The Train is picking up speed, and more and more bw are jumping on board!!!!

These couples are all newly married in the last 2 and a half years.

Arpil and Ron,  Bill and Dee, Sandra and James, along with  Patra and Andrew. All recently married between January 2010- January 2012                                                                                      

Remember that train I always warned of, well as you can see it has taken off in the last couple of years- just as many of us foresaw that it would! Did you know that in the past couple of years the number of bw/wm marriages have skyrocketed and nearly doubled!!!! Did you know that Bw/Wm marriages are the FASTEST growing of ALL IR MARRIAGES!!!! With Bw/Hm men in second place!

      

Yay!!!! Bw are really waking up and finding the love and compassion they so richly deserve! And the best part of all this is that as more and more bw wake up their family and friend sisters will as well, and stop settling for men who are so far beneath them.- they need a periscope to see them! 

Don't listen to anyone trying to tell you that you are a traitor to the race for dating, mating and marrying out! You are a traitor to yourself if you don't find the very best man you can to love honor and cherish you and the offspring you bring into this world!

You owe it to yourself and your children to bring a great husband/father into your lives. Nothing sets my blood boiling like the lies that are constantly fed to bw in regards to romance and relationships. or should I say in the case of most blk relationships- about-to-be-used-er-ships. Because that is what most blk relationships are or become. Most blk women who are dating or married to bm are dating or married to men whom they should not have allowed to cross their path. You cannot stop a man from looking your way but you can certainly stop it from going any further. This is why you see so many bw living in pure hell now. Because they did not want to be a traitor to their race, so they rejected all the non-bm who looked their way and settled for some high school drop out, hanging on the corner, weed smoking or selling fool who uses her for a maid, meal ticket, and/or sexual toilet!

I know someone now who just graduated from nursing school and is just starting a brand new RN career. She's beautiful, young, and ambitious, yet she is dating and talking about marrying some loser who just got out of jail for drugs! He has absolutely NOTHING to offer her, yet everyone around her is encouraging her to marry him! Now think for a minute why these bp would be encouraging this young lady to marry someone so far beneath her.  I will tell you why. The hospital where she has just begun to work is TEEMING with handsome  young white doctors, many of whom I have seen giving her very appreciative looks. Some have already worked up the nerve to ask her for a date. So the KBWE (keep a bw from escaping) patrol has gone into high gear! They follow her around now, and make sure to remind her that she is "black" and belongs to bm. They wholeheartedly push her at the 'loser' and shut her down quick if she ever complains about him, or expresses reservations. They 'watch her' for the loser and report back to him when wm get to close. They are her supposed 'friends, and family, and she confided to me that she cannot understand why they are doing this. Hmmmm, I certainly can. She is a grat resource. She is a first yr RN slated to make upwards of 65,000! Do you really think they are going to let all that money/prestige simply 'walk' out of the BC? Not on your life! Even her pastor, whom she met with for couples counseling, advised her to "stay and work it out" Lord have mercy! Of course the 'loser' is trying to push her into marriage before she has a chance to come to her senses......Quel domage...(what a shame). If this young lady marries this man, she will join the legions of miserable bw who are now being used for money, sustenance, job title, maid service, sexual services, etc. In a few years if things continue on this course, I predict this yw will be a burned out, used up, sad and defeated replica of herself.  Then the ppl around her now who are encouraging this idiocy will laugh and say " I done tole her dum ass not to marry that fool- he done stuffed the drugs in her purse, now she goin to jail 'stead a him!-she so dam stupid!"

Or it will be something like him getting violent and hurting her, as he has been getting more and more agitated/angry by all the wm MDs  sniffing around her. After all she is HIS meal ticket! He has NO intentions of letting her live on a wm's easy street as a Doctor's wife in the suburbs. He has every intention of keeping her in the hood, 'tending' to him, and paying his bills!

 Scenarios like this happen everyday in the bc, and bw who make the wrong choice will lives of suffering and silence (as will any unfortunate children born into these unions)The suffering will obviously happen at the hands of the loser, but the silence will happen because every time she tries to express her pain, the community (incl fam and friends will shush her and tell her to be glad she has a husband, and that bm are just under tremendous strain cuz the 'man' has his foot on a bm's neck. 'Puleeez!' SMH....

Ladies you MUST take your future in your own hands. NO ONE can live your life for you, or knows better than you what kind of life you are looking for. It is up to you to go get it. Your unborn children are helpless, they cannot choose the kind of father they have, but you can, and you must with great consideration for your happiness and theirs...

When Sex inpersonates love and committment....

The other day a group of friends and I were at the mall. We were just hanging out enjoying the early spring weather and taking a much needed break from hubbys and kids. Well since I'm a people watcher, I was silently watching a group of young black women at the table next to us. I watched as they talked about their boyfriends and which man had the most sexual prowess. They sounded almost desperate to fill the voids in their lives with sex. Their faces were young but growing old before their time, and their smiles did not seem genuine. Like an old "Smokey song, I could almost trace the tracks of one girl's tears', though outwardly she grinned continually. They were loud and uncouth. Soon it was obvious people at other tables were listening, mostly ww. You could almost feel them trying to pretend they weren't. We grew uncomfortable at the vulgarity and gutter talk that spewed from them and finally moved. But people around were moving in closer and snickering in derisive tones. I wanted to shake these young women and tell them they were not only making fools of themselves, and that the ww around them were laughing at them not with them but the attention only seemed to fuel their fire, and they grew louder and louder as well as more and more lewd. Soon one young fool was bending over the table giving graphic displays of her behavior the prior night. It was at this point that mall security asked them to leave. ...

First of all I want to point out that the trash fish always takes the bait. The men around them smiling and nodding had already put them in the category of "week end screw" Ladies if you choose to display this type of behavior, you WILL no doubt attract men, but they will be the kind that use and abuse you. Good husbands and fathers you will NOT attract, and you will end up like many women who have tried to "outscrew" other women to get male attention. Used, angry, and soul-depleted. Good men will almost NEVER see this type of woman as anything worth pursuing. She will be the one they call at 3 in the morning, asking her to 'come over'. Usually this type of fool will actually go to, all she needs is a pair of red heels, a rain coat over her naked body, and hood ornament for her car that reads "we deliver!" It's really quite sad because most women really want love, and many women try to use sex to get love, yet it almost never works. Many bw, who are accustomed to being used and abused by the pitiful spectacles the hood calls men, (like the girls in the mall) have stopped trying to get love and are simply trying to get anything that resembles love. Ie, attention, appreciation, gratification etc. If you read some of the so called romance novels written by and for black women you will see this dynamic in action. You can even see it play out in public forums like facebook where bw will often brag non stop about their sexual exploits and rejoice like kids in a candy store over various parts of the male anatomy. A good example of this is J hudson's sister going on and on in overtly sexual tones over the man who eventually murdered her family. He was deranged and damaged beyond repair but all she saw was muscles and good 'sex', which she described in graphic detail....


