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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Don't let the ' white girl song' bother you.....

Instead of worrying about silly songs, focus on the life you want. The man you want, and happiness you want. Put your focus on that which EMPOWERS you.....

This post is not really about the white girl song, not exclusively anyway. It's about how many of you fall right into a state of anger and rage when bm do something you consider disrespectful and then internalize the pain. I'm going to show you how to handle anger much more constructively. First off, I need you ladies to understand that bm are FREE AGENTS!!! They can do what they want. Please- whatever you do -stop getting upset about seeing bm with ww! It's really no big deal. Many of you take it as some personal affront and it's not. Your attitude should be indifference. Do you want him? Probably not, so let it go. When you show upset over seeing bm with ww, that means you are still emotionally tied to them, or you think bm BELONG to bw. Honey, -they don't -Thank God. Wish them well on their path and let it go....

Second, I need you ladies to stop seeing ANYONE as your enemy. No matter who it is. You can NEVER consider a whole group of ppl your enemy. You could be alienating alot of good friends. Some ppl of whatever type may treat you bad-leave that (singular) PERSON alone. Yes, I definitely advise bw to be wary /careful of bm as a group, because too many of them are damaged and dangerous. But don't hate them. Anything you hate and despise weakens YOU. That's why you should be Pro- BW, not against BM! You should be pro-bw dating out, not against bm dating out. When you see a wg slobbering all over a bm, giving you snide and smug looks, you should be totally unmoved. Never get upset about something like that, those ppl have a right to do as they wish. The most wonderful part though-is so do you! You have a right to go out and get yourself the sexiest, finest wm you can find. You have a right to marry him and bear his children. You have a right to hold him close, and love him like there's no tomorrow.As long as you are bitter, and filled with hate, you block YOUR own good. Never have hate in your heart at other IR couples, because then you block the same thing from coming your way. It's almost like ppl who hate rich ppl, but secretly want desperately to be rich. As long as they're hating someone else for having riches, they are driving it away from themselves, but they don't even realize it.....

As for the WGS- Many of you have emailed me about this new song. Telling me how it puts ww on a pedestal and once again puts bw down. So what's new about that? They've been doing that for a while now, they're just more bold about it now. Personally, I just don't give a damn. Why would I? And why would you? I have what who I want, but even if I didn't, I certainly would never want a color-struck self hating man-would you? When are you ladies going to realize when you are being played? That song was deliberately intended to piss bw off, and many of you are falling right into character. And when someone is trying hard to piss you off, the best thing you can do is be nonchalant. Nothing gets under an agitator's skin like nonchalance. There's nothing bm want more than to control bw, and keep them off balance, scared, depressed, and available for multiple uses. The last thing in the world we need to concern ourselves with, is what bm want. You need to ask yourself/ves what YOU want? What do you want out of life? WHO do you want? What to you dream of at night when no one else is around. What do you want so badly that you would do it for free? That's what you need to focus on!! Not some stupid song, designed to provoke you to want to fight ww for bm. (And let's face it-that's the whole point of the song) Don't fight anybody over a man-regardless of his color. When women fight over men, the only one who wins is HIM!

The WGS, is designed to feed the ww's ego, and tear down the bw's ego, once again. The best thing bw can do is A. ignore it. or B. grab a WHITE BOY get on the dance floor and act as if the lyrics are reversed. But if it's bothering some of you so much, then why are you listening to it? Why are you dancing to it? Some of y'all really need to develop tunnel vision. See only your goals, and men who will love and respect you. Hear only what you NEED to hear, from those that matter in your life. LOVE ONLY THOSE WHO LOVE YOU BACK!!! Ladies this is not rocket science. Tune out those who don't have your best interest at heart and tune in those who do. And don't bother telling me you can't tell from the start when a man it totally about nothing. Women are very intuitive. Even when he's a master manipulator, we have great intuition. Learn to listen to it. A good rule to follow is:
What to avoid...
a. Have nothing to do with violent criminals
b. Have nothing to do with men with hair trigger tempers.
c. Have nothing to do with men who seem to disrespect women in general
d. Have nothing to do with men who seem to have no game plan for their lives and simply try to live off other ppl. (you'll be the one he'll try to live off soon)
e. Have nothing to do with any man who consistently gives you bad vibes
(that's your intuition trying to warn you of something.)
f. Have nothing to do with men who seem to think the world 'owes' them something. These are the type who go off because someone won't give them money or something. The world owes us nothing but a chance-the rest is up to US...
What to look for:
a. Look for men who generally have respect for all women whether he knows them or not.
b. Look for men who treat you like a lady, and have manners and kindness
c. Look for men who share your interests, and your MORALS.
d. Look for men who are good ppl, WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS WATCHING
e. Look for men who are ambitious, and motivated to do something with their life.....
I think you all get the picture. Even when he tries to fake it. Men are just not smart enough to fake it for long. All you have to do is open up those pretty eyes of yours and really SEE who he is......
Now what to do about the bm who make songs that are designed to put ww on a pedestal......
What sista's need to do is flip the script. Instead of worrying about ww having their massive egos' made bigger. We need to learn to fight fire with fire. Put a fine ass WM on the cover of a BW's magazine! Make a white boy song! Walk proudly down the street with your vanilla prince and stop giving a damn about the stares/glares from bm. Declare to the world, that we no longer care what bm think, just as the Asian women do. They (Asian women) are quick to let everybody know that they are looking for wm, and that they are OPEN! They never waste time worrying about what Asian men think, they simply do what's in their own best interests. And do you know that because of that thought process, there are over a MILLION marriages of WM and AW! The truth is wm marry out far more than ww! But many ppl do not realize this. And did you know that marriages between bw and wm, are the fastest growing IR union??? Well, they are. We need to follow the Asian sistas and do what's best for Us and stop worrying about the constant disrespect coming from bm. Show them by deed we are done. Many men tune a woman out when she's screaming and carrying on. He will not believe she means what she says until she cuts contact. Stop worrying about bm loving up on some wg. I told y'all before. Drive him to the wg's house and leave him there. Let her have him! Get your own swirl on and stop worrying about his. Put your focus and attention on WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE-that's how you get it......


Kaikou said...

Hi Sara!
I am an avid reader of your blog, but never commented before. I started to Google - "white girl song”, but before I did I came back and read the rest of your post. I haven't heard the song and don't intend to. Even if the song wasn't just a way to piss of a certain sect of women, which I am included in, I still don't know why I would be interested in the song. Most rap or hip hop songs tend to objectify women these days. So why listen to a song that is going to hinder your progress?

On to bm/ww relationships: I do not ever get envious/sullen/deterred of a black man who chooses to be with any woman of any color. I certainly know what I like and if that man would have even been a potential date anyhow. I know what I am seeking and the status of other relationships of people I would never have sought out are of no interest to me.

I long to see more black women or women in general exercising their right to choose. I want to see more black women who don't think twice about this issue. I know I don't. Go out there with your Quality man and be seen, be heard, and most importantly BE LOVED!!!
Thank you Sara for taking the time to open the minds of those who be before could see no other way.

BWF said...

David Fumero is so effing sexy. I love when they pair him with black women on "One Life to Live" :D

Halima said...

This post is not really about the white girl song, not exclusively anyway. It's about how many of you fall right into a state of anger and rage when bm do something disrespectful and then internalize it. I'm going to show you how to handle anger much more constructively.

The one that beats me Sara is bw running to ask bm, ‘why do you do this and that’, as if they actually expect bm to have some sensible respond for them lol!

These women must know something I don’t, because I have long since realised and recognised that I can expect foolishness and more foolishness and deliberate intent to hurt bw from these men. But yet despite overwhelming evidence, the penny still hasnt drop for bw, they stil feel they are in partnership with black men and thus this constant going to them to find out, whats going on.

A portion of bw are indeed blind, deaf and dumb and determined not to open their eyes to the huge big truth dancing right in front of them. Its a pitiful thing, to see bw so afraid to accept reality and face the truth and move on in a meaningful way.

It just shows how mashed up many bw general confidence is.

Supposing I wanted to Date a White Guy...?

Zindzi (aka BGP) said...

"Stop worrying about bm loving up on some wg. I told y'all before. Drive him to the wg's house and leave him there. Let her have him!"

IMO, this is ALL BW need to do when it comes to these kinda idiots. (When my ex told me he was going to start dating ww, I simply told him I wish he'd come to that conclusion BEFORE he met me. That shut his mouth quickly.) I surely don't think we need to stoop down to their level and make a WBS. And since BW don't have magazines that are even in the same genre as sh*t like King, we don't need to put a WM on a cover either (in fact, I cancelled my subscription to Essence after I saw one too many BLACK MEN on the cover. Its a magazine for BLACK WOMEN!!!!).


BM act so nasty when it comes to BW that you can tell that this bitterness comes from self-hate. Its not that they're actually happy (not that we should care). So, let's not mimic their behavior. All we'll have is a bunch of bitter and angry BW with WM to spite BM. I want BW to be whole enough to date anyone they want to because they want to. Not because we feel slighted by these silly Negroes. I'm not embarassing myself in front of the world for them.

MilesPerHour said...

Your post applies to us all, no race or gender excluded.

There are basically two reasons why a woman would date someone else instead of me.

1. That man is better than me. And if he is better than I am it's my own fault for not being a good man. So I need to be angered with myself.

2. He is a better match for her than I am. How could I get mad at that?

Selena said...

You know after reading the lyrics and watching the video I don't know if its a song about drugs (white girl/white bricks on the streets means heroine or cocaine-don't remember which drug) or are they degrading/glorifying white women? And from an "artist" point of view that's the whole point(?)

Isn't this the same fool that sang about making donuts or something and he was actually talking about selling drugs in a coffee shop?

Either way these rappers gets no airplay in my home/truck nor my money!

I'm thankful that my children don't listen nor do they like rap music. I'm also thankful that my children are as open about music as I am. There's no such thing as "black or white music."

And I co-sign with you Sara...stop sweating stuff like this. Its a time waster!!

Kendall said...

I just found this blog this month. I started seriously dating a wm 8 months ago. Things are great, he is great! We do get stares from bm. I'm not going to let it bother me anymore, I dated another wm for 2 months before the current one and I let the stares bother me so much that he couldn't deal with it and broke things off. Never again! I still think about him and wonder what could have been.

I agree with Zindzi I don't need to make a song about wm. I'm not trying to piss anybody off. I'm just living my life. I've never heard the song either and don't intend too! I think most hip hop and rap music is ridiculous anyway.

Taylor-Sara said...

Kendall, you're so right. I think hip hop should be banned. It's garbage set to a beat. But I do think the ladies indulged in it, should let it be known throught their songs, mediums that they find wm very attractive. I think most bw (secretly) find wm very attractive. What I am advocating for these young ladies who are so disturbed by this song is: make your own version. And I would LOVE to see a hot wg on the cover of a bw mag. Not to piss bm off (which we know it would) but because it's time bw stopped being forced to hide their attractions. Bm scream theirs to the world. We should have the same freedom....

Anonymous said...

Keep hammering Sara...just keep hammering...we will get it. BW have a natural tenacity and determination in them that can make us stick to something like glue even if it is misguided loyalty. But, once we let's over!
Halima - "because I have long since realised and recognised that I can expect foolishness and more foolishness and deliberate intent to hurt bw from these men."

I am also witnessing this with my own eyes. More bm are approaching me, but their motives seem devious (using that intuition Sara mentioned). Thanks to wisdom and experience of seeing it played out before i have been able to side step most of it. Unfortunately, there will young bg who will not be so smart. Instead of bm using their intelligence to live and coexist in positive ways with bw/bg, they prefer to construct more wicked ways to hate and hurt bw.

I am also getting more attention from non-bm. The tide will turn.

Anonymous said...

@ Sara, Great Post and you do good work!

That guy in the red shirt in your side bar has a nice wide smile. Wonder why?

Patti LeBelle's book says it all-"Don't Block Your Blessings!"
That statement is so true. Hate only begats hate. Do not hold onto every little issue. Learn to let some things makes life a little more simplier.


S said...

I looked the lyrics up to the song and quickly looked at the lyrics and honestly, did we not see this one coming?
with the increase irr between BM/WW, especially in the UK and the status that these BM think being with a WW will give them...i'm not shocked at all, if anything i'm surprised it took them this long to come up with it.
And let us not talk about the disgust these biracial boys and young black boys have for their own skin or black side.
Now that's a topic!
I was watching E!news the other day and there is this biracial black/asian presnter and he was interviewing some band and the topic turned to selfesteem and what body parts they don't like about themselves and this black/asian tv presnter said "i hate my nose, it's too big and my lips they are so huge, white women would love to have big lips like mine but i hate it!"...i was surprised he didn't mention his eyes as well that would round up all things ethnic about him.

BW should care less what a disgusting sexist rapper thinks.
BW should stop listening to this poision that they call music.
Hiphop/rap is degrading not only to BW but to ALL women and it's time BW stop giving them their money and time.

You know it's bad when other people think that BW care so much about BM. When it's not only BM who think BW think they are worth their weight in gold, you know you're in a bad place and it's beyond time we got rid of that reputation.

