because she keeps having children by these different men...And if you mean that he's the one that doesn't want your sister because he's the only one who no longer wants to have sex with her, then I'd say that's commendable and understandable...I could understand something crazy and unexpected happening one night with protection/birth control that leads to one child...but three times? with three different men? Of course he doesn't want her...she fell right into the B category 3 times over!

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi. Tai I absolutely love that quote! And it's so true-so many times bm will be screaming to bw who they are, but bw don't believe it. My guess is this is what happened with J. Hudson's sister. This monster prob. gave plenty of indication that he was a monster, but she did not believe it, and thus her whole family paid the price.... So sad....BW -PLEASE leave trash in the gutter!-that's where it belongs...

Velvet Queen said...

Hi Sara & Everyone!

Excellent post by the way. It doesn't make any sense to me that some black women would be afraid of white men only wanting them for sex. If that's the case then we've got some serious “racial” deprogramming to do. All men want sex! Duh? I mean... Wouldn't any woman want to be in a relationship with a man who would love her, marry her, and have great sex with her??? LOL!

Anyways, men are men and from my experience I have found that the impression you give a man is going to give him clues on how far you as an individual are willing to go and what type of relationship he would have with you. Some guys are bold but quickly back off and become respectful when a woman puts them in their place. Others are passive, they watch your attitude, and slowly push buttons.

Do you make sexual references often? How do you behave? What's your flirting style? Etc... These sorts of things send guys messages and they are going to react in certain ways toward them.

In the same way...men give clues about their characters with these behaviors to women. You just have to pay attention!!!!!

It's common sense!!!!

Name: G. T. said...

Sara, Great post. I read somewhere that even within a few minutes of meeting a women, men categorize her into one of the groups you wrote about.

Steph, I applaud your decision to remain chaste. It will be extremely difficult sometimes, but don’t give up. I don’t know your religious background, but I found prayer to be very helpful to overcome the temptation to have pre-marital sex. I suggest you stick with guys that have the same values as you as opposed to someone you are having to impose them on; you will save yourself much heartache that way. Also make sure you have like-minded friends who can give you support and hold you accountable. Back in the day, I had several friends like that who were sources of great encouragement to me.
http://forthesistas.blogspot.com

P.S. Everyone, Queens of Internet Radio have a show today on Blog Talk Radio on interracial dating between black women and white men. I haven’t listened to their show before, but I’m going to check it out later tonight (you can listen to it anytime since it’s BlogRadio): http://www.blogtalkradio.com/EntrepreneursOnTheMove

Selena said...

Sometimes I think that "some" bw use the old stand-by "Wm just want to use us for sex" as an excuse as to why they haven't dated out.

The next time you hear a bw complain about bm ask one how do they feel about IR dating. I guarantee you she will respond with that exact same phrase. I bet you 10-1 the bw that says that has never even dated a wm LOL.

Clarice said...

Nessa said...

"Hi. I usually just read, and don't comment but I secretly think wm do want
bw for sex. My sister has a bm baby daddy, a Hispanic baby daddy, and now a wm
baby daddy. The white guy is the only one who pays child sup. but he does not
want my sister. I think it's clear he used her for sex sara, so I think you are
deluding women here"

On target as usual Sara - Nessa let me see if it all adds up here. Let's see we
have 1 woman 3 kids and three men. Each man had sex with the woman - none of the
men married the woman. One man is taking care of his responsibilities to the end
product of their carnal congress. The one man who is being responsible for the
child is blamed as being a "user".

I just had to respond to this and by the time I am finished writing this chances are it may be repeating others - but I just had to respond to this. This is once again a woman buying into the hype and drinking the Kool Aid, blaming others without taking personal responsibility for their part in the decisions and choices that were made.

Each person in a relationship situation makes choices and is responsible for those choices and the outcome. Bottom line
the woman agreed to be 'used' by all three of the men. Agreed by not setting, stating in clear, terms and standing firm by the terms of exchange (use of
condoms or other protective measures) and establishing the rules of the road and
expected code of conduct (no cookie w/out a long term relationship; if a child
results (no precaution is foolproof) responsibility for said child). As a result
- two hit it, quit it and forgot it, one hit it, quit it and forgot it but remembered there are consequences for actions taken and is following through on the responsibilities even though the encounter had ended and is forgotten.

All three of the men wanted sex; the choice was made by the participants all three did not take precautions only one manned up to handle the consequence of the choice.

V/r

Clarice

Lena said...

I agree that all men will use you for sex if you let them. I'm still going to remain chaste until marriage because I'll eliminate a whole bunch of jerks who are only looking for a good time!

I find the notion that wm only wanna use me for sex to be stupid because there are just as many black men who use women of all races for sex too.

You're post was common sense something those nothing but a black man crew lack!

sky said...

G.T. said..."P.S. Everyone, Queens of Internet Radio have a show today on Blog Talk Radio on interracial dating between black women and white men. I haven’t listened to their show before, but I’m going to check it out later tonight (you can listen to it anytime since it’s BlogRadio): http://www.blogtalkradio.com/EntrepreneursOnTheMove"

thanks I'll be looking out for that.

PlanetTokyo101 said...

GREAT POST!!!!

Foxycleopatra said...

Hey Sara,

I will admit that I stopped coming to your blog a while ago because I felt there were many notions here that I didn't agree with. Although I agree with what you were doing, it worried me too much that it would take black women to the other extreme i.e. from 'nothin but a bm' to 'any wm will do'.

Anyway, decided to check back and I want to applaud you for writing this post. This notion that wm just want bw for sex is absolutely ridiculous. Any man can use a woman for sex. Considering the number of black babymammas with black kids as opposed to biracial kids, I wonder what is says about what a large proportion of black men use black women for.

There are wm who just want bw for sex and it is up to bw to avoid these men. VET ALL MEN. You don't want to go from dbr bm to dbr non-black men!

This message that wm and other non-black men just want bw for sex is part of the brainwashing meant to keep bw in bondage.
---------------------------------

@ Neesa,

You must be kidding me with your comment.

1. First and foremost, i do not believe your story as it sounds just too convenient but I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

2. If the fact that the wm slept with her and is no longer with her proof that he didn't really want her, shouldn't the same reasoning apply to your sisters other babydaddys?

3. Let's get real. She has 3 kids by 3 different men, what exactly does that say about your sister? If she has realised, is she still having sex with men with no qualms about the possibilties of having even more children out of wedlock (oow)? The useless men in this case are those who are refusing to take care of their responsibilities (i.e. their kids). As for men who refuse to mary the mother of their kids, well in your sisters case, which of the 3 men should we choose to crucify? After all, they all cannot marry her.

How about the next time you see your sister, you admonish her to close her freakin legs!

Taylor-Sara said...

Foxy, I'm not sure where you ever got that notion, because from the beginning, I have advocated for bw to get the BEST MAN, and never settle for less, regardless of color. I honestly believe some ppl hear what they want regardless of what I say....

SMH said...

FOXY said...."2. If the fact that the wm slept with her and is no longer with her proof that he didn't really want her, shouldn't the same reasoning apply to your sisters other babydaddys?"

Valid point - after talking to a male friend about this - I sent him the link an he loved the blog Sara! He says the 'reasoning' behind that statement is - the 3rd male in this scenario realized the need to step up to the plate and handle his responsibilities. At the same time is this man not fool enough to hang around and effectively parent the children of the other men who are not stepping up to the plate. He knows that sooner or later that is what it would come to and he is not having that. According to the perspective of my long time buddy - this wm only interacts w/ the woman in that scenario as related to the child - his child. He is not still intimately involved with her and probably stopped that as soon as he realized what the game was. The woman in that scenario sees that w/ drawl as 'he only wanted one thing and now he's gone' because chances are the other two 'men' who are not paying support are still sniffing around.

So it sounds like - it's ok for these no count users to not take care of the their responsibilities and still come around - but it is 'wrong' to only come around to handle the responsibilities. It amazes me how wrongheaded this thinking is - especially when it is broken down like that.

SMH

cool_splash1 said...

What a love about Something New is that the movie ended with a wedding or mention of one (as in 50 First Dates)and not them living together (2 Weeks Notice)or them showing the relationship (unmarried)as just the beginning. There was an article I can't remember the link, but the author even stated that what most people don't realize is that at some point these people will probably break up in 3mths-2yrs. and the whole looking for Mr. Right will start all over again.

Plus the movie showed women that wm marry black women like they marry an other women.

L said...

Fantastic post - of course all men want sex. If only women understood the power they have and use it wisely! At least many white women know this but BW have been so undermined and boxed into sapphire/mammy stereotypes we sometimes do not know how to use our sexual power effectively. WM are MEN - and just as with other men we need to use our heads before our hearts (and bodies) get involved.
Also, please stop responding to "Nessa" - that story is so far out stupid it is obviously fake. Someone desperate for attention, ignore them!