My hope and prayer for bw is that they come to see how wonderful, and beautiful they truly are. That they come to give themselves the appreciation and chance at happiness that they deserve. All women (like men) enjoy good sex, but when sex becomes your primary focus, and you try to use it as a hook to land the man of your choice, then you need to work on YOU. Your self esteem, your emotions, your logic, your view of the world, and especially your view of yourself. You deserve someone who sees the 'real' you, and is capable of loving her fully. If he can only appreciates you when you wear a teddy, with wild hair on top of an overly made up face, then do you really see this man as your soul mate? Do you really think he's a keeper? Don't sell yourself short. Sex is only great in the context of a loving relationship. It cannot be used to obtain one....

Rest in peace Whitney-may God bless you.....

Evia has already done a wonderful piece on Whitney so I will just add a few comments... I cried when I found out about her death. Talk about a beautiful woman wasting herself on a ghetto crumb... It's soooo sad but I hope and pray you young women take a lesson from this musical icon. That no matter how much beauty fame, talent, money or anything else you have -a damaged man can tear it all away. I'm well aware that she made her own choices. And yes I know that she is ultimately responsible for those choices, but as with soooo many lovely -have it all black women, she was trying desperately to "keep it real" I wish she had been true to herself instead of worrying about what the bc felt or said. Notice the minute she married this man her life spiraled out of control and plummeted into an abyss from which she never really recovered. Time and again I saw her defend this man while he went to prison, ran afoul of the law, and demonstrated time and again that he was not "gentleman or husband material". In my eyes she wasted a great life. I could see the toll this horrendous marriage choice was taking on her every time I looked at her. But black people seemed to love that she has married so far beneath herself. Yet did anyone notice the moment it became palpably clear that she was suffering from substance abuse, how quickly the bc turned on her and began to call her "crackhead " and such? The pressure must have been horrible for her, always trying to keep up this sham of a marriage, always trying to smile though the pain, knowing that the minute they smell vulnerability -they will attack. And they did, they ripped her to shreds time and again. Yet notice how A. W always received sympathy and support-while being one of the biggest junkies in Hollywood!

If this sad sad tale does not move you young ladies to make better choices, I don't know what more I can say. Whitney was so talented, and so beautiful, and so loved. She had EVERYTHING

going for her! Yet it only took one very damaged man to tear down a career she has spent years building, and turn turn a once vibrant lovely woman into a cracked out shell. Take a lesson from the dead, get away from these damaged men as fast as your legs can take you. Don't listen to bc they are doomed and want to take you down with them (misery really does love company). Whitney, who was brought up in a good home with class and manners was practically coerced into dating and marrying a man had multiple OOW children, numerous drug arrests, and many other offenses. Bobby was someone she should have not given the time of day to. And yet she allowed him into her life because she desperately wanted bp to 'approve' of her! They were never going to approve of her- many of them were mired in jealousy over her money, talent and fame! They rejoiced when she married him because subconsciously they knew she, and her red hot career were terminally doomed from that point on, and that is exactly what happened. Her demise began long before that unconscious fall to the floor. It began the moment she smiled back at Bobby.......

I know sometimes I seem over blunt but the time for subtlety has passed. Bw you must save yourselves! No one is coming to rescue us because they see us as the fools who fight to drink the kool aide and then wonder why we're slipping away. You must leave these damaged men on the corners where you find them. Stop dragging them home trying to make "real men' of them. It's not going to happen they are too far gone and they will only drag you into their own personal hell holes. We were watching a movie the other night, and a young girl was possessed by a demon. and the social worker (who had not believed it at first) was now scared of her -as the girl had murdered her friend. She asked the father, "what does she want?"

He responded, "To know what your version of hell is-and force you to live there!"

It seems to me that is exactly what a damaged man wants. To destroy everything you've worked hard for all your life. to bring you down and prove to you that "You are not all that!" To make you feel so low and lifeless that you are just another corpse without the sense to just 'lay down' Run ladies, don't walk run from the places and these people. Run for all the women who felt they could not get away despite numerous resources, like the late Ms Houston. And run for all the little children who if we don't get them out, will be slowly slaughtered. So as I cry sad tears for Whitney I will still call the women I love stuck in these places and beg them to leave....Rest in peace Whitney- and may the lord wrap you in the love and tranquility denied you on this earth...

Happy New Year Ladies- Know that You deserve the best!

Time for you all to go for what you really want and not what the bc considers acceptable.....

Like I was saying about Ms Scott. and others like her. She's a lovely lady and very classy and sweet. I definitely like her, but I take exception with anyone trying to tell black women to engage in a suicide mission! Regardless of how much they might want to believe in black love. The truth of the matter is that black love is deader than the dead sea scrolls and NOTHING can bring it back. It is nothing short of emotional, continual and eventually almost physical suicide for bw to continue wanting a a black prince who is NOT coming! Most bw are all too aware of the bm in their environment, and Im sure most have noticed that when he does have himself together (rare) the first thing he will do is run post haste, and find a non bw to set her up in the good life. I have news for everyone out there who thinks only ww deserve the good life- Black women deserve the good life too! In fact I would venture to say we deserve it more than most other women because most of us have been through more than other women, and suffered more than other women....

So that being said, I just want you ladies to follow your own thoughts, desires and dreams. There is no reason why each and every one of you cannot have a good man and a really good life. Think about the stats for a moment, Even discounting the racist or gay wm, the overwhelming numbers of wm (who are the largest segment of men btw) is still so astronomical that just by opening yourself up and allowing it to be known that color is NOT a deterrent to your heart-you put the odds overwhelmingly in your favor to get exactly the kind of man you are looking for.

Women like Jill and Sherry (the view) do all bw a grave disservice, regardless of whether or not it's intentional. Think about how the bc has for years encouraged and steered bw to ONLY bm regardless of the fact that many bw secretly did NOT want a bm, and regardless of the fact that bm were and are dating the whole world while letting everyone know bw were last on their list. Who benefited from this dichotomy? It was bm. They had their cake and could eat it too, while marrying and ww and giving them their names, their homes, their hearts and their money. They gave bw their used up penis, and threw a few kind words her way on their way out the door! But because of the refusal the bc to even entertain the notion of bw dating out, many bw (but definitely not the ones like me!) felt compelled to take the crumbs they were being dished by bm ( a used up phallic organ) and try to pretend to be happy. This is why songs like " Freak in the mornin" came out and were such big hits. Many bw needed to pretend that a big penis actually meant something. Ask any woman who has a man with a big penis and nothing else to offer if she's happy- and see what answer you get. And if she tries to lie-look in her eyes and see the truth. A penis is nothing but a body part- almost all women want much more. We want his heart, his HELP, his compassion, his monetary value, his love, etc etc. We want the whole package, and for most of us sex is a minor part of our happiness or lack thereof with him...

To convince bw to settle for being sexual toilets is unfair, unacceptable and just plain cruel. Every woman deserves to be some one's queen, and the light of his life not just his bed-warmer. Remember how ppl spoke about bw being forced to be wm's bed warmers in the old days.? Remember what a painful memory it seemed to be when the elders would bring it up? Yet today black folks seem to have no problem coaxing bw to be bed warmers for bm and it's more destructive and pernicious than ever because of stds and babies left behind with a nation of stressed out mothers on the brink of a break down. " Never trust a man to help you get out of a ditch - if he benefits from you staying in it........."

Happy New Year!!!! 2012!!


