Believe what he does, not what he says....

J. Hudson begging her man (through song) not to leave.....




So sorry ladies, I realize it's been a long time. I've missed you all terribly, but I've been working super hard on this R E project, as well as being a full time mom. And I was simply too tired to write after 12-14 hour days..... But I do apologize and the worst of this project is over -thank God.....

Moving on......

I saw dream girls for the 10th time last week. As I watched it, it reminded me alot of what goes on in the BC. I watched Jamie Foxx's character hide his attraction to Beyonce, and only reveal his true intentions when he no longer needed J. Hudson's character. He knew all along he did not want her, yet he allowed her to believe that he was her man, and that they were on this great path together. The minute he no longer needed her, he carefully maneuvered her out of the picture, and took up with the one he really wanted. And no amount of her crying, singing (great), or begging would change his mind. She was totally blindsided because she believed his lies and distortions, instead of opening up her eyes and facing what was happening right under her nose.

This is exactly what happens in the BC. I see bw everyday who refuse to see what's right in front of their eyes. For instance. I know someone who began to see someone on her job. He immediately moved into her home, allowed her to foot all the bills, and refused to have anything to do with her children. Yet, she was shocked when he got a raise, and took all the money he had saved and married a white woman from the same company! Now it seemed blatantly clear to me what his intentions were all the time. I just could not understand why she was silly enough to think this man cared about her. We could all see that this was surely not the case, but she had such a case of Pollyanna reasoning, she was unable to see what should have been evident to all. This is clearly a case of unconscious-consciousness. Where a person does not know what they don't know, only because they have not taken the time to really see it.

This reminds me of the young cousin I have, whom I've mentioned to you all before. She is now on baby number 3 by a third man who has no intentions of being any kind of father to the child (nor will the other two). Yet, she cannot see how ridiculous her actions are, and still thinks these men are worth pursuing. I keep wondering how anyone could be so silly. Her life is a wreck! And this is something many bw do to themselves because they refuse to see what's before them and engage in an illusion instead of reality.

Think back to dream girls, remember J. H. begging him through song to "stay with her" remember how he looked at her with pity, and then ran for the exit. He knew he had gotten everything he needed from her, and had no intentions of staying with her. Yet, she had not allowed herself to see him as he really was. Instead she had only seen what she wanted to see, and it was to her own detriment. It's always to a woman's detriment not to face what's really happening, and to lull herself into a false sense of complacency.

Picture a wife who's husband is spending an inordinate amount of money on partying. The bills are not being paid on time, and their credit is suffering, and she's worried. But she's been raised to believe that a good wife does not question her husband. As a result, she worries quietly, and has many restless nights because she knows all is not well, although he claims he's paying the bills. But she knows he's not because he's spending it all on parties, nights out, and having a good time. Her heart slams against her chest one day as she opens the door to someone handing her foreclosure papers............

The truth is no woman can afford to play ostrich. We cannot afford to keep our heads in the sand. It's extremely important for women to face whatever is happening in their lives, and not
play the fool. The truth of the matter is that today it's more important than ever to "know what's going on with the man in your life. Never has it been as important as it is right now. I cannot stress enough how imperative it is to see him as he is, and not as you want him to be.
Today so many bw cannot see that bm are using them in various ways, monetarily, sexually, physically, and even emotionally, and then running to other women the moment he feels he has everything he wants. Even then most bm will still string this woman along if she's obtuse enough to keep believing him. They may never know when they may need her, so if at all possible they will put her in the closet for a rainy day, while they go off with 'other women'.

Ladies, don't believe what a man says. He can tell you anything. Believe what he DOES. Whenever a man's words and actions are in conflict, believe his actions. They represent how he REALLY feels. For instance. If he tells you he's not married but has to be home by a certain time every night, whispers into the phone, and never shows you his house. It's probably because he's married! If he tells you that you're the only woman he wants yet, other women constantly call him, and he's drowning in female 'friends' then he's lying. You are not the only woman in his life. in fact, he's probably juggling you with many others. I once watched a talk show where a ww talked about how she had been married for 12 years (to a handsome wm) and never knew her husband secretly wanted a black wife. He had spoken ill of bw for years and never shown any interest in bw except her best friend whom he loved to poke at, and tease. Her friend mentioned to her that she felt uncomfortable around him. The woman felt that this was due to his dislike of bw, and laughed it off. But finally he admitted to her that he was extremely attracted to bw, and had hoped that by making snide remarks, it would alter his attraction. It had'nt, and he finally felt the need to come clean. In fact he only admitted his real feeling after he tried repeatedly, to get her to implant her lips, butt, hips, and blow dry her hair wild. She ended up getting a botched surgery trying to have butt implants, and suffered nerve damage. She now suffers severe pain at the slightest noise, and her husband left her for a black woman anyway. She cried over and over as she lamented that if she'd only let him go from the start, at least she would not be in constant pain now, and would have been able to go on with her life, without constant pain, and would have found another man....

So many bw live their lives in the very same type of delusion, and it's extremely dangerous. It's always better to face the truth than to live in the dark. The truths are so simple.

• bw need to wake up and open up ALL of their dating options.


• Bw need to stop believing that men of the same skin color are their brothers!


• Bw need to know that they have a much better chance of finding love OUTSIDE their ethnic circles.


• Bw need to realize that most bm are looking for every, and anything not blk, and MOVE ON!

It really worries me when I see bw who refuse to wake up and smell the coffee. Fortunately more and more women are waking up. More and more are tired of being baby-mommas and never wives. Being used and abused and maltreated. One of my sister bloggers was saying that some women will have to be left behind if they refuse to adapt for their own survival, and unfortunately, I think she is right. But hopefully you ladies can see the truth, and will allow it to set you free..........

When funny becomes derisive, and inappropriate......

Hi ladies. Sorry it's been so long. I'm consulting on a big RE project and I've hardly even had time for my family..... so lets not waste any time now.....


I think a lot of bw are so busy looking at the small frames, they fail to see the big picture. What I mean by that remark is that so many people never bother to look down the road and make a calculated guess as to how their present actions will affect their future. This is something I have never understood, but this seems to be a common trait in the bc. For instance, think about all the movies you see with bp acting like common fools. A few off the top of my head are:

booty call
I got the hook up
house of pain
how high
have baked etc.

