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Sunday, September 21, 2008

White men don't want you-and other lies.....










CHOOSE!!! -You can be lonely and unfulfilled, or have hot, steaming love! The choice is yours. Decide what you want, and choose the path that will give it to you....

This was posted on a site geared toward bw, by a bm. Ladies, it's very important for you to learn to recognize one of the many voices of manipulation. This man pretended to be interested in bw, and concerned about their welfare. I can assure you his real concern was for bm only. A thousand times per day we are bombarded with the message that our only solace, companionship, and refuge must come from the arms of a bm. This is so untrue, I get so tired of sistas asking me if wm really like bw! They are so beaten down and indoctrinated into societal lies that they cannot see what is right before them! Yes, many wm most certainly do like bw. Do not believe the hype. Read the following letter from this bm and see if you can spot the many ways sistas are being manipulated into believing wm don't want them, then I will come back in and tell you how to easily snare a good wm.....


By Swade:
Do white men for the MAJORITY find black women attractive? For the most part...no. I have a lot of white friends and few of them talk about being attracted to black women. I'll get the occasional "Beyounce looks good" or "Tyra Banks is hot"..but for the most part..white men don't find black women attractive Threre's a video explaining all this on you tube. Not all Black women have attitudes, but black women in a whole are percieved that way by other races...including her own black men. Think about it..if a black man can't deal with one's attitude..what makes you think a white man can.I know what's coming next.."well, a wouldn't have a attitude with a white man as I would with a brotha". Lets be serious. If white men liked black women as much as the "claim"..why aren't black wmen and white men marriages higher than 5%. Keep in mind..their is a greater population of white males than black males and/or black females. Basically saying...there is a small population of white men who would date black women.Am I saying black women aren't desirable...No. They are..but they are more so desired by black men than any other race. So when you hear black women talk about the "dating white man movement"..you have to consider one thing. "A white man wanting you"
So the question is..where are all these whitemen "supposedly" wanting blk women.

Yes, many wm most certainly do like bw. Do no believe the hype. I think I have told you ladies before but it certainly bears repeating. Never trust someone to tell you how go get out of a ditch, if he benefits by you staying in it! Bm benefit by bw staying lonely, confused, and vulnerable. (IE, easy prey) They well almost NEVER tell you how to attract wm or any other kind. They will also rarely marry bw, and try to keep her for use in their harem, with lies and deceptions. They do not have a sista's best interest at heart, she therefore will never gain from their advice. I, on the other hand, want you all to be happily married, and procreating. The last thing I, and others like me want is for you all to be sad, lonely, and unfulfilled. When it comes to wm, know that many, many wm want you. More wm want bw, than there will ever be enough bw to fill the order. Many more are simply open to a woman of Any color who is a good companion, loving, easy to talk to, and open. Many of you sistas looking for men, are NOT OPEN! You are still afraid of what the bc might say, and your body language/tone of voice is giving you away. It always has and it always will! That is why it is sooooo important to practice being comfortable with any, and everyone. I guess this is easier for me since I came up in a military family and lived all over the US. But with practice, anyone can learn to be comfortable with a variety of people. Just learn to be open. I will tell you a secret that may make this easier. Many men cannot talk to other men about serious subjects in their lives for fear of looking weak. He desperately wants someone he can tell all his secrets to, but many times there is no one who he can trust enough. (especially for Alpha males) Therefore, he is as my grandmother used to say, "ripe for the pickin" You see, just like bm often don't appreciate bw (many times) Most ww don't appreciate their wm either. They are many times (not always) spoiled, and self interested. They want to talk about their day, their dreams, their fears, their aspirations with no thought as to his. Most all men need to desperately talk about the things going on in their lives, just like women. The difference is that we usually have a close friend or relative we can talk to about everything. They most often don't. And if he has a lot of stress or strain in his life, he will need someone to talk to all the more. That means he needs a discreet woman in his life, who he can tell all his deepest hopes and dreams to. Know that if you can suck a man's dream, hopes, fears from his mind, you can easily suck his heart right from his chest! Ask any secretary (no matter how plain) who has stolen a married man. She will tell you that she became his sounding board. He talked to her about EVERYTHING and then he could not seem to be without her. See he had TALKED his way into love with her. Most men don't have affairs because their wives get fat! No, they have affairs because their wives stop listening! Like I said, since he usually can only share so much with his male friends, this leaves him with no one to talk to! Can you see how vulnerable he is at this point? Now, I am not telling you ladies this so you can go out and steal married men! Please don't do that! I am telling you this so you can go out and snag single men. Be open, be friendly, be calm, rationale and have a great ear. Of course you know to look nice, clean, and be in reasonably good shape. but it's much more important to have a pleasant, easy to know personality. Really hear when he's talking to you, don't just wait for him to shut up- so you can talk. (this is what many people do-and it's very irritating) Most of all, don't believe the bull about wm not wanting bw. WM, like most men, want women who want them! You have a thousand times greater chance of pulling a good wm just by being friendly and open, as you do by ignoring him and being cold. If he has never dated a bw, he will be doubly fearful of crossing that line. So if you see him teetering on the edge, reach out a bit and snatch him over-You'll both be glad you did. But whatever you do, know that you are wonderful, wanted, and if you want one-they are definitely there for the taking......Please don't listen to the voice of doom, they don't have your best interests at heart. They will cause you to be worried, insecure, and lonely. These emotions are all a turn off to a potential mate. He is looking for someone secure, confident, and outgoing-or at least personable. So it's extremely important to negate these neg. messages, and EXPECT him to want you. We very often get what we EXPECT from life.....

142 comments:

Lena said...

love this post! the information is so spot on! And love the tips Sara, you are so right! When I stopped believing no man wanted me, and decided to see myself as worthwhile, and attractive.That is exactly when my blond haired sweetie walked into my life! He said he had been watching me for some time, but I seemed so sad, he could not bring himself to approach me. Well, I'm not sad anymore! Life has truly turned around-thank you for trying to help other sisters....

gigi said...

Great Post Sara,
you are right of course. I was in the mall the other day, and a lovely young bw was holding hands happily with her man and having a wonderful time. Well, when they went to go into the movies (our mall has 2) The bm at the door (all 3 Of them)who were busy talking about how fine ww were, all turned to glare at her! Then they proceeded to talk about how wm only wanted bw for sex right in front of the couple! Well, the man's face turned red, and he held up her hand, to show her ring, and said: "As you can see, this beautiful lady is my WIFE! -not just my lover! You should have seen thier faces! It was priceless. The girl just laughed and hugged her husband harder as they walked past. I think more sistas are starting to get it... Yay!!!

Anonymous said...

This may be off topic, but Sara do you think you could do a post on the myth of the bm with bigger d*cks. I really want to talk about it because it's a very pervasive and untrue myth! My husband is hung like a bull, and he's white as snow! He also very much knows how to use his equipment-I'm a very happy woman and would not trade him for all the tea in China.....

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, I certainly appreciate your enthusiasm, but lets try to keep it clean ok....

Jessline said...

GREAT post. I will be saving this one.

sky said...

@ gigi...gurl i was clapping my hands when i read that! whoa! i wish i was there.

yes bw wm/non-bm have it in for you. ok these past two weeks i have been noticing.

#1 i was walking towards my car from the grocery to put my grocery away(ladies always look good at the store i was wearing a long green tube dress). anyway as i was packing my things away in the trunk, this wm was reversing from where he was parking(nxt to my car), now as he was reversing he was looking straight at me while on his cell phone. i just smiled.

#2 i was walking on the side walk heading back to my dorm, i was ready to cross the street when i noticed a UPS truck heading my way. so i waited to see if he would make a left/right turn so that i could decide whether to walk/ not. as i was waiting for some reason i looked at the driver, he was wm and he was looking dead straight at me, just checkin me out while making an opposite turn from where i was. again i just smiled.

#3 this past friday i was walking across this same intersection, now this guy i can't tell if he's hispanic/italian. he had really pretty curly hair, ive seen him around on campus. anyway im walking behind a group of girls(who i don't know). im about maybe 4ft walking distance away from them. as they went across the street he didn't bother look at them, he look striaght at me. then when he made his turn(he was driving his truck), he looked at me again totally checkin me out.

so for the bw out there who don't think men are lookin your way look again. and also make sure you look good. don't have everything hanging out for the world to see. leave some mystery, so that he can keep checkin.o and don't forget to smile.=)

sara i love that pic of the wm/bw close to each other. that is hot!

gabby said...

Sara, love the post.
But I am so sick of bm trying to tell bw wm do not want them! The reason the numbers are so low is because bw will ignore, sidestep and otherwise get rid of the wm chasing her! (they chase very subtley) All bw have to do is smile and let them know she is interested. Just give them some feedback. There was a very, very dark but attractive lady on my block. None of the bm would go near her. They laughed at her, and always called her -black and ugly- Well she started to date an italian man, and then all the bm suddenly started complaining, and calling her DARK AND LOVELY!!! (WTF!) They did everything to break these people up, but it did not work! The lady already knew they were trying to break them up. When the man asked her, she married him! Now they are moving to the suburbs to get away from the dbrbm around here. They are really happy. And she told me-she felt so ugly for years because of her dark skin, but her man thinks it's gorgeous, and calls her "dark satin" because he loves her skin so much. Many, many more of us need to escape, so the bm harems will be empty, and sistas will be smiling instead of always looking sad, and feeling ugly, unwanted, and used.....

Anonymous said...

What I would like to know is: How would a bm know what wm are thinking? They are not going to tell him and he knows it! They know he is going to discourage it, and maybe even get stupid about it. For him to say I have a lot of wm friends and they don't find bw attractive is ridiculous! I'll bet he does not drool over ww when he's with them either, but I'll bet he does with his bm friends! BM are full of sh*t! they are always doing everything in their power to make us feel like sh*t just because so many of us are outpacing them in education, careers, parenthood etc. They're just little boys who need to grow up. Before I met my fiance, I constantly had bm ask me out (only becuz I'm light) and then expect me to pay! They also expected to be sexed, and pampered by a total stranger! They need help! I know they are not ALL bad, but I just don't have an extra lifetime to look for one that's worth a damn! I would never let another bm into my life except family...

Phantom Mare said...

Sky I had something similar when I was at an airshow (a good place to meet guys too.)The only thing was, I took my two boys..lol.

But I went to go get a pretzel and lemonade and I was walking back to where my boys were (teenagers). Before I got back I was noticing a fully uniformed military man with gorgeous blue eyes checking me out. He had a look of 'appreciaton.' Now I do agree also that we do NOT have to have everything hanging out..:o))

I had on a very long denim skirt which brushed the upper parts of my feet,that blew in the breeze, a sleevelss t-shirt like top and a beautiful looooong scarf covering my hair going down my back,that blew gently in the wind. I was at a distance from him but close enough to see those eyes. But I did notice that when the fighter pilots when finished and I turned to leave, I saw him behind me in the crowd(not directly behind me but, just in the crowd.) **I think he caught my perfume too just like the crowd around me did....lol. I was the only one with a crowd around me and was like WHOOOAAA when I turned around.

But yes, look your best, be confident, and **walk like a queen.(one foot in directly front of the other, you'll be surprised at the look of that kind of walk. Try practicing at home.)**

I will be covering those topics in the future on my Hadassah Factor blog.

Taylor-Sara said...

good for you phantom, Now is that the blog I already have for you? Or do you have another because I would like to post the link....

KM said...

Nice pic. ;)

I've made a personal decision to start being nicer and more open in general (not open to be taken advantage of but to be approachable). Over the past two weeks, I've been approached by more men in general but by more WM/AM than usual. I'm wearing my normal outfits (jeans, polos/blouses, nice flats), my hair is in micros, I wear a little makeup. I look nice, presentable, and like a lady.

Right now, at my current job at an inner-city high school, I know a couple of the cops have been checking me out. An older, married sista told me to go and jump on it if one of them asked me out even though they are all white.

Gloryus said...

OF course, that is to be expected, but I get hit on by white guys AND checked out by white guys so much, that I know what that guy wrote isnt really true. I wont say that ALL white men like or are attracted to black women, but there are a LOT who do. From my dating experience, the 'non-ghetto' types of white men will date black women they are attracted to, as long as she presents herself well and isnt too 'ghetto'. There is no way to measure what kind of black women white men are attracted to or how often they find themselves attracted to them; but by the numbers of black women/white men married couples out there, and all the pictures you see on these blogs, a smart person would know that the black guy was just using one of his 'tactics'.... trust me, I know all about those tactics, because at least once a week, I get some retarded black American guy off youtube trying to 'discourage me', by writing all sorts of crap. Yesterday, it was a guy who claimed black women are running on their hands and knees to go 'eat a white man's ass' lol. He obviously has a fixation on the ass of a white man, so I suggested he find himself one, afterall, it shouldnt be his business what's happening in a white guy's bed.

Delishmish said...

had on a very long denim skirt which brushed the upper parts of my feet,that blew in the breeze, a sleevelss t-shirt like top and a beautiful looooong scarf covering my hair going down my back,that blew gently in the wind. I was at a distance from him but close enough to see those eyes. But I did notice that when the fighter pilots when finished and I turned to leave, I saw him behind me in the crowd(not directly behind me but, just in the crowd.) **I think he caught my perfume too just like the crowd around me did....lol. I was the only one with a crowd around me and was like WHOOOAAA when I turned around.

...............

omgoodness Phantom Mare....for a moment even I wanted to date you..lol...

Just kidding folks..I am aware this is NOT lesbianloveandspicebysara.com.....not that there is anything wrong with that..I just prefer a different variety..

OK..in keeping with the thread a little...a lot of times I like to think of myself as wearing a Bose headset...the sounds oof the world are muffled out..and when I WANT to hear something..I take the headsets off..

People need to be more busy and productive in their own lives. I DON'T CARE what some random unknown to me BM thinks....NOT AT ALL...

I do what I want with whom I want. I can, because I am a free woman...and I am certainly not beholden to STRANGERS...

Who cares what this fool has to say (and he IS a fool, based on what he said).... I definitely don't need some BM I don't know thinking he is speaking on my behalf..that is a laughable notion indeed....

Anonymous said...

Sara this is it in a nutshell black women have been so into bm that I believe that other races of men just said forget them and the media promotes this blonde is beautiful and gentlemen [wm] prefer blondes that bw don't even think to go there ,but it seem there is a change in the wind because where I live in the Midwest you see more and more bw with wm than ever before and not the Beyonce Tyra Banks types but the Nell Carter Helen Willis from the Jefferson types.

Sara I''ve been waiting to pull this link out on you and your readers to show it is not only bm promoting this wm don't want you stuff but ww as well, this is from a respected writer journalist Ilana Mercer this is part of a comment about the attractive actress Angela Basset and that she doesn't and black women don't appeal to wm .

Face it, Angela Bassett didn't quite get the juices flowing as the love object of Robert De Niro in "The Score." Perhaps strapping electrodes to a white man's genitals, and shocking him each time Pamela Anderson appears on the screen will turn him on to black actresses for good. Somehow I doubt it. Hormones are politically incorrect. You can take away college placements and Oscars from worthy white guys, but changing their cultural, sexual preferences is a lot harder.

Halle did what Bassett failed to do, but not due to her invisible talent. Halle is simply an improved version of the cookie-cut Hollywood chick. She's a sepia-tinted Charlize Theron: hollow-eyed, marshmallow-cheeked, toothy Theron-type looker, which is why she sells.

she is wrong on some many levels hope you read the rest here's the link

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=26974

Bougie

sky said...

gloryus said..." I get some retarded black American guy off youtube trying to 'discourage me', by writing all sorts of crap."

gurl those youtube bm are pathetic. i really have to wonder if they have any type of job. where do they have the time to sit down and post the crap they do. it's mini episodes they have on there. it's sad and pathetic. but you know what...the more complaining they do the more upward we move on. when they were blaming the gov't, wm, and everything under the sun, we went to school got our college degrees, traveled the world, owned our own business, while they are still complaining about the old gospel. now they're complaining about who we date. if we moved upward in our education life, imagine years from now our dating and marriage life will be.
everyday i tell my friends and family that im going to italy to find my husband. the more i say it the more i believe it, and the more i get excited about it.

don't worry about those youtube fools. they live their lives off of it. hell even some white girls are getting a clue about these bw bashing episodes on youtube....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOL5btXPQbg

one more thing every time i see the pic of the wm/bw close to each other i think that's me and actor ben barnes...o yes *goes off and daydreams* =)

Taylor-Sara said...

Well first of all she's an idiot because she does not seem to know that ALL of De neiro's(sp?)women have been black! And that his current wife is no halle type, but I can tell by his big toothy grin, she definitely gets his juices flowing!!! So this woman can take her stupid ass on.....Gee, I wonder how she would explain Alex Wek, Iman, Whoopi, Michelle (destiny's child) Kelly (destiny's child) -will post pic soon- None of these women look like halle. And I could go on for days, so she does not know what the hell she's talking about as usual. Sounds like someone is jealous that over a million Asian women have 'stolen' white men, and bw seem to be next in line to take their turn.....

Phantom Mare said...

Sara my newer blog is at http://beautyinwardtooutward.blogspot.com (The Hadassah Factor)

I am about to start getting into the Nooks and Crannies. I just did a couple of introduction posts for now.

Delish
LOL! You are a trip.
But I will be giving away a few secrets of mine for my sistas on the blog.

Delishmish said...

Bougie says:
Sara this is it in a nutshell black women have been so into bm that I believe that other races of men just said forget them
..................

DM says:
WRONG AGAIN....where on earth do you get this ridiculous information? Many of US ALWAYS ALWAYS availed ourselves of the multitudes of choice out there...BM are not AUTOMATICALLY the first choice for many BW...just so you know!!!!!

............................

Bougie says:
Sara I''ve been waiting to pull this link out on you and your readers to show it is not only bm promoting this wm don't want you stuff but ww

DM says:
Why on earth do you feel the need to share this with us? Of course the ww is not going to be the biggest cheerleader for the bw (ie COMPETITION...do you think a ww is going to extol the beauty of any race except hers? NOOOOOO)...There is nothing wrong with Angela Bassett...she is a gorgeous sexy fit smart black woman, and a great actress to boot. Why are you using her to make such an ugly point?

Why do I even bother....you know what.. I am done. In fact I am so bored by these "negatives" you (Mr Bougie) LOVE to point out to us, that I am not even going to bother ever replying or even finishing this sen

Clarice said...

Fantastic post sara - especially the part about being open and receptive.
Men follow a woman's lead if a woman is open and friendly i.e. gives the man the benefit of the doubt while vetting him - men will and do eat it up! People especially men are eager for someone to listen - really listen to what they have to say. All men - heterosexual men want and respond to a woman who is pleasant and willing to listen and hear what they have to say. Looking good does not mean always looking like you just stepped away from the MAC makeup counter - just a hint of blush and lipstick will do. Most men especially wm based on input and reactions from WM friends, colleagues and dates like a more natural look - it's approachable. The idea is to focus the man's attention on you as a person not your make up. A smile is the easiest way to get anyone's attention, especially a mans. A smile that reaches your eyes reaches out to people and draws them in. It makes people wonder what you are thinking and want to find out more and investigate. Anonymous said... What I would like to know is: How would a bm know what wm are thinking? They are not going to tell him and he knows it!True that! Men, especially WM are very competitive especially when it comes to women. They see all other males as competition and the rules according to men is you compete to get what you want you do not help the competition - so you do not give away your true interest to a competitor. So of course a WM is not going to say he's attracted to BW to a BM all that matters to the Wm is he knows who he is interested in and keeping ahead of the competition. Ladies this is war and WM and other non-BM want BW - so get your game face on and be happy.


Keep up the great work Sara.

V/r


Clarice

Anonymous said...

Face it, Angela Bassett didn't quite get the juices flowing as the love object of Robert De Niro in "The Score." Perhaps strapping electrodes to a white man's genitals, and shocking him each time Pamela Anderson appears on the screen will turn him on to black actresses for good. Somehow I doubt it. Hormones are politically incorrect. You can take away college placements and Oscars from "worthy white guys, but changing their cultural, sexual preferences is a lot harder.

Halle did what Bassett failed to do, but not due to her invisible talent. Halle is simply an improved version of the cookie-cut Hollywood chick. She's a sepia-tinted Charlize Theron: hollow-eyed, marshmallow-cheeked, toothy Theron-type looker, which is why she sells."



