How to deal with the scorn, ridicule, and harassment-they claim does not happen..

People keep trying to make us believe that what we see is not real. So many bw have spoken about the open and subtle anger, ridicule, and harassment directed at them for dating out of their race, yet bm continue to deny that it is happening. The craziest thing is they can be in the middle of 'telling you off for being with a white boy' as they like to call them, and say to their friends: " Like somebody cares about her and that white m*&^%$# f*&^%#*!

Many bw have asked me how to deal with this, because they know despite the denials many bw ARE being harassed, ridiculed, and scorned for dating outside of their race. Below are some examples of how other bw are dealing (from another site) but I would tell sistas to hold on to their love. If it's real and you really love him, NEVER let the world tear you apart. The world wants to see bw alone, sad, vulnerable, childless and usable. I say usable because that is the whole point in bw being sad and lonely-they are far easier for the world to use and discard until they decide to use them again. Bm know that the more sad and lonely bw there are, the easier it will be to get no strings attached sex, money, housing, clean laundry etc. The Big companies know the more sad, lonely bw there are, the easier it will be to get them to buy things to ease their sadness, loneliness, and insecurity. This is why they constantly hold bm and ww up as ideal specimens. They know this causes bw a tremendous amount of pain and anxiety, but it makes them more ardent consumers of all products: such as food (comfort in their loneliness) beauty products (directed at making them look/ or feel more Caucasian) Products that would normally be sold to men (such as tools, (after all women without men must do the man's work!) Many, many companies make millions on the backs of a bw's pain. It's hard to hear but very true.

But I'm way off subject the point is when it comes to being safe and dealing with harassment in your IR, these are some pointers-feel free to share your own....

1. Be aware of your surroundings, and hold your head high

2. Smile confidently, and do not allow yourself to be intimidated.

3. Look people in the eye, while maintaining a pleasant disposition

4. Many women are targeted because they are wearing an invisible " I'm sorry my brothas sign" TURN THAT SIGN OFF!! You don't own anyone anything except yourself! You deserve to be happy regardless of ppl who want to see you cry and moan....

5. Don't allow neg. comments to ruin your evening. Most ppl making neg. comments hate their lives, or they have major insecurities of their own-These are NOT your issues. These are THEIR issues!

6. Be firm, but resolute in your relationship, many men can feel a woman who is scared and unsure whether she wants to be with them. (because of bm's disapproval) Many men will begin to wonder why he should take all the crap from bm, when it's obvious you are on the verge of running away, anyway....

7. I have a friend who got tired of dealing with the mess from bm, when out with her husband, she began to respond "He's black too-see he's an albino, that's why he's colorless! It was a private joke between her and her husband, but she says it always diffused the tension and made them laugh. This private joke strengthened their relationship in the face of adversity and made them even closer. Even their children giggle and call him 'albino daddy' The point is you need to have a private joke or code between the two of you that will dispel the tension and work to make you closer when the world is trying to pull you apart.....

8. When family and friend question you be firm in your answers. Remember you don't owe anyone an explanations about YOUR LIFE, and YOUR DECISIONS.... A couple of good answers are: Because he's the one I want -end of question. (Said in a very firm and resolute voice) Or, "Girl, I know you are not asking me, A GROWN WOMAN, why I'm making my decisions! -I must be hearing things!" You get the picture, make it clear that you will not be intimidated, and that you have a right to choose your own life....

9. Think about all the joy he brings to your life, and let it show on your face. Many women are scared to show joy, because they know so many bw are all alone, and may be resentful. But I think you can best help them by doing the opposite. The others are watching. Make no mistake about that. Many, many other women are watching you. And as you show your joy and happiness, they will start to think: " Well if she can do it......."

10. If you are in an area where ppl are just not ready to accept it. MOVE!!! Do not subject yourself, your man and your future children the constant ignorance of strangers! That's just stupid. Especially when you all and pack and go.....More and more places are becoming more open to IRs and marriages, there is no reason to stay in the lion's den.....

Below are the comments from other bw, regarding how they are dealing with the ridicule, and aversion to their relationships......