I notice other cultures seem to have an vested interest in their present, future, and the future of their offspring, and the offspring of their race that seems to be decidedly lacking in American blacks. I'm not sure how this came to be or why, but it's completely obvious to anyone who cares to investigate it. I remember reading a book a few years ago, in which a white Author was addressing a bm (who had asked, why bp were not getting the respect they deserved)

The author told him plainly and succinctly: "You've always entertained us whites with your comedic ways, and clowning. The problem is -no one respects a clown"
I remember feeling struck by his words, and a bit stung. But I knew they were true. Too many, far far too many bp shuck and jive and giggle at the most inappropriate things, all the while wondering why the world does NOT take them seriously. My question is, if you've set yourself up as the world clown, how do you ever expect to be taken seriously? Can you see Obama becoming President as a shucking, jiving, giggling fool? Do you think Oprah would have ever become a talk show queen if she was a large, giggling, silly, cackling jester?
I remember being in Arizona visiting one of my very successful book Author, cousin. We were downtown, and there was a military parade going on. At the end of the parade a black limo stopped and General Powell stepped out (he was a general then)He was surrounded by soldiers-who immediately jumped to attention. But, he made such a commanding presence, that even the civilians (of all races) jumped from their cars and immediately saluted him. My cousin who's is a pretty well-known author and rarely impressed by anyone, was practically in tears he was so honored to be in his presence. Some people actually were in tears! It was an experience I have never forgotten. The very air around him seem charged with the energy of a leader, and commander.....

Certainly few of us have his aura, and charisma. But all of us can be taken more seriously, and command ordinary respect by the way we carry ourselves and interact on a daily basis. Now, I have nothing against humor at all, I think it's a wonderful life ingredient that ameliorates the pleasures in life. But for some people it becomes a tool for a slovenly life, filled with stagnated nothingness, and covered up with dangerous laughter. Or, sometimes it's used as a weapon of veiled hatred and pain to be welded at hapless, and unarmed victims....

What I mean by that is,I've seen humor used in a harmless fashion to lighten a heavy load, yet, I've also seen it used many times to bring people to their knees and treat them in ways that defy decency.
(think about how you felt as a bw, to hear D L. Hugley laugh about what Imus said)

Also, I think it's just plain dangerous to laugh at some things. It normalizes and lessons the impact of the damage they cause. For exp. I remember hearing comedian Sherl Underwood joking about R. Kelly molesting little girls. She went on to joke that every time he molested a child he had a hit record, so he needed to hit someone else because he needed another "hit" The audience howled with laughter, but to me it just felt wrong to laugh at something like that. I just don't see it as a joke. I know bp often joke about things to relieve the ponderous weight of some issues, but how come Jews never laugh at the holocaust? How come Indians don't laugh about the pain of reservation life? How come the Irish don't laugh about their civil war that's gone on in their country for years? Could it be perhaps, because these things are held sacrosanct and above the silly jokes, that some would make of them?

Today, we see many comedians and ordinary men laughing at the plight of bw. I believe it's because when the jokes first became inappropriate, no one said anything, and now they've grown out of proportion, but the world is so used to laughing at us, it's no longer a big deal. Many bw today are suffering horribly and yet many people are still laughing and treating it as a joke. I actually heard bm on a website I won't mention, laughing about the murder of the bw/wm couple last year! It' almost like nothing is off limits anymore. It's like watching an entire race of women swimming in a river of pain, as the people laugh on...
Just my opinion, but I think the joke is really on us-and it's not funny.....

BW-you will NEVER get permission to leave-so just leave!!!

I feel so sorry for many young bw. So many of you are waiting for the bc to give you permission to look for the love you deserve from men who would love to love you.

I don't understand why so many bw don't seem to notice that while many bm will move heaven and earth to stop you from having relationships with wm (regardless of character)-those very same bm are busy chasing any white girl they can get their hands on.

Do bw really think it's a coincidence that every time you turn on a tv, there's a bm smiling happily beside a wg? Now don't get me wrong. I am NOT suggesting you go get a wm to get even with bm, I am suggesting you go for the men WHO WANT YOU! It's just so silly to go for men who do not have the capacity to see how special you are. How does that benefit you? It really doesn't. You young bw MUST learn to look out for #1. And that's you. I see young bw everyday who have a GLs, and GM- garbage lives and garbage men, because they did not KNOW what they wanted. If you do not know what you want in life-how in the world do you ever expect to get it?

It all starts with Goals. What do you want in life? What kind of home do you want?

Do you want children? A career? A business? I cannot stress enough how important it is to know what you want. But it's also extremely imperative that you know what you DO NOT want!

I have a young cousin I've mentioned before, who is now barely 21, and pregnant with baby number 3 by a third bm who has refused to take care of his child (Nor will the other 2) She lives with her mother, and works a dead end job downtown. Her children have almost no creature comforts and she would not have even had baby clothes, had we not bought them for her. Yet, she still cannot get it through her simple head that she needs to change her ways, and leave these sorry men alone. She constantly chases one bm after another. They use her and go on about their business. I never know whether to feel sorry for her, or just write her off. She just makes such ridiculous choices, that I cannot fathom why anyone would behave so stupidly.

The truth is that bw have got to wake up and smell the coffee. So many of you are still engaged in make believe nonsense-that you cannot discern reality anymore! For your own sake-LISTEN to what these men are saying-for God's sake! If a man is primarily concerned with getting you into bed, then that is where his intentions toward you lie. If he has children that he does not take care of, then any children you are stupid enough to have by him, will also go without care! If he has ex-girl friends who are terrified of him, or have been beaten and abused by him, who do you think his next victim will be? Stop being stuck on stupid-open up your eyes, and run from men who are clearly out to use and abuse you! I don't understand how so many women will run from wm because the bc will tell that wm only use bw, and will never marry them. Look up the stats of bm marrying bw these days and you'll be shocked. Over 80% of black children are now being born out of wedlock!!!! Does it look like bm are marrying their baby-mothers to you?

