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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

"At least I have a daddy!" (The short story of one little girl)





























This is a short story to illustrate how the lack of a good father in a child's life can impact them in numerous ways. Many little children are growing up without the benefit of a loving father in the home, and it is taking it's toll. Sometimes in unseen yet, not-unfelt ways. Studies show that little boys who grow up without fathers are far more likely to engage in criminal behaviors, get into drugs, drop out of school, and have numerous societal problems, including low self esteem, and dismal academic records...

Little girls are more likely to engage in 'pressured sex', get involved with low class males (low as in low values, not income brackets) have trouble forming solid relationships, suffer from low self esteem, and suffer feelings of abandonment, that may follow her through life. Both sexes are far more likely to suffer financially, and grow up in poverty....

The following short story is just an illustration of how this lack of a good father hurts our children even when they don't tell us........

Beep! Beep! Beep! The sound of the alarm from mommy's room was loud through the thin apartments walls. Shayla turned on the thin rail bed, and waited for mommy to come get her. Moments later she heard her mother's tired steps outside her door. Monique pushed the card board light door open and peeked in tiredly at her child.

God what was she to do? How had she gotten herself into this! she wondered for the 100th time. Between the twins and Shayla, she was struggling like she had never dreamed she would as a young girl. Neither of the children's fathers had married her. Her girlfriends all said blk men did not get married anymore, and to forget it. But she had believed everything the men said, and now she was paying the price. God, she was paying the price! Why hadn't she listened to Mama. Mama had told her men would say anything to get what they wanted, but that women were the ones stuck raising babies alone! God, I was an idiot! She thought sadly. She looked at Shayla's precious little brown face. How am I going to take care of me and her and her two brothers? She wondered again.

Just then, Shayla turned and looked up into her mama's face. Monique quickly pasted a smile on her face and pulled her 5 year old from the thin mattress. Shayla tried to give her mama a brave smile. She was terrified of going to this new school, but she had to be a big girl. Mama had enough problems already. Many times Shayla would hear her crying at night through the thin walls. Her brother's were often oblivious to Mama's moods, but as a female, with strong intuition, Shayla knew things were very bad. For instance, Often Mama would not eat claiming she was on some new diet, but when she looked in the cupboard, she always looked frightened. So Shayla knew they were low on food, and she was saving what little there was for her kids. When the apartment was cold, Mama would give them blankets and tell them to stay in the kitchen. She never turned up the heat. And when the phone had gone dead, Mama did not call the repair people. Shayla had concluded long ago, that they had no money and were what the TV called 'poor' The thought made her sad, especially hearing Mama cry at night. That made her the saddest of all. Now she was to go the this new school, and she was sad and terrified. Mama had told her to be on her best behavior. Some friend of hers had gotten Shayla in this fancy school, and she was not to cause any trouble. An hour later Shayla was wearing a new-used dress and standing at the door with her freshly scrubbed brown face waiting for Mama expectantly. Her tightly coiled hair was clean and freshly braided and her loafers looked almost new. She wrung her small hands trying to gather strength, as her brothers Kevin, and Devin jumped off the thread-bare couch, and zig zagged around the small apartment like it was a race track. Looking at them made Shayla dizzy. They had so much energy-and they always seemed to be in motion. Mama came from the back and glared at them. Both boys instantly stopped in their tracks, and turned into gentlemen. All shouting ceased as Kevin opened the door for Mama, and Devin took his sister's bag and lunch pail. Mama nodded her approval and jerked her head toward the outside. All three children followed her quietly, the day had officially begun.....

Larry Jones smiled at himself in the mirror. His dark radiant skin still looked almost as good as it had years ago. Although his middle had a bit more paunch to it. But his wife seemed to like him just fine. He was so excited! He couldn't wait to tell his wife Arlene about his promotion. Now he could move his family to Haldon Hills. it was an upper middle class area populated primarily by management leaders, lower level Executives and Small company bosses. His wife had wanted to live there for years, and now they would be able to. Arlene Jones poked her head into the bedroom in time to catch the secret smile on her husband's face. "Honey what're you up to?" She demanded. Larry swung around, torn between waiting for dinner to tell her, or telling her now. He silently decided to tell the whole family at dinner. "Later," he smiled secretly " I'll tell you t'nite" Arlene wrapped her arms around her husband, and thought back. How lucky she was to go for that little geek boy back in high school, when all the popular girls black and white were going for foot ball players, basket ball players, and ....well any kind of player. She had ended up with a wonderful husband and father for her children. He was exactly the kind of man her father had been.
" Mom!" they looked down to see their 5 year old daughter Tameka waiting impatiently with her hand on a very small hip. Her cornrowed hair was freshly done, and she was wearing a cute new jean outfit. She pulled her Avon girl gloss from the pink bag slung across her shoulder, and smoothed it on her lips, all the while still looking at her parents. " I need to leave now!" She reminded them bossily. "I don't want to be late. "Honey, daddy's going to take you to school ok?" Arlene asked her daughter. Tameka's pretty little brown face broke into a big smile. She adored her daddy. Larry smiled down at his daughter. "I'll be just a minute honey -meet me at the door in two minutes ok" Tameka nodded happily and ran down the soft carpeted stair. She couldn't wait to show off her big strong daddy. Moments later Larry took his daughter's hand and led her to their SUV. Tameka climbed in blew her mom a kiss. He watched her fondly. She was just like her mom, beautiful, confident and a natural born leader. The kind of person other people noticed and listened to. He wasn't too worried about her in this world-no he wasn't worried about his daughter at all....


Ten minutes after Shayla got settled into her class, she knew immediately who the ran the class. It was obviously a bossy black girl named Tameka (everybody called her meka) and her two friends. One black-Korean girl named Yoshi, and one biracial girl named Madison. All three girls were very pretty, very confident and very exclusive. The other kids walked near their table and looked longingly, but no one dared sit without an invite. She got the feeling that Madison was the richest, she wasn't sure why she got that feeling, but she did. But Tameka was definitely the one everyone, including the teacher seemed to defer to. As she thought about this, the girl named Yoshi swung her long black hair around and caught Shayla starring. She smiled, but it really wasn't the friendliest smile. It was more like a sizing one up smile. She patted the seat next to her. Her beautiful slanted black eyes looked catlike and amused. Shayla was scared to move. The leader of the group had not said she could take the seat. Should she take it? Just then Tameka turned and took in the situation. She looked at the seat, looked back at Shayla, and nodded without smiling. Shayla practically ran to sit down before she changed her mind. "You new?" Tameka asked. Shayla nodded shyly. "This school costs a pretty good penny" Tameka informed her. "how'd your folks swing it?" With that question, Yoshi, and Madison leaned in as if on cue. Shayla's heart began a fast beat. Obviously Tameka was sizing her up to see if she was good enough to be in her group. What would she say if she knew Shayla had no father, and her mother struggled just to put food on the table? "Are you a grant, or scholarship recipient? Tameka asked nosily. Shayla gulped. She didn't even know what that word meant! But obviously it had something to do with her being poor. What should she say? She thought about lying but she knew she'd never get away with it. She sighed. "my mom has a friend who got me in...." she murmured quietly. Tameka nodded sagely. "I thought you looked too poor to be here" She finished rudely. Madison giggled, but Tameka shot her a look that shut her up fast. "Do you have a daddy? " Yoshi asked in a quiet whisper. She was winding her long shiny hair around her small golden fingers. Shayla fought back tears. Where did they get the right to ask her all this stuff? What was this the kindergarten snob club? She shook her head furiously. Trying to keep the tears from rolling down her little brown cheeks. Yoshi looked at her with a mixture of compassion and haughtiness. "my daddy's Korean." She said proudly. "He teaches at the University and he speaks three languages!-He's so smart and handsome! " She waved a tiny yellow arm in the air, and smiled. Her softly slanted eyes looked luminescent. "Oh, your daddy is cute." Madison cut in, brushing Yoshi's father aside with a swish of her little hand. " But he's not as handsome as my daddy. My daddy is white and he's the head of his company! - he's strong and handsome and takes us to the beach and everywhere!-and he-"
"So what" Tameka cut in. "My dad's the biggest, the handsomest and the best of all! " -Know what he gave me for Christmas? She asked dramatically. The girls fell silent, they knew she really didn't want guesses, she just loved a dramatic pause.