Comment by Cloe27 on 7 April 2008:
Here’s my piece of the pie as far as this is concerned. Once (in my early years) I feel in love with a puerto rican young man. By most people’s standards our relationship wasn’t interracial at all considering that we are both non-whites. Anyways, he started as a friend and it blossomed into something very dear and beautiful. One day while we were out shopping, holding hands (the things that lovers do) we were about to pass the storefront of a very popular men’s store. Before I realized what I was doing I dropped his hand. It was a self-conscience thing, I would have never in a million year thought I was ashamed of us. The fact that we were a couple was no secret. However, as I was approaching a store full of black men, who no doubt would have flaunted their white women before me without a care, I acted out of…panic? I don’t know what came over me but in that moment I think I hurt my man more from that little act of betrayal than stepping out on him. I’m ashamed not only because he was the man I loved but more importantly because he was my friend.
In essence, to wrap up my venting, sometimes we are our own worst enemies when it comes to loving who we love. We let the opinions of strangers get in the way of beautiful, loving relationships.
7 April 2008:
From my experience it’s usually black women who get picked on and harrassed the most for dating men of other races.
Comment by Sxybrwnsuga on 7 April 2008:
I can honestly say I have never been ridiculed about dating interracially. If I was I was unaware of it.

Comment by neciereaves on 8 April 2008:
My high school sweetheart was a young Italian man from Brooklyn, NY. We were deeply in love. His parents loved me until they actually met me. It was two years into our relationship before I met his father. I always wondered why he never brought me to his house while his parents were home. His father was so angry that he basically disowned his son. Our relationship carried a heavy strain after that and about 6 months later, it was over. I just couldn’t deal with the fact that his parents disliked me over something that I had no control over.My sweetheart and I were always getting dirty looks from the black men in our area. I never cared and neither did he. I could have dealt with dirty looks from strangers for a lifetime. His family’s disapproval was a completely different story in my book.

Comment by mossimo36 on 8 April 2008:
Personally, I don’t pay the haters any mind. A few people look, but have never had any direct comments. The funniest thing to me is the reactions of a few black men who think if they stare at my date enough somehow she will come to them.

Comment by erica34 on 8 April 2008:
I have dated 99% of the time outside of my race. My ex of 11 years, is Italian. Many people have ridiculed “us”, may it be from my race or his race. I have had questions like “what u doing with him? You don’t belong with him! Sometimes people look at us with scorn. In the past, if I am with “him” and we are having a conversation with someone that happened to be white, they tried to to talk only to “him” and ignore me. Black guys also, somehow get offended.
In my opinion, people should date whoever they feel like, we are all the same, skin color does not make us any different; we all hurt and bleed the same way. The looks, the comments, the whatever, does not bother me. I was not raised to be prejudice, so therefore I do not think prejudice. Life is too short, to each is own. Do what makes you happy. To hell with the rest.

.

Comment by Salsera77 on 9 April 2008:
A few times I noticed people (I leave out the kind) staring straight at me like they wanted to say what the &@#*% are you doing with him. Mind you, this was while we had our arms around each other while waiting in a line or while he had his arms around me at an establishment. I just glanced away but didn’t move my head. No one dared to actually say anything.

Comment by cocobeauty70 on 10 April 2008:
I think ridicule from others is the difficult part of interracial dating. When you are one on one at your house or his it’s all good. It’s when you go out in public that your love is put on trial. I don’t care what anyone thinks of my choice of mate the thing is both people in the relationship have to feel the same way.
I think that any relationship that doesn’t withstand “other people’s disapproval” isn’t worth dealing with. So everyone should examine their own heart and make their decisions based on that not on “acceptance” from other people.

Comment by nesha86 on 12 April 2008:
It’s really sad to say, but people always stop and stare when I’m out with a man who is not black and those who are bold enough will make a rude comment about how I should be with someone who’s black. It’s funny how people don’t seem to have the same reaction when a black man steps out with a woman who’s not black.

Comment by Black Diamond on 14 April 2008:
I do notice that when black women date interracially,people take issue with it.However,nobody has a problem when a black man does it.Typical.People always say they are cool with interracial dating,but if a black woman is in the ir relationship,then they have a problem with it.Go figure.

What's wrong with adopting a white child?

The Wares and their new baby daughter.

Ok, I need someone to explain the problem here to me because I just do not get it. These blk ppl have suffered several miscarriages, and a son who was stillborn. Still they managed to put their grief aside and adopt a precious little girl. I am completely shocked that bp are angry because the little girl appears white. What exactly is the problem? White ppl adopt black children everyday. It's bewildering to me why the bc is upset about the ethnicity of this little girl.

And while you are explaining the problem to me, make me understand why it is anyone's business but the Wares, who they adopt. Is it not their money, their resources, their time and their child????

Why would anyone think they have a right to tell this couple who they can and cannot adopt?

