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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Is he looking for true love, or a chocolate fantasy? -ways to tell.....

Vilayna Lasalle, considered to be one of the most beautiful black women in the world........

Does he want YOU, or just a good time??.....
How do you know if a particular wm wants you, or sees you as a stereotypical fetish? Many of you ladies worry about this so much, you are unable to relax, around ordinary men, and often find yourself second guessing everything they do.

The truth is that men are just not smart enough, to obscure their true motives for long. Some aren't smart enough to hide it from the introduction. All the average woman has to do, is to ask questions, and really listen. He will reveal everything you need to know. Use dates -not to get a good meal,-but as interviews. Start slowly, and from the first date, really begin to probe his psyche. Ask about his family, his job, his hobbies, then let the conversation evolve to past relationships, and really listen to how he refers to other women. If he is calling other women b*tches or hoes, I guarantee you, YOU will be the next b*tch or hoe he refers to! Men are like leopards, they don't change their spots. If he has so little respect, that he can use those vile and filthy terms to describe other women, know that he will also utilize them in his descriptions of you. He will also treat you as he has notoriously treated other women in his past. I see women all the time, who make the mistake of thinking that although a man mistreated a woman from his past, he'll be good to them. That's not the way it works. In fact one of the best ways to really find out what kind of man he is, is to talk to his ex. Now if she is vindictive, or shady, skip her, and talk to someone more objective. But do vet him carefully, and never allow him to move the relationship faster than you feel comfortable with. I've seen bw turn down good wm because they believed he had a bw fetish, yet, I've also seen a few wm try to fulfill their stereotypical expectations of bw, by getting her into bed. So yes, it does happen, yet it's pretty rare because most bw have an automatic shield up anyways when it comes to wm. It's often a monumental effort for some wm, because many bw will look for any excuse to kick him to the curb.... The same way many bw will look for innumerable reasons to keep a bm.

The trick is to judge all men by high standards, and not allow anyone to slip through the cracks because of skin color. I always encourage bw to date 3 men at once. What will happen time and again is that one of the 3 will begin to far outpace the other 2. When their trying to take you to see a fight, he'll be the one who asks where you want to go. When they talk over your head, or forget their manners, he'll be the gentleman, who gives you his undivided attention. After you have vetted them, and 2 have fallen short. Dump them, (and if nec.) vet the winner against 2 more just to be sure. But I certainly don't want you ladies to worry about wm using you for sex. Accept the fact that ALL men want sex! But it's up to you -who will get it. So he can want indefinitely. It really does not mean much, unless you decide it's time. But the best rule with sex really is to put it off as long as possible. You really want to get to know this man, and second, it's a very bad idea to give your body to someone because you like them! So you like them -so what! You probably like the person who does you hair, and the person who serves you in a restaurant, and your mailman etc. You should NEVER be in bed with someone based on liking them. If you cannot wait for marriage (and I know-waiting is often difficult for women too) then wait for love, and a committed relationship. Never allow anyone to pressure you into bed. I can't stress enough how much you will resent- not only yourself-but him. At this point the relationship is often doomed....

Don't sabotage yourself........
It's very important that bw stop repeating the garbage that their is a shortage of men! Their is NOT a shortage of men! There may be a shortage of bm, but so what? There are plenty of other kinds all over. They are ubiquitous. You will have a hard time attracting something you have convinced yourself is scarce. This is why the news orgs are touting this crap every time you turn around. They don't want bw in loving, happy unions, and especially not with top of the line wm. As more and more wm cross the line, notice the verbal attacks against bw grow in frequency, and viciousness. First of all they have a vested interest in bw being tired, beaten, angry, and dejected. And second, they want good wm reserved for ww! That is why it is imperative that you disregard what these purveyors of malice tell you. Remember that there are enough wm in this world that ANY and EVERY bw who wants one, can have one. The marines may be looking or a few good men, but you're only looking for one! The best way to find him is to frequent the places of YOUR interest. If he's there, it's likely he shares your interest. And you can build from there. When you catch him looking, smile softly, and turn away. When you turn back, he should be looking with new interest (based on your smile) If you are with a group, move by yourself to make it easier for him to approach you. (men hate to approach women in a group) You have to give him the green light in order to bring him to you.

Green light

Smiling genuinely, /with happiness

being friendly and open

Cocking head to side, while watching him

Air of happiness and or confidence

Open body language-facing him, head up, biting lip-while taking quick glances, etc.

Red light (Y'all should know these by heart-so many of you use them!)

Set/angry chins

Rolling eyes

Never looking up at him/no eye contact

Turning away from him

Using a blocking item (book, head sets, other ppl etc.

Arms folded (as in -get the hell away from me!) He will know right away which light you have on, and he'll act accordingly....

What if it's a date from hell, and he really is looking for a chocolate fantasy.....
When it comes to DFH, we've all been there at least once. When it happens, laugh it off, and vow to vet more carefully next time. I will tell you how I saw one young woman handle a DFH, and I thought she did a splendid job............As for the chocolate fantasy part. I told you don't worry about it, because he's not going to get anything you have not consented to anyway. So discard the concern of what he might want.....check out how this young lady handled her DFH.......

