Don't let the ' white girl song' bother you.....

Instead of worrying about silly songs, focus on the life you want. The man you want, and happiness you want. Put your focus on that which EMPOWERS you.....

This post is not really about the white girl song, not exclusively anyway. It's about how many of you fall right into a state of anger and rage when bm do something you consider disrespectful and then internalize the pain. I'm going to show you how to handle anger much more constructively. First off, I need you ladies to understand that bm are FREE AGENTS!!! They can do what they want. Please- whatever you do -stop getting upset about seeing bm with ww! It's really no big deal. Many of you take it as some personal affront and it's not. Your attitude should be indifference. Do you want him? Probably not, so let it go. When you show upset over seeing bm with ww, that means you are still emotionally tied to them, or you think bm BELONG to bw. Honey, -they don't -Thank God. Wish them well on their path and let it go....

Second, I need you ladies to stop seeing ANYONE as your enemy. No matter who it is. You can NEVER consider a whole group of ppl your enemy. You could be alienating alot of good friends. Some ppl of whatever type may treat you bad-leave that (singular) PERSON alone. Yes, I definitely advise bw to be wary /careful of bm as a group, because too many of them are damaged and dangerous. But don't hate them. Anything you hate and despise weakens YOU. That's why you should be Pro- BW, not against BM! You should be pro-bw dating out, not against bm dating out. When you see a wg slobbering all over a bm, giving you snide and smug looks, you should be totally unmoved. Never get upset about something like that, those ppl have a right to do as they wish. The most wonderful part though-is so do you! You have a right to go out and get yourself the sexiest, finest wm you can find. You have a right to marry him and bear his children. You have a right to hold him close, and love him like there's no tomorrow.As long as you are bitter, and filled with hate, you block YOUR own good. Never have hate in your heart at other IR couples, because then you block the same thing from coming your way. It's almost like ppl who hate rich ppl, but secretly want desperately to be rich. As long as they're hating someone else for having riches, they are driving it away from themselves, but they don't even realize it.....

As for the WGS- Many of you have emailed me about this new song. Telling me how it puts ww on a pedestal and once again puts bw down. So what's new about that? They've been doing that for a while now, they're just more bold about it now. Personally, I just don't give a damn. Why would I? And why would you? I have what who I want, but even if I didn't, I certainly would never want a color-struck self hating man-would you? When are you ladies going to realize when you are being played? That song was deliberately intended to piss bw off, and many of you are falling right into character. And when someone is trying hard to piss you off, the best thing you can do is be nonchalant. Nothing gets under an agitator's skin like nonchalance. There's nothing bm want more than to control bw, and keep them off balance, scared, depressed, and available for multiple uses. The last thing in the world we need to concern ourselves with, is what bm want. You need to ask yourself/ves what YOU want? What do you want out of life? WHO do you want? What to you dream of at night when no one else is around. What do you want so badly that you would do it for free? That's what you need to focus on!! Not some stupid song, designed to provoke you to want to fight ww for bm. (And let's face it-that's the whole point of the song) Don't fight anybody over a man-regardless of his color. When women fight over men, the only one who wins is HIM!

The WGS, is designed to feed the ww's ego, and tear down the bw's ego, once again. The best thing bw can do is A. ignore it. or B. grab a WHITE BOY get on the dance floor and act as if the lyrics are reversed. But if it's bothering some of you so much, then why are you listening to it? Why are you dancing to it? Some of y'all really need to develop tunnel vision. See only your goals, and men who will love and respect you. Hear only what you NEED to hear, from those that matter in your life. LOVE ONLY THOSE WHO LOVE YOU BACK!!! Ladies this is not rocket science. Tune out those who don't have your best interest at heart and tune in those who do. And don't bother telling me you can't tell from the start when a man it totally about nothing. Women are very intuitive. Even when he's a master manipulator, we have great intuition. Learn to listen to it. A good rule to follow is:

What to avoid...

a. Have nothing to do with violent criminals

b. Have nothing to do with men with hair trigger tempers.

c. Have nothing to do with men who seem to disrespect women in general

d. Have nothing to do with men who seem to have no game plan for their lives and simply try to live off other ppl. (you'll be the one he'll try to live off soon)

e. Have nothing to do with any man who consistently gives you bad vibes

(that's your intuition trying to warn you of something.)

f. Have nothing to do with men who seem to think the world 'owes' them something. These are the type who go off because someone won't give them money or something. The world owes us nothing but a chance-the rest is up to US...

What to look for:

a. Look for men who generally have respect for all women whether he knows them or not.

b. Look for men who treat you like a lady, and have manners and kindness

c. Look for men who share your interests, and your MORALS.

d. Look for men who are good ppl, WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS WATCHING

e. Look for men who are ambitious, and motivated to do something with their life.....

I think you all get the picture. Even when he tries to fake it. Men are just not smart enough to fake it for long. All you have to do is open up those pretty eyes of yours and really SEE who he is......

Now what to do about the bm who make songs that are designed to put ww on a pedestal......

What sista's need to do is flip the script. Instead of worrying about ww having their massive egos' made bigger. We need to learn to fight fire with fire. Put a fine ass WM on the cover of a BW's magazine! Make a white boy song! Walk proudly down the street with your vanilla prince and stop giving a damn about the stares/glares from bm. Declare to the world, that we no longer care what bm think, just as the Asian women do. They (Asian women) are quick to let everybody know that they are looking for wm, and that they are OPEN! They never waste time worrying about what Asian men think, they simply do what's in their own best interests. And do you know that because of that thought process, there are over a MILLION marriages of WM and AW! The truth is wm marry out far more than ww! But many ppl do not realize this. And did you know that marriages between bw and wm, are the fastest growing IR union??? Well, they are. We need to follow the Asian sistas and do what's best for Us and stop worrying about the constant disrespect coming from bm. Show them by deed we are done. Many men tune a woman out when she's screaming and carrying on. He will not believe she means what she says until she cuts contact. Stop worrying about bm loving up on some wg. I told y'all before. Drive him to the wg's house and leave him there. Let her have him! Get your own swirl on and stop worrying about his. Put your focus and attention on WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE-that's how you get it......

How the power of *WORDS* has affected black women!!!

The words we use (what we think) will make or break our lives-what are you saying to the world and yourself?.......

Many ppl continue to let their words do them in and then wonder why their lives are not what they would want them to be. The bible says, 'Life and death is in the power of the tongue'

What does that mean to you? I'll tell you what it means to me. It means that the words that come from your mouth, shape your life. It means those words are soooo powerful that they can even cause life to end! Many of you sistas are NOT where you want to be, or have what you want to have, or live the way you want to live today, because of the words you allow to cross your lips.....

Words have amazing power, but not many ppl realize how powerful they really are.

Example 1.

Did you know the entire Holocaust started out with Hitler ( a little German nobody) claiming he was the greatest ruler in Germany, and that he would restore Germany to it's former glory? He then proposed to do this, by eradicating all of Germany's primary problems-starting with the Jews. He started out calling the Jews vermin and other vile names. Soon ppl did not see ppl when they looked at Jews they saw vermin. Think how much easier it is to kill 6 million vermin than 6 million people! He progressed by saying that all the economic, political, and social problems that Germany faced were the fault of the Jews (vermin) At first ppl laughed at him, but as he spoke (and he was a master communicator) ppl began to listen. The jews were no longer seen as ppl. they were considered on the level with rats and roaches. Do you feel any compuctions about killing rats or roaches? Once they were viewed and accepted in this light, it was so much easier for the SS to 'exterminate' them, and the fate of the poor Jews was soon sealed.... How did such a thing happen? How could something so horrible have ever happened? It happened the ways things usually do, with words preceding actions....

Example 2.

