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Monday, January 26, 2009

Black love is DEAD!- and Pres. Obama cannot revive it!!!

Black Love is DEAD! Find a man of ANY color to give you the love, adoration, and marriage you deserve!!!

Many women don't understand logical prescient thinking. Logical prescient thinking means that you can look down the road and see how today's behavior is going to affect you in the future. For some unknown reason many ppl seem unable to engage in this deductive type of thinking.

Many women are still of the misguided belief that having a black/biracial president means that bm will suddenly straighten up and take their rightful places back in the lives of their children and become the upstanding, men of integrity they always could have been.
I say WAKE UP! President Obama is a wonderful role model. And yes it's been wonderful seeing the love on his face as he gazes at his wife. However, many of you will NEVER have a BLACK MAN LOOK AT YOU LIKE THIS!!! I know this is a hard pill to swallow for many of you. But it is nevertheless true. It is so true, I feel compelled to repeat it. Many of you will never have a black man look at you like this!!! Stop wasting your precious lives on men who are never going to change! Stop wasting time on men who do not want you! Stop wasting time on men who are not worth wanting!!!

President Obama, although a wonderful role model, cannot change the misguided, thinking of millions of ordinary bm because, as a great poet once wrote: The threads of habit are too thin to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. In other words, mistreating, and ignoring bw has become so commonplace, many bm do it without thinking twice. It has become so ingrained as to be an unconscious part of their lives. What many women do not understand is that, your daily actions make up the material that shapes your life and makes you into the person you become. If a man has been taught by self or environment to treat women well, and give the fairer sex the utmost respect, than that is the mode of behavior he will express to the world. However, if a man has been allowed to mistreat women, and engage in all manner of malfeasance in regards to women, (and even encouraged to, as in the BC) then chances are that he will end up as a reprobate with few redeeming qualities, and of use to NO woman.
If a man is not going out of his way to love and protect you, to offer to provide for you, and your offspring, to work hard so that he may afford to spoil you, then you are a fool if he should turn around and see you there!!!

Many bm today simply do not WANT to do more! And getting upset about it will not change that. Having a great black/biracial President will not change that. The only thing that can change the mediocrity many bm are wallowing in is THEM!!! Please stop expecting President Obama by word, deed, or image to change millions of no-count bm into good, upstanding non-color struck vessels of manhood. It will simply not happen. He is a man, not a magician. Please stop thinking that because he chose an elegant, regal, educated bw for his wife, that millions of bm will suddenly start holding us bw in high esteem. That is NOT going to happen! In fact the reason millions of bm wanted him to win in the first place was so that THEY could be held in higher esteem, and have more access to non-black women. Please wake up, and do not deceived.

The other night I was watching a program on Fox. And they were talking about how Pres. O. had told fathers to get back in their children's lives, and to be FATHERS! He mentioned how they were acting like boys and not men, and how pronounced this problem had become in the AA community. The wp on the panel concurred wholeheartedly, much to my embarrassment. But what was far more embarrassing, was the fact that one bw began to spout how blk fathers could not be in their children's lives because they LACKED THE RESOURCES!!! (LOL!) While the panel of ppl looked at her in disbelief, she went on to explain that if Pres. O. wants to help, he should HELP BM GET BETTER JOBS, SO THEY CAN TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN! She then went on to say that bm could NOT be men in America because it was too hard for them economically! I was horrified and aghast to hear her make a plethora of excuses for grown men! It was lunacy. If millions of bw can take care of children all by themselves, while holding down (sometimes) multiple jobs, how in the world is it too much of a task for adult men to contribute monetarily, and stay in the child's life??? More lunacy....

I want bw to STOP trying to change bm, and MOVE ON!!! You MUST think about you, your children, and the life you are trying to achieve! You cannot change other ppl. You can only change YOU. Somehow other women seem to get this, but bw do not. Look for the BEST man you can find, and forget about his race and ethnicity. Your children will not care what color their daddy is, they just want a DADDY! It's funny to me that so many other women seem to inherently understand this. When I watch episodes of House Hunters, invariably, I will see Oriental, Spanish, Asian Iranian etc women who have had the sense to snatch up a good wm, and not worry about what their family and friends thought of it. They are happily shopping for their new homes, and laughing with their husbands, while too many bw will be shopping for a house to share with a sister or mother etc. But once again, of the 10-11 times I've seen a bw buy a house with a husband, on the show, he was once again *White* Only twice have I seen bw buy with blk husbands! But many times I've seen bm buy with non-blk wives. This is common and I think we all know it. What does this really say? I'll tell you what my interpretation of it is. I think these bm who had aspired to home ownership (and to be part of the American dream) *felt* that when you can afford to buy a nice house-you put a non-blk woman in it. I read somewhere (correct me if I'm wrong) that 90% of bm millionaires are married to non-black women. Yet some of you ladies continue to pine for BM, when they have made it abundantly clear that you are at the bottom of their list. It's wonderful that Obama is President but no, he will not change the thinking of millions of bm when it comes to their choice in women. Stop making excuses and MOVE ON!!

So lets recap what I am telling you here in case there is any confusion.

1. Obama's Presidency will not make a minuscule amount of difference in bm's dating habits.

2. Bm are NOT subject to change, and become loving family men because there is a man of color in the white house.

3. You must carefully scrutinize ALL men and find the best man for you REGARDLESS OF COLOR!

4. The pool of eligible bm who are non-color struck, gainfully employed, and possessing character and integrity, is shrinking daily. If you do not chose to date/mate out, you are LIKELY to find yourself old and alone!

5. Black love is DEAD! Except someone forgot to tell blk women! Forget about it, and concentrate on finding a Mr Right of ANY color who can love and provide for you and your offspring.
6. Having Michelle for the first lady is wonderful, however, bm have no intentions now or in the future, of having women who look like our lovely first lady lying about their pools. MICHELLE CANNOT make bm change their misguided, myopic, and color struck views!

My mentor calls this magical thinking. And that is exactly what it is. Make a declaration to yourself right now that you will not give the time of day to any man who has NOTHING to offer, and is simply on the TAKE. You will know such men when you encounter them because they will be wearing invisible tattoos that spell LOSER across their chest.....Give such men a wide girth, regardless of his race. Look ONLY for men with character and integrity (and a good job certainly helps) to spend your precious time on. Other women get this intrinsically. Let go of the unrealistic blk love dreams, and go find yourself a REAL man.....


Aphrodite said...

This is so on point and needs to be posted everywhere all over the internet at every black website!

"one bw began to spout how blk fathers could not be in their children's lives because they LACKED THE RESOURCES!!!"

It makes me cringe to hear BW "defend" BM when it comes to doing the normal/right thing. It is beyond heartbreaking.

"In fact the reason millions of bm wanted him to win in the first place was so that THEY could be held in higher esteem, and have more access to non-black women. "

And add so that they can continue/increase DBR behavior towards BW. I have read some insane bs on message boards that suggest that BM now feel that B.O. as potus means they get a carte blanche to be the foulest idiots that they can if he validates their DBR-ism in some way.

Just look at the stupid rap songs about the potus out there. When I listened to the lyrics I am just disgusted. Is nothing sacred? Why would you make songs about dealing drugs and sex with profanity and what not when talking about the first black potus? And think that it is normal and ok on top of that?

There is such a huge disconnect as if the average BM can't even see/understand that B.O. is not remotely like them in any way. They are beneath him. Its like comparing sh@t to roses. There is no comparison.

And even more disturbing is that some BW can't see that either.

"It has become so ingrained as to be an unconcious part of their lives."

You are so on point. You really said that.

I am at the point where I think it is just not worth it. BW should be encouraged to cross BM off completely. It will only end in harm heartache and disaster.