I know I'm soooo late with that. Please forgive. It's been a whirlwind year for my family. Besides a new baby, we lost a home in a horrible storm a few months ago, (luckily we had the resources to get another-many Americans currently don't.) .... I don't want to get into it all but we're blessed and happy to be here. Hope you ladies are as well.....

I think it's important to DECIDE to change your life. Whatever you are unhappy with you must make the change. The best way to get going is to write it down and really admit to yourself this is making me unhappy and I want it to change.
For instance many bw more and more are wanting to break away from
the antiquated acting black crew and date/marry out. Many want to start businesses, and many just want general changes. These may consist of losing weight or engaging a hobby they truly enjoy. The point is these things don't just happen. You must make them happen. The weird thing to me that I have noticed in my life is that I can dwell on something and seemingly bring it into my life! It's been the most awe-inspiring thing I've noticed in my life. For instance I can think of a friend I have not seen in quite a while and if I dwell on that person sure enough someone will mention her or tell me how she's doing, or she'll call.
Why is this signifigant? Because you do this all the time too. Everyone has this power. And this is the key to having the life that you want. Most of the things in your life ARE under your control! Let me say that again. Most of the things in your life ARE under your control. You think about them repeatedly, and then you draw them into your life. It happens all the time. Try this the next time you go somewhere where you typically have a hard time finding a parking spot, picture that spot the before you leave and before you arrive. Really think and believe you'll have a great spot, and nine times of ten you will!
My point with all this is that black women are calling their own shots. We don't have to respond like pavlov's dogs reacting to the stimuli the outside world tries to direct us with. We can and do control our own lives...

Although I notice frequently ppl who don't have our best interest at heart will often use ppl who look like us to influence us. Don't be fooled follow your own heart, and never trust those who benefit from you being in the ditch, to help you get out of it. Or even those who may not have malevolent interests but simply can't see the light for themselves. I've told you ladies many times ppl who cannot see it for themselves, will almost never be able to see it for you!

Take for example, Jill Scott. who is a wonderful lady and a beautiful woman. But if all she sees for herself is a bm, (and feels strongly about it) then she will impose that view on every woman in her emotional vicinity. Not because she is vindictive, but because she is seeing the world through her own ideaology. Many times well meaning ppl are blinded by their own beleifs and shortcomings. This is why the bible says "Without a vision the people perish" You must have your own vision for your life and not let others lead you....... To be cont'd

Be careful what you wish for.....

This is a new book by Veronica Blakely (to the left) This is the reason why so many bw cannot find good (other) men. They have not pulled their eyes away from misogynistic, women- using bm.....

All you ladies out there wishing brothras would come back home, take that nightmare and shove it on other women! The last thing most bw need is for bm to come back! And yet here we have another silly lady begging them to do just that.

..

It really steams me when another one of these silly, useless, Brotha-come-back-home books come out. And it seems they always get alot of press and attention, making the problem even more prevalent. The truth is the last thing most bw need is a bm! Most bm are as good to bw as a hole in the head. Not that there are not some good ones, but even most of the good ones are Not looking at bw are wife material. Most are using bw for money, sex, shelter, or other benefits. With no benefits for her except pain and frustration. Most bw involved with bm are NOT in relationships. They are in Userships. And are being used on a regular basis, for whatever the man needs or can get.....

It is utterly ridiculous to write a book that expands the already over-indulged ego of these men-boys in an effort to show them you are in their corner. Someone who is NOT in your corner does not give a damn whether you are in theirs or not-can't these women see that? I'm always amazed at the depth of naivety when it comes to these issues. I'm amazed because bm make it very very obvious how they really feel when they disrespect bw through song. When they harass, main, rape and kill bw on a regular basis, and when they use bw for baby holders while wifing other women with abandon. And still silly little foolish women refuse to believe their lying eyes and choose instead to believe the constant lies these men feed them. Sad......

Ladies when books like these are written the only thing that changes is the egos in most bm grow larger and larger. They know these silly women are out there begging for their time and attention, and that she will foot bills, and make herself available sexually and otherwise to gain mere scraps of attention from him. They are the reason most bm are so under motivated, and lagging so far behind other men as it is. They are a primary reason the average bm will have nothing to brag about in his lifetime, other than his sexual prowess! -which is soooooo overrated-it's almost a joke.

I know someone quite close to me who wanted to marry her child's father desperately. He was not interested (for years) until she suddenly got a good job with the state. All the sudden he was more than ready to get married and could not wait to get her down the isle. Now seven years later. She foots 90% of the bills in the house. He is on HER medical insurance/dental. She takes care of the kids, has to rush home and clean, cook, and run everyone everywhere they need to go. She is hurried, stressed, overworked, and miserable. She confessed to me that she no longer even enjoys the sex because he wants it's constantly whether she's in the mood or not, and wants her to do "things" to "keep a brotha happy!"

Her life is a living hell now. She has no time for herself. They have 3 children and all of their care is on her. She is constantly working, and trying to take care of everyone, is forced to have sex an average of twice a night with only 6 hours to sleep, and has to pay almost all the bills! In seven years this beautiful woman has gone from a dark luminescent beauty to looking like someone run over by a truck! This is why I say be careful what you wish for....

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Only a fool wants someone who does not want them! Bm have made their feelings clear. And yet you have silly women like these begging them to reconsider, begging for time and understanding! How stupid! That's like someone smacking you down, and you jump up crying

" But baby I love you, and you love me-I know you didn't mean to hit me!"

IF he hit you then he meant to hit you! And only a fool wants that kind of dysfunction perpetrating as love. Bw must wake up! Why the hell would ANYONE want bm back? Think about it. Were they ever a great asset? Maybe once upon a time they took care of their children but look at them now! Over 80% of blk babies are being born out of wedlock (with over 90% left on the mother) and most of those women are struggling mightily to bring them up on their own. Most of those fathers are gone and don't even bother to look back-it that man behavior? I can't think of why in the world anyone would want these men back! But maybe I'm missing something... like the joy of being a baby momma, paying bills alone... having someone use me for my body, my money, my nice house-Gee what could I be thinking.......

Reading the signs to know if he's a keeper....

Some of this is a no-brainer ladies. And some of it is less obvious. For instance, if a man is hanging on the corner with his pants hanging off his butt, and drinking out of a paper bag, obviously this man is NOT husband material. Some of you bemoan the fact that you attract one loser after another but refuse to open your eyes and see the signs. Hopefully the man I just mentioned is young, and with time will pull up his pants and get his act together. But so many times I see women expecting a pauper to turn into a prince.

It simply will not happen. Psychologists say that by the age of 2 a boy's personality is already set. So obviously by the time he's old enough to date, he is what he is. Stop thinking that you can change him, you cannot. The only time men change is when they want to. By the time boys reach adolescence, they stop listening to the females in their environment, and begin to emulate the males around them. However misguided and damaged those males may be. This is why it is so imperative to live in good areas where your sons will have a minimal amount of exposure to the most vile and damaged men. This is also why a good strong father in that child's life is almost the very best gift you can give that child.

But back to the signs.... Many women feel that the ex-wife or gf of their man is instantly their enemy, or opponent. This is usually not the case. Unless she is catty, or malicious, an ex can be a font of great info and content regarding your intended. She can tell you what makes him tick, if he's commitment phobic, or has other issues, don't take her word as law, keep your eyes open and take everything into consideration. Here are some qualities you definitely want to look for if you are in the market for a husband
. Responsible, Amiable, Kind, considerate, honest, sincere, loving, romantic, common sense, gentle, well off, financially solvent, ambitious, generous, clean, sexy, Intelligent, attractive etc.