Think about the recent demise in the black community...
If you remember the start of Hip hop, then you remember Run DMC, and how when it began, it was never misogynistic. It was electrifying, and it was good dance music, but misogyny was never a part of it. As it gained fame and popularity, other musicians (that title does not really fit) opted to take the easy way to fame and fortune. They began to engage in music designed to scintillate the senses and pander to the base instincts of the public. (anything to get to the money) The music grew increasingly malicious, and vile. With it grew more and more crimes against women -yet nobody seemed to anticipate or notice the connection! I remember Curtis Blow saying how uncomfortable he was with the direction the music was taking. I also remember how quickly he was shut down. The downward spiral had begun... Artists were getting paid, and they did not want to hear anything that might interrupt the sweet sound of money landing in their bank accts. Women who saw the writing on the wall and tried to intervene were accused of trying to keep brother's broke (Deloris Tucker anyone) Along the way, gang violence escalated, bm filled the jails, and bw and girls were more and more often the victim to bm who listened to these horrible lyrics day and night, and then decided to emulate them. What I am suggesting is that it is in no way surprising to me the horrible way bw are being treated by bm in this current day. Just look at the garbage they call music! Listen as they recite these lyrics on a continuous basis, and then look at the effect on their lives. No the music is NOT solely responsible, but it has exacerbated (to the 9th degree) a whole host of problems that already existed in the blk community. There is simply NO WAY you can listen to something day and night while constantly reciting it, and not have it affect you!!! What I am saying is NEVER BELIEVE THAT WORDS ARE JUST WORDS-WORDS HAVE POWER!!! Just look at how cold and misogynistic today's bm is compared to the ones from yesteryear! Look at how many bm are filling jails because of words, (rap music, keepin it real, down wit it, ride or die, etc etc, etc. Look at how we went from 'treat her like a lady' (temptations 80s) to now (you's a hoe, move bitch-get out the way, pimps up-hoes down)etc, etc, etc. The music today (if you can call this nonsensical lyrical trash music) is doing so much harm, it's unmeasurable.... Bw are not even being seen as living breathing ppl with hopes and dreams and feelings anymore. We've been relegated to horrific labels by the very men many of us have fought tooth and nail for. Because we have allowed this garbage(and other garbage) to penetrate our consciousness, we now have young men glorifying violence,glorifying jail, glorifying gangs, treating women like sexual toilets, sexual violence against women and on and on. Everything white America has enough sense to see is horrible, and wrong is glorified and uplifted in the bc. The more these despicable words are thrown at bw like verbal daggers, the greater the danger for bw and girls, the lower the self esteem of young girls, and the more deadly bm become. Think about the old days. Was it EVER this bad that you can remember? NO! Do you know what the primary change is: The Words used to describe bw grew more evil, more deadly, more hateful, and more threatening! And what happened? The resulting actions followed SUIT!!!!

Example 3. -final

Lets give a final example:

look at how the slogan "Nothin but a black man!" has affected relations, and attitudes in and out of the BC.....

As this chant/slogan gained popularity, many bw began to suffer the consequences.

Many bw began to allow bm to come to the table with nothing but a pulse, yet non-bm were often given the cold shoulder. After all, it was uncool to date white (forget that bm were doing it like it was going out of style.)

Wm were practically expected to turn hand flips to get a date with a sista, while bm had a harem of women chasing them, and bulging an already overblown ego. This little stupid saying had bm who looked like Flav thinking they were Morris chestnut. It's caused ww to run after bm as well (further bloating that big ego)

Ww began to think to themselves: If he's all that-then he should be with ME!!

It's interesting that bw only began this chant because they felt so many brothers suffered low self esteem due to racism, and they were hoping to alleviate the pain in any way they could. Many bw wanted bm to know that no matter how the world viewed them, we were still in their corner. Thus this chant began, and was quickly used against us. Many bm immediately began to believe they were too good for bw. (Never mind that 70% of the wealth, and 2/3 of all College degrees awarded to AAs -go to bw.) These little-so called insignificant words also slowed IR down for many bw. Some women refused to indulge (no matter how much they wanted to) and some actually began to believe the bullshit they were spouting (Nothing but a bm) They convinced themselves he had to be blk. There was no longer criterion for being a good man, husband, father, -just blk! Let me show you a few more ways this has hurt us.....

1. Bm began to show signs of open conceit, and along with it, contempt for other men-and BW!.

2. Bm became more disrespectful because they felt (knew) they could get away with it.

3. Bm became more misogynistic in word and deed, (and song) and showed more open disdain for bw.

4. Bm were able to do less and less in relationships, while demanding more and more...

5. With less and less demands on them, many bm began to show more and more signs of slothfulness and lackadaisical attitude toward everything. This began in their relationships, and expanded to include employment, education, parental responsibilities etc. I am not suggesting that a mere slogan started their downward spiral. I am suggesting that once again- it Exacerbated it.....

This is just the tip of the iceberg, but I wanted to bring attention to how this new low standard affected the men both black and white.

Now how did it affect wm?

1. Wm who were on the fence about asking bw out, opted for more 'open' women (usually Asian)

2. Wm who were already dating a bw, began to worry that she secretly wanted a brotha

3. Wm who were dealing with a lot to be with a bw, began to wonder why he was putting up with all this, when she probably wanted a bm all along.

4. Some wm who were strongly attracted to bw, 'gave up' and slid back to ww. etc, etc, etc.

5. Wm who were easily scared off, never asked a bw out to begin with, or were extrememely reluctant to, from then on....

The bottom line that I am trying to convey here, is that words are NEVER just words. Words = power, or helplessness. Words = wealth or poverty. Words = love or hate, and words = separation or unity....

Words are life and death. Don't' ever let anyone ever tell you that words don't matter.

Remember, before Wars, before Slavery, before the Holocaust..... there were the words that brought them about.....

BW- Stop the spoken/unspoken apologies!!!

This is Halle at the Guy's choice awards Kissing the ever revolting Jaime Foxx. The whole display felt like an unspoken apology to bm for loving a wm.... The other pic is Halle with her gorgeous S.O. Gabriel Aubrey

I, for the life of me cannot understand why some bw cannot accept the fact that they have a God-given right to love whomever they want, and that they do not have to apologize to the bc or to anyone else. I'm referring of course to Halle. but I've seen this behavior demonstrated by many sistas. They'll be happily involved with a non-bm and feel the need to hide, or downplay it. This is esp true when there are multiple bm around, or if they feel that they are under watch. This is totally unfair to the man you've committed to, as well as damaging to the relationship. You cannot expect a man to be proud to be with you, while you are demonstrating shame, or embarrassment in being with him. Would you let him get away with that mess??

Let me give my take on the Halle berry fiasco. Here is a very beautiful woman who has been through alot. We all know she was married to a man (Justice ) who just one day up and said, that he no longer wished to be married to her. Then of course we all know her second husband (Bonet) was a gold digger and a womanizer who cheated on her with anything that moved and sued her for an outrageous amount of money during the divorce. She has been in a relationship for the past few years with a white model named Gabriel. They have a little girl, and seem very happy, and much much in love. Finally she seems to have found some stability in her life. So why in the world would she jeopardize it with a stupid stunt like the one at the Guy's award show. For those of you who don't know. When she came up to receive her award she had a very very intimate kiss with Jaime Foxx and allowed him to actually brazenly fondle her rear on national TV???

Here are the words of one reviewer:

Ring The Alarm! Talk about hot, hot, hot. Jaime Foxx and Halle Berry in a lip-lock so hot, I'm sure Jaime is still trying to recover. The two were at the Spike TV's 2009 "Guys Choice Awards" when she received her award, Jaime made his move and let it be known what he thinks of Ms. Berry. I hope her honey-dip Gabriel isn't the jealous type. That kiss was simply delicious to look at. I need a glass of water!

Now I'm not sure if this is a publicity stunt or what. All I know is that this is not the behavior of a woman who is deeply in love with someone else, and that this is not respectful to the man she has committed to. I was utterly shocked to see this display. True she is a grown woman, and she certainly has the prerogative to act in any way she pleases, but this behavior is not prudent, appropriate, or conducive to a good relationship. I actually thought it came off looking desperate, and reeking of insecurity. But I guess it came her what she was desperately seeking. A momentary kinship, and common bond with bp, esp. bm. I absolutely love Halle. She's been my favorite actress for years, but I just thought this stunt was soooo beneath her. It almost felt like she was asking bm for forgiveness for having the temerity to put her own happiness first. Many times I've sensed an apology coming from her. For instance, when she was interviewed not too long ago, the reporter had the audacity to ask her why she was with a wm! She actually answered the question!!! Her responses was along the lines of "I tried brothers- I tried!! I Tried!! (insert nervous laugh) Her uncomfortable response only served to embolden the reported to delve further into her relationship.