" A doll house he made from his bare hands!" She smiled triumphantly as her two friends gushed about how great that was. But Shayla could tell they still secretly thought their daddies were the best. "My dad taught me to speak Korean" Yoshi added. Now I can speak two languages and-"
"Oh, your dad ain't all that Yoshi!. " A little eavesdropping light skinned girl named Allison, baited- angrily.
"His eyes are all slanted, and he's too short!"
Yoshi jumped to her feet, her long hair flying behind her. She furiously snatched up the smaller girl by her wrinkled blue shirt and looked her in the eye.

"At ...least...I ....have...a....daddy!!!" She told the girl slow and coldly. The smaller girl jerked away from Yoshi. Her eyes were filling with tears.
"Well my dad pays child support for me" Alison said " He loves me and-"
" And he Never bothers to see you!" Madison ripped into her coldly.
"You're just jealous because he has a new family and new kids, and he's not thinking about you, and your crumb-crusty brothers!" Allison was shaking her small head in denial, but her tears were telling a different story.

Shayla hung her head, and wiped her own tears. She knew exactly how Allison felt, and why she had tried to put down Yoshi's father. She was jealous.-and so am I! She thought sadly. She was only half listening as the teacher passed out crayons, and gave the rules for using them. Why don't I have a daddy? She wondered, and how come Allison didn't either? She knew she would have given anything for a daddy-even if other people thought he was ugly -he'd be handsome to her!, She didn't care if he was korean, or white, or black as tar. She Just Wanted A Daddy!!!
And she didn't care if he didn't give her Yoshi's beautiful hair, or Madison's gray eyes, or Tameka's beautiful chocolate colored skin. She just so badly wanted a daddy. A warm loving man she could brag about, and get lunch money from with big bear hugs. Was that too much for a little girl to ask for? She buried the pain deep inside along with all the other hurts and pasted a smile on her small brown face as she took her crayon and drew an imaginary family. One that had a big strong loving daddy in it.....

Ladies this kind of scene goes on all the time in America. The races of the children change. The time changes, and the faces change. Still the type of conversation and the lives shown here are lived by little kids all the time. Think about this for a moment. Think of all the ways your life has been made better by having a good father, or made harder because you didn't. I know many bw are doing it on their own, but I also know how much easier the way is with a good husband/father in the picture. I had a wonderful father, and I thank God for it everyday. Because of his love and protection, I was sheltered, cared for, listened to, and loved. I had a great childhood and always felt special because daddy told me I was. How many precious little girls/boys are missing that these days? Think about this story, and then ask yourself one simple question:
Would you want your child to be Shayla???

66 comments:

Lena said...

I feel bad for little Shayla and I feel blessed that I have a loving father and mother. That is why I plan on getting married before having little children of my own.

Single mothers are usually poor only super celebrity single moms are wealthy!

That is why I get really mad at men talking smack about single mothers! The men who impregnate women and fly the coup are cowards and irresponsible.

The men stupidly act as if these women can impregnate themselves. I think these men have the blame game and victim mentality down to an exact science!

Anonymous said...

Hi sara.
love the story. You're a really good writer. But I hope you write a part 2 so the little girl can get a dad. That was so sad....

cool_splash1 said...

Single mothers are usually poor only super celebrity single moms are wealthy!

That's why I trip out when I hear ww wanting to do the single motherhood then look for daddy kind of thing (I'm talking about career women). These women think money can help them, but when 1. They have sons how are they going to raise them to be men as a man would teach him to be a man? How can she relate? 2. They have daughters. Yes girls learn from mom how to become a woman, but girls learn from dads how a man treats a woman.

Plus most don't realize money is cool. It helps, but whose going to give you a break (without you having to pay for it) when you need it. Sometimes mom just wants a quick time out.

Also many ww who are chose this route find out something else bw already know. It's damn hard to date let a lone find a man who wants a women with kids.

If they are starting out career wise or even college they will have to work so hard on college/work, and later work until their kids barely see them. When they do they are usually tired and maybe going off on them for no reason.

My mom went through this with me.

I actually saw a book online about women purposely raising boys alone so they can raise them to be more like women.lol I actually saw one where a woman said she could raise a son all by herself without a man in his life period. Are you serious those boys are going to want fathers in their lives. When interviewed these boys talk about how great mom is (because they love their moms)but many don't say what they really feel about not having dad. They probably do and they are ommitted from the book or paper or even tv so that women think aww look what she did. She did it. Raise a boy to become a man without a male influence.

And Girls like I said mom is going to be a huge influence, but when it comes to dad she is going to feel secure, protected. He is going to teach her how men should treat women by the way he treats the women in his life. Mom might say she's beautiful and that she's doesn't have to settle etc. But dad can say what boys are like at a certain age (even when girls don't want to listen)Dad can teach her to love herself and find a real man and what a real man looks like.

My dad died when I was 3, but I was lucky to have uncles, grandparents, other family. My mom always made sure to get me around the married couples (especially the older ones) That was the biggest lesson of all. Sure wouldn't go by the ones of my generation.

Anonymous said...

"Studies show that little boys who grow up without fathers are far more likely to engage in criminal behaviors, get into drugs, drop out of school, and have numerous societal problems, including low self esteem, and dismal academic records..."

And the feminist sees this as an opportunity to make home life a living hell for the father so he would leave and the nuclear family is broken and morph into a single parent female headed household where the female becomes the academic genius and the biggest winners in society. Woman rule!

cool_splash1 said...

And the feminist sees this as an opportunity to make home life a living hell for the father so he would leave and the nuclear family is broken and morph into a single parent female headed household where the female becomes the academic genius and the biggest winners in society. Woman rule!

How the hell is a woman going to make a man leave? Hell half weren't there to begin with. The problem is if the woman is having to do this he probably isn't mentally in the home if he is living there. Baby you need to learn what a feminist is and isn't instead of what you think it is. Plus sounds like you got mama issues hon.

If a man can't be a man so called because a women wouldn't let him be a man then he wasn't that much of a man to begin with.

S said...

Unfortunately, i see this all the time...usually black women with their black kids, no ring on either finger,sporting a stroller and a sad frown on their face...it's like "you didn't notice all the other black females BEFORE you sporting the same look!? yet here YOU are"...the hell?
I mostly see this with black women and white women with their biracial kids and it's beyond sad.
When will they learn?
It irritates me as well because they make the rest of us look bad no matter how much we try to seperate and distance ourselves from those "types" and boy do i try, people see colour...
Some black guy even had the nerve to ask me if i had kids and i said no and he looked shocked...i'm 20 years old! kids? what? me? i'm not even married!