This Envious ass ww OBVIOUSLY started seeing quite a surge in the bw/wm combo. The frequency in which these couples are popping up is too much for her..especially considering that MOST bw/wm couples are attractive and successful which is the usually the complete opposite bm/ww pairing. Why else would her jealous ass be making nasty remarks about BW appeal. She's sadly misaken if she thinks WM don't find Angela Basset Attractive, she's full of shit. I personally know MANY wm who would give thier left nut to be with her. WW foresee that thier time in the spot light is just about up, seeing WM leaving them for AW in DROVES hurts but to see a number of WM opening up to BW (whom they think are the ugly duckling nobody wants) is a huge blow. well they just might as well get used to it because More and more bw are opening up to dating non-black men SPECIFICALLY WM.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, bougie I agree with delish,
why do you feel the need to come here and bring all this negativity? that's kind of odd. I for one, have never trusted you.....

Golden Silence said...

"I constantly had bm ask me out (only becuz I'm light)..."

This happens to me constantly. The only reason why these men talk to me is because I have light skin. Sad. I don't find being called "Lightskinned" and "Redbone" flattering, I find it disgusting. These men are so lookist it makes me sick. Lord forbid I get disfigured, because if I did they'd go running. Beauty is only skin deep and I want someone to appreciate the whole me---inside and out.

I'd love to take the upthread advice to be more open and approachable, but it's not easy. I've been, for lack of a better term, mentally beaten to a bloody pulp by these trifling Negroes that I feel defeated. Every day I leave my house they're hanging out on street corners, at the Metro station, in their cars, on their porches, etc. sexually harassing me and calling me invectives if I don't reply in kind. It greatly angers and saddens me and I'm always on guard, ready for the next attack. I've completely forgotten how to be approachable and friendly and it scares good guys away. I don't want to walk around like a grinning idiot, but I would want to relearn how to come off as approachable again.

Taylor-Sara said...

I'm so sorry Golden. Many of us have been there. The other day my very young daughter was going to the store near my sister's house with a friend. Well these grown BM tried to talk to them! They kept walking,and did not look back. The men went from calling them beautiful queens, to b*tches, h*es and sluts etc! These were two very young girls keep in mind! They both came back in tears! These are the kind of animals bw and their children are dealing with! Every sista who is able, needs to escape the black enclaves as quickly as she can....

Gloryus said...

Sky said:
one more thing every time i see the pic of the wm/bw close to each other i think that's me and actor ben barnes...o yes *goes off and daydreams* =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mmmm Ben Barnes is a gorgeous-looking man. Nice taste you have there ;-)

Golden Silence said...

I get disgusted when I see these grown men talking to girls a fraction of their ages. On the bus months ago, some old man (gray hair and wrinkles) was trying to talk to high school girls. For some reason these girls felt obliged to answer this dirty man's questions. When the girls said "Stop talking to me!" I jumped in and told that old man to leave them alone.

"I ain't talkin' to you!" he said.
"I don't care," I said. "When old men like you talk to young girls, it makes me sick!"

The girls laughed whenever I said something to this man, however, there was a woman chastising me for saying anything to this man.

"Stop it!" she snapped at me. "He gets violent!"

There are a lot of dirty old men preying on young girls and I refuse to stand idly by and watch it go on. And when he finally got off, everyone gave a sigh of relief.

And speaking of constant harassment from misogynistic Black men, I came across this video last night of Black women speaking up about their experiences with street harassment by these men. I've been forwarding it to as many people as I can:

Black Woman Walking

TC said...

Will someone please give BM a slap down about the cat calls? I was hit on starting around 14; so were my friends. One was even propositioned in front of her mom! I've been followed to my job, meaning not only was I scared, I was ticked b/c I had to fill out paper work. Last month one said he saw me from the window---the windows are one floor above me, so this is really creepy. Security knabbed him. I have a neighbor I can't stand who thinks it's acceptable to tell my mom that I could be a Victoria's Secret model. What other group could get away with telling someone's mother that they could model lingerie? I've made a plan. Even if the election isn't stolen and I don't HAVE to go to Canada, I think I'll go anyway. Not only would I have better health insurance, I could get away from these crazy men! I already have the clothes, I'm getting my hair done Friday, checking on my getting my teeth bleached, getting my passport ASAP, and at my next conference I'm looking for a mate b/c I need to get the hell out of Dodge.

Selena said...

I feel you TC. I remember when I was a kid growing up in Detroit, my little sister was hit on the bus as we rode home together one day. She was around 9 or 10 because I had to be between 15 or 16 before my mother would allow either of us to ride by ourselves. Here we are minding our own business sitting near the back of the bus-broad daylight on a bus filled with people who were either going to or coming back from the mall.

Let me tell you I cursed that creep out and embarrassed him something majorily and shouted out how how young she was. I threatened to whip his !@# right on the bus. My sister still talks about that incident today.

I can remember being gawked at, hit on and cat-called as earky as 10 years old. Fortunately I was raised by great parents that ALWAYS told both of us to beware of perverts whenever we left our home.

Pinky has a video on her site that talks about this very same thing

I would love to move to Canada too!!

FYI if anyone rides the bus frequently, always ride in the front of the bus if you can.

Selena said...

Sara,

Iggy Pop? Who'd thunk it!

energize said...

Good you would post about this because a similar message comes straight out of the latest Tyler Perry movie in the scene when Sanaa was sitting on the bed in the hotel. Then, the ww comes in looking down on her and confronts her about the affair she is having with her ww husband. She states (not an exact quote) "you belong right where you are in this little room, "Do you really think William's colleagues would deal with him if you showed up on his arm?"

He has done well building his career off of a large bf audience like most bm. That was the last one for me.

Anonymous said...

@ tc good for you you have a plan now make it happen.

@ golden silence, I agree with you.

I can testify that my Frosty in Canada has a heart of gold.

Good Luck.

Ann F.

Anonymous said...

Also, a few weeks ago I was going to Wal-Mart and I saw a bw in her 40's with her wm also in his 40's holding hands very happily going about their day.

Then at my parttime j o b. An early 50ish wm/bw married couple came in to see my supervisor(their neighbor). I was somewhat surprised and I tried not to show it on my face. However, good for them.

Another day at Wal-Mart- I saw this married 20something wm/bw couple with their cute baby. The guy wore a Texas Univ. cap. I figured most of these couples were coming from more diverse cities and that is good. Mix it up a little. The more bw see wm/bw couples(various age groups) the more relaxed bw will become with dating other race men.

Ann F.

Taylor-Sara said...

Energize, that's what I don't like about Tyler. I know he has overcome some tough hardships, and I certainly give him credit for it. But the messages in his movies seem to be 'take all the mess you possible can-as long as it's from a bm! And also, wm will never really want you-so know that, and accept it! I have a real problem with that message because it's such a freaking lie! I also have a problem with bw who get behind bm like him and help him force other bw back into the box! It's never encouraged in other races for women to marry down, bring their men up, settle, stay quiet-and suffer etc. No other women are encouraged by their communities to be mules -except us! It really pisses me off. I was reading on someone's blog (think Evia's) that they had a IR mixer, and some bw showed up to act a fool and stop the proceedings! lawd have mercy!....

Anonymous said...

This was an excellent post.

This might be a long comment but I have to get this out.

Believe me there are MANY black men who are quick to say “my white friends hardly ever say anything about a black woman being hot). And like this man called Swade said, paraphrasing…that basically they aren’t many white men who want black women based on his experience with very few white men telling HIM that black women are hot.

If this man has the nerve to say to black women, “not many white men want you” then I’m quite curious as to how he portrays black women to white men.

First of all, since allegedly many white men have a “media influenced” perception of black people in general, what WE should be asking this black man is, “Why on earth would a typical “media influenced” white man in his right mind open up to a black man about his TRUE attractions to black women?!”

Um… ding dong!

The “media influenced” white man knows quite well that many black men would be turned upside down with jealousy, and red faced with anger at the very sight of a black women, and white man together in embrace!

Saying that Beyonce, and Tyra Banks is hot is simply a safe route because they’re famous, on top of that…they’re not typical looking black women.

Seriously, how many white men, in company of black men are going to walk pass a REAL black woman (by real I don’t mean to offend light skinned sisters, I’m just using it to describe what most black women look like in terms of skin tone generalizations) and say to his black friend….Whoa, did you see her? Wow!

That’s just asking for trouble, and if you haven’t noticed…many white men will try to avoid “racial” conflicts, especially on the job site.

In a matter of fact, it seems that white men are more likely open up to BLACK WOMEN about their attractions to them…BEFORE BLACK MEN.

I have a white male friend who openly voiced his attraction to white, and Hispanic women…more so Hispanics but I never heard him say anything about black women. If someone said anything about Beyonce or Tyra Banks being hot, he would say, “They’re okay.”

But you see, I got this white guy to open up, and we’re still VERY good friends. I watched his tone of voice very closely (its also good to observe body language, and response extremely close) and I worked with how he responded in our relationship. (Of course, I did this by getting him to talk more about himself…Sara you hit one of the most important points!)

Basically, after a while he just started talking to me about black women. Because we talked about him so much it was as if it was normal to talk about anything else, especially black women. He knew I wouldn’t have this scared, surprised look on my face, and fumble for words…or feel uncomfortable because of something he asked.

After that, he began telling me how he thought this certain black woman, or how this other black woman was sexy, and …oh the yapping! I didn’t mind of course. =D

From then on, he has now openly told me that he is mainly attracted to black women, especially ever since he’s known me because now he has so much more understanding and is comfortable. He’s even let some secrets go that he thought I and certain other black chicks were very hot before we really knew each other that well, which I didn’t believe because he seemed to ignore me…that was until I started bugging him …ha ha! (Sometimes you’ve got to make a move).

But then thinking on this I realized, you never WHO thinks you’re very attractive because quite frankly, if I had a pre “media influenced” view of white men…I’d admire them from a distance, and ignore them right in front of me too! It’s the plain truth.

He basically thought that he had absolutely know chance with black girls as love interests, so why even attempt? (That is until someone had the nerve to show him otherwise, ha ha!)

Too make a long story short, he has now admitted to being VERY attracted to black women, and isn’t afraid to say it.

But never has he truly opened up to his black male associates (though he doesn’t have very much black MALE friends) about his attractions toward black women, and has even admitted that he wouldn’t tell them very much.

~

Basically I have to say this: I don’t believe that black men are anything close to QUALIFIED to say ANYTHING about white men/black women relationships. White men’s attraction to black women, and black women’s attraction to white men ARE STRICTLY BETWEEN BLACK WOMEN & WHITE MEN!


--Mercedes

Delishmish said...

Sara..
thank you for that point about Tyler Perry....for a man who has overcome so much, he certainly continues to do a HUGE disservice to BW in general. This is a message of DOOM..stay with the BM no matter what...I mean really..I was HORRIFIED at the message in "The Family that Preys"....really horrified...and to have the Sanaa character begging her husband to come back to her (while living in what appears to be a motel) EVEN THOUGH he stole over $200,000 from her, and slapped her so hard she went over a counter(in front of her mother and sister who did nothing???? What kind of family members stand by and watch that...no matter what you have done, it would be on! That husband would be on the ground getting beat to a pulp by my family) Granted, her character was written that way...to be unlikeable...she did not deserve that slap.....too much to say about that movie...none of it good..

I do have 2 questions for Monsieur Tyler Perry should he ever visit this site.

1)Why, oh why do you NEVER have any gay black "caricatures" in your movies....because surely these women you depict are not real.

2)Is it fun for you, as a "straight" BM to dress in drag and be this over the top Madea creature.

Just asking.

Oh what the heck..I am going to answer my own questions theoretically, and in a way that is my personal opinion.

Question number 1
I don't think a man who is a closeted gay person would ever have a gay character in his "movie"..because he spends his life preserving the aura of "straightness" so as to appease the church going christian ladies who are his prime audience. Hence he will try to deflect this issue as much as possible EVEN to the detriment of the other characters (ie the BW trying to move on up)He will NEVER have a gay BM character in his movies, but he will have plenty of hot stud type men (who seem to have no place in the movie)

Has anyone EVER seen a so called black movie without one male gay character (a movie not made by Monsieur Perry that is)....NOOOOOOOOO

Question number 2.
I think the character of Madea satisfies the urge to ham it up. Madea is basically the over the top gay (and out) BM dressed as an old BW.
Does anyone actually have a older BW relative who acts like that? NOOOO..but we all have a (or know) a gay bm who is a bit like that...(and by the way..we LOVE THEM...but they are not hiding, and pretending...or telling you to be with a BM at whatever cost...they encourage you to find proper love wherever you can...and wholeheartedly embrace a moving on up philosophy in life in general.

HBC said...

"I get disgusted when I see these grown men talking to girls a fraction of their ages. On the bus months ago, some old man (gray hair and wrinkles) was trying to talk to high school girls. For some reason these girls felt obliged to answer this dirty man's questions. When the girls said "Stop talking to me!" I jumped in and told that old man to leave them alone."
_______________________

It is frightening to me how these predators can feel so comfortable preying on the children in a public place. This could only occur in the "black community".

Sandra77 said...

Sara, I think it was some BM who showed up at the IR mixer to try to disrupt it. At least I hope so - it would be even worse if it were BW trying to sabotage other BW (although that's not exactly unheard of)!

lola said...

Face it, Angela Bassett didn't quite get the juices flowing as the love object of Robert De Niro in "The Score."

The IRONY is that Robert De Niro's wife is BLACK (and of Angela's type) so that journalist used a very bad exemple to "prove" that WM ain't turned on by women like Angela. LOL! Jealousy is a "B". Angela Bassett is 50 and had TWO BABIES, she puts most ww in their 30s to SHAME! WITHOUT PLASTIC SURGERY!! PLEASE!! That's BW for ya, my mom is like her.

WW WISH WM didn't women like Angela. I have mad love for Halle, Beyonce, Tyra and so on, and I'm glad WM love them too (they're sistas!) but WM love BW of ALL shades. WM even OPENLY PRAISED Lauryn Hill's beauty. Gabrielle Union and Nia Long are praised too. Naomi Campbell etc. That ILANA MERCER needs to FACE IT : BW's sexiness and beauty are undeniable and timeless. Cleopatra was venerated by non-BM for a reason.

WW were mad as h*ll when they saw a dark-skinned girl I knew (lost touch with her since) with her white beau. Some white chicks were trying to seduce him to "bring him back home" or something (bm tried to do the same with her!! all of a sudden they wanted to date her). That black girl had a perfect body, was gorgeous without make up (she didn't wear any like Joy Bryant), had a sense of style, was smart, open-minded, educated and making her own cash. She was the total PACKAGE! Needless to say, dude wasn't going ANYWHERE!! LOL!

Anonymous said...

"Another day at Wal-Mart- I saw this married 20something wm/bw couple with their cute baby. The guy wore a Texas Univ. cap. I figured most of these couples were coming from more diverse cities and that is good. Mix it up a little. The more bw see wm/bw couples(various age groups) the more relaxed bw will become with dating other race men."


"Im seeing the same thing even here in the deep south. For some reason wal-mart seem to be a hot spot for ir couples..it used to be only bm/ww couples or ww with biracial kids NOW im seeing LOTS of bw/wm AND bw/hispanic man couples. It's a beautiful sight. You know what else.... im not seeing as many bm/ww couples. Hmmm could it be that the ww are getting tired of bm shitting on them too LOL"

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow! I can't beleive Angela is 50! she's beautiful! and her skin looks like silk!(the avon commercial)

funny you guys should mention Walmart, because I have seen numerous IR couples there. I never really noticed how many before. But I do remember one time in particular. I had taken my little girl to see barbie (who she adored) and there were 2 bw/wm couples with kids waiting to see barbie as well. Well, barbie turned out to be a pretty white teenager dressed in a long pink dress. I had to pull my daughter off of her, she was so happy to meet her. But I remember the two little mixed girls with their white fathers hung back. And one timidly asked her. "Don't you have any black/white barbies-like us?" The teen barbie shook her head no, and said. "Why don't you ask your mommy to dress like barbie-is she blond? The little girl looked confused and then glanced at her little mixed friend. Her friend stepped forward, and said a bit angrily. "Our mommies are not white-our dads are! The teen and all the ww in line snapped their heads toward the white men standing there with their black families. They looked shocked! But both men looked proud as peacocks of their daughters and were both smiling, they didn't seem to notice how shocked and angry the ww were..lol

lola said...

If this man has the nerve to say to black women, “not many white men want you” then I’m quite curious as to how he portrays black women to white men.

And also, what are his motives? What is his agenda? Why would he "warn" me that WM don't want me? Is it because he cares so much about my well-being he doesn't want me to be "used and taken advantage of"? We know that an alarming number of BM don't have our best interests at heart, if WM REAAALLLLY used us and weren't honestly attracted to and interested in us, do you all think that BM would do everything in their power to protect us from them (because they care sooo much)?? Go spread this message on YouTube, Blogs, Message Boards, make MOVIES (the family that preys), all that to PROTECT OUR PRECIOUS LITTLE HEARTS from "de evil WM"?? Cause many of these guys talking about "WM don't want you" act like they're trying protect us from "our enemy". PROTECT US? Since when? LOL!

That's why I keep telling BW who still wonder if they are desired by WM and other non-BM, don't believe anything from anybody who doesn't care for you. Do the BM who tell you those things love BW, plan to share their lives with and give their names to BW? Umhhh...NO! They don't care for you, so they certainly aren't trying to "protect" you.

They're lying to you cause some EGOS got hurt, cause some ppl thought they were "IRREPLACEABLE" and now they're trying to SABOTAGE your chances of finding happiness with a Quality Man of ANY race cause they're mad that you put them and their bullcrap "TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT". That's all!

lola said...

@ Mercedes, I've read the rest of your post, beautiful story!

@ Delish "thank you for that point about Tyler Perry....for a man who has overcome so much, he certainly continues to do a HUGE disservice to BW in general. This is a message of DOOM..stay with the BM no matter what."

I don't really understand why he does this, when he and his mother were physically abused by his father. I really don't get it.

@ Sara "Our mommies are not white-our dads are! The teen and all the ww in line snapped their heads toward the white men standing there with their black families. They looked shocked! But both men looked proud as peacocks of their daughters and were both smiling, they didn't seem to notice how shocked and angry the ww were..lol

HAHA!! Loved it!

sky said...

i love this site

sara that story of the little girls at walmart had me rollin'. they sure are teaching their daughters not to stand for crap! good for them.

about tyler perry i am so glad i caught that movie online. yeah i said it online. im glad i didn't waste my money. this guy has a serious problem w/ successful women. im so happy no one gave that movie a #1 slot. lakeview terrace however did. i have yet to see it, but im planning it on it. no more perry films for me. before i started to open myself to dating, i was happy that tyler was doing films on "black love". now i see his films are no different from the crap we have to put up w/. that's not love, that's insanity. and if i see Sanaa Lathan play a b*tch again im gonna scream!

Anonymous said...

Lola, I completely agree. Why on earth would a black man need to warn US about a lack of white men who want US? Why does he care? My dad is black and in his fifties, and when my mother mentioned the rise in black women/white male relationships he simply said, “It’s always been like that.” as if it wasn’t new or odd. I cracked up because he didn’t even waste a second in responding.

Fortunately, I have an African-American father who is not “damaged beyond repair” but sadly there are very few of those, and I get the feeling that many of them come from a much older generation.

Black women…DON’T LISTEN TO MESSAGES THAT ONLY DISCOURAGE YOU from wanting to be happy with a “good” because he’s of a different ethnic background. DO NOT LISTEN. Think of these messages as the enemy because THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE. You fight this enemy by singling them out, warn others about their evils, and go about your business unaffected by their words.

Someone needs to protect black women from the degrading, two-faced enemy who likes to show-off as helpful, and truthful but in reality is pointing his middle finger at you, angry that you even CONSIDERED escaping the chains of “nothing but a black man” slavery.


---Mercedes

ava said...

Seems like a waste of time to me to constantly worry about what black men are saying about white male/black women relationships. Obviously they are growing. They are all around me. I really could not care less about what they are saying. The rest of you should not care either.

Divalocity said...

Great post by all of you, it is refreshing how all of you speak the truth and we all know the truth will set us all free.

I really love the short film about BW walking. I’ve got write about this because this is so true and it happens to us all on a daily basis, on your job if you let it go on. In your community because everyone thinks that it’s okay. At your daughters schools because boys learn early to disrespect black girls who turn into BW who are harassed by still black boys.

Some of them just don’t want to accept that a lot of women are not interested in them or in being one of their numbers.