See right there, she along with other bw, were being told they had no RIGHT to date/mate and marry white. What gives him the right to ask her that? Nobody needs to justify their relationship, including us. It seems to me when it's bm being interviewed about dating out, the sentiment from the reporters seems to be: Yeah, he likes her better'n yall-so just deal with it! But when it's a bw/non man the sentiment seems to be: How could you allow yourself to be defiled by a wm- and you better give a good damn answer -or your sister card will be revoked! I never allow anyone whether they approve or not to make me ashamed of my choice. I have a right to my own happiness. We all do. And Halle needs to understand that she does as well. If anything she should have given them an answer that would have really pissed them off. like- "Because he's the best man I've ever had!" or- " What! -he's white-oh my God he tricked me! The point is, she should not have allowed herself to feel guilt over a choice she made in her own best interest. None of us should. The fact is just as bw have to let go of bm (because we don't own them) They will subsequently have to let go of us-because they do not own us either. Ms Berry has no need to prove how black she is, or how down she is, or how much she loves bm. She has nothing to apologize for: And neither do any of you......

When ppl ask about your man, look them in the eye and answer proudly. Hold his hand proudly and walk with your head high and tall. Never fidget nervously or display nervous habits (biting nails, stroking hair, playing with purse straps. etc.) You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You have a right to love whomever you love. If ppl sense an apology from you, they will waste no time trying to inundate you with guilt. That's why it is very important to work any guilt feelings out before you begin to introduce your mate around. Not only will they sense the guilt-embarrassment-apology. But he will as well, and it will often cause internal problems in the relationship (Even if he does not mention it at that time) It will still be there coming between you. So don't allow anyone to make you feel the need to apologize, the only thing

you should be sorry about is putting yourself last, and waiting so long to step out of the box....

"At least I have a daddy!" (The short story of one little girl)

This is a short story to illustrate how the lack of a good father in a child's life can impact them in numerous ways. Many little children are growing up without the benefit of a loving father in the home, and it is taking it's toll. Sometimes in unseen yet, not-unfelt ways. Studies show that little boys who grow up without fathers are far more likely to engage in criminal behaviors, get into drugs, drop out of school, and have numerous societal problems, including low self esteem, and dismal academic records...

Little girls are more likely to engage in 'pressured sex', get involved with low class males (low as in low values, not income brackets) have trouble forming solid relationships, suffer from low self esteem, and suffer feelings of abandonment, that may follow her through life. Both sexes are far more likely to suffer financially, and grow up in poverty....

The following short story is just an illustration of how this lack of a good father hurts our children even when they don't tell us........

Beep! Beep! Beep! The sound of the alarm from mommy's room was loud through the thin apartments walls. Shayla turned on the thin rail bed, and waited for mommy to come get her. Moments later she heard her mother's tired steps outside her door. Monique pushed the card board light door open and peeked in tiredly at her child.

God what was she to do? How had she gotten herself into this! she wondered for the 100th time. Between the twins and Shayla, she was struggling like she had never dreamed she would as a young girl. Neither of the children's fathers had married her. Her girlfriends all said blk men did not get married anymore, and to forget it. But she had believed everything the men said, and now she was paying the price. God, she was paying the price! Why hadn't she listened to Mama. Mama had told her men would say anything to get what they wanted, but that women were the ones stuck raising babies alone! God, I was an idiot! She thought sadly. She looked at Shayla's precious little brown face. How am I going to take care of me and her and her two brothers? She wondered again.

Just then, Shayla turned and looked up into her mama's face. Monique quickly pasted a smile on her face and pulled her 5 year old from the thin mattress. Shayla tried to give her mama a brave smile. She was terrified of going to this new school, but she had to be a big girl. Mama had enough problems already. Many times Shayla would hear her crying at night through the thin walls. Her brother's were often oblivious to Mama's moods, but as a female, with strong intuition, Shayla knew things were very bad. For instance, Often Mama would not eat claiming she was on some new diet, but when she looked in the cupboard, she always looked frightened. So Shayla knew they were low on food, and she was saving what little there was for her kids. When the apartment was cold, Mama would give them blankets and tell them to stay in the kitchen. She never turned up the heat. And when the phone had gone dead, Mama did not call the repair people. Shayla had concluded long ago, that they had no money and were what the TV called 'poor' The thought made her sad, especially hearing Mama cry at night. That made her the saddest of all. Now she was to go the this new school, and she was sad and terrified. Mama had told her to be on her best behavior. Some friend of hers had gotten Shayla in this fancy school, and she was not to cause any trouble. An hour later Shayla was wearing a new-used dress and standing at the door with her freshly scrubbed brown face waiting for Mama expectantly. Her tightly coiled hair was clean and freshly braided and her loafers looked almost new. She wrung her small hands trying to gather strength, as her brothers Kevin, and Devin jumped off the thread-bare couch, and zig zagged around the small apartment like it was a race track. Looking at them made Shayla dizzy. They had so much energy-and they always seemed to be in motion. Mama came from the back and glared at them. Both boys instantly stopped in their tracks, and turned into gentlemen. All shouting ceased as Kevin opened the door for Mama, and Devin took his sister's bag and lunch pail. Mama nodded her approval and jerked her head toward the outside. All three children followed her quietly, the day had officially begun.....

Larry Jones smiled at himself in the mirror. His dark radiant skin still looked almost as good as it had years ago. Although his middle had a bit more paunch to it. But his wife seemed to like him just fine. He was so excited! He couldn't wait to tell his wife Arlene about his promotion. Now he could move his family to Haldon Hills. it was an upper middle class area populated primarily by management leaders, lower level Executives and Small company bosses. His wife had wanted to live there for years, and now they would be able to. Arlene Jones poked her head into the bedroom in time to catch the secret smile on her husband's face. "Honey what're you up to?" She demanded. Larry swung around, torn between waiting for dinner to tell her, or telling her now. He silently decided to tell the whole family at dinner. "Later," he smiled secretly " I'll tell you t'nite" Arlene wrapped her arms around her husband, and thought back. How lucky she was to go for that little geek boy back in high school, when all the popular girls black and white were going for foot ball players, basket ball players, and ....well any kind of player. She had ended up with a wonderful husband and father for her children. He was exactly the kind of man her father had been.

" Mom!" they looked down to see their 5 year old daughter Tameka waiting impatiently with her hand on a very small hip. Her cornrowed hair was freshly done, and she was wearing a cute new jean outfit. She pulled her Avon girl gloss from the pink bag slung across her shoulder, and smoothed it on her lips, all the while still looking at her parents. " I need to leave now!" She reminded them bossily. "I don't want to be late. "Honey, daddy's going to take you to school ok?" Arlene asked her daughter. Tameka's pretty little brown face broke into a big smile. She adored her daddy. Larry smiled down at his daughter. "I'll be just a minute honey -meet me at the door in two minutes ok" Tameka nodded happily and ran down the soft carpeted stair. She couldn't wait to show off her big strong daddy. Moments later Larry took his daughter's hand and led her to their SUV. Tameka climbed in blew her mom a kiss. He watched her fondly. She was just like her mom, beautiful, confident and a natural born leader. The kind of person other people noticed and listened to. He wasn't too worried about her in this world-no he wasn't worried about his daughter at all....

