Help!-my family hates my fiance because he's white.....

Two Happy sistas celebrate with their new husbands..............

The following is from a young lady addressing a panel in regards to her IR. I thought it was perfect for our forum so I posted it here. As you can tell, she really loves her family and feels deeply conflicted about the way they are acting toward her fiance. She had no idea they even harbored such hostility toward WP, and has no idea how to deal with it. If you were in her shoes what would you do? There are alot of ppl out there wondering this same exact thing.....

Here is her letter.

How do I convince my grandparents and aunt that marrying a white man will be okay when I am a black woman?
I am currently dating a white man who is a year older than me. My grandparents and aunt (who I consider my real parents) seem to treat him as if he is a little slow, when he is not or as if they do not feel comfortable around him. For instance, whenever he comes over to my house, especially around the summer at family reunions, everyone stares and laughs and does not introduce themselves. I have to make the introduction and when I do, they just stare through him. One of my family members at the family reunion laughed in front of him and made reference that he was white... I felt so bad. I know he feels uncomfortable about this, but he always tells me that he loves me. I never thought that my grandparents and aunt ever had a problem with white people. I grew up in an all-white neighborhood, attended a school with a population of 95% of the kids there being all white; with a few blacks, Indians, and hispanics. All I have known are white people...in fact, my stepmother is a white woman. I do not live with my parents because my father told me that he no longer wanted me. So, the issue, obviously since I am living with my grandparents and my aunt is with them... the problem is convincing them all that things will be okay. My grandparents and aunt never seemed to have a problem with me having white friends over or hanging out at the mall with them, so I never pressumed that all of this would go down! They have always treated all of my white friends as if they were a part of my family (at least that is what it seemed). I DO have some white people in my family as well. My grandparents and aunt have always told me to marry a man who treats me with respect, but when I brought home a white man, it was like to my aunt that I disowned my race. She said that 'I was only dating a white man, because I felt insecure about myself and that there are black men that know how to treat a black woman right.' I told my aunt," Then why aren't YOU married at all or married to a black man?! and she said nothing!" She always talks about how when she was my age how she dated a black man, but things never worked out! However, I do have a lot of black friends and hang around all of my family members who are mostly black.... I just never found the right black man for me. Some of my cousins said that they were not too surprised with me because I always acted too proper and that I was always so book-smart! When I dated a black man before he was just too loud, over controlling, and treated me like I was his DOG.... So, I was like, "Hell, no, honey, this is not working out... so, we split." I am a very quiet, conservative person. My black friends at school seem to feel the same way about things, such as it is okay to be friends with white people, but talking about marriage is another thing. I am just about to graduate college this year and my boyfriend has already graduated last year. What are some suggestions in dealing with my situation and convincing my family that he is a good man and that they should learn to accept him for who he is (and not because they only see his color)? I was really shocked because my folks are Christian and have always raised me to have an opened mind about things, so I thought perhaps now they are not so Christian as what I thought. It breaks my heart, but if things do not work out I do not want to tell him it was because my family does not accept white people, when in fact like I said before, I DO have white people in my family. It is really odd the way things work out in my family........

So what would you tell this young lady who obviously loves her family, and does not want to alienate them, but wants to marry this particular man. I would tell her to go with her heart. She may need to reduce the contact she has with her family until they get the message that this type of divisive, belittling behavior will not be tolerated. If they really love her (which I'm sure they do) they will try to tone their racism down, and make an effort to be more 'open'. If you are struggling with a similar situation, just remember that time has a way of healing all wounds, and that IR marriages with black women/white men have a very high success rate. Second only to Asian women/white men and nearly opposite of black men/white women marriages, which have a very LOW success rate. Think about it, there is absolutely no societal, or superficial benefits in these two ppl being together. Therefore love is the great and often only motivator in these couplings. If your family is giving you a hard time, ask them what is more important what the BC thinks or your happiness? Hopefully they will come back with the right answer, but even if they don't move on, and know that YOU are the only one who can live your life, and it's imperative that you live it for YOU.............