There was this white girl co worker of mine and she recently started dating a black guy and when she told me she had this guilty look on her face and her voice was lowered and she started out with "ok, so don't hate me right...but my bf is black...not entirely black! his great grandmother is indonesian" i was shocked and i told her i could care less! i was actually a bit insulted and annoyed that she just assumed i like black guys. I've told her about my obsession over johnny depp and how i love leonardo dicaprio lol
And you know i told her right then and there that my preference is and always has been WHITE guys. I'm not appologetic about it and the girl looked shocked, you should of seen her face lol, it was like someone had told her someone died or something, a mix of shock,sadness and anger - like a "how dare you!" and "how is that even possible!?" type of look.
Because you know WW think no one in their right mind would look at us twice let alone date us lol.

I know we shouldn't care what people think but this is ONE thing i do care about what people think - i'm sorry but i don't like it and i don't WANT people to assume i like these nasty rappers and drool all over them! it's not funny anymore when people automatically assume i want to "budd up" with the only black guy in class or try to "hook us up" just because we are the only black people in class.
It's especially bad if you are a light skinned BW or on the lighter side - holy cow, these black guys think that you will fall at their feet! i'm not light-light (how do you measure that crap anyways lol) but i have these black guys come up to me with their "swagger" and "charm" (god, just typing that made me barf) thinking i will be all over that shit and i just roll my eyes at them and their ass-umptions. Not all light skinned girls like black guys - hell, dare i say most of us don't? When you know the only or atleast the MAIN reason being that he is with you because you are light! it's pretty disgusting.
Self hate isn't pretty.

Ladies, if you have a preference for non black men SPEAK UP or atleast do not try to down play it. You are entitled to have prefernces, most people do have a preference in their partner whether that is eye colour, hair colour or whatever!

Zabeth said...

I whole heartedly agree Sara, that’s part of the reason why I did want to do a post about the WGS. Don’t worry about the ignorance of some men and some other woman’s desperate (pathetic) need to feel superior. When you think about it, it shows a deep sense of insecurity on both their parts. And you’re right, the best defense against an agitator is nonchalance.

“The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.” Author Elie Wiesel.

Pamela said...

If a person does not want me for any reason, why should I care? That relationship would probably be a disaster, not that the other person is always bad but may not be a good fit for me. Why should I care if a bm does not want me for any reason, good or bad? I do not care and have not cared for many years. I am only interesting in dealing with men of any hue that I find interesting or are interested in me. What others do has nothing to do with my life.

I love the list of things to look for in a quality man. I am fortunate to find myself in a relationship with such a man. It can happen for bw of any age. I will be 50 in December. I beg bw not to settle for trash from a man, no matter the race. It is a lot better to stay by yourself and have peace than turmoil that you asked for because of not setting reasonable standards for yourself and for the man you consider dating or marrying. I had not dated in almost 25 years. One reason was that I wanted to be with someone that was a good fit for me along with meeting certain criteria, including the things on the aforementioned list.

I have not heard the so-called While Girl Song. It sounds like it is probably really silly and juvenile in the lyrics and subject matter. I am a grown woman, not an emotional basket case that would be bothered by anything outrageous nonsensical criticism by anyone. If a bw is concerned about what others think or say about them they are not ready for IR dating. Words indeed are very important because you can be convinced to believe lies. However bw have the tools to root out any lies spoken about them and not let them control or direct their lives. Who cares about what silly conceited ww or anyone else thinks for that matter?

Anonymous said...

Yes, you're right again Sara. And yes, I'm hood enough to know that the "white girl" is really just a code for, "cocaine". That's all it is. It's not about white girls at all. When I first heard it I already knew it was about cocaine, without even suspecting that it was about white females. They just wanted to "commercialize" it so every one (non-hood folks) could enjoy it.

And I have to agree with what ZINDI wrote: A whole bunch of angry black women with white boys aren't gonna make the situation ANY better. We need to be whole!

Velvet Queen said...

Ah, so there's a white girl song? Well, the way I see it is that if you don't like it then make your own. Ha, ha! It could probably be even better but don't do it too it too please YOURSELF. I think that some black women who ARE open to dating non-black men but are sort of new at the whole thing catch themselves feeling as if they have to “compete” with white women. Psh...

It's not good to compete for a guy at're right.

When it comes to guys, this is how I think. I am introducing ME, and I will ONLY be ME. Any other woman has nothing on me because I'm an individual. When I think like that I feel so confident, and invincible. It's such an amazing feeling! And you know what? IT SHOWS!!!

(And drives not-so-confident-women nutso)!

Besides, I think the whole idea is reversed. MEN should be the ones competing for women!!! It's our responsibility to vet them as they come!

S said...

Who cares if the song is really about cocaine? the damn title of the song is still "white girls" and the lyrics talk about the benefits he gets from being with a white girl - most people will probably get it's about cocaine yet it's still about white girls no matter how you try to bend it like it somehow "lessens the effect" or something.
You could replace the word white girl with cocaine but the opposit could be said as well.

these rappers clearly had an agenda with this song.

Lena said...

I don't care one way or another I find black men's egos too be enormous and by me not caring their egos will deflate yippe! I don't hate all black men just the racist and misogynistic ones!

Lena said...

I meant I love non-black men and I have no interest in black men!

clarice said...

clearly the author of the song unheard of until reading this post - that is why people write songs - stands to reason. It is curious however that the author would go to so much trouble to craft a message to reach a target audience that does not care. Is that insecure or what? A clear call for attention - an attention starved individual welcomes attention negative or positive - all it has to be is attention. SMH it is sad to see such pathetic neediness so openly on display and watch quality women walk on by oblivous to the pathetic, impotent rage or run even faster and farther from the insanity on display.

Excellent post Sara - getting women who might otherwise be distracted even momentarily by this drivel back on track. Women must value themselves enough to pay no attention to and devote no energy to that which is not beneficial or relevant to them. If it is not relevant to you - pay it no heed - be about being true to your higher self and it will cease to matter to anyone of like mind and quality.



Anonymous said...

first if the white girl song you talking about is the Young Jezzie song it's talking about cacaine And second why i feel like sara is saying that all black man are bad and only whit eman are good
And don't think im some white girl Im full black

sky said...

WGS? the song couldn't be that good because I am just now hearng about this. I still have no interest in reading/listening to the song. I stopped listening to rap and watching the vids almost 5 yrs ago. I gave up on it, except for artist like Common/Kayne. Other than that the new artist won't get a chance w/ me.

you realize rap and r&b songs don't talk about love? they're just worried about hittin' it and having a girl on their arm? no thank you I will play The All-American Reject's "The Wind Blows" 100x's over before i play that WGS crap. Give these rap artist the rest of the year, they'll be calling ww hoes, b*tches,and everything else, they've been calling us. Hell they're already complaining about them and asian women on YT. It's only a matter of time.

And who cares for this song? seriously who emailed you about this sara? haven't they been talking about gettin w/ ww anyway? hell their videos already speak volumes. So why should I worry about a bunch of men who have no interest in me until I'm w/ someone else.

come on! worry about how to meet men. I have volunteered @ an organization and meet some great guys there and I am currently volunteering @ the hospital(met a cutie @ the orientation). I still have a profile up on a dating site and I am currently talking to someone. You think i'm sitting down worrying about a wgs? plueze!

move on! it's like saying you still want your ex-bf when you and everyone else around you know its over!

Alta said...

Good God, you have a picture of David Fumero. That man is so fiiine! *Tries to control herself*

Ahem, about the actual post, I'm so glad you brought this up. BW should not look at a whole group of women as enemies just because you've seen one white woman with a black man, and you *think* she's with him for dubious reason. Why do you care? I don't. When I see a white woman with a black man, I don't care. I don't try to analyze their relationship. I don't assume anything about their relationship. If they're together because they love each other, good for them. If they're using each other, then I ask you what in the hell does that have to do with me? I don't know him. What am I gonna do, warn him?

Just let it go. Let them be them, and live *your* life.

Anonymous said...

"Hell they're already complaining about them and asian women on YT. It's only a matter of time."

It never dawns on those punks that it's not all those various women who are the problem, it's the punk himself.

lormarie said...

If this song is about cocaine, then it is extremely disrespectful to white women.

I also get annoyed when people assume that all black women prefer or are even attracted to black men. While I believe most of us are, some black women who claim "black men only" are not sincere. I know because I was one of them at one time. I've been more attracted to nonblack men since 8th grade. I even wrote a post called "wanted, a good black man" but it wasn't a declaration that I wanted one, but of the distress I notice from bw who limit their options.

It's not about hatred of bm. I just find black male worship among black women to be SO ANNOYING and STUPID.

Tima said...

Okay, I didn't want to listen to the song or "youtube" it, heaven forbid the viewings or listenings go up because of me but I did google the lyrics just to see what all the fuss was about....

It doesn't even talk about white girls! It mentions Christina Aguilera (half Hispanic) repeatedly by name in the chorus for almost no reason and mentions something about a "lil senorita". It mainly talks about drugs ...

I think it's just titled that for shock value or maybe it's a play on words and he really is talking about coccaine or some other drug and he refers to it as "white girl". If that's boosting WW egos then that's pretty sad. Young black women need to calm down. The man is rapping about drugs ... How "cute", please let him destroy himself and keep it moving.

Lavette said...

Bravo Sara on this post. I think what black women should do is the next time a DBRbm threatens them with dating a white woman, is to do a praise dance......LOL! Then ask them if they need any help packing.

GoldenAh said...

I hope I am not going off-topic - at least not too much, but I saw this article in the NYTimes.

The topic is about: Why do the Chinese save so much? Because the boys want to get married, and there are way more men than women in the country.

Fascinating article about people who look ahead.

Click here for the link.

Anonymous said...

hahaha... i like your do's and dont's list. i also like the idea of proudly displayng your wm, making a wm song (lol, I'm just kidding), follow the asian ladies and things might change some, i hope sp! ^^ again, good read, thanks ladies for your support!


Anonymous said...

If the white girl song you are talking about Sara is Young Jeezy "White Girl" then you are wrong about it's intentions. It is not meant to dog BW, but instead it is codename for Cocaine/crack. I'm young and have a hard time keeping up with all these slangs for different drugs. I guess this is their way of staying ahead of the cops.

Some poster that the rapper had an agenda trust me he didn't. These rappers are not smart enough to have an agenda. Most black people are color struck whether they like to admit it or not, but most black men are not sitting around and thinking how can we dog black women today and uplift the white women. I don't know where you come up with this stuff. Most people are not that deep and calculated, they are sheep. They simple follow what the media tells them to believe and never question why things are the way they are.

I remember asking a bm friend why he likes light skin women he could not tell me why. When I tried to explain to him that he was sheep following what mass media feed him, he said stop trying to be all deep. You see most people have a hard time accepting the truth even when it is clear as day. That is why you have to get young blk girls and boys early before they become completely brainwashed by the media and even people in the Blk community.

But other than the wrong interpretation of the song that was a pretty good post.

Anonymous said...

I was researching on google about racism and skin complexion issues in the media for a school paper and found interesting site. I would like to meet that guy and pick his brain) and then found a link to this site and this is an interesting site. Sara I agree with what alot of what you say and believe this is a good site for bw. There is some black men bashing on here but I can't really complain seeing how blk women are treated. Keep up the good work. Just in case you didn't realize I am a blk male myself. Hope you don't mind me posting on here. I tried to be respectful to your site.

Anonymous said...

Me again. Looked at the couple pictures and all I can say is damn. At least when white men pick black women they pick attractive ones. I can't say the same for blk men. They take the bottom of the barrel ww. If you are going to cross the racial line at least make it worth your while.

PlanetTokyo101 said...

I agree with what you're saying! Asian women are far more open then black women are about this whole interracial dating thing, and that's why so many of them are interracial relationships.

We need to be more like them, and stop giving a damn. You are so right about that. Thanks for making this blog.

You said exactly what I've wanted to say.

Anonymous said...

I've never heard the song before, but the idea doesn't really bother me. I know I definately have been waiting for a WM to do a song about a BW. Robin Thicke's "Lost Without U" music video makes my heart melt(I know it's Robin Thicke singing about his wife, not just a black woman, but I can dream, can't I? haha).

But I love this post. I think we definately need to stop focusing on hating and start focusing on what's best for ourselves, whatever that may be. Hating gets people nowhere.

Zindzi (aka BGP) said...


I'm sorry if this is odd but...I'm a HUGE MJ fan, and as I'm sitting here listening to "Wanna Be Startin Something," I can't help but apply these words to many of the BM I've encountered in my life!

I've always felt like MJ was talking about all the people who have nothing better to do than talk about you! They're bored haters, and that's why they don't want you to be happy. That's why they're always startin somethin! Cause, "they're too high to get over, too low to get under. You're stuck in the middle, and the pain is thunder!"

But you're not gonna take my happiness! When they look at you like you're crazy cause you're happy in a life without them, just

"Lift your head up high, and scream out to the world, 'I know I am someone,' and let the truth unfurl! No one can hurt you now, because you know what's true. Yes, I believe in ME
So YOU believe in YOU!"


Taylor-Sara said...

Yes, this has been a very sad week for me because I was big fan of both Michael and Farrah. So I've been crying alot this week, but trying to remember they had very productive, although not long lives. They definitely made thier mark on the world. And if you can leave this world with so many gifts, then you've def. done your job. But it's still very sad for me....