I know when i have kids one day i will be married and have a loving husband who will be a great father, not a minute before then will i have kids.
How do we wake these women up? i'm sick of seeing them pushing their big ass strollers on the tube or any other kind of public transportation, alone and angry with their four kids.
They just keep popping up everywhere and the women are looking younger and younger.

Sad.

Taylor-Sara said...

S. That's the thing I always wonder. Did you think about the aftermath? Didn't you see all the other women who look like you in that situation? What about the children-do you think it's fair they won't have a father because you foolishly decided -HE HAD to be black??? I mean this is tantamount to fishing in a ocean full of 50 different kind of fish, and bypassing them because you ONLY want bluefish. You only have a certain amount of time, and if you don't find the bluefish, you plan to do what?.... go home empty handed? (SMH)

Allegra said...

BW have GOT to start making better choices in the quality of men that they let into their lives. It is just amazing how BW will say, "yeah, girl, we got back together for a little bit and I got pregnant again." If a BM disrespects you once, why in the hell would you let him back into your life for round 2? And what about the children that sit and hear you two going back and forth arguing like it a Wimbledon match? If he was triffalent the first time with baby number one, he is going to be triffalent with baby number two, three, and so forth and so on. Because he knows that you will not demand respect for yourself and your children, so he knows he can run game on you again and again and again.

I want to make another point that ties into the last blog. It just amazes me that BM like Ice-T or this NFL player Hank Baskett, I just read who is engaged to a former Playmate, who was Hugh Hefner's girlfriend named Kendra Wilkinson (who is pregnant)will choose WW of this caliber--and by this I mean I don't read doctor, lawyer, teacher, educated, professional, etc. Yet, there are countless educated, smart, beautiful BW that they will pass over with the quickness. And mind you, these are WW that they are MARRYING! Not just their babymamas!
And there are BW still saying that they are waiting on a BM? Unreal. I know, personally, several BW who have went with a BM, got pregnant, he left, he went with a WW right after her, and married the WW. Several.

BW have got to wise up, especially where children are involved or are going to be involved. Because, let's be real, for a quality mate these days, it definitely will not be a BM.

Sara, you are right on with these blogs!

Anonymous said...

My mother is a single parent. She is also a business woman and no where near poor. Also, I have all the support of my other family members. I fall nowhere near the statistics you listed. Im sure my mom would have married my father if he wasn't engaging in criminal activity. On top of all I have God, and He is the best Father that anybody could have and will never stop loving me, disappoint, and He will never let me down. He breaks no promises and tells no lies. I believe that women should get married before they decide to have a family, but I believe that God has blessed me so that i have not fallen into those statistics. I am getting my education and I know well what type of man I want, and it is not a thug or a gangster. I want a God fearing, Christian man who has goals and stability.

The Intellect said...

I am a little confused by this story and even some of these post on this site. It seems to me that the mixed children are being put on a pedestal. IMO, those children are brats and I would be sorry to have them for children. The way they were to cruel to the other students was appalling. If their parents weren't so caught up in moving to the "better" subdivisions, then maybe they would instill some humility and compassion in them.

I would be honored to have a child like Shayla. She is self aware and in the end she will probably rise above her cicumstances and do much better than the mixed snobs.

What is more, I do not understand this obession with constantly blaming the BM for everything. Yes, they can be no good and leave. But as smart BW, don't you see this before you sleep with someone. Not to offend anyone on this site but WM can/do the same thing as BM, it just goes unreported because of social and eoconmic factors.

All in all, as someone who grew up as one of two in my group of friends with fathers and mothers together to this day, I would not dream of rubbing that in my friends faces nor would I use that as a means to shame anyone. I think people need to really look below the surface of this short story and see it for what it really is IMO: Another form BM bashing.

I am all for interractial relationships b/c I believe that is where this world is headed, but to down the men in our own ethnicity is not a healthy way to promote such relationships.

Therefore, I will continue to frequent this blog, make comments, and learn from your other readers. I am still young (21) and don't know much about relationships yet but knowledge and true understanding of the races and sexes is all I want to learn.
Keep up what you doing!!

The Intellect

www.yougottea.com

sky said...

anon at 3:48

"I fall nowhere near the statistics you listed. Im sure my mom would have married my father if he wasn't engaging in criminal activity. On top of all I have God, and He is the best Father that anybody could have and will never stop loving me, disappoint, and He will never let me down. He breaks no promises and tells no lies."

That's great and everything espeically about your mom and yes GOD is our HEAVENLY Father, but a biological father needs to be there too. He was placed there for a reason, even Jesus himself needed to see what a man should be like and Joseph was his example. There are too many children without a leading example of what a man should be! I see your point don't get me wrong, but a man needs to be there.

Its the same type of conversation I hear at church, "since you don't have a husband, Jesus is your husband for now until the other one comes along". For the record Jesus IS NOT your husband! Jesus clearly described himself as a friend, savior, Son of God,the light, the way, the truth, and the lamb. I have yet to read anywhere that Jesus said that he is a husband, homeboy,etc. This kind of talk keeps women single thinking that they must get right with God first before they can even get married. This is just another way of saying that there is something wrong with you and it's because you and God don't have a perfect relationship. *eye roll*. so we have 40+ year old single women in church trying to get "right with God" thinking that's how they'll get their husband, another wait and pray mentality.

but back to the topic, I have no idea what is going on in the schools, because when I grew up I think just about all my friends had a father present in their lives, even if the parents were divorced the father was still there involved. I can't imagine the countless children in school NOW who have no idea who their father might be/haven't seen since whatever age. It's a cycle that needs to be broken. My own father never knew his. He met him twice in his life once as a child and 2nd when he was heading off to college. He vowed he would never do that to his children, cause not having a man present, he had to learn things on his own. My father has kept that promised even when my parents divorced! he wasn't there just physically, he was there emotionally and finanically. Children need to have that in their lives.

Anonymous said...

No, but to hear Black men tell it, they LOVE Black women, no they RREALLY do...................


Lies, all lies.

Allegra said...

For people who see something wrong with saying something negative against BM, I would like to invite you to any BC in any city--Chicago where I live, for example. Go on the South Side, into neighborhoods where there are 100% BP, for example, King Drive Blvd. or Cottage Grove Ave. And I would like you to listen to what is coming out of BM's mouths. Pay particular attention to what they are saying to each other and to BW. You will see that BW don't need to bash or make BM look bad, they are doing it all on their own. And I don't know about no other BW out here, but I am not about to uphold a BM regardless of his behavior or condone it just because we share the same race. If other BW would like to do this, by all means, knock yourself out. But for me, the loyalty ship sailed long ago. And yes, WM or other non- Black men can be triffalent as well, but keeping it real, definitely not at the rate BM do. The problem today is that there is a PATTERN of horrific behavior coming from BM today. Furthermore, I, as a middle-aged BW, have never had a non-Black man speak to me about "BW are queens" "Respect the BW" and calling me "sista" then act totally opposite. Again, pattern of behavior and subsequent actions.

Some BW will still, after all is said and done, think that BM will get it together one day and will wait on them to do so.

Good luck with that.

cool_splash1 said...

The way they were to cruel to the other students was appalling.