I interact with black men more now that I am at home and just last week I came in contact with a few and I can just see the loser imprint - two were colorstruck beyond measure.

I finally saw the fat WW social/sexual currency in action. I have seen ugly fat WW with BM before, but I in this instance I was editing pics and a carribean BM saw some of them over my shoulder. There were BW of all sizes and some were average and some were very attractive and when he sees this pic of a blonde obese WW whose face looked like it had a run in with a UPS truck grille making a very scary "sexy face" he says, "She's sexy."
I stopped talking to him.

Then I was getting gas two days ago and these two BM were in the station and to make a long story short one of them tried to force me to speak to him. He had his old BM buddy there too just goading him on. Like you know I am obligated to speak to BM and smile and let them in my space. This jerk actually followed me down the aisles, but I was too fast. The whole exchange was so foul and he was old as dirt with a freaking skullcap on. And he kept saying "she is such a good girl". I couldn't pay for my purchases fast enough.

I like older WM - at least they are age appropriate in dress and presentation. How old is to old to wear braids that stop 1 and 1/2" above the nape of your neck? How old is to old to rock baggy roc a wear jeans with matching hoodie 1 foot below your butt?

I am sorry to vent, but stuff like that puts me into a state.

sky said...

Thank you sara!

I am in a place that evia calls "living well". i recently just met a man who has a career, his own car, travels well, and has his own apartment (he's white) and whenever we go out, he looks at me the same way obama looks at his wife. i've never had a man do that to me. he holds me in public, holds my hand, opens the door for me, laughs w/ me, and doesn't feel embrassed by me.

im certainly am i not settling just cuz a colorstruck bm didnt give me the time of day. im w/ this man cause he treats me like a woman! and the best part about it, is that everyone around us can see it.

the other day i was w/ him at the mall and i saw 2 bw/wm couples at the mall. and like me, they were happy and celebrated in front of the world!

i want single bw to know there are men reguardless of color who are attracted to you!

mind you i met this man online, please ladies...if you have a hard time meeting men in the store, or have a hard time flirting, just go online. vet the men there just like you would if you were to meet them face to face.

i know this post is long sara, but i want bw to share the happiness i have right now! this year 2009 find a man who loves you for who you are!

BadBlackKitty said...

Dang Sara! I wasn't aware a thing called "black love" ever truly existed. I thought it was a figment of the CCBC's imagination. Since I've never been a part of that (not even as a teenager), I've never believed in it-because blacks never controlled my thinking. It's a phantom and stretches the boundaries of magical thinking, I do believe.

I've said it before and I will say it a thousand times, Barack Obama does NOT reflect black men in general. Barack Obama is an educated, poised, thoughtful, intellectually gifted biracial man who was raised by whites. He was not raised in, around nor of the CCBC. Anyone looking to Barack to change things is clearly delusional. Barack has nothing in common with 99.9999% of black men. He is everything I said above as well as a very loving HUSBAND and FATHER. Any sista looking for a Barack Obama better look for a man of another race because men like Obama in the black community are even more rare than the mythical, non existent unicorn. Barack is an anomaly. A rarity. A true wonder and completely antithetical to what black men are. Sistas need to get over finding someone like him in black skin because it's not gonna happen.

I say this out of love, reverence and respect for my black sistas.

Anonymous said...

This is so on point and needs to be said. Folks have been indulging in magical thinking with regard to President Obama and what his election means and expectations are out of proportion with reality. The election of President Obama means that the country has take a large step forward - but not all the ills of the mythical BC are cured. Personal responsibility is still the rule of the day. Self limiting behavior and erroneous thinking still carries consequences.

The message that the Obama's as a couple send to women is that - there are good, quality men out there and love is real - however that means keeping your standards high.

As a woman ONLY deal with and interact with men who treat you with respect, courtesy, caring, consideration, reciprocity and appreciation. DO NOT settle for anything less. Respect is not negotiable - it must be present from self respect to respect from others or nothing happens. Character, integrity and respect matter more than color.

Character is about actions - what a person does - how they act - regardless as to what they say, or how they dress. Pay close attention not just to what a man says but what he does - a man's behavior matters more. A man's actions must demonstrate respect, integrity, character, caring, concern, consideration and compassion - or he is not worth the time of any woman.


energize said...

Wooo…Weee Sara! The only time I have ever witnessed a bm change was when they got a note from their dr. that they were about to die. Those "black men only" women might as well wait for Jesus to come.

The word is out! I have spoken to several bw in my circle who are open to dating different races and encouraging their daughters to date multiple races.

Anonymous said...

I concur 100% with all of you ladies.

Case in Point. I was in the Student Center today and I stopped to talk with one of our mature bm
staff members. He said when he retire he would moved to Dallas(Am going to go hunting--for women) and he reminded me and the other people who was there that he was a widower. Of course, I know of the high rate of bm and other race women in Dallas. So, I began prodding him about the type of woman he was seeking. So, he said things such as no drama, no kids, etc. So, I had asked about the race of the woman. He didn't say anything. Then I began talking to a student and that is when he turned to the two young male students and gave them a reply and the three of them began to laugh. Me being me I continued to prod him about his perferences- yes, I know where this was going.
He finally said, "Why should I limit myself because half of my family is white and where do you think my name came from?
He must have taken after the darker tone family members. So, I told him everyone in here can say that, except for this one foreign student. Then he said, "Well I am only interested in Mentoring these two males? I said, "What about the female students?" Mr. P. takes a deep breath and says how can I mentor a female?
My reply was you can mentor them about business. He says it will start with business and then change to something else.
*Side Note...I told him at least three times typical bm talk. Mr. P. is probably hating my guts." Well, he says they the female students can do what we used to do when I was "coming up".. they can latch on to someone and that person can be their mentor.
And, on that note I said those days are gone and I walked out.

Yes, SOME bm are worth saving.

I returned to my office and I was trying to talk about what had happened with my Nigerian supervisor and she says nothing in defense of the young bw. But, she does think the other counselor may have some type of mentoring for women. She is the supervisor and does not know what is going on in the office.
And, then she had the nerve to remind me of her male mentoring meeting(In the beginning I was totally all for "Male Mentoring" and I even research some information...until I realize no one appeared to be serious about mentoring the young bw on campus. Maybe the other counselor?...WTF.

I feel sometimes that I am the only one with my belief that young bw on this campus needs to be mentored.

Sara, Evia and the other lady bloggers please keep up all the GREAT WORK.


Taylor-Sara said...

You are right BBK, it really does not exist except in the minds of some still hypnotised sistas. But I am doing my best to pull them from the Matrix so that they can find the love and attention they deserve....
Clarice girl, I just don't know how someone so young can be so wise, but you are certainly proof that it does happen....

Pamela said...

The only time I have ever witnessed a bm change was when they got a note from their dr. that they were about to die. Those "black men only" women might as well wait for Jesus to come.

I absolutely laughed out loud reading this one. I have tried to talk with some bw about the sheer numbers are against bw marrying bm. Some get it and some do not. I totally understand if they sincerely do not find men from other races physically attractive. However to wait for bm is a pipe dream, especially the older we get. For those bw that do find men of other races attractive I implore you to step out and get to know them. One of them may be the person you have desired your entire life. I have done this most of my adult years. I have not met the person I will marry YET but I'm convinced that I will because I refuse to waste any time with non-quality men of any race.

I never thought much about the black love mantra because I never approached romance by race. I just want a nice, honorable, responsible man that adores the ground I walk on and will do all he can to treat me well. That list can be fulfilled by any quality man that I find attractive regardless of race. May more bw approach their romantic lives like this. A lot more of us will be happier as a result. I'm convinced of that.

energize said...