TC said...

A friend and I ripped Perry. We hate his films. The pathetic thing is TP is on magazines and Oprah b/c, compared to other black films, his movies are "good." After being forced to watch a film where Ice Cube robs a church, "Why Did I Get Married" seemed like Academy Award material. The BC has crappy movies dominated by BM (sometimes dressed like mammies) and few films made for BW. I don't count films featuring beauty shops---I refuse to relive back when I spent 5-8 hours trapped under a hair dryer while inept stylists took walk ins, LOL.

Besides "Something New," what movies in the last 5 years featured BW in a positive light? Where we had good jobs with good families, where we were faithful wives and good mothers? I can't really recall. All I've seen are recovering crack heads and welfare moms. I've heard people defend Perry by saying he writes about what he knows. I say, hell, make something up! Stephen King doesn't know a killer clown or a telekenetic teenage girl who went psycho at the prom, yet he wrote about them. I'm tired of trashy movies. I'm tired of trashy books where the women are trashy and ghetto and sale drugs. I'm tired of even the normal books that try to throw slang in every now and then, like all black people pepper their speech with "gang-bangers" and "hoods." The only "hood" I know is attached to my Calvin Klein coat, and if I want another hood, I have my Macy's card.

Taylor-Sara said...

You are right TC, there really are very few movies geared toward bw. It seems the only ones that seem to matter are the men. More and more bw are bettering themselves yet all we hear are the negatives. The same old tired stereotypes again and again. I have not seen TP's IR movie. Because I knew the sista was going to be the villian, and I just don't have the energy to see more of that crap! His movies seem so one dimentional- and lacking in imagination! Black men are not the victims of bw! For heaven's sake, I heard that he slaps Sanaa over a table or something, and then she begs him to take her back! What kind of message is that for millions of little black girls??? That's horrible that none of these powerful bm producers seem to be the least bit worried about that!

Selena said...

For heaven's sake, I heard that he slaps Sanaa over a table or something, and then she begs him to take her back! What kind of message is that for millions of little black girls???
*Blank Stare*

Just to think I was about to dig in my pocket to give Ms Perry my first dollar eva.

energize said...

"I was HORRIFIED at the message in "The Family that Preys"....really horrified."
-----
Delish, that is how I felt. I wanted to walk out, but the thought I spent money and it will get better kept me in my seat. Always I go with your instinct.

When more bw start writing, producing and directing we will see a more balanced portrayal of bw. I'll go see "Lakeview Terrace".

Sandz said...

I am going to read the other comments, but a Big Thank you to you.

I think I just wish I hadn't been so scared so long. And had rec'd the positive support years ago.

But the 30's have been a wonderful decade of transformations (that aren't over yet).

I know I will meet a wonderful man soon, and I thank you for the positivity and encouragement.

Anonymous said...

TC... those are great points! I love how you put it.

I would be interested to know what everyone thinks about Lakeview Terrace. I have yet to see it but I understand it's about a bm living next to a bw/wm IR couple. Why are they putting out a movie about how horrible it is for a wm/bw to be together and how it makes sense that a bm should violently go after them? It seems like a subtle message is being sent like "wm stay away from bw or else the bm will come after you". Yet another way to make us seem unapproachable and not worth the effort. I don't know though, I have not seen it yet. If I am reading it incorrectly please enlighten me.

Delishmish said...

TC, assuredly you and your friend are not alone...TPerry just shows how wonderful America really is...if you believe in yourself, and work at the thing you love..you too can make super cr*p movies...and of course we all have the right to NOT watch them if we like...

That is it, in a nutshell as they say (what the heck does that mean anyway? It is a stupid expression...anyhoo....)

As for Oprahs fascination with TP...I think what she is MORE interested in is how this man came from nowhere and is now a multimillionaire..she is interested in the HUMAN-NESS of his story..I doubt she thinks his movies are so wonderful quite frankly....Oprah is fascinated with the "HOW" as is typical of an Aquarian...Anyone who reads the caliber of books she reads and advocates cannot be a real fan of Mr TP...His audience is very specific..and with his latest venture he is TRYING to reach out more broadly..and he thinks he has to make the BW look like a greedy fool to do that..because in the end the ww and bm win...when in fact, he could write it in a better way...maybe the WOMEN win over the men (for example..this promotes general sisterhood between ALL women)...why create divisions between women if not necessary...all ww are not the enemy...(some, but not all...so we MUST give the benefit of the doubt...you could have a good friend lurking in there..but quite frankly, when I left that movie, I was hating (for a sec) the ww..lol)

Well...that's it in a nutshell...and once again in keeping with the thread...Trust your instincts Ladies...YOU KNOW when a man "likes" you...it does not matter what you read...in fact why read things that do not promote your well being..I never click those links...although I did take a look at the Black Woman Walking...that was "great" (whoever posted that)..and I thought those women were gorgeous...

Personally, I think women should harass men on the street too.. (just the cute ones though) ....especially if you are in a group...turn the tables a bit IMO...I do this with my friends from the safety of a car...lol..we catcall, and yell out very rude things (only to older men) and then speed off..very juvenile...but we all really need to release tension by laughing...especially TODAY....NOW.

Golden Silence said...

A friend just forwarded this to me. Another young Black girl killed because a street harasser couldn't hear the word "NO!"

I am very hurt and angry now about this. This isn't the only instance of a Black girl killed in DC by misogynistic, street harassing Black males, nor is this the only instance of this happening anywhere in the US. It's so sad and maddening. What will it take for people to realize that there are predators in our community who want to hurt us?

Sandra77 said...

Sanaa Lathan is a wonderful and talented actress, and I hope that she will finally be able to "cross over" as an actress, so that she won't be forced to accept roles like the one in The Family That Preys in order to work. Or at least, I hope that's why she took that role, and not as an "apology" for "Something New". She caught a lot of flack for that movie from certain factions, and I hope taking this role in Tyler Perry's movie wasn't an attempt at atonement to those factions. I don't know what her feelings are about IR's (I know she mentioned on Oprah that she was in an IR when she attended Yale School of Drama), but I hope she will stand by her true beliefs. And even more, I hope Hollywood will actuallly recognize her talents and cast her in worthy roles.

Taylor-Sara said...

I know I'm going to regret asking because I'm only going to get upset, but Golden what happened to the poor young girl? Do you have the link to the story?

212542 said...

Sanaa Lathan will be in another IR movie with Matthew Broderick called Wonderful World.

pikacute said...

Great post. You know I never thought a guy didn't like me because I was black, I always guy didn't like me because I was ugly. I actually wrote a post about Tyler Perry about my blog. I don't support TP at all. I think we should boycott him. I also think we should boycott Eddie Murphy, I didn't like Norbit. It was a shame when I saw white and asian people going to see Norbit. I wondered is what they think black women are? We are not mammies! If you ever watch the his plays there always two same ideas for everyone. 1. The black woman is treated wrong by her succesful black man so she goes to unsucessful black man who loves her better. 2. Black woman does something she is wrong and blamed but her black man counterpart isn't. I think we should boycott mammie wannabe black men movies. It's stupid that black woman are the main targets for the movie. We should start a boycott.

Alta said...

tc:The only "hood" I know is attached to my Calvin Klein coat, and if I want another hood, I have my Macy's card.
***
Well said!

golden silence, that story is so incredibly sad. I'm glad they caught the pig!

Anonymous said...

I remember being hit on when I was 8 EIGHT years old. This man told me I was cute and tried to talk to me...My mom always told me not to talk to strangers so I act like I don't see him or hear him and the man asked me if I was deaf...LOL.. The act of not seeing a person yet seeing them is a defense mechanism I learned as a child.

Golden Silence said...

It was actually linked in my previous post (where it said "A friend just forwarded this to me"), but here it is again:

http://dcist.com/2008/09/23/woman_killed_in_bizarre_hamburger_s.php

What happened was this: A young Black girl and her mother were sitting on their porch trying to enjoy hamburgers. Some scrub walks up to the girl, tried to hit on her and says he wants her to make him a burger. She rejects him, and his retaliation was to shoot the girl and her mother. The mother lived (with a foot injury) but the girl died.

Makes me sick to my stomach. And of course, the comments on that story are ignorant. People are making jokes about burgers and not giving a damn about the real story and the crime.

Taylor-Sara said...

Oh my God! And those ignorant ass people made jokes about hamburgers-when a little innocent child was just murdered!!! Are bw ever VALUED by the bc??? I'm so horrified, I can't speak right now. No matter what a bm does, it's just a joke,and it's not his fault!! Especially if his victem is a bw! Just like R Kelly. He would have NEVER had the nerve to sex, and piss on a 12 year old white girl because they would have had his balls on a pitchfork!! Sorry for the language y'all, I'm so upset. I'm going to get a cool drink and cool off .......

focusedpurpose said...

hi Sara-

this is my first time actually commenting on your blog. i have been an avid reader/lurker for awhile:-)

thank you for such a yummy truthful post!

white men have always pursued me. i have a deep rich black complexion and shoulder length locks. i feel comfortable in most settings. until recently, i have not been open to white men. truly i felt my place was with a black man. in retrospect, because of the description i just gave to you, uh, let's just say that quest has been less than fulfilling:-) i have not yet learned to take "pretty to be so dark" as a compliment. frankly, at this point i am not trying to learn either.

recently, i was having sushi and a cocktail with myself (having a ball, not BY myself) when i met an older german gentleman. we were both sitting at the bar where there were two ww bartending. these ladies largely ignored us and talked to each other until the gentleman and i really began to have a lively conversation. our conversation seemed to make him a lot more appealing to the bartenders.

he indicated that i looked like his stockbroker ex that moved to paris and the bartenders seemed visibly agitated.

i work with a firm that litigates to eliminate cc debt; this came up in conversation. one of the ww bartenders came over and seemed to "monitor" our conversation---we both had drinks and were comfortable, so it was a little weird but whatever. at some point he shared that he had a black amex among other cards that he would like to eliminate. shortly after that left his mouth the other bartender came to "monitor" as well. she was more aggressive and proceeded to make three shots, one for each bartender and the gentleman with whom i was conversing. her rudeness amused me so i laughed out loud and jokingly chided her for forgetting her manners. she was redfaced hot! that was truly worth the price of admission. the gentleman and i excused ourselves and went to talk out on the patio away from the "monitoring" that escalated into full interference. we have a date this weekend.

at the end of the day, it is as you say, we must love ourselves and know that we are worthy of the best. all others seek to deter us from these truths for selfish reasons. digested lies work to our detriment.

i love your blog! keep up the good work.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow! that was so funny! Especially about her getting angry because someone called her on her rudeness. Isn't it funny that ww always seem to try to jump in and pull wm back to their side. But if wm are not interested in bw, why would you need to do that? I think even they know deep inside wm are VERY interested! Thanks for that story girl-I needed that laugh....

Felicity said...

Sara, it is a very good post as usual, you always give your best. I would say to ladies go out there. You and God are your deciding factor. You start the first move, God does the second to finish. Concentrate on what you want, how you want your man to look and thank God for him, secondly read all the promises that God has put in the bible for you. DO NOT LISTEN TO PERRY, OR WATCH HIS FILMS, ALTHOUGH SOME OF THEM ARE GOOD, MANY OF THEM ENFORCE STEREOTYPES. IR movies written by black women tend to be more positive than IR films written by black men. BM are not stupid, if they can continue pulling the wool over your eyes and they can get other BW fools to carry the touch, they would. The world is changing fast, extremely fast. 2 months ago Lehman Brothers were fine, now they are bankrupt, the same for the Bank of Scotland (HBOS), that was an instution, which was over three hundred years old, now it belong to LLoyds TSB, remember Barrings Bank, still old institution, where is it now gone for dust. Don't let anyone fool you. White men have always wanted and loved black women. If you go back to ancient times, this was normal practice, but because of the history of slavery and yes lots of black women were raped by their white slavemasters or their white overseers. That was a small passage in time. Fast forward to this time, despite that, it has not stopped black men from having white wives, or non-black wives, I may have mentioned, my pastor, who is the senior pastor of my church and is 33 years old, he has a white wife, they have been married for 10 years, and they have a four year old daughter, they dated for three years before they got married. The man is very happy, the other pastor in the other centre in Manchester, also has an Asian wife, he is very happy, the other pastor in Birmingham, he has a white wife and he is very happy. Happiness is a choice, you have to choose to be happy and if you like white or non-black men, God bless you, it is your right to be happy and live the abundant life. John 10:10, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. No-one is an expert in what and how anyone thinks, ww don't know how wm think and bm don't know how wm think, only God and wm know how they think. A lot of wm do like bw, that is why all the demons are coming on youtube and telling us that is not true, or so-called bm who have lots of wm tell us that they only like Halle Berry, or Beyonce etc. So that does not explain, why Alek Wek, Imman, my cousin, Michelle Williams, Eve, Kelly Roland, Venus Williams and many other have white husbands/fiances/boyfriends. Even watching secret millionaire, last night, the black woman was married to a white husband and she had three sons. All sizes of white men with all shapes and shades of black women and they are married to them. These men realise that the days of living off intelligent bw are coming to an end, so they are left with their mothers or Shaquelle and Taswana and even Shaquelle and Taswana are getting white men. Black women land in UK, they get white husbands or whenever they go to they end up getting white husbands, or even if they went to Asian country or whenever they will get snapped up. Only yesterday, my daughter told me that an Iranian told her that there are one million black people living in Iran and he was proud to tell her that, they are more than some other country. Wherever they go, men would want them, and bm running down bw, these men fail to realise everyone watches youtube and look at the statistics and there is a saying what you wish you it will come to pass, when they are busy running down bw, there other men are only to happy to take the black women, and soon black women will be available to bm, because the other non-black men will get in first. So let bm carry on running down bw and telling them wm don't want them. Soon, there will be a lot of gnashing and wailing because Bw would not be available anymore, that good ones that is and they will be crying on tv, saying that can't find a good bw, all of them are taken.

Selena said...

Soon, there will be a lot of gnashing and wailing because Bw would not be available anymore, that good ones that is and they will be crying on tv, saying that can't find a good bw, all of them are taken.

And you know something Felicia? That's happening right now. There is an increasing number of videos on You Tube by bm asking why are bw "leaving" and dating/married wm now.

Golden Silence said...

I hope getting out of DC for the weekend brings some changes---I am sick of being approached by shiftless Negroes! What makes them think I want them? I know there are non-Black guys who find me attractive, but it seems like less of them are coming my way.

I did not appreciate being accosted today (if you want to call it that) by scrubs in a U-Haul truck. It was 2 in the afternoon and "safe" out, but anytime someone pulls up next to me in a vehicle, regardless of the time of day, it makes me nervous.

They beeped their horns at me and it was hard to tune them out.

"I don't appreciate guys in trucks pulling up next to me and harassing me," I said.
"It ain't harassment, I'm just trying to say 'hello'," the passenger (always the passenger side) said.
"I don't want to talk to you!" I said. "Let me walk!" That got me called "crazy bitch." I wish I could've thrown a brick right in that fool's face (that's how close they were to me)---these men really infuriate me.

Normal guys don't go out of their way to make women uncomfortable, and if they do they apologize when they realize it. Abnormal guys with no respect for women don't have that filter that makes them know when they're acting inappropriate towards women. And because the guy's action went from "I want to say hello" to "You're a crazy bitch" it let me know what category he fit in.

I don't mean to take up space with my constant Black-on-Black sexual street harassment stories, but it just has me so defeated. I don't remember the last time I've been approached by a kindly, attractive man, I only get approached by these harassing scrubs (and most of them are old enough to be my grandpa or boys in high school!). And because I've put myself in a shell and am always on guard because of this constant harassment, I've completely forgotten how to be approachable to and to be able to approach good guys.

But I'm getting out of DC for the weekend and hope things change for the better.

Taylor-Sara said...

Golden you just post as much as you like, and get it off your chest. I just don't understand how these men came to be like this! When did it become ok to sexally, verbally, or physically harrass someone? I remember when I was a child, if you treated a woman like that, other men would beat the hell out of you..... looks like chivalry is dead, along with common sense and decentcy for some men...sigh

HBC said...

DC is very well known for street harassment, there was even a blog site dedicated to it. I used to visit the site(but I was taken down for some reason) to read comments made by bw recounting their day to day experiences with street harassers in DC.

I can relate being a light skinned black woman myself living in NYC. They just won't stop coming at you, so your guard is always up anticipating being harassed. It has become really hard for me to let my guard down around men I'm interested in, as a result.

I wear my Ipod a lot but I make an effort to stay alert so that I am always aware of what is going on around me. It really helps with drowning out their rude comments.

lola said...

I just watched "The Family That Preys" online, I was certainly not gonna spend money on that movie, but I wanted to see exactly how IR relationships were portrayed. Here's what pissed me off :

1) Andrea (Sanaa's character) and William (the white guy) are the poor BM's enemies. Andrea tells her husband he will NEVER be like William, when her husband asks her why she has so much money she keeps saying stop asking questions cos its "MY MONEY, MY MONEY". Message 1 : BW & WM are bringing the BM down. Message 2 : BW think they're better than BM just cause they got a degree or/and make more money.

2) Andrea is just a mistress and gets lots of money from William. Message : BW are nothing but highly paid prostitutes to WM, not marriage material.

3) Andrea's MOTHER rejected a white man who wanted to dance with her, whereas William's mother didn't and was partying. Message : BW don't enjoy life and can't have fun.

4) ALL the BW have black husbands, ALL of them. Message : BW belong to BM.

5) The way Chris b*tchslapped Andrea was horrible. She went over to a counter OMG!! And she still takes him back after that and her money being robbed by him. Message : BW would take ANYTHING from a BM, she NEEDS one.

6) William's wife lets Andrea know that her husband's collegues would NEVER deal with him if he showed up with a woman like her. Message : BW are a burden to WM career-wise (I bet Peter Norton and DeNiro would gladly prove the wife wrong).

It's so many things wrong with this movie, but I'll stop here. I'm pissed off.

Golden Silence said...

"DC is very well known for street harassment, there was even a blog site dedicated to it. I used to visit the site (but it was taken down for some reason) to read comments made by bw recounting their day to day experiences with street harassers in DC."

I know, because that was my blog. I ran it for a year (March '07-March '08). I stopped working on it because I was the only one working on it (I asked for volunteers but it was hard to find them), it got to be stressful for me, and I had gotten a lot of trolls and others attacking me, calling me "insane" and saying I was against Black men and Black people and whatnot. Not true.

With all the mess I still go through I've thought about reinstating it, but I just don't want to deal with the scrutiny anymore. Right now, I'll stick with being a blog commenter. Maybe one day I'll restart the blog, but for now I need some peace.

Taylor-Sara said...

Wow lola, thanks for the outline, you saved me from going to see that trash! Ladies please do not give your money to people who do not support you, and don't have your best interest at heart.

Golden, that was very brave (the blog) but I certainly understand being overwhelmed and not feeling like dealing with the constant attacks. It seems no matter how horrible bm act, we are supposed to shut up-and pretend they are the best thing since sliced bread! I for one, could never waste one precious minute of my life on a black man. And I just don't give a damn who does not like me saying that. Yes there are good ones, but they are rarely avail. and what is available is usually a pitiful caricature of a man! But what upsets me the most is that the good ones will stand by and allow the garbage ones to demean, diminish, assault and harm bw and children! Everyone knows the men of the community are supposed to provide and protect! Where the hell is our protection? The other day I went with a friend (spanish friend) to her home in a predominantly spanish area of NY. Well, as we walked along, some BM drunk reached out and squeezed her butt! She screamed, and immediately spanish men (who did not even know her name) came from nowhere and let the drunk have it. After they kicked his behind they told him, he better NEVER disrespect a latino queen like that again. He was very lucky to escape alive and was apologizing profusely. I think we all know that had that been the bc, the men would have run to join in!...

Anonymous said...

There are other blogs dedicated to fighting back against street harassment.

http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/

sky said...

yes lola your outline sums it up perfectly about the movie. (i saw it online as well, i ain't wasting my money).

sara im glad dude got his ass beat. if only that happened more often when disrepectful men get jumped. there would be less of 'em.

Selena said...

Wow Golden I didn't know you ran such a powerful blog! Trolls...watcha gonna do? lol

Maybe when you get the passion again, why don't you try hooking up with the blogger on the site mentioned above? Instead of running one alone maybe contributing to one from a DC point of view may turn out to be a more rewarding experience for you :-)

Anonymous said...