Park Avenue said...

I figured out what the WGS was really about, but there's another song I heard on the radio. It's by a rapper(s) called Edubb. The song is called "Whooty - A white girl with a booty." SMH I don't know which is cornier, the song or the video.

It's that kind of foolishness that makes me miss good, meaningful music.

Erica said...

It's true. It's time for black girls to wake up. Asian women got the memo a long time ago.

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Sara this is a bit off topic and I apologize for it, but if anyone wants to create a customize shirt you can on this website:

I'm creating one that states: "I love White men who love Black women"

Sara great post as always! And, I haven't heard the song, but I'm aware that some of the "white lady or white girl" songs are about cocaine either way that's not up my alley so I can't relate to what they're talking about. I would have to agree with another poster it is an insult to white women I wouldn't want to be compared to cocaine.

Anonymous said...

I agree with MOST of what was written here, but I am SO sick and tired of people saying that BW need to be like AW if they want to date "out".

First of all, I am a BW who has ALWAYS liked WM, and ONLY WM, and been rejected by them not because I'm unattractive...they're ALWAYS telling me how hot I's been because SOCIETY DOESN'T ACCEPT THE WM/BW PAIRING AS MUCH AS OTHER NON WHITE WOMEN...IE. ASIAN! MANY WM are TERRIFIED of the ostracization (from family, friends, co-workers, etc.) that often occurs with the BW/WM pairing.

AW have ALWAYS been acceptable for a WM to marry. ALWAYS!! So have Hispanic, Middle Eastern, or ANY NON BW. WE are the ones that society has labeled as "taboo", and because of that MANY...NOT all...WM stay away from BW.

PLEASE Do NOT tell me that I need to be "open to WM like AW are" when it's NOT being "open" that gets them dates with WM, but SOCIETY'S ACCEPTANCE OF THEM WITH WM. PERIOD!!

Anonymous said...

^^ Anon I totally agree with you 100%. Its not a matter of AW being more open, its a matter of them being more accepted, same with HW.We are the only group of women who are not accepted equaly and I do not blame BW who get a little too over protective when a WM shows interest in them because they are not used to it.As a BW who is very open in dating WM just as much as any AW, i still have trouble dating WM(I'm no Naomi Campbell but I think I'm decent looking) simply because they are either too scared of what people would say or they are just not into BW.There are many WM who would date BW, but there many more who would rather not even if they are attracted to them.How many WM celebs who are attracted to non-WW have had BW jump offs but end up marrying HW,Middle Eastern or AW?Which is why I respect Robert Deniro, he doesnt seem to give a sh#t what people think about his preference.

Karua said...

I agree with you so much Anonymus (10:48). I was thinking the same thing but didn't quite know how to articulate it.

Also, (my boyfriend is Asian), but I don't think, many Asian women have the same reasons for wanting to leave Asian men that black women have for leaving black men. I feel that too many of them ignore and turn away Asian guys because they don't find them "manly" enough or for the status they see themselves having if they got together with white men. White men were getting married to Asian women during World War 2 in a time when marrying black women was still illegal in most places.

I understand that you're all just saying that black women should open up their options like Asian women have, but just don't forget that they have it easier to do something like that and tend to have different motives for doing so. I am *not* saying that black women are less desirable than them or anything like that, because I think that when white men/black women couples become more common, so will those guys willingness to go after us. I already see that changing and that's great : )

Anonymous said...

Part of the problem is the social taboo, the other part is all the BW who clown or berate any WM who has the nerve to show an interest in them. That negativity gets around and definitely makes many WM, some of whom are sincere in their interest, not even bother approaching BW for fear of public ridicule or even threats of violence.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. There are PLENTY of wm who would give their eyeteeth to date a nice sensible, bw. There are more wm who want to date bw, than there will ever be enough bw available for them to date. Your comments are filled with self pity, and whining. Did you even listen to yourself as you wrote it? I think I asked you all in a prior post. Please refraim for letting just ANYTHING come out of your mouth! Everyone is reading, not just US. Think before you type. BW if you are looking for a pity party, there are plenty of blogs that specialize in that line of thinking. We don't do it here, it's not productive. Now if you want to ask; "how can I get a wm interested... that's one thing. But don't come here with the white men don't want us bull. You can see from my sidebar some of those women are beautiful, but many are not. And any bw who wants a wm, can get one. Yes, I know Asian women may have it a bit easier as they are closer to white, but you don't need 10 men. Honey, you are only looking for 1 good one....

Angelina said...

"Drive him to the wg's house and leave him there. Let her have him! Get your own swirl on"

OMG I laughed so hard I almost hurt myself. I've always ignored Black guys with white girls, because I knew the guys loved the drama and I don't stroke any man's ego unless it's my husbands, lol. I love the look of disappointment on the guys face when it doesn't go as he'd hoped it would. I've even said 'hi' and told them to have a nice day while holding my hubby's hand. My husband is bi-racial but he could pass for white more than black. So the majority of people who see him assume he's white. Whereas my colour is like that of First Lady Michelle Obama.

MilesPerHour said...

Maybe I have it easier cuz I have an attitude of "screw societal norms" anyway, but the stares, dirty looks, comments, etc don't bother me. I don't have the time of day for the negative people which is most of the population. I'm not talking just about race here, I stick with the winners and avoid the losers like the plague.

White, Black, Asian, Hispanic, I don't care. A good woman is a good woman. I'm not afraid to ask anyone out (when I was available). I'm not afraid of what others may think if I date someone outside my race. I'm not scared to be turned down cuz if a woman won't date me because I'm white I know up front she isn't worth dating anyway.

Finding love with someone who is compatible with you is hard enough. If a person won't date/marry/etc outside of their race then they are limiting themselves and might just miss out on the best thing that could have happened to them in their life. But to each his own, and we all have preferences. We just don't need to put ours on others.

My S/O's preference was DARK chocolate men and she ended up with white chocolate. Go figure. And after all the failed relationships we had within our own races, we finally found true love. That is what counts.

Anonymous said...

Erica who is that girl in your profile picture? She is beautiful!

Amarie said...

To the 2 Anons who say they can't find white men to date them, come to Nashville,Tn. I know TN has alot of history but, I'm seeing alot of bw/wm couples. I have new neighbors who just moved in next door and they are a Bw/Wm couple. Sara please hurry up an write a book. You did a great job with this post.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rocky said...

The most wonderful part though-is so do you! You have a right to go out and get yourself the sexiest, finest wm you can find. You have a right to marry him and bear his children. You have a right to hold him close, and love him like there's no tomorrow.

The vast majority of black women realize this. It is not a case of not feeling that they have the right to do something. It is mostly a case of not having the desire to do something. It's a case of attraction/non-attraction. Studies have shown that white women are more ostracized by other whites for dating black men than black women are ostracized for dating white men. Despite this, you still have the larger number of bm/ww couples. Thus, it is a case, among other things, of black women simply not having the attraction to white men that you personally have. And as Chris Rock pointed out, this is the main reason black women get angry at bm/ww couples. They can't get pay-back because no amount of pay-back can offset their general lack of attraction to white men.

Lorraine said...

I agree Sara, that's the only thing lacking with your wit, intelligence and expertise on these matters: A book! Go for it and I'll definitely purchase.

Speaking of which, we all need to go over to Evia's Lulu site and CW's sites, purchase their books and make positive comments to their literary efforts as well. They are both fantastic and excellent reading! Beware haters abound and I am sure they will hate on your book too, but you have too much greatness here not to share and you are the queen of goldmines! (Being all about the wealth and self sufficiency)

Taylor-Sara said...

Rocky, you don't know what you're talking about. And neither does Chris Rock! Many, many bw are attracted to wm! Many of them have not shown their attraction, because they've been led to believe this is treasonous behavior, but many bw have ALWAYS been attracted to wm. But I guess, you know us better than we know ourselves. The reason so many bw were pissed at C. rock in the first place was because he was standing there lying and he KNEW IT!! Just because he did not want it to be true (that bw ARE attracted to wm) does not mean that it's untrue. I don't want Michael J. to be deceased, but he is.....

Zindzi (aka BGP) said...

Sara...I dunno. I honestly think the majority of BW are, at the very least, a lot more attracted to BM than WM. And a lot of them honestly don't find WM attractive. But why would they? While BM have been taught from day 1 to value Eurocentric features, even (and especially) on BW, BW aren't taught the same. We're constantly barraged with the whole, "the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice" doctrine. I've talked to so many BW who agree with me about the problems within the BC, but as soon as I ask if they'd date out, they almost all recoil, make some sorta face, and say, "I'm just not attracted to white dudes like that." (A lot of them add, "I mean, if he looked like Brad Pitt or somethin." LMAO! They don't require BM to look like Denzel!) And these are young BW with degrees and careers and tons of things going for them. So sad.

Now, I do think a lot of BW are attracted to HM, and they're too afraid to even take advantage of that!

p.s. I don't want MJ to be deceased either...

Taylor-Sara said...

Girl, I understand what you're saying, but I truly, truly believe that's 90% indoctination, not actual, attraction. From babyhood, many bw are TAUGHT that they ONLY want a bm. (funny, how bm are NEVER taught this about bw) but many women go through life hearing this so often, they parrot back what was said to them and think they could never want anything non-blk. If you ask most bw in IRs they will tell you (most) that they didn't think they wanted a wm, and then when they started to date that particular person, they realized they did. IOWs, I think most bw have not ALLOWED themselves to be attracted to anything non-blk. As more and more bw open their options, younger bw will follow...

Anonymous said...

"They can't get pay-back because no amount of pay-back can offset their general lack of attraction to white men."

Rocky is a BOLD FACED LIAR. There are FAR more white men who are attracted to your average attractive (well groomed, reasonably fit, nice personality, intelligent, etc..) BW than BM these days.

Non racist WM are simply waiting for BW to give them the green light.

And thankfully every day more and more BW are doing so to their (and their future children's) benefit.

MOST BW have been CONDITIONED to "prefer" (or claim to prefer) BM and FEAR stating outright a preference for WM (and/or other non WM) OR an openness to IR dating.

After all, BW/WM couples are being publicly harassed and even MURDERED by DBRBM animals these days.

A lot of BW claim they want "nothing but a BM" out of outright FEAR. Fear of attack from BM and astrozcization from indoctrinated BW.

That's the CRUX of the situation.

And "getting even" should never be apart of any relationship based on love anyway.

A healthy relationship is supposed to be about the two people involved in the relationship.

Not about the black race vs. the white race and who did what to who first.

If a relationships is not based on true love to begin with, it's eventually going to fail. Which explains the high divorce rate of IR married BM compared to IR married BW and AW.

BW simply have to walk through their fears and claim good men who care about them regardless of race.

Whether the black community likes it or not.

Those that refuse to are simply going to continue to be negative statistics.

Anonymous said...

"They can't get pay-back because no amount of pay-back can offset their general lack of attraction to white men."

Rocky, I owe you an apology. I reread that last statement and realized you did not mean lack of attractiveness to white men.

However I to agree with Sara in this regard. Many BW just can't admit to themselves that they find attractive WM attractive because of the conditioning they've received from blacks who have a vested interest in brainwashing BW.

MANY BW feel immediately guilty/shameful upon realizing their attraction to a WM. Because they've been carefully taught that these feelings are "wrong" and/or "dirty" and dangerous to the black race. To the collective.

They've been feed this BS from those closes to them and by black culture itself.

If what you say is true Rocky, than ALL BW planet wide would have the same feelings that many AA BW have and they DON'T.

BW OUTSIDE of the AA black community feel MUCH freerer to express their desires when it comes to WM. And they DO.

It's as simple as that. It's safer for them to also.

The conditioning for BW to self-destruct which is taking place in the AA community is UNIQUE in the world.

Selena said...

Hey Sara {internet wave}

I think both you and Zindzi make excellent points. I think its a little bit of both. I know plenty of bw that are going thru TERRIBLE situations with the bm in whom they are with and wouldn't even consider dating other men even if it meant saving their own life LOL. Now I will be the first to say that I find beauty in all races but most of these women are no where near being choosey in terms of picking a bm partner.

Then you have some bw professing their love for bm on IR dating sites at the same time begging for some sort of explanation (read: attention) from bm as to why they aren't being chosen...keep in mind most of the readers are non-black men!!

For every 1 bw that is scared/or not interested in dating the "rainbow" two more are stepping up to fill those shoes.

Ladies I don't know what's going on in your area, but the bw/wm scene is stepping up with a quickness. My white chocolate is moving out here to be with me this summer and we WILL be everywhere for all to see!

I'm telling you, things are going to get real ugly within the next 2 years. If you don't have your mind right in terms of your right to choose or expanding your dating pool, its going to be too late.

Zindzi (aka BGP) said...