BTW - I love House Hunters and noticed the exact same situations you did. The BW were hunting alone, with mom or girlfriends. ONCE I did see a bw with her white husband. On the other hand, bm ALWAYS had a non-bw mate.

"I feel sometimes that I am the only one with my belief that young bw on this campus needs to be mentored." - Ann

This is so true. BGs are the last on the list for any type of services. As if they should just figure it or fend for themselves.

Pamela said...

Over the weekend I had a discussion with my Mom. She happened to mention that it appeared to her that all the prominent bm that she has seen were all with ww. I told her that it is not just with prominent bm. I reminder her years ago about a couple of conversations that I had with my parents. I had stated that they should not be surprised if I brought a wm home to meet. I was glad to hear her respond that she would accept any man that I brought home. She knows I'm pretty hardcore on the vetting process and that I will not waste my time with fools. I know if my Dad was still alive his gentle sweet nature would take leave of him the minute I brought a fool home to meet. LOL He would feel the same.

However I know that family pressure is a major hurdle for some bw to get past. BUT if you are a grown woman you will probably make decisions that they will not like. YOU are the one living your lives, not your parents. To me this is a maturity issue. If anyone allows their parents or any others to interfere with their romantic pursuits (other than to warn about fools, monsters, predators and the like) they will never make it in a marriage. It is doomed from the start.

I forgot to respond to the reason that a bw made about not being in their children's lives because of the lack of resources. That is the most inane, nonsensical excuse I have ever heard. If she really thought that statement made any sense she is in a truly sad state.

Halima said...

I want bw to STOP trying to change bm, and MOVE ON!!!

This is the crux of it sara.

When you look at the behaviour of black women over the issue of black love and etc, its so clear to see that bw have been given their instructions, have been given the task of ensuring that the 'black love dream', comes to pass. Many have accepted it, nay embraced it, even knowing that 'numbers dont add up' on this one, they still pursue mission impossible.

Its as if they feel that undertaken this 'mission impossible' elevates them on the pantheon or something and that in no soon a time they will be celebrated and acknowledged as 'sheros' for their perseverence, that their reward is at hand or something (lol).

Will bw wake up? I think a thorough job has been done on many bw who are holding on for some reward for their selflessness, that they will not be able to. I believe that some will one day suddenly see that while they were so busy with the program, things changed and other bw have moved on. It will be a big blow!

Anonymous said...

AMEN!AMEN!AMEN! Sara you did it once again. I’ve been thinking about this for the longest, I just never said it.

“Many of you will never have a BM look at you like this!! Stop wasting your precious lives on men who are never going to change. Stop wasting time on men who don’t want you! Stop wasting time on men who are not worth wanting!!"

Kudos! I am so glad I was raised not to worry about what race of man to marry. When are BW going to WAKE UP! And realize that these men DON’T WANT YOU! I hate to say this, but most women in my country ( the Caribbean) are afraid of BM in America. The majority of them notice how these DBR BM treat the BW in America [we are watching].

“He is a man, not a magician”

Wooooo! Sara girl you are funny. I don’t expect Obama to change a BM, so why are these BW waiting on hand and foot to see if a BM will magically respect you as his wife, lover, friend, and mother of his children. It hurts to see BW sitting around waiting for their knight in shining armour a.k.a their IBM, and thinking “maybe if I change my hair or maybe if I change my personality” WAKE UP! it’s not you with the problem, it is those damaged BM. Every where I go: the Grocery store, Gas station, School, Work, Gym, or in the neighborhood ; I see these men blatantly disrespect BW with every breath, and these BW stand there and take it. Why? Why? Why? there are Fine White men, Hispanic men, East Indian men, and Asian men out there…….Yes I said it. Personally those are the types of men I am attracted to, and I won’t apologize for it.

“BM wanted Obama to win, so they could be held in higher esteem”

OMG! Sara get out of my head……lol For some reason you always know what I’m thinking. BM are very egotistical. There is a difference between being confident and being a horses’ azz. BM cross that line every time. When I was at my last job, there was this BM who was the manager of the hospital, and he was a true horses’ azz. Women would throw themselves at him (like he was the last man on earth), and he couldn’t imagine a woman not being attracted to him…until I started working there. To make a long story short; he could not stand when I would pass him by, and not make goo goo eyes at him. Six months into the job I was let go, and later found out it was because of him. Btw, the Director of the hospital ( a WM) said that I should have never been let go, and he shouldn’t kick people when they’re down.
Personally, I don’t think BM have it hard, they just like blaming somebody for the bad choices they make. They cry and pout about the “white man keeping them down”. Don’t you think the WHITE MAN would’ve kept Obama down, instead of raising him to be the respectful, courteous, courageous, considerate, humble, intelligent, loving father, and husband that he is today….tisk tisk…excuses, excuses. Shame on you, using BW like crutches instead of standing on your on two feet. Don’t you think BW have it hard enough being Black and a Women, but yet they seem to still rise above it all…holding down two, three jobs just to make ends meat ( like my mother), becoming mommy & daddy to her children when their father is no where to be found, and explaining to them why they have no father. But you cry “RACISM” when nothing goes your way….I’m sorry, but I’m not waiting for a man that will never change. Never have and never will. In the words of a commenter on a past post….you ARE the Weakest link, Goodbye.

By : Carib

Anonymous said...

That's the guy who runs His appearance was outed by video vixen Diznee today. Everyone - and I do mean EVERYONE - assumed that a guy with a site celebrating black female beauty and linked to Bossip was a black guy. Nope!

Anonymous said...

Since there were young bw in the
U C listening to Mr. P.'s conversation I wanted them to hear how he felt about bw. And, this educated fool did tell everyone how he felt about bw.
Some bw have to hear "it" for themselves.


Karen said...

Great post Sara. I went to a gathering a few nights after Obama won the election. It was with a bunch of only-the-brothas-type of black women and a few black men. It was so sickening to see the black women throwing themselves at the black men. My one girlfriend was there with this guy that she had been dating for a few years and she refers to him as her friend. The negro has not even made a commitment to her. One of the other girls has a bm who comes in from out of town who is her "buddy" if you know what I mean. These women are "over" a certain age. These black men dont want them. I was the only one not flirting so of course I got a little attention. And I happen to be telling my one girlfriends earlier (as we prepared food) that this is only going to make black men think they are the shit even more.

But you know one thing that Barack is doing by bringing Michelle into the white house? He is putting black women in the forefront. I was talking to a coworker (white) and he was saying that he thinks that she is really hot. Although he did say that he did not think that she was pretty in her early days. But a lot of white guys think that she is pretty. This white girl told me years ago that white men look at the shape of the eyes, the cheekbones, the lips, smooth skin, nice body and smile whereas black men look primarily at skin color!!!

Well the numbers are increasing!!!These negroes are going to be shocked when they see the increase of bw/wm marriage rates.

Velvet Queen said...

Very, true. This post was very insightful. Black women simply need to just accept the facts of reality. Black men are NOT as a whole going to start being responsible, and come home by the thousands to marry themselves a black woman. Ha, ha! The way many black men see it now is that “they're” in the White House, so now they power and control. But the truth is “they” are not. Obama is. And believe me President Obama in comparison to most Afromerican men are distinctly different. Many black men refuse to acknowledge the facts that Obama was raised by white people. He practically had a white fatherly role model. Now I'm not pointing that out to give superiority to white men but I am trying to make a serious point that seems to be continuously downgraded. Though I may not agree with many the beliefs Obama stands for I must admit that because of him in office, there is a great opportunity for all Americans, especially black people to get involved in their country and simply be Americans and quit whining about the past.