Sara T.
It's so obvious you hate us brothers and are doing everyting in your power to turn other bw against us. Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you! You think cuz you come from a militray mixed family you can treat brothers any kind a way. Anyone can see you think you too good for black men. Well brothas is leavin sorry ass women like you and your deciples anyway. I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!

dee said...

Troll alert!

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, ordinarily I would have deleted you before you ever got posted, but every now and then it's important to let the women know what you fools are thinking. Thanks for your banal, misspelled, unoriginal comments-now be gone..

HBC said...

"I know, because that was my blog. I ran it for a year (March '07-March '08). I stopped working on it because I was the only one working on it..."

_________________________

I thought it was a great blog, too bad you had to stop working on it. I especially loved the photos the women took of the harassers with their camera phones that were posted on the blog.

Taylor-Sara said...

golden, that's sounds like a really interesting, and NEEDED blog! I hope you decide to resurrect it one day. I would loved to have read it.....

sky said...

sara if you don't mind...

annon said..."Sara T.
It's so obvious you hate us brothers and are doing everyting in your power to turn other bw against us"
Obviously she teaching bw to look out for their best interest, whether the man be black/white.

"Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you!"
not as loyal as you think. the conversations i have with many black women is that if they have the chance they'll date any man of any nationality.i would do a soundcheck again if i were you. the world is changing.

"You think cuz you come from a militray mixed family you can treat brothers any kind a way."
She pretty much can. just like you have the right to come here and TRY to insult us.

"Anyone can see you think you too good for black men."
well that's what you think and maybe if that's what you think, then it must be true!

"Well brothas is leavin sorry ass women like you and your deciples anyway."
Praise God!

"I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!"

wait you just discovered that? where have you been. and it's no secret that we are higher in education, higher financially, business owners, bossess, home owners, etc & marrying different races in droves! no annon. it's us who are leaving ya'll! don't believe me. go to youtube type in black women white men, and see how many black men are making videos on how we're leaving ya'lls @$$, see how they complain white men take the best(cuz they're smart about it). and then come back w/ this bulsh*t you wrote. and if that's not even see how many videos they're complaining that ww don't give them the time of day,lol. and if that's still not enough go see just how crazy you look go watch "Lakeview Terrace". if anything ya'll are the ones panicking that we're leaving. bm are NOT a lost to us. Please trust ya'll are REPLACABLE. to the left to the left!

lola said...

@ Sky, thanks for letting us know it was online, it's thanks to you and Delishmish (who talked about Andre going over a counter!!!) that I decided to watch it to see how it was done.

@ Sara, you're welcome. And yes we definitely should boycott people who don't have our best interests at heart.

lola said...

I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!

LOL! Typical. So basically, you're mad at her for not wanting your @ss when you obviously don't want (and USE) BW? Thanks for exposing your hypocrisy! See ladies? That's why y'all shouldn't feel guilty for showing love to men of ALL races.

Selena said...

Troll said:

Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you!

But then said this...

I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!

What's we gon eva do wit out our po black brothas leavin' us ALL alone by AH-selves. Po iz me....Lawd, Lawd, Lawd, how we eva gon survive?

*End scene*

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Sara T.
It's so obvious you hate us brothers and are doing everyting in your power to turn other bw against us. Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you! You think cuz you come from a militray mixed family you can treat brothers any kind a way. Anyone can see you think you too good for black men. Well brothas is leavin sorry ass women like you and your deciples anyway. I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!
.............................

Yo...ILLITERATE DUDE: NEWSFLASH

I doubt Sara hates you because she does not KNOW YOU. It is more like she could give a rats arse about you... She is indifferent to YOU (Do you understand that?)...which is WORSE than hate...and guess what dude...
she is NOT ALONE..and NEVER HAS BEEN..Some of us have never even BEEN with a black man...and have no desire or interest in that.

How about THEM APPLES!!!!!

Delishmish said...

HTIC (Head Troll in Charge) said:

I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!
..........

Our very own regular and brilliant commenter Selena said:

What's we gon eva do wit out our po black brothas leavin' us ALL alone by AH-selves. Po iz me....Lawd, Lawd, Lawd, how we eva gon survive?

*End scene*
...........

Delishmish said:

OH SNAP........

ROFLMAOFF Selena..
Hold UP...I thought I was known as the comedienne around these parts...

you have OUTDONE me today babe...

TAKE A BOW!!!!!!!

PS...What happens in Act 2???? ROFLMAO!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Foolish bm said:
"It's so obvious you hate us brothers and are doing everyting in your power to turn other bw against us. Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you! You think cuz you come from a militray mixed family you can treat brothers any kind a way. Anyone can see you think you too good for black men. Well brothas is leavin sorry ass women like you and your deciples anyway. I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!"
___________________________________

Thank you for leaving this comment on the board! He made your point (almost) better than you did. If bw had any doubt about whether or not to broaden their horizons and seek quality men outside the bc, then this guy will definitely push those doubts right out of their minds. Illiterate, hypocritical, insulting... just plain ridiculous!

CW said...

Like the old saying goes...

"Let the opposition make your case for ya!"

Gloryus said...

Damn Lola and Sky: You guys should hook this girl up with that 'interesting online method of watching movies' lol. I did go see the Family that Preys because Im a fan of Sanaa Lathan (someone's got to put money in the chick's pocket).

to Anon at 9:16am:
I know you are still going to read this blog, while hiding under a shameful cover. This blog is for black women who AlREADY prefer to date interracially (as do I, Sara and some others) or women who are interested in dating interracially. You contradict yourself tremendously by claiming you are glad black women are 'loyal', while stating your 'secret' knowledge of you guys wanting white women; that spells out HYPOCRICY. Look here boy, I dont really care about black men dating white or other nonblack women (REALLY I dont), because I think we are all free to date whoever we want, regardless of race. So you can lust after white women all you want, but I also WILL have MY preference for Vanilla hunks, especially the Italian-looking ones (ok I should stop describing lol). What I dont support is a stupid person thinking he has ANY right whatsoever, to chastize black women for dating/marrying interracially or even expressing interest in doing so, WHILE HE DOES THE EXACT SAME THING. I have no problem with interracial dating and I dont give people problem for it, but why should I RECEIVE problems for doing so anyway? Do you dig what Im saying? Im a feminist by the way, so EQUALITY always rule in my book :-). You can also catch me on youtube in my spare time calling out some ignorant fools like yourself who make 1,000,000 videos a day trying to degrade black women, while complaining about black women running to the white man or how the black woman and the white man keep them down lol. Dont forget to check me out :-) Toodles!

http://www.youtube.com/user/gloryus84

jess said...

Anonymous said...
Sara T.
It's so obvious you hate us brothers and are doing everyting in your power to turn other bw against us. Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you! You think cuz you come from a militray mixed family you can treat brothers any kind a way. Anyone can see you think you too good for black men. Well brothas is leavin sorry ass women like you and your deciples anyway. I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!

September 25, 2008 9:16 AM
^^^DBR ALERT!!DBR ALERT!!!LMAO^^^^

Anonymous said...

"It's so obvious you hate us brothers and are doing everyting in your power to turn other bw against us."


It's so obvious you sorry damaged pitiful black boys hate yourself and are doing everything in your power to turn the WORLD against you're self-hating behinds.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED fool! Keep showing your a**'s to the world and it just CONFIRMS everything MOST people already thought about you losers!LOL




"Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you!"



It's a SORRY thing, but the GOOD thing is fools like yourself are HELPING us in this movement to wake black women UP.

Remember sistas "loyal" = STUPID/MAMMY/SACRIFICIAL LAMB/VICTIM

That's ALL that "loyal" means. Someone to "get over on".



"You think cuz you come from a militray mixed family you can treat brothers any kind a way. Anyone can see you think you too good for black men."


Honey ANY black woman with common sense - and self-respect - IS too good for ANY of ya'll damaged beyond repair black boys.

MANY of y'all have not deserved the title of men for DECADES.



"Well brothas is leavin sorry ass women like you and your deciples anyway."


Well... "brothas" as damaged as yourself NEVER STOOD A CHANCE of being with beautiful, intelligent, self-respecting black women TO BEGIN WITH.

You cant lose what you never had to begin with fool!LOL



"I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!"


Let me tell YOU a little secret hun. EVERYONE knows ya'll would F*CK A POLAR BEAR (and maybe ya'll do) because it's white.LOL

Your self-hatred is WELL KNOWN INTERNATIONALLY. That's why even the white trash ya'll screw (and ANY WW who would debase herself to be with a self-hating black boy like yourself and your ilk WOULD have to be TRASH) don't really respect you. Either they're racist themselves and just want someone to kiss their a** simply BECAUSE they're white (and let's face it, "brothas" have turned it into an art form.lol) OR they're simply USING ya'll for your money.

Those of you who do have a pot to piss in and aren't in jail, the DL, homeless, unemployed, etc...

Most WW are simply trading white flesh for a quick buck or an ego stroke.

And it's COMMON KNOWLEDGE.

I'll let YOU in on another little "secret".lol

MOST black women still wasting time with your sorry buts, are doing it out of PITY and a sorry attempt (that's failing) at "saving the black race".

They've been brainwashed to go against their own self-interest in order to prop up the po mentally enslaved BM's damaged ego.

They're simply trying to make you boys feel like men since most of ya'll DON'T compare to other actual men of other races who provide for, uplift, and protect their women and CHILDREN.

Who BUILD their communities instead of TEARING THEM DOWN.

When it comes to those black women still with ya'll DBR boys, IT'S ALL A FACADE.

An ACT.

They're desperately hoping that if they continue pretending ya'll are like other men, one day ya'll will actually BE like other men.

But that's a losing propasition because it's simply NOT in a DBBM's nature to protect, uplift, and defend black women and their own black children.

Ya'll DBRBM are simply different - and unequal - to the White men, Asian men, and others who DO protect, uplift, and defend their women and children significantly and statisically more.

I've got NEWS for you troll and your "brothas".

MORE AND MORE sistas don't give a BLIP about this "black community"/"saving the race" CRAP.

We SEE who the REAL devil is and he ain't white.

Growing numbers of sistas are looking out for the welfare (and success) of THEMSELVES and their future children.

Dating, mating, and pro-creating OUT with GOOD WM and other non "brothas".

F*CK the Titanic that most blacks - and most certainly "brothas" are on.

And trust we WON'T be tossing ya'll a life preserver when the "evil WM" is "oppressing" your poor little selves.

Ya'll will have to turn to your trusty WW to defend you! Ha Ha...SMH LOL

Now we ALL KNOW how "dependable" Miss Ann is in THAT department!ROFLMAO

Man... The future is going to get VERY interesting indeed.

You think of THAT troll. Mull over it. And pass the word along to your "crew".

The list of celebrity (AND NON) black AND half black biracial (You go ahead miss Halle with your FINE a** white man and beautiful baby girl!) sistas NOT having anything to do with sorry self-hating and mutant "brothas" is growing EVERY DAY.

Trolls see it, and we ALL see it.

And what a BEAUTIFUL thing it is.

Selena said...

PS...What happens in Act 2???? ROFLMAO!!!!!!

Opening scene:

We's all hopped on da Freedom Train totin' lanterns (in complete headwrap and moo-moos) desperately searched for ah strong, strapping delusional kneegrows.

*Fading to black*

CTFU!!

Andrew said...

Dear Sara

I found this topic interesting. Your previous topic about Sarah Palin was boring. All men check out attractive women regardless of color. Just because a white man checks you out does not mean he wants a serious relationship you.

If that was the case, than there wouldn't be so many single black women. You continue to hold this grudge against black men dating white women. Most of your readers continue to harbor these feelings too but they can't seem to keep their interracial relationships together past 3 years.

I figure you will blame black men for the high divorce rate among black women and white men. The fact remains that black men will continue to be with black women no matter what you do.

The real problem is the infighting with black women. For example I currently know black women with white men who have sex with black men. That sort of behavior is why White men will never take you serious.

A house divided will never stand.

Good day

Anonymous said...

Hi Sara wanted to recommend a bw/wm movie I saw years ago that's out on video named "Mamma there's a Man in your Bed" it's a french subtitled movie from 1989 that I think you and your readers would love, it is so superior to any black woman lead film I've seen in a long time in the U.S and shows that even in the late eighties Europeans were more progressive than American dealing with bw/wm relationships .The lead actress is a full figured 100% African Woman and the lead actor is Daniel Auteuil France's biggest male star ,they wanted to remake in America but had a change of heart which is probaly good.

If you don't want to purchase it try the library interloan program ,blockbuster, netflix etc ,I think you'll will like it heres's link to the reviews

http://www.amazon.com/Mama-Theres-Man-Your-Bed/dp/B00004RLRG


http://filmsdefrance.com/FDF_Romuald_et_Juliette_rev.html

Bougie

Anonymous said...

Andrew claimed (lied)...

"Most of your readers continue to harbor these feelings too but they can't seem to keep their interracial relationships together past 3 years."

http://evolvingslices.typepad.com/4_black_female_interracia/2008/08/romance-when-a.html

Enough said.

Isn't it interesting how Andrew knows so much about us without actually knowing a single one of us?

Typical and to be expected.

Taylor-Sara said...

Andrew I don't know what the hell you're talking about, and apparently neither do you! Why do you come here? You have never answered that question-even though I have asked it several times. THIS IS A BLACK WOMAN'S BOARD-OK!!! That means there is NO reason for you to be here. You seem to be reading every word we say for some strange reason, even though it obviously upsets you. That's just stupid. I could not tell you what your board looks like or how to find it because I just don't give a rat's ass about anything you say, therefore you could not pay me to read it. As for your claim that I am upset about bm and ww, quite the contrary. I am not upset about that at all. I thank ww for taking all these shiftless fools off our hands. But I am upset that when bw do what y'all hypocrites have been doing for ages, she is ridiculed, harrassed, verbally and sometimes even physically assaulted. I have a real problem with that! As I said before, I think you may be a bit obsessed with me, and you should see someone about that. Why else would you come here time and again after I have asked you to stay away. Only obsessed people want to be where they are clearly not wanted. As for a house divided, don't go there. When 95% fo our attackers are BLACK MEN!!! How dare you come here and insult our intelligence with that bullsh*t! How can bm be our allies when they are our persecutors over 90% of the time! You must have fallen and hit your head! bw being beaten, raped, harrassed, and treated like compost is status quo in the bc and everyone knows it. And everyone knows who their tormentors are! Are you now trying to say now, that they now intend to protect bw, provide for their abandoned children, stop selling drugs and become productive, stop using, tormenting, and hurting bw, and be husbands instead of baby-daddies- YEAH RIGHT!!! and I believe in Santa, the easter bunny, the tooth fairy, snow white....

Phantom Mare said...

95 CommentsClose this window Jump to comment form
Lena said...
love this post! the information is so spot on! And love the tips Sara, you are so right! When I stopped believing no man wanted me, and decided to see myself as worthwhile, and attractive.That is exactly when my blond haired sweetie walked into my life! He said he had been watching me for some time, but I seemed so sad, he could not bring himself to approach me. Well, I'm not sad anymore! Life has truly turned around-thank you for trying to help other sisters....

September 21, 2008 8:58 AM


gigi said...
Great Post Sara,
you are right of course. I was in the mall the other day, and a lovely young bw was holding hands happily with her man and having a wonderful time. Well, when they went to go into the movies (our mall has 2) The bm at the door (all 3 Of them)who were busy talking about how fine ww were, all turned to glare at her! Then they proceeded to talk about how wm only wanted bw for sex right in front of the couple! Well, the man's face turned red, and he held up her hand, to show her ring, and said: "As you can see, this beautiful lady is my WIFE! -not just my lover! You should have seen thier faces! It was priceless. The girl just laughed and hugged her husband harder as they walked past. I think more sistas are starting to get it... Yay!!!

September 21, 2008 9:03 AM


Anonymous said...
This may be off topic, but Sara do you think you could do a post on the myth of the bm with bigger d*cks. I really want to talk about it because it's a very pervasive and untrue myth! My husband is hung like a bull, and he's white as snow! He also very much knows how to use his equipment-I'm a very happy woman and would not trade him for all the tea in China.....

September 21, 2008 9:10 AM


Taylor-Sara said...
Anon, I certainly appreciate your enthusiasm, but lets try to keep it clean ok....

September 21, 2008 9:29 AM


Jessline said...
GREAT post. I will be saving this one.

September 21, 2008 2:11 PM


sky said...
@ gigi...gurl i was clapping my hands when i read that! whoa! i wish i was there.

yes bw wm/non-bm have it in for you. ok these past two weeks i have been noticing.

#1 i was walking towards my car from the grocery to put my grocery away(ladies always look good at the store i was wearing a long green tube dress). anyway as i was packing my things away in the trunk, this wm was reversing from where he was parking(nxt to my car), now as he was reversing he was looking straight at me while on his cell phone. i just smiled.

#2 i was walking on the side walk heading back to my dorm, i was ready to cross the street when i noticed a UPS truck heading my way. so i waited to see if he would make a left/right turn so that i could decide whether to walk/ not. as i was waiting for some reason i looked at the driver, he was wm and he was looking dead straight at me, just checkin me out while making an opposite turn from where i was. again i just smiled.

#3 this past friday i was walking across this same intersection, now this guy i can't tell if he's hispanic/italian. he had really pretty curly hair, ive seen him around on campus. anyway im walking behind a group of girls(who i don't know). im about maybe 4ft walking distance away from them. as they went across the street he didn't bother look at them, he look striaght at me. then when he made his turn(he was driving his truck), he looked at me again totally checkin me out.

so for the bw out there who don't think men are lookin your way look again. and also make sure you look good. don't have everything hanging out for the world to see. leave some mystery, so that he can keep checkin.o and don't forget to smile.=)

sara i love that pic of the wm/bw close to each other. that is hot!

September 21, 2008 2:54 PM


gabby said...
Sara, love the post.
But I am so sick of bm trying to tell bw wm do not want them! The reason the numbers are so low is because bw will ignore, sidestep and otherwise get rid of the wm chasing her! (they chase very subtley) All bw have to do is smile and let them know she is interested. Just give them some feedback. There was a very, very dark but attractive lady on my block. None of the bm would go near her. They laughed at her, and always called her -black and ugly- Well she started to date an italian man, and then all the bm suddenly started complaining, and calling her DARK AND LOVELY!!! (WTF!) They did everything to break these people up, but it did not work! The lady already knew they were trying to break them up. When the man asked her, she married him! Now they are moving to the suburbs to get away from the dbrbm around here. They are really happy. And she told me-she felt so ugly for years because of her dark skin, but her man thinks it's gorgeous, and calls her "dark satin" because he loves her skin so much. Many, many more of us need to escape, so the bm harems will be empty, and sistas will be smiling instead of always looking sad, and feeling ugly, unwanted, and used.....

September 21, 2008 3:07 PM


Anonymous said...
What I would like to know is: How would a bm know what wm are thinking? They are not going to tell him and he knows it! They know he is going to discourage it, and maybe even get stupid about it. For him to say I have a lot of wm friends and they don't find bw attractive is ridiculous! I'll bet he does not drool over ww when he's with them either, but I'll bet he does with his bm friends! BM are full of sh*t! they are always doing everything in their power to make us feel like sh*t just because so many of us are outpacing them in education, careers, parenthood etc. They're just little boys who need to grow up. Before I met my fiance, I constantly had bm ask me out (only becuz I'm light) and then expect me to pay! They also expected to be sexed, and pampered by a total stranger! They need help! I know they are not ALL bad, but I just don't have an extra lifetime to look for one that's worth a damn! I would never let another bm into my life except family...

September 21, 2008 3:25 PM


Phantom Mare said...
Sky I had something similar when I was at an airshow (a good place to meet guys too.)The only thing was, I took my two boys..lol.

But I went to go get a pretzel and lemonade and I was walking back to where my boys were (teenagers). Before I got back I was noticing a fully uniformed military man with gorgeous blue eyes checking me out. He had a look of 'appreciaton.' Now I do agree also that we do NOT have to have everything hanging out..:o))

I had on a very long denim skirt which brushed the upper parts of my feet,that blew in the breeze, a sleevelss t-shirt like top and a beautiful looooong scarf covering my hair going down my back,that blew gently in the wind. I was at a distance from him but close enough to see those eyes. But I did notice that when the fighter pilots when finished and I turned to leave, I saw him behind me in the crowd(not directly behind me but, just in the crowd.) **I think he caught my perfume too just like the crowd around me did....lol. I was the only one with a crowd around me and was like WHOOOAAA when I turned around.

