Debunking BW Stereotypes

Some Sistas who broke/break the myths. Michelle is brazen, competent and accomplished, yet never arrogant and condescending.(Ie-never a bitch) Tia is the picture of beauty and grace. And Aaliyah was sexy, confident, and gorgeous-but never sleazy... All of these sistas are/were fabulous yet none of them fit the stereotypes ppl normally associate to BW.......

I was standing at a mini mart one day when I saw an attractive youngish bw sitting in a car to my left. She was waiting for someone to pull out so that she could pull into the spot. A moment later the police pulled into the parking area, and I could have sworn I saw a fearful look flit across the woman's face. She was staring intently into the mirror at them and making no attempt to exit the car. Her license plate hung precariously to the side, and I saw one of the white officers glance at it. One look at her fear-filled face and he cast his partner a we-need-to-check-her-out-glance. His partner nodded and picked up the radio phone. I watched from afar as they got an answer, and approached her car. The woman had an Oh-God-I'm-caught look on her face. she sat rigid as they approached. The first officer asked her to exit the car, his voice was guarded, and both officers had their hands on their weapons. He told her the license plate did not match the car and asked her for her information in a no nonsense cold voice. She broke down and admitted that she had just purchased the car from auction and did not have any of the driver information she was required to carry. But what was significant was that, when she spoke her dark attractive face and voice were soft and vulnerable. She looked like a frightened kitten, and I watched, as both officers relaxed and moved their hands away from their weapons. They questioned her at length and then told her they had no choice but to arrest her because the plate on the car had been reported as stolen. Me, and several other people watched in surprise, as their usual cold police demeanor's, gave way to sympathy, as the woman started to cry. The shorter officer rushed to assure her that he was sure it was a mix up and they would straighten it out at the station. While the other officer handcuffed her in front instead of in back because he said it would be more comfortable. He then told her she certainly did not look like a criminal, and not to cry because he would make sure she could sign on her own recognizance and she would be out that night. They both seemed taken back by her demeanor. I think with her being a black woman, they had expected her to 'get ghetto' and get out of the car cursing, screaming, and threatening. Instead, she had gotten out as a lady. Soft spoken, quiet, demure and classy. They both looked stunned, but they treated her with kid gloves, and one even gave her a tissue to wipe her face. Which she was able to do, because her hands were bound in front. Two bm near me complained bitterly. "They ain't never treated me like that!" One spat out angrily. "Me neither!" The other agreed. "Them white boys kin treat the b*tches good as hell- cause they got somethin we ain't got!" Me, and another bw, glared at them and moved away. " I guess there's power in breaking stereotypes, " She whispered to me. I nodded in agreement and watched as the officers put the woman gently in the squad car and drove away. I wondered how the officers would have responded had the woman been ghetto or street as some ppl call it. When they first approached her car after speaking to dispatch, they had been no-nonsense and cold, but by the time they actually put her into the squad car, they were almost apologizing for having to arrest her. This is incredible because she was driving with no insurance, no registration and with stolen plates!!! I wondered how many bw everyday bring out the worst in ppl because they play into stereotypes ppl have about bw, instead of working to debunk them. I remember another time at the mall. I was with my sister and my white Aunt Tina. My sister had a disagreement with a bw sales clerk over an evening gown. My sister was looking at it, when the woman became irate and accused her of smudging it. My sister asked her where the smudge was. The woman said "You were about to smudge it with your lip stick. You black girls come in here and look and look- you don't plan to buy a damn thing -so why don't you just leave!" With that, she snatched the dress from my sister's stunned hands and carefully examined it for smudges. My sister and I both had our mouths open in shock. Unfortunately for her, my white Aunt was near, and had heard everything. She came over immediately and cursed the woman out so bad, I was afraid we would be arrested. But when security realized It was my white Aunt cursing her out, they looked shocked but walked quickly away. I was prepared to call for her manager, or to get her name so I could report her. The point is, as a bw, I know I cannot go around cursing ppl out-because that is the behavior the world seems to expect of me. And I know that it is incumbent upon me to eradicate that type of ideology. I think it behooves us as bw to all focus on ways to eliminate stereotypes because most of the ones about us are extremely negative. Therefore, we do ourselves a grave disservice by confirming, and strengthening them. The day this happened, I watched as other ww in the store gave the clerk a You-deserve-that look. They glanced at my Aunt's color and her public faux-pas was immediately forgiven. Something that would have never happened had it been me or my sister cursing the woman out. We would have been labeled (angry black women) and immediately had trouble with security. Let's not stack the deck any higher against ourselves. Let's learn to behave (esp. in public settings) in a demure and lady like manner. The angry black woman stereotype is especially damaging because it takes on almost male characteristics. And in response ppl engaging in this type of behavior are usually treated in a very harsh manner consistent with the way one would treat an enraged male. I got confirmation of this, one summer when I enrolled my daughter in a summer program, and at the last minute the program decided to fill the left over slots with low income kids. They were putting on a play, and my daughter got the part of Rosa Parks that another little girl desperately wanted. The little girl sat screaming and crying and refusing to participate or stop screaming. Finally in desperation, the program called her mother and asked her to come for the child. The mother ( a tall dark bw) no sooner comes through the door before she physically attacks the small ww counselor-for making her daughter cry!!! The counselor was knocked over a chair and grabbed by the neck, and literally choked to death before the other counselors could pull the woman off! The woman then let loose with a strings of profanity and mentioned (by name) all the body parts they could suck! She did not care how she made all bw look. She did not care that her child was now excluded from the program. She didn't even seem to care that the police were called, until they bodily forced her to the ground. This type of behavior is an exercise in stupidity. It reinforces antiquated stereotypes and beliefs and does great harm to us all. The poor counselor had done nothing to this woman's child, yet she came in like a raging bull and attacked her. The other counselors stood around talking about how they never should have allowed the low income segment into the program-because they never knew how to act. I really don't think it's income based. I know I've been low and high income and no matter what bracket I've been in, I have always tried to carry myself with class and grace. We are shooting ourselves in the foot to ever behave like this animalistic fashion. I remember thinking, why would she act like that? It only culminated in her being thrown out of the program and taken to jail. How did it benefit her? Did she get some sort of perverted pleasure from being seen as gutter trash? Because that was the way the ppl were looking at her, like she was a wild animal that could not control her instincts. Ladies this is ludicrous. Don't engage in behavior that worsens your life and your image. Image is just too important. Perception is almost as good as reality. In other words, ppl will treat you better, as their expectation of you rises. Never debase or bring down the image of bw. The effects of this behavior will surpass just your life and affect bw the world over including your daughters, sisters, mothers, Aunts etc.....