Anonymous said...

This white girl told me years ago that white men look at the shape of the eyes, the cheekbones, the lips, smooth skin, nice body and smile whereas black men look primarily at skin color!!!

Whoa! dead wrong! They look for thin, busty, long hair, blue eyes, if they like exotic- Asian, Islander would be the choice.

sistrunkqueen said...

don't waste your breathe these black women don't want change. If a good wm came to them they would not know what to say or do. It is reality some black women will be left behind just like they were during slavery. Some of them can't or won't wake up from this night mare.

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon 10:27 you are clearly a troll. Do ANY of the women on my sidebar fit that description? See ladies how they break their necks trying to convince y'all that WM do not want you. Now ask yourself why would they expend so much energy trying to convince you of this unless they were scared the opposite was true? Here this troll is on a BW's site telling us what wm want as if HE would know. When every man on this page is with a woman who does NOT fit that description! I get so tired of these cowardly NO-NAME trolls. Anon-kick rocks and slither back to your sorry ass brothas and tell them the gig is up!

Sandra77 said...

Sara, I was just thinking that DBR black men have almost become like another gender - a gender that embodies the worst "user" traits of men and the worst "user" traits of women. They show the wanton violent behavior and undisciplined sexual behavior of men and claim that freedom and lack of responsibility/accountablity of the worst kind of men, while at the same time exhibiting the lazy, selfish and manipulative behavior and exaggerated sense of entitlement of "kept" women. These DBR's are no longer really men, but they're certainly not women either. What on earth do I, as a heterosexual woman, want with an "hermaphrodite" of a man?!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

@ sistrukqueen you are right what is happening to some bw is a nightmare and the economy is not helping.


Taylor-Sara said...

Deleted Anon.
I don't think it's negative at all. I think it's just being realistic. Something many women are unable to be because they are tied up in emotion. As for the things you assumed about my life. You don't know what the hell you are talking about. That is not my situation at all, and I never implied that it was....PS. if you find the truth to be so hateful- that's fine there are plenty of sites that cater to the happily deluted, why don't you run along and find one.....

Aphrodite said...

Karen that description of the BW you know sounds so sad.

Sandra that is very insightful. DBR-BM - the new gender.

Taylor-Sara said...

No Anon. you did not strike anything. In fact that was as far as I read before I deleted you. Thanks for coming by to say nothing-good bye now....

cool_splash1 said...

If millions of bw can take care of children all by themselves, while holding down (sometimes) multiple jobs,

And going to school full or part-time. My mom did this. My dad died when I was little so it wasn't like he left, but my mother, grandmother and countless other bw and other races of when and even men have done this as well.

These bw don't realize that they make themselves and us look pathetic to others all over the world. Because no women in their right mind would excuse this type of behavior. I mean seriously poor ass men have raised their children with their wives and made it. Please

Anonymous said...

I LOVE IT! My goodness this was so hilarious to me mostly because this is what I have been thinking these past weeks. I love Barack Obama cause he loves Michelle, but I am not fool enough to think that all of a sudden black men are going to start living up to their end of the racial contract! Thanks for this Sara! Let me go hip the girls to this post ...

Aphrodite said...

Hello Sky,

Thank you for sharing that. I almost missed your post, but i want to congratulate you on your recent dating success!

Ali said...

It is any more likely that black women will be influenced enough by Michelle to stop chasing thugs and to begin carrying themselves with the class and dignity that she does as opposed to the crudeness that is so common?

Divalocity said...

President Barrack Obama=NAABM=The National Association for the Advancement Of Black Men?

I don't think so!

Clarice said...

"Taylor-Sara said...
Anon 10:27 you are clearly a troll. Do ANY of the women on my sidebar fit that description? See ladies how they break their necks trying to convince y'all that WM do not want you. Now ask yourself why would they expend so much energy trying to convince you of this unless they were scared the opposite was true? Here this troll is on a BW's site telling us what wm want as if HE would know. When every man on this page is with a woman who does NOT fit that description! I get so tired of these cowardly NO-NAME trolls. Anon-kick rocks and slither back to your sorry ass brothas and tell them the gig is up!"

Thank you for your blog and the kind words. I was well and truly blessed with a father that instilled in me that a man's character matters more than his color in terms of a relationship. He gladly would and still does stand up to anyone who has the nerve to question my relationship or life choices and encourage me to stand my ground. So it was and is truly a blessing.

If anyone has any doubt that WM/BW relationships are not becoming more mainstream. Tonight's episode of Private Practice featured a loving caring relationship between a WM and the primary BW character. He referred to her as 'a keeper' in the closing scene. This character is a beautiful BW and he is an attractive WM. So in your face proof all this nonsense that the trolls are spewing does not hold water.

The best part is this woman is a beautiful woman, smart, poised professional, self sufficient but still a warm, desirable, loving woman.

A repeat of tonights episode can be seen on line at under Private Practice either late tonight or tomorrow. Private Practice is the spin off from Grey's Anatomy - so it is Big Time Mainstream.

The trolls are running really really scared!



Taylor-Sara said...

No Rocky, that is NOT a lie. I think most of us here know that they can name only a handful of bm who are undamaged, uncolorstruck, hardworking and ambitious! You can continue to piss on bw all you want and keep trying to convince them it's raining but more and more are coming to see that truth! The best thing most bw can do for herself and her children is to stay far away from most black men!
Too many of you are child-abandoning, non-working drug dealing thugs! You disrespect bw so badly, you fools even make songs about it! When is the last time you saw an industry of wm engaging in all manner of attack against WW, and calling it art???
How many wm do you know running out on their children and claiming Black men won't let me be a man! How many wm do you know engaging in physical and emotional attacks against ww (who are crime victims) and using all manner of intimidation and threats to keep her from *sending a good brotha to jail*!!! Lord have mercy! How many wm do you see standing on the corner in a sorry state of apathy, drinking 40s, smoking weed, and verbally disrespting every woman that passes by. When he should be getting his sorry ass out there and finding work? I could go on and on about what piss poor sorry excuses for manhood most of y'all have become, but I'll just leave it alone. BW are waking up, and that's all that really matters to me...
And don't get me started on the so-called good brothas. The ones who stand by while women and children and being beaten, assaulted, used, abused, and murdered. If you remain silent while women and children are being hurt in your community, then you are just as culpable as the one doing the hurting!

I believe in calling a spade a spade, and the simple truth is:
Most bm do not mean bw any good.
Finding a good one is almost the equivalent of finding a needle in a haystack, and bw need to stop getting upset about seeing y'all with ww. As I have said before, they should gift wrap most of you and send you to ww with a bow!

Anonymous said...

I thought this blog was about Interracial Relationships? Why all the talk about black men?

Aphrodite said...

Ali stop fooling yourself and buy a clue.

The women on this blog are just that educated, wonderful WOMEN with much to offer.

The fact that you can't discern this is hysterically funny.

Crudeness is very good. Crudeness is a woman's way of saying she doesn't want to be bothered. She saw you long before you saw her and if she isn't smiling at you, holding eye contact, or using inviting body language and you still invade her space and demand for her to be responsive then you deserve all the "crudeness" you get.

Most normal people who don't have personality disorders understand this. They look at body language and facial expressions to determine whether someone is friendly or approachable.

Why do you think that all women should be responsive and available to you? Overdosing on male privilege much?

Anonymous said...


Sara, you speak the truth. Don't allow anyone to sensor you. I love how you openly discusss the things you observe in and around the b/c. Keep up the good work!

And Rocky, I simply don't understand what you are doing on this blog. They have countless blogs out there catered to you, but you always find yourself on this one...WHY? If it pains you (clearly it does) to see BW happy, then you can see your way off.

