The Train is picking up speed, and more and more bw are jumping on board!!!!

These couples are all newly married in the last 2 and a half years.

Arpil and Ron,  Bill and Dee, Sandra and James, along with  Patra and Andrew. All recently married between January 2010- January 2012                                                                                      

Remember that train I always warned of, well as you can see it has taken off in the last couple of years- just as many of us foresaw that it would! Did you know that in the past couple of years the number of bw/wm marriages have skyrocketed and nearly doubled!!!! Did you know that Bw/Wm marriages are the FASTEST growing of ALL IR MARRIAGES!!!! With Bw/Hm men in second place!

      

Yay!!!! Bw are really waking up and finding the love and compassion they so richly deserve! And the best part of all this is that as more and more bw wake up their family and friend sisters will as well, and stop settling for men who are so far beneath them.- they need a periscope to see them! 

Don't listen to anyone trying to tell you that you are a traitor to the race for dating, mating and marrying out! You are a traitor to yourself if you don't find the very best man you can to love honor and cherish you and the offspring you bring into this world!

You owe it to yourself and your children to bring a great husband/father into your lives. Nothing sets my blood boiling like the lies that are constantly fed to bw in regards to romance and relationships. or should I say in the case of most blk relationships- about-to-be-used-er-ships. Because that is what most blk relationships are or become. Most blk women who are dating or married to bm are dating or married to men whom they should not have allowed to cross their path. You cannot stop a man from looking your way but you can certainly stop it from going any further. This is why you see so many bw living in pure hell now. Because they did not want to be a traitor to their race, so they rejected all the non-bm who looked their way and settled for some high school drop out, hanging on the corner, weed smoking or selling fool who uses her for a maid, meal ticket, and/or sexual toilet!

I know someone now who just graduated from nursing school and is just starting a brand new RN career. She's beautiful, young, and ambitious, yet she is dating and talking about marrying some loser who just got out of jail for drugs! He has absolutely NOTHING to offer her, yet everyone around her is encouraging her to marry him! Now think for a minute why these bp would be encouraging this young lady to marry someone so far beneath her.  I will tell you why. The hospital where she has just begun to work is TEEMING with handsome  young white doctors, many of whom I have seen giving her very appreciative looks. Some have already worked up the nerve to ask her for a date. So the KBWE (keep a bw from escaping) patrol has gone into high gear! They follow her around now, and make sure to remind her that she is "black" and belongs to bm. They wholeheartedly push her at the 'loser' and shut her down quick if she ever complains about him, or expresses reservations. They 'watch her' for the loser and report back to him when wm get to close. They are her supposed 'friends, and family, and she confided to me that she cannot understand why they are doing this. Hmmmm, I certainly can. She is a grat resource. She is a first yr RN slated to make upwards of 65,000! Do you really think they are going to let all that money/prestige simply 'walk' out of the BC? Not on your life! Even her pastor, whom she met with for couples counseling, advised her to "stay and work it out" Lord have mercy! Of course the 'loser' is trying to push her into marriage before she has a chance to come to her senses......Quel domage...(what a shame). If this young lady marries this man, she will join the legions of miserable bw who are now being used for money, sustenance, job title, maid service, sexual services, etc. In a few years if things continue on this course, I predict this yw will be a burned out, used up, sad and defeated replica of herself.  Then the ppl around her now who are encouraging this idiocy will laugh and say " I done tole her dum ass not to marry that fool- he done stuffed the drugs in her purse, now she goin to jail 'stead a him!-she so dam stupid!"

Or it will be something like him getting violent and hurting her, as he has been getting more and more agitated/angry by all the wm MDs  sniffing around her. After all she is HIS meal ticket! He has NO intentions of letting her live on a wm's easy street as a Doctor's wife in the suburbs. He has every intention of keeping her in the hood, 'tending' to him, and paying his bills!

 Scenarios like this happen everyday in the bc, and bw who make the wrong choice will lives of suffering and silence (as will any unfortunate children born into these unions)The suffering will obviously happen at the hands of the loser, but the silence will happen because every time she tries to express her pain, the community (incl fam and friends will shush her and tell her to be glad she has a husband, and that bm are just under tremendous strain cuz the 'man' has his foot on a bm's neck. 'Puleeez!' SMH....