Nessa said...

I'm not a fake! I didn't respond because I did not want the blog-bullies to attack me again.
I do understand that John takes care of his son, and provides well (about 650.00 per month) but my sister has two other children! He knew about before he came into the picture. He said he would marry her, got her pregnant and will not do as he promised. The only child of her 3 who has a father is little John! Michael, and David have no one. He takes 'his' son places and does things with him, and basically ignores the other two. I think this makes him an a**hole. He used my sister's niavety against her, and now she is the baby Mama of 3 kids instead of two. I don't care what y'all say, That's messed up! Plus, because little J. (john) is so pale and has light colored eyes, everybody in the hood knows he's mixed with white. Do you fools have any idea what it's like for my sister to be walking around with a white looking child in an all blk/hisp neighborhood/?? Yall supposed to be for bw, yet yall have zero compassion for my sister... I tell you who's fake-the people on this board!

Taylor-Sara said...

Nessa, I'm sorry about everything your sister must be going through-I really am. I can imagine that being the mother of 3 children with dif. fathers is especially difficult. However, your sister is a free agent, and must be held accountable for her own actions. She should have put on a chastity belt after the first father left her to raise a child alone. I am not without sympathy for her, but SHE did make those choices. She should be thanking God however, that one father is at least taking an interest in his son, and providing support. I know having one father out of 3 support/love his child is not ideal. However it is certainly better that 0/3. And she IS receiving a generous allotment from him. I would suggest she count her blessings, go find someone else, and get MARRIED before having anymore children....

SMH said...

Nessa most of the comments here are about the flawed logic that places blame and assigns all responsibility to someone else. Yes this wm's behavior if he is only supporting his own is not charitable or fair to the other children. However that falls on the mother it is the result of her choices and her apparent failure to even now take responsibility for the situation. The responses here are not so much uncaring as not willing to enable negative self defeating - self destructive, self inflicted behaviors. No it is not all her fault but she is not blameless either and yet still refuses to accept responsibility for her actions and the thoughts that led to the situation. A pity party or poor me poor baby party only encourages the cycle of self defeat and limited thinking. A responisbile person in this situation - takes the deadbeat Dad's to court. File the papers for child support. The courts are slow but they are there. Money won't replace the involvement but it will help. It also takes her out of the victim mode. She is not holding them responsible. A responsible person would tell the man his behavior is unacceptable and try and work with him to do something that will have less of a negative impact on the children. The tension negatively impacts all of the children and causes resentment which will lead to acting out. Her continued actions to include blaming him for his behavior - it is what it is she can only control what she does. Her failure to control what she does and not acting in her own best interests or in the interests of the children. Learn the lessons this man is teaching by his actions. Take care of your own interests. Do only what you are responsible for - do not give more than you get or more than you have to. Stop giving too much for too little. Take care of yourself - protect your own interests. Choose your responsibilities with care. Learn from your missteps and think before you act.

SMH

Anonymous said...

And why do you expect this man to take care of her other two children. Yeah they didn't get married etc., but he's taking care of his child. I repeat HIS CHILD. You seriously can't expect him to father the other two. How many bm baby daddies do we hold the same expectations to?

lisablisa said...

Nessa your sister sounds very immature, so I do have some compassion for a naive woman with three children to raise on her own. However, I have more compassion and concern for those three innocent children. Your sister has put them at a real disadvantage and is setting a very poor example for these three boys with regard to relationships,family,responsibility, etc.

As far as a black woman having a white looking child in the "hood" what about the other child the product of the Hispanic father does he not appear mixed as well?

Unfortunately, your sister's immaturity and/or lack of experience led her to put the cart (baby) before the horse (marriage). I hope she puts more effort into supporting her children and being a positive influence than finding another man or worse still giving birth to yet another child. Nessa encourage your sister to pursue higher education, pay her bills on time, avoid debt, get out of the hood, and be the best possible mom to her three children as she can be. It is a waste of her time and yours to expend energy being bitter and angry about these men. Just look forward and aim higher. Good luck to y'all.

GoldenAh said...

I hope little John isn't being treated badly just because he seems to be a favored child. His father might take sole custody if he feels his kid is being abused, or used for emotional blackmail. If the mother succeeds in pushing little John's father out of his life that will yield many, many years of resentment.

Children shouldn't be used by their mothers as bargaining chips with the men in their lives. It never works.
All women, but especially black, have to realize that sex, and a pending pregnancy does not assist in keeping a man.

If you want to get rid of a man, have sex with him easily, early, and tell him you love him. Nothing makes them run away harder or faster. Once he decides to leave - he is gone.

There's an expression for this situation: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Anonymous said...

Yes. You're right, Sara. I never thought about it this way. Thanks!

Alta said...

lisabissa said:As far as a black woman having a white looking child in the "hood" what about the other child the product of the Hispanic father does he not appear mixed as well?
-----

That's what I was gonna ask. Especially if the Hispanic father is white hispanic.

Anonymous said...

Nessa,

I feel like you missed the point of what Sara was saying in the post. She said that ALL races of men will use a woman if they allow it. Your sister just happened to be used by not only a white man but a black and latino man.You don't even blame the black man or the latino. Why is that? It was your sister's responsibility to prevent this from happening therefore the fault lies not only with the men but your sister.

Anonymous said...

"He used my sister's niavety against her"

WHAT?!! After two OOW babies with dead-beat daddies, you're sister shouldn't have had any naivete left! It's obvious that her scheme was for that WM to be her Captain Save-a-Ho just because he's white. When that plot didn't work to her advantage, she hated him even more than the 2 dbr nimrods who knocked her up and left her hanging.

And how is it the fault of strangers on a blog that your sister has to raise an obviously mixed child in the ghetto? She can use that extra $650 a month to move to a better area, or she can tell everyone, as has often been done in previous generations, that the baby is really black, he's "just light skin-did" and takes after a long dead ancestor.

Anonymous said...

Yep, Nessa, it's everybody else's fault and problem (including mine and I don't even know y'all). How old is your sister, anyway? Twelve or thirteen?

SabreeThinks.wordpress.com said...

I agree with most of what you said. Yes, any man regardless of race or class might want to use you for sex only.

Regarding this little disclaimer you put on your comment box (the one that accepts comments from anyone except "BM")... it's disrespectful for you to banish one group from joining in on a discussion that includes them.

Are you doing "BM" like those people did those African American kids at that Pennslyvania pool??? Coming from someone with so much insight, it's sad you don't want to hear my voice.

Taylor-Sara said...

In all fairness, Sabree, I had to put that disclaimer. Every time I tried to allow bm to voice their opinion, they came in rude, overbearing, insulting, and trying any and everything to take over the post, and discussion. I agree that it may not 'seem' right, and I admit to feeling a bit of guilt about it. But the mission of this blog is the betterment of bw. Many ppl will come to the bm's aid. We basically have no one but ourselves. Therefore, I have to put our happiness, betterment, and productivity first.....

? said...

So you wouldn't let CW's husband cone on her either?

jess said...

lol @" Anonymous said...
So the black man and the Hispanic man didn't use her for sex??? There are really some stupid people in this world. God help us!"
on July 14, 2009 8:19 AM

this is so true and funny as hell at the same time.

Taylor-Sara said...

Question mark, I 'discourage' bm from posting here. I don't automatically ban them. I think you know that. Especially if they come with knowledge and information in an open, earnest, non-malicious way....

jess said...

sara, you have every right to welcome bw and non--bm only, actually it's one of the reason I enjoy being here:) And why would a bm leave comments on this site other than to cause problems.
@SabreeThinks, I'm sick of people protecting and making up excuses for bm. why dont you join a board that encourages it's members to pamper black MEN like little kids SHOULD BE!

Steph said...

Oh, my goodness...I'm seriously scared for our education system if people fail at reading comprehension. To the people complaining about Sara's BM comments policy, let me break it down for you...
"Bm on the other hand are asked politely to respect our discourse, and allow us the space and liberty to have our own discussions, and reach our own conclusions in regards to bettering our IR relationships/marriages."

Did she write, "GTFO, I hate teh black mens?" No. She politely asked that we have our own medium to say what we want to say without the interruptions or the steering away from the topic at hand that usually happens when BM comment. This is exactly what is happening now: somehow the topic magically becomes about black men.

For example, ?, did you talk about the topic? No, you used your time to whine about BM not being able to speak. I'm sure if comments from BM are informative and add to the topic in a positive way that doesn't belittle interracial relationships and BW, then your comment will get posted. That's my 10 cents on that.