It's important to know what's most important to YOU. Write down the qualities that you know you must have and make your your man has them. Some women want a man who looks like Brad Pitt or Morris chestnut. For my taste, they're both beautiful, but that would be at the bottom of my list. I would be far more interested in his intelligence, and relatability. Before I married, I knew exactly what I wanted. You have to do the same thing. KNOW what you want. It's very hard to obtain a vague or undefined goal.

It's really easy to know exactly what's going on with a man. All you have to do is listen and watch. Men will give themselves away every time. They just don't have the sophistication to obscure their true intentions for long. Have a getting to know you period with any man you think would qualify as a potential mate. And for God's sake, do NOT sleep with him during this period. Men will pretend to be anyone they think you want to see, in order to bed a woman! Also, sex blurs a woman's defenses, as well as her vision. The man will start to immediately look alot better to her if she has slept with him. This is natures attempt to protect procreation. This is why the old timers used to say," you lay on your back, you lose your head." Be sweet as a Georgia peach, but keep that strong inner core, and watch him....

GETTING TO KNOW THE REAL 'HIM'
In order to really get to know the man you're interested in, you need to observe him in a variety of settings. How does he interact with his family, his friends, what is his stance on politics and other controversial subjects. Is he truly a 'good person' or just faking it to reel you in? Listening to his family is another great way to truly see the inner him. How is his temper? Is he ready to curse someone out for cutting him off, or is he more laid back and mellow. If a tempermental man is a turn off for you, then don't bother to continue dating a man who angers readily. Btw, that's a bad characteristic anyway, given a world in which ppl often antagonize each other on a daily basis. You really should seek a more even tempered man. A man who is NOT a slave to his emotions. A well rounded adult is always slow to anger, and even slower to rage. These are not sexy qualities and many misguided women claim. These are warning signs of trouble!

DO YOU SHARE HIS VALUES
This is probably the MOST important characteristic of a good relationship. Couples who achieve longevity inevitably share common values. They may be different races, and backgrounds, but inevitably they have common values and this serves to bind them into a meaningful and long lasting union. For example, she comes from a small family who has struggled strenuously against poverty. He comes from a large well off Jewish family who has never known lack. On the surface it would seem they have little in common. People are actually amazed that they stay together. But what they don't see behind the outer veneer is that they both strongly believe in family, togetherness, and have a strong commitment to unity....Trust and believe that ppl who have opposing values have very little chance of remaining together for long....

HIS SEXUALITY...
It is very important for a man to control his sexuality. This is something that real men automatically do. He may desire a women tremendously, but he will wait until he is permitted into her inner lair before anything happens. And even then he will take pains to protect them both. He will never allow his loins to 'lead' him. Not being able to control one's loins is the hallmark of children or brutes. Think about the poor defenseless women of many African countries being routinely raped and brutalized by the animals they call 'men' Real men ALWAYS control their sexuality and would NEVER take what a lady refuses to give him...

And they call BW -GOLDDIGGERS!

Tiger and Elin in days gone by....

The former nanny hit the big one for sure!

ELIN TO RECEIVE 750 to 833 MILLION DOLLARS IN HER DIVORCE FROM TIGER!!!

It's absolutely incredible to me that this woman (so called super model because she's white, pretty, and took a few pictures) can legally extort this much money from this man! I mean this is better than the best robbers in the world could ever plan. She is set to get an whopping 75% of his money!!! The most bothersome part is everyone is so hush hush like she deserves it! It reminds me of the Michael S. case where the judge assigned more money to his ex-ww than he was worth! My point is ww have been doing this as long as bm have been becoming successful and then finding a ww. Yet ppl were up in arms because because Kelis asked for spousal support (temporary) to support her new child after her divorcefrom Nas. Many bp called her a gold digger and accused her of trying to take her rapper ex-hubby to the cleaners. For asking for temporary support!

It's unbelievable the amounts of money ww often take these foolish bm for while everyone shakes their heads and remain silent. Yet I think we all know if bw ask for ANYTHING-she's immediately labeled a GD. The point is Nobody needs this much money! There has never even been a lottery this big! Think about it. This little NANNY can marry this man, and literally take him to the cleaners and nothing is said, yet all hell breaks lose if a bw asks a bm to support his children!

In case anyone is clueless to what I'm saying, I'm saying un-equivocally that this woman is a TRUE GOLD DIGGER, and has the help and support of the lawyers and others to rob this man of his hard earned largess. I think it should be illegal to get a divorce settlement of this magnitude. It absolutely reeks of rampant greed and uncontrollable excess.

But of course this is what Lionel Richie's ex ww did to him after SHE was caught cheating on him! It kind of hard to feel sorry for men who are enamored with white that they'll put up with anything. I guess Tiger the (I hate anything black) learned the hard way that the the grass is not always whiter on the other side... But truthfully though even though he was a fool, it still sickens my stomach to think of this nanny being legally able to rob him so easily, and with the blessings of many significant people. I think it's outrageous, but that's just my opinion. I remember when he married her and everyone had the nerve to saying how HE WAS LUCKY TO HAVE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! To me this translated into beautiful WHITE WOMAN, which even the white media seems to know is secretly the dream of many bm. I couldn't understand how they could say that HE was the lucky one because as a billionaire, I'm sure beautiful women are like leaves on trees for him-IOWs- everywhere!

I mean far be it from me to stick up for this sexaholic, that is not the point of this post before some of you lose your mind, I just don't think ANY man should lose 75% of his livelihood in a divorce settlement!! Can you imagine being a man and working for years to lose 3/4 of your resources in 1 divorce! That's just unbelievable! He originally offered her 70 million which the former nanny had the nerve to turn her pretty nose up at,-just unbelievable! Anyway, I've got to ask you ladies what you think of this situation-do you think this was fair in any way???

Sidenote:

Well it's all said and done and her take is 750 mil, said to be the largest settlement of any Celeb couple. So I guess next time he'll definitely 'keep it in his pants. It's just interesting to me because I think we all know that if their races were reversed any bw asking for even one fourth this type of money would be crusified in the media as well as the BC (think Robyn Givens) so it just goes to show that ww are definitely on that pedistal, and many ppl have a vested interest in keeping them there.....

Now the trash in our community spills over....

These are SOME of the monsters who raped and violated an 11 year old Hispanic girl....

I'm horrified this happened (of course) but I'm glad the world will now have a chance to see the horrors that ordinary, everyday bw have been dealing with.

As you can see some of them look like angry damaged men. But some of them don't. Maybe the ones who don't are twice as scary because they look so harmless. Take a look at the guy at the bottom (middle) He's attractive and even intelligent looking yet he's right there with the other monsters who did this to this poor young girl. Make no mistake about it. The Hispanic community is NOT like the bc, in the sense that they will NOT simply say she asked for it and let it go. Unlike the sick deplorable bc, they actually PROTECT their women and children, and heads WILL roll over this travesty.

The worst part is the the bc trying to come out and make excuses once again. "She asked for it" " Do you know how she was dressed?" "She looked more like a grown woman than a child!"