I was watching some dating show a few yrs ago. It took place on a cruise ship. (some of you may remember it) Anyway, there was a blind date between a wm, and a beautiful ebony-hued bw. (Girl-really, she looked about 24) So anyway, I remember thinking how lovely she was. She was very dark with light eyes, and the effect was quite stunning. She had long brown hair, and was fairly slim. When she met him, he seemed decent enough at first. He told her that she was gorgeous, and that he was happy to meet her. She smiled, said thank you, and gave him a brief hug. But I began to get a 'funny feeling' about him as they entered the dining hall. It was a formal setting, (the whole cruise was very upscale) and she was dressed formally, in a long mauve colored gown. Now keep in mind that she looked right at home, because she was a very classy, and elegant looking/speaking woman. Several men turned and gave her approving smiles, but he seemed disturbed about something. As they sat down, he turned to her and said:
"I'm surprised you wore that dress " She looks up surprised and says: "Why?" (He) "Well, I would have expected you to wear something more..... alluring!" (She, blinking, and confused) "To a formal dinner-what exactly do you mean by alluring" (He, shakes his head-changes discussion) They talked about other things, and the date seemed to be going ok, but it was obvious she was still bothered by his earlier comment (probably because it made no sense) Then I noticed that he kept looking at the bodice of her dress. He can hardly tear himself away to answer her question. He's just staring like a dog in heat. Since the dress was not revealing in anyway, his behavior borders on lascivious. She grows tired of trying to converse with him, while he stares at her dress, and grows angrily quiet. He finally notices that she's quiet and rather annoyed, and he gives a brief apology. He says something about the dress reminding him of something-she does not believe him, but lets it drop. Later when they don their swimsuits, he gets upset because she has not chosen a bikini. (she'd brought a one-piece) He begins to question her on how this is not typical attire for a black girl!!! She gets very offended, and informs him that bgs come in different sizes, shapes and personalities! He offers a weak apology, and they go swimming.... (This is a 3-day date)
The next day they meet for breakfast, and the tension they've experienced earlier seems to have dissipated somewhat. She's bright and cheerful, and obviously trying to make the best of a bad situation. They are joking around, when she laughingly asks him how tall he is. (He's short-about 5.6), at this point he goes ballistic! and starts yelling that she's trying to embarrass him. She tells him that she was only asking because she's 5.5 and wanted to know if he was taller. He mentions that he's rather sensitive about his height, and without bothering to apologize for his ridiculous behavior, he falls silent. She tries to put his rude behavior aside and see the date through. A little while later, she is talking to the camera, and she is saying that although she agreed to this date, she could not wait for it to be over, and that she suspected that he thought she would be a hoochie type woman because she was black.
At dinner that night, her suspicions and mine, were confirmed. She wore an off-white gown, had her hair up, and her make up perfect. She was stunning. When she walked into the dining area, all the men turned to stare, and several men got up from their seats, as if it might entice her to join them for dinner. Her date not only refused to get up when she came to the table, but he looked up at her and scowled. She looked uncomfortable, and surprised, but she took her seat. He then turned to her and said:
"Why the hell are you wearing a LONG dress-is this sh*t supposed to turn me on?" She gazed at him a moment, and said,
"I was not trying to turn you on, I was trying to get to know you"
At this point he threw down his napkin, and stood up.
"I've had it" He shrieked, "You don't even act like a black girl!-you act like a princess for God's sake!-and this date is OVER!!!"
With that he stood back like he was hoping she would 'go off' but she remained calm, and collected. She shrugged her shoulders casually.
"Well, it was nice meeting you" she lied. "Have a safe trip home...."
He turned and stormed out, while several white men nearby rushed to take his place........
Ladies, never tolerate disrespect from ANY man. He obviously thought because this young woman was black, that she would be a shenehneh, (loud, ghetto, vulgar, and/or easy) when he saw that she was the epitome of class and grace, he was livid. I guess he thought he was in for easy sex for the whole week end. etc. She handled it wonderfully though, and I was very proud of her. You don't have to act like a jerk because he does. A lady knows that actions speak louder than words every time. If he shows that he has no home training and wants to disrespect you on a date, make a flimsy excuse (that he'll see right through, ) and LEAVE. The only thing I would have changed about the girl on the show, is that I would have told her not to waste another night on this jerk. I would have told her to leave on day 1. This man was extremely rude, arrogant, insensitive and abrasive. But notice there was a roomful of other men who could not wait to take his place. When you are quality woman, there are ALWAYS other men waiting to take the present man's place-remember that....
As for discerning whether he's there for you, or just wants to fulfill a fetish-use the following clues, and keep in mind that men are just not smart enough to fool anyone for long. Their real selves always emerge, and give them away. All you have to do is listen, wait, and observe.........

Here are some signs that he's looking for something more serious -possibly marriage....