As for Nessa, I don't know about other people but I responded to your story respectfully so please save the dramatics. My sisters and I always stress that whining and focusing on the negatives in any situation won't get much done. Think of how your sister can raise her children in a loving, secure environment and love those children yourself because I know how awesome it is to be an aunt.

Anonymous said...

I was looking at the sidebar - who is Paris E. Doyle?

ak said...

Yeah about the 'you never see wm with bw' thing, the 'he'll never marry a bw' thing and other tomfoolery.

I wish that bw would take a look at Asian women for a moment. Yes in a lot of the U.S. especially in the major cities, you see Asian women dating or married to white men. Yes you'll see plain looking to beautiful Asian women with white men a lot of whom are among the best, stable financially and career-wise with a lot of wealth sometimes.

But people come to these blogs doubting that any famous white celeb man can be married to a bw, or that any famous black celeb woman can be married to a wm even when they see these pics on the internet?

Well like I said you see aw/wm couples all over the place BUT do you see any famous Hollywood white men with any Asian women? No! Usually not! They're usually in People mag or Us mag with ww, and they usually date each other the big Hollywood named actors and actresses. Look at Cameron Diaz, Jennfer Aniston and Brad Pitt! They've been through EVERY one of each other, any famous Hollywood actor/actress that you can think of!

And Lucy Liu, you never hear about her love life and personal life and she is one of the few Asian Hollywood people that you see. Why is that? She could be with a wm but how come you don't see or hear about Lucy until she's in another movie even beautiful and popular?

Lumenalacer said...

Hello everyone, I'm new to this blog but I wanted to put my two cents in since I couldn't think of a better time, considering the comment right before me.

@ak- Not only is there "wm out there that want bw to marry", I am one of those wm that is dating a bw with the intention of marriage (haven't had sex yet and not going to until married... I'm not into her for sex alone). From my point of view, it's not about racial purity or giving a group a chance, it's simply that she's the one I match best with.

Saying it another way, I had four things that I was looking for in my future wife: 1. Walking Christian (not a "Christian" that didn't practice what she said) 2. Trustworthy (extremely important) 3. Personal Attraction (we had to get along well) and 4. Physical Attraction (she had to be attractive to me). After looking for about two years, my woman (who happens to be black) is the one I found that met all four of these goals. As if that's not enough, she's got some other stuff thrown in that I didn't even ask for.

So, I don't know about Hollywood stars, but there are wm (like myself) out there that are looking for women who bring stuff to the table and want to bring something to the table too.

Side-note that I must confess I wasn't expecting when I started dating my woman... I think the reason that anyone is surprised that a person that is unattractive (to them) is with a person of another color is because beauty is culturally trained. Look at the different areas of the world and "beautiful" is vastly different. My girlfriend is beautiful to me, I wasn't raised in the bm/bw culture, so I have no idea how she looks to them and it doesn't matter. (When we first started dating, I told her she was beautiful for the first time, she was very surprised. She explained that it was the first time she'd been told without the phrase "for being so dark" added on as a qualifier. Not only do I not care that she's dark, I really like it. We contrast brilliantly when we're holding hands.) She's gorgeous to me. And, really, why be trapped in a cultural group that considers you unattractive when another cultural group sees you as individual and beautiful?

Taylor-Sara said...

Well ladies, I think he clarified that better than I ever could.
For those of you who still think wm don't find you attractive, I just want to remind you, that there are 'plenty' of wm who find you attractive, and worthy of marriage...

Anonymous said...

Nessa, you didn't get bullied because of anything that happened to your sister or HER situation. You got bullied and I called you an idiot because you didn't even comprehend Sara's post.

Never in it did she contend that wm don't use women for sex. Quite the opposite. She said that you must use your wits and intuition to figure out what the guys intentions are, regardless of race.

This whole back and forth about your sister's situation is besides the point. YOU SAID Sara is "deluding people" when she did the EXACT opposite, which is to help them make educated decisions, which obviously your sister, and I suspect you, fails at.

So, yes, you're STILL a retard, no matter how much of an a**hole this one white guy was to your sister, who by the way, after losing three potential husband/fathers in a row, is the COMMON denominator in all of those situations. We are only hearing YOUR side of the story. Maybe your sister did something stupid to drive the man away, and make it not worth dealing with her other kids.

Raising a mixed child in a black neighborhood, why would you even bring that up? LOL Considering how many bm got mixed/light kids running around the ghetto, I'm pretty sure your sisters ONE kid is gonna be just fine. You can save that ish.

30/wm/L.A.

Taylor-Sara said...

Speaking of that 30/wm
This is off topic, but do you know what I always wondered? I always wondered what it was like for a ww to raise a mixed child in her environment? I sometimes see ww with mixed children and they look like they're in a nightmare, and sometimes they look content. And I always wondered what it was like for them. I know for all 3 of my white Aunts it didn't seem to be a big deal, but they all think they're black, and bp always treat them like they're blk. (think Tina Marie). but for ordinary ww, I always wondered what they go through. Some of you ww who secretly read, please give us your perspective...

Anonymous said...

@ Sara...I too always wondered about the ww with bi-racial children. What are their thoughts on the subject.

Nessa is really Ned or Nat.

Also, I still say Nessa is telling a story about a so-called sister. Nessa is trying to discredit wm.
And, even if this story is true that wm does not have any obligations to those other children and your sister cannot force him to support them.

Nessa or Ned give it up this story is untrue.

a.

Lena said...

The notion that white men only want to use us for sex is not only absurd it's racist too.
The men who make those absurd generalizations probably use women for sex too!
I find men of all races attractive I'm just turned off by the egos of black men.

Anonymous said...

One of my good friends growing up was mixed with a single ww raising him. She was very low key about it, and if she was under any strain, she never let it show. We grew up in a suburb, though they lived in an apt. complex. The Dad abandoned them early on but she never seemed like she was bitter about it.

I think the bigger issue is that the kid (Jason) wasn't comfortable being both, it was like he had two personalities, one for the times he wanted to be white, and one for the times he wanted to be black. We all change to our environment, but with mixed kids it's like they are just a chameleon, acting like whichever race they feel is advantageous to them at that moment. Other people may feel sorry for their "identity crisis", but I don't. To me, it's no different than the kid who plays one divorced parent off another in order to gain favor with one.

I hate it when I hear the message that mixed kids have to choose one race or the other. That's exactly the opposite of what they should be taught. How about telling them they are just a person and to be themselves, whoever that may be. Our personality types determine much more about us than our skin tone or any other physical characteristic ever will. As long as we keep making a big deal out of it, the kids will end up with low self-esteem and insecurities before they are even given a chance to find out who they really are.

The sad end to my story is that during the time Jason felt insecure in high school, he thought it was cool to act "black", he started gangbanging, stealing cars, womanizing, and just overall trying to act "hard", even rejecting his old friends like me.

He was subsequently arrested and has been in and out of prison for most of his adult life now. When I run into him, he just tells me that he was a victim of this or that circumstance and can I help him out. I just shake my head.

I couldn't believe his insecurity about not being 100% black led to the extreme overcompensation to "prove" his blackness. Well, he proved it alright. Now, he's just become another minority statistic. =(

30/wm/L.A.

Andrew said...

(Looking at Sara)

Now you know I was going to talk about CW marrying a black man.

Do you women stand for anything anymore?

Call your movement the "Hypocrite Movement".

Good day

Taylor-Sara said...

Andrew, you sound like a fool, as always. CW can marry whomever she wants! What does that have to do with me-or us for that matter?
We always tell bw to marry the best man, and I'm sure she did. I really fail to see your point. But as usual, your comments are silly and trivial...

Anonymous said...

He's a total fool as usual (Andrew) CW is NOT even an interracial blogger! Her site theme is bettering life for black women, not interracial love! She is a bw EMPOWERMENT blogger, and has absolutely nothing to do with INTERRACIAL fool! So what would that have to do with Sara's site??
Oh, I know. We're all bw, so if one of us does something, -We've all done it, I guess.

Sandra77 said...

CW's new husband being part black proves the point that she and other IR bloggers are about BW finding the best quality mate she can, of whatever color/ethnicity. But some dumb BM still want to pretend that BW hate black men - BM are just projecting their feelings about BW onto BW. They can't believe that BW can actually still be fair-minded and not feel hate for the way that BM treat and talk about BW. The answer is "Yes, We Can!" We seek quality men, of whatever race/ethnicity/color/skin shade/creed. BM can learn a lot from CW and the rest of the BW empowerment bloggers and the IR bloggers.

Anonymous said...

Let's see.. CW wrote an internet book with a black woman and white man on the cover. Her site had NUMEROUS photos of black women and white men and her posts of most attractive men were majority white. Yet, she marries a black man!