But yes, look your best, be confident, and **walk like a queen.(one foot in directly front of the other, you'll be surprised at the look of that kind of walk. Try practicing at home.)**

I will be covering those topics in the future on my Hadassah Factor blog.

September 21, 2008 3:42 PM


Taylor-Sara said...
good for you phantom, Now is that the blog I already have for you? Or do you have another because I would like to post the link....

September 21, 2008 4:09 PM


KM said...
Nice pic. ;)

I've made a personal decision to start being nicer and more open in general (not open to be taken advantage of but to be approachable). Over the past two weeks, I've been approached by more men in general but by more WM/AM than usual. I'm wearing my normal outfits (jeans, polos/blouses, nice flats), my hair is in micros, I wear a little makeup. I look nice, presentable, and like a lady.

Right now, at my current job at an inner-city high school, I know a couple of the cops have been checking me out. An older, married sista told me to go and jump on it if one of them asked me out even though they are all white.

September 21, 2008 4:47 PM


Gloryus said...
OF course, that is to be expected, but I get hit on by white guys AND checked out by white guys so much, that I know what that guy wrote isnt really true. I wont say that ALL white men like or are attracted to black women, but there are a LOT who do. From my dating experience, the 'non-ghetto' types of white men will date black women they are attracted to, as long as she presents herself well and isnt too 'ghetto'. There is no way to measure what kind of black women white men are attracted to or how often they find themselves attracted to them; but by the numbers of black women/white men married couples out there, and all the pictures you see on these blogs, a smart person would know that the black guy was just using one of his 'tactics'.... trust me, I know all about those tactics, because at least once a week, I get some retarded black American guy off youtube trying to 'discourage me', by writing all sorts of crap. Yesterday, it was a guy who claimed black women are running on their hands and knees to go 'eat a white man's ass' lol. He obviously has a fixation on the ass of a white man, so I suggested he find himself one, afterall, it shouldnt be his business what's happening in a white guy's bed.

September 21, 2008 7:11 PM


Delishmish said...
had on a very long denim skirt which brushed the upper parts of my feet,that blew in the breeze, a sleevelss t-shirt like top and a beautiful looooong scarf covering my hair going down my back,that blew gently in the wind. I was at a distance from him but close enough to see those eyes. But I did notice that when the fighter pilots when finished and I turned to leave, I saw him behind me in the crowd(not directly behind me but, just in the crowd.) **I think he caught my perfume too just like the crowd around me did....lol. I was the only one with a crowd around me and was like WHOOOAAA when I turned around.

...............

omgoodness Phantom Mare....for a moment even I wanted to date you..lol...

Just kidding folks..I am aware this is NOT lesbianloveandspicebysara.com.....not that there is anything wrong with that..I just prefer a different variety..

OK..in keeping with the thread a little...a lot of times I like to think of myself as wearing a Bose headset...the sounds oof the world are muffled out..and when I WANT to hear something..I take the headsets off..

People need to be more busy and productive in their own lives. I DON'T CARE what some random unknown to me BM thinks....NOT AT ALL...

I do what I want with whom I want. I can, because I am a free woman...and I am certainly not beholden to STRANGERS...

Who cares what this fool has to say (and he IS a fool, based on what he said).... I definitely don't need some BM I don't know thinking he is speaking on my behalf..that is a laughable notion indeed....

September 21, 2008 7:39 PM


Anonymous said...
Sara this is it in a nutshell black women have been so into bm that I believe that other races of men just said forget them and the media promotes this blonde is beautiful and gentlemen [wm] prefer blondes that bw don't even think to go there ,but it seem there is a change in the wind because where I live in the Midwest you see more and more bw with wm than ever before and not the Beyonce Tyra Banks types but the Nell Carter Helen Willis from the Jefferson types.

Sara I''ve been waiting to pull this link out on you and your readers to show it is not only bm promoting this wm don't want you stuff but ww as well, this is from a respected writer journalist Ilana Mercer this is part of a comment about the attractive actress Angela Basset and that she doesn't and black women don't appeal to wm .

Face it, Angela Bassett didn't quite get the juices flowing as the love object of Robert De Niro in "The Score." Perhaps strapping electrodes to a white man's genitals, and shocking him each time Pamela Anderson appears on the screen will turn him on to black actresses for good. Somehow I doubt it. Hormones are politically incorrect. You can take away college placements and Oscars from worthy white guys, but changing their cultural, sexual preferences is a lot harder.

Halle did what Bassett failed to do, but not due to her invisible talent. Halle is simply an improved version of the cookie-cut Hollywood chick. She's a sepia-tinted Charlize Theron: hollow-eyed, marshmallow-cheeked, toothy Theron-type looker, which is why she sells.

she is wrong on some many levels hope you read the rest here's the link

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=26974

Bougie

September 21, 2008 7:44 PM


sky said...
gloryus said..." I get some retarded black American guy off youtube trying to 'discourage me', by writing all sorts of crap."

gurl those youtube bm are pathetic. i really have to wonder if they have any type of job. where do they have the time to sit down and post the crap they do. it's mini episodes they have on there. it's sad and pathetic. but you know what...the more complaining they do the more upward we move on. when they were blaming the gov't, wm, and everything under the sun, we went to school got our college degrees, traveled the world, owned our own business, while they are still complaining about the old gospel. now they're complaining about who we date. if we moved upward in our education life, imagine years from now our dating and marriage life will be.
everyday i tell my friends and family that im going to italy to find my husband. the more i say it the more i believe it, and the more i get excited about it.

don't worry about those youtube fools. they live their lives off of it. hell even some white girls are getting a clue about these bw bashing episodes on youtube....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOL5btXPQbg

one more thing every time i see the pic of the wm/bw close to each other i think that's me and actor ben barnes...o yes *goes off and daydreams* =)

September 21, 2008 8:30 PM


Taylor-Sara said...
Well first of all she's an idiot because she does not seem to know that ALL of De neiro's(sp?)women have been black! And that his current wife is no halle type, but I can tell by his big toothy grin, she definitely gets his juices flowing!!! So this woman can take her stupid ass on.....Gee, I wonder how she would explain Alex Wek, Iman, Whoopi, Michelle (destiny's child) Kelly (destiny's child) -will post pic soon- None of these women look like halle. And I could go on for days, so she does not know what the hell she's talking about as usual. Sounds like someone is jealous that over a million Asian women have 'stolen' white men, and bw seem to be next in line to take their turn.....

September 21, 2008 8:40 PM


Phantom Mare said...
Sara my newer blog is at http://beautyinwardtooutward.blogspot.com (The Hadassah Factor)

I am about to start getting into the Nooks and Crannies. I just did a couple of introduction posts for now.

Delish
LOL! You are a trip.
But I will be giving away a few secrets of mine for my sistas on the blog.

September 21, 2008 8:52 PM


Delishmish said...
Bougie says:
Sara this is it in a nutshell black women have been so into bm that I believe that other races of men just said forget them
..................

DM says:
WRONG AGAIN....where on earth do you get this ridiculous information? Many of US ALWAYS ALWAYS availed ourselves of the multitudes of choice out there...BM are not AUTOMATICALLY the first choice for many BW...just so you know!!!!!

............................

Bougie says:
Sara I''ve been waiting to pull this link out on you and your readers to show it is not only bm promoting this wm don't want you stuff but ww

DM says:
Why on earth do you feel the need to share this with us? Of course the ww is not going to be the biggest cheerleader for the bw (ie COMPETITION...do you think a ww is going to extol the beauty of any race except hers? NOOOOOO)...There is nothing wrong with Angela Bassett...she is a gorgeous sexy fit smart black woman, and a great actress to boot. Why are you using her to make such an ugly point?

Why do I even bother....you know what.. I am done. In fact I am so bored by these "negatives" you (Mr Bougie) LOVE to point out to us, that I am not even going to bother ever replying or even finishing this sen

September 21, 2008 8:52 PM


Clarice said...
Fantastic post sara - especially the part about being open and receptive.
Men follow a woman's lead if a woman is open and friendly i.e. gives the man the benefit of the doubt while vetting him - men will and do eat it up! People especially men are eager for someone to listen - really listen to what they have to say. All men - heterosexual men want and respond to a woman who is pleasant and willing to listen and hear what they have to say. Looking good does not mean always looking like you just stepped away from the MAC makeup counter - just a hint of blush and lipstick will do. Most men especially wm based on input and reactions from WM friends, colleagues and dates like a more natural look - it's approachable. The idea is to focus the man's attention on you as a person not your make up. A smile is the easiest way to get anyone's attention, especially a mans. A smile that reaches your eyes reaches out to people and draws them in. It makes people wonder what you are thinking and want to find out more and investigate. Anonymous said... What I would like to know is: How would a bm know what wm are thinking? They are not going to tell him and he knows it!True that! Men, especially WM are very competitive especially when it comes to women. They see all other males as competition and the rules according to men is you compete to get what you want you do not help the competition - so you do not give away your true interest to a competitor. So of course a WM is not going to say he's attracted to BW to a BM all that matters to the Wm is he knows who he is interested in and keeping ahead of the competition. Ladies this is war and WM and other non-BM want BW - so get your game face on and be happy.


Keep up the great work Sara.

V/r


Clarice

September 21, 2008 8:55 PM


Anonymous said...
Face it, Angela Bassett didn't quite get the juices flowing as the love object of Robert De Niro in "The Score." Perhaps strapping electrodes to a white man's genitals, and shocking him each time Pamela Anderson appears on the screen will turn him on to black actresses for good. Somehow I doubt it. Hormones are politically incorrect. You can take away college placements and Oscars from "worthy white guys, but changing their cultural, sexual preferences is a lot harder.

Halle did what Bassett failed to do, but not due to her invisible talent. Halle is simply an improved version of the cookie-cut Hollywood chick. She's a sepia-tinted Charlize Theron: hollow-eyed, marshmallow-cheeked, toothy Theron-type looker, which is why she sells."



This Envious ass ww OBVIOUSLY started seeing quite a surge in the bw/wm combo. The frequency in which these couples are popping up is too much for her..especially considering that MOST bw/wm couples are attractive and successful which is the usually the complete opposite bm/ww pairing. Why else would her jealous ass be making nasty remarks about BW appeal. She's sadly misaken if she thinks WM don't find Angela Basset Attractive, she's full of shit. I personally know MANY wm who would give thier left nut to be with her. WW foresee that thier time in the spot light is just about up, seeing WM leaving them for AW in DROVES hurts but to see a number of WM opening up to BW (whom they think are the ugly duckling nobody wants) is a huge blow. well they just might as well get used to it because More and more bw are opening up to dating non-black men SPECIFICALLY WM.

September 21, 2008 8:57 PM


Anonymous said...
Yeah, bougie I agree with delish,
why do you feel the need to come here and bring all this negativity? that's kind of odd. I for one, have never trusted you.....

September 21, 2008 9:34 PM


Golden Silence said...
"I constantly had bm ask me out (only becuz I'm light)..."

This happens to me constantly. The only reason why these men talk to me is because I have light skin. Sad. I don't find being called "Lightskinned" and "Redbone" flattering, I find it disgusting. These men are so lookist it makes me sick. Lord forbid I get disfigured, because if I did they'd go running. Beauty is only skin deep and I want someone to appreciate the whole me---inside and out.

I'd love to take the upthread advice to be more open and approachable, but it's not easy. I've been, for lack of a better term, mentally beaten to a bloody pulp by these trifling Negroes that I feel defeated. Every day I leave my house they're hanging out on street corners, at the Metro station, in their cars, on their porches, etc. sexually harassing me and calling me invectives if I don't reply in kind. It greatly angers and saddens me and I'm always on guard, ready for the next attack. I've completely forgotten how to be approachable and friendly and it scares good guys away. I don't want to walk around like a grinning idiot, but I would want to relearn how to come off as approachable again.

September 21, 2008 11:15 PM


Taylor-Sara said...
I'm so sorry Golden. Many of us have been there. The other day my very young daughter was going to the store near my sister's house with a friend. Well these grown BM tried to talk to them! They kept walking,and did not look back. The men went from calling them beautiful queens, to b*tches, h*es and sluts etc! These were two very young girls keep in mind! They both came back in tears! These are the kind of animals bw and their children are dealing with! Every sista who is able, needs to escape the black enclaves as quickly as she can....

September 21, 2008 11:28 PM


Gloryus said...
Sky said:
one more thing every time i see the pic of the wm/bw close to each other i think that's me and actor ben barnes...o yes *goes off and daydreams* =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mmmm Ben Barnes is a gorgeous-looking man. Nice taste you have there ;-)

September 21, 2008 11:34 PM


Golden Silence said...
I get disgusted when I see these grown men talking to girls a fraction of their ages. On the bus months ago, some old man (gray hair and wrinkles) was trying to talk to high school girls. For some reason these girls felt obliged to answer this dirty man's questions. When the girls said "Stop talking to me!" I jumped in and told that old man to leave them alone.

"I ain't talkin' to you!" he said.
"I don't care," I said. "When old men like you talk to young girls, it makes me sick!"

The girls laughed whenever I said something to this man, however, there was a woman chastising me for saying anything to this man.

"Stop it!" she snapped at me. "He gets violent!"

There are a lot of dirty old men preying on young girls and I refuse to stand idly by and watch it go on. And when he finally got off, everyone gave a sigh of relief.

And speaking of constant harassment from misogynistic Black men, I came across this video last night of Black women speaking up about their experiences with street harassment by these men. I've been forwarding it to as many people as I can:

Black Woman Walking

September 21, 2008 11:43 PM


TC said...
Will someone please give BM a slap down about the cat calls? I was hit on starting around 14; so were my friends. One was even propositioned in front of her mom! I've been followed to my job, meaning not only was I scared, I was ticked b/c I had to fill out paper work. Last month one said he saw me from the window---the windows are one floor above me, so this is really creepy. Security knabbed him. I have a neighbor I can't stand who thinks it's acceptable to tell my mom that I could be a Victoria's Secret model. What other group could get away with telling someone's mother that they could model lingerie? I've made a plan. Even if the election isn't stolen and I don't HAVE to go to Canada, I think I'll go anyway. Not only would I have better health insurance, I could get away from these crazy men! I already have the clothes, I'm getting my hair done Friday, checking on my getting my teeth bleached, getting my passport ASAP, and at my next conference I'm looking for a mate b/c I need to get the hell out of Dodge.

September 22, 2008 2:18 AM


Selena said...
I feel you TC. I remember when I was a kid growing up in Detroit, my little sister was hit on the bus as we rode home together one day. She was around 9 or 10 because I had to be between 15 or 16 before my mother would allow either of us to ride by ourselves. Here we are minding our own business sitting near the back of the bus-broad daylight on a bus filled with people who were either going to or coming back from the mall.

Let me tell you I cursed that creep out and embarrassed him something majorily and shouted out how how young she was. I threatened to whip his !@# right on the bus. My sister still talks about that incident today.

I can remember being gawked at, hit on and cat-called as earky as 10 years old. Fortunately I was raised by great parents that ALWAYS told both of us to beware of perverts whenever we left our home.

Pinky has a video on her site that talks about this very same thing

I would love to move to Canada too!!

FYI if anyone rides the bus frequently, always ride in the front of the bus if you can.

September 22, 2008 7:48 AM


Selena said...
Sara,

Iggy Pop? Who'd thunk it!

September 22, 2008 7:48 AM


energize said...
Good you would post about this because a similar message comes straight out of the latest Tyler Perry movie in the scene when Sanaa was sitting on the bed in the hotel. Then, the ww comes in looking down on her and confronts her about the affair she is having with her ww husband. She states (not an exact quote) "you belong right where you are in this little room, "Do you really think William's colleagues would deal with him if you showed up on his arm?"

He has done well building his career off of a large bf audience like most bm. That was the last one for me.

September 22, 2008 9:41 AM


Anonymous said...
@ tc good for you you have a plan now make it happen.

@ golden silence, I agree with you.

I can testify that my Frosty in Canada has a heart of gold.

Good Luck.

Ann F.

September 22, 2008 11:15 AM


Anonymous said...
Also, a few weeks ago I was going to Wal-Mart and I saw a bw in her 40's with her wm also in his 40's holding hands very happily going about their day.

Then at my parttime j o b. An early 50ish wm/bw married couple came in to see my supervisor(their neighbor). I was somewhat surprised and I tried not to show it on my face. However, good for them.

Another day at Wal-Mart- I saw this married 20something wm/bw couple with their cute baby. The guy wore a Texas Univ. cap. I figured most of these couples were coming from more diverse cities and that is good. Mix it up a little. The more bw see wm/bw couples(various age groups) the more relaxed bw will become with dating other race men.

Ann F.

September 22, 2008 11:43 AM


Taylor-Sara said...
Energize, that's what I don't like about Tyler. I know he has overcome some tough hardships, and I certainly give him credit for it. But the messages in his movies seem to be 'take all the mess you possible can-as long as it's from a bm! And also, wm will never really want you-so know that, and accept it! I have a real problem with that message because it's such a freaking lie! I also have a problem with bw who get behind bm like him and help him force other bw back into the box! It's never encouraged in other races for women to marry down, bring their men up, settle, stay quiet-and suffer etc. No other women are encouraged by their communities to be mules -except us! It really pisses me off. I was reading on someone's blog (think Evia's) that they had a IR mixer, and some bw showed up to act a fool and stop the proceedings! lawd have mercy!....

September 22, 2008 1:45 PM


Anonymous said...
This was an excellent post.

This might be a long comment but I have to get this out.

Believe me there are MANY black men who are quick to say “my white friends hardly ever say anything about a black woman being hot). And like this man called Swade said, paraphrasing…that basically they aren’t many white men who want black women based on his experience with very few white men telling HIM that black women are hot.

If this man has the nerve to say to black women, “not many white men want you” then I’m quite curious as to how he portrays black women to white men.

First of all, since allegedly many white men have a “media influenced” perception of black people in general, what WE should be asking this black man is, “Why on earth would a typical “media influenced” white man in his right mind open up to a black man about his TRUE attractions to black women?!”

Um… ding dong!

The “media influenced” white man knows quite well that many black men would be turned upside down with jealousy, and red faced with anger at the very sight of a black women, and white man together in embrace!

Saying that Beyonce, and Tyra Banks is hot is simply a safe route because they’re famous, on top of that…they’re not typical looking black women.

Seriously, how many white men, in company of black men are going to walk pass a REAL black woman (by real I don’t mean to offend light skinned sisters, I’m just using it to describe what most black women look like in terms of skin tone generalizations) and say to his black friend….Whoa, did you see her? Wow!

That’s just asking for trouble, and if you haven’t noticed…many white men will try to avoid “racial” conflicts, especially on the job site.

In a matter of fact, it seems that white men are more likely open up to BLACK WOMEN about their attractions to them…BEFORE BLACK MEN.

I have a white male friend who openly voiced his attraction to white, and Hispanic women…more so Hispanics but I never heard him say anything about black women. If someone said anything about Beyonce or Tyra Banks being hot, he would say, “They’re okay.”

But you see, I got this white guy to open up, and we’re still VERY good friends. I watched his tone of voice very closely (its also good to observe body language, and response extremely close) and I worked with how he responded in our relationship. (Of course, I did this by getting him to talk more about himself…Sara you hit one of the most important points!)

Basically, after a while he just started talking to me about black women. Because we talked about him so much it was as if it was normal to talk about anything else, especially black women. He knew I wouldn’t have this scared, surprised look on my face, and fumble for words…or feel uncomfortable because of something he asked.

After that, he began telling me how he thought this certain black woman, or how this other black woman was sexy, and …oh the yapping! I didn’t mind of course. =D

From then on, he has now openly told me that he is mainly attracted to black women, especially ever since he’s known me because now he has so much more understanding and is comfortable. He’s even let some secrets go that he thought I and certain other black chicks were very hot before we really knew each other that well, which I didn’t believe because he seemed to ignore me…that was until I started bugging him …ha ha! (Sometimes you’ve got to make a move).

But then thinking on this I realized, you never WHO thinks you’re very attractive because quite frankly, if I had a pre “media influenced” view of white men…I’d admire them from a distance, and ignore them right in front of me too! It’s the plain truth.

He basically thought that he had absolutely know chance with black girls as love interests, so why even attempt? (That is until someone had the nerve to show him otherwise, ha ha!)

Too make a long story short, he has now admitted to being VERY attracted to black women, and isn’t afraid to say it.