To me this is just small minds thinking in their typical fashion-small! This little girl needed a home and love, this couple had love and a home to offer her-sounds like a wonderful story to me. Instead the Wares are having to deal with angry blk ppl who have NO intention of offering a home to ANY child-telling them who they should have adopted! It's gulling to think that ppl seem to think if they share your skin color, they should have a say in YOUR LIFE! That's preposterous. Many of the comments geared toward the Wares ranged from irritated to downright hostile. Read the following article and give your thoughts on this. Do you feel the host has a right to question the Wares on their choice of child? And if you do, think about how you would feel if the BC were to try to tell you who you could or could not adopt. A friend of my mother's recently (well 2 yrs ago) adopted a Chinese baby. (she's always been extremely attracted to Chinese ppl, customs, traditions etc.) She told us that bp have walked up to her and cursed her out, wanting to know why she did not adopt a black baby. She is not one to take mess, so she has gotten into a few altercations with ppl. Last year, she married a Chinese man. Now bw simply think the baby is theirs, and looks more Chinese than black. This immediately seem to diffuse their anger. Now they ask a million questions, and especially about where they can meet a handsome Chinese man like Yoshi (sp?). This however, has done nothing to quell the anger of bm. Who are more angry than ever *but that's another story* The point is, no one had the right to approach her in the first place. She did not owe total strangers an explanation about HER life! And neither do the Wares......

Read the following article.....

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Alright I am going to be a little messy with this post. But hey, I wouldn't be me if I didn't keep it real with you. Now you see the picture I have up with this post right? That is DeMarcus Ware (a very fine football player with some serious skills) and his lovely wife Taniqua, with their newly adopted baby, Marley ( I love the name for obvious reasons). But...okay, let's keep it 100%. Do you mean to tell me that the Wares couldn't have found a little black baby to adopt?
I mean honestly, like WTF? And please don't tell me that the baby in the picture could be black, or Mexican, or whatever. I know that. But....come on now.

Still, there is a serious side to this post. Honestly, Mrs. Field and I are considering adopting down the line, so when I see stories about adoptions, I pay attention. And apparently the Wares had three failed pregnancies and a young son who was stillborn. So I really do feel their pain, and I sympathize with what they had to go through. But come on now; there are thousands and thousands of black children in the foster care system who need good solid homes and loving couples who will take care of them. Couples like the Wares. Unfortunately, not enough professional black folks who can afford to adopt, go that route, and it's a shame. That is an option we should always consider. In the previous post we damn near all agreed that there is a crisis in our communities with many black families. Many of them being held down by single parents. But what about the scenarios where none of the parents are around, and the poor children are forced to bounce around in state agencies? Shouldn't we be trying to help those kids as well? And to be fair to the Wares, they have said that they will probably adopt foster kids in the future, and that they will do charity work with similar agencies, so we will see.
I have a white colleague who tried to adopt a little African American boy and he was discouraged from doing it. He is still pissed about that shit. Apparently black social workers and psychiatrists don't think that's such a cool thing for white folks to go adopting little black kids. Something about f**king up their minds culturally. I won't get into that right now, but there is a post in there down the road.
In spite of that, white folks adopt little black kids all the time. (See Angelina and Brad) Primarily because there is such a shortage of little white ones. So much so that the biggest import to this country from places like Russia and China for awhile were those beautiful little bundles of joy. But black folks adopting little white babies? Come on now. Ya think Taniqua played with white dolls when she was a little girl? Oh stop it field you are such an asshole. Yeah, I know, but the guy is a stinking Cowboy. (Digression alert)Let me stop, I don't want to be mean to DeMarcus and Taniqua. Besides DeMarcus is a big boy, I don't feel like going even one round with his big ass.

BEWARE- the pastor who promotes his own agenda instead of God's word......

You know I'm not going to get into a sermon here. I definitely have enough sense to know I am woefully unqualified to do that. All I want to say about this subject is: Beware of the false prophets!


The bible warns that there will be " men that come claiming to be from God, but they are of the world" This seems to be especially true in today's world. The problem is many of us have been raised to 'revere the reverend' (where do you think the word came from? We give him the utmost respect, we hang on his every word. We let our guards down, and automatically assume he has our best interests at heart. We give him instant credibility, and ostracize anyone who questions him, We work long hours in the church for no pay just hoping for a smile of approval from the man of God. We sing our hearts out in the choir, and do spirit dances like there is no tomorrow. (Can you tell I grew up in the church) I know all about the psychology of the church. It becomes like a second home. The only place many sistas feel safe. Unfortunately, it's a false sense of security. The church is loaded with predators! Many convicts have felt comfortable saying the best place to find lonely, vulnerable bw to use and abuse was the church! But I think the worst abuse of all is coming from many pastors!


