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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Fatherhood seems to have a new face for black children!

I'm sure that many of you have noticed that there appears to be more and more white men loving, supporting and providing for
black children. Often, even when they are not biologically theirs! The fact is, it appears that sistas have finally gotten the memo. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT COLOR THE MAN IS, A GOOD FATHER IS A GOOD FATHER! I'm happy to see that you ladies are finally waking up! The truth is that you and your children deserve a good husband and father just like other women do. It seems that in the BC, bw are often made to feel ashamed for wanting basic things that almost all women want. Like a good husband, and father for her children! Ladies this is basic female instinct 101. Nature has designed the woman to want a good mate to help with children, responsibilities, and just general life issues. Don't ever feel ashamed for wanting what you have a basic right to have. And don't let other women tell you, you don't have a right to look at wm. The truth of the matter is that given half a chance, those women who claim they would never.... are lying, they are just scared of what people would say. They also do not for one minute, want you to have a good father for your children, if they don't have one for theirs. Ladies, I think we all know by now that many (not all) bm are NOT interested in giving love and support to their children. Many are not interested in providing for said children, and many are not interested in even KNOWING their children! I know it's hard to fathom that so many bm could actually just walk away from their own precious children. But we see it everyday. We all know they do. All of us see on a constant basis, fearful, stressed out, lonely, desperate and depressed bw. We see them trying to be the sole financial, and emotional support for their children. We often see them no help whatsoever from the bm who impregnated them. I'm glad to see more and more sistas starting to realize that they don't have to go this path alone. Life was not meant to be lived alone. Whoever you are, there are good wm out there who would love you and your children and ease some of that onerous burdens that many of you sistas are carrying alone. The truth is that almost all children want a loving father. And no child deserves to be abandoned, neglected and left to fend for him or herself in this callous world. And it doe's not have to happen. Now am I saying all wm are good fathers? Absolutely not! There are bad wm fathers out there, you all know that. But because of the sheer number of wm in this world, as well as a more family oriented mindset during the formative years. Many wm are much better suited to the task of fatherhood, and all it encompasses. Also, because of their sheer numbers, it makes it so much easier to find the good ones. (And they are plentiful) I'm glad to see more and more wm fathers with their little black babies out at the stores and such. It's such a refreshing sight. Usually when I see this, the children are smiling happily and so is the mother. The daddies often look like they are going to burst with pride. As more and more sistas open their heart to love irregardless of color, scenes such as this will become commonplace. Please remember that your child does not care what color his/her father is. Your child just wants a loving father, and too many children are being deprived of this right. I was reading an article in a magazine one day. Several bm were being interviewed by a reporter. She wanted to know how many of them had children they had not seen in a while, and what prevented them from marrying the mothers of their children. Turned out, of all the fathers, only 1 of the 10 was in his child's lives! And only 2 of the 10 paid child support! Some of the men actually got angry that she would have the audacity to ask such a question! Ladies doe's this sound like a winnable hand to you? As one man told her (he was the one who was paying) " Just because I make good money, and drive a nice car, does that mean she should expect me to commit my whole life! I already pay over 200.00 a month in child support! " Now keep in mind that he had 3 children! And he thought he was doing something. Of the others, 8 of the 10 were not paying any child support at all, and were lax and evasive about when they planned to start paying. One even told her, BW make their own bed. They lay up with anybody and get pregnant so them them take care of their own kids! (like they had nothing to do with it!) All I can say is thank God sistas are moving on, and giving wm a chance to be the new face of fatherhood for more and more black children!


CW said...

Ok...I'll bite and play the role of imaginary troll b4 they really arrive...


Here it goes...

"Well how can a White man know how to raise a Black child...Boo Hoo Hoo"

LOL...Saving some the trouble...Bottom Line: Only the man who's THERE in the childs life has earned the title of "Father"...

Felicity said...

Nice post!

Selena said...

I haven't read the post in its entirety. But does someone have the link of the wm doing his stepdaughter's (bd) hair? Thre's also one floating around where the wm is doing his wife's (bw) locs. So beautiful!

Way to play devil's advocate CW :-P

sky said...

this post pretty much summed it up!

lola said...