These are some of the comments coming from the acting black crew and their perpetual protectors. These men should be locked up and thrown under the jail, but instead you have these sick perverts being protected by equally sick other blacks and mammies.

There is NO justification for raping ANY woman but to rape a child puts you in the category of demons as far as I'm concerned, and you should be treated as such! I'm so horrified that they would try to pass this crime against a child off as typical male behavior, I'm speechless.

Now the black panthers are getting into the act with Quanell X claiming bm are being singled out and that other men probably took part in this gang rape as well! This is his response word for word....

"I believe that every man who had sex with this child should go to prison, I don't care what his color is. But I don't believe that black men are the only ones who had sex with this young child.

It appears there's been selective prosecution of one community, which is African American....

This is nothing but obfuscation! Throw the dirt in every direction and hope it lands on someone else, thus making you look a little less dirty in the process! The truth is bw have been the victims of bm stalking, them, cursing them, assaulting them, raping them and killing them for so long, that when they turn their damaged eyes toward other females, the world is actually shocked. But my grandmother always told me, If you don't say anything to billy Joe when he attacks your neighbor, don't expect anyone to say anything when he attacks you! I've found this to be very true in life. Garbage rolls downhill. When bw were under constant attack by bm at every turn, and other races felt it did not concern them, I knew it would be just a matter of time before bm became their problem as well. Mark my words ww as well will soon be their targets. Evil unchecked becomes evil in totality. Victimizers are always looking for NEW victims.

Did you know that when the Nazis took over Germany and began to eradicate the Jews, (6 million+) they also began to kill Gypsies, Hispanics, blacks, Homosexuals as well as everyone who did NOT resemble their ideal Aryan German? That's evil unchecked. That's what happens when good people say nothing, and that's all it takes for evil to grow...

I'm so sad about this little girl, but I hope you all can see the danger in saying nothing and hoping these monsters simply stay away. They won't. By remaining silent we give them more power. Bp who still have their faculties and can see how horrible this is have got to stand up and separate themselves from the monsters now and not coddle them. They deserve whatever punishment they receive. Don't feel sorry for them. Don't tell me how misunderstood they are. Let them face the consequences of their actions! I don't really care how their childhood was or what might have caused them to do something this horrible to a little girl. I just hope they all rot in hell very slowly........

Ugh! How can you love a white man?

Princess Angela with hubby (the Prince) and son.

Handsome Hispanic man and his lovely bride...

I was showing family pictures to a total stranger when I got "the question"

I just stared at her because we were standing outside a mutual friends house, and she and I barely knew each other!" Excuse me!" I finally managed to stammer angrily. I shot her a look that shut her up fast. How dare a total stranger question me on MY LIFE!

Have any of you ladies ever gotten this question from friend and family? I love I have, and it's one I really despise. First of all it's asinine, and second it's ridiculous. A better question to me is:

Why would you worry about his color instead of his heart? That's a question many bw need to ask themselves. Far, far too many good men are going to waste looking for women who are tying themselves to losers and settling for nothing.

But I've noticed that many people will try many tactics to keep a bw in her place. And I'm sure you've all noticed that sometimes those ppl share a color or even gender with you. I remember being at the library staring at the computer (which featured the gorgeous David Beckham) A bw nearby made a gagging sound in her throat and then murmured angrily in my direction, that I should be looking at Denzel. I replied calmly that although I like Denzel very much -he's not really my cup of tea. You would have thought I committed a crime! She turned pale and practically ran away with a horrified look on her face ( like she was about to faint) I just calmly kept looking at what I was looking at....

Ladies NEVER let anyone tell you who you are ALLOWED to be attracted to or in love with. That's ridiculous. If any of you caught that Oprah show a few years back where a ww declared to an audience of predominantly ww "We sure love the brothers don't we?" The audience clapped and cheered. They really didn't give a damn if the bw there took issue with their comments. They were not about to let bw or anyone else dictate who they were allowed to be attracted to. Oprah just shook her head, and smiled. She was used to ww declaring themselves open and unashamedly.

If only bw would do the same. I know something many of you ladies don't know. I know that where ever you are right now, there's a wm near you with his eye on you. He's just waiting for some kind of go sign from you. So many times I've instructed women on ways to let a man know she was interested and watched their love bloom, so I do know what I'm talking about. Many of my post have referred to this time and again. As I've told bw many times, because of the sordid history wm have had to live down, as well as the mistrust that has been spoon fed to bw about wm since baby-hood, many wm are very weary about trying to date bw.

This is why you MUST let him know that there is an interest there. He won't move in if he feels for a second that you're going to start screaming " White boy please!" and laughing your ignorant head off. This I've actually seen happen! The man turned red, and walked away, and I'm sure it was a long time (if ever) before he asked another bw out....

So when I get that stupid question, I don't answer. It's just too stupid to require a reply. I always look at the person calmly and wait for them to feel as stupid as they sound. It almost always works. The truth is I've been attracted to wm since my teen years, and I just don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. I'm sure you ladies have noticed on Evia's site the numerous wm who loving and snatching up the darker bw, that bm often leave behind. It's really exciting to see these women looking so happy, and realizing they finally found someone who thinks their ebony hued skin is beautiful (which it is) and finally feeling loved, desired and appreciated....

If you haven't been there in a while go check it out. Those wm are snatching up those dark women like gold nuggets out of the ground! I love it!

So how can you love a wm? I can't figure out how you can't!!! I love the looks, the sense of sefl and the intelligence that many wm seem to emit effortlessly. And their talk goes so much deeper than "Hey shortie, can I gecha number?" So tell me ladies -what do you love about them, and how do you respond to that silly question???

How to save your daughters from the boys in the hood....

lovely college student killed for her refusal to date a damaged man

We've all seen it. The young girls dragging strollers as they trudge along in the hood. Looking scared,and desperate, or sometimes trying to put on the mean face to discourage would be combatants. We've all seen the desperation on the faces of young women trying to hold on financially or spiritually as these predators get their fill and move on to more promising targets. It's horrible but it's a sad fact of life. The truth is palpable, but ppl who are NOT going anywhere are out to drag you and yours down with them.

So how do you protect your children?

To me this is pretty obvious. You should not be there! Don't let your children hang in the hood. Severely limit their time even passing through, and definitely discourage their friendships with ppl who would be described as hood- identified.

Now first I need to put in a disclaimer because I do not wish to be mis-quoted.

There are a lot of good ppl in the hood without question, I am in no way disputing this obvious fact. But I feel it is an equally obvious fact that the worst place in the world for any young woman to look for a husband is in the hood or other black enclaves. The men in these places (MOST) are low skilled, deviant, angry over forces beyond their control. Most have been conditioned to hang on the streets, indulge in activities which exceed the bounds of legality in order to get funds, or use women in multiple ways in order to augment their paltry incomes or satisfy Their sexual and non sexual needs...Most of these men are very detrimental to the naive women they become involved with, and sometimes the results are even deadly as many of these men are involved with illegal activities and dangerous characters which are then visited upon the women involved.