I knew black children with both black parents that did this. Dude they are 5. Haven't you heard that kids can be cruel. Well yeah they can. Kids can be way crueler than adults. Little kids don't think about the fact that another child doesn't have mom or dad and that hurts. They just think why do you not have one and then go on about how great their mom are dad is. I remember getting into contests about how our moms were the best etc.

Lena said...

You are awesome Allegra!

Helloworld! said...

This is the most despicable thing I have EVER read! My husband DIED 3 years ago, after we'd had 2 children, and I was pregnant with our 3rd. This story reeks of a trifling, arrogant, unsympathetic, non-empathetic, insecure little girl that if her dad died would fall apart, and NEVER recover. This speaks volumes in the relationship that women have with one another.... hate, envy, arrogance, jealousy, and rudeness.
If I EVER found out that one of my children behaved like this, I would smack their little behinds.
Be careful with the arrogance of a father for your children, you may be called to the hospital, and discover that you are holding his hand while he takes his last breath.
This whole concept that mothers can't raise whole, responsible, loving, capable, children is dangerous, and ridiculous. I am raising my children alone, after having been married 10 years to a loving man, which just so happened to be white. But he's gone now, and I have to take the reigns. No we're not poor, actually he made sure we could live very nice, but he's still not here. My children are doing very well, and if one of their friends said some crazy mess like this to them, I would hunt the parents down, like animals, and curse them out, like they'd never been cursed out before.
This story is sick, sick, and sick!!!!

Anonymous said...

@Allegra
You can talk negative and point out all the negatives 24/7 black people will always mostly be living together, procreating together, and either living well together or wretched and embittered and violent and derogatory with each other. Question is, when do black people as a collective begin to teach successive generations self-love and respect for each other? The old time common courtesies are long dead and gone. Swept away by divisive social movements. People are now divided up into self-serving interest groups along gender lines etc. Everybody behaving like I don't need you, I don't see you, you don't mean zit to me. Let's see where we go from here.

Taylor-Sara said...

Helloworld,
If this innocent little story is the most despicable thing you have ever read, I am seriously concerned for your mental state, and the physical safety of your children. You don't even sound remotely sane. Some ppl can take the smallest thing and make it into such a big deal. I'm just not even going to go there with ppl who lack the mental capacity to see a child's story for what it is: Just a story! Of course I understand things happen, and daddies go away. All the story is suggesting is that women not VOLUNTARILY put themselves in a position to have no father for their children. The fact is: no matter how some ppl deny it, FATHERS ARE IMPORTANT!!! But if this innocent little story got you this upset-I would strongly suggest that you see someone...

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. 3:48
PLENTY of bw take care of children all by themselves, work, go to school, and even start businesses and do quite well. All the story was suggesting (And this is proven-not theory) is that women who are single mothers are far more LIKELY to be poor, and have a much harder road in life. No one is suggesting that succeeding is still not possible. Plenty of sistas are doing it. But it's going to be much harder...Seriously some of you women need to calm the hell down-this is just a story for God's sake!!!

Lena said...

Sara keep doing your thing. The trolls are just too stuck on stupid to realize that nothing they say or do is gonna stop the movement.

The trolls always come here to defend black men which is rather sad because those same black men are mocking their female apologists behind their backs!

cool_splash1 said...

Question is, when do black people as a collective begin to teach successive generations self-love and respect for each other?

You mean when will black women as a collective begin to teach successive generations self-love and respect for each other? Well we are doing that now and that's the problem. Where are the bm for all this teaching. In order to have black unity, black family, black love you need the counter part as well.

Anonymous said...

look up these names they have black girlfriends Damien Fahey, Adam Rodriguez. Russell Wong has a biracial daughter. Zoe Saldene has a white boyfriend. Hope to see the pictures soon.

Anonymous said...

Taylor-Sara said...
S. That's the thing I always wonder. Did you think about the aftermath? Didn't you see all the other women who look like you in that situation? What about the children-do you think it's fair they won't have a father because you foolishly decided -HE HAD to be black??? I mean this is tantamount to fishing in a ocean full of 50 different kind of fish, and bypassing them because you ONLY want bluefish. You only have a certain amount of time, and if you don't find the bluefish, you plan to do what?.... go home empty handed? (SMH)

Yeah, and added to that is the fact that all the other times you were served bluefish you ended up with a wretched case of food poisoning, as did just about all of your female friends. Yet here you are, a glutton for punishment, still fishing for that awful bluefish.

Anonymous said...

Wow Anon, I didn't know any of those guys were dating black girls. Thanks for letting me know. I had a HUGE crush on Damien Fahey but I figured his GF would be some non-BW not a black girl.

Anonymous said...

Sara,

You write wonderful stories. Go on a get a book deal!

Anonymous said...

@cool_splash1

"You mean when will black women as a collective begin to teach successive generations self-love and respect for each other? Well we are doing that now and that's the problem. Where are the bm for all this teaching. In order to have black unity, black family, black love you need the counter part as well."

Actually you are not teaching black women self-love, but to love all things white. As if black girls haven't played enough with white dolls. Now you're all jumping and cheering to get a white prince in a disney cartoon. Where are the black men? Here they are:

“Future Black Men of America, Inc. (FBMA) is an organization designed to improve the quality of life for African American males. We hope to improve their chances of success by encouraging them towards success in education, emphasizing the importance of morals, values, ethics, and spirituality, and by empowering them to become socially and economically responsible for our society.”

http://www.futureblackmen.org

I bet you still have something negative to say about that. Black men just can't do no good.

Allegra said...

@ Lena,

Thank you for the compliment.

@ Anon 6/11 9:15 P.M.

Again, I don't have to talk negative or point out the negatives 24/7 of BM, they do a fine job themselves. And as far as BP will always be living together, procreating together, etc. Well, that goes without saying. But I don't know where you live, my dear, but here in the Windy City of Chicago, it just isn't with BM. I work in the Loop, which is downtown Chicago, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't see BW with non-black men. EVERYDAY!! So apparently, as even you look at the pictures on the right of this blog, BW are living together, procreating together, living well with somebody else.

As for BP teaching successive generations self-love and respect for each other, well, hell, we (BW) have been trying to do so. The problem is while we are teaching self-love and respect, BP today haven't been listening because most of them don't want better. YOU have got to want to be a respectable BP as well. It can't all just be about teaching. At some point, you have to say to yourself, "this can't be all there is to my life....being a uneducated, underemployed, nothing." I have got to change. The problem is that a lot of BP don't want to change. On a job interview, there is a question that is asked: where do you see yourself five years from now? Do you want your answer to be: "man, same old thang...slinging dope, hanging on the corner, and have five more babymamas? Or, "still with my Link card and with five more babydaddys?"


Yes, let's see where we go from here. But again, like I said earlier, nobody is going to wait on BM or the BC to do so. It is already 2009 and there is no improvement. It is like looking for your favorite salsa at Jewel's and they are all out. Are you going to stand in the middle of the aisle and wait and wait and wait for them to get some in? Again, I can't speak for no other BW, but not me.

I'll be at Dominick's.

Lavette said...

Excellent story Sara! I can see this happening on any given playground or classroom setting, it's shame that children can be this cruel to one another.

I guess not are the DBRBM's are afraid but there are also some sisters whom are afraid to see black women date out too based on the comments made calling for black unity and so forth but this pitch seems to be always made to black women and not to black men and it's now a broken record falling on deaf ears.

I don't feel your site is black male bashing Sara you like Evia and others are passing on valuable information to black women so that we can make better choices for our lives and to know and understand that we do have choices available than what we've been given in the past.