Clarice said...

http://swordofgoliath.blogspot.com/2009/07/jezebel-darling-who-lied-to-you.html

http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2009/07/get-real-with-scripture-when-properly.html

The two posts listed above address two issues brought out in Nessa's narrative. They deal

with learning lessons and paying attention to what people tell you about themselves. People

have patterns of behavior that can be seen if you pay attention and can tell you what to

expect so you can use that info to avoid being used, abused and led astray. Fact is people

lie. People also have patterns of behavior that if as the old folks used to say - if you

live long enough and pay attention all will be revealed. Learn the lessons of history - your

own and that of others. Read books, watch people and what they do and say and their patterns

of action and the cause and effect. Vet the men/people that come into your life and discern

their pattern of behavior to protect yourself. Knowledge is power - use it to protect your

own interests.

Excellent post Sara

V/r

Clarice

Halima said...

Bw might like to look at the real ones using them for sex!


Supposing I wanted to Date a White Guy...?

smh said...

The point of Sara's blog and others like it is not about the color of a person that a woman
of color marries but rather the quality and learning to make wise choices in life partners.

Growing up as a mixed race child, I never felt I had to 'choose' one over the other - though folks
would often say that it was necessary to choose. I ignored the silliness because who you are
is not about either or but rather the sum of all that you are, - essentially character vs
characteristics. Neither your race/ethnic background nor peoples perception of it defines who you are or your value or worth unless you let it - rather the content of your character and personality determine who you are. Ultimately you teach people by your actions how to see you and treat you, regardless as to other factors.

I know ww who have raise mixed race children and those who are at peace are that way because they are comfortable in their skin and with the choices they made. These women vetted their spouses and made wise choices. The ww who look like they are in a nightmare - are that way because they are/were making self defeating choices and follow negative patterns of living.

More importantly they are letting external forces other people or circumstance shape how they view the world and the child rather than doing what is best for them. The ww who are at
peace - when they see the child they see just that a child an individual person with unique
characteristics and value and worth. They focus on the character of the person that is their
child and the individual child's personality and teach the child how to navigate the realities of life and occasionally stupid people as a person of worth and value.

SMH

Anonymous said...

I most say I don't think I ever heard this sterotype. WM with BW is so rare that it is not that big of an issue. BM and WW is more of a hot button issue in the black community, IMO. If anything I think BM/WW relationship are based on sex. A lot of ww want to see if the myth is true. I think alot of non-black women want to see if the myth is true and thats part of the reason why blk men get attention from different races.

Anonymous said...

I think you know that. Especially if they come with knowledge and information in an open, earnest, non-malicious way...

Actually, you delete comments that represent views that oppose yours, no matter how open, earnest and non-malicious the views are.

Boney said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

CW's new husband being part black proves the point that she and other IR bloggers are about BW finding the best quality mate she can, of whatever color/ethnicity.

I think that Halima is the exception to this. She doesn't want black women with black men of quality.

Anonymous said...

There was a study by Willerman, Naylor, & Myrianthopoulos that indicated that black/white mixed children raised by white mothers (whether single or with the father) had higher IQ's than mixed black/white children raised by black mothers.
---
Yeah, I'll just take that racist study wth a grain of salt....

Back in Black said...

CW proves that, in the end, white men can't compete with a good brotha. Something New becomes Back in Black!

Taylor-Sara said...

Thank you Anon 10:44!
I believe that study as much as I believe the bell curve study, that 'indicates' that wp are just more inately intelligent than bp.
In other words... that study is bull!
Don't you know by now, that 'studies' have been shown to reinforce the original view/ideology of the scientist who undertakes them!

Taylor-Sara said...

Back in Black said...
CW proves that, in the end, white men can't compete with a good brotha. Something New becomes Back in Black!


That is absolute nonsense! First of all the man is triracial for goodness sake! And one of his races is white! And second, if bw were all to wait for a good bm to come, they'd all be on their death beds before he showed up!

To the person who questioned me on why I don't put bm's comments through.-You now have your answer! Do you see how every comment is designed to cause problems and insult either wm or bw???

Anonymous said...

Triracial? Give me a break.. that's as bad as Tiger Woods and "Cablinasian" how is what you are saying any different from black men who date light skin, multi-racial black women and say "hey, they are still black?"

Velvet Queen said...

I really have quite a few things I would like to tell these seemingly immature "black" men who like too...what it seems like...monitor blogs like this for no apparent reason than the fact that they have some sort of mental issues that really need.....uuugghh.

But...they're not even worth it.

I am so happy that CW has gotten married.

And Sara's right. Common sense would tell anyone (with common sense) that CW is a black female EMPOWERMENT blogger, and is STILL rooting for black women to open their eyes to the possibilities of quality men of ALL ethnic backgrounds.

I'd say she scored. She got three in one. Black/White/Native American!!!


So back off haters.


Seriously.

Besides, guess what?! Now she has a husband....that will be encouraging her to continue doing so.....OBVIOUSLY.

So hah!

Steph said...

I'm glad I have deep friendships with black men IRL and that my best friend happens to be a BM so I know that ignorance isn't as steep in the BM psyche as some of these comments would prove. So what if CW married a "black" man?? Does it really get your rocks off that bad that an empowerment blogger got married to a man with high melanin? Do you seriously hold your masculinity and pride in the fact that she's "back in black?" Pathetic.

As for disregarding his other cultures that make up who he is (white and N.A.) that shows that people are still as racist as ever! How are we supposed to have other races come together equally when we in our own "community" still uphold the One Drop Rule??? That's just like those fools who roll their eyes and suck their teeth because Halle Berry is with a white man...forgetting the fact that she is half white herself! Get it together, please. I'm starting to wonder if Sara isn't absolutely right with not allowing certain BM to comment. At least with the free time they could go somewhere else to find their gonads.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Hi Sara,

You have a wonderful blog. I wonder if CW would get the same criticism if she were married to say.... Barack Obama. He appears to be a light skinned black man but is biracial. CW's husband is multiracial. As I had to check some wws, not all biracial children take all the traits of both or one parent. I know biracial people who look all black, white, Hispanic and Asian. An interracial family I knew growing up had 5 kids and they looked different. Two looked black, no traits of white(including hair that had to be pressed we are talking 1970s). The middle two looke typical by "mixed kids" standards. the last one was blue eyed and blond completely white. So to give CW a hard time when we know this can happen is beyond comprehension. So what her husband is brownskinned? Why can't you be happy that she has found the man of her dreams --- and married him? That doesn't make him any less multiracial as it does not the kids I knew growing up who look all black. They are still very much biracial.

Some folks will never be satisfied and will try and degrade a sister no matter what she does. Just celebrate that CW and her new hubby are in love and Happy which is much more than can be said of her haters. If you were happy, you would not have time to dwell on someone else who has NOTHING to do with you and you don't know --- wishing your own misery on them.

Anonymous said...

An empowerment blogger is someone like Khadija, who has no pictures of ir couples on her page. However, just on the first few pages of CW's blog I counted over 24 different photos of black women with white men and I couldn't find any of black women and black men. I did however see countless warnings to black women about black men including videos of black men on To Catch a Predator and a vide of a black man hitting a black woman.

cool_splash1 said...

I think the bigger issue is that the kid (Jason) wasn't comfortable being both, it was like he had two personalities, one for the times he wanted to be white, and one for the times he wanted to be black. We all change to our environment, but with mixed kids it's like they are just a chameleon, acting like whichever race they feel is advantageous to them at that moment. Other people may feel sorry for their "identity crisis", but I don't. To me, it's no different than the kid who plays one divorced parent off another in order to gain favor with one.

I don't blame him especially if he's around bp. I noticed in school the only time black girls dated white boys is if they so called acted black, because only a legit black girl would even consider dating someone who acted more black than so called white etc. That also goes for mixed race children. Black people want to accept them if they act black or so called down than if they don't.

I couldn't believe his insecurity about not being 100% black led to the extreme overcompensation to "prove" his blackness. Well, he proved it alright. Now, he's just become another minority statistic. =(

Hell so called 100% black kids have this insecurity and for good reason if they are raised within the black community or around.

Pamela said...

The man I am dating was the one that told me that he was not going to sleep with me until marriage. I did not have to initiate that conversation. He is a man that does not believe in dating to play around. In his mind he only reason to date someone is to see about marrying them. If he had not done that I would have somehow figured out where his mind was about things.

Because of what I had seen others walk through in my younger years I determined that I would vet men HARD checking out many areas that I felt were important. I was amazed at how bold he was in making his intentions known about considering me for marriage.