Nice post Sara, as usual! There are definitely a lot of WM and other non-BM who are husband and father material. We deserve the best like any other woman or man.

And Selena, speaking of hair, the other day I saw a black woman with her white boyfriend at a beauty supply. She was explaining to him things about black hair and he was very attentive. I thought that was too cute!

calibudafly said...

Awww so cute! And I'm sure his interest was genuine.

sky said...

"And Selena, speaking of hair, the other day I saw a black woman with her white boyfriend at a beauty supply. She was explaining to him things about black hair and he was very attentive. I thought that was too cute!"

omg that is so cute! awww

Anonymous said...

"Ok...I'll bite and play the role of imaginary troll b4 they really arrive...

I haven't read the post in its entirety. But does someone have the link of the wm doing his stepdaughter's (bd) hair? Thre's also one floating around where the wm is doing his wife's (bw) locs. So beautiful

And Selena, speaking of hair, the other day I saw a black woman with her white boyfriend at a beauty supply. She was explaining to him things about black hair and he was very attentive. I thought that was too cute!"

Or how about that second troll who asks and how will the husband know how to do black hair (which is done to white women all of the time)1.) That person can learn to do their hair. 2.) Biracial hair also has it's differences from black hair, but then again what is black hair because we have so many types anyway.

My mom asked a white friend of ours with a biracial daughter if she ever figured out how to do her hair. The women said not really, but the question did irk me. Love my mom, but I've found that many black women don't even know how to do black hair (especially in it's natural state), but yet proceed to ask others these questions to make themselves seem better. She also did this to a Korean lady at a beauty store when I asked the women about a hair detangler. She told the women that bw had to be careful because our hair is different in a haughty way etc., thing is duh this caters to black people so you know they aren't stupid they are going to research. Hell most of them know more about hair care products and weaves/wigs that are good/bad for your hair then I do.

sorry for the

Anonymous said...

I can't beleive you disrespect black men before the whole world! Black men do the best they can. They are struggling under a yolk of racism and bigotry! They are held back by white men and jailed for no reason! They should ban you from telling these lies! Black men are good men and you have no right to say the things that you say!

KM said...

@ anonymous 8:05 am.

So... the high amount of drug arrests, misogyny in rap, the state of the hood, amount of kids without fathers going around still means that black men are good men.


Anonymous said...

"I can't beleive you disrespect black men before the whole world! Black men do the best they can. They are struggling under a yolk of racism and bigotry! They are held back by white men and jailed for no reason! They should ban you from telling these lies! Black men are good men and you have no right to say the things that you say!"

LOL SAVE the comedy routine!

Damaged beyond repair black men disrespect THEMSELVES before the whole world 24/7.

They DO NOT do the best they can. They are the PRIME racists and bigots against black women.

They hold THEMSELVES back and DESERVE to be locked up for the crimes their committing primarily against themselves and BLACK WOMEN AND CHILDREN.

DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR BLACK MEN are the ones who should be BANNED from spreading their filth and lies against black women.

THEIR mothers, sisters, and daughters.

Sara has EVERY right to say what she does and the WHOLE WORLD knows she's telling the truth.

Including YOU troll.

Again, SAVE the comedy routine.

Phantom Mare said...

LOL... you got that one.

I want to see that one too.

That must have been quite adorable. :o))

@Anon(hair) said...Biracial hair also has it's differences from black hair, but then again what is black hair because we have so many types anyway.

CW said...

Ok, When do we sing Kumbaiaya and other Negro Spirituals???...Puleeze, our forefathers are probably flipping in their graves seeing what's happening in the false Black Community today...And here's one of the main problems...Damaged men (or could be an enabling/coddling woman) loitering on a WOMAN's board and trying to regulate...Instead of taking accountability, helping to alleviate the perils the same anonymous 0805hrs mentioned...Sounds too much like manning up, bump that! LOL...But alas, that is a SOP of damage...Hit at what appears to be the weakest targets, least likely to hit back...Ahhh the anominity of the internets!