I strongly believe one of the worst things people can do is to allow their daughters COMPLETE freedom as a young girl to date indiscriminately anyone she chooses. I know this will be a very controversial subject and I certainly empathise with the passion this line of belief will undoubtedly raise. But young girls are quite vulnerable, and naive. And they must be encouraged, educated, protect ed, and steered to a better class of men! They cannot be allowed to simply bring home the first fool who winks at them. They must be guided and made to see that dating and marrying the wrong man can influence and negatively affect them and their offspring for the rest of their lives. I'm sorry some of you are pulling out your hair right now in anger, but someone has to say it. Most of the boys in the hood are NOT husband material and most never will be. I just want to post a few scenarios to explain why I know this to be true, and then we can discuss it en mass....

I know someone who has young teens whom she fought arduously to remove from the hood, but problems had already surfaced before she could get out.....

She had fought hard to get herself and her children out of the hood, but her daughter had fallen for some gang member before they left. She immediately had to contend with her daughter sneaking back at (16) to see this 20-something year old thug. He encouraged her daughter to lie to her, and to sneak off as often as she could. I advised her to take her daughter deep into the old neighborhood. Show her how those women and girls really lived. Rip off the veneer of glamour and reveal the real ugly truth behind ghetto life. Show her the baby daddies who run off and leave those women struggling alone. Show her the little children trying to get themselves off to school because mom is already at a job she's struggling to keep, and cannot take them. Show them the loss of hope, and utter despair that permeates these type of environments.

I told her to show the despair and pain behind gang-affiliated life styles and the wake of bodies left behind. Sometimes scaring a child straight can be a very effective deterent.

I remember being a child in Hawaii. We were in class one day and our teacher showed us a film on drug use. I remember being totally horrified by the lifestyle portrayed by the film. People were shooting up, having bleeped out sex scenes with strangers throwing up in the streets and more... I immediately associated drug use with losers and lower forms of life in my young mind. This one film kept me from ever even smoking a joint all these years. I could not conceive of being addicted to any substance, and therefore was unwilling to even try any of them. To this day, I have never tried any drug, not even cigarettes. This is the power of scaring a child straight. So many girls do not know where they are headed as they travel full speed toward a cliff! You must let them know. My associate did not take my advice. She thought I was overreacting and that her daughter would come to her senses. Her daughter is now pregnant by a loser who is the father of 3 other children and is now incarcerated. Her daughter has dropped out of HS, and thrown away all of her youthful dreams, as her baby-daddy told her they were silly and for white girls. She also is being hunted by one of his other baby mamas as he told baby mama #2 she had seduced him to get pregnant...

She has tried to talk to her daughter about leaving him alone but she is a now a fool in love, and will not listen. This is what happens when you allow the bc to get into your child. Ladies you must do EVERYTHING within your power to keep this scenario from happening. These girls are throwing their lives away! You all know about my young cousin and how she was kicked out of one man's bed because he had another young girl coming to the same UNCHANGED bed with the SAME condom and SAME sheets. Well that same cousin is now the mother of 3 children by 3 different men. She just gave birth again last week. None of the fathers will step up, she is mired in poverty and desperation, and is one of the saddest young women you have ever seen. I tried to talk to her for years but she always told me to mind my business, and could do as she pleased. Well I guess she certainly has done as she pleased. The saddest thing is her story is SOOOOO common in the hood. She has two friends who both have babies by the same guy. They constantly fight each other for his crumbs of attention. He does not take care of theirs or his other children and encourages them to fight over him.... sad but common...

I can only tell you ladies what we did. When my very young teen was trying to date a ne'er to do well boy from the hood(where much of my family still lives) We made life very hard for her. We forbid almost every date on some technical reason. We imposed unreasonable time limits. We made it clear he was not welcome anywhere near the house and we increased her chores so she would not be able to go. Was that fair? I don't know. I was fighting for my daughter and did not really give a damn about fair. We just did not want him anywhere near her, and we made it very clear. It was not long before she got tired of fighting us and began dating someone far more suitable....

So I would love to hear your stories ladies and your take on this situation for all the mothers who do not want their daughters to be left behind baby mommas and sexual toilets to the damaged predators out there....

BW-stop deferring to bm's egos, and simply say what you mean!

Regina king caused a stir recently when she wisely advised bw to stop waiting for their black knight in shining armor (who is probably out chasing Ming lee, Chelsea, or Maria) and simply date out. Some sites tore her apart, but some seemed more open minded, and fair.

One site in particular, I felt gave a fair and accurate perception of IR dating, but I still found it rather disturbing on another unfortunate level.

I noticed that many of the bw who responded to the article, prefaced their comments with soothing words like, "Well I love my brothers but...." or "I prefer a bm but...."

This seemed to be a common theme, or tag line.

Now I truly care about and want the best for bw, but I swear sometimes their (collective) obtuseness confounds me!

First of all, I simply am not, and never will be crazy about anyone who has made it painfully clear that me, and women who look like me are not even on their list! That just plain silliness, and utter stupidity. That's like someone screaming in your face;

"You're ugly, stupid, lazy, and fat!" While you respond "Baby please don't say that! -I love you soooo much!!!" Wake up and get a clue! If bm are out there upholding the beauty, femininity, character, and attractiveness of WW, while throwing you under the bus, why in God's name would you be walking on eggshells, and doing everything but a tap dance to protect his pathetic ego!!! Let me ask the question in another way, because I don't want to be accused of inciting bm-hatred. That's not what this is about. I don't hate bm, and I hope you don't either because that's a lot of wasted time and emotion.

What I am saying is that if someone does not give a damn about your feelings and your ego, stop being so damned concerned about his! It's really that simple. I believe very much in treating people in like manner to how they treat me. Now I believe very much in having class, and fighting with your wits as much as possible (instead of your fists) but I also believe in calling a spade a spade.

All this equivocation is dangerous ladies. It derails the real conversations we need to be having, and it forces people to cover up, and privatise their true feelings. When is the last time you heard bm put in all these qualifiers when engaged in conversation about bw? Think about Ice T's comments when he was asked about how he felt about the fact that many bw were angry about his marriage to a ww.

"I don't give a damn what bw think about my white wife" He quickly retorted. The truth is this is an honest response. Why do bw hem and haw, and become sickeningly servile when asked similar questions. Think about Halle being asked (in an annoyed voice) by a reporter.

"So why did you decide to date a WM? " Her body language became almost apologetic, as she nervously laughed and said. " Well, I tried black men over and over -I really tried!...." She seemed almost to be begging for understanding. With nervous laughter, gestures, and near pleading eyes...

Ladies, you have a right to love ANYONE YOU CHOOSE! Stop posturing, and wallowing in servility. Hold your love up proudly, the same way you would demand he hold you up!

It is dangerous and detrimental to your relationships for many reasons to preface your comments with qualifiers, apologies, and false compliments to bm. The most salient problem being; YOUR WM CAN FEEL THE APOLOGY OOZING OUT OF YOU!!!

He's not stupid. If you become unsure, nervous, and penitent about your relationship with him, it's only going to cause problems between the two of you. (DUH) Think about how you would feel if a ww were in the vicinity and be began to walk away from you, pretended he didn't know you, or worse yet, when asked if you were his wife/gf, turned red, and began to hem and haw!