A few weeks ago, me, and my family went to visit the church of a friend. Since she's a Pentecostal (sp?) and We're baptists, we had never gone to church together before. I was shocked to see the same woman I had talked to at the shelter (I'm a volunteer) sitting in the first lady's pew. At the shelter she had told me that she had been living with her bm baby daddy for 8 years, and that he had been beating her for 7 of them. She claimed she had no way to leave because he handled all the money. The shelter had offered to get her a job and find emergency housing for her, but she had refused. She had shown her boyfriend's picture around, and asked us if we thought he was cute. I remember thinking that was a strange question. But now looking at her in the first lady's pew, her head high as a peacock, and a smug smile on her face, I knew exactly why 'she could not leave'. She was the first lady of the church! Her man was the pastor-and they were PRETENDING to be a happily MARRIED couple!


I watched quietly as he told the women is the church to wait on God when it comes to finding a man. I looked around the church. Many of the women already had streaks of gray in their heads, and he was telling them to wait! A chorus of ' Amen pastor' followed everything he said. He went on and talked about their deacon who had been framed by 'evil white cops ' and was now caught up in the system. He claimed he was innocent, and that the church was planning to protest his arrest, and conviction. The church rose up like a giant animal and began to shout and stomp happily. The first lady rose up wobbly and pretended to fall back. Immediately ppl rushed to her and one fanned her while the others put her gently back to the cushioned pew, got her a drink, and made her comfortable. I felt like I was going to gag. They were all so fake! They took 3 regular collections, and 1 for the Pastor's anniversary. I felt like screaming "They're not even married, you fools! " But I just watched in amazement as people ,who claimed they were having a hard time financially, dug in their threadbare pockets and came up with all sorts of money to give to this charlatan. As we exited after church, I saw one church sista excitedly grab the hand of another and squeal. "We raised over 5000 for pastor's anniversary! " She gushed happily. The other lady gave her a big hug, and said " Sista you keep up the good work- You doin God's work!" Me and my family looked at each other and shook our heads....... I kept wondering how is giving this man 5k for his anniversary, God's work? And how does he justify telling middle aged bw to WAIT on a man? And how is it ok for him to beat his girlfriend and preach-all the while PRETENDING she is his wife? I walked out feeling like I was in the twilight zone. I could not understand what those ppl saw in this man, but as I watched the Pastor drive his Lexus truck from the parking lot,with a smiling, sometimes beaten, brain washed first lady inside, I knew one thing. Me and my family would not be coming back.......

________________________________________________________________

And since we're talking about charlatan Pastors- I wanted to get your thoughts on Pastor Manning. Never have I seen a pastor spew so much hatred from the pulpit, under the guise of a sermon! (Sounds like jealousy to me)


Here is a recent quote:
“Obama is a Macdaddy! You don’t get your campaign started with a big-chested white woman. She must be a 54-D. Double D. That’s the first place I saw his name. On a pair of great big ole tits. Obama is a long-legged Macdaddy!”
Long-legged? You sure you aren't mistaking him with the roadrunner? But then the gloves come off:
“I haven’t trashed Obama. His African in-heat father went whoring after a trashy white woman. He was born trash. I said he was born trash!

"You hypocrites you. You spineless you-know-what. You don’t have enough sense to pour piss out of a boot, and you’re talking about Obama as your president. You’re despicable.”


He goes on like this. His whole 2 hour sermon was devoted to Obama hatred. He said that back in the day they called all ww Ms Anne. And that since Obama was the son of a Ms Anne, how could he be considered a black President. (because he's still biracial/black duh) He goes on to say that that Obama is trash because of his parentage, and that he only won because some ww wore his name on their t-shirts.He then goes on to pretend that Obama endorsed this! When he is called on this, and told that Pres. O. had nothing to do with these ww wearing his name on their chests. He replies: "Then why didn't he repudiate them? " Ah.. perhaps Pastor, he thought this mess was beneath him, as any normal forward thinking adult might conclude, and he decided the American ppl would have enough sense to know that!
His sermon is filled with hate, half truths, and pure conjecture. The topper for me was when he called Pres. O. trash because he had a white mother. Like ww were inherently bad! We all know no one is inherently bad, ppl CHOOSE to be good or bad, and Obama has always talked about what a wonderful woman his mother was.
This man is truly off his rocker! I think they need to strengthen the dosage on his meds and pull his crazy self off the pulpit. It's unbelievable to me. He could be condemning bm who are filling the jail, abandoning their children, raping, beating, killing ppl. Instead he is condemning a man for running one of the greatest political campaigns ever, and becoming President. (Perhaps he wanted the job-I don't know) All I do know is that this is typical crabs-in-the-barrel type behavior. When you see someone else doing especially well, and you try desperately to pull them back down to your level (or lower, so you can step on them) It's sad and unnerving for a so-called man of God to speak of the President this way. It's unbelievable to me how you can claim to be from God and spew venom straight from the bowels of hell! You all are free to research this man yourself if you think I'm exaggerating. He's truly an enigma......