Ten minutes after Shayla got settled into her class, she knew immediately who the ran the class. It was obviously a bossy black girl named Tameka (everybody called her meka) and her two friends. One black-Korean girl named Yoshi, and one biracial girl named Madison. All three girls were very pretty, very confident and very exclusive. The other kids walked near their table and looked longingly, but no one dared sit without an invite. She got the feeling that Madison was the richest, she wasn't sure why she got that feeling, but she did. But Tameka was definitely the one everyone, including the teacher seemed to defer to. As she thought about this, the girl named Yoshi swung her long black hair around and caught Shayla starring. She smiled, but it really wasn't the friendliest smile. It was more like a sizing one up smile. She patted the seat next to her. Her beautiful slanted black eyes looked catlike and amused. Shayla was scared to move. The leader of the group had not said she could take the seat. Should she take it? Just then Tameka turned and took in the situation. She looked at the seat, looked back at Shayla, and nodded without smiling. Shayla practically ran to sit down before she changed her mind. "You new?" Tameka asked. Shayla nodded shyly. "This school costs a pretty good penny" Tameka informed her. "how'd your folks swing it?" With that question, Yoshi, and Madison leaned in as if on cue. Shayla's heart began a fast beat. Obviously Tameka was sizing her up to see if she was good enough to be in her group. What would she say if she knew Shayla had no father, and her mother struggled just to put food on the table? "Are you a grant, or scholarship recipient? Tameka asked nosily. Shayla gulped. She didn't even know what that word meant! But obviously it had something to do with her being poor. What should she say? She thought about lying but she knew she'd never get away with it. She sighed. "my mom has a friend who got me in...." she murmured quietly. Tameka nodded sagely. "I thought you looked too poor to be here" She finished rudely. Madison giggled, but Tameka shot her a look that shut her up fast. "Do you have a daddy? " Yoshi asked in a quiet whisper. She was winding her long shiny hair around her small golden fingers. Shayla fought back tears. Where did they get the right to ask her all this stuff? What was this the kindergarten snob club? She shook her head furiously. Trying to keep the tears from rolling down her little brown cheeks. Yoshi looked at her with a mixture of compassion and haughtiness. "my daddy's Korean." She said proudly. "He teaches at the University and he speaks three languages!-He's so smart and handsome! " She waved a tiny yellow arm in the air, and smiled. Her softly slanted eyes looked luminescent. "Oh, your daddy is cute." Madison cut in, brushing Yoshi's father aside with a swish of her little hand. " But he's not as handsome as my daddy. My daddy is white and he's the head of his company! - he's strong and handsome and takes us to the beach and everywhere!-and he-"

"So what" Tameka cut in. "My dad's the biggest, the handsomest and the best of all! " -Know what he gave me for Christmas? She asked dramatically. The girls fell silent, they knew she really didn't want guesses, she just loved a dramatic pause.

" A doll house he made from his bare hands!" She smiled triumphantly as her two friends gushed about how great that was. But Shayla could tell they still secretly thought their daddies were the best. "My dad taught me to speak Korean" Yoshi added. Now I can speak two languages and-"
"Oh, your dad ain't all that Yoshi!. " A little eavesdropping light skinned girl named Allison, baited- angrily.

"His eyes are all slanted, and he's too short!"

Yoshi jumped to her feet, her long hair flying behind her. She furiously snatched up the smaller girl by her wrinkled blue shirt and looked her in the eye.

"At ...least...I ....have...a....daddy!!!" She told the girl slow and coldly. The smaller girl jerked away from Yoshi. Her eyes were filling with tears.

"Well my dad pays child support for me" Alison said " He loves me and-"
" And he Never bothers to see you!" Madison ripped into her coldly.

"You're just jealous because he has a new family and new kids, and he's not thinking about you, and your crumb-crusty brothers!" Allison was shaking her small head in denial, but her tears were telling a different story.

Shayla hung her head, and wiped her own tears. She knew exactly how Allison felt, and why she had tried to put down Yoshi's father. She was jealous.-and so am I! She thought sadly. She was only half listening as the teacher passed out crayons, and gave the rules for using them. Why don't I have a daddy? She wondered, and how come Allison didn't either? She knew she would have given anything for a daddy-even if other people thought he was ugly -he'd be handsome to her!, She didn't care if he was korean, or white, or black as tar. She Just Wanted A Daddy!!!

And she didn't care if he didn't give her Yoshi's beautiful hair, or Madison's gray eyes, or Tameka's beautiful chocolate colored skin. She just so badly wanted a daddy. A warm loving man she could brag about, and get lunch money from with big bear hugs. Was that too much for a little girl to ask for? She buried the pain deep inside along with all the other hurts and pasted a smile on her small brown face as she took her crayon and drew an imaginary family. One that had a big strong loving daddy in it.....

Ladies this kind of scene goes on all the time in America. The races of the children change. The time changes, and the faces change. Still the type of conversation and the lives shown here are lived by little kids all the time. Think about this for a moment. Think of all the ways your life has been made better by having a good father, or made harder because you didn't. I know many bw are doing it on their own, but I also know how much easier the way is with a good husband/father in the picture. I had a wonderful father, and I thank God for it everyday. Because of his love and protection, I was sheltered, cared for, listened to, and loved. I had a great childhood and always felt special because daddy told me I was. How many precious little girls/boys are missing that these days? Think about this story, and then ask yourself one simple question:

Would you want your child to be Shayla???

How the self Image of a bw becomes lascerated.....

What do you feel when you look at images like these? Did the thought run through your mind that bw are played out?

Did you feel a tinge of sadness? Did you look at these powerful men embracing non-blk women and wonder why there is never a bw near these men who CAME from a bw???

The truth is: This is how you were supposed to feel, so if these thoughts ran through your head, the ads were successful. Image and words are extremely powerful. Never downplay the images and words you hear. Unfortunately these images will ALWAYS be part of American culture as long as bm are around. What we must do as women is discount them.

Ladies, please realize BM are NOT COMING BACK-Thank God!!!! No, I don't hate them. but I just think the average bw deserves so much better than the average bm will ever give her. Notice how diddy went out of his way to put the non-bw on a pedestal (in all his ads, videos, ) while he continuously sexed and made bw unwed mothers left and right. He puts images like these out on purpose. Like most bm, he has a vested interest in having a pool of self esteem deficient, morose bw at his disposal.

Most bw do not realize how extremely damaging the images and words they hear are. Especially in regards to themselves. The fact is repeated often enough, almost anything becomes part of the SELF IMAGE!!

This is why you must guard your self-esteem and self image!!!

The self image is how we view ourselves, and once it is programmed, it is extremely difficult to deviate from it's form. In other words if you see yourself as a loser, you will act in accordance with this belief until the belief is changed!

Think about the average bw's SELF IMAGE!!

Many ppl wonder why bw have attitudes. Well think about it for a minute. If the men of your race constantly belittled you, called you fat, ugly, masculine, gold digger, hood rat, bitch, hoe, and many other denigrating names, just for having the audacity to have the same features, noses, hair and skin color that they do-how would you feel?

If you had to live under the cloak of perpetual humiliation, and ongoing verbal assault that many bw live under on a daily basis, do you think you would walk around smiling happily? Oh, but it gets so much better. Now picture those same men throwing everything non-blk in your face as the epitome of beauty, while simultaneously sexing (using) you, and tossing you aside. Now picture yourself being told that if you complain, you are a traitor to your race because bm have been though so much (like we haven't !)that any unappealing behavior on their part must be excused. For instance, when they refuse to take care of their children or pay a dime in CS, you are supposed to be a good little mammy and keep your mouth shut. Heaven forbid you send a Good brotha to jail!!! When they glorify ww,and put you down, you should ignore it,and keep on being there for a brotha. Picture yourself being afraid to walk the streets of your neighborhood for fear of someone asking for your number, that you don't want to give. (See it can lead to death to refuse to give your number to a damaged bm) At the very least you will often be cursed out, possibly spit on, have a variety of things thrown at you, and threatened with physical violence that you pray does not come to fruition.