Ladies you MUST take your future in your own hands. NO ONE can live your life for you, or knows better than you what kind of life you are looking for. It is up to you to go get it. Your unborn children are helpless, they cannot choose the kind of father they have, but you can, and you must with great consideration for your happiness and theirs...

When Sex inpersonates love and committment....

The other day a group of friends and I were at the mall. We were just hanging out enjoying the early spring weather and taking a much needed break from hubbys and kids. Well since I'm a people watcher, I was silently watching a group of young black women at the table next to us. I watched as they talked about their boyfriends and which man had the most sexual prowess. They sounded almost desperate to fill the voids in their lives with sex. Their faces were young but growing old before their time, and their smiles did not seem genuine. Like an old "Smokey song, I could almost trace the tracks of one girl's tears', though outwardly she grinned continually. They were loud and uncouth. Soon it was obvious people at other tables were listening, mostly ww. You could almost feel them trying to pretend they weren't. We grew uncomfortable at the vulgarity and gutter talk that spewed from them and finally moved. But people around were moving in closer and snickering in derisive tones. I wanted to shake these young women and tell them they were not only making fools of themselves, and that the ww around them were laughing at them not with them but the attention only seemed to fuel their fire, and they grew louder and louder as well as more and more lewd. Soon one young fool was bending over the table giving graphic displays of her behavior the prior night. It was at this point that mall security asked them to leave. ...

First of all I want to point out that the trash fish always takes the bait. The men around them smiling and nodding had already put them in the category of "week end screw" Ladies if you choose to display this type of behavior, you WILL no doubt attract men, but they will be the kind that use and abuse you. Good husbands and fathers you will NOT attract, and you will end up like many women who have tried to "outscrew" other women to get male attention. Used, angry, and soul-depleted. Good men will almost NEVER see this type of woman as anything worth pursuing. She will be the one they call at 3 in the morning, asking her to 'come over'. Usually this type of fool will actually go to, all she needs is a pair of red heels, a rain coat over her naked body, and hood ornament for her car that reads "we deliver!" It's really quite sad because most women really want love, and many women try to use sex to get love, yet it almost never works. Many bw, who are accustomed to being used and abused by the pitiful spectacles the hood calls men, (like the girls in the mall) have stopped trying to get love and are simply trying to get anything that resembles love. Ie, attention, appreciation, gratification etc. If you read some of the so called romance novels written by and for black women you will see this dynamic in action. You can even see it play out in public forums like facebook where bw will often brag non stop about their sexual exploits and rejoice like kids in a candy store over various parts of the male anatomy. A good example of this is J hudson's sister going on and on in overtly sexual tones over the man who eventually murdered her family. He was deranged and damaged beyond repair but all she saw was muscles and good 'sex', which she described in graphic detail....


My hope and prayer for bw is that they come to see how wonderful, and beautiful they truly are. That they come to give themselves the appreciation and chance at happiness that they deserve. All women (like men) enjoy good sex, but when sex becomes your primary focus, and you try to use it as a hook to land the man of your choice, then you need to work on YOU. Your self esteem, your emotions, your logic, your view of the world, and especially your view of yourself. You deserve someone who sees the 'real' you, and is capable of loving her fully. If he can only appreciates you when you wear a teddy, with wild hair on top of an overly made up face, then do you really see this man as your soul mate? Do you really think he's a keeper? Don't sell yourself short. Sex is only great in the context of a loving relationship. It cannot be used to obtain one....

Rest in peace Whitney-may God bless you.....