Sara, ok, I feel you. I'm still maintaining that a lot of BW genuinely aren't attracted to WM but I think its caused by general socialization (most people stay within their race when dating) and indoctrination (BW are taught to stay in their race). I actually made that comment last night because a good friend of mine wrote on Facebook that she was tired of running into insecure BM, and that her success was not an indicator of their failure. So, as I've been prone to do lately, I went hard. I basically said, look its not an indicator of their failure, but its a reminder. That's too bad for them. They had the same opportunities and if BW can succeed (especially being Black AND female)than they have no excuse. She then said that she didn't want to sound bougie, but why do men who are out of her league waste her time. I responded that BW are the only women who feel the need to apologize for wanting a man who has worked hard, JUST LIKE US. And then I asked her if she was limiting herself to BM.

Ooooh, of course the BM came out then! This dude says, "well, where are you finding your men? The church or the club. Whatever happened to patience is a virtue. Do you know what Solomon says about the virtuous woman?" Then this ninja says, and I quote, " want to reiterate that people can change. Paul was a murderer at first and changed into a messenger. It happens. But you have to have faith that if there is a man that is in Church and still doing ungodly things, that God will change his heart. But don't have physical contact with him, help him through his struggles." (First of all, ALL BW should know by now that the church is NOT where you find a BM. They're the biggest hoes/cheats/liars of them all! And I said this much.)

I took a look-see at this dude's profile. He's a member of a FB group called "Church of the Living God," AND "I Enjoy Receiving Head." Well, since he's supposedly so damn holy, I knew his relationship status was going to be "married." No. It was "its complicated." At first, I didn't call him on his blantant hypocrisy, I just addressed the other things he brought up (like the fact that I went to plenty white churches while in college and NEVER heard the men encouraging women to nurture a man into the person God wants him to be or work with a guy...and most of those girls get married in their 20s!). But then he had the nerve to talk about me not having faith that God will bring me a man when He's ready to, etc, etc, etc.

I called him on his shit and of course, he comes back with this bs about how his wife wanted to do whatever she pleased and that's why his relationship status is complicated (I'm like, so you're actually MARRIED?!?) and that he gave up sexual activities in 09 (six whole months ago...ooooh).

Anyway, after all of this, I received FOUR messages in my inbox this morning from Black women talkin about, "girl, I was feelin you," and lamenting about BM. To each of them, I posed the question, "do you only date BM." The two who've responded so far said " far." One of them said she simply couldn't do white men, but she was interested in hearing how to open herself up to other races. Yes!!!! I'm sensing that BW are getting ready! We just gotta keep putting it out there!

Anonymous said...

How can men speak for women? It reminds me of the lynching era when BW often defended BM against charges of flirting with a WW by saying the BM wasn't attracted to WW anyway. LOL. Chris Rock only made an assumption based on the denials of a few loudmouth BW.

I've been a BW much longer than you or Chris Rock and I'm here to tell you there's been a lot of pretending going own. I've personally witnessed quite a few BW forget their lies and denials and openly salivate over attractive and even average-looking WM.

Many BW believe that non-Black men simply do not/cannot sincerely find them attractive. That is one of the biggest issues.

S said...

Ugh, i hate when men tell us what we feel and/or think.
It's sickening - rocky, dude please! i have been attracted to non black men ALL my life and i know plenty more of my kind so please don't speak on my behalf because you obviously haven't got a clue!
Have you ever thought that maybe just maybe BW have been catering to your ego by saying "nothing but a black man" ? Maybe even out of fear because gods knows BW have every right to fear a black man...i mean look around.
I'm sick of people always stating (like it's a fact) that BW only love black men and thugs, like they have statistics or something.
Negro please.
I would even dare say that MOST bw have an actual attraction towards WM or any non black man for that matter so long as he is - yes, ATTRACTIVE.
Because as you may know black women don't see shades/skin tones like black men do thus makes it easier for bw to see an individual for what he is and looks like without being blinded by his whiteness.

I'm sick of hearing rappers talk about "you got that shade/skin tone that makes me go "Ooh".
Honestly, it's a sick fetish thing these negroes have i can't deal with those dbr's.
Some BW need to get a clue though. I was out with my white male friend and behind us were the stereotypical fat,loud mouthed black girls , laughing loud behind us - at us! Apparently seeing BW with a WM to them is so funny and their insecure selves have to take it out on us.
These same girls couldn't get a black guy even if they tried and yet they probably worship the ground they walk on.
Over all , we do need to better ourseleves - work on our image and improve ourseleves.
If a BM speaks ill of us , we shouldn't just be silent and take it, we should actually do something abuot it because like your previous post sara, words have impact.
They have done enough damage and we need to step up and speak up!
if you see a BM harrass a BW, you need to step in and make yourself be noticed and heard! too many BW treat other BW like dirt which is a damn shame because no one has our backs not even ourseleves.

I am sick of the pity party some BW throw for themselves.
No one finds BW attractive? "bottom of the totem pol"? lol why don't you slit your wrist right now and get it done with - which brings me to another thing, BW need to be more positive and really work on the self esteem.
You are right, we are not AW nor do we want to be like them. Although they do have it easier it comes with a negative as well.
I saw a decent looking WM the other day with an overweight AW who clearly was unattractive, especially compared to him and i saw other WP actually stare them down and they had this confused look on their face and wome WW even gave him dirty looks, it was really weird and there was tension in the air.

Chrsis rock like so many other BM is a dbr sexist and bw shouldn't support him he even makes nasty jokes about his wife - he is low class and i feel sorry for his daughters.

Lynn said...

"They can't get pay-back because no amount of pay-back can offset their general lack of attraction to white men."

I just have to say this:

If you can't find attractiveness in a man treats you well, has a decent job, good heart, of good character and is God fearing something is wrong WITH YOU.

Selena said...

"...Anyway, after all of this, I received FOUR messages in my inbox this morning from Black women talkin about, "girl, I was feelin you," and lamenting about BM. To each of them, I posed the question, "do you only date BM." The two who've responded so far said " far." One of them said she simply couldn't do white men, but she was interested in hearing how to open herself up to other races."

Here lies the problem. Do you realize how powerful your message could have been had those 4 women voiced their opinions out in the open for the whole world to see/hear? Because to outsiders (read non-blackmen) bw only date bm.

When are "we" going to stop feeling guilty for OUR feelings and opinions?

Anonymous said...

lol i see the hypnotists are here today, trying to remind you how you dont find white men attractive.

Didnt they get the memo, the power of that meme is broken.

Anonymous said... ww co-worker informed me last week that wm seem to really like aw. Then she wanted me to tell her(she's 57 and thin) what does our aw co-worker has that she does not have? LOL...she then stated that they both have flat butts. All I could think to say was she was pretty. The truth is the aw is not loud, she does not dress unappropriate for her age, she is still with her husband although one of our wm supervisors obviously likes her. I have never heard the aw cuss in English that is. If she is a gossip...she is doing it in her native language. Now, the ww is the told opposite of the aw. Of course, I could not tell the ww my observations of the two of them now could I?


lormarie said...

Hell has frozen over!!! I have to admit that I agree with Rocky. I honestly do not believe that most black women are attracted to white men. The reasons may be indoctrination (as Sara explained) or lack of socializing. It appears that the man of choice for most bw is a tall dark-skinned black man.

Anonymous said...

Lormarie then explain why black men can find white women attractive. Rocky wants to prove that black men have an innate ability to find other women attractive yet black women cannot. What biological or other explanation would there be for this disparity? I am curious to know if you feel this 'disparity' is rooted in biology or evolution.

Anonymous said...

One thing that AW have that we don't is a good reputation/good press. Asians in general are viewed as smart and good at math -- the ones who aren't all that swift and can't add 2+2 are still given the benefit of the doubt. Asian women are often thought of as docile obedient, feminine family-oriented man-pleasers. It isn't so much about their looks as it is their excellent reputation. I've seen plenty of WM with not-so-pretty AW.

Black women on the other hand don't have such a favorable reputation in the eyes of others. We are often judged by the more disagreeable ones among us and the more negative aspects of "Black culture" in general. To many non-Blacks, most Blacks are uncouth, dumb, inarticulate, ghetto and violent; and even when it is blatantly obvious that a particular Black person does not fit that negative profile, s/he will often be expected to represent, defend, make excuses or apologize for those who do fit it.

Taylor-Sara said...

lormarie, if you believe that. Then explain to me why bw from many other countries in this world often go after wm with a vengeance? Many times the way you see Asian women go after them (in a repacious manner) In some parts of the world bw/wm marriages outnumber bm/ww by a signifigant margin. So I just can't buy that all (or most) bw are still dreaming of a tall dark handsome bm. Too many of us now know, that dream often becomes a nightmare, as he shows his true colors...
Don't get me wrong. I find Morris chestnut, Denzel, Treach(sp?) -from naughty by nature. Gorgeous bm. But I don't find them sexier, or finer than Gerard B., Viggo, Alan Jackson(country singer)David Beckham etc. Beautifl men are just like flowers, they can come in ANY color, but at the end of the day, I think most women want a man who has his life together, and is ready to be a
Good Man/Husband/Father.....

Anonymous said...

lormarie, if you believe that. Then explain to me why bw from many other countries in this world often go after wm with a vengeance? Many times the way you see Asian women go after them (in a repacious manner) In some parts of the world bw/wm marriages outnumber bm/ww by a signifigant margin. So I just can't buy that all (or most) bw are still dreaming of a tall dark handsome bm. Too many of us now know, that dream often becomes a nightmare, as he shows his true colors...

On point as usual sara {applause}. How do these nay sayers explain African women both here and on the continent, and how they sometimes marry wm in excess of their male counterparts.

some women are so quick to drink the koolaid being served by self-serving negros, when it doesnt take much to disprove their assertions.

next rocky will want us to believe this lack of attraction is hardwired into AA women only.

lormarie said...

I should clarify. I believe that most black American women are still stuck in the "nothing but a black man" mentality. Black latinas and bw in the UK, it appears via stats, are more open to dating and marrying interracially.

I believe that the black American collective discourages black girls and women from dating across the color line. Black boys in this day and age are not socialized to avoid ww the same way black girls are to avoid wm. Black men are the supposed victims and bw are the ones that must fight for the preservation of the race. I believe that that line of thinking influences preferences of most black Americans. Black men are free to go after all kinds of women while bw are expected to hold it down for the bm. Also, white men were and are demonized much more so than ww were and are; which also influences preferences.

Look at black music videos. The average male rap or r&b video features light-skinned, near white women. I rarely see light skinned, near white men in videos by bw.

While black men generally prefer light skin and long hair, black women generally embrace "black-featured" men. I'm one of the few bw I know who prefers tall light-skinned men with euro or slightly epicanthic facial features.

lormarie said...

some women are so quick to drink the koolaid being served by self-serving negros, when it doesnt take much to disprove their assertions.--anon

Unbelievable. Are some women so caught up in their angst against black men that they can't agree with a comment a bm makes? That is just plain crazy.

Anonymous said...

Then explain to me why bw from many other countries in this world often go after wm with a vengeance? Many times the way you see Asian women go after them (in a repacious manner)
LOL! That's true! In every IR chatroom, and on evey IR blog and messageboard I've ever been a member of, West Indian and African women have been well represented, sometimes moreso than the black American ladies.

Another thing not often acknowledged is that much of the mixing that took place in the Spanish-speaking Caribbean over the centuries was between white men and black women/mixed women (and continued that way well after the end of slavery with European men sometimes settling on the islands and taking local women as wives) -- to the point where, now, the majority of Caribbean Latinos are mixed.

The main reason there weren't more BW/WM unions in the US over the centuries is because of powerful social taboos which were purposely implemented to keep this country from turning into "another Brazil" with the majority of its citizens are at least partially black! In other words, the "the powers that be" knew that without strong taboos against such matings, blacks, whites and Natives Americans would have naturally mated with each other. But even strong social taboos haven't been enough to keep different people apart. Most American blacks have at least a small fraction of European genes and even in apartheid South Africa there were plenty of mixed-race "Coloureds.

Rocky said...
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Rocky said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lovebug said...

Sorry if a double post.
Thank You Lynn!!! I could not a agree with you more. It is good to encounter someone who shares my perspective. I never could understand the dark-skin fetish that a lot of BW appear to have. For me, what attracts me to a man first and foremost is his character. That is not to say that I don't care for a guy's looks, but his looks are irrelevant if he is a jerk. A guy gets my attention through his actions, not his skin tone.

Taylor-Sara said...

Rocky, I've tried to be fair and not exclude you from the discussion, but I deleted your last comment because it was way off base, and once again designed to take us off topic. Please be mindful that this is BLACK WOMAN's blog, and a bm's opinion/beliefs are secondary here. The point of this blog is to have a place where bw can air issues and talk amoung OURSELVES.... You are welcome to take your 'findings' to the bm's blogs and see if they are interested.

Anne said...

Sara, even when you try to be nice to him, he's just going to try to take over the discussion, just like he's doing now. They always come here to subvert our progress, and keep us focused on non-issues. You should continue to hit delete. Why are they coming here??? There are 1000 bm's blogs. Why come here??? To keep the wimins from escaping-that's why!


Okay let me get this straight...

black men are able to see beauty in ***ALL*** races of women


black women are **ONLY** attracted to black men...period... end of story!?!?

And the sad part is some of you black women are co-signing this mess. As if yall are PROUD of this "fact" or something.

Lets start being critical thinkers now shall we?? do you think after hearing/ reading (because this is a public blog for **ALL** to see) that non-black men will be comfortable in approaching bw romantically???