I think we all know there would be hell to pay. Well I would like to ask you how do you think wm/non- bm feel when you do it to them? And if you were a non/bm trying to ask a bw out, and you heard her saying things like "I loves me a beautiful bm!" -" I really wanted a brotha but..." or the worse one of all (AND A TOTAL LIE) "You know no man can satisfy you like a brotha!"

Ask yourself. Would you still ask this woman out, or would you cross her off the list?

So I would hopefully ask all the Bw on the fence, and all the totally off limits to anything but a bm, bw (you poor fools) that you keep your silly and inane comments to yourself.

You've probably already destroyed your chances with all the wm who know you. Let the women who have enough sense to be open, get their man. Stop discouraging their prospects and chances with your silly comments.....

Here is RK's statement below; followed by some comments which illustrate my point

Regina King says, Black Women Should Date Other Races
Regina King recently released an article on Vibe.com about Black women and our need to explore our options in mates. She believes that black women should stop limiting ourselves to Black men. According to her, dating only Black men lowers our likelihood of finding love.
King says:
Of all groups of people, Black women are the least likely group of women that will date outside of their race. When you have everyone else who is willing to explore but a Black woman is like, “I want me a brother,” well, if the brothers are out and they’re open to date everybody and the majority of Black women aren’t willing to look twice when a man outside of their race is sending them messages, then that makes our percentage rate lower and the chances of finding love, because we’re only looking in one specific place for finding love—with Black men.
She goes on to state:
Every single one of my girlfriends won’t date men that aren’t Black…I think Black women need to open up. A lot of Black women still carry a lot of pain when they see Black men with women who aren’t Black and that’s really unfortunate that that could make us so upset. It has to do with self esteem.

Comments from the readers:

I don’t know about that. I just can’t see myself with a white dude. But I do get her point. Maybe its time for us to stop complaining and just branch out.....

Up until a few weeks ago my mantra was “I only want to date, marry a black man” but I find my views changing towards that. If we only date black men we are limiting ourselves of an opportunity to find love. I would prefer a black man but...

May 8, 2010 at 11:08 am
My highschool sweetheart was white and we were together on and off for about 5 years. I would prefer to to have alittle brown family but.....

Very interesting dialogue. Has anyone every thought about the fact that there just are enough black men to go around? I mean, I love me a beautiful black man, but the reality is that we (black women) out number them and if the majority of us don’t open up our options, we will join the already 70% or more of black ....

The simple truth is-children DO need fathers-and his color is irrelevant!

So sorry ladies, We've had 2 deaths and one very catastrophic illness going on in the family, and I've know I've neglected my blog horribly. I apologize, I've been grieving and very distracted. But I've missed everyone something fierce though-and I hope all is well with all of you......

Moving on....

I think the importance of fathers is without precedent. I think it's so very important for children to have fathers in their lives. I truly believe the black race is in the horrible state that it's in right now because of the horrendous LACK of fathers. It's definitely time for most bw to move on.

I remember when Pres. Obama tried to address this in a poignant speech to thousands of ppl. Bp immediately became miffed and accused him of pandering to his 'white side'. They protested, stomped, and made such a fuss, he let the issue lapse, but his face looked tortured and concerned at the 'stupidity' of bp. Now I know I'll offend some with that statement, but lets call a spade a spade, Anyone who cannot see that innocent children need fathers (even if they seem ok with just a mother) is either disillusioned, or out of touch. Let's face it . You may be the best mother in the world, but you're children will secretly long for and NEED a father!!!

Look at this quote from:Source: Wade Horn and Andrew Bush, "Fathers, Marriage, and Welfare Reform,"Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997,

CHILDREN NEED FATHERS, STUDY SHOWS Most states have focused almost exclusively on welfare-to-work strategies in response to 1996 federal welfare reforms. But this doesn't address the greatest danger to the well-being of children in the United States, says a Hudson Institute study: the fact that nearly four out of every 10 children are being raised without their fathers.The states should restructure their programs to promote fatherhood and marriage, say researchers Wade Horn and Andrew Bush. Building strong families would improve the life chances of children and help rebuild low-income communities.*Among long-term prison inmates, 70 percent grew up without fathers, as did 60 percent of rapists and 75 percent of adolescents charged with murder.* Fatherless children are three times more likely to fail school, require psychiatric treatment and commit suicide as adolescents.*They are also up to 40 times more likely to experience child abuse compared with children growing up in two-parent families....

This is an excerpt from Pres. Obama in his speech to fathers that caused such an uproar....

Father’s Day not just as a father grateful to be present in my daughters’ lives but also as a son who grew up without a father in my own life. My father left my family when I was 2 years old, and I knew him mainly from the letters he wrote and the stories my family told. And while I was lucky to have two wonderful grandparents who poured everything they had into helping my mother raise my sister and me, I still felt the weight of his absence throughout my childhood. As an adult, working as a community organizer and later as a legislator, I would often walk through the streets of Chicago’s South Side and see boys marked by that same absence—boys without supervision or direction or anyone to help them as they struggled to grow into men. I identified with their frustration and disengagement—with their sense of having been let down. In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence—both in my life and in the lives of others. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference. That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.
As fathers, we need to be involved in our children’s lives not just when it’s convenient or easy, and not just when they’re doing well—but when it’s difficult and thankless, and they’re struggling. That is when they need us most. And it’s not enough to just be physically present. Too often, especially during tough economic times like these, we are emotionally absent: distracted, consumed by what’s happening in our own lives, worried about keeping our jobs and paying our bills, unsure if we’ll be able to give our kids the same opportunities we had. Our children can tell. They know when we’re not fully there. And that disengagement sends a clear message—whether we mean it or not—about where among our priorities they fall. So we need to step out of our own heads and tune in. We need to turn off the television and start talking with our kids, and listening to them, and understanding what’s going on in their lives. We need to set limits and expectations. We need to replace that video game with a book and make sure that homework gets done. We need to say to our daughters, Don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for your goals. We need to tell our sons, Those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in our house, we find glory in achievement, self-respect, and hard work. We need to realize that we are our children’s first and best teachers. When we are selfish or inconsiderate, when we mistreat our wives or girlfriends, when we cut corners or fail to control our tempers, our children learn from that—and it’s no surprise when we see those behaviors in our schools or on our streets. But it also works the other way around. When we work hard, treat others with respect, spend within our means, and contribute to our communities, those are the lessons our children learn. And that is what so many fathers are doing every day—coaching soccer and Little League, going to those school assemblies and parent-teacher conferences, scrimping and saving and working that extra shift so their kids can go to college. They are fulfilling their most fundamental duty as fathers: to show their children, by example, the kind of people they want them to become. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference. That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.
As fathers, we need to be involved in our children’s lives not just when it’s convenient or easy, and not just when they’re doing well—but when it’s difficult and thankless, and they’re struggling. That is when they need us most. And it’s not enough to just be physically present. Too often, especially during tough economic times like these, we are emotionally absent: distracted, consumed by what’s happening in our own lives, worried about keeping our jobs and paying our bills, unsure if we’ll be able to give our kids the same opportunities we had. Our children can tell. They know when we’re not fully there. And that disengagement sends a clear message—whether we mean it or not—about where among our priorities they fall. So we need to step out of our own heads and tune in. We need to turn off the television and start talking with our kids, and listening to them, and understanding what’s going on in their lives. We need to set limits and expectations. We need to replace that video game with a book and make sure that homework gets done. We need to say to our daughters, Don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for your goals. We need to tell our sons, Those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in our house, we find glory in achievement, self-respect, and hard work. We need to realize that we are our children’s first and best teachers. When we are selfish or inconsiderate, when we mistreat our wives or girlfriends, when we cut corners or fail to control our tempers, our children learn from that—and it’s no surprise when we see those behaviors in our schools or on our streets. But it also works the other way around. When we work hard, treat others with respect, spend within our means, and contribute to our communities, those are the lessons our children learn. And that is what so many fathers are doing every day.....