..."I can't beleive you disrespect black men before the whole world! Black men do the best they can. They are struggling under a yolk of racism and bigotry! They are held back by white men and jailed for no reason! They should ban you from telling these lies! Black men are good men and you have no right to say the things that you say!"

Divalocity said...

"I can't believe you disrespect black men before the whole world! Black men do the best they can. They are struggling under a yolk of racism and bigotry! They are held back by white men and jailed for no reason! They should ban you from telling these lies! Black men are good men and you have no right to say the things that you say!"

Again here we have an enabler who continues to coddle, emasculate and nurture supposedly grown men. What are BW doing everyday when many are doing it alone and doing it quite well w/o a BM in the home?

The BW is doing her best to sustain the BC which is really not only her responsibility but also for the BM as well. Too bad so many are cowards and refuse to step up to the plate and if they attempt to, they can’t because someone always has to be the fake leader and all else fails and nothing ever gets accomplished. Nothing but jive ass talk and very little action. BW are all about the action and BM are about the show and fronting resulting in failed BC’s. Who’s protecting us? It sure isn’t a BM, we have to protect our own lives and the lives of our children.

The real problem is that the BC has no men left there, all that is left are overgrown boys who think that they are men. And why the BW bother to date them is beyond me.

BW have to do better and they can do better if they leave them, the little boys alone and seek out real man. Real men provide for their own they don’t deny their own, they find a way to take care of their own just as the BW are doing when they have been abandoned by them. They don’t cry racism when it comes to feeding their children or getting a job or an education. We don’t put up obstacles to thwart our success.

Many BW haven't seen real men since they last saw their own fathers, especially if he took care of the home and was a real father to them. If you have BM who are doing their part to uplift the BC and America then I commend you.

But what we are really seeing is the destruction of the BC by many BM who are doing absolutely nothing but destroying our country without attempting to lift a finger and allowing the BW to do it all. The BW’s back and spirit is breaking because of all of this responsibility and also because many BW think that they were born to be the worlds bearer of all life’s burdens.

I dropped the title of “the strong BW” years ago especially when I saw all the added stress associated with it. All black men aren't bad but there is quite a few who really are and the actions and lack thereof are showing for all the world to see.

You can not hide the truth because the truth will never be denied. You know the old saying, if the shoe fits then there is a bunch who are wearing them. The truth hurts and many people can't handle the truth. And if it hurts them then they really need to be doing something about it to change their plight.

I hate when I hear people say that the police are harassing BM because if this was the case we would be arrested and harassed right alone with them. The police don't go out of their way to harass BM, there are BM who are committing crimes as we speak. Stop giving them an excuse for their behavior and their downfall.

Here's my advice on how to raise a Black child especially a Black male child. If you have male children, coddle and nurture and raise them so that they can grow up and become someone to be proud of other than a rapper, entertainer or ball player. Stop trying to raise men who have passed the childhood phase, it's too late for them, only they can reverse the damage.

Raise your son's right so that future generations of BW won't have available to them only DBRBM but good, hard working, honest, responsible, educated and decent BM. It's hard to do it alone but it can be done if you choose to, I did and so have several other BW.

Take the time to raise future generations of BM and BW.
If there are no positive role models in your BC, then teach them that they are Americans first and teach them to emulate positive role models regardless of race.

Teach them to reach for opportunities and take them.

Teach them responsibility, honor and true respect.

Teach them to dream and go for those dreams and not let negativity deter the dream.

Teach them manners and respect for everyone including themselves.

Teach them that they are wonderful human beings who deserve love no matter who they choose to love.

Teach them to have faith in whom ever they choose to worship or believe in and know that there is only one Creator and Man is not GOD so don‘t worship MAN.

Teach them to value their own identity and not buy into false manhood and the ideas of others.

Teach them to have the courage to stand in the face of oppression like BW have been doing for years.

Teach them to judge solely on the heart of an individual and know it's more to life than materialism and the superficial. If you are empty inside you have nothing to offer anyone.

Teach them to walk away from a confrontation instead of attempting to prove who is more manly, especially if they are not taking care of their responsibility as a man should.

Teach them discipline so that the prison culture will not have to, because you have to listen to someone and if you refuse to they‘ll be glad to give you orders.