How do you know non-black men dont come here to "study" us? after reading that, some of them probably got turned off-- drawing the conclusion that we are a "lost cause" when it comes to IRR.

can you geniuses think of other ways to shoot yourselves (and other bw) in the foot on the IR dating front???

70% and growing..... SMDH

Sara hon you need to be more vigalant with the "delete" button. This is about a matter of survival and it shouldnt be taken lightly!!

Anonymous said...

why are black men allowed to post here anyway????? if this blog is going to turn into a place for dialouge w/ them let me know so I can move on to greener pastures!!!

Anonymous said...

Too many BW have bought into that dark-skinned African-featured men are more masculine crap while light-skinned, curly headed men are pretty boy types. And then some wonder why dark-skinned African-featured women are regarded as being masculine!

Dark skin, very full lips, a wide/flat nose and naptural hair are NOT sexual characteristics, they are RACIAL characteristics which are common among both black men AND women. Light or pale skin is not a feminine feature, there are plenty of womanly olive-skinned white women and manly alabaster-skinned white men.

Rocky said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rocky said...

And Sarah, why do you post on those bm blogs as an anon?

Taylor-Sara said...

Rocky what the hell are talking about? I NEVER go to bm's blogs! I hardly have enough time to keep up with my own. Once again you are making shit up! The ladies are right. You are here just to start some mess and keep it going. You sound like a real fool now. Once again throwing out some nonsense designed to take us off course. Please leave.

Taylor-Sara said...

Evolved, I am strongly inclined to agree with you. If you have read an earlier post of mine, you would have seen that I asked the ladies to 'not just let any- and- everything fly out of their mouths, and to think BEFORE they typed! I figured they would
(read between the lines, and understand what I was saying)
As we can both see, some ppl refuse to excercize ordinary common sense, and are determined to say what they want regardless of the consequences to other bw. Therefore, you are sooo right, I will have to be more liberal with that delete button....

Toya said...

That's messed up Sara!
Now you're actually inviting wm, while simutaneously asking bm NOT to participate??? WTF! You really think that's fair! Many bm have alot to add to the discussions here. Yall are really trippin! And why do you delete Rocky when he's trying to tell us something important? And why can we not say that tall dark men are sexy? What's so bad about that? You need to tell me somethin

Anonymous said...

Toya whats so messed up about it? Sara has said multiple times that this is a BW blog and the title is IR love and spice. Why don't you follow Rocky to his blog and then you can get all his gems of wisdom?

RE: attraction to WM and other nonblack men

When I grew up there were no BM on TV. There are a fews shows now, but the same blonde/blue images that BM say have brainwashed them were the same ones that I was exposed to. If and when there were AA's on TV [including AA men] - whether in shows or sitcoms they were the tokens- literally tacked on at the end of the group - like an afterthought.

I think there are a mixture of reasons why BW are on the nothing but a BM train as some of you have highlighted.

I will say this, I would have never thought that I would feel intensely passionately or sexually attracted to non BM, but I have had three recent experiences that almost made me dip out of the celibacy pool.

Most of my few dates with non black men have been ho hum as far as the outcome, but either way I have always been emotionally/sexually neutral about it all.

But recently there have been three men that kinda stir my nature a bit so much so I needed distance or else I would have done a whole lot real fast.

The third is the farmer whom I am going to cut loose. He is a southerner, but I think we don't have much in common- he is a farmer/laborer of all things, and seems stuck on his first love from decades ago. And when I say decades I mean decades. And he lives 2-3 hours from me. He is sweet, gentle, simple, down to earth, big {which is a huge plus} and he has one of those deep gravelly voices that sounds like he is speaking from his stomach versus his chest or head. I don't know why, but I found the deep (not heavy :) ) breathing appealing and the voice and yeah that he is big.

Then #2 is the scariest one. I have to take my common sense in my hand bc I lose all clarity. He is average in looks, but he is really direct and intense. He has this really strong effect on me and I can't put my finger on why. So much so that I have seen/talked to this person several times and I still don't know anything about him - like his last name or what he does for a living. My mind is gone. I just hope he doesn't know how gone my mind is. He has that patiently aggressive thing going on.

Number one is is a white ethnic from NYC. I don't know what he is- I never asked, but he looks Jewish, Italian, something. Slightly swarthy, dark hair, kinda light eyes. He is tall too. Metro, which is kinda odd for me- maybe that is a big city thing? He is the youngest of the three at 35. He is kinda brusque at times, but I think that is a NY thing. Whenever I bring it to his attention - he apologizes and is more mindful. I will say for him it is straight physical lust. The man has a 26 pack. He is not huge, but he is cut like a god and I have never been around a man ever in my life that has a body like that! I don't even understand that kind of body. I do wonder if he is aware that he is attractive and sometimes I feel insecure bc he has the total package. He has his MBA, seems to be making some serious coin - he still owns property in downtown Manhattan or so he says and he travels a lot- so in the back of my mind I think potential womanizer. Or something has to be wrong with him. And he hates the South. :)

But I can see myself naked with any one of these guys and they don't look like Brad Pitt. Maybe that is not the diplomatic thing to say bc we are talking about marriage as the end goal, and I know it may sound weird, but it is hard for me to be around men that cause these kinds of thoughts/feelings without getting/feeling awkward.

I never got that whole teenage dating thing and I feel like the top of my head is about to explode or I put my finger in an electric socket and I just can't take it.

Anonymous said...

Unbelievable. Are some women so caught up in their angst against black men that they can't agree with a comment a bm makes? That is just plain crazy.

Lormarie it has nothing to do with angst. Sara has always argued that bw are indoctrinated into 'nothing but a bm' so you are not bringing any new revelation by your recent explanation, however you are agreeing with chris rock and rocky. Did you even read rocky's comment or listen to chris rock before you jumped to agree with a black man?

Chris rock and rocky are saying that black women do not have the inherent ability to be attracted to wm.

Thus, it is a case, among other things, of black women simply not having the attraction to white men that you personally have.- rocky

How does this agree with your latest comment about indoctrination then?

now you want to accuse me of angst. this is how black women support each other, by throwing out the same falsehoods that black men employ to discredit black women's critique.

i hope you are proud of yourself

Loraine said...

I think that Rocky is way off base with his particular assertion, yet I can’t find anywhere where he has stated that anything was biological or innate. Let’s not stoop down to their level and start making things up. We have plenty of factual evidence to work with.

jazine said...

Sara, this is your own blog and you have the right to do whatever you want to do. As an observer, I have to agree with evolve. You had some great topics, but the comment section is starting to look like a cesspool of late due to the bm and some bw posters coming over here to derail the discourse. I know you want to give your readers the benefit of the doubt, but they clearly can't read between the lines when you requested to think before you post. I don't want to read anymore about some bw's sexual/romantic ambivalence towards wm. This a pro-IR board for bw and non-bm. After reading some of these women's comments, it's no wonder that Black American women are still doing so poorly as a group in the dating/mating scene in this country. Evolve is also right about some non-bm may be reading this and thinking bw are not worth the headache. Some of you ladies have major issues that I wish you would get help on instead of regurgitating them on the blogsphere.

Kelly said...

For the non-BM and WM who read this blog, I would really like to get your take and views on the comments that have been posted as of late on this blog. I am really curious as to how you feel regarding them.

Zindzi (aka BGP) said...

Evolve, Sara's description says this is a bw's IR blog. Last time I checked, WM are NOT the only non-BM out there. If a BW isn't attracted to WM that doesn't meant she can't date interracially. Plus, if a non-bm is that damn scared about dating/approaching BW, then he ain't got no business with any of us anyway. If reading some comments on a blog has punked him out...he NEEDED to keep it pushing in the first place, because they're obviously too weak to deal with the issues that might arise in their relationship with a BW. I'm sorry, I don't like wimpy men, regardless of color.

Sara, if you feel my comments were inappropriate, I do apologize to YOU for that.

Selena, yes it would've been nice if they'd backed me up in public, but I'm used to BW backing down in front of BM. The other two girls who responded later were open to IR dating of any kind. But they expressed doubts that WM found THEM attractive or that they'd have anything in common with a WM and, of course, they were afraid that they were going to be a "brown nipple experiment." (LOL, I asked them how much they had in common with the average BM as they're highly educated and ambitious, and hadn't they been brown nipple experiments for all the BM who'd mistreated them?)

p.s. I gotta say something in defense of hip-hop. What you hear on the radio ain't hip-hop. Hip-hop is an entire culture made of four components (MCing [or rapping], DJing, breakdancing, and tagging [graffiti]). Rap, the spoken component, is a beautiful art form through which many people, worldwide, have been able to vent their frustrations, state their beliefs, and try to better the world.

Now, there are always going to be people willing to exploit something beautiful for money. But let me remind you, BM are not the only ones who are guilty when it comes to the degradation of BW via MAINSTREAM rap. The people who TRULY get rich off of that crap (cause the rappers are just fronting) are the WM who head the recording companies AND the radio stations that constantly play this mess. The rappers are just puppets,although they've yet to realize this fact.

Have you ladies heard of Jean Grae or Mystic? Or Talib Kweli or Grits? Its not fair to stereotype a whole genre of music based on what the media has told you. I mean, don't we all agree that the media doesn't like to portray BP in a positive light? We constantly talk about how incorrectly they portray BW! Why would we think that they're correctly portraying an artform we created? (Now, perhaps you don't like "gangsta rap," which is a sub-genre that was only introduced in the early 90s.)

(Sorry if this reposts Sara)

GoldenAh said...

Are we women first or black and asexual? I've always been aware of my gender. Always. Later, I became aware that the majority of my family is descended (way way back) from Africa. I know my culture, and I'm content with all of it.

This is the 21st century, this kind of angst belongs in history books and museums. I don't carry any racial antagonism towards any group. Every group has been shellacked at some time or the other.

I honestly cannot see how any sexually normal woman can say she doesn't find any man hot - who's reasonably attractive - regardless of his complexion. Even my stick-with-black-guys girlfriends will eyeball and take note of a good looking white / Latino / Asian man.

Like most of you ladies have said, it doesn't help any of us, because we are stereotyped so badly, to pretend that black women never, ever, ever! find white or any non-black men attractive. That is ridiculous. Come on now! Somebody's protesting too much.

At this point, they should consider keeping it to themselves.

And I like all men, I don't care what shade he is. However, if his head isn't right, I don't care if he's built like Adonis.

Okay, I'll still drool....

Anonymous said...

There are plenty of posters who are coming here who are BW (or pretending to be BW) with an anti-IR agenda, especially as it concerns BW. On the old Mindkandy IR forum there were at least two BW members who made it their business to campaign against BW/WM IRR. It really serves no purpose to have these malcontents hanging around for the single purpose of throwing "a wrench into the works", so to speak.

They are as manipulative and deceitful as Satan in that they use just enough truth to make their lies sound plausible.

Taylor-Sara said...

Zindi(sorry if I spell it wrong) I did not think your comments were out of line at all. But I am disturbed at some of the comments from some of these women. Esp. When you come on an IR blog and say that a nice big black man is the only man for a black woman! That's bullshit! first of all. Many of us have NEVER dreamed of a black man! And I resent you (and you know who you are) coming here-knowing I have an unspoken white-male-readership, and spouting such bullshit! I've racked my brain, and I just cannot fathom why you would say that, or why several of you women would try to go into the wm don't want us pity party! But I will tell you what. I will NOT allow it. I'm beginning to think SOME ppl are coming here with a hidden agenda. If you want a bm-Dammit-go find his ass on a bm's board! (or better yet,look in a bar, crackhouse, whorehouse, or jail) This is an Interracial Blog! Don't come here spouting shit that's going to hurt our cause!!! If you lack to mental capacity to figure out what is not acceptable, then let others do the talking. For all those too stupid to stop kissing bm's asses, (while they call you bitches, and give you more and more ass to kiss) Take it elsewhere!! We don't do that here. I'm not asking you to agree with everything I say. I simply asking you to NOT HURT OUR CAUSE!!! If you have nothing relevant, and intelligent to add to the convo, then stay out of it!

Anonymous said...

Evolve and Sara,
I co-sign your comments. Some bw seem to forget that their actions can indirectly make life more difficult for other bw. They keep feeding this negative narrative about bw that exists in our society and other bw are having to pay for it—and not just in the romance arena either. As you said you would, Sara, please delete the inappropriate comments, even if they come from bw.
There are increasing numbers of bw opening up to dating white men and other non-black men in spite of all the bc’s indoctrination. Many bw here know it because we’ve witnessed it ourselves. Sometimes, it’s even some of the women who were the most hard-core nothing-but-a-black-man types that are now singing a totally different tune and are dating/marrying interracially.
By the way, Zindzi, there is acute persecution of Christians in Turkey. I attended a talk a few years ago given by a leader in the Turkish church and he said they suffer immense hardships. In fact, just a few days before I heard him speak, some leaders of the Turkish church had been brutally murdered by a mob there. Since you’ll be a foreigner there, perhaps you may be exempt, but please be careful. I will pray for your safety and that you have an enriching experience. If, at some point in the future, you choose to transfer to an English teaching position in Western or Northern Europe, there are plenty of websites to help you. Here are a couple:,, I found out about these websites from the following post: If you google “teaching English in Europe,” you will find tons more websites.