We are at a crisis point, and we need to stop lying to young women. And you young ladies need to stop listening to the garbage the bc would have you digest, and trust your own eyes. Here are some of the most prominent lies being told to young bw.

1. There are plenty of good bm, you just need to look harder!

This is bull. There are almost 2 million more bw in this country than bm! Even if bm were not color struck, were upstanding citizens, and were interested in marrying the numerous bw, they impregnate every year. There still would NOT be enough of these men to marry the many many bw looking for husbands.

2. If bw would just act right bm would not leave them for ww!

The truth is that YOU ARE ENOUGH! And if you are not enough for a man then you are simply NOT what that man is looking for! It's ridiculous to turn yourself inside out trying to be what you cannot be. You can only be you, but that's always good enough....

3. If bw didn't have such attitudes, they wouldn't be alone.

No, if bw would simply stop chasing men who don't want them, and ALLOWED themselves to be caught by men who DO want them, they would not be alone!

4. Black women are not attracted to white men!

That's a lie! There are many, many bw who are very attracted to wm, yet they are secretly waiting for the bc to give them permission to be with one. This is NEVER going to happen! I DON'T THINK MOST BM WANT BW, BUT THEY SURE AS HELL DON'T WANT WM TO HAVE THEM!!!

The lies go on and on, I'm sure you can think of many more, but the bottom line is that bw must wake up and move on! You don't owe anyone your loyalty except yourself! You have nothing to prove to the bc, and you must live your own life, and do what 's best for yourself......

But to elaborate on one last point. remember in the 'something new' movie. She was self-conscious and uncomfortable upon finding out that her date was white. She began to move through the crowd, giving compliments to strangers, and trying to mitigate the wrath she obviously felt was coming her way. He sensed her discomfort and grew uneasy. He knew she was worrying about how the bp around them would react. This is a classic example of a bw who is trying to look for approval from the bc before she pursues a relationship that would definitely be in her best interest.

No bw is going to get this permission! BW are too needed in the bc. They will NEVER voluntarily let us go. The trick is to make it clear that you are working in YOUR OWN best interest, and no one's elses. You deserve the best in life, and don't ever let anyone tell you different. There are plenty of men who would love to be with you, but you must lift your heads up into the light to see them......

Black women and the jealousy component-LET IT GO!

Hi everyone. I'm away from home, and cannot upload pics from this computer. But as soon as I go home, I will upload some.....


I think it's safe to say, that SOME black women have a problem with jealousy. Especially as it relates to white women, or ANY women they think may be held in high esteem by coveted males. I see women everyday (of all races-but of course I'm concerned about the AA ones) who demonstrate the jealousy component in very blatant, sad, and obvious ways.
The truth of the matter is that women who demonstrate blatant jealousy do themselves a grave disservice. Some examples of this are, passing attractive women and rolling the eyes. Glaring at women who are well groomed or dressed up, laughing and making snide (malicious) remarks at women who are noticed or openly admired by males. These, and other obvious, and pathetic attempts
to debase attractive, or coveted women can, and often will make these women seem much lower, and less appealing in the eyes of the very men, they hope to attract.

I really don't think many women realize how unattractive these traits are. I often feel sorry for women when I see them demonstrating these self-abnegating traits, because I know they are truly only hurting themselves. Case in point-let me give an example....

Years ago, when I was a very young wife, (in my first marriage) we lived in a fairly new apartment complex on the cusp of the main highway. My husband and I both had a car, but mine was old and often in the shop. I was still in college and obviously having some trouble getting around whenever my car was not working. One day as I was standing by the mail box waiting for another cab, One of the black men who lived in the complex approached me, and said.
"Hey pretty one, if you're going to town, I can give you a lift" I smiled, but said no thank you. I turned to check my mail box before the cab came, and noticed an older black woman nearby glaring at me. I had no idea why-since I didn't know her. But I had no time to think about it. The cab came and I left. Later on that night, there was a knock at the door. My then -husband (at the time) answered. A moment later he called me to the door. A much older black woman was there with the other woman I had seen at the mailbox earlier. The moment she saw me, she began to go into a tirade. "I heard you was tryin t'mess wit my man!" She began to yell. I just stared at her because the guy who had offered me a ride was barely twenty! (like me) I knew she was late thirties-early forties!

"I wasn't messing with anyone! " I told her angrily.
"He asked me if I wanted a ride, and I said no!" Out of the corner of my eye, I could feel my husband glaring angrily at me. "You was smilin, and flirtin!" Her friend cut in. "Like a young slut with no home trainin!""Yeah," the woman agreed. "What kinda hoe gits married, and still be flirtin wit other people's men!"
Now I was furious, because I knew I had not done anything wrong. She was just insecure because she was dating a guy way too young for her, and taking it out on me.
"Get the hell out of my house!" I told her, before slamming the door in her face. But it didn't end there. Not only did my then-husband accuse me for weeks of flirting with this stranger-but this woman took it upon herself to make my life a living hell. She spread rumors about me all over the complex. She followed me in her car. She told my two year old baby, that her mom was a whore who was trying to 'steal her man!' And she told several people that she was going to slice my face.
Her man, who probably had absolutely no interest in me in the first place, and who was probably just being nice, now began to notice me. Whenever I went anywhere in the complex, he suddenly began to show up, and smile and try to compliment me. I ignored him, but he didn't back off. His girl friend's irrational behavior had CONVINCED him, I was something special, and now he set out to win me away from my husband. I finally ended up having to get a R.O. from them both. The point is, this man was NOT interested in me! SHE made me seem so irresistible with her ridiculous behavior! She is the one who fueled his interest-and no one else! I see this play out all the time.
Ladies, the more you display jealousy and spite toward other women, the higher on the totem pole you make that woman seem! Let me show you a better way to handle jealousy....