But if it does come to violence it is most certainly your fault after all why were you wearing THOSE jeans? Why did you walk down THAT street! Why did you refuse to give that wino your phone number? After all he's a good black man! Because according to the bc contract. ANY bm is a GOOD BM! even if he's a pedophile, (R. Kelly) A total loser (insert any random bm) A woman beater (Chris Brown, The bishop, Ike etc) You have no right to think you are too good for the wino, you should be on your knees apologizing. And if he happens to bust you upside the head while you're down there-well he's just giving you what you deserve for being an uppity bitch! Oh, but we are not done. Now picture the church in the black community. You go here to get some respite from the pain of everyday life. Here they sing and worship, and it lifts your spirits temporarily, but then you are asked for money and more money. Pastors, day, choir day, building fund, Ladies axillary etc, etc, etc, You are also asked to clean up at all the events and cook as well. You are not to sit down or partake in the real discussions, as that is for the deacons and Pastor, and other important officials (read men) of the church. You are expected to simply cook, clean, contribute continuously, and keep quiet. If you are single and you go to church and pray for a man, the pastor will tell you to WAIT ON GOD to send you one! You wait quietly and realize the years are flying by, and no man appeareth! If you mention looking for a man outside the bc, you are immediately labeled traitor by all the men of the church and their non-blk wives! How dare you think you are entitled to a husband ALL YOUR OWN! And wonder of wonder's Pastor is driving a brand new Bentley while you are trying to keep your Toyota from collapsing. When you turn on the television all you see are pretty ww being whined and dined while bw are in the back ground looking like old maids. The wgs do the Victoria Secret commercials and hair commercials, and skin commercials while the bgs do the pine sol, liquid plumber, and oo oo good finger licken chicken chicken commercials! After all, everybody knows big-ass bw love fried chicken! Lets not even mention how you are made to feel repulsive because of your Africanized features and non-light skin! Do you really need to wonder why many bw are often in a state of sadness, overwhelm and dismay???

Recently little black girls were asked to take the good doll/bad doll test, and in an overwhelming majority the little black girls chose the white doll as the good doll and the black doll as the bad doll. What could have given them this impression? What made them think of black as bad, and white as good? All of the above gave them this impression. It's the ever present image machine better known as the media.

This is the same mechanism that has ww sitting on a pedestal, and being called ladies, (no matter how skanky they act) while a bw is afraid to smile at a man for fear of being thought of as a hoe.

It's so important to remember and understand that for a large segment of the population, perception =reality. In other words what ppl think you are like is how they will relate to, and treat you. For years the collective self image of the bw has been the one who stands by the side of bm no matter what, regardless of how battle scared and maltreated she was. The scary thing about self image is that once you believe it, you will act in accordance with it even to your detriment! There was a study done a few years back by the Cancer Society. Random ppl were called, and asked if they thought a good person would donate bone marrow to help save someone's life. Of course almost everyone said yes. Then they were asked if they WERE A GOOD PERSON ( watch the manipulation as it ties in to the self image of the person) Of course everyone then said that they thought they were a good person. Then they were told that if they really were a good person, they would come down to the hospital and agree to donate bone marrow. (Now keep in mind bone marrow transplants are extremely painful-and they were told this!) Would you believe over 80% still SHOWED UP! That's like agreeing to voluntary torture, yet ppl came because they had tied the act in with their self perception (image) of themselves. You will always go out of your way to be consistent with your self image, and this is why it is extremely important to guard it...

This is primarily what is killing bw today. Our self image in the BC has been tied to being saviors, fixers, and ride or die chicks! We cannot afford to be this foolhardy any longer. It is time we gave ourselves an image overhaul and made our primary chant RECIPROCITY!!!

Let me give you an example of how this old outdated image is being used against bw everyday. I was coming out of a store one day when I saw a middle aged bm talking angrily to a much younger bw. She was trying to tell him that she could not lend him 200.00 because she had to pay her rent. He was furious, and began to curse at her telling her that she was his cousin, and she was supposed to help him out, and that she was already stabbing bm in the back, and now she was f--------- over her own family. He then reminded her that a real sistah would help a brother out. I almost gagged at the blatant manipulation being displayed before me. The girl was biting her lip and looking like she was about to cry. She seemed so torn. But I knew, and I think she did as well, that he had no intentions of paying her back. Moments later her bf emerged from the store (young wm) He took in the scene and immediately pulled his gf to the car. "She ain't givin your sorry ass nothin! " He yelled over his shoulder. "I just lent her that money and I'll be damned if she gives it to you! " I looked in the girl's face and it was flooded with relief. She looked at her boyfriend gratefully and hopped into the car. Now I don't believe for one minute he lent her the money, I think the money was hers. But I think he just said that so that she would not have to feel guilty about not giving it to her loser cousin. The cousin just stood there fuming, but I notice he did not jump in the bf's face like he had done his cousin.

I've also seen bm use this type of SI manipulation against ww. I was at the mall one day with my family. And as they chatted away in the background, I watched a portly bm approach a young pretty brown haired wg. The wg was happily eating a slice of pizza and seemed very content to dine alone. The man was middle aged and far too old for her. He was wearing dirty jeans and a ripped shirt exposing some of his immense belly. As he neared her, the girl looked mortified, and began looking around for help. He eased into the empty seat on the other side of her and proceeded to ask her out. (keep in mind he was probably 30 years older than her!) The girl was shaking her head and trying to tell him that she was too young for him, but he would hear none of it. He kept badgering her all the while getting closer and closer to her face. "C'mon now" He told her "Is you a racist? -You hate black peoples?" The poor girl was vehemently shaking her head but had seemingly lost all interest in her delicious pizza. She looked positively on the verge of tears. He actually ignored her frightened face and kept plunging forward. "After all the things you ppl have done to us, and now you think you too good to go out wit a brotha?" The girl was protesting that she was not a racist, but that she could not go out with him. "If you ain't a racist -then you will go out with me" He smirked. backing the poor girl into a corner. Against my family's wishes, I summoned the security guard and sent him his way. He was immediately ejected from the food court, and the teenager shot me a wobbly smile. But the point is: Did you notice how he tried to tie her not being racist in with going out with him. One has nothing to do with the other! He was just a good manipulator who knew that she did not want to seem rude, bitchy, or racist. Some of these ppl have been studying women so long they can watch you for two minutes and know exactly what buttons to push.

But like I said. When it comes to bw, we need a new Image in the media and in the bc. We need a new positive, carefree, happy, loving, self loving image in the media. And we need a go for self, refusing to take anymore sh*t.

RECIPROCITY above all else needs to be our new image in the bc. It's important to strike down old images down and bury them. They are doing us an immense amount of harm. The greatest harm being that ppl believe what they continuously hear/see. On television all bw seem to be loud, angry, ghetto, and baby mamas. Never mind that I know plenty of non-black women who fit this bill. The only ones who suffer from these images are us. On Maury the same theme is played out almost everyday. The bm is cheating on the screaming bw. He is accusing her of being a whore and saying the baby is not his. She retaliates, and screams herself hoarse trying to defend herself. Most times the child is his, but it really does not matter because he (for whatever reason) no longer wants the mother and will then promise to pay for the child (he rarely does-as subsequent shows prove) Sometimes he will bring another female with him to irritate the poor stupid girl who is in love with his trifling self. The other female will begin calling the mother names and often Maury will gleefully intervene (as his rating go through the roof)

No, I don't watch this trash, but a good friend of mine does, and every time I pick her up to hit the track -it's on. The point is, shows like this bring down our collective self image. It's extremely difficult to be seen as productive, competent, socially ascending and a go getter with images like this constantly playing before the world. It's imperative for us to make some serious changes, starting with how we allow ourselves to be portrayed......

These are some starting action we can take:

1. Make our new Motto: Only a good man! -disregard Only a black man

2. Stop accepting crumbs from anyone-always demand RECIPROCITY!

3. Fight the powers that be by refusing to give out money to stations, shows, movies, and the like that demean and disparage bw!

4. Demand that the image makers respect us- or make them pay (with their wallets)

5. Never allow ANY MAN to use you for ANYTHING incl. sex, money, influence, recreation etc.

6. When you hear bw being smeared, do something about it, get the contact info, and post it. As long as we do nothing, it will continue forever.

7. When bw are attacked, MAKE A FUSS -IN ANY WAY YOU CAN! Al Sharpton is NOT coming to our rescue, but someone has to!

8. When there is a campaign or a movie that shows bw in a positive light -acknowledge it, and endorse it- so that there will be others

Well this is just a beginner's list, I'm sure you ladies can add to it. But I hope my points came through about self image, and what a vital part it plays in our lives....