Cami said...

I am SOOOO glad you said something! I was thinking the same thing! Why would anyone be making such remarks on an IR blog? I'm glad you plan to delete some of the more ridiculous comments. If they are not sure they are interested in IR's -they shouldn't be here. Or at least don't post. Why does the world need to know about their ambivalence. Sara, I know you want to help bw. But you're going to find out that not everyone is helpable. Not everyone is elevatable, and not everyone is 'open' to change....Some women, will have to be left behind with the bm,and their entourage of fools...

Perry said...

To Sara, Evolve, and Jazine,

I totally agree with everything you said 120%.

To Sara,

You have asked people to think before they type. I have been reading the comments and as you can see they are not hearing you. I totally agree with you about using the delete button. It is the same as I use the page down button. Also, if you are going to comment on what someone else posted on this blog, then at least get what they said correct. There are several comments that said "you said x y z" and if you look at what the person wrote, they didn't say it at all. Taking a phrase or two from someone's comment and running with it, and saying they said such and such when they didn't also serves no purpose to what BW need to be hearing and learning here.

Zindzi (aka Black Girl Pain) said...

Sara, I agree. I unfortunately looked at some of the blogs Rocky follows, and....whoa. All I'll say is, BM have done an AWESOME job at indoctrinating a lot of sistas. I couldn't believe that BW were saying these things about other BW (about how BW are mean and selfish, etc, etc, etc). I'm like, self-hate is not a joke. Not at all.

Anonymous @ 2:58, THANK YOU!!!!!! Good lookin out!!!! I have been doing TONS of research on Turkey and I haven't seen warning about modern-day persecution of Christians anywhere! Now, I wasn't planning on attending church while I was there anyway. My church broadcasts all of our services online, and I feel like, I'm going to be a single woman in a Muslim country taking my behind to church by myself? I'm cool on that! Thanks for letting me know that that's an issue, and your prayers and well-wishes (and those great websites!) are MUCH appreciated sista!

mia said...

Sarah, are you saying that those are the only places black men reside?

Taylor-Sara said...

(sigh) obviously not mia.
I was angry, and I tend to be sarcastic when I'm angry. But I'm sure you are smart enough to figure that out. No, those are not the only places bm reside....

Perry said...

Cami said,
I am SOOOO glad you said something! I was thinking the same thing! Why would anyone be making such remarks on an IR blog? I'm glad you plan to delete some of the more ridiculous comments. If they are not sure they are interested in IR's -they shouldn't be here. Or at least don't post. Why does the world need to know about their ambivalence. Sara, I know you want to help bw. But you're going to find out that not everyone is helpable. Not everyone is elevatable, and not everyone is 'open' to change....Some women, will have to be left behind with the bm,and their entourage of fools...

{internet fist bump}

Zindzi (aka Black Girl Pain) said...

*rollling eyes @ Mia*

I'd like to add "the corner," and "their mama's basement" to your list Sara.

Anonymous said...

mia said...
Sarah, are you saying that those are the only places black men reside?

Brainiac, where did Sara even so much as hint such a thing?!

Anonymous said...

I cnt understand why anyone would care to discuss these griney thugs...most white people would be scared of them anyway...Just like Lil Wayne singing about Miley Cyrus...she would consider him trash...thugs rappin about white girls...LOL!

Cdnblackchick said...

Some comments have been out of sync with the purpose for this blog. It is about us opening up our options in every aspect of our lives. It is about us exploring beyond our comfort zone to seek out new experiences. It is about us stopping the brainwashing that our only mates are black.

Ladies, there are so many men out there. When we begin to believe in the possibility, we will notice the opportunity.

I know this is not easy. I have been engaged in negative self talk for a long time. At first, it was hard to change how I viewed myself and how others viewed me. I am taking it one day and incident at a time.

Like Sara said, I am only looking for that one special guy, not total conversion to nothing but a bw.

cool_splash1 said...

I remember asking a bm friend why he likes light skin women he could not tell me why.

Well first of all who could answer a question like that anyway. People are attracted to who they are attracted to whether we like it or not.

cool_splash1 said...

AW have ALWAYS been acceptable for a WM to marry. ALWAYS!! So have Hispanic, Middle Eastern, or ANY NON BW. WE are the ones that society has labeled as "taboo", and because of that MANY...NOT all...WM stay away from BW.

PLEASE Do NOT tell me that I need to be "open to WM like AW are" when it's NOT being "open" that gets them dates with WM, but SOCIETY'S ACCEPTANCE OF THEM WITH WM. PERIOD!!

Uh oh woa is me, black women are at the bottom of the totem poll, black women are downtrodden post.

cool_splash1 said...

Sara...I dunno. I honestly think the majority of BW are, at the very least, a lot more attracted to BM than WM. And a lot of them honestly don't find WM attractive. But why would they? While BM have been taught from day 1 to value Eurocentric features, even (and especially) on BW, BW aren't taught the same. We're constantly barraged with the whole, "the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice" doctrine.

I don't buy that one either. Because if bm value Euro looking features because of media then why wouldn't bw. Bw see the same images of wm being the hot guy as bm see ww being the hot girl. The thing is we are indoctrinated to feel we are sellouts when we say so or act on it while bm are not.

Name: G. T. said...


Thanks for what you’re doing with your blog. I have just finished writing a mini-blog that has posts on interracial dating, Christian dating and the emotional/spiritual health for black women. (It is a mini-blog because pretty much all the information I want to share is on there right now in 13 posts and I won’t be adding much more. I’ll be using it to promote an annual Day of Prayer for Emotional Healing for Black Women, though.)

I have 2 key reasons for writing to you:
(1) I have written a blog post titled “Reflections of a Former Attitude Queen – Emotional Health for Black Women” and I want to encourage other bw to read it. I do think a disproportionate number of us have bad attitudes and in the post I share what I did to improve my attitude. I know this may be an unpopular message among many bw, but I had to share it. There is another post I’ve written titled “Emotional Healing for Black Women” and that is for those who do not believe they have a difficult personality, but have anger, grief and bitterness in their hearts. Here are the links to these posts: and

(2) Would you post a link to my blog in the links section of your blog? I would appreciate it greatly. The address is


Anonymous said...

The thing is we are indoctrinated to feel we are sellouts when we say so or act on it while bm are not.

ITA. It was understood that if BW married out in large numbers, many BM, without BW around to prop them up, would be in deep dog doo.

Anonymous said...

"I know this is not easy. I have been engaged in negative self talk for a long time. At first, it was hard to change how I viewed myself and how others viewed me. I am taking it one day and incident at a time."

I can relate to this. It is challenging, but exciting at the same time.

Anonymous said...

I disagree...AW have NOT always been accepted.


Anonymous said...


you probably are not going to like what I will suggest, but I am nonetheless asking you to give this careful consideration.

As you know, images are very powerful. They can shape perception, as well as break it. If you are having trouble with black men and a vocal minority of black women coming on your blog and spreading these old stereotypes that white men can't be good enough or black women don't really want white men, and you want to shut them right up, consider doing this:

Post a SOFTcore picture of a white man and a black woman very passionately getting busy.

I know what you're thinking and feeling. But I am not saying you should turn this into a porn site or something. AT ALL. I'm talking about a single picture of SOFTcore, where you see her exposed breasts and his naked torso at the very most, and that's it.

Nothing will damage and shatter the bad perception that those with an agenda are trying to spread then a visual example for all to see of just how steamy and how sexy a white man and a black woman together can be. The proof will be in the pudding.

It's your call. If the trolls get bad again, shove a picture of a white man and a black women putting each other in heaven right under their noses. I'm completely real and serious about this idea, Sara. Be bold and groundbreaking in fighting the bonds of black women.

Rattle the cages.

Cdnblackchick said...

cool_splash1 said... July 1, 2009 12:48 AM “I remember asking a bm friend why he likes light skin women he could not tell me why.

Well first of all who could answer a question like that anyway. People are attracted to who they are attracted to whether we like it or not.”

Sorry, but I do not believe your friend. For example, I like tall men. I like tall men because I recognize that I have been socialized to see them as protectors. I remember this message in every fairytale, every magazine, and every movie. I am taking ownership of this.

We live in a world where our preferences are controlled. Billions of dollars are spent to mould how we think about everything. For example, why is it so hard to shake the stereotypes of bw?

So, your friend knows exactly why he likes light skinned women. He is being a coward in owning up to it.

It is not simply to say that we like whom we like.

Anonymous said...

@ A.

"I disagree...AW have NOT always been accepted.


I can co sign with that. When I was in Cali I was shocked to discover some serious anti- Asian undercurrents. I had several Asian classmates rail about racism a few times and it shocked me bc in my naivety I thought that Asians had pretty much assimilated and were totally accepted.

Anonymous said...

@ Aphrodite....Just imagine trying to date ir during the time of Pearl Harbour or harbor.
We all have our crosses to bear and it is how you handle your crosses that matter must.


Pamela said...

The son of the one I am dating is married to a gal from Laos. They live in San Francisco. We were in a conversation that implied that they could have had problems but thankfully have not in over 15 years of dating/marriage. I have not seen this personally with Asians that I have known but there is probably some fool out there that will discriminate against anyone not like them.

Southland Diva said...


I have been a reader for awhile now and enjoy your blog. Anon. 11:43 may mean well, but IMO the advice is mis-directed. This blog is about opening minds and empowerment not titilation. (Anon 11:43 I mean no disrespect and am not trying to start an agrument.)

Since you allow comments, you are going to get IIT's attempting to take the convesation off topic. However, I think posting their comments (sparingly) can be used as a teachable moment for your readers.

Anyways, stay the course and continue to give us food-for-thought and practical tips to healthy relationships.


S said...

AW have not always been accepted and they have to deal with things like "mail order bride" "Thai bride" to the stereotypical middle class white male over 40 +.
Stereotypes of them being submissive and "delicate". I mean it's better than being called an "aggressive,masculine, fat,loud,jezebel,chicken-eating,water melon eating,booty shaking -- shemale", don't get me wrong but still, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

But let us not compare ourselves to AW because it's not going to get us anywhere, it's just alot of whining "AW have it so much better than us whine,whine,whine".
Stop focusing on AW, they're doing their thing, i give them cred for that because they don't give a shit what the asian males are thinking and they don't feel like they ow them anything.

And to the anon who said to post softcore pics of WM/BW - i don't think that is a good idea, it only feeds to the negative image of BW only being good for WM when it comes to sex, instead, i would like to see more positive images of BW/WM in a healthy relationship - married! and looking happy with or without children because that is an even more powerful image - see, BW ARE good enough to marry.

Speaking of, here are some black celeb women who are and mostly, and some who even who have ONLY dated WM;

Tatyana ali ( you know her from fresh prince of bel air)
Karen Parson (also in fresh prince of bel air)
Zoe saldana
thandie newton
Serena and Venus williams
Naomi Harris
Naomi campbell
Emanuella de paula
Tyra Banks
Eve (the rapper)

Name: G. T. said...


Thanks for posting my blog information.

lormarie said...

Here's a study done on dating preferences. It shows that black women favored same race preferences the most, white women second, followed by latinas...but Asian women didn't show a same race preference at all.

Although this blog is geared toward bw who prefer nonblack men, it appears that other blogs (Evia, Halima, CW) encourage black women to expand their options which I believe is a noble effort. Why is there a need to encourage bw to expand their options? Because currently, we generally do not. Most of us are still waiting (most of the time in vain) on a black man. I believe that black women's general preference for black men has nothing to do with them (bm) being better than any other group of men. Anyone with an IQ above 15 can tell that they aren't. It's because black women by and large haven't experienced relationships with nonblack men (not even close white men don't count for obvious reasons).

As for white men who may be discouraged, I see no reason to handle them with kid gloves when black women who are discouraged get banished to the pity party. Anyone worth their salt will not let a blog discourage them. Think about it, is anyone here discouraged when you encounter dbr black males or racist white males? It's my humble opinion that all men (those who are lacking that is)need to man up...not just black men.

On a good note, I believe that the harvest is ripe among black women. In other words, the rising black female bashing by black males is making it easy for bw to question their loyalty these days. The IR blogs will come in handy.

Sandra77 said...

I note some people saying on this block that wm and other non-bm who read negative comments on this blog and who might be turned off by it should "man up". Although I understand the sentiment in part, I think it's naive and filled with a bit of "whistling in the dark" bravado. Put yourselves in their shoes for a moment, and I think you might find yourself going back to your familiar corner, especially when you have lots of other choices. It is important to discipline what we write on a public blog, as much as or even more than we discipline what we think and say in private or just among ourselves. Self-control is a wonderful (and increasingly rare) thing. We need to start reading ourselves the Miranda warning before we start shooting off at the mouth. Just because you think what you say won't hurt you directly, think about the other bw who may be hurt by it. There's a lot of learning to be done by bw, and if you're not gathering, you're scattering. We are, in a sense, our sister's keeper on this blog (those who are willing to listen and learn, anyway). Anyway, you might want to check out some comments by Evia in her current post dealing in part with this very subject. My 2 cents.

Anonymous said...