1. He's respectful

2. He wants to spend more time with you

3. He talks to you about the good, bad, and insignificant things in his life.4. He introduces you to his family

5. He looks at you 'proudly

'6. He treats you like you are something special

7. He is extremely interested in pleasing you

8. He has extremely good manners and behaves like a gentleman9. He refuses to let others speak ill of you10. He thinks you're beautiful even when you look like whoopi (no offense whoopi) and takes you everywhere.

Here are some signs that he just has a fetish for bw (RUN!)

1. He calls only at night

2. He wants to come over late, (no date just a late call) -don't let him!

3. You have never met his best friend or his family

4. You only seem to go out to strange, far away places

5. He looks embarrassed when ww look at you two together.

6. He seems to be uncomfortable with you in public

7. He lets him family and friends say nasty things about you- or ignore you.

8. He makes a lot of sexual references to your body and barely notices your face

9. He's always groping you, even when you ask him to stop.10 He seems to be rushing the relationship toward the bedroom even after you tell him -you want to take it slow... /He does not seem genuinely interested in the 'real' you. 11. Instead of looking at you with pride, and respect- he constantly 'leers' 12. He does not give a damn about the things you think, because he 'knows' you won't be around long enough for it to matter...-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who keep emailing me asking for wealth tips -here are a few

.... 1. Car flea Market Riches!Here is a very easy way to make thousands of dollars per month. Many men will take to this idea but there is no reason why a woman cannot do it, provided she takes measures to protect herself from strangers....You see in the paper every day people selling cars and people buying cars. A great number of those ads are really from car dealers who take over the newspaper much to the frustration of people who want to buy from the seller to avoid the high dealer costs/add ons. You can help the buyers and the sellers, as well as make a fortune each month by simply creating a car flea market....Many ideas to make a fortune are easy to come up with. An idea does not have to require a PHD to think up or facilitate. Unfortunately many people cannot grasp the simply realization that simple things can often make more money than the complicated. Look at the paper clip for example... To implement this simple plan go out and find a decent sized lot. Abandoned drive ins are great but there are any number of spaces that can be made usable for this simple purpose. When you find a decent spot negotiate with the owner on a lease fee. That done, advertise in the paper that you have car lot where people can display their cars for 25.00 per vehicle. Try to get some publicity from the radio stations or advertise heavily in the newspaper or use bandit signs etc. Any number of ways will get you customers, and this type of business will grow by word of mouth bigger each month. It's fairly easy to be pulling in 10,000 per month in this easy business within a few months with some work. You can let vendors come for free and take a small percentage of their profit or make them pay up front. All negotiations are between buyers and sellers you have nothing to do with problems with any cars or anything like that. You are merely the 'place' where the transactions occurred. This businesses can be operated for most of the year and many people are getting quite wealthy in ventures of this kind. Simply write up an agreement stating your terms (25.00 per vehicle, you are not liable for any transactions etc.) Get a signed agreement from each vendor and put it in a file (you can use a folder in an ordinary drawer-but don't lose it) You can have a mechanic there who charges for vehicle inspections and you can take a percentage of his profit! Use your imagination wealth is for the taking not for the dreamers.....

2. Car Service Reminders.....
Many people are so very busy that they cannot remember to have their car serviced. Then they have problems at the worst times (ie bad neighborhoods, late at night, all alone etc.) You can approach any number of dealers, and have too much business to handle in no time. You would be taking over service reminders (which many dealers are too busy to undertake) you would send postcards to the people who are due for service and take a percentage of everyone who comes in to have the service done. You would negotiate with the dealer on how much of a percentage, but a good rule of thumb is 20%. With just 3-4 dealers you could easily make double what most people are making working 40 hours per week! This is a bit detailed as there is a lot of record keeping. This type of biz would be best for someone who is detailed oriented and loves numbers. If that sounds like you-give it a try. You can print up business cards and presto! You are in business honey. The dealers will be so happy to have this tedious task off their hands they will practically overwhelm you! Just keep your day job and let it grow-and it will try it and you'll see......

3. Details for rich kids!
If you have kids who want to make extra money and you have a good amount of drive way or lawn space, try this: Place this ad in paper or around town.Best Car Detail in town! done by young professions-working their way to college! People love to help young people get to college and as long as your children are responsible (not too young now) they will let them clean and detail their cars especially if the work is superior and the prices are a little less. Always supervise your children and teach them to very, very carefully detail the cars (you can easily get a library book on this) 3 kids can do a very good job in about 45 minutes and by charging 25 % less than a typical detailer for your area you WILL get jobs. USE the paper, or bandit signs or word of mouth if you want to build slow and steady. What most people do not realize is that almost anything can become a business. I was reading recently about a young kid who started taking back the neighbors trash cans as a courtesy in an area where they receive heavy fines for leaving cans out. (125.00) Many people had to leave work to go take their garbage cans back to the house from the street! As a result he soon had numerous people who begged him to do the same for them. He began to charge 5.00 per house and made so much money he quit his job and hired his 2 sisters. One as a secretary and the other to help him recruit more kids so he could expand. Within months he was making more than his parents who have worked for years by adding 2 more neighborhoods! You must learn to think outside the box. You have million dollar ideas EVERYDAY -its time to dust off a few and put them to work......thanks for tuning in see you next time -S