Sara is going to continue to voice her opinion in hopes that BW everywhere will wake up, and drop those damaged goods. We deserve to be loved, respected, cherished, and we deserve to have a loving, supportive, compassionate, respectful, trustworthy, protective, facetious, intellectual MAN, who is goal oriented, and will be a wonderful role model and teacher to his children.
I personally don't get upset when I see WW with BM. You don't belong to me, just like I don't belong to you. Like sara said, they should gift wrap most of you and FedEX you to run along. We don't need your inane comments.

by Carib

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, you are right. It is about IR relationships, however, one of the reasons some bw turn to IRs is because of the deplorable behavior they have received from bm. (even if they will not admit that is a prominent factor) Therefore, sometimes bm inherently become pt of the discussion....

Lavette said...

Hi Sara!

I agree with all this blog is fantastic! Thanks for letting me be a poster here.

Black love has been dead for so long we forgot to give it a proper burial....LOL! My prayers for sisters is that they will take time and really to ponder over their lives now and begin immediately towards abundant living for them not for anyone else.

Life is just to short to remain in misery.


LaShelle said...

Preach it Sara Preach it.
This is what I'm trying to get in my daughters and nieces head right now. And let's not forget our magically thinking black parents. As I said on this and evia's site before, I am almost 100% certain my next husband will not be black. Another problem is this we suppose to forgive bm crap. My parents tried to push it on me this Christmas when my verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive ex-husband tried to win me back. My father had the nerve to say it's the Christian thing to do was to forgive him and get back together. Hell NO. This man is the empathy of of evil and my parents knew it. I decided to pull away from my family and live my own life. I don't this kind of thinking to infect my daughters. I suspect its he wants to get back together because I'm about to graduate from college with my Master's all while raising two girls and working full time.
Ladies, listen to Sara. Obama is not the typical bm.

Pamela said...

LaShelle, my family is Christian. The Bible says whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. My guess is if my late father heard that any abusive man was trying to get in my life he would find his hands trying his best to beat the living daylights out of the man or else calling the police on him. The Bible also teaches to protect the vulnerable. It is a rare woman that can beat down men, especially really violent ones. I'm so glad that you have distanced yourself from your family. It would have been bad enough just by yourself BUT you have precious young ones to save and protect from their unChristian poison. Forgiveness is one thing. Restoration is another.

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow LaShelle congrats on the Master's girl! That's fantastic! I'm sorry you had to break with your family. I know that's hard, but you must do what you must do in this world. Thank God you had the courage to do what was best for yourself and your children....

Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Great post Sara! I'm tired of hearing this ignorance you noted as well.

Anonymous said...

sara, if you met an intelligent, caring, hardworking bm would you date him, or is it just no overall??

Taylor-Sara said...

If I was not already taken, of course I would Anon.
Let me clearify. I am not asking women to exclude men based on race. I am asking them to exclude based on LACK of character, Lack of ambition, Lack of integrity, Lack of responsibility, etc.... Unfortunately, under these conditions, many bm will exclude themselves.... (And yes, I know some other men will exclude themselves based on this criterion as well,) However, you will find just based on this standard, that most of the exclusions will be bm.... What I am really suggesting to bw is to NOT LIMIT themselves. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but you will probably never find them if you are fishing in a small polluted pond...

Anonymous said...

Sara, you are 100% correct. It breaks my heart to acknowledge that fact, because so many Black women are happy beyond belife that a man who is considered Black who married a Black woman (And a Black woman who actually LOOKS Black) and who dotes on his 2 Black daughters is now president of the U.S. so this gives them hope, and it is a nice thing to FINALLY see so many sistas have hope and be happy about SOMETHING, but sadly it will not result in what they want. Black males are going to be worse than ever now, and going after White and other females more than ever now, simply because Mr. Obama is in the White House. Those clowns now think they REALLY have carte blanche to act a fool and are entitled to their precious non-Black women.

Sistas, FORGET ABOUT Black males. Those trifling losers are not worthy of you, nor have they ever been worthy of you, and are BENEATH you. And as far as President Obama goes, my sistas, facts are facts. The man is HALF-WHITE, and was co-raised for a good part of his youth by a WHITE MAN. Yes, he is part-Black, but Mr. Obama has NOTHING to do with the average Black man. Mr. Obama has proven emphatically that he loves Black females, while the average Black man has proved emphatically that he HATES Black females. These are the facts my dear sistas, please take heed of them and start seeking the REAL men of other races who will give you the love you so deserve.

Anonymous said...

Ali complains about Black women "Chasing thugs".

I can see clearly that Ali is a member of the bitter Black nerds club. Those pathetic Black nerdy boys and men who whine because the Black "Dimes" never gave them the time of day in school, and still don't now. So they whine and cry like little babies that Black women "Chase thugs".

What a bunch of loser "Men" LOL! Go date a 500 lb White woman and leave sistas alone!

Anonymous said...

Good Answer, Sara.


Aphrodite said...

Congratulations LaShelle!

Too good to be man sharin'!!! said...

The man is HALF-WHITE, and was co-raised for a good part of his youth by a WHITE MAN. Yes, he is part-Black, but Mr. Obama has NOTHING to do with the average Black man. Mr. Obama has proven emphatically that he loves Black females, while the average Black man has proved emphatically that he HATES Black females.


Let the church say "Amen"!!!!

BWF said...

sara, if you met an intelligent, caring, hardworking bm would you date him, or is it just no overall??


blah blah blah..... I find it funny that NO ONE asks these types of questions to black males when they date out and/or publicy DOG bw!!

But yet bw should always be open to "good" bm and give "good" bm a chance. Please.... miss me with that bull dig!!

Where's the RECIPROCITY!?!?!?!?!?!?

Would Reggie Bush give a "good" bw a chance, would Kobe Bryant give a "good" bw a chance, Would Quincy Jones give a good bw a chance!?!? LMAO---I think we ALL know the answers to those!!

Im just sick and tired of being being pressured "not to close the door on bm" when legions of bm (particularly upwardly moblie bm) exculde bw from their dating pool on regular basis!!!!!!!

WTF--Dont bw deserve to have some sort of loyalty!?!?!?

Again where's the effing RECIPROCITY!?!?!?

[[btw personally I prefer to date out of my race. I have a strong attraction to white and latin men. I wont make any apologies for it either.]]

Taylor-Sara said...

Well said BWF!
I really hadn't given it much thought but you are right. These questions are NEVER asked of bm, yet bw are constantly asked this. And as far as giving a good bw a chance, you are also right. I'm sure we have all noticed on a daily basis bm beaming with big kool-aid smiles because they are with some sloppy, trailer park looking ww, who they would knock down Beyonce to get to!

Anonymous said...


I agree 200%. I thought I was the only one that felt that way. I am tired of people asking BW, are they still open to dating a so called "good" brother.
I'm going to be brutally honest, If I met a so called "good" brother, I still wouldn't date him. I am VERY attracted to Hispanic & White men, and I'm NOT going to apologize for it. I think there are good-looking men in every race, but I prefer the men I stated above. In the Caribbean we don't walk around with the only a BM mentality, we date/marry whoever we want.
When will the BW in America WAKE UP, and realize, they can date/marry, and compliment non-blk men without apologizing for it.
Do you see BM apologizing for dating/marrying, and complimenting non-blk women. You most certainly don't see WW apologizing for their preference for MoC(men of colour). Why should WW/non-blk women be the only race to say they prefer______ (insert race) men.