One night, when I was dating hubby number 2, we went to a night time concert in the park. It was a really beautiful and balmy night, and we were both enjoying it. As soon as he came back from getting me a drink, a scantily clad woman pretended to trip and fall into his arms. Her breasts were practically hanging out of her shirt. He helped her up, and shot an embarrassed glance at me. I moved over, and feigned concern. "Are you ok hon?" I asked sweetly. She nodded, still trying to catch his eye. "Oh good," I murmured, brightly. "For a moment there, I thought you were drunk" Her eyes widened. She didn't like being thought of as drunk, although she didn't seem to mind every man in the yard seeing her breasts. With that, I took the arm my date was offering me and we walked away. I never said another word about her. I knew he expected me to bad mouth her, and I knew that was a mistake many women make. I simply enjoyed the evening, and pretended she didn't even exist. After shooting me a few questioning glances, he forgot about her, and she became a NON-ISSUE. Ladies the way to make other women non-issues is to NOT go ON and ON, and ON about them! The more attention you give them, the more your dates/mates will too. It's very important for every woman to realize that she is enough! That there is something special and beautiful about you, and that it's extremely hard for him to ever see it if you are screeching and screaming about another woman.

This brings me to the Tiger Woods incident. Many bw are delighted that TW and his wife Elin are separated, and that she is contemplating divorce. Many bw are angry because they know Tiger would never look at a bw. So what!!! There are millions of men who would be delighted to be with any woman who is attractive, intelligent, and confident -regardless of her race. Why concern yourself with a color-struck man with self esteem issues, who obviously hates his blackness? Does it look like he's been a good husband to this woman? And notice,despite the fact that she's supposed to be so perfect, he still cheated on her with (allegedly) more than 14 women!
I actually feel sorry for her, it must really be horrifying to have your husband cheating on you with everything that moves, after the world thought you were living a fairy tale. But the point is, I think many bw were jealous of her because she's the type of woman the media loves to put on the pedestal. Even now, he's being vilified, almost at a criminal level in the media for what, in my estimation, is a private matter between him, and his wife. Stop reveling in the pain of others and concentrate on your OWN lives. It's almost impossible to bring betterment to your life as a bw, when you insist on trying to malign, and slander other women based on race, attractiveness, personality etc. If you are feeling depressed or angry at other women, it usually signifies YOU not being happy with YOU. So fix it. Get in shape, go back to school, work on you. Do whatever you need to do for feel better about you. It's almost always the people who are the most malicious and inexorably- mean spirited, who are the most unhappy with themselves. And the saddest part is that most people know (sense) exactly why they are doing it.....

I actually have someone in my family, whom I truly love, but most of the time I don't really like her (if that makes any sense) She's always bad mouthing everyone, and she's an expert at 'cracking' on people. (think a def jam comic) She cracks on strangers, family members-basically anyone in her presence, and it's often exhausting being around her for any length of time. Many times I have seen her bring people to tears, and I've thought to myself. 'your self hatred is showing-you're only so evil to people because you're over 350 pounds, and you know you look a mess!!!' She's actually a funny person, but I noticed her humor is ALWAYS at some unfortunate person's expense. She constantly laughs at people and gets other people to laugh at that person (whoever the victim is a that moment) Many people have tried to tell her gently that she goes too far, but to no avail. I suppose she'll get the memo when someone beats the hell out of her one day, but until then, she goes on.....
So my point is, as far as the jealousy Component. Let it go. You'll only make yourself look stupid and desperate trying to put down other females for whatever reason. Do what you need to do, to feel better about yourself and live and let live. For another example of this. Check out you-tube and see Vanessa Williams singing 'colors of the wind' She looks absolutely gorgeous -as usual-and sounds great. But when you read the comments, all you hear are ww saying that she can't sing, and that the other version is better (It's def. not!) and that she thinks she's cute. Now anyone with eyes can see, she's way beyond cute, and they just looked angry, desperate, and jealous! This is how bw look when they defame, malign, and slander 'other ' women because of some 'seeming advantage' these women may have...Jealousy does not make 'her' look bad-it makes 'YOU' look bad.....

How to get a brand new start in the new year!

Hi everyone. I'm so sorry about the long hiatus. First we went on a business trip/family trip
and then upon coming back, we find out that my God-mother is very ill and not expected to
last through January. Although she is in her 80s, it is still a shock to see someone you love
go down so rapidly. I've been spending as much time with her as I could as I will obviously,
never be able to have this time with her again. Thank you all for your support and understanding during this time.........



Lets move on.... I think most of us want to make a fresh start in 2010. I know many of you are looking forward to that more than anything. In order to make 2010 a different kind of year you MUST set goals. Decide what you want in life, and make a plan to get it.

It sounds too simplistic, but it is the basis for all achievement. I wanted to give you ladies some advice that would really make a difference in your new year, so here goes. These are the things that most people want to change.



lose some weight.
Many of us want to drop a few pounds, and the easiest way to do it without alot of stress and strain, is to simply start to walk everyday.
Even if it's too cold to walk outside and you don't have a treadmill, then simply walk to your favorite shows, back and forth in front of the tv.
If you want to drop weight super-fast, then walk to your shows for I hour per day, and add lots of fruit/vegetables to your daily meals.
Don't worry about diets, just add lots of fruits and veggies to your meals. (especially fruit-because the only fruit that does not bring on weight loss
is banana. They are still very good for you but they don't cause weight loss like apples, oranges berries (all) pineapples, watermelon, -well pretty much all the rest do.
Citrus fruit is especially weight -reducing. The reason is that your body has to work so hard to break down the fruit for consumption, you end up with negative calories, and lose weight....


Learn something new!

Many people want to finish a degree or pursue some self-study. This is an
excellent idea because we should always keep learning.
And speaking of learning. Did you know that the more you learn the easier it is to learn more? The brain is like a muscle, the more you use it the more connections and neurons it creates. This facilitates learning, and in essence, you become smarter.
So even if you are finished with college and don't feel that you need any further schooling, always undertake self-study or pursue some type of learning.
One of the greatest area's of study for black women is to learn to speak a new language. Nothing seems to elevate one's sex appeal, and image like being able to converse in a new language.....


Change your habits-change your life

Some of us are stuck in a rut due to the bad habits we have engaged in time and again. The best way to get out of a rut, is to start with a list of 6-10 things you want to change. Take 2 of those things and put them up on your wall for the month. Every day work on those things you want to change. A new habit usually takes about 1 month (28 days). So in order to bring a new desired habit, all you have to do keep doing it! When it becomes entrenched, then move on to the next
habit you want to change, and repeat the process. The process for getting rid of bad habits, is to do the opposite. Simply refrain from doing those things until you no longer desire them. Think of habits like a path through a forest. When the path is seldom walked, it is difficult to discern, and unclear. But when it is heavily walked, it becomes more and more visible and grooved. Your
mind is the same way. Any habit that is done consistently will become more deeply entrenched and likely to produce after itself....