Evia has already done a wonderful piece on Whitney so I will just add a few comments... I cried when I found out about her death. Talk about a beautiful woman wasting herself on a ghetto crumb... It's soooo sad but I hope and pray you young women take a lesson from this musical icon. That no matter how much beauty fame, talent, money or anything else you have -a damaged man can tear it all away. I'm well aware that she made her own choices. And yes I know that she is ultimately responsible for those choices, but as with soooo many lovely -have it all black women, she was trying desperately to "keep it real" I wish she had been true to herself instead of worrying about what the bc felt or said. Notice the minute she married this man her life spiraled out of control and plummeted into an abyss from which she never really recovered. Time and again I saw her defend this man while he went to prison, ran afoul of the law, and demonstrated time and again that he was not "gentleman or husband material". In my eyes she wasted a great life. I could see the toll this horrendous marriage choice was taking on her every time I looked at her. But black people seemed to love that she has married so far beneath herself. Yet did anyone notice the moment it became palpably clear that she was suffering from substance abuse, how quickly the bc turned on her and began to call her "crackhead " and such? The pressure must have been horrible for her, always trying to keep up this sham of a marriage, always trying to smile though the pain, knowing that the minute they smell vulnerability -they will attack. And they did, they ripped her to shreds time and again. Yet notice how A. W always received sympathy and support-while being one of the biggest junkies in Hollywood!

If this sad sad tale does not move you young ladies to make better choices, I don't know what more I can say. Whitney was so talented, and so beautiful, and so loved. She had EVERYTHING

going for her! Yet it only took one very damaged man to tear down a career she has spent years building, and turn turn a once vibrant lovely woman into a cracked out shell. Take a lesson from the dead, get away from these damaged men as fast as your legs can take you. Don't listen to bc they are doomed and want to take you down with them (misery really does love company). Whitney, who was brought up in a good home with class and manners was practically coerced into dating and marrying a man had multiple OOW children, numerous drug arrests, and many other offenses. Bobby was someone she should have not given the time of day to. And yet she allowed him into her life because she desperately wanted bp to 'approve' of her! They were never going to approve of her- many of them were mired in jealousy over her money, talent and fame! They rejoiced when she married him because subconsciously they knew she, and her red hot career were terminally doomed from that point on, and that is exactly what happened. Her demise began long before that unconscious fall to the floor. It began the moment she smiled back at Bobby.......

I know sometimes I seem over blunt but the time for subtlety has passed. Bw you must save yourselves! No one is coming to rescue us because they see us as the fools who fight to drink the kool aide and then wonder why we're slipping away. You must leave these damaged men on the corners where you find them. Stop dragging them home trying to make "real men' of them. It's not going to happen they are too far gone and they will only drag you into their own personal hell holes. We were watching a movie the other night, and a young girl was possessed by a demon. and the social worker (who had not believed it at first) was now scared of her -as the girl had murdered her friend. She asked the father, "what does she want?"

He responded, "To know what your version of hell is-and force you to live there!"

It seems to me that is exactly what a damaged man wants. To destroy everything you've worked hard for all your life. to bring you down and prove to you that "You are not all that!" To make you feel so low and lifeless that you are just another corpse without the sense to just 'lay down' Run ladies, don't walk run from the places and these people. Run for all the women who felt they could not get away despite numerous resources, like the late Ms Houston. And run for all the little children who if we don't get them out, will be slowly slaughtered. So as I cry sad tears for Whitney I will still call the women I love stuck in these places and beg them to leave....Rest in peace Whitney- and may the lord wrap you in the love and tranquility denied you on this earth...

Happy New Year Ladies- Know that You deserve the best!

Time for you all to go for what you really want and not what the bc considers acceptable.....

Like I was saying about Ms Scott. and others like her. She's a lovely lady and very classy and sweet. I definitely like her, but I take exception with anyone trying to tell black women to engage in a suicide mission! Regardless of how much they might want to believe in black love. The truth of the matter is that black love is deader than the dead sea scrolls and NOTHING can bring it back. It is nothing short of emotional, continual and eventually almost physical suicide for bw to continue wanting a a black prince who is NOT coming! Most bw are all too aware of the bm in their environment, and Im sure most have noticed that when he does have himself together (rare) the first thing he will do is run post haste, and find a non bw to set her up in the good life. I have news for everyone out there who thinks only ww deserve the good life- Black women deserve the good life too! In fact I would venture to say we deserve it more than most other women because most of us have been through more than other women, and suffered more than other women....

So that being said, I just want you ladies to follow your own thoughts, desires and dreams. There is no reason why each and every one of you cannot have a good man and a really good life. Think about the stats for a moment, Even discounting the racist or gay wm, the overwhelming numbers of wm (who are the largest segment of men btw) is still so astronomical that just by opening yourself up and allowing it to be known that color is NOT a deterrent to your heart-you put the odds overwhelmingly in your favor to get exactly the kind of man you are looking for.