I am wondering if the "man up" concept is a holdover from the "BM Swagger" hyper- exaggerated masculinity model?

I mean I have met some "aggressive" non-black men and it is not pretty, fun, and can feel quite threatening. I have had the misfortune of meeting three - thus far.

I find it a turn off - the same way I have been turned off by that kind of behavior in BM.

I mean those types of non-Black men are out there if you want them, but I don't think their behavior will be compartmentalized.

Meaning he won't just man up and be aggressive about pursuing you - he will be a hyper aggressive and domineering jerk - 24/7 - period.

Taylor-Sara said...

Thank you Sandra77 you summed that up perfectly, and I could not agree more. I also would like to add that no one needs to agree with me here, but it IS my blog, and I WILL make the final decisions. So if those rules are not the liking of some ppl. There are many other good blogs out there.... see yourself to them. At the end of the day, if I say we're not going to have pity partys, or stomp on the egos of the very men I'm trying to connect bw with, then we're simply not going to do it. So don't send in anymore posts, trying to explain to me why you disagree. Anyone out there can launch a blog today, and begin discussing anything to their hearts content. But here at Sara's blog, SHE is going to have the final say.

cool_splash1 said...

cool_splash1 said... July 1, 2009 12:48 AM “I remember asking a bm friend why he likes light skin women he could not tell me why.

Well first of all who could answer a question like that anyway. People are attracted to who they are attracted to whether we like it or not.

Then doesn't that mean that most black women should be marrying out and dating out at the rate of bm? I don't think media images always play into it because you have many women/men who never watched tv, read a magazine, movies etc. Then you have those who do and it doesn't really effect them. What I have noticed is that while media is influencial social interactions are even more influencial. If a woman were to say that this type of man was fine etc. then best believe her daughter will listen as well as other women around her and then you have those other women voicing opinions on the types of men they find appealing or what styles look good etc. So yes the media can have an influence but don't discount those around you.

Anonymous said...

you know there's probably a reason i've never heard this song before and damn sure a reason why i rarely hear the name young jeezy because they suck both of them...

Anonymous said...

Lormarie is the number one Black-man lover. She tries to hide it, but she can't.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I'm a white woman and I find IR blogs interesting sociologically. Now if the authors and commentators here prefer that I don't comment here I'll gracefully bow out. However black men who want to date interracially are frequently their own worst enemies.

I work in the federal government in Washington DC and over the last five years I've noticed a trend where a black man who is trying to flirt with me will turn to a black and rudely insult her clothes, looks etc and then smile at me as though he expects me to give him a cookie. Now I've known many black men who are respectful to black women and the scenario I described doesn't happen every day but it is common enough that I've noticed it and it's incredibly irritating.

The only explanation I can think of is that many black men think that most white people are racists and will be impressed by rudeness to other blacks, and that many black men don't mind dating a racist white woman. Hopefully I am wrong. But it's quite obvious to most white observers (who pay attention to black social dynamics) that many black men have very low standards for white partners. This is not true for every bm/ww pairing and I have seen some attractive, personable white women with black husbands but the all-too-common sight of a well educated black man with an ignorant, vulgar white woman makes me embarrassed for both of them.

Nowadays such taboos have lessened but a ww who wants to date bm frequently has to put up with crime, kids with other women, guys that refuse to get married etc. Few well-educated, confident ww will put up with that so black men frequently have to scrape the bottom of the barrel. Even among non-racists whites there is a tacit belief that white women who only or primarily date black men can't get a white man. Now some of that is just social disapproval for dating/mating out but due to the dysfunction that you all talk about here among bm I've rarely seen a ww date a succession of bm unless she had issues with her father or couldn't get quality white men (or simply believed she couldn't get them). Not saying it's impossible but those are my observations.

So I suspect that many bm are simply used to vulgar, insecure ww who enjoy watching other women be insulted and disrespected. In any case I'd like to see vulgar, irresponsible, and violent men of all races be put out to pasture. I encourage black women to find good husbands of whatever race because if they do crime will plummet and the entire country will be better off. If these violent, disrespectful men (and there are definitely white ones out there so beware) had no women and children to abuse they'd shrivel up and die because they thrive on causing pain to those who can't fight back.

lormarie said...

Lormarie is the number one Black-man lover. She tries to hide it, but she can't.--Coward Anon

I don't know about anyone else, but I doubt this anonymous person is a bw. Then again, anyone who posts anonymously should be greeted with suspicion, IMO. Having been on forums for a number of years, I know that opposition at times "pretends" to be in the crowd when they are really out to make a specific group look bad.

Meaning he won't just man up and be aggressive about pursuing you - he will be a hyper aggressive and domineering jerk - 24/7 - period.--Aphrodite

I think it was Lorraine who said that we should not stoop down to the level of DBR's. In other words, don't apply offensive ideas to someone simply because you don't agree with them. In response to your "assessment" one could say that you prefer men who are timid and scared. However, I'll assume that's not at all what you are saying. I say, there is a difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. It is my opinion and experience that most white men aren't timid but will approach women they are interested in.

So don't send in anymore posts, trying to explain to me why you disagree.--Taylor Sara

If my sentiments are that bothersome, I'll not post and accept my apologies.

Anonymous said...

Actually S, Tyra Banks has mostly dated black men as is currently dating a black man.

Naturegirl said...

The WGS, is designed to feed the ww's ego, and tear down the bw's ego, once again.

A thug rap about drug dealing that uses "white girl" as a metaphor for cocain? I'm not sure how that feeds WW's egos and tears down bw.

Anonymous said...

@ Lormarie

My response was not specifically targeted towards you. I was relating my experience with some non black men who were very aggressive and telling what my observations/experiences were.

"I think it was Lorraine who said that we should not stoop down to the level of DBR's. In other words, don't apply offensive ideas to someone simply because you don't agree with them."

I wasn't aware that I was doing this or even disagreeing with you.

"In response to your "assessment" one could say that you prefer men who are timid and scared. However, I'll assume that's not at all what you are saying. I say, there is a difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. It is my opinion and experience that most white men aren't timid but will approach women they are interested in."

I can co-sign with the last part of your comment regarding assertiveness vs aggressiveness.

I was just throwing my experience out there bc I am starting to see in my interactions with nonblack men that they are very different than BM. In the way they approach, the way the flirt, body language etc..

And the handful that I met who were similar to aggressive BM were similar to those BM in other ways as well and had to be cut off.

lormarie said...

I wasn't aware that I was doing this or even disagreein with you.--Aphrodite

I clearly misjudged, thanks for clarifying.

Anonymous said...

I'm not going to lie. I do sometimes feel some type of way when I see a fine well kept brotha with a white woman. I don't know what it is but it seems that many bm who date ww don't date beautiful/successful white women. They date what white people would refer to as "trash" or ww that wm would want nothing to do with. I'm not saying this is always the case but I've seen it one too many times. That bothers me because then I question his motives and his reasons for dating this woman. I know that bm don't belong to bw BUT for the sake of our community and our children we must try and rebuild our black families. There are too many single black mothers raising children alone without a black man or any man. I believe that our country has intentionally done things to weaken and eliminate the traditional nuclear family in the AA community. As a minority who is still discriminated against it is important that we continue to work on improving our people and our communities and this must start in the home.

It's interesting to me that you advise bw to be wary of bm because they are "damaged and dangerous". In all honesty black women are also "damaged" for the same reasons as bm. I think a big reasons why bm and bw have so much trouble getting along is because we are so much alike. We share the same "struggle" and no one can understand us better than we can understand each other because they have never lived in this skin.

I think that love is a beautiful thing whether it be between bm and bw, bm and ww, bw and ww. w/e. love is beautiful. and i do support IR relationships but i do not support bw "giving up" on bm or bm "giving up" on bw.

You say not to hate white women but your suggestions in the last paragraph make it appear as if you are somehow jealous of them as you feel the need to prove that you also are loved by WM. You also clearly hold some kind of anger/hate towards BM as you fail to point out that bw bash bm all the time (you are perfect example of this).

Anonymous said...

Anon, go tell all of that touchy-feely feel good pleading about the need to "rebuild" our Black families to Black men. Then when they finish laughing in your face and leave you standing there while they walk off with Becky, Maria or Chun-Li (Or all three)come back and tell us what you think. There is no "bashing" of Black men going on here, nor is there any "hatred" of White women either. We are jsut telling the TRUTH about how Black men and White women do alot of garbage to make our lives as Black women very difficult.

Anonymous said...

That's who Tyra mostly dated and who she's currently dating?

No wonder the poor thing is so messed up.

Anonymous said...

Anon from 7/5/09 @ 11:55, it should be obvious why a song about White women by a Black male rapper is disrespectful to Black females. It is not rocket science.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon 1:50
do you really think I don't know you are a troll, even though you come here in sheep's clothing? chile, you are not fooling anyone. First of all, you come to an IR blog with that rebuild the black fam. bull...(I'm not going to curse) You know, white America knows, and even the rest of the world knows, that the black fam is a lost cause, and that all bw can do is save themselves. You know, at the beginning of the Titanic Travesty, ppl were trying to save the ship, at one point they realized it was a futile effort, and decided to save as many ppl as they could. (Lest they go down with the ship) Bw are in that pos. now, and everyone knows it, except bw (who still have their heads in the sand) This is a VERY dangerous position because the rest of your body is open to attack! I just had a girl write and tell me that the blogs were making her very uncomfortable, and therefore she was not going to read anymore. She's obviously hoping that by not knowing how bad it will get for bw who try to stay with 'brothers', it won't get bad. Life does not work that way. She will prob. be a casualty. Because in war the first casualties are usually the ppl who don't even know they are under attack! And make no mistake about it bw ARE under attack. You want to talk about black love!!! Give me a break! Bm are all over the internet screaming their hatred, malevolence, and repugnance of bw, and you think bw should build loving relationships with men who revile them!!! Are you smoking crack? Or are you just one of the protectors sent to keep the mules from escaping... Hon. you are not fooling me, you DON'T agree with IR, you just came here trying to lure bw back for your massas. And as for you thinking I am jealous of ww, that's just not worth justifying. First of all, I love being a bw, and think bw are the most adorable women in the world, but second, I don't even know you, why would I care what you think? *That remark is designed to get me to try to prove I am not jealous of ww.*-nice try, -But Think whatever you want-ELSEWHERE! And don't bring your troll self back here...

Tori C said...

FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC POST!!I want my girlfriend to read this! I think this will encourage her. It did me!!


Lynn said...

That's a shame that someone decided not to read the blog anymore because it was making her feel uncomfortable. If anything, these blogs give me power, strenght, hope...the possiblities are endless for BW.

To bury your head in the sand in hopes that something will change is just ridiculous. The reality of our situtaion is that it's not going to change - not for the better it isn't. And why would you WANT it to change. Look at what (some if not most) BM are nowadays: Dead beat, uneduated - and proud of it, I might add, been in jail more times that not, baby making, no job having, no culture having that something you really want in your life? These types of BM do nothing but bring you down. WAKE UP BW...WAKE UP!!!

One more thing: I don't know how we got here, but we are you actually believe it's going to change back to how it was in the 50s and 60s when BM knew their role as men and fulfilled it?'s gonna take a long time to get back to that...if you willing to wait? That's just simply crazy talk to me. Like I said WAKE UP and MOVE ON!!!

Lavette said...

Hey Sara,

Anon. 1:50 reminded me of how I used to sound over 3 years ago with that "rebuild and black love" tripe....LOL!

Anonymous said...

Tyra is not nearly as messed up as Naomi.

S said...

atleast Naomi knows her worth, can't say that about Tyra.
Naomi would never be caught dead with a man that hasn't got his stuff together, she knows she has worked hard to get where she is, she can afford to play and she surrounds herself with people of her class: can you blame her?
why the hell should she settle for some broke dead beat leech when she can have a dead beat, atleast of her own class.
I don't even think Naomi is that serious about dating and finding "the one", it's not her cup of tea perhaps? so what? I love the fact that she is unapologetic about her preference, it's very refreshing than the usual "nothin' but a black man!" crowd that we see whenever we turn on the damn TV.

Angel said...


I sort of have difficulties viewing Tiger Woods, John Singleton, Seal, Chris Webber and Will Smith as losers. Do you consider Giancarlo Marcaccini a loser?

Tyra's current man is John Utendahl, the owner of the largest African American owned investment banking group. He is a multi-millionaire.

Taylor-Sara said...

Look Angel, and all the Anons, who keep bringing this up. This thread is not about Tyra, -so please let it go....

Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention S.

ak said...


PLEASE Do NOT tell me that I need to be "open to WM like AW are" when it's NOT being "open" that gets them dates with WM, but SOCIETY'S ACCEPTANCE OF THEM WITH WM. PERIOD!!

You and that other Anonymous up there really have to look at all of Sara's and Evia's sites and their gallery pics because they show that famous and unknown bw/wm married couples or people just dating ARE HAPPENING!

Especially within the younger generations. But their are wm and bw who were huge celebs in the past that are married to other bw or wm that were never considered 'magazine friendly' to the US media that's all. Maybe you need to move or try again ladies! Because bw/wm marriages even happened during and right after SLAVERY! And they're still happening now so...

ak said...