Helloworld! said...

This is not the worst thing I've read, but the worst thing I’ve read on this site...let me clarify. And my disagreement with this INNOCENT little story is that this is how bitchy women are raising their little girls. It's sad and disgusting. Women have no empathy for anyone else.... we just hate, demean, and act cruelly to one another. I agree that BW should look to men of other races to marry, and establish families with. I've only dated wonderful wm, but to come up with a story that pits girls against one another actually says something about your psyche. It reeks of insecurity, and down right hate. What's wrong with empathizing with one another, and extending a hand instead of being cruel and nasty?

Lynn said...

@ Allegra
She said: "It is like looking for your favorite salsa at Jewel's and they are all out. Are you going to stand in the middle of the aisle and wait and wait and wait for them to get some in? Again, I can't speak for no other BW, but not me.

I'll be at Dominick's."


Hilarious....I am still laughing. I am also in the city of Chicago, work in the loop and everything you have said is spot on!

Anonymous said...

This is the eternal problem for us as BW. In the minds of the Black male worshippers, speaking of:

The hateful lyrics aimed at BW in rap music.

The disgusting levels of violence aimed at BW by BM.

The horrible street harassemnt of BW by BM.

The fact that many BM date and marry non-BW at extremely high rates and constantly harp on how these non-BW women are so much "Better" than BW while the vast majority of BW are staunch "Nothing but a BM" types proclaiming the darker the better.

The fact that BM in the entertainment industry push BW aside in favor of White women and Latinas once they get some power.

Is considered "Bashing" of BM when it is simply telling THE TRUTH. As if saying it is raining outside is "Bashing" mother nature.


BW need to seperate from the BC, period. All it cares about is BM, not us.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
cool_splash1 said...

"If I EVER found out that one of my children behaved like this, I would smack their little behinds."

How could you? I mean you would miss a lot of work and other things you have to do. So much happens in a day at school. It's funny what people choose to forget once they become older. What kid hasn't boasted of a parent to another kid back and forth. That's because when kids are little you are perfect to them. They don't see flaws and sure will tell how their mom are dad does this or that.

cool_splash1 said...

Actually you are not teaching black women self-love, but to love all things white. As if black girls haven't played enough with white dolls. Now you're all jumping and cheering to get a white prince in a disney cartoon. Where are the black men? Here they are:

I am teaching these things? Says who? Because what I see in the black community and even when I was in the Rights of Passage is bw ending up teaching the black boys along with the girls. The point of the section for boys was to get teaching from men how to be men, but instead the women end up doing it based on what we think men should be because those men who could volunteer didn't. Chew on that one.

Actually you are not teaching black women self-love, but to love all things white. As if black girls haven't played enough with white dolls. Now you're all jumping and cheering to get a white prince in a disney cartoon. Where are the black men? Here they are:

Honey my mom always bought me black dolls. The main people buying me white dolls were the bm in my family. Hell my mom made me black cabbage patch dolls and other dolls while I was growing up. I don't worship white and I don't think many bw in here do. I look at men who treat me with respect whatever the race. And don't bring up the you are in a white man/bw Ir group because then I would have to say no this is an IR group. And why are you here anyway hon? Oh my giddy aunt a non black prince that finds a black girl desirable. Blasphemy I tell you

“Future Black Men of America, Inc. (FBMA) is an organization designed to improve the quality of life for African American males. We hope to improve their chances of success by encouraging them towards success in education, emphasizing the importance of morals, values, ethics, and spirituality, and by empowering them to become socially and economically responsible for our society.”

That's good. But they also need to learn to respect bw. They learn how to treat bw from how they see the men in their lives doing so.

cool_splash1 said...

BP today haven't been listening because most of them don't want better.

As I said before bw are teaching this and that is the problem. You keep saying bp. Honey in order for bp to do this you need your men not just your women. A woman cannot teach a boy to be a man. We might like to think we can, but in reality we can't. Boys have a way of thinking about things we just don't understand and will look to those that they can look up to that are like them. Meaning men. Think about it mom teaches her son to respect bw/all women. He's like mom says this when he's little, but then he gets around either boys his age as well as men and what they say he's going to take to heart and use more than what his mom has said.

cool_splash1 said...

This is not the worst thing I've read, but the worst thing I’ve read on this site...let me clarify. And my disagreement with this INNOCENT little story is that this is how bitchy women are raising their little girls. It's sad and disgusting. Women have no empathy for anyone else.... we just hate, demean, and act cruelly to one another. I agree that BW should look to men of other races to marry, and establish families with. I've only dated wonderful wm, but to come up with a story that pits girls against one another actually says something about your psyche. It reeks of insecurity, and down right hate. What's wrong with empathizing with one another, and extending a hand instead of being cruel and nasty?

Goodness. Sorry, but seriously that has nothing to do with bitchy women. They are FIIIVVVEEE!!!. These girls are doing what most children do boast about their parents. Hell and boys are even worse about their dads. Do you seriously think a little five year old even knows what empathizing even means?

If you haven't already you seriously either need to think back to when you were little or hang with some kids. I guess I realize this, becuse I was picked on for so much it's ridiculous, but that's life. Someone is going to find something to make fun of someone about. Some didn't think anything of it they just assume every kid lives the way they do because well it's their world. Like how some kids are shocked that their are kids who homeschool etc.

sorry for all the posts

Helloworld! said...

Goodness. Sorry, but seriously that has nothing to do with bitchy women. They are FIIIVVVEEE!!!. These girls are doing what most children do boast about their parents. Hell and boys are even worse about their dads. Do you seriously think a little five year old even knows what empathizing even means?


Ummm, these children aren't five, this is a story made up by an adult woman. This is a story; at least that's what she said. Sorry, but 5 year olds don't behave like this. I've had two 5 year olds, I've been the room parent to many 5 year olds, and when my 2 oldest were 5 they had many sleepovers with other 5 year olds...sooooo I actually know tons about 5 year olds. This story is told from an adult woman's perspective, and this is how SHE thinks.
And to say 5 year olds don't know how to empathize is ridiculous. Have you ever seen a 5 year old fall on the playground at school? Watch how the Calvary is called, and just about every little one will come to the aid of that hurt child. Let a 5 year old throw up at school, every 5 year old will come to the aid of that other child, and they will comfort that child until an adult comes to help. So yes 5 year olds know how to empathize. That is until their crazy parents get a hold of them, and start to tell them how much better they are than other children. Until parents belittle other people in front of the child. Then yes they lose the ability to empathize.

Taylor-Sara said...

Helloworld, I'm REALLY worried about your children! They're obviously being raised by someone with some SERIOUS issues! You mean to tell me that you cannot see how crazy you are acting over a story no one forced your insane ass to read??? 5 year olds act like this ALL THE TIME! What exactly are you saying? The fact that I wrote the story means that I'm a evil or something?? I've had enough of you. You have crossed the line. In case you did not notice. This is MY BLOG! and nobody told you to bring your incoherent self here! First you go crazy over an innocent story like it was about a Nazi concentration camp, and then you start attributing nefarious reasons for writing it. Your just too crazy to have a rational conversation with, and you've got to go! Please for the sake of your children get help-before we read about them being drowned in a bath tub!!! ---Because you truly sound like a time bomb about to go off!! Also, please leave my blog-I have enough trouble dealing with the wounded, I have absolutely no skills to deal with the insane....

S said...