Women like Jill and Sherry (the view) do all bw a grave disservice, regardless of whether or not it's intentional. Think about how the bc has for years encouraged and steered bw to ONLY bm regardless of the fact that many bw secretly did NOT want a bm, and regardless of the fact that bm were and are dating the whole world while letting everyone know bw were last on their list. Who benefited from this dichotomy? It was bm. They had their cake and could eat it too, while marrying and ww and giving them their names, their homes, their hearts and their money. They gave bw their used up penis, and threw a few kind words her way on their way out the door! But because of the refusal the bc to even entertain the notion of bw dating out, many bw (but definitely not the ones like me!) felt compelled to take the crumbs they were being dished by bm ( a used up phallic organ) and try to pretend to be happy. This is why songs like " Freak in the mornin" came out and were such big hits. Many bw needed to pretend that a big penis actually meant something. Ask any woman who has a man with a big penis and nothing else to offer if she's happy- and see what answer you get. And if she tries to lie-look in her eyes and see the truth. A penis is nothing but a body part- almost all women want much more. We want his heart, his HELP, his compassion, his monetary value, his love, etc etc. We want the whole package, and for most of us sex is a minor part of our happiness or lack thereof with him...

To convince bw to settle for being sexual toilets is unfair, unacceptable and just plain cruel. Every woman deserves to be some one's queen, and the light of his life not just his bed-warmer. Remember how ppl spoke about bw being forced to be wm's bed warmers in the old days.? Remember what a painful memory it seemed to be when the elders would bring it up? Yet today black folks seem to have no problem coaxing bw to be bed warmers for bm and it's more destructive and pernicious than ever because of stds and babies left behind with a nation of stressed out mothers on the brink of a break down. " Never trust a man to help you get out of a ditch - if he benefits from you staying in it........."

Happy New Year!!!! 2012!!


I know I'm soooo late with that. Please forgive. It's been a whirlwind year for my family. Besides a new baby, we lost a home in a horrible storm a few months ago, (luckily we had the resources to get another-many Americans currently don't.) .... I don't want to get into it all but we're blessed and happy to be here. Hope you ladies are as well.....

I think it's important to DECIDE to change your life. Whatever you are unhappy with you must make the change. The best way to get going is to write it down and really admit to yourself this is making me unhappy and I want it to change.
For instance many bw more and more are wanting to break away from
the antiquated acting black crew and date/marry out. Many want to start businesses, and many just want general changes. These may consist of losing weight or engaging a hobby they truly enjoy. The point is these things don't just happen. You must make them happen. The weird thing to me that I have noticed in my life is that I can dwell on something and seemingly bring it into my life! It's been the most awe-inspiring thing I've noticed in my life. For instance I can think of a friend I have not seen in quite a while and if I dwell on that person sure enough someone will mention her or tell me how she's doing, or she'll call.
Why is this signifigant? Because you do this all the time too. Everyone has this power. And this is the key to having the life that you want. Most of the things in your life ARE under your control! Let me say that again. Most of the things in your life ARE under your control. You think about them repeatedly, and then you draw them into your life. It happens all the time. Try this the next time you go somewhere where you typically have a hard time finding a parking spot, picture that spot the before you leave and before you arrive. Really think and believe you'll have a great spot, and nine times of ten you will!
My point with all this is that black women are calling their own shots. We don't have to respond like pavlov's dogs reacting to the stimuli the outside world tries to direct us with. We can and do control our own lives...

Although I notice frequently ppl who don't have our best interest at heart will often use ppl who look like us to influence us. Don't be fooled follow your own heart, and never trust those who benefit from you being in the ditch, to help you get out of it. Or even those who may not have malevolent interests but simply can't see the light for themselves. I've told you ladies many times ppl who cannot see it for themselves, will almost never be able to see it for you!

Take for example, Jill Scott. who is a wonderful lady and a beautiful woman. But if all she sees for herself is a bm, (and feels strongly about it) then she will impose that view on every woman in her emotional vicinity. Not because she is vindictive, but because she is seeing the world through her own ideaology. Many times well meaning ppl are blinded by their own beleifs and shortcomings. This is why the bible says "Without a vision the people perish" You must have your own vision for your life and not let others lead you....... To be cont'd

Be careful what you wish for.....