Get into a better crowd!

Drop whatever in your life that is NOT in your best interest. This includes people! Did you know that 95% of people make within 3-5000.00 of what their 3 best friends make? You see people rub off on each other. This is why wealthy people donot like to hang out with broke people. They are aware that the energy WILL rub off, and they are aware of how detrimental it can be to their finances. Whatever you are trying to be in life, get around those types of people. When a friend of mine was complaining about her daughter skipping school and getting into trouble, one of the teacher's recommended that she get her away from the people she hung with (delinquents) before it was too late. My friend immediately moved her child to a better school where she would not have access to her old crowd. She began to hang with a more studious crowd, and her grades, as well as her behavior, immediately improved. This dynamic will work
wonders in your life as well. If you are hanging with negative, mean spirited, spiteful, and angry people, you will find yourself acting the same way. And your life will be a reflection of this. Try putting yourself around a better crowd and hanging with winners, and you will immediately see how much better your life is turning out to be.....


Finally since for most of us, our finances are the main problem. I wanted to throw some really great info at you ladies. Since I'm a real estate consultant, obviously most of it will deal with real estate.....

How to get a FREE HOUSE in 2010!

Did you know that there is a law on the books called the Adverse Possession law. Now it varies
by state, but the gist of it is that abandoned houses are basically free for the taking. Let me explain.
Say someone named Donna walks home from work everyday. And everyday, she passes a boarded up house. She looks at it longingly because it's twice the size of the house she rents, and she desperately needs more space. As she's telling her friend Jane, about it at lunch the next day, her friend suddenly snaps to attention. "Why don't you check title and ownership? " she asks. "Perhaps the people are deceased, or don't want it. Donna had no idea what you was
talking about but Jane took the lead. The next day, she takes Donna down to the tax assessor's office, and armed with the address to the property-they look up the owner's name. Come to find
out, the owner had been missing for 3 years. No one knew where he was. Taxes had accumulated on his home and the city had boarded it and placed a lien on it. Jane immediately ordered a title report, and carefully went over it with Donna. Upon learning that it only had one lien and back taxes, Donna immediately began to pay the taxes. She ran an ad in the paper for several weeks. It announced that if anyone was interested in the property, they should contact her. (This is called giving constructive notice) afterwards, she had the boards removed, and began to repair the property. Several weeks later, she moved her family in. And even though she had to pay a few thousand for back taxes, and repairs. She was able to stop paying rent, and after the first year, and save a fortune. A few years later, she hired an attorney and was able to
obtain a 'quiet title'.
That's adverse possession in a nutshell. You can order a book on eBay or the 'net' if you feel you
don't have enough detail, but that's really the basis of it. The main thing to remember is to 'live openly'. That's why it's called adverse possession, because you are living 'adverse' to the owner's interests. Don't choose houses with extreme defects, because you'll eat up your savings making
extensive repairs. Easy ways to spot prospects are:

Boarded houses
neglected houses
overgrown lawns
broken windows
sagging porches
lots of notices left on door
high weeds
No electric (check box on side)
'feels vacant'
When you spot these signs, check for vacancy, and then talk to the neighbors. I guarantee you
they will know how long the owner has been gone, and probably, they will know what happened to them.



How to live in a Mansion and make 100.000 in 2010!

I love this plan. I actually didn't think of it. A realtor friend of mine has been using it for awhile.
It goes like this.

Go, and get a real estate license. Now if you go everyday, this will only take 2 weeks. If you go at night or only on Saturday, it will take longer. But you must have it to put this plan in action.
Market your services in the upper crust areas. Advertise in high end magazines, that you are a licensed agent, and that you will house-sit and sell their property for them.
Get them to sign an agreement that you will live in the house, take care of it, and sell it at the end of one year. You move in and run your business from the home. Towards the end of the year, you aggressively market it. 6% on a 2 million dollar home is 120.000. As long as there is
no listing agent, you will be able to keep the entire commission. If there is another agent, you will need to complete 2 transactions per year to make your targeted income.....


Hope this gets you all off to a great start-And Happy New Year!

Is he looking for true love, or a chocolate fantasy? -ways to tell.....

Vilayna Lasalle, considered to be one of the most beautiful black women in the world........

Does he want YOU, or just a good time??.....

How do you know if a particular wm wants you, or sees you as a stereotypical fetish? Many of you ladies worry about this so much, you are unable to relax, around ordinary men, and often find yourself second guessing everything they do.

The truth is that men are just not smart enough, to obscure their true motives for long. Some aren't smart enough to hide it from the introduction. All the average woman has to do, is to ask questions, and really listen. He will reveal everything you need to know. Use dates -not to get a good meal,-but as interviews. Start slowly, and from the first date, really begin to probe his psyche. Ask about his family, his job, his hobbies, then let the conversation evolve to past relationships, and really listen to how he refers to other women. If he is calling other women b*tches or hoes, I guarantee you, YOU will be the next b*tch or hoe he refers to! Men are like leopards, they don't change their spots. If he has so little respect, that he can use those vile and filthy terms to describe other women, know that he will also utilize them in his descriptions of you. He will also treat you as he has notoriously treated other women in his past. I see women all the time, who make the mistake of thinking that although a man mistreated a woman from his past, he'll be good to them. That's not the way it works. In fact one of the best ways to really find out what kind of man he is, is to talk to his ex. Now if she is vindictive, or shady, skip her, and talk to someone more objective. But do vet him carefully, and never allow him to move the relationship faster than you feel comfortable with. I've seen bw turn down good wm because they believed he had a bw fetish, yet, I've also seen a few wm try to fulfill their stereotypical expectations of bw, by getting her into bed. So yes, it does happen, yet it's pretty rare because most bw have an automatic shield up anyways when it comes to wm. It's often a monumental effort for some wm, because many bw will look for any excuse to kick him to the curb.... The same way many bw will look for innumerable reasons to keep a bm.