Black love is DEAD!- and Pres. Obama cannot revive it!!!

Black Love is DEAD! Find a man of ANY color to give you the love, adoration, and marriage you deserve!!!

Many women don't understand logical prescient thinking. Logical prescient thinking means that you can look down the road and see how today's behavior is going to affect you in the future. For some unknown reason many ppl seem unable to engage in this deductive type of thinking.

Many women are still of the misguided belief that having a black/biracial president means that bm will suddenly straighten up and take their rightful places back in the lives of their children and become the upstanding, men of integrity they always could have been.

I say WAKE UP! President Obama is a wonderful role model. And yes it's been wonderful seeing the love on his face as he gazes at his wife. However, many of you will NEVER have a BLACK MAN LOOK AT YOU LIKE THIS!!! I know this is a hard pill to swallow for many of you. But it is nevertheless true. It is so true, I feel compelled to repeat it. Many of you will never have a black man look at you like this!!! Stop wasting your precious lives on men who are never going to change! Stop wasting time on men who do not want you! Stop wasting time on men who are not worth wanting!!!

President Obama, although a wonderful role model, cannot change the misguided, thinking of millions of ordinary bm because, as a great poet once wrote: The threads of habit are too thin to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. In other words, mistreating, and ignoring bw has become so commonplace, many bm do it without thinking twice. It has become so ingrained as to be an unconscious part of their lives. What many women do not understand is that, your daily actions make up the material that shapes your life and makes you into the person you become. If a man has been taught by self or environment to treat women well, and give the fairer sex the utmost respect, than that is the mode of behavior he will express to the world. However, if a man has been allowed to mistreat women, and engage in all manner of malfeasance in regards to women, (and even encouraged to, as in the BC) then chances are that he will end up as a reprobate with few redeeming qualities, and of use to NO woman.

If a man is not going out of his way to love and protect you, to offer to provide for you, and your offspring, to work hard so that he may afford to spoil you, then you are a fool if he should turn around and see you there!!!

Many bm today simply do not WANT to do more! And getting upset about it will not change that. Having a great black/biracial President will not change that. The only thing that can change the mediocrity many bm are wallowing in is THEM!!! Please stop expecting President Obama by word, deed, or image to change millions of no-count bm into good, upstanding non-color struck vessels of manhood. It will simply not happen. He is a man, not a magician. Please stop thinking that because he chose an elegant, regal, educated bw for his wife, that millions of bm will suddenly start holding us bw in high esteem. That is NOT going to happen! In fact the reason millions of bm wanted him to win in the first place was so that THEY could be held in higher esteem, and have more access to non-black women. Please wake up, and do not deceived.

The other night I was watching a program on Fox. And they were talking about how Pres. O. had told fathers to get back in their children's lives, and to be FATHERS! He mentioned how they were acting like boys and not men, and how pronounced this problem had become in the AA community. The wp on the panel concurred wholeheartedly, much to my embarrassment. But what was far more embarrassing, was the fact that one bw began to spout how blk fathers could not be in their children's lives because they LACKED THE RESOURCES!!! (LOL!) While the panel of ppl looked at her in disbelief, she went on to explain that if Pres. O. wants to help, he should HELP BM GET BETTER JOBS, SO THEY CAN TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN! She then went on to say that bm could NOT be men in America because it was too hard for them economically! I was horrified and aghast to hear her make a plethora of excuses for grown men! It was lunacy. If millions of bw can take care of children all by themselves, while holding down (sometimes) multiple jobs, how in the world is it too much of a task for adult men to contribute monetarily, and stay in the child's life??? More lunacy....

I want bw to STOP trying to change bm, and MOVE ON!!! You MUST think about you, your children, and the life you are trying to achieve! You cannot change other ppl. You can only change YOU. Somehow other women seem to get this, but bw do not. Look for the BEST man you can find, and forget about his race and ethnicity. Your children will not care what color their daddy is, they just want a DADDY! It's funny to me that so many other women seem to inherently understand this. When I watch episodes of House Hunters, invariably, I will see Oriental, Spanish, Asian Iranian etc women who have had the sense to snatch up a good wm, and not worry about what their family and friends thought of it. They are happily shopping for their new homes, and laughing with their husbands, while too many bw will be shopping for a house to share with a sister or mother etc. But once again, of the 10-11 times I've seen a bw buy a house with a husband, on the show, he was once again *White* Only twice have I seen bw buy with blk husbands! But many times I've seen bm buy with non-blk wives. This is common and I think we all know it. What does this really say? I'll tell you what my interpretation of it is. I think these bm who had aspired to home ownership (and to be part of the American dream) *felt* that when you can afford to buy a nice house-you put a non-blk woman in it. I read somewhere (correct me if I'm wrong) that 90% of bm millionaires are married to non-black women. Yet some of you ladies continue to pine for BM, when they have made it abundantly clear that you are at the bottom of their list. It's wonderful that Obama is President but no, he will not change the thinking of millions of bm when it comes to their choice in women. Stop making excuses and MOVE ON!!