I am a very fortunate women. It did take a while but I do not regret a day waiting until I met a quality man that I fit with like a key in a lock. Unless one of us dies I will finally leave the single life in mid-December 2009, soon after my 50th birthday:)

cool_splash1 said...

An empowerment blogger is someone like Khadija, who has no pictures of ir couples on her page. However, just on the first few pages of CW's blog I counted over 24 different photos of black women with white men and I couldn't find any of black women and black men. I did however see countless warnings to black women about black men including videos of black men on To Catch a Predator and a vide of a black man hitting a black woman.

wow so pathetic. Who are you tell someone who is an empowerment blogger and who is not? Hell Evia has the same type of pics on her blog and even advises women to consider bm if they are vetted as any man should be, but be realistic about the state of AA men.

Frankly I think it tells others that she has values not racialues.lol She encourage black women to open their horizons which you know damn well most black women don't or won't.

Taylor-Sara said...

Look-this post is NOT about CW's husband! CW is my sister blogger whom I love and respect, and I am very happy for her. That is no way gives anyone the right to come here and make assumptions about her life! She married the man she wanted, and needed in her life. That's what we all encourage women to do. She has NEVER said she would not consider a blk-mixed man!
Take this ridiculous gloating somewhere else.
This is exactly why I don't want bm commenting on my site! As I said before, every bm comment seems designed to take us off course, and derail our discussions.
Go back to your own boards and discuss your new rims!

Pamela said...

I forgot to include this note: What on earth does CW have to do with the topic of this post? She is a married woman now. This post is for unmarried women that are dating or want to marry. What does she care now that she has a quality man as a husband???? Why do those that post scurrilous comments about her care?????

Mr Laurelton Queens said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Miss Pinky said...

Many blessings to you Pamela !!!

Mujer Negra said...

I agree with the "triracial" label being a bit ridiculous. At least 90% of African Americans are mixed with white and even more are mixed period. CW referred to her sister-in-laws as "black". Why are they "black" while he is "mixed"? She married a good black man with a reddish complexion.

His color is not the point. The point is him being a "good man". She should feel proud to have won the heart of a good strong man. I wish her all the happiness in the world.

Mujer Negra

CW said...

***DERAILMENT ALERT***

Notice how things get going and people get results the trolliums arrive in droves? See, if dissenters cannot STOP the train, then they must derail it and create confusion...They see us divesting and LEAVING the same 'ol same 'ol...Their tactics no longer have the same effect...(Forgive me Sara if I am out of line)...I sooo love you guys for sticking up for me, but these factions are not even worth it...Ex:


If Mr Mann was genetically "more White" or whatever that is...I would hate BM...

If Mr Mann would have been Hispanic, trolls would say I couldn't get a WM so I am substituting the HM for the WM...

If Mr Mann were genetically "more Black"...Then I have would have no business speaking out for BW's issues...

SOMEONE.STOP.THE.MERRY.GO.ROUND

HA!


Q:"Would CW's husband be allowed to post here"

A:CW's husband just arrived to his new duty station and looking for our new home...CW's husband "Does Hard Things" (Check out that particular book on Amazon)...CW's husband has a career, family, friends, talents, hobbies, interests and accomplishments that define him as a MAN...So therefore Mr Mann does not feel the need to interject himself in a hen-house to make himself feel important...CW's husband is not some lame duck who has the need to constantly put women 'in their place'...Sara does not have to ban/block REAL MEN...Real men pick on people their own size!

(Now...Putting the train back on the track)


"Steph said...

I'm glad I have deep friendships with black men IRL and that my best friend happens to be a BM so I know that ignorance isn't as steep in the BM psyche as some of these comments would prove. So what if CW married a "black" man?? Does it really get your rocks off that bad that an empowerment blogger got married to a man with high melanin? Do you seriously hold your masculinity and pride in the fact that she's "back in black?" Pathetic."


High ^5 Steph!!!

CW said...

Just to clarify...The last comment is in no way to slight the legitimate men who visit us to offer some genuine insight...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lorraine said...

This is a great blog as usual. I just completed an interview with a bw who thought this very thing (myth) Look out for it soon as this lady is now happily married to a wonderful who treats her very very well.

Great that you gave an example of a dbrwm. You know when a guy is bad news and your clues of his eyes at the chest is a major red Flag.

Alta said...

Sara said: Go back to your own boards and discuss your new rims!
----

LMAO! Good one!

Taylor-Sara said...

deleted Anon.
I am sick of ppl coming here with the alleged purpose of providing information, when their true agenda is much more sinister. First of all that question was NOT directed toward you, and there was no need for you to inject your ridiculous remark, except to divert the convo, and infuse upset. I'll thank you to take your inane, and (unsolicited ) comments back where you came from. I know a wolf in sheep's clothing when I see one....

Anonymous said...

So all black men discuss rims? Do all black women discuss weaves? Such stereotypes are quite racist.

cool_splash1 said...

weaves? Such stereotypes are quite racist.

Can tell you have nothing better to do.

Lumenalacer said...

@ Anon: Not necessarily. It seems to me that Sara is speaking to the men, (BM in this case) that discuss rims on their blog boards. That there *are* a group of these, I think, would be difficult to deny.

And, while it may seem ironic at first glance, I think I'm enjoying this blog more the more conflict there is on it (even asinine comments are still conflict). I do enjoy a good debate and CW (whom I've never met, but I have a feeling we'd get along well after reading her comments) made an excellent point: She can't win in the current paradigm put forward by the "black" community. (I would classify it as a community and not a color, my gf is darker than just about everyone else she knows but because she speaks properly and behaves with decency and thought, she's not considered "black" enough.) And, so, if a community forces you into an untenable position (CW can't win no matter what she does, which I'd say extends to most BW, at least the ones on this site), then leave. Not saying the men are bad and that WM or HM are inherently better than BM (I do know a few on both sides of all racial groups)... but it's the *chance* to have the *choice* that's important. As I said in my last post, why be a part of a community that doesn't see you as beautiful?

(And, a side-comment: That appears to be "settling" to me... and settling for what you can get is very destructive for a loving relationship. In my last post, I mentioned that I had four things I was looking for. My gf has all four of them and she's the first I found that had them, and I looked a hard time. I was looking for several years and there were other people that matched one, two, even three of them... but I wasn't going to settle because I'd always know that I didn't hold out for the best. Now, to qualify that, keeping priorities realistic is also important... it's not too much to ask that the guy treat you well, work hard and be there for his kids. (Or whatever your particular "must haves" are.) No one is asking for a super-star body, millions of dollars and a house in Hawaii or something.)

So, in conclusion, it's not what the man *is* that makes a difference... it's what the man is *not* (or does not have) that's really important. Is he able to take care of his kids and be faithful? Is he able to treasure his woman and make her feel special because he honestly sees her like that? Will he work hard to support a family when she's 8-mo pregnant? Is he the kind of man she could trust with her life without hesitation? If the answer to any of these questions is "NO" then it really doesn't matter what the rest of him is like, body, past or skin color.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading these blogs for a few years now, and not once have I ever had the impression that I was supposed to run out and get a White man. More like, "marry a good man." So, I have no idea why these Negroes are acting like CW's marriage is some kind of blow to the BWE movement. Black women are supposed to look for Quality men of whatever race/ethnicity.

Some Black men are either really stupid, or take Black women to be stupid.

Oh well said...

So, I have no idea why these Negroes are acting like CW's marriage is some kind of blow to the BWE movement.

It's not a blow to black women empowerment, so much as it is to white men who hoped that black women might be interested in them. I always like CW and the fact that she often showed pictures of 'alternative' looking white guys that you would think a black woman would never like. I must admit, I was a bit disappointed; however, her life is none of my business.

Taylor-Sara said...

Oh well.
That's what you all do not seem to understand. CW was NOT looking for a white man per se. Just a GOOD man! She was NOT concerned with the packaging, only what was inside! Plenty of bw are more open to a good man regardless of his packaging everyday. And yes, that includes white men. This is not rocket science. Men are attracted to women, and vice-versa. Our lives as black women are about doing what is BEST for US, and our children. And not whether it offends the bm, and his paper thin ego... You cannot tie your ego to what bw do. Just as we have no right to do that to you....

Felicia said...

It's not a blow to black women empowerment, so much as it is to white men who hoped that black women might be interested in them.

CW doesn't - and never attempted to - represent all BW. And most white men are unaware of these BW empowerment sites. Those IR focused and not.

The majority of BW/WM couples who are together know nothing of these sites.

If a WM interested in BW is dissuaded by CW's marriage, then they weren't really interested in BW to begin with.

I always like CW and the fact that she often showed pictures of 'alternative' looking white guys that you would think a black woman would never like. I must admit, I was a bit disappointed; however, her life is none of my business.