The trick is to judge all men by high standards, and not allow anyone to slip through the cracks because of skin color. I always encourage bw to date 3 men at once. What will happen time and again is that one of the 3 will begin to far outpace the other 2. When their trying to take you to see a fight, he'll be the one who asks where you want to go. When they talk over your head, or forget their manners, he'll be the gentleman, who gives you his undivided attention. After you have vetted them, and 2 have fallen short. Dump them, (and if nec.) vet the winner against 2 more just to be sure. But I certainly don't want you ladies to worry about wm using you for sex. Accept the fact that ALL men want sex! But it's up to you -who will get it. So he can want indefinitely. It really does not mean much, unless you decide it's time. But the best rule with sex really is to put it off as long as possible. You really want to get to know this man, and second, it's a very bad idea to give your body to someone because you like them! So you like them -so what! You probably like the person who does you hair, and the person who serves you in a restaurant, and your mailman etc. You should NEVER be in bed with someone based on liking them. If you cannot wait for marriage (and I know-waiting is often difficult for women too) then wait for love, and a committed relationship. Never allow anyone to pressure you into bed. I can't stress enough how much you will resent- not only yourself-but him. At this point the relationship is often doomed....

Don't sabotage yourself........

It's very important that bw stop repeating the garbage that their is a shortage of men! Their is NOT a shortage of men! There may be a shortage of bm, but so what? There are plenty of other kinds all over. They are ubiquitous. You will have a hard time attracting something you have convinced yourself is scarce. This is why the news orgs are touting this crap every time you turn around. They don't want bw in loving, happy unions, and especially not with top of the line wm. As more and more wm cross the line, notice the verbal attacks against bw grow in frequency, and viciousness. First of all they have a vested interest in bw being tired, beaten, angry, and dejected. And second, they want good wm reserved for ww! That is why it is imperative that you disregard what these purveyors of malice tell you. Remember that there are enough wm in this world that ANY and EVERY bw who wants one, can have one. The marines may be looking or a few good men, but you're only looking for one! The best way to find him is to frequent the places of YOUR interest. If he's there, it's likely he shares your interest. And you can build from there. When you catch him looking, smile softly, and turn away. When you turn back, he should be looking with new interest (based on your smile) If you are with a group, move by yourself to make it easier for him to approach you. (men hate to approach women in a group) You have to give him the green light in order to bring him to you.

Green light

Smiling genuinely, /with happiness

being friendly and open

Cocking head to side, while watching him

Air of happiness and or confidence

Open body language-facing him, head up, biting lip-while taking quick glances, etc.

Red light (Y'all should know these by heart-so many of you use them!)

Set/angry chins

Rolling eyes

Never looking up at him/no eye contact

Turning away from him

Using a blocking item (book, head sets, other ppl etc.

Arms folded (as in -get the hell away from me!) He will know right away which light you have on, and he'll act accordingly....

What if it's a date from hell, and he really is looking for a chocolate fantasy.....

When it comes to DFH, we've all been there at least once. When it happens, laugh it off, and vow to vet more carefully next time. I will tell you how I saw one young woman handle a DFH, and I thought she did a splendid job............As for the chocolate fantasy part. I told you don't worry about it, because he's not going to get anything you have not consented to anyway. So discard the concern of what he might want.....check out how this young lady handled her DFH.......

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I was watching some dating show a few yrs ago. It took place on a cruise ship. (some of you may remember it) Anyway, there was a blind date between a wm, and a beautiful ebony-hued bw. (Girl-really, she looked about 24) So anyway, I remember thinking how lovely she was. She was very dark with light eyes, and the effect was quite stunning. She had long brown hair, and was fairly slim. When she met him, he seemed decent enough at first. He told her that she was gorgeous, and that he was happy to meet her. She smiled, said thank you, and gave him a brief hug. But I began to get a 'funny feeling' about him as they entered the dining hall. It was a formal setting, (the whole cruise was very upscale) and she was dressed formally, in a long mauve colored gown. Now keep in mind that she looked right at home, because she was a very classy, and elegant looking/speaking woman. Several men turned and gave her approving smiles, but he seemed disturbed about something. As they sat down, he turned to her and said:

"I'm surprised you wore that dress " She looks up surprised and says: "Why?" (He) "Well, I would have expected you to wear something more..... alluring!" (She, blinking, and confused) "To a formal dinner-what exactly do you mean by alluring" (He, shakes his head-changes discussion) They talked about other things, and the date seemed to be going ok, but it was obvious she was still bothered by his earlier comment (probably because it made no sense) Then I noticed that he kept looking at the bodice of her dress. He can hardly tear himself away to answer her question. He's just staring like a dog in heat. Since the dress was not revealing in anyway, his behavior borders on lascivious. She grows tired of trying to converse with him, while he stares at her dress, and grows angrily quiet. He finally notices that she's quiet and rather annoyed, and he gives a brief apology. He says something about the dress reminding him of something-she does not believe him, but lets it drop. Later when they don their swimsuits, he gets upset because she has not chosen a bikini. (she'd brought a one-piece) He begins to question her on how this is not typical attire for a black girl!!! She gets very offended, and informs him that bgs come in different sizes, shapes and personalities! He offers a weak apology, and they go swimming.... (This is a 3-day date)
The next day they meet for breakfast, and the tension they've experienced earlier seems to have dissipated somewhat. She's bright and cheerful, and obviously trying to make the best of a bad situation. They are joking around, when she laughingly asks him how tall he is. (He's short-about 5.6), at this point he goes ballistic! and starts yelling that she's trying to embarrass him. She tells him that she was only asking because she's 5.5 and wanted to know if he was taller. He mentions that he's rather sensitive about his height, and without bothering to apologize for his ridiculous behavior, he falls silent. She tries to put his rude behavior aside and see the date through. A little while later, she is talking to the camera, and she is saying that although she agreed to this date, she could not wait for it to be over, and that she suspected that he thought she would be a hoochie type woman because she was black.