So lets recap what I am telling you here in case there is any confusion.

1. Obama's Presidency will not make a minuscule amount of difference in bm's dating habits.

2. Bm are NOT subject to change, and become loving family men because there is a man of color in the white house.

3. You must carefully scrutinize ALL men and find the best man for you REGARDLESS OF COLOR!

4. The pool of eligible bm who are non-color struck, gainfully employed, and possessing character and integrity, is shrinking daily. If you do not chose to date/mate out, you are LIKELY to find yourself old and alone!

5. Black love is DEAD! Except someone forgot to tell blk women! Forget about it, and concentrate on finding a Mr Right of ANY color who can love and provide for you and your offspring.

6. Having Michelle for the first lady is wonderful, however, bm have no intentions now or in the future, of having women who look like our lovely first lady lying about their pools. MICHELLE CANNOT make bm change their misguided, myopic, and color struck views!

My mentor calls this magical thinking. And that is exactly what it is. Make a declaration to yourself right now that you will not give the time of day to any man who has NOTHING to offer, and is simply on the TAKE. You will know such men when you encounter them because they will be wearing invisible tattoos that spell LOSER across their chest.....Give such men a wide girth, regardless of his race. Look ONLY for men with character and integrity (and a good job certainly helps) to spend your precious time on. Other women get this intrinsically. Let go of the unrealistic blk love dreams, and go find yourself a REAL man.....

Congratulations President Obama!!!

The inauguation of President Obama!!!.....

May the lord bless you and keep you safe-Mr President......

So exactly what do you want with the first Lady?.....

Donelly and her mother back in her Princeton days....

Donelly with her mother and grandmother upon her graduation from Princeton

Someone sent me a link to the following article. It is about the college roomate of Michelle Obama. The woman claims her mother was a racist (like she did not share her views) and claims that her mother had her room moved in Princeton U. 25 years ago because of her racism. You see, she used to be Michelle Obama's roommate in college. She now claims to be a *reformed racist* and want to apologize to Michelle for the racism and untoward behavior she was forced to endure back in the day.... She claims to be *open* and basically portrays herself as an innocent pawn of her mother. I have to admit being baffled by this woman's intentions. She says she just wants an open dialogue concering racial relations-and that she is not seeking any publicity in any way. I have to disagree. Why would she not contact Michelle quietly and apologize. Why do it in such a public way. I would ask her.
"What do you want from the first lady? Do you want her to greet you with open arms? Do you want her to acknowledge you, and call you friend? What do you want at this time-25 years later?"
I have to admit a persistent distrust of anyone who shows up 25 years later to bestow upon you an apology that should have bestowed decades earlier (if it was owed) I see no reason for her to contact Michelle now, or go to the papers claiming her racism is now defunct. I just do not buy it. But what is even scarier to me is the fact that her very racist mother was a teacher! Can you imagine all the children she infected with her bias, and racism? I shudder to think of the damage this woman has done to all the black children who were unfortunate enough to cross her classroom. As for her daughter. The K-mart shopping lesbian who thinks she's too good to room with a young intelligent black woman, who later becomes first lady- I say good riddance! And if you and she have not communicated in all these years, the reason probably is because she found you to be inconsequential, and not worth worrying about..............
Read her story below.......