This reminds me of a guest Tyra had on her show. It was a WW, and the comment she made was, "I like only black men, I like what I like", and everyone applauded, Tyra just smiled. Do you think if a BW got up and said "I only like white men", Do you think everyone would have applauded? Do you think Tyra would have smiled?...I don't think so. Everyone would be calling her racist, sellout, and saying she has low self-esteem, because she obviously must not love herself.

I do love myself, my skin, my eyes, my nose, my lips, and my body.
I'm sorry sara, but I'm just tired of people looking at me like I'm crazy when I compliment non-blk men, as if to say "that white boy" You don't see a BM telling another BM, "that white girl", I think not.

So again, I'm not going to apologize for dating only Hispanic or White men. Forgive me for going off topic sara, but I had to get this off my chest.


Taylor-Sara said...

No problem girl. That's what we do here-get it off our chests.....

Divalocity said...

Taylor-Sara, I just sent you a link and picture of one of my favorite interior designers, Elaine Griffin who has just wed Michael McGarry in NYC. Elaine is one of Oprah's favorite designers having completed numerous design projects for Oprah and her charities.

They featured her in a fashion spread in O-The Oprah Magazine about two months ago and she was so happy because she had lost the weight and said she never felt sexier in her life before until she fell in love and met a wonderful man.
Here is the link ladies and please enjoy!

Pamela said...

divalocity, as a 40-something never married gal I found this extremely encouraging.

You can vet a man quickly. It does not take a year to do this. I usually know within three months if a fellow is worth my time. It is rare that it is three months. That is just the longest time it has taken for me.

May she and all of us have the time of our lives.

Aphrodite said...

"I'm just sick and tired of being being pressured "not to close the door on bm" when legions of bm (particularly upwardly moblie bm) exculde bw from their dating pool on regular basis!!!!!!!"

That is a good teaching moment.

And I suppose you can add that BW are sometimes pressured to consider Carrib men, African men etc all before a WM.

Anonymous said...

I hear you Aphrodite. I don't understand, What the he!! BM are smoking on?! "you can date a Hispanic guy, a Caribbean guy, an African guy, but why would you date a White guy?".... Umm maybe because they're human. Lord!

I have a theory, it seems that BM are trying to get their revenge on WM, by dating/marrying WW, and BW are not suppose to date/marry WM, because we are on the same team. So, once WM start seeing WW with BM it suppose to hurt, sting, infuriate them, but that's not the case. BW aren't waiting around, and WM certainly don't care. I guess their plan backfired....and it's like a slap to a BM's face to see their partners with WM, by all means date a Hispanic guy, marry an African guy, but please, not the enemy, the evil....Yeah,Yeah, whatever.
You must be smoking something if you think I'm gonna turn down a date from Gerard Butler...Now that's fine!

sky said...

sara said..." I'm sure we have all noticed on a daily basis bm beaming with big kool-aid smiles because they are with some sloppy, trailer park looking ww, who they would knock down Beyonce to get to!"

gurl let me tell you that is changing! ive seen so many ww/non-bw w/ bm couples who look down right miserable. forget the fact they are holding hands, but look at the facial expression. they(bm) are not affectionate unless they are ready to have sex. please believe im not missing anything w/ these guys. they(non-bw) can have 'em.

ever since i got w/ my new man we do nothing but laugh, smile, and hold each other in public.i'm not looking or hopin for attention, he gives me the attention i need that i don't even remember that there are other people around us.i've never been happier.

bw stop missing yourself out on love just becuz the man's skin color isn't the same as yours'. even young bw(high school) are getting this message, i see more of them starting to date out.

BWF said...

That is a good teaching moment.

And I suppose you can add that BW are sometimes pressured to consider Carrib men, African men etc all before a WM.


Yep. Which is crazy because I personally feel that I would have MORE in common with an --AMERICAN-- white man than a --FOREIGN-- black man. So people can miss me with that one too. To be honest I wouldn't touch an African man with a 10 foot pole anyway. (No offense to my African sistas)

Anonymous said...

"I wouldn't touch an African man with a 10 foot pole".

LMAO...@BWF: I'm not African, just wanted to say you're not offending me. I totally agree.


Delishmish said...


That was a great link..

What a lovely lovely couple.
I only like to link to good thanks for that.

2009...and it is what it is. We don't have to waste our time talking about the "others"
Lets talk about good this couple..and wish them well..spread joy, not news about the DBR bm strangers..

Anonymous said...

Hey, my femal Nigerian co-worker had the nerve to say that she does not think Michlle should be with Barack. She is very conscious of appearances.
To her your education(of course) and your appearance is every thing. She believes The Prez. should be with someone more attractive. Although, my co-workers' daughters are does have weight issues and the other is rather dark. So, one would think she would be more supportive.


Anonymous said...

Anon from Feb 1 at 8:40 pm. Let me tell you that BM also have a HUGE attitude when they see a BW with a Hispanic male. Those fools want to see BW with BM ONLY.

Delishmish said... are cracking me up...the saga with your co-worker. I mean she is a riot. Does she get any work done? She tells you ALL her thoughts....and that is how you should take it...these are HER THOUGHTS..If I had someone like that around me..I would either

a) walk away when I saw her or
b) tell her (kindly) that I don't want to know about the inner workings of her mind unless it is in regard to the work (you) do.

Just because someone expresses these thoughts does not mean they are true, or have any bearing on your life. But you know that! I sense you are frustrated by her, and yet intrigued, because you report on her often. It is amusing in a way, but only if it is not pulling you down. SO ask this conversation pulling me down, or am I merely gathering information about how a crazy (probably) person thinks for my own knowledge.

Only you can answer that question.

As for the usual topic (not mine) of what BM do or don't do...well quite frankly, who cares what they like or don't like? Even though I am aware of people in general..I usually don't make eye contact (not prolonged anyway) with people who are not in my sphere. That comes from me NEVER having referred to BM as "brothas." To me it is weird. I don't know these folks, so why would I refer to them as my "brother." I think not.! They also sense my indifference, and leave me alone. People will generally only toy with those they feel they can toy with. Stop thinking about these men..and do what you want to do..if you meet a guy who is proper...go for it..and he might be a BM or NOT..just go for a decent, generous kind individual who likes YOU..they are out there.

You should have NO ALLEGIANCE to BM you don't know. NONE!!!!!

TJ said...

Sky said: "gurl let me tell you that is changing! ive seen so many ww/non-bw w/ bm couples who look down right miserable. forget the fact they are holding hands, but look at the facial expression."

OMG, this is SO true! My mother and I visit Walmart to buy bulk items (or whenever we don't want to go too far to Target, lol), and I've seen most non-bw/bm couples there than I have seen anywhere else. They did NOT look happy. And the kids they were tugging along with them looked pretty miserable too. I feel pretty bad for the kids, because alot of times I have seen their mothers shouting at them, pulling them around roughly, etc. It is only then when I see those types of couples that I'm happy my mother never told me to "stick to bm." I'm glad so many ladies are opening their options and not sticking with the status quo.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Anon 3:12pm, you're right!
BM just don't want to see BW with any non-blk man.

I'm just tired of those (Eff BW, I want a Wg) damaged BOYS, but when I'm out with my W(male) friend, its "Hey!, she wit a white guy. So, BM aren't good enough for you? Eff you, we didn't want you anyway"[I didn't show any interest in the first place]. WW go crazy for this? Did I miss something?![doorbell rings] I have a package for Becky.


Anonymous said...

"doorbell rings"...So funny.

Anonymous said...

@ anon. 7:34...That is so true of some.

I sometimes think to myself, "Why are you with that individual? You look so sad and miserable."
If I am with another race man you better believe I will not look so miserable and that is because being with him will be a choice that I happily will make.


LaShelle said...