But never has he truly opened up to his black male associates (though he doesn’t have very much black MALE friends) about his attractions toward black women, and has even admitted that he wouldn’t tell them very much.

~

Basically I have to say this: I don’t believe that black men are anything close to QUALIFIED to say ANYTHING about white men/black women relationships. White men’s attraction to black women, and black women’s attraction to white men ARE STRICTLY BETWEEN BLACK WOMEN & WHITE MEN!


--Mercedes

September 22, 2008 2:07 PM


Delishmish said...
Sara..
thank you for that point about Tyler Perry....for a man who has overcome so much, he certainly continues to do a HUGE disservice to BW in general. This is a message of DOOM..stay with the BM no matter what...I mean really..I was HORRIFIED at the message in "The Family that Preys"....really horrified...and to have the Sanaa character begging her husband to come back to her (while living in what appears to be a motel) EVEN THOUGH he stole over $200,000 from her, and slapped her so hard she went over a counter(in front of her mother and sister who did nothing???? What kind of family members stand by and watch that...no matter what you have done, it would be on! That husband would be on the ground getting beat to a pulp by my family) Granted, her character was written that way...to be unlikeable...she did not deserve that slap.....too much to say about that movie...none of it good..

I do have 2 questions for Monsieur Tyler Perry should he ever visit this site.

1)Why, oh why do you NEVER have any gay black "caricatures" in your movies....because surely these women you depict are not real.

2)Is it fun for you, as a "straight" BM to dress in drag and be this over the top Madea creature.

Just asking.

Oh what the heck..I am going to answer my own questions theoretically, and in a way that is my personal opinion.

Question number 1
I don't think a man who is a closeted gay person would ever have a gay character in his "movie"..because he spends his life preserving the aura of "straightness" so as to appease the church going christian ladies who are his prime audience. Hence he will try to deflect this issue as much as possible EVEN to the detriment of the other characters (ie the BW trying to move on up)He will NEVER have a gay BM character in his movies, but he will have plenty of hot stud type men (who seem to have no place in the movie)

Has anyone EVER seen a so called black movie without one male gay character (a movie not made by Monsieur Perry that is)....NOOOOOOOOO

Question number 2.
I think the character of Madea satisfies the urge to ham it up. Madea is basically the over the top gay (and out) BM dressed as an old BW.
Does anyone actually have a older BW relative who acts like that? NOOOO..but we all have a (or know) a gay bm who is a bit like that...(and by the way..we LOVE THEM...but they are not hiding, and pretending...or telling you to be with a BM at whatever cost...they encourage you to find proper love wherever you can...and wholeheartedly embrace a moving on up philosophy in life in general.

September 22, 2008 3:15 PM


HBC said...
"I get disgusted when I see these grown men talking to girls a fraction of their ages. On the bus months ago, some old man (gray hair and wrinkles) was trying to talk to high school girls. For some reason these girls felt obliged to answer this dirty man's questions. When the girls said "Stop talking to me!" I jumped in and told that old man to leave them alone."
_______________________

It is frightening to me how these predators can feel so comfortable preying on the children in a public place. This could only occur in the "black community".

September 22, 2008 3:25 PM


Sandra77 said...
Sara, I think it was some BM who showed up at the IR mixer to try to disrupt it. At least I hope so - it would be even worse if it were BW trying to sabotage other BW (although that's not exactly unheard of)!

September 22, 2008 4:28 PM


lola said...
Face it, Angela Bassett didn't quite get the juices flowing as the love object of Robert De Niro in "The Score."

The IRONY is that Robert De Niro's wife is BLACK (and of Angela's type) so that journalist used a very bad exemple to "prove" that WM ain't turned on by women like Angela. LOL! Jealousy is a "B". Angela Bassett is 50 and had TWO BABIES, she puts most ww in their 30s to SHAME! WITHOUT PLASTIC SURGERY!! PLEASE!! That's BW for ya, my mom is like her.

WW WISH WM didn't women like Angela. I have mad love for Halle, Beyonce, Tyra and so on, and I'm glad WM love them too (they're sistas!) but WM love BW of ALL shades. WM even OPENLY PRAISED Lauryn Hill's beauty. Gabrielle Union and Nia Long are praised too. Naomi Campbell etc. That ILANA MERCER needs to FACE IT : BW's sexiness and beauty are undeniable and timeless. Cleopatra was venerated by non-BM for a reason.

WW were mad as h*ll when they saw a dark-skinned girl I knew (lost touch with her since) with her white beau. Some white chicks were trying to seduce him to "bring him back home" or something (bm tried to do the same with her!! all of a sudden they wanted to date her). That black girl had a perfect body, was gorgeous without make up (she didn't wear any like Joy Bryant), had a sense of style, was smart, open-minded, educated and making her own cash. She was the total PACKAGE! Needless to say, dude wasn't going ANYWHERE!! LOL!

September 22, 2008 5:44 PM


Anonymous said...
"Another day at Wal-Mart- I saw this married 20something wm/bw couple with their cute baby. The guy wore a Texas Univ. cap. I figured most of these couples were coming from more diverse cities and that is good. Mix it up a little. The more bw see wm/bw couples(various age groups) the more relaxed bw will become with dating other race men."


"Im seeing the same thing even here in the deep south. For some reason wal-mart seem to be a hot spot for ir couples..it used to be only bm/ww couples or ww with biracial kids NOW im seeing LOTS of bw/wm AND bw/hispanic man couples. It's a beautiful sight. You know what else.... im not seeing as many bm/ww couples. Hmmm could it be that the ww are getting tired of bm shitting on them too LOL"

September 22, 2008 6:15 PM


Taylor-Sara said...
Wow! I can't beleive Angela is 50! she's beautiful! and her skin looks like silk!(the avon commercial)

funny you guys should mention Walmart, because I have seen numerous IR couples there. I never really noticed how many before. But I do remember one time in particular. I had taken my little girl to see barbie (who she adored) and there were 2 bw/wm couples with kids waiting to see barbie as well. Well, barbie turned out to be a pretty white teenager dressed in a long pink dress. I had to pull my daughter off of her, she was so happy to meet her. But I remember the two little mixed girls with their white fathers hung back. And one timidly asked her. "Don't you have any black/white barbies-like us?" The teen barbie shook her head no, and said. "Why don't you ask your mommy to dress like barbie-is she blond? The little girl looked confused and then glanced at her little mixed friend. Her friend stepped forward, and said a bit angrily. "Our mommies are not white-our dads are! The teen and all the ww in line snapped their heads toward the white men standing there with their black families. They looked shocked! But both men looked proud as peacocks of their daughters and were both smiling, they didn't seem to notice how shocked and angry the ww were..lol

September 22, 2008 6:34 PM


lola said...
If this man has the nerve to say to black women, “not many white men want you” then I’m quite curious as to how he portrays black women to white men.

And also, what are his motives? What is his agenda? Why would he "warn" me that WM don't want me? Is it because he cares so much about my well-being he doesn't want me to be "used and taken advantage of"? We know that an alarming number of BM don't have our best interests at heart, if WM REAAALLLLY used us and weren't honestly attracted to and interested in us, do you all think that BM would do everything in their power to protect us from them (because they care sooo much)?? Go spread this message on YouTube, Blogs, Message Boards, make MOVIES (the family that preys), all that to PROTECT OUR PRECIOUS LITTLE HEARTS from "de evil WM"?? Cause many of these guys talking about "WM don't want you" act like they're trying protect us from "our enemy". PROTECT US? Since when? LOL!

That's why I keep telling BW who still wonder if they are desired by WM and other non-BM, don't believe anything from anybody who doesn't care for you. Do the BM who tell you those things love BW, plan to share their lives with and give their names to BW? Umhhh...NO! They don't care for you, so they certainly aren't trying to "protect" you.

They're lying to you cause some EGOS got hurt, cause some ppl thought they were "IRREPLACEABLE" and now they're trying to SABOTAGE your chances of finding happiness with a Quality Man of ANY race cause they're mad that you put them and their bullcrap "TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT". That's all!

September 22, 2008 6:47 PM


lola said...
@ Mercedes, I've read the rest of your post, beautiful story!

@ Delish "thank you for that point about Tyler Perry....for a man who has overcome so much, he certainly continues to do a HUGE disservice to BW in general. This is a message of DOOM..stay with the BM no matter what."

I don't really understand why he does this, when he and his mother were physically abused by his father. I really don't get it.

@ Sara "Our mommies are not white-our dads are! The teen and all the ww in line snapped their heads toward the white men standing there with their black families. They looked shocked! But both men looked proud as peacocks of their daughters and were both smiling, they didn't seem to notice how shocked and angry the ww were..lol

HAHA!! Loved it!

September 22, 2008 7:10 PM


sky said...
i love this site

sara that story of the little girls at walmart had me rollin'. they sure are teaching their daughters not to stand for crap! good for them.

about tyler perry i am so glad i caught that movie online. yeah i said it online. im glad i didn't waste my money. this guy has a serious problem w/ successful women. im so happy no one gave that movie a #1 slot. lakeview terrace however did. i have yet to see it, but im planning it on it. no more perry films for me. before i started to open myself to dating, i was happy that tyler was doing films on "black love". now i see his films are no different from the crap we have to put up w/. that's not love, that's insanity. and if i see Sanaa Lathan play a b*tch again im gonna scream!

September 22, 2008 7:54 PM


Anonymous said...
Lola, I completely agree. Why on earth would a black man need to warn US about a lack of white men who want US? Why does he care? My dad is black and in his fifties, and when my mother mentioned the rise in black women/white male relationships he simply said, “It’s always been like that.” as if it wasn’t new or odd. I cracked up because he didn’t even waste a second in responding.

Fortunately, I have an African-American father who is not “damaged beyond repair” but sadly there are very few of those, and I get the feeling that many of them come from a much older generation.

Black women…DON’T LISTEN TO MESSAGES THAT ONLY DISCOURAGE YOU from wanting to be happy with a “good” because he’s of a different ethnic background. DO NOT LISTEN. Think of these messages as the enemy because THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE. You fight this enemy by singling them out, warn others about their evils, and go about your business unaffected by their words.

Someone needs to protect black women from the degrading, two-faced enemy who likes to show-off as helpful, and truthful but in reality is pointing his middle finger at you, angry that you even CONSIDERED escaping the chains of “nothing but a black man” slavery.


---Mercedes

September 22, 2008 9:57 PM


ava said...
Seems like a waste of time to me to constantly worry about what black men are saying about white male/black women relationships. Obviously they are growing. They are all around me. I really could not care less about what they are saying. The rest of you should not care either.

September 22, 2008 11:26 PM


Divalocity said...
Great post by all of you, it is refreshing how all of you speak the truth and we all know the truth will set us all free.

I really love the short film about BW walking. I’ve got write about this because this is so true and it happens to us all on a daily basis, on your job if you let it go on. In your community because everyone thinks that it’s okay. At your daughters schools because boys learn early to disrespect black girls who turn into BW who are harassed by still black boys.

Some of them just don’t want to accept that a lot of women are not interested in them or in being one of their numbers.

September 23, 2008 12:26 AM


TC said...
A friend and I ripped Perry. We hate his films. The pathetic thing is TP is on magazines and Oprah b/c, compared to other black films, his movies are "good." After being forced to watch a film where Ice Cube robs a church, "Why Did I Get Married" seemed like Academy Award material. The BC has crappy movies dominated by BM (sometimes dressed like mammies) and few films made for BW. I don't count films featuring beauty shops---I refuse to relive back when I spent 5-8 hours trapped under a hair dryer while inept stylists took walk ins, LOL.

Besides "Something New," what movies in the last 5 years featured BW in a positive light? Where we had good jobs with good families, where we were faithful wives and good mothers? I can't really recall. All I've seen are recovering crack heads and welfare moms. I've heard people defend Perry by saying he writes about what he knows. I say, hell, make something up! Stephen King doesn't know a killer clown or a telekenetic teenage girl who went psycho at the prom, yet he wrote about them. I'm tired of trashy movies. I'm tired of trashy books where the women are trashy and ghetto and sale drugs. I'm tired of even the normal books that try to throw slang in every now and then, like all black people pepper their speech with "gang-bangers" and "hoods." The only "hood" I know is attached to my Calvin Klein coat, and if I want another hood, I have my Macy's card.

September 23, 2008 2:18 AM


Taylor-Sara said...
You are right TC, there really are very few movies geared toward bw. It seems the only ones that seem to matter are the men. More and more bw are bettering themselves yet all we hear are the negatives. The same old tired stereotypes again and again. I have not seen TP's IR movie. Because I knew the sista was going to be the villian, and I just don't have the energy to see more of that crap! His movies seem so one dimentional- and lacking in imagination! Black men are not the victims of bw! For heaven's sake, I heard that he slaps Sanaa over a table or something, and then she begs him to take her back! What kind of message is that for millions of little black girls??? That's horrible that none of these powerful bm producers seem to be the least bit worried about that!

September 23, 2008 3:05 AM


Selena said...
For heaven's sake, I heard that he slaps Sanaa over a table or something, and then she begs him to take her back! What kind of message is that for millions of little black girls???
*Blank Stare*

Just to think I was about to dig in my pocket to give Ms Perry my first dollar eva.

September 23, 2008 7:59 AM


energize said...
"I was HORRIFIED at the message in "The Family that Preys"....really horrified."
-----
Delish, that is how I felt. I wanted to walk out, but the thought I spent money and it will get better kept me in my seat. Always I go with your instinct.

When more bw start writing, producing and directing we will see a more balanced portrayal of bw. I'll go see "Lakeview Terrace".

September 23, 2008 9:02 AM


Sandz said...
I am going to read the other comments, but a Big Thank you to you.

I think I just wish I hadn't been so scared so long. And had rec'd the positive support years ago.

But the 30's have been a wonderful decade of transformations (that aren't over yet).

I know I will meet a wonderful man soon, and I thank you for the positivity and encouragement.

September 23, 2008 9:24 AM


Anonymous said...
TC... those are great points! I love how you put it.

I would be interested to know what everyone thinks about Lakeview Terrace. I have yet to see it but I understand it's about a bm living next to a bw/wm IR couple. Why are they putting out a movie about how horrible it is for a wm/bw to be together and how it makes sense that a bm should violently go after them? It seems like a subtle message is being sent like "wm stay away from bw or else the bm will come after you". Yet another way to make us seem unapproachable and not worth the effort. I don't know though, I have not seen it yet. If I am reading it incorrectly please enlighten me.

September 23, 2008 11:22 AM


Delishmish said...
TC, assuredly you and your friend are not alone...TPerry just shows how wonderful America really is...if you believe in yourself, and work at the thing you love..you too can make super cr*p movies...and of course we all have the right to NOT watch them if we like...

That is it, in a nutshell as they say (what the heck does that mean anyway? It is a stupid expression...anyhoo....)

As for Oprahs fascination with TP...I think what she is MORE interested in is how this man came from nowhere and is now a multimillionaire..she is interested in the HUMAN-NESS of his story..I doubt she thinks his movies are so wonderful quite frankly....Oprah is fascinated with the "HOW" as is typical of an Aquarian...Anyone who reads the caliber of books she reads and advocates cannot be a real fan of Mr TP...His audience is very specific..and with his latest venture he is TRYING to reach out more broadly..and he thinks he has to make the BW look like a greedy fool to do that..because in the end the ww and bm win...when in fact, he could write it in a better way...maybe the WOMEN win over the men (for example..this promotes general sisterhood between ALL women)...why create divisions between women if not necessary...all ww are not the enemy...(some, but not all...so we MUST give the benefit of the doubt...you could have a good friend lurking in there..but quite frankly, when I left that movie, I was hating (for a sec) the ww..lol)

Well...that's it in a nutshell...and once again in keeping with the thread...Trust your instincts Ladies...YOU KNOW when a man "likes" you...it does not matter what you read...in fact why read things that do not promote your well being..I never click those links...although I did take a look at the Black Woman Walking...that was "great" (whoever posted that)..and I thought those women were gorgeous...

Personally, I think women should harass men on the street too.. (just the cute ones though) ....especially if you are in a group...turn the tables a bit IMO...I do this with my friends from the safety of a car...lol..we catcall, and yell out very rude things (only to older men) and then speed off..very juvenile...but we all really need to release tension by laughing...especially TODAY....NOW.

September 23, 2008 11:54 AM


Golden Silence said...
A friend just forwarded this to me. Another young Black girl killed because a street harasser couldn't hear the word "NO!"

I am very hurt and angry now about this. This isn't the only instance of a Black girl killed in DC by misogynistic, street harassing Black males, nor is this the only instance of this happening anywhere in the US. It's so sad and maddening. What will it take for people to realize that there are predators in our community who want to hurt us?

September 23, 2008 2:50 PM


Sandra77 said...
Sanaa Lathan is a wonderful and talented actress, and I hope that she will finally be able to "cross over" as an actress, so that she won't be forced to accept roles like the one in The Family That Preys in order to work. Or at least, I hope that's why she took that role, and not as an "apology" for "Something New". She caught a lot of flack for that movie from certain factions, and I hope taking this role in Tyler Perry's movie wasn't an attempt at atonement to those factions. I don't know what her feelings are about IR's (I know she mentioned on Oprah that she was in an IR when she attended Yale School of Drama), but I hope she will stand by her true beliefs. And even more, I hope Hollywood will actuallly recognize her talents and cast her in worthy roles.

September 23, 2008 5:10 PM


Taylor-Sara said...
I know I'm going to regret asking because I'm only going to get upset, but Golden what happened to the poor young girl? Do you have the link to the story?

September 23, 2008 5:33 PM


212542 said...
Sanaa Lathan will be in another IR movie with Matthew Broderick called Wonderful World.

September 23, 2008 5:34 PM


pikacute said...
Great post. You know I never thought a guy didn't like me because I was black, I always guy didn't like me because I was ugly. I actually wrote a post about Tyler Perry about my blog. I don't support TP at all. I think we should boycott him. I also think we should boycott Eddie Murphy, I didn't like Norbit. It was a shame when I saw white and asian people going to see Norbit. I wondered is what they think black women are? We are not mammies! If you ever watch the his plays there always two same ideas for everyone. 1. The black woman is treated wrong by her succesful black man so she goes to unsucessful black man who loves her better. 2. Black woman does something she is wrong and blamed but her black man counterpart isn't. I think we should boycott mammie wannabe black men movies. It's stupid that black woman are the main targets for the movie. We should start a boycott.

September 23, 2008 7:55 PM


Alta said...
tc:The only "hood" I know is attached to my Calvin Klein coat, and if I want another hood, I have my Macy's card.
***
Well said!

golden silence, that story is so incredibly sad. I'm glad they caught the pig!

September 23, 2008 8:10 PM


Anonymous said...
I remember being hit on when I was 8 EIGHT years old. This man told me I was cute and tried to talk to me...My mom always told me not to talk to strangers so I act like I don't see him or hear him and the man asked me if I was deaf...LOL.. The act of not seeing a person yet seeing them is a defense mechanism I learned as a child.

September 23, 2008 8:13 PM


Golden Silence said...
It was actually linked in my previous post (where it said "A friend just forwarded this to me"), but here it is again:

http://dcist.com/2008/09/23/woman_killed_in_bizarre_hamburger_s.php

What happened was this: A young Black girl and her mother were sitting on their porch trying to enjoy hamburgers. Some scrub walks up to the girl, tried to hit on her and says he wants her to make him a burger. She rejects him, and his retaliation was to shoot the girl and her mother. The mother lived (with a foot injury) but the girl died.

Makes me sick to my stomach. And of course, the comments on that story are ignorant. People are making jokes about burgers and not giving a damn about the real story and the crime.

September 23, 2008 8:21 PM


Taylor-Sara said...
Oh my God! And those ignorant ass people made jokes about hamburgers-when a little innocent child was just murdered!!! Are bw ever VALUED by the bc??? I'm so horrified, I can't speak right now. No matter what a bm does, it's just a joke,and it's not his fault!! Especially if his victem is a bw! Just like R Kelly. He would have NEVER had the nerve to sex, and piss on a 12 year old white girl because they would have had his balls on a pitchfork!! Sorry for the language y'all, I'm so upset. I'm going to get a cool drink and cool off .......