I think he says it all. The importance of fathers is unmitigated. It's so sad to me to see so many women convincing themselves that their children do not need one. I pray that my sisters wake up because in the bc over 80% of black babies are being born OUTSIDE of wedlock! And many if not most of these babies will NOT have a father in their lives, and yet we have the audacity to wonder why our children are running wild, and reeking havoc...

Ladies please wake up. If bm will not step up, and I think we can all see that they won't. (probably because most of them are still little boys themselves) give other men the chance-for God's sake! stop waiting for bm to act like men (It will prob-never happen) move on and find men WILL be fathers to your children, who WILL love them and WILL care for them. You deserve a better man, and your babies certainly deserve-and Need- REAL fathers.....

Why they try so hard to convince everyone-we don't want other races...

Black woman looking with obvious interest at handsome wm....

Very attractive, and well endowed Asian man poses for camera.....

Why do people feel that they have the right to speak for bw? Why do they feel that they have the right to tell us what we feel and think? Or for that matter, what we want? It's incredible to me the number of people trying to mold and manipulate bw. I'm not only speaking in regards to Chris Rock, saying that bw were not attracted to wm, and would only "sleep with pretty white boys, but did not really want them". How would CR know, is he a black woman? No, he is not, and yet he proposes to TELL us what we want, and what we DESIRE! It's outrageous to me that men like him continue to try to control and cajole us into submission....

But more to the point, I'm speaking of a recent "committee" that was formed to decide if it was ok for bw to date out! Since when do we need anyone's permission to do as we please! Every time you turn around it seems that people are trying to tell bw what we can and cannot do, almost as if we don't have minds of our own. Case in point.... My sisters and I were at the mall the other day, and we watched a blk couple get into a disagreement because the woman told her (bf?) that she didn't like to kiss in public. After trying to no avail to change her mind, he simply grabbed the back of her permed head, leaned her backwards, and forced a rough, sloppy, wet kiss on her mouth. When he let her back up, it was obvious that she was angry and embarrassed. She angrily adjusted her clothing, and swiped roughly at her mouth. She seemed visibly upset but he smiled smugly at her, and smirked: "Now you like that sh*t -didn't you" She stalked angrily off, and when she failed to return in response to his calls, he began to curse at her. Security threw him out, and he continued to call to her. He simply could not believe that she was really angry. In his mind, he simply had the right to do what he wanted, and she was overreacting....

So many people just don't seem to understand that bw are real live human beings with thoughts and feelings of our own. It just seems that many people have created a whole industry on our backs, while trying to convince us this is what we want. From TV shows that feature the oldest and most unattractive bw they can find all the way to commercials where bw are shown clucking like chickens and rolling their necks -lord have mercy! (that's one of the most hated images for me) I remember talking with a bm in college a few years back. We were all discussing sociological influences of different types of music. When I was asked by him what type of music I liked. I answered honestly that I loved country music, and that Alan Jackson, Tim Mcgraw, and Trace Atkins were my favs. He immediately became enraged, and began to furiously tell me that it was not possible for me to like that type of music since "Black people don't like country music!" I held my ground and told him that I could like any type of music I damn well pleased, and that I did not give a damn what "other bp liked!" The only other bm in the class joined in, and they tried to intimidate me into "liking C-rap-" music. When I saw that they had no intentions of listening to me, I began to ignore them. They immediately turned to a girl wearing a rock shirt and asked her. She said that Kiss was her absolute favorite, and that she had a crush on the lead singer. All hell broke loose, and our teacher had to have them removed from the class. It was almost as if we were not "ALLOWED" to have minds, and opinions of our own.

I see this being done to bw on a constant basis. When that committee went on the radio, they did not convene to decide if BM had the right to date out. Or if WW had the right to date out, or even WM. They were ONLY concerned about BW dating out, and IF we had the right to do so. They threw the issue back and forth as if they were the owners of bw. Their speech was filled with worn out platitudes, and tired stereotypes, and in the end they (of course) decided that bw should stay in our place, and not try to escape anywhere....

I have a friend who loves to surf. She goes all over to find the best waves, and she's really good at her craft. Wm are always pleasantly surprised to see her riding the waves, and this is where she met the love of her life. However, she has had to stop telling bm about her love of the sport because they often want to argue her down about how: "bw don't surf!" The truth of the matter is that no matter what occupation you mention, there is a bw there, doing exactly what she wants to do, and we should all follow these leads.....

We are not all born of the same cloth, nor are we a homogenized unit. We are individuals -much like everyone else. It's beyond irritating to hear people trying to tell us what we're about and what we're "allowed " to like, and be like. A reader wrote me and told me that she and her family were leaving Great Adventures when a group of bp approached her and asked her who was the Chinese man she was with. She immediately replied: "Why, he's my husband, and these are my 3 children" "Then you're a sell out! One bm sneered at her. "Because bw ain't allowed to be with no Chinese!" Not wanting to raise their ire, she simply got in the car, and left, but she said the comment about not being "ALLOWED" burned her. But this is common. The community, the church, and even Hollywood is so used to manipulating bw, that they have lost the inherent ability to see her as a separate entity.........

But ladies, make no mistake about it, you do not need anyone's permission to do, be, or have anything you want in this life. The only one you owe your allegiance and loyalties to-is you...

I guess the real question here is why? Why are these people trying to control and manipulate bw? What's in it for them.

The truth of the matter is that bw are the glue that bonds several industries. Without bw the blk church would collapse in record time. Hollywood would have to find a new low-class scape goat. Hollywood would have to find a new sexually deviant scapegoat. They would also need a new non-sexual un-appealing, colorful, -willing to throw her mammyfied self to the wolves-for the ww-best friend scapegoat. Bm would go crazy because their sisters, mothers, ex, and current gfs, daughters and cousins would stop running to save them from their constant messes. They would have to bail themselves out. They would have to pay their own tickets. They would have to protest their own problems with the police, and get ww to give them emergency money. They would have to do their own laundry, and cook for themselves. There would be no women there to boost their tired, overinflated egos by fighting over them. They would actually have to drive their own raggedy cars, and buy their own sagging pants. And there is no way they could stand on the corners all days inhaling those 40s because they'd have to pay their own rent, so this would necessitate them actually working! (heaven forbid!) They'd have to pay their OWN child support!, and pick up their own checks!

No, there is no way bm intend to give bw up. We are far to valuable as a commodity. And this is why they will try to convince bw that she is not attracted to other races, or that other races don't want her. This is why CR told that lie, because he and most other bm want desperately for it to be true-but it's not. The truth is ... Wm are some of the hottest, sexiest men on this earth, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why every bw does not snatch one up-but don't tell them I said so, because as a bw, I'm not allowed to think that........