Totally off topic but i was watching E!news today and they were showing all of Brad pitts exes...you know, gwyneth paltrow etc....i thought it was funny how they didn't show Thandie newton who he was with for awhile and she is quit a big actress now and they also didn't show mike tysons ex (forgot her name) who later got together with brad...i just remember thinking to myself that no way were they going to show thandie because she is black and i was right.
Showing nice, wholesome,aryan Brad with a negress! making black women actually think we can be loved by a nice white man...nooo, we'll have no such thing! instead we'll continue on avoiding and ignoring BW (especially nice decent ones) in the media like the plauge, afterall, what would the world come to if BW were shown in a positive light! horror!

Taylor-Sara said...

Hi. S.
Did they mention Robin Givens because she is also one of his ex's.

Lorraine said...

Wow, don't know how I missed this one. Well, unfortunately this does go on all the time. When the American Girl Doll series character "Addy" started school for the first time, she encountered a girl with the attitude of the three combined. It is a stretch but Addy was an escaped slave now living in the North and dreamed of being like one of the mean girls until she encountered her young venom filled mouth. Children can not help the circumstances in which their parents plact them. They do and repeat behavior they learn and see at home (and from their little friends - followers).

I believe this story has an underlying message about/to women who have foolishly chosen to be single mothers. Or chosen to sleep with lowlife men who had no intentions of marrying or being a father and provider to their children. Fathers with families including small children (and pregnant wives) die everyday. The difference is that those children learn as soon as they can comprehend that they had a noble father who died for their country or in the line of duty or by some other means than their own hands. They grow up proud to have had a wonderful father even though he is not there. This poor little girl, Shayla knew nothing about her no good dad other than he was not there and learned that she too would be the scorn of kids who had a father in the home. This does not have to be a black and white/ either or analysis. There are many variables. But there are social, geo political and cultural consequences to the children, community and society in general when individual bad choices are made. I think it they call it 70% of black households headed by single, never married women.

PS: If Mike Tyson hadn't threatened or intimidated Brad Pitt, he may have ended up with Robin.

S said...

Nope, they didn't show robin givens either.
I thought ATLEAST- MAYBE they would show thandie newton who is a bigger star than that gilbert grape actress they showed who was only with brad for a short period of time.
I thought it was obvious and quit telling how they avoided all of his black girlfriends yet showed unknown white girlfriends that weren't even that huge back then or now.

S said...

And i do not agree with above comment from Lorraine on the last statement about Brad.
I don't think he would end up with her or any black woman for that matter because of the media and his career.
I'm sure he would have loved to but back then he was still on the rise now he is huge and i doubt that would work well with Hollywood and rest of the liberal nazi's ::rolls eyes::.
Oh, and George clooney used to date a black woman yet we never heard about that (back in his E.R days)...
I guess it's a stigma attached to dating a black woman, especially in hollywood, it just doesn't mesh well i guess.
The guy from grey's attonomey (totally killed the spelling) is dating a cute black woman yet we never see or hear from them and he is quit big, not like some unknown z lister or anything yet nothing...
it's just weird, especially if the black woman is good looking (see:not overweight,loud,obnoxoius) we never see pics of her! God forbid!
It really makes my blood boil sometimes.

Anonymous said...

Hey Lorraine,nice way to blame Black women for the fatherless epidemic in the Black race.

Black men getting off scott-free as usual...................

Anonymous said...

I'm so tired of people making excuses about these Hollywood actors who date BW but end up marrying non-BW at the end of the day. It happens so often that it's irritating. I just think they dont want to marry BW because they know it's a bad career move. Look at Gerard Butler. Most of his past GFs have been BW which made most of his fans mad, now he is dating an indian girl who he seems to be getting serious with and people seem to be more happy with his choice.It's the same with that Matthew McCounaghey actor. Even though they are with non-WW to most fans atleast they are not BW!God forbid that ever happens!

Allegra said...

I would like to respond to the reason why I keep sayng BP. The reason, my dear, is that while yes, we definitely need BM to step up and be men...I totally agree, BW, as I have said before, need to think real long and hard when they decide to lay up with these BM. Because, sweetheart, if doesn't respect before you sleep with him, he won't respect you afterwards. And then you are pregnant by him, and then you have to deal with him for a very, very long time. IF HE COMES AROUND! BW are not stupid...then stop acting like it. That is the reason why I keep saying BP. Because if as BW we make better choices for mates, husbands, life partners, etc. then we would have better quality of men around our children.

cool_splash1 said...

I would like to respond to the reason why I keep sayng BP. The reason, my dear, is that while yes, we definitely need BM to step up and be men...I totally agree, BW, as I have said before, need to think real long and hard when they decide to lay up with these BM. Because, sweetheart, if doesn't respect before you sleep with him, he won't respect you afterwards. And then you are pregnant by him, and then you have to deal with him for a very, very long time. IF HE COMES AROUND! BW are not stupid...then stop acting like it. That is the reason why I keep saying BP. Because if as BW we make better choices for mates, husbands, life partners, etc. then we would have better quality of men around our children.

But what does this have to do with bp? Because frankly if you are talking about bw focusing on improving themselves etc. then you aren't talkinga about bp as a whole.

Same with black men. They need to uplift themselves. Just because we choose to be careful, not sleep with DBRBM, start all doing the Rules etc. doesn't mean that they are just going to turn around and start working on themselves and become good men. That's what bw have been told would happen in the past. Most bought into it and more crap happened.

cool_splash1 said...

That's sad if wm actors are not dating/marrying bw because of career advancement. I hate how Rob D's wives weren't shown or even his black girlfiends, but at least the man married the women that he loved instead of what Hwood or audiences would think.

Oh and the dude on Grey's anatomy has like 4 or 5 children with his black wife.

But that also goes for black women who are afraid of what the bc/bm might say or do. It's our life.

If I hadn't found Evia's site I wouldn't have known that Ivan Sergei or that Rob D has been married twice and two bw.

Another thing is that many women go after the actors and not the ones in control.

Anonymous said...

I think that is why dating a white man is a turnoff to SOME black women - the appearance of them being *afraid* to be linked to a black woman. You see how white women endured the loss of family and reputation by marrying black men, but they still married out (although there were more than enough lying on black men and causing strife), but SOME white men are protrayed as afraid to lose their inheritance or *face* for dealing with a black woman. That is a turn-off to some black women - like I said when I started "SOME", not all. Frankly, it would be a turn-off for me - shows a lack of strength and character.
My ex (white- ex because we grew apart, nothing else), went through the whole ordeal of his friends dropping him, name calling, etc just to be with me - a black woman, but he rose above it - he decided who he loved was more important than what others thought of him. He is still my best friend.

Allegra said...

But what does this have to do with bp? Because frankly if you are talking about bw focusing on improving themselves etc. then you aren't talkinga about bp as a
whole.

Same with black men. They need to uplift themselves. Just because we choose to be careful, not sleep with DBRBM, start all doing the Rules etc. doesn't mean that they are just going to turn around and start working on themselves and become good men. That's what bw have been told would happen in the past. Most bought into it and more crap happened.



