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Friday, February 27, 2009

Chris Brown and Rihanna, why is SHE being thrown under the bus?...

Chris Brown and Rihanna in happier days.....

I've been following the Chris Brown -Rihanna case, and I must admit to being shocked once again. Just when I thought I could not be shocked anymore by the things that black ppl do. If you ladies go to you tube, you'll see exactly what I am talking about.
It's really sickening, and unbelievable! There is a so-called re-enactment video with a large bg playing Rihanna (Even though Rihanna is very slim, and slightly built) She is in the car with Chris Brown when they begin to argue over a cell phone message from an alleged ex-girlfriend of his. She throws her large body against him and begins to slap him. He becomes angry and retaliates. As soon as he hits her, she then begins to crow triumphantly "I got you now Mother F-----! Her face is bruised and smiling as she tells him how she is going to get even. In the next scene, she is seen with a black eye looking scared and vulnerable (but we all know she is faking victimhood, because we have just seen her crowing triumphantly) The caption reads "Should have kept your hands to yourself!" -this is directed at her NOT HIM!!! WTH! As the movie goes off the words 'We support you Chris Brown' are clearly seen. I was flabbergasted as I watched it. First of all they have no idea what happened in the car, so they made up her attacking him first in order to justify him putting his hands on a woman. Second, they pledged absolutely no support to her, and even went on to imply that the whole thing was her fault! Third, by putting the words "should have kept your hands to yourself ' over her bruised picture, they were implicitly stating that she had gotten what she deserved!
I had to scan more movies because I was too horrified to believe my eyes. In the next one, Rihanna is being called a man, and jokes are being made about how he choked her so hard she passed out! BTW, according to TYT, She did tell the police that he choked her until she lost consciousness, and that they were indeed arguing over a text msg. from another female. She also goes on to say that he punched her, hit her numerous times, and finally choked her, telling her that he was going to kill her.
I watched about 7-8 videos before I was too horrified to look at even one more. In one, 'no air' is being played in revised form with him saying he was going to knock her in her big forehead, and her begging to breathe! It seemed every video made by black ppl was set as a joke! She was being called names and laughed at, at every turn, and NOBODY seemed to be condemning what he did except TYT reporters (Who are WHITE!) They were expressing the outrage that should have been coming from the BC. They kept saying they did not care what she had said to him, he had no business hitting a woman! How come the black community cannot see that? How come we are the ONLY community in which women and children are on their own, and the MEN are protected like little punks? Why haven't we learned that to destroy your women, is to destroy your lineage? According to you tube, both Snoop and Dr Dre have hit women. Snoop, allegedly beat a woman with a shoe, and I am unclear who Dr Dre hit, but one thing is clear. If those women had been white, both Snoop and Dre would be in jail right now, and in the bread lines upon their release. See wp PROTECT their women! They know how valuable the female counterpart of their race is. Yet bp throw theirs under the bus! Not only were blk ppl not livid about what happened to Rihanna, many of them expressed outrage that she would rat CB out!!! Can you say DAMAGED? I'm still shaking my head at the sheer lunacy of all this......
PS. take a love language test in white choc. preferred....

Monday, February 23, 2009

How to deal with the scorn, ridicule, and harassment-they claim does not happen..

People keep trying to make us believe that what we see is not real. So many bw have spoken about the open and subtle anger, ridicule, and harassment directed at them for dating out of their race, yet bm continue to deny that it is happening. The craziest thing is they can be in the middle of 'telling you off for being with a white boy' as they like to call them, and say to their friends: " Like somebody cares about her and that white m*&^%$# f*&^%#*!

Many bw have asked me how to deal with this, because they know despite the denials many bw ARE being harassed, ridiculed, and scorned for dating outside of their race. Below are some examples of how other bw are dealing (from another site) but I would tell sistas to hold on to their love. If it's real and you really love him, NEVER let the world tear you apart. The world wants to see bw alone, sad, vulnerable, childless and usable. I say usable because that is the whole point in bw being sad and lonely-they are far easier for the world to use and discard until they decide to use them again. Bm know that the more sad and lonely bw there are, the easier it will be to get no strings attached sex, money, housing, clean laundry etc. The Big companies know the more sad, lonely bw there are, the easier it will be to get them to buy things to ease their sadness, loneliness, and insecurity. This is why they constantly hold bm and ww up as ideal specimens. They know this causes bw a tremendous amount of pain and anxiety, but it makes them more ardent consumers of all products: such as food (comfort in their loneliness) beauty products (directed at making them look/ or feel more Caucasian) Products that would normally be sold to men (such as tools, (after all women without men must do the man's work!) Many, many companies make millions on the backs of a bw's pain. It's hard to hear but very true.

But I'm way off subject the point is when it comes to being safe and dealing with harassment in your IR, these are some pointers-feel free to share your own....

1. Be aware of your surroundings, and hold your head high

2. Smile confidently, and do not allow yourself to be intimidated.

3. Look people in the eye, while maintaining a pleasant disposition

4. Many women are targeted because they are wearing an invisible " I'm sorry my brothas sign" TURN THAT SIGN OFF!! You don't own anyone anything except yourself! You deserve to be happy regardless of ppl who want to see you cry and moan....

5. Don't allow neg. comments to ruin your evening. Most ppl making neg. comments hate their lives, or they have major insecurities of their own-These are NOT your issues. These are THEIR issues!

6. Be firm, but resolute in your relationship, many men can feel a woman who is scared and unsure whether she wants to be with them. (because of bm's disapproval) Many men will begin to wonder why he should take all the crap from bm, when it's obvious you are on the verge of running away, anyway....