At dinner that night, her suspicions and mine, were confirmed. She wore an off-white gown, had her hair up, and her make up perfect. She was stunning. When she walked into the dining area, all the men turned to stare, and several men got up from their seats, as if it might entice her to join them for dinner. Her date not only refused to get up when she came to the table, but he looked up at her and scowled. She looked uncomfortable, and surprised, but she took her seat. He then turned to her and said:
"Why the hell are you wearing a LONG dress-is this sh*t supposed to turn me on?" She gazed at him a moment, and said,

"I was not trying to turn you on, I was trying to get to know you"
At this point he threw down his napkin, and stood up.

"I've had it" He shrieked, "You don't even act like a black girl!-you act like a princess for God's sake!-and this date is OVER!!!"

With that he stood back like he was hoping she would 'go off' but she remained calm, and collected. She shrugged her shoulders casually.

"Well, it was nice meeting you" she lied. "Have a safe trip home...."

He turned and stormed out, while several white men nearby rushed to take his place........
Ladies, never tolerate disrespect from ANY man. He obviously thought because this young woman was black, that she would be a shenehneh, (loud, ghetto, vulgar, and/or easy) when he saw that she was the epitome of class and grace, he was livid. I guess he thought he was in for easy sex for the whole week end. etc. She handled it wonderfully though, and I was very proud of her. You don't have to act like a jerk because he does. A lady knows that actions speak louder than words every time. If he shows that he has no home training and wants to disrespect you on a date, make a flimsy excuse (that he'll see right through, ) and LEAVE. The only thing I would have changed about the girl on the show, is that I would have told her not to waste another night on this jerk. I would have told her to leave on day 1. This man was extremely rude, arrogant, insensitive and abrasive. But notice there was a roomful of other men who could not wait to take his place. When you are quality woman, there are ALWAYS other men waiting to take the present man's place-remember that....
As for discerning whether he's there for you, or just wants to fulfill a fetish-use the following clues, and keep in mind that men are just not smart enough to fool anyone for long. Their real selves always emerge, and give them away. All you have to do is listen, wait, and observe.........

Here are some signs that he's looking for something more serious -possibly marriage....

1. He's respectful

2. He wants to spend more time with you

3. He talks to you about the good, bad, and insignificant things in his life.4. He introduces you to his family

5. He looks at you 'proudly

'6. He treats you like you are something special

7. He is extremely interested in pleasing you

8. He has extremely good manners and behaves like a gentleman9. He refuses to let others speak ill of you10. He thinks you're beautiful even when you look like whoopi (no offense whoopi) and takes you everywhere.

Here are some signs that he just has a fetish for bw (RUN!)

1. He calls only at night

2. He wants to come over late, (no date just a late call) -don't let him!

3. You have never met his best friend or his family

4. You only seem to go out to strange, far away places

5. He looks embarrassed when ww look at you two together.

6. He seems to be uncomfortable with you in public

7. He lets him family and friends say nasty things about you- or ignore you.

8. He makes a lot of sexual references to your body and barely notices your face

9. He's always groping you, even when you ask him to stop.10 He seems to be rushing the relationship toward the bedroom even after you tell him -you want to take it slow... /He does not seem genuinely interested in the 'real' you. 11. Instead of looking at you with pride, and respect- he constantly 'leers' 12. He does not give a damn about the things you think, because he 'knows' you won't be around long enough for it to matter...-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For those of you who keep emailing me asking for wealth tips -here are a few

.... 1. Car flea Market Riches!Here is a very easy way to make thousands of dollars per month. Many men will take to this idea but there is no reason why a woman cannot do it, provided she takes measures to protect herself from strangers....You see in the paper every day people selling cars and people buying cars. A great number of those ads are really from car dealers who take over the newspaper much to the frustration of people who want to buy from the seller to avoid the high dealer costs/add ons. You can help the buyers and the sellers, as well as make a fortune each month by simply creating a car flea market....Many ideas to make a fortune are easy to come up with. An idea does not have to require a PHD to think up or facilitate. Unfortunately many people cannot grasp the simply realization that simple things can often make more money than the complicated. Look at the paper clip for example... To implement this simple plan go out and find a decent sized lot. Abandoned drive ins are great but there are any number of spaces that can be made usable for this simple purpose. When you find a decent spot negotiate with the owner on a lease fee. That done, advertise in the paper that you have car lot where people can display their cars for 25.00 per vehicle. Try to get some publicity from the radio stations or advertise heavily in the newspaper or use bandit signs etc. Any number of ways will get you customers, and this type of business will grow by word of mouth bigger each month. It's fairly easy to be pulling in 10,000 per month in this easy business within a few months with some work. You can let vendors come for free and take a small percentage of their profit or make them pay up front. All negotiations are between buyers and sellers you have nothing to do with problems with any cars or anything like that. You are merely the 'place' where the transactions occurred. This businesses can be operated for most of the year and many people are getting quite wealthy in ventures of this kind. Simply write up an agreement stating your terms (25.00 per vehicle, you are not liable for any transactions etc.) Get a signed agreement from each vendor and put it in a file (you can use a folder in an ordinary drawer-but don't lose it) You can have a mechanic there who charges for vehicle inspections and you can take a percentage of his profit! Use your imagination wealth is for the taking not for the dreamers.....


2. Car Service Reminders.....

Many people are so very busy that they cannot remember to have their car serviced. Then they have problems at the worst times (ie bad neighborhoods, late at night, all alone etc.) You can approach any number of dealers, and have too much business to handle in no time. You would be taking over service reminders (which many dealers are too busy to undertake) you would send postcards to the people who are due for service and take a percentage of everyone who comes in to have the service done. You would negotiate with the dealer on how much of a percentage, but a good rule of thumb is 20%. With just 3-4 dealers you could easily make double what most people are making working 40 hours per week! This is a bit detailed as there is a lot of record keeping. This type of biz would be best for someone who is detailed oriented and loves numbers. If that sounds like you-give it a try. You can print up business cards and presto! You are in business honey. The dealers will be so happy to have this tedious task off their hands they will practically overwhelm you! Just keep your day job and let it grow-and it will try it and you'll see......