Teach them to appreciate the beauty of all women especially of the woman who gave birth to them and not conform to the European standard of beauty as the idea.

Teach them to use the mind that God gave them to think responsible for themselves and shape a positive perception of life.

Teach them that they are not niggers and do not allow other BM to refer to them as that.

Teach them to respect and honor all women especially BW and never call her out of her name.

Teach them to build the BC instead of destroying an already fragile infrastructure.

Teach them it’s okay to want to belong to a group of your peers, but it’s wrong to want to fit in when your peers are negative and have no goals, so leave them behind especially if you want to go forward in life.

Teach them that it's okay to shed a tear because they are human and allowed to show emotions because real men do.

Teach them to stay away from negative people and negative situations, always rise above the negativity.

Teach them to be a leader and not a follower.

Teach them to become entrepreneurs and the value of home ownership.

Teach them that designer clothes are not an asset and real wealth comes from the sacrifice of saving and investing, not spending to impress others. If it’s on your ass it’s a liability, if it’s in the bank it’s an asset.

Teach them to help those who are less fortunate than them to achieve a level of success that will afford them a better life.

Teach them to give back to the very community that shaped their existence.

Teach them that their skin color should not limit their possibilities and it does not limit their opportunities, only they can do that.

Teach them that they have two choices in life, either you do or you don't and which one that you choose has it's consequences whether they be bad or good.

Teach them to respect the law and follow laws because America does not and will not tolerate anarchy.

Teach them to respect the property of others and know if it's not theirs than it will not be stolen by force.

Teach them that they will reap what they sow and treat others the way that they would like to be treated.

Teach them the value of a dollar and a admirable and strong work ethic, because no one owes you anything, you must work for what you want and always perform at the best of your ability in everything that you do in life.

Teach them to remove the attitude and fake swagger because that is a sure sign of weakness.

Teach them that an education is the way to a better life, it is not a white thing only afforded to a few.

Teach them that they too are entitled to a better life.

Teach them to learn and research their history.

Teach them that black culture is not one of failure but a culture of success.

Teach them that aspiring to go to prison is not an initiation into black manhood and it definitely is no privilege reserved for the BM only.

Teach them that pants are to be worn with a belt and to present a better image to the world instead of a negative one.

Teach them that the desire to be a thug or gangster is a true example of a sellout and should never be emulated and that it’s a disgrace to the BC as a whole.

Teach them that accepting less than what God has a afforded them is being a sellout and disgrace.

Teach them that it's disgraceful being unemployed, an alcoholic, a drug addict, a drug dealer, a stud, a thief and a whoremonger, because these are still examples of Slavery and they must never wear these shackles.

Teach them the value of marriage and dating even if you have not witnessed it yourself.

Teach them sexual responsibility and to abstain from promiscuity.

Teach them that real self-esteem is not measured by what one wears, it has to do with the soul of the individual.

Teach them that by acting black is not a culture and it too is the sign of a sellout and a disgrace.

Teach them that ignorance and stupidity is a sin and a disgrace to be that way, knowledge is power.

Teach them that anyone or anything that brings dishonor into the BC should be considered as a disgrace and shunned.

Teach them to assimilate into this society because regardless of how our ancestors arrived here, we are all Americans and it seems to me that the unwillingness to assimilate into the fabric of America is the downfall of many in the BC. If we can a least teach one we can reach a whole community. Copyright © 2008 Divalocity. All rights reserved.

"A person can change his future by merely changing his attitude."
Oprah Winfrey

Or as I say, change your thinking and you will definitely change your life. Divalocity

Selena said...

@ Phantom Mare:

Here's the link to the white father doing his daughter's hair. I remember seeing this posted on Nappturality a while back:

I'll dig around for the other video of the bw getting her locs twisted by her husband (wm).

Selena said...

@ Phantom Mare:

It just so happens the wm in the link I found happens to be the little girl's adoptive father! She's originally from Ethiopia.

Nikki_Cola said...

"I can't beleive you disrespect black men before the whole world! Black men do the best they can. They are struggling under a yolk of racism and bigotry! They are held back by white men and jailed for no reason! They should ban you from telling these lies! Black men are good men and you have no right to say the things that you say!"

