Total Pageviews

Thursday, November 18, 2010

BW-stop deferring to bm's egos, and simply say what you mean!

Regina king caused a stir recently when she wisely advised bw to stop waiting for their black knight in shining armor (who is probably out chasing Ming lee, Chelsea, or Maria) and simply date out. Some sites tore her apart, but some seemed more open minded, and fair.

One site in particular, I felt gave a fair and accurate perception of IR dating, but I still found it rather disturbing on another unfortunate level.

I noticed that many of the bw who responded to the article, prefaced their comments with soothing words like, "Well I love my brothers but...." or "I prefer a bm but...."
This seemed to be a common theme, or tag line.
Now I truly care about and want the best for bw, but I swear sometimes their (collective) obtuseness confounds me!

First of all, I simply am not, and never will be crazy about anyone who has made it painfully clear that me, and women who look like me are not even on their list! That just plain silliness, and utter stupidity. That's like someone screaming in your face;
"You're ugly, stupid, lazy, and fat!" While you respond "Baby please don't say that! -I love you soooo much!!!" Wake up and get a clue! If bm are out there upholding the beauty, femininity, character, and attractiveness of WW, while throwing you under the bus, why in God's name would you be walking on eggshells, and doing everything but a tap dance to protect his pathetic ego!!! Let me ask the question in another way, because I don't want to be accused of inciting bm-hatred. That's not what this is about. I don't hate bm, and I hope you don't either because that's a lot of wasted time and emotion.

What I am saying is that if someone does not give a damn about your feelings and your ego, stop being so damned concerned about his! It's really that simple. I believe very much in treating people in like manner to how they treat me. Now I believe very much in having class, and fighting with your wits as much as possible (instead of your fists) but I also believe in calling a spade a spade.

All this equivocation is dangerous ladies. It derails the real conversations we need to be having, and it forces people to cover up, and privatise their true feelings. When is the last time you heard bm put in all these qualifiers when engaged in conversation about bw? Think about Ice T's comments when he was asked about how he felt about the fact that many bw were angry about his marriage to a ww.

"I don't give a damn what bw think about my white wife" He quickly retorted. The truth is this is an honest response. Why do bw hem and haw, and become sickeningly servile when asked similar questions. Think about Halle being asked (in an annoyed voice) by a reporter.

"So why did you decide to date a WM? " Her body language became almost apologetic, as she nervously laughed and said. " Well, I tried black men over and over -I really tried!...." She seemed almost to be begging for understanding. With nervous laughter, gestures, and near pleading eyes...
Ladies, you have a right to love ANYONE YOU CHOOSE! Stop posturing, and wallowing in servility. Hold your love up proudly, the same way you would demand he hold you up!

It is dangerous and detrimental to your relationships for many reasons to preface your comments with qualifiers, apologies, and false compliments to bm. The most salient problem being; YOUR WM CAN FEEL THE APOLOGY OOZING OUT OF YOU!!!

He's not stupid. If you become unsure, nervous, and penitent about your relationship with him, it's only going to cause problems between the two of you. (DUH) Think about how you would feel if a ww were in the vicinity and be began to walk away from you, pretended he didn't know you, or worse yet, when asked if you were his wife/gf, turned red, and began to hem and haw!

I think we all know there would be hell to pay. Well I would like to ask you how do you think wm/non- bm feel when you do it to them? And if you were a non/bm trying to ask a bw out, and you heard her saying things like "I loves me a beautiful bm!" -" I really wanted a brotha but..." or the worse one of all (AND A TOTAL LIE) "You know no man can satisfy you like a brotha!"
Ask yourself. Would you still ask this woman out, or would you cross her off the list?

So I would hopefully ask all the Bw on the fence, and all the totally off limits to anything but a bm, bw (you poor fools) that you keep your silly and inane comments to yourself.

You've probably already destroyed your chances with all the wm who know you. Let the women who have enough sense to be open, get their man. Stop discouraging their prospects and chances with your silly comments.....

Here is RK's statement below; followed by some comments which illustrate my point

Regina King says, Black Women Should Date Other Races
Regina King recently released an article on about Black women and our need to explore our options in mates. She believes that black women should stop limiting ourselves to Black men. According to her, dating only Black men lowers our likelihood of finding love.
King says:
Of all groups of people, Black women are the least likely group of women that will date outside of their race. When you have everyone else who is willing to explore but a Black woman is like, “I want me a brother,” well, if the brothers are out and they’re open to date everybody and the majority of Black women aren’t willing to look twice when a man outside of their race is sending them messages, then that makes our percentage rate lower and the chances of finding love, because we’re only looking in one specific place for finding love—with Black men.
She goes on to state:
Every single one of my girlfriends won’t date men that aren’t Black…I think Black women need to open up. A lot of Black women still carry a lot of pain when they see Black men with women who aren’t Black and that’s really unfortunate that that could make us so upset. It has to do with self esteem.

Comments from the readers:

I don’t know about that. I just can’t see myself with a white dude. But I do get her point. Maybe its time for us to stop complaining and just branch out.....

Up until a few weeks ago my mantra was “I only want to date, marry a black man” but I find my views changing towards that. If we only date black men we are limiting ourselves of an opportunity to find love. I would prefer a black man but...

May 8, 2010 at 11:08 am
My highschool sweetheart was white and we were together on and off for about 5 years. I would prefer to to have alittle brown family but.....

Very interesting dialogue. Has anyone every thought about the fact that there just are enough black men to go around? I mean, I love me a beautiful black man, but the reality is that we (black women) out number them and if the majority of us don’t open up our options, we will join the already 70% or more of black ....