How to snag a real good man, and keep him interested.....

Can you mesmerize a man like this little mama here?







The other day, me and two of my sisters had a girl's day out at the mall. Our last sister could not get away from work obligations, but promised to meet us later that night for a movie. The day was warm and beautiful, and since we're all mothers, we were really happy to get some time away from the kids, husbands, and obligations. After we finished shopping for a few hours, we all sank gratefully into the food court seats.

A little while later, my youngest sister nudged me. As I turned around to see what she wanted, I noticed a young bg (about 14-15 yrs old). She was lovely with long reddish hair (prob. dyed) and a regal air about her. She was tall and willowy and her pretty face seemed to be wearing lip gloss only. The thing is, she seemed 'lit from within', for lack of a better term. One of those ppl you ALWAYS notice because there's just something about them. She was hugged up with a young wb, who kept turning to smile down at her as he paid for their food. From our angle at the food court, I noticed 4 or 5 young bbs at a table nearby. They were making snide remarks about the girl, while glaring angrily at her back. One boy was mumbling about wb gettin all the best bitches! The girl was pretending not to hear them, but her boyfriend began to turn red with anger. As the young couple passed the table of bbs, we could feel the tension and wondered what would happen. One boy with his pants sliding down toward his knees, shot the wb a smug look, and said: "nobody want no black girl anyway! Erybody know they trash!" The white boy paused, and I held my breath wondering if they would fight. Slowly he looked the boy in the eye, and said: "Well one man's trash is another man's treasure isn't it?"He glanced at his gf fondly, before turning back to the low pants boy. "And she sure looks like a treasure to me" he finished. The girl blushed and cuddled closer to him, her smile was warm and happy. With that, he took the girl's arm and led her to their table. My sisters and I all laughed. The look on those boys' faces was priceless! They looked dumbfounded, like they had no idea what to do or what to say. They angrily went back to talking about how 'played out' bgs were. But I noticed they kept glancing back at the pretty redhead with almost a pained expression on their faces. The funniest part though, was that across the room, a table of young black girls were watching the whole thing. They looked fascinated, and hopeful. They watched this poor couple the whole time they were there. In fact, many ppl seemed to be watching. There was just something about this young girl. She had such an confident, sensual, regal air about her! I even saw older wbs pass the table and throw her boyfriend looks of open envy. And when the young wb took the plates away, and came back and offered his gf his arm, I thought those young girls were going to follow them, they seemed so fascinated. "How do you think she got a nice boy like that? " One girl loud-whispered to another. " Look at her!" another girl cut in. "She's the type who can anybody she wants!," The girls all nodded in resigned fashion. " And she'll never settle for one of those!" Another girl sighed, pointing toward the group of young bbs who were now loudly singing a gansta rap song with emphasis on the curse words....


I thought about that as we left. That young girl probably did attract this type of boy because she would not have given one of the wannabe ganstas the time of day. The truth is, she seemed to inherently know her worth! So many women don't and that's probably why they settle for so much less. This young girl commanded the room, and she knew it. Many of the boys at the food court (both blk and wh.)seemed ready to beat her boyfriend down. She had an aura of grace, beauty, class and refinement. How does a woman get such an aura? Well if you are not born with this type of mystique (like I suspect she was) then you must cultivate it. Today I'm going to give you ladies a abbreviated course on developing this type of aura, and in doing so, easily attracting a good man....


1. Really learn to love you, and never give the time of day to any man who does not make the list. What list am I talking about? Well if you want to meet a certain type of man, you must make a list and put all the qualities you want in a man on that list. This will not only give you focus, but it will eliminate you wasting time on men who will not be right for you! Time is precious ladies-NEVER let anyone waste your precious time! This is the number 1 way to meet good men, and draw Mr right into your life! -When you have some time to devote to this, make a list of all the things that are musts in your future husband. Maybe you have children, so you need someone who will be good father material. Put everything that is vital to you on the list-this is your man-plan. You can add to it as you find qualities that are important to you. Make the physical description rather lose and focus on internal qualities. Once you have your list, I want you to take 15-20 minutes 2x per day (night or early morning is best) and I want you to visualize the perfect man coming into your life. Simply lie down and let yourself relax and enter the alpha state (you will automatically enter it, when laying down and relaxed) Visualize the two of you together, and the type of personality he will have. Really bring that picture to life- add color, sounds, emotions etc. Make it as real as you can. Everyday it should become clearer and easier for you. Ladies let me tell you a secret. Thoughts have power!!! It is vital to keep your thoughts on what you want because dwelling on what you do not want will work just as well, and draw it right into your life! I remember in college, I knew someone how was very attractive, but had an abusive bf. She always had bruises and was very depressed. The following year he dropped out, and she seemed elated. She went on with her life and guess what? She picked up another abusive bf! She stayed with him about a year before her brothers came to town and beat him up for giving her a black eye, and cracked rib. Well he left town shortly after but while she was in the hospital she met an orderly she was very excited by, but guess what? He turned out to also be abusive!! Do you see the pattern here? She is attracting the same man over and over in different bodies! Women often do this. That's why it's so important to feel WORTHY of a good man. If you don't feel worthy, you'll keep attracting the losers the pickier women have left behind. In the case of Jill. I asked her what she was thinking about her relationships in general. Because I KNEW (deep inside )she was thinking that she deserved a creep, but I wanted to see if she would admit it. She wouldn't, but listen closely. I noticed that the relationships always lasted roughly a year, so I asked her what was her thought process when the relationships broke up. She then mentioned that she was usually thinking (after a year) "I can't take this anymore-He has to GO!!!" Shortly after thinking this day and night, something would inevitably happen, and the guy would be gone! Wow-talk about bringing thoughts to fruition! Anyway, way off course, but this is why it is so important to love yourself. If you don't you'll attract losers who also will not love you....


2. Change your ENERGY!!!

What does this mean? Let me give you an example. They did a study in NY a few years back. They took a dozen rapists (Yes you heard me right-rapists) and they showed them video of the mall, and simply asked which woman they would pick to be their victim. The men were asked in a isolated room, and had no idea who the others were picking. Well, would you believe 11 of the 12 rapists picked the same two women over and over! The police could not figure out why, they even asked the men, and they didn't seem to know why. They simply said things like.. "well there's just something about that one, or she 'feels' like a victim! The police could only conclude that the women they repeatedly picked had 'bad energy' Bad energy is when you are harboring horrible thoughts, or your mind is in such a state of moral decay, that you can't help but attract negativity, or bad experiences to you. If you are in this state for extended periods of time, you will attract all manner of losers, bad experiences, bad luck etc. To change your energy-try changing your questions. (Yes you are having internal convos with yourself-stop and listen to what you are saying) You want to change the focus. Instead of saying to yourself: "God, i hate my job!" Ask yourself. "Well, what 's good about this job, or how could I like it?" Ask questions like: "What's good about me? What's wonderful about my life? What is it I would not trade for a million dollars? Ask yourself these type of question daily. Then really really tell yourself all the wonderful things you like about yourself. Write it down if you have to. but make it a point to deliberately fall in love with yourself. Now keep in mind, this should not be in a conceited way, but just an open and accepting way. Another way to raise your energy, and thereby change it is to lie on the bed on quiet evenings and think about all the ppl in your life you really love. Then let the feeling in your heart spread until it feels like you are in a cloud of love. This is a real exercise and it really works. This will bring all manner of good luck and opptys into your life (if you stay with it) But the most important thing it will do, is that it will keep you from attracting bad elements, and negative malevolent ppl to you. If you have a lot of unresolved pain, try to visualize yourself gathering all the hurtful things that have happened to you. Gather them all into a bundle and picture putting them out on the curb for the trash. Imagine imaginary garbage men taking them away- never to see them again. Really feel the relief of old pains and disappointments being gone.....
(Now if you have really deep seated issues-please see someone)
And don't forget the daily questions.
These are not only life enhancing questions, but if you have bad energy (due to bad questions) they will change your focus, and bring you into a much more positive and productive state of mind.