You should be happy for CW. When we're happy for others, we're blessed in return.

The whole "movement" is about BW finding men regardless of color/nationality/race who love them as they are. QUALITY men who will make good husbands and fathers.

BW feeling FREE enough to explore ALL of their options. Just like non BW.

CW STILL supports this mission as does her husband who has black sisters who he cares about.

It's ALWAYS been about quality. Not color.

cool_splash1 said...

It's not a blow to black women empowerment, so much as it is to white men who hoped that black women might be interested in them. I always like CW and the fact that she often showed pictures of 'alternative' looking white guys that you would think a black woman would never like. I must admit, I was a bit disappointed; however, her life is none of my business.

You seriously think this is hurting wm that a bw found a man of color regardless or race? Id be dsappointed if she had married wm, am because that's what black women (as these dinky comments I say)think she should do. Because then she wouldn't be following her own advise, but the insecurity of a few people. I mean seriously she's supposed to skip good men because black women/girls new to her blog might be confused. Are you serious. If these women and girls are confused about finding quality men of any race, vetting men etc. after all that has been said in these blogs then they weren't ready anyway.

Clarice said...

It amazes me these folks are all acting like CW's choice has anything to do with anything other than her own happiness at positively shaping her destiny and investing in herself and her happiness. The BC is all about for self and the reaction here is proof. CW made a choice to find and have a healthy satisfying relationship with quality man - people do it everyday and no one thinks twice about it or the man. Sara and bloggers like her are saying to BW - you have a choice - your life and destiny are in your hands - choose wisely from what is out there and then provides education and information and critical thinkinng opportunities via thought provoking questions. I suspect she and bloggers like her choose to do this because they see so many women needlessly self destructing. It is hard for any quality, healthy, evolved human to see destruction and not at least sound an alarm. Healthy individuals will sound the alarm. A healthy individual will not put themselves at risk to 'save' those individuals who choose to not heed the alarm and certainly will not join in that idiotic course of action. These bloggers,as part of their journey- felt called to sound the alarm to wake people from slumber, and provide information as a hand up to those who would choose to take it so they can escape a cycle of self destruction. Congratulations to CW! Thanks Sara! Ladies - learn the lesson your destiny is in your hands - do not let others selfishness and divisiveness create your destiny.

V/r

Clarice

Anonymous said...

by observation i noticed that men do put women in categories, thats a fact, but....its all due to timing! i met this one guy who was in a serious relationship and almost about to be married but he told e something very interesting, he said, "i wish i couldve met you a year ago.." cuz he was with his fiance/girl for a year and was serious with her. so he already put the time and effort with her so....he couldnt go back, but he was tryna say that....it couldve been me! and i believe that you can also move up in categories by showing self-control. i met this other guy who was in a serious relationship and wanted me only for a side-piece/ jump-off situation only i wasnt havin it! so just by not condoning that he asked me to move in with him, and he wasnt living w/ his girl of two years! i couldnt believe it, i was being promoted..

Anonymous said...

thank u steph for that comment on the one-drop rule!! i think its bullsit! im not black but im hispanic and were a mixture. im actually mulatto,(french, italian, and black) and i consider myself all of these....im mixed! i really think you black americans should adopt how us hispanics think about that.... we dont believe in labels(white-hispanic, black-hispanic, indian-hispanic) thats all crap! in my family we have all colors and we dont differentiate eachother like that, we consider ourselves all the same. im sorry if sound rudem, i really mean this from the bottom of my heart, with love...it will bring people together if u could acknowledge every race you could be, theres nothing wrong with that at all...it s the truth

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. 1:08
I know you are new here, so I'll let it slide. But from now on please refraim from using profanity... thank you

jess said...

didnt' know where to stick this, but can you add a pic to your side bar,Sara,of Julio Iglesias Sr with his African American wife?thx:)

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi Jess.
As soon as someone sends me the pic, I will post it. I am far too busy to go searching for pics.....

artistcr1962 said...

I have two comments:
For the poster who said Hispanics do not have an issue with *race*. Answer this question - Why do most Spanish television stations employ white skinned people, and why do most people in the upper class have white skin?
Second comment - if white men only wanted black women for sex, explain the Loving case (That white man went through hell *along with his WIFE* for love). ALL hound dog men only want women for sex, the explosion of out of wedlock births in the black community is a combination of low self-esteem and BLACK MEN ONLY WANTING SEX FROM A BLACK WOMAN.

Taylor-Sara said...

Well, this is just my opinion. I definitely think many Hispanics have issues with race and color. I've seen them in school comparing skin tones, and 'worrying' about getting too dark.
Also, My very dark sister had brought a mexican friend to a family get together one time. As I said before, my family is very large and mixed up. Although 99% of us consider ourselves black. Well when she realized that she was darker than almost half the ppl at the cook out, she was visibly upset and on the verge of tears. We thought she was joking the way she kept going on, and on, until we saw real tears...

Sandra77 said...

Sara, here's the link to a picture of the late Julio Iglesias Sr. and his African American wife, Ronna Keit:

http://www.dominicantoday.com/dr/this-and-that/2005/12/19/8446/Julio-Iglesias-father-dies-at-90

Anonymous said...

"For the poster who said Hispanics do not have an issue with *race*. Answer this question - Why do most Spanish television stations employ white skinned people, and why do most people in the upper class have white skin?"

Yeah, and also answer why Hispanics are targeting Blacks for ethnic cleansing out there in Cali. Latino hatred for dark skin (and Blackness in general) is well-known. I don't know who these people think they're fooling.

Anonymous said...

what i said was that hispanic people dont believe in labels, because we dont believe in the one-drop rule....but yes ill admit that the culture is racist in another way, and im not proud of that. my point is that i believe that at least were a step above american culture and its one-drop rule which doesnt help black people at all. if we could just embrace yourself fully its always better than denying another part of you just because white people wanna remain pure. then you could go from there...i dont know a solution but i guess its just baby-steps.

Anonymous said...

As a Latin women, indeed many Hispanics do have as problem with race and color issues. It’s pathetic! It comes from the earliest days when the Spaniards occupied the now Latin countries. They created a caste system of the pure white Spaniards on top, and the Indians/Blacks on the very bottom. Fast forward hundreds of years later, and it's almost the exact same. The very rich upper class usually have white/light skin and the poor are usually the black or the indigenous.

I'm a mix of Mexican and Caribbean (mom mixed with black father), as a result, I have a very unique look and dark skin. Many people look at me and place me somewhere on the spectrum of Hispanic, black mixed with (insert race), dark Asian, and everything in between.

I love the looks on the faces of white Hispanics when my fiancé, who is white, and I go out together and they see him with some lowly dark Hispanic (in their eyes) many seem genuinely surprised. Hee

Like this morning when we ate breakfast at a Mexican restaurant and our waitress was a white blonde Mexican. When she saw me she was very surprised. Of course, Hispanic men always seem bothered when they see a Hispanic woman with a white man (like black men), but who cares because I decided some time ago that I was absolutely finished with them. Many do not match my education level, dislike dark-skinned women, and carry around with them outdated perspectives and views of male/female roles. Though they seem to do smashingly well with obese White-American women.

(*Note: My views do not represent all Latin men. Some Latin men from different countries do seem to like dark skin. I have dated this variety. My comments are specifically about some Mexicans, some Mexican-American men, and other Hispanics with similar mindsets.)

I may not be African American, but I love this blog, as well as Eva’s, and the rest of the interracial blogs. I like how they encourage Black women to not stick around and wait passively for men who, quite simply, don’t want them. Instead, to seek men with good characters who treat them as they deserve. Whenever I see BW/WM (or with anybody else) pairings it makes me very happy.

Monica

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,

You seem like a well meaning person, but I respectfully disagree with you. I don't think we are "one step above the American culture“. In regards to your comment about Hispanics not believing in “labels”, I guess I do agree because those deemed with dark skin are just all lumped into one category, not different labels, and not allowed on the telenovelas or Spanish television in general.

There used to be a beautiful black anchorwoman on Univision for Primer Impacto, however, I‘m not sure if she is still on. She was the only one. Sadly, you don’t see a wide variety of the different shades of black and brown that represent Hispanics. Instead you see women like Flaca on El Gordo y La Flaca. Occasionally, a dark person might sneak on a telenovela, usually in form of the maid or some other form of manual labor, like a tree-chopper or something.

It’s really pathetic!

Monica

Anonymous said...

Sarah, why do you continuously inject these negative generalizations about black men (about rims, paper thin egos, hanging on corners, etc.)? You talk about it not being about the man's race or color, then you make what amounts to racist comments. When similar generalizations that are no less legitimate are made about black women, you rant about how they are "myths". Why are the myths for black women but facts for black men?