This is a new book by Veronica Blakely (to the left) This is the reason why so many bw cannot find good (other) men. They have not pulled their eyes away from misogynistic, women- using bm.....

All you ladies out there wishing brothras would come back home, take that nightmare and shove it on other women! The last thing most bw need is for bm to come back! And yet here we have another silly lady begging them to do just that.

..

It really steams me when another one of these silly, useless, Brotha-come-back-home books come out. And it seems they always get alot of press and attention, making the problem even more prevalent. The truth is the last thing most bw need is a bm! Most bm are as good to bw as a hole in the head. Not that there are not some good ones, but even most of the good ones are Not looking at bw are wife material. Most are using bw for money, sex, shelter, or other benefits. With no benefits for her except pain and frustration. Most bw involved with bm are NOT in relationships. They are in Userships. And are being used on a regular basis, for whatever the man needs or can get.....

It is utterly ridiculous to write a book that expands the already over-indulged ego of these men-boys in an effort to show them you are in their corner. Someone who is NOT in your corner does not give a damn whether you are in theirs or not-can't these women see that? I'm always amazed at the depth of naivety when it comes to these issues. I'm amazed because bm make it very very obvious how they really feel when they disrespect bw through song. When they harass, main, rape and kill bw on a regular basis, and when they use bw for baby holders while wifing other women with abandon. And still silly little foolish women refuse to believe their lying eyes and choose instead to believe the constant lies these men feed them. Sad......

Ladies when books like these are written the only thing that changes is the egos in most bm grow larger and larger. They know these silly women are out there begging for their time and attention, and that she will foot bills, and make herself available sexually and otherwise to gain mere scraps of attention from him. They are the reason most bm are so under motivated, and lagging so far behind other men as it is. They are a primary reason the average bm will have nothing to brag about in his lifetime, other than his sexual prowess! -which is soooooo overrated-it's almost a joke.

I know someone quite close to me who wanted to marry her child's father desperately. He was not interested (for years) until she suddenly got a good job with the state. All the sudden he was more than ready to get married and could not wait to get her down the isle. Now seven years later. She foots 90% of the bills in the house. He is on HER medical insurance/dental. She takes care of the kids, has to rush home and clean, cook, and run everyone everywhere they need to go. She is hurried, stressed, overworked, and miserable. She confessed to me that she no longer even enjoys the sex because he wants it's constantly whether she's in the mood or not, and wants her to do "things" to "keep a brotha happy!"

Her life is a living hell now. She has no time for herself. They have 3 children and all of their care is on her. She is constantly working, and trying to take care of everyone, is forced to have sex an average of twice a night with only 6 hours to sleep, and has to pay almost all the bills! In seven years this beautiful woman has gone from a dark luminescent beauty to looking like someone run over by a truck! This is why I say be careful what you wish for....

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Only a fool wants someone who does not want them! Bm have made their feelings clear. And yet you have silly women like these begging them to reconsider, begging for time and understanding! How stupid! That's like someone smacking you down, and you jump up crying

" But baby I love you, and you love me-I know you didn't mean to hit me!"

IF he hit you then he meant to hit you! And only a fool wants that kind of dysfunction perpetrating as love. Bw must wake up! Why the hell would ANYONE want bm back? Think about it. Were they ever a great asset? Maybe once upon a time they took care of their children but look at them now! Over 80% of blk babies are being born out of wedlock (with over 90% left on the mother) and most of those women are struggling mightily to bring them up on their own. Most of those fathers are gone and don't even bother to look back-it that man behavior? I can't think of why in the world anyone would want these men back! But maybe I'm missing something... like the joy of being a baby momma, paying bills alone... having someone use me for my body, my money, my nice house-Gee what could I be thinking.......

Reading the signs to know if he's a keeper....

Some of this is a no-brainer ladies. And some of it is less obvious. For instance, if a man is hanging on the corner with his pants hanging off his butt, and drinking out of a paper bag, obviously this man is NOT husband material. Some of you bemoan the fact that you attract one loser after another but refuse to open your eyes and see the signs. Hopefully the man I just mentioned is young, and with time will pull up his pants and get his act together. But so many times I see women expecting a pauper to turn into a prince.