3. Learn to flirt with confidence and charisma! If you don't know how to flirt, get a book off of eBay, and learn. Flirting is great for loosening ppl up and breaking the ice. Plus many men are entranced by women who have the confidence and fun nature required to flirt. Men love a fun woman! They have so many duties and responsibilities that a fun loving woman is what many serious looking men are dreaming of, but he'll never tell you. I've seen many unattractive women snag top men because they were carefree, flirty, and fun. Many ww in America are great at flirting because they've been doing it since babyhood. This is something bw definitely need to copy them on, but the trick is to flirt from a position of strength, positivity, and confidence. Many women try to flirt to stave off feelings of desperation, and it NEVER works. Men can smell desperation a mile away! You see what you are thinking is GOING to be conveyed!!! No matter how you try to fake it, if you don't believe it, neither will they! This is why the exercises I gave you are so important. You can't fake self love. You can't fake self confidence. You can't fake self acceptance. Think Marilyn Monroe. Now beneath that exterior of beauty and sex appeal did anyone looking at her old films see a happy confident woman? Because I used to watch her old films all the time, and beneath all the 'beauty' all I saw was pain, disillusionment, and insecurity-I could feel it rolling off of her like a tidal wave! This is a prime example of a beautiful woman who was void and empty on the inside, yet trying desparately to fake it.....



4. Don't pretend to feel good about yourself FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF! Do whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself. The number one thing of course is Exercises! It does so much good, it can't even be measured. Some of the numerous benefits are: weight loss. firming up. regularity, calmness of spirit, slows down aging process, helps body to function better, helps mind function better. great stress reliever etc etc etc. Do something to improve your self esteem. Take classes on something you've always wanted to learn. or learn a new language. The truth is many bw do not know how powerful it is to learn a new language. There's something magical and charismatic about being about to speak multiple languages that draws ppl to you.



5. Be well read and well traveled! If you don't have the budget to go far, go as far as you can. Learn to really see this vast world. Nothing will give you the sophistication, and polished air that being well read and well travelled will afford you. This is why many rich ppl will send their children off to other countries like Switzerland and the like. They are well aware that the benefits, as well as self confidence their offspring get in these places will serve them their entire lives. There is something about meeting and mixing with different ppl that enables one to expand their thinking, their sphere of influence as well as their skills and mindset. It's an invaluable trait that will carry throughout your life.


Now these are excellent clues to draw the right type of men to you. Keep in mind there are more, but I'm too busy to give them to you right now. But just knowing and practicing the ones above will put you light years above average women. Most women have no idea about these little secret gems. Try them and you'll see.. Thanks everyone for tuning in-see you next post....

Why all the controversy over the new Top Model???

Allison and Aminat (together) Aminat came in 3rd, Allison came in 2nd...

Teyona, the winner for Cycle 12, as you can see, she is very pretty, and quite photogenic....

This is really a ladies discussion, but you men are welcome to chime in if you want to....
I came upon this discussion on another site, and I admit I was floored! I remember how HP used to always talk about how very racist ww were and how they refused to let any woman of color have the spotlight-as well as how they would work to retain a pedestal, they claimed not to have.

Many times I have seen exactly what he was talking about, but rarely is it this blatant. For those of you who do not watch, Tyra crowned Teyona the newest top model. Teyona is, as you can see an attractive young woman with much on the ball. Now keep in mind all through the season, Teyona had very strong pictures, and proved herself to be very ambitious and hardworking. I don't believe she was ever in the bottom two. Aminat, who came in third, had a fabulous body, as Tyra kept pointing out, but her pictures were lukewarm. So despite a strong showing in the commercial, she was eliminated. The third contestant of the top 3 was a small, waif looking wg. She was very sweet with big doe eyes, and a gentle nature. However, although she did well toward the end, the judges complained that many of her pics had little variety, and she was chosen as 2nd runner up. Well need I say all hell broke free! WW were up in arms saying that Tyra only chose Teyona because she was black! They are truly livid! They are saying things such as how can a blk girl beat out all those wgs? -WTH!- They are calling for a recount, and calling Tyra racist! They are talking about banning the show, and emailing in complaints en masse!
I just have a little question. How come when Nicole (almost eliminated twice- wg) beat out Nic (who was blk and far more exotic looking ) how come they didn't come out en masse then and raise hell? How come when Yoanna -super bitch-let me spend all day talking about ppl-ww) beat out beautiful biracial Mercedes, (who outlooked her, out stomped her, and out pictured her constantly)- how come they didn't stampede and email complaints en masse then? They actually had the nerve to be saying things like "That's the 4th time a bg beat out a wg for the title! " Hello, Alot of ppl were unhappy with last season's winner, but because she was white, there didn't seem to be much controversy at all. I was unhappy with the plus sized winner because I felt like she really proved herself to be a very nasty person. I thought she was really pretty, but butt ugly on the inside. I remember watching her mess with the biracial girl as she tried to sleep. She and the two other ww sat beside her bed and talked about her like a dog. When the girl asked them to go away, they laughed, and grew more vicious in their taunts. Yet this is the exact type of behavior Tyra is quick to send the bgs home for. (Monique, Camilla, or the red headed bg anyone?) Yet this wg won after repeatedly acting like a class A bitch almost the entire time. Personally, I feel like if Tyra has displayed any favoritism, it has been directed to the wgs-not the blk ones. But I understand she is doing everything in her power not to be labeled unfair. Heaven forbid, a bw display favoritism toward other bw -even though we have ww like the former editor of Cosmopolitan blatantly, and proudly stating that as long as she was editor and chief -no black woman would ever be on the cover of Cosmo! You see it seems it's ok for a ww to blatantly be for ww, but how dare a woman of color ever dare try to help another WOC! Did anyone besides me notice how twiggy (when she was on) would fight tooth and nail for the wg's while simultaneously throwing the girls of color under the bus? It got to be so blatant, I almost stopped watching. It was so funny to me listening to them rant angrily about why didn't Cecelia win or why didn't Alison win? They are truly furious because they seem to feel EVERYTHING should be for WW! What I want to know first of all is, why was Cecelia even there??? They (WW) were going on about how gorgeous she was, and how gorgeous Alison was, but (not to be cruel) I thought Cecelia was one of the most unattractive models I've seen in a long time, and I thought Allison was only cute. Am I imagining things, or is anything white and female instantly transported to the higher echelon of beautiful, stunning, breath taking, etc. Now to be fair, I didn't find the last two remaining bg's beautiful either. Neither one of them was Gabriel, Beyonce, Megan Good or the like, but I thought the top 3 were attractive. Teyona, I thought was pretty, with Allison, and Aminat being cute. I do remember a cycle of Top model where ALL the bgs were gorgeous Evia, Yaya, Tocarra, and Kelly, this cycle was not like that. but like I said, I thought the top 3 were all attractive, not beautiful (just my opinion-if you disagree-that's cool) It's just the way they raved over how beautiful Alison was, and how beautiful Ceceila was, and I was like, was I watching the same show?? I really feel like they're calling these (I cute, I unattractive ) women beautiful because they are white, and I take issue with that, as well as them acting like how dare Tyra pick the one she chose instead of the one WW WANTED! I take issue with that as well. Has she not been in the business for years? Is it not HER show? Is it not her company? Then somebody please explain to me why it would not ultimately be HER DECISION??? Below is a sample of the site -along with site information....Tell me what you think.....
Some comments (mostly ww)
I knew Allison at LSU, but with that bias aside, she should have won.

i wanted celia or allison to win they were so good

CHARLENE OKAY PEOPLE SAY THEY WERE SURPRISE TEYONE WON? HOW THEY WERE PUSHING HER THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SEASON AND AMINAT WAS TYRA'S FAVORITE THAT'S HOW SHE GOT THAT FAR BECAUSE HER PHOTOS ALWAYS SUCKED BUT THEY KEPT HER THERE WEEK AFTER WEEK. I WAS PUSHING FOR ALLISON I THOUGHT SHE HAD AN AMAZING FACE AND A PERSONALITY THAT ANYONE COULD FALL IN LOVE WITH. SHE ALREADY AS TWO MANAGEMENT OFFERS SO IM NOT WORRIED ABOUT HER WELL GOOD LUCK TO ALL THREE. I AM ALSO HAPPY THEY SAID PAULINA WAS FUNNY AND COOL AND NOT EGOTISTICAL BECAUSE THERE IS ONLY PERSON ON THAT SHOW WITH AN EGO HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE CELEBRITIES MS. TYRA BANKS I LOVE YOU BUT YOUR * ONCE THERE WAS A SUPERMODEL WHO PULLED OUT HER RULE TO OWNING YOU INNER FIERCENESS? COME ON ON TYRA...