Thanks you!!! Sorry, it took me so long to reply. I'm busy working on my thesis, applying to a PhD program, and still taking two classes. I'll be able to catch my breath in April or so.

Sara, keep up the good work. You and Evia are doing a public service to so many young bw. Regarding Michelle Obama, I've heard some of the harsh things said about her about other bw. It reminds me of the Usher and Tameka controversey. BW have been so brainwashed by our own communities that we believe we have to look like Beyonce or Halle Berry to get a good man. Here in Atlanta I see too many bw spending all their money to look good, but to only come home to a lonely house.

Carib.girl said...

This is another example of know what, I'm just going to tell the story.

I was watching one of the judge shows, and saw a WW suing her ex-boyfriend(black).

She met him online, but then a week after meeting him online, she found out she was pregnant by her first boyfriend. [Now, this part surprised me] She admitted to him, that she was pregnant, and would understand if he didn't want to talk to her, but that wasn't the case. He decided, that it didn't bother him, that she was pregnant. So, he decided to take care of her child, and get insurance for her [mouth open in shock].

Okay, let's recap.
This BM, met a WW online, and later found out she was a few weeks pregnant by ANOTHER man, and still decides to date her, and take care of her child after meeting her in (2)weeks, but these men can't even provide or stay in the lives of the children, they have with BW....Ladies! drop these BOYS.

Carib.girl said...


Girl, you are not lying. I normally drive my mother to work, and while driving her to work; I sometimes see the same WW (who looks about 20) walking down the street with her (4) children looking so miserable.
She has this perplexed look on her face, as if she couldn't believe the situation she was in.
I was wondering where the father was. He could be working, I don't know, but why does she have her children walking down the street looking so filthy…SMH

This is more proof, that it is NOT our fault for their problems, because that WW is in the same situation some BW are in. So, It's NOT us, It's YOU.

cool_splash1 said...

After this Christian Bale is off my radar. A man who scares the shit out of his own family until provoking them to put charges against him is a red flag. I've just put him as dbrwm on my list. That ish was so uncalled for.

What's so trippy is him calling the DP an amatuer, but yet Shane Hurlbut has been doing this for 20 + years. He's yelling at a man for doing his job.

Anonymous said...

Carib girl, I agree with you 100 freaking percent!

Anonymous said...

Delish, I find your comment about Black men sensing your indifference and thus leaving you alone a little hard to believe. Not calling you a liar, but that does NOT sound like BM to me. I grew up in a neighborhood with many Hispanic immigrant families whose children were my classmates. Most of them spoke little or NO English, and I remember vividly the stupid Black boys harrasing them constantly with lewd come-ons, while these girls howled in protest in Spanish. So if they are capable of that, why would they not do the same with Black girls/women who speak their language and who they feel ENTITLED to?

cool_splash1 said...

why would they not do the same with Black girls/women who speak their language and who they feel ENTITLED to?

Notice those girls are talking back. They know they hit a nerve and they know they can over and over. I knew a girl like that. Everyone else got messed with, but for some reason she didn't.

Delish, I find your comment about Black men sensing your indifference and thus leaving you alone a little hard to believe.

Why not? Happens all the time. It's happened to me as well. They may say something like aww you gonna be like that etc., but most just don't bother. The thing is why is it people can comment like this, but then don't show their identity. Because to me it sounds like you are just trying to start something by calling her out. But then again maybe that's just me.

Taylor-Sara said...

I agree Cool splash, I hate it when someone makes a provocative comment, and then hides in anonymity....

Anonymous said...

I don't know if I like the idea of adopting a black boy from another country or even in America because black men have it harder. Now she has her husband, but think of many bw that don't and are raising their boys on their own with the surrounding society teaching them that their mother, sisters are ugly. What's sad is the thought of adopting black children from another country only for them to hate bw because of their American upbringing.

I am glad that more bw/families are adopting and having options whether they adopt here or abroad. My thing is if white people can adopt black children and other races and children from other countries then we should be able to do the same.

Aaron said...

I don't know if any of you KKK-cone-and-sheet-wearing people have noticed that Barack Obama is a black man. That you hate black men so much is truly deplorable. You should really be ashamed of yourselves.

I can't make excuses for black men any more than I could make excuses for white men or African men. Each man is his own person. You ladies have serious issues and are the reason many of my black brothers are swearing off black women.

I had hoped that with a black man as president (YES he is a black man no matter how you try and spin it or separate him from black men, in general) that people with mentalities like yours would fall off. Sadly, women like you all are still around administering "paper bag tests."

The truth is, I know many many successful, intelligent black men with good jobs and their own businesses that take care of their kids and do what they're supposed to do. Obama isn't the exception. He's the rule. The thugs and idiots you see on TV and guys like them are the exceptions.

Stop this bitter hatred towards people in general. This post says far more about you than it does black men, especially since you used Obama (a black man LOL) as the prototype. I really feel sorry for you, Sara. You need Jesus.

Its so sad, it's funny.

Aaron said...

You ladies are so emotionally damaged. Reggie Bush, Quincy Jones and any number of other celebrity black men are far from the average, hard-working black men that I associate with. I'm a black man. A single father. Employed. Upwardly mobile (I hope, I'm an engineer for Ricoh Corporation!) Fairly attractive and well spoken.

I have dated black women my whole life and never even considered dating white women. I prefer darker-skinned women like Gabrielle Union but I don't adhere too much to that preference. I'll date just about any girl as long as she's secure, intelligent, gainfully employed, and fairly interesting. All my friends (who are black) have very similar resumes. They all work. Some of them are married. Some are single. They all take care of their kids, whether they have visitation or partial custody. They are all fairly intelligent and principled. I know only of a small handful of guys who are bums like the men you describe. To assign such hatred to a whole population of regular guys who aren't trying to become rappers or record producers makes you ladies into the trifling, spiteful, vindictive black women that black men like me routinely run from. Stop worrying about what black men are doing and look within yourselves and see whats wrong with you as a person instead of trying to see whats wrong with black men.

Anonymous said...

sara why do you keep allowing bm to spit on bw by approving their comments???

cool_splash1 said...

Obama is Biracial baby and he wasn't raised by bp. It's funny how black people try to make Hallie, Barak black. With all the crap that has been said about Obama not being really black and not really representing the so called real black people and then those same fools all of a sudden turn around and love to say he's a black man. It makes no difference if Barak considers himself black there are many black people who said he wasn't a real black man, but I guarante if he had said he considers himself biracial or identified more with his white family (as would be expected since that's who he was raised by)bp would be up in arms saying he still black etc.

Hell same with Hallie. Hallie comes of biracial heritage from a white mother and black father, but yet an interviewer had the audacity to ask her to defend why she chose to be with a white man over bm as if bm are the only men on the Earth.

Carib.girl said...

Oh! look Ladies, it's a TROLL.

"To assign such hatred to a whole population of regular guys who aren't trying to become rappers or record producers makes you ladies into the trifling, spiteful, vindictive black women that black men like me routinely run from."

I know you conniving, insolent, inane, conceited BOY(yes I said boy) didn't just write that outlandish statement. Obviously, you're too obtuse to see what's going on around you. Don't tell me you haven't seen Bm insulting, and degrading Bw left and right, and I bet you're one of the Bm who just stands by and watches. So, run forest! run!

"You ladies have serious issues and are the reason many of my black brothers are swearing off black women."