September 23, 2008 9:35 PM


focusedpurpose said...
hi Sara-

this is my first time actually commenting on your blog. i have been an avid reader/lurker for awhile:-)

thank you for such a yummy truthful post!

white men have always pursued me. i have a deep rich black complexion and shoulder length locks. i feel comfortable in most settings. until recently, i have not been open to white men. truly i felt my place was with a black man. in retrospect, because of the description i just gave to you, uh, let's just say that quest has been less than fulfilling:-) i have not yet learned to take "pretty to be so dark" as a compliment. frankly, at this point i am not trying to learn either.

recently, i was having sushi and a cocktail with myself (having a ball, not BY myself) when i met an older german gentleman. we were both sitting at the bar where there were two ww bartending. these ladies largely ignored us and talked to each other until the gentleman and i really began to have a lively conversation. our conversation seemed to make him a lot more appealing to the bartenders.

he indicated that i looked like his stockbroker ex that moved to paris and the bartenders seemed visibly agitated.

i work with a firm that litigates to eliminate cc debt; this came up in conversation. one of the ww bartenders came over and seemed to "monitor" our conversation---we both had drinks and were comfortable, so it was a little weird but whatever. at some point he shared that he had a black amex among other cards that he would like to eliminate. shortly after that left his mouth the other bartender came to "monitor" as well. she was more aggressive and proceeded to make three shots, one for each bartender and the gentleman with whom i was conversing. her rudeness amused me so i laughed out loud and jokingly chided her for forgetting her manners. she was redfaced hot! that was truly worth the price of admission. the gentleman and i excused ourselves and went to talk out on the patio away from the "monitoring" that escalated into full interference. we have a date this weekend.

at the end of the day, it is as you say, we must love ourselves and know that we are worthy of the best. all others seek to deter us from these truths for selfish reasons. digested lies work to our detriment.

i love your blog! keep up the good work.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

September 24, 2008 6:23 AM


Taylor-Sara said...
Wow! that was so funny! Especially about her getting angry because someone called her on her rudeness. Isn't it funny that ww always seem to try to jump in and pull wm back to their side. But if wm are not interested in bw, why would you need to do that? I think even they know deep inside wm are VERY interested! Thanks for that story girl-I needed that laugh....

September 24, 2008 7:27 AM


Felicity said...
Sara, it is a very good post as usual, you always give your best. I would say to ladies go out there. You and God are your deciding factor. You start the first move, God does the second to finish. Concentrate on what you want, how you want your man to look and thank God for him, secondly read all the promises that God has put in the bible for you. DO NOT LISTEN TO PERRY, OR WATCH HIS FILMS, ALTHOUGH SOME OF THEM ARE GOOD, MANY OF THEM ENFORCE STEREOTYPES. IR movies written by black women tend to be more positive than IR films written by black men. BM are not stupid, if they can continue pulling the wool over your eyes and they can get other BW fools to carry the touch, they would. The world is changing fast, extremely fast. 2 months ago Lehman Brothers were fine, now they are bankrupt, the same for the Bank of Scotland (HBOS), that was an instution, which was over three hundred years old, now it belong to LLoyds TSB, remember Barrings Bank, still old institution, where is it now gone for dust. Don't let anyone fool you. White men have always wanted and loved black women. If you go back to ancient times, this was normal practice, but because of the history of slavery and yes lots of black women were raped by their white slavemasters or their white overseers. That was a small passage in time. Fast forward to this time, despite that, it has not stopped black men from having white wives, or non-black wives, I may have mentioned, my pastor, who is the senior pastor of my church and is 33 years old, he has a white wife, they have been married for 10 years, and they have a four year old daughter, they dated for three years before they got married. The man is very happy, the other pastor in the other centre in Manchester, also has an Asian wife, he is very happy, the other pastor in Birmingham, he has a white wife and he is very happy. Happiness is a choice, you have to choose to be happy and if you like white or non-black men, God bless you, it is your right to be happy and live the abundant life. John 10:10, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. No-one is an expert in what and how anyone thinks, ww don't know how wm think and bm don't know how wm think, only God and wm know how they think. A lot of wm do like bw, that is why all the demons are coming on youtube and telling us that is not true, or so-called bm who have lots of wm tell us that they only like Halle Berry, or Beyonce etc. So that does not explain, why Alek Wek, Imman, my cousin, Michelle Williams, Eve, Kelly Roland, Venus Williams and many other have white husbands/fiances/boyfriends. Even watching secret millionaire, last night, the black woman was married to a white husband and she had three sons. All sizes of white men with all shapes and shades of black women and they are married to them. These men realise that the days of living off intelligent bw are coming to an end, so they are left with their mothers or Shaquelle and Taswana and even Shaquelle and Taswana are getting white men. Black women land in UK, they get white husbands or whenever they go to they end up getting white husbands, or even if they went to Asian country or whenever they will get snapped up. Only yesterday, my daughter told me that an Iranian told her that there are one million black people living in Iran and he was proud to tell her that, they are more than some other country. Wherever they go, men would want them, and bm running down bw, these men fail to realise everyone watches youtube and look at the statistics and there is a saying what you wish you it will come to pass, when they are busy running down bw, there other men are only to happy to take the black women, and soon black women will be available to bm, because the other non-black men will get in first. So let bm carry on running down bw and telling them wm don't want them. Soon, there will be a lot of gnashing and wailing because Bw would not be available anymore, that good ones that is and they will be crying on tv, saying that can't find a good bw, all of them are taken.

September 24, 2008 10:17 AM


Selena said...
Soon, there will be a lot of gnashing and wailing because Bw would not be available anymore, that good ones that is and they will be crying on tv, saying that can't find a good bw, all of them are taken.

And you know something Felicia? That's happening right now. There is an increasing number of videos on You Tube by bm asking why are bw "leaving" and dating/married wm now.

September 24, 2008 3:46 PM


Golden Silence said...
I hope getting out of DC for the weekend brings some changes---I am sick of being approached by shiftless Negroes! What makes them think I want them? I know there are non-Black guys who find me attractive, but it seems like less of them are coming my way.

I did not appreciate being accosted today (if you want to call it that) by scrubs in a U-Haul truck. It was 2 in the afternoon and "safe" out, but anytime someone pulls up next to me in a vehicle, regardless of the time of day, it makes me nervous.

They beeped their horns at me and it was hard to tune them out.

"I don't appreciate guys in trucks pulling up next to me and harassing me," I said.
"It ain't harassment, I'm just trying to say 'hello'," the passenger (always the passenger side) said.
"I don't want to talk to you!" I said. "Let me walk!" That got me called "crazy bitch." I wish I could've thrown a brick right in that fool's face (that's how close they were to me)---these men really infuriate me.

Normal guys don't go out of their way to make women uncomfortable, and if they do they apologize when they realize it. Abnormal guys with no respect for women don't have that filter that makes them know when they're acting inappropriate towards women. And because the guy's action went from "I want to say hello" to "You're a crazy bitch" it let me know what category he fit in.

I don't mean to take up space with my constant Black-on-Black sexual street harassment stories, but it just has me so defeated. I don't remember the last time I've been approached by a kindly, attractive man, I only get approached by these harassing scrubs (and most of them are old enough to be my grandpa or boys in high school!). And because I've put myself in a shell and am always on guard because of this constant harassment, I've completely forgotten how to be approachable to and to be able to approach good guys.

But I'm getting out of DC for the weekend and hope things change for the better.

September 24, 2008 5:08 PM


Taylor-Sara said...
Golden you just post as much as you like, and get it off your chest. I just don't understand how these men came to be like this! When did it become ok to sexally, verbally, or physically harrass someone? I remember when I was a child, if you treated a woman like that, other men would beat the hell out of you..... looks like chivalry is dead, along with common sense and decentcy for some men...sigh

September 24, 2008 5:49 PM


HBC said...
DC is very well known for street harassment, there was even a blog site dedicated to it. I used to visit the site(but I was taken down for some reason) to read comments made by bw recounting their day to day experiences with street harassers in DC.

I can relate being a light skinned black woman myself living in NYC. They just won't stop coming at you, so your guard is always up anticipating being harassed. It has become really hard for me to let my guard down around men I'm interested in, as a result.

I wear my Ipod a lot but I make an effort to stay alert so that I am always aware of what is going on around me. It really helps with drowning out their rude comments.

September 24, 2008 8:05 PM


lola said...
I just watched "The Family That Preys" online, I was certainly not gonna spend money on that movie, but I wanted to see exactly how IR relationships were portrayed. Here's what pissed me off :

1) Andrea (Sanaa's character) and William (the white guy) are the poor BM's enemies. Andrea tells her husband he will NEVER be like William, when her husband asks her why she has so much money she keeps saying stop asking questions cos its "MY MONEY, MY MONEY". Message 1 : BW & WM are bringing the BM down. Message 2 : BW think they're better than BM just cause they got a degree or/and make more money.

2) Andrea is just a mistress and gets lots of money from William. Message : BW are nothing but highly paid prostitutes to WM, not marriage material.

3) Andrea's MOTHER rejected a white man who wanted to dance with her, whereas William's mother didn't and was partying. Message : BW don't enjoy life and can't have fun.

4) ALL the BW have black husbands, ALL of them. Message : BW belong to BM.

5) The way Chris b*tchslapped Andrea was horrible. She went over to a counter OMG!! And she still takes him back after that and her money being robbed by him. Message : BW would take ANYTHING from a BM, she NEEDS one.

6) William's wife lets Andrea know that her husband's collegues would NEVER deal with him if he showed up with a woman like her. Message : BW are a burden to WM career-wise (I bet Peter Norton and DeNiro would gladly prove the wife wrong).

It's so many things wrong with this movie, but I'll stop here. I'm pissed off.

September 24, 2008 9:05 PM


Golden Silence said...
"DC is very well known for street harassment, there was even a blog site dedicated to it. I used to visit the site (but it was taken down for some reason) to read comments made by bw recounting their day to day experiences with street harassers in DC."

I know, because that was my blog. I ran it for a year (March '07-March '08). I stopped working on it because I was the only one working on it (I asked for volunteers but it was hard to find them), it got to be stressful for me, and I had gotten a lot of trolls and others attacking me, calling me "insane" and saying I was against Black men and Black people and whatnot. Not true.

With all the mess I still go through I've thought about reinstating it, but I just don't want to deal with the scrutiny anymore. Right now, I'll stick with being a blog commenter. Maybe one day I'll restart the blog, but for now I need some peace.

September 24, 2008 9:34 PM


Taylor-Sara said...
Wow lola, thanks for the outline, you saved me from going to see that trash! Ladies please do not give your money to people who do not support you, and don't have your best interest at heart.

Golden, that was very brave (the blog) but I certainly understand being overwhelmed and not feeling like dealing with the constant attacks. It seems no matter how horrible bm act, we are supposed to shut up-and pretend they are the best thing since sliced bread! I for one, could never waste one precious minute of my life on a black man. And I just don't give a damn who does not like me saying that. Yes there are good ones, but they are rarely avail. and what is available is usually a pitiful caricature of a man! But what upsets me the most is that the good ones will stand by and allow the garbage ones to demean, diminish, assault and harm bw and children! Everyone knows the men of the community are supposed to provide and protect! Where the hell is our protection? The other day I went with a friend (spanish friend) to her home in a predominantly spanish area of NY. Well, as we walked along, some BM drunk reached out and squeezed her butt! She screamed, and immediately spanish men (who did not even know her name) came from nowhere and let the drunk have it. After they kicked his behind they told him, he better NEVER disrespect a latino queen like that again. He was very lucky to escape alive and was apologizing profusely. I think we all know that had that been the bc, the men would have run to join in!...

September 24, 2008 11:35 PM


Anonymous said...
There are other blogs dedicated to fighting back against street harassment.

http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/

September 25, 2008 12:26 AM


sky said...
yes lola your outline sums it up perfectly about the movie. (i saw it online as well, i ain't wasting my money).

sara im glad dude got his ass beat. if only that happened more often when disrepectful men get jumped. there would be less of 'em.

September 25, 2008 1:27 AM


Selena said...
Wow Golden I didn't know you ran such a powerful blog! Trolls...watcha gonna do? lol

Maybe when you get the passion again, why don't you try hooking up with the blogger on the site mentioned above? Instead of running one alone maybe contributing to one from a DC point of view may turn out to be a more rewarding experience for you :-)

September 25, 2008 8:42 AM


Anonymous said...
Sara T.
It's so obvious you hate us brothers and are doing everyting in your power to turn other bw against us. Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you! You think cuz you come from a militray mixed family you can treat brothers any kind a way. Anyone can see you think you too good for black men. Well brothas is leavin sorry ass women like you and your deciples anyway. I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!

September 25, 2008 9:16 AM


dee said...
Troll alert!

September 25, 2008 9:33 AM


Taylor-Sara said...
Anon, ordinarily I would have deleted you before you ever got posted, but every now and then it's important to let the women know what you fools are thinking. Thanks for your banal, misspelled, unoriginal comments-now be gone..

September 25, 2008 10:01 AM


HBC said...
"I know, because that was my blog. I ran it for a year (March '07-March '08). I stopped working on it because I was the only one working on it..."

_________________________

I thought it was a great blog, too bad you had to stop working on it. I especially loved the photos the women took of the harassers with their camera phones that were posted on the blog.

September 25, 2008 10:11 AM


Taylor-Sara said...
golden, that's sounds like a really interesting, and NEEDED blog! I hope you decide to resurrect it one day. I would loved to have read it.....

September 25, 2008 10:23 AM


sky said...
sara if you don't mind...

annon said..."Sara T.
It's so obvious you hate us brothers and are doing everyting in your power to turn other bw against us"
Obviously she teaching bw to look out for their best interest, whether the man be black/white.

"Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you!"
not as loyal as you think. the conversations i have with many black women is that if they have the chance they'll date any man of any nationality.i would do a soundcheck again if i were you. the world is changing.

"You think cuz you come from a militray mixed family you can treat brothers any kind a way."
She pretty much can. just like you have the right to come here and TRY to insult us.

"Anyone can see you think you too good for black men."
well that's what you think and maybe if that's what you think, then it must be true!

"Well brothas is leavin sorry ass women like you and your deciples anyway."
Praise God!

"I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!"

wait you just discovered that? where have you been. and it's no secret that we are higher in education, higher financially, business owners, bossess, home owners, etc & marrying different races in droves! no annon. it's us who are leaving ya'll! don't believe me. go to youtube type in black women white men, and see how many black men are making videos on how we're leaving ya'lls @$$, see how they complain white men take the best(cuz they're smart about it). and then come back w/ this bulsh*t you wrote. and if that's not even see how many videos they're complaining that ww don't give them the time of day,lol. and if that's still not enough go see just how crazy you look go watch "Lakeview Terrace". if anything ya'll are the ones panicking that we're leaving. bm are NOT a lost to us. Please trust ya'll are REPLACABLE. to the left to the left!

September 25, 2008 1:35 PM


lola said...
@ Sky, thanks for letting us know it was online, it's thanks to you and Delishmish (who talked about Andre going over a counter!!!) that I decided to watch it to see how it was done.

@ Sara, you're welcome. And yes we definitely should boycott people who don't have our best interests at heart.

September 25, 2008 2:38 PM


lola said...
I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!

LOL! Typical. So basically, you're mad at her for not wanting your @ss when you obviously don't want (and USE) BW? Thanks for exposing your hypocrisy! See ladies? That's why y'all shouldn't feel guilty for showing love to men of ALL races.

September 25, 2008 2:47 PM


Selena said...
Troll said:

Its' a good thing most black women are much more loyal than you!

But then said this...

I'll tel yall a little secreat most of us want white women and is just using yall stupid asses till we git em anyway!!! Ha ha!!!

What's we gon eva do wit out our po black brothas leavin' us ALL alone by AH-selves. Po iz me....Lawd, Lawd, Lawd, how we eva gon survive?

*End scene*

__________________

Phantom says...


LOLOL! The hypocrisy is so melodramatic.

Phantom Mare said...

Ya'll will have to turn to your trusty WW to defend you! Ha Ha...SMH LOL
______________


One thing is for sure, SHE will not be there in the end for him. As was stated...she is with him for an ego stroke. Talk to some of these athletes who get divorced from these WW.

Anonymous said...

"As for a house divided, don't go there. When 95% fo our attackers are BLACK MEN!!! How dare you come here and insult our intelligence with that bullsh*t! "

AMEN Sara!

And Andrew has the nerve to use the term "house".SMH

HELL... 70% of black "men" have LEFT their homes and their black children in them.

House divided...SMH He better keep THAT bullsh*t to himself.

THERE IS NO FRICKEN "HOUSE".

And it's the HYPOCRISY that disgust me as well.

It will be pointed out and condemned for as long as it exists.

So Andrew (and the other DBR's) addicted to your site might as well get used to it.

And NONE of the DBR "brothas" disgusting behavior meant to intimidate and dissuade black women from dating, marrying, and procreating OUT will stop those BW and WM interested in loving relationships with each other.

This love train is NOT stopping. And there's nothing that DBRBM can do about it.

Accept b*tch, harass, and lie on the internet.SMH

It's pathetic.

jess said...

"Let me tell YOU a little secret hun. EVERYONE knows ya'll would F*CK A POLAR BEAR (and maybe ya'll do) because it's white.LOL-Anon@September 26, 2008 11:36 AM
^^^^This is so funny but TRUE!!I dont know if you all saw Kirsty Ally's sitcome that was on Cable a little ago. When she told her hairstylist she THOUGHT she couldn't get a date because she was too fat her hair stylist told her to date bm. Now even though I see WM married to fat ww all the time, this comment just shows you that everyone sees that black men pick up the wm's rejects and have low standards for ww.OMG! I can only imagine how full of himself a bm is IF he could actualy get a attractive non skanky ww.lmao

sky said...

"Dear Sara"
What is this a love letter?


"I found this topic interesting. Your previous topic about Sarah Palin was boring."
congrats you can read.

"All men check out attractive women regardless of color. Just because a white man checks you out does not mean he wants a serious relationship you."

aww you need a ego stoke. now you can't believe they actually check us out. i don't know any man who doesn't check a woman first before going deciding to have a serious relationship. maybe your definition of checking out is different from the white man's/any man for that matter. cuz when they check us out they don't just look like they smile and talk. i didn't think you needed explaining for that but i guess you can ask your white friends who could careless about your opinion.

"If that was the case, than there wouldn't be so many single black women."
i'm noticing more and more bm using the 70% single rate as a back up,lol. it really is pathetic. don't think we're single and lonely. we're enjoying our freedom.

"You continue to hold this grudge against black men dating white women."
the grudge is for dating them for the wrong reason. even ww know this.

"Most of your readers continue to harbor these feelings too but they can't seem to keep their interracial relationships together past 3 years."

have you read any of the post? phantom mare sums it up pretty good if your to lazy to read it.

"I figure you will blame black men for the high divorce rate among black women and white men."
no we'll leave the blame game for ya'll. besides ya'll invented it.

"The fact remains that black men will continue to be with black women no matter what you do."
we don't care

"The real problem is the infighting with black women. For example I currently know black women with white men who have sex with black men. That sort of behavior is why White men will never take you serious."
i know bm who are married to ww and are still sleeping around with bw. your point?

"A house divided will never stand."
takes one to know one.

"Good day"
good bye and good ridance.

Halima said...

Thanks bougie for the link to the article. Maybe other dont, but i like to be in the know about folks latest tactics!

Interracial Dating Book

Anonymous said...

I loved Focused Purpose's comment about meeting someone in the sushi bar. Good luck on your 1st date.

Anonymous said...

Halima said...
Thanks bougie for the link to the article. Maybe other dont, but i like to be in the know about folks latest tactics!



I tried to ignore the negative comments but couldn't help but be confused because of the titled of this posting " white men don't want you " from a bm's comments and the link I provided to Mercer's article, Mercer being a SOUTH AFRICAN Jewish ww the two main groups who may be most offended by bw/wm relationships,not saying that her jewish idenity is offended but her ww idenity is and maybe, being from a white south african background even though her father was against apartied. I just thought this complimented Sara's posting because on one side you have a knucklehead bm saying what a educated journalist writes and I'm sure most people who read these bw/wm blogs know that it's a form of cockblocking, for lack of a better term ,if it was a wm I would have not link it because it could be seen as me cockblocking by getting a wm to cosign what a bm has said .




Her article was wrong because the movie that Angela Bassett co-stared was a Robert Deniro film, so if it failed it was on him ,Angela Bassett was never considered box office ,very few actresses are except for Julia Roberts& Cameron Diaz, and that's because of female fans, Anglina Jolie doesn't even attract big box office,the piont is men don't go to the movies to see "hot women" anymore they have porn on satellite and the internet. Wm actors are the draw to the movies and of course Will Smith.One of the biggest movies of all times was Whitney Houston's The Bodyguard ,it was Whitney and not Kevin that was the draw ,cause everybody wanted to see Whitney act,Kevin Costner hasn't done as well since then.I found her article troubling on a personal front because a bw friend who is married to a supportive wm is a older actress who says it's very hard for bw to make it in the biz and Mercer's article makes it that much harder because I'm sure casting directors and other's in decsion making positions read her columns.