7. I have a friend who got tired of dealing with the mess from bm, when out with her husband, she began to respond "He's black too-see he's an albino, that's why he's colorless! It was a private joke between her and her husband, but she says it always diffused the tension and made them laugh. This private joke strengthened their relationship in the face of adversity and made them even closer. Even their children giggle and call him 'albino daddy' The point is you need to have a private joke or code between the two of you that will dispel the tension and work to make you closer when the world is trying to pull you apart.....

8. When family and friend question you be firm in your answers. Remember you don't owe anyone an explanations about YOUR LIFE, and YOUR DECISIONS.... A couple of good answers are: Because he's the one I want -end of question. (Said in a very firm and resolute voice) Or, "Girl, I know you are not asking me, A GROWN WOMAN, why I'm making my decisions! -I must be hearing things!" You get the picture, make it clear that you will not be intimidated, and that you have a right to choose your own life....

9. Think about all the joy he brings to your life, and let it show on your face. Many women are scared to show joy, because they know so many bw are all alone, and may be resentful. But I think you can best help them by doing the opposite. The others are watching. Make no mistake about that. Many, many other women are watching you. And as you show your joy and happiness, they will start to think: " Well if she can do it......."

10. If you are in an area where ppl are just not ready to accept it. MOVE!!! Do not subject yourself, your man and your future children the constant ignorance of strangers! That's just stupid. Especially when you all and pack and go.....More and more places are becoming more open to IRs and marriages, there is no reason to stay in the lion's den.....

Below are the comments from other bw, regarding how they are dealing with the ridicule, and aversion to their relationships......

Comment by Cloe27 on 7 April 2008:
Here’s my piece of the pie as far as this is concerned. Once (in my early years) I feel in love with a puerto rican young man. By most people’s standards our relationship wasn’t interracial at all considering that we are both non-whites. Anyways, he started as a friend and it blossomed into something very dear and beautiful. One day while we were out shopping, holding hands (the things that lovers do) we were about to pass the storefront of a very popular men’s store. Before I realized what I was doing I dropped his hand. It was a self-conscience thing, I would have never in a million year thought I was ashamed of us. The fact that we were a couple was no secret. However, as I was approaching a store full of black men, who no doubt would have flaunted their white women before me without a care, I acted out of…panic? I don’t know what came over me but in that moment I think I hurt my man more from that little act of betrayal than stepping out on him. I’m ashamed not only because he was the man I loved but more importantly because he was my friend.
In essence, to wrap up my venting, sometimes we are our own worst enemies when it comes to loving who we love. We let the opinions of strangers get in the way of beautiful, loving relationships.
7 April 2008:
From my experience it’s usually black women who get picked on and harrassed the most for dating men of other races.
Comment by Sxybrwnsuga on 7 April 2008:
I can honestly say I have never been ridiculed about dating interracially. If I was I was unaware of it.

Comment by neciereaves on 8 April 2008:
My high school sweetheart was a young Italian man from Brooklyn, NY. We were deeply in love. His parents loved me until they actually met me. It was two years into our relationship before I met his father. I always wondered why he never brought me to his house while his parents were home. His father was so angry that he basically disowned his son. Our relationship carried a heavy strain after that and about 6 months later, it was over. I just couldn’t deal with the fact that his parents disliked me over something that I had no control over.My sweetheart and I were always getting dirty looks from the black men in our area. I never cared and neither did he. I could have dealt with dirty looks from strangers for a lifetime. His family’s disapproval was a completely different story in my book.

Comment by mossimo36 on 8 April 2008:
Personally, I don’t pay the haters any mind. A few people look, but have never had any direct comments. The funniest thing to me is the reactions of a few black men who think if they stare at my date enough somehow she will come to them.

Comment by erica34 on 8 April 2008:
I have dated 99% of the time outside of my race. My ex of 11 years, is Italian. Many people have ridiculed “us”, may it be from my race or his race. I have had questions like “what u doing with him? You don’t belong with him! Sometimes people look at us with scorn. In the past, if I am with “him” and we are having a conversation with someone that happened to be white, they tried to to talk only to “him” and ignore me. Black guys also, somehow get offended.
In my opinion, people should date whoever they feel like, we are all the same, skin color does not make us any different; we all hurt and bleed the same way. The looks, the comments, the whatever, does not bother me. I was not raised to be prejudice, so therefore I do not think prejudice. Life is too short, to each is own. Do what makes you happy. To hell with the rest.


Comment by Salsera77 on 9 April 2008:
A few times I noticed people (I leave out the kind) staring straight at me like they wanted to say what the &@#*% are you doing with him. Mind you, this was while we had our arms around each other while waiting in a line or while he had his arms around me at an establishment. I just glanced away but didn’t move my head. No one dared to actually say anything.

Comment by cocobeauty70 on 10 April 2008:
I think ridicule from others is the difficult part of interracial dating. When you are one on one at your house or his it’s all good. It’s when you go out in public that your love is put on trial. I don’t care what anyone thinks of my choice of mate the thing is both people in the relationship have to feel the same way.
I think that any relationship that doesn’t withstand “other people’s disapproval” isn’t worth dealing with. So everyone should examine their own heart and make their decisions based on that not on “acceptance” from other people.

Comment by nesha86 on 12 April 2008:
It’s really sad to say, but people always stop and stare when I’m out with a man who is not black and those who are bold enough will make a rude comment about how I should be with someone who’s black. It’s funny how people don’t seem to have the same reaction when a black man steps out with a woman who’s not black.

Comment by Black Diamond on 14 April 2008:
I do notice that when black women date interracially,people take issue with it.However,nobody has a problem when a black man does it.Typical.People always say they are cool with interracial dating,but if a black woman is in the ir relationship,then they have a problem with it.Go figure.