CW said...

@Anonymous 07-19-09 1811hrs

...This may not be the site which meets your needs...Utilize the "Google" search engine to find a blog more appropriate for your tastes....


...Again Sara, forgive me if I'm outta line...

A. said...

Mexicans and hispanics along with indians are some of the most racist people i have ever met.
Seriously...
They have this superior aura when i'm around them as if they are some how better than me, a black girl.
And when they feel i am not buying it by feeling inferior, they get a bit annoyed and uncomfortable.
I really don't understand it.
I'm from Sweden and most swedes would never think of them as 'white' yet these idiots think they're equals to the stereotypical white person.
it's really sad...they're like most black men now a days, self hating and would marry anyone as long as they have white skin and light eyes.
They're not fooling anyone though, i've always viewed mexicans and hispanics in general as 'brown' and i'm always surprised to hear when they describe themselves as white.
look, i'm not into the notion that white is right etc i just think it is so sad to see how these people want to be something they're not and so badly.

I have heard about the situation in california where hispanics are killing blacks and i find it so heart breaking.
apparently some mexican guy called a little black girl 'you *** whore' and then shot her in the middle of day light on an open street.
why are they doing this? where does the hate come from?

back to the topic...
this myth ( because it is a myth) is pure garbage, i should know. I live in one of the whitest countries in the world and i am currently in London and i have ever only dated white guys and have never had a problem with having relationships with them.
It has never been about sex because i am waiting until marriage for that.
Some people want you to believe in this myth because it is beneficial to them but you shouldn't listen to them or else you will be alone forever or end up with a dbr man.

I see more and more young black girls pregnant and with strollers carrying their dbr mans child and looking miserable, do you want this to be you?
i sure as hell don't that's why i don't even go there if you know what i mean...
i don't even look at their direction.
don't take advice from these women or these men, they're unhappy and negative already so their advice will be the same, you know how misery loves company...

cool_splash1 said...

Sarah, why do you continuously inject these negative generalizations about black men (about rims, paper thin egos, hanging on corners, etc.)? You talk about it not being about the man's race or color, then you make what amounts to racist comments. When similar generalizations that are no less legitimate are made about black women, you rant about how they are "myths". Why are the myths for black women but facts for black men?

Why nitpick on everything someone says? If you don't agree leave that comment alone. Why knaw on it to death? Like Evia says take what you like/agree with and throw out the rest. Any intelligent person knows how to do this when they read something.

If you don't agree you don't agree move the hell on.

L said...

Sara, can I just add that I find it so disrespectful that people are coming to your blog and dissing CW and her hubby. Please, please do not let such posts through. I have no doubt CW is able to handle negativity but at a time when a woman is celebrating such a special occasion lets give her the respect and well wishes she deserves.
Bless,
L

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi L. I apologize I've been so busy, I have no had a chance to chek the last 10 or so, I will read them as soon as I have a minute,and delete as necessary...

rainebeaux said...

I believed the myth myself until a few months ago...things really came to a head when my co-parent told me that nobody else would want either of us! (what?! I just refused to believe that.)*sigh* now he has to be replaced, and these bw empowerment blogs came right on time. Ok, let's see if I got this right:

keep your options open and your legs closed--ESPECIALLY if you already messed up and had a child out of wedlock.*

*at which point the vetting may be akin to interviewing for a government job (lol).

sistrunkqueen said...

Adelante la raza
I found this expression while doing research on black Hispanics/Latinos in the US. It is a very common term among Puerto Ricans. From my research many black latinos marry light skinned or whites to lighten/or advance the race. Only african-descended people can come up with such self-hating terminology. I just don't get it. I use to think that black Latinos and African Americans have a kinship. I guess I was sadly mistaken. Anyway I will still continue to practice Spanish and travel throughout Latin America.

cool_splash1 said...

India has had colorism issues I think for more than 2-3k years. Plus the caste system

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, it's not a myth that many bm think very highly of rims and very lowly of bm. It's not a myth that many bm can be found on the corners drinking forties, and yelling "hey shortie' to every semi-attractive woman who walks by. It's not a myth that many bm are a lost cause, and beyond the reach of reality. And it's not a myth that many bm are color discriminating, and self hating. Unfortunately for you, this IS MY blog, so it will be littered with my opinion, but fortunately for you, as cw so kindly pointed out, there are plenty other blogs out there...I don't hate bm at all, but I do believe on calling them on their mess, and hopefully one day, they'll change. If not, it really does not take a rocket scientist to see that they are doomed in their current mode of behavior. I'm doing my best to keep them from taking large numbers of bw with them into the cesspool. I know I'm sometimes harsh with them, but the behavior of many of them is nothing short of atrocious.
If your child gained 25 lbs all the sudden, you might say: "honey you're gaining a little weight perhaps you should have a salad instead of the fries." You can afford to speak gently and sparingly, as she is not in critical mode. But if your child gained 100lbs and her health was in danger, you would speak more urgently-would you not? For she now IS in critical mode....

Harmony said...

Anonymous said...
Sarah, why do you continuously inject these negative generalizations about black men (about rims, paper thin egos, hanging on corners, etc.)? You talk about it not being about the man's race or color, then you make what amounts to racist comments. When similar generalizations that are no less legitimate are made about black women, you rant about how they are "myths". Why are the myths for black women but facts for black men?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Interesting. Do you got to those black men/white women sites and ask this SAME question?

Because I just find it interesting how so many of you pathetic trolls manage to get your butts on this site and others like it, but yet, when I do visit those black men/white women sites(just to see if these anonymous comments pop up on there) these types of comments are NOWHERE to be found?

All of you trolls are nothing but a bunch of big, fat hypocrites. GTHOH.

Harmony said...

Taylor-Sara said...
deleted Anon.
I am sick of ppl coming here with the alleged purpose of providing information, when their true agenda is much more sinister. First of all that question was NOT directed toward you, and there was no need for you to inject your ridiculous remark, except to divert the convo, and infuse upset. I'll thank you to take your inane, and (unsolicited ) comments back where you came from. I know a wolf in sheep's clothing when I see one....
-----------------------------------
Hello, Taylor-Sara
I have noticed this with many people who come on here and other sites like this. They pretend to come here in god will, but they have an agenda and you can see it in their message(s). Such as citing a so-called study.

Harmony said...

Anonymous said...
There was a study by Willerman, Naylor, & Myrianthopoulos that indicated that black/white mixed children raised by white mothers (whether single or with the father) had higher IQ's than mixed black/white children raised by black mothers.
---
Yeah, I'll just take that racist study wth a grain of salt....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I came across that study about a year ago. That study was EXTREMELY offensive and they had the NERVE to release it.
It was just trying to claim how white women AND black men are smarter than black women. Stupid racist idiots.

I do find it strange how I have YET to see a study comparing black fathers/white fathers children.
Why is that?

Harmony said...

Anonymous said...
I most say I don't think I ever heard this sterotype. WM with BW is so rare that it is not that big of an issue.
-----------------------------------
I believe you are lying. You know how common that stereotype is? I mean, really? And yes, WM/BW is not as common as the reverse, but it is not SOOOOO RARE as you seem to believe. Depends on where you live, I guess.

Harmony said...

As to this topic, I never believed the whole "white men use black women for sex" crap. Especially when mostly black people recite this mess, considering how it is pretty obvious that it is black MEN who are using black men for sex(not marrying, OOW children)

But I NEVER hear a peep out of anyone about that.
Just crazy on how people are willing to overlook things all in the game of "give a brotha a chance!"

Oh, btw, sorry for posting back to back. I just had a lot to say and get it off my chest.:)

Taylor-Sara said...

no problem Harmony......

ak said...

There's nothing wrong with CW. She just snatched up a good one within a year! I hope I can do the same when I see the next quality man.

Anonymous said...

Anon, it's not a myth that many bm think very highly of rims and very lowly of bm. It's not a myth that many bm can be found on the corners drinking forties, and yelling "hey shortie' to every semi-attractive woman who walks by. It's not a myth that many bm are a lost cause, and beyond the reach of reality.
---
We all know these things to be true; we're just not supposed to acknowledge them -- even when we're only amongst ourselves. In the mean time, bm have been trying to fool anybody who'll listen into believing that bm are mostly fantastic fathers, sons, husbands and just all-around upstanding & law-abiding, highly "edumacated" citizens of this great land. And, like punks, they try to take the nation's focus off their criminal tendencies, vagrancy and just all-around debased existences by trying to cast aspersions on the women of their race -- many of these same women having selflessly and often single-handedly clothed, fed, sheltered, protected & provided for (sometimes even financing the much sought after rims and any other ostentatious luxury items broke black males love to show off to the world, but can't afford to purchase for themselves) black boys and even grown black "men".