3. Details for rich kids!

If you have kids who want to make extra money and you have a good amount of drive way or lawn space, try this: Place this ad in paper or around town.Best Car Detail in town! done by young professions-working their way to college! People love to help young people get to college and as long as your children are responsible (not too young now) they will let them clean and detail their cars especially if the work is superior and the prices are a little less. Always supervise your children and teach them to very, very carefully detail the cars (you can easily get a library book on this) 3 kids can do a very good job in about 45 minutes and by charging 25 % less than a typical detailer for your area you WILL get jobs. USE the paper, or bandit signs or word of mouth if you want to build slow and steady. What most people do not realize is that almost anything can become a business. I was reading recently about a young kid who started taking back the neighbors trash cans as a courtesy in an area where they receive heavy fines for leaving cans out. (125.00) Many people had to leave work to go take their garbage cans back to the house from the street! As a result he soon had numerous people who begged him to do the same for them. He began to charge 5.00 per house and made so much money he quit his job and hired his 2 sisters. One as a secretary and the other to help him recruit more kids so he could expand. Within months he was making more than his parents who have worked for years by adding 2 more neighborhoods! You must learn to think outside the box. You have million dollar ideas EVERYDAY -its time to dust off a few and put them to work......thanks for tuning in see you next time -S

How the media distorts and discourages bw/wm couples....

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Rick and Eleanor Hemmert, looking unhappy and dejected: On ABC's World News Tonight...

Last night’s ABC World News Tonight profiled an interesting story entitled “Male Nurses, Stay-at-Home Dads: New Norm?”. The story involved remarks, and commentary from several couples, most of them mono-racial. But the one IR couple they featured included a wm/bw couple. Wouldn't you know it, they chose an unhappy couple which featured a very belittling, and non-supportive wife. The wife, Eleanor Hemmert, actually criticizes, and embarrasses her husband before all of America as she declares:

"I don't like coming home and seeing him in my apron-I wish I could say something else, but I've lost so much respect for him!"

I was livid watching the segment because it seems the media ALWAYS tries to use an overly-aggressive black woman and a passive, sour, unhappy-looking white man. I noticed the other couples they used all adjusted rather nicely to the husband's abrupt work departure. The other women understood that bad times happen to good ppl, and they were very supportive of their husbands. One lady even recommended that her husband become a nurse. He said he felt that this way, he would never be out of work again. The couples smiled and showed an amazing amount of support for one another. The only ones looking sour and upset were the mixed couple. This really upset me on several levels. Most of all the fact that they probably searched far and wide to find a bw who would disrespect, and embarrass her man on public television this way. After all, who knows how to hold it down in hard times better than us!! A man losing a job is nothing for your average bw. Many bw have dated and married men who did not even TRY to work! So having a husband lose a job, is nothing to most of us. We know how to ride out a storm. What really infuriated me the most was that they would subtly imply that had he not had a black wife, he may have gotten some support. I really resent the media's subtle, and constant, negative perceptions of bw. Whenever I watch wife swap, I notice if it's a bw/wm IR couple, they'll always use a very disempowering, aggressive, almost bitchy type bw. Then they'll pair her with a nauseatingly passive wm, and 'pretend' it's just a coincidence that the couple happens to be that way! The last time I watched one of these 'coincidental pairings' the very dark wife got angry that the husband had wine while she was away. She acted like a complete fool. Her mother also acted a fool, and their 3 beautiful daughters were caught in the middle.She had the nerve to come in screaming at him, that SHE did not allow wine in her house! (like it wasn't his house too lol!) The husband (a handsome wm) seemed inordinately happy to see her when he got back, but then she lit into him and destroyed the whole mood, in a matter a few scant minutes. The girls tried to intervene to no avail. She was off on a screaming tangent, and the husband dropped the flowers he had bought for her, and dejectedly slunk away. The segment ended with the white wife crying happily to have her husband back, and the black wife screaming, shrieking, and locking him out of the bedroom!

See the media has an agenda. It always has, and it always will. The point of picking a very passive husband, is to make it seem like the majority of wm are weak, passive, can't stand up to their women, and are woefully lacking a backbone. The truth is passive men come in ALL colors, and most wm are NOT passive! The purpose of throwing these men under the bus is to make them as unattractive, and unappealing to non-white women as possible. I'm sure you ladies know that most women (regardless of color) favor the take charge type man. Most heterosexual women want men who walk tall, speak with authority, and can handle a crisis. This is why women are often accused of wanting 'thugs'. She may simply be drawn to his air of authority, but this is often confused with an attraction to his 'thugness'. Men, just to clear the record, regardless of what you've heard-very few women want thugs. And it's usually the very young women at that. The older a woman gets, the more she longs for a 'real' man. If a bw thinks when she sees a handsome wm: "Hmmmm he is so handsome! But......Everybody knows how wm are! He's probably scared of his shadow, can't speak his mind, and has a small penis...hmmmm I think I'll pass...........

When this happens, then once again-the media has won. You see the reason they keep repeating these tired stereotypes, is because they become like auto-reverse cassettes in our minds. Once they are believed, they become convictions, and then they will automatically play upon sight...

Of course you ladies know why they present very aggressive, belligerent black women. This falls right in line with their proclamation that all bw are angry, loud, overbearing etc. They'll fight arduously to retain this antiquated stereotype alive, because it fits in with their program. This enables them to sleep better at night while they uphold ww as the epitome of beauty, purity, innocence, and womanly essence. It also discourages some non-bm from approaching bw.

Afer all, our subconscious guides everything our conscious mind does. So if his subconscious is saying; "Hmmm, she's beautiful, but you know how black women are! -I don't want her to go 'off' and start screaming and neck-twisting on me! Soooooo..... I guess I better not ask her out" *dejectedly walking away*

Once again, to the victor go the spoils. And it's a home run for the media, while both wm and bw lose out. It's important that you question WHY they do things, so you can understand the desired results, as well as the reasoning that goes with it. The media knows that ppl believe what they see! Even if what they see has been chopped, cut, altered, or literally made up! The truth is bw/wm couples are some of the longest lasting marriages out there. They are reportedly some 44% more likely to last than even WW/WM marriages!!! (check out Evia's blog for the latest stats) This would not be so, if these couples were miserable and unhappy as the media loves to portray..... Be not deceived-the devil is a LIAR, and so is the media.....