It simply will not happen. Psychologists say that by the age of 2 a boy's personality is already set. So obviously by the time he's old enough to date, he is what he is. Stop thinking that you can change him, you cannot. The only time men change is when they want to. By the time boys reach adolescence, they stop listening to the females in their environment, and begin to emulate the males around them. However misguided and damaged those males may be. This is why it is so imperative to live in good areas where your sons will have a minimal amount of exposure to the most vile and damaged men. This is also why a good strong father in that child's life is almost the very best gift you can give that child.

But back to the signs.... Many women feel that the ex-wife or gf of their man is instantly their enemy, or opponent. This is usually not the case. Unless she is catty, or malicious, an ex can be a font of great info and content regarding your intended. She can tell you what makes him tick, if he's commitment phobic, or has other issues, don't take her word as law, keep your eyes open and take everything into consideration. Here are some qualities you definitely want to look for if you are in the market for a husband
. Responsible, Amiable, Kind, considerate, honest, sincere, loving, romantic, common sense, gentle, well off, financially solvent, ambitious, generous, clean, sexy, Intelligent, attractive etc.

It's important to know what's most important to YOU. Write down the qualities that you know you must have and make your your man has them. Some women want a man who looks like Brad Pitt or Morris chestnut. For my taste, they're both beautiful, but that would be at the bottom of my list. I would be far more interested in his intelligence, and relatability. Before I married, I knew exactly what I wanted. You have to do the same thing. KNOW what you want. It's very hard to obtain a vague or undefined goal.

It's really easy to know exactly what's going on with a man. All you have to do is listen and watch. Men will give themselves away every time. They just don't have the sophistication to obscure their true intentions for long. Have a getting to know you period with any man you think would qualify as a potential mate. And for God's sake, do NOT sleep with him during this period. Men will pretend to be anyone they think you want to see, in order to bed a woman! Also, sex blurs a woman's defenses, as well as her vision. The man will start to immediately look alot better to her if she has slept with him. This is natures attempt to protect procreation. This is why the old timers used to say," you lay on your back, you lose your head." Be sweet as a Georgia peach, but keep that strong inner core, and watch him....

GETTING TO KNOW THE REAL 'HIM'
In order to really get to know the man you're interested in, you need to observe him in a variety of settings. How does he interact with his family, his friends, what is his stance on politics and other controversial subjects. Is he truly a 'good person' or just faking it to reel you in? Listening to his family is another great way to truly see the inner him. How is his temper? Is he ready to curse someone out for cutting him off, or is he more laid back and mellow. If a tempermental man is a turn off for you, then don't bother to continue dating a man who angers readily. Btw, that's a bad characteristic anyway, given a world in which ppl often antagonize each other on a daily basis. You really should seek a more even tempered man. A man who is NOT a slave to his emotions. A well rounded adult is always slow to anger, and even slower to rage. These are not sexy qualities and many misguided women claim. These are warning signs of trouble!

DO YOU SHARE HIS VALUES
This is probably the MOST important characteristic of a good relationship. Couples who achieve longevity inevitably share common values. They may be different races, and backgrounds, but inevitably they have common values and this serves to bind them into a meaningful and long lasting union. For example, she comes from a small family who has struggled strenuously against poverty. He comes from a large well off Jewish family who has never known lack. On the surface it would seem they have little in common. People are actually amazed that they stay together. But what they don't see behind the outer veneer is that they both strongly believe in family, togetherness, and have a strong commitment to unity....Trust and believe that ppl who have opposing values have very little chance of remaining together for long....

HIS SEXUALITY...
It is very important for a man to control his sexuality. This is something that real men automatically do. He may desire a women tremendously, but he will wait until he is permitted into her inner lair before anything happens. And even then he will take pains to protect them both. He will never allow his loins to 'lead' him. Not being able to control one's loins is the hallmark of children or brutes. Think about the poor defenseless women of many African countries being routinely raped and brutalized by the animals they call 'men' Real men ALWAYS control their sexuality and would NEVER take what a lady refuses to give him...