Anonymous said...

It was just trying to claim how white women AND black men are smarter than black women.

ROTFLMAO! Now that's funny!

Anonymous said...

Hey here's another link of iglesias and his wife.

http://voornamen.web-log.nl/voornamen/WindowsLiveWriter/IGLESIASSR.WORDTPOSTUUMVADERVANRUTH_14805/julioiglesias_ronnakeith%5B2%5D_1.jpg


http://www.expressen.se/polopoly_fs/1.289210!defaultImage/1387177943.jpg

Anonymous said...

"Anon, it's not a myth that many bm think very highly of rims and very lowly of bm. It's not a myth that many bm can be found on the corners drinking forties, and yelling "hey shortie' to every semi-attractive woman who walks by. It's not a myth that many bm are a lost cause, and beyond the reach of reality. And it's not a myth that many bm are color discriminating, and self hating."

What Sara wrote is very true but I think the same can be said about BW. Many bw think very highly of getting their hair and nails done while their children look like bums. Its not a myth that on those same corners that the bm are on there are bw not far behind them that are loud, demanding, overweight, and curse more than the men do. It is not a myth many bw have 4-5 kids by 4-5 different baby daddys on there way to the well-fare office. It is not a myth that many bw are also a lost cause and out of touch with reality.

Sara I think your blog is a great because it gives bw an outlet to empower themselves. I think it is a good thing for bw to seek the best possible mate and not hold yourselves to the idea of a black prince will come by and sweep you off your feet. But I what I don't understand how you and lot of posters on here talk down about black men but look the other way when it comes to the bw version of the black men you always talk about. I think bm and bw are equally destroying the community that people like Harriet Tubman, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, and Martin L. King fought and died for. I feel if this site was truly about empowering bw and finding good husbands regardless of race you would include pictures of Barack/Michelle, Will Smith/Jada, Denzel/Pauletta, Omar Epps/Natasha Epps along with pictures of Robert Di Niro and his wife or Naomi Cambell and her billionare husband.

I know your site is not meant for me but I continue to visit your site because for the most part I think it serves a good cause. I am now prepared to be torched on here.

Tam said...

Anon @ 1:02 PM

You are aware that this blog is called INTERRACIAL love and spice, right?

Tam said...

Hey Sara, great blog btw. I'm glad I stumbled upon this and the other BWE blogs :)

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. 1:02
I am not going to torch you, but you know and I know that is not true! For the most part bw sacrifice day and night for their children (not all-but def. most) Usually the only ones you'll see letting their children look unkempt and uncared for, are very young teen moms, who don't know any better. Black women are usually very good mothers (they have to be, most of the time, they are the ONLY parent their child has!!!Also. On the cursing thing, I agree with you, I see far too many bw who have become hardened by life and curse like a sailer, and are quick to fight. As for the many babies by many daddies, once again, I have to disagree, this is not common amoung bw. Yes some do this, but it's certainly not a great amount like bm are always trying to claim. Also, if the first father sticks around you will find the rest of the kids will be HIS! But we all know bm don't stick around -DO THEY? Esp. if the woman is not white. And I know you did not have a nerve to mention that anyway, considering how many bm have multiple baby mammas!!!! And how many of THEM have custody of their children or even pay child support???? I say those are some amazing sistas because I would never let any man saddle me with 5 children and walk away! It's almost impossible to have a fun exciting life with 5 children and NO HUSBAND to help you out!!! My older cousin (female) has 5 sons that she raised all by herself working 2-3 jobs and giving up everything. Now that those boys are grown, they all have 3-5 kids each, and none of them pay CS on any of the kids to any of the numerous mothers. And do you know ppl still try to blame my cousin, saying that she should be helping with the children of her sons, because her sons wont!!! That's garbage. Those women should not have been stupid enough to get pregant by her loser sons! See this is the mentality in the bc. The men are not even responsible for their own actions and mistakes. It's always someone else's fault. This is the mark a a true loser. A man admits and owns up to his actions and takes care of his children As for the welfare laim-that was sooooo long ago, Welfare has undergone drastic changes and as a result many women (all all nationalities) were forced off, and have learned viable ways of making a living.The number of actual recipients has been drasically reduced. So try again. It's so odd to me that given the fact that most welfare moms are white, y'all still try to pin that unfortunate label on black women! Even though 2/3 of all college degrees go to black women. Most grad degrees go to bw. We pass HS at about double the rate of bm, and we're most often gainfully employed.(unlike many, many bm) Yet y'all still love to try and paint us the the dregs of society. I guess you desparately need to a scapegoat when you're scaping the bottom....

Anonymous said...

Anon, it was BLACK MEN who drew first blood in this war by HATING Black females simply for being BLACK FEMALES. So SAVE IT. All your tripe and whining about how many "Baby daddies" Black females have DOES NOT change the fact that this mess has been started by the fact that Black women LOVE Black men, but Black men HATE Black women!

Anonymous said...

Sara I think you missed the point of my post. I'm not trying to say all bw are like this or even that most bw act like that but I believe these sterotypes only represent some of bw not all. But the thing that I did notice about your post is how you took the position as I did now that the tables are reversed. You say the majority of bm act like the negative images that people associate with them is true but when I mention the negative sterotypes of black women all of a sudden these sterotypes only represent some or a fraction of bw. You make it seem like all black women are naive angels being taken advantage by these damaged black men.

For example you mention that your cousion had 5 kids and raised the kids by herself. The men she dealt with were dogs for not taking care of their kids. I think we both agree on that...correct? But after maybe the 2nd and defintely the 3rd child, shouldn't your cousin start to wonder why she kept attracting men that did not stick around? She deserves at least half of the blame for the situation that she was in. Correct? It seems like you blame everything on black men but never talk about bw deserve some of the blame for the situation of our community. If bm are bad and no good bw have to be the same. The same can be said about ww and wm. You can dog ww and then turn around and talk about how good wm are.

My mother and father are still together. Most of my family is the same as mine. Good black men and good black women so I get offended and mad when black men talk down about black women because they are talking about my mother, aunts, cousins, etc. I also get mad when black women dog black men because they are talking about my father, uncles, cousins, etc. The black community is really messed up I think we both would agree on that but I'm very proud to be black and not matter what I have represent my people for better or worse.

But yes it is true that most people on welfare are white but I guarantee that black people have a higher percentage of our population on it that whites. It is also true that black women are more educated than black men but that true across the board. I believe 60% of all grad degrees go to women. I think it is safe to say that women maybe the stronger of the two sexes.

GoldenAh said...

I wonder how black women don't get hernias from all the "good black men" they keep carrying around on their backs. Don't these chicas get tired?

It's injurious, to the self, to worry so much about the well being of adult males. They can take care of themselves.

Stop stressing.

Don't worry about them. Worry about yourselves. Do get a pedicure, manicure, or visit the hair salon - you're worth it!

It's unnatural for women to spend so much energy defending, and fighting over adult males who should be mentally competent to handle their own business.

A little criticism wont kill them. We, as black women, get pounded daily, non-stop, from all sides, and we're still standing.

Dang. Enough with the save-a-negro cause. Let men be men. Stop babying them like they're chil'ren.

Anonymous said...

A little criticism wont kill them.

But a lot (which is more the case) will drive them away from you.

We, as black women, get pounded daily, non-stop, from all sides, and we're still standing

The lesser criticism you get has you throwing fits all over the internet and beyond.

GoldenAh said...

>> Anonymous said...

A little criticism wont kill them.

>> But a lot (which is more the case) will drive them away from you.

I don't care.

I'm not running a save-a-negro, or chase-a-good-brother game.

They can't be that valuable as "men", in the first place, if their skins are so thin, and egos are so fragile and tender.

That's basically what a punk is.

I certainly don't want 'em: they're too heavy for my delicate, womanly body to carry.




We, as black women, get pounded daily, non-stop, from all sides, and we're still standing

>> The lesser criticism you get has you throwing fits all over the internet and beyond.

The First Amendment rules! Free Speech, and all of that, is fabulous and even applies to us black women!

We have the right to say what we like.

Deal with it. Live with it.

CW said...

And Betty Chambers Has Spoken!

Black women must bury the halfway-house/orphanage approach to men...If you can't claim it as a tax deduction, don't support it...And we don't need the additional burden of a DBR's ego!


I don't care.

I'm not running a save-a-negro, or chase-a-good-brother game.

They can't be that valuable as "men", in the first place, if their skins are so thin, and egos are so fragile and tender.

That's basically what a punk is.

I certainly don't want 'em: they're too heavy for my delicate, womanly body to carry.

Anonymous said...

You tell 'em Golden!