Published on: 04/13/08
Catherine Donnelly shopped at Kmart, settled into her dorm room and soaked up the Gothic stone buildings where, over the next four years, she would grow into her own woman.
But her first day at Princeton held a surprise, too. And Donnelly knew it would mean confronting the past.
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She walked into the historic Nassau Inn that evening and delivered the news to her mother, Alice Brown. "I was horrified," recalled Brown, who had driven her daughter up from New Orleans. Brown stormed down to the campus housing office and demanded Donnelly be moved to another room.
The reason: One of her roommates was black.
"I told them we weren't used to living with black people — Catherine is from the South," Brown said. "They probably thought I was crazy."
Today both Donnelly, an Atlanta attorney, and her mother (retired school teacher) are ready for dialogue.
But their willingness to talk isn't a response to the candidate born to a white woman from Kansas and a black man from Kenya. It's more about Obama's wife, Michelle.
She's that roommate from a quarter century ago.
Shock to the stereotype
The acceptance letter from the Ivy Leagues was really the culmination of two peoples' hard work. "My mother was thrilled," Donnelly jokes, that she got into Princeton.
Divorced and living paycheck to paycheck, Brown found a way to get her only child into New Orleans' elite Isidore Newman School: She taught 8th-grade science there. They were a mother-and-daughter team, then with the surname Rodrigue.
Donnelly, now 44, captained the basketball and volleyball teams. She was the homecoming queen. And she racked up science and math awards, often with the help of her mother.
But the "Three R's" weren't the only thing Donnelly learned from an early age. There was a fourth one. Her mother and grandmother filled her head with racist stereotypes, portraying African-Americans as prone to crime, uneducated and, at times, people to be feared.
Brown, 71, explains that she was raised to think that way. She recalls hearing her grandfather, a sheriff in the North Carolina mountains, brag about running black visitors out of the county before nightfall. And Brown's parents held on to the n-word like a family heirloom.
In fact, upon learning that her daughter had a black roommate at Princeton, Brown's first call was to her own mother. Her suggestion: yank Donnelly out of school.
Girl was likable, but black
The fourth-floor room had three beds, three desks and space for little else. The ceiling sloped in concert with the roof, creating a cramped perch atop the upper crust of American education.
Quick-witted and nearly 6 feet tall, Michelle Robinson had no problem filling the room, Donnelly recalls. The future Michelle Obama, from Chicago's Southside, would playfully tease the third roommate, who was white. Obama's long fingers still narrate stories in Donnelly's mind. "From the minute we met," she says, "I liked her."
Donnelly doesn't think Obama ever picked up on her mother's behind-the-scenes maneuvering. She remembers nothing but friendly words. Only now, looking back, does she see the wall between them.
Donnelly was surprised to find something familiar – segregation – alive and well on a prestigious campus in the Northeast. The university's private eating clubs, host to frat-style parties, were largely white. The social scene for many minority students, including Obama, revolved around an activity building called the Third World Center.
When Obama began hanging out with other black students on campus, Donnelly never thought to join them. "Here was a really smart black woman who I found charming, interesting and funny," Donnelly says with disappointment. "Just by virtue of having different color skin, we weren't going to be friends."

In her thesis, Obama wrote that Princeton made her more aware of her "Blackness" than ever before. "No matter how liberal and open-minded some of my White professors and classmates try to be toward me, I sometimes feel like a visitor on campus; as if I really don't belong," she wrote. "Regardless of the circumstances under which I interact with Whites at Princeton, it often seems as if, to them, I will always be Black first and a student second."
Donnelly, meanwhile, was struggling with her own identity. She came out that first semester, chopped off her hair and partied with other lesbians on campus. Soon she, too, learned what it feels like to be part of the "other" group, to be seen as a student second.
Donnelly said she and Obama had established separate circles of friends by second semester. That's when another room – the one her mother had requested – opened up. By then, it just made sense to trade cramped quarters for roomier ones.
Donnelly doesn't remember having another meaningful exchange with Obama. She graduated with a psychology major in 1985 and forgot all about that tall roommate from Chicago.
'I was inspired .... I was envious'
More than two decades passed, and Donnelly, who normally doesn't care much for politics, found herself intrigued by one of the Democrats running for president. She was a little surprised to hear her mother liked Barack Obama, too. Brown had never voted for a Democrat. But she's a sucker for Harvard grads, especially eloquent ones.
"He thinks well," Brown said recently, though she and Donnelly are still undecided voters. "He seems to be a thoughtful person. He considers everything."
When Donnelly first saw Obama's wife on TV, she was struck by how tall and graceful she looked. Then she studied her more closely. Michelle Obama looked so familiar, down to those long fingers. Could that be Michelle Robinson?
A Google search gave Donnelly the answer. Obama was far more than a first-lady hopeful. She had gone to Harvard Law School, had been an associate dean at the University of Chicago and rose to vice president at the University of Chicago Hospitals. Like Donnelly, she was mother to two children.
"I was inspired," she says. "I was amazed. And I was envious of all she had accomplished."
Donnelly called her mother, who in turn phoned the friend who had traveled with her to Princeton all those years ago. The friends had stayed up that night calling everyone they knew with a connection to the university, hoping to get Catherine moved. "We thought this is so ironic," Brown says. "[Obama] could be the first lady, and here we wanted to get my child out of her influence."
Some empathy for lingering anger. As her 2- and 5-year-old boys play on the front porch, Donnelly flips through a photo album of her own childhood. Brown, in Atlanta for her monthly hair appointment, looks over her daughter's shoulder.
"There we are," Brown says, "at your graduation."
In the photo, Donnelly clutches a bouquet in front of her white dress, smiling next to her mother and her grandmother.
When Brown heard about Barack Obama's former pastor — his angry rants against white America — she didn't like it. But she understood. "If I had been treated the same way blacks have been treated," she says, "I'd be resentful, too."
It was Donnelly, however, who understood Obama's response: "The profound mistake of Reverend Wright's sermons is not that he spoke about racism in our society. It's that he spoke as if our society was static."
Society changed, and Donnelly has seen her mother nudged along with it. Says Brown: "It's become politically incorrect to talk about black people in a negative way. It's like smoking."
Brown quit smoking in 1996. She's still working on the other.
Brown says she wouldn't mind if her child or grandchild roomed with a black person today. But she's far from colorblind. "Where I draw the line is interracial marriage," Brown says. "That I can't quite deal with."
She holds firm to the belief that African-Americans don't take enough responsibility. "Bill Cosby says the same thing," she says. "Get off your rear end and work hard and improve yourself."