I am disappointed that Allison didn't win, but I thought long ago that they were pushing Teyona, so it wasn't really a big surprise. I liked Aminat, but Allison should have won over Teyona.

Paulina getting fired was a shocker, why did they do it? She had a nice vibe. This is just like last season with McKey winning. Second year in a row that the cute perky blond girl came in second.

It is about the pictures, and not the personality for selling Cover Girl.
I really wanted Allison to win....she seems the most genuine out of the 3 and had a more unique look.
Allison should have won!!!! It is obvious that Teyona and Aminat were Tyra's favorites, Allison had way better pictures the whole time and did way better on the runway during the last show. Sooo unfair, but at the same time expected from Tyra Banks. i'll tell u all why Allison did not win, cause Tyra's racist. Even my husband could tll and he's a man. The reason why they fired Paulina was because she was pushing more towards Allison, tyra is the one behind this, I know. Have u all noticed that all the women judges change every other year and the men stay the same??? Tyra must have some ego...and attitude problems..racist, she always picks her kind.

I agree that tyra showed favoritism for the Black females, and im not even white or black. im Hispanic. But it showed. the one thing people here havent mentioned is that when the show was at its climax, Allison won the runway, and she also won in what they were saying about the pics. so how does Tyra have the nerve to say * WE" have come to a decision. I bet thats why Paulina got fired. lol I don't know how Allison didn't win. The judges all had more positive things to say about her and her pictures and she did a way better job on the runway. Tyra called Teyona a robot on the runway!! I think Allison has come along way in this show and should have come out the winner. I hope she signs with a modeling company and goes far!!!

We will see Allison again not sure if we will see Teyona in another year.

sarah Thu,-I'm totally disagreeing with Teyona winning!

Allison should have won!She's far more exotic.

TO NUMBER 14 Thu, May 14, 2009, 5:22 PM TO NUMBER 14 Thu, May 14, 2009, 5:23 PM MAY I REMIND YOU THAT WHITNEY DID NOT DESERVE TO WIN CYCLE 10 BUT SHE DID BECAUSE TYRA WAS PUSHING FOR A PLUS SIZE GIRL WHO SHE REALLY LIKED(WHITNEY WAS HER FAVORITE

mer Thu, May -I loved Allison. I thought she had such a sweet personality and her photos were great. She improved so much from the beginning of the show! Good Luck Allison! Silver

Thu-ugh i wanted Allison to win DISAPOINTED in the judges

lea Thu-alison should of won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 26.wiz Thu,-ALLISON IS SO MUCH BETTER

whocares Thu, -This show was rigged from the beginning and you knew it. I am not saying Teyona was not good. But Allison rocked that runway and they did nto excpet that. And this is the first season that I noticed how biased Tyra was. I loved when Eva wont she deserved it. But this time Tyra was wrong.

jacki Thu, May -BOYCOTT ANTM! It's never been more obvious that this show is RIGGED. Allison was the obvious win, I'm not wasting more time watching that crud!! CJ Thu, May 14,

2009, 5:38 PM I'm amused that people are calling Tyra racist seeing as more than half of the winners of ANTM have been white XD Good fail...sure she's a b**** but that's hilarious xD Anyway, I'm depressed Allison lost but kudos to them all! 30.un-photogenic -I soooooo think Allison should have won! She is the prettiest girl I've ever seen and her photos were....I'm speechless. teyona's photos were just average. Well, best of luck to Allison and I hope she makes it HUGE! I'd also like to say that over anyone i've met you have the least reason to be self concious! So live long and prosperous! (wow I'm such a dork)

Josh Thu, May 14- Allison should have one! I screamed when Tyra didn't call her up!

tyne Thu, May 14-Allison should have won the title. She's genuine, beautiful, loyal, not into herself, composed herself professional...I'm truley upset she did not win as she deserved it!!! deana
Thu, May -i wanted allison to win for sure. she is way prettier and i liked her pictures more. i though aminat should have went home a looong time ago her pictures were not great at all. she looked like danielle that won a few seasons ago except she didnt deliver in her pictures like dani. i hope allison gets a modeling job because she deserves it! WTF

Thu, May 14-Those idiots who are pulling the race card a stupid.Just because a black girl won doesnt mean she doesnt desrve it and that she didnt work hard.If you people watched the whole season like i did, you would see through out the whole season allison did bad, she kept giving the same facials exspresisions.Its only the last 4 episodes when she stepped it up.Celia and teyona were the front runners for the whole season, and one of them oviously teyna had to win.This racist thing is dumb, because im pretty sure,if tyra was white, and she picked allison then its all good with you, but now that she picked a black girl your ******* wtf, any ways, i watched the whole season, and teyona honestly did very well allison did well in photos not so much in runways and photoshoots.Stop hating on the girl, she honestly beat allison fair and square. smore

Thu, -The thing that annoyed me the most was how Tyra kept disagreeing with Nigel * Paulina on how pictures looked. For a lot of the pics, Paulina * Nigel would say it was OK while Tyra would rant on how amazing it was. Remember the pic that Tyra shot? Paulina * Nigel HATED it but Tyra kept saying how beautiful it was. It's becoming clearer that the show is just a way she promotes her own personal agenda. She found plus-size models, African American, and mixed-race models. The show kept trying to push Teyona as a fan favorite so we'd all be happy when she won, but everyone loved Allison. I also don't get why they kept saying Aminat was so beautiful, she looks so plain compared to Teyona and Allison. ravana

Thu,-Did anyone else notice that from the beginning of the final stage of competition they only really followed what Teyona was saying. They would always point the camera at her, not Allison, and at one point she was standing right there and Mr. Jay was talking to them bothj. It becomes pretty obvious who the winner is gonna be if you focus almost the entire hour on that person. I don't really care who won, but I have and always will be an Allison fan!! joy

Thu, May-i also thought allison should've won... she's more internationational looking than the others. i will not be surprised if i see her photographs in well known fashion magazines... Caila

Thu, -Allison should have won! I cried when she didn't! She was gorgeous in a weird way, which was why I really wanted her to win. go allison

Thu, -when tyra said that allison and teyona were neck to neck on the competition...all i said what wtf are you talking about? clearly allison is 100 steps ahead of teyona *** horrible season winner.

Noelle Thu,-I wanted Allison to win and think she was the most deserving. But I knew Teyona would win, you could tell Tyra favored her from early on. meg

Thu, -whoa...this is like the fourth season that a black girl and white girl have made it to the finals, and the black girl won... examples: neyema and kaylen, danielle and joanie, siliesha and chantal, and now teyona over allison. i agree with everyone here, tyra plays favorites in every season, often choosing a black girl over an obviously more talented white girl. i'm not necessarily.....

It goes on and on like this (blatant racism) Now tell me if the bg is BETTER-why shouldn't she win? The last poster seems indignant that Tyra would have the nerve to choose a bg over a wg under ANY circumstance!!! Now this is just a sample, but did yall hear how they kept raving over how beautiful this little wg was? How many of yall thought she was so outstandingly beautiful? Lets keep it real. I thought Teyona was more attractive than her, but that's not why she won (I don't think) I just felt that Teyona really, really wanted it! Ppl tend to get the things they really really want, because they work extra hard for them. I really feel like more and more ww show their racism, yet are given a pass for it. No one seems to want to call them on it. This is why I loved HP's blog so much. He was never afraid to call them on it....