Oh! WE have issues?! No one tells Chris Rock that he has issues, when he repeatedly disrespects Bw in his jokes. None of you go on MrLQs' blog and tells him that he has issues for insulting Bw. None of you have checked out Cyndis'(a Ww) blog, and tell her she has issues for constantly bashing WoC (women of colour) especially Bw. None of you have sent letters to D.L Hugley telling him he has issues, because of the filth he spews about Bw. None of you have asked the Bm on YouTube do they have issues. Instead of coming on a blog such as this, you could have easily gone to one of those other sites, and put in your two cents, but I guess you enjoy hearing, and seeing malicious comments made about Bw, by Bm and Ww. That is EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Like I said before, if it wasn't for sara I would not have known those couples on the sidebar where in interracial relationships. I (a 23 y/o Caribbean woman) am in a interracial relationship, and I will not allow anyone to scare me out of this relationship.

"Reggie Bush, Quincy Jones and any number of other celebrity black men are far from the average, hard-working black men that I associate with."

Please...Throw a million dollars your way, and you'll act just like them.

Btw, you could swear off all you want. I don't date Bm. So you are of no loss to me.

Anonymous said...

You know I'm truly amazed at the belief among black women that "no man wants me." And so that I don't discriminate, black men, black women, white women & others encourage & rejoice in this belief.

I have been "picked-up" by more white men & others than I can count & it was always my shortsightedness that let some (only a few) slip by me.

Full disclosure: It was my best friend who first brought to my attention that various races of men were attempting to make it known that they were attracted to me. But I must say that once I clued in there was no stopping me & I found the man I could love & cherish & who loves & cherishes me (with a bunch of huge & glorious disagreements thrown into the mix). No, he is not african-american and I don't care & don't care about those who do care (or fool themselves into thinking WE CARE). What my friend did for me the day she handed me a piece of paper & said "he didn't think you'd be interested in him because..." was amazing. Suddenly I had choices. But I know that I always had those choices. I just wasn't willing to commit to having choices because I didn't know I could vary the choice of eye color, hair color/texture, and I definitely didn't know I had the ultimate choice in who I entrusted my overall well being to.
Shit, no glorious happy ending here. We're still fighting big about some big things--none of them about race.

I thought I had to settle & never get a damn thing in return for my BIG ASS LOVE. I was effing blind.


Carib.girl said...


"With all the crap that has been said about Obama not being really black and not really representing the so called real black people and then those same fools all of a sudden turn around and love to say he's a black man."

You are on point with that. Jesse Jackson is one of those men.
Several months ago, he was being interviewed on CNN, and he was giving his take on Obama. After the interview was over, Jesse leaned over to his friend, that accompanied him on the show, and made a statement, calling Obama a n***** (spelled with E-R). He did not know (probably didn't care) that his microphone was still on....Hmm

How does he go from calling Obama a N*****, to bawling at his acceptance speech in Chicago. I find that strange...I guess it's me

Probably Jesse Jackson is upset, because Obama is a biracial man, and considered the first black President; something Jesse Jackson was so desperately trying to be back in the late 80's or early 90's.

Lena said...

I agree with this post. Having a black president is not gonna fix choices that individuals make at all. I noticed a crazy fool on youtube calling himself Obama trashing black women. Yup you're about damaged beyond repair idiots riding on the coatails of the president's achievements and status instead of their own.

RockNRollSista said...

I don't hate black men. I love them. My whole issue with black love is that too many times black men walk around with white and other non black women on their arms. Then they make up excuses and lies as to why they don't date black women. Say it like you mean it...I (black man) don't want to date a black woman anymore. Enough with all of the excuses.

Anonymous said...

I'm from the UK and can give a different out look on things. The UK is a far more tolerant society compared to the USA. 50% of the "black" population in the UK is mixed raced making the Uk the most mixed race nation in the world.

With the UK having the most tolerant white populaion in the western world and black people who are mostly first or second generation African or came to the uk by choice means there isn't that bitterness and prejudice that divides black and white America.

In the Uk it is the black women that are being left behind in the melting pot of the UK. In the UK far greater number of black men are well educated compared to the USA, UK is one of the few places on the planet black people out perform white people in the education system. Black men with brains has made UK black men extremely attractive not only to white women, but other women of all races. A recent national survey showed that 4 in 5 UK black men were in a relationship with a women of a different race. The survey predicts that there will be no full black people in UK in 50 years.

Something similar happened in the UK 300 years ago because the UK have had a black population since the roman times and during slavely the UK has a black population of 40,000 almost entirely male(slavery was off shore in the UK). Because the UK was more about class than race back then, a black slave was considered the same level as a white peasant, a black servant was considered the same as a white servant and a black noble man like Julius Soubes was consider the same as a white nobleman. Due to mixed relations not being illegal in the UK unlike the US back then, the popularity of black men amongst the white female population meant the UK Black population was, for want for a better word, fucked white. Genealogist say 1 in 5 white British people have African heritage and are completely unaware of this.

UK black men are turning their back on Black women because objectively black women do not measure up too well against women of other races, but the well education Black men of the UK seem to be extremely popular in the UK and I would argue they are currently the most desired men for women of all races.

Maybe African American women are turning their backs on African American for the same reason. African American men are nowhere as educated on average as UK black males so maybe they are not good enough for African American women. I read in a science journal that African American men are unique because they are the only black population in the world that has a white male chromosome. Due to this chromosome often coming from a white slave owners that often raped slaves the scientist claim that this explains why African American men are more agressive and deviant in comparison to other black groups because other black populations including Obama have black male chromosomes. It could be hogwash.

Maybe we need to do an exchange programme where we send British Black men over to America to woo African American Women lol.

K'lajh ( said...

I take back my positive comments I had for you.

"In fact the reason millions of bm wanted him to win in the first place was so that THEY could be held in higher esteem, and have more access to non-black women. Please wake up, and do not deceived."

There may be some truth to this is regards to esteem but to think that we want BO elected so we can get non-white women is dumb as hell (pardon my language) You keep acting like there are no good black me out there. You and all bw like you are full of bs!!

Why does finding a wm mean that you have sense? So finding a bm is not good sense. You post is insulting and shows that I had the wrong impression of you when I first posted.

K'lajh ( said...

This post and comments on this post hurt me more than any racist crap I have heard from white ppl online or in person. The reason a lot of us non-self hating bm dont want to be with you all is b/c you act like we (we meaning good bm) dont exist. It really hurts me. If you really want a good black man, change your attitudes towards us. The main thing that hold bw back is how many (not all) of you have the worst attitudes on the planet. You dont carry yourselves like ladies and always talk about how you dont need a man. Well, guess what men want to feel needed. So, if you couple telling us bm that we "aint shit, and never will be shit" with telling us "you dont need a man" you get the end result which is bm not wanting to be where we dont feel loved. non-bw show us sooooo much love it doesnt even make sense. I know this has a lot to do with the medias portrayal of black men as sexier, more masculine and desirable than black women. But dont take that out on us!

Anonymous said...

Sara, where have you been! I thought I was the only Black woman who felt like this! I simply love what you have said in your blog. I couldn't agree more if I stood on a street corner in a major urban city and shouted these beliefs. I have also taken it one step further and married a Caucasian man who is wonderful! I knew and loved my own father who was a marvelous husband to my mother and I, but that day is GONE and OVER. My Black female friends want husbands and think my marriage is nice, but will not consider dating outside their race. I pity them because they are missing out on the excellent life a good man can bring.

More power to you Sara and I'll help spread the word.

Freddy said...

I'm a mixed race guy (white dad, black mom) and am all for interracial relations as seemingly this blog is. However this particular post is offensive and confused. You're making petty generalisations about black men that would (rightly) be condemned as racist if made by any white correspondant. You constantly encourage people to find love regardless of colour whilst at the same time telling women to steer clear of black men. Just becuase you may have had negative experiences with black men does not mean that all women (black or otherwise) will. Grow up.