I guess the truth hurts early in the morning when you haven't fully woken up and had your fresh pot of 'strong, black' coffee.

Damaged beyond repair black men truly are the makers of their own misery. When you're out doing things you're not supposed to do, of course you're going to get in trouble. Unprotected're bound to become a baby daddy. Racism and bigotry can't be the excuse for everything. Taking responsibility for one's self plays a large part. Then again, it's much easier to blame 'The Man', failing to realize that 'The Man' he should be looking out for is his fellow 'Bruh Man'.

lola said...

@ Divalocity : AWESOME!!! Beautiful message!

@ Mr Troll
I can't beleive you disrespect black men before the whole world! Black men do the best they can. They are struggling under a yolk of racism and bigotry! They are held back by white men and jailed for no reason! They should ban you from telling these lies! Black men are good men and you have no right to say the things that you say!

LOL!! Here's the thing, real MEN don't "BLAME" they "TAKE RESPONSIBILITY". So if you're talking about Black MEN like Barack Obama and Bill Cosby who take responsibility for their lives and also call BM (black males - and yes, there's a difference) on their BS, we honor them.

Don't expect "RESPECT" from anyone if you're disrespecting yourself, the people who DIED for you to have rights and opportunities and privileges, your kids, and every woman in your family.

Just how long are you gonna BLAME others? BW could blame racists and sexists and do nothing, but we're doing our thing REGARDLESS of the obstacles, and you mean to tell me in a man's world you can't do better? How about you STAY in school? Don't blame "the man" for your downfall, blame yourself and your "brothers", as a matter of fact, the KKK doesn't have jack to do these days.

You wanna know who's your worst enemy? Look in the mirror.

Anonymous said...

"Sounds too much like manning up, bump that! LOL"

Sounds like these needs to be in the reading list of this person and many others especially black men

Man Up! Nobody is Coming to Save Us by Steve Perry

Bill Cosby Is Right: Silent Genocide by John A Maxwell

Come On People: On the Path from Victims to Victors by Bill Cosby

The Warrior Method: A Parents' Guide to Rearing Healthy Black Boys by Raymond Winbush

Raising Black Boys by Jawanza Kunjufu (also has books on countering the conspiracy to destroy black boys, but where are the men to help implement this in their childs lives along with the mother. It can't just be mom doing this)

Hell there are even books on teaching fathers how to be in their childs lives even if the parents aren't together through divorce or whatever else that caused them to separate, but yet they don't read these. Hell there are fatherhood support groups for fathers married or unmarried yet they are not used by bm as well.

How to Be Your Little Man's Dad: 365 Things to Do With Your Son by Dan Bolin and Ken Sutterfield

How to Be Your Daughter's Daddy: 365 Ways to Show Her You Care by Dan Bolin

(How about also reading books not specifically targeted to black or anybody, but people)

Wednesday Evenings and Every Other Weekend : From Divorced Dad to Competent Co-Parent. A Guide for the Noncustodial Father by F. Daniel McClure and Jerry B. Saffer

Always Dad: Being a Great Father During & After Divorce by Paul Mandelstein

The Long-Distance Dad: How You Can Be There for Your Child-Whether Divorced, Deployed, or On-the road. by Steven Ashley

Be a Great Divorced Dad by Kenneth N. Condrell and Linda L. Small

PowerNomics : The National Plan to Empower Black America by Claud Anderson (by the way it wasn't wp who shotdown his plan in Detroit it was bp)

I'm only going to do this once cause I don't like talking to trolls.

The point of most of these books is that it's going to be black people who have to uplift themselves not some magical government superman come flying in going to get us great educations, family structure, better community etc. it's gotta be the bc not be BWC (black woman community)And I'm sorry if I hear another black man or woman complain about not being able to get jobs because of da ebil white man I'm going to scream. Because for one thing why are bw complaining about this anyway because you apparently are getting jobs?