BW are BP correct? Then yes, BP does include BW. I didn't say BW need to "improve" themselves. I believe, young lady, I said BW need to make better choices. And they do. THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS BLOG, RIGHT? And as far as BM uplifting themselves, well as we can see in 2009, that ain't gonna happen anytime soon. Because quite frankly, you have BW who will put up with their disrespect and non-sense and willing to wait on them to get it together. BW with some sense will have moved on. Because like with anything in life, if it isn't working, it is time to bounce. And I don't know if you have the right person, sweetheart, because you have NEVER heard or read from me that I said because when BW who decide to not sleep with DBRBM then BM will come around. Never said that. I said for BW to move on. I agree that some BW are waiting on that, and that is fine. As I said in my earlier post, then by all means, knock yourself out. And honestly, who cares if BM turn themselves around? If a BW cares so much about that, then why is she on this blog that clearly talks about dating and having relationships with non-BM?

I believe that what I said is that "BP aren't listening because most of them don't want better."
Now, I see I said MOST, I didn't say BP as a WHOLE. Again, never said all BP. If I thought that, then why in the world would I be on this blog? Makes no sense. And yes, the "BP" comment, again, can be broken down to this: "most BP" includes BM who, right now, evidently and apparently, are not going to change anytime soon. And the BW who pacify and upwhole their behaviour. That is the "BP" I am referring to.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. I'm totally confused how you went from a topic of a little girl longing for a father to 'this is how some bw are turned off...' I don't get it, what one has to with the other....

I would suggest to everyone if you are not interested in the topic at hand, that you post on a post that at least resembles what you are referring to....

Anonymous said...

"You see how white women endured the loss of family and reputation by marrying black men, but they still married out (although there were more than enough lying on black men and causing strife), but SOME white men are protrayed as afraid to lose their inheritance or *face* for dealing with a black woman."


Yay for the loving and open-minded white wimmins--too bad most Black women are not interested in marrying them. And hiss, boo, hiss to the ones lying on da po ignant black mens and causing them strife. Boo-hiss to da white mens too for not being brave enough to be with us Negroes like da great & wonderful white wimmins be.

Gosh, you BM sympathizers are trying newer and even more transparent tactics.

Anonymous said...

One thing would save time and effort is when someone states in their post any amount LESS than "all of x are y" please refrain from accusing them of saying "all of x are y". It really is tiresome BS when you have to reiterate what was already clearly stated just because someone is trying to distract others from the true focus of the post.

cool_splash1 said...

Anon. I'm totally confused how you went from a topic of a little girl longing for a father to 'this is how some bw are turned off...' I don't get it, what one has to with the other....

I would suggest to everyone if you are not interested in the topic at hand, that you post on a post that at least resembles what you are referring to....

She referring to my comment about white male actors not dating/marrying black because of what audiences might say etc.

Yay for the loving and open-minded white wimmins--too bad most Black women are not interested in marrying them. And hiss, boo, hiss to the ones lying on da po ignant black mens and causing them strife. Boo-hiss to da white mens too for not being brave enough to be with us Negroes like da great & wonderful white wimmins be.

Gosh, you BM sympathizers are trying newer and even more transparent tactics.

Anon she is not sympathizing with bm/ww she is referring to the post I made above.

The post below
-----------------------------------
That's sad if wm actors are not dating/marrying bw because of career advancement. I hate how Rob D's wives weren't shown or even his black girlfiends, but at least the man married the women that he loved instead of what Hwood or audiences would think.

Oh and the dude on Grey's anatomy has like 4 or 5 children with his black wife.

But that also goes for black women who are afraid of what the bc/bm might say or do. It's our life.

If I hadn't found Evia's site I wouldn't have known that Ivan Sergei or that Rob D has been married twice and two bw.

Another thing is that many women go after the actors and not the ones in control.
-----------------------------------

I do think it's the media that likes to show this. The thing is too we don't have black women who are execs. Now I see why ww went for the men who were the heads of companies like Universal etc. as well as the producers.

You know I do think the change came when ww started getting into the film industry as studio heads.

As for empathizing with other kids. Yes when a kid falls etc. others come to help etc., but when you try to get them to put themselves in others shoes that's another thing.

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 2:43 pm, LOL! And of course you are correct. These BM sympathizers are everywhere and they are always working on new tricks to try and trip sistas up with.

Coolsplash, yes she IS defending BM & WW!

Lorraine said...

To Anon,

Nowhere did I blame bw or give bm a pass. But these women will have to use their heads if they know that these men are no good dbrs with children sired all over the place. I know what I am talking about. How many of the 11 mothers knew that the man they were laying down with had 20 or 21 other children? How many of them knew he was an uneducated fool who would not or could not take care of their children? I am not giving the dbrbms a pass my any means, but women have GOT to be SMARTER than that.

Do you suggest that the women are not partly at fault? In most cases, they made the choices to be with these no goods. Yes because of negative messsages they receive from the b/c and society in general, but I received those same messages and still had too much respect for myself never to become a baby mama -- especially to someone who had kids all over the place. Yes, these women are 1/2 the blame in most (not all) but most cases.

Taylor-Sara said...

Exactly Loraine, I mean at the end of the day WE are responsible for our own choices. Only the mentally deficient beleive someone is to blame for their actions. BW cannot afford to have their heads in the clouds. If he is no good, he is just no good. Don't let him touch you with a ten foot pole. Too many ppl in this world want to blame others for things going wrong in their lives. Yes many bm are lost, confused, and damaged. That's why you must VET them and all other men.....

JaliliMaster said...

To the poster who mentioned Russel Wongs half-Black daughter. He is now married to an Asian woman. Yes, he as a biracial daughter. Her mother was a dancer(she was born in 1988). All that says is that he screwed a Black woman and she got pregnant. Nothing else. So did Thomas Jefferson and Strom Thurmond! He really isn't the best example to use, is he?!

And to the poster who was moaning about the story.....kids boast about their parents all the time. They even lie about their parents job to impress ther friends. Boys are even worse at this e.g..when boys say to each other...."My dad can kick your dads ass!". "No, MY dad would definitely beat your dad in a fight", etc. It's nothing new! The shame for this character in the story(Shayla) wasn't that her father wasn't there. It was that she had no father. A child who loses their father at a young age doesn't have the abandonement issues that is experienced by a child whose father was absent/rarely ever around. Atleast the child whose father passed away knows that their father loved them. The child whose father left knows that their father didn't love them, or didn't love them enough to stick around!

JaliliMaster said...

" Anonymous said...
My mother is a single parent. She is also a business woman and no where near poor. Also, I have all the support of my other family members. I fall nowhere near the statistics you listed. Im sure my mom would have married my father if he wasn't engaging in criminal activity. On top of all I have God, and He is the best Father that anybody could have and will never stop loving me, disappoint, and He will never let me down. He breaks no promises and tells no lies. I believe that women should get married before they decide to have a family, but I believe that God has blessed me so that i have not fallen into those statistics. I am getting my education and I know well what type of man I want, and it is not a thug or a gangster. I want a God fearing, Christian man who has goals and stability."



Folks like you really crack me up. So in other words, your mother 'thought too highly of herself' to marry your dad because he engaged in criminal activity, yet she had no problem opening her legs numerous times and popping out his babies. You may not want to admit it, but your mother is symptomatic of other Black women who only choose to apply common sense to their decisions AFTER the fact. Which was the bigger commitment, marrying a guy or having kids with him? If his criminal behind didn't stop your mother from being with him, continue to sleep with him and getting pregnant by him, you are delusional if you are trying to convince anyone that your mother made sensible deciosions. Honey, belive me, she didn't! I know its harsh, but someone had to tell the truth!

cool_splash1 said...