Thanks again Halima ......Bouige

Anonymous said...

First off Sara, you're blog has opened my eyes to soo many possibilities. I have only dated black men in the past. Most were abusive, cheated on me and had girlfriends threaten to beat me up. I had enough. My focus has been on my career and my house. A white male friend sent me the link to your blog. I didn't think much of it until he asked me three days in a row if I looked at the link. After looking at it, I still didnt get the hint. My sister who dates interracially said duh..he was trying to let me know he was interested. As soon as I heard that I panicked. What would other black people think. I now realize I was being such a fool. We have been friends for 5 years and have been dating for three months. It has been amazing. Its not perfect by any means (we are both stubborn)!! But I deserve a man who worships me and loves me for who I am. But I have to ask, why would anyone bother posting on a blog that they find so offensive.??

Taylor-Sara said...

Because Anon, they are so used to bw cowtowing to what bm want, they cannot fathom for a minute that I just don't give a damn. It does not register in their mind. Plus they expect the mammies
(bm enablers) to put me in my place if I will not listen to the good black man. They just don't know, I delete the mammies too! Nobody controls me. Bw have been controlled by unworthy bm for far too long...I'm going to do everything in my power to wake sistas up and help them have better lives....

sky said...

annon. said..."A white male friend sent me the link to your blog I didn't think much of it until he asked me three days in a row if I looked at the link. After looking at it, I still didnt get the hint. My sister who dates interracially said duh..he was trying to let me know he was interested...We have been friends for 5 years and have been dating for three months. It has been amazing."

all the more reason sara for keeping up with your blog.you have more lurkers than posters. let the haters hate. we're moving upward and forward. i thank God every day for this blog, it has taught me so much and has helped me spread the gospel.

thanks annon. for sharing your story.=)

ava said...

I had travel in NYC with my boss last week and I have to tell you, the looks that we got from the brothers were just ridiculous. I dont put myself around ghetto black men but we just happened to jump on the subway with the ghetto nigs. It is truly something. I had one man give me a really hard look. We both had on suits so it should have been aparent that we were business collegues.

And they (blacks) watch your every move and hang on your every word like they are trying to OBSERVE how you ACT around a white man. Even white women gave us funny looks. You should have seen how the black guards acted when we entered into the buildings. They need to get over their inferiority complexes.

Yesterday, Chris Rock talked about how black women HATE to see white women with black men. He did not talk about the fact that when black women are with white men they could care less about the black men with white women. If anything, it is the black men who get upset (even if he is with a white woman).

Taylor-Sara said...

Thank you girl! And you see he's not going to talk about it the other way around either! They're such hypocrites! They can't even enjoy their coveted ww they are so busy staring and glaring-It's just crazy!...

Halima said...

And focusedpurpose, we are rooting for you dear.
Go Get Ya Happy!

The Interracial Dating E-Book

Golden Silence said...

Back from my trip!

For those who wanted to know about my former DC street harassment blog, here's its link:

Don't Be Silent. I no longer publish comments to posts on it or accept stories, but the site's still up and active for those who want to see what I and others have dealt with in DC.

During my weekend trip to NYC, harassment still happened but not as frequently as it does in DC. The Amtrak ticket taker on the way to the Big Apple, a Black man in his late 50's, decided to single me out when I was simply trying to stare out a window and enjoy the ride.

"Why are you so quiet?" he asks. I shrug.
"You live in NYC?" he asks.
"Nope," I said, thinking my short, disinterested answers would get him to leave me alone.
"DC?" he asks.
"Yep," I said.

Now this is where he gets inappropriate: he leans into my face and asks "Why are you so beautiful?" Ugh! As I mentioned above, this guy's in his late 50's and I'm in my late 20's. I'm not into that May/December mess!

I then put it out there: "That was inappropriate!" I told him. He got flustered and nervous, apologized, and left me alone for the rest of the trip. I knew he was going to do that. There were other passengers near me who were quietly sitting solo but he had to single me out. Why do Black men who do this think they can talk to Black women in any way they want in any setting? Did he not care about his job? And why did his old fart butt think I'd be interested in him? Shaking my head.

And in Long Island City, while going to an art gallery, some Latino construction worker started going "Heybabyyou'rebeautifulcanItalktoyou?" (yes, it was like one word he spoke that fast) at me. I said "I don't know you, nor do I want to get to know you!" His Black co-worker laughed at him getting dissed by me. But instead of telling the guy to leave me alone, he jumped in and tried to "holla" at me too! I told him "I don't want to get to know you either!" I kept walking, while he kept saying "Girl, you're still beautiful!" to my back. Do these pathetic losers not realize how ridiculous they look and sound treating women like that?

Those incidents aside, I felt anonymous in NYC, which is what I want. I feel that in DC every single thuggish Tom, Dick and Harry on the street wants to talk to me and sexually harass me. I can't walk by without a comment on my body, appearance, facial expression, etc. In NYC, I felt that most of the time I could blend in with the crowd and not be bothered by sad excuses for men.

I know women complain about street harassment in NYC too, but I dealt with it less in NYC that it was a relief. I'm not sure if I could say the same thing if I actually lived there.

Anonymous said...

I know y'all have moved on about Mistuh Perry's latest movie, but doesn't it seem like a belated answer to 'Something New'. Let's get Sanaa and Alfre playing mother and daughter again and have Sanaa getting with some other blond dude. BW were trippin off of Something New so let's show them that was just a fantasy. They got their heads all swole up thinking their college degrees make them better than a brotha but the real deal is that they wouldn't be anything but the white man's cheap trick and brothas are the clever ones,they don't need to go to college to get paid, and these wm-loving bw are going to find themselves shut out with nothing.

Course Tyler Fairy ain't that deep though.

Lyra said...

OMG! girl you are soooooo right! I forgot Alfre played her mother in something new! And you're trying to tell me that was a coincidence that he happen to choose BOTH of them to play in this sick twisted bm fantasy! A fantasy where bw are put back in their place and told the wm will never accept them. Where she is physically abused by a bm and still begs him to take her back. Where she is made to feel like shyt for even having the nerve to dream about escaping. How dare us thing we're as good as ww, and think that we have a right to good lives and good men, esp. the white kind!

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, I never noticed either!
Girl you are sharp! I think that's exactly what that was supposed to be! How dare him. One little movie comes out and gives bw hope of a better life with a man of any color and he feels the need to destroy that hope and tell her (in very subtle ways) you ain't nuthin without a bm cause he's the only one who wants your dumb, black, ugly self! WM will never accept you, and just use you for a booty call. Never mind the millions of bm using bw for booty calls and hurting, using, abandoning them in a myriad of ways.... Girl you hit it on the head, that is exactly what he was doing-making a biased-bm-wins sequel! -I hope it was a flop!

lola said...

I know y'all have moved on about Mistuh Perry's latest movie, but doesn't it seem like a belated answer to 'Something New'. Let's get Sanaa and Alfre playing mother and daughter again and have Sanaa getting with some other blond dude. BW were trippin off of Something New so let's show them that was just a fantasy. They got their heads all swole up thinking their college degrees make them better than a brotha but the real deal is that they wouldn't be anything but the white man's cheap trick and brothas are the clever ones,they don't need to go to college to get paid, and these wm-loving bw are going to find themselves shut out with nothing.

Course Tyler Fairy ain't that deep though.


Damn! I even forgot Alfre was Sanaa's mother in Something New. Anon, you summed up what it was perfectly!

Anonymous said...

You know what ava, i was quite angry, upset, and seeing red over that chris rock lame ass show too...but i quickly realized that it's not even worth getting pissed over...For the simple fact that there are many bw/wm relationships forming as we speak, there are many successful bw who don't want nor need a bm to thier lives. BW are doing the damn thing everywhere you turn and I get the feeling that's why chris is so bitter....So sista's don't even sweat that..the most effective rebuttal against the attacks on black women is by killing em with kindness.

lola said...

WAIT!!!!! TARAJI P. HENSON was in Something New as well, she was Kenya's supportive friend, and she's in "The Family That Preys" too playing Andrea's sister..............DAMN dude wasn't even subliminal about it!

Anonymous said...

O'BRIEN: Kriss Turner feels, the solution lies in this advice, "Don't just date black men," given to her by a superstar comedian.

TURNER: Chris Rock is like, listen, brothers have been exercising their options forever. I don't know why sisters don't.

Kriss Turner is the bw who wrote "Something New" ,just wanted you to know that Chris Rock is a supporter of bw dating non-black men. Here's the full link ,but basically what I pasted sums it up.This is from that Black in America on Cnn

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0807/23/cp.03.html


Bougie

focusedpurpose said...

thanks you for your kind words ladies.

date one went very well. i had a blast and felt most comfortable. my date was an attentive gentleman. he called the next day to tell me that i am beautiful and his "dream woman".

so...why was i walking wm again? oh, yeah! uh, solidarity. yep, got stuck on stupid for awhile with that one. solidarity. lol! one must indeed free oneself.

did i tell you that i love this blog? :-) you and Evia have helped me to shake myself free of the few remaining chains. i thank you and will continue to pay it forward.

blessings all,
focusedpurpose

lola said...

Chris Rock is a supporter of bw dating non-black men.

So he really said that. But I think he's a fake. If he supported BW that much, he wouldn't have dissed Michelle Obama by putting WW on a pedestal the way he did, and claim that BW don't like WM, especially NOW that BW are just starting to explore their options. Lotta people are going to say "this is just comedy", well the same thing was said about Rap music, that it was just entertainment, look how damaging it has been for BW. Entertainment in general is a powerful tool to send messages to the masses. But it seems many BW still don't get it. Stop giving money to comedians who degrade you.

Taylor-Sara said...

Exactly lola,
Michael Baisin was on the radio today talking about Chris Rock, and saying that he was telling the truth. He said alot of bw had gotten angry because what Chris Rock said was true, and that we were not attracted to white, hispanic, Asian, indian etc type of men. My question is: How can he or Chris Rock speak for us??? Are either one of them black WOMEN?? How do they know how we feel, they are so busy trying to give us OUR opinion, they have never bothered to ask for it! There are millions of bw who are attracted to non-blk men and that number seems to be growing explosively. Yet they have the nerve to stand there and TELL use what we think instead of asking us! He did not know why all those bw got upset, he just decided it was because CR told 'his version' of truth. He had no problem with CR disrespecting Obama's wife or praising ww like a good lil 'boy'. Let a female comedienne have talked about obama like that, (or any other bm) and all hell would have broken loose. The woman who wrote a color purple had to go into hiding because bm were threatening to kill her! They said that she engaged in bm bashing, and all her male bm characters were negative, and evil. Never mind the fact that, thats really what life is like for many bw, all over America... sexual abuse, beaten by husbands, cheated on etc... What they were really pissed about, was that it was too close to the truth, and she shone the light on their dispicable behavior....

Selena said...

Remember when Chris Rock had that paternity case pending? I believe the other woman was a ww...

Halima said...

My question is: How can he or Chris Rock speak for us??? Are either one of them black WOMEN?? How do they know how we feel, they are so busy trying to give us OUR opinion, they have never bothered to ask for it!

I agree sara, however there is some truth in bw disliking non-bm or putting on an attitude of dislike/wholesale convincing of themselves they dislike other men. I think the thing is that they (Chris and Michael), feel that this is a ‘permanent’ state, that’s why they are mocking and ribbing us, they think we will never be able to move away from this ‘state of mind’, that our dislike of white men is inherent, full and complete that it is impossible for us to change this inbuilt state (the sheer arrogance of bm thinking they are without match). They are not reckoning with the fact that this ‘dislike’ is artificially created particularly by our wanting to show ourselves totally enamored by all things black. They don’t reckon with the fact that the reasons why we want to show how totally besotted we are with blackness are being removed one by one.

The constant ribbing and mocking will help many more of us over the mind barrier of ‘keeping ourselves for our men’.

This is the thing about folks taking bw for granted. They will just keep on with their jokes and laughter only to wake up one day and look out of the window and realize that change had been creeping up, and that the spell over bw is finally broken. Then it will be too late.

I give them thanks for contributing to disabbusing bw's minds from their ‘bm only’ policy because i am sure at least one bw has reached fed up point at this moment!

Golden Silence said...

"My question is: How can he or Chris Rock speak for us??? Are either one of them black WOMEN?? How do they know how we feel, they are so busy trying to give us OUR opinion, they have never bothered to ask for it!"

That's a way a lot of these angry Black male bloggers are. They, for some strange reason, think they're the voice of Black women. It's like that one channel on YouTube, GurlTalkkTV (yes, it's spelled like that) which is solely a Black guy talking about "Black women this" or "Black women that." Has he ever interviewed Black women to get their opinions on things? I assume not! And it baffles me that he wants to speak about women's issues when he's not one. You won't see me becoming the spokesperson for men anytime soon.

But I'm disappointed to hear about Chris Rock's recent show. I normally actually like his stuff, but am not too thrilled about this recent news.

Selena said...

I give them thanks for contributing to disabbusing bw's minds from their ‘bm only’ policy because i am sure at least one bw has reached fed up point at this moment!

Preach on Halima!!

lola said...

My question is: How can he or Chris Rock speak for us??? Are either one of them black WOMEN?? How do they know how we feel, they are so busy trying to give us OUR opinion, they have never bothered to ask for it!

Sara, I've been asking myself the same question. I think that's just an attempt to brainwash us. These guys keep telling these lies because their tactic is that "the more they'll hear it the more they'll keep believing it". BM have always thought and said so, I've heard a relative assume my type is "black only". The problem with this little trick they use is that it doesn't work anymore. THAT trick used to work but BW are waking up. More and more sistas are turned off by the blatant disrespect, travelling and enjoying being celebrated overseas, moving on with their lives. Kelly Rowland is treated like a Queen in London and Milan and dating a non-black guy.

I give them thanks for contributing to disabbusing bw's minds from their ‘bm only’ policy because i am sure at least one bw has reached fed up point at this moment!

Halima, thank you! These guys have no idea how fast sisters are running away THANKS TO what they do. I think the same way Nelly's career DIED after "Tip Drill", some comedians, radio hosts, actors, singers, etc careers are gonna die too. They're gonna piss off the wrong ones. Karma is a mutha. BW are more and more determined to take actions and fight for what they want. "The Family That Preys" being BEHIND "Terrace Lakeview" popularity wise is a VERY strong message to Hollywood. And trust me, they're taking notes.

Anonymous said...

I think the Chris Rock's remarks were really aimed at white men. People will say and do anything to keep black women from exercising our right to choose!

cool_splash1 said...

Face it, Angela Bassett didn't quite get the juices flowing as the love object of Robert De Niro in "The Score."

This woman's a complete dumb ass. Apparently she didn't get the memo that not only is Robert De Niro married to a black woman, but his first wife was black as well. And that apparently he loves black women.

Does she consider that wm just don't say this in front of ww.

cool_splash1 said...

Does anyone actually have a older BW relative who acts like that?

I do or did. She died a few years back. She was like that, the pistol and everything. She didn't go to jail except for one time and that was during a domestic dispute with her hubbie. Lets just say her hubbie was losing. She was put in the jail (same town in East TX) Anyway she deputy kept hitting her in the stomach with his keys or baton or something when she was pregant with my cousin (this is like the 50's or something) she pushed the guy (she was a heavy set pretty strong woman) and he fell and broke his neck. The sheriff being a friend and knowing it was the other guys fault told her to leave town for a while. Anyways she was crazy, but she always made everyone happy. Even when you went to the hospital to see her she was always laughing and smiling and she had some of her toes amputated and even part of her foot. Yet she was always in good spirits with people. She was great.

You guys should hook this girl up with that 'interesting online method of watching movies' lol.

Youtube not going to lie I've seen so many Bollywood, Kollywood (Nepal)usually don't have subtitles cute dudes you don't need subs or dubs baby.lol, Kollywood (Tamil), and other films even saw Kung Fu Panda. I know bad but hey love Bollywood. Plus if I like it I buy it anyway. This is a great way to see which movies are worth the dollars. Either that or I go to the library. You also might want to yahoo or google the family that preys online. I'm just saying.lol
Oh and you might want to search The Omega Man Part 1 in youtube. again I'm just saying.lol

they wanted to remake in America but had a change of heart which is probaly good.


Yeah cause you know Hollywood would jack it up. Maybe an independent filmmaker hopefully a bw or even a wm or someone who could do this justice.

And how about remaking Claudine and have it where the bm or even wm who's a damn professional actually take the bw and her kids out of the freaking hood. But then I don't know about that either cause she would either be a you are different from these other black girls kind of crap that really pisses me off.

JaliliMaster said...

Can someone please tell me what Chris Rock said about Michelle Obama. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

JaliliMaster said...
Can someone please tell me what Chris Rock said about Michelle Obama. Thanks.

http://www.cjreport.com/news/3457/chris-rock-thoughts-michelle-obama.html

bougie

cool_splash1 said...

White/non-black men don't want black women? Please tell that to the nine bw/ir couples I saw at the state fair in Dallas. Of that 2 were bw/hm. Hell there were probably more. Yes there were many bm/wm non-bw couples there was only one bm I saw parading it around bw, but most pretty much were just normal acting couples. So basically we are reaching up there. And yes there are a lot of bm/bw couples, but you have to also look at the ages. But hate to say it when I saw many of the more darker african featured sisters they were usually alone with the kids. Not all, but a hell of a lot of them were.

Erotica said...

i am a wm who happens to love bw.where do people get this idea that we dont like bw?

Anonymous said...

@ erotica I just clicked on your name...interesting interests. You seem to like a little bite of everything.
ann

Anonymous said...

Oh that's rich. Note to disillusioned BM that wrote that, and to anyone else who believes that. WM want us. Badly. I can't count how many WM with WW wives, girlfriends or just single are interested in me. For relationships, for sex, just because...many reasons I suppose. Now I happened to be happily married, so they are all turned down, but the interesting part is that even when I'm with ww friends. WM hit on me. Yeah the American WM is becoming bolder, and the European WM, well they've always known what they wanted.

Anonymous said...

I didn't Know there were so many famous black women with white men.

And these black women are fine on top of it.

Only famous white woman I can think of with a black man is that German Hiedi Klum.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is alot of fine ass black women with white men, Famous black women .

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traciy said...

Hello,

I love this blog. You are right about the lies regarding no one wants Black women. Many people say Hispanic Latinos don't like Blacks, but nothing could be further from the truth. I was wondering if you could link to my site and I could add a back link to yours. It's a blog about Americans who are dating or married to Hispanics. I will post the blog link. There is also a dating site called Americans Dating Hispanic Latinos, they are a new site and slowly building their database.

http://www.americansdatinghispaniclatinos.com/

http://hispanicandamericancouples.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

What?! White men don't like black women? That's crazy, who came up with that.

I have a friend (white) who I think finds black women attractive, but he still has stereotypes in his mind of what most black women are like, but he is from Germany in an area with mostly whites where I think TV has shaped his perceptions, otherwise I think he would like dark women.

I find dark skinned women beautiful, but the problem is that some only date black men, or that's what it seems like. I've had to deal with that before that this girl I knew only dated black men. That was pretty hard on me feeling that I could never measure up because of my skin color.

Ronda said...

I love this blog! Thanks! I am a BF who loves and adores WM!

Anonymous said...

I believe thing in the blog us true I'm a teen who believe I like wm I do like bm but I'm more attractive to wm being a military brat I chose to be attractive to wm at a young age I am attractive to am but I believe there is no hope when I come to be attractive to bm I'm not racist but bm don't find a girl attract when she acts different from other girls her age that why I'm attract to wm and am plus some bm so I do see my self lose but I believe this blog helped me find myself and the person I'm starting to care about.

mecca said...

i find that interacial dating is not all what it's cracked out to be. most of the whitemen i met does not want to get involved. not saying i did not have a good time. and majority of them are married. i know how to profile. but i met some on dating sites. i am not into whitemen who have these so called fetish for black women . i am into men who just happen to love a woman regardless what her race is. a lot here in america will never be comfortable with black women. verses london, england and abroad. i have not done anything wrong. i know the dating game. just its been very hard to meet them.