When I worked at Pearsons, Dell, for the state etc. you had many black men working their asses off even if they were getting $9.50 and doing overtime and doubletime like nobodies business. Some were going to school especially the older ones and were making sure their kids didn't make the same mistakes they made. Some were saving so that when they got married they wouldn't be in debt, kids etc. And some lost their jobs and had to start over, but always reminded others that yeah that sucks, but like I found the one I lost and this one I will find another and for us to get our degrees and not give up. And there were some I knew that were using that money for businesses either on the side or ones they were planning. So that black men can't get a job or have a hard time because of da ebal white man is a crock. If that were true then why were the black latinos, Africans, Carribbeans etc. doing well.

And further more my aunt and uncle who were married at 18 were married 60 years that's about the only bm/bw couple i've seen that long except for maybe my grandfather and his late wife who he married when he was 21 and she 16 and later divorced and remarried 30 years or so later when I was around 3)They were married a long time and the only reason they aren't together now is because she is no longer with us(same with my grandfather as in his wife died). But seeing their marriage is an eye opener between the older and new generations. Hell my uncle even told us the worst thing to do is work in a company with nothing, but black people he said love my people, but we can be the worst backstabbers. That is one of the coolist uncles. I learned a lot about World War II and him being a porter. There is also another couple on that side around my mom's gen and they have been married forever and he's always saying how much more he loves her every year. so yeah my aunt and uncle aren't the only ones. But of the other family members I mos def can't say that.

Another older man I worked with at Pearsons told me the same thing. He said whatever you do try to work somewhere were there's a mix of people. My other coworker thought he was crazy and told him she'd rather work were there's nothing, but black people. To which he said 1. There's a difference between black people and N's and 2.) Many will try to hold you down when they see you want something more or are working hard for it.

And I'm sorry, but the worst I've ever been treated and felt like shit was when I worked at Pearson's and seen some of the worst behavior of bw. I'm sorry, but that is true. One woman a grown ass woman made fun of me because of my natural hair and spread that shit around. Just so happened one of my cowokers another natural turned her ass in because our boss didn't do that ish. I couldn't turn her in because at the time I didn't know her name etc., but some of them were trip. The girl who made fun of me well her sister kept messing up on the scanning. Our supervisor or the head supervisor asked her why she was messing up (in a nice way because he is one of those people that when work sucks you look up and see the dude smiling and you smile and a little light comes back)well the fool told him because there are too many Mexicans on the line while the lead who happens to be Mexican American was in the room plus and get this shit our super is a Puerto Rican so he walked her ass out. There were some great bw there as well, but there were so many ghetto ones too. Like the girl who was going down on a boy in the womans restroom. Yeah!!
Many times people have their selves to blaim for things we can't always blame others. It is our actions that cause things as well as the actions of others, but it's mostly ours. Believe me that experience made me snap out of that whole Afrocentric black love stuff real fast. It was an eye opener.

Now that I've put up this list and ranted like freaking crazy I am through talking about black men, because frankly I think I've given you and every bm and bw the information or a starting point to change. Now it's up to you and those bm you are talking about.

Phantom Mare said...


OH MYYYYY!! That was sooo cute!! And her hair was BEAUTIFULLY done by her WHITE DAD. :o))

They do alot more than what some Black mothers do.

"Girl sit down! Yoo got nappy hair! Oooohhhfff! Oooohhhhffff- nappy!"

Meanwhile not combing it properly and the girl starts losing hair around the hairline. Hair then snaps more making it shorter- girls self-esteem decreases.

starkitty50 said...

To be a REAL man is to take responsibility for your own actions. I definitely agree with that and if your life isn't going the way you want it to, it's your OWN fault. I don't understand the mentality that we have to blame White men for everything that is wrong with us?? Some things, we do to ourselves--sure,history plays a part in it, but we can't use that as a crutch all of the time. And I get sick to death of the double standards in the Black community. The dysfunctional message is that it's perfectly ok to drag each other down by being disrespectful, but if a White man does it, Al, Jessie and everybody else wants to march and protest. But they have their own agendas, of course.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sellout black women

You women are pathetic, white men walk out on their children too. I never hear sellout black women complain when a white man leaves his biracial children. You have no backbone to talk about that.

Stop watching television, black women need to take the blame too for their children not having fathers. You make poor decisions and blame the black man for it.