It's interesting to me that you advise bw to be wary of bm because they are "damaged and dangerous". In all honesty black women are also "damaged" for the same reasons as bm. I think a big reasons why bm and bw have so much trouble getting along is because we are so much alike. We share the same "struggle" and no one can understand us better than we can understand each other because they have never lived in this skin.

God you sound so 1990s and the worst part of the 1990s too. Sorry but you sound sort of troll-ish.

Yes some bw are very damaged but NO let say un-damaged bm would look twice at a damaged bw and the ones who had some moral fiber wouldn't even try to use her for sex.

YET the idea of DBR black men of the worst kind as any kind of boyfriend or 'baby daddy' is being sold to un-damaged black women ALL THE TIME. There is no rest from it actually!

They want black women to get with former or potential prisoners, they don't want black women to get with men with any good potential.

And yeah struggle, schmuggle I say. There are LOADS of black people who could never understand me. As soon as I did or showed an interest in anything that a lot of whites and other are participating in, even if I listened to 'white music', I became 'white-acting' and NOBODY could understand me at all! LOL

ak said...

Look I'm not speaking to anybody else but black women here.

How can you black women really think that white men don't find you attractive when there are SO MANY light skinned black people outside of Africa mostly that come from IR relations or relationships that were bw/wm?

Firstly all men are visual and sexual. They biologically will find the best looking woman they can get their hands on. Which means with all of the raping of black female slaves, why would a man ever touch a woman who was ugly like a monster or looking or acting like a low-down animal? Becuase bw are not ugly, we never were. There were 'easy' and attractive ww back in slave days I'm sure, and no, white men wouldn't had to 'pay for their services' in every case either. So why bw at all?

Also people, sometimes a massa would marry a slave thereby making her and her children free. Why would massa do that when the 'superior' Scarlett O'Hara lived just down the street? But sadly if massa died and his son took over or whoever they'd put the wife and her kids right back into slavery, yes.

There were bw/wm marriage right after slavery as well. Their have been bw married to Asian men, Eurasian or hapa men as well, Tommy Chong and his black ex-wife and their kids, Kim Fields was married to a Eurasian, and Russell Wong has a half-black daughter.

And black women don't pick up AMERICAN magazines such as People or Us and buy into them. They have NEVER wanted to show any white male celeb married to a bw or black female celeb married to a wm. European magazines like Hello or OK, if they are doing a story about a certain wm celeb or European royal family member and he happens to be with a bw at the time, well their pics are gonna be in that new issue and that's all there is to it!

A very popular character from a once-popular show in the 60s called Hogan's Heroes married a black woman in real life during the shows heyday and he's still married to her. And Dionne Warwick was once married to Burt Bacharach. Deniro's always been dating one bw or another before he got married. If you didn't hear about these back then and you don't hear about bw/wm couples now I'm sorry but they were no mere myth just because you didn't know.

And on the internet paprazzi type blogs like Perez Hilton TMZ and blogs such as Evia's will gladly use the pics of famous wm with bw that People or Us mags refuse to use! These paparazzi take pictures of EVERYBODY well known who are going out with or married to ANYONE! They want their money! But it's the magazines, usually American ones, that turn down *ahem* CERTAIN pics of celebs that they want to do their stories on.

BW of America don't swallow their hype, it's all based on lies of OMISSION.

Anonymous said...

Why when S is talking about IR and you are bringing up black men who are with bw or ww/other in an interracial forum.

Sandra77 said...

Angel, guess what - Tiger, John Singleton, Seal, Chris Weber and Will Smith don't want you. So while you sit around romanticizing them, who do you think is really the loser? Sara and other IR bloggers and most of the commenters here are taking up their time, patience and other resources to try to help you, but you don't want to be helped. Or maybe, dear I hope, you're just a little slow on the uptake and will eventually read the handwriting on the wall? Sara's blog is an early warning signal to you - don't miss the message just because it makes you uncomfortable. Feel the fear and get past it. Your life will be the better for it.

Anonymous said...

@ AK...Dionne Warwick was once married to Burt Bacharach.
I have never know that guy to be married to a bw...maybe he dated one. I think he used to be married to Carol King a ww.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. just because you never knew or heard of it, does not mean it did not happen. I'm sure what we don't know could fill an ocean. There is just no need for these silly remarks...

Anonymous said...

Who me? Sara....Oh, come on. Touchy, Touchy. I meant no harm.

Anonymous said...

As a 30 year old wm married to a lovely chocolate-skinned bw in Los Angeles, I can only say thank you to sites like yours and Evia's. The amount of truth in your posts is refreshing to read.

I had long wondered why bw would put up with the treatment that they do from bm. I just assumed it was because they felt that they deserved it on some level. Now I know that many of you have simply been inundated with these poisounous ideas for so long that it just seems normal. Not to mention the intimidation bm and the elders give you when you try to break free of those ideas.

Many times I have wanted to physically intervene when I saw a bm verbally or physically abusing his significant other in public. The problem was, who has more to lose in a confrontation? Him or me?

He is probably not afraid of getting arrested (he will probably earn respect or “props” for this), he can't lose the job he doesn't have, or miss the kids he doesn't care for, he’s even willing to die for any possible affront to his own “ego” and would probably try to come back with a knife or gun if he gets his ass kicked in front of "his" woman or others by a wm. Me, on the other hand, I've got a career, a nice home, a nice car, and well, quite frankly, I value my own life and it’s just not worth it. I couldn't afford to risk everything just to help a woman who may or may not even want my help.

Luckily for my wife, she excelled in school and was not put into these types of environments even though she was born in a ghetto area. She attended a prestigious university on academic scholarship and got to interact with all races and was open to dating all races. She would accept nothing less than complete respect at all times and treated others the way they treated her. I admired these qualities, along with her outgoing attitude, and great smile.

Being in a pretty diverse neighborhood, we don't get stared at much here or given disapproving glances, but then again we aren't really paying too much attention either, we don’t believe in giving attention to things that are not wanted. Once in a while, someone will try to intimidate me with a stare, but I work out almost everyday and feel no guilt in whom I've chosen to be with. They see my confidence and strength and I really think that it deters them from getting too worked up to do anything about it.

I won’t even get into how hypocritical it would be when you take into consideration how often bm are seen out with ww. Now this is not to say that I take her on outings to Compton or Watts, or are planning on moving to the South anytime soon. I am not completely removed from reality; I understand the history involved and do my best not to get too crazy with public displays of affection. I do that much to appease their damaged and fragile egos.

Just wanted to let you and other women who read your site know that there are many wm like myself who are very open to dating and marrying bw. At the same time, you (like my wife did) have to make it clear that you are open to IR dating. Most wm will not bother approaching you in a romantic way unless the invitation has been offered. The media has told us time and again that you are not attracted to us. All we hear about bw from the media is that you want a "baller" (rich), a "mandingo" (big penis) or a "soldier" (Thug? Physically strong?), so we assume that you are not interested in a relationship with the average white male, who may in fact be "pretty good" in all those areas you are looking for: financially stable, strong physically/emotionally, and very competent in the bedroom. We also tend to come with the irritating quality (lol) of sticking around when the kids come or when you need to go to the doctor or when you need financial help. Our mothers generally instilled these "values" in the majority of us, which is why as much as I'd like to be an irresponsible, grown-up-kid "playa, playa" type like I see in the music videos, the other side of me knows that I need to be a protector and provider for loved ones first.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. I think you know why I deleted you. You stop pretending! Just because a wm writes in and says something nice about bw, that means the message is fake? You need to work on your self esteem. The only pretender is YOU. Pretending bw can't meet a nice, employed, family oriented wm. That's why you instantly accused the message of being fake, because YOU can't conceive upstanding, mobile wm wanting bw. Sad how lost some ppl are....

Anonymous said...

Hi, first of all Snaps to you Sara for putting those super hunky images of Gerald Butler on here, he is SOOOO FINE!!!!
I just wanted to say, loved your article and agreed with a lot of what you had to say espcially the DOs and Donts list. That was very postive info and I loved your pictures of the couples.
I've dated both white men and black men before (some were good guys and some were bad angry guys on both sides, but I admit i was very immature and wasn't the best judge of character at the time i was dating these guys)One thing i can say is that whenever i did date a white guy, no one bothered us other than a funny glance from one black man who had a white woman on his arm. And one elderly white woman. I didnt get it and i didnt care. I was happy to go on my date.
I'm not in a realtionship right now, but I hang out with this Asian guy and this white guy at my job. We're all buddies. and the only snyde remarks I've EVER gotten were all from one female who is convinced I'm dating my Asian friend (he did kiss me once, but he's more like a brother to me, so it went nowhere) Truth be told, she's just mad because she wanted to hook me up with her brother, but I am NOT interested. My point is: not everyone is going to like you or who you date but it is really not as bad as some people are making out on these comments. There are a lot of Interracial couples here in OC, California so it's not as big of a deal around here and almost every black woman I see here, like 9 out of every 10 is with a white guy, asian guy, or a hispanic guy. And they be some cute looking couples too. lets remember it's 2009 not 1959 people, that includes black women are much more open these days so there's no need to fear interracial dating anymore.
I love Joyce Meyers who said from statistics that even if the whole world loved you, 10 percent wont: so my motto is why worry about what other people think, somebody out there is NOT going to like my interracial dating or possilbe marriage, but its my life not theirs and I am going to see, kiss, and fall in love with whomever is willing to love with whom i want. Also, my dating a man of another race, truely, truely has nothing to do with getting revenge on black men who date white women.
speaking of which: The majority of the black men here date women of other races which is fine, But what I Hate is when I'm in the grocery store and i feel two eyes burning into the back of my head and I turn around and see an insecure black man with a white woman mad dogging me like a nut case, practically demanding i get upset about it. I just keep on walking and YES i have seen the disappointed looks on their faces when i dont react.
NEWS FLASH, I dont care. First of all, I want my own man, not someone who is already taken.
And second, I want a man who wants ME and finds ME attractive, and vice versa. I am still waiting on my prince but when i meet him I know it will be right because it will be a relationship based on love not on some sick need to feel better about my insecurities. I want someone whom i can enjoy spending time with and laugh with, someone i can cuddle with and whisper sweet nothings to, reguardless of his skin color.
I have been taking my Christian walk with God more seriously and though I am not perfect in all my behaviors and thoughts, one of the things my eyes are being opened to is that there is only one race, it's called the Race of MANKIND. its a totally weird new way of looking at the world but it is also totally freeing and I like it, it's also another reason why I say, date who you want to date, your true love could be any skin color.

I think that more and more people are starting to see each other for the individuals they are and not for their skin color and so there is definately going to be an uprise in interracial couples.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Maddissun said...

I love your blog! I was just looking for interracial pictures (I'm writing an interracial romance) and I need bodies for visualization. And I started reading and I couldn't stop! And I don't read any blogs but my own!

Sister, you are telling the truth. It has only been since last month that I came to the realization of what you have said in this blog.

I am no longer angry when I see bm with ww. I don't hate them, I don't despise them, (I still kinda see bm as sellouts who have no right to preach black power) but I don't feel this overwhelming resentment anymore. Because that bm who's with that wg has no idea what he's missing passing black women over for some white/hispanic/asian woman.

I see it all the time where I work. Successful, talented black men role into my store with non-bw on their arms.

I just laugh now, and shake my head, because one day, I'm going to walk up in my job with a fine vanilla prince and flaunt him in the face of every black man I see.

I love white men, they just seem more romantic, more loving. I am so sick of this gangsta thug mentality that black men have. Slavery is OVER, we have the opportunity now to do something BETTER with our lives! Yes, the man still exists, but for GOD'S SAKE, you can get an education and rise ABOVE that! Stop hanging around your front porch! Stop BEING there every time I ride by! Stop bringing them white girls to family functions! And by God, white girls, STOP trying to rock to Soulja Boy! It's not working!

Anyway, (rant is done) I'm looking for love, and I'm looking for it in all the right places.

Girl, I have to tell you, you are preaching to the choir. And I really appreciate your blog. I have been trying to educate my black sisters for a long time. When I see a group of all-female black girls walking in the male, then see a white girl followed by two, three black guys, I know the times have changed, and black women have to stop holding out for that IBM that doesn't exist.

But you hit it right on the money when you said don't hate them. Don't be anti BM, be pro BW, and by God, date that vanilla dream!

Take his fine a*s right on home to Mama!

Anyway, I LOVE your blog, and you have a faithful follower from now on.


Anonymous said...

It's 30/m/los angeles again.

LOL at people thinking my post was fake. Every single word was TRUE, and I'd be more than happy to send in photos to verify...

Just let me know where to send them Sara

And to the post above me, it sounds like you are dating white men to "spite" black men. This is definitely NOT a good reason and I'm pretty sure this is not what the blog is about. How about changing your view to being open to dating "anyone" who you are attracted to and who treats you with respect and love. I mean it's good you've gotten over your anger at seeing bm/ww relationships, but take the next step and get over your resentment towards bm too. I mean just because I date bw it doesn't mean I resent ww. I don't feel one way or the other about them.

cool_splash1 said...

When did she say she resented black men?

Taylor-Sara said...

30yr wm, you can send the pics to:
If you don't want your name included, simply say so, And I will post them as Name withheld by request....or 30yr/wm...