Anon @ 2:43 pm, LOL! And of course you are correct. These BM sympathizers are everywhere and they are always working on new tricks to try and trip sistas up with.

Coolsplash, yes she IS defending BM & WW!

We must be reading two different postsl, because what I saw wasn't defense of bm/ww. she was responding to a post I made on a couple of other posts.

___________________________________
S said:
"And i do not agree with above comment from Lorraine on the last statement about Brad.
I don't think he would end up with her or any black woman for that matter because of the media and his career.
I'm sure he would have loved to but back then he was still on the rise now he is huge and i doubt that would work well with Hollywood and rest of the liberal nazi's ::rolls eyes::.
Oh, and George clooney used to date a black woman yet we never heard about that (back in his E.R days)...
I guess it's a stigma attached to dating a black woman, especially in hollywood, it just doesn't mesh well i guess.
The guy from grey's attonomey (totally killed the spelling) is dating a cute black woman yet we never see or hear from them and he is quit big, not like some unknown z lister or anything yet nothing...
it's just weird, especially if the black woman is good looking (see:not overweight,loud,obnoxoius) we never see pics of her! God forbid!
It really makes my blood boil sometimes."
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Anonymous said...
"I'm so tired of people making excuses about these Hollywood actors who date BW but end up marrying non-BW at the end of the day. It happens so often that it's irritating. I just think they dont want to marry BW because they know it's a bad career move. Look at Gerard Butler. Most of his past GFs have been BW which made most of his fans mad, now he is dating an indian girl who he seems to be getting serious with and people seem to be more happy with his choice.It's the same with that Matthew McCounaghey actor. Even though they are with non-WW to most fans atleast they are not BW!God forbid that ever happens!"
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cool_splash1 said...

Then I said:
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"That's sad if wm actors are not dating/marrying bw because of career advancement. I hate how Rob D's wives weren't shown or even his black girlfiends, but at least the man married the women that he loved instead of what Hwood or audiences would think.

Oh and the dude on Grey's anatomy has like 4 or 5 children with his black wife.

But that also goes for black women who are afraid of what the bc/bm might say or do. It's our life.

If I hadn't found Evia's site I wouldn't have known that Ivan Sergei or that Rob D has been married twice and two bw.

Another thing is that many women go after the actors and not the ones in control.
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Then I added that

I do think it's the media that likes to show this. The thing is too we don't have black women who are execs. Now I see why ww went for the men who were the heads of companies like Universal etc. as well as the producers.

You know I do think the change came when ww started getting into the film industry as studio heads.

As for empathizing with other kids. Yes when a kid falls etc. others come to help etc., but when you try to get them to put themselves in others shoes that's another thing.
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Anonymous said...
"I think that is why dating a white man is a turnoff to SOME black women - the appearance of them being *afraid* to be linked to a black woman. You see how white women endured the loss of family and reputation by marrying black men, but they still married out (although there were more than enough lying on black men and causing strife), but SOME white men are protrayed as afraid to lose their inheritance or *face* for dealing with a black woman. That is a turn-off to some black women - like I said when I started "SOME", not all. Frankly, it would be a turn-off for me - shows a lack of strength and character.
My ex (white- ex because we grew apart, nothing else), went through the whole ordeal of his friends dropping him, name calling, etc just to be with me - a black woman, but he rose above it - he decided who he loved was more important than what others thought of him. He is still my best friend.
"
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I get what she is saying, because I said it a while ago or something to the affect. Hell look at Tyra she did a segment on her show about a bm/iw ir couple and how the woman was disowned from her family. Many other shows love to show this especially in the 90's as well. But on her show the bw that married the Asian man so her kids could have good hair etc realized she did not really love her husband (I didn't watch that ep, but those who did said that it was like she kept trying to get the woman to that.) (I haven't really seen postive bw/ir on her show anyway. I really don't watch that show after a few eps I was through.) That is the most romanticized ish I've ever seen.

cool_splash1 said...

But you didn't see that much of that about wm/bw or bw/non-black men, because we weren't dating out in the numbers we are today or even considering it. Yeah it sucks for a chick to be disowned from her family, but (maybe that's just me)a man mans up and claims the love of his life even if others don't approve and sometimes that means being disowned or separating from family or community. Many men around the world do it all of the time.
In other words it's punkish behavior. But bw have to be careful in just taking in what the media shows. Hell we all do. Because if we actually believe everything we see then Indians are light all over the country even though the majority are darkskinned

The thing is the media mostly caters to ww. So they are going to show how they valiantly left that racist family for the man they loved. I also noted that the bm most likely won't be diowned from family. I think that has to do with the fact that 70% of bw run the household. Women all over the world have a close bond with sons and fathers with daughters. Plus it's just accepted now. Plus what's he going to loose. Most of these families are barely making ends meet (Hell and I wonder why these chicks are willing to be disowned for a man who isn't really trying to be about anything anyway, but that's just me.)

You have bw all over the U. S. whose parents are showing racisim when they bring home a wm or any non-bm, but yet not the same with bm. Which is shocking not only to me, but other bw who are experiencing this.

If everytime you look at the celebs (and lets be real most people are influenced by what they do, because we hear about them unlike we do the average Joe)and you don't see bw/wm or when you do the guy all of a sudden flips the script and never dates bw or even marries them. Or dates them, but won't marry them then what does that tell bw. Hollywood isn't going to show men like Rob D and his wife or Sergie and his wife etc. And they also won't show bw/ir that aren't media. I wouldn't have known many business men (people that had big corporations)married to bw, because you don't hear about that.

Oh and not to mention the bc constantly telling black girls/women that wm/non-black men just want them for sex and that the only men that find them attractive is bm (and I'm sure even though they don't say it is confusing, because if this is true where are the bm and why are they treating us like ish)?coupled with images of bm heroically going in to take that ww whose family disowned her and she noblely went went him on his white/black (whatever horse)but yet telling black girls no wm/non-bm would be willing to do the same is hurtful and ugly. What they should be telling them is any man that does this is a punk and unworthy of them instead of making her feel unloved, unwanted and undesirable.

That's why I loved Evia's post on looking for men who are established and finacially secure. And leave men alone who are punks. Leave these guys alone that have no control over their image/career.

And that's also why I added that many ww went after the studio heads, execs and producers and actors who have control over their image and career. I don't know if I would want to do something like that, but I get it. They go after the ones who control everything not the ones that are controlled.

Sorry kind of longwinded

cinquetta said...

The short story is true. I grew up without a father and sometime without my mother. My self image was low not until in my late 30's. I decide to love myself. If I don't who will. Not having a loving support father and does not matter if you are male or female. You need that a father a loving parent to raise a health loving confirent person. BTW is the story complete if so where can I find complete copy.

Taylor-Sara said...

hi cinquetta, actually I was thinking of writing a second part but wasn't sure I would or not. I think some ppl are not ready to KNOW what it's like to be a fatherless child....

Anonymous said...

Lorraine, your ilk kill me. Instead of blaming Black women for seeking love, how about blaming the Black bums who take advantage of her good heart because they know they can?

Black male protectionism rears it's head yet again..........

starvenomore said...

Very interesting story. I enjoyed it. I just have on critique as a writer myself. I think the girls should have been older. The dialogue is a bit complex for 5 year olds. Maybe a preteen age 10-12 would been better. So they'd have a little more of the maturity to pull off that conversation as well as the youth and innocence to get the point of the message across. Otherwise it was a very telling tale. And very true.