He wasn't DBR when you were sleeping with him. Now your trying to dictate to white men to take care of your kids because of your screw ups as a single mother.

That is why your post is always bashing black men to win validation from white men. Just makes you look like a fool!

You got some nerve

See you on craigslist rants and raves!

Mr Laurelton Queens

Taylor-Sara said...

Mr L. I cannot believe you followed me all the way to my new blog, just so you could have something to b*tch about! That's too funny! Thanks for giving me a laugh today.But hon, shouldn't you be far more worried about all the bm who abandon their children then the few wm who do? It's crazy for you to be here whining. Why did you come? Like I have told you before, this blog has NOTHING to do with YOU!!! It does not even pertain to you in the slightest. You should be using this wasted energy to try to save some of these sorry bm, because their days of leaning on and using us are coming to an end.....

lola said...

LOL @ Mrs Queen. 70% of black children are growing up rightnow without their fathers. Sure there are deadbeat dads in all races but the rate of BM is far higher. Obama and Cosby at least were men enough to tell y'all to man up!

Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. You wasted your time coming here talking trash about my fellow blogging sister. If you have a problem with her, I suggest you take it up with her. Don't come here trying to use my forum to disrespect and devalue black women. You got the wrong place... In fact, if you have nothing relevant to add to this discussion then see your way out!

Rocky said...


70% of black children don't have parents who are married to one another. That does not necessarily equate to growing up without fathers. Research has indicated that black fathers who are not married to their children's mothers are more likely than any other race of men to keep contact with those children.

Also, those "white fathers" are overwhelmingly raising their own biological kids (who are at least just as much white as they are black). The overwhelmingly vast majority of black children being raised by stepfathers are being raised by BLACK stepfathers. Actually, since there are three times as many bm/ww marriages as wm/bw marriages, there are actually MORE black men raising such biracial kids. Thus, I could equally say that fatherhood seems to have a new face for WHITE children!

Taylor-Sara said...

Oh Rocky please! BM don't even take care of their own children, regardless of the race of the mother, and when they do, you' are right she is almost always white! But even their record there is not good, and every damn body knows it! Something like 70% of the biracial children in foster care are the products of white mothers and black fathers! So save that lie! Black men hardly want to take care of anyone! but yeah, you are right when they actually do, she IS usually a ww! but as for them being the face of fatherhood!!! That's a total laugh. Why are you on this blog? Does the title look like (BM/ more damage) to you? Go back to your site, and leave us alone....

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! Are you F*cking kidding me! Sorry to curse Sara, but are you kidding Anon? Black men don't even take care of their own children and All of America knows it! They abandon kids like they are going out of style. I Know at least 5 white girls with biracial children who don't even get ch. sup. Much less a father who gives a damn!! I can't beleive he told that big lie!! What a joke, Even the white girls at my school, are warning the other wg to stay away from bm because they leave their kids and screw around constantly! All the biracial kids in school with bm fathers NEVER SEE THEM!! Anon you must be smokin crack!! (like most bm) There was joke going around our town that father's day does not exist in the black community because y'all sorry Mofos never stick around!! Everybody in America knows y'all are the worst fathers ever created!!!

Anonymous said...

Statistically, black men don't "abandon" their kids more than other men. Statistically, black men are fathering children unmarried more than other men do. That is the point. The majority of all divorced men lose contact with their children within 3 months. Not being with the mother increases the chances of the father of any race being absent considerably. Statistically, if white men were fathering children out of wedlock to the same degree that black men are, they would be absent from their children's lives to a greater degree. Being an out of the house father is something more normal for black men whereas with white men, there is more of a trauma to it that often causes them to be absent.

Lyra said...

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining! Any and everybody can see that bm abandon their children! We are not blind and neither is America! Forget about the stats for a minute and look around you. How many black children of bm have a father even some of the time!!! Bm do worse than abandon their children, they don't even try to get to know them in the first place!!! I cannot beleive how you trolls think we'll beleive any peice of garbage that comes out of your mouths....

megan said...

More than 19 million children -- about one in four -- were living in households where no father, biological or other, was present, according to a Census Bureau report in 2005.