Living as a gay woman has made Donnelly far more aware of what it's like to be judged by a trait beyond your control. "Being gay is such a small part of who I am."
Now she wishes she had reached across racial lines at Princeton. "I don't think I ever set foot in the Third World Center," she says of the popular hangout for minority students. "It's like this mystical place."
Since then, Donnelly has worked and socialized with African-Americans. Yet she hasn't grown close to any of them. "I've just never had an opportunity," she says, "to have a good friend who was black."
"You did with Michelle," Brown snaps.
Donnelly rolls her eyes.
She believes the cycle of racism can be stopped.

When the object of your desire has a racist mom.....

How much influence does a man's mother have on him? And can a relationship work if the man you are interested in has a truly racist mother?

I was watching this show called * Momma's boys* the other day. It's about 3 young men 1 Jewish, and the other one Iranian, and one white. They are supposedly looking for love, and their mother's will have an input as to who they choose. There are 32 young women in the house (living with the mothers) of all ethnicities.

They all watch videos of the mothers, and what these mother's are looking for when it comes to a mate for their respective sons. Two of the mothers seem sweet (of course looks can be deceiving) but one mother in particular basically goes off on a racist rant. Exclaiming loudly to all withing earshot, about how she did not want her son with a black girl, Asian girl, or Jewish girl. (This is the Iranian mother) She basically goes on to say how she does not like Jews, and could not bear to see her son with anything other than a white girl. The most significant part of this is that the girls are all watching and the Asian girl begins to cry. Many of the girls were angry, and when she eventually comes to the house, an argument ensues between her and a black girl, named Vita, who confronts her. Thinking that this may hurt her chances with Jojo, Vita cools down, and later apologizes. But it is to no avail. She is eliminated soon afterwards. Subsequently, Jojo sets his eyes on another black girl in the house named Misty. Like Vita, she is attractive, educated, and outspoken. When Jojo's mother sees Misty about to leave for her date with her son, she explodes. She calls Misty a slut, and tells her to change her clothes, and that she better not put her lips on her son Jojo. Misty, holds her own, and basically tells his mother to kiss off without bothering to hide her irritation or trying to remain civil. She and Jojo have a passionate date int he hot tub which included lots of kissing. They are unaware that his mother is watching from a helicopter above. The point is that when Jojo finds out about the argument with his mother, he summarily dismisses Misty as well, saying he could never be with someone who disrespected his mother. Watching the show made me furious (although it's probably staged) But he never asked Misty what happened. He made no mention of how the mother had disrespected Misty, he only seemed concerned about the fact that Misty had talked back to his mom in a manner consistent with the way his mom had talked to her.

My Take:

I think if anyone was dating a man like Jojo in real life. It would be extremely hard to make the relationship work. She would probably feel like she was walking a tightrope. His mother's opinion of the women in his life seems to weigh heavily on his dating choices, yet he seems extremely unconcerned about his mother's lack of respect, and basic civility for these women. I believe all men should have respect for their mothers. That goes without saying, however, with that being said, he must also have the sense to see when his mother is out of line, and the unmitigated capacity to tell her so. He should be man enough to tell his mother to back off, and not arbitrarily decide that because she is his mother, she is inherently innocent in her remarks. His mother was extremely offensive in many instances, yet he kept pretending not to notice. I would think that regardless the woman's color, she is going to be hard pressed to have a relationship with a man of this caliber. Keep in mind, that he was a very nice young man, but his penchant for letting his mother get a pass on numerous racist comments, in conjunction with his habits of eliminating women who challenged his mother, would make a relationship with him a herculean task. I would definitely tell this girl to run regardless of her ethnicity. Jojo needs a serious wake up call. As does any man who allows his mother to control him, and his choices in women....... What do you all think? Do you think a relationship has a chance when the mother (who is biased, racist, or just hateful) has a unequivocal stronghold on her son?