The statistics also show that this burden falls more heavily on black children. Some 56 percent of black children lived in single-parent families in 2004, with most of those families headed by mothers. That figure compared with 22 percent of white children and 31 percent of Hispanic children.

"Father absence in the African American communities, across America, has hit those communities with the force of 100 hurricane Katrinas," said Phillip Jackson, executive director of the Chicago-based Black Star Project, which helps children in mainly minority schools.

"It is literally decimating our communities and we have no adequate response to it."

Among those who grew up without a father is Gardner, the subject of the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness." The movie tells how he struggles with homelessness and raising a child while trying to pursue a new career as a stockbroker in training. Continued...

And that was 2004, the number of blk children without their blk father now in 2008, is over 70%!!! Don't even try to lie and say that bm don't abandon their children EVERYONE KNOWS THEY DO!!!

ava said...

I have three girlfriends who are single moms and white men take care of their children. One each woman and all of these women are college educated professionals. Speaks volumes about these men.

lola said...

@ Rocky, you're too busy denying the obvious. Admitting there's a problem solves half of this problem. Let's stop acting like BM not taking care of the children they create is the fruit of ppl's imagination. The majority of black kids with stepfathers have black stepfathers? Quit hyping this up like *millions* (let me laugh) of BM are SuperMen coming to BW's rescue, truth is THERE ARE VERY VERY FEW BLACK KIDS WITH STEPFATHERS, PERIOD. LOL! And you'd think ALL the stepfathers of black kids would be BLACK and that's not even the case.

CW said...


"Does the title look like (BM/ more damage) to you? Go back to your site, and leave us alone....

LOL...Mr Rocky has also attempted to bless my site with some of his drivel...We have extremely damaged men from a couple of websites dedicated to men-children...Their mission is to drop so called 'logic-bombs' on BW...This is nothing more that a pitiful attempt to keep us in confusion, remaining subservient...I will not mention these sites as they are bastions of psych cases...Suffice it to say in my professional experience, these men are a step or two from becoming violent (if they haven't committed such acts already)...One should not try to engage in any serious debate with them, as this will earn the participant at least another 4 months of harrassment...However, comments from these factions can be teaching tools if these misfits are shut down immediately in the process....

"Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining! Any and everybody can see that bm abandon their children! We are not blind and neither is America!"

And that's the bottom line...Call a spade, a spade

Anonymous said...

I like this womans video. I do like what she said about her mother talking about white men(I think it must have been a bad break up etc.)and that she's bitter towards both black and white men. I guess men in general. But what she said about her mother making comments about white people and her being half white from her father (which hurt her)made me think how words you don't mean can hurt those around you. Anyway apprently her pops has it for black women because when he remarried he married another black women. It's also reminder not to take baggage into a relationship; it's not fair to your new partner. Plus think of all the relationships she either past on or were ruined because of past baggage.

Selena said...

Hey Phantom Mare,

Evia has the video of the wm twisting his wife's locs on her site. Awesome!

I'm so tired of "folks" saying this and that about our hair.

Love yourself :-)

Phantom Mare said...


I checked it out. So Adorable... It put a big grin on my face.

Anonymous said...

Can ya'll tell me what heading the video is under? There are so many things on her blog...I can't seem to find it. Thanks.

Great post btw.


Joshua W. Delano said...

Hey, I gotta say that I love your blog. I agree wholeheartedly and hope that when Kerri Washington and I get married that you will put our wedding picture on your website. Please check out my page and my pics. My beautiful son is evidence that interracial, and any relationships for that matter, bear beautiful fruit. God bless and keep you and I hope to send you a pic of me and my Queen whenever God brings her into my life.

Soigne Toi,
Joshua W. Delano

rainebeaux said...

Thanks for writing this Sara, albeit a year ago.

I thought I was screwed and thus doomed to raise my daughter alone for another 20 years for a second many statistics/articles saying unwed mothers won't marry well, if at all; the penultimate symbol of low-class. Ugh. Quite depressing, as one can imagine.

Again, thanks. Good to know there's hope for those like myself who goofed--even with the knowledge I must undergo the mother of all extreme makeovers (inside and out).